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1
00:00:03,643 --> 00:00:05,007
I don't know how I did it,
2
00:00:05,008 --> 00:00:06,970
but I'm actually dating
a real,
3
00:00:06,971 --> 00:00:10,166
honest-to-goodness normo.
4
00:00:10,167 --> 00:00:12,628
Sometimes I feel like
I'm dreaming...
5
00:00:12,629 --> 00:00:14,957
because most of the guys
have been awful.
6
00:00:14,958 --> 00:00:16,256
Okay.
You're real.
7
00:00:16,257 --> 00:00:17,986
What about the guy
that hated your son?
8
00:00:17,987 --> 00:00:19,451
Ooh, one-night stand
that cleaned out
9
00:00:19,452 --> 00:00:20,782
- your medicine cabinet.
- Ah, ah.
10
00:00:20,783 --> 00:00:21,946
We only talk about
the good ones.
11
00:00:21,947 --> 00:00:23,345
Those were the good ones.
12
00:00:23,346 --> 00:00:25,441
Look, the point is,
I'm with Ben now,
13
00:00:25,442 --> 00:00:27,438
so I don't have to think about
these weirdos and losers
14
00:00:27,439 --> 00:00:28,470
- ever again.
- That's true.
15
00:00:28,471 --> 00:00:30,067
"Weirdos and losers"?
16
00:00:30,068 --> 00:00:31,232
Which one am I?
17
00:00:31,233 --> 00:00:33,329
Oh, my God.
18
00:00:33,330 --> 00:00:34,560
- Oh, my God!
- Hi, Jamie.
19
00:00:34,561 --> 00:00:35,891
- Hi.
- You know, I never thought
20
00:00:35,892 --> 00:00:38,155
you were a weirdo, so you
must be one of the losers.
21
00:00:38,156 --> 00:00:39,419
No.
22
00:00:39,420 --> 00:00:40,717
Welcome to the club,
my brothah.
23
00:00:40,718 --> 00:00:42,248
- Yes...
- No, you're not a loser.
24
00:00:42,249 --> 00:00:43,313
Hey, you don't have to hug him,
it's okay.
25
00:00:43,314 --> 00:00:44,544
Hey, stop!
Stop, stop, stop.
26
00:00:44,545 --> 00:00:46,209
- Oh, my God, Jamie, Jamie.
- Help.
27
00:01:03,450 --> 00:01:04,646
It's just been
such a long time.
28
00:01:04,647 --> 00:01:06,144
Isn't it weird
that I still look the same?
29
00:01:06,145 --> 00:01:07,508
I'm great, thanks for asking.
30
00:01:07,509 --> 00:01:09,206
I actually stopped
teaching Latin
31
00:01:09,207 --> 00:01:11,036
so I can focus on
writing novels full-time.
32
00:01:11,037 --> 00:01:12,601
- That is very cool.
- Wow.
33
00:01:12,602 --> 00:01:15,196
My debut mystery thriller,
"The Cicero Paradox,"
34
00:01:15,197 --> 00:01:16,595
has now spent ten weeks
35
00:01:16,596 --> 00:01:18,092
on "The New York Times"
Bestsellers list.
36
00:01:18,093 --> 00:01:20,555
It's about an ex-Latin professor
named James Trowell
37
00:01:20,556 --> 00:01:22,918
who travels the world solving
religious mysteries,
38
00:01:22,919 --> 00:01:25,314
puzzles, and ciphers,
but no codes.
39
00:01:25,315 --> 00:01:27,743
I'll check that out the minute
I finish this tweet I'm reading.
40
00:01:27,744 --> 00:01:28,742
- Yeah.
- Oh.
41
00:01:28,743 --> 00:01:30,006
God, I'm so embarrassed.
42
00:01:30,007 --> 00:01:31,504
What, you fart?
You can do it on the subway.
43
00:01:31,505 --> 00:01:32,702
- It's allowed.
- No, that.
44
00:01:32,703 --> 00:01:33,734
Didn't know
that was gonna be there.
45
00:01:33,735 --> 00:01:34,732
Oh, my God!
46
00:01:34,733 --> 00:01:36,297
- You looking good.
- Thank you.
47
00:01:36,298 --> 00:01:37,861
Dude, your eyes
are hella blue.
48
00:01:37,862 --> 00:01:39,559
Did they make them
more blue in post?
49
00:01:39,560 --> 00:01:41,156
No, I don't understand,
but that was actually
50
00:01:41,157 --> 00:01:42,786
a black-and-white photograph
51
00:01:42,787 --> 00:01:44,783
and my eyes were so blue
that it just came out that way.
52
00:01:44,784 --> 00:01:46,115
So how are things with Lucy?
53
00:01:46,116 --> 00:01:47,812
Not great.
We broke up.
54
00:01:47,813 --> 00:01:49,176
Oh, I'm sorry to hear that.
55
00:01:49,177 --> 00:01:50,940
She was nice,
and she had a great rack.
56
00:01:50,941 --> 00:01:53,603
Yeah, I'm not gonna lie,
I think about her a lot.
57
00:01:53,604 --> 00:01:56,099
So anyway, in the ensuing
depression, I went to Rome.
58
00:01:56,100 --> 00:01:58,328
Was gonna blow my brains out
in the middle of the Coliseum.
59
00:01:58,329 --> 00:02:00,492
At the very last second,
I had an epiphany,
60
00:02:00,493 --> 00:02:02,523
decided to write this book
and,
61
00:02:02,524 --> 00:02:05,317
as they say in Latin,
ad Astra per aspera.
62
00:02:05,318 --> 00:02:07,648
"A rough road
leads to the stars."
63
00:02:07,648 --> 00:02:09,578
- That is beautiful.
- I don't understand.
64
00:02:09,579 --> 00:02:10,775
What about you?
Are you seeing anyone?
65
00:02:10,776 --> 00:02:11,974
I am, actually.
66
00:02:11,975 --> 00:02:14,171
His name is Ben
and he works as a...
67
00:02:14,172 --> 00:02:15,602
we work at the hospital
together.
68
00:02:15,603 --> 00:02:16,900
Yeah, and, also,
69
00:02:16,901 --> 00:02:18,231
he's a friggin' hottie.
70
00:02:18,232 --> 00:02:20,993
I'm talking ssssss!
71
00:02:20,994 --> 00:02:22,823
Well, he sounds great.
I'm really happy for you.
72
00:02:22,824 --> 00:02:23,988
- Thank you.
- You know what?
73
00:02:23,989 --> 00:02:25,386
My editor's throwing
a book party tonight.
74
00:02:25,387 --> 00:02:26,917
Why don't you and Ben
75
00:02:26,918 --> 00:02:28,548
and everyone come by,
if you're free.
76
00:02:28,549 --> 00:02:30,744
I'm sorry, am I "everyone"?
77
00:02:30,745 --> 00:02:33,241
Yeah.
78
00:02:33,242 --> 00:02:36,435
It's a pretty good guest list.
Salman Rushdie just RSVP'd.
79
00:02:36,436 --> 00:02:37,867
Whoa.
Salman Rushdie.
80
00:02:37,868 --> 00:02:41,395
Isn't there a financial reward
for whoever turns him...
81
00:02:41,396 --> 00:02:43,125
You know what?
Never mind.
82
00:02:43,126 --> 00:02:44,457
- Sounds great.
- Great.
83
00:02:44,458 --> 00:02:45,854
- We're there.
- Thanks, great to see you.
84
00:02:45,855 --> 00:02:47,119
See you later, bye... Oh.
We hugged.
85
00:02:47,120 --> 00:02:48,284
We already hugged.
Yeah, I got it.
86
00:02:48,285 --> 00:02:49,948
Hey, Morgan,
get me the information
87
00:02:49,949 --> 00:02:52,244
- for the Ayatollah.
- Okay.
88
00:02:52,245 --> 00:02:54,873
- Oh, my God!
- I can't... It's so exciting!
89
00:02:54,874 --> 00:02:55,872
It's really exciting.
90
00:02:55,873 --> 00:02:57,270
- Pfffft!
- Everyone!
91
00:02:57,271 --> 00:02:59,965
Everyone, gather around...
we have huge news.
92
00:02:59,966 --> 00:03:02,162
Oh, did the earring
you swallowed come out?
93
00:03:02,163 --> 00:03:05,823
Got invited to a book party!
94
00:03:05,824 --> 00:03:07,753
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
95
00:03:07,754 --> 00:03:10,549
My ex Jamie wrote
a hella fancy book.
96
00:03:10,550 --> 00:03:12,479
It's called
"The Sicily Parachute."
97
00:03:12,480 --> 00:03:14,742
Whoa! You mean
"The Cicero Paradox."
98
00:03:16,141 --> 00:03:18,004
"Time Out London" called it
"a spine-tingling journey
99
00:03:18,005 --> 00:03:19,535
through the language
of our past."
100
00:03:19,536 --> 00:03:21,465
Ugh, that book
sounds hella white.
101
00:03:21,466 --> 00:03:23,162
And I read all of Updike.
102
00:03:23,163 --> 00:03:25,326
More like,
"Rabbit Run" out of ideas.
103
00:03:25,327 --> 00:03:28,055
I'm gonna come dressed
as Signore Sinistro,
104
00:03:28,056 --> 00:03:30,485
the evil cardinal
with a milky right eye.
105
00:03:30,486 --> 00:03:33,047
Yeah, I've already
got the red cape.
106
00:03:33,048 --> 00:03:34,511
Oh, Anna,
do you want to come?
107
00:03:34,512 --> 00:03:35,809
- You can.
- Oh, I'm actually
108
00:03:35,810 --> 00:03:41,667
already going.
I'm friends with Janet Maslin.
109
00:03:41,668 --> 00:03:45,461
Book critic
for "The New York Times."
110
00:03:45,462 --> 00:03:47,558
It's hard to name drop
around here.
111
00:03:47,559 --> 00:03:49,388
Anyway, I think Ben
is gonna have a great time.
112
00:03:49,389 --> 00:03:51,218
He loves reading.
Nerd.
113
00:03:51,219 --> 00:03:53,648
Dr. L, you can't
take your new boyfriend
114
00:03:53,649 --> 00:03:55,279
to your old boyfriend's
party.
115
00:03:55,280 --> 00:03:57,508
- What, why?
- Because Jamie's being feted
116
00:03:57,509 --> 00:03:59,139
by the publishing elite,
117
00:03:59,140 --> 00:04:01,768
and basic-ass Ben
is gonna be uncomfortable.
118
00:04:01,769 --> 00:04:04,165
It'll be like when I took
Ray Ron to my ex's inauguration.
119
00:04:04,166 --> 00:04:05,430
It wasn't cute.
120
00:04:05,431 --> 00:04:06,628
Ben isn't the kind of guy
121
00:04:06,629 --> 00:04:07,892
who's threatened by
that kind of stuff.
122
00:04:07,893 --> 00:04:09,623
Also, he does not care
what people think.
123
00:04:09,624 --> 00:04:11,386
He wears a free T-shirt
from the bank.
124
00:04:11,387 --> 00:04:12,618
Buona notte.
125
00:04:12,619 --> 00:04:16,745
Has anyone seen
my poison candelabra?
126
00:04:16,746 --> 00:04:18,276
Whoa!
Hey!
127
00:04:18,277 --> 00:04:19,341
- Dude, come on!
- Dude, come on!
128
00:04:19,342 --> 00:04:20,572
Who's gonna clean up
all those pencils?
129
00:04:20,573 --> 00:04:22,137
Who's gonna clean up
all those pencils?
130
00:04:22,138 --> 00:04:23,601
Could you please
131
00:04:23,602 --> 00:04:25,165
- clean it up, Morgan?
- You should do that.
132
00:04:25,166 --> 00:04:27,561
Of course I'm going to.
It was re-he-torical.
133
00:04:27,562 --> 00:04:29,092
The ancient riddle itself
134
00:04:29,093 --> 00:04:31,222
had befuddled Classics
scholars for centuries,
135
00:04:31,223 --> 00:04:33,685
and now James had to solve it
136
00:04:33,686 --> 00:04:35,515
while being chased by a gang
137
00:04:35,516 --> 00:04:37,079
of Albanian mercenaries.
138
00:04:38,512 --> 00:04:40,308
"A cat and a comb,"
he pondered,
139
00:04:40,309 --> 00:04:41,872
his brow furrowed
intelligently.
140
00:04:41,873 --> 00:04:43,736
"A cat and a comb,
a cat and a comb.
141
00:04:43,737 --> 00:04:44,834
It doesn't make any sense."
142
00:04:44,835 --> 00:04:47,264
You can do it, James!
143
00:04:47,265 --> 00:04:48,728
"To the catacombs."
144
00:04:50,293 --> 00:04:52,988
End... of... chapter.
145
00:04:52,989 --> 00:04:54,985
- Oh.
- Oh.
146
00:04:54,986 --> 00:04:57,847
This is a bestseller?
147
00:04:57,848 --> 00:04:59,045
Hey, what did you
think of the book?
148
00:04:59,046 --> 00:05:00,676
It's not bad.
149
00:05:00,677 --> 00:05:02,506
Probably could use
some fact-checking, though.
150
00:05:02,507 --> 00:05:04,270
I'm pretty sure you
can't have a canal chase
151
00:05:04,271 --> 00:05:05,501
from Venice to Rome.
152
00:05:05,502 --> 00:05:07,266
Oh, no, there's
canals all over Spain.
153
00:05:07,267 --> 00:05:08,763
Okay, I'm just gonna
tousle your hair
154
00:05:08,764 --> 00:05:10,028
so I can introduce you
to Jamie.
155
00:05:10,029 --> 00:05:11,692
- Okay.
- 'Kay, there.
156
00:05:11,693 --> 00:05:12,724
- Good?
- You look good, yeah, let's go.
157
00:05:12,725 --> 00:05:13,822
All right.
158
00:05:18,682 --> 00:05:22,541
Wow. Gillian Flynn.
I am such a fan.
159
00:05:22,542 --> 00:05:24,738
You should read
my fan fiction for "Gone Girl."
160
00:05:24,739 --> 00:05:26,801
In my version,
Amy fakes her own kidnapping
161
00:05:26,802 --> 00:05:28,099
to frame Nick.
162
00:05:28,100 --> 00:05:31,128
That is exactly
what happens in my book.
163
00:05:31,129 --> 00:05:32,526
You know, I think I kind of
164
00:05:32,527 --> 00:05:34,323
captured the characters a little
bit better than you did.
165
00:05:34,324 --> 00:05:35,454
You gotta read it.
I'll send it to you.
166
00:05:35,455 --> 00:05:36,519
Just give me your email.
167
00:05:36,520 --> 00:05:38,417
Wait, wait,
what's Ben Affleck like?
168
00:05:38,418 --> 00:05:40,147
My husband tells me
169
00:05:40,148 --> 00:05:41,678
I should make small talk
with work colleagues.
170
00:05:41,679 --> 00:05:43,076
Would you like to
join me in that?
171
00:05:43,077 --> 00:05:45,040
Um, okay.
Sure.
172
00:05:45,041 --> 00:05:46,637
Must be nice dating a nurse.
173
00:05:46,638 --> 00:05:48,901
My husband never
has time to go to parties.
174
00:05:48,902 --> 00:05:51,695
He's so busy running his hedge
fund that when he comes home
175
00:05:51,696 --> 00:05:53,692
all we have time to do
is have passionate sex.
176
00:05:53,693 --> 00:05:55,091
Then he goes to bed
177
00:05:55,092 --> 00:05:57,287
and I weigh my food
for the next day.
178
00:05:57,288 --> 00:05:59,251
Ben sure does
have a lot of free time.
179
00:05:59,252 --> 00:06:01,181
What's important
is that you're fine
180
00:06:01,182 --> 00:06:03,776
with who Ben is.
181
00:06:03,777 --> 00:06:05,407
Okay.
That feels sufficient.
182
00:06:05,408 --> 00:06:08,203
I'm going to go
talk to Graydon Carter.
183
00:06:08,204 --> 00:06:11,198
Editor of "Vanity Fair."
184
00:06:11,199 --> 00:06:12,264
Jesus Christ.
185
00:06:12,265 --> 00:06:15,891
I'm sorry,
I ju... Okay.
186
00:06:17,389 --> 00:06:19,685
- Jamie, I'm such a big fan.
- Oh, thank you.
187
00:06:19,686 --> 00:06:21,349
Uh, you probably know me
on the message boards
188
00:06:21,350 --> 00:06:22,714
as "TrowellSlut."
189
00:06:22,715 --> 00:06:24,078
I came up with the theory
190
00:06:24,079 --> 00:06:26,242
that you based
your main character on yourself.
191
00:06:26,243 --> 00:06:27,573
You know, a lot
of people think that,
192
00:06:27,574 --> 00:06:28,971
but we're actually
quite different.
193
00:06:28,972 --> 00:06:31,234
For example,
James is right-handed,
194
00:06:31,235 --> 00:06:33,231
whereas I am ambidextrous.
195
00:06:33,232 --> 00:06:35,394
Well, that really
resonates with me,
196
00:06:35,395 --> 00:06:37,424
because
I am neither-handed.
197
00:06:37,425 --> 00:06:39,221
And it was very difficult
growing up.
198
00:06:39,222 --> 00:06:41,052
And look at you now.
199
00:06:41,053 --> 00:06:42,649
Carpe that Diem.
200
00:06:42,650 --> 00:06:44,280
Morg... don't.
201
00:06:44,281 --> 00:06:46,310
You don't want to do that,
dude.
202
00:06:46,311 --> 00:06:47,707
It's okay.
203
00:06:47,708 --> 00:06:49,671
- Nice to talk to you.
- He's a big fan.
204
00:06:49,672 --> 00:06:51,668
So, Ben, Mindy tells me
that you are a doctor.
205
00:06:51,669 --> 00:06:53,632
I think that's really
admirable.
206
00:06:53,633 --> 00:06:55,430
Uh, no, actually I'm a nurse.
207
00:06:55,431 --> 00:06:56,960
Oh, I...
208
00:06:56,961 --> 00:06:58,391
I'm so sorry, she said
you worked together
209
00:06:58,392 --> 00:07:00,488
at the hospital
and I just... made that leap.
210
00:07:00,489 --> 00:07:03,117
Nurse is a great profession
as well.
211
00:07:03,118 --> 00:07:04,182
- Yeah.
- In fact,
212
00:07:04,183 --> 00:07:05,646
I'm actually having
my main character
213
00:07:05,647 --> 00:07:06,978
sleep with a nurse
214
00:07:06,979 --> 00:07:09,107
in my follow-up novel,
"The Cato Codex."
215
00:07:09,108 --> 00:07:11,138
Where in a hospital
216
00:07:11,139 --> 00:07:13,201
would be a good place
for that to happen?
217
00:07:13,202 --> 00:07:15,797
A room where no one else is?
218
00:07:15,798 --> 00:07:17,395
"A room
219
00:07:17,396 --> 00:07:19,924
where no one else is."
220
00:07:19,925 --> 00:07:21,255
I like that.
221
00:07:21,256 --> 00:07:23,984
I like that specificity.
222
00:07:23,985 --> 00:07:25,582
Happy to help.
223
00:07:25,583 --> 00:07:27,346
Wait, so you're both nurses?
224
00:07:27,347 --> 00:07:28,810
- Mm-hmm.
- Well, that's my day job.
225
00:07:28,811 --> 00:07:30,741
I also have
a sketch show on IFC.
226
00:07:30,742 --> 00:07:31,905
- Oh.
- I can't believe
227
00:07:31,906 --> 00:07:34,168
I am meeting Cameron Winters
228
00:07:34,169 --> 00:07:36,065
from "The Today Show."
229
00:07:36,066 --> 00:07:37,929
Oh, my God,
you're the guy Carson Daly
230
00:07:37,930 --> 00:07:40,758
and Willie Geist hate
because you're so good looking.
231
00:07:40,759 --> 00:07:42,988
Well, thank you,
but that's not true.
232
00:07:42,989 --> 00:07:44,785
They hate me
because I come from money.
233
00:07:44,786 --> 00:07:46,549
Me too!
234
00:07:46,550 --> 00:07:48,646
- High five!
- Yeah.
235
00:07:48,647 --> 00:07:50,043
Hey, you know,
236
00:07:50,044 --> 00:07:51,907
we're looking for
a nurse for our show.
237
00:07:51,908 --> 00:07:53,870
We are doing
a flu season segment,
238
00:07:53,871 --> 00:07:56,101
but we had to fire
our regular on-air nurse.
239
00:07:56,102 --> 00:07:57,731
She crossed a line with Hoda.
240
00:07:57,732 --> 00:07:58,797
Oh.
241
00:07:58,798 --> 00:08:00,394
Yo, listen, Cameron,
242
00:08:00,395 --> 00:08:02,390
I could totally be your nurse.
243
00:08:02,391 --> 00:08:04,954
- I already have TV experience.
- Oh.
244
00:08:04,955 --> 00:08:06,284
I was featured
on "Sports Center"
245
00:08:06,285 --> 00:08:08,248
when I fell of the second deck
at a Braves' game.
246
00:08:08,249 --> 00:08:09,680
She fell right on
top of Hank Aaron.
247
00:08:09,681 --> 00:08:11,510
Pfft!
248
00:08:11,511 --> 00:08:12,941
- What about you?
- Me?
249
00:08:12,942 --> 00:08:14,471
- Yeah.
- Hell no.
250
00:08:14,472 --> 00:08:17,001
I don't want my first Emmy
to be a daytime one.
251
00:08:17,002 --> 00:08:18,033
- Ha.
- Eew!
252
00:08:18,034 --> 00:08:19,032
Who wants that?
253
00:08:20,996 --> 00:08:21,993
Hey, guys.
254
00:08:21,994 --> 00:08:23,457
Wasn't that party so much fun?
255
00:08:23,458 --> 00:08:24,988
It made me
almost want to read a book.
256
00:08:24,989 --> 00:08:26,952
I'm kind of regretting
that I went to that party,
257
00:08:26,953 --> 00:08:28,849
'cause now Cameron Winters
won't stop texting me
258
00:08:28,850 --> 00:08:30,480
to be on "The Today Show."
259
00:08:30,481 --> 00:08:32,743
And I would,
but I don't respond to thirst.
260
00:08:32,744 --> 00:08:34,507
Is it to model
fall fashions for every shape?
261
00:08:34,508 --> 00:08:36,437
Why didn't he ask me?
I'm every shape.
262
00:08:36,438 --> 00:08:37,669
No-no-no-no-no-no-no.
263
00:08:37,670 --> 00:08:39,267
They need a new on-air nurse.
264
00:08:39,268 --> 00:08:41,230
Oh, my God.
You know who should do it?
265
00:08:41,231 --> 00:08:43,493
Ben.
He oozes charisma.
266
00:08:43,494 --> 00:08:45,457
And he performs
very well on camera.
267
00:08:45,458 --> 00:08:47,287
- Ooh.
- Hidden camera.
268
00:08:47,288 --> 00:08:48,885
Thank you, Tamra.
269
00:08:50,483 --> 00:08:52,412
This is Cameron,
reporting from New York.
270
00:08:52,413 --> 00:08:54,709
Oh, my God, is this
the Cameron Winters?
271
00:08:54,710 --> 00:08:56,306
I didn't know
I'd get you directly.
272
00:08:56,307 --> 00:08:57,571
Very funny, Savannah.
273
00:08:57,572 --> 00:08:58,869
Stop bullying me, okay?
274
00:08:58,870 --> 00:09:00,267
I'm documenting all of this.
275
00:09:00,268 --> 00:09:01,930
Oh... this isn't
Savannah Guthrie.
276
00:09:01,931 --> 00:09:03,295
This is Dr. Mindy Lahiri.
277
00:09:03,296 --> 00:09:04,860
I met you at the book party
last night.
278
00:09:04,861 --> 00:09:06,190
Oh, right, yeah,
you were the one
279
00:09:06,191 --> 00:09:07,721
who was in the bathroom
for an hour.
280
00:09:07,722 --> 00:09:08,953
Uh, the reason I'm calling
is because
281
00:09:08,954 --> 00:09:10,417
I heard you need
a new on-air nurse.
282
00:09:10,418 --> 00:09:12,913
I have the perfect guy.
His name is Ben.
283
00:09:12,914 --> 00:09:15,109
Women want to sleep with him;
men want to be him;
284
00:09:15,110 --> 00:09:17,140
and men want to sleep with
his hot girlfriend.
285
00:09:17,141 --> 00:09:18,505
Well, I do need
someone right away.
286
00:09:18,506 --> 00:09:19,503
Text me a photo of him.
287
00:09:19,504 --> 00:09:20,868
Okay, um...
288
00:09:22,599 --> 00:09:23,597
There.
289
00:09:24,696 --> 00:09:27,157
Okay, now send me
one of his face.
290
00:09:27,158 --> 00:09:28,322
Oh.
291
00:09:28,323 --> 00:09:33,814
Well, I don't know
if I have one.
292
00:09:33,815 --> 00:09:36,709
Two weeks ago.
Month ago.
293
00:09:36,710 --> 00:09:38,939
Oh.
There.
294
00:09:38,940 --> 00:09:40,603
He's perfect.
295
00:09:40,604 --> 00:09:42,101
Largely because
I have no other options.
296
00:09:42,102 --> 00:09:43,598
We'll shoot at St. Brendan's.
297
00:09:43,599 --> 00:09:45,329
He needs to be there
by 4:00 a.m. tomorrow.
298
00:09:45,330 --> 00:09:46,627
Oh, my God.
299
00:09:46,628 --> 00:09:48,923
Cameron, this is so exciting.
You will not regret this.
300
00:09:48,924 --> 00:09:50,654
Okay, great.
301
00:09:50,655 --> 00:09:54,149
Bye.
See you tomorrow.
302
00:09:54,150 --> 00:09:55,646
He's really in a jam.
303
00:09:55,647 --> 00:09:57,110
He seems like
the coolest person.
304
00:09:58,476 --> 00:10:00,006
I don't know,
what do you think?
305
00:10:00,007 --> 00:10:01,204
I don't know, Mindy.
306
00:10:01,205 --> 00:10:02,602
I don't really
want to be on TV.
307
00:10:04,700 --> 00:10:06,130
Sorry,
I thought you just said
308
00:10:06,131 --> 00:10:07,660
you didn't want to be on TV.
309
00:10:07,661 --> 00:10:09,059
That's exactly what I said.
310
00:10:09,060 --> 00:10:10,356
What's the matter with you?
311
00:10:10,357 --> 00:10:11,788
Are you out of
your goddamn mind?
312
00:10:11,789 --> 00:10:13,252
What's the matter with you?
313
00:10:13,253 --> 00:10:14,783
This is the opportunity
of a lifetime.
314
00:10:14,784 --> 00:10:16,314
I am so sorry,
I shouldn't have hit you,
315
00:10:16,315 --> 00:10:18,610
but you shouldn't
say hurtful things.
316
00:10:18,611 --> 00:10:20,241
Wait.
317
00:10:20,242 --> 00:10:21,772
Is there a warrant
out for your arrest?
318
00:10:21,773 --> 00:10:23,137
No one will notice.
319
00:10:23,138 --> 00:10:24,767
[whispers
All white guys look the same.
320
00:10:24,768 --> 00:10:26,498
Look, I love
that you did this for me,
321
00:10:26,499 --> 00:10:28,096
I do, but it's not my thing.
322
00:10:28,097 --> 00:10:29,227
I'm not flashy.
323
00:10:29,228 --> 00:10:30,791
My only suit is from Costco.
324
00:10:30,792 --> 00:10:32,755
It's just...
you're such a good nurse
325
00:10:32,756 --> 00:10:34,719
and you're so good with
your patients, I...
326
00:10:34,720 --> 00:10:36,149
I want other people
to see that.
327
00:10:36,150 --> 00:10:39,311
You really
want me to do this?
328
00:10:40,510 --> 00:10:42,672
Okay, fine,
I'll do it for you.
329
00:10:42,673 --> 00:10:43,870
But you have to
do something for me.
330
00:10:43,871 --> 00:10:45,635
Bring another woman
into our bedroom?
331
00:10:45,636 --> 00:10:46,700
Sure.
332
00:10:46,701 --> 00:10:48,097
I was actually just gonna ask
333
00:10:48,098 --> 00:10:49,495
if you'd come with me tomorrow.
334
00:10:49,496 --> 00:10:51,527
But we can explore your thing.
335
00:10:56,218 --> 00:10:57,683
So, Cameron, these are
really the three items that
336
00:10:57,684 --> 00:10:59,646
you need to keep in your house
to stay healthy this winter.
337
00:10:59,647 --> 00:11:01,742
That's great, Nurse Ben.
And what about for the kids?
338
00:11:01,743 --> 00:11:05,004
Do you have a fun rhyme
to help them stay flu-free?
339
00:11:05,005 --> 00:11:07,134
A rhyme?
340
00:11:07,135 --> 00:11:09,331
Nope, just wash your hands
341
00:11:09,332 --> 00:11:10,828
and don't cough on people,
dum-dums.
342
00:11:10,829 --> 00:11:11,960
Ha.
343
00:11:11,961 --> 00:11:14,156
Hard to get simpler than that.
344
00:11:14,157 --> 00:11:15,588
Now back to the studio
345
00:11:15,589 --> 00:11:17,218
where Savannah's
gonna give us the lowdown
346
00:11:17,219 --> 00:11:19,547
on winter's hottest
cold soups.
347
00:11:19,548 --> 00:11:20,712
And we're clear.
348
00:11:20,713 --> 00:11:23,043
Nice job.
You're a natural.
349
00:11:23,043 --> 00:11:26,371
- I appreciate it.
- Yeah, okay.
350
00:11:26,372 --> 00:11:27,535
- Hey!
- Hey.
351
00:11:27,536 --> 00:11:29,233
- You were amazing!
- Yeah?
352
00:11:29,234 --> 00:11:31,130
I cough on people all the time;
now I'll never do it.
353
00:11:31,131 --> 00:11:32,328
- This was pretty fun.
- You know what?
354
00:11:32,329 --> 00:11:33,759
We should celebrate.
Let's go to the Guggenheim.
355
00:11:33,760 --> 00:11:35,457
Let's get some champagne.
Let's have sex in the bathroom.
356
00:11:35,458 --> 00:11:37,053
Baby, it's 7:15
in the morning.
357
00:11:37,054 --> 00:11:38,684
I have to do my real job now.
358
00:11:38,685 --> 00:11:40,548
Oh.
That's right.
359
00:11:40,549 --> 00:11:41,946
Forget it, plus,
the Guggenheim bathrooms
360
00:11:41,947 --> 00:11:43,011
aren't even open till 10:00.
361
00:11:43,012 --> 00:11:44,343
I don't know why I know that.
362
00:11:44,344 --> 00:11:46,340
I'm not gonna ask.
363
00:11:46,341 --> 00:11:47,770
- See you, babe.
- Bye. You were great.
364
00:11:47,771 --> 00:11:50,499
- Thank you.
- You were great!
365
00:11:50,500 --> 00:11:52,197
Hey, everyone,
stop everything you're doing.
366
00:11:52,198 --> 00:11:53,362
You have to see this.
367
00:11:53,363 --> 00:11:54,759
Ooh.
368
00:11:54,760 --> 00:11:57,156
It is pretty cool.
369
00:12:00,651 --> 00:12:02,480
Oh, my God.
370
00:12:02,481 --> 00:12:04,111
- Hey.
- It's your dream.
371
00:12:04,112 --> 00:12:05,475
- You're dating a meme.
- Yeah!
372
00:12:05,476 --> 00:12:08,139
And after you got so close
with "Damn, Daniel."
373
00:12:08,140 --> 00:12:09,969
I know.
I'm just so proud of Ben.
374
00:12:09,970 --> 00:12:12,798
It's like I'm a stage mom,
but I can sex with the kid.
375
00:12:12,799 --> 00:12:14,296
Ben's segment was okay,
376
00:12:14,297 --> 00:12:16,659
but who gets on TV
and misses a chance like that
377
00:12:16,660 --> 00:12:18,089
to yell "Bababooie!"
378
00:12:18,090 --> 00:12:19,354
That would be epic!
379
00:12:19,355 --> 00:12:20,985
Was it someone's birthday?
380
00:12:20,986 --> 00:12:22,649
My husband tells me
at office gatherings I should
381
00:12:22,650 --> 00:12:25,245
accept a slice of cake as
though I were going to eat it.
382
00:12:25,246 --> 00:12:28,307
Well,
speaking of significant others,
383
00:12:28,308 --> 00:12:29,372
my boyfriend is America's
384
00:12:29,373 --> 00:12:33,465
- newest, hottest TV star.
- Ooh!
385
00:12:33,466 --> 00:12:38,524
Everyone's really impressed.
What do you think, Anna?
386
00:12:38,525 --> 00:12:39,955
Tim and I own
a five-story townhouse
387
00:12:39,956 --> 00:12:45,180
in Notting Hill
that sits empty.
388
00:12:45,181 --> 00:12:48,774
Well, since we're
dishing about men we love,
389
00:12:48,775 --> 00:12:51,104
Jamie and I are
officially best friends.
390
00:12:51,105 --> 00:12:52,735
Do you guys know Jamie?
391
00:12:52,736 --> 00:12:54,000
Of course, he's the author
392
00:12:54,001 --> 00:12:55,397
that invited us
to the book launch.
393
00:12:55,398 --> 00:12:56,862
Anyways, we went for coffee,
394
00:12:56,863 --> 00:12:58,327
which turned into
a full-on chill sesh,
395
00:12:58,328 --> 00:13:00,389
which turned into a full-on
bitch sesh,
396
00:13:00,390 --> 00:13:02,652
which turned into
a full-on pitch sesh.
397
00:13:02,653 --> 00:13:04,383
Went to the batting cages...
Ah!
398
00:13:04,384 --> 00:13:05,948
Long story short,
he is basing
399
00:13:05,949 --> 00:13:08,444
a sign-language monkey
on me in his next book.
400
00:13:08,444 --> 00:13:10,208
I get killed by a dart
in page one.
401
00:13:10,209 --> 00:13:11,971
Oh.
402
00:13:11,972 --> 00:13:13,802
- Oh.
- Yeah.
403
00:13:13,803 --> 00:13:14,967
It's from Jamie.
404
00:13:14,968 --> 00:13:20,951
"Morgan,
you're out of the book."
405
00:13:21,391 --> 00:13:26,981
- Hey...
- It's quite a journey.
406
00:13:26,982 --> 00:13:29,045
Oh, my God.
I am still buzzing.
407
00:13:29,046 --> 00:13:30,110
Everybody at work
cannot stop talking
408
00:13:30,111 --> 00:13:31,474
about how great you were.
409
00:13:31,475 --> 00:13:33,870
Tamra said that she would
consider sleeping with you.
410
00:13:33,871 --> 00:13:36,300
Do you realize
how huge that is?
411
00:13:36,301 --> 00:13:37,331
- Ben?
- Hm?
412
00:13:37,332 --> 00:13:38,330
- Ben!
- Mm.
413
00:13:38,331 --> 00:13:39,861
Hey, man, you got to wake up.
414
00:13:39,862 --> 00:13:41,825
The only reason I got
a reservation to this place
415
00:13:41,826 --> 00:13:43,322
is because I said
I was with a celebrity.
416
00:13:43,323 --> 00:13:44,686
- Sorry.
- You know what? In fact,
417
00:13:44,687 --> 00:13:46,317
take a picture of me
so I can post it.
418
00:13:46,318 --> 00:13:48,115
- Get my Coke in the shot.
- Right.
419
00:13:48,115 --> 00:13:50,611
Just my shirt.
420
00:13:51,676 --> 00:13:53,306
- Gorgeous.
- Thank you.
421
00:13:53,307 --> 00:13:54,737
Eat your heart out,
Selena Gomez.
422
00:13:54,738 --> 00:13:56,236
Sorry.
423
00:13:56,237 --> 00:13:58,133
I'm exhausted.
I've been up since 3:00 a.m.
424
00:13:58,134 --> 00:14:00,063
Pediatrics was crazy today.
425
00:14:00,064 --> 00:14:01,560
Apparently,
the raw bar at Spence
426
00:14:01,561 --> 00:14:03,058
wasn't properly refrigerated.
427
00:14:03,059 --> 00:14:04,921
Well, I have some news
that's gonna cheer you up.
428
00:14:04,922 --> 00:14:06,552
Cameron called.
He wants you to come back
429
00:14:06,553 --> 00:14:07,917
on "The Today Show" tomorrow
430
00:14:07,918 --> 00:14:09,614
to do, I think,
a segment on moisturizing.
431
00:14:09,615 --> 00:14:11,212
Babe, I...
432
00:14:11,213 --> 00:14:12,776
I don't think
I want to do another segment.
433
00:14:12,777 --> 00:14:14,207
I mean, part of me thinks
if you're getting
434
00:14:14,208 --> 00:14:16,437
your medical information
from a television show,
435
00:14:16,438 --> 00:14:18,035
you deserve to die.
436
00:14:18,036 --> 00:14:19,932
No, no, I already told
him that you would do it,
437
00:14:19,933 --> 00:14:21,929
and I cannot be blackballed
from another morning show.
438
00:14:21,930 --> 00:14:23,792
I burped so much
in the audience of "Dr. Oz",
439
00:14:23,793 --> 00:14:25,123
they had to throw
the episode out.
440
00:14:25,124 --> 00:14:27,087
Well, Lindsay and her friends
441
00:14:27,088 --> 00:14:29,250
did think it was pretty cool
that I was on TV.
442
00:14:29,251 --> 00:14:31,846
All right, I guess I can
do one more episode.
443
00:14:31,847 --> 00:14:33,976
I'm so happy!
You are so cool.
444
00:14:33,977 --> 00:14:35,041
It's making me look cooler.
445
00:14:35,042 --> 00:14:36,239
Mindy?
446
00:14:36,240 --> 00:14:37,737
Hey.
What's up?
447
00:14:37,738 --> 00:14:39,401
Casey.
Hi.
448
00:14:39,402 --> 00:14:41,231
What a nice surprise.
Casey, this is Ben.
449
00:14:41,232 --> 00:14:42,296
Ben, this is Casey.
450
00:14:42,297 --> 00:14:43,661
Casey and I were engaged,
451
00:14:43,662 --> 00:14:45,092
and we used to
live together in Haiti.
452
00:14:45,093 --> 00:14:46,823
- Huh.
- Yes, yes to all that.
453
00:14:46,824 --> 00:14:48,720
And then we got back together
454
00:14:48,721 --> 00:14:50,383
and then she left me
for my best friend,
455
00:14:50,384 --> 00:14:52,846
and I still haven't gotten
the apology for that, babe.
456
00:14:52,847 --> 00:14:54,843
Casey actually
runs the shoe company
457
00:14:54,844 --> 00:14:56,607
that makes those sneakers
that I gave you.
458
00:14:56,608 --> 00:14:57,972
Oh.
Right.
459
00:14:57,973 --> 00:14:59,869
Yeah, I can't wear them
to work because
460
00:14:59,870 --> 00:15:02,265
there's a naked lady on them,
but they're super comfortable.
461
00:15:02,266 --> 00:15:03,563
Yeah, that's tight.
Where do you work, man?
462
00:15:03,564 --> 00:15:05,394
- I'm a...
- He's a television personality.
463
00:15:05,395 --> 00:15:07,623
- Oh.
- He gives life-saving tips
464
00:15:07,624 --> 00:15:08,988
over America's breakfast table.
465
00:15:08,989 --> 00:15:10,352
That's tight, man,
I'm gonna have to check that out
466
00:15:10,353 --> 00:15:11,950
- over my morning acai bowl.
- Ooh.
467
00:15:11,951 --> 00:15:13,215
- What?
- I got a health guru.
468
00:15:13,216 --> 00:15:16,676
Got me on the superfood tip,
so feel real healthy.
469
00:15:16,677 --> 00:15:18,307
- I'ma get back to my table.
- Okay.
470
00:15:18,308 --> 00:15:19,704
- Good to see you.
- Bye.
471
00:15:19,705 --> 00:15:21,534
Later, buddy.
472
00:15:21,535 --> 00:15:23,266
Wasn't he interesting?
473
00:15:23,267 --> 00:15:25,495
He was so impressed.
474
00:15:25,496 --> 00:15:27,958
And Casey is a huge
mover and shaker.
475
00:15:27,959 --> 00:15:29,156
Super.
476
00:15:29,157 --> 00:15:30,420
He knows Kanye West.
477
00:15:30,421 --> 00:15:32,517
So... that's awesome.
478
00:15:32,518 --> 00:15:35,313
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
479
00:15:35,314 --> 00:15:37,043
I don't know.
How is this my fault?
480
00:15:37,044 --> 00:15:38,275
I'll ask her again, fine.
481
00:15:38,276 --> 00:15:40,106
Hi.
Uh, where's Ben?
482
00:15:40,107 --> 00:15:41,604
We're live in ten minutes.
483
00:15:41,605 --> 00:15:43,467
If I mess up another segment,
I'll get fired.
484
00:15:43,468 --> 00:15:45,464
I dropped a pumpkin pie
on Al Roker.
485
00:15:45,465 --> 00:15:47,394
Okay, listen,
Cameron, do not worry.
486
00:15:47,395 --> 00:15:48,593
- I'm gonna get him.
- Yeah?
487
00:15:48,594 --> 00:15:49,724
- You have to chill.
- I'm chill.
488
00:15:49,725 --> 00:15:50,989
- I'm gonna call him right now.
- Okay.
489
00:15:50,990 --> 00:15:56,973
Okay.
Don't worry.
490
00:15:57,912 --> 00:15:59,942
Ben, it's Mindy.
Where are you?
491
00:15:59,943 --> 00:16:02,337
This is the seventh message
that I have left you.
492
00:16:02,338 --> 00:16:05,932
You better have died.
493
00:16:05,933 --> 00:16:07,030
Hey.
494
00:16:07,031 --> 00:16:08,161
What's up with the news crew?
495
00:16:08,162 --> 00:16:09,692
Did you mix up
two babies again?
496
00:16:09,693 --> 00:16:11,456
No, wait,
what are you doing here?
497
00:16:11,457 --> 00:16:14,851
I wasn't sleeping here.
498
00:16:14,852 --> 00:16:15,982
All right, fine,
I slept here.
499
00:16:15,983 --> 00:16:17,247
Colette brought a girl home,
500
00:16:17,248 --> 00:16:18,579
and she put a shin guard
on the doorknob.
501
00:16:18,580 --> 00:16:19,843
What... what's going on?
What's wrong?
502
00:16:19,844 --> 00:16:21,275
What's wrong is
that we are going
503
00:16:21,276 --> 00:16:22,639
freakin' live
on "The Today Show",
504
00:16:22,640 --> 00:16:23,803
and I can't find Ben.
505
00:16:23,804 --> 00:16:25,334
Oh, you can't do the segment?
506
00:16:25,335 --> 00:16:26,566
No, I need a nurse.
507
00:16:26,567 --> 00:16:29,395
Yeah, good luck with that.
508
00:16:33,190 --> 00:16:35,685
Morgan, let's get you
into hair and makeup.
509
00:16:35,686 --> 00:16:37,848
So, Nurse Morgan,
can you tell us the best way
510
00:16:37,849 --> 00:16:43,107
to stay moisturized
these cold winter months?
511
00:16:43,108 --> 00:16:44,904
Nurse Morgan?
Nurse Morgan?
512
00:16:44,905 --> 00:16:46,069
- What?
- Yeah.
513
00:16:46,070 --> 00:16:47,832
- What'd you say?
- Mm... I...
514
00:16:47,833 --> 00:16:49,630
Can you tell us the best way
to stay moisturized
515
00:16:49,631 --> 00:16:50,828
these cold winter months?
516
00:16:50,829 --> 00:16:52,259
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah.
517
00:16:52,260 --> 00:16:53,690
All you do,
you grab your lotion.
518
00:16:53,691 --> 00:16:54,855
- Okay.
- Hopefully one that's
519
00:16:54,856 --> 00:16:56,019
got some advanced therapy in it.
520
00:16:56,020 --> 00:16:57,485
And you just want to
kind of just
521
00:16:57,486 --> 00:16:59,281
- load it on right there.
- Yeah.
522
00:16:59,282 --> 00:17:00,879
You know what I mean?
Really slather because...
523
00:17:00,880 --> 00:17:02,843
- Is that a little too much?
- No, there's no such thing.
524
00:17:02,844 --> 00:17:04,307
- Okay.
- Your skin is your most
525
00:17:04,308 --> 00:17:05,638
important part of your body.
526
00:17:05,639 --> 00:17:07,169
- Also, your big...
- Oh!
527
00:17:07,170 --> 00:17:08,467
Jesus!
528
00:17:08,468 --> 00:17:09,832
- Oh!
- Oh, no.
529
00:17:09,833 --> 00:17:11,130
I got... no, no, no,
keep rolling.
530
00:17:11,131 --> 00:17:12,927
Keep rolling.
531
00:17:12,928 --> 00:17:13,991
Oh...
532
00:17:22,080 --> 00:17:23,943
Hey, man,
this is really uncool.
533
00:17:23,944 --> 00:17:25,075
You better call me back.
534
00:17:25,076 --> 00:17:26,139
You ditched this morning.
535
00:17:26,140 --> 00:17:27,936
Morgan broke an $8,000 camera,
536
00:17:27,937 --> 00:17:29,401
and I've been banned
from "The Today Show,"
537
00:17:29,402 --> 00:17:31,364
just after they lifted
the last ban.
538
00:17:31,365 --> 00:17:37,349
Call me back.
539
00:17:40,817 --> 00:17:42,646
- He goes down so hard.
- Oh.
540
00:17:42,647 --> 00:17:45,642
Yo, Morgan, you're trending
more than Ben, man.
541
00:17:45,643 --> 00:17:47,140
Everyone's calling you
Nurse Moron.
542
00:17:47,141 --> 00:17:48,338
Yeah, I know,
'cause they want
543
00:17:48,339 --> 00:17:49,935
me to be "more on" the show.
544
00:17:49,936 --> 00:17:51,333
- No.
- Look at...
545
00:17:51,334 --> 00:17:53,296
Good on you, Morgan,
for contributing to
546
00:17:53,297 --> 00:17:55,327
the rapid descent
of straight, white men
547
00:17:55,328 --> 00:17:56,791
- in our society.
- That's right, it's our turn.
548
00:17:56,792 --> 00:17:58,089
- Hoo-ah... yes.
- Hell yeah.
549
00:17:58,090 --> 00:17:59,254
Yeah... oh!
550
00:17:59,255 --> 00:18:00,984
God, no matter how many times
I watch it,
551
00:18:00,985 --> 00:18:02,449
I still can't remember
it happening.
552
00:18:02,450 --> 00:18:03,947
So good.
553
00:18:03,948 --> 00:18:05,045
So good.
554
00:18:05,046 --> 00:18:07,907
Oh, yeah!
The man of the hour!
555
00:18:07,908 --> 00:18:09,771
Thank you for not
showing up this morning,
556
00:18:09,772 --> 00:18:10,936
because I don't know
if you heard,
557
00:18:10,937 --> 00:18:12,632
but I am America's
hot new thing.
558
00:18:12,633 --> 00:18:14,430
- Move over, computers.
- Right?
559
00:18:14,431 --> 00:18:16,427
To celebrate, we're gonna have
a real Hollywood party
560
00:18:16,428 --> 00:18:18,157
- at our place.
- Glitz and glamour.
561
00:18:18,158 --> 00:18:19,755
Yeah... hey-oh.
562
00:18:19,756 --> 00:18:21,752
I'm gonna mix
wine and ginger ale
563
00:18:21,753 --> 00:18:23,116
to make champagne.
564
00:18:23,117 --> 00:18:24,248
- Ooh.
- What?
565
00:18:24,249 --> 00:18:25,546
That sounds... great.
566
00:18:25,547 --> 00:18:27,409
Hey, have you guys
seen Mindy?
567
00:18:27,410 --> 00:18:29,340
I really need to talk to her.
568
00:18:29,341 --> 00:18:30,805
She went to
go buy a new dress because
569
00:18:30,806 --> 00:18:33,534
she says everything she owns
is too nice for our apartment.
570
00:18:34,899 --> 00:18:36,196
So she's going to the party?
571
00:18:36,197 --> 00:18:37,794
Yeah, she didn't
tell you about it?
572
00:18:37,795 --> 00:18:40,389
She did.
Of course, she did.
573
00:18:40,390 --> 00:18:42,453
- You're gonna go?
- Yeah. Wouldn't miss it.
574
00:18:42,454 --> 00:18:44,516
Can you please bring napkins?
575
00:18:44,517 --> 00:18:46,147
And...
576
00:18:46,148 --> 00:18:48,643
I don't know,
like 9 pounds of shrimp?
577
00:18:48,644 --> 00:18:50,107
- Oh, yeah.
- Oh, please bring shrimp?
578
00:18:50,108 --> 00:18:51,938
Please?
Please, please, please?
579
00:18:51,939 --> 00:18:53,269
- Please bring shrimp.
- Please, please, please.
580
00:18:53,270 --> 00:18:54,334
Please,
please, please, please?
581
00:18:54,335 --> 00:18:56,032
I'm gonna bring the napkins.
582
00:18:56,033 --> 00:18:57,562
- Okay.
- I'll see you there though.
583
00:18:57,563 --> 00:18:58,861
See you, buddy.
584
00:18:58,862 --> 00:19:00,823
No, no, no, no, no, no.
585
00:19:00,824 --> 00:19:04,418
I can't.
586
00:19:04,419 --> 00:19:06,315
Come on, Morgan.
I believe in you.
587
00:19:06,316 --> 00:19:07,580
I... let me see...
it's kind of like a...
588
00:19:07,581 --> 00:19:08,579
it's one of these.
589
00:19:08,580 --> 00:19:09,776
You got it.
590
00:19:09,777 --> 00:19:10,875
You know what it is?
591
00:19:10,876 --> 00:19:12,905
I had more lotion on
the other day.
592
00:19:12,906 --> 00:19:16,599
This one, I think we're ready.
593
00:19:16,600 --> 00:19:17,831
Come on, Morgan!
594
00:19:17,832 --> 00:19:19,594
We want to see you
be Nurse Moron like on TV.
595
00:19:19,595 --> 00:19:21,791
I'm trying, okay?
I'm not like a trained monkey
596
00:19:21,792 --> 00:19:24,487
that can just do stuff...
forget it, I'm out of here.
597
00:19:24,488 --> 00:19:25,552
- Oh!
- Jesus!
598
00:19:25,553 --> 00:19:26,750
Oh! My salsa!
599
00:19:26,751 --> 00:19:28,480
I cut off my fingertip
chopping the cilantro.
600
00:19:33,441 --> 00:19:39,424
Oh.
601
00:19:44,723 --> 00:19:47,251
Hey, don't look at me
like that, Charlemagne.
602
00:19:47,252 --> 00:19:48,982
The drinks
at this party are small.
603
00:19:48,983 --> 00:19:50,513
You have to have a lot of them.
604
00:19:50,514 --> 00:19:51,977
Leave me alone.
605
00:19:51,978 --> 00:19:53,541
There's nothing sadder than
606
00:19:53,542 --> 00:19:55,072
a beautiful girl
who can't find glassware.
607
00:19:55,073 --> 00:19:56,570
Oh.
Hey.
608
00:19:56,571 --> 00:19:57,868
Can I ask a question?
609
00:19:57,869 --> 00:19:59,932
23 capfuls
is like how many drinks?
610
00:19:59,933 --> 00:20:03,659
Um, I don't know, let me
try to catch up.
611
00:20:03,660 --> 00:20:05,556
- What should we drink to?
- I don't know, man.
612
00:20:05,557 --> 00:20:07,020
Boyfriends who ghost on you.
613
00:20:07,021 --> 00:20:09,383
Break-ups that you don't
even understand.
614
00:20:09,384 --> 00:20:11,047
Spilling on the ground.
615
00:20:12,346 --> 00:20:13,676
How about
to chance encounters
616
00:20:13,677 --> 00:20:14,974
on the subway,
with old friends?
617
00:20:14,975 --> 00:20:17,137
Whoa.
What happened?
618
00:20:17,138 --> 00:20:18,435
- Oh, us.
- Yeah.
619
00:20:18,436 --> 00:20:20,232
- Cool.
- Cheers.
620
00:20:20,233 --> 00:20:22,662
I bet you like,
like kids are gonna start
621
00:20:22,663 --> 00:20:24,326
kind of doing the... you know,
do the Morgan.
622
00:20:24,327 --> 00:20:25,957
Do the Morgan.
623
00:20:25,958 --> 00:20:27,788
Oh, my God, what if Weird Al
does a song parody?
624
00:20:27,789 --> 00:20:29,052
Oh... sorry.
625
00:20:29,053 --> 00:20:30,916
Yeah!
What's up, man?
626
00:20:30,917 --> 00:20:32,148
- How are ya?
- Oh, yeah.
627
00:20:32,149 --> 00:20:33,612
Come on in.
628
00:20:33,613 --> 00:20:34,910
Let's see what
you're working with.
629
00:20:34,911 --> 00:20:36,507
- Come on, do a little spin.
- Oh, this old thing?
630
00:20:36,508 --> 00:20:38,304
Little more.
Jesus, you got a great body.
631
00:20:38,305 --> 00:20:39,302
Uh, don't say that.
632
00:20:39,303 --> 00:20:41,565
- You wear clothes good.
- Hey.
633
00:20:41,566 --> 00:20:44,994
Got you napkins.
634
00:20:44,995 --> 00:20:47,224
- Oh.
- No one brought shrimp.
635
00:20:47,225 --> 00:20:48,688
Sorry about that.
636
00:20:48,689 --> 00:20:50,352
Wish you could eat napkins.
But you can't!
637
00:20:50,353 --> 00:20:51,950
- Come on, meet some peeps.
- Oh, okay.
638
00:20:51,951 --> 00:20:54,046
How'd you come up with
the Sistine Chapel?
639
00:20:54,047 --> 00:20:55,877
It's actually
based on a real place.
640
00:20:55,878 --> 00:20:57,741
Hey, will you say
something to me in Latin?
641
00:20:57,742 --> 00:20:59,837
Yeah, um...
642
00:20:59,838 --> 00:21:03,364
Pedicabo ego vos in nocte.
643
00:21:03,365 --> 00:21:04,763
Wow.
That was cool.
644
00:21:04,764 --> 00:21:06,227
That sounded like
a Harry Potter spell.
645
00:21:06,228 --> 00:21:07,292
What does it mean?
646
00:21:07,293 --> 00:21:10,321
It means you
647
00:21:10,322 --> 00:21:16,305
have the most beautiful eyes
I have ever seen.
648
00:21:17,910 --> 00:21:20,205
- And he told me to shut up...
- Mm, mm.
649
00:21:20,206 --> 00:21:22,202
'Cause I was talking so loud,
he's like, "Shut up!" you know.
650
00:21:22,203 --> 00:21:23,833
And this is his girlfriend.
651
00:21:23,834 --> 00:21:27,028
And, uh, you know,
I remembered I got his number
652
00:21:27,029 --> 00:21:28,858
because we kind of
got into it a little bit.
653
00:21:28,859 --> 00:21:30,855
Pamela?
I don't know.
654
00:21:30,856 --> 00:21:32,486
But, uh, she's pretty cool.
655
00:21:32,487 --> 00:21:34,150
Oh, God.
656
00:21:34,151 --> 00:21:35,714
Oh, God.
Ben?
657
00:21:35,715 --> 00:21:36,979
Ben, just wait, wait.
658
00:21:36,980 --> 00:21:39,208
Hey!
Who let this guy in here?
659
00:21:39,209 --> 00:21:42,370
Come on, man, where you been,
best friend?
660
00:21:42,371 --> 00:21:44,135
- Ahh.
- Hey.
661
00:21:44,136 --> 00:21:45,499
I got news for you, brother.
662
00:21:45,500 --> 00:21:47,663
This party sucks.
Let's get out of here.
663
00:21:47,664 --> 00:21:49,493
Ben.
Ben!
664
00:21:49,494 --> 00:21:50,691
Stop!
665
00:21:50,692 --> 00:21:52,022
Stop. I didn't mean
to do that, okay?
666
00:21:52,023 --> 00:21:53,552
I was just really drunk.
667
00:21:53,553 --> 00:21:55,117
Oh, you were drunk?
668
00:21:55,118 --> 00:21:56,482
That makes it okay then.
669
00:21:56,483 --> 00:21:58,278
I guess I'll just go
pound some beers
670
00:21:58,279 --> 00:22:01,141
and bang some random skank
in a bathroom stall.
671
00:22:01,142 --> 00:22:02,739
Okay, this
escalated very quickly.
672
00:22:02,740 --> 00:22:04,103
Yeah, it escalated.
673
00:22:04,104 --> 00:22:06,100
We have one small fight
and... and I find you
674
00:22:06,101 --> 00:22:08,130
kissing some crappy
mystery writer.
675
00:22:08,131 --> 00:22:10,360
First of all,
he writes historo-thrillers.
676
00:22:10,361 --> 00:22:11,790
- They suck.
- Second of all,
677
00:22:11,791 --> 00:22:13,355
it wasn't a little fight.
678
00:22:13,356 --> 00:22:15,285
I haven't heard
from you in two days.
679
00:22:15,286 --> 00:22:16,617
How many times
did I have to tell you?
680
00:22:16,618 --> 00:22:18,580
I didn't want to do
that stupid show.
681
00:22:18,581 --> 00:22:21,142
And how come every time
you introduce me to people
682
00:22:21,143 --> 00:22:23,040
you never tell them
that I'm a nurse?
683
00:22:23,041 --> 00:22:24,571
That's not true.
684
00:22:24,572 --> 00:22:26,468
- I tell people all the time.
- No, you don't.
685
00:22:26,469 --> 00:22:28,032
Well, I don't want to sit here
and argue with you about that.
686
00:22:28,033 --> 00:22:30,262
Mindy?
687
00:22:30,263 --> 00:22:31,360
Oh, damn it.
688
00:22:31,361 --> 00:22:33,656
- How you doing?
- Not great, Josh.
689
00:22:33,657 --> 00:22:35,387
I'm having a huge fight
with my boyfriend.
690
00:22:35,388 --> 00:22:36,918
Hi, I'm Josh.
691
00:22:36,919 --> 00:22:38,249
Mindy and I used to date.
692
00:22:38,250 --> 00:22:39,846
But I don't remember
most of it.
693
00:22:39,847 --> 00:22:40,845
I was super high
the whole time.
694
00:22:40,846 --> 00:22:42,876
- Hi.
- Hey.
695
00:22:42,877 --> 00:22:44,905
Josh, this is Ben.
Ben, this is Josh.
696
00:22:44,906 --> 00:22:46,770
Ben is a nurse,
which, apparently,
697
00:22:46,771 --> 00:22:48,732
is as important
as being the President.
698
00:22:48,733 --> 00:22:50,097
Wait a minute.
699
00:22:50,098 --> 00:22:51,528
Did we just see you
on "The Today Show"?
700
00:22:51,529 --> 00:22:53,059
Yeah, wash your hands and...
701
00:22:53,060 --> 00:22:54,657
"Don't cough on people,
dum-dums."
702
00:22:54,658 --> 00:22:55,922
- Yeah, we love that.
- Yeah, that's me.
703
00:22:55,923 --> 00:22:57,586
See?
They loved it.
704
00:22:57,587 --> 00:22:59,849
I don't care!
705
00:22:59,850 --> 00:23:01,579
Well.
706
00:23:01,580 --> 00:23:03,210
Cool, seems like
I've walked into
707
00:23:03,211 --> 00:23:04,707
the middle of something here,
and me and Brianna
708
00:23:04,708 --> 00:23:06,671
just had our own fight
about fidelity issues,
709
00:23:06,672 --> 00:23:08,069
so we're gonna head out.
710
00:23:08,070 --> 00:23:10,565
Nice to meet you, Nurse Ben.
711
00:23:10,566 --> 00:23:13,561
Uh, Mindy, as always, it was
712
00:23:13,562 --> 00:23:15,690
awkward and confusing
to see you.
713
00:23:15,691 --> 00:23:17,754
So, okay.
Bye.
714
00:23:17,755 --> 00:23:19,950
- Good-bye, good-bye, good-bye.
- Bye.
715
00:23:19,951 --> 00:23:23,145
Oh, my God, how many
men in this city have you dated?
716
00:23:23,146 --> 00:23:25,708
Kind of a lot, I guess.
And I guess it depends on
717
00:23:25,709 --> 00:23:27,405
your definition of dating
and men.
718
00:23:27,406 --> 00:23:30,168
Look, I am sorry
that I pushed that show on you.
719
00:23:30,169 --> 00:23:32,464
I was just trying to do
something nice for you, okay?
720
00:23:32,465 --> 00:23:33,762
I was trying to help you.
721
00:23:33,763 --> 00:23:35,060
I don't need your help.
722
00:23:35,061 --> 00:23:37,023
I'm perfectly fine
with who I am,
723
00:23:37,024 --> 00:23:38,920
but you keep trying
to make me into something
724
00:23:38,921 --> 00:23:41,649
that you think
your boyfriend needs to be.
725
00:23:41,650 --> 00:23:42,682
Something I'm not.
726
00:23:42,683 --> 00:23:43,913
But you could be!
727
00:23:47,075 --> 00:23:48,473
All this time
you've been wondering
728
00:23:48,474 --> 00:23:51,934
if I'm good enough
for you, huh?
729
00:23:51,935 --> 00:23:55,129
But you know what, Mindy?
730
00:23:55,130 --> 00:23:57,092
I don't think
you're good enough for me.
731
00:23:59,256 --> 00:24:01,552
♪ I'ma be your love
when the fire burn ♪
732
00:24:01,553 --> 00:24:05,213
♪ When the blessed turn
I'ma be your love ♪
733
00:24:05,214 --> 00:24:08,907
♪ When the crazy world
turn to Hell on Earth ♪
734
00:24:08,908 --> 00:24:11,968
♪ I'ma be your love
I'ma be your ♪
735
00:24:11,969 --> 00:24:16,295
♪ Love ♪
736
00:24:16,296 --> 00:24:17,926
♪ I'ma be your love ♪
737
00:24:17,927 --> 00:24:19,890
♪ I'ma be
your love ♪
738
00:24:19,891 --> 00:24:21,853
♪ Oh, I'ma be your love ♪
739
00:24:21,854 --> 00:24:25,548
♪ When the crazy world
turn to Hell on Earth ♪
740
00:24:25,549 --> 00:24:28,643
♪ I'ma be your love
I'ma be your ♪
741
00:24:28,644 --> 00:24:31,006
♪ Love, love ♪
742
00:24:31,007 --> 00:24:32,803
♪ Love,
love ♪
743
00:24:32,804 --> 00:24:34,733
♪ I'ma be your love ♪
744
00:24:34,734 --> 00:24:37,063
♪ I'ma be
your love ♪
745
00:24:37,064 --> 00:24:38,761
♪ Love ♪
746
00:24:38,762 --> 00:24:40,225
♪ Love, love ♪
747
00:24:40,226 --> 00:24:42,513
♪ I'ma be your love ♪
53687
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