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1
00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:03,880
Our "Uncle Cormac" lives with us.
He sleeps with Bawbaw in his bed.
2
00:00:04,000 --> 00:00:04,920
Astonishing!
3
00:00:05,040 --> 00:00:07,480
- You didn't tell him to shut up once!
- Shut up, Mark.
4
00:00:07,600 --> 00:00:09,920
Definitely not able
for Cormac shite today.
5
00:00:10,040 --> 00:00:13,160
- I'm Bear, Tara.
- He's Bear.
6
00:00:13,280 --> 00:00:15,440
- A pint of Guinness?
- "Trashy Amin"?
7
00:00:15,560 --> 00:00:17,560
- Fancy a pint?
- Way too soon.
8
00:00:27,080 --> 00:00:31,400
- Yeah, but like, what type of a dress?
- I don't know, Lina, just... a dress.
9
00:00:31,520 --> 00:00:34,280
Like... a dress-dress?
10
00:00:35,040 --> 00:00:37,640
Or like a dress-to-impress?
11
00:00:37,760 --> 00:00:39,840
- I'm messing! Oh, my God.
- NANCY: Help!
12
00:00:39,960 --> 00:00:41,880
I'll leave some on your bed.
13
00:00:42,720 --> 00:00:45,360
Nancy's stuck in the toilet, again!
14
00:00:45,480 --> 00:00:47,720
Can someone please fix this door?
15
00:00:48,280 --> 00:00:50,320
- I hate this house!
- (DOOR SLAMS)
16
00:00:52,280 --> 00:00:55,640
- So, Bawbaw, Valentine's...
- What is with Layla?
17
00:00:55,760 --> 00:00:58,440
I don't know.
She wants a dress for the disco.
18
00:00:58,560 --> 00:01:01,560
Like a... dress-dress?
19
00:01:01,680 --> 00:01:04,200
See, Valentine's gifts, brah.
20
00:01:05,600 --> 00:01:08,120
(SAM LAUGHS) That's a lot of chocolate!
21
00:01:08,240 --> 00:01:10,040
Yeah, well, what can I say?
22
00:01:11,000 --> 00:01:13,440
Bear likes sweet things!
23
00:01:13,560 --> 00:01:15,760
And I've nothing for Miss Malone.
24
00:01:16,520 --> 00:01:18,400
Do you really need a gift
for your teacher?
25
00:01:18,520 --> 00:01:21,160
- Yes.
- Is that not a little bit sucky?
26
00:01:21,280 --> 00:01:25,280
No, I need a gift.
And please write the card.
27
00:01:25,400 --> 00:01:29,200
- She'll know my handwriting.
- Grab some from Lina's bag!
28
00:01:29,320 --> 00:01:32,600
Go on! Bear's got, like,
ten boxes of chocolate in there.
29
00:01:32,720 --> 00:01:35,680
If it was me, I wouldn't mind giving
Miss Malone one, right?
30
00:01:35,800 --> 00:01:39,120
- Quickly, put them in your bag!
- (KNOCK ON DOOR)
31
00:01:39,240 --> 00:01:43,200
Ustaz Lovey-Loverson!
Excited for the big boys' night tonight?
32
00:01:43,320 --> 00:01:47,120
Only schoolgirls and morons get excited
about Valentine's.
33
00:01:47,240 --> 00:01:49,800
? It's here!
The greatest day of the year! ?
34
00:01:49,920 --> 00:01:52,240
- Happy Valentine's Day, everyone!
- Exhibit A.
35
00:01:52,360 --> 00:01:54,840
- Happy Valentine's Day, Uncle Cormac.
- (CLICKS HIS TONGUE)
36
00:01:54,960 --> 00:01:56,640
(CLICKS HER TONGUE)
37
00:01:56,760 --> 00:02:00,200
You may go to the ball because
the guest list for The Vault is sorted.
38
00:02:00,320 --> 00:02:03,440
- Do me!
- And you shall go to the ball, dearest.
39
00:02:03,560 --> 00:02:06,080
- Dymphna's boxed off to babysit, too.
- Yes, pal.
40
00:02:06,200 --> 00:02:09,080
- This one, Bawbaw?
- Yeah, yummy. Yum, yum, yum.
41
00:02:09,200 --> 00:02:11,440
That there are my favourite. And here...
42
00:02:11,560 --> 00:02:13,040
Go!
43
00:02:13,160 --> 00:02:16,840
ZEIN: Those lucky ladies, man.
It's been a while!
44
00:02:16,960 --> 00:02:19,680
- I'm so excited.
- Why? When was the last time you had sex?
45
00:02:19,800 --> 00:02:22,640
With someone? Four months, 11 days.
46
00:02:22,760 --> 00:02:24,840
Jeez, I'm so sorry, pal.
47
00:02:25,680 --> 00:02:27,080
- Are you OK?
- Yeah.
48
00:02:27,200 --> 00:02:29,880
Are you two OK? Seriously.
49
00:02:31,800 --> 00:02:33,840
We're not all sexless like you, Sam!
50
00:02:33,960 --> 00:02:36,920
CORMAC: Please don't purge people's
healthy sexual energy, Sam.
51
00:02:37,040 --> 00:02:39,400
It's very toxic, pal.
You're a bit anti-sex.
52
00:02:39,520 --> 00:02:43,480
I'm not anti-sex.
And I don't purge people's sexual energy!
53
00:02:43,600 --> 00:02:47,440
Yeah, you do.
You're like the Sexorcist.
54
00:02:47,560 --> 00:02:49,440
Don't worry, Zein. It's Valentine's.
55
00:02:49,560 --> 00:02:52,480
- Women are desperate for love.
- Desperado.
56
00:02:52,600 --> 00:02:56,120
Yeah, yeah. They're desperados?
You two are desperate.
57
00:02:56,240 --> 00:02:58,520
- Stay back.
- You stay back.
58
00:03:00,240 --> 00:03:02,800
Poo kite!
59
00:03:02,920 --> 00:03:05,360
Anime club. Art Attack.
60
00:03:05,480 --> 00:03:08,320
- Basketball, coding, drama.
- Poo kite!
61
00:03:08,440 --> 00:03:11,920
And, er... What else? Jujitsu.
62
00:03:12,040 --> 00:03:14,640
SAM: Jesus, Clive. You memorise them
in alphabetical order?
63
00:03:14,760 --> 00:03:17,080
- Poo kite!
- Good lad. Here, eat this.
64
00:03:19,800 --> 00:03:24,360
- And he's starting Mandarin.
- Really? Him?
65
00:03:26,080 --> 00:03:29,320
- MISS MALONE: Excuse me, Mr Amin. May I?
- See you later, Clive.
66
00:03:31,880 --> 00:03:34,560
- Looked like you needed saving.
- Thank you, thank you.
67
00:03:34,680 --> 00:03:36,440
Con's learning Mandarin.
68
00:03:36,560 --> 00:03:38,920
MISS MALONE: Learning how to eat
a mandarin might be more useful.
69
00:03:39,040 --> 00:03:41,080
(LAUGHS) You're very funny.
70
00:03:41,200 --> 00:03:45,680
Thank you. No other compliments
for a girl on Valentine's Day?
71
00:03:45,800 --> 00:03:49,320
Well, you've a very tiny symmetrical face
72
00:03:49,440 --> 00:03:54,160
and your hair looks very smooth
and resistant to static electricity.
73
00:03:54,280 --> 00:03:57,000
- Sorry.
- (LAUGHING) OK! Oh, Sam.
74
00:03:57,120 --> 00:04:00,720
My bestie, Ciara's, down from Derry
and, well, we're both single...
75
00:04:00,840 --> 00:04:03,560
- Really?
- Yeah, I know, shocking!
76
00:04:03,680 --> 00:04:06,440
Anyway, I don't really know the city
77
00:04:06,560 --> 00:04:11,200
and I've no friends here and she loves
cocktails and it's Valentine's...
78
00:04:11,320 --> 00:04:13,600
- Are you asking me...?
- Yeah.
79
00:04:13,720 --> 00:04:16,360
Would you and your Cormac know
of a nice wee club?
80
00:04:16,480 --> 00:04:20,400
- Somewhere where you and your friends go?
- We're going to The Vault tonight.
81
00:04:20,520 --> 00:04:23,920
- Oh, class. Maybe see you there?
- Yeah.
82
00:04:24,040 --> 00:04:25,960
It doesn't matter we're not gay
or anything does it?
83
00:04:26,080 --> 00:04:28,080
I wouldn't think so, no.
84
00:04:28,200 --> 00:04:31,960
- OK.
- Poo kite!
85
00:04:33,320 --> 00:04:34,400
Mandarin?
86
00:04:34,520 --> 00:04:37,520
As if China doesn't have enough problems.
I'll see you later.
87
00:04:49,480 --> 00:04:51,680
(PHONE RINGING)
88
00:04:52,880 --> 00:04:54,720
Bear, I said I'd call her back.
89
00:04:54,840 --> 00:04:57,640
Don't worry about her. She is jealous.
90
00:04:58,400 --> 00:05:02,360
She knows it's Valentine's and she's
calling you. I mean, come on, Lina.
91
00:05:02,480 --> 00:05:04,160
We're best friends.
92
00:05:04,280 --> 00:05:06,160
I'm your best friend!
93
00:05:08,720 --> 00:05:13,000
Listen, I do love my jumper,
but you know...
94
00:05:14,200 --> 00:05:18,880
...personally, I could never endorse
those capitalists by buying their wares.
95
00:05:20,080 --> 00:05:23,840
I... I don't either. I only bought it
because I thought you'd like it.
96
00:05:25,000 --> 00:05:29,480
- Ah, fuck! I sound ungrateful now.
- Stop, no, you don't.
97
00:05:29,600 --> 00:05:31,400
It's how they get you, though, right?
98
00:05:32,240 --> 00:05:35,960
Seduce you with Christmas or Valentine's.
99
00:05:36,080 --> 00:05:38,640
Erupting all your emotions
100
00:05:38,760 --> 00:05:40,840
so you're left standing there,
101
00:05:40,960 --> 00:05:43,200
sipping spiced lattes.
102
00:05:45,080 --> 00:05:47,600
Those little Guatemalan children.
103
00:05:49,240 --> 00:05:50,760
The poor fuckers.
104
00:05:52,680 --> 00:05:55,920
CHLOE: Right, so that's it?
Off we go, guys.
105
00:06:05,000 --> 00:06:07,480
Eoin, this character Vince's job.
106
00:06:07,600 --> 00:06:11,960
Like what actually is
an "augmented reality journey builder"?
107
00:06:12,080 --> 00:06:16,360
Well, he designs the experience.
You know, bringing the AR scenes to life.
108
00:06:16,480 --> 00:06:18,960
Right, yeah. W... Where?
109
00:06:19,080 --> 00:06:21,640
- Online.
- On the internet?
110
00:06:21,760 --> 00:06:24,920
No. (LAUGHING) No, not on the internet.
111
00:06:25,040 --> 00:06:29,320
Look, augmented reality is superimposing
computer generated objects.
112
00:06:29,440 --> 00:06:31,800
So that when look at your phone,
113
00:06:31,920 --> 00:06:34,080
it feels like you're actually
looking at these objects.
114
00:06:34,200 --> 00:06:37,800
In real?
You think I'm a fucking eejit, don't you?
115
00:06:38,400 --> 00:06:40,800
No, no. My dad's much worse.
116
00:06:40,920 --> 00:06:43,680
Still pronounces the Ls in "tortillas".
117
00:06:43,800 --> 00:06:46,560
- Like your jeans.
- They're crops.
118
00:06:48,760 --> 00:06:52,320
"The internet?" Fucking knob!
119
00:06:54,720 --> 00:06:56,920
- I don't think I'll bother with tonight.
- No?
120
00:06:57,040 --> 00:06:59,840
Yeah, I'm tired
and I've nothing to wear anyway.
121
00:06:59,960 --> 00:07:03,200
Borrow something from Lina.
She has like the best drip ever.
122
00:07:03,320 --> 00:07:06,360
Well, she doesn't wear one of these.
Nothing goes with it, ever.
123
00:07:07,160 --> 00:07:10,840
- Well, do you have to wear it?
- I don't HAVE to wear it.
124
00:07:10,960 --> 00:07:15,600
It's a choice. I don't WANT to wear it,
but I want to wear it.
125
00:07:15,720 --> 00:07:17,560
- Do you get me?
- Loud and clear.
126
00:07:17,680 --> 00:07:19,920
"Never put passion in front of principle.
127
00:07:20,040 --> 00:07:22,840
- "Even if you win, you lose."
- Your mum or the Karate Kid?
128
00:07:22,960 --> 00:07:25,200
I'm gonna go with... your mum.
129
00:07:25,320 --> 00:07:28,800
- Karate Kid. Jelly?
- They have pork in them.
130
00:07:29,560 --> 00:07:31,720
You know, if you don't go,
131
00:07:31,840 --> 00:07:33,320
I'm not going either.
132
00:07:33,440 --> 00:07:35,720
I only have fun when you're around, anyways.
133
00:07:35,840 --> 00:07:37,400
You could come to mine.
134
00:07:37,520 --> 00:07:40,440
My mum says we can have a big dirty
takeaway any time we like.
135
00:07:40,560 --> 00:07:44,640
YOUSSEF: Hey, Mark,
mind if I talk to Layla for a minute?
136
00:07:52,440 --> 00:07:54,120
Hey, so... What's up?
137
00:08:11,560 --> 00:08:12,560
(GROANS)
138
00:08:15,200 --> 00:08:17,800
I don't like this, I feel like a prisoner!
139
00:08:17,920 --> 00:08:20,680
Stop moaning. It's for emergencies.
140
00:08:20,800 --> 00:08:23,560
When you press it,
it'll only contact me or Sammie anyway!
141
00:08:27,000 --> 00:08:29,840
You make me melt. I love this age.
142
00:08:32,360 --> 00:08:35,840
Why no one's asking me
to be a baby minder? Baby loves me.
143
00:08:37,240 --> 00:08:39,840
- What are you even doing?
- I'm thinking.
144
00:08:39,960 --> 00:08:46,480
Well, Mr Thinker, you can sit around the
whole day thinking, but I see you, Zein.
145
00:08:46,600 --> 00:08:48,640
I have eyes like a hawk.
146
00:08:48,760 --> 00:08:53,400
Look at him,
sitting there with his legs on the chair.
147
00:08:53,520 --> 00:08:55,600
Are you waiting for someone to paint you?
148
00:08:58,240 --> 00:08:59,200
Enough!
149
00:08:59,320 --> 00:09:02,960
This is my way of getting my head around
the character, all right? It's my process.
150
00:09:03,080 --> 00:09:07,080
Oh, maybe try and give him a real job,
this character?
151
00:09:07,720 --> 00:09:11,600
- And help us with paying the bills?
- I will pay the bills.
152
00:09:11,720 --> 00:09:13,840
I'll have you know
that my new series, Crown Of Thorns,
153
00:09:13,960 --> 00:09:15,920
will be premiering this May in America.
154
00:09:16,040 --> 00:09:18,600
- Is it any good?
- It's shite, but that's not the point.
155
00:09:18,720 --> 00:09:20,720
- The point is America.
- America!
156
00:09:20,840 --> 00:09:25,920
A miracle is what you need, my friend.
Get a real life. Get a real job!
157
00:09:27,040 --> 00:09:28,480
I'm done.
158
00:09:34,440 --> 00:09:36,360
(SCHOOL BELL RINGING)
159
00:09:37,160 --> 00:09:39,280
MISS MALONE: I'll see you after lunch.
160
00:09:52,800 --> 00:09:54,920
Oh, wow! Is that for me?
161
00:09:55,040 --> 00:09:56,800
It's from a secret admirer.
162
00:09:56,920 --> 00:10:00,240
- How exciting.
- It might or might not be from my dad.
163
00:10:01,800 --> 00:10:05,080
- Did he ask you to give me this?
- Well, I can't really say.
164
00:10:05,200 --> 00:10:09,720
But I told him it was Valentine's Day and
he said he wouldn't mind giving you one.
165
00:10:10,920 --> 00:10:13,360
Bawbaw said that they're really yummy,
and they're his favourite.
166
00:10:13,480 --> 00:10:15,960
Happy Valentine's Day, Miss Malone.
(CLICKS HER TONGUE)
167
00:10:28,920 --> 00:10:32,880
Really, I'm sick of all of them
treating me like a baby.
168
00:10:33,720 --> 00:10:37,800
The lads are just worried for you, Gamal
and no wonder at our age.
169
00:10:40,120 --> 00:10:42,640
Do you ever get the feeling
your life was just a dream?
170
00:10:42,760 --> 00:10:47,880
I mean, I know I did all these things.
171
00:10:49,720 --> 00:10:52,200
I went to all these different places.
172
00:10:53,880 --> 00:10:55,400
And I raised these children.
173
00:10:58,480 --> 00:11:02,280
And it all went by so fast,
too fast to hang on to.
174
00:11:05,160 --> 00:11:07,720
So, why do I feel invisible?
175
00:11:08,760 --> 00:11:11,760
Well... because you...
176
00:11:11,880 --> 00:11:15,000
we... we are old.
177
00:11:18,360 --> 00:11:21,200
Yeah, yeah. That's my reality.
178
00:11:21,320 --> 00:11:23,760
Look, do you mind babysitting
for the boys?
179
00:11:23,880 --> 00:11:26,040
I've got a headache coming on.
180
00:11:38,800 --> 00:11:40,320
(TAP-TAP)
181
00:11:40,440 --> 00:11:42,520
- Hey!
- Hey.
182
00:11:44,000 --> 00:11:46,400
- Sorry, do you mind if I just...?
- No. No.
183
00:11:46,520 --> 00:11:47,880
Let's see.
184
00:11:48,000 --> 00:11:49,400
Right.
185
00:11:53,960 --> 00:11:56,800
- It's just the second pass.
- No, it's super.
186
00:11:56,920 --> 00:11:58,760
- I love it.
- Really?
187
00:11:59,800 --> 00:12:03,320
Look, I just wanted
to have a word with you.
188
00:12:03,440 --> 00:12:05,840
Obviously, the team is very young.
189
00:12:06,480 --> 00:12:10,120
And we don't have your... experience.
190
00:12:10,240 --> 00:12:14,040
Oh, well, the notes you gave me
on Islam Dunk, they were dead-on.
191
00:12:14,160 --> 00:12:17,040
You're... You're a great producer.
192
00:12:17,160 --> 00:12:18,840
I really value your input.
193
00:12:18,960 --> 00:12:21,080
And I really value you, Sam.
194
00:12:21,200 --> 00:12:23,520
Your hands-on maturity, your depth.
195
00:12:24,480 --> 00:12:27,160
- Oh, so sorry!
- (GROANS)
196
00:12:29,880 --> 00:12:30,920
Thanks.
197
00:12:32,120 --> 00:12:35,720
- God, what a day!
- Mm. So, where are you rushing off to?
198
00:12:35,840 --> 00:12:40,280
- Nowhere. Just home, the kids.
- Ah! No Valentine's date for Daddy?
199
00:12:40,400 --> 00:12:43,920
Me?
Nah, just getting a bit old for all that.
200
00:12:44,040 --> 00:12:46,920
Well, then, if you're free,
do you fancy having a bite with me?
201
00:12:47,560 --> 00:12:50,640
We can discuss Islam Dunk.
You can really fill me in.
202
00:12:51,640 --> 00:12:54,200
- See how we progress from there.
- Mm?
203
00:12:55,040 --> 00:12:57,720
Er... Well... I would, but...
204
00:12:58,600 --> 00:12:59,880
But what?
205
00:13:00,000 --> 00:13:02,320
Don't you like eating out?
206
00:13:02,440 --> 00:13:05,720
Kinda watching what I eat at the moment,
to be honest.
207
00:13:07,160 --> 00:13:09,840
But we'll do it... We'll do it again.
208
00:13:10,560 --> 00:13:13,040
- Great day. Thanks, Chloe.
- Uh-huh.
209
00:13:14,440 --> 00:13:18,480
I left my pen. It's a good one, but...
I'll get another one.
210
00:13:19,240 --> 00:13:20,680
- Bye, Chloe.
- Bye.
211
00:13:20,800 --> 00:13:22,080
Bye, everyone.
212
00:13:24,320 --> 00:13:25,880
(BIRDSONG)
213
00:13:37,560 --> 00:13:39,040
SAM: Layla!
214
00:13:39,840 --> 00:13:41,880
Layla.
(KNOCK ON DOOR)
215
00:13:42,000 --> 00:13:43,960
Can you not hear me calling you?
216
00:13:44,080 --> 00:13:45,920
- Da-amn!
- What?
217
00:13:47,560 --> 00:13:49,560
- Bawbaw, what?
- You look beautiful.
218
00:13:49,680 --> 00:13:52,640
Sorry, I've never seen you
wearing make-up before.
219
00:13:52,760 --> 00:13:54,600
Look at my eyes. I look like a fly.
220
00:13:56,240 --> 00:13:58,120
Go on. There's my face,
make a joke about it.
221
00:13:58,240 --> 00:14:01,640
I think the last thing your face needs
is another shitty one-liner.
222
00:14:04,880 --> 00:14:07,600
Layla, no one is making you
dress a certain way.
223
00:14:07,720 --> 00:14:10,600
- Aren't they?
- No, they aren't.
224
00:14:15,720 --> 00:14:17,400
Stop being so hard on yourself.
225
00:14:17,520 --> 00:14:20,200
You're just figuring things out.
226
00:14:20,320 --> 00:14:22,560
You wouldn't understand.
It's different for me.
227
00:14:22,680 --> 00:14:26,440
Um... Sorry to break it to you - it's not.
228
00:14:26,560 --> 00:14:27,960
Look...
229
00:14:29,720 --> 00:14:32,200
I'm going on my first boys' night
in years.
230
00:14:32,320 --> 00:14:36,000
You don't think I feel uncomfortable?
I came in to ask YOU what I should wear.
231
00:14:38,520 --> 00:14:42,000
I can't be Zein or Cormac. Hamdullah!
232
00:14:43,440 --> 00:14:45,400
I just have to be me.
233
00:14:46,320 --> 00:14:51,400
Truth is, I don't care if you wear
a hijab or a bucket hat.
234
00:14:52,680 --> 00:14:54,320
Whatever.
235
00:14:54,440 --> 00:14:56,240
I love YOU.
236
00:15:05,480 --> 00:15:08,760
"You look great, Bawbaw, by the way."
"Thanks, Layla. So sweet of you."
237
00:15:08,880 --> 00:15:10,400
(DOOR CLOSES)
238
00:15:11,080 --> 00:15:13,160
(PHONE RINGING)
239
00:15:55,600 --> 00:15:58,520
I'm not paying for food. You're late.
240
00:15:59,280 --> 00:16:01,240
Er... I'm not a delivery man.
241
00:16:01,360 --> 00:16:05,800
Good for you, cos I didn't order any food.
What do you want? Who are you?
242
00:16:05,920 --> 00:16:07,840
- Layla.
- You're Layla?
243
00:16:07,960 --> 00:16:10,280
- Youssef.
- And you want Layla? What for?
244
00:16:10,400 --> 00:16:11,800
Disco?
245
00:16:11,920 --> 00:16:14,200
- How do you know my Layla?
- Er... school?
246
00:16:14,320 --> 00:16:16,880
What's wrong with you?
You only speak in one words?
247
00:16:17,000 --> 00:16:19,760
Layla. Disco. School. Are you simples?
248
00:16:19,880 --> 00:16:23,240
NANCY: Help, help! Uncle Gamal!
249
00:16:23,360 --> 00:16:25,960
You're not going anywhere. You stay here.
250
00:16:26,080 --> 00:16:27,640
Stay here.
251
00:16:29,120 --> 00:16:31,320
Stay here, and don't move, huh?
252
00:16:32,200 --> 00:16:34,400
Otherwise I make shawarma out of you.
253
00:16:37,040 --> 00:16:39,120
(GAMAL GROANS)
254
00:16:40,280 --> 00:16:44,400
Oh, darling,
how many times I told you, habibti?
255
00:16:44,520 --> 00:16:48,240
Don't take Lottie to the toilet.
It's disgusting!
256
00:16:48,360 --> 00:16:52,480
- In Egypt we kill these things.
- I'm sorry. Please don't kill her.
257
00:16:53,720 --> 00:16:55,920
LAYLA: Tell him I'm coming, Uncle Gamal.
258
00:16:57,560 --> 00:17:00,040
Well, she's coming.
259
00:17:01,840 --> 00:17:03,400
No funny business.
260
00:17:03,520 --> 00:17:09,440
Cos anything you do to her,
I do to you! OK?
261
00:17:10,560 --> 00:17:12,720
Not really, but...
262
00:17:12,840 --> 00:17:14,320
OK.
263
00:17:14,440 --> 00:17:16,240
(DOOR OPENS)
264
00:17:17,000 --> 00:17:19,480
YOUSSEF: Wow.
You look so beautiful, Layla.
265
00:17:21,240 --> 00:17:23,760
Looky-looky, now you can't shut up, hey?
266
00:17:33,400 --> 00:17:35,920
OK, let's go, troops.
Are we collecting Mark?
267
00:17:36,040 --> 00:17:40,080
No, he's not going. I won't be late, Uncle
Gamal. Youssef's mum's gonna drop us home.
268
00:17:43,240 --> 00:17:45,280
Remember, I have eyes like a hawk.
269
00:17:46,840 --> 00:17:48,800
Anything you do...
270
00:17:53,760 --> 00:17:55,400
Ma'a al-salem.
271
00:17:57,680 --> 00:17:59,880
(MUSIC POUNDING)
272
00:18:04,480 --> 00:18:07,200
- ZEIN: Fuck's sake, Cormac!
- SAM: He's not answering.
273
00:18:07,320 --> 00:18:09,600
Let's just go. We've been here ages.
274
00:18:09,720 --> 00:18:12,920
- You're joking, right?
- I know a nice Mexican round the corner.
275
00:18:13,040 --> 00:18:14,880
- Does she have a sister?
- (MIMICS ZEIN)
276
00:18:15,000 --> 00:18:18,200
That's why you're not getting lucky.
Honestly, wreaks of desperation.
277
00:18:18,320 --> 00:18:20,280
CORMAC: Yo! What's happening?
278
00:18:20,400 --> 00:18:23,720
- Me and you are pals, right?
- There he is.
279
00:18:25,440 --> 00:18:28,080
- Cormac! What the fuck, man?
- Zein!
280
00:18:28,200 --> 00:18:31,280
- WOMEN: Time for shots!
- You're not going to believe this.
281
00:18:31,400 --> 00:18:33,640
- Cormy!
- Yes?
282
00:18:33,760 --> 00:18:36,840
- Where did you go?
- I'm here. Zein.
283
00:18:36,960 --> 00:18:40,200
This is Renee. No. Yeah. You're Renee.
284
00:18:40,320 --> 00:18:43,640
And this is Tanya, her girlfriend.
You hear what I just said? Girlfriend.
285
00:18:43,760 --> 00:18:47,040
- I like to call her Tonya...
- Sammie!
286
00:18:47,160 --> 00:18:48,920
CORMAC: Because she's very posh.
287
00:18:49,040 --> 00:18:51,960
DOORMAN: Ladies, can you take your drinks
back inside, please?
288
00:18:52,080 --> 00:18:55,040
You need to move away from the door.
Move to the back of the queue, please.
289
00:18:55,160 --> 00:18:58,160
- No, we're with him.
- They're with me.
290
00:18:58,280 --> 00:19:01,000
- ID?
- (ZEIN LAUGHS)
291
00:19:01,120 --> 00:19:03,880
You're joking, right?
Have you seen his face?
292
00:19:04,000 --> 00:19:06,800
You're required to have identification.
293
00:19:06,920 --> 00:19:10,120
You think we went through puberty
when I was, like, four?
294
00:19:10,240 --> 00:19:12,640
- No ID, you're not getting in.
- ZEIN: This is ridiculous.
295
00:19:12,760 --> 00:19:14,960
- Listen, Wreck-It Ralph...
- I'll deal with this.
296
00:19:15,080 --> 00:19:17,480
My good man, listen, this is my brother.
297
00:19:17,600 --> 00:19:19,920
- He doesn't have identification.
- Sorry.
298
00:19:20,040 --> 00:19:25,440
He's sorry. But he will happily present
his testicles as a form of identification.
299
00:19:25,560 --> 00:19:27,760
I'm serious,
because you'll find they're very long
300
00:19:27,880 --> 00:19:30,520
and, more importantly, they're very old.
301
00:19:30,640 --> 00:19:34,720
- So, show him your droopy balls, Sammie.
- I'm going.
302
00:19:34,840 --> 00:19:38,280
- Show him your droopy balls, Sammie.
- Look, mate, I'm taking my droopy balls
303
00:19:38,400 --> 00:19:40,520
- and I'm going home, Cormac.
- Go to the back of the queue.
304
00:19:40,640 --> 00:19:46,400
- Show him your droopy balls, Sammie!
- ZEIN: Cormac! Cormac, ssh!
305
00:19:51,520 --> 00:19:53,920
MISS MALONE: (SLURRED)
You're a filthy bastard!
306
00:19:54,040 --> 00:19:58,600
Miss Malone! Well, you look...
You look lovely.
307
00:19:58,720 --> 00:20:01,680
Don't "Miss Malone" me, you.
Ciara, that's him!
308
00:20:01,800 --> 00:20:03,840
CIARA: Who? Not yer man?
309
00:20:03,960 --> 00:20:06,440
The gay sweetie G-string guy?
310
00:20:06,560 --> 00:20:09,080
(CIARA LAUGHS)
311
00:20:09,200 --> 00:20:11,040
Think you won the golden ticket, did you?
312
00:20:11,160 --> 00:20:13,280
- Willy Wanker!
- (SAM LAUGHS)
313
00:20:14,160 --> 00:20:16,840
- She's fun!
- How could you, Sam?
314
00:20:16,960 --> 00:20:20,680
You said you were gay.
You should be ashamed of yourself.
315
00:20:20,800 --> 00:20:22,680
I never said I was gay!
316
00:20:24,280 --> 00:20:25,560
Dirty boy.
317
00:20:25,680 --> 00:20:28,560
Dirty, dirty boy!
318
00:20:30,120 --> 00:20:32,680
- Who's your friend?
- It's my brother, Zein.
319
00:20:32,800 --> 00:20:35,480
Gay or nay,
he can eat my knickers any time.
320
00:20:35,600 --> 00:20:40,360
Sadly, I'm not wearing any tonight.
So, no starter for him!
321
00:20:40,480 --> 00:20:42,800
SAM: You OK?
322
00:20:42,920 --> 00:20:45,240
- (RETCHING)
- Ooh!
323
00:20:45,360 --> 00:20:47,640
Look at what you did now!
324
00:20:47,760 --> 00:20:50,760
- You've upset Ciara!
- I didn't do anything!
325
00:20:50,880 --> 00:20:56,000
I thought you were my handsome, funny
gay dad friend, but it was all a lie!
326
00:20:56,120 --> 00:21:01,840
I wish you'd stop saying I'm gay... Wait.
Sorry, you think I'm handsome?
327
00:21:01,960 --> 00:21:04,920
Well, I did, till you turned wee Nancy
into your super pimp.
328
00:21:05,040 --> 00:21:08,520
- What are you talking about?
- Edible knickers, Sam?
329
00:21:08,640 --> 00:21:12,440
I like a bit of filth as well as
the next girl, but that is just...
330
00:21:12,560 --> 00:21:14,280
CIARA: So sick!
331
00:21:14,400 --> 00:21:16,240
- Well, it's not sick...
- No...
332
00:21:17,080 --> 00:21:19,000
Ooh!
333
00:21:19,120 --> 00:21:22,240
- (PHONE RINGS)
- Sorry, don't go anywhere, yeah?
334
00:21:24,640 --> 00:21:27,520
Hello...
Yeah, yeah, that's me.
335
00:21:28,800 --> 00:21:30,920
Yeah, that's my uncle, sadly.
336
00:21:32,120 --> 00:21:33,120
What?
337
00:21:33,240 --> 00:21:36,840
Sorry, go back.
What emergency services were called?
338
00:21:45,320 --> 00:21:46,920
Oh, God.
339
00:21:51,600 --> 00:21:53,280
(BABY CRYING)
340
00:21:54,600 --> 00:21:57,120
Shit! Look at the door!
341
00:21:58,160 --> 00:22:01,120
- I said no fuss!
- (RUBY CRYING)
342
00:22:01,240 --> 00:22:04,800
- And you told me only call you.
- SAM: Are you OK?
343
00:22:04,920 --> 00:22:07,560
- What happened?
- The stupid toilet door.
344
00:22:07,680 --> 00:22:09,640
- Where's Nancy?
- It's OK, she's sleeping.
345
00:22:09,760 --> 00:22:12,160
- Yeah, I very much doubt that.
- GAMAL: What do you mean?
346
00:22:12,280 --> 00:22:14,280
I have eyes like hawk!
347
00:22:14,880 --> 00:22:16,880
- Zein Amin, I see everything.
- Thank you.
348
00:22:17,000 --> 00:22:18,600
Give me the baby.
349
00:22:18,720 --> 00:22:20,440
(PHONE CHIMES)
350
00:22:23,720 --> 00:22:26,640
CORMAC: 'Pal... Bawbaw!
I'm not coming home.
351
00:22:26,760 --> 00:22:29,200
'I'm in Tanya and Renee's toilet.
352
00:22:29,320 --> 00:22:33,080
'I think they want to have sex,
because they said they want to have sex.
353
00:22:33,200 --> 00:22:37,520
'It's great, best day ever. OK, bye.
Oh, don't tell Mam!'
354
00:22:37,640 --> 00:22:40,720
What the fuck? Sex with both of them?
355
00:22:40,840 --> 00:22:42,400
(PHONE CHIMES)
356
00:22:42,520 --> 00:22:45,840
- What? He sent pictures?
- No, it's a text from Nancy's teacher.
357
00:22:45,960 --> 00:22:48,360
- God, it's filthy.
- Yeah? What are you thinking?
358
00:22:48,480 --> 00:22:49,840
Her spelling is atrocious!
359
00:22:53,640 --> 00:22:55,200
I got this, tha...
360
00:23:05,920 --> 00:23:07,080
"Ally Akbar".
361
00:23:15,000 --> 00:23:16,400
Hawk eyes, my arse.
362
00:23:17,000 --> 00:23:18,680
SAM: Lina!
363
00:23:18,730 --> 00:23:23,280
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