All language subtitles for Family.Time.S02E01.1080p.AMZN.WEB-DL.DDP2.0.H264-WhiteHat_track3_[eng]

♪♪ [upbeat music]

[Lisa]
Baby?

I've got some big news.Congratulations.

I didn't even tell you
what it is yet.

Whatever it is, I'm sure
it's fantastic, baby.

But right now, I'm in
the middle of defending

this space colony
against these punks online.

It isn't often that, uh,
you know, the kids

are at their parents, and
I get to play uninterrupted...

till now.

I got a job, Tony.

Oh, that's what's up, baby.

What is it,
a teaching gig?

No, no, I got a job

where I can actually
make my own hours.

Hm, private tutoring.

No, have you ever heard
of Global Root?

It's this--
this really amazing company,

and they sell
these great skincare,

and weight management,
and nutrition products.

Oh, great, I'll get you
a bunch for your birthday.

No, I already got some--
a lot, actually, to sell.

I mean, but the products
pretty much sell themselves,

so it's hardly
a sales job.

And you know
what the best part is?

Is I get to recruit others,

and they can sell
the products for me.

And then, I will pretty much
be making money in my sleep.

Isn't that great, baby? Tony?

It's a pyramid scheme,
Lisa, wake up.

What, excuse me?

Usually, I like to break
these things to you gently,

but right now,
I'm in the middle

of a particularly tough
intergalactic battle,

and I ain't got
the time, so I'ma just get

right to the point.

[sighs]
You're being scammed.

Get your money back.

Tony-- I mean, come on.

Can you be supportive
for once?

I'm trying to make
a career choice here.

Again?

Since the kids were born,
you've changed careers

like you change your drawers.

Shall we go down the list?

Substitute teaching,
prepaid legal,

Myra Jay Cosmetics,
and you didn't even stick

with it long enough to get
the hot pink town car.

And now,
you wanna sell RoboCar?

It's Global Root.Whatever.

Look, get-rich schemes
are not a career,

and I've always
been supportive.

Well, can you be supportive
and buy some Global Root?

Absolutely not.

Okay, well, fine,
but I do want you to know

that I am hosting a dinner party
here tomorrow night

with all
my friends and family

so I can present
this amazing product to them.

Whatever you say, baby.

And one more thing...

♪♪

[Rodney]
Who you been letting
cut your hair?

Was he blind?

Tell me you pressed charges.

Rodney, you were
the last one to cut my hair.

Get outta here.Mm-hmm.

Okay, okay,
I mean, now that I--

I'm at the wrong end--
bam, okay, that's good.

Are you good, brother?That's real good actually.

Ah... ah.

Uh-oh, uh-oh.Ah!

Get-- say it, Lassie.Ah!

Fire at the barn?

Lit-- Little Timmy
fell down the well?

Lloyd.

Lloyd.

Who the hell is Lloyd?

Lloyd Hayweather
and Marco Pasquial

are gonna be fighting
this Saturday night.

It's gonna be huge,
thought y'all heard about it.

Man, you must be
on the late freight, man.

They've been promoting that
fight for six months.

We got the poster
right over there.

That sure is the poster.

Man, that fight
gonna be off the chain,

the biggest fight I've seen
since Ali-Frazier.

Hey, I ain't seen
a fight this big

since I was at
Michael Vick's house that time.

I told y'all about that.

I hear you... dog.

Anyway, we gonna be having the
Pay-Per-View at my crib, man.

Y'all gotta come kick it.

Uh, no offense, dog,

but your house
smell like feet.

But-- but check this one out.

I got the ultimate
sports satellite package

and a brand-new 60-inch
flat-screen HDTV,

and y'all are
all invited to come and watch.

Yo, yo, you got the 60-inch
in the man-cave?

That's crazy--
that's great news, dog.

I-- we're about to be
poppin' like stoppin',

you know what
I'm talking about?

Get my sleeping bag,
call my mama.

I'm moving in,
don't tell me no.

Okay, uh,
slow your roll, playboy.

Look, I am a family man,

so I've made the decision
to put the 60-inch

in the living room
so my whole family can enjoy it.

It's not in the man-cave.

Family man?[both snicker]

Translation, my brother--

you gettin' punked
by your woman.

I mean,
I'm trying to figure out

who wear the drawers
in the family.

Is she wearing boxers,
or is she wearing briefs?

I thought she had leggings on
all the time.

All right.

I mean, um, drawers
'cause she--

um... I don't know.

I'll see y'all
at the fight, man.

Hayweather versus Pasquial--
mm, mm, mm!

Man, I'm gonna
miss it though, man.

I gotta take my son
on his camping trip.

You know, a little
father-son bonding.

Rodney, I did not know
you had a son.

I didn't either till I got that
friend request on the Internet.

[laughs]

♪♪ [upbeat music]

Ah! Hayweather-Pasquial.

Never thought
I'd see the day.

Uh, baby, what're you doing?

And is that
what you're wearing?

That's a little casual.What're you talking about?

Did you forget about
the dinner party, Tony?

The dinner party?

Oh, the-- the--
the dinner party.

You-- you talking about
your dinner party

that you're
having here tonight?

That dinner party?That's the one, yeah.

Girl, I didn't forget.

That's why I laid out
all these little snacks,

and beers, and stuff.Oh, okay.

Well, thank you, baby,
I appreciate that,

but can you just
go get changed?

I got the food covered.Got you.

[doorbell rings]

Did you hear that?Somebody's early.

It is-- it did sound like
the doorbell, didn't it?

Oh, but that's-- that, uh,
that's-- that's the gardener.

You know how I be
forgetting to pay them?

They probably trying
to get their money.

They did a good job
last time.

You gotta pay them.Didn't they?

Oh, you know, I'm gonna
tell them about that now.

Why don't you go pick me out
a blazer or something?

Gotcha, baby,
okay, that's a good idea.

[laughs]
That's my special girl.

What's up, playboy?
Are we good?

All right,
check this out, Ton.

These are the homeys, man.

Homeys, Ton, this is Blue,
Black, and Vest.

Vest don't
really talk that much,

so you gotta talk to him
through the eyes.

Anyway, this is
an amazing TV that you've got

set up in this living room.Listen here, listen here.

Chatterbox, this is
what I need you to do.

I need you to grab them drinks,
okay, and them stuff.

Y'all get up, we moving
this downstairs, all right?

Homeys, get the snacks.

I don't really do manual
labor like that.

Hey, man, why are
we moving downstairs?

Man, if you don't get
your black ass down them steps--

go on!

Okay, so we just gonna chill
down here, all right?

I'm gonna hook up
this cable box

so we can watch the fight.

I got a question.

Where the wires at?

Aw, brother, you gotta get
more techno-savvy, man.

It's wireless.

So you got cable
without cable?

I don't trust it.

And the second question is
why are we down here

and that nice-ass
60-inch is upstairs?

Here's the deal.

I totally forgot
that Lisa had

this little dinner party thing
going on upstairs.

So what we're gonna do
is watch the fight down here

and not interrupt what she got
going on upstairs.

Oh, come on, Ton, can't you
control your woman, dog?

Huh?

I'm tired of this, man--
what's next, brother?

We can't come over when
the street lights is on, huh?

Is she gonna be dressing you
as well, brother, huh?

Ain't nobody dressing me.

I wear what I wanna wear,
and that's all

I'm gonna
say about it, okay?

Look, she been
on my back

about me not
supporting her lately, okay?

So y'all can either watch

Pasquial versus Hayweather
down here,

or you can watch Stallworth
versus Stallworth up there.

[laughs]
That depends.

Is the other Stallworth
gonna be baby-oiled up?

You know, with the legs out,
the yams showing?

No, no, no.

But if you want, I can put on
a movie for you.

Yeah, it's called
"Eyes Swole Shut,"

mm-hmm, starring Tom "Bruise"
and Nicole "Kill-ya."

Do you wanna see that movie?
You sure?

All right, well, y'all shut up
and watch it down here.

And keep your voices
down, all right?

I'll be back
in a minute.

♪♪

♪♪

I'm surprised to see you here,
Mr. Barbarian.

Isn't there
some big boxing thingamajig

to satisfy your bloodlust
happening tonight?

Boxing? Yeah, I don't really
follow boxing,

so I wouldn't know.[Lisa clinks glass]

I'd like to make a toast
to everyone here.

It means so much to me

that you all
came out tonight.

And just to thank everyone,

I have a pretty big
surprise later on.

[all]
Oh, cheers, cheers, cheers.

[Vivian]
Mm.

And I'd also like
to make a toast to Lisa

for having us all together.

And I-- and I'm glad
we're all together

because I also
have a surprise.

I'd like to share with you
a very exciting opportunity.

Have you ever heard
of... Global Root?

Wait, what?No, no, Lisa.

I was a bit skeptical
at first too,

but then Vivian
explained to me

about all the amazing
weight management,

nutrition, skincare products,

and I have a tendency
to be ashy, so--

I know that
because I actually--

You know what?
I have been hearing

a lot about Global Root.

It's, like, a multilevel
sales thing, right?

Well, it's hardly
a sales thing, actually.

The products pretty much
sell themselves.

And you can
make your own hours.

And, heck, you can make money
while you sleep.

Yeah, yeah, and the best--

Oh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh--
make money? Continue, Vivian.

Vivian?Isn't that her name?

Okay, wait-- you know,
this is actually really funny

that you bring up
Global Root because--

[men]
Aw.

Oh, what was that?

Hm? That? Oh, um--

I-- I think a raccoon got
into the basement again.

A raccoon?Yeah, yeah.

Remember when I said
I thought I saw a raccoon

trying to get into the event--
in-- in through the vents?

Let me go-- let me go
take a-- check that out.

Uh, Vivian, keep telling them
about Global Root.

It sounds completely
legit and not a scam at all.

I'll be right back.

What'd I miss?Oh, man, Gomez just knocked
Man-Man McCallister

to the third row!Oh, man.

Man, if the prelims
is this off the chain,

the main event gonna be
off the hook.

I know what you mean.

This ain't the main event?

Boy, you are dumber
than a box of rocks.

You ain't right.

[Lisa]
Tony!

But you are whipped.

[mimics bullwhip]

Ha! Why don't you tell her
we're down here

watching "12 Years A Tony"?

"I ain't never had
to fight this long."

Man, ain't nobody whipped.

I'm coming, baby!

Y'all just
shut the hell up.

I don't know
who she think she is

coming into my house
with the Global Root.

That's my baby.Baby, that raccoon tried
to put up a fight,

but he was
no match for your boy.

I handled that.How dare she.

How dare she come up
in my house

and try to hijack
my dinner party

to sell
her low Global Root?

Baby, weren't you gonna do
the same thing?

[laughs]
Are you taking her side?

'Cause I'm saying if
you taking her side--

No, no, no, no, no, no, baby,
no, no, I am on your side.

I'm on Team Lisa
through and through.

You know what?
Vivian is a joke.

I don't even like her
to be honest with you,

you know what I'm saying?

Were you talking
about my beloved?

Yeah, yeah,
I was saying, um,

I don't like how that she's
not over here all that much,

you know what I mean?
We are a family.

We need to get
together more often.

Yes, splendid--
how about Tuesday?

Tuesdays don't work
for us... ever.

Okay, well, uh,
we'll figure it out.

Get some wine.Okay.

Okay. [laughs]

All right, like I was saying,
Lisa, you are the best, okay?

Now, if anybody can sell
that Global Root crap,

it's you, all right?

Now, let's get out there
and treat our friends and family

into some Ponzi scheme that
they'll resent us for later.

Okay? You can do it.Thank you, baby.

Mwah, you're so right-- all
right, I'm the best, I got it.

Uh-huh.

Oh! Yes.

Did you see that?

What'd I miss?
What'd I miss?

Nothing, man,
it's still the prelims.

The main event ain't
even started yet.

Cool, cool, cool,
Lisa's so caught up

on her little pyramid scheme
up there,

she ain't gonna notice
that I'm gone.

I'll kick it
for a moment.

[TV sizzles]

[all]
Oh!

Oh, no, no, no, no,
what'd you do?

I didn't do nothing,
that was you.

What'd I do?It's wireless.

I told you
you needed wires.

Your wireless is what
have us fight-less.

Let me call
this company real quick.

Mm.

That always works.

♪♪

[Vivian]
Oh, and here's
your starter kit.

And congratulations,
you're well on your way

to making a whole lot
of money.

All right, well,
I've got plenty

of these bad boys in my car,
so who's next?

I'm right here,
I'm right here, I'm next.

This is actually
a funny coincidence

because I'm selling
Global Root.

You know, and since
there's a line forming,

and this is my house,
why not buy from me?

Um, Lisa, may I speak
with you for just one moment?

Oh, yes, yes.Okay.

Lisa, what do you think
you're doing?

What the hell
do you think you're doing?

I'm selling Global Root.

Well, maybe you should sell it
elsewhere, all right?

Stay out of my territory.

Your territory?

This is my house,
Walter-White woman.

Well, maybe you should've
claimed it first.

You're in the Global Root
business, Lisa,

and I'm in
the empire business.

So maybe your best course
would be to, um, tread lightly.

[knocking on door]

Oh, I'll get, I'll get it,
I'll get it.

Excuse me,
pardon me, I'll get it.

Whoa! Hey.

Man, it's these gardeners.

Boy, I don't know
what's wrong with them.

Okay, first of all, sir,
I just wanted to apologize

that you're having problems
with our satellite service.

You are one of
our valued customers.

We don't want you to feel like
we don't appreciate you, we--

Okay, listen, I don't need
to hear about all that, okay?

Listen, my cable
is not working.

What?

How are you gonna watch
the Hayweather-Pasquial fight

if you ain't got cable, sir?

You need
to get that fixed.

That's why I called you.

[laughs]
You're right, you're right.

You did call me, right?
That's why you called me.

I know, man, but, hey,
if I get this fixed,

can I come kick it?

I ain't got nowhere
to watch the fight.

Man, me and my girl got
into this big ol' argument.

She kicked me out again.

I'm, like,
"Give me my cereal."

She's like, "No, I'm--"Really, really, really?

Look, man,
if you fix the cable,

you can kick it,
not a problem.

I can fix it, but I'm gonna
need to get up on that roof.

Now, serious question--

do you have
a really sturdy ladder?

Sturdy.

You didn't bring a ladder?

You're not gonna
report me, are you?

Man, I'm not gonna
report you, okay?

Now, can you please just hurry
your ass up and fix the cable?

Whoa, bubba, I don't need you
getting all testy with me, okay?

You know what?
I could leave.

No, no, no, no, no,
please, don't leave, okay?

Just can you help
a brother out here?

Yeah, yeah, man,
all right, all right,

I'ma hook you up--
all right, look.

First thing I'm gonna
need to do is take a look,

so I'm gonna have to scale
the side of your house.

Can-- can--
can you do it quietly?

'Cause my-- my wife, I--
I can't have her know.

Brother, don't worry
about nothing.

I'm very nimble and
surprisingly light on my feet.

It's cool,
I got you.

Well, what's the update?

Cable guy's here,
should be fixed soon.

Good 'cause I ain't wore
my good clothes for nothing.

Man, them ol' ass jeans?

These jeans ain't old, man,
they vintage.

You know how many months
I had to wear these

without washing them
to get them to look like this?

Besides, like that
Charles Barkley jacket

was ever in style.

Come on, man.

Whoa, whoa, where y'all going?

Upstairs!

No, no, no,
y'all can't go upstairs.

She can't know y'all are here.Come on, dog!

You got potato chips, man.

You got a delectable
spread up there.

Let us roll up--
plus, he gotta pee.

You know what?

All right, I got an idea.

♪♪

Okay, the coast is clear,
come on!

Hurry up, hurry up.Where we going again?

The TV that way.

Man, if you don't get your ass
out that back door.

Can I get some water?Brother, stick to the plan.

Hey, Lisa.

Yeah, I was thinking,
um, you know, I got some buddies

that may be interested
in buying some Global Root.

Should I invite them over?Please do, why not?

That little thug Vivian
has totally edged me out.

[knocking on door]Oh, oh, that's them already.

Let me go let them in
right quick.

[clears throat]

Hey, hey!

Welcome to my house for
the first time this evening.

Thank you for having us
for the first time this evening

'cause we have not
been here before.

Now, I hear you
and your friends

are interested in some exciting
investment opportunities?

Most definitely,
we are definitely interested

in investing in some of
that delicious grub

that you have laid out--
are those sliders?

Homeys.

Hey, sister-in-law,
we have a question.

Oh, sure, what's up?

Um, this is kinda weird.

These profit margins are,
uh, kinda low on this product,

so it looks like the only way
we're gonna get our money back

is if we recruit others.

So, if everyone is recruiting
friends and family,

won't we run out of friends and
family to recruit eventually?

Then somebody's
gonna get scammed...

and it'll probably be me!

Vivian.

Huh, huh?
Huh, what was that?

What was that, Todd?I didn't say anything.

Oh, excuse me, ladies,
Todd needs me for something.

No, I don't.Come on.

Oh, yes, I do.

[glass breaking
on roof]

Is there somebody
on our roof?

What? On the roof?

Girl, you are tripping,
ain't nobody up there.

Damn, did y'all feel that?

I specifically asked you
for a sturdy ladder, brother,

'cause I got a big-ass
raccoon up there.

It's gonna cost you extra.

[chuckles]

See you got appetizers
over here, though.

Tony, who is that?

Huh?Who is that?

Oh, um, the brother
said he wanted

to, uh, buy
some Global Root,

so I told him to come on in.

Girl, you've got
customers flying in.

I completely forgot.

I told the homeys about
y'all landscape situation.

Would you mind if I showed them
your landscaping?

Uh, yeah.

Bam, like that-- homeys?

I'm gonna make sure
they get there.

You know they been
trying to steal stuff.

Yeah, the brother in the vest
look a little sketchy anyway.

A little birdie told me
that you have

the professional
fisticuffs on tonight.

Now, what're you talking about?Don't be coy with me.

You think I wanna be in here
with these matrons

talking about Global Poop?

Okay, look, it's downstairs
in the man-cave, all right?

But just be cool.

[chuckles]
I'm always cool, brother.

All right.

Tony? What's going on?Huh?

What is going on?

Oh, uh, I think they--
they had to go to the bathroom.

Bathroom? I thought he said
something about the landscaping.

Oh, the landscaping,
yeah, but, you know,

I told them
they should try--

they can see the bathroom
from the landscape.

When you-- well,
look, check it out.

See, uh--
[clears throat]

Ooh, uh...

Where'd everybody go?

Mm, um... I don't know.

You know what?
Maybe they got lost

trying to find
the other bathroom.

As a matter of fact, why don't
you go look around back,

and I'll check-- I'll check
back here to make sure they--

yeah, I'm gonna check
real quick.

What in the world?

Tony?

[overlapping chatter]

What the hell
is going on down here?

Yeah, what the hell
is going on down here?

Yo, Pasquial's got him
on the ropes

is what's
going on down here.

Oh, really?So-- so-- so this is
how you support me, Tony?

By undermining
my dinner party?

Baby, I'm-- I'm sorry,
I-- I wanted to tell you.

[all]
Oh!

I want everybody
out of my house now!

Really? I fell off
the roof for this?

♪♪

♪♪

[Lisa]
Tony, you take your homeys.

Everybody out
of my house, please!

Tony, this is not the time
nor the place.

Can you get
control of your woman?

Relax-- look, babe,
come on.

The fight's already on,
can't they just stay?

Oh, really, Tony?

Now, you wanna undermine me
in front of everybody?

I don't like repeating myself.

Everybody out!

Hey, hey, hey, hey.

I-- I can stay,
though, right?

I mean to help fix what you
just yanked out the wall.

And we can stay,
of course, right?

Of course, sister privileges.

And-- and Viv and I have
in-law privileges, right?

Oh, please, don't get me
started on Miss Viv here.

What, me? What's wrong?

What-- what me?
Don't play innocent.

How dare you play innocent,
Miss Global-Root-Jacker.

Y'all know I've been having
a hard time finding a job.

And when I finally
find something,

I can't even count on--
on you, my sisters, my family,

my friends, nobody for support.

Baby, I'm sorry, I'm sorry--
you rockin' and pacin'.

I already know
where you at with it.

Bring it down, okay?
I apologize, okay?

Look, I should've
been behind you 110%.

I'm behind you now, you feel me?
All right?

I got this, okay?

Now, I think I have a way
to fix this if you let me.

Listening.Okay, all right.

Uh, who wants to buy
some Global Root from my wife?

We just bought some
from Vivian.

Nobody? Okay, um,
well, check this out.

Who wants to watch
the rest of the fight

upstairs on the big screen?

Hey, hey!

Right, you too? And you?

All right, cool--
okay, let me rephrase that then.

Who wants to buy some
Global Root from my wife

so we can watch the big fight
upstairs on the big screen?

Huh, huh?

That's what I'm talking about.

Y'all better chop-chop,
we on round six.

Come on.Come on, everyone.

Come, come--
my baby sister...

[announcer]
And the winner
by unanimous decision

is Hayweather!

[overlapping chatter]

Make it rain on my hand.

Let's roll, homeys.

Uh, excuse me, aren't you
forgetting something?

Oh, no, do we have to?

Hey, hey, supply
and demand, fellas.

The demand was high
for the fight,

so now you gotta
buy my wife's supply.

Line up.

Hey, uh, Lisa.

What do you say we go ahead
and, uh, split these sales?

What do you think?Oh, sorry, Viv.

I'm in the empire business.

Thank you.

Todd, get in line.

Hey.

What if I was to tell you

that this was
my whole plan all along?

Oh, then I would tell you
that I don't believe you,

not even a little bit.

Now, break out
your checkbook, Tony.

I'm doing this.

Oh, oh, you--
I get it.

You-- you're doing
this for the family?

No, I'm doing this for me.

I like it,
I'm good at it.

Now, get to the back
of the line, Tony.

All right.

♪♪