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1
00:00:00,833 --> 00:00:02,835
[instrumental music]
2
00:00:02,835 --> 00:00:04,546
Oh, well, that's
smart eating, Drew.
3
00:00:04,546 --> 00:00:06,381
Most of the fat is in the skin.
4
00:00:08,842 --> 00:00:11,135
Oh, Mimi, why you gotta
be like that?
5
00:00:11,135 --> 00:00:12,387
I mean, your face.
6
00:00:14,180 --> 00:00:15,807
They're seat covers.
7
00:00:15,807 --> 00:00:18,267
Finally saved enough money to
put a down payment on a new car.
8
00:00:18,267 --> 00:00:20,227
Wow, you can
afford a new car?
9
00:00:20,227 --> 00:00:21,479
Yup, brand new '91.
10
00:00:23,898 --> 00:00:25,316
Well, what's the matter,
was the old one
11
00:00:25,316 --> 00:00:27,568
gettin' a little tight
around the hips?
12
00:00:27,568 --> 00:00:29,028
[laughing]
13
00:00:29,028 --> 00:00:30,071
I'm back.
14
00:00:30,071 --> 00:00:31,489
- Hey.
- Hi.
15
00:00:31,489 --> 00:00:33,032
I got your postcard
from Atlantic city.
16
00:00:33,032 --> 00:00:34,325
Looks like you and grandma
had some good times.
17
00:00:34,325 --> 00:00:35,910
Yeah, until grandma got drunk
18
00:00:35,910 --> 00:00:38,037
and decided to talk to me
like I was her girlfriend.
19
00:00:38,037 --> 00:00:39,205
Oh, guess what?
20
00:00:39,205 --> 00:00:40,247
Her new guy can
still go out at her
21
00:00:40,247 --> 00:00:41,750
like a 65 year old.
22
00:00:43,042 --> 00:00:44,168
You have my mail?
23
00:00:44,168 --> 00:00:45,628
Yeah, it's mostly bills
24
00:00:45,628 --> 00:00:47,547
and your Victoria's Secret
catalogue came
25
00:00:47,547 --> 00:00:49,257
but... I lost it.
26
00:00:50,424 --> 00:00:51,800
Oh.
27
00:00:51,800 --> 00:00:54,261
- Did you get the new car?
- Buick LeSabre.
28
00:00:54,261 --> 00:00:55,429
You know, it's a little more
than I wanted to spend
29
00:00:55,429 --> 00:00:56,472
but at least now, when the cute
30
00:00:56,472 --> 00:00:57,514
girl in the next lane laughs
31
00:00:57,514 --> 00:00:58,808
at me I know it's not the car.
32
00:00:59,976 --> 00:01:01,727
It'll just be me.
33
00:01:01,727 --> 00:01:03,604
You didn't have to stretch
yourself so thin, Drew.
34
00:01:03,604 --> 00:01:05,939
Haven't you heard of deferred
payments? It's great.
35
00:01:05,939 --> 00:01:07,942
I don't know anything
on my micro for six months.
36
00:01:07,942 --> 00:01:10,277
It's not due till March first.
37
00:01:10,277 --> 00:01:11,404
And I bought this TV
38
00:01:11,404 --> 00:01:12,822
no payments for a year.
39
00:01:12,822 --> 00:01:14,866
So, that's not due until...
40
00:01:14,866 --> 00:01:16,200
...March first, uh-huh.
41
00:01:16,200 --> 00:01:17,743
But, the pottery wheel
42
00:01:17,743 --> 00:01:19,828
no payments for a year
and a half
43
00:01:19,828 --> 00:01:22,665
so I am good on this baby
till March first.
44
00:01:22,665 --> 00:01:25,126
Oh, my God!
That's in two weeks!
45
00:01:25,126 --> 00:01:26,544
Pottery wheel? Gee.
46
00:01:26,544 --> 00:01:28,671
You think that would
have paid for itself by now.
47
00:01:28,671 --> 00:01:32,258
Oh, my God. I am so screwed.
What am I gonna do?
48
00:01:32,258 --> 00:01:34,635
You need money?
I got three words for you.
49
00:01:34,635 --> 00:01:36,554
Prisoners love panties.
50
00:01:36,554 --> 00:01:39,057
[telephone ringing]
51
00:01:40,182 --> 00:01:41,309
Hello.
52
00:01:41,309 --> 00:01:43,311
Yes, this is Drew Carey's desk.
53
00:01:43,311 --> 00:01:45,480
May I ask what
this is regarding?
54
00:01:45,480 --> 00:01:47,607
Oh, well, that's okay.
55
00:01:47,607 --> 00:01:49,818
'Cause I'm his... wife.
56
00:01:51,861 --> 00:01:53,947
What? Oh, how awful.
57
00:01:53,947 --> 00:01:56,991
Oh, one minute, I'll go get him.
58
00:01:56,991 --> 00:01:59,452
[on office speakers]
Drew Carey, your bank
is on the phone.
59
00:01:59,452 --> 00:02:01,162
(Mimi)
'They need to talk to you'
60
00:02:01,162 --> 00:02:02,913
because you bounced a check.
61
00:02:02,913 --> 00:02:05,708
I repeat, you bounced a check.
62
00:02:05,708 --> 00:02:08,294
I don't believe this.
63
00:02:08,294 --> 00:02:10,629
[on office speakers]
I bounced a check? It wasn't
the one for my prostate exam?
64
00:02:10,629 --> 00:02:11,923
Was it?
65
00:02:15,801 --> 00:02:17,052
How could I bounce a check?
66
00:02:17,052 --> 00:02:19,555
I-I just deposited
a bunch of checks.
67
00:02:19,555 --> 00:02:21,641
Oh, one of' em bounced,
from who?
68
00:02:23,183 --> 00:02:24,811
What? I don't even know
a Kyra Sullivan.
69
00:02:26,187 --> 00:02:28,106
Is her phone number
on the check?
70
00:02:28,106 --> 00:02:29,524
Thank.. Oh, you know what?
71
00:02:29,524 --> 00:02:30,817
It's one of my friends
must have took it
72
00:02:30,817 --> 00:02:33,194
when I was having
my garage sale.
73
00:02:33,194 --> 00:02:34,403
Thanks, just, you know,
just transfer the money
74
00:02:34,403 --> 00:02:36,155
from my savings.
75
00:02:36,155 --> 00:02:38,157
Yeah, I know there's
a fee for that.
76
00:02:38,157 --> 00:02:40,534
Yeah, I know there's a fee
for this call.
77
00:02:40,534 --> 00:02:42,453
What? A multiple fee fee?
78
00:02:44,622 --> 00:02:46,082
Well, listen, buddy, I got
a fee-fees of my own.
79
00:02:46,082 --> 00:02:48,042
How about I get your fee
right here, fee.
80
00:02:48,042 --> 00:02:49,585
Follow up--
81
00:02:49,585 --> 00:02:52,171
Well, that was rude.
82
00:02:52,171 --> 00:02:53,798
Bounced check?
I don't believe it.
83
00:02:53,798 --> 00:02:55,007
What'd you blow
all your money on?
84
00:02:55,007 --> 00:02:57,010
Having your corkscrewed
tail removed?
85
00:02:59,053 --> 00:03:01,263
Real nice, Mimi, hit a guy
while he's down.
86
00:03:01,263 --> 00:03:03,349
I gotta call this woman,
and get my money back.
87
00:03:03,349 --> 00:03:05,100
Could you please file
this paper for me?
88
00:03:05,100 --> 00:03:06,143
And for once,
could you be careful?
89
00:03:06,143 --> 00:03:07,186
I was up all night working on
90
00:03:07,186 --> 00:03:08,437
that proposal.
91
00:03:08,437 --> 00:03:10,314
Oh-oh. Oh-oh-woah.
92
00:03:10,314 --> 00:03:12,149
I think I'm gonna drop it.
93
00:03:12,149 --> 00:03:13,943
Oh, oops.
94
00:03:13,943 --> 00:03:15,486
(Mimi)
'Right into the shredder.'
95
00:03:15,486 --> 00:03:17,405
Oh, lucky it wasn't...
96
00:03:17,405 --> 00:03:19,073
[shredder whirring]
97
00:03:19,073 --> 00:03:20,283
...on.
98
00:03:20,283 --> 00:03:21,325
Oh, I forgot.
99
00:03:21,325 --> 00:03:22,534
That wasn't my proposal
100
00:03:22,534 --> 00:03:23,911
that was you vacation request
101
00:03:23,911 --> 00:03:25,412
your medical claim forms
102
00:03:25,412 --> 00:03:26,664
and, oh yeah, you finally
got a letter back
103
00:03:26,664 --> 00:03:27,749
from Antonio Banderas.
104
00:03:31,419 --> 00:03:32,753
♪ Hey ♪
105
00:03:32,753 --> 00:03:34,129
♪ Up every morning ♪
♪ Hey ♪
106
00:03:34,129 --> 00:03:35,756
♪ Just to keep a job ♪
♪ Hey ♪
107
00:03:35,756 --> 00:03:37,842
♪ I gotta fight my way ♪
♪ Hey ♪
108
00:03:37,842 --> 00:03:40,052
♪ Through the hustling mob ♪
♪ Hey ♪
109
00:03:40,052 --> 00:03:41,678
♪ Sounds of the city ♪
♪ Hey ♪
110
00:03:41,678 --> 00:03:43,514
♪ Poundin' in my brain ♪
♪ Hey ♪
111
00:03:43,514 --> 00:03:44,765
♪ While another day ♪
♪ Hey ♪
112
00:03:44,765 --> 00:03:46,308
♪ Goes down the drain ♪
113
00:03:46,308 --> 00:03:47,477
♪ Yeah yeah yeah ♪
114
00:03:47,477 --> 00:03:49,311
♪ But it's a 5 o'clock world ♪
115
00:03:49,311 --> 00:03:51,564
♪ When the whistle blows ♪
116
00:03:51,564 --> 00:03:54,650
♪ And no one owns
a piece of my time ♪
117
00:03:54,650 --> 00:03:59,113
♪ And there's 5 o'clock me
inside my clothes ♪
118
00:03:59,113 --> 00:04:01,657
♪ Thinkin' that the world
looks fine ♪
119
00:04:01,657 --> 00:04:03,409
♪ Yeah ♪
120
00:04:03,409 --> 00:04:05,370
♪ Hey ♪
♪ Holiday ♪
121
00:04:05,370 --> 00:04:07,246
♪ Hey ♪
♪ Ee-e-e yeah ♪
122
00:04:07,246 --> 00:04:09,832
♪ Hey ♪
123
00:04:10,708 --> 00:04:12,460
[instrumental music]
124
00:04:14,253 --> 00:04:15,546
So, you sure this
125
00:04:15,546 --> 00:04:17,881
check bouncer of yours
is really gonna show up?
126
00:04:17,881 --> 00:04:19,550
She better show up. You think
I've been sitting here
127
00:04:19,550 --> 00:04:21,177
for the last hour drinking beer
for nothing?
128
00:04:21,177 --> 00:04:22,678
I could've been...
129
00:04:22,678 --> 00:04:24,138
...well, she better show up,
that's all.
130
00:04:24,138 --> 00:04:26,766
Mm-hm.
Could you pass the ketchup?
131
00:04:30,602 --> 00:04:32,938
[chuckles]
Hey, man.
132
00:04:32,938 --> 00:04:34,398
I know you're in trouble
but you can't
133
00:04:34,398 --> 00:04:35,816
go a whole month without
spending any money.
134
00:04:35,816 --> 00:04:37,234
Why don't you just let me
lend you a few bucks?
135
00:04:37,234 --> 00:04:39,528
Hey, look at this.
136
00:04:39,528 --> 00:04:41,197
What do we got here?
137
00:04:41,197 --> 00:04:43,240
Roasted nuts, staples
138
00:04:43,240 --> 00:04:45,243
napkins, lemons.
139
00:04:45,243 --> 00:04:47,536
- Olive?
- Oh.
140
00:04:47,536 --> 00:04:49,080
- Give me that.
- Kate.
141
00:04:49,080 --> 00:04:51,040
I think, it's a good time for us
to remember the story
142
00:04:51,040 --> 00:04:53,125
of the grasshopper and the ant.
143
00:04:53,125 --> 00:04:56,462
Wait, how'd you hear about
the grasshopper and the ant?
144
00:04:56,462 --> 00:04:58,798
Nobody outside of drug coast
is supposed to know about that.
145
00:05:00,716 --> 00:05:02,302
What do you mean?
I'm talking about the Fable.
146
00:05:03,469 --> 00:05:06,430
Oh, yeah, the Fable.
147
00:05:06,430 --> 00:05:09,726
Genetically engineered ants and
grasshoppers killed two workers.
148
00:05:09,726 --> 00:05:11,227
All a big fairy tale.
149
00:05:13,312 --> 00:05:15,356
Go on.
150
00:05:15,356 --> 00:05:18,151
[chuckles]
Guys, I don't need
a lecture about money.
151
00:05:18,151 --> 00:05:22,279
I maybe cash poor
but I am condiment rich.
152
00:05:22,279 --> 00:05:24,490
Hey, they're throwing out old
meat at the "Stop and Shop."
153
00:05:24,490 --> 00:05:25,866
Who's gonna give me a ride?
154
00:05:25,866 --> 00:05:28,786
Old meat. Why didn't
you say something?
155
00:05:28,786 --> 00:05:31,914
I'll give you a ride if
Drew lets us borrow the new car.
156
00:05:31,914 --> 00:05:33,332
Come on, I just got it.
157
00:05:33,332 --> 00:05:35,000
- Oh, please.
- Come on, come on.
158
00:05:35,000 --> 00:05:36,752
Alright, you can put
your meat in my trunk
159
00:05:36,752 --> 00:05:38,087
but don't get it mixed up
with my meat.
160
00:05:40,422 --> 00:05:41,841
No playing "Starsky and Hutch."
161
00:05:41,841 --> 00:05:43,009
Oh, come on, we're not
162
00:05:43,009 --> 00:05:44,427
gonna play "Starsky and Hutch."
163
00:05:44,427 --> 00:05:45,845
Two guys and a girl, looks like
164
00:05:45,845 --> 00:05:48,555
"Dukes of Hazzard" to me.
165
00:05:48,555 --> 00:05:50,766
Hey, last one up
on two wheels is a revenor.
166
00:05:50,766 --> 00:05:51,851
- Wo-hoo.
- We-hee.
167
00:05:53,477 --> 00:05:57,064
Excuse me. Are you Drew Carey?
168
00:05:57,064 --> 00:05:59,149
Let's see, a woman's approaching
me in a bar
169
00:05:59,149 --> 00:06:00,735
and it's not last call
on St. Patrick's Day.
170
00:06:00,735 --> 00:06:02,319
You must owe me some money.
171
00:06:02,319 --> 00:06:05,155
I'm Kyra Sullivan,
and I'm so sorry about this.
172
00:06:05,155 --> 00:06:06,740
Yeah, and I know this must
be embarrassing for you.
173
00:06:06,740 --> 00:06:07,825
Let's just get it over with.
174
00:06:07,825 --> 00:06:09,869
Right, I have the cash in here.
175
00:06:13,080 --> 00:06:14,707
Oh.
176
00:06:14,707 --> 00:06:15,874
God.
177
00:06:15,874 --> 00:06:17,710
I hope, I didn't forget it.
178
00:06:17,710 --> 00:06:20,629
Oh, dear.
Let me retrace my steps.
179
00:06:20,629 --> 00:06:23,007
Step, step, step,
Warsaw door.
180
00:06:23,007 --> 00:06:24,717
Step, step, step, my car.
181
00:06:24,717 --> 00:06:26,677
Drive, drive, drive, my house.
182
00:06:26,677 --> 00:06:28,846
Step, step, step,
oh there's my earring
183
00:06:28,846 --> 00:06:30,264
that doesn't help you.
184
00:06:30,264 --> 00:06:31,599
Step, step, step.
185
00:06:31,599 --> 00:06:33,433
Oh, hi, puppy, watch out,
mommy's walking.
186
00:06:33,433 --> 00:06:34,852
- Step, step--
- Okay, listen.
187
00:06:34,852 --> 00:06:36,395
I only have so much time
here, before we get back
188
00:06:36,395 --> 00:06:37,813
to "crawl, crawl crawl."
189
00:06:37,813 --> 00:06:39,857
Why don't you sit down over,
and relax.
190
00:06:42,192 --> 00:06:44,737
Boy, Kyra.
That's an unusual name.
191
00:06:44,737 --> 00:06:47,657
I knew a Kyra once,
in junior high, Kyra Sims.
192
00:06:48,658 --> 00:06:50,368
That's my maiden name.
193
00:06:50,368 --> 00:06:52,036
Oh, my God.
194
00:06:52,036 --> 00:06:53,829
I knew that name
sounded familiar.
195
00:06:53,829 --> 00:06:57,124
Drew, Drew Carey
from junior high.
196
00:06:57,124 --> 00:06:58,668
Kyra Sims.
197
00:06:58,668 --> 00:07:00,252
I don't believe it,
look at you, you look great.
198
00:07:00,252 --> 00:07:01,629
Well, you lost a lot of weight.
199
00:07:01,629 --> 00:07:03,631
Oh, and look at you.
200
00:07:03,631 --> 00:07:04,799
Big as life.
201
00:07:06,842 --> 00:07:08,969
What a loser way to meet you
after all these years.
202
00:07:08,969 --> 00:07:11,096
No, no. I'm really the one who
should be apologizing to you.
203
00:07:11,096 --> 00:07:13,974
Look, I know this
is kinda lame, but...
204
00:07:13,974 --> 00:07:15,976
...I'm really sorry, I told all
those guys in seventh grade
205
00:07:15,976 --> 00:07:17,602
that I got to second base
with you.
206
00:07:17,602 --> 00:07:19,563
It was really cool of you
not to deny it.
207
00:07:19,563 --> 00:07:21,440
Hey, you had more
of a second base
208
00:07:21,440 --> 00:07:23,775
than I did, back then.
209
00:07:23,775 --> 00:07:25,235
Well, still, nice of you.
I was 13.
210
00:07:25,235 --> 00:07:26,737
I was tired of running
the bases by myself.
211
00:07:26,737 --> 00:07:28,864
[laughing]
212
00:07:28,864 --> 00:07:31,950
Oh, boy, it's really good
to see you again.
213
00:07:31,950 --> 00:07:33,744
We had a lot of good times,
back then.
214
00:07:33,744 --> 00:07:35,121
Yeah, it was a full week.
215
00:07:37,664 --> 00:07:39,625
My old roommate stole
a whole book of my checks
216
00:07:39,625 --> 00:07:40,918
and wrote them all over town.
217
00:07:40,918 --> 00:07:42,544
Oh, what a jerk.
218
00:07:42,544 --> 00:07:44,588
[sighing]
That's not the worst part.
219
00:07:44,588 --> 00:07:45,923
He was paying off gambling debts
220
00:07:45,923 --> 00:07:48,216
and my address
is on those checks.
221
00:07:48,216 --> 00:07:50,427
These guys know where I live.
222
00:07:50,427 --> 00:07:52,429
All I need is a week,
and I can clear everything up
223
00:07:52,429 --> 00:07:56,225
but... until then
I'm scared to go home.
224
00:07:56,225 --> 00:07:58,060
Wow, that's terrible.
225
00:07:59,937 --> 00:08:02,314
Hey, uh, look, I never thought
I'd ever say this
226
00:08:02,314 --> 00:08:03,941
but, uh why don't you lay low
227
00:08:03,941 --> 00:08:06,819
at my place
till the heat dies down...
228
00:08:06,819 --> 00:08:07,862
...baby.
229
00:08:09,655 --> 00:08:11,198
You'd do that for me?
230
00:08:11,198 --> 00:08:13,700
Yeah, if you don't mind
sleeping on a lumpy couch.
231
00:08:13,700 --> 00:08:15,578
Oh, wait a-what kind
of gentleman am I?
232
00:08:15,578 --> 00:08:16,829
Here, listen, I'll take
the lumpy couch
233
00:08:16,829 --> 00:08:18,497
and you can have the lumpy bed.
234
00:08:18,497 --> 00:08:20,123
This is so great.
235
00:08:20,123 --> 00:08:21,542
Oh, before I forget,
let me write you
236
00:08:21,542 --> 00:08:23,252
a good check
of my other account.
237
00:08:23,252 --> 00:08:24,587
Oh, you know,
I should've asked you this
238
00:08:24,587 --> 00:08:25,963
before I asked you
to stay with me.
239
00:08:25,963 --> 00:08:27,297
You're not still married, or
anything, are you?
240
00:08:27,297 --> 00:08:30,467
Oh, no. I dumped my old man
a long time ago.
241
00:08:30,467 --> 00:08:32,761
Wow, you dumped your old man
242
00:08:32,761 --> 00:08:35,764
and now you're shacking up
with me till the heat dies down.
243
00:08:35,764 --> 00:08:36,807
(Lewis)
Hey, Drew.
244
00:08:38,517 --> 00:08:41,603
Everything is fine.
The car drives great.
245
00:08:41,603 --> 00:08:44,356
Boy, those airbags really come
at you, don't they?
246
00:08:44,356 --> 00:08:46,859
[instrumental music]
247
00:08:50,362 --> 00:08:52,364
- Good morning.
- Hey, you're up early.
248
00:08:52,364 --> 00:08:54,575
Yeah, I forgot to reset
your alarm again.
249
00:08:54,575 --> 00:08:56,369
By the way, I'm impressed.
250
00:08:56,369 --> 00:08:58,329
Clocks that run on potatoes.
251
00:08:59,579 --> 00:09:00,956
Potatoes, they taste good
252
00:09:00,956 --> 00:09:02,583
they're a natural
source of power.
253
00:09:02,583 --> 00:09:04,752
Try running anything
on stuffing.
254
00:09:04,752 --> 00:09:07,630
Actually, I'm going down
to where my old roommate works
255
00:09:07,630 --> 00:09:09,590
and I'm gonna give him hell
about stealing those checks.
256
00:09:09,590 --> 00:09:10,966
Where does he work?
257
00:09:10,966 --> 00:09:13,135
At a toll booth
on Ohio turnpike.
258
00:09:13,135 --> 00:09:14,594
Tollbooth, huh?
259
00:09:14,594 --> 00:09:16,054
You know some way
I always wondered about those--
260
00:09:16,054 --> 00:09:17,556
There's porta potty
on the side of the road.
261
00:09:17,556 --> 00:09:18,599
Oh.
262
00:09:20,601 --> 00:09:23,061
You know, it's really sweet
of you to give me your bedroom
263
00:09:23,061 --> 00:09:25,189
but why don't you just use
the other bedroom?
264
00:09:25,189 --> 00:09:27,190
Oh, I've figured you kinda
needed your privacy
265
00:09:27,190 --> 00:09:29,527
besides at night, my-my body
is kind of an orchestra.
266
00:09:33,823 --> 00:09:36,492
You know, I just get more
and more attracted to you.
267
00:09:37,951 --> 00:09:39,703
[sighs]
Well, I better get going.
268
00:09:39,703 --> 00:09:41,496
Oh, wait.
269
00:09:41,496 --> 00:09:42,998
I wanna show you something,
it's the valentine you gave me
270
00:09:42,998 --> 00:09:44,624
when we were
in the seventh grade.
271
00:09:44,624 --> 00:09:47,878
See, the two skunk's tails
form the top of the heart there?
272
00:09:47,878 --> 00:09:51,840
"Would you be my valentine,
you little stinker?"
273
00:09:51,840 --> 00:09:53,884
Oh, that is so cute.
274
00:09:53,884 --> 00:09:56,136
Hey, wait a minute, you haven't
been like, carrying that around
275
00:09:56,136 --> 00:09:58,013
in your wallet all this time,
have you?
276
00:09:58,013 --> 00:09:59,682
No, of course not, I keep
it pinned to my underwear.
277
00:10:02,143 --> 00:10:04,937
I'll never forget
what you wrote inside here, I...
278
00:10:04,937 --> 00:10:06,104
...think it's one
of the sweetest things
279
00:10:06,104 --> 00:10:07,690
anybody have ever said to me.
280
00:10:13,654 --> 00:10:15,323
"I don't think you're fat."
281
00:10:21,537 --> 00:10:22,872
I still don't.
282
00:10:25,123 --> 00:10:28,001
Hey, Kyra, you know what?
283
00:10:28,001 --> 00:10:31,880
Since we're already, you know,
like, living together, uh...
284
00:10:31,880 --> 00:10:34,007
...why don't we go out tonight?
285
00:10:34,007 --> 00:10:36,552
You know, like, on a date.
286
00:10:36,552 --> 00:10:40,139
[sighs]
Okay, but I get
to make the plans.
287
00:10:40,139 --> 00:10:41,641
Pick me up at my place.
288
00:10:45,140 --> 00:10:47,110
♪ Oh Kyra ♪
289
00:10:47,170 --> 00:10:50,010
♪ Well you came and
you wrote me a bad check ♪
290
00:10:51,810 --> 00:10:54,810
♪ But you paid me right back
oh Kyra ♪
291
00:10:56,110 --> 00:10:57,480
♪ You were gone
you lost weight ♪
292
00:10:57,550 --> 00:10:59,350
♪ But you're back now ♪
293
00:10:59,420 --> 00:11:01,150
♪ And we got a hot date ♪
294
00:11:01,220 --> 00:11:03,350
♪ Oh Kyra! ♪
295
00:11:03,420 --> 00:11:06,960
♪ I've been waiting
for someone like you now ♪
296
00:11:07,190 --> 00:11:09,260
♪ Where the hell is my car ♪
297
00:11:09,330 --> 00:11:11,230
♪ It's not there ♪
298
00:11:11,300 --> 00:11:12,250
♪ It was parked
and it's gone ♪
299
00:11:12,320 --> 00:11:13,360
♪ Now it's stolen ♪
300
00:11:13,430 --> 00:11:16,000
♪ It's the story of my life
oh Buick ♪
301
00:11:16,070 --> 00:11:18,630
♪ You were here
and you left without warning ♪
302
00:11:18,700 --> 00:11:20,470
♪ Now I'm walking to work... ♪
303
00:11:22,775 --> 00:11:24,694
Yeah, hi, it's Drew Carey.
304
00:11:24,694 --> 00:11:26,571
Yeah, listen,
I just bought a car from you
305
00:11:26,571 --> 00:11:28,782
and I don't even have the paper
work yet and now it's stolen.
306
00:11:30,241 --> 00:11:32,494
Yeah, '91 blue color Saber.
Phew.
307
00:11:34,120 --> 00:11:36,164
Repossessed?
308
00:11:36,164 --> 00:11:38,291
No, look, my down payment check
309
00:11:38,291 --> 00:11:39,959
couldn't have bounced.
That's impossible.
310
00:11:39,959 --> 00:11:41,419
The only way it could have
bounced is that the women
311
00:11:41,419 --> 00:11:43,087
who wrote me the check
and it didn't clear.
312
00:11:43,087 --> 00:11:44,297
I'll call you right back.
313
00:11:50,011 --> 00:11:50,970
[sighs]
314
00:11:50,970 --> 00:11:52,597
Yeah, grandma, it's Drew.
315
00:11:52,597 --> 00:11:55,600
Listen, you know those
new teeth I helped you buy?
316
00:11:55,600 --> 00:11:57,436
Yeah, I can hear
them chattering, sound great.
317
00:12:02,857 --> 00:12:04,818
Listen, uh, no matter
who comes to your door today
318
00:12:04,818 --> 00:12:06,111
don't open your mouth.
319
00:12:06,111 --> 00:12:07,863
[instrumental music]
320
00:12:11,658 --> 00:12:13,076
Listen, everybody, I know you
are used to big fancy cars
321
00:12:13,076 --> 00:12:16,204
for your executive car pool
and I had one, I swear.
322
00:12:16,204 --> 00:12:17,455
I'm gonna get it back.
323
00:12:17,455 --> 00:12:18,748
But in the mean time
324
00:12:18,748 --> 00:12:20,208
hey, how many
of you have ridden
325
00:12:20,208 --> 00:12:21,835
in a real delivery truck
before, huh?
326
00:12:21,835 --> 00:12:23,170
Let's see a show of hands.
327
00:12:24,963 --> 00:12:27,257
Come on, it's not my fault
no one else had a car available.
328
00:12:27,257 --> 00:12:28,383
[dogs barking]
329
00:12:28,383 --> 00:12:30,093
Up, here comes our delivery man.
330
00:12:30,093 --> 00:12:31,303
Scooch in a little,
will ya there?
331
00:12:34,389 --> 00:12:35,932
There were hounds!
332
00:12:35,932 --> 00:12:38,559
You didn't tell
me there were hounds.
333
00:12:38,559 --> 00:12:39,603
I forgot.
334
00:12:41,270 --> 00:12:43,898
Damn, it's freezing in here.
335
00:12:43,898 --> 00:12:46,067
Hello, Bean. Bet there's
somethin' warm in here.
336
00:12:46,067 --> 00:12:49,070
- Hey, hey, don't do that!
- Mittens!
337
00:12:49,070 --> 00:12:50,905
(Oswald)
'Those are women's mittens,
Mr. Wick.'
338
00:12:50,905 --> 00:12:53,241
Well, considering where my
testicles are at the moment
339
00:12:53,241 --> 00:12:54,367
I think I qualify.
340
00:12:56,995 --> 00:12:58,371
You know what my problem is?
341
00:12:58,371 --> 00:12:59,581
Slow metabolism?
342
00:13:01,165 --> 00:13:03,209
No, I believe
the best of people.
343
00:13:03,209 --> 00:13:06,171
- I trust people.
- Yeah.
344
00:13:06,171 --> 00:13:08,005
Here we are,
hey, buddy, you mind, uh
345
00:13:08,005 --> 00:13:09,882
runnin' this up, uh, onto that
house for me?
346
00:13:09,882 --> 00:13:11,134
Why what's wrong
with this place?
347
00:13:11,134 --> 00:13:12,844
Nothing, trust me.
348
00:13:14,011 --> 00:13:14,971
Okay.
349
00:13:19,017 --> 00:13:20,226
Alright then, out with it.
350
00:13:20,226 --> 00:13:21,645
What's the problem at this stop?
351
00:13:21,645 --> 00:13:23,229
This is no problem but, uh,
352
00:13:23,229 --> 00:13:24,773
you see that beautiful
woman Drew's talkin' to.
353
00:13:24,773 --> 00:13:26,525
- Hm.
- It's a guy.
354
00:13:29,151 --> 00:13:32,030
And some would say
little overly affectionate.
355
00:13:32,030 --> 00:13:33,865
Oh, that's a lovely idea
but I'm sure
356
00:13:33,865 --> 00:13:36,117
when Carey gets up close
he'll see it's a man.
357
00:13:36,117 --> 00:13:37,243
No, he didn't!
358
00:13:37,243 --> 00:13:39,246
[laughing]
359
00:13:41,914 --> 00:13:43,416
Wow, thanks, buddy.
360
00:13:43,416 --> 00:13:45,335
Talk about gorgeous, man.
361
00:13:45,335 --> 00:13:46,920
My date should kiss me so good.
362
00:13:46,920 --> 00:13:48,129
Yeah.
363
00:13:48,129 --> 00:13:49,255
Jack's in a real good mood
364
00:13:49,255 --> 00:13:50,506
when he get's his estrogen.
365
00:13:50,506 --> 00:13:53,009
[laughing]
366
00:13:53,009 --> 00:13:55,512
[instrumental music]
367
00:13:59,849 --> 00:14:01,518
Phew, man. What a day?
368
00:14:01,518 --> 00:14:03,853
Kyra is probably
a thousand miles away by now.
369
00:14:03,853 --> 00:14:06,523
Can't get my car back without
a cashier's check.
370
00:14:06,523 --> 00:14:08,149
Thanks for giving
me a ride home, Kate.
371
00:14:08,149 --> 00:14:10,526
Hey, what are friends for?
I mean, what do we use?
372
00:14:10,526 --> 00:14:13,404
Maybe three four gallons
of gas at what?
373
00:14:13,404 --> 00:14:15,281
Buck 28 gallon.
374
00:14:15,281 --> 00:14:17,033
And my time is certainly
not worth
375
00:14:17,033 --> 00:14:19,702
more than 10 bucks an hour.
376
00:14:19,702 --> 00:14:21,496
And that would come to...
377
00:14:22,455 --> 00:14:23,956
...21.50.
378
00:14:23,956 --> 00:14:25,458
But you're a friend,
let's call it 20 even.
379
00:14:25,458 --> 00:14:26,876
Fine.
380
00:14:26,876 --> 00:14:28,211
What, no tip?
381
00:14:29,879 --> 00:14:33,133
Wait, wait, Drew. I know what
you need. A bounty hunter.
382
00:14:33,133 --> 00:14:35,343
For 50 bucks, I'll cover
the state and find her for you.
383
00:14:35,343 --> 00:14:37,303
Yeah, if you can find her,
I'll give you a 100.
384
00:14:37,303 --> 00:14:38,888
- Hey, Drew.
- Found her.
385
00:14:38,888 --> 00:14:40,015
That'll be a hundred bucks.
386
00:14:41,808 --> 00:14:44,060
You're still here,
you got a lot of nerve.
387
00:14:44,060 --> 00:14:46,688
Yeah, if Hickory Farms wasn't
givin' out free samples
388
00:14:46,688 --> 00:14:48,857
in 10 minutes, I'd give
you a piece of my mind.
389
00:14:49,691 --> 00:14:51,359
Give her hell, Drew.
390
00:14:51,359 --> 00:14:52,610
What happened?
391
00:14:52,610 --> 00:14:55,112
What do you want, lady?
The pup is dry.
392
00:14:55,112 --> 00:14:57,907
Oh, I know what you want.
My change.
393
00:14:57,907 --> 00:15:00,202
Oh, no, my second
check bounced.
394
00:15:00,202 --> 00:15:01,911
Oh, God, Drew,
I'm so sorry.
395
00:15:01,911 --> 00:15:03,621
That bastard roommate
of mine must have taken
396
00:15:03,621 --> 00:15:04,747
checks from both accounts.
397
00:15:04,747 --> 00:15:06,624
Oh, yeah, the evil roommate.
398
00:15:06,624 --> 00:15:08,627
Let me guess, this evil
roommate of yours
399
00:15:08,627 --> 00:15:12,046
can he change shapes
and become you, for example?
400
00:15:12,046 --> 00:15:14,758
Let me tell you, Drew,
your anger is misplaced.
401
00:15:14,758 --> 00:15:17,051
No, no, no, no.
My car is misplaced.
402
00:15:17,051 --> 00:15:20,096
My money is misplaced.
My trust is misplaced.
403
00:15:20,096 --> 00:15:22,682
But my anger is,
nothin' but net.
404
00:15:25,894 --> 00:15:27,812
Oh, wow!
405
00:15:27,812 --> 00:15:29,522
I wanted it to be romantic.
406
00:15:29,522 --> 00:15:31,566
It was supposed to be
our first date.
407
00:15:32,733 --> 00:15:34,486
Ribs and ham.
408
00:15:37,113 --> 00:15:38,948
Wow, you made everything I like.
409
00:15:38,948 --> 00:15:41,242
And no vegetables.
410
00:15:41,242 --> 00:15:43,160
Actually, I did
make vegetables.
411
00:15:43,160 --> 00:15:45,038
Beer-Battered Broccoli.
412
00:15:47,206 --> 00:15:49,000
Wow, you can hardly
taste the broccoli.
413
00:15:51,168 --> 00:15:53,421
Wait. I get it.
414
00:15:53,421 --> 00:15:55,548
I eat this, I get sleepy,
next thing, you know
415
00:15:55,548 --> 00:15:57,133
I wake up in a cargo ship,
part of some
416
00:15:57,133 --> 00:15:59,552
chubby white guy slave trade
thing you got goin' on.
417
00:16:01,137 --> 00:16:03,014
And here I thought
it was so smooth.
418
00:16:03,014 --> 00:16:04,891
[scoffs]
But you got me, Drew.
419
00:16:04,891 --> 00:16:06,351
You know what
a middle management guy
420
00:16:06,351 --> 00:16:08,561
of your size goes
for these days?
421
00:16:08,561 --> 00:16:09,896
Oh, we'll make millions!
422
00:16:09,896 --> 00:16:11,397
[knock on door]
423
00:16:11,397 --> 00:16:12,732
Oh, man, I wrote a check
424
00:16:12,732 --> 00:16:13,942
for girl's scout
cookies last week.
425
00:16:13,942 --> 00:16:14,985
It's probably
one of their goons.
426
00:16:18,237 --> 00:16:19,738
Is Kyra Sullivan here?
427
00:16:19,738 --> 00:16:22,075
- Now, who are you?
- I'm her old roommate.
428
00:16:22,075 --> 00:16:23,993
What? Wait a second, there
really was an old roommate?
429
00:16:23,993 --> 00:16:26,162
Yeah, and he's plenty
ticked off.
430
00:16:26,162 --> 00:16:27,580
You think that was funny?
431
00:16:27,580 --> 00:16:29,749
Parking your car
in my toll booth today?
432
00:16:29,749 --> 00:16:32,127
I could have called the
cops but technically
433
00:16:32,127 --> 00:16:34,754
you weren't
in Pennsylvania or Ohio.
434
00:16:34,754 --> 00:16:37,215
Wait a second, there really
was an old roommate?
435
00:16:37,215 --> 00:16:39,467
You're the reason
that I lost my car.
436
00:16:39,467 --> 00:16:41,302
You're the reason
my grandma lost her teeth.
437
00:16:41,302 --> 00:16:43,095
You're the reason I kissed
a man, full on the mouth.
438
00:16:43,095 --> 00:16:44,931
I'm bouncing checks all
over town because of you.
439
00:16:44,931 --> 00:16:46,515
I think you owe
both of us some money.
440
00:16:46,515 --> 00:16:49,310
Oh, yeah.
Or what are you gonna do?
441
00:16:49,310 --> 00:16:50,936
Whatever it takes to make
me look like less of an idiot
442
00:16:50,936 --> 00:16:52,772
for not believing Kyra here.
443
00:16:52,772 --> 00:16:54,566
You know, I may not
be able to beat you up.
444
00:16:54,566 --> 00:16:56,442
I may not even be able to stop
you from beatin' me up.
445
00:16:56,442 --> 00:16:58,944
But I know a woman with stubble
who would walk through fire
446
00:16:58,944 --> 00:17:00,447
for me and she'd kick you ass.
447
00:17:02,448 --> 00:17:04,074
You are insane.
448
00:17:04,074 --> 00:17:05,910
Insane? You wanna see insane?
449
00:17:08,162 --> 00:17:10,290
That was my dinner.
Now I'm really mad!
450
00:17:11,749 --> 00:17:13,751
Okay, okay.
451
00:17:13,751 --> 00:17:17,088
Here, drive safely
and have a nice day.
452
00:17:18,005 --> 00:17:19,590
I didn't mean that.
453
00:17:19,590 --> 00:17:21,134
Just force of habit.
454
00:17:24,053 --> 00:17:25,263
And another thing, tow boy
455
00:17:25,263 --> 00:17:26,639
how come those links don't start
456
00:17:26,639 --> 00:17:28,140
till three hundred yards
after the booth?
457
00:17:28,140 --> 00:17:30,060
It's like a demolition derby
out there, huh?
458
00:17:33,479 --> 00:17:34,981
Thanks for standing up for me.
459
00:17:36,273 --> 00:17:37,733
[Kyra sighs]
460
00:17:37,733 --> 00:17:40,028
I hope I can kiss
as good as that man.
461
00:17:52,957 --> 00:17:53,916
Almost.
462
00:17:53,916 --> 00:17:55,919
[instrumental music]
463
00:17:59,680 --> 00:18:01,520
♪ Oh Kyra are you here ♪
464
00:18:01,600 --> 00:18:03,450
♪ Are you makin' my breakfast ♪
465
00:18:03,520 --> 00:18:05,893
♪ Where the hell
is my couch oh Kyra ♪
466
00:18:05,963 --> 00:18:07,883
- Hey, Drew.
- All my furniture's gone.
467
00:18:07,883 --> 00:18:10,677
I told you he'd notice
468
00:18:10,677 --> 00:18:12,679
That Kyra.
She's the sweetest, you know.
469
00:18:12,679 --> 00:18:14,640
She felt so bad about
bouncing that second check
470
00:18:14,640 --> 00:18:16,224
she wanted to give you
somethin', so she's havin'
471
00:18:16,224 --> 00:18:17,767
all your
furniture reupholstered.
472
00:18:17,767 --> 00:18:20,395
- Yeah.
- Even the coffee table?
473
00:18:20,395 --> 00:18:22,272
I guess she's
having it refinished.
474
00:18:22,272 --> 00:18:24,191
- 'Yeah.'
- And my stereo?
475
00:18:25,192 --> 00:18:26,859
What is this, a test?
476
00:18:26,859 --> 00:18:28,862
She ripped me off,
don't you get it?
477
00:18:28,862 --> 00:18:30,781
She took everything,
she robbed me!
478
00:18:30,781 --> 00:18:32,157
It's, everything's gone.
479
00:18:32,157 --> 00:18:33,742
- Are you sure?
- Yeah.
480
00:18:33,742 --> 00:18:35,994
If she ripped you off,
why is your TV still here?
481
00:18:35,994 --> 00:18:39,163
Oh, Gee, why would someone
take a 70 year old TV
482
00:18:39,163 --> 00:18:41,083
where you have to use pliers
to change the channel.
483
00:18:42,375 --> 00:18:44,294
Oh, man, she even
took the pliers.
484
00:18:45,795 --> 00:18:47,380
Gee, and they seemed
like such nice people.
485
00:18:47,380 --> 00:18:48,715
- Yeah.
- They?
486
00:18:48,715 --> 00:18:50,592
Yeah, her and her brother.
487
00:18:50,592 --> 00:18:52,886
You-you know, coming to think
of it, he was pretty in shape
488
00:18:52,886 --> 00:18:55,347
for a guy
who worked at a toll booth.
489
00:18:55,347 --> 00:18:56,973
Oh, my God. He was in on it.
490
00:18:56,973 --> 00:18:58,934
It was all a big con.
How can I be so stupid?
491
00:18:58,934 --> 00:19:00,561
How am I gonna
find these people?
492
00:19:00,561 --> 00:19:02,020
We're sorry, we let 'em
get away with it.
493
00:19:02,020 --> 00:19:03,521
But at least one of us
was on the ball.
494
00:19:03,521 --> 00:19:05,774
She dropped her wallet
and something told me
495
00:19:05,774 --> 00:19:07,108
maybe I should hold on to this.
496
00:19:07,108 --> 00:19:08,402
[laughs]
497
00:19:08,402 --> 00:19:09,986
Hey, I never said this
when I was sobered.
498
00:19:09,986 --> 00:19:12,614
- But Oswald, you are a genius.
- Yeah.
499
00:19:12,614 --> 00:19:14,199
And there's all kinds
of ID in here.
500
00:19:14,199 --> 00:19:16,785
I mean, there's five
Social Security Cards alone.
501
00:19:16,785 --> 00:19:19,163
And-and eight
driver's licenses...
502
00:19:21,706 --> 00:19:23,167
Hey, Kate! It's Kate.
503
00:19:24,792 --> 00:19:26,878
Hey, you're finally
getting your floor buffed.
504
00:19:26,878 --> 00:19:28,505
That's one way of puttin' it.
Yeah.
505
00:19:30,090 --> 00:19:31,425
Hey, I got good news too.
506
00:19:31,425 --> 00:19:33,843
I went to the bank
and consolidated all my debts
507
00:19:33,843 --> 00:19:36,429
into one big loan,
only 21% interest
508
00:19:36,429 --> 00:19:37,806
no payments for a year.
509
00:19:39,850 --> 00:19:42,352
Hey, it's the idiot's club, welcome.
510
00:19:42,352 --> 00:19:45,146
Hey, I found this note
from Kyra on your door.
511
00:19:45,146 --> 00:19:47,356
"Dear, Drew, I'm sorry.
512
00:19:47,356 --> 00:19:49,734
"I feel real crappy
conning you like this.
513
00:19:49,734 --> 00:19:51,737
"But I'm my own boss
and the hours are good.
514
00:19:53,571 --> 00:19:55,616
"I'll always remember
the special times we had
515
00:19:55,616 --> 00:19:57,283
"in the fifth grade
at that place.
516
00:19:57,283 --> 00:19:59,494
"That time you said
those nice things.
517
00:19:59,494 --> 00:20:01,788
Always Kyra Sims."
518
00:20:01,788 --> 00:20:04,332
I thought she spelt Simms
with two M's not one.
519
00:20:04,332 --> 00:20:05,626
She did.
520
00:20:05,626 --> 00:20:06,834
And we didn't meet
in fifth grade.
521
00:20:06,834 --> 00:20:09,379
We didn't together
until seventh grade.
522
00:20:09,379 --> 00:20:12,006
Oh, my God, she's not even the
same person I thought it was.
523
00:20:12,006 --> 00:20:13,216
She's a total stranger.
524
00:20:13,216 --> 00:20:15,218
I slept with a stranger.
525
00:20:15,218 --> 00:20:16,637
Hey, I slept with a stranger.
526
00:20:20,014 --> 00:20:22,518
Boy, how bad did
she need furniture, huh?
527
00:20:26,646 --> 00:20:27,814
[knock on door]
528
00:20:27,814 --> 00:20:30,108
Coming.
529
00:20:30,108 --> 00:20:31,735
- Are you Drew Carey?
- Yes, sir.
530
00:20:31,735 --> 00:20:33,278
Did you have
some furniture stolen?
531
00:20:35,154 --> 00:20:37,782
You're a detective, right?
532
00:20:37,782 --> 00:20:40,368
Well, be thankful you engraved
your name on all your stuff.
533
00:20:40,368 --> 00:20:42,120
'Cause we found it
on a truck that had a
534
00:20:42,120 --> 00:20:44,330
little accident
pulling out of a toll booth.
535
00:20:44,330 --> 00:20:46,542
Ha, I told you they didn't
start those lanes soon enough.
536
00:20:48,209 --> 00:20:49,752
Can you identify the suspects?
537
00:20:49,752 --> 00:20:52,923
'Cause if you can, you're in
line for a reward, Mr. Carey.
538
00:20:52,923 --> 00:20:55,383
See, I knew something good was
gonna come out of all of this.
539
00:20:55,383 --> 00:20:56,843
- How much?
- Fifty bucks.
540
00:21:00,931 --> 00:21:03,057
Fifty bucks, really?
Oh, it's great!
541
00:21:03,057 --> 00:21:04,642
I-I'll be right up,
thanks very much.
542
00:21:04,642 --> 00:21:06,394
Thanks, thank you,
bye-bye, thank you.
543
00:21:06,394 --> 00:21:07,979
Did you hear that?
544
00:21:07,979 --> 00:21:10,023
The insurance company
would have gave my $5000
545
00:21:10,023 --> 00:21:12,400
for my old crappy stuff
but I'm not gettin' it, instead
546
00:21:12,400 --> 00:21:16,196
I'm gettin' all my old
crappy stuff back plus 50 bucks.
547
00:21:16,196 --> 00:21:17,614
I'm screwed again!
548
00:21:19,407 --> 00:21:21,910
Drew, this only happened
'cause you're one of the most
549
00:21:21,910 --> 00:21:24,913
wonderful caring, trusting
people in the world.
550
00:21:24,913 --> 00:21:26,914
Sure once in a while,
you're gonna get burned.
551
00:21:26,914 --> 00:21:29,543
You're gonna loose your car.
Your furniture.
552
00:21:29,543 --> 00:21:30,793
Your dignity.
553
00:21:30,793 --> 00:21:32,295
But hey, look on
the bright side
554
00:21:32,295 --> 00:21:35,173
we got a great place
to play soccer inside.
555
00:21:35,173 --> 00:21:36,216
[crackling]
556
00:21:38,551 --> 00:21:40,052
More good news, Drew.
557
00:21:40,052 --> 00:21:42,180
I'm on your team
and we just scored.
558
00:21:45,933 --> 00:21:48,353
[whistling]
559
00:21:52,607 --> 00:21:53,567
Oh-oh.
560
00:21:56,486 --> 00:21:58,029
Oh.
561
00:21:58,029 --> 00:22:00,907
Oh, listen up,
I know what you're thinkin'.
562
00:22:00,907 --> 00:22:03,118
I-I told them
it was a fable, huh?
563
00:22:03,118 --> 00:22:05,203
Oh, no, don't get mad at me.
564
00:22:05,203 --> 00:22:07,580
So I'm guessin' you'll
be at the company picnic?
565
00:22:07,580 --> 00:22:08,999
Hey, it was just a joke.
38957
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