All language subtitles for The Mindy Project (2012) - S02E22 - Danny and Mindy (1080p Blu-ray x265 Panda).eng

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,640 --> 00:00:03,941 New York City is the best city in the world, 2 00:00:03,942 --> 00:00:07,111 because even when your coworkers are having an incredibly boring 3 00:00:07,112 --> 00:00:08,962 conversation about street mimes... 4 00:00:08,963 --> 00:00:10,236 Mimes don't even talk. 5 00:00:10,237 --> 00:00:15,120 You can happen upon an interesting stranger on the subway. 6 00:00:17,660 --> 00:00:19,297 You done eye-banging that guy? 7 00:00:19,331 --> 00:00:20,934 What? No, I wasn't. 8 00:00:20,935 --> 00:00:22,437 I haven't seen you smile this much 9 00:00:22,438 --> 00:00:24,676 since you found out you were younger than Katie Holmes. 10 00:00:24,677 --> 00:00:26,113 That old bag. 11 00:00:26,114 --> 00:00:27,984 Speaking of age, aren't you dating that Detective? 12 00:00:28,018 --> 00:00:30,824 Yeah, nice girls don't make eyes at strange men on the subway. 13 00:00:30,825 --> 00:00:32,261 So you admit I'm a nice girl. 14 00:00:32,262 --> 00:00:33,898 No, but you should know what nice girls do, 15 00:00:33,899 --> 00:00:35,636 so you can try to be more like them. Okay. 16 00:00:35,637 --> 00:00:37,608 How would you feel if all the guys in here 17 00:00:37,609 --> 00:00:41,517 - were eye-banging you? - I'd love it. 18 00:00:41,551 --> 00:00:44,691 - Journalism's so important. - That's not journalism. 19 00:00:44,726 --> 00:00:46,997 Oh, my God, guys, look at this "was it you?" 20 00:00:47,031 --> 00:00:51,174 "I was the tall, brown-haired guy reading Salinger on the downtown 1." 21 00:00:51,175 --> 00:00:52,477 That's our train. Wait a minute. 22 00:00:52,478 --> 00:00:55,985 "And you were the pretty Indian girl with the voice of a cartoon mouse..." 23 00:00:55,986 --> 00:00:57,556 Me, obviously. 24 00:00:57,557 --> 00:01:01,531 "Sitting next to a frowning guy complaining about street performers." 25 00:01:01,532 --> 00:01:03,069 Wow. We're in this. 26 00:01:03,104 --> 00:01:05,107 "I smiled at you. You smiled back. 27 00:01:05,108 --> 00:01:07,212 My name is Andy," and then he put his email. 28 00:01:07,213 --> 00:01:08,883 Don't click on that. You'll get a virus. 29 00:01:08,884 --> 00:01:11,757 Danny, this is incredible. This is why I moved to New York City. 30 00:01:11,791 --> 00:01:13,795 Last week we were just strangers on the subway, 31 00:01:13,796 --> 00:01:15,800 and he was reading his Salinger, and now look. 32 00:01:15,801 --> 00:01:17,270 I had a thing with Salinger. 33 00:01:17,271 --> 00:01:20,410 He based the prostitute in catcher in the rye on me. 34 00:01:20,445 --> 00:01:23,084 Meeting a guy from a newspaper ad... You're gonna end up in the Post. 35 00:01:23,085 --> 00:01:25,222 "O.B. slayed by S.O.B." 36 00:01:25,223 --> 00:01:26,224 That's awesome. Mm. 37 00:01:26,225 --> 00:01:27,561 I'm gonna email him right now. 38 00:01:27,562 --> 00:01:28,564 No, no, no, no, no. You're not. You're not. 39 00:01:28,565 --> 00:01:30,501 You're not gonna email this guy. 40 00:01:30,502 --> 00:01:32,941 Okay, promise me you're not gonna do anything about this. 41 00:01:32,942 --> 00:01:35,613 It's dangerous. Promise me. Okay, okay, I promise. 42 00:01:48,145 --> 00:01:51,151 "Dear Andy, "my name is Mindy Lahiri. 43 00:01:51,152 --> 00:01:52,856 "I think you might be talking about me. 44 00:01:52,857 --> 00:01:54,894 "I'm attaching a picture. 45 00:01:54,895 --> 00:01:56,698 "If you're a serial killer, I am not interested. 46 00:01:56,732 --> 00:02:00,240 "If you're a serial killer who only murders serial killers, 47 00:02:00,241 --> 00:02:01,476 I'm very interested." 48 00:02:16,113 --> 00:02:18,049 Are you sure you don't want to go to breakfast? 49 00:02:18,050 --> 00:02:21,157 I have an arrangement with this diner. They let me eat for free, 50 00:02:21,158 --> 00:02:22,861 and I don't bust them on their health-code violations. 51 00:02:22,895 --> 00:02:24,499 Wait. Then why would you want to eat there? 52 00:02:24,533 --> 00:02:26,469 It's good. Okay. 53 00:02:26,504 --> 00:02:27,773 I can't. I have to go to work. 54 00:02:27,807 --> 00:02:30,146 Hate to see you leave, but I love to look at that butt. 55 00:02:30,180 --> 00:02:32,083 No, that's not how that phrase go... It is. 56 00:02:32,084 --> 00:02:33,888 That's how it goes. Okay. All right. 57 00:02:33,922 --> 00:02:36,193 Bye. Bye. 58 00:02:39,569 --> 00:02:42,174 "Dear Mindy, to answer your question, 59 00:02:42,175 --> 00:02:44,313 "the view from my apartment is of a Cuban coffee shop 60 00:02:44,314 --> 00:02:46,050 "that I go to almost every morning. 61 00:02:46,085 --> 00:02:48,222 "I go there because I was starting to feel unwelcome 62 00:02:48,223 --> 00:02:49,525 at my old coffee place." 63 00:02:49,526 --> 00:02:51,964 What to order, hmm... Seriously? 64 00:02:51,965 --> 00:02:55,600 Let's see, espresso, macchiato, latte... 65 00:02:55,601 --> 00:02:59,178 "Plus, last time I was there, someone threw a banana at my head. 66 00:02:59,179 --> 00:03:00,250 Why, oh, why..." 67 00:03:00,251 --> 00:03:01,689 "Must people throw things at me?" 68 00:03:01,690 --> 00:03:03,455 Guys, I am always saying that. 69 00:03:03,456 --> 00:03:07,359 Mindy, you have a boyfriend. You're being emotionally unfaithful. 70 00:03:07,394 --> 00:03:10,366 I just don't like the idea of you emailing some rando on the Internet. 71 00:03:10,367 --> 00:03:12,205 It's not safe. I think that... 72 00:03:12,239 --> 00:03:13,775 Wait, this is your email address? 73 00:03:13,776 --> 00:03:16,248 I thought it was mindysecondaccount@hotmail... 74 00:03:16,282 --> 00:03:18,353 Mindy, these are the perils of online dating. 75 00:03:18,354 --> 00:03:21,126 Need I remind you all, I was once catfished by a man with... 76 00:03:21,161 --> 00:03:23,064 No torso. 77 00:03:23,065 --> 00:03:25,971 All right, everyone back off. Mindy's a smart person. 78 00:03:25,972 --> 00:03:28,911 - We should trust her judgment on this. - Thank you. Danny's correct. 79 00:03:28,912 --> 00:03:31,251 I am a hot, smart woman with an ass that doesn't quit. 80 00:03:31,285 --> 00:03:33,422 So why doesn't everyone just trust me for once in your life? 81 00:03:33,423 --> 00:03:34,424 Trust me. 82 00:03:34,425 --> 00:03:36,898 I'm gonna find that real email. 83 00:03:41,711 --> 00:03:44,616 "Dear Mindy, I know I'm breaking our tacit rule 84 00:03:44,651 --> 00:03:47,188 "by emailing you twice in one day, but here's why... 85 00:03:47,223 --> 00:03:50,597 "I can't stop thinking about you. 86 00:03:50,631 --> 00:03:51,700 I think we should meet in person." 87 00:03:51,734 --> 00:03:53,805 Oh, my God. 88 00:03:53,839 --> 00:03:56,411 "Please let me know if you're interested. 89 00:03:56,412 --> 00:03:58,850 "Oh, how I hope that you are. 90 00:03:58,851 --> 00:04:01,356 "If this correspondence has even the slightest chance 91 00:04:01,357 --> 00:04:03,328 "of changing our lives forever, 92 00:04:03,329 --> 00:04:06,201 don't you think we owe it to ourselves to explore it?" 93 00:04:06,202 --> 00:04:07,571 "I do. 94 00:04:07,572 --> 00:04:09,776 "I have a good feeling about you, Mindy Lahiri. 95 00:04:09,777 --> 00:04:12,683 Sincerely, Andy." 96 00:04:17,032 --> 00:04:19,735 "Dear Andy, my name is Morgan Tookers. 97 00:04:19,736 --> 00:04:21,807 "It has come to my attention that you've struck up 98 00:04:21,808 --> 00:04:23,377 "a 'romantical' email correspondence 99 00:04:23,378 --> 00:04:24,580 "with Mindy Lahiri. 100 00:04:24,615 --> 00:04:25,950 "She is my best friend. 101 00:04:25,951 --> 00:04:28,022 "If you hurt her, I will end you. 102 00:04:28,056 --> 00:04:30,729 "Sent from my smartphone, which I have... 103 00:04:30,730 --> 00:04:32,566 Case, charger, everything." 104 00:04:36,610 --> 00:04:39,784 Dr. C? 105 00:04:39,785 --> 00:04:43,091 "Hey, Andy. I'm a little worried how I came off in that. 106 00:04:43,126 --> 00:04:45,230 "I mean, I don't really have a smartphone. 107 00:04:45,264 --> 00:04:46,935 Love, Morgan." 108 00:04:51,446 --> 00:04:53,283 You're gonna meet this Internet weirdo? 109 00:04:53,284 --> 00:04:54,954 You can't until you talk to Charlie. 110 00:04:54,988 --> 00:04:57,326 Peter, why are you wearing that? 111 00:04:57,360 --> 00:04:58,595 It's the same weight as Henry, 112 00:04:58,630 --> 00:04:59,799 my girlfriend's baby. 113 00:04:59,833 --> 00:05:01,536 I want to get used to carrying him around. 114 00:05:01,537 --> 00:05:03,474 I tried it with a rotisserie chicken... 115 00:05:03,475 --> 00:05:04,777 Ate the whole thing immediately. 116 00:05:04,812 --> 00:05:08,152 I think that Lauren, if she is even real, 117 00:05:08,153 --> 00:05:09,990 is going to be very scared off by all of this. 118 00:05:10,024 --> 00:05:12,896 She will not be scared off, because we are open and honest 119 00:05:12,897 --> 00:05:14,468 with each other about everything. 120 00:05:14,469 --> 00:05:16,005 She knows I'm an HPV carrier. 121 00:05:16,006 --> 00:05:18,243 She knows I've never given a woman an orgasm. 122 00:05:18,244 --> 00:05:19,646 Oh, God, yuck. Okay. 123 00:05:19,681 --> 00:05:21,551 I think honesty is super important. 124 00:05:21,552 --> 00:05:22,854 Don't you, Dr. C? 125 00:05:22,888 --> 00:05:24,090 Yeah, sure. 126 00:05:24,125 --> 00:05:25,193 Mm-hmm. 127 00:05:25,228 --> 00:05:26,730 I will tell Charlie tonight. 128 00:05:26,765 --> 00:05:28,735 I'm having dinner with him anyway. 129 00:05:28,736 --> 00:05:32,912 Thank you. Shh. It's okay. 130 00:05:35,452 --> 00:05:37,891 "Dear Mindy, how about dinner tonight? 131 00:05:37,925 --> 00:05:40,263 Love, Andy." 132 00:05:40,264 --> 00:05:41,366 "Love." 133 00:05:41,400 --> 00:05:43,571 "I can meet you tonight, but not for dinner." 134 00:05:43,605 --> 00:05:45,776 Oh, really? 135 00:05:45,811 --> 00:05:48,182 "Why? What are you doing during dinnertime? 136 00:05:48,183 --> 00:05:49,318 Do you have a boyfriend?" 137 00:05:49,353 --> 00:05:50,387 Okay. 138 00:05:50,421 --> 00:05:51,857 "I don't have a boyfriend. 139 00:05:51,858 --> 00:05:53,227 "I am seeing someone tonight, 140 00:05:53,261 --> 00:05:55,065 but we could meet for a drink after." 141 00:05:55,100 --> 00:05:56,335 Yes. 142 00:05:56,370 --> 00:05:57,371 Hey, Dr. Castellano. 143 00:05:57,372 --> 00:05:58,807 What's up? 144 00:05:58,842 --> 00:06:00,946 Or should I say, "Dr. Andy make believe"? 145 00:06:00,980 --> 00:06:03,218 How'd you find out? 146 00:06:03,219 --> 00:06:04,822 How did you find out? 147 00:06:04,857 --> 00:06:06,659 Because I'm smarter than you may have "thoughten." 148 00:06:06,694 --> 00:06:08,231 No, keep your voice down. Why? 149 00:06:08,232 --> 00:06:09,533 Okay, I'll be honest with you, Morgan. 150 00:06:09,534 --> 00:06:11,538 I'm gonna be honest with you, okay? Okay. 151 00:06:11,572 --> 00:06:13,510 Mindy and I dated in secret, and I broke up with her, 152 00:06:13,511 --> 00:06:14,646 and I've regretted it ever since. 153 00:06:14,680 --> 00:06:15,948 Dr. L? Yeah. 154 00:06:15,983 --> 00:06:17,653 From work? 155 00:06:17,687 --> 00:06:19,490 The Indian doctor whose ass won't quit? 156 00:06:19,491 --> 00:06:20,527 Yes! Yes! 157 00:06:20,561 --> 00:06:21,662 I'm sorry, wait, wait, wait. 158 00:06:21,663 --> 00:06:22,664 You dated her? 159 00:06:22,666 --> 00:06:24,169 Okay, look, I tried to get her back, 160 00:06:24,170 --> 00:06:25,572 and she just wouldn't have it. 161 00:06:25,606 --> 00:06:27,444 So what I did is I created this guy 162 00:06:27,445 --> 00:06:28,579 that she would like, 163 00:06:28,580 --> 00:06:30,016 so maybe she would fall in love with him 164 00:06:30,017 --> 00:06:31,861 and then realize she was still in love with me. 165 00:06:31,888 --> 00:06:33,024 Morgan, you can't tell her. 166 00:06:33,058 --> 00:06:34,193 You got to promise me. 167 00:06:34,194 --> 00:06:36,098 Ha, why would I help you with your love life 168 00:06:36,132 --> 00:06:37,367 when you destroyed mine? 169 00:06:37,402 --> 00:06:39,606 You know I bought Tamra a ring? A ring? 170 00:06:39,640 --> 00:06:40,775 Tone. 171 00:06:40,776 --> 00:06:42,813 A ringtone. 172 00:06:42,814 --> 00:06:45,018 It was monster mash. It was our song. 173 00:06:45,054 --> 00:06:47,358 It's my song. She hates it. 174 00:06:47,392 --> 00:06:49,162 Morgan, if you promise not to tell Mindy, 175 00:06:49,163 --> 00:06:52,470 I think I can help you out with this. 176 00:06:52,505 --> 00:06:54,375 Look, when I told you not to date Morgan, 177 00:06:54,376 --> 00:06:56,614 I was projecting on you, Tamra, 178 00:06:56,648 --> 00:07:01,909 because of my feelings for Dr. Lahiri. 179 00:07:01,910 --> 00:07:03,012 Oh! 180 00:07:03,047 --> 00:07:04,616 Then why'd you make me apologize? 181 00:07:04,650 --> 00:07:05,752 Eh, it was fun. 182 00:07:05,787 --> 00:07:06,788 It's fun. 183 00:07:06,789 --> 00:07:08,492 So you and Dr. L, huh? Yeah. 184 00:07:08,493 --> 00:07:09,828 I guess it works. 185 00:07:09,830 --> 00:07:11,433 Y'all are both old like Katie Holmes. Mm-hmm. 186 00:07:11,434 --> 00:07:12,969 So where are you gonna take her when you finally meet her? 187 00:07:13,004 --> 00:07:14,206 It's perfect... I'm taking her 188 00:07:14,207 --> 00:07:15,743 to one of those gastropub places she likes so much. 189 00:07:15,777 --> 00:07:17,280 That's where losers like us go. 190 00:07:17,281 --> 00:07:18,483 What do you mean? 191 00:07:18,517 --> 00:07:20,788 You got to make meeting Dr. L the perfect moment. 192 00:07:20,789 --> 00:07:22,559 She's always talking about the empire state building. 193 00:07:22,594 --> 00:07:24,163 That's a great idea. 194 00:07:24,198 --> 00:07:26,168 What idea? I was complaining. 195 00:07:26,169 --> 00:07:28,139 Okay, what are you wearing? 196 00:07:28,140 --> 00:07:30,177 Actually, who are you wearing? 197 00:07:30,178 --> 00:07:31,514 I'm wearing this. Uh-uh. 198 00:07:31,548 --> 00:07:33,352 You need to dress like one of those guys she likes, 199 00:07:33,353 --> 00:07:34,588 like Bradley Cooper. 200 00:07:34,623 --> 00:07:36,126 Who's Bradley Cooper? 201 00:07:36,160 --> 00:07:39,199 So, Charlie, I wanted to talk to you about something. 202 00:07:39,234 --> 00:07:40,669 I really like dating you. 203 00:07:40,704 --> 00:07:42,073 But you have feelings for another guy, 204 00:07:42,074 --> 00:07:43,376 someone you don't know very well, 205 00:07:43,377 --> 00:07:44,646 but you want to explore, 206 00:07:44,647 --> 00:07:46,283 and you think telling me is the right thing to do. 207 00:07:46,317 --> 00:07:47,753 Oh, my God. 208 00:07:47,754 --> 00:07:49,558 You're, like, an amazing Detective. 209 00:07:49,592 --> 00:07:51,362 I read your phone when you were in the bathroom. 210 00:07:51,363 --> 00:07:53,333 And you got to go easy on the selfies, by the way. 211 00:07:53,334 --> 00:07:54,603 Oh, my God. 212 00:07:54,604 --> 00:07:56,207 Look, I-I've been around long enough to know 213 00:07:56,241 --> 00:07:57,324 when not to get in the way. 214 00:07:57,344 --> 00:07:59,181 If you love something, set it free. 215 00:07:59,215 --> 00:08:01,186 Relax. I don't love you. 216 00:08:01,220 --> 00:08:03,324 I like you, but you snore, 217 00:08:03,325 --> 00:08:06,064 and I'm pretty sure you took $20 off my nightstand. 218 00:08:06,098 --> 00:08:07,784 I believe I earned that money back 219 00:08:07,785 --> 00:08:09,220 I did later that night. 220 00:08:09,255 --> 00:08:11,493 You're describing yourself as a prostitute again. 221 00:08:11,528 --> 00:08:13,230 You got to stop that. I know, I know. 222 00:08:13,265 --> 00:08:15,436 The point is I'm not gonna get in the way. 223 00:08:15,437 --> 00:08:16,772 And a word of advice... 224 00:08:16,773 --> 00:08:18,644 Don't let that guy from work get in the way either. 225 00:08:18,645 --> 00:08:20,247 Morgan... he's a huge time-suck. You're right. 226 00:08:20,282 --> 00:08:21,417 No, not him. 227 00:08:21,418 --> 00:08:23,856 The rich kid from Staten island, little one. 228 00:08:23,890 --> 00:08:25,059 Yeah, Danny. 229 00:08:25,094 --> 00:08:26,429 Right. That's good advice. 230 00:08:26,464 --> 00:08:28,901 Thank you for understanding. 231 00:08:28,902 --> 00:08:29,903 My advice to you... 232 00:08:29,905 --> 00:08:32,811 Nah, I'm good. 233 00:08:36,354 --> 00:08:37,555 You're killing me, Bradley Cooper. 234 00:08:37,556 --> 00:08:39,627 What is this, a 20-piece suit? 235 00:08:43,037 --> 00:08:45,676 Oh, hello. Who's ready for their hot date tonight with Andy? 236 00:08:45,677 --> 00:08:47,647 Hey, um, I need your help. 237 00:08:47,648 --> 00:08:49,251 I actually was trying to spit out some gum, 238 00:08:49,252 --> 00:08:50,654 and I spat it right in my hair. 239 00:08:50,655 --> 00:08:51,891 I need you to cut it out for me. 240 00:08:51,925 --> 00:08:53,929 Uh, no, I can't do that right now. 241 00:08:53,930 --> 00:08:55,165 I'm really busy. 242 00:08:55,199 --> 00:08:56,535 What do you mean you're busy? Doing what? 243 00:08:56,569 --> 00:08:57,738 I'm busy. 244 00:08:57,739 --> 00:08:59,408 I'm very, very, very busy right now. 245 00:08:59,443 --> 00:09:00,611 What are you talking about? You're never busy. 246 00:09:00,646 --> 00:09:02,215 I'm buzzing up. You're what? 247 00:09:02,249 --> 00:09:03,652 I'm actually downstairs. I'm gonna come up. 248 00:09:03,686 --> 00:09:05,857 I'm being intimate with myself. 249 00:09:05,891 --> 00:09:07,260 You're masturbating? 250 00:09:07,295 --> 00:09:09,065 Julianna Margulies is on TV right now. 251 00:09:09,066 --> 00:09:10,235 I'm watching the good wife. 252 00:09:10,269 --> 00:09:11,571 You're helping me. I'm coming up. 253 00:09:11,605 --> 00:09:12,741 Don't do this right now, Mindy. Don't... 254 00:09:12,742 --> 00:09:13,744 Bye. Okay, bye. 255 00:09:21,897 --> 00:09:24,469 Screw you, Bradley Cooper. 256 00:09:24,504 --> 00:09:25,505 Ahh. 257 00:09:25,506 --> 00:09:26,875 No. I didn't do anything. 258 00:09:26,876 --> 00:09:28,178 Okay. Keep still. 259 00:09:28,179 --> 00:09:29,848 Ow. That didn't hurt. 260 00:09:29,883 --> 00:09:31,318 Ow. Okay, here you go. 261 00:09:31,353 --> 00:09:32,688 Wow. Stop chewing gum. 262 00:09:32,689 --> 00:09:33,758 You're not ten years old. 263 00:09:33,759 --> 00:09:35,195 Or carry scissors around with you. 264 00:09:35,229 --> 00:09:37,032 Thank you, Danny. Okay, let's do it. 265 00:09:37,067 --> 00:09:38,402 Time to go. 266 00:09:38,403 --> 00:09:40,174 It's a quarter of, and, you know, 267 00:09:40,175 --> 00:09:41,677 I'm getting real tired, 268 00:09:41,678 --> 00:09:43,549 and I'm getting anxious to do my nighttime rituals, so... 269 00:09:43,550 --> 00:09:45,219 Well, then start your rituals, jeez. 270 00:09:45,220 --> 00:09:46,221 I'm not leaving. 271 00:09:46,255 --> 00:09:47,725 I can't be early to see Andy. 272 00:09:47,726 --> 00:09:49,563 He's gonna think I'm a loser. What? 273 00:09:49,597 --> 00:09:51,868 Well, you better get out there and go meet him. 274 00:09:51,902 --> 00:09:53,899 You move like a glacier. 275 00:09:53,907 --> 00:09:55,343 First of all, stop calling me a glacier. 276 00:09:55,377 --> 00:09:57,048 We both know I'm tiny. 277 00:09:57,082 --> 00:09:58,585 Besides, glaciers don't move. 278 00:09:58,586 --> 00:09:59,821 Global warming's a hoax. 279 00:09:59,856 --> 00:10:00,923 Sorry about that. 280 00:10:00,924 --> 00:10:02,193 You know what, Danny? 281 00:10:02,228 --> 00:10:04,833 I hate to admit it, but you were right. 282 00:10:04,868 --> 00:10:05,969 Right about what? 283 00:10:05,970 --> 00:10:07,239 I'm right about a lot of things. 284 00:10:07,240 --> 00:10:08,408 About us. 285 00:10:08,443 --> 00:10:11,682 You were right about us not being together. 286 00:10:11,717 --> 00:10:13,220 I mean, at first it was tough. 287 00:10:13,221 --> 00:10:16,443 It was really tough. But I remembered something that you said. 288 00:10:16,477 --> 00:10:19,083 You said that guys don't break up with girls 289 00:10:19,084 --> 00:10:20,553 they secretly want to be with. 290 00:10:20,587 --> 00:10:24,462 And then I knew for certain that you didn't want me. 291 00:10:24,496 --> 00:10:26,567 And then it was... It was fine, though, 292 00:10:26,601 --> 00:10:27,970 because I learned in time 293 00:10:27,971 --> 00:10:30,209 that, you know, you weren't right for me either. 294 00:10:30,244 --> 00:10:33,952 We are who we are, and that won't change. 295 00:10:33,986 --> 00:10:36,925 Hey, you drowning? 296 00:10:36,960 --> 00:10:38,964 No, I-I'm here. 297 00:10:38,965 --> 00:10:40,501 Okay, I left a huge mess. 298 00:10:40,502 --> 00:10:42,306 I'll talk to you tomorrow. Thank you. 299 00:11:17,259 --> 00:11:18,828 Hey, bets, where's Mindy? It's 10:00. 300 00:11:18,863 --> 00:11:20,132 Oh, you didn't hear? 301 00:11:20,133 --> 00:11:21,835 She got stood up at the empire state building 302 00:11:21,836 --> 00:11:23,599 last night, and she caught a really bad cold. 303 00:11:23,608 --> 00:11:24,608 What? 304 00:11:24,610 --> 00:11:26,146 Andy stood her up? 305 00:11:26,181 --> 00:11:27,884 Why would he do that? 306 00:11:27,918 --> 00:11:29,154 I just checked the forecast for last night 307 00:11:29,188 --> 00:11:32,194 and saw that it was freezing with a chance of rain. 308 00:11:32,228 --> 00:11:33,831 How would you like that, Dr. Castellano, 309 00:11:33,865 --> 00:11:37,574 to be stood up in freezing and a chance of rain? 310 00:11:37,608 --> 00:11:41,683 I know, I mean, maybe this guy had a good reason, I... 311 00:11:41,718 --> 00:11:45,125 Danny, don't come near me. I'm sick and disgusting. 312 00:11:45,159 --> 00:11:46,696 You know, when a Castellano gets sick, 313 00:11:46,697 --> 00:11:48,667 which almost never happens, 314 00:11:48,668 --> 00:11:51,240 the only thing that makes us feel better is two things... 315 00:11:51,241 --> 00:11:52,944 A bowl of chicken noodle zuppa 316 00:11:52,978 --> 00:11:54,615 and, my friend, 317 00:11:54,649 --> 00:11:56,252 the Guinness Book of World Records. 318 00:11:56,286 --> 00:11:57,555 Whoa. 319 00:11:57,556 --> 00:11:59,627 Oh, from 1983. 320 00:11:59,661 --> 00:12:01,832 Yeah. There's an inscription. 321 00:12:01,867 --> 00:12:04,773 "Dear Daniel, congrats on your dance recital"... 322 00:12:04,807 --> 00:12:06,978 Okay, let's read that later. 323 00:12:06,979 --> 00:12:08,816 Okay. Mindy... 324 00:12:08,850 --> 00:12:11,656 I need to talk to you about something... 325 00:12:12,793 --> 00:12:13,995 About Andy. 326 00:12:14,029 --> 00:12:15,465 I know. You don't have to say it. 327 00:12:15,466 --> 00:12:17,637 It was so stupid that I went. 328 00:12:17,671 --> 00:12:19,007 I just thought it would be cool. 329 00:12:19,008 --> 00:12:20,277 I'm the lamest lame-o. 330 00:12:20,311 --> 00:12:21,447 No, no, no, you're not lame. 331 00:12:21,448 --> 00:12:23,117 Look, let me just... Let me just finish... 332 00:12:23,118 --> 00:12:25,355 No, let me finish. You're gonna want to hear what I have to say. 333 00:12:25,390 --> 00:12:26,659 Okay, but I should've just stayed at your place last night 334 00:12:26,660 --> 00:12:27,694 and hung out with you. 335 00:12:27,695 --> 00:12:29,332 That would've been so much more fun. 336 00:12:29,366 --> 00:12:31,136 Do you think you can stay now? 337 00:12:31,170 --> 00:12:32,539 Please, Danny! 338 00:12:32,574 --> 00:12:33,576 Please! 339 00:12:33,577 --> 00:12:35,279 We can do any boring thing you want. 340 00:12:35,280 --> 00:12:36,583 We can read encyclopedias. 341 00:12:36,617 --> 00:12:38,086 You can talk about Walter Cronkite. 342 00:12:38,121 --> 00:12:39,858 We can watch c-span. 343 00:12:39,892 --> 00:12:41,093 Okay, I'll stay. 344 00:12:41,128 --> 00:12:42,230 You will? But you're sick. 345 00:12:42,231 --> 00:12:44,000 Let's watch whatever you want to watch. 346 00:12:44,001 --> 00:12:47,475 How about this? When Harry met Sally. 347 00:12:47,476 --> 00:12:49,781 I'll order whatever gave her an orgasm. 348 00:12:49,816 --> 00:12:52,755 You paraphrased one of the most famous lines pretty well. 349 00:12:52,790 --> 00:12:54,459 That was impressive. Oh, thanks. 350 00:12:54,460 --> 00:12:55,962 This is so much fun. 351 00:12:55,997 --> 00:12:57,734 Okay, you know who directed this, right? 352 00:12:57,768 --> 00:12:59,271 Meathead. 353 00:12:59,305 --> 00:13:00,674 Hmm, I always thought 354 00:13:00,675 --> 00:13:02,044 that Meg Ryan and Billy Crystal 355 00:13:02,045 --> 00:13:03,079 directed this together. 356 00:13:03,114 --> 00:13:04,483 That's not how movies work. 357 00:13:04,517 --> 00:13:06,454 God, you know so much about film. 358 00:13:06,489 --> 00:13:08,560 It's really cool. Thanks. 359 00:13:11,836 --> 00:13:14,508 Sometimes it's hard to do the right thing, 360 00:13:14,509 --> 00:13:17,782 especially when you really, really don't want to. 361 00:13:17,783 --> 00:13:20,388 But maybe it's okay. 362 00:13:20,423 --> 00:13:23,229 Anyone can say, "I'm sorry, Mindy, for catfishing you 363 00:13:23,230 --> 00:13:25,200 with the man of your dreams." 364 00:13:25,201 --> 00:13:27,239 It takes a real man to march around Manhattan 365 00:13:27,240 --> 00:13:31,515 visiting every place Meg Ryan ever laugh-cried. 366 00:13:31,516 --> 00:13:33,988 And I get to see New York through her eyes. 367 00:13:33,989 --> 00:13:36,828 And, man, was it white. 368 00:13:36,829 --> 00:13:39,100 But it wasn't so bad. It was kind of nice. 369 00:13:39,101 --> 00:13:42,742 And I got to show her a little bit of my New York. 370 00:13:42,743 --> 00:13:45,215 And I think she liked it. 371 00:13:45,216 --> 00:13:48,723 Until one day, Andy was a distant memory. 372 00:13:50,395 --> 00:13:52,132 Danny, I can't wait to die. 373 00:13:52,133 --> 00:13:54,571 My funeral is going to be off the chain. 374 00:13:54,572 --> 00:13:56,241 There's gonna be a signature cocktail. 375 00:13:56,242 --> 00:13:57,912 My ashes will be around the rim. 376 00:13:57,947 --> 00:13:59,416 Ashes? You're not getting cremated. 377 00:13:59,417 --> 00:14:02,824 St. Peter doesn't want a pile of dust in the pearly gates, 378 00:14:02,825 --> 00:14:04,094 and I'm gonna have to vouch for you. 379 00:14:04,095 --> 00:14:05,096 Hmm. 380 00:14:05,097 --> 00:14:06,733 But I will. 381 00:14:06,767 --> 00:14:07,803 You will? 382 00:14:07,837 --> 00:14:09,373 Yeah. 383 00:14:09,374 --> 00:14:12,447 You know, I'm gonna be real connected up there, trust me. 384 00:14:12,481 --> 00:14:14,051 Do you want to go get breakfast 385 00:14:14,052 --> 00:14:15,455 and be late for work? 386 00:14:15,489 --> 00:14:17,392 Yeah. 387 00:14:19,766 --> 00:14:20,767 Oh, my God. 388 00:14:20,801 --> 00:14:22,739 It's him. Oh, no. 389 00:14:22,740 --> 00:14:25,979 God, you son of a bitch! I waited for hours for you! 390 00:14:25,980 --> 00:14:27,316 I looked like such an idiot! 391 00:14:27,350 --> 00:14:28,552 Why you hit me? 392 00:14:28,587 --> 00:14:30,391 I left my country to escape this. 393 00:14:30,425 --> 00:14:32,061 You wish you were a refugee! 394 00:14:32,062 --> 00:14:33,331 Mindy, Mindy, Mindy, no. 395 00:14:33,332 --> 00:14:34,501 That's not Andy, okay? 396 00:14:34,502 --> 00:14:35,736 What? What are you talking about? 397 00:14:35,737 --> 00:14:38,310 Then who's Andy? 398 00:14:38,311 --> 00:14:39,546 Me. 399 00:14:39,547 --> 00:14:41,350 What? 400 00:14:41,351 --> 00:14:43,055 Come on, Mindy, just listen to me! 401 00:14:43,056 --> 00:14:45,226 You created a fake person for me to fall in love with? 402 00:14:45,261 --> 00:14:46,362 Mindy. 403 00:14:46,363 --> 00:14:47,765 I mean, Danny, who did I mail my underwear to? 404 00:14:47,800 --> 00:14:49,102 I can't believe you! 405 00:14:49,103 --> 00:14:50,772 Damn it, Mindy, just listen to me. 406 00:14:50,773 --> 00:14:52,109 Go to hell! 407 00:14:54,383 --> 00:14:56,587 Get out, rapist! I could've been naked. 408 00:14:56,622 --> 00:14:58,424 I need to explain something to you. 409 00:14:58,459 --> 00:14:59,595 Explain what... 410 00:14:59,629 --> 00:15:01,264 That I slapped some grad student from Europe? 411 00:15:01,265 --> 00:15:02,534 He's gonna go back to his country and say, 412 00:15:02,535 --> 00:15:04,439 "in America, hot girls can just do whatever they want." 413 00:15:04,440 --> 00:15:05,743 That's a bad message, Danny. 414 00:15:05,744 --> 00:15:07,413 What were you even trying to do? 415 00:15:07,414 --> 00:15:09,117 I thought I was being romantic, okay? 416 00:15:09,118 --> 00:15:11,088 You'd get to the top of the empire state building 417 00:15:11,089 --> 00:15:13,127 and see it was me, and everything would be okay. 418 00:15:13,128 --> 00:15:16,502 That is the stupidest thing I have ever heard. 419 00:15:16,536 --> 00:15:17,738 You're a liar. 420 00:15:17,739 --> 00:15:20,511 You/Andy made me break up with Charlie. 421 00:15:20,546 --> 00:15:21,547 Okay. 422 00:15:21,548 --> 00:15:22,717 And then he stood me up 423 00:15:22,718 --> 00:15:24,955 at my favorite place in the entire world. 424 00:15:24,956 --> 00:15:26,225 I didn't want to tell you 425 00:15:26,226 --> 00:15:28,229 because I knew... I knew this would happen. 426 00:15:28,230 --> 00:15:30,903 I knew it would push you away. 427 00:15:30,904 --> 00:15:32,139 I love you. 428 00:15:33,544 --> 00:15:35,146 Mindy, I love you. 429 00:15:35,147 --> 00:15:36,717 I want to be with you. Look at me. 430 00:15:36,718 --> 00:15:38,855 I want to be with you. I don't believe you. 431 00:15:38,889 --> 00:15:40,493 Yes, you do. I don't believe you. 432 00:15:40,494 --> 00:15:43,901 Why? Because you love me until you don't, okay? 433 00:15:45,238 --> 00:15:46,574 I'm not gonna do that again. 434 00:15:46,575 --> 00:15:48,379 I want something real, Danny. 435 00:15:48,380 --> 00:15:51,085 This is real. 436 00:15:51,120 --> 00:15:52,522 It's real. 437 00:15:52,523 --> 00:15:54,894 I can prove it to you. 438 00:15:54,895 --> 00:15:56,197 Tonight, 8:00, 439 00:15:56,198 --> 00:15:57,801 meet me on the top of the empire state building. 440 00:15:57,802 --> 00:15:58,871 I don't care if you say no. 441 00:15:58,872 --> 00:16:00,106 I will wait all night for you. 442 00:16:00,107 --> 00:16:01,911 Please, please, please, 443 00:16:01,912 --> 00:16:04,150 just give me another chance. 444 00:16:04,151 --> 00:16:05,820 I can't go. Why? 445 00:16:05,821 --> 00:16:07,425 Because I have plans. 446 00:16:07,459 --> 00:16:09,095 To do what? 447 00:16:09,096 --> 00:16:12,102 To not be the stupidest person in the world. 448 00:16:24,836 --> 00:16:26,973 Dr. L? Mm-hmm? 449 00:16:26,974 --> 00:16:28,645 Can you close your eyes? I think I have something 450 00:16:28,646 --> 00:16:30,248 that's gonna make you feel a little bit better. 451 00:16:30,283 --> 00:16:32,822 Please let it be beer. I've had the worst day. 452 00:16:32,856 --> 00:16:34,091 Open 'em! 453 00:16:34,125 --> 00:16:36,262 My coworkers? This sucks. 454 00:16:36,263 --> 00:16:38,201 Danny pretending to be another man to woo you 455 00:16:38,202 --> 00:16:40,741 was ill-advised and illegal, actually. 456 00:16:40,742 --> 00:16:42,177 If you could just sign this waiver 457 00:16:42,178 --> 00:16:44,014 saying you're not gonna sue the practice, 458 00:16:44,049 --> 00:16:45,051 it would really help me out. 459 00:16:45,052 --> 00:16:46,053 Constantly signing waivers. 460 00:16:46,054 --> 00:16:47,289 Perfect. Thank you. 461 00:16:47,290 --> 00:16:49,963 Oh, and, uh, yeah, he loves you. 462 00:16:49,997 --> 00:16:52,135 He does not love me. He loves to ruin my life. 463 00:16:52,169 --> 00:16:54,173 No, come on, you have to go meet him. 464 00:16:54,174 --> 00:16:55,676 He's in love with you. 465 00:16:55,711 --> 00:16:57,615 He laughs at all of your jokes, and let's be honest, 466 00:16:57,649 --> 00:16:59,051 comedy is not your strong suit. 467 00:16:59,086 --> 00:17:00,154 I'm hilarious. 468 00:17:00,188 --> 00:17:03,161 You're being so stupid. Come here. 469 00:17:03,196 --> 00:17:04,364 I'm being stupid? Ow! 470 00:17:04,398 --> 00:17:05,801 My hair! This is for your own good. 471 00:17:05,835 --> 00:17:07,137 It's the only way she's gonna learn. 472 00:17:07,172 --> 00:17:08,474 Tough love. Everyone out. 473 00:17:08,508 --> 00:17:09,543 I'm gonna need another form. 474 00:17:09,578 --> 00:17:10,746 Ow! 475 00:17:10,747 --> 00:17:12,016 I don't like that you make me do this. 476 00:17:12,017 --> 00:17:13,252 I have, like, three hairs left. 477 00:17:13,253 --> 00:17:14,455 Why do you do this? 478 00:17:14,456 --> 00:17:15,992 I was in here rooting around Danny's desk 479 00:17:15,993 --> 00:17:17,696 trying to find some stamps to steal, 480 00:17:17,697 --> 00:17:19,668 when I found this. 481 00:17:19,702 --> 00:17:22,541 Great, Peter, a picture of Danny and his brother, 482 00:17:22,576 --> 00:17:23,911 a picture of some old hot guy, 483 00:17:23,912 --> 00:17:25,248 Mardi Gras beads, 484 00:17:25,282 --> 00:17:26,618 and some trashy skank's earrings. 485 00:17:26,652 --> 00:17:27,652 Wait. 486 00:17:27,654 --> 00:17:29,290 Oh, my God, Peter. 487 00:17:29,291 --> 00:17:31,128 These are my earrings. 488 00:17:31,163 --> 00:17:32,532 Yeah, you're that trashy skank. 489 00:17:32,533 --> 00:17:34,637 One time I came in here, and he was staring at those things. 490 00:17:34,638 --> 00:17:37,744 So either he's thinking about becoming a woman, 491 00:17:37,778 --> 00:17:39,062 or he's obviously in love with you. 492 00:17:39,082 --> 00:17:41,286 Okay. All right. I'm gonna go. 493 00:17:41,320 --> 00:17:43,324 Thank you, Peter. 494 00:17:46,132 --> 00:17:47,836 The elevators are temporarily down. 495 00:17:47,870 --> 00:17:49,005 Can you wait? 496 00:17:49,039 --> 00:17:50,341 I absolutely cannot wait. 497 00:17:50,376 --> 00:17:52,079 I'm meeting maybe the love of my life. 498 00:17:52,080 --> 00:17:55,187 All right, well, you would have to take the stairs 104 floors. 499 00:17:55,221 --> 00:17:56,557 I can talk to him tomorrow. 500 00:17:56,558 --> 00:17:58,060 Didn't you say he was the love of your life? 501 00:17:58,061 --> 00:18:00,232 Oh, God. Damn it, Danny! 502 00:18:00,233 --> 00:18:02,911 Thank you. Mm-hmm. 503 00:18:06,682 --> 00:18:08,925 Huh, I guess they're working already. 504 00:18:08,954 --> 00:18:10,857 Well, I think we earned our sangria tonight. 505 00:18:10,858 --> 00:18:12,094 By the way, I don't have any money, 506 00:18:12,095 --> 00:18:13,397 so I'm just gonna eat the fruit. 507 00:18:13,398 --> 00:18:14,734 We? Me earned the sangria. 508 00:18:14,735 --> 00:18:15,970 What the nips? 509 00:18:19,613 --> 00:18:21,550 Why aren't you at the emperor's state building? 510 00:18:21,584 --> 00:18:23,087 I went. I stayed for an hour. 511 00:18:23,088 --> 00:18:24,423 She was a no-show. 512 00:18:24,458 --> 00:18:26,803 Dude, she's on her way to meet you there right now. 513 00:18:26,831 --> 00:18:27,971 Wait. She went? 514 00:18:28,000 --> 00:18:29,002 Yes, Danny! Yes! 515 00:18:29,003 --> 00:18:30,170 And now she's gonna 516 00:18:30,205 --> 00:18:32,309 get stood up there by you for a second time. 517 00:18:32,310 --> 00:18:33,312 But don't go. 518 00:18:33,313 --> 00:18:34,715 Go back in, have another slice. 519 00:18:34,750 --> 00:18:37,288 Hell, get a whole pie. 520 00:18:37,289 --> 00:18:38,591 Which way's the empire state building? 521 00:18:38,625 --> 00:18:39,827 That way! 522 00:18:39,828 --> 00:18:41,097 Aren't you from here? 523 00:18:47,681 --> 00:18:49,317 ♪ I get up in the evening ♪ 524 00:18:49,318 --> 00:18:51,121 Excuse me. Sorry. 525 00:18:51,156 --> 00:18:53,828 ♪ And I ain't got nothing to say ♪ 526 00:18:53,829 --> 00:18:57,403 ♪ I come home in the morning ♪ 527 00:18:57,404 --> 00:18:59,609 ♪ I go to bed ♪ whoa! 528 00:18:59,610 --> 00:19:00,878 Man, what are you doing? Be careful! 529 00:19:00,913 --> 00:19:02,248 Just open up your door... 530 00:19:05,123 --> 00:19:07,427 Hey, are you all right? 531 00:19:07,428 --> 00:19:09,232 You stepped out right in front of that car. No, I'm good, I'm good, I'm good, I'm good. 532 00:19:09,266 --> 00:19:10,969 Okay, show's over, guys. 533 00:19:10,970 --> 00:19:12,439 Show's over. 534 00:19:12,440 --> 00:19:13,440 ♪ Can't start a fire ♪ 535 00:19:15,314 --> 00:19:19,088 ♪ You can't start a fire without a spark ♪ 536 00:19:19,089 --> 00:19:21,595 ♪ This gun's for hire ♪ 537 00:19:21,629 --> 00:19:23,198 How you doing? 538 00:19:23,233 --> 00:19:24,769 ♪ Even if we're just dancing in the dark ♪ 539 00:19:34,093 --> 00:19:35,562 Mindy! 540 00:19:37,735 --> 00:19:39,872 Mindy! 541 00:19:43,315 --> 00:19:45,486 Mindy! 542 00:19:58,418 --> 00:20:00,923 I'm sorry, Mindy. 543 00:20:17,965 --> 00:20:22,074 ♪ Who's gonna tell you when ♪ 544 00:20:22,075 --> 00:20:25,182 ♪ It's too late? ♪ 545 00:20:29,393 --> 00:20:33,434 ♪ Who's gonna tell you things ♪ 546 00:20:33,435 --> 00:20:37,779 ♪ Aren't so great? ♪ 547 00:20:39,484 --> 00:20:40,586 Hey. 548 00:20:40,587 --> 00:20:41,788 My heart is racing. 549 00:20:41,789 --> 00:20:43,125 So is mine. I thought I lost you. 550 00:20:43,126 --> 00:20:44,228 Shut up, shut up. 551 00:20:44,229 --> 00:20:46,065 Why did you make me come to this stupid place? 552 00:20:46,066 --> 00:20:48,237 Because you love it. 553 00:20:48,238 --> 00:20:49,640 And I love you. 554 00:20:49,674 --> 00:20:50,810 Me? 555 00:20:50,811 --> 00:20:51,980 I want to go all-in. 556 00:20:51,981 --> 00:20:54,185 Really? 557 00:20:54,186 --> 00:20:55,789 In public, with all these people? 558 00:20:55,790 --> 00:20:56,790 All right. 559 00:20:56,791 --> 00:20:58,094 No, no, like all-in, like gambling. 560 00:20:58,095 --> 00:20:59,130 Okay, I'm... okay. 561 00:20:59,131 --> 00:21:00,767 Okay. 562 00:21:00,768 --> 00:21:02,070 I like that. 563 00:21:02,071 --> 00:21:03,440 Yeah? 564 00:21:03,441 --> 00:21:04,677 Let's get something to eat. 565 00:21:04,711 --> 00:21:07,016 Our first date... You're paying. 566 00:21:07,017 --> 00:21:08,453 Yeah, I got to get used to it 567 00:21:08,454 --> 00:21:09,756 since I'm gonna be the breadwinner, 568 00:21:09,757 --> 00:21:11,026 and you're gonna be the stay-at-home mom. 569 00:21:11,027 --> 00:21:12,361 I'm not quitting my job. 570 00:21:12,362 --> 00:21:13,598 And if we have kids, we're gonna get, like, 571 00:21:13,599 --> 00:21:14,935 a million nannies to take care of them... 572 00:21:14,936 --> 00:21:16,171 All ugly, you perv. 573 00:21:16,172 --> 00:21:17,608 One kid, one child, 574 00:21:17,609 --> 00:21:19,646 one maximum, and it's gonna be a boy. 575 00:21:19,647 --> 00:21:21,550 What? We're having nine girls. 576 00:21:21,551 --> 00:21:23,055 No, we are not having nine girls. 577 00:21:23,089 --> 00:21:24,959 Yes, we are. Named after all the muses. 578 00:21:24,960 --> 00:21:27,932 Calliope... 579 00:21:27,933 --> 00:21:29,437 ♪ Nothing's wrong ♪ 580 00:21:33,080 --> 00:21:37,054 ♪ Who's gonna drive you home ♪ 581 00:21:37,055 --> 00:21:40,596 ♪ Tonight? ♪ 582 00:21:42,168 --> 00:21:44,038 You know, I'm serious about having nine daughters. 583 00:21:44,039 --> 00:21:46,310 Here we go. One boy... Anthony Francis. 584 00:21:46,311 --> 00:21:47,580 Anthony Francis? 585 00:21:47,581 --> 00:21:49,247 What is he, gonna become the pope? What? 42284

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