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1
00:00:01,046 --> 00:00:03,046
[instrumental music]
2
00:00:03,463 --> 00:00:04,656
[telephone ringing]
3
00:00:06,591 --> 00:00:07,936
[ringing]
4
00:00:08,109 --> 00:00:09,344
Hello?
5
00:00:09,427 --> 00:00:12,347
Hey. You naked? 'Cause I am.
6
00:00:12,430 --> 00:00:15,266
Carlos, is that you?
7
00:00:15,350 --> 00:00:18,019
Lisa? I thought I
was calling grandma.
8
00:00:18,102 --> 00:00:19,312
[Lisa laughs]
9
00:00:19,395 --> 00:00:21,695
Hey, Drew, what's going on?
10
00:00:21,782 --> 00:00:24,691
Well, since we missed our
secret conversation at work today,
11
00:00:24,716 --> 00:00:26,446
I thought I'd make it up
to you over the phone.
12
00:00:26,566 --> 00:00:30,698
Right now I am laying in
the tub, sipping champagne,
13
00:00:30,782 --> 00:00:32,367
wearing nothing but bubbles.
14
00:00:32,450 --> 00:00:33,701
Really?
15
00:00:33,785 --> 00:00:36,955
You sure you're not on
the couch, eating pizza?
16
00:00:37,038 --> 00:00:38,464
No, I told you, I'm in the tub.
17
00:00:38,485 --> 00:00:40,258
[Lisa laughs]
18
00:00:40,377 --> 00:00:43,836
Okay, tub.
Got it. Keep going.
19
00:00:43,920 --> 00:00:46,923
Well, if I was there with you,
20
00:00:47,006 --> 00:00:51,596
I would kiss you over
every inch of your body.
21
00:00:52,530 --> 00:00:56,307
I'm gonna rub your
tummy till your leg shakes.
22
00:00:56,391 --> 00:00:59,561
Hold on a second, this
pizza's slowing me down.
23
00:00:59,644 --> 00:01:01,896
No, I'm washing
the dog. Keep going.
24
00:01:01,980 --> 00:01:03,356
[phone beeps]
25
00:01:03,439 --> 00:01:06,019
Oh, damn, I got another
call. Can you hold on?
26
00:01:06,112 --> 00:01:08,361
Go ahead and take it. I
got to add the flea shampoo.
27
00:01:08,444 --> 00:01:11,072
Oh, someday I'm
going to be in that sink.
28
00:01:11,155 --> 00:01:13,157
I'll be right back.
29
00:01:13,241 --> 00:01:14,367
Hello?
30
00:01:14,450 --> 00:01:18,162
[slow, sing-song voice]
Hi, Drew. It's Oswald.
31
00:01:18,246 --> 00:01:21,958
I've been talking slow all day.
32
00:01:22,041 --> 00:01:23,459
Ah, hey, listen, Oswald,
can I call you back?
33
00:01:23,543 --> 00:01:24,586
I got Lisa on the other line.
34
00:01:24,669 --> 00:01:26,296
No. It's really
important. I'll hold.
35
00:01:26,379 --> 00:01:27,922
Alright.
36
00:01:28,006 --> 00:01:29,465
Okay, now, where were we?
37
00:01:29,549 --> 00:01:32,051
I believe I was kissing my way
38
00:01:32,135 --> 00:01:33,136
straight to your nipples.
39
00:01:33,219 --> 00:01:36,052
What are you gonna
do when you get there?
40
00:01:36,092 --> 00:01:37,765
Oswald?
41
00:01:37,849 --> 00:01:39,017
Lisa?
42
00:01:39,100 --> 00:01:40,143
Yeah?
43
00:01:40,168 --> 00:01:42,437
Oh. So where were we?
44
00:01:42,520 --> 00:01:44,766
I believe I was
kissing my way south.
45
00:01:44,790 --> 00:01:45,586
[phone beeps]
46
00:01:45,640 --> 00:01:49,235
Oh, great. Now
I've got another call.
47
00:01:49,319 --> 00:01:50,862
Go ahead. I'll wait.
48
00:01:53,090 --> 00:01:54,132
Hello?
49
00:01:54,360 --> 00:01:55,459
Hi, Lisa, it's Kate.
50
00:01:55,484 --> 00:01:56,485
Hey, Kate.
51
00:01:56,553 --> 00:01:58,461
Listen, Drew's
on the other line,
52
00:01:58,486 --> 00:02:00,330
and he's in the
mood for sex talk.
53
00:02:00,413 --> 00:02:02,457
Oh! Well, that'll
only take a minute.
54
00:02:02,540 --> 00:02:03,583
I'm at the Warsaw.
55
00:02:03,666 --> 00:02:05,126
Let me put some more
money in the machine.
56
00:02:05,209 --> 00:02:07,086
[coin clinks]
57
00:02:07,170 --> 00:02:10,006
Oh, man, this is
gonna take forever.
58
00:02:10,089 --> 00:02:11,674
Hey, Oswald, you still there?
59
00:02:11,758 --> 00:02:13,718
[high-pitched]
Mm-hmm.
60
00:02:13,801 --> 00:02:15,303
Lisa.
61
00:02:15,386 --> 00:02:17,972
Okay, bachelorette number one,
62
00:02:18,056 --> 00:02:21,643
I want you to tell me
something in your sexiest voice.
63
00:02:21,726 --> 00:02:25,271
[deep voice]
Hey, baby, who's your daddy?
64
00:02:26,730 --> 00:02:28,277
Damn you, Oswald.
65
00:02:28,845 --> 00:02:29,672
Lisa?
66
00:02:29,697 --> 00:02:30,585
Yeah, it's me.
67
00:02:30,610 --> 00:02:31,137
Hey, listen.
68
00:02:31,162 --> 00:02:32,820
Let's agree not to
take any more calls, okay?
69
00:02:32,904 --> 00:02:33,905
No matter what.
70
00:02:33,988 --> 00:02:35,822
That sounds great. Alright.
71
00:02:35,915 --> 00:02:38,534
Let me tell you what
I'm going to do to you.
72
00:02:38,618 --> 00:02:40,536
Mr. Carey, I have a request
73
00:02:40,620 --> 00:02:42,830
for an emergency
interrupt from your mother.
74
00:02:42,914 --> 00:02:43,998
Will you accept?
75
00:02:44,082 --> 00:02:46,000
Oh, man, if this isn't her
76
00:02:46,084 --> 00:02:48,378
knockin' on the bathroom
door all over again.
77
00:02:48,461 --> 00:02:49,712
Yeah, operator, I'll accept.
78
00:02:49,796 --> 00:02:52,256
Drew, it's not your mom,
but this is an emergency.
79
00:02:52,340 --> 00:02:53,591
What is it, Lewis?
80
00:02:53,675 --> 00:02:54,926
Well, I have to make a bet.
81
00:02:55,009 --> 00:02:59,222
Who do you think's
faster, a midget or a pig?
82
00:02:59,722 --> 00:03:00,908
[theme song]
83
00:03:00,932 --> 00:03:04,811
♪ Moon over Parma, bring
my love to me tonight ♪
84
00:03:04,894 --> 00:03:08,981
♪ Guide her to Cleveland
underneath your silvery light ♪
85
00:03:09,065 --> 00:03:10,733
♪ We're goin' bowlin' ♪
86
00:03:10,817 --> 00:03:12,735
♪ So don't lose her in Solon ♪
87
00:03:12,819 --> 00:03:15,279
♪ Moon over Parma tonight ♪
88
00:03:19,534 --> 00:03:22,370
[instrumental music]
89
00:03:22,453 --> 00:03:26,306
What's with you guys, you
making a Tom Petty video?
90
00:03:26,331 --> 00:03:27,194
[Lisa laughs]
91
00:03:27,218 --> 00:03:28,560
Drew, you've got to check
92
00:03:28,585 --> 00:03:30,139
the big remodeling
sale downstairs.
93
00:03:30,164 --> 00:03:31,462
They're selling
all the old displays,
94
00:03:31,546 --> 00:03:33,423
all the fixtures
for, like, nothing.
95
00:03:33,506 --> 00:03:36,134
- This pencil cost me a dollar.
- Yeah!
96
00:03:36,217 --> 00:03:38,052
What are you
going to do with it?
97
00:03:38,928 --> 00:03:41,472
- A dollar, this pencil.
- Yeah!
98
00:03:41,556 --> 00:03:44,976
You know, sometimes I think
they have these remodeling sales
99
00:03:45,059 --> 00:03:46,769
just for suckers like you.
100
00:03:46,853 --> 00:03:49,105
Hey!
101
00:03:49,188 --> 00:03:53,067
They accepted my
bid on the giant pump.
102
00:03:53,151 --> 00:03:54,277
Why don't you guys
just put it in there
103
00:03:54,360 --> 00:03:55,528
and wheel it to the break room?
104
00:03:55,611 --> 00:03:59,157
Oh, man. The cute ones
are never in your size.
105
00:03:59,240 --> 00:04:01,409
Boy, I'd like to
meet her brother.
106
00:04:04,996 --> 00:04:07,749
Drew. Took a message for you.
107
00:04:07,832 --> 00:04:09,417
Your doctor called
about some blood tests.
108
00:04:09,500 --> 00:04:10,752
What?
109
00:04:10,835 --> 00:04:12,981
Turns out you really
are a pig.
110
00:04:13,005 --> 00:04:15,005
[Mimi laughs]
111
00:04:16,340 --> 00:04:20,178
I hope those rug burns
teach you a lesson, Spanky.
112
00:04:21,763 --> 00:04:24,557
What, is it noon already?
113
00:04:24,640 --> 00:04:26,434
Hey, Mimi, you're
wanted in Jerry's--
114
00:04:26,517 --> 00:04:28,352
Oh, Mr. Bell's office.
115
00:04:28,436 --> 00:04:31,147
Oh, I guess I'm
battin' clean-up.
116
00:04:35,026 --> 00:04:39,322
So, uh, Suzie, this is...
kind of embarrassing.
117
00:04:39,405 --> 00:04:40,968
I don't know
exactly how to put it,
118
00:04:40,993 --> 00:04:43,618
but your sweater's
on inside out.
119
00:04:43,701 --> 00:04:46,704
Oh. I must have put it on wrong
120
00:04:46,788 --> 00:04:49,040
after I had sex with Mr. Bell.
121
00:04:53,044 --> 00:04:54,462
So I guess it won't bother you
122
00:04:54,545 --> 00:04:58,299
that you have underwear
sticking out of your shoe.
123
00:04:58,382 --> 00:05:00,176
[telephone rings]
124
00:05:00,259 --> 00:05:01,344
Yes, Mr. Bell?
125
00:05:01,427 --> 00:05:03,471
[Mr. Bell]
Carey, I've got good
news for you.
126
00:05:03,554 --> 00:05:04,972
You know how you've always said
127
00:05:05,056 --> 00:05:06,849
you wanted to have an assistant?
128
00:05:06,933 --> 00:05:08,267
This isn't like that time
129
00:05:08,351 --> 00:05:09,936
you gave me your
keys to your Porsche
130
00:05:10,019 --> 00:05:12,355
and then had security
beat me up, is it, sir?
131
00:05:12,438 --> 00:05:13,981
[Mr. Bell]
Heh, heh. No, no.
132
00:05:14,065 --> 00:05:16,108
And that wasn't meant
to go that far, Carey.
133
00:05:16,192 --> 00:05:17,860
Listen, congratulations.
134
00:05:17,944 --> 00:05:19,529
You've got an assistant.
135
00:05:19,604 --> 00:05:23,131
W-wow! That's
great, Mr. Bell.
136
00:05:23,218 --> 00:05:25,326
You've got a
heart as big as a..
137
00:05:25,409 --> 00:05:26,994
well, you have a heart.
138
00:05:27,078 --> 00:05:28,287
[dial tone]
139
00:05:29,497 --> 00:05:33,543
Assistant to Mr. Carey. Wow.
140
00:05:33,606 --> 00:05:35,127
H-hey, Mimi.
141
00:05:35,211 --> 00:05:37,517
You'll never guess who's
gettin' his own assistant.
142
00:05:37,577 --> 00:05:39,507
I'll give you a hint.
He hates your guts,
143
00:05:39,590 --> 00:05:42,927
and it's not the free-sample
guy from Hickory Farms.
144
00:05:45,722 --> 00:05:47,695
Oh, whoa. What are you doin',
145
00:05:47,720 --> 00:05:50,184
bringing some goodies
for my new assistant, huh?
146
00:05:50,268 --> 00:05:52,144
Well, that's great, Mimi.
147
00:05:52,228 --> 00:05:54,105
Wow, a troll starter kit.
148
00:05:54,188 --> 00:05:56,107
That's really sweet of you.
149
00:05:56,190 --> 00:05:57,608
I can't believe you're
going through all this trouble,
150
00:05:57,692 --> 00:05:59,193
unless you're my new assistant,
151
00:05:59,277 --> 00:06:03,322
in which case I'm gonna kill
myself with my tape dispenser.
152
00:06:03,406 --> 00:06:04,824
Here's a letter opener.
153
00:06:04,907 --> 00:06:06,826
I'll get a bucket.
154
00:06:06,909 --> 00:06:09,036
No! You can't be
my new assistant.
155
00:06:09,120 --> 00:06:11,497
My new assistant's gonna
be sweet and charming
156
00:06:11,581 --> 00:06:13,291
and say, "Yes,
sir" and "No, sir."
157
00:06:13,374 --> 00:06:15,540
Yes, Sir... Lunch-a-lot.
158
00:06:17,574 --> 00:06:18,955
Aw, this is stupid.
159
00:06:18,980 --> 00:06:21,007
Why is this happening
to me? What did I do?
160
00:06:21,090 --> 00:06:23,718
Mr. Bell's making
Suzie his new assistant.
161
00:06:23,801 --> 00:06:27,471
It's the one position she
hasn't had with him yet.
162
00:06:30,629 --> 00:06:33,629
[instrumental music]
163
00:06:34,812 --> 00:06:36,731
Ow.
164
00:06:36,814 --> 00:06:39,483
So, how many times
did Mimi kick you?
165
00:06:43,662 --> 00:06:45,130
Let's see, I said,
166
00:06:45,155 --> 00:06:47,867
"Get your feet out from
under my side of the desk."
167
00:06:47,950 --> 00:06:50,494
And then, "Ow,
ow, ow, ow, ow."
168
00:06:52,288 --> 00:06:54,624
"I mean it. Ow, ow, ow, ow.
169
00:06:54,707 --> 00:06:56,459
"Stop that. Ow, hurts.
170
00:06:56,542 --> 00:06:58,169
Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow."
171
00:06:58,252 --> 00:06:59,545
15.
172
00:07:01,005 --> 00:07:03,424
Uhh! Ow! What'd you do that for?
173
00:07:03,500 --> 00:07:05,333
See? Now it looks
like a happy face.
174
00:07:05,358 --> 00:07:06,789
Oh..
175
00:07:06,814 --> 00:07:07,505
[thud]
176
00:07:07,529 --> 00:07:09,305
Aah! Jeez! God!
177
00:07:11,015 --> 00:07:12,433
Needed a nose.
178
00:07:14,089 --> 00:07:15,891
Hey, why don't
you just fire Mimi?
179
00:07:15,916 --> 00:07:18,356
Oh, I can't. There's no
way Mr. Bell would let me.
180
00:07:18,439 --> 00:07:19,815
You know, Drew, maybe you're
181
00:07:19,899 --> 00:07:21,943
supposed to learn
a life lesson here.
182
00:07:22,026 --> 00:07:24,820
I mean, we had these 2 guys
at DrugCo who hated each other.
183
00:07:24,904 --> 00:07:27,573
They fought for a while, but then
they worked out their differences,
184
00:07:27,657 --> 00:07:28,991
went to a bar to celebrate,
185
00:07:29,075 --> 00:07:30,159
got into a fight
over a waitress,
186
00:07:30,242 --> 00:07:31,662
and one guy killed the other.
187
00:07:31,697 --> 00:07:33,856
We laugh about
that at work a lot.
188
00:07:36,102 --> 00:07:38,601
Has anyone ever
survived a job at DrugCo?
189
00:07:38,626 --> 00:07:41,587
Sure. There's, uh,
me and Coma Joe.
190
00:07:41,671 --> 00:07:42,797
[door opens]
191
00:07:42,880 --> 00:07:45,383
Oh, I'm dying. I can't
take another step.
192
00:07:45,466 --> 00:07:47,843
Lie down. I'll make
you feel better.
193
00:07:47,927 --> 00:07:48,928
Ooh.
194
00:07:50,346 --> 00:07:51,514
[shushing]
195
00:07:51,597 --> 00:07:53,891
I saw this on the
nature channel.
196
00:08:00,291 --> 00:08:02,291
[laughing]
197
00:08:02,316 --> 00:08:04,860
Jay's back is out. I'm
just massaging him.
198
00:08:04,944 --> 00:08:07,154
There's not going to be any sex
199
00:08:07,238 --> 00:08:09,782
unless he coughs
up the extra 20 bucks.
200
00:08:09,865 --> 00:08:11,492
Oh, I got 20 bucks.
201
00:08:13,077 --> 00:08:16,038
We're short-handed
'cause my ex-wife
202
00:08:16,122 --> 00:08:18,541
hired away my best men
for her moving company.
203
00:08:18,624 --> 00:08:20,626
I'm sorry I'm not gonna be able
to move those old display cases
204
00:08:20,710 --> 00:08:22,378
out of the store this weekend.
205
00:08:22,461 --> 00:08:24,046
Hey, we could help you.
206
00:08:24,130 --> 00:08:26,716
Wait, let's see what
the ex-wife pays.
207
00:08:26,799 --> 00:08:28,426
I'll help you, too, buddy.
208
00:08:28,509 --> 00:08:30,803
You sure you can? What
happened to your legs?
209
00:08:30,886 --> 00:08:32,555
Scabies.
210
00:08:33,723 --> 00:08:35,349
Mimi kicked him at work today.
211
00:08:35,433 --> 00:08:36,892
Wow. If she's your assistant,
212
00:08:36,976 --> 00:08:39,103
what does your boss do to you?
213
00:08:40,980 --> 00:08:42,732
Hey. You know, you're right.
214
00:08:42,815 --> 00:08:45,234
Yeah, she's working for me now.
215
00:08:45,317 --> 00:08:48,988
From now on, I'm not
taking any more of her crap.
216
00:08:49,071 --> 00:08:50,197
Uhh.
217
00:08:50,281 --> 00:08:51,907
Come on, let's go celebrate.
218
00:08:51,991 --> 00:08:55,327
Uhh uhh uhh uhh uhh.
219
00:08:55,411 --> 00:08:58,039
Mimi's days of messing
with me are over.
220
00:08:58,122 --> 00:09:00,142
Hey...
221
00:09:01,428 --> 00:09:03,377
"Kick me" brand jackets.
222
00:09:03,461 --> 00:09:06,047
I used to wear
these in high school.
223
00:09:06,130 --> 00:09:08,132
Yeah, they went real
good with your nimrod hat
224
00:09:08,215 --> 00:09:09,633
and your wedgie jeans.
225
00:09:11,052 --> 00:09:13,637
"Kick me." Real clever.
226
00:09:13,721 --> 00:09:15,973
You know, it looks
like "Lick me."
227
00:09:16,057 --> 00:09:18,726
Oh. That explains the
trouble I had on the bus today.
228
00:09:18,809 --> 00:09:20,811
[laughing]
229
00:09:24,826 --> 00:09:27,092
Mr. Carey. I'm Kim Decker.
230
00:09:27,199 --> 00:09:29,070
I'm here to interview for
the housewares position.
231
00:09:29,153 --> 00:09:30,738
Oh, what a coincidence.
I'm here to interview people
232
00:09:30,821 --> 00:09:32,301
for the housewares
position.
233
00:09:32,325 --> 00:09:33,032
[both laugh]
234
00:09:34,325 --> 00:09:38,329
T.G.I. Friday's is
now officially opened.
235
00:09:41,540 --> 00:09:42,792
Please have a seat.
236
00:09:42,875 --> 00:09:44,502
You collect troll dolls.
237
00:09:44,585 --> 00:09:47,213
No. Uh, those belong
to my assistant.
238
00:09:47,296 --> 00:09:51,008
I usually put just pictures
of my family on the desk.
239
00:09:56,571 --> 00:09:58,354
Let's see what we have here.
240
00:09:58,379 --> 00:10:00,851
Oh, I see you went to
the University of Wisconsin.
241
00:10:00,935 --> 00:10:02,895
He said, looking at her chest.
242
00:10:05,231 --> 00:10:08,109
That's right. And I made
Dean's list all 4 years.
243
00:10:08,192 --> 00:10:09,110
Ah, very impressive.
244
00:10:09,193 --> 00:10:11,529
I only have, uh, one
important question--
245
00:10:11,612 --> 00:10:14,532
Could you ever be
attracted to a fat man?
246
00:10:20,746 --> 00:10:22,748
Okay, that's it.
247
00:10:22,832 --> 00:10:24,291
Would you mind, uh,
waiting out in the lobby?
248
00:10:24,375 --> 00:10:25,555
I have something to do right now
249
00:10:25,580 --> 00:10:27,128
and I don't want any witnesses.
250
00:10:29,213 --> 00:10:30,965
Alright, let's get
this straight, Mimi.
251
00:10:31,048 --> 00:10:32,383
I am your boss now.
252
00:10:32,466 --> 00:10:33,467
And I expect you to treat me
253
00:10:33,551 --> 00:10:35,136
with a little bit of respect.
254
00:10:35,219 --> 00:10:36,804
How little?
255
00:10:36,887 --> 00:10:40,141
Like when you put
on a little eye shadow.
256
00:10:45,249 --> 00:10:47,106
And, you know, all
this stuff, it's just like,
257
00:10:47,189 --> 00:10:48,983
it's just very unprofessional.
258
00:10:49,066 --> 00:10:50,401
Don't touch the troll!
259
00:10:50,484 --> 00:10:51,610
[chuckles]
260
00:10:51,694 --> 00:10:54,196
Is that what your mom
used to say to your dates?
261
00:10:59,243 --> 00:11:01,287
Put the trolls down,
262
00:11:01,370 --> 00:11:04,498
or I'll put a staple right
between your eyes.
263
00:11:04,582 --> 00:11:08,711
You don't have the guts.
264
00:11:11,547 --> 00:11:13,340
Try me.
265
00:11:13,424 --> 00:11:17,136
Put the trolls down.
266
00:11:19,221 --> 00:11:20,389
Fine.
267
00:11:20,472 --> 00:11:21,640
[gasps]
268
00:11:21,724 --> 00:11:22,641
[glass shatters]
269
00:11:22,725 --> 00:11:24,768
Oww! Ohh! Oh!
270
00:11:24,852 --> 00:11:27,229
[telephone rings]
271
00:11:27,313 --> 00:11:28,230
Mimi did it!
272
00:11:28,314 --> 00:11:29,356
Drew did it! It wasn't my fault!
273
00:11:29,440 --> 00:11:32,610
[Mr. Bell]
Shut up! Both of you!
274
00:11:32,693 --> 00:11:35,070
You two have been fighting
since the moment you met!
275
00:11:35,154 --> 00:11:37,198
Well, it's gone too far!
276
00:11:37,281 --> 00:11:39,617
You're both suspended
for the rest of the week.
277
00:11:39,700 --> 00:11:42,077
And if this continues
when you get back,
278
00:11:42,161 --> 00:11:43,787
one of you won't be staying.
279
00:11:43,871 --> 00:11:46,790
Yeah, but, Mr. Bell, you
just don't understand. She--
280
00:11:46,874 --> 00:11:48,375
[dial tone]
281
00:11:50,920 --> 00:11:52,796
I hope you're happy.
282
00:11:52,880 --> 00:11:56,300
I haven't been suspended
since high school.
283
00:11:56,383 --> 00:11:58,302
And just keep away from me,
284
00:11:58,385 --> 00:12:03,265
because I know 15
different ways to kill a man.
285
00:12:06,894 --> 00:12:10,856
Doesn't that violate some
sort of clown college rule?
286
00:12:14,818 --> 00:12:15,986
[knocking on door]
287
00:12:17,404 --> 00:12:19,073
Coming!
288
00:12:23,425 --> 00:12:24,801
Who is it?
289
00:12:24,826 --> 00:12:25,932
[Jay]
Triple A Action Moving.
290
00:12:25,957 --> 00:12:27,790
We got your delivery
from Winfred-Louder.
291
00:12:27,873 --> 00:12:29,478
How do I know
you're not some creep
292
00:12:29,503 --> 00:12:31,502
that just wants to get
into my apartment?
293
00:12:31,585 --> 00:12:34,398
[Jay]
Because if I was a
creep, I'd just do this.
294
00:12:34,880 --> 00:12:37,146
Alright, alright.
295
00:12:37,507 --> 00:12:38,758
But I'm warning you,
296
00:12:38,783 --> 00:12:41,178
if you touch any of
my stuff, you're dead.
297
00:12:41,262 --> 00:12:45,266
Touch it? I can't even
stop it from spinning.
298
00:12:45,349 --> 00:12:47,726
[Mimi]
Bring it in the bedroom.
299
00:12:47,810 --> 00:12:50,062
- Whoa.
- Whoa.
300
00:12:50,145 --> 00:12:53,065
You know when
you go to a yard sale,
301
00:12:53,148 --> 00:12:56,402
and you wonder who
buys all that crap?
302
00:12:57,903 --> 00:12:59,822
Excuse me, but there's a
little bit of subtlety over there.
303
00:12:59,905 --> 00:13:01,156
You might want
to get rid of that.
304
00:13:01,240 --> 00:13:04,076
You! What the hell are
you doing here? Get out!
305
00:13:04,159 --> 00:13:05,911
Look, I'm sorry. But when I
found out my friend was gonna be
306
00:13:05,995 --> 00:13:07,913
making a delivery here, I had
to come over and talk to you.
307
00:13:07,997 --> 00:13:11,292
Wow, my eyes won't focus.
308
00:13:11,375 --> 00:13:12,293
Uh, while you two
talk, why don't you
309
00:13:12,376 --> 00:13:13,585
just point us to the bedroom?
310
00:13:13,669 --> 00:13:15,921
Behind the beads
and past the wigs.
311
00:13:16,005 --> 00:13:19,425
And don't touch my
life-size Antonio Banderas.
312
00:13:21,093 --> 00:13:24,221
Look. I tried being your
boss. That didn't work.
313
00:13:24,305 --> 00:13:25,556
I can't fire you.
314
00:13:25,639 --> 00:13:27,141
And you know I'm not
going anywhere, either.
315
00:13:27,224 --> 00:13:30,978
So, would you consider
joining me in sensitivity training?
316
00:13:31,061 --> 00:13:33,105
Bite me, doughboy.
317
00:13:34,440 --> 00:13:36,900
Helped a lot of
people at my company.
318
00:13:36,984 --> 00:13:38,736
Bite me, stick boy.
319
00:13:40,070 --> 00:13:41,655
[scuffling]
320
00:13:41,739 --> 00:13:43,991
[Oswald]
It sprayed me!
Antonio sprayed me!
321
00:13:44,074 --> 00:13:47,578
[Jay]
It's not that bad,
man, it's not that bad.
322
00:13:47,661 --> 00:13:49,913
I told them not
to touch Antonio.
323
00:13:49,997 --> 00:13:51,999
Stay here and
don't touch anything!
324
00:13:52,082 --> 00:13:53,876
Drew, let's give it up
and wait downstairs.
325
00:13:53,959 --> 00:13:56,420
I don't want to
get sprayed, man.
326
00:13:56,503 --> 00:13:57,963
What's the matter with her?
327
00:13:58,047 --> 00:14:00,466
Why won't she even
try to work this out?
328
00:14:00,549 --> 00:14:02,468
H-How could someone
hate me so much?
329
00:14:02,551 --> 00:14:03,927
I don't know.
330
00:14:05,429 --> 00:14:07,765
What do you think's
in the cupboard?
331
00:14:07,848 --> 00:14:09,183
I don't know. Why?
332
00:14:09,266 --> 00:14:11,185
'Cause if this is the
stuff she keeps out here,
333
00:14:11,268 --> 00:14:12,895
what do you think she hides?
334
00:14:17,107 --> 00:14:18,776
Oh, my God.
335
00:14:18,859 --> 00:14:19,985
What is it?
336
00:14:20,069 --> 00:14:21,111
Well, it's you.
337
00:14:21,195 --> 00:14:22,696
What are you talking about?
338
00:14:22,780 --> 00:14:25,324
Pictures of you, hundreds
of pictures of you.
339
00:14:25,407 --> 00:14:29,328
Oh, my God.
340
00:14:29,411 --> 00:14:31,705
- Look. It's me at the company picnic.
- Huh.
341
00:14:31,789 --> 00:14:33,374
This is me at Christmas.
342
00:14:33,457 --> 00:14:35,376
This is me at the office.
343
00:14:35,459 --> 00:14:37,711
These are all just
pictures of me.
344
00:14:37,795 --> 00:14:40,923
And, hey, some damn
good pictures of me.
345
00:14:41,006 --> 00:14:44,301
Hmm, Drew, not this
one at the water park.
346
00:14:44,385 --> 00:14:46,804
This is scary, man.
347
00:14:48,047 --> 00:14:48,927
[rumbling]
348
00:14:49,056 --> 00:14:51,725
Oh... I think she's coming.
Put everything back.
349
00:14:51,809 --> 00:14:52,976
Let's just go wait
out in the truck.
350
00:14:53,060 --> 00:14:54,228
I thought you
wanted to talk to her.
351
00:14:54,311 --> 00:14:55,813
Yeah. Not anymore.
352
00:14:56,126 --> 00:14:59,199
[instrumental music]
353
00:14:59,817 --> 00:15:01,652
You know, I've been
meaning to get my hands
354
00:15:01,735 --> 00:15:04,363
on one of these big
boys for quite a while.
355
00:15:04,446 --> 00:15:05,906
Like the way it handles?
356
00:15:05,989 --> 00:15:06,990
Aw, who cares?
357
00:15:07,074 --> 00:15:08,784
Hey, you saw the sign, buddy!
358
00:15:08,867 --> 00:15:11,170
How am I driving? I
want to know now!
359
00:15:11,194 --> 00:15:12,554
[car horn honking]
360
00:15:13,074 --> 00:15:14,373
Wait till I make a wide turn.
361
00:15:14,456 --> 00:15:16,375
It's like a license to kill.
362
00:15:16,458 --> 00:15:18,460
Why'd you get out of
there so fast, Drew?
363
00:15:18,544 --> 00:15:20,712
What would you do if you
found out that Mimi Bobeck
364
00:15:20,796 --> 00:15:23,424
had an entire cabinet
filled with snapshots of you?
365
00:15:23,507 --> 00:15:25,676
I knew a girl who
collected pictures of me,
366
00:15:25,759 --> 00:15:26,927
but that was because...
367
00:15:27,010 --> 00:15:30,222
Oh, my God..
She's in love with you?
368
00:15:30,305 --> 00:15:31,557
[shushing]
Not so loud.
369
00:15:31,640 --> 00:15:34,226
Whoever's in control of
irony could be listening.
370
00:15:34,309 --> 00:15:36,603
Drew, you have to
admit it to yourself.
371
00:15:36,687 --> 00:15:39,982
I know, I know. She's...
ugh, in love with me.
372
00:15:40,065 --> 00:15:41,984
But how is it possible?
373
00:15:42,067 --> 00:15:43,277
Now, you know
what they say, Drew,
374
00:15:43,360 --> 00:15:45,612
there's a fine line
between love and hate.
375
00:15:45,696 --> 00:15:48,729
Who's "they", all the tiny
jackasses inside your head?
376
00:15:51,243 --> 00:15:52,661
You know, this
whole thing is crazy.
377
00:15:52,744 --> 00:15:55,164
It doesn't make any sense.
378
00:15:55,247 --> 00:15:56,623
Why not?
379
00:15:56,707 --> 00:15:59,376
Because... oh, God,
please give me something.
380
00:15:59,460 --> 00:16:01,462
Okay. Here's why not.
381
00:16:01,545 --> 00:16:03,630
Because, uh, she's
always trying to get me fired.
382
00:16:03,714 --> 00:16:06,049
And then I'd be out
of her life forever.
383
00:16:06,133 --> 00:16:07,759
Or you'd be on the
skids and vulnerable.
384
00:16:09,052 --> 00:16:10,345
"I'm so sorry, Drew.
385
00:16:10,429 --> 00:16:11,805
"Let me lend you a few bucks.
386
00:16:11,889 --> 00:16:13,557
Here, put your head
on my shoulder."
387
00:16:13,640 --> 00:16:15,017
"That's not your shoulder."
388
00:16:15,100 --> 00:16:17,478
"Who cares? Take me
now, my portly stallion.
389
00:16:17,561 --> 00:16:18,896
Take me, take me!"
390
00:16:18,979 --> 00:16:22,274
[honking]
391
00:16:24,282 --> 00:16:26,282
[instrumental music]
392
00:16:27,417 --> 00:16:29,823
You know, I still don't know
what I'm gonna say to Mimi.
393
00:16:29,907 --> 00:16:33,076
You know, Drew, you're
probably making too much of this.
394
00:16:33,160 --> 00:16:34,912
Mimi's a reasonable person.
395
00:16:34,995 --> 00:16:36,997
I mean, after all,
she is a woman.
396
00:16:37,080 --> 00:16:38,332
Oh, yeah, here we go.
397
00:16:38,415 --> 00:16:41,001
What? It's a well-known fact
398
00:16:41,084 --> 00:16:44,296
that if women ran the
world, there'd be no wars.
399
00:16:44,379 --> 00:16:46,465
Yeah, I'm sure no one would
start a fight for no reason
400
00:16:46,548 --> 00:16:47,925
- if women ran the world.
- Right.
401
00:16:48,008 --> 00:16:48,842
"Hi, this is England.
402
00:16:48,926 --> 00:16:49,927
How come I'm being invaded?"
403
00:16:50,010 --> 00:16:53,222
"Oh, I think you know why."
404
00:16:53,305 --> 00:16:54,890
Ow! What was that for?
405
00:16:54,973 --> 00:16:57,559
Oh, I think you know why.
406
00:16:59,311 --> 00:17:02,189
Oh, well... Suzie's here.
407
00:17:02,272 --> 00:17:03,899
At least that's one problem
I know how to solve.
408
00:17:04,942 --> 00:17:06,527
Suzie, how you doin'?
409
00:17:06,610 --> 00:17:09,947
So, Mr. Bell's really got
you backed up here, huh?
410
00:17:10,030 --> 00:17:14,284
Look. Another one of
these things in your "In" box.
411
00:17:14,368 --> 00:17:18,038
Oh, these are just the assembly
instructions for the "In" box.
412
00:17:20,040 --> 00:17:22,251
There you go.
413
00:17:22,334 --> 00:17:23,914
Thanks.
414
00:17:24,014 --> 00:17:25,546
Yeah, that's the trouble
with these desk jobs,
415
00:17:25,629 --> 00:17:27,381
where you're just
sittin' down all day.
416
00:17:27,464 --> 00:17:29,091
There's always somethin' to do.
417
00:17:29,174 --> 00:17:31,969
That, and, well,
you know, just...
418
00:17:32,052 --> 00:17:33,178
Oh, my God, I'm not.
419
00:17:33,262 --> 00:17:35,973
Well, it's not really for
me to say-- Holy cow!
420
00:17:36,056 --> 00:17:39,434
Aah. It is bigger.
421
00:17:39,518 --> 00:17:40,894
I hate this job.
422
00:17:40,978 --> 00:17:42,854
And I'm afraid I'm
gonna add to it.
423
00:17:42,938 --> 00:17:44,273
I need you to post this opening.
424
00:17:44,356 --> 00:17:45,482
It's for a new buyer in jewelry.
425
00:17:45,566 --> 00:17:46,984
We had to fire the other one
426
00:17:47,067 --> 00:17:49,278
'cause it's just so
easy to steal from there.
427
00:17:51,488 --> 00:17:53,156
Whew.
428
00:17:53,180 --> 00:17:54,448
[door closes]
429
00:17:54,908 --> 00:17:55,784
[clears throat]
430
00:17:55,867 --> 00:17:56,952
Mimi.
431
00:17:57,035 --> 00:17:59,246
Yeah?
432
00:17:59,329 --> 00:18:00,706
Well, you know, we...
433
00:18:00,789 --> 00:18:04,793
you know, we kind of got
interrupted yesterday, and...
434
00:18:04,876 --> 00:18:06,461
I don't know how
to put this exactly.
435
00:18:06,545 --> 00:18:07,588
It's kind of delicate.
436
00:18:08,103 --> 00:18:09,150
Oh?
437
00:18:09,175 --> 00:18:10,440
Yeah. You know, uh,
438
00:18:10,465 --> 00:18:12,426
sometimes when people act
as though they hate each other,
439
00:18:12,509 --> 00:18:15,429
well, one of these people
may be having feelings
440
00:18:15,512 --> 00:18:16,680
that are the opposite
of what they seem.
441
00:18:16,763 --> 00:18:18,515
Really?
442
00:18:18,599 --> 00:18:21,268
Yes and to protect
those real feelings,
443
00:18:21,351 --> 00:18:22,978
or maybe they fear rejection,
444
00:18:23,061 --> 00:18:25,689
or maybe it's just a totally
screwed-up individual.
445
00:18:26,189 --> 00:18:27,065
Just a guess.
446
00:18:27,149 --> 00:18:30,652
Uh... they act towards
the other person
447
00:18:30,736 --> 00:18:33,322
with a lot of, you
know, hostility.
448
00:18:33,405 --> 00:18:35,449
Uh-huh.
449
00:18:35,532 --> 00:18:37,409
What are you talking about?
450
00:18:37,492 --> 00:18:40,412
Mimi, you have a
cupboard full of my pictures.
451
00:18:40,495 --> 00:18:41,538
No, I don't.
452
00:18:41,622 --> 00:18:42,623
I saw it.
453
00:18:42,706 --> 00:18:44,567
Well, it's just a
little cupboard.
454
00:18:44,640 --> 00:18:47,046
Little? It's like a
museum of me in there.
455
00:18:47,080 --> 00:18:50,130
It's like the Drewvre.
456
00:18:50,213 --> 00:18:52,591
So, what's the big deal?
457
00:18:52,674 --> 00:18:53,634
What's the big deal?
458
00:18:53,717 --> 00:18:55,802
You're in love with
me! There, you said it!
459
00:18:55,886 --> 00:18:57,471
In love with you?
460
00:18:57,554 --> 00:18:59,389
I'll show you who's
gonna love you.
461
00:19:01,058 --> 00:19:03,727
I've been sending those pictures
462
00:19:03,810 --> 00:19:07,522
to lonely male prisoners
along with this letter.
463
00:19:12,861 --> 00:19:16,594
"I hope you come see
me when you get out"?
464
00:19:17,621 --> 00:19:19,993
Your first date should
be in about six months.
465
00:19:20,077 --> 00:19:21,769
Three with good behavior.
466
00:19:21,793 --> 00:19:23,452
[laughing]
467
00:19:23,526 --> 00:19:26,500
[stammering]
H-how m-many of these
did you just send out?
468
00:19:26,583 --> 00:19:28,293
None.
469
00:19:28,377 --> 00:19:30,837
I realized it got out of hand
470
00:19:30,921 --> 00:19:32,506
when Mr. Bell almost fired us.
471
00:19:32,589 --> 00:19:34,800
Yeah, no kiddin'.
472
00:19:34,883 --> 00:19:37,260
What are we gonna do about this?
473
00:19:37,344 --> 00:19:38,512
Oh, this?
474
00:19:38,595 --> 00:19:40,514
I already took care of this.
475
00:19:40,597 --> 00:19:42,957
Three, two...
476
00:19:42,982 --> 00:19:44,935
[telephone rings]
477
00:19:45,018 --> 00:19:46,144
Yes, Mr. Bell?
478
00:19:46,228 --> 00:19:47,312
[Mr. Bell]
Is Mimi there?
479
00:19:47,396 --> 00:19:48,980
Yes, sir, I'm right here.
480
00:19:49,064 --> 00:19:52,025
[Mr. Bell]
Mimi, listen, I need you
back at my desk immediately.
481
00:19:52,109 --> 00:19:54,403
Suzie's going to be moving
to a different position.
482
00:19:54,486 --> 00:19:57,114
I bet it's still under Mr. Bell.
483
00:19:57,197 --> 00:20:00,283
I'll be right there, sir.
484
00:20:00,367 --> 00:20:01,910
[Mr. Bell]
Oh, and, Carey,
I'm sorry about this.
485
00:20:01,993 --> 00:20:05,163
I know I'm pulling rank in a very
arbitrary and haphazard manner,
486
00:20:05,247 --> 00:20:07,582
but, you really have no choice.
487
00:20:07,666 --> 00:20:09,192
[dial tone]
488
00:20:09,239 --> 00:20:12,421
Ooh, you, Are really good.
489
00:20:12,504 --> 00:20:14,005
Where's Suzie going?
490
00:20:14,089 --> 00:20:15,590
She's the new buyer in jewelry.
491
00:20:15,674 --> 00:20:18,301
And you didn't even consider me?
492
00:20:18,385 --> 00:20:21,888
Wha-oh, wow, the job
would've been perfect for you.
493
00:20:21,972 --> 00:20:24,141
Oh, it would've been
better pay, shorter hours,
494
00:20:24,224 --> 00:20:25,851
you would've got to travel.
495
00:20:25,934 --> 00:20:26,935
It would've been your dream job.
496
00:20:27,018 --> 00:20:29,354
Bite me, dough girl.
497
00:20:33,316 --> 00:20:36,236
I guess I deserve that.
498
00:20:36,319 --> 00:20:39,364
Oh. I alphabetized
your recent hirees
499
00:20:39,448 --> 00:20:41,450
and rescheduled
your appointments
500
00:20:41,533 --> 00:20:43,118
so you could take a lunch break.
501
00:20:43,201 --> 00:20:46,913
Wow. You mean I'm all caught up?
502
00:20:46,997 --> 00:20:49,291
Yeah. If you want
to review the disks,
503
00:20:49,374 --> 00:20:51,460
they're in the top
left-hand drawer.
504
00:20:51,543 --> 00:20:54,921
Oh... Gee.
505
00:20:55,005 --> 00:20:58,091
I don't know what to say.
506
00:20:58,175 --> 00:21:01,011
Just... thanks, Mimi.
507
00:21:01,094 --> 00:21:03,430
My pleasure.
508
00:21:11,855 --> 00:21:13,865
[laughing]
509
00:21:19,279 --> 00:21:20,280
Good one.
510
00:21:27,037 --> 00:21:28,789
Yeah, hi.
511
00:21:28,872 --> 00:21:30,248
Can you get me the address
512
00:21:30,332 --> 00:21:33,502
for the Cuyahoga County
Women's Correctional Center?
513
00:21:35,378 --> 00:21:38,131
Alright. Let's get
down to business.
514
00:21:40,759 --> 00:21:44,596
An authentic pair of Antonio
Banderas' boxer shorts.
515
00:21:46,765 --> 00:21:48,433
Worn but not washed.
516
00:21:48,517 --> 00:21:49,976
Ohh.
517
00:21:51,853 --> 00:21:53,730
Wait a minute, if
they're authentic,
518
00:21:53,814 --> 00:21:55,398
how did you get them?
519
00:21:55,482 --> 00:21:56,566
Oh, you want to know my source?
520
00:21:56,650 --> 00:21:59,152
Two words, bite me.
521
00:22:03,240 --> 00:22:04,616
They're the right size.
522
00:22:04,699 --> 00:22:05,534
[Latin accent]
Of course.
523
00:22:05,617 --> 00:22:07,911
What will you give me for them?
524
00:22:08,495 --> 00:22:11,164
Wait a minute.
525
00:22:11,248 --> 00:22:15,544
Poly-cotton blend?
526
00:22:15,627 --> 00:22:18,839
If you read your Antonio
Banderas fan literature,
527
00:22:18,922 --> 00:22:21,550
you'd know he only
wears 100% cotton.
528
00:22:21,633 --> 00:22:25,053
Uh... they're from
a movie wardrobe.
529
00:22:25,136 --> 00:22:26,972
Yeah, right. Get out!
530
00:22:27,055 --> 00:22:29,224
Take your skeevy
underwear with you.
531
00:22:29,307 --> 00:22:30,976
You'll pay for this!
532
00:22:31,059 --> 00:22:32,561
Uh.. Danny Bonaduce?
533
00:22:32,644 --> 00:22:34,938
Out!
35446
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