All language subtitles for big.little.lies.s02e03.web.h264-tbs

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- I... pushed him.
- No, nobody pushed him.

Nobody.

Yeah.

I fucked up.

There's no other way to say it.

And I don't think that
I'm gonna wrap it in a bow

and make it better, but...

- I'm desperate to fix it.
- Have you considered why you strayed?

How's your husband to trust
it won't happen again?

- Because it won't.
- But how can he trust that?

- Why should he?
- Thank you.

We'll turn to your betrayal in a minute.

- My betrayal?
- Adultery is one form of infidelity.

Indifference is another.

You describe yourself
as a go-along, get-along,

don't-make-waves kinda guy.

That makes you either
wonderfully accommodating,

or profoundly disengaged.

Could it be Madeline was just
trying to get your attention?

She has always had my attention.

Devotion on my end
has not been a problem.

Why were you unfaithful?

- I don't know.
- If you were to guess?

Should I guess?

You don't believe in you. How
can you trust that relational equation

when you have no faith
in the sum part of you?

Math's not my strong suit, so...

- Because you didn't go to college?
- I'm sorry?

You spoke earlier of your daughter
not wanting to go to college.

Does that have something to do
with her perception...

- I don't see where that is relevant.
- Did you go to college?

Again, I don't see the connection
between what's going on...

Abigail will be nothing without college
perhaps because you are?

Have you been feeding her this?

Why did
your first husband leave you?

Because he's an asshole.

Tell me about your parents.
What was their marriage like?

- Fine.
- Fine?

- Married for 40 years.
- Forty years.

You talk to them much?

You have to be able
to hold your breath, baby.

But I don't like it.

You know what?
I hate getting my head wet too,

but we have to be able
to hold our breath underwater

so if something ever happens,
we don't drown, baby.

I don't want to.

Maybe when I was three, four,
I walked into my parent's bedroom,

and my dad was...

having sex with a woman
that wasn't my mom.

And they were making
all kinds of noises,

and then I scared.

And what happened?

He pulled me out. Um...

And closed the door, and he said,

"There are things your mother
doesn't ever need to know."

- And you've never talked about it?
- No.

I guess that... maybe that's why
I was so devastated

when Nathan left me.

'Cause it confirmed
my biggest fear about marriage.

It's not to be trusted.

Well, I wouldn't give up on Ed.

- All right?
- I really fucked up.

He's not gonna leave you. Not Ed.

How are you doing?

Have you had any more
early morning joyrides?

- Funny.
- No, I'm not...

being funny.
It actually really scared me.

What did Madam Shrink
have to say about that?

She thinks it's somehow tied to me...

not being sufficiently over Perry.

Life just feels colorless now.
It just feels flat and dull.

As dead as he is, sometimes
I think maybe I'm deader.

- I was a better mother.
- No. Honey...

I was a better mother
with him. I was.

- No! Don't say that.
- Yes. I was.

I need to find joy for them.

And he helps me with that.

- Jane.
- Yeah?

I'm Mary Louise Wright.
We may have met.

- I'm Max and Josh's grandmother.
- Yeah, hi.

I'm sorry to trouble you
here at work, but, um...

Celeste has shared with me
some... interesting news.

How would you feel about
submitting to a paternity test?

I mean, submitting Ziggy
to a paternity test.

I... Yeah, I don't need to take
a paternity test.

- I know exactly who my son's father is.
- Hmm. Even so...

- I'm not asking you for anything.
- No, I... I realize that.

- I suppose I'm asking.
- For what?

Well, I'm presented
with the idea that my son

was both an adulterer
and a... a rapist,

and I am desperate
to squash that idea.

Well, I can tell you that
he's the only man I'd been with.

- That you recall.
- Excuse me?

Well, things happen these days.
Men put drugs in pretty girls' drinks,

and things happen.
People don't remember sometimes.

I remember.

Perfectly.

Far more vividly than I care to.

- Just a simple blood test.
- No.

"What a tangled web we weave...

when first,
we practice to deceive."

But Charlotte didn't say that.
She said, "Some Pig."

She didn't say anything
about a tangled web.

She certainly spun one.

I mean, she made Wilbur out
to be an outlier

when in truth, he was kinda ordinary.

So Ziggy...

does that make Charlotte a liar?

It makes her a grownup.
Lying to protect someone she loves,

that's what grownups do.

I think she was probably
just rebranding Wilbur.

Rebranding?

I see. Well... You all want
to know what I think?

- Mm-hmm.
- I think Charlotte didn't want

Wilbur to get eaten.

I don't think she wanted
any pigs to be eaten,

and we all know why, don't we?

Sustainability.

Exactly. Exactly.

How many gallons of water does it take
to make a single pound of sausage?

- A thousand.
- A thousand gallons.

And how many showers
does that add up to?

- Over 50.
- Over 50 showers.

So imagine, would you have to
take a shower every single day

for almost two months to...

Amabella, your mother's
gonna meet you at the hospital,

- okay, sweetie?
- I wanna go with her.

Yeah, yeah. We've got you covered.
Let me get her backpack. Sarah!

What the fu... What happened?

- Um, Mrs. Klein.
- What... I'm Amabella's mom.

Renata Klein.
What... What did she do? What's...

I'm Dr. Feldman. Your daughter
was brought in with an anxiety attack.

- Anxiety attack?
- We've given her a mild sedative,

she's resting comfortably,
she's not in any danger.

- She was in a little bit of...
- Can I see her?

- a shock when she first came in, but...
- What?

- She's fine. She's resting comfortably.
- Okay.

- Yeah. Right back... Right this way.
- What did you do?

Did somebody hurt you
or say something or...

- No. I'm okay, Mom.
- Sweetheart.

You were discovered in a closet
practically unconscious.

- Was she checked for bite marks?
- Honey, come on.

She was bitten last year, right?
So...

Maybe somebody's bullying you
again or...

- No...
- Hey baby, you okay there, my girl?

Don't talk to her. I got this, okay?
I think you've done enough, don't you?

You... What the hell
are you talking about?

Gordon, she's obviously
under immense stress.

You think, Renata?

- Team. Team.
- Yes, hello, Doctor,

I would like my daughter
transferred to Stanford, please.

- Because?
- Because it's Stanford!

- I mean, please.
- Well, she's being released.

She's cleared for discharge.

- Oh, look at that.
- There we go.

Hey.
Counseling is certainly indicated.

- Uh-huh.
- Perhaps for the entire family.

You don't know anything
about my family. Okay?

I know your own stress...
not helping the situation.

"Your own stress."
Please.

Honey, isn't that great?
We're gonna go home.

- You're going home!
- Don't talk to her.

Will you ever forgive me?

Yes, of course, honey.
It's not your fault.

I blurted it out.

The blurting is not the problem.

My doing it is the problem.

Well, you're in therapy,
so that's good. Right?

Yeah...

I mean... the doctor's
pretty much a crock.

She... She thinks I feel like
an empty sack

because I didn't graduate
from college,

and that's why I'm obsessed
with your going.

But that is not entirely true.

Mom... I mean, when we would watch
The Wizard of Oz,

you would turn into a puddle every time
The Scarecrow got his diploma.

Well, I'm glad you're back home.
Otherwise, I might be totally alone.

He's not gonna leave you.

- Hello!
- Oh!

We had such wonderful fun together!

- Did you, honey?
- Yeah.

- Can Dr. Peep have a sleepover?
- Oh...

Oh, sweetheart, I would love that,
but I need to get back to my sheep.

I'm afraid they'd miss me.

Could I talk to your parents
for a second in private?

Maybe you want to go play outside?
Look at the sunset!

I promise to come see you again.
I'll bring tea and crumpets!

Cool!

I'll be right out.

We arranged all her stuffies
into a petting zoo. It was wonderful!

Nobody's bullying her.

She's worried about the end
of the planet.

- What?
- Her class is evidently

talking about climate change,

and she's gotten the message
that we're doomed.

- Oh, my God.
- Oh, for fuck's sake...

You gotta be kidding me.

She's also worried about you
going to jail.

Well, hello...

- And she's worried about you.
- Me?

She thinks something is going on
with you and has been for a long time.

So there's you, you...

mostly the end of the world.

Do you know if it's wild or farmed?

I believed it's farmed.

- Land based or net-pen?
- Sorry?

Were they raised on land-based
facilities or in net-pens in the ocean?

Well, um... it's a fish,
so I'm guessing the ocean.

Could you check?

- Sure...
- Thanks.

- S... Sorry.
- It's okay.

You have to be careful
with some of the farm shit.

So you just eat wild?

Yeah. Yeah, mostly.
But there's problems there, too.

Some wild fish have tested
positive for microplastics.

Some wild salmon have tested
positive for antidepressants.

People have to ask
where the fish come from,

what they ate, how they lived,
even how they died.

If they're processed post-rigor, the
bacteria can leech right into the flesh.

Sorry.

No, you don't have to apologize.

I used to work at Santa Monica Seafood,
so I was really into all this shit.

It's great.
And you're teaching me a lot.

- I'm trying to come off intelligent.
- It's working.

I'm... I'm so sorry.
I'm so sorry to be such a nuisance.

Look, I was just... was just wondering

if there are any
new developments in the case.

We told you we would call
if there were.

Yes. Hmm...

I have personally worked
very hard to be mindful

- of your unspeakable pain.
- I know you care.

I, perhaps, do seek out
those who do.

I know you are not allowed
to say anything about the case

or what you believe, but...

A mother nee...

A mother needs to know.

You don't believe my son
just slipped...

do you?

You don't think it's healthy to... to...
to cling to the good memories?

It can be.
I don't think so here.

But there are so many positives.

So many. The way he loved me,
the way he loved the boys.

The boys loved him. I...

I shouldn't erase all of that
simply because you feel that...

He almost killed you.

He didn't almost kill me.

He nearly smothered you
with a cushion.

If one of his kicks had landed
on your head,

you might very well be dead.

I work with and treat
quite a few veterans.

Many want to return to combat.

They can't handle the mundane.
Normal life is dull.

- You miss the war, Celeste.
- I miss what was good.

I don't miss what was bad.

And keeping him in my heart.
The good... The good part of him,

that works for me.
It works for the boys.

It works for my family.
That works.

How did you get that bruise
on your arm?

- I broke up a fight between the boys.
- Mm-hmm.

Last week. I probably
got whacked or something.

Do you self-inflict your bruises?

- What?
- It's not uncommon.

Victims of abuse, sometimes,
they feel some...

attachment to their wounds.

Perhaps they remind you of him.

I do not self-inflict any wounds.

And your other patients
do not inform on me.

I'm not a statistic.

Are you addict, Celeste?

Is Perry your drug?

I think it's really neat
how passionate you are about things.

Thank you.
Are you passionate about things?

Um... yeah, of course, I am.
You know, I...

I used to paint a lot.
I was really into art.

Now, I'm mostly passionate
about my son.

I have a kid. I probably
should've told you that earlier,

but it's kind of
a weird thing to bring up.

He's great. His name is Ziggy.
He's in second grade.

I would love to meet him.

Yeah, maybe one day.

I'm sure you guys
would get along great.

He knows a lot of random shit, too.

You guys could talk
about a lot of weird facts.

- Um...
- I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

No, no, it's fine. It's uh... not you.

I just gotta idle in neutral
for a little bit. That's...

kinda my MO right now.

- Neutral. Okay.
- Yeah.

I can do that.

I...

am... the greatest...

monster!

And I come to devour...

two young chickadees!

My heavens!

He was the best monster.

- Show her the angry beaver.
- Yeah, let me see that one.

Did your mom make this for you?

- We all did.
- He sounds like a bear.

He liked to combine animals.

- Yeah.
- Oh, here's the teacup one.

How we doing here?

We're showing
Grandma the memory book.

It's wonderful.

- Here's Guess How Much I Love You.
- That one's kinda boring.

No, no, no. Let me...
I want to see that one.

- We loved that book.
- Okay...

"He was almost
too sleepy to think anymore.

Then he looked
beyond the thorn bushes,

out into the big dark night.

Nothing could be further
than the sky.

'I love you right up
to the moon, ' he said,

and closed his eyes.

'Oh, that's far.
That is very, very far.'

Big Nutbrown Hare
settled Little Nutbrown Hare

into his bed of leaves.

He leaned over
and kissed him goodnight."

Right on the forehead.

Chloe said Amabella had a stroke.

She didn't have a stroke.
She just had a panic attack.

They're different.
She's totally okay.

And Max thinks
she got possessed by Satan.

You can tell Max that he's wrong

because Satan can only be
so many places at once.

Come on, get in the car.
Let's go. Please get in the car.

Ziggy...

- That's Perry's brother, Raymond?
- Yes.

- Oh my God, he looks just like Ziggy.
- It... It's uncanny, isn't it?

- Oh my God.
- Wait, look.

They have the same cheeks.
That's crazy.

Wow...

It's a bit... unsettling.

I should like to be
in Ziggy's life. I...

I mean, I'm... I'm his grandmother.

Yeah.

I just needed a... some time
to wrestle with that idea but...

Is he sweet?

Yeah. He's the best.

My boys were so sweet.

I don't think there was a gentler

or more tender little boy than Perry.

He was so sweet and gentle.

Um... grew up to be neither.

This is perhaps
an unfair question...

On the night of your...
rendezvous with my son,

who initiated the encounter?

Does that make a difference?

I know how devoted he was to Celeste,
and I... I just...

can't conceive how he...
unless he was tempted.

As men can be
in a moment of weakness.

Did you initiate, Jane?

No.

You trying to apologize
on his behalf? To just...

justify what he did?

Celeste has shared with me
that she and Perry had a...

a complicated sex life...

- one that included violence.
- She shared that with you?

Yes.

And I'm... It makes me wonder
if, perhaps, he misinterpreted

or misread a signal from you.

Your son raped me...

and as he was doing so,
I was screaming for him to get off.

I don't think
that you "misread" that.

I don't mean to offend you, I just...

It's... I just can't surrender
to this notion that he was...

evil. I can't...

I just do so want to be believe
there was good in him.

I can't...
did you see good in him?

Before the bad... Did you see...
good in him?

It's literally like...
it couldn't be dumber.

I know! I know!

- Hey.
- Hey! How are you?

Yeah, I'm good. Good.
What are you doing?

Just, um... chattin'.

Having some coffee.
What's up with you?

You... You look better. Brighter.

Thanks.

Um, I should get going
to the studio.

- Yeah, I'll let you guys, um...
- All right.

Thanks for the chat...
and the laugh.

- Totally.
- I needed that, so...

- Good to see ya.
- Yeah, you too.

- Bye.
- Bye, Maddie.

Okay, bye.

I should probably
get going, too, here.

So... what were you
talking about?

Her, uh, mother.

It seems everyone has mother issues.

How long are you gonna punish me?

Well, for as long as I need
or want, I guess.

Wow, that was just cold and mean
when just a few seconds ago,

you were so warm and friendly
with Bonnie.

Yeah, I guess, that would be
sort of a twofer, wouldn't it?

Could piss off both you
and Nathan at the same time.

That's a good idea.

Well, that's just cruel, Ed.
And you're not cruel.

Well, whatever I am or have been
hasn't netted the desired results,

so why not mix it up?

- I don't even know who he is right now.
- He'll play through it. He will.

He just...

He's just being so hateful.

How could I think even think
anything about my life is real?

My first marriage was not real.

My second marriage,
turns out I'm the fraud.

Whoa...-I can't even
believe in myself anymore,

and, like, look at
my friendships and...

What about your friendships?

I had no clue, Celeste.

I didn't even have the slightest idea
that you were living through that,

and it makes me feel like
you couldn't even tell me.

- I'm sorry for keeping...
- Don't say sorry.

...this secret... but I am. It's...

If I was in your situation,
I probably...

Probably what? Would have done
the same things as me? Hmm?

- No, Madeline, you wouldn't.
- I don't know.

You would have been out
of that marriage so fast.

I wish. I wish I had told you. I do.

You would have jumped
into that pool, pulled me out.

What possesses
two idiots like yourselves

to teach eight-year-olds
that the planet is doomed?

The children are constantly
bombarded with climate change.

It is all over the news.

It's our job to deconstruct it
so that they can process it.

Good for you. You deconstructed
my little girl into a coma.

Renata, look. We scheduled
an assembly for this evening.

Okay? You are not
the only parent complaining.

- Just, by far, the loudest.
- You're pitiful.

Okay, this is gonna come
as a shock to you.

This school is actually here
to serve all the children,

not just Amabella.

You think 'cause of this whole
bankruptcy thing...

that the school thinks I don't matter?
Please.

I will be rich again. I will rise up.

I will buy a fucking polar bear
for every kid in this school.

And then, I will squish you
like the bug that you are.

Pretends like he's not a smoker.
Hasn't been laid in 15 fucking years.

Don't you talk to me like that!

And you, I can't be bothered
to squish you.

You're a model citizen, Renata.

I told you, these second-grade mothers,
they are Shakespearean.

That woman, she's
the fucking Medusa of Monterey.

And yes, I smoke.
Do you want one of these?

- Yes, please.
- Yeah, I got a spot outside

where the kids can't fucking see us.

Fuck them. Oh, my God, I am so livid.

- Okay, let's...
- I am so livid.

Let's go get a coffee or something.

Please. The teacher was in on it.

He really said, "Go to hell?"

- Yeah, he's a shit.
- Oh, my God.

They practically kill my daughter,

and then he's just dismissing me
like that? What a pus-fuck.

- And then...
- Oh.

Mary Louise.
D-Did you find a place?

- Maybe. Just saw one.
- Good, good, good.

You know Renata Klein?

- We do...
- I don't believe I do.

We... We did meet.
At the funeral. I'm so sorry.

- I was a friend of Perry's.
- You were there.

When he fell.

I was. That was, uh...
devastating.

Mm-hmm. So sorry to interrupt.

- I...
- Come on. Let's get out of here.

- What... What... What the fuck is that?
- I know. She's very strange.

- Whoo!
- Whoo!

Jane.

- Hey.
- Hi!

Oh, my God!
What are you doing here?

- Just going for a run.
- How are you?

- I'm good. How are you?
- I'm good.

Oh, my gosh, that's so funny.

Ziggy's learning to surf.
Corey's teaching him.

This is getting kinda serious, huh?

No, no... Told Ziggy about him

and told him that
he was teaching me to surf,

so of course, he wanted to learn.

- Yeah.
- Yeah.

He did try to kiss me
the other night, though.

- And?
- It was... extremely awkward.

I don't know.
My body just shut down.

- Does he know about your history?
- Mm-mm. Not yet.

You should talk to him.

I don't know if I'm ready for that.

Look, any real relationship
you're gonna have,

if you wanna have one...
he's gotta know who you are, right?

Yeah. I guess that's true.

What?

I'm such a hypocrite.

Nathan has no idea who I am.

- Oh, my God! Go, Ziggy!
- Go, baby, yes!

Stand up! Stand up! Stand up!
Stand up! Ah, you're doing it!

Turn that shit off.

Three things: one, we're throwing
Amabella a birthday party,

and I'm sparing no cost.
She's unhappy.

Two, I had it out with Nippal.
I've gotta go back to the school.

They wanna talk about climate change

and the end of the world,
which actually, if it comes,

- it might be a sweet relief.
- Damn right.

- And three, sell your fucking toys.
- It's not just me, you know.

- Excuse me?
- Putting stress on Amabella.

I mean, what I did didn't help,
of course, but...

- What did I do?
- You tell me.

I mean, when I first met you, you...

you had your guardrails up
to your earlobes.

- Please.
- Penetrating you was like...

It was like piercing a cement wall.

It took some time, but I eventually
chipped through, you know.

Well, guess what? The last,
I don't know, 12 months or so,

the guardrails are back up.

Fuck, I mean you are here,
you're there, you're everywhere,

but you are never present,
and I feel it.

And Amabella feels it.

- Did she say that?
- I'm saying it.

Your husband is saying it.

There is something going on with you.

Correct.
My husband put us in the poorhouse.

Sell your shit.

First off, thank you all for coming

to a special evening assembly
at our wonderful,

wonderful Otter Bay,

and a special thanks
to those parents

who took special time
out of their busy lives

to reach out to me directly
about this important issue,

- so thank you.
- You're welcome. Yeah.

Now, as we all know, anxiety
is an epidemic in our schools.

Really? It wouldn't be
if you weren't teaching them...

All right,
let's take a breath, everybody,

and let's try and keep this
constructive, shall we?

Climate change and the toll
that it takes on our students,

it is a complicated matter, okay?

That is why we called this ad hoc
Golden Bell Award-winning assembly:

because not only will you hear
from me,

we would love to hear from you.
The parents.

Okay, hold up.

We've already told you
how we feel about it.

This is not how I want this to go.

Everybody, please sit down...

- Shut up!
- Really?

Are you seriously telling us to shut up?

Madeline Mackenzie. Lovely.

Okay, since you've taken
this opportunity to speak up,

let us first hear from you.

Would you like to come up here
please, Madeline?

Why... Why me?

Because you're a beacon
among us, Madeline.

- Now, please, come up here.
- Fine. No, no, I'm fine.

- Thank you.
- And make sure they know

- my daughter was in a coma.
- Okay. Okay, yeah. Jesus.

Madeline Mackenzie,
everyone. Please.

Just share your thoughts.

I mean, where do we even begin?
Honestly? About everything?

I mean, Principal Nippal,
you have a very good point.

Climate change is important.
It's important.

But it's also a lot to load up
on a lot of second graders.

- I'm sorry.
- Thank you. Yes.

That the whole world might go kapooey.
They need to know that?

You know, I think
part of the problem is...

we lie to our kids.

We fill their heads
full of Santa Claus

and stories with happy endings,
when most of us know

most endings to most stories
fucking suck.

Right? Let's just get real.

There aren't a lot of happy endings
for a lot of people, you know.

Be it climate change,
be it guns in schools.

And our kids are afraid.
They're afraid to go to school.

They're afraid
they're gonna get shot.

We don't prepare them. We fill
their heads full of happy endings

and happy stories and lies.

And... And we tell them things
like, "You're fine.

You're gonna be fine,"
and we tell ourselves...

we tell ourselves
we're gonna be fine.

But we're not.

You know that song that we used
to sing when we were little,

"The Rainbow Connection"?
There's a line in it,

they talk about rainbows are illusions.
And then...

there's another line, and it goes on,
and it says that, that...

"Who said every wish
would be granted...

would be... if you wish
on a morning star."

Do you remember that?

But this is the part
that I thought...

Is that "Somebody thought of that...
Then someone believed them.

And look what it's done..."

We have to tell
the children that... that...

life is an illusion and things
don't work out sometimes,

and that... and... you can't
tell them part of the truth.

You have to tell them the whole truth.

She's not picking up.

Um, is this a full blown
breakdown or something? I mean...

Too much to get
up there and help her, Ed?

Hmm? She's your fucking wife.

Well, thanks for the tip, Celeste.

Maybe we could get coffee,
you and me,

and you could fill me in
on whatever else I've missed.

You don't think he knows about...

No.

Where is he?

I don't know.

Is he moving out?

Well, he hasn't packed his things yet.

Well, I heard...

about your speech tonight.

Can you get me some wine?

He'll be back.

Thank you, honey.

- What are you doing?
- Oh, sweet Jesus!

You gave me such a fright.

Well... Okay, I won't lie.

I have been having trouble
sleeping of late

and so I thought you might have
a little helper or two.

- You're snooping.
- You have quite an impressive array.

I think it's probably best
if you find another place.

Celeste, I am on your side.

So you keep saying. Hmm.

Vicodin.

You have to be so careful
of these opioids, dear.

Sometimes I needed it.

For the pain.

Like when after he kicked me.

I had a really good time again.

I'm not gonna try and kiss you.

But I would like to give you
a goodnight hug.

- How does that sound?
- That sounds great.

- Okay.
- This is a weird hug.

We're touching.

- I'm blushing.
- How's it going?

Are we dancing?
Is that... is that what this is?

Is that your secret scheme?
To get me to dance with you?

It's really good idea, yeah.
I'm not that smooth, but yeah,

I guess we could dance
if you want to dance, sure.

Hey, Sparkles.

I'm just calling to say good night.

But you've probably
already gone to bed.

I'm having a little trouble sleeping.
And I was hoping you could help me.

But I guess I'm on my own.

Though not really.

I can just close my eyes and...

and pretend that you're here.

I love you, baby.

Love you.

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