Original subtitles

I didn't go to my high school reunion.

So, when my high school sweetheart called me, for a reunion,

I was curious to see if he looked like the boy I used to make out with

in front of my locker.

Excuse me, can you tell me how to get to chemistry class?

Actually, he looked better.

Oh, my God.

Jeremy, wow.

-That's my name, don't wear it out.

Wow, you look great.

I knew you looked great, 'cause I saw you on the cover of your book.

Oh.

But I have to say, even better in person.

Oh, God. I'm so glad you called.

I'm going to be spending the month in Connecticut, so...

-I had to look you up. -Wow.

Well, how are you? I heard that you married somebody

that you met in business school?

Yeah. No, I got divorced, like, two years ago.

Really miscalculated that one.

-So I'm on my own again. -Oh.

-Oh... -How about you?

Are you seeing anybody, or...

Nope.

-Wide open. -How is that possible?

Well, my high school boyfriend spoiled me for life.

-Right. Me and my AMC Pacer. -Oh, the Pacer. Oh, man.

-I put our names down for a table. -Oh, great.

But earlier you said maybe, you might have dinner plans?

Oh.

Was that in case I turned out to be a...

Yeah, maybe.

But, um, my fictional plans fell through, so I'm available.

Miranda had no plans that night.

So she was thrilled when her cute new neighbor stopped by.

- Hey. -Oh hey,

I didn't you'd be home on a Saturday night.

Motherhood.

-So, what's my excuse?

I just got Brady to sleep.

-Now, do you sing to him? -Only if he's been bad.

Listen, I have these two courtside seats

for the Knicks charity game at the Garden next Friday night.

Would you want to go?

-I would love to. -Great.

-Great, I'll look for you there. -Oh, okay.

Thanks, so much.

Goodnight.

You, too.

Miranda wasn't sure if it was a charity game, or just charity.

Hey, I didn't even ask what you were doing in Connecticut.

Nothing.

Well, for a change.

I spent the last decade working my ass off in Denver.

So, I decided to take a month off,

spend some time with sea level.

So I've just been relaxing in the country,

-sorting through some things, you know. -Yeah, sometimes you need to get away.

Sometimes you wonder why you stayed away so long.

Well...

-Ah. -This is my place.

-It's a nice place. -Yeah, I love it here.

I feel like I want to kiss you, but I... I... I...

-I don't know what... -I know, it's very unclear.

Yeah, I mean, this isn't our first date. We've already dated.

-And we've kissed. -Many times.

Hours.

We're in a lip lock for the most of 1982.

So, um...

What's one more kiss?

[chuckling] Uh, oh. You mean business.

Hmmm, it's...

That's a lot better without the gearshift sticking up my ass.

It was a romantic, hot summer night.

Followed by a miserable hot summer day.

Which was the 14th miserable, hot summer day in a row.

Samantha Jones, how are you?

Great, Phoebe. How are you?

-Refreshed.

We just dropped by the SoHo house for a dip.

I mean, what else can you possibly do in this heat,

except sit by the pool and drink cocktails

while they mist you with Evian.

-Isn't it the best? -Oh, it's fabulous.

I'm running to a lunch, otherwise I'd be up there myself.

-Toodles.

There's a pool a block from my apartment, and I can't get in.

-What pool? -At the SoHo house.

You have to be a member and I'm on some kind of bullshit waitlist.

-Don't they know who you are? -And more importantly who we are.

We need to be at the pool with you.

You know in high school,

all you had to do is jump a fence and you'd in somebody's pool.

Oh, speaking of high school, I saw my high school sweetheart.

And I think I might like him. Again.

-Is that crazy? -No, I love this.

You could end up with your high-school boyfriend.

Okay, let's not jump the gun.

But it was the best date I've had in a long time.

And I wasn't even thinking that it was a date. Oh!

-And when he kissed me goodnight. - He kissed you goodnight?

I... It was wild, because I actually

remembered what it felt like to kiss him.

Imagine if you slept with him. Talk about a homecoming.

-No, we never went all the way. -Why not?

Because we were kids. We wanted to wait.

And now, I think we've waited long enough.

You're marrying him.

Will you stop? He doesn't even live in New York. He lives in Denver.

People move. It would be so romantic.

Oh tragic. Seriously, if I had the guy in high school,

what have I been doing for the past 20 years?

Why did you two break up?

I broke up because I thought, "Come on, there must be better guys out there."

Turns out, there aren't.

That night, I started thinking about my retro relationship.

Since high school, most women I know have acquired much better

taste in clothes, hairstyles, and food.

But what about in men?

Maybe we were better off when we thought less and kissed more.

Have we graduated past our ability to find true love

when it comes to matters of the heart?

Did we have it right in high school?

Samantha was too cool to belong to any clubs in high school,

so she refused to believe that any club was too cool for her now.

Especially, since New York in August is not cool at all.

-May I help you? -I hope so.

I'd like to to know what's holding up my membership.

I've been on the wait list since June.

Yes, I'm sorry, but we are not currently admitting any new members.

The pool is so fabulous, we're at capacity every day.

Do you know who I am?

No, I don't. We can't accommodate you right now.

Well, can I at least use the restroom before I go?

Or is there a wait list for that as well.

Down the corridor on your left, the door marked "WC".

[water running]

Miss, did you leave your card on the sink?

Oh, yes. Yes, I did. Thank you so much.

Since they didn't seem to know who she was at the SoHo house,

she figured she could be Annabelle Bronstein.

The next day, Samantha tested the waters with her fake ID.

Excuse me.

Can I get you something to drink, Ms. Bronstein?

Yes, but I'll just pay cash.

And please, call me Annabelle.

Meanwhile, a fight was about to break out in the cafeteria.

But this time, Cafeteria was a trendy restaurant in Chelsea.

Thank you.

God, I hate him.

-Come on, we're going over there. -Why?

Because you're in tank top.

-Hi. -Oh, hi.

-You were here, what a small world. -That's Chelsea for you.

Can't swing a dick without running into someone you know.

Well, we'd love to stay and chat,

but we have to go get our tuxes for the prom.

Did you say "the prom"?

Yes, it's a big fundraiser at the gay-lesbian-bi-transgender center.

I'm on the decorations committee.

What's the theme? Queer and queerer?

I have the best memories of my prom. I was the prom queen.

Of course you were, darling.

I missed my prom in high school, because--

You were gay.

No, my girlfriend and I broke up the night before, because--

You were gay.

No, I wasn't gay until--

You were born?

Never mind.

Good bye, Charlotte.

-Bye. -Bye, Marcus.

Those two should be going to the gay, lesbian, and the prostitute prom.

-Oh, be nice. -What?

I happen to know that Marcus used to be a gay escort.

-He was not. -Oh, honey, wake up and smell the K-Y.

I was flipping through a vintage issue of Honcho.

I saw his ad in the Rauncho section.

He called himself Paul. Worst hustler name I ever heard.

He and Stanford are in love.

Yeah, well, according to Honcho, he used to be in love all over town.

You are mistaken.

There's a picture. I'll send you the ad.

-I don't wanna see it. -I'm sending it, prom queen.

- What can I get you? -Cute waiter.

I wish he didn't know this.

Number five, Fishman replaces Els.

Do you think Stanford knows?

Probably not, so maybe we shouldn't talk about it in the Madison Square Garden.

I don't think that these people know those people.

-Look at how cute he is. - He is gorgeous.

He looked at me, did you see him look at me?

-He totally likes you. -You think?

-Look at these seats. -You're right.

These seats are too good to be casual.

- Time out.

Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome the Knicks City Dancers.

Did I ever tell you I was a cheerleader?

No. Because you knew I would mock you endlessly.

I left a good job in the city

Working for the man every night and day

And I never lost one minute of sleeping

I was worrying 'bout the way Things might've been

You know that big wheel keep on turning

Did you used to to that?

No. We just used some herkies and some kicks.

Rolling on the river

Say we're rolling, rolling Yeah Rolling on the river

-What is she doing? -The blonde one in front?

Uh-huh.

Rolling, rolling, rolling on the river

-Whoo! -She's flirting with your boyfriend.

He's not my boyfriend.

What is she, like, 21?

It was Friday night. It was the big game,

and Miranda was jealous of a cheerleader.

Two hours later, the game ended, and Miranda felt like the loser.

Okay, let's just go.

No, you have to go over there and talk to him.

-He's talking to her. -You are better than her.

Go on, you can do it.

Are you gonna do a herky now?

Just you go over there and flirt a little bit.

Go, go.

The Knicks and Madison Square Garden thank you for coming.

-Have a safe trip home. -That's it. I'm out.

Meanwhile, I invited Jeremy to come over and watch a movie...

which in high school was code for, "Come over and make out."

And happily, it still was.

Oh, I gotta run. Last train leaves in half an hour.

Aww. I think you should stay.

I think we should go all the way.

-All the way. -We never did, and now we can.

And your mother won't walk in with her laundry and her Tab.

That's true.

But Carrie, I need to be honest with you about something.

That's the worst thing you can hear from someone you really like.

I'm not really just taking time off, I'm, uh...

I'm sort of in a...

Mental institution.

No, actually, that's the worst thing you can hear.

I wanted a man who would commit, not a man who is committed.

Apparently, we have to be more specific.

-But how was he able to see you? -Ooh, did he escape?

No, he's voluntary. He says it's not really a mental institution,

it's a therapeutic community.

-Which one? -Juno-Spears?

Oh, that's supposed to be a good one. I've had clients go there.

Really? Why haven't we heard about that?

Because I'm good at my job.

No one wants to admit they're in a loony bin.

-On a first date. -It's all humiliating.

Think about what we have to go through to date.

I am 38 and I am competing with a cheerleader.

Yeah, and even when you get the guy,

you never know what fun surprise might be revealed.

Let me tell you something, ladies.

In a good relationship, there are no surprises.

I know everything about Marcus, and Marcus knows everything about me.

I don't think he knows everything.

What?

What?

Charlotte, like all girls, learned in early age

that only way to get rid of information

you don't want to have, is to pass it on.

Oh my god. Is this real?

Anthony found it in old issue of Honcho magazine.

Let me see that.

Ooh nice.

Marcus?

[tsking]

-What is that? -Nothing.

Okay, hand it over.

Okay, hand it over.

Where did this come from?

Someone better tell me where this came from right now.

I'm not kidding.

-I got it from Carrie. -I got it from Miranda.

-I got it from Charlotte. -I got it from Anthony,

but I told him you and Marcus were very much in love.

Charlotte was still a cheerleader for love.

But like the Knicks, her team was having a bad season.

Well...

You think you know somebody...

Excuse me. Which one of you is Annabelle Bronstein?

I am.

Well, that's impossible. Ms. Bronstein is in London for the week.

No, I am Annabelle Bronstein.

And she's British.

As I was saying, dear sir,

I am Annabelle Bronstein.

I'm fairly certain you're not Annabelle, I've spoken to her on the phone.

I am absolutely Annabelle Bronstein.

And I do not pay 900 American dollars annually to be treated like this.

Now, ring round the waiter and have him tally up the drinks.

-What's with the accent? -She's got a case of a Madonna's.

I'm sorry, but I know for a fact that Annabelle lost her card.

Yes.

I thought I did.

But it was on top of the telly.

And Ms. Bronstein is from Sussex...

and I'd venture to guess that you are not, in fact, from the UK.

Well, that's true. I was raised in Inja.

On any given day,

there are a lot of versions of "crazy" right here in New York.

Today, Annabelle Bronstein had multiple personalities...

And at least two accents.

Hey, Hobbes.

Where did you disappear to after the game?

Oh, I was gonna thank you, but you were talking to that girl.

-What girl? -Some cheerleader.

Oh.

-Do you like her? - No.

I like someone else.

You.

This cheered Miranda up immediately.

Now, see, how would I know that?

Well...

Would it be any clearer...

if I did this?

-Hi, Mrs. McCaffrey. -Hello, Mrs. McCaffrey.

I wanted you to have these.

Marbles.

In case I lose any more of mine, I wanna know where I can find the stash.

-How are you? Do you wanna come in? -She asked with trepidation.

No. I think it's great what you're doing--

I know I probably threw you for a loop the other day, but, erm...

I should probably just come right out and say something about this,

but I... Truth is, I haven't worked out my rap on it yet.

Well, it's a tough thing to slip in.

Yeah, it is. "Hi, I might be crazy. Would you like to share an appetizer?"

The thing is I think I made it sound worse than it is.

You know, if you saw Juno-Spears, you'd see that it's not a cuckoo's nest.

It's more like... It's like Canyon Ranch for the brain.

-Do they have Pilates? -They do have Pilates.

I don't wanna lie to you, I am going through some pretty heavy stuff,

Soul searching, really.

Trying to figure out why some things seem to be harder for me

then they are for other people.

I think my family has something to do with it.

It's always good to blame the parents, right?

Right.

So, I figured I could spend the next 5 years in therapy

or just spend the next month and really deal with it intensively right now.

-It's just more efficient. -Well, you'll make a very good case.

That's what my doctor said.

Well, that's it. Ta-da!

I just wanted to explain myself,

so that I didn't become known eternally

as that nutcase you dated back in high school.

How about my high school boyfriend who was the best kisser ever.

I could live with that.

You're not bad yourself either, you know.

That night, we went all the way.

And we weren't the only ones.

Rolling, rolling, rolling on the river

All right

The next afternoon, my other crazy boyfriend stopped by.

It's true. Marcus was a gay escort.

But he's been off the market since 1992.

So you talked about it?

Yes, and he says he did it just to put himself through dance classes.

But if that's true, then why keep it a secret?

Maybe he was embarrassed.

Yes, but it's not the escort thing,

but the secret thing that's bothering me. I was the last to know.

I don't wanna hear the truth from some

bitchy queen with back issues of Honcho.

So...

we broke up.

-Oh, Stanny, really? -Yes.

And right before the prom.

And I still have to go, because I'm on the decorations committee.

And I have no date again.

-When is it? -Tomorrow night.

Will you please, please, please go with me?

I can't. I have to visit my boyfriend at the asylum.

Of course you do.

He wants me to see the place for myself.

It supposed to be like Canyon Ranch.

-Honey. -I know.

-But I like him. -You'd have to.

And who are we to say, he's got issues, he's getting help?

Usually, that's considered a good thing.

And it's New York, everybody's insane.

-You slept with him, didn't you? -Yes.

Oh, that's where the problems begin.

You sleep with someone, you start rationalizing away all the red flags.

At least he was honest about it.

Yes.

Unlike Paul.

Hi.

Apparently, the Juno-Spears Center

was harder than the SoHo house to get into.

Or out of.

] Even as a visitor,

I could see how this was a very relaxing place to get away to.

412 Mmm.

-It's kinda nice, huh? -Hmm.

There are great hiking trails all around here.

-Maybe later we can do a hike. -Oh, I don't really hike.

Neither do I.

But I will fill you in on something I discovered.

Hiking...

Is walking.

-Really? -Yes, hiking is walking.

I started to think, maybe the Juno-Spears Center

should be mandatory for New Yorkers.

Like the Hamptons, or Fire Island.

Feces!

Feces! Feces!

- Get him! - Feces!

Feces, feces, feces...

I guess that doesn't happen very often at Canyon Ranch, huh?

I've never been.

It might.

Who am I kidding, this is a full-on psychiatric facility.

With Pilates.

Feces! Feces!

You're definitely the sanest person here.

Well, thank you.

That's kinda like being the best house on a bad block.

People would advise against buying it.

Or maybe it just... It wasn't the wisest thing

to start something while I was still in here.

Maybe when I get out in eight to ten months.

Eight to ten months?

Yeah, my doctor still thinks I have a lot of work to do.

And to be honest with you, I'm comfortable here.

I kinda like it. I like that everybody's craziness is out in the open.

Yeah.

Well...

-I loved seeing you. -I loved seeing you again.

But I understand.

We're just in very different places right now.

Ironically, it was the sanest breakup I ever had.

And now, the Queen and Queen of our prom...

-Carrie Bradshaw and Stanford Blatch.

- Oh, my God, I love this song. -Me, too.

Oh, thank you very much.

If you leave me now

You take away the biggest part of me

Ooh no, baby, please don't go

-This is my best prom ever. -Aww.

Thank you for coming.

Oh, believe me I'm glad to be back with the normal people.

-You know the craziest thing of all? - Hmm?

I somehow thought that after everything I've been through,

I might end up with my high school boyfriend.

Yeah...

I don't think my story's gonna get tied up like that.

Your boyfriend might get tied up.

-And taken away.

Okay, no more jokes, I might be dating him in eight to ten months.

-Oh. -May I cut in?

No, thank you. I already have an escort.

Honey, I didn't tell you because it was part of my past.

It's not who I am anymore.

I was really messed up back then.

But I've got it together now.

And it's prom night,

and we have to have a dance.

Why don't I get some punch?

Just tell me one thing.

Did you ever, ever sleep with that little bitchy pine nut Anthony?

No. God, no.

Ooh no, baby, please don't go

Ooh girl, just got to have you By my side

So, maybe it won't look the way you thought it'd look in high school.

But it's good to remember love is possible.

Anything is possible.

This is New York.

Ooh mama, I just got to have your lovin'