Original subtitles

Yeah, let's see like we're at five feet.

This is good now.

Baby we're from here. We're local come on

Oh,

that's the sound of my heart fluttering as I look upon your kick -ass body

Unless you want me to.

Something's touching my leg.

Come on, let's go back. I want to get out.

Let's go. What? We just got in.

It's time to party and play like I've been playing all day. Where the wild

things go, that's where I'm going to stay.

It's time to party and play like I've been playing all day. Where the wild

things go, that's where I'm going to stay.

Wild in the city, wild on the beach. Feel it in the air with summers and

Wild on top, wild all around.

Pedal to the metal and I can't slow down.

Tight like a drum, wind up like a spring.

Throw a little ring -a -bell, ding -a -ling -a -ling.

I'm coming to you live from Seaside Heights.

We're about to kick off the biggest party of the summer, girls, bikinis.

get this party started.

Don't forget, Joey Fatone, formerly of NSYNC, is live tonight in concert.

It's time to celebrate the 4th of July, Jersey Shore style.

Don't you know? Go,

go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go.

Open up, TC.

I know you're in there.

You better not be in there with that canteric sick bitch, TC.

I'm not going to stop banging on your door. Hey, hey, hey, hey. Wake up. Wake

up. Wake up. Come on. You're the worst. Come on. You got to get out of here.

What? Where the hell is he?

What?

No, listen, listen.

What? Look, I'll text you later, okay?

This is rebellion. No, think of it like the VIP exit.

Oh, hell no!

No! No!

Where is she? Who?

Your little Gumar.

What? What Gumar?

Don't!

Lies to me.

I can smell the aquanet and garlic.

I can't freaking believe this. Hey, you broke up with me, remember?

Top of the Ferris wheel? That's right. Because after six months, you wouldn't

let me wear your chain. You gotta earn the chain, baby. What did you expect?

I expected you not to grind.

That's mine.

What?

Don't make it weird.

I'm so hungover right now. I don't even remember what happened last night.

That's it.

We're through.

Yeah, well, I thought we established that on the Ferris wheel.

Hey, yo, you starting static again, mean bull?

Out of my way, wannabe.

Hey, wannabe?

With this what?

You're not even Italian.

So what?

And respect the Guido lifestyle.

Why?

Why? That girl's got some serious issues, bro. Drama, bro. Drama.

Yo, you gotta forget about that little chihuahua.

We got to get down to Captain Sally's, yo. First day of the long weekend. And

I'm in desperate need of some serious A -S -S. Alcohol. Sun.

Sex.

Found it.

Exploded.

This better not be another sign.

Come on, you!

Fuck!

To party.

Joey Patel, one performance only, bro.

I recommend that he's the pains of a breakup to my boy over here. He's

little bit.

I like his style.

That's my man.

How about something you don't have to wake up to?

A mojito.

Mojito. Make it two.

And a beer for my boy Donnie Diesel right here.

Yo, these two girls. I know these two girls. Let's take them back. DTF, bro.

gonna come here whatever whatever i'm gonna keep dancing i'm gonna do me hey

forget about her bro come on it's history all right

i'm over it's about time cheers

to a great weekend fellas all right everybody boom

it's all falling into place last summer before graduate school and we are going

out in style don't tell me you got the yacht for tomorrow fourth of july at the

cove it's gonna be a weekend to remember bradford could you please win already

we have a massage in 20 minutes

and see some of the Jersey Shores.

Have a good time up there, all right? Do you, T .C.? Do you, T .C.? Hey,

hey, T .C., why do they call you the complication? Because when the ladies

these...

The kind of trash that brings the property value down on the shore.

Not for long.

Is she going to melt?

No one's talking to you, gnocchi. Phil, why don't you go back to your country

club, really?

What are you going to do, juice monkey?

Bench press us?

Listen.

It was an accident.

Do yourself a favor, man. Go back to your little private beach.

Go play with your little private friends, huh?

Come on.

Neanderthal.

What'd you say?

Oh, I forgot.

They didn't go to college.

crude or slow -witted person.

It means you exhibit a caveman -like mentality.

Shall I use it in a sentence?

Oh, oh, shall I use it as a rectal probe?

Better take it easy.

Your daddy cops aren't here to back you up this time.

Do me a favor.

Try not to gag on that silver spoon stuck in your mouth, huh?

I'm going to kill you, you bitch!

JP! Get back here!

Spencer, go now!

Yeah, yeah, yeah!

JP.

Stop, stop.

Stop. What's going on? They're going after JP.

What kind of problem with you guys?

Hey, man.

Come here, Kenny.

What the hell did you guys do inside?

It wasn't our fault, Sally. We didn't start it.

Come here, come here, come here.

This is the Fourth of July weekend.

You're supposed to be having fun, not fight.

Take it easy.

You hear me?

All of you, take it easy.

Get out of here.

Mr. Moretti, we're telling you the truth. Get out of here.

You're not going in.

though he is kind of hard to see.

Yo, buddy! JP!

Where are you, my dude?

JP!

Where you at, buddy?

Yo, JP!

Jake!

See anything?

No. Go and check the other side.

Tito. Knock it off.

Why don't you talk to him?

Talk to him. He's the one that chased him down.

You know what? You're never simple in seaside. One of you. One of you throws a

punch. I throw you in jail.

Am I clear?

Am I clear?

Yeah.

So what happened? This is all your fault.

I didn't tell him to jump in.

It's not my fault Guidos can't swim.

Hey, stop! Stop!

Stop it!

Tommy, you take Radford and Spencer and wait for me by the cruiser.

Put him in the cruiser.

He's freaking dead.

Dino, you should know better.

You should all know better.

Are you serious?

You're going to let him just get away with it?

You let me handle this my way.

Anything?

Nothing. Yo, T .C., what's up with your father? It's like he believes Bradford,

but not us.

I don't know, man.

Maybe I embarrass him.

Ever since my mom passed away, it's just been different.

Dude, it's been like five years.

Yeah, well, it seems like no matter what I do, I just can't do anything right,

so... Well, then maybe you should just join the police academy or something,

bro.

What?

Look, bro, I'm sure he loves you in his own weird way.

And it's gotta be hard to be a father of an obnoxious punk like you.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Feel nothing?

No.

I don't get it, bro. I sent JP, like, ten texts. He always gets back to me.

Captain Sally said he never came back to the bar.

Well, maybe his phone just got wet.

Something happened to him.

No. No way. All right? I was on the swim team with that little dude.

He could do the broad stroke better than anyone.

Yo.

It's JP's brother. He said he hasn't heard from him either.

I think he's gone, guys.

Harbor Patrol 2, nothing so far, Chief.

We'll keep a sharp eye out.

He's a small guy.

Might be hard to spot.

Roger that.

Right on time.

Where you're standing will be the fairway to the 18th hole with a 180

view of the Atlantic Ocean.

You promised me progress.

We've got our setbacks, but everything's on target.

Those pylons aren't even cemented in yet. What's the holdup? The Union?

Well, we had a minor town hall ordinance issue, but believe me when I tell you,

everything has been resolved.

I've heard that story.

I have a shareholders meeting Tuesday.

I need to show my investor something.

I feel an ultimatum coming on. You must be psychic.

Those pylons must be submitted in by the 4th, which is tomorrow, or I'm pulling

your funding.

Don't worry about it.

Believe me, it will happen.

Sir, I don't know what happened last night, but the main power line went out.

We're a bit behind.

We're going to try to fix it. We'll catch up, all right?

You know, when I get behind, I get unhappy.

And the last guy like you to make me unhappy couldn't get a job around here

a couple of years. He had to get that little government card to get his

groceries. His daughter had to drop out of college.

You know, the whole ball of wax.

So the last thing I would do if I were you is to make me unhappy.

Hello? Hello?

All right, spark it up.

Double the trill in time.

Boss's order.

Are you kidding me, Richie?

We're already over the limit. Hey, they got a problem downtown.

Let them deal with it. We do what we're told.

Whatever you say.

Fire this baby up.

The search for missing Seaside Heights resident John Pellegrino has been called

off. Authorities report Pellegrino is presumed drowned, although no body has

been found.

To our boy, JP.

Rest in peace, little guy.

JP.

The dudes are dead.

Nookie.

We heard about J .P.

I'm sorry.

Yo, that bastard Bradford.

I say we set his house on fire. Yeah, after we waterboard the preppy strooms.

Guys, relax.

As much as I want to blame Bradford for this, it wasn't all his fault.

So you're saying he drowned it?

Yo, forget that. J .P. was the best swimmer I know.

I've never seen a pair of little legs kick faster than that. Paulie's right.

He definitely didn't drown it.

Something did this.

You mean like he was attacked by something?

Like what?

I don't know.

Like that stingray that killed the British guy? You know, the one that

the crocodiles?

No.

Like a shark.

Sharks aren't that uncommon down the shore.

Come on, TC.

This ain't Florida. You're talking fantasy land here.

Does this look like fantasy land to you?

All right.

So what are we gonna do?

I got an idea.

Come on.

Anyway, did you see Monique the other day?

Yo, TC, what are we doing?

Oh, we gonna have a vigil, bro? Something like that.

Oh, that's what I'm talking about.

Boom, baby.

Woo -hoo! Yeah, babe.

Yes, where'd you get these, dude?

Don't worry about it.

Blockbusters. Mortars.

Oh, my God.

Ammo.

Here, babe.

All right, come on. Nice.

Let's go, babe.

What did you understand on the ferret's wheel?

The part where I said I never want to see you again.

The power said it was going to cut some nuts off and set them on fire.

Neither.

This is a really bad idea.

Go, let's go.

Hey, we ain't going to get caught, all right?

Hey,

guys, check it out.

Yo, what's a boat doing out here?

Guys, why is it covered in blood?

Nah, it's probably just spaghetti sauce.

What? My father never went fishing without some Spuntini.

Hey, isn't that Vinnie's stuff?

Which Vinnie? Vinnie No Neck? No, bro. Vinnie Bananas.

Bananas is in Florida, bro.

I mean Vinnie Knuckles. Knuckles is dead.

That must be Vinnie Boombats' boat.

It's two nods.

It's Vinnie Cramps.

That's him.

Okay, so if this is his boat, where's Vinnie?

Oh, gosh, check it out. There's something in the water.

Oh, boy.

What? What is it?

I don't know.

What are

you freaking doing?

We can't leave Vinnie bobbing around like this.

Bro, you can't put that in a coffin. It's gonna look ridiculous.

Sure!

Whoa!

They're everywhere!

Donnie, toss the chum. Donnie, you did bring the chum, didn't you? How about

protein, bro?

Don't you dare. Not that kind of protein. I gotta save that for the

on. Are you kidding?

What? I never leave home without them. You really think you're gonna attract

sharks and protein bars?

Nothing's gonna resist 25 grams of power pack. It's being a part of crime.

think killed JP.

And I'm not letting him get away with it. How do you suggest we stop him, bro?

We need a boat.

Right here, guys. This is the one.

see a picture of Bradford and his skank -ass girlfriend on this boat?

This boat?

It's what?

Why are you trying to steal Bradford's boat?

Because he's a douche.

Need I pontificate?

Guys, can we please hurry up? The sharks are gonna get away.

Oh, where'd you learn how to do that?

Well, I learned everything.

YouTube. You ever drove one of these things?

Hell no.

But I rocked a lot of Grand Theft Auto on PS3. How different can it be, huh?

We're going to die.

Hey, listen to me. Yeah. This is in the game. Move over.

Come on. Let me drive.

I never did one of those before. Does anybody smell gas? I drive the car every

time. Smell gas.

Guys. Guys.

Guys.

I can do it. I don't know what I'm doing. There's a shark coming. Move

Come on. Let me drive. Move over.

I got it.

Daddy, I just called you. I smell gas. Come on, dude.

Looks like things just got complicated.

I'm starving.

You guys hungry?

Thanks.

Hey, Mr. Moretti, you have any gabagool or supersod around here? I'm dying or

something.

What? Hey, Pop. Really, Pop?

You blew up a boat.

That's malicious destruction.

Arson. I told you it was an accident. Don't give me any lift, Tino.

Look, you're all possible because you lost a friend. I get it.

But that's no excuse to break the law.

There's more to it than that. This isn't some bocce ball game you're playing

here, Tino. This is your life we're talking about. You're not listening to

JP didn't drown.

He was killed by a shark.

And there's a whole bunch of them out there.

They're not like regular sharks, Dad. They got this white skin and these red

eyes and these huge fins.

One of them killed Vinny.

Vinny Nonick?

Vinny Krabs.

White skin, red eyes?

That's a mighty tall tale, Tino. I'm telling you the truth, Pops.

Vinny's boat is out there by the breakwater.

Check it out.

This is Moretti calling Harbor Patrol.

Command Harbor Patrol.

I read you, Chief.

Have you seen anything of Vinnie Krabs today?

He's probably fishing out by the breakwater.

That's a negative.

Anybody find the missing person report on him?

That's also a negative.

10 -4.

You hear that?

Nothing.

Zero.

So what do we do now?

Now?

Now I go pay a visit to Mr. Dolan, and I have to ask him very nicely not to

press charges against my son and his Cugini.

Next time you blow up a boat, make sure you check the registration, because the

boat you blew up belongs to Mr. Dolan, the Mr. Walter Dolan, who has the power

to see that you spent time behind bars for this.

Is that what you want to know?

I want you to believe me.

Well, what'd he say?

Said he's gonna take us for pizza and beer.

What do you think he said?

T, we gotta do something, bro.

Don't worry about it.

This ain't over.

Where'd he go?

I don't know.

Ryan?

Look.

What the...

It's going to rival the Hamptons.

I'm going to turn the Jersey Shore into a vacation mecca of luxurious relaxation

and entertainment, and it all begins with the beach club.

It's nice, but some people like things the way they are around here, Walter.

got 10 miles of beautiful, white, sandy beaches, blue sky, and what does the

town have to show for it? What T -shirt contest?

and funnel cake.

You have to make Seaside Heights live up to its potential.

Yeah, sounds a little bit like gentrification to me.

It's beautification.

Really? You should be happy. I'm going to make your job a hell of a lot easier.

Less crime and a better class of people.

Walter, I think I can handle a few kids blowing off some steam. And please,

let's not forget, some of those same kids' families helped build this town to

what it is today.

It's not the kids.

It's what they represent.

What they represent.

We call that culture around here.

Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't know you wanted culture. I'll get you all the art

galleries and all the music centers that you want. Do you really want more

hoodlums, more bar fights, more Italians?

I was going to say thieves.

Like the ones who destroyed people's boats.

And that's what I wanted to talk to you about.

My son is going through a tough time right now. Yes.

That poor midget guy drowned.

That was a terrible thing.

And I hear they were trespassing on my property.

Okay.

From one father to another, I need to ask you not to press charges against

There's an old saying, you know, one hand washes the other.

Keep your radio dial on the sound of the shore.

Rocking your 4th of July party all week long.

Let me get it to you about an hour if that works.

Yo, you really think they're going to listen to us? We've got to spread the

word. This is our best option. Excuse me, can I help you guys?

Look, we need somebody to get on the radio and warn people to stay out of the

water. And why would I do that?

Sharks, my dude.

You're badass sharks, bro.

We were out on the breakwater and there's a whole bunch of them. And

dead.

So I'm supposed to just take your word for this?

Okay, tell you what, let me call the police.

See what they say.

No, we just talked to the police. We were just there.

Let me guess, they don't believe you guys.

Please, you gotta believe us, all right? Just go on the air and let people know

what's going on.

Look, I'm sorry, guys, but I can't go on with this unless I talk to the

authorities.

Nothing I can do.

Excuse me, I have to be back on the air. Thank you.

Well, that went great.

Shut up.

All right, who else do we want?

Well, we got the marina, the senior center.

Are you stupid?

Old people don't swim, bro. They play shuffleboard.

Well, what about the yacht club? They got a private beach, don't they? Are you

serious, bro? They're never going to believe us. No, no, no. We got to at

try.

It's the right thing to do.

Come on.

Well, if it isn't the pepperoni brothers.

I hope you guys are here to deliver a pizza.

If not, I'm going to have to call security.

You know, you got this vein on your forehead that looks like it's just about

ready to pop.

You blew up my boy's boat.

It was an accident.

Listen, we just want to talk to you, all right?

Make it quick.

Ball sack.

But you got to shut the club's beast down.

Now.

What are you guys, funny?

Some kind of joke? Well, this isn't a joke.

These waters are infested with albino sharks.

Sharks? Yeah, like killer sharks, Paul. One of them killed JP.

Okay, I realize that your brain cells are a little messed up from all the hair

gel, so I'm going to speak really slowly.

Johnny Pellegrino drowned.

I'm going to knock this out. Chill, chill, chill.

I'm scared.

Why don't you guys make yourself useful?

Go bake me a calzone.

Extra cheese.

Hold the black olive.

You're gonna be sorry.

You're still here.

I'm already sorry.

Come on.

Joey Fatone's about to go on. I got an idea.

Come on. Let's go. Let's go.

I'm here at the Jersey Shore where Joey Putone, formerly of NSYNC, is about to

perform. Very excited.

You call this a venue?

I mean, when I asked you to book me something like on a boardwalk, I meant

Atlantic City, not Seaside Heights.

It's embarrassing.

Justin wouldn't put up with this.

Thank goodness, Joey Fatone. Can we talk to you for a minute? I don't do

autographs before my performance, okay?

No, we don't want your autograph.

Why not?

We need you to make some kind of warning over the mic.

Let people know what's going on. There are white -finned killer albino sharks

out there.

Excuse me?

Wait, white -finned killer albino sharks?

Yeah. Yeah. That's a good one. Where'd you get these guys?

All right.

Welcome, ladies and gentlemen. It's so great to be here at Seaside Heights.

Yeah. All right. Lady, this one's for you.

Folks, you're not going to believe this.

Joey Fatone, formerly of NSYNC, has just been eaten by a shark.

Everyone we spoke to was shaken by the events.

I've been on this beach my whole life.

I've never seen anything like it. It was terrible.

It came out of nowhere.

A shark on the Jersey friggin' shore.

Like Moby Dick, but with a fin.

Right now the water is full of fishermen all trying to catch the shark that

killed legend Joey Fatone.

I know what we saw.

It grabbed them right out of the water. We got to do something.

But no one's listening.

You want to talk about sharks? I'll tell you about sharks that'll make your

pubes stand up straight like the first time you saw a naked booty.

Wait, you've seen them too?

Back in 1916, my grandfather worked on the boardwalk when it was first being

built.

Lots of construction, a big undertaking at the time.

It was a deadly heat wave that summer.

One day, this man, Van something, took a swim with his mutt.

He was throwing this ball, watching his dog get all excited and fetching, when

all of a sudden, people said he started screaming and flailing his arms.

At first, they thought he was joking around.

But then, he started moving.

Like a rocket, back and forth.

He was being attacked.

The next time he brought up his arms, there was only one day.

He was being attacked by both sharks.

A whole school of them settled right in off the boardwalk.

It was known as the Jersey Shore Shark Attack.

So the night they completed construction on the boardwalk, my grandpa Sally and

a group of his paisans went out to try to catch one of those freaking things.

So they figured they could make a couple of fazools, letting people take

pictures next to it.

So they go out to sea on this little dinghy, armed with fish heads and some

Pecorino Romano to lure these bastards in.

And they waited.

And they waited so long.

Not to mention after a few bottles of grappa, they fall asleep on the boat.

Passed out cold for a good hour.

Now sharks rely on vibrations to hunt.

Just so happens my grandpa Sally's what my nonna called me. What's that

mean?

Snores like a cow.

Wait a minute, Sally, cows snore?

The shark was able to track them from the vibrations of his snore.

And in an all -out attack, the shark ran my grandpa's boat so it knocked him

right in the water.

What'd your grandpa do?

He only had a minute.

This big -ass shark was coming straight forward.

He took aim with his harpoon and bada -bing, shot him to his left eye.

Why the left?

Because that's the eye of the devil.

There it is.

In perfect condition.

That's hardcore, yo.

Wait a sec.

You said that back in the day they were building a boardwalk, right?

You also said that sharks are attracted to vibrations.

There you go.

What are you talking about, bro?

I'm saying the reason why you've never seen an albino shark is because they

probably live way out in the middle of the ocean.

Maybe even on the bottom of the ocean floor.

There's no way they'd make it out to the Jersey Shore unless they were being

attracted by something.

Just like the last time.

The vibrations from Dolan's drilling, but now it's worse.

Bigger construction.

Bigger sharks.

Guys!

Guys!

Hey!

You guys better come with me.

Baby, what is it?

It's Nookie.

She's acting like a real friggin' wackadoo.

Thank you, Sally.

We gotta bounce.

Yeah, thanks, Sally.

Really interesting.

She just had 15 jello shots.

Freaking disgracia, bro.

Hey, everybody.

Pizza's here.

Hey, let her do her thing, bro.

Just back off, scumbag, okay? That's hilarious.

The constipation calling me a scumbag. Shouldn't you be in jail for blowing up

my boat?

Oh, right, right, I forgot.

You're a cop daddy.

Belger, lose your ass out.

Once again, you're right. Thank you.

Nookie, come on.

Dan. Hey, you should at least let her finish the show.

I got a lap dance coming to me.

Oh, my face!

Oh!

Dude, he freaking jacked it, bro!

Let's go.

Okay.

Your time is up, guys.

This whole place is about to change.

What the hell's the matter with you?

What's with the bug up your ass? I was just trying to have some fun.

Yeah? You're having fun? Well, you're acting like a tramp.

Oh, please.

What do you care anyways?

Where's D 'Angela?

Swimming in a skank tank?

I told you I don't remember what happened that night.

Yeah. I don't believe you.

You are lying sack of steaming bugats.

That's all you are.

Whatever. Whatever.

This guy over here. Do you want to dance with me? Yes.

Oh, my God. Let's go dance to the car.

As you can see, there's no need to panic.

The shark that killed Joey Fatone has been caught.

And who are you? I'm a marine biologist.

And this shark is a Cacarius leucas albus.

It's an albino deepwater bull shark.

And you believe this is the same shark that killed Mr. Fatone?

First of all, this albino bull shark is extremely rare.

Because it usually lives at depths up to 2 ,200 feet, it's rarely seen within 50

miles of the shore.

There's probably been less than 10 sightings of the Cacarias leucas albus

record. Therefore, mathematically, it's highly likely that this is the exact

shark that killed Mr. Fatah.

Prove it. Why don't you stick your friggin' hand up its throat and check?

On behalf of Dolan Industries, I would like to present these very brave

gentlemen with a check for $20 ,000 for protecting the residents of Seaside

Heights on this Fourth of July holiday.

Thank you very much, Walter Dolan.

Patrick, can I talk to you for a minute? I've been in the middle of... In

private, please.

I'll be right back.

You want to tell me why you're opening the beaches?

Apparently you're not up on current events. Look over there, the danger's

What, because you caught one shark?

No, because we caught the one shark that killed Joey Fatone.

Oh, so you think that's the only shark out there.

Nick, there have been sharks birthed out here for generations. We never had a

problem. Maybe a few surfers nipped here and there. Patrick, listen to me. We

are not talking about some accidental surfing attack here. We're talking about

that shark. It jumped out of the water, grabbed Joey Fatone, and went back into

the water.

That's an intentional vicious kill. That is a one -time freaking accident. My

office has received several missing persons reports.

That makes me afraid that there's more sharks out there like that one. My son

said he saw several yesterday.

And I should have listened to him.

Look, I recommend a rollout. Strong postings. Up and down all of the

Every entrance and exit around the boardwalk.

Are you out of your mind?

People drown here every holiday weekend.

Kids get liquored up and go swimming.

It's tragic.

But do you really expect me to close everything down on the 4th of July

and create a panic?

Do you know what kind of chaos that will bring? Do you know what that will do to

business? Patrick, you're not listening to me about these sharks. I have to

remind you that your son was arrested yesterday on the marina, okay? City

property. I could press charges. The bottom line is this. The emergency is

The shark is dead, okay?

Case closed.

Capisce, Mr. Italian?

Sure. Thank you. Excuse me.

Now that the shark that killed Joey Fatone has been caught, the beaches are

and people are ready to put this horrible tragedy behind them.

Factor. Not me, man. I'm going to Vegas.

What is that?

Nothing.

What do you mean, nothing? Right there. You don't see that? What is that?

It's probably bluefish.

Who cares?

It's the Fourth of July, and I got a barbecue to get to. Come on. Richie, I'm

telling you, there's something in the water right there.

Hey, I'm going to check it out before the drill.

Mike, where are you going?

I'm telling you, Richie, something's down there. I'm going to check it out.

check the drill later.

Mike.

Mike. What are you, bobbing for apples? Come on, get your deal. Let's get out of

here. I'm starving.

All right, I'm coming. I'm coming. What's your rush?

Come on, Mike.

We'll be right back.

What's the deal with you and Nookie, bro?

Either you're totally into each other or she's giving Bradford a lap dance.

What's up with that?

I mean, you guys been what, off and on for over a year now?

Yeah. I screwed up, Donnie. So what? All right. What do you think?

I'm just at the club hanging out and D 'Angelo comes up. She starts rubbing up

against me. I mean, what am I supposed to do?

I think you should let Nookie know how you feel. That's all?

Yeah, she's maybe putting on the drama queen act, bro. But I'm telling you,

meatball's totally crazy about you.

Well, so then get over it. Either say you're sorry or go hook up with someone

new. Well, I don't think he wants to do that, Paulie.

Wait, do you?

Look, you morons.

We got enough problems with those sharks out there. I don't need any more.

Now, are we pumped?

Yeah. Are you guys ready?

Yeah. Well, we got work to do, so come on. Come on, let's go.

We're taking the yacht out to the cove later this afternoon.

Full bar, rocking music.

Come on, what do you say?

Doc, number's on the back.

This is shore air one. All clear.

This is harbor two. Nothing here.

Copy that.

I know what to look for.

Yo, complication?

Anything? No, nothing.

But we're looking.

I'll holler at you if we see anything.

TC, I really need to talk to you. Not now, D 'Angelo.

Look, about the other night. We didn't do anything.

I mean, I wanted to, but you passed out and I slept on your bed. That's it.

I'm sorry.

Really?

Hey, D 'Angelo!

Hey, come on, let's go!

Later, TC.

He knew D 'Angelo and I went to high school together.

How could he do that?

Look, I don't mean any offense, but these weedos...

They got no potential.

No kidding.

I feel like such a tool.

I always fall for guys like that, you know?

Because I'm attracted to their muscles, their tight abs.

Don't even get me started with the hair. There's a lot more to it than that.

Neither guy is going to take care of you.

I think that's what you're... What are you doing later today?

Why? A couple of my friends and I are taking my step up, my yacht, out to the

cove. Should be a good time.

Come with us.

Ain't there some kind of rule against that sort of thing?

For a beautiful girl like you, rules are meant to be broken.

Hey, hey, hold on. What's good? Hey, whoa, whoa, whoa, hey, hey, listen,

sweetheart. I know you want to cool off those hot honkers, but you should stay

out of the water.

Wow.

You look amazingly real.

Wow.

What'd I do?

The worst.

What? You better get on your game.

Alright, get on up there.

Girls, just leave your bags and purses and stuff down in the cabin, alright?

Not bad, right?

I think it'll do.

Are you sure this is a good idea?

What are you talking about?

Going to the cove with sharks in the water?

This is something we've been planning.

Do you know how much ass I had to kiss to get my stepfather to let us use this

yacht? I don't know, man.

Even if there are a thousand sharks out there, this thing's a tank, pal.

Nothing can touch it.

Besides, we've got a special guest coming.

Is this a joke?

What's the Guido expression?

D -T -F?

I get it.

You're going to hell, buddy. Oh, it's way too late for me.

This is your boat?

Yeah.

You look incredible.

I know.

Here, why don't you go on up? Okay. Make yourself comfortable. Help yourself to

some champagne.

Let me help you.

Spencer!

Please help the beautiful lady with the bag, will you?

Absolutely.

Oh, my God.

Wait for my eyes.

Let's get this show underway.

Tick -tock, man, the world keeps spinning.

Tick -tock, man, the world keeps spinning.

Man, the world keeps spinning.

Tick -tock, yeah, the world keeps spinning.

The world keeps spinning.

TikTok. And the world keeps spinning.

And the world keeps spinning.

And the world keeps spinning.

Don't believe what you see on the TV screen. Anything that you read in the

magazine. Kind of hard when you ain't never had a thing. Looking shorty's

you can see that he have a dream.

She won't tell him get the money because it's about to cream. By any means,

guess the dude really got a scheme.

Uh -huh, be here addicted to the fast life. Had no cash when he passed through

his past life.

Yeah, he did a little wrong, never asked twice. Top of the world, do you really

know what that's like? Having such a good time when the fun stops.

Walking from the club when he... Check it out, baby.

APAC?

You know you want to take a picture.

This one's from my Hunk album.

Yeah, baby!

It was crazy.

I was just sitting on the beach, right? And out of nowhere, this big white shark

with these blood -red eyes just popped up. Will you ever go in the water again?

You kidding me? I can't even take a shower.

Found it.

Floated and rained down. Good job, guys.

Thank God. You guys are okay.

Where the hell's Nookie?

Where is she?

She just texted me. She's at the cove.

The Cove? Yeah. She's with Bradford on his yacht.

She's with Bradford? Yeah.

On a boat?

Dude, with those things out there?

Go ahead.

Go on.

Come on! Where are we going, bro?

To get my girl.

Let's go.

Be careful.

It's a Jersey Shore shark attack.

Several people are dead.

Dozens are wounded.

And it's all on the 4th of July.

Right now, everyone from Sandy Hook to Beach Haven are being warned. Yo, stay

away from the water, bro.

All right.

Grab as much as you can carry.

TC, your father's going to have your balls for this.

I'll take my chances, Paulie.

Now, let's do this.

Now, that's what I'm talking about, bro.

Let's hurry up.

We good, bro?

Almost.

Now we're good.

Hey, don't worry, bro. We'll get her back.

Come on.

Let's fish fry these mofos.

You're not going to shoot me hot while you're on a police boat, are you?

Of course not.

I got this.

Let's roll!

Hey, it's not the code, but does this work, Skipper?

This looks good.

Drop anchor. I can.

Some of the girls are going to go skinny dipping.

Yeah, not this meatball.

This is how we do it.

The best food, best drink, best everything.

I can't. Of course you can.

I should work on my tan. Can't let this good sun go to waste.

Allow me.

Thanks, but I can manage myself.

It's because of TC, isn't it?

He can't give you half the things I can.

You want new shoes for every day of the year? Done.

New clothes? Done.

All you have to do is ask.

PC needs two -for -one coupons to buy a pizza.

Why are you waspy guys so materialistic?

We own all the material.

Hey, you should join me up on the sun deck.

Clothing optional.

Yeah, I'll pay.

Hey, buddy, we got a problem.

What the hell do you think you're doing?

Penelope.

We get into one little fight and you go slumming it with a guidette.

What are you talking about?

What? What guidette?

I guess that would be me.

Why don't you invite her to join us up on the sun deck?

Clothing optional.

Isn't that what you said?

No. I was just kidding around.

What's the matter?

You don't want to oil me up anymore?

I'm going to put all those kickboxing classes to good use.

Hear that? She's going to kick your ass. No, I'm talking to you, Bradford.

Behind

you!

Behind you! There's a shark!

You think I'm going to fall for that?

Oh my god.

Raid the anchor.

Start the boat.

No bars? Are you kidding me?

What are you doing?

What was that?

Somebody!

Somebody help me!

It's stuck!

My boy, it's stuck!

Hey, get off the rail! Get out of here! Come on, come on! Get away, get away,

get away, get away!

Come on, move, move, move! Get out of here!

Oh my God.

My God.

Let him have it.

Somebody!

Wow, look at that.

Oh, my God. It's sinking.

Paula!

I issued those permits based on the condition that you would limit the

You issued those permits so I would bankroll the facelift to your town.

You both knew?

What? What do you want?

Town ordinance. It's been on the books since 1916.

In light of strong evidence that underwater construction around the

may disrupt local sea life, all underwater drilling below sea level is

prohibited. Does that sound familiar to you, Patrick?

Hey! I take the risks, fella, so you can reap the rewards. No, no, no. I heard

you tell Patrick you paid him off for those permits.

Hey, hold on a minute. Even when you saw what was happening, people were dying.

Patrick, you kept drilling. You just kept going.

For the record, I warned him about the drilling.

No, no, no, no, no. It's too late.

I'm going public with this.

Hey, hey, hey, hey, fella. Remember, one hand washes the other.

My hands are clean in this.

Showtime.

Here you go. Here you go, babe.

Let's go.

We gotta get those people off the yacht.

in my shoe. I just got these things.

Woo!

Bully, bring us along the side.

It's good?

Where the hell is Nookie? How the hell did I know?

Nookie!

Go get him out!

Come on, come on, come on. Bring it up, you alright?

Oh, I like it too.

Bring it up!

A few other hotties?

There's only one hottie left on this boat.

I love you, Nicolina,

Angela, Santa Maria.

I love you, too, Dino Giuseppe Santino Moretti.

Come on. Come on.

Let's bounce.

Hang on.

What do you say, babe?

Think we can make it?

After you.

Oh, baby.

Come on, me plump. Oh, baby.

All right, we good?

Let's get the hell out of here.

Wait! Don't leave me!

I say we let him go down with the ship, bro.

We can't just leave him there.

Are you serious?

That's the difference between us?

Amen.

I've never fired a gun before. It's like a water gun, but a little more kick.

Mommy, take them. Take these.

You bully!

I'm out.

Hey.

Make it count.

Smiley. Stupid fish.

I got you!

Good job, son.

I did good? Yeah.

You did great.

I

gotta

get to that drill.

Go ahead, go!

Everybody okay?

You all right?

Yeah.

What is he doing?

I gotta get my man. Yeah, baby, you go get him. You go get him.

We're getting reports that the worst is over.

The drill has been deactivated, and there are currently no signs of shark

activity here on the Jersey Shore.

We'll update you in the days ahead as the final death toll is calculated.

Reporting live from Seaside Heights, this is...

I'm predicting that it's gonna be tonight, oh.

To touch me, you're so right.

Under the moonlight.

I predict this party's never gonna end, no.

Right here, right now. Come on and touch me.

Come on and hold me.

I need your lovin', baby.

Touch me right now.

I'm anticipating, oh, my body's craving you tonight, boy. I had a premonition

that gave you my permission to touch me anywhere you wanted to tonight, boy.

Oh,

let the body in. Right here, right now, come on and touch me. Come on and

hold me.

Touch me, you know