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1
00:00:00,661 --> 00:00:03,609
Every great love
story has a beginning.
2
00:00:03,644 --> 00:00:06,490
I want you to be with me.
I want me to be with you too.
3
00:00:08,568 --> 00:00:11,346
But every great love story
also has an end.
4
00:00:11,347 --> 00:00:12,987
We can either
break up now,
5
00:00:12,988 --> 00:00:14,494
or we can do it
three years from now.
6
00:00:14,495 --> 00:00:15,666
I'm just doing us
a favor.
7
00:00:15,701 --> 00:00:16,871
What?
8
00:00:16,906 --> 00:00:18,244
And when your love story ends,
9
00:00:18,245 --> 00:00:21,594
all you can do is cry,
listen to sad music,
10
00:00:21,595 --> 00:00:23,603
and drink wine that you bought
from a gas station.
11
00:00:25,245 --> 00:00:30,368
♪ So careful
when I'm in your arms ♪
12
00:00:30,369 --> 00:00:32,478
♪ 'Cause you're working
13
00:00:32,479 --> 00:00:35,124
♪ Building a mystery
14
00:00:35,125 --> 00:00:39,411
Home.
Go home.
15
00:00:39,412 --> 00:00:41,420
And I'll think of
some way to get him back.
16
00:00:41,421 --> 00:00:45,406
Scarlet, you are a genius.
17
00:00:45,407 --> 00:00:47,148
I'm coming for you, Cliff!
18
00:00:57,464 --> 00:00:59,271
how can you be
in such a good mood?
19
00:00:59,272 --> 00:01:00,477
Your boyfriend dumped you.
20
00:01:00,511 --> 00:01:02,018
On a technicality, Danny.
21
00:01:02,019 --> 00:01:04,027
And like
Amanda "foxy knoxy" knox,
22
00:01:04,028 --> 00:01:05,233
I, too,
will be exonerated.
23
00:01:05,234 --> 00:01:06,371
I changed my flight.
24
00:01:06,372 --> 00:01:07,845
I'm gonna go back to New York
this morning,
25
00:01:07,846 --> 00:01:09,251
and I'm gonna win
Cliff back.
26
00:01:09,252 --> 00:01:10,524
No, you're not.
27
00:01:10,525 --> 00:01:12,802
You're coming with me
to see my dad.
28
00:01:12,803 --> 00:01:15,548
Your dad dad?
Yes.
29
00:01:15,549 --> 00:01:16,686
The man who abandoned you,
30
00:01:16,687 --> 00:01:18,327
leaving you emotionally
closed off
31
00:01:18,328 --> 00:01:19,968
and completely immune
to tickling.
32
00:01:19,969 --> 00:01:21,174
Okay, okay,
for the last time,
33
00:01:21,175 --> 00:01:22,849
there's no scientific
correlation
34
00:01:22,850 --> 00:01:24,824
between being emotional
and being ticklish.
35
00:01:24,825 --> 00:01:26,399
I called him
last night, okay?
36
00:01:26,400 --> 00:01:27,470
I called him.
37
00:01:27,471 --> 00:01:29,145
He lives a couple hours
from here,
38
00:01:29,146 --> 00:01:30,283
and you're coming
with me.
39
00:01:30,284 --> 00:01:31,423
I can't.
40
00:01:31,424 --> 00:01:33,398
I already called
and left a message for Cliff.
41
00:01:33,399 --> 00:01:34,905
Well, it's just one day.
42
00:01:34,906 --> 00:01:36,211
And, you know,
I could use you for,
43
00:01:36,212 --> 00:01:37,719
you know,
whatever it's called...
44
00:01:37,720 --> 00:01:39,025
Emotional support.
45
00:01:39,059 --> 00:01:40,297
I would love to be there
to support you.
46
00:01:40,298 --> 00:01:41,302
You've never been
this interesting.
47
00:01:41,336 --> 00:01:42,340
Then come!
48
00:01:42,341 --> 00:01:44,015
Danny, I can't waste
any more time.
49
00:01:44,016 --> 00:01:45,388
I was lucky
to be with Cliff.
50
00:01:45,422 --> 00:01:47,699
He didn't cheat on me.
He didn't flake and become a DJ.
51
00:01:47,700 --> 00:01:50,378
The worst thing he ever did was
suggest that we eat healthier.
52
00:01:50,379 --> 00:01:52,153
And as awful as that was,
53
00:01:52,154 --> 00:01:55,368
I didn't appreciate him
till he was gone.
54
00:01:55,369 --> 00:01:58,516
I have to go win him back.
I'm sorry.
55
00:01:58,551 --> 00:02:00,525
Fine.
Oh, and, Danny...
56
00:02:00,561 --> 00:02:02,469
I need a ride to the airport. What?
57
00:02:02,470 --> 00:02:04,210
And I don't like the way
that the seat belts
58
00:02:04,211 --> 00:02:06,085
look over my boobs, so I'm not
gonna wear my seat belt.
59
00:02:06,086 --> 00:02:07,593
I'm gonna...
60
00:02:07,594 --> 00:02:11,477
Okay, I'll give you a ride.
Thank you.
61
00:02:13,588 --> 00:02:14,960
Hey, doctor P!
62
00:02:14,995 --> 00:02:16,132
How was L.A.?
63
00:02:16,167 --> 00:02:17,472
It was horrible.
64
00:02:17,473 --> 00:02:20,051
Thanks to Mindy,
I was humiliated on national TV.
65
00:02:20,052 --> 00:02:21,491
Did you bring me back
anything?
66
00:02:21,525 --> 00:02:23,132
My husband went
to California once,
67
00:02:23,166 --> 00:02:24,839
and all he brought me back
was the clap
68
00:02:24,840 --> 00:02:26,515
and Orson Welles' oscar.
69
00:02:26,549 --> 00:02:28,021
I brought you back nothing
70
00:02:28,056 --> 00:02:29,964
because I'm getting
a little sick and tired
71
00:02:29,965 --> 00:02:31,404
of the fact that working here
72
00:02:31,405 --> 00:02:32,877
means that everybody's
got to be involved
73
00:02:32,878 --> 00:02:33,983
in everybody's business.
74
00:02:33,984 --> 00:02:35,457
Ooh! Can I have
this little football?
75
00:02:35,458 --> 00:02:37,064
I love tiny things!
76
00:02:37,099 --> 00:02:38,584
No, you may not have
my tiny football.
77
00:02:38,605 --> 00:02:40,413
Now, I have a lot of work
to get done
78
00:02:40,414 --> 00:02:42,824
before my date tonight
with a D.T.F. butterface,
79
00:02:42,825 --> 00:02:44,097
whose name I think is Megan.
80
00:02:44,132 --> 00:02:47,245
So, if you could please
just leave me alone...
81
00:02:47,280 --> 00:02:49,791
Dr.
P., I'm stuck in the bathroom.
82
00:02:49,792 --> 00:02:51,833
The handle...
It fell off.
83
00:02:51,834 --> 00:02:54,178
Could someone who's not me
please deal with that?
84
00:02:54,212 --> 00:02:55,885
Hey, thanks for driving
me to the airport, Danny.
85
00:02:55,886 --> 00:02:59,738
You got that tonic water?
Yeah.
86
00:02:59,739 --> 00:03:01,713
Thank you.
Hey, crack it open for me.
87
00:03:04,728 --> 00:03:07,876
I think you could've done it
yourself, but... thank you.
88
00:03:07,877 --> 00:03:10,387
It's so beautiful here,
you know, so arid.
89
00:03:10,388 --> 00:03:12,665
The quality of the air...
90
00:03:12,666 --> 00:03:14,339
Was that necessary?
91
00:03:14,340 --> 00:03:16,616
Did it go bad?
What's wrong with you?
92
00:03:16,617 --> 00:03:18,090
It's not tonic water.
It's seltzer.
93
00:03:18,091 --> 00:03:21,171
You couldn't swallow one sip of
a different kind of fizzy water?
94
00:03:21,172 --> 00:03:22,243
It's all over the car now.
95
00:03:22,244 --> 00:03:23,649
It's the same thing!
96
00:03:23,650 --> 00:03:25,593
It's not the same.
Tonic water's tonic water, okay?
97
00:03:25,594 --> 00:03:27,635
It's refreshing, it's crisp.
98
00:03:27,636 --> 00:03:30,582
It's the tiniest bit sweet.
99
00:03:30,583 --> 00:03:32,257
Okay.
100
00:03:32,258 --> 00:03:34,969
God, it's taking
a really long time
101
00:03:34,970 --> 00:03:36,410
to get to L.A.X.
102
00:03:36,411 --> 00:03:37,816
Are we there yet much?
103
00:03:37,817 --> 00:03:38,922
Gonna sleep.
104
00:03:41,066 --> 00:03:42,739
No, really,
I'm gonna sleep for real.
105
00:03:42,774 --> 00:03:45,017
Yeah, yeah, sleep.
It might take a bit.
106
00:03:45,018 --> 00:03:48,231
I'll wake you up
when we get there.
107
00:03:50,845 --> 00:03:52,150
All right, face,
108
00:03:52,151 --> 00:03:54,327
hope you got
your life vest on,
109
00:03:54,328 --> 00:03:57,208
'cause you are about
to go motorboating.
110
00:03:59,419 --> 00:04:00,858
Oh, no.
111
00:04:00,859 --> 00:04:03,236
Dr. P?
112
00:04:03,237 --> 00:04:04,877
Do you have
any baby wipes?
113
00:04:04,878 --> 00:04:07,221
Oh, no!
114
00:04:07,222 --> 00:04:08,360
What are you doing?
115
00:04:08,361 --> 00:04:09,800
I'm trying to get
out of here.
116
00:04:09,801 --> 00:04:13,316
Dr. P, it only opens
from the outside.
117
00:04:16,901 --> 00:04:18,641
Wait. Where are we?
118
00:04:18,642 --> 00:04:21,187
Danny? Danny, why are we not
at the airport?
119
00:04:21,188 --> 00:04:22,660
We're not going
to the airport.
120
00:04:22,661 --> 00:04:24,000
We're at my dad's house.
121
00:04:24,001 --> 00:04:26,345
Did you kidnap me?
This is an Amber alert!
122
00:04:26,346 --> 00:04:27,818
Okay, come on, that's for cute
little blonde girls.
123
00:04:27,819 --> 00:04:29,191
It's not for you.
124
00:04:29,192 --> 00:04:32,172
You cannot just kidnap people
because you need moral support.
125
00:04:32,173 --> 00:04:33,344
I don't need moral support.
126
00:04:33,345 --> 00:04:34,784
I need you to reset my hand,
127
00:04:34,785 --> 00:04:37,698
because I'm gonna break it
when I punch my dad in the face.
128
00:04:37,699 --> 00:04:40,477
Stay in the car.
What? Danny!
129
00:04:40,478 --> 00:04:42,588
Danny, no!
130
00:04:42,589 --> 00:04:44,731
Danny, stop!
Stay in the car!
131
00:04:44,732 --> 00:04:45,970
No. Danny, stop it!
132
00:04:45,971 --> 00:04:47,276
I said stay in the car.
133
00:04:47,277 --> 00:04:49,587
You stay in the car!
You're not doing this, Danny.
134
00:04:49,588 --> 00:04:50,626
Danny, stop!
135
00:04:50,627 --> 00:04:51,999
What are you doing?
Stop it.
136
00:04:52,000 --> 00:04:53,104
Get back in the car.
137
00:04:53,105 --> 00:04:54,342
I'm not gonna get back
in the car.
138
00:04:54,343 --> 00:04:56,587
Danny!
139
00:04:56,588 --> 00:04:58,194
Who are you?
140
00:04:58,195 --> 00:05:01,007
I'm Danny Castellano.
141
00:05:01,008 --> 00:05:02,883
I'm Danny Castellano.
142
00:05:02,884 --> 00:05:04,858
I think you're my brother.
143
00:05:08,990 --> 00:05:11,065
Dad, come here.
144
00:05:11,066 --> 00:05:13,242
What's that?
145
00:05:15,621 --> 00:05:17,194
Danny.
146
00:05:20,109 --> 00:05:22,519
Hey, Danny.
147
00:05:27,175 --> 00:05:29,251
That's the first step.
148
00:05:29,252 --> 00:05:32,399
Will you come in and stay
for some potato-chip pie?
149
00:05:32,433 --> 00:05:34,342
Yeah. I think will.
No. No, we're good.
150
00:05:34,343 --> 00:05:36,351
Potato-chip pie sounds like it
combines all my favorite things.
151
00:05:36,352 --> 00:05:37,423
We're gonna stay.
Come on in.
152
00:05:37,424 --> 00:05:38,494
No, we're gonna...
We're going.
153
00:05:38,495 --> 00:05:39,633
We got to hit the road.
154
00:05:39,634 --> 00:05:40,872
We drove out here.
Now we're gonna do...
155
00:05:40,873 --> 00:05:41,944
You wanted this,
and it's happening now.
156
00:05:41,979 --> 00:05:44,522
Dr. P,
every time I ask Tamra out,
157
00:05:44,557 --> 00:05:45,929
she says no.
Uh-uh.
158
00:05:45,964 --> 00:05:47,470
Do you think
she has a crush on me?
159
00:05:47,504 --> 00:05:50,049
Um, let me think about it.
I don't care.
160
00:05:50,050 --> 00:05:51,477
Hey.
161
00:05:51,490 --> 00:05:52,728
I only hope that my nose
will adapt
162
00:05:52,729 --> 00:05:53,864
to the stench
that you've made.
163
00:05:53,868 --> 00:05:55,441
Do you know every time
you bring it up,
164
00:05:55,442 --> 00:05:56,967
it hurts my feelings
a little bit more?
165
00:05:56,982 --> 00:05:58,154
What am I supposed to do,
ignore it?
166
00:05:58,155 --> 00:05:59,861
I can see the smell.
I just peed.
167
00:05:59,862 --> 00:06:01,837
Then you need
serious medical attention.
168
00:06:01,872 --> 00:06:03,411
If I had health insurance...
169
00:06:03,412 --> 00:06:05,823
Hey, Inez,
you can head home for the day.
170
00:06:05,824 --> 00:06:07,196
Is that Cliff?
171
00:06:07,230 --> 00:06:09,272
I'm just gonna finish up
some paperwork here.
172
00:06:09,273 --> 00:06:10,645
Okay, good night,
Mr. Gilbert.
173
00:06:13,828 --> 00:06:17,645
♪ I hear
the clock, it's 6:00 A.M. ♪
174
00:06:17,679 --> 00:06:18,951
It's coming
through the vents.
175
00:06:18,952 --> 00:06:21,664
He can hear us.
He can get us out of here! Cli...
176
00:06:21,665 --> 00:06:23,104
♪ Anymore, 'cause...
177
00:06:23,105 --> 00:06:26,922
♪ Dreams last
for so long ♪
178
00:06:26,956 --> 00:06:31,042
♪ Even after you're gone
179
00:06:32,148 --> 00:06:34,457
Is he crying?
180
00:06:34,458 --> 00:06:35,965
Oh, my God.
181
00:06:35,966 --> 00:06:37,471
We can't let him know
we're in here now.
182
00:06:37,472 --> 00:06:38,979
He'll know
that we heard him.
183
00:06:38,980 --> 00:06:40,921
It's not that big of a deal.
It's not tharrassing.
184
00:06:40,922 --> 00:06:44,672
It was pretty...
Why? Why?
185
00:06:44,673 --> 00:06:46,078
Now we should let him
save face.
186
00:06:46,079 --> 00:06:48,188
Oh, my God.
187
00:06:48,223 --> 00:06:49,360
Great news.
188
00:06:49,396 --> 00:06:51,136
I just got off the phone
with the airline,
189
00:06:51,137 --> 00:06:52,810
and in nine short hours,
190
00:06:52,811 --> 00:06:54,939
I will have forced my way
into Cliff's unwilling arms.
191
00:06:54,954 --> 00:06:56,963
See?
Was that so hard?
192
00:06:56,998 --> 00:06:58,604
It was,
and it was very expensive.
193
00:06:58,605 --> 00:06:59,776
And I was on the phone
for so long
194
00:06:59,777 --> 00:07:01,049
that the phone started smelling
like my breath,
195
00:07:01,050 --> 00:07:02,724
which you know I hate.
196
00:07:02,725 --> 00:07:04,733
You'll be fine, 'cause you're
getting home to Cliff, right?
197
00:07:04,734 --> 00:07:05,905
So you want that.
198
00:07:05,940 --> 00:07:07,345
Some more pie?
Mindy, thirds?
199
00:07:07,380 --> 00:07:08,986
Oh, God, yes, please.
It's so good.
200
00:07:08,987 --> 00:07:10,292
No, she's good.
It's delic...
201
00:07:10,293 --> 00:07:12,000
No, you're good.
You're all good.
202
00:07:12,001 --> 00:07:13,508
So you cook now, huh?
203
00:07:13,509 --> 00:07:15,015
Mm-hmm.
That's great.
204
00:07:15,016 --> 00:07:16,656
I remember
when I was a kid.
205
00:07:16,657 --> 00:07:18,431
All our home-cooked meals
came from the inside
206
00:07:18,432 --> 00:07:19,637
of a fast-food bag.
207
00:07:19,671 --> 00:07:21,311
What's fast food?
208
00:07:21,345 --> 00:07:22,818
Fast food's what you eat
on the living-room floor
209
00:07:22,819 --> 00:07:24,258
while your dad watches TV
210
00:07:24,293 --> 00:07:26,066
and comments
on Sandy Duncan's chest.
211
00:07:26,067 --> 00:07:27,406
Danny!
212
00:07:27,407 --> 00:07:30,018
Actually, the wife and I
don't allow TV in the home.
213
00:07:30,053 --> 00:07:31,425
Where is she now?
214
00:07:31,426 --> 00:07:33,669
She's, uh,
working double shifts
215
00:07:33,670 --> 00:07:36,081
because you're between jobs
right now?
216
00:07:36,115 --> 00:07:37,990
Actually,
Tara travels for her work.
217
00:07:37,991 --> 00:07:41,070
She sells these
oversized turkey legs
218
00:07:41,105 --> 00:07:42,611
at renaissance faires,
219
00:07:42,646 --> 00:07:45,559
and I have a barbershop
over at the military post...
220
00:07:45,560 --> 00:07:47,769
"The United States
of haircuts,"
221
00:07:47,770 --> 00:07:50,883
a little wordplay.
222
00:07:50,918 --> 00:07:52,156
So I have
a soccer game tomorrow.
223
00:07:52,157 --> 00:07:53,227
Can you come?
224
00:07:53,228 --> 00:07:55,136
Danny, you should go.
225
00:07:55,137 --> 00:07:57,950
You know, I can... I can drive
myself to the airport.
226
00:07:57,951 --> 00:07:59,959
Uh... sure.
227
00:07:59,960 --> 00:08:03,007
Soccer game?
Yeah, I'll go.
228
00:08:03,008 --> 00:08:04,514
Okay. Dessert?
229
00:08:04,515 --> 00:08:06,959
Love dessert.
230
00:08:06,960 --> 00:08:08,700
Bye! Bye!
231
00:08:08,701 --> 00:08:10,978
Thank you for having me.
Danny. Danny.
232
00:08:10,979 --> 00:08:12,519
They are so cute.
233
00:08:12,520 --> 00:08:13,992
They could have
their own reality show.
234
00:08:13,993 --> 00:08:15,700
The real house-child
of desert...
235
00:08:15,701 --> 00:08:16,972
You know,
I'm not good with names.
236
00:08:16,973 --> 00:08:18,312
That's someone else's...
237
00:08:18,313 --> 00:08:20,355
Yeah, ye, they're cute.
They're really, uh...
238
00:08:20,356 --> 00:08:22,431
Really cute.
239
00:08:22,432 --> 00:08:23,872
Hey, maybe cool it
with the beers, okay?
240
00:08:23,873 --> 00:08:25,513
You already had,
like, three inside.
241
00:08:25,547 --> 00:08:27,254
'Cause, you know,
you're gonna get the hiccups,
242
00:08:27,288 --> 00:08:28,426
and I'm not gonna be there
to scare you.
243
00:08:28,461 --> 00:08:30,336
I'm good.
Don't worry about me.
244
00:08:30,370 --> 00:08:31,641
Okay.
245
00:08:31,642 --> 00:08:33,919
Well, wish me good luck
with Cliff.
246
00:08:33,953 --> 00:08:37,905
I'm gonna take a walk,
and, uh...
247
00:08:37,906 --> 00:08:40,282
Yeah.
248
00:08:40,317 --> 00:08:42,124
Be careful driving.
249
00:08:42,158 --> 00:08:43,933
You're not very good.
250
00:08:43,967 --> 00:08:46,511
Are you sure
you should be head...
251
00:08:46,513 --> 00:08:48,018
Okay.
252
00:08:48,053 --> 00:08:50,966
♪ I know you love me
253
00:08:51,000 --> 00:08:55,353
♪ A soon you will see
254
00:09:00,210 --> 00:09:03,223
It's been the same song
for two hours.
255
00:09:03,224 --> 00:09:04,529
I'm starting to lose it.
256
00:09:04,563 --> 00:09:08,280
Why is this guy so sad?
What, did his grandma die?
257
00:09:08,281 --> 00:09:10,390
Grandma's dying.
258
00:09:10,391 --> 00:09:11,730
No, my friend.
259
00:09:11,764 --> 00:09:13,873
I'd know that cry anywhere.
260
00:09:13,874 --> 00:09:16,285
That is the sound of a man
who's had his heart broken.
261
00:09:16,319 --> 00:09:17,390
How do you know?
262
00:09:19,165 --> 00:09:20,973
When Becca left me,
I was a mess.
263
00:09:21,008 --> 00:09:24,523
But Mindy and Cliff are dating.
There's no reason she...
264
00:09:24,524 --> 00:09:25,561
What?
265
00:09:25,596 --> 00:09:27,873
Did Mindy dump Cliff?
266
00:09:27,874 --> 00:09:29,514
Does she think
she can do better?
267
00:09:29,515 --> 00:09:30,953
'Cause she can't.
No!
268
00:09:30,954 --> 00:09:32,226
No guy wants a chick
that's successful.
269
00:09:32,227 --> 00:09:33,499
Yeah, I heard that.
270
00:09:33,500 --> 00:09:35,107
Of course you did.
A-roo!
271
00:09:36,481 --> 00:09:40,097
This is our fault.
We set them up.
272
00:09:40,098 --> 00:09:42,541
I already wrote a toast
for their wedding.
273
00:09:42,542 --> 00:09:45,555
"The dictionary defines wedding
as a gathering..."
274
00:09:45,556 --> 00:09:47,967
Hold on.
275
00:09:47,968 --> 00:09:50,210
He stopped.
276
00:09:52,757 --> 00:09:54,866
It stopped.
Yes.
277
00:09:54,867 --> 00:09:57,043
♪ Dreams last for so long
278
00:09:57,077 --> 00:09:58,248
I'm losing it!
Shh.
279
00:09:58,249 --> 00:09:59,990
We're gonna die!
No, no. Shut up!
280
00:10:00,025 --> 00:10:01,095
Shut up!
281
00:10:01,096 --> 00:10:02,167
Shut up!
282
00:10:02,202 --> 00:10:03,372
Oh, my God,
thank God you're here!
283
00:10:03,373 --> 00:10:05,750
I knew this was
a gay pickup spot.
284
00:10:05,751 --> 00:10:06,855
No, it's not, Doris.
285
00:10:06,890 --> 00:10:08,229
Come on, let's get
the hell out of here
286
00:10:08,230 --> 00:10:09,523
before he makes a big mistake.
287
00:10:09,536 --> 00:10:11,377
I feel bad.
Should we say something?
288
00:10:11,378 --> 00:10:13,018
I got a date
I got to try and salvage.
289
00:10:13,019 --> 00:10:15,128
I mean, we all have things,
you know what I mean?
290
00:10:15,129 --> 00:10:17,974
I got a carton of kittens at
home that think I'm their mom.
291
00:10:17,975 --> 00:10:20,419
I'm their dad.
292
00:10:20,420 --> 00:10:22,529
Hey, Cliff.
What's... what's up, man?
293
00:10:22,530 --> 00:10:24,739
Hey... brah.
294
00:10:24,740 --> 00:10:28,236
Guys.
295
00:10:28,257 --> 00:10:30,434
You've reached Cliff
Gilbert. Please leave a message.
296
00:10:31,707 --> 00:10:33,313
Look, babe, I will do anything
to win you back...
297
00:10:33,348 --> 00:10:35,312
Like, anything.
I will vacuum.
298
00:10:35,324 --> 00:10:36,944
Oh! Hey, babe!
299
00:10:36,965 --> 00:10:38,471
I was just leaving you
a message.
300
00:10:38,472 --> 00:10:40,045
Look, I was telling you
that I would vacuum,
301
00:10:40,046 --> 00:10:41,385
and I don't know
that I would do that.
302
00:10:41,386 --> 00:10:43,265
What?
What?
303
00:10:43,294 --> 00:10:44,399
Danny?
304
00:10:44,400 --> 00:10:46,643
Yes.
Who'd you think it was?
305
00:10:46,644 --> 00:10:47,828
Cliff, obviously.
306
00:10:47,849 --> 00:10:49,857
Oh, give me a break
with Cliff!
307
00:10:49,858 --> 00:10:52,392
I'm lost in the desert
right now, and I'm drunk.
308
00:10:52,404 --> 00:10:53,743
What?
What do you want?
309
00:10:53,744 --> 00:10:54,869
I need you to come out here.
310
00:10:54,882 --> 00:10:56,076
Yeah, well, call your dad.
311
00:10:56,088 --> 00:10:57,829
I'm not calling
that son of a bitch.
312
00:10:57,830 --> 00:11:00,052
I'd rather... rather die
here in the desert.
313
00:11:00,073 --> 00:11:01,412
I think
you're being dramatic.
314
00:11:01,413 --> 00:11:04,560
I am not being dramatic!
315
00:11:04,561 --> 00:11:05,732
What are you doing?
316
00:11:05,733 --> 00:11:07,005
Nothing!
I'm fine!
317
00:11:07,006 --> 00:11:08,411
You know what?
Go, go, go.
318
00:11:08,412 --> 00:11:10,254
I'll figure it out on my own.
Good-bye.
319
00:11:13,102 --> 00:11:14,607
Damn it.
320
00:11:14,608 --> 00:11:16,651
You've got to be kidding me.
321
00:11:16,652 --> 00:11:20,100
Stupid... stupid Danny.
322
00:11:22,781 --> 00:11:25,627
So, Cliff, do you got any plans
for tonight?
323
00:11:25,628 --> 00:11:27,837
Oh, you know,
probably just...
324
00:11:27,838 --> 00:11:29,814
Get in my PJs and...
325
00:11:29,815 --> 00:11:32,124
♪ Hop into bed
326
00:11:32,125 --> 00:11:37,047
♪ Dreams last
so long ♪
327
00:11:37,048 --> 00:11:39,525
Hey, Cliff,
you okay, buddy?
328
00:11:39,526 --> 00:11:42,004
Yeah.
329
00:11:42,005 --> 00:11:44,851
♪ Hearts are broken
every day ♪
330
00:11:44,852 --> 00:11:46,793
Hey, you're singing
a lot of jewel, man.
331
00:11:46,828 --> 00:11:48,803
Mindy and I broke up,
and, uh...
332
00:11:48,837 --> 00:11:52,253
I'm taking it pretty hard.
333
00:11:52,254 --> 00:11:54,697
Maybe you need
a guys' night out.
334
00:11:54,732 --> 00:11:56,004
You guys want
to take me out?
335
00:11:56,038 --> 00:11:57,309
I don't know.
Oh, yeah.
336
00:11:57,310 --> 00:11:58,750
I got a sex date
with a two,
337
00:11:58,751 --> 00:12:00,391
which means
she's a Chicago four,
338
00:12:00,392 --> 00:12:01,998
which means
she's a Wisconsin nine.
339
00:12:01,999 --> 00:12:03,505
I think
you can move that around...
340
00:12:03,539 --> 00:12:04,912
A little bit.
341
00:12:04,947 --> 00:12:07,658
All right! Why not? Yeah!
342
00:12:07,659 --> 00:12:09,634
I can have meaningless sex
any night of the week,
343
00:12:09,668 --> 00:12:11,175
but I can't ignore the call
344
00:12:11,209 --> 00:12:12,749
of a dude
with a broken heart.
345
00:12:12,750 --> 00:12:14,625
Let's make this a night
not to remember, huh?
346
00:12:14,659 --> 00:12:15,763
Three, two, one...
347
00:12:15,797 --> 00:12:17,437
Best friends club!
348
00:12:17,472 --> 00:12:18,777
I'll get it
by the end of the night.
349
00:12:18,811 --> 00:12:21,021
This is gonna be bad.
Yeah, I know.
350
00:12:22,261 --> 00:12:24,069
Danny.
351
00:12:24,070 --> 00:12:25,642
Danny!
352
00:12:25,677 --> 00:12:27,585
If you're here,
please say something, Danny.
353
00:12:27,586 --> 00:12:28,958
Mindy!
Oh, my God!
354
00:12:28,993 --> 00:12:30,164
What took you so long?
355
00:12:30,198 --> 00:12:31,537
What took me so long?
356
00:12:31,571 --> 00:12:33,011
Yeah.
Oh, I don't know.
357
00:12:33,012 --> 00:12:35,254
Maybe it was the two-hour drive
back from the airport
358
00:12:35,255 --> 00:12:36,929
or the mile that I walked
through the desert.
359
00:12:36,963 --> 00:12:38,335
Okay, it's very confusing
out here.
360
00:12:38,336 --> 00:12:40,010
I was trying to follow
the big dipper,
361
00:12:40,045 --> 00:12:41,149
but I don't know
what it means.
362
00:12:41,150 --> 00:12:43,727
Danny, you made me miss
another flight, okay?
363
00:12:43,728 --> 00:12:45,201
I already pre-ordered
my snack.
364
00:12:45,202 --> 00:12:47,144
It was a fiesta salad wrap...
My favorite!
365
00:12:47,178 --> 00:12:48,583
Okay, relax.
366
00:12:48,584 --> 00:12:51,431
I think coming to save me is
a little more important than...
367
00:12:51,465 --> 00:12:52,569
Than what?
368
00:12:52,603 --> 00:12:54,143
Forget it.
369
00:12:54,178 --> 00:12:55,182
No. What?
370
00:12:55,216 --> 00:12:57,425
Than to run home to a guy
371
00:12:57,426 --> 00:13:00,473
that clearly doesn't want to be
with you anymore.
372
00:13:00,474 --> 00:13:01,745
Excuse me?
373
00:13:01,780 --> 00:13:03,453
You want a tip?
374
00:13:03,489 --> 00:13:05,999
Guys don't break up with girls
they secretly want to be with.
375
00:13:06,000 --> 00:13:07,204
That doesn't happen...
376
00:13:07,205 --> 00:13:09,314
Maybe in the movies,
but not in real life, okay?
377
00:13:09,349 --> 00:13:11,994
He dumped you.
It's over. Forget about it.
378
00:13:12,028 --> 00:13:13,869
Sorry, sweetheart.
379
00:13:13,904 --> 00:13:15,645
You know what, Danny?
380
00:13:15,646 --> 00:13:18,223
Yeah, what?
When I first met you...
381
00:13:18,257 --> 00:13:21,907
I thought, "wow. That guy is
so handsome and smart.
382
00:13:21,908 --> 00:13:23,314
"How could he be single?
383
00:13:23,348 --> 00:13:25,222
He's such a catch."
384
00:13:25,257 --> 00:13:27,969
Then I got
to know you better.
385
00:13:27,970 --> 00:13:31,518
And I realized...
You're mean.
386
00:13:31,519 --> 00:13:34,801
Yeah, you're mean,
and you are selfish.
387
00:13:34,836 --> 00:13:37,614
And you're
just like your dad.
388
00:13:37,615 --> 00:13:39,623
No, you know what?
You're worse than your dad,
389
00:13:39,624 --> 00:13:43,006
'cause your dad changed.
390
00:13:43,007 --> 00:13:45,686
You know what? It's cold.
Let's just get out of here.
391
00:13:45,687 --> 00:13:46,891
Fine. Let's go.
392
00:13:46,925 --> 00:13:48,365
No, don't walk with me.
393
00:13:48,366 --> 00:13:49,939
You walk 20 feet behind me.
Wha...
394
00:13:49,940 --> 00:13:51,747
And every so often, whistle that
song from the hunger games
395
00:13:51,748 --> 00:13:53,053
so I know you're not dead.
396
00:13:54,695 --> 00:13:56,368
Mm.
397
00:13:56,369 --> 00:13:57,743
Hey!
398
00:13:57,777 --> 00:14:00,321
What is Mindy thinking?
What a moron for dumping you.
399
00:14:00,355 --> 00:14:01,995
Oh, no, Mindy
didn't dump me.
400
00:14:02,029 --> 00:14:03,771
No, I ended it
with Mindy.
401
00:14:04,943 --> 00:14:06,315
You dumped her?
I don't understand.
402
00:14:06,316 --> 00:14:08,158
What, are you crazy?
Why?
403
00:14:08,192 --> 00:14:10,301
Well, I couldn't trust her.
404
00:14:10,302 --> 00:14:14,220
I mean, she went to a party in
Los Angeles with her ex-fiance.
405
00:14:14,254 --> 00:14:17,602
I was at that party, dillweed.
Nothing happened.
406
00:14:17,603 --> 00:14:18,740
She's obsessed with you.
407
00:14:18,775 --> 00:14:19,980
You're all she talks about.
408
00:14:20,014 --> 00:14:21,822
I know what size jeans
you wear.
409
00:14:21,857 --> 00:14:23,430
And I know that
your mom's name is Ellen,
410
00:14:23,431 --> 00:14:24,668
but her friends
call her "cookie."
411
00:14:24,703 --> 00:14:25,875
W-w-wait.
412
00:14:25,876 --> 00:14:27,113
D-d-do you guys think
I made a mistake?
413
00:14:27,147 --> 00:14:29,659
W-w-w-w-wait.
Hol... hold on a second, guys.
414
00:14:29,660 --> 00:14:32,305
Oh, "do you think I made a..."
Yes, I think you made a mistake!
415
00:14:32,339 --> 00:14:34,013
Aghh!
Waiter!
416
00:14:34,014 --> 00:14:36,927
I'd like another order of,
"yes, this guy made a mistake."
417
00:14:36,961 --> 00:14:38,466
I'm out of here, Morgan.
Unbelievable.
418
00:14:38,467 --> 00:14:40,007
Ere you going?
I can't believe it.
419
00:14:40,008 --> 00:14:42,653
I bought you drinks
on my credit card, man.
420
00:14:42,654 --> 00:14:44,126
You think I can afford
seven mojitos
421
00:14:44,127 --> 00:14:46,371
for a guy who did not
just get dumped?
422
00:14:52,032 --> 00:14:53,303
Oh, my God.
423
00:14:53,338 --> 00:14:54,910
That sounds nothing like rue.
424
00:14:54,911 --> 00:14:56,551
Have you even seen
hunger games?
425
00:14:59,132 --> 00:15:00,738
Oh, look...
426
00:15:00,773 --> 00:15:02,379
Civilization.
427
00:15:02,414 --> 00:15:03,752
What the hell?
428
00:15:03,787 --> 00:15:05,260
This town's not on the map.
429
00:15:05,294 --> 00:15:07,059
Oh, God!
430
00:15:07,305 --> 00:15:09,661
Identifications, please.
431
00:15:09,695 --> 00:15:11,369
Okay, I know that my I.D.
says that I am 5'10"
432
00:15:11,370 --> 00:15:12,407
with blonde hair,
433
00:15:12,441 --> 00:15:14,149
110 pounds
with crystal blue eyes.
434
00:15:14,150 --> 00:15:17,666
My philosophy is that an I.D.
Should be aspirational.
435
00:15:17,700 --> 00:15:19,876
That's very nice,
miss Silverado.
436
00:15:19,910 --> 00:15:23,292
Oh. Well, thank you
for your service to our country.
437
00:15:23,327 --> 00:15:24,732
Silverado?
438
00:15:24,766 --> 00:15:25,937
Castellano?
439
00:15:25,938 --> 00:15:28,349
Are you related
to Alan Castellano?
440
00:15:28,350 --> 00:15:30,559
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Unfortunately I am.
441
00:15:30,594 --> 00:15:33,211
Oh, man, Alan cuts
all the boys' hair on the base.
442
00:15:33,239 --> 00:15:35,181
That's great.
Why don't you just give him a call?
443
00:15:35,216 --> 00:15:36,755
Have him come pick you up.
444
00:15:38,832 --> 00:15:40,104
This is very hard for him
445
00:15:40,105 --> 00:15:41,511
because he has a very
complicated relationship
446
00:15:41,512 --> 00:15:42,516
with his father.
447
00:15:42,517 --> 00:15:43,855
Oh.
448
00:15:43,856 --> 00:15:45,362
He was abandoned as a child,
and so now he feels...
449
00:15:45,363 --> 00:15:48,242
Okay, okay.
I'm gonna do it.
450
00:15:48,243 --> 00:15:49,983
It's pretty messed up.
451
00:15:51,357 --> 00:15:54,606
I can't imagine that phone call
was easy for you to make.
452
00:15:54,607 --> 00:15:57,284
Yeah, thanks
for showing up.
453
00:15:57,285 --> 00:16:00,131
I guess there's a first time
for everything, right?
454
00:16:00,132 --> 00:16:01,806
Come on, Danny.
455
00:16:01,840 --> 00:16:03,748
Yeah. What do you want to hear?
What do you want?
456
00:16:03,749 --> 00:16:05,993
You want to hear it was hard?
Yeah, it was hard.
457
00:16:05,994 --> 00:16:07,432
The whole thing's been hard.
458
00:16:07,433 --> 00:16:08,973
But, you know,
I wanted to show up here,
459
00:16:08,974 --> 00:16:10,428
I wanted to show up,
and I wanted to...
460
00:16:10,447 --> 00:16:13,762
I wanted to
knock you out, man...
461
00:16:13,797 --> 00:16:17,681
And be done with you, but...
462
00:16:19,356 --> 00:16:22,336
It turns out
you're a good dad now.
463
00:16:22,370 --> 00:16:24,144
When did that happen?
464
00:16:24,179 --> 00:16:26,824
Danny, I'm really sorry.
465
00:16:26,858 --> 00:16:28,531
Oh, you're sorry.
Now... you're sorry now?
466
00:16:28,566 --> 00:16:30,575
I wasn't around.
467
00:16:30,576 --> 00:16:33,689
I never came to any one
of your dance concerts.
468
00:16:33,723 --> 00:16:35,699
No, no, no.
You mean my little league, okay?
469
00:16:35,700 --> 00:16:36,904
My little league.
470
00:16:36,938 --> 00:16:38,545
No. You remember.
471
00:16:38,546 --> 00:16:40,823
You used to practice
those pirouettes in the kitchen
472
00:16:40,824 --> 00:16:42,531
because the linoleum
made it easier to spin.
473
00:16:42,532 --> 00:16:44,005
Shh, shh.
474
00:16:44,006 --> 00:16:45,611
I don't want the whole base
to know I was a primo ballerino.
475
00:16:45,647 --> 00:16:47,755
You were so graceful.
476
00:16:47,790 --> 00:16:49,028
I was?
477
00:16:49,062 --> 00:16:52,243
Danny, I can't ce
the past, okay?
478
00:16:52,244 --> 00:16:53,516
But you?
479
00:16:53,517 --> 00:16:55,391
You can be a part
of little Danny's future.
480
00:16:55,426 --> 00:16:56,898
I don't know about that.
481
00:16:56,932 --> 00:16:58,941
Danny, I want you
to be part of the family.
482
00:17:01,487 --> 00:17:02,894
Please.
483
00:17:02,895 --> 00:17:04,199
Um, I have a question.
484
00:17:04,233 --> 00:17:07,013
How close do you think you are
to finding Bin Laden?
485
00:17:07,014 --> 00:17:08,419
What?
486
00:17:08,420 --> 00:17:10,093
Well, I'm asking because I feel
like I see him every day
487
00:17:10,094 --> 00:17:11,634
in Manhattan.
488
00:17:11,635 --> 00:17:13,643
D-don't you...
No.
489
00:17:13,644 --> 00:17:15,452
I'm not seeing him.
We're gonna get out of here.
490
00:17:15,453 --> 00:17:17,193
I want to thank you.
Sure.
491
00:17:17,194 --> 00:17:18,466
It's just... why...
492
00:17:18,467 --> 00:17:20,591
Thank you, sir.
Salute him, salute him.
493
00:17:20,611 --> 00:17:22,820
God, this knot is insane.
494
00:17:22,821 --> 00:17:24,234
So what's
your boyfriend like?
495
00:17:24,262 --> 00:17:26,672
Is he cute like Liam
from one direction?
496
00:17:26,706 --> 00:17:28,280
Liam from one direction?
497
00:17:28,281 --> 00:17:30,021
Uh, more like Harry
from one direction.
498
00:17:30,055 --> 00:17:32,733
Here, check him out.
499
00:17:32,734 --> 00:17:33,778
Pretty bangin', huh?
500
00:17:33,806 --> 00:17:35,160
He doesn't look like Harry.
501
00:17:35,179 --> 00:17:37,020
Obviously.
It's Harry styles.
502
00:17:37,021 --> 00:17:39,097
No one looks like...
But he's...
503
00:17:39,098 --> 00:17:41,073
He's mad at me, though.
Why?
504
00:17:41,074 --> 00:17:42,680
Did you bring home
a little snake
505
00:17:42,681 --> 00:17:43,953
and hide it in your room?
506
00:17:43,988 --> 00:17:46,666
No, I was the snake.
507
00:17:46,667 --> 00:17:48,240
And now I have
to go apologize to him,
508
00:17:48,241 --> 00:17:49,780
but I don't know
what to say to him.
509
00:17:49,814 --> 00:17:51,489
I had to apologize
to my neighbor
510
00:17:51,490 --> 00:17:52,995
when the snake bit her.
511
00:17:52,996 --> 00:17:54,208
I wrote her a nice letter.
512
00:17:54,236 --> 00:17:57,349
Write Cliff a letter.
513
00:17:57,350 --> 00:17:59,660
Little Danny,
that is a good idea.
514
00:17:59,694 --> 00:18:01,067
Of course,
515
00:18:01,068 --> 00:18:02,741
because it came from the mouth
of a wee babe.
516
00:18:02,742 --> 00:18:04,583
Thank you.
517
00:18:04,584 --> 00:18:06,626
You know what? Can you go
sneak me one of the popsicles?
518
00:18:06,627 --> 00:18:07,629
The moms are onto me.
519
00:18:07,631 --> 00:18:09,406
What's your favorite flavor?
Red.
520
00:18:09,407 --> 00:18:10,913
Red. Got it.
521
00:18:10,948 --> 00:18:13,693
Get a blue and a green
just in case.
522
00:18:18,650 --> 00:18:20,163
Danny? Danny.
523
00:18:20,191 --> 00:18:23,104
I'm not gonna get up again
so you can walk the aisles.
524
00:18:23,105 --> 00:18:24,577
You're not gonna
get thrombosis.
525
00:18:24,578 --> 00:18:26,084
I don't care what
the today show says.
526
00:18:26,085 --> 00:18:27,238
I don't care.
No, it's not that.
527
00:18:27,257 --> 00:18:30,002
I want to apologize.
528
00:18:30,037 --> 00:18:33,319
It took a lot for you
to make peace with your dad.
529
00:18:33,353 --> 00:18:36,165
I mean, you did it in
a completely melodramatic way.
530
00:18:36,166 --> 00:18:37,940
I could've done without
wandering around the desert.
531
00:18:37,941 --> 00:18:39,447
I sat on an armadillo,
killed it.
532
00:18:39,448 --> 00:18:41,222
That was not good
for my self-esteem.
533
00:18:41,223 --> 00:18:42,394
But...
534
00:18:42,428 --> 00:18:45,576
You're not mean.
You're great.
535
00:18:45,610 --> 00:18:47,920
Hey.
536
00:18:49,227 --> 00:18:51,604
And I'm sorry about
what I said about Cliff.
537
00:18:51,638 --> 00:18:52,977
You weren't lucky
to be with him.
538
00:18:52,978 --> 00:18:54,384
He was lucky
to be with you.
539
00:18:55,892 --> 00:18:57,432
How's that letter going?
540
00:18:57,466 --> 00:18:58,705
Can I read you
the first part?
541
00:18:58,706 --> 00:18:59,810
Sure.
542
00:18:59,844 --> 00:19:01,116
"Dear Cliff,
543
00:19:01,117 --> 00:19:03,460
"I'm so sorry
for what I did.
544
00:19:03,461 --> 00:19:05,738
It's just that Casey and I
had a sexual chemistry..."
545
00:19:05,739 --> 00:19:07,512
No, no.
That... that's not good.
546
00:19:07,546 --> 00:19:09,053
Okay, can I help you?
Okay.
547
00:19:09,054 --> 00:19:10,158
Okay.
548
00:19:11,532 --> 00:19:12,669
How about something
like this?
549
00:19:12,670 --> 00:19:14,679
"Dear Cliff,
please forgive me.
550
00:19:14,714 --> 00:19:17,961
I'm sorry I was so stupid
and reckless with your heart."
551
00:19:17,962 --> 00:19:19,301
Oh, my God.
552
00:19:19,302 --> 00:19:20,975
Okay, keep it coming,
little Shakespeare. Okay.
553
00:19:20,976 --> 00:19:22,382
"You know you're right
for someone
554
00:19:22,383 --> 00:19:26,635
"when they force you to be
the best version of yourself.
555
00:19:26,636 --> 00:19:28,860
That's how I know we're right
for each other, Cliff."
556
00:19:28,880 --> 00:19:31,391
This is amazing.
557
00:19:31,392 --> 00:19:33,870
All right,
here goes nothing.
558
00:19:33,871 --> 00:19:34,889
And...
559
00:19:46,965 --> 00:19:49,643
"Dear Cliff,
please forgive me.
560
00:19:49,644 --> 00:19:50,950
"I'm so sorry.
561
00:19:50,951 --> 00:19:52,960
I was stupid and reckless
with your heart."
562
00:20:01,692 --> 00:20:04,470
Oh, God.
Um...
563
00:20:04,471 --> 00:20:05,776
Hello?
564
00:20:05,777 --> 00:20:07,552
Morgan? I thought about it.
565
00:20:07,586 --> 00:20:09,058
I need to get Mindy back.
566
00:20:09,093 --> 00:20:10,834
Yeah, you do!
567
00:20:10,835 --> 00:20:12,307
Who am I speaking to?
568
00:20:12,341 --> 00:20:13,580
It's Cliff.
569
00:20:13,581 --> 00:20:15,287
You tap that, Cliff.
570
00:20:15,322 --> 00:20:20,077
You tap that
into the sunset.
571
00:20:20,078 --> 00:20:21,416
I wi...
572
00:20:21,417 --> 00:20:25,335
Hello?
573
00:20:25,370 --> 00:20:29,220
Hey, I really appreciate this.
Thank you so much.
574
00:20:29,254 --> 00:20:31,363
And as payment,
one tonic water.
575
00:20:34,680 --> 00:20:36,689
Thanks.
I will be right back.
576
00:20:36,723 --> 00:20:39,636
All right.
577
00:21:00,668 --> 00:21:03,849
Oh, brother.
578
00:21:06,328 --> 00:21:07,735
Hey.
579
00:21:07,736 --> 00:21:09,476
Hey, Danny, all these waters
look the same.
580
00:21:09,477 --> 00:21:11,251
I-I just don't...
581
00:21:37,743 --> 00:21:40,823
When I first met you, I thought
you were a screechy head case.
582
00:21:40,824 --> 00:21:42,264
Come on, Danny.
Yeah.
583
00:21:42,298 --> 00:21:44,105
We get it, Danny.
You're so much smarter than us.
584
00:21:44,139 --> 00:21:45,344
I am, though.
585
00:21:45,379 --> 00:21:46,885
Just tell them
that I'm not some crazy pervert.
586
00:21:46,920 --> 00:21:48,292
I mean,
I'm not gonna lie to them.
587
00:21:48,293 --> 00:21:49,866
Danny, you are so selfish!
588
00:21:49,900 --> 00:21:50,971
Then you became more tolerable,
589
00:21:51,005 --> 00:21:52,913
and we're good, right?
590
00:21:55,861 --> 00:21:57,769
You're a woman, and that's good.
Look like a woman.
591
00:21:57,804 --> 00:21:59,612
Okay.
41730
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