Original subtitles

All right, you guys got Everything packed?

'cause once we drop you off, There is no coming back.

So speak now or forever Hold your grudges.

I'm ready.

Ebony, where's the bag I packed for you?

Oh, I won't Be needing that.

Um, what about your pajamas?

I'll just wear one of Grandpa's yellow t-shirts.

You might Want to pack a bag.

Those shirts used to be white A couple of years ago.

And what are you Planning on wearing

Tomorrow and sunday, Miss thing?

I don't know yet,

But grandma and I will probably Peruse my favorite stores--

"targét" and toys r us.

Uh-uh. No. Not this time, young lady.

I told her not to buy you Another thing.

Your birthday is coming up.

You did what? You snitched me out?

Mom, are you hating On a sister

Because nobody Takes you shopping?

Girl, go get your bag.

[scoff]

What's wrong with you, Boy?

I ain't really feeling This sleepover.

I thought you liked Going grampin'.

Yeah, when I was 7.

I think I'm just Gonna chill here

At the house this weekend.

Plus, my essay on The civil rights movement

Is due monday,

And gramps and them Don't even have wifi.

What if I were to tell you

You didn't need the internet To do your report

And it would turn out Even better?

Oh, okay. I'm all ears like obama.

Well, your grandparents Have a very special tool

That allows you to find out

About anything that Happened in the world,

As long as it happened Before 1982.

Like that?

Yes, sir.

It's called The encyclopedia britannica.

Man, you talking about

Those big dusty books In the living room?

Oh, don't let that thick Dust fool you, player.

You crack open One of them bad boys,

It's like stepping Inside the mysterious Walls of the internet.

Plus, m through n Is hollowed out.

That's where your grandpa Keeps them magazines

With the little bunnies On the covers.

Word?Yes, sir.

Does pops have your back,

Or has he Got your back, huh?

Ahem!

What? Girl, I'm trying To sell this thing.

You want some alone time, Don't you?

[scoff]I'm all good, pops.

I got enough kingmagazines Right here in my room.

Boy, unless you want To stay in your room,

Get your stuff. Come on, let's go.

Ebony!

All right, Let's pile in.

Boy, what are you doing?

Dad, you know They only got one tv,

And it's not even hd.

If I got to watch Another rerun

Of 227 Or murder she wrote,

That old lady's Gonna be writing about me.

That won't be good. None of my will money...

[chuckling] Come on. Goodness.

Hey, you better not Drop my tv.

♪ woke up And my wife said to me ♪

♪ the bill collectors Want their fees ♪

♪ kids keep talkin' back To me ♪

♪ family time

♪ scrub the dishes, Take out the trash ♪

♪ history homework, Sometimes the math ♪

♪ the kids are gone, We're free at last ♪

♪ family time

♪ family time, family time

♪ family time ♪ family time!

♪ family time, family time

♪ family time

♪ sing it again

♪ family time, family time ♪ family time!

♪ family time

♪ oh, yeah, yeah, Yeah, yeah, yeah! ♪

Whoo. Yes.

Now, this is what I'm Talking about.

You hear that? Peace and quiet.

Ah, yeah. Girl, I don't know

What we were thinking Having two kids.

I don't, either. But you know what?

Now that they're away For a few days,

I can remind you what You was thinking about.

Mm, girl, Don't get me started.

You know, I've been Stockpiling missiles Like iran.

Well, now's the time, Baby.

Wait. You know what? Let's take this upstairs

Because I know We're gonna get buck wild.

I don't want to break nothing I paid good money for.

Oh, yeah. You know what? That's a good idea.

I know you've been wanting To get to the gym lately,

So I'm gonna give you A real good workout.

Ooh, girl, that's What I'm talking about.

Now why don't you go slip

Into something a little Less comfortable

Like a g-string or An aluminum foil body suit?

Mm-hmm. I'm gonna go dig up

Some of our old Baby-making music.

Which one you in the mood for, Jodeci or 2 live crew?

I'm down for whatever, Baby.

That's what I'm Talking about.

I might never let Them kids come home.

Ha ha!

All right, yeah, yeah.

She's gonna get it.

My baby.

♪ I have to get sexy For my man ♪

Mm. Gettin' ready, hmm.

Yeah. That's kind of Sexy right there.

Uh...

Here. Sure.

This one...

Ha ha! Look at this.

Oh, man, that takes me back.

All right. Now...

Mm. The hot pink. Mm.

Either one is gonna kill him.

I gots to go With the hot pink.

That hot pink is fire.

The hot pink is-- Ooh. Uh-oh.

[muttering]

[yawning]

Mm-mm.

What the hell been--

[grunt]

Okay.

We're gonna work this out.

Oh, god.

All right.

Whew. I'm sweating already,

And that's a problem.

That's a problem.

That's--

[yawn]

[snoring]

Whew. Whoo-ee.

Okay. Let's get A good little stretch

Let's get a good-- good...

Ohh! Good little stretch.

Good little-- whoo.

Whoo.

Oh, god.

[snoring]

Hey, baby.

Hey, boo. Good morning.

Woo-wee. We must've got Buck wild last night.

[chuckle] And I woke up

With my jeans Down around my ankles

And drool just dripping Down my face.

Mm. Was it mine?

Possibly.

Baby, how pitiful are we? I mean, really.

The first night We've had alone in months,

And we can't even Stay awake to enjoy it.

We're exhausted, girl.

Well, you know, The good news is

We still have A couple days.

I know that's right.

Why don't we just do What we want to do?

You know what I'm saying?

No teacher conferences, No soccer practices,

No running little half-naked Girls out of devin's room.

No. What? What? Who?

Look, Don't worry about it.

Just relax. See, this is-- It's our time.

Just me and you. Yeah.

Okay. All right?

Let's chill. Let's do it.

Let's do it. So this Is what I was thinking.

Let's go somewhere And get us a nice lunch,

Then we'll go Down to the magic theatre.

They're doing a special Spike lee engagement.

You can see any of his Movies for a dollar.

What? That's a good deal.

You know, that's cheaper Than netflix, redbox,

And old bootleg dude On slauson.

Sure is.

Yeah. Now, does spike Know about this?

Mm-hmm. It's was his way Of trying to get people

Not to go see Madea goes to mars.

Ooh, ooh, you know what? I was thinking

We could go get Manis and pedis.

Manis and pedis?Yeah.

Is that that new mexican Restaurant at the grove?

No, baby. I'm talking About our hands and feet.

Let's get them done.Oh, no. Mm-mm.

Ain't nobody messing With my extremities.

Ain't nothing wrong With my hands and feet.

Uh, please, that's why I Never let you to rub my neck.

I'm scared You might hit a artery

And I'll bleed to death Or something crazy.

Yeah, that's right.But really.

Let's think About the massages,

All the back massages

And the other massages I'll be able to give

With my hands All nice and manicured.

All right. Done. Deal.

Yeah?I'm sold, I'm sold.

Let's do it.Mm-hmm.

Okay.But just do me a favor.

Huh?Don't tell the kids

That I got my hands And feet done.

It may ruin their image of me.

I won't say a word.Cool.

Then after, we can go catch A couple of spike lee movies?

I'm with it. That's what I'm Talking about.

First I'm gonna catch me Another 20, 30-minute nap.

You know what? I'm right behind you.

I know. And I saw it, too.

Mm-hmm.

All right baby, now, I know Last night fell apart

Like herman cain's campaign,

But, just like the women That worked for him,

There's gonna be some sexual Harassment in here tonight.

Okay. Now, don't start Talking no trash

You can't back up,

Because you're Gonna need your back.

I'm gonna to turn you--

Let's see, I got the whipped cream.

Ooh.

Chocolate syrup. Yes.

And a brand-new spatula.

What's that for?

Girl, What you think it's for?

Mm! I'm gonna Get it in tonight.

Afterwards, I'm gonna Make some pancakes.

You know I'm gonna Work up an appetite.

Mm-hmm. You know what?

I'm gonna go take a shower

And get ready For the ice cream man.

Baby, what you Need a shower for?

You know I love it When you-- mm.

Actually, yeah, go ahead

And hit them pits One time real good.

I know you ain't talkin'.

All right, baby, You know what?

Hop in that warm water,

And I'll be Right behind you.

All right. Give me some.

Mm-hmm.

And don't fall asleep, Old man.

No. Not tonight. Oh, shoot.

[snoring]

Okay, baby, Are you ready?

Baby?

[snoring]

Tony!

Do I look okay?

Oh, sookie-sookie now.

Get over here And whisper some of them Sweet nothings in my ear.

Okay, because I could Put on the white one.

I started to put on The pink one,

But then I just-- I didn't know.

Baby, baby, you know I'm color-blind.

Now come over here Before I manhandle you

Like wesley snipes did That sexy little italian Girl in jungle fever.

Ooh, I love it when you Manhandle me, baby.

Mmm. Yes.

Wait.

Wait. What? What? What?

So you thought homegirl In the movie was sexy.

Why, because she looks Like your old girlfriend?

What are you talking About? Daniella?

Ooh. You remembered Her name real quick.

Of course I did.

Oh. Okay, so you still Think about her?

Not until you Just brought her up.

I mean, you gotta admit,

She was sexy like The girl in the movie.

Kind of, I--

Aha! Aha! So you did Think she was sexy.

Baby, did you fall and hit Your head in the shower After I got out?

No, but you're about To get a knot on yours.

You're being ridiculous.

You're being ridiculous.

How you just gonna Call another woman sexy

In the middle of our sexiness?

I didn't mean sexy sexy.

I meant she cool, But she ain't sexy

Like you're sexy, sexy.

Baby.

You're not serious.

Do I look like I'm playing?

You are straight trippin'.

What about all the goodies I bought for us?

Well, it's a good thing

You still like whipped cream On your chocolate

Because, uh...

There you go.

Now see? This is how Chris brown got in trouble.

Baby, this is messed up.

Oh, I'll show you Messed up.

This don't make no damn sense.

And stay out!

[door slams]

Ohh.

Hey.

Heh heh.

Look, I don't know What happened last night,

But if this breakfast is Your way of apologizing,

I accept.

Are you still trippin'?

Uh, no. Mm-mm. Not at all.

You hungry?

Oh, yes. I am starving.

Good.

Good, good, good.

Breakfast is served.

All right.

Yeah.

That's what I'm Talking about.

Yeah. Yeah.

That's the bomb, baby.

Uh-huh. Sure is.

What the hell is this?

Oh, that's breakfast.

It's not even cooked.

Oh, yeah. I know.

If you want it cooked, You'll have to ask daniella.

I see you two Are facebook friends.

You know, I thought that the kids

Were gone For this weekend,

But apparently, One's still here.

I'm out.

Hey--

Enjoy your sausage.

They're the only ones You're getting tonight.

Well, at least I'll be full!

Hey, baby, you want Some ice cream?I'm good.

Please, you think I'd Get you some ice cream

The way You've been acting?

I ate it on the way home.

You know how it tasted?

Sexy.

Whatever. You should have Got a bigger carton

Because that's all the sexy You're getting.

This is how you Want to play it?

That's fine. It's fine by me.

Hey. Did you have fun At grandma and grandpa's?

I had the best time ever.

And what is all that?

Well, what can I say?

Little mama always gets What she wants.

I see.

Yo. Where's my tv?

Call grandpa.

Something about a tv You broke when you were 12.

Damn. I forgot about that.

He didn't.

[lisa] So was grandma and grandpa's As bad as you thought?

No. It was all good.

I just chilled at the house

With my new little honey sara.

She just moved in With her auntie next door.

Oh, yeah? Is she sexy?

Smart?

Well, she wrote my paper, So I'll find out tuesday.

My man.

So what did you lovebirds Do all weekend?

Oh, well, uh, Your father went

And got his hands and feet Done at the nail salon.

No, dad. You didn't.

Don't get it twisted.

I can still knock you out With these manicured hands.

But the blow will be Much softer, girl.

This belt ain't soft. You need a reminder?

Keep it up.

I got enough crazy For one weekend.

I took your mama to go see A couple of spike lee movies,

And she saw An attitude she liked

And decided She's gotta have it.

Well, only after you caught A case of jungle fever.

I don't have jungle fever.

I was just trying To do the right thing.

This isn't good.

I know.

I knew dad was in trouble

When he was Checking out that rack

On the waitress At applebee's.

And I ain't talking About those barbecue ribs.

Huh?

Nothing, nothing.

Are mommy and daddy Gonna get a divorce?

What do you know About a divorce?

I keep up With the kardashians.

No, silly. They're probably In there making out right now.

This is crazy, lisa.

I feel like I've Been bamboozled.

Well, If you don't like it,

You can always Get on the bus.

What?

Get on the bus.

You haven't see it?

Man, you ain't even A real spike lee fan.

Perpetrating.

Thanks for Dropping me off, mom.

Can you pick me up at 5:00?

Yes, devin.

Oh, and can you be On time, please?

What do I look like, Your chauffeur?

All you need Is a black suit.

You're already rocking The hat.

Oh, boy, if you don't Get up out of my car-- Give me a hug.

Love you.

Oh. And, mom,

Is everything all right Between you and dad?

Why do you ask that?

Well, because one minute

You guys are arguing About spike lee movies,

And the next You aren't talking at all.

[sigh] Okay, well, son, uh, Parents argue sometimes.

It's just part of being In a relationship.

I get it. Like me and my sister.

Exactly, something like that.

So I think You should tell ebony

That everything's All right.

Why?

Because I kind of Overheard her

Telling grandma she want To go live with them.

She what?

Hey, don't kill The messenger.

I'm just keeping it real.

Oh.

And I need some more money.

No, what you need is a job.

Come on, mom.

Once I grow up and get paid,

I'm gonna take care of you And pops.

That is, if y'all Don't break up.

Son, you have nothing To worry about.

Your dad and I, we're-- We're not breaking up.

Okay? Here.

Hey, devon, man,

Max and zig are waiting For us. Let's go.

Uh, p-pull your pants up!

What--

What-- where is his belt?

[tony] We'll talk to her This afternoon.

Yeah. Thanks for calling, Mrs. Davis.

What's going on?

[tony] Ebony, Spell "apologize."

A-p-o-l-o-g-I-z-e.

Spell "appreciate."

A-p-p-r-e-c-I-a-t-e.

"tranquility."

T-r-a-n-q-u-I-l-I-t-y.

Why didn't you do that On the spelling test That you failed today?

I just got off the phone With mrs. Davis.

Ebony, you failed Your spelling test?

Well, I figure If I got in trouble,

You guys would yell at me

And stop arguing With each other

So you wouldn't get a divorce.

A divorce? Huh-uh. No, baby.

Your father and I Had a misunderstanding,

But we're fine.

So can you two Please apologize

And appreciate each other

So we all could Live in tranquility?

Damn. She even used them In a sentence.

Go ahead. Kiss and make up.

I mean a real kiss.

Ew. That is so nasty.

My work here is done.

Baby, I'm sorry.

I apologize, too. I totally overreacted.

I guess I still Get a little sensitive

When you talk About other women.

But you're my woman,

And the only one I will ever love.

Can I make a special Request for tonight?

Uh, your spaghetti?

I know it's italian, But--

Hey. I got you. I can do that.

You're gonna cook it, Though, right?

Just asking.

You like?

Ooh-wee!

Girl, I don't care what They say about nicki minaj.

Her butt ain't got Nothing on yours, girl.

Hey.

So wait.

You got a thing For nicki minaj's booty?

Damn it.

[static]