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1
00:00:02,404 --> 00:00:04,463
One of the best things
about new relationships
2
00:00:04,539 --> 00:00:06,405
is you spend so much
time together,
3
00:00:06,475 --> 00:00:08,239
that you feel like
you're of one mind.
4
00:00:08,312 --> 00:00:09,904
Hey, what do you
wanna do tonight?
5
00:00:09,980 --> 00:00:12,176
I was thinking maybe Thai food...
Sex on the washing machine.
6
00:00:13,718 --> 00:00:16,552
Okay. Sounds good to me.
7
00:00:16,622 --> 00:00:18,682
Really? See? One mind.
8
00:00:18,758 --> 00:00:21,694
Okay, I better head out to my C-section.
It's a cute one.
9
00:00:21,762 --> 00:00:24,231
Two twins are hugging, Danny.
Aw, that sounds adorable.
10
00:00:24,299 --> 00:00:25,493
Don't forget your stuff.
11
00:00:25,567 --> 00:00:26,865
My toothbrush and brush?
12
00:00:26,936 --> 00:00:28,233
I thought I'd
just leave that here.
13
00:00:28,304 --> 00:00:30,170
Ah, I don't know if
you wanna do that, you know?
14
00:00:30,241 --> 00:00:32,402
It might just get
lost in my clutter.
15
00:00:32,476 --> 00:00:35,241
Clutter? This place is tidy
like a serial killer's lair.
16
00:00:35,313 --> 00:00:36,781
I like to keep
everything in its place.
17
00:00:36,849 --> 00:00:38,942
My compact discs, my balsamics,
18
00:00:39,018 --> 00:00:40,213
my seat from Yankee Stadium...
19
00:00:40,754 --> 00:00:43,189
Oh. That old bench
where I cut my toenails?
20
00:00:43,258 --> 00:00:45,489
Next to you that's the
most valuable thing I own.
21
00:00:45,561 --> 00:00:47,586
It even has vintage
curse words carved in it.
22
00:00:48,665 --> 00:00:49,654
I did those.
23
00:00:52,069 --> 00:00:54,060
Take your stuff.
Fine.
24
00:00:56,642 --> 00:00:59,407
So if Danny won't let me
keep some of my things here,
25
00:00:59,479 --> 00:01:01,710
I'll have to take matters
into my own hands.
26
00:01:01,782 --> 00:01:02,976
There you go, sweetheart.
27
00:01:03,050 --> 00:01:04,382
Aw.
28
00:01:05,854 --> 00:01:06,912
How?
29
00:01:06,988 --> 00:01:08,115
And since
that didn't work,
30
00:01:08,190 --> 00:01:09,452
I'll find even more
creative places.
31
00:01:15,333 --> 00:01:16,460
Here you go, babe.
32
00:01:22,442 --> 00:01:23,467
Until finally,
33
00:01:23,544 --> 00:01:25,512
I put them in a place
he'll never find them.
34
00:01:25,579 --> 00:01:26,672
Hey!
35
00:01:26,748 --> 00:01:28,579
I don't know how
this stuff got out here!
36
00:01:28,650 --> 00:01:30,846
Ah, here you go.
37
00:01:31,554 --> 00:01:32,579
You know what, Danny?
38
00:01:32,656 --> 00:01:34,283
I'm spending
a lot of nights here
39
00:01:34,358 --> 00:01:36,623
and it's getting a little tiring
lugging my stuff back and forth.
40
00:01:36,695 --> 00:01:39,529
You know what, I've actually been
thinking about the same thing.
41
00:01:39,598 --> 00:01:40,997
Oh.
Come here.
42
00:01:41,067 --> 00:01:42,501
Check this out.
43
00:01:42,569 --> 00:01:44,697
Half of your closet?
For me?
44
00:01:47,108 --> 00:01:48,235
Ma gave this to me
45
00:01:48,310 --> 00:01:50,505
when she sent me
to divorced kids camp.
46
00:01:50,580 --> 00:01:53,310
There's plenty of room in there. You
can wheel your stuff back and forth.
47
00:01:54,985 --> 00:01:56,954
It's a very nice gift, Danny.
Hey...
48
00:01:57,022 --> 00:01:58,011
It's a loan.
49
00:02:04,331 --> 00:02:06,163
See you later.
Have a good day.
50
00:02:06,234 --> 00:02:09,602
You didn't, uh... You gotta
put your stuff in it, Min.
51
00:02:09,743 --> 00:02:14,244
Ripped By mstoll
52
00:02:14,277 --> 00:02:17,679
There are five signs
of low grade squamous lesion.
53
00:02:17,749 --> 00:02:20,378
I chose this graphic
of a cool dolphin, though,
54
00:02:20,452 --> 00:02:22,614
because someone very close to me
told me that lesions are gross.
55
00:02:22,689 --> 00:02:24,384
Oh, I just got a shout-out!
56
00:02:24,457 --> 00:02:25,891
Anyway...
I'm so sorry.
57
00:02:25,960 --> 00:02:28,156
After the presentation, is there
a limit on bagels per person?
58
00:02:28,230 --> 00:02:30,323
Because head count-wise,
I don't think we have enough.
59
00:02:30,399 --> 00:02:31,389
I'm not doing questions!
60
00:02:31,467 --> 00:02:33,367
And I told you not to depend on
food at work for sustenance.
61
00:02:33,436 --> 00:02:34,665
He's just
picking the seeds off!
62
00:02:34,738 --> 00:02:36,262
It was an everything bagel,
now it's nothing.
63
00:02:36,340 --> 00:02:37,808
He's not wrong to be concerned.
64
00:02:37,876 --> 00:02:39,605
Great, now people are
raising their hands. Yeah?
65
00:02:39,677 --> 00:02:40,906
Are you Mindy Lahiri?
66
00:02:41,614 --> 00:02:43,047
I am.
67
00:02:43,115 --> 00:02:44,242
Are you from
McFadden's Steakhouse?
68
00:02:44,317 --> 00:02:45,841
Did you find my shoe?
No.
69
00:02:46,988 --> 00:02:48,148
You've been served.
70
00:02:49,958 --> 00:02:52,654
Mindy, you haven't
paid your taxes in six years.
71
00:02:52,729 --> 00:02:54,890
What? No wonder
they wanna lock you up!
72
00:02:54,964 --> 00:02:56,990
I thought they took it
out of our paychecks.
73
00:02:57,067 --> 00:02:58,830
Hey! Tax evasion
is a serious crime.
74
00:02:58,903 --> 00:03:00,531
You're stealing from America.
You proud of yourself,
75
00:03:00,605 --> 00:03:01,765
stealing from the Grand Canyon?
76
00:03:01,840 --> 00:03:02,830
The Liberty Bell?
77
00:03:02,909 --> 00:03:04,877
The Liberty Bell
is a piece of crap.
78
00:03:04,944 --> 00:03:06,845
There's a crack right down
the middle. And you know what?
79
00:03:06,914 --> 00:03:08,940
What? That was jacked up
well before I hit the scene.
80
00:03:09,017 --> 00:03:10,712
You're gonna tell me that
you all pay your taxes?
81
00:03:10,785 --> 00:03:11,775
Yes.
Yes.
82
00:03:11,854 --> 00:03:13,617
I actually don't have to
pay income taxes Yeah.
83
00:03:13,689 --> 00:03:16,386
Because my salary puts me
under the poverty level.
84
00:03:16,460 --> 00:03:18,656
I can't hear
about your economic issues!
85
00:03:20,498 --> 00:03:23,093
Mindy, your biggest asset is
your stake in this practice.
86
00:03:23,168 --> 00:03:25,501
If the government puts
a lien on your earnings,
87
00:03:25,572 --> 00:03:26,904
it's gonna affect us all.
88
00:03:26,974 --> 00:03:29,306
Damn it, Mindy. You can't
make a mess and ignore it,
89
00:03:29,376 --> 00:03:30,571
and just expect it
to get cleaned up.
90
00:03:30,645 --> 00:03:31,839
It affects other people.
91
00:03:31,913 --> 00:03:34,007
Like the time she left
my faucet on all weekend.
92
00:03:34,083 --> 00:03:36,746
Because the earth isn't covered
with a million oceans, Danny.
93
00:03:36,820 --> 00:03:37,878
Wherever will we get more water?
94
00:03:37,955 --> 00:03:38,979
- No, no. No.
- Mindy.
95
00:03:39,056 --> 00:03:40,649
I can't hear about this
faucet thing anymore. Mindy!
96
00:03:40,725 --> 00:03:42,819
You're gonna have to get a lawyer.
Oh, wait!
97
00:03:42,895 --> 00:03:44,692
I did get a lawyer to take
care of this months ago.
98
00:03:44,763 --> 00:03:46,197
Oh, okay.
All right.
99
00:03:46,266 --> 00:03:47,858
Oh, God.
100
00:03:47,934 --> 00:03:49,334
What?
101
00:03:49,403 --> 00:03:52,601
Well, well, well,
well, well, well.
102
00:03:52,674 --> 00:03:55,542
Well, well, well, well,
well, well, well, well.
103
00:03:55,612 --> 00:03:56,738
Okay, that's enough.
104
00:03:56,813 --> 00:03:58,577
Cliff, you said you were
gonna take care of this.
105
00:03:58,649 --> 00:04:00,310
Yeah, and you said you weren't
gonna cheat on me with Danny
106
00:04:00,384 --> 00:04:01,545
and then dump me.
107
00:04:01,620 --> 00:04:02,848
Okay, I would never
have said that.
108
00:04:02,921 --> 00:04:04,081
That would have
sounded very suspicious.
109
00:04:05,291 --> 00:04:08,056
Look, Cliff, I am very sorry
that I hurt you,
110
00:04:08,795 --> 00:04:11,321
but can't you just take care
of this for old time's sake?
111
00:04:11,399 --> 00:04:12,457
No.
112
00:04:12,534 --> 00:04:15,197
Can't you take care of this for that
time we did it in the wax museum?
113
00:04:16,071 --> 00:04:17,130
That wasn't me.
114
00:04:17,207 --> 00:04:19,368
What, really?
Okay, that was Danny.
115
00:04:19,442 --> 00:04:20,501
Okay, I am so sorry.
116
00:04:20,578 --> 00:04:22,671
All right. Just at least give me
my receipts and my papers back?
117
00:04:22,747 --> 00:04:24,272
No, Mindy. I think the
universe should punish you.
118
00:04:24,349 --> 00:04:26,045
Why do you get
everything you want?
119
00:04:26,119 --> 00:04:27,108
I mean, I help you out with this
120
00:04:27,186 --> 00:04:29,155
and you still get to date the guy
that you cheated on me with?
121
00:04:29,223 --> 00:04:30,622
So, what are you saying?
That you would help me
122
00:04:30,691 --> 00:04:31,783
if I wasn't dating Danny?
123
00:04:31,859 --> 00:04:33,623
Well,
I don't... No. I mean...
124
00:04:34,696 --> 00:04:36,221
What are you saying?
125
00:04:36,299 --> 00:04:37,960
Did you two break up?
126
00:04:42,674 --> 00:04:45,303
Yes. Yes, we did break up.
127
00:04:46,445 --> 00:04:48,243
And Danny cheated on me.
128
00:04:51,152 --> 00:04:53,347
I couldn't live with
Danny's betrayal, so we broke up.
129
00:04:53,421 --> 00:04:54,946
Oh, my God... I didn't...
I didn't know that.
130
00:04:55,023 --> 00:04:57,993
It's been horrible, Cliff.
Just horrible.
131
00:04:58,061 --> 00:05:00,622
I've completely stopped eating,
as you can tell, I'm so thin.
132
00:05:00,698 --> 00:05:01,824
God, it's cold in here.
133
00:05:02,333 --> 00:05:04,564
And they even said they might
take away the practice.
134
00:05:05,103 --> 00:05:08,403
But you know what I think?
The world has a way
135
00:05:08,474 --> 00:05:11,638
of being so unkind
to people like us.
136
00:05:11,712 --> 00:05:12,975
People who just wanna love.
137
00:05:14,649 --> 00:05:17,483
You're right.
You're right, Mindy.
138
00:05:17,553 --> 00:05:19,613
I... I didn't know that you
were going through all of this.
139
00:05:19,689 --> 00:05:20,849
And I can certainly
relate to it.
140
00:05:20,924 --> 00:05:24,383
And I am surprised that you feel
comfortable sharing this with me.
141
00:05:24,462 --> 00:05:26,556
So comfortable.
I actually just farted.
142
00:05:28,334 --> 00:05:29,892
All right, you know what?
Maybe I'm crazy,
143
00:05:29,969 --> 00:05:32,495
but I'll do it. I'll take
your tax case.
144
00:05:32,573 --> 00:05:33,938
You will?
Yeah.
145
00:05:34,008 --> 00:05:36,239
Oh, my God. Cliff,
thank you so, so much.
146
00:05:36,311 --> 00:05:37,904
I can never repay you
and I don't plan to.
147
00:05:37,980 --> 00:05:39,174
I know.
148
00:05:42,986 --> 00:05:46,286
Um, Peter, could I squeeze by
and get to the cabinet?
149
00:05:47,893 --> 00:05:50,522
It's just without my daily
vitamin, my vision blurs.
150
00:05:52,565 --> 00:05:54,864
No worries, man.
I got it for you.
151
00:05:54,935 --> 00:05:57,166
Oh. Can I get you anything
else while I'm in the cab?
152
00:05:57,239 --> 00:05:59,174
We got Mindy's
osteoporosis chews?
153
00:05:59,242 --> 00:06:00,573
In case you wanna keep
your bone game tight.
154
00:06:00,643 --> 00:06:01,632
Thank you.
155
00:06:05,950 --> 00:06:08,043
Wow. Pete, you're being
really nice to that guy
156
00:06:08,119 --> 00:06:09,883
who was just playing
tonsil hockey with your girl.
157
00:06:09,955 --> 00:06:12,720
I will have you know that Lauren
and I have never been better.
158
00:06:12,793 --> 00:06:14,055
And what happened
with her and Jeremy,
159
00:06:14,127 --> 00:06:15,322
that was a crazy time.
160
00:06:15,396 --> 00:06:18,594
The leaves were changing, everyone was
psyched about the new fall shows.
161
00:06:18,667 --> 00:06:20,532
I don't know, Pete. Your
kisses are for three things:
162
00:06:20,602 --> 00:06:21,763
Your ma, your girl,
163
00:06:21,838 --> 00:06:23,601
and your wrestling coach
after you win regionals.
164
00:06:23,673 --> 00:06:25,665
It ain't a real kiss
if it's above the belt.
165
00:06:25,743 --> 00:06:28,804
Yes. Thank you, Beverly.
Thank you.
166
00:06:29,347 --> 00:06:30,838
- Hey.
- Hey.
167
00:06:30,950 --> 00:06:33,715
Did you notice I put some axle
grease on Wheelie?
168
00:06:33,787 --> 00:06:35,152
Smooth ride, huh?
169
00:06:35,222 --> 00:06:37,691
Yeah, and I'm meeting
a lot of cool people
170
00:06:37,759 --> 00:06:39,192
when I drag it
up the subway stairs.
171
00:06:39,260 --> 00:06:41,058
A lot of "go back
to your own country."
172
00:06:41,130 --> 00:06:44,794
Ah, that's nice. Okay.
Get that over here.
173
00:06:44,868 --> 00:06:46,860
Hey. Did you talk to Cliff?
174
00:06:46,938 --> 00:06:48,064
Everyone's really freaked out
175
00:06:48,139 --> 00:06:49,198
that we're gonna
lose the practice.
176
00:06:49,274 --> 00:06:51,242
Morgan's been going up
to the roof a lot.
177
00:06:51,310 --> 00:06:52,744
I did talk to Cliff.
Yeah.
178
00:06:52,812 --> 00:06:54,177
And the great news
179
00:06:54,247 --> 00:06:55,977
is that he said he would
help me with my taxes.
180
00:06:56,050 --> 00:06:58,041
Nice.
There's a small catch.
181
00:06:58,119 --> 00:06:59,109
Okay.
182
00:06:59,187 --> 00:07:00,848
Cliff was still very upset
183
00:07:00,922 --> 00:07:03,448
that I cheated on him with you.
All right.
184
00:07:03,526 --> 00:07:05,461
So I told him that
we were broken up.
185
00:07:05,529 --> 00:07:06,791
You did what?
186
00:07:06,864 --> 00:07:08,059
I told him that
we were broken up.
187
00:07:08,133 --> 00:07:09,566
Why would you do that?
What's wrong with you?
188
00:07:09,634 --> 00:07:12,103
Because Cliff only wanted to
help me if he felt sorry for me.
189
00:07:12,171 --> 00:07:14,106
That's the only reason why
guys ever wanna help girls.
190
00:07:14,174 --> 00:07:15,334
Okay, come on.
Give me a break.
191
00:07:15,408 --> 00:07:17,070
That's not true.
That never happens.
192
00:07:17,145 --> 00:07:19,170
Then Danny, I don't know
what to do.
193
00:07:19,247 --> 00:07:21,512
Okay? I feel so helpless.
194
00:07:21,583 --> 00:07:23,073
Okay, don't cry.
I haven't even been eating
195
00:07:23,153 --> 00:07:24,586
because I'm so stressed out
about this whole thing.
196
00:07:24,654 --> 00:07:26,350
Yeah. I just need help.
Okay, don't stress out.
197
00:07:26,423 --> 00:07:29,882
Hey, hey, hey. Baby, baby.
Daddy's got you, okay?
198
00:07:31,129 --> 00:07:33,121
Wait, no. Now you're
doing it to me!
199
00:07:33,199 --> 00:07:34,598
So what if I am, Danny?
Ah, God.
200
00:07:34,667 --> 00:07:35,862
So what if I am.
Damn it.
201
00:07:35,936 --> 00:07:37,335
It's only for a couple days.
202
00:07:37,404 --> 00:07:38,393
It's a fake breakup.
203
00:07:39,240 --> 00:07:41,869
Okay, fine. For the practice.
A couple days, that's it.
204
00:07:41,944 --> 00:07:43,775
Really? Oh!
For the practice.
205
00:07:43,846 --> 00:07:45,109
You're such a good boyfriend.
206
00:07:46,183 --> 00:07:47,275
Now, get in the bedroom.
207
00:07:47,350 --> 00:07:50,684
Ooh. No, I'm folding
socks and watching JAG.
208
00:07:50,755 --> 00:07:52,849
Okay, well...
209
00:07:52,925 --> 00:07:54,826
That was misleading.
But, okay.
210
00:08:06,977 --> 00:08:08,171
Oh!
211
00:08:08,245 --> 00:08:10,714
Go get him, JAG! Yes.
212
00:08:20,361 --> 00:08:22,489
Oh, no.
Mindy, get in here.
213
00:08:22,564 --> 00:08:24,555
JAG's in a bit of a pickle.
214
00:08:26,302 --> 00:08:27,997
Danny, I need
to tell you something.
215
00:08:28,071 --> 00:08:31,668
Me too. Did you know people are buying
jeans with holes already ripped in 'em?
216
00:08:31,743 --> 00:08:33,267
I'll tell you right now
what they've got a hole in.
217
00:08:33,345 --> 00:08:35,177
Right here in their head.
I'm dating Andy Rooney.
218
00:08:35,248 --> 00:08:36,579
I can't right now.
219
00:08:36,649 --> 00:08:38,550
Listen, I wanted to talk to
you about something tonight.
220
00:08:38,619 --> 00:08:39,950
Hold the door.
Hold that, hold that.
221
00:08:42,457 --> 00:08:44,289
Mindy. Danny.
222
00:08:44,994 --> 00:08:46,188
How's it going, Cliff?
223
00:08:46,262 --> 00:08:49,027
Hey, Cliff. Good. You
two seem pretty cozy.
224
00:08:49,132 --> 00:08:50,896
What? No, get off me,
you weirdo.
225
00:08:50,968 --> 00:08:53,494
He took the best five
months of my life.
226
00:08:53,572 --> 00:08:55,267
Oh, right.
Yes. We're, uh...
227
00:08:55,340 --> 00:08:57,206
We're on a break.
It's not a big deal.
228
00:08:57,277 --> 00:08:59,872
You cheated on her, Danny. I'd
say it's a pretty big deal.
229
00:09:02,751 --> 00:09:05,015
Yeah. Yeah, I cheated on her.
230
00:09:06,622 --> 00:09:09,421
With a Knicks City Dancer.
Yeah.
231
00:09:09,493 --> 00:09:11,461
She saw me in a crowd.
232
00:09:11,528 --> 00:09:13,827
She just couldn't keep
her hands off me.
233
00:09:13,898 --> 00:09:15,730
I mean, it was...
It was pretty hot.
234
00:09:15,801 --> 00:09:18,464
More like you jumped at her
from behind a bush, you pedo.
235
00:09:22,510 --> 00:09:25,810
Mindy. Daniel. Heathcliff.
236
00:09:32,189 --> 00:09:34,454
There's a very strange
energy in this elevator.
237
00:09:35,327 --> 00:09:38,695
They broke up. I attacked
a woman in the park.
238
00:09:38,764 --> 00:09:40,426
I can't say I'm surprised.
239
00:09:40,500 --> 00:09:41,626
You can't?
240
00:09:41,702 --> 00:09:45,400
Danny, you have unfurled your
Tatami mat, now you must lie in it.
241
00:09:47,743 --> 00:09:50,269
Next time we break up, you be
the Central Park perv!
242
00:09:50,347 --> 00:09:53,340
I can't, Danny! I'm already the
Washington Square flasher! I'm sorry!
243
00:09:53,417 --> 00:09:54,611
Hey, I heard you guys broke up,
244
00:09:54,685 --> 00:09:57,484
and I, for one, am happy, because I
was never a fan of this relationship.
245
00:09:57,556 --> 00:09:58,956
We didn't break up!
246
00:09:59,025 --> 00:10:00,014
You're my favorite couple
247
00:10:00,093 --> 00:10:01,584
and I wish you
nothing but luck.
248
00:10:01,662 --> 00:10:02,651
Danny, listen to me.
249
00:10:02,730 --> 00:10:04,824
Why do I have to
suffer through this crap?
250
00:10:04,899 --> 00:10:07,367
Why? I don't like it, Mindy.
Okay? I don't like it.
251
00:10:07,435 --> 00:10:08,903
I wouldn't wanna be
my heavy bag tonight.
252
00:10:08,971 --> 00:10:10,598
Danny, I understand
and I am sorry.
253
00:10:10,673 --> 00:10:12,039
But it'll all be over
by tomorrow.
254
00:10:12,109 --> 00:10:14,408
You better start thinking about
ways to make it up to me.
255
00:10:16,914 --> 00:10:18,849
Yeah, all right.
No, the other thing!
256
00:10:18,917 --> 00:10:21,079
Rizzo? You want me to dress
up like Rizzo from Grease?
257
00:10:21,154 --> 00:10:22,178
That is demeaning, Danny.
258
00:10:22,255 --> 00:10:25,817
How about Frenchie? Frenchie?
Yeah, okay. Yeah, fine.
259
00:10:25,893 --> 00:10:27,623
Awesome.
But I can't do it tonight.
260
00:10:27,696 --> 00:10:28,822
Why? What's going on tonight?
261
00:10:28,897 --> 00:10:30,832
Uh, I have plans...
262
00:10:31,868 --> 00:10:33,302
...to go to the gym.
263
00:10:33,370 --> 00:10:35,429
Oh, that's great.
I'll come with you.
264
00:10:35,506 --> 00:10:37,634
I just read about a new kind of
squat in my men's newsletter.
265
00:10:37,709 --> 00:10:39,007
You can't come with me.
266
00:10:39,078 --> 00:10:40,568
Because it's
a women-only gym.
267
00:10:40,646 --> 00:10:41,738
Yeah. That's too bad.
268
00:10:43,316 --> 00:10:45,285
I like watching your tush
when you work out.
269
00:10:45,820 --> 00:10:46,946
It's like it's saying,
270
00:10:47,021 --> 00:10:48,455
"Stop working out!
271
00:10:48,524 --> 00:10:51,288
"Stop it, I hate working out!
I'm shrinking!"
272
00:10:51,361 --> 00:10:53,352
Okay, my butt does not sound
like fat Marlon Brando.
273
00:10:53,430 --> 00:10:55,126
I know what your butt
sounds like, don't tell me.
274
00:10:55,900 --> 00:10:57,766
Look. Go to the gym, okay?
275
00:10:57,836 --> 00:11:00,532
When you get back I'll make you a
plate of Ma's authentic flazool.
276
00:11:00,605 --> 00:11:01,595
Okay.
277
00:11:02,575 --> 00:11:03,564
You deserve it.
278
00:11:07,715 --> 00:11:10,276
I'm sorry I couldn't
get a sitter for Henry.
279
00:11:10,352 --> 00:11:12,684
But Ethiopian food is basically
just baby food anyway.
280
00:11:12,755 --> 00:11:15,020
Look Lauren, um, I've been
doing a lot of soul-searching,
281
00:11:15,092 --> 00:11:17,721
like, an ass-load
of soul-searching.
282
00:11:17,795 --> 00:11:20,230
And I want you to know that
you are 110% percent forgiven
283
00:11:20,299 --> 00:11:21,391
for making out with Jeremy.
284
00:11:22,234 --> 00:11:24,567
There are a few stipulations,
though, going forward.
285
00:11:24,637 --> 00:11:26,697
One. No more
making out with dudes.
286
00:11:26,774 --> 00:11:28,834
Two. Making out with chicks?
287
00:11:28,910 --> 00:11:29,968
Case-by-case basis.
288
00:11:30,045 --> 00:11:31,603
I really like you, Peter.
289
00:11:31,680 --> 00:11:33,012
Yeah, great.
290
00:11:33,082 --> 00:11:35,142
But I think for right now,
291
00:11:35,219 --> 00:11:37,187
we need to put a pin in it.
292
00:11:37,888 --> 00:11:39,982
Like a clothespin to keep
us closer together?
293
00:11:40,058 --> 00:11:42,857
No. Like, I don't think
this is working.
294
00:11:45,699 --> 00:11:48,567
Is this about Jeremy? Or are you seeing...
No. This isn't about Jeremy.
295
00:11:48,636 --> 00:11:50,400
Are you seeing him now?
This is about you and me.
296
00:11:50,472 --> 00:11:51,837
Well, then I really
don't understand.
297
00:11:51,907 --> 00:11:52,965
Oh, shoot.
298
00:11:53,041 --> 00:11:54,737
Oh, hey.
299
00:11:54,811 --> 00:11:56,803
Can I take this? Can you just
watch him for one second?
300
00:11:56,881 --> 00:11:58,041
I'm so...
I'm really sorry.
301
00:11:58,115 --> 00:11:59,377
Lauren...
I'm so sorry.
302
00:12:03,089 --> 00:12:04,647
Look, Henry. I don't
want you to get sad
303
00:12:04,724 --> 00:12:06,852
because your mom and I
aren't working out right now.
304
00:12:08,061 --> 00:12:09,757
This isn't the end for us
though, you know?
305
00:12:09,831 --> 00:12:11,822
We still got a lot of
stuff to do together.
306
00:12:12,668 --> 00:12:14,636
I'm gonna take you
to your first baseball game.
307
00:12:17,507 --> 00:12:19,203
I'm gonna let you
taste your first beer.
308
00:12:20,411 --> 00:12:22,778
I'm gonna pick you up after your
first infraction at Dartmouth.
309
00:12:22,848 --> 00:12:24,281
It's all gonna happen.
310
00:12:27,888 --> 00:12:28,980
Hey, I'm so sorry about that...
311
00:12:29,056 --> 00:12:31,389
I'm gonna pay my one third
of the bill on the way out.
312
00:12:31,459 --> 00:12:33,188
Oh, God.
Henry.
313
00:12:39,436 --> 00:12:40,665
Cliff, I think
this restaurant
314
00:12:40,738 --> 00:12:42,228
is inappropriate
for a work meeting.
315
00:12:42,307 --> 00:12:45,835
Yeah, I'm uncomfortable. But I do know
a laundromat that sells hot dogs.
316
00:12:45,911 --> 00:12:50,009
Mindy, after what Danny put you
through, I think you deserve it.
317
00:12:50,084 --> 00:12:51,779
Listen, I wanna show you
something here.
318
00:12:52,754 --> 00:12:54,312
Oh, you're on this side now.
319
00:12:54,389 --> 00:12:56,722
Yeah, well, it's standard
attorney-client seating. Okay.
320
00:12:56,793 --> 00:12:59,160
You smell nice. It's just men's deodorant.
It's no big deal.
321
00:12:59,230 --> 00:13:01,698
Oh, okay. You have to give me the brand.
322
00:13:01,765 --> 00:13:05,498
All right, listen. Even if you do manage to
avoid the seizure of all of your assets,
323
00:13:05,571 --> 00:13:07,505
you are still gonna
owe the government that much.
324
00:13:07,573 --> 00:13:08,836
What?
Mmm-hmm.
325
00:13:08,909 --> 00:13:10,376
Cliff, you gotta be kidding me.
326
00:13:10,444 --> 00:13:13,312
For what? So those fat cats
can, quote, build roads?
327
00:13:13,381 --> 00:13:15,850
So that PBS can keep lining
Laura Linney's pockets?
328
00:13:15,918 --> 00:13:18,183
No one else is mad about this?
Okay, fine.
329
00:13:18,255 --> 00:13:20,622
I'll just heroically save the
practice from what I did to it.
330
00:13:21,459 --> 00:13:22,653
Piece of advice?
Yeah.
331
00:13:22,727 --> 00:13:24,252
Even if you do save the practice...
Mmm-hmm.
332
00:13:24,329 --> 00:13:27,697
...get out of there. Man,
that Danny is a real creep.
333
00:13:27,767 --> 00:13:29,394
No, Cliff.
He's a good guy.
334
00:13:29,469 --> 00:13:30,630
Hmm...
335
00:13:31,205 --> 00:13:33,697
Well, then I'm assuming
you know that he is
336
00:13:33,775 --> 00:13:34,799
still married?
337
00:13:34,876 --> 00:13:36,538
What?
338
00:13:39,483 --> 00:13:42,476
Too much pleasure.
One more question.
339
00:13:42,553 --> 00:13:44,612
Hey. You wore that to the gym?
340
00:13:44,689 --> 00:13:46,715
I told you, you can always
borrow my boxing trunks,
341
00:13:46,792 --> 00:13:47,850
just not the Italian colors.
342
00:13:47,926 --> 00:13:48,916
Danny, are you still married?
343
00:13:50,430 --> 00:13:51,921
What? You know I'm annulled.
344
00:13:51,999 --> 00:13:53,899
That's only in the eyes of God,
that means less than nothing!
345
00:13:53,968 --> 00:13:55,027
Are you married?
346
00:13:55,671 --> 00:14:00,507
Uh... I mean...
Technically, yes.
347
00:14:01,478 --> 00:14:02,775
I can't believe this.
348
00:14:02,846 --> 00:14:04,474
All this time, I thought
I was your hot girlfriend,
349
00:14:04,549 --> 00:14:05,982
when really, I was
your sexy mistress.
350
00:14:06,051 --> 00:14:07,246
How'd you find out
about it, anyway?
351
00:14:07,320 --> 00:14:09,311
Cliff told me at dinner.
Dinner?
352
00:14:09,388 --> 00:14:10,754
I thought you were
supposed to be at the gym.
353
00:14:11,291 --> 00:14:13,122
Danny. I don't even
know where a gym is.
354
00:14:13,795 --> 00:14:15,319
Okay, well, I better leave.
355
00:14:15,396 --> 00:14:17,092
I wouldn't want your wife
356
00:14:17,166 --> 00:14:19,498
to see my toothbrush
or my Sarah Palin book!
357
00:14:20,270 --> 00:14:21,965
She's not
just a politician, Danny.
358
00:14:22,038 --> 00:14:24,633
She's a mother, she's a
wife and she's a hunter.
359
00:14:24,709 --> 00:14:25,836
Mindy...
360
00:14:29,882 --> 00:14:31,850
Hold my calls, darling.
You seem happy.
361
00:14:31,918 --> 00:14:33,887
Did your mom send you
weird British candy?
362
00:14:33,954 --> 00:14:35,388
No, Beverly, I have
a date with a woman
363
00:14:35,457 --> 00:14:37,857
worth a thousand Mallow Wispies!
364
00:14:37,926 --> 00:14:39,292
Ah.
365
00:14:40,529 --> 00:14:42,122
Excuse me!
366
00:14:49,441 --> 00:14:51,808
Downtown Neurological Partners.
If this is an emergency,
367
00:14:51,878 --> 00:14:53,847
please call
the Tribeca Insane Asylum.
368
00:14:53,914 --> 00:14:57,715
Hello, this is Dr.
Jeremy Reed, baby, yeah.
369
00:14:57,786 --> 00:14:59,185
Schwing! Donkey!
370
00:14:59,254 --> 00:15:01,348
Hey, Dr. Reed.
How can I help you?
371
00:15:01,424 --> 00:15:06,420
Well, guvnah, I was just calling to see
if Lauren had any lunch plans today.
372
00:15:06,498 --> 00:15:09,092
You know, me bein'
terribly forgetful and all.
373
00:15:09,167 --> 00:15:12,296
Yeah, she's supposed to be
at lunch with you right now.
374
00:15:12,372 --> 00:15:13,930
I knew it!
375
00:15:14,007 --> 00:15:16,841
Thank you, uh,
376
00:15:16,911 --> 00:15:19,779
very much for this information.
377
00:15:19,848 --> 00:15:21,908
Who you talking to?
378
00:15:21,985 --> 00:15:23,475
Uh, my wife!
379
00:15:26,323 --> 00:15:27,847
Is Dr. Reed in here?
Huh?
380
00:15:31,097 --> 00:15:33,759
Oh, mama. Huh.
381
00:15:33,833 --> 00:15:35,563
You tell my girlfriend
I'm still married?
382
00:15:37,171 --> 00:15:38,833
So you are still
together with Mindy.
383
00:15:38,907 --> 00:15:39,999
Oh...
Yeah, I knew it.
384
00:15:40,074 --> 00:15:43,044
You know, my first clue was when Mindy
posted a photo of you in the shower,
385
00:15:43,112 --> 00:15:44,842
hashtag "my sudsy boyf life."
386
00:15:44,915 --> 00:15:46,439
I thought I saw a flash.
387
00:15:46,516 --> 00:15:49,885
Yeah. You're a perfect couple. You're
terrible people and you're huge liars.
388
00:15:49,955 --> 00:15:51,855
Oh, yeah? Well, I'm not
lying anymore, Cliff.
389
00:15:51,924 --> 00:15:54,052
I'm done with lying.
I'm gonna go see a lawyer,
390
00:15:54,127 --> 00:15:55,754
I'm gonna finalize my divorce.
391
00:15:55,829 --> 00:15:56,990
That's great.
Which lawyer?
392
00:15:57,064 --> 00:16:00,501
My cousin Don. He mostly
handles dogs that bite people.
393
00:16:00,569 --> 00:16:03,198
But he knows stuff about humans,
too, so don't worry about it.
394
00:16:03,272 --> 00:16:04,261
I got it covered.
395
00:16:05,375 --> 00:16:07,809
Wait, wait, wait, wait. Danny!
What?
396
00:16:07,878 --> 00:16:09,938
Don't do that.
I'll handle your divorce.
397
00:16:10,715 --> 00:16:12,377
Why would you wanna
do that for me?
398
00:16:12,451 --> 00:16:13,850
You've actually got
something I want.
399
00:16:13,919 --> 00:16:14,978
Are you talking about Mindy?
400
00:16:15,522 --> 00:16:17,183
Something that's had
even more men on top of her.
401
00:16:18,759 --> 00:16:22,321
Oh, beautiful.
402
00:16:25,001 --> 00:16:27,937
I don't remember all these swear
words being carved into it, though.
403
00:16:31,977 --> 00:16:33,946
Danny, you're not crying,
are you?
404
00:16:34,013 --> 00:16:35,310
No.
405
00:16:40,655 --> 00:16:42,988
Well, it was nice
knowing all of you.
406
00:16:43,058 --> 00:16:45,789
Can't say the same.
Being honest.
407
00:16:45,862 --> 00:16:48,626
Immigration Services
are looking into my status.
408
00:16:48,698 --> 00:16:51,863
Apparently, an anonymous phone
call has gotten me red-flagged.
409
00:16:51,937 --> 00:16:53,734
Why do they care you're Mexican?
410
00:16:53,805 --> 00:16:55,637
I can't
go back to England.
411
00:16:55,708 --> 00:16:57,801
I've forgotten all the words.
412
00:16:57,877 --> 00:16:59,345
How do the English
say "elevator"?
413
00:17:00,080 --> 00:17:01,275
Lorf?
414
00:17:02,250 --> 00:17:03,342
Blift?
415
00:17:03,418 --> 00:17:06,183
Look, Jeremy. I think you
should go back to England
416
00:17:06,255 --> 00:17:09,657
for as long as it takes for you
to get this situation sorted out.
417
00:17:09,726 --> 00:17:11,490
Come back in a few months.
418
00:17:11,563 --> 00:17:14,499
Sure, some people will have moved
on to some other people, but...
419
00:17:14,567 --> 00:17:16,034
Not only am I getting deported,
420
00:17:16,101 --> 00:17:18,127
but Lauren tells me
she wants to put a pin in it.
421
00:17:18,204 --> 00:17:21,663
Wait. I'm sorry, Lauren told you
she wanted to put a pin in it?
422
00:17:21,742 --> 00:17:22,766
So you're not dating anymore?
423
00:17:22,843 --> 00:17:24,175
No. Quite the opposite.
424
00:17:24,246 --> 00:17:26,181
I'm a man with no country,
425
00:17:26,249 --> 00:17:27,273
and no woman.
426
00:17:29,085 --> 00:17:32,386
Oh, my God.
Had to take the stairs.
427
00:17:32,457 --> 00:17:33,446
You guys know
the blift is broken?
428
00:17:37,463 --> 00:17:39,455
You will keep your
portion of the practice
429
00:17:39,533 --> 00:17:43,231
and Christina will retain ownership
of your boat, the Forget-a-boat-it.
430
00:17:43,304 --> 00:17:46,570
Ah, that's okay. After Captain Phillips,
I got too spooked to go on it.
431
00:17:46,642 --> 00:17:49,407
Mmm. Well, you are divorced.
432
00:17:49,479 --> 00:17:52,244
I now pronounce you
man and nothing.
433
00:17:53,818 --> 00:17:56,253
Hey, Cliff, I just
wanted to thank you.
434
00:17:56,321 --> 00:17:57,812
And say that I'm...
435
00:17:59,626 --> 00:18:01,117
I'm sorry about
all the lies, okay?
436
00:18:01,762 --> 00:18:04,288
Mindy's gonna be really happy
we sorted this out, so...
437
00:18:04,366 --> 00:18:06,699
Yeah, good.
438
00:18:06,769 --> 00:18:07,997
What?
439
00:18:09,472 --> 00:18:10,940
What's really going on
with the two of you?
440
00:18:11,008 --> 00:18:12,840
Because when Mindy
and I were going strong,
441
00:18:12,910 --> 00:18:15,105
my apartment was just
absolutely buried in her stuff.
442
00:18:15,179 --> 00:18:16,579
Yeah.
Hidden wine bottles,
443
00:18:16,649 --> 00:18:17,775
bras drying in the oven...
444
00:18:17,850 --> 00:18:19,250
Her stuff was
scattered everywhere.
445
00:18:19,319 --> 00:18:21,617
Danny, there's no
sign of her here.
446
00:18:23,290 --> 00:18:25,953
Well, there's plenty of her
stuff all around here, so...
447
00:18:26,028 --> 00:18:27,120
Oh, yeah?
Yeah.
448
00:18:27,195 --> 00:18:28,925
All right, good.
Yeah.
449
00:18:28,998 --> 00:18:31,524
I'm gonna go, uh, take this Yankees
seat and light it on fire.
450
00:18:31,602 --> 00:18:32,933
What?
I'm a Red Sox fan!
451
00:18:33,003 --> 00:18:34,699
You are?
Yeah.
452
00:18:34,773 --> 00:18:35,933
Go Sox!
453
00:18:44,952 --> 00:18:46,476
As the accountant
for this practice,
454
00:18:46,554 --> 00:18:48,648
you should be ashamed
of yourself.
455
00:18:48,724 --> 00:18:51,489
This is the most challenging
tax case I have ever seen.
456
00:18:52,696 --> 00:18:57,067
In July of last year, you spent
more money on emojis than rent?
457
00:18:57,135 --> 00:18:58,227
Couple things.
458
00:18:58,303 --> 00:19:01,171
Not crazy about this
judgmental tone, first of all.
459
00:19:01,240 --> 00:19:03,675
Second of all, those were
a business expense.
460
00:19:03,744 --> 00:19:07,237
They help to sell my brand, which
is sassy but bangable brat.
461
00:19:07,315 --> 00:19:09,113
We're really pushing
the brand this year.
462
00:19:09,185 --> 00:19:10,709
You know what?
463
00:19:10,786 --> 00:19:12,652
I just think it's time I retire.
464
00:19:12,723 --> 00:19:15,215
Jeremy? Excuse me.
Is Jeremy here?
465
00:19:17,495 --> 00:19:18,656
Oh.
466
00:19:18,731 --> 00:19:19,959
Stay here.
Just work your magic.
467
00:19:20,032 --> 00:19:22,433
Hey. Are you getting deported?
468
00:19:22,502 --> 00:19:23,935
You can't go back to England.
469
00:19:24,003 --> 00:19:25,164
Everything's okay.
470
00:19:25,239 --> 00:19:27,936
The INS lost interest when they
found out I was rich and white.
471
00:19:28,009 --> 00:19:29,704
Ah, that's such great news.
472
00:19:29,778 --> 00:19:32,077
Listen, when I thought
of you going away,
473
00:19:32,148 --> 00:19:34,879
I didn't like it. Maybe I don't
want to put a pin in it.
474
00:19:34,952 --> 00:19:36,044
Let's not put a pin in it.
475
00:19:36,120 --> 00:19:37,179
Okay.
476
00:19:39,725 --> 00:19:42,057
Who knows what they're going to...
What they're doing in there.
477
00:19:42,128 --> 00:19:43,596
They could be going
in there to break up.
478
00:19:43,663 --> 00:19:44,925
Yeah. More like hook up.
479
00:19:44,998 --> 00:19:46,796
Sorry.
480
00:19:46,868 --> 00:19:49,997
With this signature, I am
square with the US government.
481
00:19:50,072 --> 00:19:51,733
Wow, if I'm gonna pay
for national parks,
482
00:19:51,807 --> 00:19:54,140
I better check 'em out.
What's that one called?
483
00:19:54,210 --> 00:19:57,908
Big Hole? Mount Facemore?
Mmm.
484
00:19:57,982 --> 00:19:59,041
You wanna stay over tonight?
485
00:19:59,117 --> 00:20:01,678
You could eat the chocolate casings
off all my ice cream bars.
486
00:20:01,754 --> 00:20:04,222
I shouldn't. If I spend
the night with a married man,
487
00:20:04,290 --> 00:20:05,815
it's gonna be because it
got my kid into prep school.
488
00:20:05,893 --> 00:20:08,624
Well, that's really good news,
489
00:20:08,696 --> 00:20:10,027
'cause I'm not married anymore.
490
00:20:11,567 --> 00:20:12,932
I finalized my divorce.
491
00:20:13,402 --> 00:20:15,633
Really?
Yeah.
492
00:20:15,705 --> 00:20:19,472
Thank you, because you helped
me clean up my old mess.
493
00:20:19,544 --> 00:20:21,945
And because of that,
I can concentrate
494
00:20:22,014 --> 00:20:23,312
on what's important
to me, like...
495
00:20:24,884 --> 00:20:25,873
My work...
496
00:20:27,421 --> 00:20:28,615
...and faith.
497
00:20:30,458 --> 00:20:32,119
And you.
What, no.
498
00:20:32,762 --> 00:20:34,320
Yes.
After faith?
499
00:20:34,397 --> 00:20:35,990
That's too much.
I can't accept that.
500
00:20:36,934 --> 00:20:38,698
I can't though.
I actually need to go home.
501
00:20:38,770 --> 00:20:39,759
I left Wheelie there.
502
00:20:39,838 --> 00:20:41,100
Come here.
503
00:20:42,374 --> 00:20:45,367
Oh, my God. Danny!
504
00:20:45,445 --> 00:20:46,912
It's so beautiful.
505
00:20:46,980 --> 00:20:48,881
This is like, the nicest piece
of furniture in your house.
506
00:20:48,950 --> 00:20:52,318
I got it at some girl boutique
called Isabel's Attic.
507
00:20:53,121 --> 00:20:55,784
The lady's cat was all over me.
You met Doilie?
508
00:20:55,859 --> 00:20:57,384
If she likes you, that's huge.
509
00:20:57,461 --> 00:20:58,587
Yeah?
510
00:20:58,662 --> 00:21:00,790
Danny, it's perfect.
511
00:21:00,866 --> 00:21:02,060
You like it?
Thank you.
512
00:21:02,133 --> 00:21:05,763
You're welcome. Now how about
we go to your bedroom,
513
00:21:05,838 --> 00:21:08,307
and you show me if there's any
room in your closet for me?
514
00:21:08,408 --> 00:21:10,934
No. No. There's no space
for you in there,
515
00:21:11,012 --> 00:21:13,072
because that's where
all my pressed jeans go.
516
00:21:13,148 --> 00:21:14,479
Okay? So, there's
no room for you.
517
00:21:14,550 --> 00:21:15,642
You got this now, okay?
518
00:21:15,718 --> 00:21:18,688
Maybe we should just go
and, uh, check anyway.
519
00:21:18,755 --> 00:21:20,246
I don't need to check,
I'm telling you right now,
520
00:21:20,324 --> 00:21:21,313
there's no room
for you in there.
521
00:21:21,392 --> 00:21:23,759
Have sex with me
in your closet, you dum-dum.
522
00:21:25,365 --> 00:21:28,699
Oh, okay. That's what
you're talking about.
523
00:21:28,769 --> 00:21:31,499
Mmm-hmm.
- That's very clever of you.
524
00:21:34,117 --> 00:21:42,120
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