Original subtitles

I'm going down south. I'm going to have myself time.

Friendly faces everywhere.

Humble folks without temptation.

I'm going down south. I'm going to leave my woes to hide.

And we're parking day on night. People spouting hot endeavors.

And on up south, I'm going to see if I can't unwind.

Come on down south out there and meet some friends of mine.

Today is a tragic day for Canada.

Thousands of Canadians have gathered to mourn the passing of their beloved

mother.

The Queen is dead.

Every Canadian everywhere is feeling absolute emptiness right now.

And now the casket is brought down the aisle with the Queen inside.

The Queen's body being carried by the Royal Guard.

What a horrible day for Canada, and therefore the world.

Ike, Ike, come on, dude. You can't keep doing this. She's dead.

She's dead, Kyle.

Ike, the Queen died like four months ago. You've got to let it go.

And here comes Canada's most beloved musician, Sir Smelly John.

Yes, Smelly John sitting down at the piano with a tribute for the Queen, I

believe.

Goodbye, Queen, the Queen.

Same as though you've... Queep your last quip.

Okay,

it's 7 o 'clock. It's my turn to use the computer.

No. Ike, me and my friends are playing Darktide right now. Get off. Thank you,

Kyle.

Oh, and now people are starting to stare angrily.

Yes, it looks like the prince and his new wife have just shown up.

The prince and his wife have, of course, been bashing the Canadian monarchy. A

lot of Canadians hate them now.

Oh, and I believe the Earl of Halifax has just spotted on the prince's wife's

face. The prince seems to have taken offense to this.

Oh, and this is bad now.

I'm playing dark tide with my friends. No, get off me.

God damn it, get off.

Hey, guys.

Kyle, dude, where were you last night?

Yeah, we were all waiting. Look, I know you think I haven't been showing up for

things, but I got screwed by my little brother. He just keeps crying about the

queen. And then there's this prince and his wife, and they're bashing the

Canadian monarchy.

I guess it's like people don't even know why they showed up for the funeral. But

anyway, I'm really sorry I ruined game time for everyone.

You didn't ruin it for anyone. We played without you.

What? You guys, we said we'd all level up together.

Well, yeah, we're all like level 12 now. We got some sweet drip, dude.

So good, dude.

But this isn't fair. It wasn't my fault.

Hey, guys, did you get to upgrade your rifle stand? Yeah, it's got a lot better

range now. What about you?

I kept the same gun, but I got some sweet drip. Nah, sweet drip, dude.

So good.

It stinks, doesn't it?

What stinks?

When people make certain judgments about you?

I've been watching you, Cal, and I can see you're having some problems with

brand.

My brand?

You see, everyone has an image, Cal.

Some kids call it your credibility, or your reputation.

But those things are just little parts of something much more important.

Your brand.

Think about it, Cal.

Who are you?

I'm just... I'm just me.

See? You don't know what your brand is. So how is anyone else supposed to know?

It's like a commercial for Kyle, but you're not putting a label on the jar.

Butters, this seems very out of character for you.

That's because I've been working on my brand.

My parents saw that my brand wasn't working with people, so they sent me to

brand management.

Brand management?

Oh, Butters Stotch, how you doing there, Butters? How's the brand going?

Great. I made two new friends, and a girl asked me to help her with her

homework. Well, there you go there, Butters.

My friend Kyle here was thinking of reworking his brand a bit, and I told

maybe you could help. Oh, well, sure there, Kyle. Let's just get you to fill

a cum hammer survey, and then we'll go in the back and come up with some

for you.

Live from the television studios in Toronto, it's good morning, Canada.

It has been several months now since our beloved queen has died.

All Canadians are finding it hard to go on. All Canadians, that is, except for

our first guest, the prince and his wife.

We want privacy!

We want privacy!

All right, thanks for having us on the show.

It's so awesome to be here. It's great.

So let me start with you, Sam. You've lived a life with the royal family.

had everything handed to you, but you say your life has been hard, and now

you've written all about it in your new book, Where.

Yes, that's right, friend.

You see, my wife and I are totally like you should write a book because your

family is like stupid and then so are like journalists.

So you hate journalists.

That's right.

And now you wrote a book that reports on the lives of the royal family.

Right.

So you're a journalist.

We just want to be normal people. All this attention is so hard.

Isn't it true, sir, that your questionable wife has her own TV show

out with celebrities and does fashion magazines?

What are you suggesting?

Well, I just think some people might say that your Instagram -loving bitch wife

actually doesn't want her privacy.

How dare you, sir! My Instagram -loving bitch wife has always wanted her

privacy! And you know what else? To hell with Canada! We are leaving!

We'll go find some quiet place where we can be normal people! Come on, wife!

We want privacy!

We want privacy!

We want privacy!

Come on! Come on! Come on! Come on!

It's the World Wide Privacy Tour.

We want privacy.

It's the World Wide Privacy Tour.

We want privacy.

It's the World Wide

Privacy

Tour. It's coming soon to your town.

We want privacy. We want privacy. Come on, come on, come on, come on, come on.

It's the Worldwide Privacy Tour.

Come on, come on, come on, come on, come on.

It's the Worldwide Privacy Tour.

Come on, come on, come on, come on.

Right there, Kyle.

We got your survey answers, and I think we've put together some great ideas for

your brand.

I understand you want people to like you more and think you're cool. Is that

right? Yeah.

All right, well, let's see how this brand works for you.

We got Kyle, rugged, vegan, compassionate victim.

I don't think that's really me.

Well, that's fine, because there's a lot of different brands people are

attracted to. How about this one?

Kyle, sensitive, outdoorsy, frugal victim.

I'm not that outdoorsy.

Okay, well, remember there, Kyle, it's not so much about who you are as much as

it is about what people are attracted to, okay? So let's see. How about this?

Kyle, wealthy, handsome, multi -talented, Grammy Award -winning victim.

Oh, that one's taken already. Sorry. Hold on.

Just a minute, Kyle. We're going to find a good one here for you.

You see, Cal, when you have your brand up and running, no one can stop you.

Look at this town.

There's just something about it.

Oh, darling, I think this might be the place.

You really think so?

It's so quiet and empty here.

If we moved here, then people would think we're really serious about wanting

be normal.

It does seem perfect, doesn't it?

We can have a fresh start here.

lead a normal life and have babies.

Can we? Can we rally him up here and finally have our own privacy?

My love, I will do anything for your privacy.

Watch goes in the first room.

Hey, be careful with that TV, buddy.

Drum set goes on the second floor.

Wait, put it down. I want to make sure it isn't damaged.

What the hell?

Hey! Hey, you!

Hey! What are you looking at?

You ever heard of privacy?

What?

You guys, I am so... Sorry.

I totally was going to play with you guys online, but the Prince of Canada

his wife moved in across the street from me.

They had this huge jet parked in front of my house, and then they kept trying

get me to buy their stupid book, and anyway, I'm sorry I messed up another

night. It's okay, dude. We had a great time.

Yeah, we are literally dripping with drip.

Well, I just want you guys to know that I am a reliable, fun -loving, punctual

victim.

Okay, well, we got to get to class.

like what you see.

As a child, you see the world in a different way.

You see the wonder in nature. And you're starting to learn more about yourself

all the time.

And you're learning that there's something more important than you ever

Your brand.

It's what defines you.

And with brand management, you can make sure others see you the way they want to

see you.

Welcome to your ComeHammer work tutorial.

You are taking the first steps to making your brand a great one.

By now you've received your workbook and also your brand slide tool and

ComeHammer social media drive, which will be used in this video.

Now if you're ready, let's start the exercises on page 5 of your workbook.

these people.

Why are we so mad today?

Because we want our privacy.

Park County Police Station, what's your emergency?

Yeah, the neighbors across the street are setting off fireworks and it's 10

at night.

Oh, is it the Prince of Canada and his wife who just want to be left alone?

Yes, they're being super loud and I'm trying to work on my brand.

God damn it, now the Prince is playing polo on the lawn.

is driving me crazy.

The prince plays drums all day. I don't even think he has a job. And I don't

know what the hell she does.

Why are there even less candidates beyond me? And, like, she seems to just

him around and make him do whatever she wants. I mean, why did they even leave

Canada and move to South Park anyway?

Stan, are you going to say something?

You say it.

Say what?

Look, Kyle, we just kind of don't care about some dumb prince and his stupid

wife.

I don't care about them either.

So then why do you talk about them all the time?

Dude, we're just kind of sick of hearing about them. I'm sick of hearing about

them. But I can't get away from them. They're everywhere.

In my fucking face.

Yeah, now you're putting them in our fucking face.

Fine. I won't talk about them anymore.

Thank you.

Okay, just one last thing. Did you know the prince is... I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

The problem with you is you want results without the work.

You can't just say you're a certain thing and expect people to just like

brand.

You got to work it.

Sell people on it.

But I just don't feel like my brand is who I really am on the inside.

You know, Kyle, some people think it's what's inside you that matters. But

people can't see inside you. They can only see what kind of drink you're

drinking. That's what matters.

I guess so.

Now, I'm going to help you with a new brand, but you've got to work on it.

What do you want your friends to think about you?

I want them to think I'm not going to complain about things.

I'm more thick -skinned.

Okay, this is good. This is good.

And I want people to think I'm stronger mentally than I probably am.

Okay. Okay, I think we got it. People are going to love this.

Kyle, he's thick -skinned, super cool, nothing bothers him.

Victim.

I just don't know if I can... You're going off -round already.

Remember, no matter what, nothing bothers you.

I don't care.

Don't care.

What the hell? What did you say?

He victimized me. It's because I'm an ethnic woman.

He can't do that. I'll say, wait, you're ethnic?

This is an outrage.

We'll just see how he deals with my blue penis.

Have some respect for people's privacy!

Don't worry, my love.

He's not going to get away with this.

Hey,

guys.

How you doing?

Good. How are you?

I'm great. Got some good sleep last night. Just letting things roll right

back, you know?

Because that's the kind of guy I am.

Cute.

Hey, you guys want to play Darktide after school? Or if not, whatever.

I'm cool either way.

Uh, yeah, I'm sure we can figure that out.

Cool, whatever.

I'm carefree and unflappable. I'll catch you guys at lunch.

Wow, Kyle, you seem really different.

Do you like it?

Uh, sure.

Thanks, Jimmy. But you know... I really need to thank a good friend. He

introduced me to a way of becoming a more stable person.

Have you seen Butters?

Butters? Oh, sure.

He's out on the playground getting the shit beat out of him by Baby.

What?

Motherfucker! Don't ever say that shit again!

Hey! Whoa, whoa, whoa!

What the hell is going on? I wasn't even doing anything, and he came up and

started talking shit to me!

Yeah, everyone likes a guy that's strong and assertive, so I told Baby to go

fuck herself.

Relax, you're kind of sucking at my brand.

Okay, that does it. Come on, Butters. You are going back to Cumhammer.

You're lucky he saved your ass.

Thank you, you fake bitch.

The most important thing about your brand is being flexible.

We want to make sure you're completely satisfied.

You say you're having some problems?

That's right.

There's this horrible spy who lives across the street from us, and we're

to get him back by changing our brand.

All right, and I do see you're in our database, but...

You didn't first get help at this come -hammer location?

No, my wife went to one in California as a child.

Ah, okay, then you must be in the national system.

Oh, yeah, oh, yeah, is this you?

Sorority girl, actress, influencer, victim.

Yeah, that's totally me.

Okay, I see, and then you added your husband to your friends and family

You must be the royal prince, millionaire, world traveler, victim.

That's right.

Come on, butters.

Hello?

Oh, hey there, just... Give me a minute. I'm with some other clients right now

here, gal.

Uh, no. This is an emergency.

We need to talk to you. Do you mind stopping Vader?

It's him!

What the hell are you doing here?

You just can't leave us alone, can you?

Oh, my God. He's so obsessed with us.

I'm not obsessed with you.

It's this stupid place.

Don't you see, Butters?

Teaching people to think of their brand just makes more people like them.

This whole thing is wrong.

They're telling you guys to reduce yourself into products instead of people

be truly understood and loved.

Don't you guys want people to like you for you instead of who they want you to

be?

Look, we all have our faults.

God knows I do.

But if we just try to present and control an image of us for people to see

we're just performers instead of human beings.

He's right.

Trying to make ourselves into a brand just turned us into products.

We don't need to be a brand, do we?

If it's truly what we want, then we really can get away from it all.

No more magazines and Netflix shows. We really can live a normal life.

Yes, I'm sure you agree, darling.

We can be the people we talked about being, with no more worries about how we

look or the image we project to people.

What matters is what we have on the inside.

Hello?

Come on, Butters. Time to go home.

Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah.

Now, hey, don't make a decision you might all regret.

Yeah, come on, honey. We don't need this place.

Honey?

The Queen is dead.

What a sad day for Canada, and therefore the world.

Ike, I need to use the... Oh, no, not again.

She's still dead.

Ike, I have to get on the computer. The Queen's been dead a long time.

Ike, I have to get on with my friends. If I don't, they're going to think

It's okay.

Things get to you.

It's who you are.

Oh, hey, guys.

Hey, dude, we thought maybe you could do a little outside time.

Really?

We just thought it'd be good to get you out of the house. You seem to be going

through a lot lately.

Yeah.

Yeah, I have.

Thanks, guys.

I'd love to play.

Could I play?

Sure, you can play.