Original subtitles

I'm going down south, I'm gonna have myself time.

Friendly faces everywhere, humble folks without temptation.

I'm going down south, I'm gonna leave my world to hide.

And we're parking day or night, people spouting hot and diverse. And on the

south, I'm gonna see if I can't unwind.

Come on down south out there and meet some friends of mine.

Betsy! Betsy!

Guess what?

My dad took me to the Asian pop -up store. Look what I got!

Serenity Labubu!

Oh, it's so cute!

Isn't it? I was at the Asian pop -up, too!

Oh, dude, dude, check it out. It's about to happen again.

Ah, shit.

I actually have loyalty labubu already, and I got a little costume for it. That

is seriously so cute.

Kenny, you guys, girls with labubus. It's about to happen again.

Oh, labubu. Come on. And then, believe it or not, I actually have chestnut

labubu. No way. That is the rarest one. Isn't it so cute? So stinking cute. But

it's really rare. Are you sure it's not a knockoff? Oh, dog, here we go.

Yeah, it's just...

Probably yours, you fat bitch.

Yay, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you.

Tell her to stop saying my labubus are knockoffs.

I'm sorry, what is a labubu?

It's a little monster accessory.

They come in blind boxes, so you never know which one you're going to get.

Like you could just luck out and get a time to chill pajama gold labubu. Oh my

God, that one is so cute.

It's so cute, right?

All right, ladies, why don't you just give me the dolls until the end of the

school day?

Go on out to recess and you can pick up your labubus after school.

Wow, what kind of counseling was that?

I don't know. Jesus sucks, dude. Our old counselor was so much better.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, get some more over there.

This side's starting to fall.

We are the kings of the castle.

Let us in.

Hey, butters.

Oh, well, uh, hey, Red.

Um, I was just wondering what you're doing this weekend.

Who, me?

Yeah. Um, I'm having a birthday party at my house, and I was seeing if maybe

you'd want to come hang out?

You're talking about me.

Yeah, I don't know. It's probably stupid. I shouldn't have asked. Never

No, no, no, I'd love to come hang out with you on your birthday, Red.

Really? You would?

Well, sure.

Okay, that's great. I'll text you all the details.

Okay, Red. I'll see you then.

Okay. And maybe I'll text you my birthday wish list, too, in case, you

want to get me a present.

Starting!

Oh, my God, you guys.

Red wants to hang out with me.

That's incredible.

Bro, it seems like she really likes you.

Really excited to see you Saturday.

Whoa. Me in red.

Lucky.

Here is my birthday gift wish list.

This exact boo -boo -boo.

Holy shit, you guys. You know what I think?

I think on Saturday I'm going to find out if red -haired girls have a red

Wow.

Welcome to Shitty Asian Pop -Up Store. Can I take an autograph?

Wait, didn't this place used to be Shitty Walk?

Yeah, but our whole country changed.

Didn't you hear the news?

Walk is dead.

It's Shitty Pop -Up now. What do you like to have?

We got a Shitty Pop -Up keychain, Shitty cell phone charm, Shitty anime

sculpture. Well, actually, I'm looking for a labubu.

Oh, yeah, I would love a labubu.

They're very hard to keep in stock. Very expensive because of tariffs.

You know, it's really important.

I got this new girlfriend, and she wants this specific Labubu for her birthday.

Oh, that very rare Labubu. You only find that in a mystery box.

Mystery box?

Hi, are you guys still serving food?

No, no, no. Walkie's dead. Haven't you heard the news?

Can't I just buy this Labubu? No, that's not the way it works. You buy mystery

box. You open it. Hopefully, you get the one you want.

Okay, how much is a mystery box?

Eighty -five dollars.

Eighty -five?

Yeah, you gotta pay tariff. You think I pay tariff? No, no, no, no, you pay

tariff. Okay, I'll take one.

Yeah,

well, walkie's dead, you stupid beast. Stop nagging me.

Dang it.

This is the wrong one.

Oh, yeah. That's just happiness, though, boo -boo. Very common. Very common.

You try again.

$85. I have to pay another $85, and I still might not get the one I want? Hey,

it's not me. It's your government. I don't get fucked by tariffs. You get

by tariffs. In China, we call that hot potato.

You're watching Fox News.

The president has just returned from his historic tariff summit overseas.

There's the president now looking handsome as ever. Oh, and there's the

of Darkness, who's been traveling with the president as of late.

The president has made his way off of Air Force One and will now speak to a

diverse crowd of reporters.

Over here, Mr. President.

Mr. President, how did the tariff meetings go?

Ah, they went great, buddy.

Mr. President, we're all dying to know something.

Your wife, Melania, has been staying in New York and away from the White House.

That's right.

Well, what Fox News really wants to know is, are you fucking Satan?

No, I'm not fucking Satan. We're just sort of hanging out.

Oh, come on, President Trump. With everything you've been doing, pretty

whole country thinks you're fucking Satan now.

I'm not fucking Satan.

Can we go, please?

He is fucking Satan. That guy's definitely fucking Satan. What a stud.

Yeah, Fox News.

All right, everyone, listen up. As you know, there's a lot being done in the

country to bring Christian values back to our schools. Our new school counselor

has some concerns that I understand he'd like to voice. Go ahead, Jesus.

Well, I'm just a bit confused about the dramatic rise in fist fighting over

these labubus.

Oh, yeah, the labubus. Kids go nuts for them.

I just don't quite understand what the fascination is.

Well, they're just the new fad of the month, you know.

They make them scarce and hard to find a secret one.

Yeah, and then all the kids make their LaBooBoo TikToks.

LaBooBoo TikTok?

Yeah, the kids make them and they watch them. I can pull one up. This is Kelly

Bronson from Mrs. Turner's class.

Hey, guys. This is another LaBooBoo unboxing video.

I got this LaBooBoo online. I'm pretty sure it's not a LaFooFoo. I got the QR

code right here.

We're going to see what we got. Hope it's a rare one. If it is, I'm

going to freak out.

Okay, let's see, let's see, let's see.

Oh, my God!

Oh, my God!

Okay, okay, let's start the ritual.

What the hell was that?

That's a Labubu unboxing TikTok.

Kids go nuts for him.

But that's like some dark satanic ritual.

Oh, yeah, Labubus are demonic.

Yeah, dark magic.

I don't know if they come that way from China or their kids are infusing them

with some Sumerian dark entity.

It's Mesopotamian.

Got it. So what are your major concerns, Jesus?

Bro, that's not normal. These kids are in trouble.

Yeah, that's why every school needs a counselor.

Welcome to City Pop -Up. Take a hot break.

I have $88 .42 in here. I need to buy another mystery box.

Oh, sorry.

La Boo Boo Mystery Box, $120.

What? It was $85.

Yeah, yeah, Taft went up. You never know with Taft. They make low stands.

But that's not fair.

No shit, Taft, not fair.

Please, sir. My girlfriend's party is today. And I have to get the La Boo Boo

she wants.

Please. It's okay. It's okay. I have idea.

You want mystery box for cheap price?

You use crime machine.

You try your luck. Use a crime machine. You get a mystery box. Open it up.

Hopefully you get the boo -boo you want.

Oh, you're so cross.

Try again.

Oh, jeez.

Oh, here we go.

I get screwed by Tab, so I have to screw the children.

What do you not understand?

Yeah,

well, walk not coming back, bitch. Go walk, go block.

Thank you for coming, Mrs. Paxton, Mrs. Gray.

The reason I called you in today is because your girls were in a major

altercation over their labubus.

Okay, so what are you going to do about it?

Well, I was hoping we could work together to maybe just keep them away

lububus. Oh, sure. Just take their lububus away. Great counseling.

Look, I have reason to believe that the students are using lububus for some kind

of ritual.

Yeah, but to do that, you have to have a super rare one. They're the only ones

girls can use in dark rituals.

You know that they're demonic?

Yeah. What are we supposed to do? My daughter sees Kelly Miller summoning

demonic forces on TikTok, then she wants to be like Kelly Miller.

Did Kelly Miller summon demonic forces?

I don't know. She hung herself.

Well, we should probably keep the girls off of TikTok.

Oh, yeah. Just keep them off TikTok.

That's some clever counseling there.

Do you have kids?

No, I don't.

Figures. Well, when you do, you try and keep them off of TikTok and out of the

Asian pop -up store.

Wait. What is an Asian pop -up store?

That's where the girls get all the little boo -boos. Where did they find

guy? We told you he was a crappy counselor.

This is a Fox News alert.

As debates on American tariffs continue, the question on every American's mind

tonight, is President Trump fucking Satan?

The president's been seen less and less with his wife and more often with his

new pal, making people all around the world say Donald Trump has got to be

fucking Satan for sure.

Well, for all of us who are still skeptical that President Trump is

Satan, Fox News has obtained some footage of President Trump seeming to be

fucking Satan.

This was at a golf course yesterday where the president was heroically

You can just make out Satan going behind a bush and President Trump right there.

He's fucking Satan. Karen, what do you think? I think the president is

definitely fucking Satan, and I love it.

Of course, a lot of Americans still argue there's no way the president could

fucking Satan. So we have a body language expert to show us just how it

possible. Well... If Mr.

President Trump is fucking Satan, and I'm not saying if he is or he isn't, I'm

just kind of hoping he is, he mostly likely is coming in from the back.

Now, Satan has a pretty large physical presence, so we're pretty sure President

Trump would have to get on top of him. Oh, my God. The president is doing

no other president has done before. I love him.

You don't think President Trump is fucking Satan? This definitely proves

could be.

Welcome to Shitty Asian Pop -Up Store. Take out a piece.

Are you the one that has been selling all these labubus to my students?

Oh, boy.

Look, not my fault these shitty prices, okay?

Labubus very expensive.

Those dolls you are selling are cursed.

Yeah, no shit they cursed.

It's called tariff. You pass it along.

I curse, I put the curse on you. It's like an AIDS.

Oh, my God. I got it.

I got the super rare.

Hey, what the hell are you talking about?

This is the one my girlfriend wants.

I can take it to a birthday party.

My child, put that down. It's dangerous.

Hey, hold on. That's super wet. That was like $600.

You got to pay more tariffs.

Oh,

my God. We go away.

Listen, both of you. There are more important issues at hand.

My child, you cannot take that to a birthday party.

Oh, shit. Where you go?

Satan, why are you so sad?

I wish to be gone from this place.

I do not understand.

If you do not want to be here, then why do you stay?

I am forced to stay by the dark tides of destiny.

I wanted to leave months ago, but I cannot.

Because of what's in this box.

What's in the box?

The secret none must know, and yet all will soon discover.

I can feel the tides of change.

The final showdown is upon us.

Well, you'll have to wait till you open it and find out if you're... Oh, all

right then.

I'm sorry, we're closed.

Beth, I need to know which of the students has a birthday today.

Who is this?

It's me, Jesus.

Who? The school counselor.

Oh. I don't know who has a birthday today. That was actually always the

counselor's job.

Can you just look it up in the school records, please?

Hang on.

Guess I'm doing your job, too, now.

Okay. Okay. Oh, my God. I'm so excited to finally do it. Well, yeah, I guess.

I'm excited to do it too, Red.

Okay, I think we're all ready. Here, you take a video of the whole thing.

Oh, can't we just kiss first?

Hey, what's up, guys? This is my Tick Tock La Boo Boo video.

I got to super rare, so let's see if it works.

Another Trump and Satan spotting. The two are rumored to be in a small

town in the Rockies. Let's go to our Colorado affiliate.

Yeah, guys, there's definitely black clouds and swarms of locusts here.

Probably another labubu party.

You know, whenever there's a labubu party, the president and Satan usually

an appearance.

We've got our eye in the sky now. Guys, what are you seeing?

Come on, let's go.

Lucifer!

So, it is you.

Just what are you doing, Satan? I will know.

Okay, it looks like Jesus Christ is now on the scene for some kind of biblical

showdown. I have seen your evil at work, Satan. I bid you leave this realm at

once. You think I don't want to leave?

I am bound to him.

Come to Him.

I am forced to stay in this situation for several more years.

Uh, Satan is saying he's been trapped at the White House because he's pregnant.

Uh, let's get our science expert in here to see if that's actually possible.

Yeah, uh, demonic pregnancies work a little different. The term is butt baby.

All right, well, that seems to be it. Satan is pregnant with the president's

child. So Fox News can now confirm Donald Trump has been fucking Satan this

whole time.

For all the doubters who thought Donald Trump wasn't fucking

Satan, in your face.

We're going to check in now with Kid Rock. Kid, you must be overcome with

emotion. I do.

I just honestly didn't think the president was fucking Satan, but now

that he has been this whole time, I'm just so happy.

Well, I hope you guys learned a valuable lesson.

If you mess around and you aren't safe, it can have really big consequences.

Yeah, I'm not having sex for a long time.

And I'm done with the boobers. Well, that's good.

Because as your counselor, I'm banning the boo -boos from school and TikTok and

cell phones.

Now get back to class. You both have detention for two weeks.

Oh, man.

Wow, new counselor's kind of a dick.

Yeah, but he's better than the last guy.

La boo -boo.