Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated:
1
00:00:07,550 --> 00:00:10,430
(Ztranskrybowane przez TurboScribe.ai. Przejdź na Nielimitowany, aby usunąć tę wiadomość.) I'm going down south, I'm gonna have myself
2
00:00:10,430 --> 00:00:11,030
a time.
3
00:00:11,430 --> 00:00:14,610
Friendly faces everywhere, humble folks without temptation.
4
00:00:14,770 --> 00:00:16,770
I'm going down south, I'm gonna leave my
5
00:00:16,770 --> 00:00:17,610
world behind.
6
00:00:18,070 --> 00:00:20,470
And we're parking day and night, people shouting
7
00:00:20,470 --> 00:00:21,350
harder than ever.
8
00:00:21,430 --> 00:00:23,270
Heading on up south, I'm gonna see if
9
00:00:23,270 --> 00:00:24,310
I can't unwind.
10
00:00:27,250 --> 00:00:29,990
Come on down south, I'm gonna meet some
11
00:00:29,990 --> 00:00:30,770
friends of mine.
12
00:00:37,150 --> 00:00:37,970
Hey, fellas!
13
00:00:38,330 --> 00:00:38,730
Fellas!
14
00:00:39,370 --> 00:00:41,010
You wanna know what time I woke up
15
00:00:41,010 --> 00:00:41,410
this morning?
16
00:00:41,670 --> 00:00:42,190
What time?
17
00:00:42,470 --> 00:00:43,610
Around 6-7!
18
00:00:43,910 --> 00:00:44,570
6-7!
19
00:00:45,910 --> 00:00:47,230
Oh, hey, Annie, ladies.
20
00:00:47,830 --> 00:00:49,510
Did you guys do your homework last night?
21
00:00:50,050 --> 00:00:52,290
I tried to, but I got stuck on
22
00:00:52,290 --> 00:00:53,590
problems 6 and 7!
23
00:00:53,750 --> 00:00:54,570
6 and 7!
24
00:00:56,450 --> 00:00:57,090
Hey, Eric!
25
00:00:57,690 --> 00:00:58,750
I know, Butters, I know.
26
00:00:58,830 --> 00:00:59,450
Don't do it to me.
27
00:00:59,530 --> 00:01:00,010
It's too funny.
28
00:01:00,290 --> 00:01:01,650
But I just did a 6-7 with
29
00:01:01,650 --> 00:01:03,310
Annie and Megan at the same time!
30
00:01:03,510 --> 00:01:04,910
Yeah, five minutes ago I snuck up on
31
00:01:04,910 --> 00:01:06,330
Wendy and totally 6-7'd her from behind.
32
00:01:06,750 --> 00:01:07,150
Wow!
33
00:01:07,410 --> 00:01:08,770
Hey, Scott, how's your diabetes, man?
34
00:01:09,210 --> 00:01:09,870
My diabetes?
35
00:01:10,230 --> 00:01:11,270
Yeah, what's your A1C at?
36
00:01:13,390 --> 00:01:14,190
6.7!
37
00:01:14,550 --> 00:01:15,230
6.7!
38
00:01:17,030 --> 00:01:18,090
Oh, my God!
39
00:01:23,480 --> 00:01:24,580
All right, everyone, listen up.
40
00:01:25,040 --> 00:01:26,940
I've gotten a lot of reports of disruptions
41
00:01:26,940 --> 00:01:30,000
in the classroom and some satanic numerology shit
42
00:01:30,000 --> 00:01:30,560
going on.
43
00:01:30,960 --> 00:01:32,400
So I want to remind you this is
44
00:01:32,400 --> 00:01:34,460
a power Christian school, and I am a
45
00:01:34,460 --> 00:01:36,820
power Christian principal, and we will be PC.
46
00:01:37,380 --> 00:01:38,600
So now I want you to hear from
47
00:01:38,600 --> 00:01:41,040
someone who is the highest authority on biblical
48
00:01:41,040 --> 00:01:41,700
prophecies.
49
00:01:42,460 --> 00:01:44,360
This person is an absolute expert on the
50
00:01:44,360 --> 00:01:45,940
end of days and the coming of the
51
00:01:45,940 --> 00:01:46,500
Antichrist.
52
00:01:47,020 --> 00:01:49,120
Please welcome Mr. Peter Thiel.
53
00:01:51,580 --> 00:01:54,660
Peter Thiel knows about the Antichrist.
54
00:01:54,760 --> 00:01:57,740
Peter Thiel knows about the Antichrist.
55
00:01:57,880 --> 00:02:00,120
I'm Peter Thiel, and I know about the
56
00:02:00,120 --> 00:02:02,200
Antichrist.
57
00:02:03,120 --> 00:02:04,980
Let's learn about the Antichrist today.
58
00:02:05,780 --> 00:02:07,419
Hello, kids, I'm Peter Thiel, and I'm here
59
00:02:07,419 --> 00:02:08,919
to talk to you about the Antichrist.
60
00:02:12,080 --> 00:02:13,960
Okay, so first, what is the Antichrist?
61
00:02:14,420 --> 00:02:16,160
The Antichrist is a newer, more human form
62
00:02:16,160 --> 00:02:17,440
of Satan that will soon walk the earth.
63
00:02:17,680 --> 00:02:18,820
We don't know how soon it will walk
64
00:02:18,820 --> 00:02:20,200
the earth, but it could be within the
65
00:02:20,200 --> 00:02:21,220
next 6 to 7 weeks.
66
00:02:26,680 --> 00:02:28,700
Okay, you see, Satan was a fallen angel,
67
00:02:28,980 --> 00:02:30,040
and God punished him.
68
00:02:30,340 --> 00:02:32,320
And to make sure Satan could never have
69
00:02:32,320 --> 00:02:35,680
offspring, the Lord God did shrink Satan's asshole
70
00:02:35,680 --> 00:02:38,700
to the size of a tiny little pinhole
71
00:02:38,700 --> 00:02:42,300
so nothing could ever penetrate and ejaculate inside
72
00:02:42,300 --> 00:02:42,700
of it.
73
00:02:43,220 --> 00:02:44,900
So Satan could never have a butt baby
74
00:02:44,900 --> 00:02:48,440
until along came Mr. Donald Trump, whose penis
75
00:02:48,440 --> 00:02:51,720
is so teeny, teeny, tiny it could actually
76
00:02:51,720 --> 00:02:53,560
fit in Satan's asshole.
77
00:02:53,960 --> 00:02:55,400
How small is Donald Trump's penis?
78
00:02:55,680 --> 00:02:58,160
Somewhere between 6 and 7 centimeters.
79
00:02:58,620 --> 00:02:59,860
6 centimeters!
80
00:03:01,640 --> 00:03:04,240
Hey, look, this is very important, people, okay?
81
00:03:04,300 --> 00:03:05,440
The Antichrist is coming.
82
00:03:05,940 --> 00:03:08,460
The Bible refers to the eagle, which refers
83
00:03:08,460 --> 00:03:10,760
to America, the fourth seal broken and hell
84
00:03:10,760 --> 00:03:11,340
coming to earth.
85
00:03:11,480 --> 00:03:14,720
It's right here in Revelation 6...
86
00:03:15,660 --> 00:03:16,660
6-7.
87
00:03:17,080 --> 00:03:17,840
6-7!
88
00:03:19,620 --> 00:03:24,780
Good, and breathe in through your nose and
89
00:03:24,780 --> 00:03:26,100
out through your mouth.
90
00:03:26,100 --> 00:03:29,500
In 2, 3, 4, and exhale 2, 3,
91
00:03:29,700 --> 00:03:30,000
4.
92
00:03:30,140 --> 00:03:32,200
Good, let your shoulders soften, let your jaw
93
00:03:32,200 --> 00:03:32,700
relax.
94
00:03:33,500 --> 00:03:35,200
Now gentle pressure on the hips as your
95
00:03:35,200 --> 00:03:36,000
partner exhales.
96
00:03:36,300 --> 00:03:37,820
Good, and breathe...
97
00:03:37,820 --> 00:03:38,880
This is so boring!
98
00:03:39,440 --> 00:03:41,440
How about you shut up and do your
99
00:03:41,440 --> 00:03:41,800
job?
100
00:03:42,140 --> 00:03:43,360
Ah, come on, Satan!
101
00:03:43,800 --> 00:03:45,040
How about we just calm and f***?
102
00:03:45,480 --> 00:03:46,800
We haven't had sex in forever!
103
00:03:47,060 --> 00:03:49,120
That's because it's bad for the baby.
104
00:03:49,500 --> 00:03:51,420
Yeah, but f*** a baby, this is stupid!
105
00:03:51,780 --> 00:03:53,320
Did you just say f*** the baby?
106
00:03:53,320 --> 00:03:55,320
Hey, was that scary?
107
00:03:55,700 --> 00:03:57,500
I didn't mean like really f*** the baby.
108
00:03:57,940 --> 00:03:58,700
No, you know what?
109
00:03:58,760 --> 00:03:59,620
You can just go home.
110
00:03:59,720 --> 00:04:00,660
I'll finish this myself.
111
00:04:01,060 --> 00:04:02,480
You can go home and jack off if
112
00:04:02,480 --> 00:04:02,860
you want.
113
00:04:03,240 --> 00:04:04,560
Ah, perfect!
114
00:04:25,770 --> 00:04:26,290
Uh...
115
00:04:26,290 --> 00:04:26,970
Ah, shit!
116
00:04:27,990 --> 00:04:28,850
Good news, boss.
117
00:04:29,170 --> 00:04:31,570
We just shut down another abortion clinic.
118
00:04:32,110 --> 00:04:33,690
Oh, yeah, great, that's great.
119
00:04:34,150 --> 00:04:34,770
Yes, boss.
120
00:04:34,910 --> 00:04:36,990
You've made all the Christians so happy.
121
00:04:37,890 --> 00:04:41,110
Of course, there is still one more clinic
122
00:04:41,110 --> 00:04:44,650
that will still perform abortions right here in
123
00:04:44,650 --> 00:04:45,210
town.
124
00:04:46,310 --> 00:04:46,750
There is?
125
00:04:47,090 --> 00:04:47,730
Oh, yes.
126
00:04:48,170 --> 00:04:51,210
How unfortunate that some babies will not be
127
00:04:51,210 --> 00:04:52,490
able to be born.
128
00:04:53,050 --> 00:04:56,010
As Christians, we can't allow this to continue.
129
00:04:56,750 --> 00:04:59,850
Perhaps you should go speak with this abortion
130
00:04:59,850 --> 00:05:01,290
doctor personally.
131
00:05:02,010 --> 00:05:03,670
Yeah, yeah!
132
00:05:07,740 --> 00:05:08,440
Come in!
133
00:05:10,960 --> 00:05:12,440
PC Principal, do you have a minute?
134
00:05:12,820 --> 00:05:13,320
Sure, Jesus.
135
00:05:13,420 --> 00:05:13,820
What do you need?
136
00:05:14,280 --> 00:05:16,200
I'm starting to wonder if I really fit
137
00:05:16,200 --> 00:05:16,840
in here.
138
00:05:17,500 --> 00:05:18,380
Of course you fit in.
139
00:05:18,720 --> 00:05:20,160
This school has been a cesspool of heathen
140
00:05:20,160 --> 00:05:21,760
left-wing little bitches and only our faith
141
00:05:21,760 --> 00:05:22,620
is going to set them right.
142
00:05:23,520 --> 00:05:28,020
Could I ask exactly what branch of Christianity
143
00:05:28,020 --> 00:05:29,020
are you?
144
00:05:29,340 --> 00:05:30,780
The kind that loves his country and doesn't
145
00:05:30,780 --> 00:05:32,000
tolerate any f***ing fags.
146
00:05:32,540 --> 00:05:35,260
Yeah, see, I really think I don't belong
147
00:05:35,260 --> 00:05:35,540
here.
148
00:05:35,900 --> 00:05:37,580
Look, I understand it's a tough transition.
149
00:05:37,980 --> 00:05:39,340
You know, the Vice Principal here had the
150
00:05:39,340 --> 00:05:41,080
same conflict as you, but she's really come
151
00:05:41,080 --> 00:05:41,360
around.
152
00:05:41,780 --> 00:05:42,580
The Vice Principal?
153
00:05:42,960 --> 00:05:43,480
Your wife?
154
00:05:43,480 --> 00:05:44,300
That's right.
155
00:05:44,680 --> 00:05:46,460
Can you send in Strong Christian Woman, please?
156
00:05:46,940 --> 00:05:48,360
She was saying this wasn't the place for
157
00:05:48,360 --> 00:05:50,460
her anymore, but just this last weekend, she
158
00:05:50,460 --> 00:05:51,360
converted to Christianity.
159
00:05:53,420 --> 00:05:54,700
You wanted to see me?
160
00:05:55,160 --> 00:05:56,180
Yeah, Strong Christian Woman.
161
00:05:56,280 --> 00:05:57,520
I was just telling Jesus here about our
162
00:05:57,520 --> 00:05:57,720
faith.
163
00:05:58,040 --> 00:05:58,780
Oh, yes.
164
00:05:58,780 --> 00:06:00,080
It's been such a blessing.
165
00:06:00,660 --> 00:06:01,760
She converted on Saturday.
166
00:06:02,120 --> 00:06:02,760
What do you think, huh?
167
00:06:02,820 --> 00:06:04,080
You ever seen a more Christian chick in
168
00:06:04,080 --> 00:06:04,740
your f***ing life?
169
00:06:05,920 --> 00:06:06,280
Never.
170
00:06:06,780 --> 00:06:08,520
Look, I know it's a hard adjustment, but
171
00:06:08,520 --> 00:06:09,960
just stick with it, and you're going to
172
00:06:09,960 --> 00:06:11,200
fit in here just fine, Jesus.
173
00:06:13,480 --> 00:06:27,250
Did everything
174
00:06:27,250 --> 00:06:28,290
go good at school today, honey?
175
00:06:29,310 --> 00:06:30,070
Yep, yep.
176
00:06:30,290 --> 00:06:30,830
School was good.
177
00:06:31,030 --> 00:06:31,650
School was pretty good.
178
00:06:34,110 --> 00:06:35,610
Is everything okay, honey?
179
00:06:35,950 --> 00:06:36,910
Yeah, everything's fine.
180
00:06:37,270 --> 00:06:37,550
It's fine.
181
00:06:38,070 --> 00:06:40,590
Mom, can I ask you something?
182
00:06:40,910 --> 00:06:41,570
Sure, Eric.
183
00:06:41,910 --> 00:06:45,650
Do you know, on average, at what age
184
00:06:45,650 --> 00:06:46,690
kids lose their baby teeth?
185
00:06:47,450 --> 00:06:48,670
Oh, I'm not sure, Eric.
186
00:06:48,770 --> 00:06:50,990
I guess usually around six, seven.
187
00:06:55,230 --> 00:06:56,910
Eric, what?
188
00:06:57,350 --> 00:06:57,790
No, nothing.
189
00:06:58,030 --> 00:06:58,630
I'm sorry.
190
00:06:59,070 --> 00:06:59,550
I'm sorry.
191
00:07:00,070 --> 00:07:04,350
I was just thinking about your menstrual cycle.
192
00:07:05,390 --> 00:07:06,650
My menstrual cycle?
193
00:07:06,970 --> 00:07:09,670
Yeah, I was just wondering when you actually
194
00:07:09,670 --> 00:07:10,630
menstruate, ma'am.
195
00:07:11,290 --> 00:07:13,630
Like, roughly, how many days does that last?
196
00:07:14,410 --> 00:07:16,630
Well, Eric, it's usually around six to seven
197
00:07:16,630 --> 00:07:17,350
days that a woman...
198
00:07:17,350 --> 00:07:17,650
Ah!
199
00:07:19,270 --> 00:07:19,750
Ah!
200
00:07:20,210 --> 00:07:20,690
Ah!
201
00:07:20,870 --> 00:07:20,970
Ah!
202
00:07:20,970 --> 00:07:21,450
Oh!
203
00:07:23,030 --> 00:07:23,190
Oh!
204
00:07:29,730 --> 00:07:35,430
Eric, sweetie?
205
00:07:39,090 --> 00:07:40,950
Eric, what is going on?
206
00:07:41,010 --> 00:07:42,010
This keeps happening.
207
00:07:42,610 --> 00:07:45,390
Mom, Mom, you got to tell me something.
208
00:07:45,590 --> 00:07:46,450
Of course, honey.
209
00:07:46,790 --> 00:07:49,710
Roughly how many nights have I been throwing
210
00:07:49,710 --> 00:07:50,150
up at dinner?
211
00:07:50,150 --> 00:07:51,610
I don't know, Eric.
212
00:07:51,730 --> 00:07:53,390
It's probably been six or seven nights.
213
00:07:53,630 --> 00:07:53,730
Ah!
214
00:07:57,350 --> 00:08:07,310
Hey, Jesus, get your
215
00:08:07,310 --> 00:08:07,770
stuff, man.
216
00:08:07,810 --> 00:08:08,530
We're going out for drinks.
217
00:08:08,910 --> 00:08:09,190
What?
218
00:08:09,510 --> 00:08:10,570
Look, I know it's been hard for you
219
00:08:10,570 --> 00:08:12,530
trying to adjust here and everything, so the
220
00:08:12,530 --> 00:08:13,810
wife and I were talking and we found
221
00:08:13,810 --> 00:08:15,170
a nice Christian lady we're going to set
222
00:08:15,170 --> 00:08:15,570
you up with.
223
00:08:16,390 --> 00:08:17,770
Oh, I don't think so.
224
00:08:18,030 --> 00:08:18,670
Thanks, but...
225
00:08:18,670 --> 00:08:19,410
Oh, come on, man.
226
00:08:19,510 --> 00:08:20,910
She's a really great woman and she just
227
00:08:20,910 --> 00:08:21,810
converted to Christianity.
228
00:08:21,810 --> 00:08:23,630
My wife met her at the same place
229
00:08:23,630 --> 00:08:24,590
that she became Christian.
230
00:08:26,770 --> 00:08:28,430
So then I was like, you know what?
231
00:08:28,590 --> 00:08:30,390
I need a new direction in my life.
232
00:08:30,630 --> 00:08:32,049
It's like I just got so sick of
233
00:08:32,049 --> 00:08:33,690
everyone being such a pussy all the time
234
00:08:33,690 --> 00:08:35,929
and all this woke garbage and women trying
235
00:08:35,929 --> 00:08:37,690
to be men, so I just started reading
236
00:08:37,690 --> 00:08:38,530
the Bible, you know?
237
00:08:38,730 --> 00:08:40,270
I mean, I didn't actually read the Bible,
238
00:08:40,330 --> 00:08:41,850
but I listened to a lot of podcasts.
239
00:08:42,130 --> 00:08:43,670
And once I went through my transition, I
240
00:08:43,670 --> 00:08:45,670
was like, this is great, only now guys
241
00:08:45,670 --> 00:08:46,990
are always checking out my Christianity.
242
00:08:48,150 --> 00:08:49,910
Sorry, could you all excuse me?
243
00:08:49,970 --> 00:08:51,230
I need to go to the bathroom.
244
00:08:51,650 --> 00:08:52,530
Sure thing, Jesus.
245
00:08:55,270 --> 00:08:56,870
He fiends knife.
246
00:09:21,280 --> 00:09:22,640
Miss Davidson?
247
00:09:23,980 --> 00:09:26,480
Miss Cocoa Slutty Davidson?
248
00:09:27,800 --> 00:09:29,220
Oh yeah, that's me.
249
00:09:29,640 --> 00:09:31,040
I'm Cocoa Slutty Davidson.
250
00:09:31,340 --> 00:09:32,640
Just here to get an abortion.
251
00:09:36,600 --> 00:09:39,780
The doctor's right in here, ma'am.
252
00:09:39,820 --> 00:09:40,440
Hey doc!
253
00:09:47,520 --> 00:09:48,380
Alright, listen.
254
00:09:48,800 --> 00:09:49,840
I need you to perform an abortion.
255
00:09:50,200 --> 00:09:51,500
But it's not for me, it's for my
256
00:09:51,500 --> 00:09:51,760
partner.
257
00:09:52,340 --> 00:09:54,260
And you can't tell anyone, not even my
258
00:09:54,260 --> 00:09:54,560
partner.
259
00:09:55,420 --> 00:09:56,740
How am I supposed to do that?
260
00:09:57,220 --> 00:09:58,900
Well, you're gonna come with me, see, and
261
00:09:58,900 --> 00:10:00,400
we're gonna sneak into my house and you're
262
00:10:00,400 --> 00:10:02,020
gonna set that thing out while everyone's asleep.
263
00:10:03,080 --> 00:10:05,200
Your house wouldn't happen to be white, would
264
00:10:05,200 --> 00:10:05,340
it?
265
00:10:05,340 --> 00:10:06,740
Hey, how do you know that?
266
00:10:07,060 --> 00:10:08,760
Look, Mr. President, I've seen the news.
267
00:10:08,940 --> 00:10:11,260
If you got Satan pregnant, that's your responsibility.
268
00:10:11,780 --> 00:10:13,380
Well, it's your responsibility now.
269
00:10:13,640 --> 00:10:15,180
Or else I'll sue you, how about that?
270
00:10:15,380 --> 00:10:17,040
Even if I wanted to help you, sir,
271
00:10:17,180 --> 00:10:18,780
I have no idea how to perform an
272
00:10:18,780 --> 00:10:20,500
abortion on the offspring of Satan.
273
00:10:20,960 --> 00:10:22,320
To do that, you'd need some kind of
274
00:10:22,320 --> 00:10:24,100
expert on the Antichrist.
275
00:10:26,980 --> 00:10:29,760
Peter Thiel knows about the Antichrist.
276
00:10:29,960 --> 00:10:32,840
Peter Thiel knows about the Antichrist.
277
00:10:32,840 --> 00:10:35,220
I'm Peter Thiel and I know about the
278
00:10:35,220 --> 00:10:37,900
Antichrist.
279
00:10:40,690 --> 00:10:41,550
All right, listen.
280
00:10:42,010 --> 00:10:43,850
You people have a very serious problem here.
281
00:10:44,230 --> 00:10:45,690
Your students appear to be in some kind
282
00:10:45,690 --> 00:10:47,950
of cult involving the numbers six and seven.
283
00:10:48,470 --> 00:10:49,610
All right, so what should we do?
284
00:10:49,890 --> 00:10:51,570
I'm going to need access to all your
285
00:10:51,570 --> 00:10:52,590
school's private data.
286
00:10:52,970 --> 00:10:55,270
School records, health records, and of course, all
287
00:10:55,270 --> 00:10:56,170
security cameras.
288
00:10:56,670 --> 00:10:57,650
Oh, no.
289
00:10:57,830 --> 00:10:59,250
Look, I don't think we need it.
290
00:10:59,250 --> 00:11:00,990
Is this really what we've come to?
291
00:11:01,410 --> 00:11:03,630
Freely handing people's personal data over to some
292
00:11:03,630 --> 00:11:05,550
tech billionaire preaching shit about the Bible?
293
00:11:07,890 --> 00:11:09,230
You got a problem with Jesus, bro?
294
00:11:10,570 --> 00:11:11,330
Come on, man.
295
00:11:11,370 --> 00:11:13,510
You became a Christian like three months ago.
296
00:11:13,910 --> 00:11:15,410
Yeah, I've got f***ing faith, dude.
297
00:11:15,570 --> 00:11:16,790
What do you have, you little bitch?
298
00:11:17,150 --> 00:11:18,290
You want to throw down, bro?
299
00:11:18,490 --> 00:11:19,030
Uh, okay.
300
00:11:19,230 --> 00:11:19,990
Hey, hey, hey, hey.
301
00:11:19,990 --> 00:11:20,950
You want to see what it feels like
302
00:11:20,950 --> 00:11:22,030
to talk shit about Christianity?
303
00:11:38,160 --> 00:11:39,940
I just try to be still, Eric.
304
00:11:40,820 --> 00:11:42,200
Doctor, can I ask a question?
305
00:11:42,200 --> 00:11:43,360
Of course.
306
00:11:43,760 --> 00:11:46,540
About how long do you need me to
307
00:11:46,540 --> 00:11:47,040
be still?
308
00:11:47,380 --> 00:11:48,820
Just about ten seconds, Eric.
309
00:11:49,340 --> 00:11:49,780
Okay.
310
00:11:52,780 --> 00:11:53,600
So how long now?
311
00:11:54,000 --> 00:11:55,620
Just another six, seven seconds, Eric.
312
00:12:03,930 --> 00:12:06,390
I'm sorry, Mrs. Carman, but we can't pinpoint
313
00:12:06,390 --> 00:12:07,590
the source of his illness.
314
00:12:09,550 --> 00:12:12,070
If he continues to vomit this much daily,
315
00:12:12,450 --> 00:12:14,510
I'm afraid it could be life-threatening.
316
00:12:14,510 --> 00:12:17,710
But, doctor, if I'm not able to keep
317
00:12:17,710 --> 00:12:20,250
any food down, roughly how long would it
318
00:12:20,250 --> 00:12:20,510
take...
319
00:12:22,090 --> 00:12:23,590
Roughly how long would it take for the
320
00:12:23,590 --> 00:12:24,550
human body to die?
321
00:12:25,250 --> 00:12:26,690
Eric, I'm going to be very honest with
322
00:12:26,690 --> 00:12:26,870
you.
323
00:12:27,470 --> 00:12:30,170
Without sufficient nutrients, the body shuts down after
324
00:12:30,170 --> 00:12:31,150
six to seven weeks.
325
00:12:39,760 --> 00:12:41,460
Excuse me, that's my computer.
326
00:12:41,900 --> 00:12:44,140
Yes, and your computer has all the personal
327
00:12:44,140 --> 00:12:45,260
data of the students here.
328
00:12:45,600 --> 00:12:46,240
It's okay, Jesus.
329
00:12:46,360 --> 00:12:47,340
Peter Thiel knows what he's doing.
330
00:12:47,340 --> 00:12:50,320
I've downloaded all the students' information and loaded
331
00:12:50,320 --> 00:12:52,280
them into an A.I. face detection program
332
00:12:52,280 --> 00:12:54,240
so the school security cameras can watch their
333
00:12:54,240 --> 00:12:55,000
every move.
334
00:12:55,320 --> 00:12:55,800
Now, look.
335
00:12:56,760 --> 00:12:58,500
Two students passing each other in the hallway.
336
00:12:58,920 --> 00:13:00,200
They give each other the sign.
337
00:13:00,600 --> 00:13:01,240
Six, seven.
338
00:13:02,200 --> 00:13:05,420
Exactly 67 seconds later, this odd parka-wearing
339
00:13:05,420 --> 00:13:06,840
child makes the same gesture.
340
00:13:07,440 --> 00:13:10,620
And then, inside the girls' bathroom, two girls
341
00:13:10,620 --> 00:13:12,020
doing the same thing.
342
00:13:12,360 --> 00:13:14,580
Wait, why is there a camera inside the
343
00:13:14,580 --> 00:13:15,360
girls' bathroom?
344
00:13:15,360 --> 00:13:17,460
To stop the Antichrist.
345
00:13:18,400 --> 00:13:19,860
Now, I'm following the lead on this girl
346
00:13:19,860 --> 00:13:20,220
here.
347
00:13:20,840 --> 00:13:23,460
She went home to 67 Malavista Drive.
348
00:13:23,700 --> 00:13:25,780
Going through her family's medical records, I found
349
00:13:25,780 --> 00:13:29,020
that her father has testicular cancer and, 67
350
00:13:29,020 --> 00:13:31,540
days ago, had one testicle removed.
351
00:13:32,200 --> 00:13:34,240
That really feels like none of our business.
352
00:13:34,940 --> 00:13:36,200
I don't know how I'm supposed to work
353
00:13:36,200 --> 00:13:38,160
with Nosy Nancy peering over my shoulder all
354
00:13:38,160 --> 00:13:38,500
the time.
355
00:13:38,920 --> 00:13:40,220
Jesus, let's you and me have a quick
356
00:13:40,220 --> 00:13:41,060
chain wiggle out in the hall.
357
00:13:49,750 --> 00:13:50,790
I'm getting close.
358
00:13:51,330 --> 00:13:53,090
I almost have the key to stop it
359
00:13:53,090 --> 00:13:53,690
from happening.
360
00:13:55,950 --> 00:13:58,470
We are running out of time, Mr. Teal.
361
00:13:58,670 --> 00:14:00,590
The Antichrist is coming.
362
00:14:01,610 --> 00:14:04,110
Satan is shopping for baby strollers as we
363
00:14:04,110 --> 00:14:04,590
speak.
364
00:14:05,290 --> 00:14:07,290
If I'm going to learn what these numbers
365
00:14:07,290 --> 00:14:10,070
mean, I'm going to need access to every
366
00:14:10,070 --> 00:14:11,190
government database.
367
00:14:11,950 --> 00:14:13,730
You will have it, Mr. Teal.
368
00:14:13,730 --> 00:14:17,090
Nothing is more important than making sure this
369
00:14:17,090 --> 00:14:19,470
baby is not born.
370
00:14:26,370 --> 00:14:29,190
Look, man, I know it's tough, but you
371
00:14:29,190 --> 00:14:31,270
got to understand that drastic times call for
372
00:14:31,270 --> 00:14:32,110
drastic measures.
373
00:14:33,290 --> 00:14:35,470
I just don't feel good about treating people
374
00:14:35,470 --> 00:14:35,990
this way.
375
00:14:37,030 --> 00:14:38,930
I think the most important thing still has
376
00:14:38,930 --> 00:14:40,870
to be loving and respecting each other.
377
00:14:43,600 --> 00:14:45,100
All right, man, I need to ask you
378
00:14:45,100 --> 00:14:46,200
something, and I need you to tell me
379
00:14:46,200 --> 00:14:46,620
the truth.
380
00:14:47,320 --> 00:14:48,500
Are you a fag?
381
00:14:49,520 --> 00:14:51,200
No, that has nothing to do with it.
382
00:14:51,300 --> 00:14:51,600
It's just...
383
00:14:51,600 --> 00:14:52,460
Are you f***ing sure?
384
00:14:52,740 --> 00:14:54,360
I'm just trying to say that I'm really
385
00:14:54,360 --> 00:14:55,240
confused right now.
386
00:14:55,600 --> 00:14:57,200
Okay, but confused like you don't know if
387
00:14:57,200 --> 00:14:58,720
you're attracted to dudes or like what?
388
00:14:58,980 --> 00:15:00,640
Like how we can just change everything about
389
00:15:00,640 --> 00:15:01,240
who we are.
390
00:15:03,020 --> 00:15:04,980
I think you still just don't understand what
391
00:15:04,980 --> 00:15:06,100
Christians today are about.
392
00:15:07,360 --> 00:15:09,380
Come on, there's someone I think you should
393
00:15:09,380 --> 00:15:09,800
talk to.
394
00:15:12,250 --> 00:15:13,890
Oh, yes, the Antichrist.
395
00:15:13,970 --> 00:15:15,870
I've listened to a lot of podcasts about
396
00:15:15,870 --> 00:15:16,230
that.
397
00:15:16,710 --> 00:15:18,950
Everyone keeps saying how the Antichrist is coming,
398
00:15:18,950 --> 00:15:20,390
but I'm like, he already did.
399
00:15:20,670 --> 00:15:22,350
I was married to him in 2018.
400
00:15:23,010 --> 00:15:25,150
But seriously, if he saw how Christian I
401
00:15:25,150 --> 00:15:27,010
was, now he'd probably shit his pants.
402
00:15:27,310 --> 00:15:28,370
Don't be jealous.
403
00:15:28,970 --> 00:15:30,070
He's so funny.
404
00:15:40,410 --> 00:15:40,890
Hey.
405
00:15:42,490 --> 00:15:43,550
Hey, Satan.
406
00:15:55,840 --> 00:15:56,320
Boss!
407
00:15:56,440 --> 00:15:57,360
Ah, f***, shit!
408
00:15:57,660 --> 00:15:58,800
Oh, sorry, boss.
409
00:15:58,800 --> 00:16:00,980
I did not know Satan was sleeping.
410
00:16:01,380 --> 00:16:03,100
Yeah, that's all he ever does anymore.
411
00:16:03,640 --> 00:16:04,420
Poor boss.
412
00:16:04,920 --> 00:16:06,640
If you're going to jack off, shall I
413
00:16:06,640 --> 00:16:07,480
fetch your c*** rag?
414
00:16:07,740 --> 00:16:09,320
Hey, I wasn't jacking off.
415
00:16:09,640 --> 00:16:10,360
Sure thing, boss.
416
00:16:10,580 --> 00:16:11,740
I'll go get your c*** rag.
417
00:16:18,660 --> 00:16:20,280
What is taking you so long?
418
00:16:21,060 --> 00:16:22,600
I'm very close to finding the secret of
419
00:16:22,600 --> 00:16:22,900
the numbers.
420
00:16:23,340 --> 00:16:24,900
I've narrowed it down to one little boy
421
00:16:24,900 --> 00:16:26,700
who seems more possessed than the others.
422
00:16:27,000 --> 00:16:29,760
Then deal with him and keep it quiet.
423
00:16:30,400 --> 00:16:32,780
Nobody can know that we are working together.
424
00:16:32,780 --> 00:16:35,700
When I become president, I will give you
425
00:16:35,700 --> 00:16:38,020
full access to everyone's data.
426
00:16:38,540 --> 00:16:41,300
I've already spoken with the mother, and I'm
427
00:16:41,300 --> 00:16:43,280
on my way now to face the child.
428
00:16:55,650 --> 00:16:58,050
Peter Thiel knows about the Antichrist.
429
00:16:58,730 --> 00:17:01,810
Peter Thiel knows about the Antichrist.
430
00:17:01,950 --> 00:17:04,290
I'm Peter Thiel, and I know about the
431
00:17:04,290 --> 00:17:05,990
Antichrist.
432
00:17:06,890 --> 00:17:09,290
Let's deal with the Antichrist today.
433
00:17:09,470 --> 00:17:09,910
Don't!
434
00:17:10,210 --> 00:17:12,089
Is your son home?
435
00:17:12,089 --> 00:17:14,010
Yes, Mr. Thiel.
436
00:17:15,030 --> 00:17:16,790
He's right upstairs.
437
00:17:35,300 --> 00:17:37,460
Eric, I'm Peter Thiel.
438
00:17:38,500 --> 00:17:40,400
I'm here to help our country.
439
00:17:41,720 --> 00:17:42,160
Okay.
440
00:17:42,980 --> 00:17:45,240
I came to see you...
441
00:17:45,240 --> 00:17:47,300
in an Uber, Eric.
442
00:17:51,680 --> 00:17:53,700
Would you like to know how long it
443
00:17:53,700 --> 00:17:54,740
took me to get here?
444
00:17:56,880 --> 00:17:57,460
How long?
445
00:17:59,820 --> 00:18:00,620
It took...
446
00:18:00,620 --> 00:18:02,100
around six or seven minutes.
447
00:18:02,220 --> 00:18:02,440
I'm not...
448
00:18:06,620 --> 00:18:07,420
No way!
449
00:18:10,640 --> 00:18:12,180
You know, they're all just a bunch of
450
00:18:12,180 --> 00:18:13,080
libtards anyways.
451
00:18:13,520 --> 00:18:14,520
I know what's up.
452
00:18:14,640 --> 00:18:15,740
I listen to podcasts.
453
00:18:15,960 --> 00:18:17,080
You want to know who I think the
454
00:18:17,080 --> 00:18:17,960
Antichrist is?
455
00:18:17,960 --> 00:18:20,720
Greta Thunberg, with her stupid haircut and her
456
00:18:20,720 --> 00:18:21,380
dumb bangs.
457
00:18:21,740 --> 00:18:23,960
Someone should yank out whatever's up her ass.
458
00:18:25,660 --> 00:18:26,660
I can't.
459
00:18:27,120 --> 00:18:28,980
I just can't.
460
00:18:36,100 --> 00:18:36,980
Everything all right, bud?
461
00:18:37,620 --> 00:18:39,160
No, everything's not all right.
462
00:18:39,200 --> 00:18:40,560
I don't know what I'm doing here.
463
00:18:41,240 --> 00:18:43,220
You're trying to get with the program, bro.
464
00:18:43,700 --> 00:18:45,560
Peggy Rockbottom is a hot Christian girl.
465
00:18:45,640 --> 00:18:46,780
Now stop acting gay.
466
00:18:47,460 --> 00:18:49,320
Look, I don't know what you think Christianity
467
00:18:49,320 --> 00:18:51,820
is, but it has nothing to do with
468
00:18:51,820 --> 00:18:52,240
that.
469
00:18:52,240 --> 00:18:53,500
What are you saying?
470
00:18:54,060 --> 00:18:55,560
I'm saying that you and a lot of
471
00:18:55,560 --> 00:18:57,340
other people seem to have a very warped
472
00:18:57,340 --> 00:18:58,960
sense of what Christianity is.
473
00:18:59,420 --> 00:19:00,380
Are you questioning my faith?
474
00:19:01,240 --> 00:19:02,180
You want to f***ing go?
475
00:19:02,740 --> 00:19:04,840
No, I don't want to f***ing go.
476
00:19:04,980 --> 00:19:05,840
You got a problem, bro?
477
00:19:06,140 --> 00:19:07,620
No, I don't have a problem.
478
00:19:07,780 --> 00:19:09,120
You actually have a problem.
479
00:19:09,520 --> 00:19:11,040
You need a way to bully people, and
480
00:19:11,040 --> 00:19:12,580
you're using the Bible to do it.
481
00:19:20,670 --> 00:19:22,290
I'm not gonna fight you!
482
00:19:22,690 --> 00:19:24,170
Damn right you won't, because you're a gay
483
00:19:24,170 --> 00:19:24,770
little pussy!
484
00:19:27,150 --> 00:19:28,570
Yeah, don't come back!
485
00:19:28,590 --> 00:19:30,050
You're gonna get some more, bitch!
486
00:19:32,690 --> 00:19:34,410
Tell me what it means!
487
00:19:37,560 --> 00:19:39,840
The Lord labored six days, and on the
488
00:19:39,840 --> 00:19:40,800
seventh he rested!
489
00:19:48,400 --> 00:19:50,480
There's nothing more I can do here.
490
00:19:51,100 --> 00:19:52,740
I have to take him to Washington, D
491
00:19:52,740 --> 00:19:54,760
.C. Washington?
492
00:19:55,380 --> 00:19:57,420
Oh, no, he can't travel now.
493
00:19:57,580 --> 00:19:58,920
He's very sick.
494
00:19:58,920 --> 00:20:01,740
Your son is the key to saving our
495
00:20:01,740 --> 00:20:02,860
country, Miss Cartman.
496
00:20:03,380 --> 00:20:05,500
Everything we hold dear could end.
497
00:20:06,160 --> 00:20:07,960
We have to unlock the secrets he holds,
498
00:20:08,240 --> 00:20:09,960
no matter what it takes.
499
00:20:46,990 --> 00:20:48,150
It's true.
500
00:21:42,540 --> 00:21:43,920
Watch me walk through the wall.
501
00:21:44,300 --> 00:21:44,800
Check it out.
502
00:21:45,220 --> 00:21:45,960
Damn it.
503
00:21:47,060 --> 00:21:47,940
Damn it.
504
00:21:48,440 --> 00:21:49,200
Damn it.
505
00:21:49,980 --> 00:21:51,200
I think the wall's broken.
506
00:21:52,020 --> 00:21:52,240
Yeah.
507
00:21:52,600 --> 00:21:53,440
Beavis and Button.
508
00:21:53,740 --> 00:21:56,880
New episode coming up next on Comedy Central.
32037
Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.