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1
00:00:00,791 --> 00:00:02,377
[instrumental music]
2
00:00:04,003 --> 00:00:05,630
Good evening, ladies.
3
00:00:05,630 --> 00:00:08,091
Would you like to try
Cleveland's own Buzz Beer?
4
00:00:08,091 --> 00:00:09,384
See what we've done
is combined your two
5
00:00:09,384 --> 00:00:11,927
favorite beverages
beer and coffee.
6
00:00:11,927 --> 00:00:15,097
Now you can stay up
and get drunk all over again.
7
00:00:15,097 --> 00:00:17,099
Hey, did you guys
really make this yourself?
8
00:00:17,099 --> 00:00:18,977
Yeah, we brewed it
in Drew's garage.
9
00:00:18,977 --> 00:00:21,270
Oh, it's great and I like
the way you put the worm in.
10
00:00:21,270 --> 00:00:22,772
Just like tequila.
11
00:00:24,107 --> 00:00:26,025
Yeah. Here you get a free one.
12
00:00:26,025 --> 00:00:28,652
Oh?
13
00:00:28,652 --> 00:00:29,654
We got a big problem.
We screwed up.
14
00:00:29,654 --> 00:00:30,654
What?
15
00:00:30,654 --> 00:00:31,698
Tim doesn't want two
16
00:00:31,698 --> 00:00:32,698
cases in 60 days.
17
00:00:32,698 --> 00:00:34,951
He wants 60 cases in two days.
18
00:00:34,951 --> 00:00:37,537
We can't
bottle 60 cases that fast.
19
00:00:37,537 --> 00:00:40,623
I don't think we could
even drink 60 cases that fast.
20
00:00:40,623 --> 00:00:42,750
Oh, yeah? Remember DWI Fridays.
21
00:00:42,750 --> 00:00:44,460
[laughing]
22
00:00:44,460 --> 00:00:46,128
Wait a minute.
23
00:00:46,128 --> 00:00:47,796
We got to keep this from Drew.
24
00:00:47,796 --> 00:00:49,882
And from now on we're gonna
start writing this stuff down.
25
00:00:49,882 --> 00:00:51,425
Make a note of that.
26
00:00:51,425 --> 00:00:54,137
- Ah! I'll remember it.
- Okay.
27
00:00:54,137 --> 00:00:55,513
Okay, everybody shut up.
28
00:00:55,513 --> 00:00:56,639
Tim. Tim.
29
00:00:56,639 --> 00:00:58,432
Hey, did I get any phone calls?
30
00:00:58,432 --> 00:01:00,309
Okay, listen, I'm expecting
a very important call.
31
00:01:00,309 --> 00:01:02,270
I'll be talking to you at
the bar for the next few seconds
32
00:01:02,270 --> 00:01:03,771
then I'll be walking over
to that table over there.
33
00:01:03,771 --> 00:01:05,189
I'm not familiar with
your numbering system
34
00:01:05,189 --> 00:01:07,441
but let's call it table five.
35
00:01:07,441 --> 00:01:08,651
Uh, four.
36
00:01:08,651 --> 00:01:10,278
Okay, five.
37
00:01:10,278 --> 00:01:11,445
Drew, calm down.
38
00:01:11,445 --> 00:01:12,446
I'm okay.
39
00:01:12,446 --> 00:01:13,781
[phone ringing]
40
00:01:13,781 --> 00:01:14,824
Get away from that.
Don't touch it.
41
00:01:14,824 --> 00:01:16,034
Ah! Ah! Ah!
42
00:01:19,537 --> 00:01:21,664
This is Drew Carey.
43
00:01:21,664 --> 00:01:23,332
This is Oswald,
I'm calling to say
44
00:01:23,332 --> 00:01:25,959
you're making a real
jackass out of yourself.
45
00:01:25,959 --> 00:01:27,920
Hey! You're tying up
both the lines.
46
00:01:27,920 --> 00:01:30,006
I'm waiting to
hear about the job interview.
47
00:01:30,006 --> 00:01:31,632
I think they decided
right after you gave them
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00:01:31,632 --> 00:01:34,176
a bar as a home number.
49
00:01:34,176 --> 00:01:35,886
I'm on call forwarding, okay?
50
00:01:35,886 --> 00:01:37,472
I was goin' nuts
sittin' around the house.
51
00:01:37,472 --> 00:01:39,015
I didn't know you
were looking for another job.
52
00:01:39,015 --> 00:01:41,016
That means you'll have two jobs.
53
00:01:41,016 --> 00:01:43,937
Wow! You could
co-sign for a lot of stuff.
54
00:01:45,271 --> 00:01:46,355
Look, I don't want two jobs.
55
00:01:46,355 --> 00:01:48,691
I just want one good job.
56
00:01:48,691 --> 00:01:50,360
But there's no guarantee
that Winfred-Lauder's
57
00:01:50,360 --> 00:01:51,694
gonna promote
me to store manager.
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00:01:51,694 --> 00:01:54,363
So, I'm covering all my bases.
59
00:01:54,363 --> 00:01:57,950
I applied
at... Saks Fifth Avenue.
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00:01:57,950 --> 00:01:59,827
(all)
Ooh!
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00:01:59,827 --> 00:02:02,246
Mister Snooty Pants.
62
00:02:02,246 --> 00:02:06,334
Mister No Shoes
No Shirt No Service.
63
00:02:06,334 --> 00:02:08,211
Drew, do you really
want to work there?
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00:02:08,211 --> 00:02:12,173
With all those rich people and
their big cars and their suntans
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00:02:12,173 --> 00:02:14,633
throwing away
money like there's no tomorrow.
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00:02:14,633 --> 00:02:17,345
Take me to heaven,
big boy. I wanna go with.
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00:02:17,345 --> 00:02:19,055
Oh, God.
I don't have the job yet.
68
00:02:19,055 --> 00:02:21,015
I don't know why I'm getting
my hopes up. Give me that.
69
00:02:21,015 --> 00:02:22,058
(Oswald)
Uh, Drew,
you don't want to drink that.
70
00:02:22,058 --> 00:02:23,309
That's a bottle with a w...
71
00:02:23,309 --> 00:02:24,435
Leave him be.
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He's got enough on his mind.
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00:02:26,729 --> 00:02:28,731
Maybe I just have to learn to
accept my place in the universe.
74
00:02:28,731 --> 00:02:30,650
I'm the guy
who always gets screwed.
75
00:02:30,650 --> 00:02:32,026
(Lewis)
'No.'
76
00:02:32,026 --> 00:02:33,069
What?
77
00:02:34,653 --> 00:02:37,322
Great! Now I got worms.
78
00:02:37,322 --> 00:02:39,575
Come on, Drew, a lot of good
things have happened to you.
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00:02:39,575 --> 00:02:41,160
Hey, remember that movie
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00:02:41,160 --> 00:02:42,787
"It's A Wonderful Life"
with Jimmy Stewart?
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00:02:42,787 --> 00:02:44,122
Yeah.
82
00:02:44,122 --> 00:02:45,247
(Lewis)
Well?
83
00:02:45,247 --> 00:02:47,708
You got to see that.
84
00:02:47,708 --> 00:02:50,794
Yeah and your girlfriend's
gonna be moving in with you
85
00:02:50,794 --> 00:02:52,588
which allowed
your friend Lewis to win
86
00:02:52,588 --> 00:02:55,632
"The no way in hell"
pool at the bar here.
87
00:02:55,632 --> 00:02:57,760
Telephone call for Mr. Carey.
88
00:02:57,760 --> 00:03:00,429
[whispering]
It's Saks Fifth Avenue.
89
00:03:00,429 --> 00:03:02,390
Is this it?
90
00:03:02,390 --> 00:03:04,433
Is this my big chance?
91
00:03:04,433 --> 00:03:06,936
Do I finally get to
take off the bridesmaid dress
92
00:03:06,936 --> 00:03:10,105
and put on the bridal gown?
93
00:03:10,105 --> 00:03:13,443
Yeah and the three of us can
carry you over the threshold.
94
00:03:13,443 --> 00:03:14,944
'Cause you're so fat.
95
00:03:14,944 --> 00:03:15,945
[all laughing]
96
00:03:19,865 --> 00:03:21,284
Hello?
97
00:03:21,284 --> 00:03:23,160
Yeah, this is Drew.
98
00:03:23,160 --> 00:03:25,746
Uh, I did. Uh-huh.
99
00:03:25,746 --> 00:03:28,207
Oh, I'll be down there
first thing in the morning!
100
00:03:28,207 --> 00:03:31,002
No, no, sir.
Thank you very much.
101
00:03:32,003 --> 00:03:33,337
Drew, you got the job?
102
00:03:33,337 --> 00:03:34,922
No, I left
my briefcase over there
103
00:03:34,922 --> 00:03:38,092
but they're
gonna keep me on file.
104
00:03:38,092 --> 00:03:40,762
How many guys
do they say that to?
105
00:03:44,431 --> 00:03:48,144
♪ Moon over Parma
bring my love to me tonight ♪
106
00:03:48,144 --> 00:03:52,189
♪ Guide her to Cleveland
underneath your silvery light ♪
107
00:03:52,189 --> 00:03:54,275
♪ We're going bowlin' ♪
108
00:03:54,275 --> 00:03:56,318
♪ So don't loose her in Solon ♪
109
00:03:56,318 --> 00:03:58,780
♪ Moon over Parma tonight ♪
110
00:04:01,865 --> 00:04:03,033
[instrumental music]
111
00:04:03,033 --> 00:04:04,118
[phone ringing]
112
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Luck, be a lady tonight.
113
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Hello, Drew Carey,
assistant personnel director.
114
00:04:12,251 --> 00:04:15,046
May I help you? No.
115
00:04:15,046 --> 00:04:16,881
We don't
have a new store manager.
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00:04:16,881 --> 00:04:20,676
Let me put you on hold, I'll get
you the acting store manager.
117
00:04:20,676 --> 00:04:22,553
Acting store manager,
can I help you?
118
00:04:22,553 --> 00:04:24,138
What do you
mean that last guy was rude?
119
00:04:24,138 --> 00:04:26,849
Do you mean, rude like
cursing or rude like this?
120
00:04:31,812 --> 00:04:34,190
Hey, baby.
Still handling both jobs?
121
00:04:34,190 --> 00:04:35,566
- Yeah.
- Aw.
122
00:04:35,566 --> 00:04:37,484
It's not great for you,
but it's good for me.
123
00:04:37,484 --> 00:04:40,946
I'm sleeping my way
to the top with just one guy.
124
00:04:40,946 --> 00:04:42,698
Oh, yeah. Hey, let's
not try that again, okay?
125
00:04:42,698 --> 00:04:44,366
My back went out
and I'm still finding jello.
126
00:04:44,366 --> 00:04:46,160
[laughs]
127
00:04:46,160 --> 00:04:48,537
Here's the file you wanted,
temporary store manager
128
00:04:48,537 --> 00:04:51,123
and permanent pig.
129
00:04:51,123 --> 00:04:53,792
You know, Mimi,
the opposite of love isn't hate.
130
00:04:53,792 --> 00:04:55,128
It's disinterest.
131
00:04:55,128 --> 00:04:57,213
Get out of my face, twiggy.
132
00:04:59,548 --> 00:05:01,592
What's the matter?
You got a thorn in your paw?
133
00:05:01,592 --> 00:05:03,094
Come here.
134
00:05:03,094 --> 00:05:05,179
I'm on break. Bite me!
135
00:05:06,430 --> 00:05:08,181
No. As your acting boss
136
00:05:08,181 --> 00:05:10,017
I'd like you
to take some dictation.
137
00:05:10,017 --> 00:05:12,853
Fine. Just keep
your hands to yourself.
138
00:05:12,853 --> 00:05:16,524
I'm not one of those secretaries
and I got pepper spray.
139
00:05:18,526 --> 00:05:20,027
Good, if I feel
the urge to grab you
140
00:05:20,027 --> 00:05:21,738
I'll spray some into my eyes.
141
00:05:24,198 --> 00:05:27,034
For all department heads.
142
00:05:27,034 --> 00:05:28,368
Antidisestablishmentarianism
143
00:05:28,368 --> 00:05:30,246
supercalifragilisticexpialidoci
ous.
144
00:05:31,705 --> 00:05:33,499
And regarding
our sales in Uganda
145
00:05:33,499 --> 00:05:34,625
[clicking tongue]
146
00:05:37,086 --> 00:05:38,545
Just like it sounds. Got it?
147
00:05:38,545 --> 00:05:40,464
- Aah!
- Oh, gee, I'm sorry.
148
00:05:40,464 --> 00:05:43,051
All I got was an F and a U.
149
00:05:47,596 --> 00:05:49,473
You know, I was
gonna say something nice
150
00:05:49,473 --> 00:05:51,183
and now I'm not so sure.
151
00:05:51,183 --> 00:05:52,560
What?
152
00:05:52,560 --> 00:05:54,061
Well, I have to
admit that you haven't
153
00:05:54,061 --> 00:05:56,814
totally sucked
running this dump.
154
00:05:56,814 --> 00:05:59,233
And if those Dutch
jerks that bought the store
155
00:05:59,233 --> 00:06:02,111
had half a brain,
they'd make you the manager.
156
00:06:02,111 --> 00:06:04,113
- Damn right!
- 'Cause you could do this job.
157
00:06:04,113 --> 00:06:05,489
- Yeah.
- You deserve this job.
158
00:06:05,489 --> 00:06:07,825
- Yeah!
- But you didn't get this job.
159
00:06:07,825 --> 00:06:09,410
They hired
some guy from England.
160
00:06:09,410 --> 00:06:10,452
He's on his way up.
161
00:06:10,452 --> 00:06:11,746
[laughs]
162
00:06:11,746 --> 00:06:13,706
What? Oh, no!
163
00:06:13,706 --> 00:06:15,333
[laughs]
164
00:06:15,333 --> 00:06:16,793
I got a new Christmas card.
165
00:06:18,085 --> 00:06:19,295
Oh, hey, Kate
166
00:06:19,295 --> 00:06:21,755
I saw your boyfriend
at the free clinic.
167
00:06:21,755 --> 00:06:23,799
- What?
- Ha ha.
168
00:06:23,799 --> 00:06:25,593
- Freak out!
- Drew?
169
00:06:25,593 --> 00:06:26,719
I can't believe that I got
170
00:06:26,719 --> 00:06:28,428
passed over
for the manager's job.
171
00:06:28,428 --> 00:06:30,264
Boy, that makes me mad.
172
00:06:30,264 --> 00:06:32,349
What do you say we go down
to cosmetics department
173
00:06:32,349 --> 00:06:35,686
and smash a whole bottle
of really expensive perfume?
174
00:06:35,686 --> 00:06:37,522
I don't think that's going
to accomplish anything, Kate.
175
00:06:37,522 --> 00:06:40,691
Huh. It already happened.
Please don't fire me.
176
00:06:40,691 --> 00:06:42,192
It was an accident.
177
00:06:42,192 --> 00:06:44,111
Can you believe that he
gave it to an English guy?
178
00:06:44,111 --> 00:06:45,112
Ooh, look at me.
179
00:06:45,112 --> 00:06:47,365
I'm an English fancy pants.
180
00:06:47,365 --> 00:06:49,575
The way they come
over here and steal our jobs.
181
00:06:49,575 --> 00:06:52,161
Those chunnel-digging,
giant rock counter-building
182
00:06:52,161 --> 00:06:53,787
mad cow-breeding
183
00:06:53,787 --> 00:06:57,375
room temperature
beer-drinking stone heads.
184
00:06:57,375 --> 00:06:58,917
Wouldn't you
look like a big idiot
185
00:06:58,917 --> 00:07:01,170
if I was standing
right behind you?
186
00:07:01,170 --> 00:07:02,421
Only if I turned around.
187
00:07:02,421 --> 00:07:04,548
Which I will not do.
188
00:07:04,548 --> 00:07:08,010
May I have
everyone's attention, please?
189
00:07:08,010 --> 00:07:11,013
I would like to
introduce you all to the man we
190
00:07:11,013 --> 00:07:14,975
your Dutch masters,
have chosen to run this store.
191
00:07:14,975 --> 00:07:16,769
(male #1)
'Mr. Nigel Wick.'
192
00:07:16,769 --> 00:07:21,273
Wick? That won't be too
hard to rhyme in the bathroom.
193
00:07:21,273 --> 00:07:24,735
Welcome aboard, Wick ol' boy!
194
00:07:24,735 --> 00:07:26,445
Yes, yes, thank you.
195
00:07:26,445 --> 00:07:29,489
And now, some of you may have
heard that Cleveland was my last
196
00:07:29,489 --> 00:07:31,325
choice for
an assignment which makes
197
00:07:31,325 --> 00:07:34,119
all of this
just a little awkward.
198
00:07:34,119 --> 00:07:36,205
Oh, you hadn't heard.
Well, now it's awkward.
199
00:07:36,205 --> 00:07:38,082
Anyway, I'll try
not to make you
200
00:07:38,082 --> 00:07:40,584
all pay for
my crushing disappointment.
201
00:07:40,584 --> 00:07:43,254
Carry on, and remember
my door is always open.
202
00:07:46,590 --> 00:07:48,175
Everyone return your tray tables
203
00:07:48,175 --> 00:07:50,385
and seats
to their upright position
204
00:07:50,385 --> 00:07:53,264
as we begin
our gradual descent to hell.
205
00:07:55,307 --> 00:07:58,019
Wow! That's exactly how I
imagined their stewardesses.
206
00:08:00,771 --> 00:08:02,648
[instrumental music]
207
00:08:09,947 --> 00:08:11,531
Carey, we have to talk.
208
00:08:11,531 --> 00:08:13,492
By the way, uh, nice, um, box.
209
00:08:13,492 --> 00:08:14,910
Thank you, sir.
210
00:08:14,910 --> 00:08:16,369
Next week I'm having
shredded newspapers
211
00:08:16,369 --> 00:08:17,997
put on the floor
so I never have to leave.
212
00:08:20,457 --> 00:08:23,168
[taps staff]
213
00:08:23,168 --> 00:08:25,045
Sorry, I'm late, governor.
214
00:08:25,045 --> 00:08:27,882
I was getting petrol
in me lorry.
215
00:08:30,759 --> 00:08:33,763
What you looking at,
Prince of Wales?
216
00:08:38,601 --> 00:08:41,937
Speaking of unbalanced, have
you seen the firm's overheads?
217
00:08:41,937 --> 00:08:44,022
- They're outrageous!
- I'm not taking a cut in pay.
218
00:08:44,022 --> 00:08:45,690
A little defensive,
aren't you, Carey?
219
00:08:45,690 --> 00:08:47,693
- No, you are.
- Wait.
220
00:08:47,693 --> 00:08:49,320
Did I forget to
mention I fully intend
221
00:08:49,320 --> 00:08:51,405
to make you
assistant store manager?
222
00:08:51,405 --> 00:08:53,949
You do? Oh, man! Finally. Ah...
223
00:08:53,949 --> 00:08:57,202
Hey, can
I also be the store duke?
224
00:08:57,202 --> 00:08:59,580
Of course, with
title comes responsibility.
225
00:08:59,580 --> 00:09:02,583
- And land.
- Maybe later.
226
00:09:02,583 --> 00:09:05,544
But first, you have to learn
how to make difficult decisions.
227
00:09:05,544 --> 00:09:07,170
Here's a good one
you've already made.
228
00:09:07,170 --> 00:09:09,548
- Ah, look, there's my name.
- That's right.
229
00:09:09,548 --> 00:09:11,759
You're eliminating
all employee discounts.
230
00:09:11,759 --> 00:09:13,719
- We need the savings.
- Ah! Good for me.
231
00:09:13,719 --> 00:09:16,305
Besides, they shoplift anything
they really want, anyway.
232
00:09:16,305 --> 00:09:19,683
Ah...
Here's another one.
233
00:09:19,683 --> 00:09:22,311
You're cutting down
staff lunches to 45 minutes.
234
00:09:22,311 --> 00:09:24,105
- That's brilliant.
- Oh, I guess if I can eat
235
00:09:24,105 --> 00:09:25,314
two lunches in one hour,
they can eat
236
00:09:25,314 --> 00:09:27,691
one lunch in 45 minutes.
237
00:09:27,691 --> 00:09:29,276
I didn't
think of anything else, did I?
238
00:09:29,276 --> 00:09:30,861
You certainly did.
239
00:09:30,861 --> 00:09:32,738
No more free employee parking.
240
00:09:32,738 --> 00:09:34,114
I wasn't quite sure
about that one
241
00:09:34,114 --> 00:09:36,992
but you
fought hard and convinced me.
242
00:09:36,992 --> 00:09:40,203
Boy, I'm good. And it doesn't
matter where I park 'cause, uh
243
00:09:40,203 --> 00:09:42,164
my car will be out front,
and I'll be locked in the trunk.
244
00:09:42,164 --> 00:09:43,749
I can't do this.
245
00:09:43,749 --> 00:09:45,918
This isn't a popularity contest,
Carey. This is your job.
246
00:09:45,918 --> 00:09:47,544
Yeah, I understand that, sir.
247
00:09:47,544 --> 00:09:49,213
But why can't you just
put your name on the memos?
248
00:09:49,213 --> 00:09:50,881
You want answers?
249
00:09:50,881 --> 00:09:53,133
- Sign this.
- What's this?
250
00:09:53,133 --> 00:09:55,886
It's a request form
for your new desk.
251
00:09:55,886 --> 00:09:57,846
I get a new de...
what's all this other stuff?
252
00:09:57,846 --> 00:09:59,890
Oh, it's all your other
new cost-cutting ideas
253
00:09:59,890 --> 00:10:01,558
and just
some stuff about how we're
254
00:10:01,558 --> 00:10:03,561
no longer providing
milk for the day care center.
255
00:10:03,561 --> 00:10:06,938
Blah, blah, blah, words, really.
256
00:10:06,938 --> 00:10:08,774
So you're saying I can finally
get the promotion I've been
257
00:10:08,774 --> 00:10:11,568
waiting 11 years for,
and a new desk
258
00:10:11,568 --> 00:10:13,778
and all I have to
do is be is the store jerk?
259
00:10:13,778 --> 00:10:15,656
You or whoever signs the memo.
260
00:10:17,449 --> 00:10:19,826
They can bring
milk from home, can't they?
261
00:10:19,826 --> 00:10:21,662
They bring diapers, don't they?
262
00:10:23,663 --> 00:10:26,083
Well, I'll get 19 CDs
for just a penny?
263
00:10:27,543 --> 00:10:29,086
And a football phone, well.
264
00:10:33,048 --> 00:10:35,343
Here, distribute these memos
as soon as possible, would you?
265
00:10:38,178 --> 00:10:40,472
Mimi, I think I just
made the worst decision
266
00:10:40,472 --> 00:10:41,974
I ever made in my whole life.
267
00:10:41,974 --> 00:10:43,225
You want
to hear something worse?
268
00:10:43,225 --> 00:10:45,143
Your car just got hit.
269
00:10:45,143 --> 00:10:46,479
What?
270
00:10:46,479 --> 00:10:50,691
Ha ha ha.
Nine more and I got a calendar.
271
00:10:50,691 --> 00:10:52,777
[instrumental music]
272
00:10:55,612 --> 00:10:57,573
(Oswald)
'Lewis? You're a genius.'
273
00:10:57,573 --> 00:11:00,075
- Oh! I don't know.
- No, really.
274
00:11:00,075 --> 00:11:02,578
You're right up there
with Bill Nye The Science Guy.
275
00:11:02,578 --> 00:11:04,371
Oh...
276
00:11:04,371 --> 00:11:05,830
I thought there was
no way we'd get
277
00:11:05,830 --> 00:11:07,541
all that beer bottled in time.
278
00:11:11,586 --> 00:11:13,756
Hey, kiddies,
you're doing a great job.
279
00:11:13,756 --> 00:11:15,924
Keep pumping out those brewskis.
280
00:11:15,924 --> 00:11:18,177
Hey, you know
if I were paying a Power Ranger
281
00:11:18,177 --> 00:11:19,678
fifty cents
an hour to bottle beer
282
00:11:19,678 --> 00:11:22,222
he'd be working his
little blue butt off right now.
283
00:11:22,222 --> 00:11:24,433
Hey, hey! That's not
how you talk to kids.
284
00:11:24,433 --> 00:11:27,186
- No?
- No! Watch.
285
00:11:27,186 --> 00:11:30,355
Hey, kiddies, we're
Billy and Bobby Beerbottle.
286
00:11:30,355 --> 00:11:32,191
I'm sad because I'm empty.
287
00:11:32,191 --> 00:11:34,443
I wish some kids
would fill us up.
288
00:11:36,528 --> 00:11:37,654
Alright, show's over.
Get back to work.
289
00:11:37,654 --> 00:11:39,823
[bottles clanging]
290
00:11:39,823 --> 00:11:42,409
Hey, Stacy.
Okay, now.
291
00:11:42,409 --> 00:11:45,036
Give this to the Warsaw and back
and remember, if you wipe out
292
00:11:45,036 --> 00:11:48,415
you just bought
yourself a case, okay?
293
00:11:48,415 --> 00:11:50,876
Aw! They are so cute
at that age, aren't they?
294
00:11:50,876 --> 00:11:53,003
- Oh...
- Oh, my God!
295
00:11:53,003 --> 00:11:54,463
(Oswald)
'Oh, Drew, you're home early.'
296
00:11:54,463 --> 00:11:55,547
Oh, my God,
you have the neighborhood
297
00:11:55,547 --> 00:11:56,673
kids working in my garage.
298
00:11:56,673 --> 00:11:58,592
Hey, Timmy!
299
00:11:58,592 --> 00:12:00,928
It's illegal to have
minors working around alcohol.
300
00:12:00,928 --> 00:12:03,514
[scoffs]
Drew, they're bottling it
not drinking it.
301
00:12:03,514 --> 00:12:05,182
Okay, everybody, out.
Come on, let's go.
302
00:12:05,182 --> 00:12:06,600
Here's a dollar.
Don't tell your parents.
303
00:12:06,600 --> 00:12:09,269
Don't tell your parents,
don't tell your parents.
304
00:12:09,269 --> 00:12:10,813
Don't tell
your parents, give me that, ah.
305
00:12:13,064 --> 00:12:14,566
What the hell
were you guys thinking?
306
00:12:14,566 --> 00:12:18,529
I know. It was,
it was stupid, it was wrong.
307
00:12:18,529 --> 00:12:21,740
It was working,
but it was wrong.
308
00:12:21,740 --> 00:12:23,575
We're just trying to get
kids off the street, Drew.
309
00:12:23,575 --> 00:12:26,620
I mean, think of the garage as
a day care center with liquor.
310
00:12:26,620 --> 00:12:28,830
We didn't have a choice.
311
00:12:28,830 --> 00:12:31,291
The Warsaw
wanted 60 cases by tomorrow.
312
00:12:31,291 --> 00:12:33,794
Yeah, it's all
about perception, you know.
313
00:12:33,794 --> 00:12:36,797
Hey, what if we put those
kids in green velvet suits
314
00:12:36,797 --> 00:12:39,383
and little pointy hats
like the Keebler Elves.
315
00:12:39,383 --> 00:12:42,386
[gibberish]
316
00:12:48,142 --> 00:12:50,393
Three unmarried guys in their
30s dressing up little kids
317
00:12:50,393 --> 00:12:51,937
in the garage
where they make liquor.
318
00:12:51,937 --> 00:12:53,314
Yeah, that'd be adorable.
319
00:12:55,524 --> 00:12:56,942
Oh, where's those extra labels?
320
00:12:56,942 --> 00:12:58,152
We could slap them
on these bottles
321
00:12:58,152 --> 00:13:00,279
and get 'em over to the Warsaw.
Huh.
322
00:13:00,279 --> 00:13:01,697
[phone beeps]
323
00:13:01,697 --> 00:13:03,323
(male #2)
'Drew, it's Larry at the store.'
324
00:13:03,323 --> 00:13:06,951
'I got your memos. I'm
about to use them to wipe my...'
325
00:13:06,951 --> 00:13:10,997
(male #3)
'Drew, I got a memo
for ya. Kiss my...'
326
00:13:10,997 --> 00:13:13,208
(female #1)
'Die, die, die..'
327
00:13:13,208 --> 00:13:14,501
[beep]
328
00:13:14,501 --> 00:13:16,920
'Die, die, die..'
329
00:13:16,920 --> 00:13:18,338
[beep]
330
00:13:18,338 --> 00:13:19,507
Trouble at work, Drew?
331
00:13:21,049 --> 00:13:22,760
Nope.
332
00:13:22,760 --> 00:13:24,053
Hey, I caught
a little girl trying
333
00:13:24,053 --> 00:13:26,555
to steal a case of our beer.
334
00:13:26,555 --> 00:13:28,640
She tried to outrun me,
but let's just say
335
00:13:28,640 --> 00:13:29,933
crime doesn't pay.
336
00:13:29,933 --> 00:13:32,602
[bell ringing]
337
00:13:32,602 --> 00:13:34,647
You didn't hurt
her bottling hand, did you?
338
00:13:37,483 --> 00:13:40,069
Hey, Drew, how funny are those
memos you sent out at work?
339
00:13:40,069 --> 00:13:41,737
They're hilarious.
340
00:13:43,447 --> 00:13:44,657
They're real.
341
00:13:44,657 --> 00:13:46,450
- Huh. Lewis?
- Hmm?
342
00:13:46,450 --> 00:13:48,701
- Get me a can opener.
- Why?
343
00:13:48,701 --> 00:13:51,830
'Cause I'm about to open
me up a big can of whoop ass!
344
00:13:51,830 --> 00:13:53,289
(Lewis and Oswald)
Whoa!
345
00:13:53,289 --> 00:13:54,917
They're Wick's ideas,
I just signed them.
346
00:13:54,917 --> 00:13:56,293
I don't even do
that anymore
347
00:13:56,293 --> 00:13:57,836
he's got a rubberstamp
with my signature on it.
348
00:13:57,836 --> 00:13:59,547
You know, this could
cause a lot of damage.
349
00:13:59,547 --> 00:14:00,881
Yeah, he's,
I got a Blockbuster card
350
00:14:00,881 --> 00:14:03,508
he can rent
"Bio-Dome" in my name.
351
00:14:03,508 --> 00:14:05,427
So you were just
going to go along with it?
352
00:14:05,427 --> 00:14:07,930
Well, call me crazy,
but I thought if I got in on
353
00:14:07,930 --> 00:14:11,433
the inside, I could
change things down the road.
354
00:14:11,433 --> 00:14:14,603
Let me tell you a little story
about a man who went along.
355
00:14:14,603 --> 00:14:16,020
Played the game.
356
00:14:16,020 --> 00:14:19,316
Toed the line. Rode the rail.
357
00:14:19,316 --> 00:14:21,318
Reached for the stars.
358
00:14:21,318 --> 00:14:24,571
Joined the Navy. Saw the world.
359
00:14:24,571 --> 00:14:27,366
- Lewis?
- Yeah? Yeah?
360
00:14:29,951 --> 00:14:31,495
I'll need a ride home.
361
00:14:31,495 --> 00:14:34,415
[instrumental music]
362
00:14:37,126 --> 00:14:38,460
[whistles]
363
00:14:38,460 --> 00:14:40,003
Hey, what's going on here?
364
00:14:40,003 --> 00:14:41,838
Are you kidding,
did you forget about that memo
365
00:14:41,838 --> 00:14:44,591
you sent out
ordering morning inspections?
366
00:14:44,591 --> 00:14:47,594
Oh, yeah,
my morning inspection memo.
367
00:14:47,594 --> 00:14:49,012
Must have
been before the pay toilets
368
00:14:49,012 --> 00:14:51,431
but after the free coffee. Ha.
369
00:14:51,431 --> 00:14:56,686
Okay, uh, good. Fine.
Uh, good. Hey, see you at lunch?
370
00:14:56,686 --> 00:14:58,105
No.
371
00:14:58,105 --> 00:15:01,233
Thanks to you,
she's only got time to binge.
372
00:15:03,110 --> 00:15:06,947
It stinks, Carey. We're all
old enough to dress ourselves.
373
00:15:06,947 --> 00:15:08,072
Your fly's open!
374
00:15:08,072 --> 00:15:10,117
Yeah. I'm from New Hampshire.
375
00:15:10,117 --> 00:15:13,620
Live free or die.
I'm protesting the inspection.
376
00:15:13,620 --> 00:15:17,248
Glad you're not for Missouri.
The "Show Me" state.
377
00:15:17,248 --> 00:15:19,418
Okay, listen, everybody, I
know we're all upset about all
378
00:15:19,418 --> 00:15:21,127
the changes
and cutbacks but believe me
379
00:15:21,127 --> 00:15:23,755
when the belt
tightens we all feel it.
380
00:15:23,755 --> 00:15:25,715
Morning, Drew,
that's a beautiful
381
00:15:25,715 --> 00:15:27,009
new desk you got there.
382
00:15:27,009 --> 00:15:28,594
[indistinct chattering]
383
00:15:28,594 --> 00:15:31,096
Okay, inspection's over.
Dismissed.
384
00:15:33,473 --> 00:15:36,142
Carey! Come over here.
385
00:15:36,142 --> 00:15:38,186
Here's the newest brainstorm.
386
00:15:38,186 --> 00:15:39,729
We have a number
of employees who are reaching
387
00:15:39,729 --> 00:15:41,314
the end of their
productive years
388
00:15:41,314 --> 00:15:43,317
and we're about to reward
them with large pensions.
389
00:15:43,317 --> 00:15:44,943
You're right, Carey.
That's insane!
390
00:15:44,943 --> 00:15:46,444
I'd like 'em all fired.
391
00:15:46,444 --> 00:15:47,904
But these are
some of our best employees.
392
00:15:47,904 --> 00:15:49,740
Good! Good!
Be sure to tell them that.
393
00:15:49,740 --> 00:15:53,493
Ha ha, I think the first one's
waiting in your box right now.
394
00:15:53,493 --> 00:15:56,163
Yeah, but, Mr. Wick, I can't...
395
00:15:56,163 --> 00:15:58,499
Ah, damn it.
396
00:15:59,916 --> 00:16:01,460
Bert, how you doin'?
397
00:16:01,460 --> 00:16:03,545
Oh, you know me, can't complain.
398
00:16:05,464 --> 00:16:07,716
You've worked here
a helluva long time, Bert.
399
00:16:07,716 --> 00:16:09,175
Do you ever get up in
the morning and say to yourself
400
00:16:09,175 --> 00:16:11,594
"I just can't
take it another day?"
401
00:16:11,594 --> 00:16:12,930
I know I say it all the time.
402
00:16:12,930 --> 00:16:15,098
Hey! Why don't
we quit? Me and you?
403
00:16:15,098 --> 00:16:17,392
- You go first.
- Like...
404
00:16:17,392 --> 00:16:19,519
Like I'm going to quit now?
405
00:16:19,519 --> 00:16:22,022
Tomorrow I'll be
vested in my pension.
406
00:16:22,022 --> 00:16:25,150
Yeah, well, about
that pension of yours, Bert...
407
00:16:25,150 --> 00:16:27,402
Wow! Is this real mahogany?
408
00:16:27,402 --> 00:16:30,447
Put your cheek
up against it. It's so cool.
409
00:16:30,447 --> 00:16:33,450
Hey! I can hear the rainforest.
410
00:16:33,450 --> 00:16:36,828
Drew, why'd you
call me in here?
411
00:16:36,828 --> 00:16:39,039
Oh, uh, I was wondering
about those kids of yours, Bert
412
00:16:39,039 --> 00:16:40,374
they're, they're
they makin' enough
413
00:16:40,374 --> 00:16:41,875
to start supporting
their old man?
414
00:16:41,875 --> 00:16:44,627
Ah! That's what's
so great about my pension.
415
00:16:44,627 --> 00:16:48,131
I'll never be,
a, a burden on my kids.
416
00:16:48,131 --> 00:16:51,801
[sighs]
I've met your kids, Bert.
They're ungrateful bastards.
417
00:16:51,801 --> 00:16:55,597
Well, maybe the middle one,
but the rest are okay.
418
00:16:55,597 --> 00:16:58,266
Yeah, well, listen, Bert,
we're cutting back everywhere
419
00:16:58,266 --> 00:17:00,519
and everybody's
making sacrifices so...
420
00:17:02,562 --> 00:17:04,189
...give me a dollar
and call it even.
421
00:17:04,189 --> 00:17:05,941
Hey! Here he is.
422
00:17:05,941 --> 00:17:08,151
Happy retirement, Bert.
423
00:17:08,151 --> 00:17:11,363
That's what all those crazy
question were about, Drew.
424
00:17:11,363 --> 00:17:13,990
You were just
stalling me for the party.
425
00:17:13,990 --> 00:17:16,993
Yeah. Ha ha ha. What'd you
think I was gonna do? Fire ya?
426
00:17:16,993 --> 00:17:18,996
As a matter of fact, I got a
little something for you myself.
427
00:17:18,996 --> 00:17:22,583
It's a $100,000 bar wrapper.
428
00:17:24,375 --> 00:17:26,336
Hey, listen, we should take
this party out of Drew's office.
429
00:17:26,336 --> 00:17:29,005
I'm sure he's very busy
with plans to invade Poland.
430
00:17:29,005 --> 00:17:30,841
[Bert laughs]
431
00:17:32,217 --> 00:17:33,718
Oh! I got one.
432
00:17:33,718 --> 00:17:35,345
How many Drews does it take...
433
00:17:35,345 --> 00:17:37,222
[indistinct whispering]
434
00:17:37,222 --> 00:17:38,640
[all laughing]
435
00:17:41,143 --> 00:17:43,437
Alright, it's not worth it.
436
00:17:45,355 --> 00:17:46,898
[panting]
437
00:17:46,898 --> 00:17:49,401
- What is it, Carey?
- Is there another exit, sir?
438
00:17:49,401 --> 00:17:51,445
- What're you talking about?
- They're organizing, sir.
439
00:17:51,445 --> 00:17:52,779
They're fed up
of all the new rules
440
00:17:52,779 --> 00:17:54,155
and are threatening to walk out.
441
00:17:54,155 --> 00:17:56,115
It's pretty
ugly out there, sir. Look.
442
00:17:56,115 --> 00:17:58,327
♪ For he's
a jolly good fellow.. ♪
443
00:17:59,870 --> 00:18:01,746
They're lampooning you, sir.
444
00:18:01,746 --> 00:18:03,122
But why are they after me
445
00:18:03,122 --> 00:18:04,708
you're the one
that signed the memos?
446
00:18:04,708 --> 00:18:06,501
Yeah, but management's
management to them.
447
00:18:06,501 --> 00:18:08,336
One suit's
just the same as the next.
448
00:18:08,336 --> 00:18:11,006
Don't ever compare
your suits to mine.
449
00:18:11,006 --> 00:18:12,466
Well, I, I better go out there.
450
00:18:12,466 --> 00:18:13,592
It wouldn't
look good to have a walkout
451
00:18:13,592 --> 00:18:14,593
my first week in command.
452
00:18:14,593 --> 00:18:16,970
No! I mean, uh, they have guns.
453
00:18:16,970 --> 00:18:18,388
All Americans have guns.
454
00:18:18,388 --> 00:18:21,183
The whole store is packin' heat.
455
00:18:21,183 --> 00:18:24,769
Then, you go, Carey. Find out
who's behind this and fire them.
456
00:18:24,769 --> 00:18:26,521
- No, sir.
- What?
457
00:18:26,521 --> 00:18:28,398
I'm not firing anybody.
Not the pensioners.
458
00:18:28,398 --> 00:18:30,442
Not the rabble-rousers,
nobody's getting fired.
459
00:18:30,442 --> 00:18:32,360
Not the negligent,
not the incompetent.
460
00:18:32,360 --> 00:18:34,612
You get your mediocre
job and you die there.
461
00:18:34,612 --> 00:18:35,739
Then you get
a bone spur and you take
462
00:18:35,739 --> 00:18:37,407
a year off and the company died.
463
00:18:37,407 --> 00:18:39,827
That's the way we do
things in my America, pal.
464
00:18:42,286 --> 00:18:43,955
I lost my point.
465
00:18:43,955 --> 00:18:45,915
Inspiring speech, Carey.
466
00:18:45,915 --> 00:18:48,042
But if you think for one minute
that I'm afraid to go out there
467
00:18:48,042 --> 00:18:50,211
and fix things myself,
you're sadly mistaken.
468
00:18:50,211 --> 00:18:51,505
Get out of my way.
469
00:18:53,548 --> 00:18:55,342
Excuse me, everyone,
I know you're all very upset
470
00:18:55,342 --> 00:18:57,219
about the
recent changes in policy
471
00:18:57,219 --> 00:18:58,720
I'm doing
away with all the new changes.
472
00:18:58,720 --> 00:19:00,179
(all)
Yay! Alright! Yeah!
473
00:19:00,179 --> 00:19:02,640
Yes, the reign of
Carey The Horrible is at an end.
474
00:19:02,640 --> 00:19:04,351
[cheering]
475
00:19:06,853 --> 00:19:08,646
- What?
- To show you I'm not such a
476
00:19:08,646 --> 00:19:10,357
bad fellow, I'll let you
choose your own punishment
477
00:19:10,357 --> 00:19:12,234
for questioning my authority.
478
00:19:12,234 --> 00:19:14,861
You humiliated me in
front of the whole store...
479
00:19:14,861 --> 00:19:16,988
Least you could do is let me
keep the desk and the title.
480
00:19:16,988 --> 00:19:19,157
No, I'm afraid
this calls for tough love.
481
00:19:19,157 --> 00:19:20,367
I don't believe
in tough love, sir.
482
00:19:20,367 --> 00:19:22,535
I-I believe in fun love.
483
00:19:22,535 --> 00:19:24,371
Fun cupcake love.
484
00:19:24,371 --> 00:19:26,873
Oh, alright,
you can keep the desk.
485
00:19:26,873 --> 00:19:30,377
I happen to know that he loves
his new desk most of all, sir.
486
00:19:30,377 --> 00:19:32,379
I saw him kissin' it.
487
00:19:32,379 --> 00:19:36,007
Oh, yeah, I dropped
some sprinkles off my donut.
488
00:19:36,007 --> 00:19:39,010
I just want you to know,
sir, that I share your disgust
489
00:19:39,010 --> 00:19:41,596
with Drew's spineless
and weak-willed nature.
490
00:19:41,596 --> 00:19:43,265
And just for the record
491
00:19:43,265 --> 00:19:46,851
I'd have no problem with
taxation without representation.
492
00:19:46,851 --> 00:19:49,730
Splendid! You have the desk.
493
00:19:49,730 --> 00:19:52,316
- Thanks, Mimi.
- You're welcome.
494
00:19:52,316 --> 00:19:53,400
I don't know
what you did in there
495
00:19:53,400 --> 00:19:54,943
to make him change his mind
496
00:19:54,943 --> 00:19:57,987
all I can is winner, loser.
497
00:19:57,987 --> 00:20:00,240
Ha ha. I got a new desk. Hey!
498
00:20:00,240 --> 00:20:03,242
I got a new desk. Hey!
499
00:20:03,242 --> 00:20:05,287
I'm not going to forget
what you did to us, Carey.
500
00:20:05,287 --> 00:20:06,538
I'm not done with you.
501
00:20:06,538 --> 00:20:08,623
Yeah, well,
w-w-whatever you do
502
00:20:08,623 --> 00:20:11,459
just don't let anything
happen to my new desk, okay?
503
00:20:11,459 --> 00:20:13,169
I love this desk.
504
00:20:13,169 --> 00:20:15,005
And if anything should happen
to this desk
505
00:20:15,005 --> 00:20:18,175
like say if it went up
in flames...
506
00:20:19,467 --> 00:20:20,928
...it would kill me.
507
00:20:25,139 --> 00:20:27,267
[instrumental music]
508
00:20:29,269 --> 00:20:31,145
Hey, Mimi,
how do you like your desk?
509
00:20:31,145 --> 00:20:32,773
Medium or well done?
510
00:20:34,273 --> 00:20:35,483
[camera clicks]
511
00:20:35,483 --> 00:20:38,445
[instrumental music]
512
00:20:42,573 --> 00:20:44,076
Bars!
513
00:20:45,827 --> 00:20:46,870
Beer.
514
00:20:48,705 --> 00:20:53,835
- Bars!
- Beer.
515
00:20:53,835 --> 00:20:55,879
Yeah, well, it's been done.
516
00:20:55,879 --> 00:20:57,171
[groans]
517
00:20:57,171 --> 00:20:58,173
Do they use frogs?
518
00:20:58,173 --> 00:21:00,008
- Yeah.
- Oh, man.
519
00:21:00,008 --> 00:21:01,759
We had names
picked out and everything.
520
00:21:01,759 --> 00:21:04,470
I'm the frog
formerly known as Prince.
521
00:21:04,470 --> 00:21:06,222
And I'm Enrique Papato.
522
00:21:06,222 --> 00:21:08,892
[laughing]
523
00:21:08,892 --> 00:21:11,603
Okay, let's get
this stuff out of the...
36478
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