All language subtitles for South Park Season 27 Episode 6 Twisted Christian

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I'm going down south, I'm gonna have myself 2 00:00:10,430 --> 00:00:11,030 a time. 3 00:00:11,430 --> 00:00:14,610 Friendly faces everywhere, humble folks without temptation. 4 00:00:14,770 --> 00:00:16,770 I'm going down south, I'm gonna leave my 5 00:00:16,770 --> 00:00:17,610 world behind. 6 00:00:18,070 --> 00:00:20,470 And we're parking day and night, people shouting 7 00:00:20,470 --> 00:00:21,350 harder than ever. 8 00:00:21,430 --> 00:00:23,270 Heading on up south, I'm gonna see if 9 00:00:23,270 --> 00:00:24,310 I can't unwind. 10 00:00:27,250 --> 00:00:29,990 Come on down south, I'm gonna meet some 11 00:00:29,990 --> 00:00:30,770 friends of mine. 12 00:00:37,150 --> 00:00:37,970 Hey, fellas! 13 00:00:38,330 --> 00:00:38,730 Fellas! 14 00:00:39,370 --> 00:00:41,010 You wanna know what time I woke up 15 00:00:41,010 --> 00:00:41,410 this morning? 16 00:00:41,670 --> 00:00:42,190 What time? 17 00:00:42,470 --> 00:00:43,610 Around 6-7! 18 00:00:43,910 --> 00:00:44,570 6-7! 19 00:00:45,910 --> 00:00:47,230 Oh, hey, Annie, ladies. 20 00:00:47,830 --> 00:00:49,510 Did you guys do your homework last night? 21 00:00:50,050 --> 00:00:52,290 I tried to, but I got stuck on 22 00:00:52,290 --> 00:00:53,590 problems 6 and 7! 23 00:00:53,750 --> 00:00:54,570 6 and 7! 24 00:00:56,450 --> 00:00:57,090 Hey, Eric! 25 00:00:57,690 --> 00:00:58,750 I know, Butters, I know. 26 00:00:58,830 --> 00:00:59,450 Don't do it to me. 27 00:00:59,530 --> 00:01:00,010 It's too funny. 28 00:01:00,290 --> 00:01:01,650 But I just did a 6-7 with 29 00:01:01,650 --> 00:01:03,310 Annie and Megan at the same time! 30 00:01:03,510 --> 00:01:04,910 Yeah, five minutes ago I snuck up on 31 00:01:04,910 --> 00:01:06,330 Wendy and totally 6-7'd her from behind. 32 00:01:06,750 --> 00:01:07,150 Wow! 33 00:01:07,410 --> 00:01:08,770 Hey, Scott, how's your diabetes, man? 34 00:01:09,210 --> 00:01:09,870 My diabetes? 35 00:01:10,230 --> 00:01:11,270 Yeah, what's your A1C at? 36 00:01:13,390 --> 00:01:14,190 6.7! 37 00:01:14,550 --> 00:01:15,230 6.7! 38 00:01:17,030 --> 00:01:18,090 Oh, my God! 39 00:01:23,480 --> 00:01:24,580 All right, everyone, listen up. 40 00:01:25,040 --> 00:01:26,940 I've gotten a lot of reports of disruptions 41 00:01:26,940 --> 00:01:30,000 in the classroom and some satanic numerology shit 42 00:01:30,000 --> 00:01:30,560 going on. 43 00:01:30,960 --> 00:01:32,400 So I want to remind you this is 44 00:01:32,400 --> 00:01:34,460 a power Christian school, and I am a 45 00:01:34,460 --> 00:01:36,820 power Christian principal, and we will be PC. 46 00:01:37,380 --> 00:01:38,600 So now I want you to hear from 47 00:01:38,600 --> 00:01:41,040 someone who is the highest authority on biblical 48 00:01:41,040 --> 00:01:41,700 prophecies. 49 00:01:42,460 --> 00:01:44,360 This person is an absolute expert on the 50 00:01:44,360 --> 00:01:45,940 end of days and the coming of the 51 00:01:45,940 --> 00:01:46,500 Antichrist. 52 00:01:47,020 --> 00:01:49,120 Please welcome Mr. Peter Thiel. 53 00:01:51,580 --> 00:01:54,660 Peter Thiel knows about the Antichrist. 54 00:01:54,760 --> 00:01:57,740 Peter Thiel knows about the Antichrist. 55 00:01:57,880 --> 00:02:00,120 I'm Peter Thiel, and I know about the 56 00:02:00,120 --> 00:02:02,200 Antichrist. 57 00:02:03,120 --> 00:02:04,980 Let's learn about the Antichrist today. 58 00:02:05,780 --> 00:02:07,419 Hello, kids, I'm Peter Thiel, and I'm here 59 00:02:07,419 --> 00:02:08,919 to talk to you about the Antichrist. 60 00:02:12,080 --> 00:02:13,960 Okay, so first, what is the Antichrist? 61 00:02:14,420 --> 00:02:16,160 The Antichrist is a newer, more human form 62 00:02:16,160 --> 00:02:17,440 of Satan that will soon walk the earth. 63 00:02:17,680 --> 00:02:18,820 We don't know how soon it will walk 64 00:02:18,820 --> 00:02:20,200 the earth, but it could be within the 65 00:02:20,200 --> 00:02:21,220 next 6 to 7 weeks. 66 00:02:26,680 --> 00:02:28,700 Okay, you see, Satan was a fallen angel, 67 00:02:28,980 --> 00:02:30,040 and God punished him. 68 00:02:30,340 --> 00:02:32,320 And to make sure Satan could never have 69 00:02:32,320 --> 00:02:35,680 offspring, the Lord God did shrink Satan's asshole 70 00:02:35,680 --> 00:02:38,700 to the size of a tiny little pinhole 71 00:02:38,700 --> 00:02:42,300 so nothing could ever penetrate and ejaculate inside 72 00:02:42,300 --> 00:02:42,700 of it. 73 00:02:43,220 --> 00:02:44,900 So Satan could never have a butt baby 74 00:02:44,900 --> 00:02:48,440 until along came Mr. Donald Trump, whose penis 75 00:02:48,440 --> 00:02:51,720 is so teeny, teeny, tiny it could actually 76 00:02:51,720 --> 00:02:53,560 fit in Satan's asshole. 77 00:02:53,960 --> 00:02:55,400 How small is Donald Trump's penis? 78 00:02:55,680 --> 00:02:58,160 Somewhere between 6 and 7 centimeters. 79 00:02:58,620 --> 00:02:59,860 6 centimeters! 80 00:03:01,640 --> 00:03:04,240 Hey, look, this is very important, people, okay? 81 00:03:04,300 --> 00:03:05,440 The Antichrist is coming. 82 00:03:05,940 --> 00:03:08,460 The Bible refers to the eagle, which refers 83 00:03:08,460 --> 00:03:10,760 to America, the fourth seal broken and hell 84 00:03:10,760 --> 00:03:11,340 coming to earth. 85 00:03:11,480 --> 00:03:14,720 It's right here in Revelation 6... 86 00:03:15,660 --> 00:03:16,660 6-7. 87 00:03:17,080 --> 00:03:17,840 6-7! 88 00:03:19,620 --> 00:03:24,780 Good, and breathe in through your nose and 89 00:03:24,780 --> 00:03:26,100 out through your mouth. 90 00:03:26,100 --> 00:03:29,500 In 2, 3, 4, and exhale 2, 3, 91 00:03:29,700 --> 00:03:30,000 4. 92 00:03:30,140 --> 00:03:32,200 Good, let your shoulders soften, let your jaw 93 00:03:32,200 --> 00:03:32,700 relax. 94 00:03:33,500 --> 00:03:35,200 Now gentle pressure on the hips as your 95 00:03:35,200 --> 00:03:36,000 partner exhales. 96 00:03:36,300 --> 00:03:37,820 Good, and breathe... 97 00:03:37,820 --> 00:03:38,880 This is so boring! 98 00:03:39,440 --> 00:03:41,440 How about you shut up and do your 99 00:03:41,440 --> 00:03:41,800 job? 100 00:03:42,140 --> 00:03:43,360 Ah, come on, Satan! 101 00:03:43,800 --> 00:03:45,040 How about we just calm and f***? 102 00:03:45,480 --> 00:03:46,800 We haven't had sex in forever! 103 00:03:47,060 --> 00:03:49,120 That's because it's bad for the baby. 104 00:03:49,500 --> 00:03:51,420 Yeah, but f*** a baby, this is stupid! 105 00:03:51,780 --> 00:03:53,320 Did you just say f*** the baby? 106 00:03:53,320 --> 00:03:55,320 Hey, was that scary? 107 00:03:55,700 --> 00:03:57,500 I didn't mean like really f*** the baby. 108 00:03:57,940 --> 00:03:58,700 No, you know what? 109 00:03:58,760 --> 00:03:59,620 You can just go home. 110 00:03:59,720 --> 00:04:00,660 I'll finish this myself. 111 00:04:01,060 --> 00:04:02,480 You can go home and jack off if 112 00:04:02,480 --> 00:04:02,860 you want. 113 00:04:03,240 --> 00:04:04,560 Ah, perfect! 114 00:04:25,770 --> 00:04:26,290 Uh... 115 00:04:26,290 --> 00:04:26,970 Ah, shit! 116 00:04:27,990 --> 00:04:28,850 Good news, boss. 117 00:04:29,170 --> 00:04:31,570 We just shut down another abortion clinic. 118 00:04:32,110 --> 00:04:33,690 Oh, yeah, great, that's great. 119 00:04:34,150 --> 00:04:34,770 Yes, boss. 120 00:04:34,910 --> 00:04:36,990 You've made all the Christians so happy. 121 00:04:37,890 --> 00:04:41,110 Of course, there is still one more clinic 122 00:04:41,110 --> 00:04:44,650 that will still perform abortions right here in 123 00:04:44,650 --> 00:04:45,210 town. 124 00:04:46,310 --> 00:04:46,750 There is? 125 00:04:47,090 --> 00:04:47,730 Oh, yes. 126 00:04:48,170 --> 00:04:51,210 How unfortunate that some babies will not be 127 00:04:51,210 --> 00:04:52,490 able to be born. 128 00:04:53,050 --> 00:04:56,010 As Christians, we can't allow this to continue. 129 00:04:56,750 --> 00:04:59,850 Perhaps you should go speak with this abortion 130 00:04:59,850 --> 00:05:01,290 doctor personally. 131 00:05:02,010 --> 00:05:03,670 Yeah, yeah! 132 00:05:07,740 --> 00:05:08,440 Come in! 133 00:05:10,960 --> 00:05:12,440 PC Principal, do you have a minute? 134 00:05:12,820 --> 00:05:13,320 Sure, Jesus. 135 00:05:13,420 --> 00:05:13,820 What do you need? 136 00:05:14,280 --> 00:05:16,200 I'm starting to wonder if I really fit 137 00:05:16,200 --> 00:05:16,840 in here. 138 00:05:17,500 --> 00:05:18,380 Of course you fit in. 139 00:05:18,720 --> 00:05:20,160 This school has been a cesspool of heathen 140 00:05:20,160 --> 00:05:21,760 left-wing little bitches and only our faith 141 00:05:21,760 --> 00:05:22,620 is going to set them right. 142 00:05:23,520 --> 00:05:28,020 Could I ask exactly what branch of Christianity 143 00:05:28,020 --> 00:05:29,020 are you? 144 00:05:29,340 --> 00:05:30,780 The kind that loves his country and doesn't 145 00:05:30,780 --> 00:05:32,000 tolerate any f***ing fags. 146 00:05:32,540 --> 00:05:35,260 Yeah, see, I really think I don't belong 147 00:05:35,260 --> 00:05:35,540 here. 148 00:05:35,900 --> 00:05:37,580 Look, I understand it's a tough transition. 149 00:05:37,980 --> 00:05:39,340 You know, the Vice Principal here had the 150 00:05:39,340 --> 00:05:41,080 same conflict as you, but she's really come 151 00:05:41,080 --> 00:05:41,360 around. 152 00:05:41,780 --> 00:05:42,580 The Vice Principal? 153 00:05:42,960 --> 00:05:43,480 Your wife? 154 00:05:43,480 --> 00:05:44,300 That's right. 155 00:05:44,680 --> 00:05:46,460 Can you send in Strong Christian Woman, please? 156 00:05:46,940 --> 00:05:48,360 She was saying this wasn't the place for 157 00:05:48,360 --> 00:05:50,460 her anymore, but just this last weekend, she 158 00:05:50,460 --> 00:05:51,360 converted to Christianity. 159 00:05:53,420 --> 00:05:54,700 You wanted to see me? 160 00:05:55,160 --> 00:05:56,180 Yeah, Strong Christian Woman. 161 00:05:56,280 --> 00:05:57,520 I was just telling Jesus here about our 162 00:05:57,520 --> 00:05:57,720 faith. 163 00:05:58,040 --> 00:05:58,780 Oh, yes. 164 00:05:58,780 --> 00:06:00,080 It's been such a blessing. 165 00:06:00,660 --> 00:06:01,760 She converted on Saturday. 166 00:06:02,120 --> 00:06:02,760 What do you think, huh? 167 00:06:02,820 --> 00:06:04,080 You ever seen a more Christian chick in 168 00:06:04,080 --> 00:06:04,740 your f***ing life? 169 00:06:05,920 --> 00:06:06,280 Never. 170 00:06:06,780 --> 00:06:08,520 Look, I know it's a hard adjustment, but 171 00:06:08,520 --> 00:06:09,960 just stick with it, and you're going to 172 00:06:09,960 --> 00:06:11,200 fit in here just fine, Jesus. 173 00:06:13,480 --> 00:06:27,250 Did everything 174 00:06:27,250 --> 00:06:28,290 go good at school today, honey? 175 00:06:29,310 --> 00:06:30,070 Yep, yep. 176 00:06:30,290 --> 00:06:30,830 School was good. 177 00:06:31,030 --> 00:06:31,650 School was pretty good. 178 00:06:34,110 --> 00:06:35,610 Is everything okay, honey? 179 00:06:35,950 --> 00:06:36,910 Yeah, everything's fine. 180 00:06:37,270 --> 00:06:37,550 It's fine. 181 00:06:38,070 --> 00:06:40,590 Mom, can I ask you something? 182 00:06:40,910 --> 00:06:41,570 Sure, Eric. 183 00:06:41,910 --> 00:06:45,650 Do you know, on average, at what age 184 00:06:45,650 --> 00:06:46,690 kids lose their baby teeth? 185 00:06:47,450 --> 00:06:48,670 Oh, I'm not sure, Eric. 186 00:06:48,770 --> 00:06:50,990 I guess usually around six, seven. 187 00:06:55,230 --> 00:06:56,910 Eric, what? 188 00:06:57,350 --> 00:06:57,790 No, nothing. 189 00:06:58,030 --> 00:06:58,630 I'm sorry. 190 00:06:59,070 --> 00:06:59,550 I'm sorry. 191 00:07:00,070 --> 00:07:04,350 I was just thinking about your menstrual cycle. 192 00:07:05,390 --> 00:07:06,650 My menstrual cycle? 193 00:07:06,970 --> 00:07:09,670 Yeah, I was just wondering when you actually 194 00:07:09,670 --> 00:07:10,630 menstruate, ma'am. 195 00:07:11,290 --> 00:07:13,630 Like, roughly, how many days does that last? 196 00:07:14,410 --> 00:07:16,630 Well, Eric, it's usually around six to seven 197 00:07:16,630 --> 00:07:17,350 days that a woman... 198 00:07:17,350 --> 00:07:17,650 Ah! 199 00:07:19,270 --> 00:07:19,750 Ah! 200 00:07:20,210 --> 00:07:20,690 Ah! 201 00:07:20,870 --> 00:07:20,970 Ah! 202 00:07:20,970 --> 00:07:21,450 Oh! 203 00:07:23,030 --> 00:07:23,190 Oh! 204 00:07:29,730 --> 00:07:35,430 Eric, sweetie? 205 00:07:39,090 --> 00:07:40,950 Eric, what is going on? 206 00:07:41,010 --> 00:07:42,010 This keeps happening. 207 00:07:42,610 --> 00:07:45,390 Mom, Mom, you got to tell me something. 208 00:07:45,590 --> 00:07:46,450 Of course, honey. 209 00:07:46,790 --> 00:07:49,710 Roughly how many nights have I been throwing 210 00:07:49,710 --> 00:07:50,150 up at dinner? 211 00:07:50,150 --> 00:07:51,610 I don't know, Eric. 212 00:07:51,730 --> 00:07:53,390 It's probably been six or seven nights. 213 00:07:53,630 --> 00:07:53,730 Ah! 214 00:07:57,350 --> 00:08:07,310 Hey, Jesus, get your 215 00:08:07,310 --> 00:08:07,770 stuff, man. 216 00:08:07,810 --> 00:08:08,530 We're going out for drinks. 217 00:08:08,910 --> 00:08:09,190 What? 218 00:08:09,510 --> 00:08:10,570 Look, I know it's been hard for you 219 00:08:10,570 --> 00:08:12,530 trying to adjust here and everything, so the 220 00:08:12,530 --> 00:08:13,810 wife and I were talking and we found 221 00:08:13,810 --> 00:08:15,170 a nice Christian lady we're going to set 222 00:08:15,170 --> 00:08:15,570 you up with. 223 00:08:16,390 --> 00:08:17,770 Oh, I don't think so. 224 00:08:18,030 --> 00:08:18,670 Thanks, but... 225 00:08:18,670 --> 00:08:19,410 Oh, come on, man. 226 00:08:19,510 --> 00:08:20,910 She's a really great woman and she just 227 00:08:20,910 --> 00:08:21,810 converted to Christianity. 228 00:08:21,810 --> 00:08:23,630 My wife met her at the same place 229 00:08:23,630 --> 00:08:24,590 that she became Christian. 230 00:08:26,770 --> 00:08:28,430 So then I was like, you know what? 231 00:08:28,590 --> 00:08:30,390 I need a new direction in my life. 232 00:08:30,630 --> 00:08:32,049 It's like I just got so sick of 233 00:08:32,049 --> 00:08:33,690 everyone being such a pussy all the time 234 00:08:33,690 --> 00:08:35,929 and all this woke garbage and women trying 235 00:08:35,929 --> 00:08:37,690 to be men, so I just started reading 236 00:08:37,690 --> 00:08:38,530 the Bible, you know? 237 00:08:38,730 --> 00:08:40,270 I mean, I didn't actually read the Bible, 238 00:08:40,330 --> 00:08:41,850 but I listened to a lot of podcasts. 239 00:08:42,130 --> 00:08:43,670 And once I went through my transition, I 240 00:08:43,670 --> 00:08:45,670 was like, this is great, only now guys 241 00:08:45,670 --> 00:08:46,990 are always checking out my Christianity. 242 00:08:48,150 --> 00:08:49,910 Sorry, could you all excuse me? 243 00:08:49,970 --> 00:08:51,230 I need to go to the bathroom. 244 00:08:51,650 --> 00:08:52,530 Sure thing, Jesus. 245 00:08:55,270 --> 00:08:56,870 He fiends knife. 246 00:09:21,280 --> 00:09:22,640 Miss Davidson? 247 00:09:23,980 --> 00:09:26,480 Miss Cocoa Slutty Davidson? 248 00:09:27,800 --> 00:09:29,220 Oh yeah, that's me. 249 00:09:29,640 --> 00:09:31,040 I'm Cocoa Slutty Davidson. 250 00:09:31,340 --> 00:09:32,640 Just here to get an abortion. 251 00:09:36,600 --> 00:09:39,780 The doctor's right in here, ma'am. 252 00:09:39,820 --> 00:09:40,440 Hey doc! 253 00:09:47,520 --> 00:09:48,380 Alright, listen. 254 00:09:48,800 --> 00:09:49,840 I need you to perform an abortion. 255 00:09:50,200 --> 00:09:51,500 But it's not for me, it's for my 256 00:09:51,500 --> 00:09:51,760 partner. 257 00:09:52,340 --> 00:09:54,260 And you can't tell anyone, not even my 258 00:09:54,260 --> 00:09:54,560 partner. 259 00:09:55,420 --> 00:09:56,740 How am I supposed to do that? 260 00:09:57,220 --> 00:09:58,900 Well, you're gonna come with me, see, and 261 00:09:58,900 --> 00:10:00,400 we're gonna sneak into my house and you're 262 00:10:00,400 --> 00:10:02,020 gonna set that thing out while everyone's asleep. 263 00:10:03,080 --> 00:10:05,200 Your house wouldn't happen to be white, would 264 00:10:05,200 --> 00:10:05,340 it? 265 00:10:05,340 --> 00:10:06,740 Hey, how do you know that? 266 00:10:07,060 --> 00:10:08,760 Look, Mr. President, I've seen the news. 267 00:10:08,940 --> 00:10:11,260 If you got Satan pregnant, that's your responsibility. 268 00:10:11,780 --> 00:10:13,380 Well, it's your responsibility now. 269 00:10:13,640 --> 00:10:15,180 Or else I'll sue you, how about that? 270 00:10:15,380 --> 00:10:17,040 Even if I wanted to help you, sir, 271 00:10:17,180 --> 00:10:18,780 I have no idea how to perform an 272 00:10:18,780 --> 00:10:20,500 abortion on the offspring of Satan. 273 00:10:20,960 --> 00:10:22,320 To do that, you'd need some kind of 274 00:10:22,320 --> 00:10:24,100 expert on the Antichrist. 275 00:10:26,980 --> 00:10:29,760 Peter Thiel knows about the Antichrist. 276 00:10:29,960 --> 00:10:32,840 Peter Thiel knows about the Antichrist. 277 00:10:32,840 --> 00:10:35,220 I'm Peter Thiel and I know about the 278 00:10:35,220 --> 00:10:37,900 Antichrist. 279 00:10:40,690 --> 00:10:41,550 All right, listen. 280 00:10:42,010 --> 00:10:43,850 You people have a very serious problem here. 281 00:10:44,230 --> 00:10:45,690 Your students appear to be in some kind 282 00:10:45,690 --> 00:10:47,950 of cult involving the numbers six and seven. 283 00:10:48,470 --> 00:10:49,610 All right, so what should we do? 284 00:10:49,890 --> 00:10:51,570 I'm going to need access to all your 285 00:10:51,570 --> 00:10:52,590 school's private data. 286 00:10:52,970 --> 00:10:55,270 School records, health records, and of course, all 287 00:10:55,270 --> 00:10:56,170 security cameras. 288 00:10:56,670 --> 00:10:57,650 Oh, no. 289 00:10:57,830 --> 00:10:59,250 Look, I don't think we need it. 290 00:10:59,250 --> 00:11:00,990 Is this really what we've come to? 291 00:11:01,410 --> 00:11:03,630 Freely handing people's personal data over to some 292 00:11:03,630 --> 00:11:05,550 tech billionaire preaching shit about the Bible? 293 00:11:07,890 --> 00:11:09,230 You got a problem with Jesus, bro? 294 00:11:10,570 --> 00:11:11,330 Come on, man. 295 00:11:11,370 --> 00:11:13,510 You became a Christian like three months ago. 296 00:11:13,910 --> 00:11:15,410 Yeah, I've got f***ing faith, dude. 297 00:11:15,570 --> 00:11:16,790 What do you have, you little bitch? 298 00:11:17,150 --> 00:11:18,290 You want to throw down, bro? 299 00:11:18,490 --> 00:11:19,030 Uh, okay. 300 00:11:19,230 --> 00:11:19,990 Hey, hey, hey, hey. 301 00:11:19,990 --> 00:11:20,950 You want to see what it feels like 302 00:11:20,950 --> 00:11:22,030 to talk shit about Christianity? 303 00:11:38,160 --> 00:11:39,940 I just try to be still, Eric. 304 00:11:40,820 --> 00:11:42,200 Doctor, can I ask a question? 305 00:11:42,200 --> 00:11:43,360 Of course. 306 00:11:43,760 --> 00:11:46,540 About how long do you need me to 307 00:11:46,540 --> 00:11:47,040 be still? 308 00:11:47,380 --> 00:11:48,820 Just about ten seconds, Eric. 309 00:11:49,340 --> 00:11:49,780 Okay. 310 00:11:52,780 --> 00:11:53,600 So how long now? 311 00:11:54,000 --> 00:11:55,620 Just another six, seven seconds, Eric. 312 00:12:03,930 --> 00:12:06,390 I'm sorry, Mrs. Carman, but we can't pinpoint 313 00:12:06,390 --> 00:12:07,590 the source of his illness. 314 00:12:09,550 --> 00:12:12,070 If he continues to vomit this much daily, 315 00:12:12,450 --> 00:12:14,510 I'm afraid it could be life-threatening. 316 00:12:14,510 --> 00:12:17,710 But, doctor, if I'm not able to keep 317 00:12:17,710 --> 00:12:20,250 any food down, roughly how long would it 318 00:12:20,250 --> 00:12:20,510 take... 319 00:12:22,090 --> 00:12:23,590 Roughly how long would it take for the 320 00:12:23,590 --> 00:12:24,550 human body to die? 321 00:12:25,250 --> 00:12:26,690 Eric, I'm going to be very honest with 322 00:12:26,690 --> 00:12:26,870 you. 323 00:12:27,470 --> 00:12:30,170 Without sufficient nutrients, the body shuts down after 324 00:12:30,170 --> 00:12:31,150 six to seven weeks. 325 00:12:39,760 --> 00:12:41,460 Excuse me, that's my computer. 326 00:12:41,900 --> 00:12:44,140 Yes, and your computer has all the personal 327 00:12:44,140 --> 00:12:45,260 data of the students here. 328 00:12:45,600 --> 00:12:46,240 It's okay, Jesus. 329 00:12:46,360 --> 00:12:47,340 Peter Thiel knows what he's doing. 330 00:12:47,340 --> 00:12:50,320 I've downloaded all the students' information and loaded 331 00:12:50,320 --> 00:12:52,280 them into an A.I. face detection program 332 00:12:52,280 --> 00:12:54,240 so the school security cameras can watch their 333 00:12:54,240 --> 00:12:55,000 every move. 334 00:12:55,320 --> 00:12:55,800 Now, look. 335 00:12:56,760 --> 00:12:58,500 Two students passing each other in the hallway. 336 00:12:58,920 --> 00:13:00,200 They give each other the sign. 337 00:13:00,600 --> 00:13:01,240 Six, seven. 338 00:13:02,200 --> 00:13:05,420 Exactly 67 seconds later, this odd parka-wearing 339 00:13:05,420 --> 00:13:06,840 child makes the same gesture. 340 00:13:07,440 --> 00:13:10,620 And then, inside the girls' bathroom, two girls 341 00:13:10,620 --> 00:13:12,020 doing the same thing. 342 00:13:12,360 --> 00:13:14,580 Wait, why is there a camera inside the 343 00:13:14,580 --> 00:13:15,360 girls' bathroom? 344 00:13:15,360 --> 00:13:17,460 To stop the Antichrist. 345 00:13:18,400 --> 00:13:19,860 Now, I'm following the lead on this girl 346 00:13:19,860 --> 00:13:20,220 here. 347 00:13:20,840 --> 00:13:23,460 She went home to 67 Malavista Drive. 348 00:13:23,700 --> 00:13:25,780 Going through her family's medical records, I found 349 00:13:25,780 --> 00:13:29,020 that her father has testicular cancer and, 67 350 00:13:29,020 --> 00:13:31,540 days ago, had one testicle removed. 351 00:13:32,200 --> 00:13:34,240 That really feels like none of our business. 352 00:13:34,940 --> 00:13:36,200 I don't know how I'm supposed to work 353 00:13:36,200 --> 00:13:38,160 with Nosy Nancy peering over my shoulder all 354 00:13:38,160 --> 00:13:38,500 the time. 355 00:13:38,920 --> 00:13:40,220 Jesus, let's you and me have a quick 356 00:13:40,220 --> 00:13:41,060 chain wiggle out in the hall. 357 00:13:49,750 --> 00:13:50,790 I'm getting close. 358 00:13:51,330 --> 00:13:53,090 I almost have the key to stop it 359 00:13:53,090 --> 00:13:53,690 from happening. 360 00:13:55,950 --> 00:13:58,470 We are running out of time, Mr. Teal. 361 00:13:58,670 --> 00:14:00,590 The Antichrist is coming. 362 00:14:01,610 --> 00:14:04,110 Satan is shopping for baby strollers as we 363 00:14:04,110 --> 00:14:04,590 speak. 364 00:14:05,290 --> 00:14:07,290 If I'm going to learn what these numbers 365 00:14:07,290 --> 00:14:10,070 mean, I'm going to need access to every 366 00:14:10,070 --> 00:14:11,190 government database. 367 00:14:11,950 --> 00:14:13,730 You will have it, Mr. Teal. 368 00:14:13,730 --> 00:14:17,090 Nothing is more important than making sure this 369 00:14:17,090 --> 00:14:19,470 baby is not born. 370 00:14:26,370 --> 00:14:29,190 Look, man, I know it's tough, but you 371 00:14:29,190 --> 00:14:31,270 got to understand that drastic times call for 372 00:14:31,270 --> 00:14:32,110 drastic measures. 373 00:14:33,290 --> 00:14:35,470 I just don't feel good about treating people 374 00:14:35,470 --> 00:14:35,990 this way. 375 00:14:37,030 --> 00:14:38,930 I think the most important thing still has 376 00:14:38,930 --> 00:14:40,870 to be loving and respecting each other. 377 00:14:43,600 --> 00:14:45,100 All right, man, I need to ask you 378 00:14:45,100 --> 00:14:46,200 something, and I need you to tell me 379 00:14:46,200 --> 00:14:46,620 the truth. 380 00:14:47,320 --> 00:14:48,500 Are you a fag? 381 00:14:49,520 --> 00:14:51,200 No, that has nothing to do with it. 382 00:14:51,300 --> 00:14:51,600 It's just... 383 00:14:51,600 --> 00:14:52,460 Are you f***ing sure? 384 00:14:52,740 --> 00:14:54,360 I'm just trying to say that I'm really 385 00:14:54,360 --> 00:14:55,240 confused right now. 386 00:14:55,600 --> 00:14:57,200 Okay, but confused like you don't know if 387 00:14:57,200 --> 00:14:58,720 you're attracted to dudes or like what? 388 00:14:58,980 --> 00:15:00,640 Like how we can just change everything about 389 00:15:00,640 --> 00:15:01,240 who we are. 390 00:15:03,020 --> 00:15:04,980 I think you still just don't understand what 391 00:15:04,980 --> 00:15:06,100 Christians today are about. 392 00:15:07,360 --> 00:15:09,380 Come on, there's someone I think you should 393 00:15:09,380 --> 00:15:09,800 talk to. 394 00:15:12,250 --> 00:15:13,890 Oh, yes, the Antichrist. 395 00:15:13,970 --> 00:15:15,870 I've listened to a lot of podcasts about 396 00:15:15,870 --> 00:15:16,230 that. 397 00:15:16,710 --> 00:15:18,950 Everyone keeps saying how the Antichrist is coming, 398 00:15:18,950 --> 00:15:20,390 but I'm like, he already did. 399 00:15:20,670 --> 00:15:22,350 I was married to him in 2018. 400 00:15:23,010 --> 00:15:25,150 But seriously, if he saw how Christian I 401 00:15:25,150 --> 00:15:27,010 was, now he'd probably shit his pants. 402 00:15:27,310 --> 00:15:28,370 Don't be jealous. 403 00:15:28,970 --> 00:15:30,070 He's so funny. 404 00:15:40,410 --> 00:15:40,890 Hey. 405 00:15:42,490 --> 00:15:43,550 Hey, Satan. 406 00:15:55,840 --> 00:15:56,320 Boss! 407 00:15:56,440 --> 00:15:57,360 Ah, f***, shit! 408 00:15:57,660 --> 00:15:58,800 Oh, sorry, boss. 409 00:15:58,800 --> 00:16:00,980 I did not know Satan was sleeping. 410 00:16:01,380 --> 00:16:03,100 Yeah, that's all he ever does anymore. 411 00:16:03,640 --> 00:16:04,420 Poor boss. 412 00:16:04,920 --> 00:16:06,640 If you're going to jack off, shall I 413 00:16:06,640 --> 00:16:07,480 fetch your c*** rag? 414 00:16:07,740 --> 00:16:09,320 Hey, I wasn't jacking off. 415 00:16:09,640 --> 00:16:10,360 Sure thing, boss. 416 00:16:10,580 --> 00:16:11,740 I'll go get your c*** rag. 417 00:16:18,660 --> 00:16:20,280 What is taking you so long? 418 00:16:21,060 --> 00:16:22,600 I'm very close to finding the secret of 419 00:16:22,600 --> 00:16:22,900 the numbers. 420 00:16:23,340 --> 00:16:24,900 I've narrowed it down to one little boy 421 00:16:24,900 --> 00:16:26,700 who seems more possessed than the others. 422 00:16:27,000 --> 00:16:29,760 Then deal with him and keep it quiet. 423 00:16:30,400 --> 00:16:32,780 Nobody can know that we are working together. 424 00:16:32,780 --> 00:16:35,700 When I become president, I will give you 425 00:16:35,700 --> 00:16:38,020 full access to everyone's data. 426 00:16:38,540 --> 00:16:41,300 I've already spoken with the mother, and I'm 427 00:16:41,300 --> 00:16:43,280 on my way now to face the child. 428 00:16:55,650 --> 00:16:58,050 Peter Thiel knows about the Antichrist. 429 00:16:58,730 --> 00:17:01,810 Peter Thiel knows about the Antichrist. 430 00:17:01,950 --> 00:17:04,290 I'm Peter Thiel, and I know about the 431 00:17:04,290 --> 00:17:05,990 Antichrist. 432 00:17:06,890 --> 00:17:09,290 Let's deal with the Antichrist today. 433 00:17:09,470 --> 00:17:09,910 Don't! 434 00:17:10,210 --> 00:17:12,089 Is your son home? 435 00:17:12,089 --> 00:17:14,010 Yes, Mr. Thiel. 436 00:17:15,030 --> 00:17:16,790 He's right upstairs. 437 00:17:35,300 --> 00:17:37,460 Eric, I'm Peter Thiel. 438 00:17:38,500 --> 00:17:40,400 I'm here to help our country. 439 00:17:41,720 --> 00:17:42,160 Okay. 440 00:17:42,980 --> 00:17:45,240 I came to see you... 441 00:17:45,240 --> 00:17:47,300 in an Uber, Eric. 442 00:17:51,680 --> 00:17:53,700 Would you like to know how long it 443 00:17:53,700 --> 00:17:54,740 took me to get here? 444 00:17:56,880 --> 00:17:57,460 How long? 445 00:17:59,820 --> 00:18:00,620 It took... 446 00:18:00,620 --> 00:18:02,100 around six or seven minutes. 447 00:18:02,220 --> 00:18:02,440 I'm not... 448 00:18:06,620 --> 00:18:07,420 No way! 449 00:18:10,640 --> 00:18:12,180 You know, they're all just a bunch of 450 00:18:12,180 --> 00:18:13,080 libtards anyways. 451 00:18:13,520 --> 00:18:14,520 I know what's up. 452 00:18:14,640 --> 00:18:15,740 I listen to podcasts. 453 00:18:15,960 --> 00:18:17,080 You want to know who I think the 454 00:18:17,080 --> 00:18:17,960 Antichrist is? 455 00:18:17,960 --> 00:18:20,720 Greta Thunberg, with her stupid haircut and her 456 00:18:20,720 --> 00:18:21,380 dumb bangs. 457 00:18:21,740 --> 00:18:23,960 Someone should yank out whatever's up her ass. 458 00:18:25,660 --> 00:18:26,660 I can't. 459 00:18:27,120 --> 00:18:28,980 I just can't. 460 00:18:36,100 --> 00:18:36,980 Everything all right, bud? 461 00:18:37,620 --> 00:18:39,160 No, everything's not all right. 462 00:18:39,200 --> 00:18:40,560 I don't know what I'm doing here. 463 00:18:41,240 --> 00:18:43,220 You're trying to get with the program, bro. 464 00:18:43,700 --> 00:18:45,560 Peggy Rockbottom is a hot Christian girl. 465 00:18:45,640 --> 00:18:46,780 Now stop acting gay. 466 00:18:47,460 --> 00:18:49,320 Look, I don't know what you think Christianity 467 00:18:49,320 --> 00:18:51,820 is, but it has nothing to do with 468 00:18:51,820 --> 00:18:52,240 that. 469 00:18:52,240 --> 00:18:53,500 What are you saying? 470 00:18:54,060 --> 00:18:55,560 I'm saying that you and a lot of 471 00:18:55,560 --> 00:18:57,340 other people seem to have a very warped 472 00:18:57,340 --> 00:18:58,960 sense of what Christianity is. 473 00:18:59,420 --> 00:19:00,380 Are you questioning my faith? 474 00:19:01,240 --> 00:19:02,180 You want to f***ing go? 475 00:19:02,740 --> 00:19:04,840 No, I don't want to f***ing go. 476 00:19:04,980 --> 00:19:05,840 You got a problem, bro? 477 00:19:06,140 --> 00:19:07,620 No, I don't have a problem. 478 00:19:07,780 --> 00:19:09,120 You actually have a problem. 479 00:19:09,520 --> 00:19:11,040 You need a way to bully people, and 480 00:19:11,040 --> 00:19:12,580 you're using the Bible to do it. 481 00:19:20,670 --> 00:19:22,290 I'm not gonna fight you! 482 00:19:22,690 --> 00:19:24,170 Damn right you won't, because you're a gay 483 00:19:24,170 --> 00:19:24,770 little pussy! 484 00:19:27,150 --> 00:19:28,570 Yeah, don't come back! 485 00:19:28,590 --> 00:19:30,050 You're gonna get some more, bitch! 486 00:19:32,690 --> 00:19:34,410 Tell me what it means! 487 00:19:37,560 --> 00:19:39,840 The Lord labored six days, and on the 488 00:19:39,840 --> 00:19:40,800 seventh he rested! 489 00:19:48,400 --> 00:19:50,480 There's nothing more I can do here. 490 00:19:51,100 --> 00:19:52,740 I have to take him to Washington, D 491 00:19:52,740 --> 00:19:54,760 .C. Washington? 492 00:19:55,380 --> 00:19:57,420 Oh, no, he can't travel now. 493 00:19:57,580 --> 00:19:58,920 He's very sick. 494 00:19:58,920 --> 00:20:01,740 Your son is the key to saving our 495 00:20:01,740 --> 00:20:02,860 country, Miss Cartman. 496 00:20:03,380 --> 00:20:05,500 Everything we hold dear could end. 497 00:20:06,160 --> 00:20:07,960 We have to unlock the secrets he holds, 498 00:20:08,240 --> 00:20:09,960 no matter what it takes. 499 00:20:46,990 --> 00:20:48,150 It's true. 500 00:21:42,540 --> 00:21:43,920 Watch me walk through the wall. 501 00:21:44,300 --> 00:21:44,800 Check it out. 502 00:21:45,220 --> 00:21:45,960 Damn it. 503 00:21:47,060 --> 00:21:47,940 Damn it. 504 00:21:48,440 --> 00:21:49,200 Damn it. 505 00:21:49,980 --> 00:21:51,200 I think the wall's broken. 506 00:21:52,020 --> 00:21:52,240 Yeah. 507 00:21:52,600 --> 00:21:53,440 Beavis and Button. 508 00:21:53,740 --> 00:21:56,880 New episode coming up next on Comedy Central. 32037

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