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1
00:00:01,333 --> 00:00:02,961
Look, uh, you guys
are the best Christmas elves
2
00:00:02,961 --> 00:00:04,712
Winfred-Louder ever had,
but I can't afford to pay you
3
00:00:04,712 --> 00:00:06,964
more than ten bucks an hour
this year. I'm really sorry.
4
00:00:06,964 --> 00:00:10,260
- Hey, it's $15, or we walk.
- I'm tryin' to be fair here.
5
00:00:10,260 --> 00:00:11,636
I mean, who gets you guys
benefits, who gets you
6
00:00:11,636 --> 00:00:13,096
off-season work?
And here you are...
7
00:00:13,096 --> 00:00:15,098
Tryin' to cut me off
at the knees.
8
00:00:17,350 --> 00:00:20,019
I-I didn't mean it that way
and you know it.
9
00:00:20,019 --> 00:00:21,687
Yeah, I know it, Drew,
and I'm sure that
10
00:00:21,687 --> 00:00:24,106
management's not just tryin'
to get fat.
11
00:00:24,106 --> 00:00:27,235
Oh, I didn't mean it that way,
and you know it.
12
00:00:27,235 --> 00:00:29,028
Look, how about 11 bucks
an hour? But you have to know.
13
00:00:29,028 --> 00:00:30,655
That means I'm screwing over
the Easter Bunny.
14
00:00:30,655 --> 00:00:33,616
Yeah,
like he brings in the kids.
15
00:00:33,616 --> 00:00:35,493
Wow, 11 bucks an hour,
we'll do it for that.
16
00:00:35,493 --> 00:00:38,996
- Yeah.
- Hey, look, giraffe boy.
17
00:00:38,996 --> 00:00:41,916
The job description says elf.
18
00:00:41,916 --> 00:00:43,584
Now, metal midget,
that's another story.
19
00:00:43,584 --> 00:00:45,127
Hey.
20
00:00:45,127 --> 00:00:46,796
Hold on, there's no problem
here, my friends
21
00:00:46,796 --> 00:00:48,297
aren't competing for your jobs.
I mean, look at 'em.
22
00:00:48,297 --> 00:00:51,092
Oh. Now you're just being
a hate-ist.
23
00:00:51,092 --> 00:00:53,636
Yup. That's me.
24
00:00:53,636 --> 00:00:55,346
Okay, guys, we got it, let's go.
25
00:00:55,346 --> 00:00:56,681
Hey, wait a minute,
where are you going?
26
00:00:56,681 --> 00:00:57,849
I told Sox to call if they
27
00:00:57,849 --> 00:00:59,767
meet our price of 15 an hour.
28
00:00:59,767 --> 00:01:02,603
And I'm hoping
they'll pay us under the table.
29
00:01:02,603 --> 00:01:04,022
Shut up.
30
00:01:05,814 --> 00:01:08,317
- Well, well, well...
- Ha-ha-ha.
31
00:01:08,317 --> 00:01:11,613
Suddenly we don't look so tall,
huh, Drew?
32
00:01:11,613 --> 00:01:12,947
Man, I need somebody right away.
33
00:01:12,947 --> 00:01:14,741
Uh, we could use
the extra Christmas cash.
34
00:01:14,741 --> 00:01:17,034
- What do you say?
- What, are you serious?
35
00:01:17,034 --> 00:01:19,454
- Okay, you got the jobs.
- Hey! Hey!
36
00:01:19,454 --> 00:01:22,791
- There's just one catch.
- Whoa!
37
00:01:24,667 --> 00:01:28,796
It looks like
we're gonna be sexy elves.
38
00:01:28,796 --> 00:01:30,548
[Vogues singing
"Five O'clock World"]
39
00:01:30,548 --> 00:01:33,884
♪ Up every mornin'
just to keep a job ♪
40
00:01:33,884 --> 00:01:38,097
♪ I gotta fight my way
through the hustling mob ♪
41
00:01:38,097 --> 00:01:41,642
♪ Sounds of the city
poundin' in my brain ♪
42
00:01:41,642 --> 00:01:44,353
♪ While another day
goes down the drain ♪
43
00:01:44,353 --> 00:01:47,398
♪ Yeah yeah yeah ♪
♪ But it's a 5 o'clock world ♪
44
00:01:47,398 --> 00:01:52,695
♪ When the whistle blows
no one owns a piece of my time ♪
45
00:01:52,695 --> 00:01:57,242
♪ And there's a 5 o'clock me
inside my clothes ♪
46
00:01:57,242 --> 00:02:01,495
♪ Thinkin' that the world
looks fine yeah ♪
47
00:02:01,495 --> 00:02:06,292
♪ Holiday ee-ee yeah ♪
♪ Hey hey hey ♪
48
00:02:07,293 --> 00:02:08,044
♪ Hey ♪
49
00:02:08,919 --> 00:02:11,005
[instrumental music]
50
00:02:16,260 --> 00:02:17,428
[sighs]
51
00:02:19,013 --> 00:02:20,390
[sighs]
52
00:02:22,475 --> 00:02:24,060
Something wrong, sir?
53
00:02:24,060 --> 00:02:25,853
Tell me something, Carey,
what are some of the more
54
00:02:25,853 --> 00:02:28,523
imaginative ways
I've fired people?
55
00:02:28,523 --> 00:02:31,901
Well, the price is right
or you're fired is pretty novel.
56
00:02:31,901 --> 00:02:34,153
And who can ever forget the
famous half-time show you put on
57
00:02:34,153 --> 00:02:36,322
for the guy who called in sick
from the Ohio State game?
58
00:02:36,322 --> 00:02:38,575
♪ Two four six eight
who be livin' off the steak? ♪
59
00:02:38,575 --> 00:02:40,701
♪ It's you it's you it's you ♪
60
00:02:40,701 --> 00:02:42,036
[laughs]
61
00:02:42,036 --> 00:02:44,330
Better days, Carey, better days.
62
00:02:46,332 --> 00:02:49,501
I haven't told anyone this,
but I went to fire Hutchison
63
00:02:49,501 --> 00:02:53,214
this morning, and I just
didn't have the old stuff.
64
00:02:53,214 --> 00:02:54,799
- You mean you didn't fire him?
- Oh...
65
00:02:54,799 --> 00:02:56,884
[chuckles]
Don't get me wrong,
I fired him, alright
66
00:02:56,884 --> 00:03:01,055
but, but afterwards
I didn't run over to the window
67
00:03:01,055 --> 00:03:04,141
and enjoy the inevitable temper
tantrum in the parking lot.
68
00:03:04,141 --> 00:03:06,310
I just sat there
cradling my water balloon
69
00:03:06,310 --> 00:03:08,855
thinking, "What's the point?"
70
00:03:08,855 --> 00:03:10,398
Well, it's funny you should
bring that up now, sir, because
71
00:03:10,398 --> 00:03:12,233
I've come up with a system
for downsizing
72
00:03:12,233 --> 00:03:15,194
that's less random and more
humane. See, here's what we do.
73
00:03:15,194 --> 00:03:16,862
We take the employee's
number of days missed
74
00:03:16,862 --> 00:03:19,365
multiply it by the number of
days late, divided by seniority
75
00:03:19,365 --> 00:03:21,700
plus the number
of customer complaints.
76
00:03:21,700 --> 00:03:25,163
Okay, use your formula to reduce
the work force by three percent.
77
00:03:25,163 --> 00:03:28,374
Or it's back
to the finger of fate.
78
00:03:28,374 --> 00:03:32,670
Can we factor in stupid glasses
and see who that knocks out?
79
00:03:35,297 --> 00:03:39,385
Why, Bobeck, sometimes
you're just plain evil.
80
00:03:39,385 --> 00:03:41,512
Why, thank you, sir.
81
00:03:45,099 --> 00:03:46,851
Here's a question
I don't want an answer to.
82
00:03:46,851 --> 00:03:48,519
Were you just flirting with him?
83
00:03:48,519 --> 00:03:50,980
Bite me, giant drummer boy.
84
00:03:52,814 --> 00:03:54,316
Oh, by the way,
here's your invitation
85
00:03:54,316 --> 00:03:56,360
to the office Christmas party.
86
00:03:56,360 --> 00:03:58,196
Thanks. Who are you bringin'?
87
00:03:58,196 --> 00:04:01,282
I'll pause here
for your dignity.
88
00:04:01,282 --> 00:04:04,910
Don't worry about me.
I got my eye on somebody.
89
00:04:04,910 --> 00:04:08,373
Who is your date?
Puttin' a skirt on your dog?
90
00:04:10,958 --> 00:04:13,127
You know, you really know
how to hurt a guy, Mimi.
91
00:04:13,127 --> 00:04:14,378
You know, you're tappin'
into a lot of pain
92
00:04:14,378 --> 00:04:16,422
and vulnerability here.
93
00:04:16,422 --> 00:04:20,008
♪ No-no-no-no no-no-no-no
no-no-no-no ♪
94
00:04:20,008 --> 00:04:24,055
No, no, I'm serious.
I'm not settin' you up.
95
00:04:24,055 --> 00:04:26,933
I'm all alone for the holidays.
It's really bringin' me down.
96
00:04:26,933 --> 00:04:29,810
Oh, knock it off.
Nobody is believing you.
97
00:04:29,810 --> 00:04:30,853
Ooh, bo-hoo-hoo.
98
00:04:30,853 --> 00:04:32,105
[pops]
99
00:04:35,733 --> 00:04:37,277
♪ Goes the weasel ♪
100
00:04:42,072 --> 00:04:43,574
- Hey, good-lookin'.
- Hey, Drew.
101
00:04:43,574 --> 00:04:45,910
Actually,
I was talking to the cake.
102
00:04:45,910 --> 00:04:47,786
"Congratulations, Lisa."
103
00:04:47,786 --> 00:04:49,621
Hard to believe
she's gettin' married, huh?
104
00:04:49,621 --> 00:04:51,916
I guess some couples
are just meant to be, I guess.
105
00:04:51,916 --> 00:04:54,460
Wow, Drew,
I'm really proud of you.
106
00:04:54,460 --> 00:04:56,879
I mean, throwing Lisa
a wedding shower, for God's sake
107
00:04:56,879 --> 00:04:58,213
that's really classy.
108
00:04:58,213 --> 00:04:59,465
Well, I'm glad
she's gettin' married.
109
00:04:59,465 --> 00:05:00,841
I mean, she's no
spring chicken anymore.
110
00:05:00,841 --> 00:05:02,260
What is she, 70?
111
00:05:02,260 --> 00:05:03,844
Drew, who are we talkin' about?
112
00:05:03,844 --> 00:05:05,971
Lisa, in appliances.
113
00:05:05,971 --> 00:05:08,390
No, the person
that's getting married is Lisa.
114
00:05:08,390 --> 00:05:11,185
Lisa, your ex-girlfriend.
115
00:05:11,185 --> 00:05:13,771
- Li-Lisa? My Lisa?
- Oh, oh, my God.
116
00:05:13,771 --> 00:05:15,857
Drew, I-I thought you knew.
117
00:05:15,857 --> 00:05:18,192
You're not still
attached to her, are you?
118
00:05:18,192 --> 00:05:20,611
No, I'm-I'm not attached
to my Lisa at all.
119
00:05:20,611 --> 00:05:24,781
Oh, oh, man. Just get out
of here. I'll handle this.
120
00:05:24,781 --> 00:05:26,284
I sure could use a friend
right now.
121
00:05:26,284 --> 00:05:27,952
Drew, leave the cake.
122
00:05:30,746 --> 00:05:33,166
Lisa, there you are.
123
00:05:33,166 --> 00:05:36,502
- Congratulations.
- Oh, thanks. Come here, Drew.
124
00:05:36,502 --> 00:05:40,339
Listen, I-I just wanna tell you,
I'm-I'm really touched.
125
00:05:40,339 --> 00:05:41,757
You know,
if the tables were turned
126
00:05:41,757 --> 00:05:43,676
and you were gettin' married
127
00:05:43,676 --> 00:05:45,386
I don't know if I could be
so cool about it.
128
00:05:45,386 --> 00:05:47,638
And here you are,
throwing me and Trent a party.
129
00:05:47,638 --> 00:05:51,100
Trent? You're marrying Trent
in men's furnishings?
130
00:05:51,100 --> 00:05:53,936
That's what I said
when I first heard about it.
131
00:05:53,936 --> 00:05:55,396
Here I am still singin' it.
132
00:05:55,396 --> 00:05:57,147
Hey, let's open my gifts.
133
00:05:57,147 --> 00:05:59,191
Oh, look, you guys,
this one's from Drew.
134
00:05:59,191 --> 00:06:01,319
Uh, I think I got you the wrong
size. Lemme just take that back.
135
00:06:01,319 --> 00:06:03,863
Don't be silly, Drew.
You know my size.
136
00:06:03,863 --> 00:06:05,156
Okay.
137
00:06:06,574 --> 00:06:08,617
"Though things may be sagging
138
00:06:08,617 --> 00:06:11,829
"and your sex drive is lagging
139
00:06:11,829 --> 00:06:15,500
I'll still be bragging
what a hot number you were."
140
00:06:18,586 --> 00:06:22,006
Come on. I wouldn't be that
insensitive. I got it for her.
141
00:06:22,006 --> 00:06:23,925
[instrumental music]
142
00:06:26,260 --> 00:06:27,469
(Drew)
'I can't believe
Lisa's gettin' married'
143
00:06:27,469 --> 00:06:28,845
'only three months after
we broke up.'
144
00:06:28,845 --> 00:06:30,264
How could that happen so fast?
145
00:06:30,264 --> 00:06:32,057
Buddy, take it from me.
146
00:06:32,057 --> 00:06:35,435
The best thing to do is just
to wish her well and move on.
147
00:06:35,435 --> 00:06:36,603
Like the time you tried
to run over
148
00:06:36,603 --> 00:06:40,066
your ex-boyfriend's new
girlfriend?
149
00:06:40,066 --> 00:06:41,858
Hey, if she didn't wanna get
hit, she wouldn't have been
150
00:06:41,858 --> 00:06:44,278
weaving all over
her front lawn like that.
151
00:06:45,946 --> 00:06:47,907
- Uh, hey, guys.
- Hey.
152
00:06:49,741 --> 00:06:50,827
[door shuts]
153
00:06:52,662 --> 00:06:53,788
[chuckles]
154
00:06:53,788 --> 00:06:55,789
You guys look worn out.
155
00:06:55,789 --> 00:06:59,626
Well, that damn Santa
has been ridin' us all day.
156
00:06:59,626 --> 00:07:01,629
You know, we shouldn't have
to put up with this garbage on
157
00:07:01,629 --> 00:07:04,214
our second jobs, I mean, we've
been bustin' our humps all day.
158
00:07:04,214 --> 00:07:06,675
Pickin' up kids, givin' 'em
candy canes. And what do we get?
159
00:07:06,675 --> 00:07:09,429
"Mommy, mommy,
the giant bean is grabbin' me."
160
00:07:10,804 --> 00:07:13,182
[telephone ringing]
161
00:07:14,099 --> 00:07:16,352
Hello. It's for you.
162
00:07:16,352 --> 00:07:18,396
- Who is it?
- Santa.
163
00:07:19,938 --> 00:07:21,732
How did he know
we'd be at your house?
164
00:07:21,732 --> 00:07:24,694
He knows when you are sleeping,
he knows when you're awake. Hm.
165
00:07:24,694 --> 00:07:26,445
(Lewis)
Hello.
166
00:07:26,445 --> 00:07:28,281
Yes, I'll accept the charges.
167
00:07:29,614 --> 00:07:30,950
Yes, Santa.
168
00:07:31,909 --> 00:07:34,328
Uh, no, Santa.
169
00:07:34,328 --> 00:07:37,456
- Sorry, Santa.
- 'What is it?'
170
00:07:37,456 --> 00:07:39,125
That was Santa's one phone call.
171
00:07:39,125 --> 00:07:40,376
Apparently, he woke up
in the parking lot
172
00:07:40,376 --> 00:07:42,961
of a Capri lounge in a bad way.
173
00:07:42,961 --> 00:07:44,880
- He wants us to bail him out?
- Yeah, yeah.
174
00:07:44,880 --> 00:07:47,007
But the good news is, uh, we
might see ourselves on "Cops."
175
00:07:47,007 --> 00:07:48,467
- Oh.
- Yeah, let's go.
176
00:07:48,467 --> 00:07:51,429
[instrumental music]
177
00:07:53,263 --> 00:07:54,640
Good, Bobeck, you're here.
178
00:07:54,640 --> 00:07:56,684
I need you to distribute
the Christmas bonuses.
179
00:07:56,684 --> 00:07:58,519
Oh, sure.
180
00:07:58,519 --> 00:08:02,355
"A tree will be planted in your
name for the Tree Foundation."
181
00:08:02,355 --> 00:08:03,899
Where do all those trees go
anyway?
182
00:08:03,899 --> 00:08:05,359
You know, pretty much
around my house.
183
00:08:05,359 --> 00:08:07,236
I'm landscaping.
184
00:08:07,236 --> 00:08:10,698
So, uh, Mr. Wick,
are you excited
185
00:08:10,698 --> 00:08:13,909
about the Winfred-Louder
Christmas party?
186
00:08:13,909 --> 00:08:17,288
Sadly, I, uh, heh,
don't have a date.
187
00:08:19,331 --> 00:08:21,833
You know,
I just had a crazy thought.
188
00:08:21,833 --> 00:08:24,420
- If you're not doing anything...
- Yes?
189
00:08:24,420 --> 00:08:25,629
[telephone ringing]
190
00:08:25,629 --> 00:08:26,797
That'll be my gardener.
191
00:08:26,797 --> 00:08:28,382
We'll talk later.
192
00:08:30,634 --> 00:08:32,719
Damn. I was so close.
193
00:08:32,719 --> 00:08:34,721
He was gonna ask me
to the party. I just know it.
194
00:08:34,721 --> 00:08:38,226
Hm. Oh, I'm tingling all over.
Whoo!
195
00:08:38,226 --> 00:08:41,604
Oh, holy night! Whoo!
196
00:08:45,524 --> 00:08:47,609
Alright.
So what was I lookin' for?
197
00:08:47,609 --> 00:08:50,362
Oh, yeah, a place to throw up.
198
00:08:50,362 --> 00:08:53,240
Oh, gee, and I did
something nice for you.
199
00:08:53,240 --> 00:08:55,534
I ran your firing program
through the computer
200
00:08:55,534 --> 00:08:58,370
and the first two lucky firees
are on their way up.
201
00:08:58,370 --> 00:08:59,664
You sent both guys up at once?
202
00:08:59,664 --> 00:09:00,915
I can't fire two people
at the same time.
203
00:09:00,915 --> 00:09:02,041
It's gonna be horrible.
204
00:09:02,041 --> 00:09:03,376
Oh, I'm sorry.
205
00:09:03,376 --> 00:09:04,793
Oh, what was I lookin' for?
206
00:09:04,793 --> 00:09:07,087
Oh, yeah, a way to screw you.
207
00:09:07,087 --> 00:09:08,797
[laughs]
208
00:09:08,797 --> 00:09:10,257
- Hey, Drew.
- Oh.
209
00:09:10,257 --> 00:09:12,008
Hi, Stan, listen,
uh, have a seat
210
00:09:12,008 --> 00:09:13,760
I just gotta have to tell
somebody to wait in the lobby.
211
00:09:13,760 --> 00:09:16,597
Take your time, I was just
smokin' in the lounge anyway.
212
00:09:16,597 --> 00:09:19,267
Yeah, I know,
it's against the rules.
213
00:09:19,267 --> 00:09:20,935
Hey, my formula works.
214
00:09:20,935 --> 00:09:22,812
- Hey, Drew.
- Hey, Trent.
215
00:09:22,812 --> 00:09:24,271
There's my Lisa's fiancé.
What are you doin' up here?
216
00:09:24,271 --> 00:09:26,606
Well, Mimi said
you wanted to see me.
217
00:09:26,606 --> 00:09:28,859
Mimi...
218
00:09:28,859 --> 00:09:30,736
- Oh.
- Hey, listen, by the way...
219
00:09:30,736 --> 00:09:32,488
Thank you for the wedding gift.
220
00:09:32,488 --> 00:09:34,949
For an ex-boyfriend,
you are really cool.
221
00:09:34,949 --> 00:09:37,784
Oh, hey, Stan. What, uh,
Drew called you up here, too?
222
00:09:37,784 --> 00:09:39,578
- Huh?
- Uh-huh.
223
00:09:39,578 --> 00:09:42,290
Are we employees of the month?
224
00:09:44,166 --> 00:09:46,960
Actually, Trent,
I called you up here
225
00:09:46,960 --> 00:09:49,546
to tell you
what a great job you're doin'.
226
00:09:49,546 --> 00:09:52,049
- Oh. Oh, cool.
- Keep up the good work.
227
00:09:52,049 --> 00:09:54,718
I'd like to, uh, stick around
and chat, but, um
228
00:09:54,718 --> 00:09:57,096
I think I might have left
my register open.
229
00:09:57,096 --> 00:09:59,139
Hey, while you're down here,
would you close mine, too?
230
00:09:59,139 --> 00:10:00,640
Yeah, sure, Stan.
See you later, Drew.
231
00:10:00,640 --> 00:10:02,559
(Stan)
'Thanks.'
232
00:10:02,559 --> 00:10:04,394
Oh, man.
233
00:10:04,394 --> 00:10:08,106
So, Stan, bet you're wonderin'
why I called you up here.
234
00:10:08,106 --> 00:10:11,902
Alright, I know a guy
who can get you some stuff.
235
00:10:11,902 --> 00:10:13,696
But you gotta pay up front.
236
00:10:15,113 --> 00:10:16,532
First, let me thank you
for making
237
00:10:16,532 --> 00:10:19,368
this moment so much easier.
238
00:10:19,368 --> 00:10:21,703
Secondly, how'd you like to stay
home and smoke all day long?
239
00:10:21,703 --> 00:10:23,789
Oh, man, I would love that.
240
00:10:23,789 --> 00:10:25,749
- Well, Merry Christmas.
- Thanks.
241
00:10:25,749 --> 00:10:27,918
[instrumental music]
242
00:10:29,795 --> 00:10:31,130
Merry Christmas.
Merry Christmas.
243
00:10:31,130 --> 00:10:32,840
Merry Christmas.
244
00:10:32,840 --> 00:10:34,549
Look, Santa,
we're bringin' the kids
245
00:10:34,549 --> 00:10:36,385
in and out as fast as we can.
246
00:10:36,385 --> 00:10:39,471
You kick me in the ass
one more time and I quit.
247
00:10:39,471 --> 00:10:41,349
Yeah, and stop calling me
the dumb one.
248
00:10:41,349 --> 00:10:44,351
The dumb one has a name,
it's Oswald.
249
00:10:44,351 --> 00:10:48,605
Hey, look, for 11 months out of
the year, I'm just a fat old man
250
00:10:48,605 --> 00:10:51,441
but for one month I'm king.
This is my time.
251
00:10:51,441 --> 00:10:55,946
Now bring in another kid.
And this time, no weapons.
252
00:10:55,946 --> 00:10:58,074
Next kid that cuts the cheese
on Santa gets five bucks.
253
00:10:58,074 --> 00:10:59,450
Pass it on.
254
00:10:59,450 --> 00:11:02,036
Hey, elfie, right here.
255
00:11:02,036 --> 00:11:04,287
Uh, hey, don't take
a picture of me doing that.
256
00:11:04,287 --> 00:11:06,081
I can lose my job, you nimrod.
257
00:11:06,081 --> 00:11:07,916
- Gimme, gimme, gimme that.
- No, no. This is over.
258
00:11:07,916 --> 00:11:10,502
Now I got proof here
that Santa's a jackass.
259
00:11:10,502 --> 00:11:13,672
Okay, come on, guys...
Danger, here's danger.
260
00:11:13,672 --> 00:11:16,008
Look, Santa's nose
looks like a road map.
261
00:11:16,008 --> 00:11:18,427
Look at that. Ah? Look at--
262
00:11:18,427 --> 00:11:20,304
Break it up, break it up.
263
00:11:20,304 --> 00:11:22,848
Geez, I didn't know Santa's
village needed a bouncer.
264
00:11:22,848 --> 00:11:25,184
- Hey, Drew.
- Hey. Oh, Lisa.
265
00:11:25,184 --> 00:11:27,061
- Am I glad to see you.
- Come on, we need to talk.
266
00:11:27,061 --> 00:11:29,396
Okay, but first
let me thank you.
267
00:11:29,396 --> 00:11:31,857
Trent said you told him
what a great job he's doing.
268
00:11:31,857 --> 00:11:33,525
You didn't have to do that.
269
00:11:33,525 --> 00:11:36,903
You know, the one thing you
never fail to do is surprise me.
270
00:11:36,903 --> 00:11:39,656
Well, here we go again.
271
00:11:39,656 --> 00:11:41,408
I called him up to fire him.
272
00:11:41,408 --> 00:11:43,702
- What?
- Hold on, let me explain.
273
00:11:43,702 --> 00:11:46,288
See, I came up with
this totally objective formula
274
00:11:46,288 --> 00:11:48,165
to determine which employees
deserve to be fired.
275
00:11:48,165 --> 00:11:50,083
Oh, sure,
and somehow coincidentally
276
00:11:50,083 --> 00:11:52,294
it pointed to the man
that I'm going to marry?
277
00:11:52,294 --> 00:11:54,129
No, the coincidence is
you're about to marry
278
00:11:54,129 --> 00:11:56,506
one of the two guys
who sucks at his job.
279
00:11:56,506 --> 00:11:57,800
You're jealous!
280
00:11:57,800 --> 00:11:59,551
- I am not.
- Alright, fine.
281
00:11:59,551 --> 00:12:02,345
If you're not jealous,
then sit down with him
282
00:12:02,345 --> 00:12:04,848
and tell him what he needs to do
to save this job.
283
00:12:04,848 --> 00:12:07,393
Okay, I'll talk to him,
but this is not about jealousy.
284
00:12:07,393 --> 00:12:08,643
You know, I haven't exactly
been sittin' at home
285
00:12:08,643 --> 00:12:09,895
since we broke up.
286
00:12:09,895 --> 00:12:11,438
I got dumped by a married woman.
287
00:12:11,438 --> 00:12:13,190
I had a couple
of uncomfortable dates.
288
00:12:13,190 --> 00:12:15,609
And there are several very
attractive women who in a moment
289
00:12:15,609 --> 00:12:17,610
of weakness or after
just the right number of drinks
290
00:12:17,610 --> 00:12:19,321
might possibly consider
goin' out with me.
291
00:12:19,321 --> 00:12:22,032
So don't you feel sorry
for Drew Carey.
292
00:12:22,032 --> 00:12:24,034
Drew, uh, I need
some petty cash for Santa.
293
00:12:24,034 --> 00:12:26,245
He wants a-a bucket of chicken,
a carton of smokes
294
00:12:26,245 --> 00:12:28,456
and some medicine
from Al's Liquor.
295
00:12:29,915 --> 00:12:31,583
I'm not buying Santa booze.
296
00:12:31,583 --> 00:12:33,627
Oh, come on, Drew,
you can fire him tomorrow.
297
00:12:33,627 --> 00:12:35,462
Right now
the guy is in a bad way.
298
00:12:35,462 --> 00:12:38,424
Santa's startin' to leave Las
Vegas, if you know what I mean.
299
00:12:41,510 --> 00:12:44,637
Alright, buy him a small bottle
of peppermint schnapps.
300
00:12:44,637 --> 00:12:46,223
His breath will smell like
he's been eating candy canes.
301
00:12:46,223 --> 00:12:48,350
Well, I hope you're planning
on bathing him in it, too
302
00:12:48,350 --> 00:12:50,936
'cause his breath
is just a tip of the iceberg.
303
00:12:50,936 --> 00:12:53,939
[instrumental music]
304
00:12:56,108 --> 00:12:58,318
- Hey, Kate.
- Uh, hi!
305
00:12:58,318 --> 00:12:59,570
Wait!
306
00:13:01,321 --> 00:13:04,032
You know, we haven't had
much time to talk
307
00:13:04,032 --> 00:13:05,576
you know, woman to woman.
308
00:13:05,576 --> 00:13:08,620
I time my breaks that way.
309
00:13:08,620 --> 00:13:11,540
Well, maybe I deserve that,
but I don't have that many
310
00:13:11,540 --> 00:13:15,627
women friends, so if you could
just grow up and kind of
311
00:13:15,627 --> 00:13:17,630
put some of the things I've said
about you aside...
312
00:13:17,630 --> 00:13:20,632
- I need some advice.
- What's up?
313
00:13:20,632 --> 00:13:23,426
Well, you know how men are
naturally attracted to me.
314
00:13:23,426 --> 00:13:25,137
- Yeah.
- Well...
315
00:13:25,137 --> 00:13:28,432
[sighs]
There's this one guy
who's havin' a hard time
316
00:13:28,432 --> 00:13:31,101
workin' up the nerve to tell me.
317
00:13:31,101 --> 00:13:32,519
- Who is it?
- Oh.
318
00:13:32,519 --> 00:13:36,440
Like I'm gonna tell you,
Ms. Easy Pants Romance.
319
00:13:36,440 --> 00:13:39,902
- Alright.
- Sorry. Sorry, sorry.
320
00:13:39,902 --> 00:13:43,322
If you could just, you know,
put that aside, too.
321
00:13:44,572 --> 00:13:47,243
Fine. Well, uh...
322
00:13:47,243 --> 00:13:49,494
There's nothing wrong with
a woman making the first move.
323
00:13:49,494 --> 00:13:51,163
Tell him
you're not into playing games.
324
00:13:51,163 --> 00:13:54,875
It's just, "I like you and I
wanna go out. What do you say?"
325
00:13:54,875 --> 00:13:56,668
[scoffs]
Well, that was worth it.
326
00:13:56,668 --> 00:13:59,004
I was lookin' for a spell
or a trick.
327
00:13:59,004 --> 00:14:00,881
Okay. Never mind.
328
00:14:05,469 --> 00:14:08,638
So, Mr. Wick,
I need to ask you something.
329
00:14:08,638 --> 00:14:10,808
I need to ask you something.
330
00:14:10,808 --> 00:14:13,560
[clears throat]
I-it's about
the, the Christmas party.
331
00:14:13,560 --> 00:14:16,146
Ah, as you know,
I-I'm somewhat shy.
332
00:14:16,146 --> 00:14:20,025
Well, you know what they say
about the shy ones.
333
00:14:20,025 --> 00:14:21,568
No. What do they say?
334
00:14:21,568 --> 00:14:23,487
[indistinct whispering]
335
00:14:23,487 --> 00:14:25,530
Good Lord, Bobeck.
336
00:14:25,530 --> 00:14:28,075
You've got a mouth that would
make a streetwalker blush.
337
00:14:29,368 --> 00:14:30,660
Speaking of streetwalker
blush, that's
338
00:14:30,660 --> 00:14:33,288
a very provocative color
you've chosen.
339
00:14:33,288 --> 00:14:37,877
Oh, well, it looks even nicer
in the morning.
340
00:14:40,295 --> 00:14:42,505
Let me get to the point, Mimi.
341
00:14:42,505 --> 00:14:45,341
There are quite a few ladies
that I'd like to ask out
342
00:14:45,341 --> 00:14:48,178
but I've, I've never been
very good at it.
343
00:14:48,178 --> 00:14:52,016
So, um,
so here's a list of 25 ladies
344
00:14:52,016 --> 00:14:53,976
I-I'm too shy to call.
345
00:14:56,520 --> 00:14:58,147
You, you want me
to call these women
346
00:14:58,147 --> 00:15:00,816
and invite them
to the Christmas party for you?
347
00:15:02,651 --> 00:15:06,529
Oh. Well, boy,
that's a lot to ask.
348
00:15:06,529 --> 00:15:10,868
But you're a nice guy,
so, sure, I'll do it.
349
00:15:12,119 --> 00:15:13,953
You're a good soldier.
350
00:15:13,953 --> 00:15:15,205
Carry on.
351
00:15:18,000 --> 00:15:19,251
[scoffs]
352
00:15:24,756 --> 00:15:27,425
Oh, hi. Is this Tania?
353
00:15:27,425 --> 00:15:29,928
Oh, I'm calling
for Mr. Nigel Wick.
354
00:15:29,928 --> 00:15:33,307
Have you been itchin'
in any sensitive areas lately?
355
00:15:35,100 --> 00:15:38,103
No? Oh, well,
that's all he wanted to know.
356
00:15:38,103 --> 00:15:40,230
Good luck. Bye-bye.
357
00:15:42,524 --> 00:15:43,901
Hey, Drew.
358
00:15:43,901 --> 00:15:46,361
Oh, man,
I feel so bad about Stan.
359
00:15:46,361 --> 00:15:49,156
Here I was, gloating,
and he's about to get the axe.
360
00:15:49,156 --> 00:15:52,200
[chuckles]
Well, they never see it coming,
do they?
361
00:15:52,200 --> 00:15:53,326
- Hm.
- 'Heh-heh.'
362
00:15:53,326 --> 00:15:56,162
So, what's up?
363
00:15:56,162 --> 00:15:57,790
I gotta tell you, Trent,
you're not doin' so well.
364
00:15:57,790 --> 00:15:59,166
Well, w-what do you mean?
365
00:15:59,166 --> 00:16:00,876
Yesterday you said
I was doing terrific.
366
00:16:00,876 --> 00:16:03,337
Yeah, but I reassessed
a few things, the absences
367
00:16:03,337 --> 00:16:04,921
the lateness,
leaving your counter
368
00:16:04,921 --> 00:16:07,299
to look at an accident outside.
369
00:16:07,299 --> 00:16:09,592
I know, I know I've been
slackin' off a little lately
370
00:16:09,592 --> 00:16:13,388
but, you know, Drew,
this isn't exactly my dream job.
371
00:16:13,388 --> 00:16:15,891
Well, maybe that's your problem.
I mean, look at your resume.
372
00:16:15,891 --> 00:16:18,727
All in one year, a paralegal,
a gardener, ice sculptor
373
00:16:18,727 --> 00:16:22,272
acupuncturist, career counselor?
374
00:16:22,272 --> 00:16:24,024
You know things have
a better chance of workin' out
375
00:16:24,024 --> 00:16:26,610
if you just decide what you want
before you make a commitment.
376
00:16:26,610 --> 00:16:28,945
You know, you need stability.
You're about to get married.
377
00:16:28,945 --> 00:16:30,739
Yeah, and I'm rushing
into that, too.
378
00:16:30,739 --> 00:16:32,908
[chuckles]
379
00:16:32,908 --> 00:16:35,953
Oh, God!
Oh, God, Drew, you're right.
380
00:16:35,953 --> 00:16:37,996
I'm making the same mistake
I always make.
381
00:16:37,996 --> 00:16:40,332
What? Oh, no, no, no. See,
I was just talking about work.
382
00:16:40,332 --> 00:16:41,708
In your private life,
you should just be
383
00:16:41,708 --> 00:16:43,126
as reckless as you wanna be.
384
00:16:43,126 --> 00:16:44,502
No, no, no, Drew, you're
385
00:16:44,502 --> 00:16:46,088
you're on to somethin' here.
Hey, you know...
386
00:16:46,088 --> 00:16:48,131
I took one of those
aptitude tests once.
387
00:16:48,131 --> 00:16:50,300
It said I should travel.
And what am I doin'?
388
00:16:50,300 --> 00:16:52,886
I'm stuck in a do-nothing job,
about to get married.
389
00:16:52,886 --> 00:16:55,179
Drew, the thing said
I had potential.
390
00:16:55,179 --> 00:16:57,265
Oh, potential isn't good, that's
what they tell high-school kids
391
00:16:57,265 --> 00:16:59,226
to make them work harder when
they're really just dummies.
392
00:16:59,226 --> 00:17:01,478
Forget them.
You are gettin' married.
393
00:17:01,478 --> 00:17:03,063
- I can't do this, Drew.
- Sure you can.
394
00:17:03,063 --> 00:17:05,232
What are you worried about?
You have a job here.
395
00:17:05,232 --> 00:17:07,693
Let me make it easy for ya.
I quit.
396
00:17:10,028 --> 00:17:11,113
Oh.
397
00:17:14,241 --> 00:17:16,577
Yeah, this is Drew Carey.
Could I talk to Lisa, please?
398
00:17:16,577 --> 00:17:18,703
She's in
the bridal department? Oh.
399
00:17:18,703 --> 00:17:22,040
Well, at least she hasn't made
out her invitations yet. Oh.
400
00:17:22,040 --> 00:17:24,960
Well, at least she hasn't put
a deposit on her wedding dress.
401
00:17:24,960 --> 00:17:26,086
What?
402
00:17:26,961 --> 00:17:27,963
[receiver slams]
403
00:17:30,340 --> 00:17:32,593
It's not my fault.
404
00:17:32,593 --> 00:17:36,054
Oh, my God, you look beautiful!
405
00:17:36,054 --> 00:17:38,848
Thanks. What's not your fault?
406
00:17:38,848 --> 00:17:41,393
That you're the sweetest,
most understanding
407
00:17:41,393 --> 00:17:43,979
forgiving person
in the whole wide world.
408
00:17:43,979 --> 00:17:46,731
Oh, my God, you did it!
You fired him!
409
00:17:46,731 --> 00:17:48,525
Drew, do you know
how bad this is gonna look
410
00:17:48,525 --> 00:17:51,361
you getting beaten up by a bride
in the middle of the store?
411
00:17:51,361 --> 00:17:53,405
I didn't fire him. If you're
gonna hit anybody, hit Trent.
412
00:17:53,405 --> 00:17:55,032
He's the one who's backing out
of marrying ya.
413
00:17:55,032 --> 00:17:56,449
- What?
- Hey.
414
00:17:56,449 --> 00:17:57,534
Better now than at the altar.
415
00:17:57,534 --> 00:17:59,620
What the hell did you say to
him?
416
00:17:59,620 --> 00:18:02,163
Nothin'. We were just talkin'
about how he rushes into things.
417
00:18:02,163 --> 00:18:04,374
Then all of a sudden he decided
he didn't wanna get married.
418
00:18:04,374 --> 00:18:07,419
You are jealous. You just
can't let me go, can you?
419
00:18:07,419 --> 00:18:09,629
Oh, you should talk, you're the
one that's havin' a hard time
420
00:18:09,629 --> 00:18:12,174
gettin' over me, rush into
a marriage you're not ready for
421
00:18:12,174 --> 00:18:14,217
and to a guy
who doesn't even have a job.
422
00:18:14,217 --> 00:18:17,554
[gasps]
What do you mean
he doesn't even have a job?
423
00:18:17,554 --> 00:18:19,222
Oh, yeah, there's somethin' else
I forgot to tell you.
424
00:18:19,222 --> 00:18:21,517
- He quit.
- Alright, I've heard enough.
425
00:18:21,517 --> 00:18:25,062
Let's go. Where do you want it,
face or stomach?
426
00:18:25,062 --> 00:18:26,396
Drew, I have to talk to you.
427
00:18:26,396 --> 00:18:28,940
- Hi.
- Not now.
428
00:18:28,940 --> 00:18:31,859
- Drew, Santa's dead.
- Huh!
429
00:18:31,859 --> 00:18:35,280
[gasps]
Oh, my God, our store Santa?
430
00:18:35,280 --> 00:18:36,614
- 'Yeah'
- What happened? Where is he?
431
00:18:36,614 --> 00:18:37,783
Oh, he's still on the throne.
432
00:18:37,783 --> 00:18:38,867
We put the ropes around him
433
00:18:38,867 --> 00:18:40,786
so the kids can't get in.
434
00:18:40,786 --> 00:18:43,413
We told them Santa's havin'
a little nap with his eyes open
435
00:18:43,413 --> 00:18:45,082
'cause he's always watchin' you.
436
00:18:46,916 --> 00:18:48,460
What are you doing?
Who's watching Santa?
437
00:18:48,460 --> 00:18:50,378
Don't worry, I found a way
to distract the kids.
438
00:18:50,378 --> 00:18:54,090
- Hi.
- W-what-what are they doing?
439
00:18:54,090 --> 00:18:56,802
They're having
a staring contest with Santa.
440
00:18:56,802 --> 00:18:59,805
[instrumental music]
441
00:19:02,515 --> 00:19:04,017
- Hey, guys.
- Hey!
442
00:19:04,017 --> 00:19:06,102
Oh, my, God. I heard
what happened to you guys.
443
00:19:06,102 --> 00:19:07,979
Poor Santa!
444
00:19:07,979 --> 00:19:10,774
And I can't believe
his last words were
445
00:19:10,774 --> 00:19:12,400
"And to all, a good night."
446
00:19:12,400 --> 00:19:14,527
Well, actually, that's just
what we told the kids.
447
00:19:14,527 --> 00:19:18,448
His real last words were,
"I'll see you in hell, Oswald."
448
00:19:21,076 --> 00:19:22,535
Maybe there's a message here.
449
00:19:22,535 --> 00:19:24,037
You shouldn't be
mean and abusive
450
00:19:24,037 --> 00:19:26,080
especially at Christmas time.
451
00:19:26,080 --> 00:19:27,957
Or maybe you shouldn't eat just
pork and cheese and wash it down
452
00:19:27,957 --> 00:19:30,001
with a pack of smokes
and a quart full of gin.
453
00:19:30,001 --> 00:19:31,170
(Kate)
'Yeah.'
454
00:19:33,630 --> 00:19:35,256
But I still hold to my theory
that you can eat anything
455
00:19:35,256 --> 00:19:37,342
you want as long
as you just walk a little.
456
00:19:37,342 --> 00:19:39,052
[doorbell rings]
457
00:19:39,052 --> 00:19:41,763
Coming! Ahem.
458
00:19:41,763 --> 00:19:43,973
Hey, I'm walkin' to the door.
Now I can have more chips.
459
00:19:43,973 --> 00:19:45,433
[clears throat]
460
00:19:45,433 --> 00:19:47,144
[door opens]
461
00:19:47,144 --> 00:19:49,771
- Lisa?
- Hi, Drew.
462
00:19:49,771 --> 00:19:50,814
So where were we?
463
00:19:50,814 --> 00:19:52,315
I just, uh, ruined
464
00:19:52,315 --> 00:19:54,484
your marriage and your life.
465
00:19:54,484 --> 00:19:56,444
So, okay, stomach, I guess.
466
00:19:56,444 --> 00:19:58,614
[laughs]
I'm not gonna hit you.
467
00:19:58,614 --> 00:20:02,367
I'm not mad. Trent told me
it wasn't your fault.
468
00:20:02,367 --> 00:20:04,285
Oh, God, am I glad
to hear you say that.
469
00:20:04,285 --> 00:20:06,371
You know, I don't wanna
say anything, but, you know
470
00:20:06,371 --> 00:20:08,831
jumping from job to job,
aimlessly walking through life
471
00:20:08,831 --> 00:20:10,959
frankly,
I think he's kind of flaky.
472
00:20:10,959 --> 00:20:13,878
And let's face it,
he's no Einstein. So...
473
00:20:13,878 --> 00:20:16,590
Drew, he's in the car.
We're eloping.
474
00:20:18,216 --> 00:20:21,011
Oh? Okay.
Stomach again, I guess.
475
00:20:22,553 --> 00:20:24,430
Look, he said
it wasn't your fault
476
00:20:24,430 --> 00:20:27,517
and he just freaked out a
little, but-but now we're okay.
477
00:20:27,517 --> 00:20:29,936
Oh, then that's great.
Let me go congratulate him.
478
00:20:29,936 --> 00:20:32,022
No, no, no. Stay right here.
479
00:20:32,022 --> 00:20:33,981
Right. So where are you goin'?
480
00:20:33,981 --> 00:20:36,151
We're gonna drive up to Niagara,
get married
481
00:20:36,151 --> 00:20:38,987
and then, uh, take
a driving trip across Canada.
482
00:20:38,987 --> 00:20:40,697
And then Trent's gonna take
some time off to decide
483
00:20:40,697 --> 00:20:43,366
what he wants to do
for a career.
484
00:20:43,366 --> 00:20:44,409
Oh, man, well...
485
00:20:44,409 --> 00:20:45,827
[car honking]
486
00:20:45,827 --> 00:20:49,039
That's great.
I'm really happy for you.
487
00:20:49,039 --> 00:20:50,332
Thanks.
488
00:20:53,084 --> 00:20:55,545
I should get going.
489
00:20:55,545 --> 00:20:57,714
Oh, wait, I didn't even get you
a wedding present.
490
00:20:57,714 --> 00:21:00,216
Um, here.
491
00:21:00,216 --> 00:21:03,262
Why don't you take these?
It's cold up there.
492
00:21:04,846 --> 00:21:06,556
I'm gonna miss you.
493
00:21:06,556 --> 00:21:08,433
What?
494
00:21:08,433 --> 00:21:10,060
Hold on, wait a second.
495
00:21:10,060 --> 00:21:12,938
If you don't want your naked
pictures back say, "Huh."
496
00:21:12,938 --> 00:21:14,064
Huh?
497
00:21:18,068 --> 00:21:20,487
Just kidding.
Take care of yourself.
498
00:21:20,487 --> 00:21:21,029
[car honking]
499
00:21:21,029 --> 00:21:22,919
♪ I know ♪
♪ I know ♪
500
00:21:22,989 --> 00:21:25,924
♪ That you're going
with another guy ♪
501
00:21:27,409 --> 00:21:29,120
♪ I don't care ♪
♪ Don't care ♪
502
00:21:29,190 --> 00:21:33,009
♪ Cause I love
you baby that's no lie ♪
503
00:21:34,209 --> 00:21:35,930
♪ I love you more than I did ♪
504
00:21:36,000 --> 00:21:37,677
♪ When you were mine ♪
505
00:21:37,800 --> 00:21:40,970
[instrumental music]
506
00:21:45,094 --> 00:21:47,597
Hey, Lewis, check it out.
507
00:21:47,597 --> 00:21:49,724
Hey, they're cute.
508
00:21:49,724 --> 00:21:52,685
(Lewis)
Uh-huh. They're looking at us.
509
00:21:52,685 --> 00:21:55,522
Uh...
510
00:21:55,522 --> 00:21:59,025
(Oswald)
Uh, Lewis, I think I know
what they're staring at.
511
00:21:59,025 --> 00:22:00,192
What?
512
00:22:00,192 --> 00:22:01,695
You got
a piece of popcorn, like a...
513
00:22:01,695 --> 00:22:03,154
- Right here? Right here?
- Yeah?
514
00:22:03,154 --> 00:22:04,406
- Yeah.
- Thanks.
515
00:22:04,406 --> 00:22:06,450
- Ready?
- Uh...
516
00:22:10,161 --> 00:22:11,204
[instrumental music]
517
00:22:12,288 --> 00:22:14,875
[instrumental music]
37571
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