All language subtitles for South Park Season 27 Episode 6 Twisted Christian

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Original subtitles

(Ztranskrybowane przez TurboScribe.ai. Przejdź na Nielimitowany, aby usunąć tę wiadomość.) I'm going down south, I'm gonna have myself

a time.

Friendly faces everywhere, humble folks without temptation.

I'm going down south, I'm gonna leave my

world behind.

And we're parking day and night, people shouting

harder than ever.

Heading on up south, I'm gonna see if

I can't unwind.

Come on down south, I'm gonna meet some

friends of mine.

Hey, fellas!

Fellas!

You wanna know what time I woke up

this morning?

What time?

Around 6-7!

6-7!

Oh, hey, Annie, ladies.

Did you guys do your homework last night?

I tried to, but I got stuck on

problems 6 and 7!

6 and 7!

Hey, Eric!

I know, Butters, I know.

Don't do it to me.

It's too funny.

But I just did a 6-7 with

Annie and Megan at the same time!

Yeah, five minutes ago I snuck up on

Wendy and totally 6-7'd her from behind.

Wow!

Hey, Scott, how's your diabetes, man?

My diabetes?

Yeah, what's your A1C at?

6.7!

6.7!

Oh, my God!

All right, everyone, listen up.

I've gotten a lot of reports of disruptions

in the classroom and some satanic numerology shit

going on.

So I want to remind you this is

a power Christian school, and I am a

power Christian principal, and we will be PC.

So now I want you to hear from

someone who is the highest authority on biblical

prophecies.

This person is an absolute expert on the

end of days and the coming of the

Antichrist.

Please welcome Mr. Peter Thiel.

Peter Thiel knows about the Antichrist.

Peter Thiel knows about the Antichrist.

I'm Peter Thiel, and I know about the

Antichrist.

Let's learn about the Antichrist today.

Hello, kids, I'm Peter Thiel, and I'm here

to talk to you about the Antichrist.

Okay, so first, what is the Antichrist?

The Antichrist is a newer, more human form

of Satan that will soon walk the earth.

We don't know how soon it will walk

the earth, but it could be within the

next 6 to 7 weeks.

Okay, you see, Satan was a fallen angel,

and God punished him.

And to make sure Satan could never have

offspring, the Lord God did shrink Satan's asshole

to the size of a tiny little pinhole

so nothing could ever penetrate and ejaculate inside

of it.

So Satan could never have a butt baby

until along came Mr. Donald Trump, whose penis

is so teeny, teeny, tiny it could actually

fit in Satan's asshole.

How small is Donald Trump's penis?

Somewhere between 6 and 7 centimeters.

6 centimeters!

Hey, look, this is very important, people, okay?

The Antichrist is coming.

The Bible refers to the eagle, which refers

to America, the fourth seal broken and hell

coming to earth.

It's right here in Revelation 6...

6-7.

6-7!

Good, and breathe in through your nose and

out through your mouth.

In 2, 3, 4, and exhale 2, 3,

4.

Good, let your shoulders soften, let your jaw

relax.

Now gentle pressure on the hips as your

partner exhales.

Good, and breathe...

This is so boring!

How about you shut up and do your

job?

Ah, come on, Satan!

How about we just calm and f***?

We haven't had sex in forever!

That's because it's bad for the baby.

Yeah, but f*** a baby, this is stupid!

Did you just say f*** the baby?

Hey, was that scary?

I didn't mean like really f*** the baby.

No, you know what?

You can just go home.

I'll finish this myself.

You can go home and jack off if

you want.

Ah, perfect!

Uh...

Ah, shit!

Good news, boss.

We just shut down another abortion clinic.

Oh, yeah, great, that's great.

Yes, boss.

You've made all the Christians so happy.

Of course, there is still one more clinic

that will still perform abortions right here in

town.

There is?

Oh, yes.

How unfortunate that some babies will not be

able to be born.

As Christians, we can't allow this to continue.

Perhaps you should go speak with this abortion

doctor personally.

Yeah, yeah!

Come in!

PC Principal, do you have a minute?

Sure, Jesus.

What do you need?

I'm starting to wonder if I really fit

in here.

Of course you fit in.

This school has been a cesspool of heathen

left-wing little bitches and only our faith

is going to set them right.

Could I ask exactly what branch of Christianity

are you?

The kind that loves his country and doesn't

tolerate any f***ing fags.

Yeah, see, I really think I don't belong

here.

Look, I understand it's a tough transition.

You know, the Vice Principal here had the

same conflict as you, but she's really come

around.

The Vice Principal?

Your wife?

That's right.

Can you send in Strong Christian Woman, please?

She was saying this wasn't the place for

her anymore, but just this last weekend, she

converted to Christianity.

You wanted to see me?

Yeah, Strong Christian Woman.

I was just telling Jesus here about our

faith.

Oh, yes.

It's been such a blessing.

She converted on Saturday.

What do you think, huh?

You ever seen a more Christian chick in

your f***ing life?

Never.

Look, I know it's a hard adjustment, but

just stick with it, and you're going to

fit in here just fine, Jesus.

Did everything

go good at school today, honey?

Yep, yep.

School was good.

School was pretty good.

Is everything okay, honey?

Yeah, everything's fine.

It's fine.

Mom, can I ask you something?

Sure, Eric.

Do you know, on average, at what age

kids lose their baby teeth?

Oh, I'm not sure, Eric.

I guess usually around six, seven.

Eric, what?

No, nothing.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I was just thinking about your menstrual cycle.

My menstrual cycle?

Yeah, I was just wondering when you actually

menstruate, ma'am.

Like, roughly, how many days does that last?

Well, Eric, it's usually around six to seven

days that a woman...

Ah!

Ah!

Ah!

Ah!

Oh!

Oh!

Eric, sweetie?

Eric, what is going on?

This keeps happening.

Mom, Mom, you got to tell me something.

Of course, honey.

Roughly how many nights have I been throwing

up at dinner?

I don't know, Eric.

It's probably been six or seven nights.

Ah!

Hey, Jesus, get your

stuff, man.

We're going out for drinks.

What?

Look, I know it's been hard for you

trying to adjust here and everything, so the

wife and I were talking and we found

a nice Christian lady we're going to set

you up with.

Oh, I don't think so.

Thanks, but...

Oh, come on, man.

She's a really great woman and she just

converted to Christianity.

My wife met her at the same place

that she became Christian.

So then I was like, you know what?

I need a new direction in my life.

It's like I just got so sick of

everyone being such a pussy all the time

and all this woke garbage and women trying

to be men, so I just started reading

the Bible, you know?

I mean, I didn't actually read the Bible,

but I listened to a lot of podcasts.

And once I went through my transition, I

was like, this is great, only now guys

are always checking out my Christianity.

Sorry, could you all excuse me?

I need to go to the bathroom.

Sure thing, Jesus.

He fiends knife.

Miss Davidson?

Miss Cocoa Slutty Davidson?

Oh yeah, that's me.

I'm Cocoa Slutty Davidson.

Just here to get an abortion.

The doctor's right in here, ma'am.

Hey doc!

Alright, listen.

I need you to perform an abortion.

But it's not for me, it's for my

partner.

And you can't tell anyone, not even my

partner.

How am I supposed to do that?

Well, you're gonna come with me, see, and

we're gonna sneak into my house and you're

gonna set that thing out while everyone's asleep.

Your house wouldn't happen to be white, would

it?

Hey, how do you know that?

Look, Mr. President, I've seen the news.

If you got Satan pregnant, that's your responsibility.

Well, it's your responsibility now.

Or else I'll sue you, how about that?

Even if I wanted to help you, sir,

I have no idea how to perform an

abortion on the offspring of Satan.

To do that, you'd need some kind of

expert on the Antichrist.

Peter Thiel knows about the Antichrist.

Peter Thiel knows about the Antichrist.

I'm Peter Thiel and I know about the

Antichrist.

All right, listen.

You people have a very serious problem here.

Your students appear to be in some kind

of cult involving the numbers six and seven.

All right, so what should we do?

I'm going to need access to all your

school's private data.

School records, health records, and of course, all

security cameras.

Oh, no.

Look, I don't think we need it.

Is this really what we've come to?

Freely handing people's personal data over to some

tech billionaire preaching shit about the Bible?

You got a problem with Jesus, bro?

Come on, man.

You became a Christian like three months ago.

Yeah, I've got f***ing faith, dude.

What do you have, you little bitch?

You want to throw down, bro?

Uh, okay.

Hey, hey, hey, hey.

You want to see what it feels like

to talk shit about Christianity?

I just try to be still, Eric.

Doctor, can I ask a question?

Of course.

About how long do you need me to

be still?

Just about ten seconds, Eric.

Okay.

So how long now?

Just another six, seven seconds, Eric.

I'm sorry, Mrs. Carman, but we can't pinpoint

the source of his illness.

If he continues to vomit this much daily,

I'm afraid it could be life-threatening.

But, doctor, if I'm not able to keep

any food down, roughly how long would it

take...

Roughly how long would it take for the

human body to die?

Eric, I'm going to be very honest with

you.

Without sufficient nutrients, the body shuts down after

six to seven weeks.

Excuse me, that's my computer.

Yes, and your computer has all the personal

data of the students here.

It's okay, Jesus.

Peter Thiel knows what he's doing.

I've downloaded all the students' information and loaded

them into an A.I. face detection program

so the school security cameras can watch their

every move.

Now, look.

Two students passing each other in the hallway.

They give each other the sign.

Six, seven.

Exactly 67 seconds later, this odd parka-wearing

child makes the same gesture.

And then, inside the girls' bathroom, two girls

doing the same thing.

Wait, why is there a camera inside the

girls' bathroom?

To stop the Antichrist.

Now, I'm following the lead on this girl

here.

She went home to 67 Malavista Drive.

Going through her family's medical records, I found

that her father has testicular cancer and, 67

days ago, had one testicle removed.

That really feels like none of our business.

I don't know how I'm supposed to work

with Nosy Nancy peering over my shoulder all

the time.

Jesus, let's you and me have a quick

chain wiggle out in the hall.

I'm getting close.

I almost have the key to stop it

from happening.

We are running out of time, Mr. Teal.

The Antichrist is coming.

Satan is shopping for baby strollers as we

speak.

If I'm going to learn what these numbers

mean, I'm going to need access to every

government database.

You will have it, Mr. Teal.

Nothing is more important than making sure this

baby is not born.

Look, man, I know it's tough, but you

got to understand that drastic times call for

drastic measures.

I just don't feel good about treating people

this way.

I think the most important thing still has

to be loving and respecting each other.

All right, man, I need to ask you

something, and I need you to tell me

the truth.

Are you a fag?

No, that has nothing to do with it.

It's just...

Are you f***ing sure?

I'm just trying to say that I'm really

confused right now.

Okay, but confused like you don't know if

you're attracted to dudes or like what?

Like how we can just change everything about

who we are.

I think you still just don't understand what

Christians today are about.

Come on, there's someone I think you should

talk to.

Oh, yes, the Antichrist.

I've listened to a lot of podcasts about

that.

Everyone keeps saying how the Antichrist is coming,

but I'm like, he already did.

I was married to him in 2018.

But seriously, if he saw how Christian I

was, now he'd probably shit his pants.

Don't be jealous.

He's so funny.

Hey.

Hey, Satan.

Boss!

Ah, f***, shit!

Oh, sorry, boss.

I did not know Satan was sleeping.

Yeah, that's all he ever does anymore.

Poor boss.

If you're going to jack off, shall I

fetch your c*** rag?

Hey, I wasn't jacking off.

Sure thing, boss.

I'll go get your c*** rag.

What is taking you so long?

I'm very close to finding the secret of

the numbers.

I've narrowed it down to one little boy

who seems more possessed than the others.

Then deal with him and keep it quiet.

Nobody can know that we are working together.

When I become president, I will give you

full access to everyone's data.

I've already spoken with the mother, and I'm

on my way now to face the child.

Peter Thiel knows about the Antichrist.

Peter Thiel knows about the Antichrist.

I'm Peter Thiel, and I know about the

Antichrist.

Let's deal with the Antichrist today.

Don't!

Is your son home?

Yes, Mr. Thiel.

He's right upstairs.

Eric, I'm Peter Thiel.

I'm here to help our country.

Okay.

I came to see you...

in an Uber, Eric.

Would you like to know how long it

took me to get here?

How long?

It took...

around six or seven minutes.

I'm not...

No way!

You know, they're all just a bunch of

libtards anyways.

I know what's up.

I listen to podcasts.

You want to know who I think the

Antichrist is?

Greta Thunberg, with her stupid haircut and her

dumb bangs.

Someone should yank out whatever's up her ass.

I can't.

I just can't.

Everything all right, bud?

No, everything's not all right.

I don't know what I'm doing here.

You're trying to get with the program, bro.

Peggy Rockbottom is a hot Christian girl.

Now stop acting gay.

Look, I don't know what you think Christianity

is, but it has nothing to do with

that.

What are you saying?

I'm saying that you and a lot of

other people seem to have a very warped

sense of what Christianity is.

Are you questioning my faith?

You want to f***ing go?

No, I don't want to f***ing go.

You got a problem, bro?

No, I don't have a problem.

You actually have a problem.

You need a way to bully people, and

you're using the Bible to do it.

I'm not gonna fight you!

Damn right you won't, because you're a gay

little pussy!

Yeah, don't come back!

You're gonna get some more, bitch!

Tell me what it means!

The Lord labored six days, and on the

seventh he rested!

There's nothing more I can do here.

I have to take him to Washington, D

.C. Washington?

Oh, no, he can't travel now.

He's very sick.

Your son is the key to saving our

country, Miss Cartman.

Everything we hold dear could end.

We have to unlock the secrets he holds,

no matter what it takes.

It's true.

Watch me walk through the wall.

Check it out.

Damn it.

Damn it.

Damn it.

I think the wall's broken.

Yeah.

Beavis and Button.

New episode coming up next on Comedy Central.

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