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1
00:00:57,577 --> 00:01:02,347
I'm so sorry, this is the
story of Charlotte and Brandon,
2
00:01:02,348 --> 00:01:04,348
they love my TV show.
3
00:01:04,350 --> 00:01:07,685
Oatmeal, exercise,
well, sort of.
4
00:01:07,686 --> 00:01:10,120
They both hate sleeping alone.
5
00:01:10,121 --> 00:01:12,555
Beer and hairy nipples.
6
00:01:12,558 --> 00:01:15,492
The good news is they
are a perfect match.
7
00:01:15,493 --> 00:01:17,560
The bad news is,
they have never met.
8
00:01:17,562 --> 00:01:21,965
And Charlotte is with Steven
while Brandon is with Ashley.
9
00:01:28,103 --> 00:01:28,971
Oh, um.
10
00:01:30,371 --> 00:01:32,371
Well, I can't marry you
11
00:01:32,373 --> 00:01:35,208
because I'm marrying
someone else in May.
12
00:01:35,209 --> 00:01:37,476
You don't even
have a boyfriend.
13
00:01:37,478 --> 00:01:39,746
Well, actually I do.
14
00:01:40,379 --> 00:01:43,214
We've been together since
high school, for 14 years.
15
00:01:43,216 --> 00:01:45,115
It's just that he's been
living very far away
16
00:01:45,117 --> 00:01:47,751
and now, he's moving back
so we can be together.
17
00:01:47,753 --> 00:01:49,420
14 years?
18
00:01:49,421 --> 00:01:51,522
Sounds like commitment issues.
19
00:01:51,524 --> 00:01:53,190
No, it's just
that he was waiting
20
00:01:53,192 --> 00:01:55,626
until we were both ready.
21
00:01:55,627 --> 00:01:57,627
Why am I defending
myself to a first grader?
22
00:01:57,629 --> 00:02:00,164
Well, when it all falls apart,
you know where to find me.
23
00:02:01,165 --> 00:02:03,399
Look, Lance, we've
done all the graphics
24
00:02:03,400 --> 00:02:07,435
for your packaging and prints
ads at very reasonable rates.
25
00:02:07,436 --> 00:02:10,705
We've created the signature
look for Be Yourself Cosmetics.
26
00:02:10,706 --> 00:02:14,374
Now, it's great that your
nephew's a whiz at Photoshop
27
00:02:14,376 --> 00:02:15,743
but believe me,
there's just so much...
28
00:02:15,744 --> 00:02:17,276
Screw you, Lance!
29
00:02:17,279 --> 00:02:19,346
And your oxymoronically
named product
30
00:02:19,347 --> 00:02:21,716
and your muttonheaded
fucktard nephew!
31
00:02:23,217 --> 00:02:24,650
Christ, are you off your meds?
32
00:02:24,651 --> 00:02:26,117
That's our biggest account!
33
00:02:26,119 --> 00:02:28,720
He's an asshole,
Brandon, asshole.
34
00:02:28,722 --> 00:02:31,155
Bro, I went to RISD
with Seth MacFarlane,
35
00:02:31,156 --> 00:02:32,658
I don't need that shit!
36
00:02:33,626 --> 00:02:35,492
That asshole was paying
off my student loans.
37
00:02:35,493 --> 00:02:37,693
Yeah, and our bills.
38
00:02:37,695 --> 00:02:38,564
Shit!
39
00:02:40,398 --> 00:02:43,432
You think you can get
him back on the phone?
40
00:02:43,434 --> 00:02:45,335
I'm still
here you broke bitches.
41
00:02:59,713 --> 00:03:00,712
For you.
42
00:03:00,714 --> 00:03:01,647
Thank you.
43
00:03:01,649 --> 00:03:02,615
My pleasure.
44
00:03:02,617 --> 00:03:04,684
You're a
pretty decent drawer.
45
00:03:04,685 --> 00:03:05,719
Thank you.
46
00:03:07,688 --> 00:03:11,356
You know, I've been called
the Vermeer of napkin art.
47
00:03:11,357 --> 00:03:12,225
Who?
48
00:03:13,526 --> 00:03:16,294
Did I leave my amethyst
necklace at your place?
49
00:03:16,295 --> 00:03:18,294
Yeah, yeah, think I
saw it in the bathroom.
50
00:03:18,296 --> 00:03:20,764
Okay, remind me to
get that from you.
51
00:03:20,766 --> 00:03:23,533
So, my boss gave us free tickets
52
00:03:23,535 --> 00:03:25,669
to the Charger's game Sunday.
53
00:03:25,670 --> 00:03:26,538
Wanna go?
54
00:03:28,539 --> 00:03:30,408
The 405 on a Sunday?
55
00:03:34,643 --> 00:03:36,278
Okay, I'll drive.
56
00:03:37,445 --> 00:03:39,679
Yeah, you know I'm not
really into drunk crowds
57
00:03:39,682 --> 00:03:42,518
and football, or people.
58
00:03:42,750 --> 00:03:43,883
Of course.
59
00:03:43,885 --> 00:03:45,718
What's that mean?
60
00:03:45,719 --> 00:03:48,620
You know, I have dated
guys with commitment issues.
61
00:03:48,622 --> 00:03:49,588
Lot's of them.
62
00:03:49,590 --> 00:03:50,690
Pretty standard stuff, but you,
63
00:03:50,692 --> 00:03:53,559
I can't even get you to
commit to a football game.
64
00:03:53,561 --> 00:03:55,226
Well, I don't like football.
65
00:03:55,227 --> 00:03:56,861
It's not that,
it's everything.
66
00:03:56,862 --> 00:03:57,861
You won't go to Coachella.
67
00:03:57,864 --> 00:03:59,598
You won't move in together
68
00:03:59,599 --> 00:04:00,531
because that would
be moving too fast.
69
00:04:00,533 --> 00:04:02,900
You won't even book
that cruise next summer
70
00:04:02,902 --> 00:04:05,501
because a lot can
happen in six months!
71
00:04:05,502 --> 00:04:07,269
Those tickets
are non-refundable.
72
00:04:07,270 --> 00:04:09,437
And you're a cheapskate!
73
00:04:09,440 --> 00:04:10,740
Which is why I thought
you'd like the free tickets
74
00:04:10,741 --> 00:04:11,940
in the first place!
75
00:04:11,942 --> 00:04:13,441
I'm not cheap,
my money's tied up.
76
00:04:13,443 --> 00:04:14,710
And I can't go to the game
77
00:04:14,712 --> 00:04:17,546
because I wanna start training
for that Rwanda charity ride.
78
00:04:17,547 --> 00:04:19,180
You know, where
people are dying.
79
00:04:19,182 --> 00:04:21,582
Yeah, like that's
gonna happen.
80
00:04:21,583 --> 00:04:22,818
Ashley, Ashley.
81
00:04:24,353 --> 00:04:26,686
Okay, you're right.
82
00:04:26,687 --> 00:04:27,555
I'm sorry.
83
00:04:28,690 --> 00:04:32,892
Let's do it Ashley, you and
me, Coachella next year.
84
00:04:32,892 --> 00:04:33,858
Ugh!
85
00:04:33,861 --> 00:04:35,628
Oh, my god.
86
00:04:35,629 --> 00:04:37,528
You have to see this house.
87
00:04:37,529 --> 00:04:39,864
It has an entertainment room
that would be so perfect
88
00:04:39,867 --> 00:04:41,500
for you to have
your buddies over
89
00:04:41,501 --> 00:04:43,467
so you can watch your
football matches, and then...
90
00:04:43,469 --> 00:04:45,569
It's games, it's not matches.
91
00:04:45,570 --> 00:04:47,871
Uhm, anyway, there's
a chef's kitchen,
92
00:04:47,873 --> 00:04:49,639
newly remodeled bathrooms,
93
00:04:49,641 --> 00:04:53,844
there's a study that would
make a perfect nursery.
94
00:04:53,845 --> 00:04:57,545
I think maybe we should
hold off on the house.
95
00:04:57,546 --> 00:04:58,612
Why?
96
00:04:58,614 --> 00:05:02,717
I just got here, you
know, starting a new job.
97
00:05:02,718 --> 00:05:04,418
There's a lot to figure out.
98
00:05:04,421 --> 00:05:07,691
You don't have to
figure us out, right?
99
00:05:09,659 --> 00:05:11,492
You do?
100
00:05:11,493 --> 00:05:13,258
Now, Charlotte,
just wait a minute.
101
00:05:13,259 --> 00:05:15,259
No, no, no no, no,
I am not waiting.
102
00:05:15,262 --> 00:05:17,630
I waited through college,
through med school
103
00:05:17,631 --> 00:05:18,597
and through your residency.
104
00:05:18,598 --> 00:05:20,296
That was the plan.
105
00:05:20,299 --> 00:05:22,601
I know, I know, and
you've been so great
106
00:05:22,602 --> 00:05:23,634
through all of that.
107
00:05:23,636 --> 00:05:24,567
Is there someone else?
108
00:05:24,569 --> 00:05:25,971
Is it that Nurse Newcombe?
109
00:05:25,973 --> 00:05:27,571
No, no way.
110
00:05:27,572 --> 00:05:28,706
Well, then what is it?
111
00:05:28,708 --> 00:05:30,575
It's just, you,
112
00:05:31,977 --> 00:05:33,676
so predictable.
113
00:05:33,678 --> 00:05:35,678
Wha, wha, wha, what the heck
does that mean?
114
00:05:35,680 --> 00:05:38,681
Up every morning at 6:00 a.m.,
the same Honey Nut Oatmeal,
115
00:05:38,682 --> 00:05:41,282
you're off to work, back home,
then in bed at 10 o'clock.
116
00:05:41,284 --> 00:05:42,650
You don't follow sports.
117
00:05:42,652 --> 00:05:44,652
Sex, missionary position
with the lights off.
118
00:05:44,654 --> 00:05:46,454
There's no surprises.
119
00:05:46,455 --> 00:05:48,822
I'm bored out of my mind.
120
00:05:48,823 --> 00:05:52,492
Well, I didn't know it
was so horrible for you.
121
00:05:52,494 --> 00:05:55,729
Well that explains the
engagement ring,
122
00:05:55,731 --> 00:05:59,900
the promise ring and the
pre-promise ring.
123
00:05:59,901 --> 00:06:03,203
14 years, Steven!
124
00:06:03,502 --> 00:06:07,304
In hindsight, I probably
should have done this sooner.
125
00:06:07,305 --> 00:06:09,338
Did you bring me up here
so I wouldn't make a scene?
126
00:06:09,340 --> 00:06:10,406
Because I am gonna make a scene.
127
00:06:10,408 --> 00:06:11,774
I'm gonna tell
everybody in town.
128
00:06:11,776 --> 00:06:12,709
I'm gonna announce
it in church...
129
00:06:12,711 --> 00:06:13,844
Charlotte,
130
00:06:13,845 --> 00:06:15,578
- would you please just...
- I'm gonna put posters up...
131
00:06:15,580 --> 00:06:16,813
Hey, calm down
and hydrate, please.
132
00:06:16,815 --> 00:06:20,583
Don't you tell me to
hydrate, you jackass!
133
00:06:28,491 --> 00:06:30,258
Steven, are you okay?
134
00:06:31,927 --> 00:06:33,760
Fuck no!
135
00:06:33,762 --> 00:06:35,695
We find the
defendant, Charlotte Wells,
136
00:06:35,697 --> 00:06:38,866
guilty of criminal
assault and battery.
137
00:06:38,867 --> 00:06:41,333
If you complete
community service,
138
00:06:41,335 --> 00:06:44,303
anger management
classes and probation,
139
00:06:44,304 --> 00:06:46,604
the felony charge
will be expunged.
140
00:06:46,606 --> 00:06:48,976
Sentence is 30 days in jail.
141
00:06:53,046 --> 00:06:55,345
Don't tell me how
to live my life.
142
00:06:55,346 --> 00:06:56,812
Yes sir, motherfucker.
143
00:06:56,814 --> 00:06:58,616
Goddamn fucking shit.
144
00:07:01,052 --> 00:07:05,021
I gotta do me, fuck all y'all
if you can't appreciate!
145
00:07:05,021 --> 00:07:05,889
Step off!
146
00:07:07,357 --> 00:07:09,057
Who do you think you
are, Princess Elsa?
147
00:07:09,059 --> 00:07:11,593
It's not goddamn Arendelle.
148
00:07:11,595 --> 00:07:12,863
Skinny ass bitch!
149
00:07:36,382 --> 00:07:36,949
Ash?
150
00:07:37,749 --> 00:07:38,617
Ashley?
151
00:07:42,120 --> 00:07:43,688
Oh, yeah
152
00:07:47,024 --> 00:07:48,058
Give it baby
153
00:07:50,861 --> 00:07:53,996
That's what I'm
talking about, baby
154
00:07:53,997 --> 00:07:55,997
Ow, ow, hot, hot, hot.
155
00:07:55,999 --> 00:07:57,732
I'm on fire.
156
00:07:57,734 --> 00:07:58,601
Oh, yeah.
157
00:08:02,704 --> 00:08:06,639
Somebody's
earning their lunch money.
158
00:08:06,641 --> 00:08:07,708
Oh, yeah.
159
00:08:13,880 --> 00:08:15,547
Jesus, Brandon,
what can I say?
160
00:08:15,549 --> 00:08:18,783
She's a treacherous whore,
you're better off without her.
161
00:08:18,784 --> 00:08:20,684
You're gonna give
yourself a heart attack.
162
00:08:20,686 --> 00:08:21,921
What've you gone,
163
00:08:23,055 --> 00:08:23,987
a mile and a half?
164
00:08:23,988 --> 00:08:26,556
Shit, you're in terrible shape.
165
00:08:26,557 --> 00:08:30,458
I bought this bike
so that I could get fit
166
00:08:30,460 --> 00:08:32,661
and do the Rwanda ride.
167
00:08:32,663 --> 00:08:34,563
You ever seen me on it?
168
00:08:34,565 --> 00:08:35,997
No.
169
00:08:35,998 --> 00:08:37,566
The whore's right, Dan.
170
00:08:37,568 --> 00:08:40,467
I can't commit to
anything, especially women.
171
00:08:40,468 --> 00:08:42,635
Which explains why
I've had 50 girlfriends
172
00:08:42,638 --> 00:08:44,973
in the past 10 years.
173
00:08:44,974 --> 00:08:47,642
I can get 'em but
I can't keep 'em.
174
00:08:48,475 --> 00:08:50,509
I want a lasting love, Dan.
175
00:08:50,511 --> 00:08:51,412
I wanna be married.
176
00:08:52,446 --> 00:08:55,014
You have had a run of
lousy luck with women.
177
00:08:55,015 --> 00:08:57,014
Luck has nothing to
do with it, it's me.
178
00:08:57,015 --> 00:08:58,515
It has to be me.
179
00:08:58,518 --> 00:09:00,017
I have to change, Dan.
180
00:09:00,018 --> 00:09:03,356
Come on champ, you stink,
let's go get a shower.
181
00:09:11,095 --> 00:09:11,660
Welcome home, girl.
182
00:09:11,662 --> 00:09:14,196
Oh my god!
183
00:09:14,198 --> 00:09:15,496
Ow!
184
00:09:15,498 --> 00:09:17,432
- Oh, my god.
- Ow, ow, ow, ow ow ow!
185
00:09:17,433 --> 00:09:18,867
I'm so sorry.
186
00:09:18,869 --> 00:09:21,668
Carly, I'm so sorry,
it's my prison reflexes.
187
00:09:21,669 --> 00:09:22,635
Fuck that hurt!
188
00:09:22,638 --> 00:09:24,875
Oh my god, you are so strong.
189
00:09:27,042 --> 00:09:29,076
Is it sick that I envy you?
190
00:09:29,079 --> 00:09:30,911
You're an ass kicker now.
191
00:09:30,912 --> 00:09:33,213
You look great,
you've lost weight.
192
00:09:33,215 --> 00:09:34,281
Man, I wanna go to jail.
193
00:09:34,283 --> 00:09:38,517
Oh yeah, everybody
should, and it's so simple.
194
00:09:38,518 --> 00:09:39,885
All you have to do is
spend half your life
195
00:09:39,887 --> 00:09:42,954
in a disastrous relationship
and commit a felony.
196
00:09:42,955 --> 00:09:45,189
Okay, none of
which was your fault.
197
00:09:45,191 --> 00:09:47,558
It was all my fault.
198
00:09:47,559 --> 00:09:51,061
Look, okay, I read online
that the average woman
199
00:09:51,062 --> 00:09:52,595
will have four serious
relationship before she gets
200
00:09:52,597 --> 00:09:54,496
married. So, at the
rate you're going,
201
00:09:54,498 --> 00:09:56,598
you're not gonna get
married till like you're 84.
202
00:09:56,599 --> 00:09:58,667
You need to get right
back on the horse.
203
00:09:58,670 --> 00:09:59,969
How?
204
00:09:59,970 --> 00:10:02,004
I have nothing to offer.
205
00:10:02,005 --> 00:10:04,105
Men just want some spontaneous,
206
00:10:04,108 --> 00:10:06,542
unpredictable sexual deviant.
207
00:10:06,976 --> 00:10:08,608
Girl, you're giving
men too much credit.
208
00:10:08,610 --> 00:10:09,876
They're simple beasts.
209
00:10:09,878 --> 00:10:12,679
All's they crave is
sex, sports, beer, food
210
00:10:12,680 --> 00:10:14,248
and sometimes a little anal.
211
00:10:14,250 --> 00:10:15,082
Really?
212
00:10:15,084 --> 00:10:15,749
Really.
213
00:10:15,750 --> 00:10:16,615
Really?
214
00:10:16,617 --> 00:10:18,150
Really.
215
00:10:18,152 --> 00:10:20,686
Okay, if that's what men want,
216
00:10:20,688 --> 00:10:22,855
then that is what
I'm gonna give them.
217
00:10:22,856 --> 00:10:25,590
Except that last part,
not gonna happen.
218
00:10:25,592 --> 00:10:26,758
SCHWEITZER POLIZEI
FRAU: Yeah, yeah,
219
00:10:26,759 --> 00:10:28,992
we've all seen the
makeover sequence
220
00:10:28,995 --> 00:10:30,864
so I won't bore you with it.
221
00:10:53,847 --> 00:10:56,615
Kapernick, Manning,
Brees, cradle the balls!
222
00:10:56,617 --> 00:10:57,716
Work the shaft!
223
00:10:57,718 --> 00:10:58,850
Yes!
224
00:10:58,852 --> 00:11:01,053
You are now an expert on men.
225
00:11:01,055 --> 00:11:03,556
All right, this is all
the shit that he gave you
226
00:11:03,557 --> 00:11:05,290
over the last 14 years.
227
00:11:05,292 --> 00:11:07,695
Throw away, sell online and,
228
00:11:09,897 --> 00:11:12,230
whatever the fuck this is.
229
00:11:12,231 --> 00:11:14,597
Yeah, he got it at an
Infectious Diseases Conference
230
00:11:14,599 --> 00:11:16,033
in Shanghai.
231
00:11:16,034 --> 00:11:17,668
I kinda like it.
232
00:11:20,138 --> 00:11:21,940
It's going.
233
00:11:22,739 --> 00:11:24,141
Yeah, this is disgusting.
234
00:11:39,554 --> 00:11:40,254
Hmm.
235
00:13:15,668 --> 00:13:17,369
Wow, so you're a
graphic designer,
236
00:13:17,371 --> 00:13:19,106
you must be really artistic.
237
00:13:19,704 --> 00:13:23,374
Well, I have been called
the Vermeer of napkin art.
238
00:13:25,977 --> 00:13:28,745
Wait, what are you watching?
239
00:13:28,747 --> 00:13:31,083
Oh, it's this, this silly show
240
00:13:32,417 --> 00:13:34,750
about this Swiss
police woman who is...
241
00:13:34,752 --> 00:13:36,018
Schweizer Polizei Frau?
242
00:13:36,019 --> 00:13:37,251
You know it?
243
00:13:37,254 --> 00:13:38,253
Ja!
244
00:13:41,691 --> 00:13:44,759
I binge-watched all seven
seasons in like six days.
245
00:13:44,760 --> 00:13:46,093
Yeah, I'm on season four.
246
00:13:46,094 --> 00:13:48,694
Oh, there's great
ones coming up.
247
00:13:48,696 --> 00:13:52,698
We talked last
night for four hours.
248
00:13:52,700 --> 00:13:54,868
I think he's a really nice guy.
249
00:13:54,869 --> 00:13:55,835
Oh.
250
00:13:55,837 --> 00:13:57,735
Do you think I should
tell him about Steven?
251
00:13:57,737 --> 00:14:00,705
If you never wanna
hear from him again.
252
00:14:00,706 --> 00:14:03,807
Dating one guy your whole
life might come off a little...
253
00:14:03,809 --> 00:14:04,775
- Sad?
- Freakish.
254
00:14:04,777 --> 00:14:06,944
Like you were raised on
a polygamist compound.
255
00:14:06,946 --> 00:14:09,347
Don't show him the
woman you were,
256
00:14:09,348 --> 00:14:12,284
show him the woman
you're going to be.
257
00:14:12,750 --> 00:14:14,118
You mean lie?
258
00:14:14,119 --> 00:14:15,751
Hell yes, lie.
259
00:14:15,753 --> 00:14:18,721
Don't tell her you have
56K in student loans.
260
00:14:18,722 --> 00:14:20,388
Tell her you have
a 10 inch schlong
261
00:14:20,390 --> 00:14:22,924
and you're the heir
to Walmart fortune.
262
00:14:22,926 --> 00:14:23,792
It's the internet.
263
00:14:23,794 --> 00:14:25,362
If you're not lying,
your not trying.
264
00:14:26,695 --> 00:14:27,662
Hey, hey!
265
00:14:29,398 --> 00:14:31,698
My last boyfriend? Uh...
266
00:14:31,699 --> 00:14:37,104
Let's see, I was with
him for 14 months.
267
00:14:37,105 --> 00:14:40,473
Wow, so brief.
268
00:14:40,474 --> 00:14:43,375
Well, how long do your
relationships only last for?
269
00:14:43,377 --> 00:14:46,411
Uh, you know, two,
270
00:14:46,412 --> 00:14:47,411
three years.
271
00:14:47,414 --> 00:14:49,847
So, you haven't been
with that many women.
272
00:14:49,848 --> 00:14:51,748
A handful.
273
00:14:51,749 --> 00:14:55,751
You know, for me, it's more
about quality than quantity.
274
00:14:55,753 --> 00:14:57,253
My biggest fault?
275
00:14:57,254 --> 00:14:59,787
Sometimes, I give
too much, you know,
276
00:14:59,789 --> 00:15:01,390
whether it's work
or relationships.
277
00:15:01,392 --> 00:15:05,194
I'm all in, kind of a warp
speed ahead kinda guy.
278
00:15:05,195 --> 00:15:07,929
And sometimes, I'm so
spontaneous and unpredictable
279
00:15:07,931 --> 00:15:09,397
that people find it exhausting.
280
00:15:09,399 --> 00:15:11,134
But I'm working on that.
281
00:15:11,867 --> 00:15:13,333
I mean maybe 'cause I'm country
282
00:15:13,335 --> 00:15:16,436
but there's nothing like
a cold brewski, right?
283
00:15:16,437 --> 00:15:17,869
Hell yeah.
284
00:15:17,872 --> 00:15:19,273
Steelers baby!
285
00:15:19,274 --> 00:15:21,073
Big Ben is my boy.
286
00:15:21,075 --> 00:15:24,412
The San Diego Super Chargers!
287
00:15:25,380 --> 00:15:27,213
Well, you're looking
at the two-time
288
00:15:27,214 --> 00:15:29,849
salsa dancing champion
of West Virginia.
289
00:15:32,385 --> 00:15:35,018
Look, I'm not saying I'm
Lance Armstrong or anything,
290
00:15:35,020 --> 00:15:36,853
I'm kinda on the
level just below him,
291
00:15:36,855 --> 00:15:38,922
but cycling is my passion.
292
00:15:38,924 --> 00:15:41,057
God, you're food
looks amazing,
293
00:15:41,058 --> 00:15:42,824
where did you learn to cook?
294
00:15:42,826 --> 00:15:43,692
Oh please, look at you,
295
00:15:43,694 --> 00:15:45,196
making your own
pasta from scratch?
296
00:15:47,130 --> 00:15:48,462
You have beautiful eyes.
297
00:15:48,465 --> 00:15:50,869
You have a very sexy smile.
298
00:15:51,534 --> 00:15:52,799
Salut.
299
00:15:52,801 --> 00:15:54,003
Saluts.
300
00:15:54,404 --> 00:15:55,937
Oh, oh, god!
301
00:15:55,939 --> 00:15:57,538
Hey.
302
00:15:57,539 --> 00:15:58,205
Ah, no, no!
303
00:15:58,207 --> 00:15:59,306
No, it's not what you think.
304
00:15:59,309 --> 00:16:03,477
I just, I didn't have
time to get dressed before...
305
00:16:03,477 --> 00:16:03,843
Me too.
306
00:16:07,780 --> 00:16:08,912
I want you.
307
00:16:08,915 --> 00:16:10,148
Come to LA.
308
00:16:10,150 --> 00:16:11,849
I'll pay for the ticket.
309
00:16:11,850 --> 00:16:14,486
Look, I want to so bad,
but I looked into tickets,
310
00:16:14,488 --> 00:16:16,821
they are $700.
311
00:16:16,822 --> 00:16:18,155
Or we could split it,
312
00:16:18,157 --> 00:16:20,558
if it feels like I
coming on too strong.
313
00:16:20,560 --> 00:16:24,363
This is gonna be so amazing!
314
00:16:24,562 --> 00:16:26,529
Oh my god, I can't
believe I'm here.
315
00:16:26,531 --> 00:16:28,231
I can't
believe you're here.
316
00:16:28,232 --> 00:16:30,565
Oh, I
love your car.
317
00:16:30,567 --> 00:16:31,533
Thanks.
318
00:16:41,310 --> 00:16:44,345
So that's the Getty
Villa, right there.
319
00:16:44,347 --> 00:16:46,112
J. Paul Getty was the
world's richest man
320
00:16:46,113 --> 00:16:49,549
but he had a pay phone
for all his house guests.
321
00:16:49,551 --> 00:16:52,017
Oh god, what a cheapskate.
322
00:16:52,018 --> 00:16:54,385
I hate that!
323
00:16:54,387 --> 00:16:56,521
Yeah.
324
00:16:56,523 --> 00:16:58,424
Me too.
325
00:16:59,491 --> 00:17:00,858
Hey, isn't that,
that restaurant
326
00:17:00,860 --> 00:17:02,462
where all the
celebrities hang out?
327
00:17:02,894 --> 00:17:03,793
Yeah.
328
00:17:03,795 --> 00:17:05,061
Have
you ever been there?
329
00:17:05,063 --> 00:17:05,996
Sure.
330
00:17:05,998 --> 00:17:07,466
Oh, I bet it's amazing.
331
00:17:38,057 --> 00:17:39,356
It's gettin'
kinda chilly, huh.
332
00:17:39,358 --> 00:17:40,592
- Yeah.
- Wanna head back?
333
00:17:40,594 --> 00:17:42,361
Sure.
334
00:17:42,561 --> 00:17:45,498
Or, we could jump in the water.
335
00:17:48,133 --> 00:17:49,099
Yeah, right.
336
00:17:49,100 --> 00:17:50,233
No, I'm serious.
337
00:17:50,236 --> 00:17:52,336
Come on, Charlotte, you
just ate five course meal,
338
00:17:52,337 --> 00:17:53,236
you're not going for a swim.
339
00:17:53,238 --> 00:17:54,170
No, come on, let's do it.
340
00:17:54,171 --> 00:17:55,504
I've never even been
in the ocean before
341
00:17:55,507 --> 00:17:57,040
and it would just
be like absolutely...
342
00:17:57,041 --> 00:17:58,440
Hey, hey, listen to me.
343
00:17:58,442 --> 00:18:00,409
We're not jumping off the pier.
344
00:18:01,645 --> 00:18:02,812
Oh, my god.
345
00:18:03,479 --> 00:18:06,547
Okay, you are completely insane!
346
00:18:06,549 --> 00:18:07,381
Really?
347
00:18:07,383 --> 00:18:08,482
Yes, you're crazy.
348
00:18:08,483 --> 00:18:11,319
And you are the most
exciting guy I've ever met.
349
00:18:11,919 --> 00:18:12,452
Really?
350
00:18:12,454 --> 00:18:13,121
Yeah.
351
00:18:37,109 --> 00:18:38,943
All right, Carly, let's
see what you got me.
352
00:18:40,144 --> 00:18:41,210
How does...
353
00:18:41,212 --> 00:18:43,479
I don't even...
354
00:18:43,480 --> 00:18:45,047
I'm not using that.
355
00:18:53,121 --> 00:18:54,255
I've seen thicker dental floss.
356
00:19:02,463 --> 00:19:04,563
You are one sexy
bitch, Charlotte.
357
00:19:04,565 --> 00:19:06,965
And you've had sex
with a thousand men.
358
00:19:06,967 --> 00:19:07,699
With a hundred men.
359
00:19:07,701 --> 00:19:10,304
23, eight, eight.
360
00:19:18,410 --> 00:19:22,547
You're gonna go in there and
be just a super sexy lady.
361
00:19:24,547 --> 00:19:26,350
God, I look like my
mom with these things.
362
00:20:09,218 --> 00:20:09,917
Ow!
363
00:20:09,919 --> 00:20:11,385
Oh, oh my gosh, I'm so sorry.
364
00:20:11,386 --> 00:20:12,385
So you like it rough?
365
00:20:12,388 --> 00:20:13,656
Huh, oh no, I was just...
366
00:20:13,657 --> 00:20:15,489
'Cause I can be really rough.
367
00:20:15,491 --> 00:20:18,693
Oh yeah, no, I'm rough,
I'm like super rough.
368
00:20:18,694 --> 00:20:20,193
Like this kinda rough?
369
00:20:20,195 --> 00:20:21,127
Ah!
370
00:20:21,129 --> 00:20:22,195
Oh!
371
00:20:22,196 --> 00:20:25,531
Goin' for the sexy proctologist,
yeah, no I dig that.
372
00:20:25,533 --> 00:20:26,398
Yeah?
373
00:20:26,400 --> 00:20:27,533
Is that all you got?
374
00:20:27,535 --> 00:20:29,368
You're in luck
'cause his two friends
375
00:20:29,370 --> 00:20:31,270
just decided to join the party.
376
00:20:39,044 --> 00:20:41,113
What're you thinking?
377
00:20:42,514 --> 00:20:44,450
I was just thinking, uhm
378
00:20:46,016 --> 00:20:49,150
I was just wondering,
379
00:20:49,152 --> 00:20:52,389
if it's too soon to
tell him that um,
380
00:20:53,591 --> 00:20:55,693
he's just the kind of man
I've always wanted to be with.
381
00:20:57,192 --> 00:21:00,326
Confident and uhm,
382
00:21:00,328 --> 00:21:02,563
unhesitating,
383
00:21:02,564 --> 00:21:03,998
sure of what he wants.
384
00:21:05,333 --> 00:21:06,699
Extremely handsome.
385
00:21:06,701 --> 00:21:08,801
Well.
386
00:21:08,803 --> 00:21:11,039
And um,
387
00:21:12,739 --> 00:21:15,007
it's gonna break my heart
to get back on that plane.
388
00:21:18,645 --> 00:21:20,445
Well, that's funny actually,
389
00:21:20,446 --> 00:21:25,617
because I was
thinking that she is
390
00:21:25,618 --> 00:21:29,219
the most exciting
391
00:21:29,221 --> 00:21:33,122
and spontaneous person
392
00:21:33,122 --> 00:21:36,090
I've met in my entire life.
393
00:21:36,092 --> 00:21:39,429
Not to mention gorgeous,
bombshell, knockout
394
00:21:40,530 --> 00:21:42,697
and blonde too, the
most blonde person.
395
00:21:46,400 --> 00:21:47,533
And I was actually wondering
396
00:21:47,535 --> 00:21:49,371
if it's too soon
to give her this.
397
00:21:53,341 --> 00:21:55,343
And to tell her that I love her.
398
00:22:23,699 --> 00:22:26,500
I know this is
moving insanely fast
399
00:22:26,502 --> 00:22:29,303
but she's not like
the women here.
400
00:22:29,305 --> 00:22:30,838
Is that a heel mark?
401
00:22:30,839 --> 00:22:33,172
She's sexy and smart
402
00:22:33,173 --> 00:22:34,706
and we just have
this, this connection!
403
00:22:34,709 --> 00:22:36,810
What did you get
on my upholstery?
404
00:22:36,811 --> 00:22:38,444
Oh, that's just saltwater.
405
00:22:38,445 --> 00:22:40,211
Is that what the
kids are calling it?
406
00:22:40,214 --> 00:22:42,147
You desecrated the Stang!
407
00:22:42,148 --> 00:22:43,482
Dude, I'll get it
washed and waxed.
408
00:22:43,483 --> 00:22:45,483
Are you listening to what
I'm saying, I'm in love.
409
00:22:45,486 --> 00:22:47,285
I can clearly see
that you're excited
410
00:22:47,286 --> 00:22:49,452
and I'm very happy
for you, really I am.
411
00:22:49,453 --> 00:22:50,488
Okay yes.
412
00:22:56,227 --> 00:22:58,127
You might wanna keep
this for your scrap book.
413
00:22:58,128 --> 00:22:58,762
Oh, yes.
414
00:23:00,631 --> 00:23:01,797
That's her neck.
415
00:23:01,799 --> 00:23:02,665
Just smell that.
416
00:23:02,666 --> 00:23:03,698
- No.
- Just smell.
417
00:23:03,700 --> 00:23:04,732
- It's just a neck.
- It's not..
418
00:23:04,734 --> 00:23:06,534
- It's a neutral zone.
- This is not appropriate.
419
00:23:06,536 --> 00:23:08,469
Oh god, that's good.
420
00:23:08,470 --> 00:23:12,372
And, did you do the
things that we talked about?
421
00:23:12,374 --> 00:23:14,241
We did things no
one talks about.
422
00:23:14,242 --> 00:23:17,175
Ooh, and how did that go?
423
00:23:17,177 --> 00:23:18,511
He gave me this.
424
00:23:18,513 --> 00:23:19,345
Oh, my god.
425
00:23:19,346 --> 00:23:21,479
And he told me
that he loves me.
426
00:23:21,482 --> 00:23:23,381
Oh, my god!
427
00:23:23,382 --> 00:23:24,750
I know, and I told
him I love him too
428
00:23:24,751 --> 00:23:27,484
which I know seems
like crazy and rushed
429
00:23:27,486 --> 00:23:30,321
but it was just so magical.
430
00:23:30,323 --> 00:23:32,191
That no good mother.
431
00:23:44,934 --> 00:23:46,500
You know, good for him.
432
00:23:46,502 --> 00:23:48,537
Good for him, he
deserves to be happy.
433
00:23:48,539 --> 00:23:50,272
Char...
434
00:23:50,273 --> 00:23:52,406
I know what you're gonna
say and I'm gonna be fine
435
00:23:52,408 --> 00:23:55,443
because I'm happy
and he's happy.
436
00:23:55,444 --> 00:23:57,344
- Charlotte!
- And everybody's happy.
437
00:23:57,346 --> 00:23:58,177
Charlotte!
438
00:23:58,179 --> 00:23:59,211
It's gonna be,
439
00:23:59,213 --> 00:23:59,881
oh my god!
440
00:24:10,824 --> 00:24:11,691
Asshole!
441
00:24:13,360 --> 00:24:16,494
No, you cannot cause an
avalanche just by yodeling.
442
00:24:16,495 --> 00:24:19,563
No, I am telling you,
it is completely possible.
443
00:24:19,564 --> 00:24:20,830
You can't.
444
00:24:20,832 --> 00:24:22,531
And even if you could,
445
00:24:22,533 --> 00:24:24,900
you can't make it fall right
on a fleeing bank robber.
446
00:24:24,901 --> 00:24:27,302
Schweizer Polizei Frau can.
447
00:24:27,304 --> 00:24:28,338
Yeah well.
448
00:24:29,606 --> 00:24:33,642
Hey, I made something at work
today, you mind taking a look?
449
00:24:33,643 --> 00:24:34,777
Yeah, sure.
450
00:24:40,915 --> 00:24:42,615
Hey, is that me?
451
00:24:42,618 --> 00:24:43,719
Lookin' good.
452
00:24:51,324 --> 00:24:53,660
Oh, thank you, it's beautiful.
453
00:25:05,636 --> 00:25:09,507
It would be the most
unpredictable thing ever.
454
00:25:11,508 --> 00:25:14,711
It would be the
ultimate commitment.
455
00:25:24,485 --> 00:25:25,453
Geronimo!
456
00:25:36,762 --> 00:25:37,861
We want a divorce.
457
00:25:37,864 --> 00:25:39,364
Between the two of ya?
458
00:25:39,365 --> 00:25:40,330
Yep.
459
00:25:40,332 --> 00:25:41,565
Well, I'll be, usually,
460
00:25:41,566 --> 00:25:44,333
I represent only one
party's interests.
461
00:25:44,335 --> 00:25:45,268
We have the same interest.
462
00:25:45,270 --> 00:25:46,469
An immediate divorce.
463
00:25:46,470 --> 00:25:48,571
Well then, I reckon
we oughta discuss
464
00:25:48,574 --> 00:25:50,374
dividin' property, assets...
465
00:25:50,375 --> 00:25:51,541
We don't have any.
466
00:25:51,543 --> 00:25:54,276
How long you two been hitched?
467
00:25:54,278 --> 00:25:55,645
BRANDON AND
CHARLOTTE: 10 days.
468
00:25:55,646 --> 00:25:56,513
10 days?
469
00:26:06,353 --> 00:26:07,352
Oh!
470
00:26:07,354 --> 00:26:08,520
Thank you so much, Carly.
471
00:26:08,522 --> 00:26:10,859
Thanks, Carly, it's awesome!
472
00:26:11,792 --> 00:26:13,492
Oh, and that is from us.
473
00:26:13,494 --> 00:26:14,593
Oh.
474
00:26:14,595 --> 00:26:15,463
Thank you.
475
00:26:23,470 --> 00:26:27,004
Aw, thank you very much, that's
so sweet, Jerry and Judy.
476
00:26:27,005 --> 00:26:29,506
Thanks, Mom, thanks,
Dad, that's uh.
477
00:26:29,508 --> 00:26:31,742
No, the people
of Tibet thank you.
478
00:26:31,743 --> 00:26:35,745
It's such a noble
gesture in your name.
479
00:26:35,746 --> 00:26:37,546
Though it has none of
the bourgeoisie cache
480
00:26:37,548 --> 00:26:39,784
of a shiny kitchen appliance.
481
00:26:41,585 --> 00:26:43,818
Anyway, speaking
of exotic places,
482
00:26:43,820 --> 00:26:45,385
have you guys finally decided
483
00:26:45,387 --> 00:26:46,320
where you're gonna
take your honeymoon?
484
00:26:46,321 --> 00:26:48,654
Not yet, I'm start
teaching really soon
485
00:26:48,657 --> 00:26:52,093
and we have to find a bigger
apartment or maybe a house.
486
00:26:52,093 --> 00:26:53,825
Oh.
487
00:26:53,828 --> 00:26:55,828
So we have to
put that on hold.
488
00:26:55,829 --> 00:26:58,396
No, no, no, you must do
something special, Brandon.
489
00:26:58,398 --> 00:27:00,031
Sri Lanka is lovely.
490
00:27:00,032 --> 00:27:02,434
As far as exploited,
underdeveloped
491
00:27:02,436 --> 00:27:03,635
island nations go.
492
00:27:03,637 --> 00:27:06,772
It's really the sad teardrop
of the Indian subcontinent.
493
00:27:06,773 --> 00:27:08,472
But the beaches are beautiful.
494
00:27:08,474 --> 00:27:09,974
Well, that sounds
fun, right, honey?
495
00:27:09,976 --> 00:27:13,544
Oh yeah, it's just a shame
about all the tsunamis.
496
00:27:13,545 --> 00:27:14,978
I'll tell you what
though, for special,
497
00:27:14,980 --> 00:27:16,613
there's some really great spots
498
00:27:16,614 --> 00:27:18,479
right within driving distance.
499
00:27:18,481 --> 00:27:21,652
I mean, San Diego,
Santa Barbara, Pismo.
500
00:27:23,485 --> 00:27:24,352
Oh, what about you?
501
00:27:24,355 --> 00:27:25,955
Where'd you two go
on your honeymoon?
502
00:27:25,956 --> 00:27:27,055
Jail.
503
00:27:31,527 --> 00:27:32,759
He's not kidding.
504
00:27:32,760 --> 00:27:34,360
After we exchanged our vows,
505
00:27:34,363 --> 00:27:36,429
we went off to a No Nukes rally,
506
00:27:36,430 --> 00:27:39,099
she acted up and the
po-po picked us up
507
00:27:39,101 --> 00:27:40,499
and threw us both
in the slammer.
508
00:27:40,501 --> 00:27:43,035
So you spent your
whole honeymoon in jail?
509
00:27:43,036 --> 00:27:44,203
We had only known
each other 10 days
510
00:27:44,205 --> 00:27:48,507
so every minute we spent
together was like a honeymoon.
511
00:27:48,508 --> 00:27:52,376
And we actually managed to slip
a little connubial bliss in
512
00:27:52,377 --> 00:27:54,480
right under the man's nose.
513
00:27:56,916 --> 00:27:59,016
So we were in
adjacent cells, right,
514
00:27:59,017 --> 00:28:01,717
and right after all of the
other inmates went to sleep,
515
00:28:01,719 --> 00:28:04,586
my beautiful bride, she
backed her tight little rump
516
00:28:04,588 --> 00:28:06,588
right up against the bars,
517
00:28:06,589 --> 00:28:11,592
I dropped trou and we made
the sweetest, sweetest love.
518
00:28:11,593 --> 00:28:14,463
Oh, oh, Christ,
I need a drink!
519
00:28:18,600 --> 00:28:20,867
Being an only child and
losing both my parents,
520
00:28:20,869 --> 00:28:24,003
I definitely want a big family,
like three or four kids.
521
00:28:24,004 --> 00:28:26,171
You know, they say, it
costs over a quarter million
522
00:28:26,173 --> 00:28:29,474
to raise a child and
that's before college.
523
00:28:29,475 --> 00:28:32,476
You can't put a
price tag on happiness.
524
00:28:32,478 --> 00:28:36,447
True but I was an only
child and I have to say,
525
00:28:36,448 --> 00:28:37,181
I was very happy.
526
00:28:37,183 --> 00:28:39,150
Oh come on, Brandon.
527
00:28:39,151 --> 00:28:40,984
You use to always want
a younger brother.
528
00:28:40,986 --> 00:28:44,087
And a matter of fact,
Brandon was an accident.
529
00:28:44,088 --> 00:28:45,788
We thought long and hard
530
00:28:45,791 --> 00:28:47,790
about whether or not
we should keep him.
531
00:28:47,791 --> 00:28:49,657
You were gonna put
him up for adoption?
532
00:28:49,658 --> 00:28:52,060
Oh god no, I wouldn't
have the heart for that.
533
00:28:52,062 --> 00:28:54,761
We were gonna abort him.
534
00:28:54,762 --> 00:28:55,630
Jesus.
535
00:28:56,732 --> 00:28:58,432
But we were in Burma,
536
00:28:58,433 --> 00:29:00,767
we couldn't find anyone
to perform the procedure.
537
00:29:00,769 --> 00:29:01,737
Thank god.
538
00:29:02,871 --> 00:29:05,104
I think we made
the right decision.
539
00:29:05,106 --> 00:29:06,040
I do too.
540
00:29:07,475 --> 00:29:08,674
Most of the time.
541
00:29:08,675 --> 00:29:11,042
Oh, Jerry.
542
00:29:11,044 --> 00:29:12,210
Hey, you know, we
better get going,
543
00:29:12,212 --> 00:29:15,547
we got a flight to catch, we
gotta get to Buenos Aries.
544
00:29:15,549 --> 00:29:17,782
Oh, leaving so soon?
545
00:29:17,783 --> 00:29:19,049
We're gonna the Antarctica,
546
00:29:19,050 --> 00:29:21,583
we're gonna scuttle some
Japanese whale killers.
547
00:29:21,586 --> 00:29:22,485
If it were up to me,
548
00:29:22,486 --> 00:29:25,022
I'd have those boats
sunk in the ocean
549
00:29:25,023 --> 00:29:28,557
and have any remaining
survivors fed to the sharks.
550
00:29:28,559 --> 00:29:30,525
I hear you, I
respect your feelings.
551
00:29:30,527 --> 00:29:33,595
Now, get you things we
gotta go, we gonna be late.
552
00:29:33,596 --> 00:29:36,231
Charlotte, it's been
so lovely meeting you.
553
00:29:36,233 --> 00:29:37,232
Likewise.
554
00:29:37,234 --> 00:29:38,833
Carly, till next time.
555
00:29:38,834 --> 00:29:40,700
Okay, let's go.
556
00:29:40,703 --> 00:29:45,408
She gets so blood thirsty
when it comes to the Japanese.
557
00:29:47,541 --> 00:29:49,209
Those are some
weird fucking people.
558
00:29:49,210 --> 00:29:52,513
Okay, I don't
know, they're unique.
559
00:29:54,115 --> 00:29:56,248
It's kinda refreshing.
560
00:29:56,250 --> 00:29:57,582
You need to be thankful
561
00:29:57,583 --> 00:29:58,917
that their DNA
skipped a generation.
562
00:30:00,853 --> 00:30:03,653
But isn't, Brandon's
pretty amazing, right?
563
00:30:03,655 --> 00:30:05,821
You did good, girl.
564
00:30:05,822 --> 00:30:08,523
And he can't freak if he finds
out that you're a jail bird.
565
00:30:08,525 --> 00:30:09,658
'Cause with parents like that,
566
00:30:09,660 --> 00:30:11,260
he was probably
conceived in the joint.
567
00:30:11,262 --> 00:30:13,529
Why would you tell
Charlotte the Stang is yours?
568
00:30:13,531 --> 00:30:14,897
You're the one
who told me to lie.
569
00:30:14,898 --> 00:30:16,898
When you're trying to
lure her to the honey pot!
570
00:30:16,900 --> 00:30:18,733
You can't keep it going
now that you're married.
571
00:30:18,735 --> 00:30:19,968
It's insane.
572
00:30:19,969 --> 00:30:21,269
Just let me break it
to her slowly, okay?
573
00:30:21,272 --> 00:30:24,039
Can you go along with
it for a couple weeks?
574
00:30:24,040 --> 00:30:25,172
Come on man, you
have another car.
575
00:30:25,173 --> 00:30:26,172
Please, I'll owe you.
576
00:30:26,174 --> 00:30:27,106
With what?
577
00:30:27,109 --> 00:30:28,509
You don't have any money.
578
00:30:28,510 --> 00:30:29,709
Which you also told me
not to tell her about.
579
00:30:29,711 --> 00:30:32,679
And now she's talking about
honeymoons and houses and kids.
580
00:30:32,680 --> 00:30:35,047
Well, you screwed up,
man, you took my advice.
581
00:30:35,049 --> 00:30:37,717
Okay, okay, okay okay,
you can take the Stang
582
00:30:37,719 --> 00:30:39,685
for a couple more weeks but, but
583
00:30:39,686 --> 00:30:41,787
if I see you drive
it more than twice,
584
00:30:41,789 --> 00:30:43,788
I will bring down
your house of cards.
585
00:30:43,789 --> 00:30:44,788
Understood, thanks.
586
00:30:44,790 --> 00:30:46,290
I'll see you at dinner.
587
00:30:46,292 --> 00:30:49,193
No, this is yours now,
you have to take care of it!
588
00:30:49,194 --> 00:30:50,028
Oh!
589
00:30:51,263 --> 00:30:53,263
Our first dinner party
as a married couple.
590
00:30:53,265 --> 00:30:54,097
Yeah.
591
00:30:54,099 --> 00:30:56,132
What are you making?
592
00:30:56,133 --> 00:31:01,072
Well, I thought maybe you
could make your homemade pasta.
593
00:31:05,908 --> 00:31:08,241
I remember on our honeymoon,
we went to a movie in Maui
594
00:31:08,243 --> 00:31:10,577
and Dan was playing
with his wedding ring,
595
00:31:10,579 --> 00:31:12,746
it fell off and
rolled down the floor.
596
00:31:12,748 --> 00:31:13,981
Ting, ting, ting, ting.
597
00:31:13,982 --> 00:31:15,580
We had to wait till
the movie was over
598
00:31:15,582 --> 00:31:16,882
and then search through
all this popcorn
599
00:31:16,883 --> 00:31:19,550
and crud and found it
in a puddle of Pepsi.
600
00:31:19,552 --> 00:31:21,019
She was really mad.
601
00:31:21,021 --> 00:31:22,686
And then the next
week, he does it again!
602
00:31:22,688 --> 00:31:25,590
And she punched me
right in the dick.
603
00:31:27,327 --> 00:31:30,261
You're lucky I
didn't divorce you.
604
00:31:30,262 --> 00:31:32,795
It turned out he done
it intentionally.
605
00:31:32,797 --> 00:31:34,731
Well yeah, so I had
tied it to a string
606
00:31:34,733 --> 00:31:37,234
and I was pulling it along
and she kept going after it.
607
00:31:37,235 --> 00:31:38,700
That was really.
608
00:31:41,270 --> 00:31:43,037
Oh god, weren't you furious?
609
00:31:43,040 --> 00:31:43,874
Yes.
610
00:31:45,108 --> 00:31:47,808
But then I realized
that this is who Dan is
611
00:31:47,810 --> 00:31:49,745
and that's why I love him.
612
00:31:49,746 --> 00:31:51,112
That's why she loves me.
613
00:31:51,114 --> 00:31:52,346
He's a lovable jackass.
614
00:31:52,347 --> 00:31:54,280
My ass is very jacked.
615
00:31:56,084 --> 00:31:56,885
Moving on!
616
00:31:58,220 --> 00:32:01,054
Brandon, what is
your biggest regret?
617
00:32:01,055 --> 00:32:03,288
My choice of best friends.
618
00:32:03,290 --> 00:32:04,256
I was just being honest.
619
00:32:04,258 --> 00:32:06,526
I'm just being honest.
620
00:32:08,062 --> 00:32:10,728
I guess maybe not
visiting my grandpa enough
621
00:32:10,729 --> 00:32:11,998
before he died.
622
00:32:13,134 --> 00:32:14,233
He was living in
this nursing home
623
00:32:14,234 --> 00:32:17,368
like a mile from our house and,
624
00:32:17,369 --> 00:32:18,801
I don't know, I
guess I was too busy
625
00:32:18,804 --> 00:32:21,006
being a teenager or something.
626
00:32:23,641 --> 00:32:26,842
Anyway, I hope he forgave me.
627
00:32:26,843 --> 00:32:28,243
Of course he did.
628
00:32:28,245 --> 00:32:30,113
He knew you loved him.
629
00:32:45,360 --> 00:32:48,794
Okay, I gonna say
what we're all thinking.
630
00:32:48,796 --> 00:32:49,630
Four-way.
631
00:32:50,730 --> 00:32:51,564
Hey!
632
00:33:02,340 --> 00:33:05,341
Hey, how come you never
wear that necklace I gave you?
633
00:33:05,343 --> 00:33:07,143
Don't you like it?
634
00:33:07,144 --> 00:33:08,077
I love it.
635
00:33:08,079 --> 00:33:09,847
I absolutely love it.
636
00:33:10,681 --> 00:33:12,414
And you know what else I love?
637
00:33:12,415 --> 00:33:14,282
That pretty little ass of yours.
638
00:33:17,219 --> 00:33:19,955
You remember the three amigos?
639
00:33:24,759 --> 00:33:25,626
Arriba!
640
00:33:26,395 --> 00:33:27,728
Whoo!
641
00:33:38,269 --> 00:33:41,204
Schweitzer Polizei Frau.
642
00:33:47,678 --> 00:33:49,245
What are you working on?
643
00:33:49,246 --> 00:33:51,113
Welfare application.
644
00:33:51,116 --> 00:33:52,715
You?
645
00:33:52,716 --> 00:33:54,282
Suicide note.
646
00:33:54,284 --> 00:33:55,352
Touche.
647
00:33:56,887 --> 00:33:58,453
You know, screw it!
648
00:33:58,454 --> 00:34:01,388
I guess I'm gonna call
that slimy prick Matthew
649
00:34:01,390 --> 00:34:02,990
and see if he'll
throw us a bone.
650
00:34:02,991 --> 00:34:05,360
Oh man, that's gonna suck.
651
00:34:06,727 --> 00:34:08,261
You just know he's gonna make
you feel like a pathetic,
652
00:34:08,262 --> 00:34:10,761
shit-eating failure.
653
00:34:10,764 --> 00:34:12,301
I'll call for you.
654
00:34:14,301 --> 00:34:15,766
I'm just so glad I found it.
655
00:34:15,769 --> 00:34:17,269
I had to go to 10 different
stores to find it,
656
00:34:17,270 --> 00:34:19,105
and it cost $1,200.
657
00:34:19,939 --> 00:34:21,305
Oh, at that price,
658
00:34:21,307 --> 00:34:22,440
I think I would have
just come clean.
659
00:34:22,441 --> 00:34:27,244
Yeah, I wanted to but he
spent so much money on it,
660
00:34:27,246 --> 00:34:30,847
and, I don't know, he
picked it out himself
661
00:34:30,848 --> 00:34:33,351
which I think is very sweet, so.
662
00:34:35,752 --> 00:34:37,353
So, you
must be looking forward
663
00:34:37,355 --> 00:34:39,088
to getting back to work, huh?
664
00:34:39,089 --> 00:34:42,490
Yes, I'm so excited to be
back in the classroom with kids.
665
00:34:42,492 --> 00:34:44,359
It's gonna be nice to have
income coming in, too.
666
00:34:44,360 --> 00:34:46,360
Speaking of which,
I was thinking
667
00:34:46,363 --> 00:34:48,095
that we could start
planning our honeymoon.
668
00:34:48,096 --> 00:34:50,897
You know, maybe go
on my spring break.
669
00:34:50,899 --> 00:34:53,234
What do you think about Aruba?
670
00:34:54,934 --> 00:34:56,834
Yeah, that's fine.
671
00:34:56,837 --> 00:35:00,406
But what about
Catalina Island, huh?
672
00:35:00,407 --> 00:35:04,442
It's 26 miles across the
sea, it is beautiful.
673
00:35:04,443 --> 00:35:08,512
It's, uh, I mean, it's
where Natalie Wood drowned.
674
00:35:08,513 --> 00:35:10,313
Sounds romantic.
675
00:35:10,315 --> 00:35:11,881
Hey, you know what?
676
00:35:11,883 --> 00:35:13,883
I think we have to have
a couple drinks tonight.
677
00:35:13,884 --> 00:35:14,749
- Yeah?
- To celebrate
678
00:35:14,751 --> 00:35:15,951
your last couple
of days of leisure.
679
00:35:15,954 --> 00:35:16,920
What do you say?
680
00:35:16,921 --> 00:35:17,752
I like that.
681
00:35:17,754 --> 00:35:19,087
Let me do that.
682
00:35:19,089 --> 00:35:21,256
All right, get out
there, make me proud,
683
00:35:21,258 --> 00:35:23,727
show me some of those tricks.
684
00:35:33,535 --> 00:35:35,368
Achtung, ladies and gentlemen,
685
00:35:35,370 --> 00:35:40,039
he's about to shame,
bruise and soil himself.
686
00:35:44,009 --> 00:35:44,877
Fuck!
687
00:35:56,020 --> 00:35:59,121
Oh my god,
Barndon, are you okay?
688
00:35:59,123 --> 00:36:02,191
Yeah, yeah,
no, I meant to do that.
689
00:36:02,193 --> 00:36:03,061
Oh god.
690
00:36:13,236 --> 00:36:14,802
Hey Brandon.
691
00:36:14,803 --> 00:36:16,302
I brought you a little
somethin' for the newlyweds.
692
00:36:16,304 --> 00:36:18,137
Oh Mel, thank you.
693
00:36:18,139 --> 00:36:18,972
Cheers.
694
00:36:18,974 --> 00:36:19,806
Cheers.
695
00:36:19,807 --> 00:36:20,540
Shots.
696
00:36:20,542 --> 00:36:22,207
To all your lucky students.
697
00:36:22,209 --> 00:36:24,876
To my sweet husband
and all my bros and hoes.
698
00:36:24,877 --> 00:36:25,745
Yeah!
699
00:36:26,646 --> 00:36:28,246
Excuse me
ladies and gentlemen,
700
00:36:28,248 --> 00:36:30,481
can I get Charlotte
Conroy on the dance floor?
701
00:36:30,482 --> 00:36:31,314
What?
702
00:36:31,316 --> 00:36:32,349
Did he say my name?
703
00:36:32,352 --> 00:36:33,184
I guess.
704
00:36:33,185 --> 00:36:34,317
What did you tell him?
705
00:36:34,319 --> 00:36:35,953
Yeah, everyone, put your
hands together right here,
706
00:36:35,954 --> 00:36:38,288
Miss Charlotte, the
dancing machine, Conroy,
707
00:36:38,291 --> 00:36:41,559
salsa champion, world
champion in the house tonight!
708
00:36:41,559 --> 00:36:42,391
That's you.
709
00:36:42,394 --> 00:36:43,493
What did you tell him?
710
00:36:43,495 --> 00:36:44,927
I may have
exaggerated a little.
711
00:36:44,928 --> 00:36:46,495
I know you didn't wanna
show off at the wedding
712
00:36:46,497 --> 00:36:48,330
but now I get to see your stuff!
713
00:36:53,370 --> 00:36:54,236
Yeah!
714
00:37:01,209 --> 00:37:02,475
SCHWEITZER POLIZEI
FRAU: And that is all
715
00:37:02,478 --> 00:37:05,078
the salsa Charlotte knows,
716
00:37:05,079 --> 00:37:07,415
but tragically, she dances on.
717
00:37:35,971 --> 00:37:37,971
Well look who's here.
718
00:37:37,974 --> 00:37:41,108
The asshole who almost
smothered me to death.
719
00:37:41,108 --> 00:37:42,207
Ashley?
720
00:37:42,209 --> 00:37:45,210
You would still hang out
here, you cheap bastard.
721
00:37:45,212 --> 00:37:46,378
I'm just kidding.
722
00:37:46,380 --> 00:37:47,480
I come here too.
723
00:37:47,481 --> 00:37:49,181
Ashley, I am...
724
00:37:49,184 --> 00:37:52,354
You, are not still
mad at me, are you?
725
00:37:56,356 --> 00:38:01,091
Okay, Charlotte, thank
you, thank you very much.
726
00:38:01,092 --> 00:38:02,960
Very interesting dance.
727
00:38:05,464 --> 00:38:06,896
Hey, honey.
728
00:38:06,897 --> 00:38:08,364
Who's your friend?
729
00:38:08,367 --> 00:38:09,366
Ashley.
730
00:38:09,367 --> 00:38:12,201
Charlotte, Charlotte Conroy.
731
00:38:12,202 --> 00:38:13,234
Who's that, your sister?
732
00:38:13,236 --> 00:38:14,670
No, his wife.
733
00:38:14,672 --> 00:38:17,972
I'm sorry, you're married?
734
00:38:17,973 --> 00:38:19,106
Since when?
735
00:38:19,109 --> 00:38:20,277
Four days ago.
736
00:38:22,243 --> 00:38:25,411
We used to date until he
went all fainting goat on,
737
00:38:25,413 --> 00:38:27,246
what the fuck?
738
00:38:27,248 --> 00:38:28,915
That's my necklace!
739
00:38:28,917 --> 00:38:29,649
Oh shit.
740
00:38:29,651 --> 00:38:30,683
What the hell, Brandon?
741
00:38:30,684 --> 00:38:32,150
Brandon?
742
00:38:32,152 --> 00:38:33,251
Yeah, I left it at his place.
743
00:38:33,252 --> 00:38:34,585
He never gave it back to me.
744
00:38:34,588 --> 00:38:36,091
Is that true?
745
00:38:38,125 --> 00:38:39,124
Told ya.
746
00:38:39,126 --> 00:38:41,125
This isn't your necklace.
747
00:38:41,126 --> 00:38:42,058
The hell it isn't.
748
00:38:42,060 --> 00:38:43,327
Okay.
749
00:38:43,329 --> 00:38:44,428
No, I
think your necklace
750
00:38:44,430 --> 00:38:45,563
I ground up in the
garbage disposal.
751
00:38:45,565 --> 00:38:46,963
Bullshit!
752
00:38:46,964 --> 00:38:48,365
Listen,
I was freaked out
753
00:38:48,367 --> 00:38:49,965
because I found out my
ex-fiance was getting married.
754
00:38:49,967 --> 00:38:50,933
Ex-fiance?
755
00:38:50,935 --> 00:38:52,267
Okay, like you have
the right to speak,
756
00:38:52,268 --> 00:38:53,968
you gave this skank's necklace!
757
00:38:53,971 --> 00:38:56,071
Oh my god, this is hilarious.
758
00:38:56,072 --> 00:38:58,241
You wanna know what I think?
759
00:39:02,078 --> 00:39:04,112
You're not gonna do anything?
760
00:39:04,114 --> 00:39:04,981
Stop!
761
00:39:07,716 --> 00:39:09,516
Look at it this way,
most women our age
762
00:39:09,518 --> 00:39:11,351
have a lot of wear
and tear on 'em
763
00:39:11,352 --> 00:39:13,152
but you got her from
the original owner.
764
00:39:13,154 --> 00:39:15,121
She's in mint condition.
765
00:39:15,123 --> 00:39:17,390
Anyway, you really trumped
her on that necklace debacle.
766
00:39:17,391 --> 00:39:18,390
What were you thinking?
767
00:39:18,392 --> 00:39:19,324
I don't know, man.
768
00:39:19,327 --> 00:39:20,659
Never the twain shall meet?
769
00:39:20,660 --> 00:39:24,062
Okay, once, when
Rita and I were married
770
00:39:24,063 --> 00:39:26,564
for maybe two months, she
asked me if this dress
771
00:39:26,566 --> 00:39:28,332
she was wearing made
her butt look big.
772
00:39:28,333 --> 00:39:30,701
I told her, yes, but
I like big butts.
773
00:39:30,703 --> 00:39:32,034
You know, I'm a black man.
774
00:39:32,036 --> 00:39:33,369
It nearly ruined us.
775
00:39:33,370 --> 00:39:35,237
But it didn't.
776
00:39:35,240 --> 00:39:38,241
It took some work and
that's what you gotta do, man.
777
00:39:38,242 --> 00:39:40,575
You gotta make some
grand gesture, all right?
778
00:39:40,577 --> 00:39:43,011
Something repentant and sweet.
779
00:39:43,012 --> 00:39:44,111
Maybe a little pathetic
thrown in there
780
00:39:44,112 --> 00:39:49,116
and with any luck, it will
all be forgotten about.
781
00:39:49,118 --> 00:39:50,386
In a few years.
782
00:39:52,654 --> 00:39:53,522
Come on.
783
00:39:59,427 --> 00:40:01,427
God, it was so humiliating.
784
00:40:01,429 --> 00:40:02,661
So you
both screwed up.
785
00:40:02,663 --> 00:40:05,231
You each take a
gimme and move on.
786
00:40:06,366 --> 00:40:09,567
I just got an email from him.
787
00:40:16,742 --> 00:40:19,143
Oh my gosh, it's so sweet!
788
00:40:20,244 --> 00:40:21,644
He just sent me
the cutest apology.
789
00:40:21,646 --> 00:40:22,478
See?
790
00:40:22,479 --> 00:40:24,212
He's a peach.
791
00:40:24,214 --> 00:40:26,548
Do something nice for him
tonight, like really nice.
792
00:40:26,550 --> 00:40:28,183
Did you get that
link I sent you?
793
00:40:28,184 --> 00:40:29,750
Oh, that site was nasty.
794
00:40:29,752 --> 00:40:31,287
Exactly.
795
00:40:54,272 --> 00:40:55,572
Not in the bedroom.
796
00:41:01,613 --> 00:41:02,445
Lower.
797
00:41:12,121 --> 00:41:13,554
This is ridiculous.
798
00:41:13,556 --> 00:41:15,323
They've been making
this racket for hours.
799
00:41:15,324 --> 00:41:17,424
What the hell are
they trying to prove?
800
00:41:18,293 --> 00:41:20,260
Dan, maybe you
should come to bed.
801
00:41:20,261 --> 00:41:22,628
Yeah, yeah, in a minute.
802
00:41:42,413 --> 00:41:43,214
Oh my god.
803
00:41:45,382 --> 00:41:47,385
Oh, that was incredible.
804
00:41:48,586 --> 00:41:50,288
Okay, I gotta pee.
805
00:42:07,134 --> 00:42:09,602
I'm sure it's nothing serious.
806
00:42:09,603 --> 00:42:12,237
You haven't had problems
down their before, have you?
807
00:42:12,239 --> 00:42:13,107
Never.
808
00:42:15,408 --> 00:42:17,510
Brandon Conroy.
809
00:42:24,182 --> 00:42:25,382
Hello Mr. Conroy.
810
00:42:25,383 --> 00:42:26,215
Hi.
811
00:42:26,217 --> 00:42:27,483
I'm Dr. Sahni.
812
00:42:27,486 --> 00:42:30,253
Oh, yeah, I normally
see Dr. Kurtzman?
813
00:42:30,254 --> 00:42:33,355
Oh, he retired five
or six months ago.
814
00:42:33,356 --> 00:42:35,524
This is my first week.
815
00:42:35,526 --> 00:42:36,394
Welcome.
816
00:42:37,261 --> 00:42:39,395
So, what's the problem?
817
00:42:39,396 --> 00:42:43,130
It's like someone took a
sand blaster to my boom stick.
818
00:42:43,132 --> 00:42:44,701
Let's have a look.
819
00:42:48,202 --> 00:42:49,237
Oh my god.
820
00:42:50,237 --> 00:42:51,369
This looks like something I saw
821
00:42:51,371 --> 00:42:53,371
in my tropical disease seminar.
822
00:42:53,373 --> 00:42:54,707
How long's it been like this?
823
00:42:54,709 --> 00:42:56,141
Just since this morning.
824
00:42:56,142 --> 00:42:58,475
And before that,
was your penis normal
825
00:42:58,477 --> 00:43:01,248
or has it always
been disfigured?
826
00:43:02,281 --> 00:43:04,381
Normal, it's normal.
827
00:43:04,383 --> 00:43:05,683
Do you work with
toxic chemicals?
828
00:43:05,685 --> 00:43:06,817
No.
829
00:43:06,818 --> 00:43:07,917
Have you recently spent
time in the African bush?
830
00:43:07,920 --> 00:43:09,153
No.
831
00:43:09,154 --> 00:43:11,154
Have you had sex with any
prostitutes from that region?
832
00:43:11,156 --> 00:43:11,921
No!
833
00:43:11,922 --> 00:43:13,789
Any exposure to monkey feces?
834
00:43:13,792 --> 00:43:15,291
Monkey feces?
835
00:43:15,292 --> 00:43:17,359
So, no interspecies
intercourse?
836
00:43:17,360 --> 00:43:18,492
Oh, for fuck, no!
837
00:43:18,495 --> 00:43:20,328
Mr. Conroy, I'm
going to need the names
838
00:43:20,329 --> 00:43:22,364
of your sexual partners.
839
00:43:24,768 --> 00:43:27,468
Get Dr. Palmer down here right
away to look at Mr. Conroy.
840
00:43:27,469 --> 00:43:30,604
We have a possible miasmic
STD of unknown origin.
841
00:43:30,605 --> 00:43:32,271
Is it that serious?
842
00:43:32,273 --> 00:43:34,841
He's had sex with 21 women
in the last four years.
843
00:43:34,843 --> 00:43:35,777
Go, go, go.
844
00:43:38,512 --> 00:43:40,646
I've never seen
anything like this before.
845
00:43:40,647 --> 00:43:42,280
It looks like a mix
of genital herpes,
846
00:43:42,281 --> 00:43:44,381
syphilis and a gun shot wound.
847
00:43:44,383 --> 00:43:46,852
Maybe it's a mutant hybrid?
848
00:43:48,220 --> 00:43:49,486
You ask him about money feces?
849
00:43:49,488 --> 00:43:51,457
I did, and negative.
850
00:43:52,890 --> 00:43:54,523
Sterile swab.
851
00:43:54,526 --> 00:43:55,792
Whoa.
852
00:43:55,793 --> 00:43:57,526
What's up with the swab?
853
00:43:57,528 --> 00:44:00,429
I'm gonna insert this into
your urethra, get a culture,
854
00:44:00,430 --> 00:44:01,796
run a test and see
if we can figure out
855
00:44:01,798 --> 00:44:04,264
what's goin' on with you, okay?
856
00:44:04,266 --> 00:44:05,334
'Kay.
857
00:44:08,403 --> 00:44:09,270
Hmm.
858
00:44:21,649 --> 00:44:23,215
Oh god.
859
00:44:23,216 --> 00:44:23,914
There we go.
860
00:44:23,917 --> 00:44:26,320
That wasn't so bad, was it?
861
00:44:29,789 --> 00:44:31,656
I'm so sorry.
862
00:44:31,657 --> 00:44:32,856
It's okay, we got another one.
863
00:44:32,858 --> 00:44:34,290
No that's good.
864
00:44:34,292 --> 00:44:35,660
I'm sure that's fine.
865
00:44:35,662 --> 00:44:38,596
Come on, the three
second rule, right?
866
00:44:38,597 --> 00:44:41,598
It's okay, let's try
this again, shall we?
867
00:44:41,599 --> 00:44:42,633
Please no.
868
00:44:57,012 --> 00:44:58,411
Hey.
869
00:44:58,412 --> 00:45:00,746
Oh sweetie, thank
god you're here.
870
00:45:00,748 --> 00:45:02,448
How you doing, honey?
871
00:45:02,450 --> 00:45:04,383
They don't know what I have.
872
00:45:04,385 --> 00:45:06,919
Oh, I'm sure
everything will be okay
873
00:45:06,920 --> 00:45:08,987
once they figure out
which one of your 21 sluts
874
00:45:08,988 --> 00:45:10,721
gave you the disease!
875
00:45:10,724 --> 00:45:13,425
Whatever happened to
quality over quantity?
876
00:45:13,426 --> 00:45:17,394
The numbers don't matter,
I always wore condoms.
877
00:45:17,395 --> 00:45:18,528
Except with you.
878
00:45:18,530 --> 00:45:19,729
Oh please!
879
00:45:19,731 --> 00:45:21,898
I only slept with
one man for 14 years.
880
00:45:21,900 --> 00:45:23,332
But who did he
sleep with, huh?
881
00:45:23,333 --> 00:45:25,469
You're so full of shit!
882
00:45:26,671 --> 00:45:27,937
I'm his wife!
883
00:45:27,938 --> 00:45:29,637
Oh yes, I imagined so.
884
00:45:29,639 --> 00:45:31,305
I'm Dr. Dietz, now let's see
885
00:45:31,307 --> 00:45:34,277
what all this
excitement's about.
886
00:45:35,745 --> 00:45:37,678
You already checked for
monkey feces, right?
887
00:45:37,679 --> 00:45:38,547
I did.
888
00:45:45,953 --> 00:45:49,055
Mr. Conroy, you have cystitis.
889
00:45:49,056 --> 00:45:50,022
Oh god.
890
00:45:50,023 --> 00:45:50,922
Shit.
891
00:45:50,925 --> 00:45:54,325
Commonly known as
honeymoon disease
892
00:45:54,326 --> 00:45:57,895
from too much intense
sexual activity.
893
00:45:57,896 --> 00:46:00,429
You just need to give
the little fellow a rest.
894
00:46:00,432 --> 00:46:02,934
Avoid sex for four or five days.
895
00:46:02,935 --> 00:46:05,635
Only touch it when
absolutely necessary
896
00:46:05,637 --> 00:46:08,304
and you'll be right
as rain in no time.
897
00:46:08,305 --> 00:46:09,673
Oh, thank god.
898
00:46:10,976 --> 00:46:12,675
Oh, thank you.
899
00:46:12,676 --> 00:46:14,409
You can put that down.
900
00:46:14,410 --> 00:46:16,810
I'm sorry.
901
00:46:16,813 --> 00:46:18,446
So, let me get this straight,
902
00:46:18,447 --> 00:46:22,083
they swabbed your schlong
twice, yet they didn't have to?
903
00:46:22,085 --> 00:46:23,584
Yeah.
904
00:46:27,088 --> 00:46:31,526
Oh boy, that is marriage
in a nutshell, ain't it?
905
00:46:38,798 --> 00:46:41,599
Mrs. Halvorsen, I was just
getting ready for tomorrow.
906
00:46:41,601 --> 00:46:43,566
I'm afraid there's a problem.
907
00:46:43,568 --> 00:46:46,336
We just received your
background check.
908
00:46:46,338 --> 00:46:48,739
You were arrested for a felony.
909
00:46:48,740 --> 00:46:51,074
But I received a
deferred adjudication.
910
00:46:51,076 --> 00:46:52,541
I wasn't convicted.
911
00:46:52,542 --> 00:46:54,943
I was still able to
teach in West Virginia.
912
00:46:54,945 --> 00:46:57,512
Obviously we hold a
higher standard here
913
00:46:57,514 --> 00:46:59,348
at Van Nuys Christian.
914
00:46:59,349 --> 00:47:00,681
I'm an excellent teacher,
I've been teaching for...
915
00:47:00,682 --> 00:47:01,882
I'm sorry.
916
00:47:01,885 --> 00:47:03,951
Maybe if you hadn't
been dishonest,
917
00:47:03,952 --> 00:47:07,053
but we're going to have to
terminate your contract.
918
00:47:07,055 --> 00:47:09,489
I'm sorry, I
didn't mean to lie,
919
00:47:09,490 --> 00:47:11,524
I was just trying to
make a good impression.
920
00:47:13,461 --> 00:47:14,994
Don't apologize to me.
921
00:47:14,995 --> 00:47:16,596
Apologize to Jesus.
922
00:47:50,158 --> 00:47:52,125
You're still upset about
what happened yesterday,
923
00:47:52,128 --> 00:47:52,927
aren't you?
924
00:47:52,928 --> 00:47:54,462
Yeah, I mean no.
925
00:47:57,965 --> 00:48:01,133
Look, we've both
make mistakes and,
926
00:48:01,134 --> 00:48:02,499
I don't think we
should judge each other
927
00:48:02,502 --> 00:48:04,870
for things that
happened before we met.
928
00:48:04,871 --> 00:48:07,171
Yeah, no, I completely agree.
929
00:48:07,173 --> 00:48:11,642
The past is the past and we
should just be looking forward
930
00:48:11,642 --> 00:48:13,946
to the road ahead together.
931
00:48:24,955 --> 00:48:28,358
At least it's all
out in the open now.
932
00:48:30,025 --> 00:48:31,859
Look, I wanna tell you,
933
00:48:31,860 --> 00:48:33,393
I need to tell you
934
00:48:35,430 --> 00:48:37,365
that I agree 100%.
935
00:48:38,133 --> 00:48:39,001
Good.
936
00:48:42,002 --> 00:48:43,168
Oh, this is one of
my favorite episodes.
937
00:48:43,171 --> 00:48:44,636
Have you seen this one?
938
00:48:44,637 --> 00:48:45,904
No.
939
00:48:45,906 --> 00:48:47,773
Oh, this is classic.
940
00:49:03,188 --> 00:49:05,688
Ah, I won a Golden Heidi
941
00:49:05,689 --> 00:49:07,124
for that episode.
942
00:49:12,895 --> 00:49:14,663
I'll be right back.
943
00:49:31,610 --> 00:49:33,744
Hey, packed your
lunch for you.
944
00:49:33,746 --> 00:49:37,081
Oh my god, where
did you find this?
945
00:49:37,082 --> 00:49:38,117
I made it.
946
00:49:41,119 --> 00:49:42,987
Knock 'em dead, honey.
947
00:49:59,101 --> 00:50:01,201
I feel like such
a scam artist.
948
00:50:01,202 --> 00:50:03,970
I'm not built for this
kind of deception.
949
00:50:03,972 --> 00:50:06,205
Okay well, why don't you just
find another job real quick
950
00:50:06,206 --> 00:50:09,107
and then tell Brandon
you got a better offer?
951
00:50:09,109 --> 00:50:10,809
Finding one's not the problem.
952
00:50:10,811 --> 00:50:13,845
I got an interview at 12, I
just, I mean what's the point?
953
00:50:13,846 --> 00:50:15,613
They'll just vet me too.
954
00:50:15,615 --> 00:50:19,050
No one's gonna let a low down
ex-con near their children.
955
00:50:19,052 --> 00:50:20,117
Hmm.
956
00:50:20,118 --> 00:50:21,551
Oh, I got it!
957
00:50:21,553 --> 00:50:24,054
Okay, your middle
name is Lauren, right?
958
00:50:24,055 --> 00:50:27,756
So why don't you spell it
L-A-U-R-A-N instead of E-N
959
00:50:27,758 --> 00:50:29,758
and then your record
won't come up.
960
00:50:29,760 --> 00:50:31,260
Would that really work?
961
00:50:31,261 --> 00:50:32,193
I don't know.
962
00:50:32,195 --> 00:50:34,195
What have you got to lose?
963
00:50:34,196 --> 00:50:35,229
You know what?
964
00:50:35,232 --> 00:50:36,265
Nothing, you're right.
965
00:50:36,266 --> 00:50:37,732
You're absolutely right.
966
00:50:37,734 --> 00:50:41,171
Thank you so much,
you're a total genius.
967
00:50:43,839 --> 00:50:45,305
My car won't start.
968
00:50:45,307 --> 00:50:47,107
Okay, why don't you just
call Brandon real quick
969
00:50:47,108 --> 00:50:47,672
and then ask him...
970
00:50:47,674 --> 00:50:48,640
I can't call Brandon
971
00:50:48,642 --> 00:50:49,774
and ask him to take
me to a job interview
972
00:50:49,776 --> 00:50:51,543
when I'm supposed to be in
a job that I already have!
973
00:50:51,545 --> 00:50:52,178
Goodbye!
974
00:50:52,180 --> 00:50:53,214
Shit.
975
00:50:55,182 --> 00:50:56,780
Shit.
976
00:51:00,753 --> 00:51:01,585
Hey, Charlotte.
977
00:51:01,587 --> 00:51:02,488
Hey, Dan.
978
00:51:06,191 --> 00:51:07,223
Bye, Dan.
979
00:51:07,225 --> 00:51:08,093
Bye.
980
00:51:21,570 --> 00:51:25,142
No, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no, no!
981
00:51:27,110 --> 00:51:28,177
Goddammit!
982
00:51:42,087 --> 00:51:45,155
Eight years
teaching first grade.
983
00:51:45,156 --> 00:51:48,091
Volunteer for the Red Cross.
984
00:51:48,093 --> 00:51:50,796
Girl Scout camp summer leader.
985
00:51:52,197 --> 00:51:54,264
Oh, you went to UWV!
986
00:51:54,265 --> 00:51:55,630
Yeah.
987
00:51:55,632 --> 00:51:56,699
Proud Mountaineer here!
988
00:51:56,701 --> 00:51:57,632
You too?
989
00:51:57,634 --> 00:51:58,267
Teal pride.
990
00:52:05,174 --> 00:52:07,241
Oh, is Professor
Vassic still there?
991
00:52:07,243 --> 00:52:10,377
Oh yes, I loved
him, he was amazing.
992
00:52:10,378 --> 00:52:14,181
Well, then I know you
have an excellent education.
993
00:52:14,183 --> 00:52:15,081
Actually Mrs. Newton,
994
00:52:15,082 --> 00:52:18,118
there's something
I need to tell you.
995
00:52:19,919 --> 00:52:21,353
Hey, Brandon.
996
00:52:21,356 --> 00:52:22,322
Hey, bro.
997
00:52:25,224 --> 00:52:28,092
Look, there's no easy
way to say this, man.
998
00:52:28,093 --> 00:52:30,126
A senior project
manager over at Plan C
999
00:52:30,128 --> 00:52:31,361
is moving to London,
1000
00:52:31,363 --> 00:52:34,834
so Matthew called and
offered me the job.
1001
00:52:37,635 --> 00:52:38,667
What can I say, man?
1002
00:52:38,669 --> 00:52:40,270
I'm a weasel.
1003
00:52:40,271 --> 00:52:43,107
I'm a weasel and I'm a sellout.
1004
00:52:44,275 --> 00:52:45,775
Well, thanks.
1005
00:52:46,943 --> 00:52:48,310
No bullshit, I fought for you.
1006
00:52:48,311 --> 00:52:49,843
I swear, man.
1007
00:52:49,844 --> 00:52:51,012
Look, I'm old.
1008
00:52:52,081 --> 00:52:54,215
I got alimony
payments up the wang.
1009
00:52:54,216 --> 00:52:56,182
You can still use the
office, if you want.
1010
00:52:56,183 --> 00:52:58,853
Nah, it's your garage and all.
1011
00:53:03,257 --> 00:53:08,096
Yeah, and so, I just wanted
to be completely up front.
1012
00:53:09,228 --> 00:53:11,028
I appreciate your
candor, Charlotte.
1013
00:53:11,030 --> 00:53:13,697
And I'd like to think we're
a little more forgiving
1014
00:53:13,699 --> 00:53:18,202
than the Christians over at
Van Nuys Christian School.
1015
00:53:18,203 --> 00:53:20,305
So, I'll get back to you.
1016
00:53:37,953 --> 00:53:41,089
Oh, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no!
1017
00:53:43,691 --> 00:53:47,729
Hi, I need to report a
stolen, or a missing car.
1018
00:53:48,796 --> 00:53:50,664
I don't know where is,
1019
00:53:52,699 --> 00:53:54,698
I don't know the
license plate number.
1020
00:53:54,700 --> 00:53:58,035
Look, it's a Mustang,
it's really old.
1021
00:53:58,036 --> 00:54:00,070
There can't be
that many of them.
1022
00:54:00,072 --> 00:54:02,172
Look, I was really hoping
you can help me find this car
1023
00:54:02,173 --> 00:54:05,441
before my husband finds
out that it's missing.
1024
00:54:08,146 --> 00:54:11,149
Oh, my god.
1025
00:54:13,317 --> 00:54:15,218
Call Brandon Conroy.
1026
00:54:22,157 --> 00:54:23,890
Yeah.
1027
00:54:23,892 --> 00:54:25,224
No, stop, stop!
1028
00:54:25,226 --> 00:54:26,259
No, please stop, stop!
1029
00:54:26,260 --> 00:54:27,192
Hey!
1030
00:54:27,194 --> 00:54:29,096
Charlotte, are you okay?
1031
00:54:30,430 --> 00:54:31,298
Charlotte!
1032
00:54:32,131 --> 00:54:34,133
Charlotte, Charlotte!
1033
00:54:35,102 --> 00:54:36,170
Dan.
1034
00:54:38,138 --> 00:54:39,404
Dan, something
horrible has happened.
1035
00:54:39,405 --> 00:54:40,337
What?
1036
00:54:40,339 --> 00:54:41,972
Brandon's Mustang was stolen!
1037
00:54:41,973 --> 00:54:43,006
No, not the Mustang!
1038
00:54:43,009 --> 00:54:45,875
Yeah, he is gonna be furious.
1039
00:54:45,876 --> 00:54:47,042
Did you call the police?
1040
00:54:47,044 --> 00:54:49,279
Yes and when I didn't know
the license plate number,
1041
00:54:49,281 --> 00:54:50,812
they just laughed at me.
1042
00:54:50,813 --> 00:54:52,481
Do you happen to
know the number?
1043
00:54:52,483 --> 00:54:53,915
Yes, I do.
1044
00:54:55,118 --> 00:54:57,251
Why does he have that
stupid car anyways?
1045
00:54:57,252 --> 00:54:58,420
But I thought you loved it.
1046
00:54:58,422 --> 00:55:01,155
Yeah, I mean it's fun to
cruise around in sometimes
1047
00:55:01,156 --> 00:55:03,223
but I mean come on,
it's ridiculous.
1048
00:55:03,225 --> 00:55:05,091
It's just some
loud, gas guzzling,
1049
00:55:05,093 --> 00:55:08,797
middle-aged-mobile for
men with tiny dicks.
1050
00:55:10,198 --> 00:55:11,698
Come with me.
1051
00:55:17,436 --> 00:55:20,838
Charlotte Conroy,
I need to see her!
1052
00:55:23,075 --> 00:55:25,142
Oh my god, they
brought it back.
1053
00:55:25,145 --> 00:55:27,445
No, I had a GPS tracker on it.
1054
00:55:27,446 --> 00:55:31,180
Oh my god, oh my god, Dan,
thank you, thank you so much.
1055
00:55:31,181 --> 00:55:33,183
You totally saved my life!
1056
00:55:34,184 --> 00:55:35,484
Wait, why do you have a...
1057
00:55:35,486 --> 00:55:37,219
It's mine, it's
mine, Charlotte.
1058
00:55:37,220 --> 00:55:38,118
It's always been mine.
1059
00:55:38,120 --> 00:55:40,221
It wasn't stolen, I
just took it back.
1060
00:55:40,223 --> 00:55:41,822
But the car
belongs to Brandon.
1061
00:55:41,823 --> 00:55:43,256
No, it doesn't.
1062
00:55:43,258 --> 00:55:44,991
He borrowed it from me.
1063
00:55:44,993 --> 00:55:47,828
I guess he was trying
to impress you.
1064
00:55:47,829 --> 00:55:49,295
Why would that impress me?
1065
00:55:49,298 --> 00:55:52,900
I don't know, maybe because
it makes him look cool
1066
00:55:52,900 --> 00:55:55,334
and a little less broke.
1067
00:55:55,337 --> 00:55:56,502
Brandon is broke?
1068
00:55:56,503 --> 00:56:00,239
I shouldn't say
anything, I'm so sorry.
1069
00:56:00,241 --> 00:56:01,173
He's worse than broke.
1070
00:56:01,174 --> 00:56:03,807
He's in debt, calamitous,
crushing debt!
1071
00:56:03,808 --> 00:56:06,008
You know what, you know, I'm
glad I'm saying something,
1072
00:56:06,011 --> 00:56:08,412
this is for his own good.
1073
00:56:08,413 --> 00:56:09,814
I feel better.
1074
00:56:12,183 --> 00:56:14,517
Charlotte no
longer works here.
1075
00:56:14,519 --> 00:56:15,351
What?
1076
00:56:15,353 --> 00:56:16,819
We had to let her go.
1077
00:56:16,821 --> 00:56:18,988
She has a felony for
assault and battery.
1078
00:56:18,989 --> 00:56:20,321
It's shocking that
someone so well-mannered
1079
00:56:20,323 --> 00:56:22,225
could be so vicious.
1080
00:56:51,517 --> 00:56:52,385
Hey.
1081
00:56:53,385 --> 00:56:54,251
Hey.
1082
00:56:59,223 --> 00:57:03,392
Hey, what was up with
that phone call today?
1083
00:57:03,394 --> 00:57:07,331
Oh, sorry, someone
almost backed into my car.
1084
00:57:09,097 --> 00:57:09,965
Oh.
1085
00:57:10,933 --> 00:57:11,899
But you're okay now?
1086
00:57:11,900 --> 00:57:12,565
Oh yeah.
1087
00:57:12,567 --> 00:57:14,267
Oh.
1088
00:57:14,269 --> 00:57:15,435
Yeah.
1089
00:57:15,437 --> 00:57:16,837
That's good.
1090
00:57:18,072 --> 00:57:19,240
So how was work?
1091
00:57:20,140 --> 00:57:22,508
Good day with all the kids?
1092
00:57:22,511 --> 00:57:23,911
Yeah, great.
1093
00:57:24,645 --> 00:57:26,245
How about you?
1094
00:57:26,247 --> 00:57:27,881
Make lots of money?
1095
00:57:29,148 --> 00:57:30,215
Yeah.
1096
00:57:31,884 --> 00:57:33,085
That's good.
1097
00:57:39,089 --> 00:57:40,955
By the way, your Aunt
Sallie Mae wrote.
1098
00:57:40,958 --> 00:57:43,094
She'd like her $56,000 back.
1099
00:57:48,365 --> 00:57:50,598
Why are you going
through my mail?
1100
00:57:50,599 --> 00:57:53,267
Well, don't you
mean our mail, dear?
1101
00:57:53,269 --> 00:57:55,102
We're married and
we share everything.
1102
00:57:55,104 --> 00:57:57,104
Including a butt-load of debt.
1103
00:57:57,106 --> 00:57:58,672
Huh, you wanna share?
1104
00:57:58,673 --> 00:58:01,006
Okay, let's share.
1105
00:58:01,008 --> 00:58:04,243
Tell me all about the felony
you committed, darling.
1106
00:58:04,244 --> 00:58:05,477
What?
1107
00:58:05,479 --> 00:58:09,280
You know, the thing
you lost your job over.
1108
00:58:09,281 --> 00:58:10,281
You don't understand.
1109
00:58:10,283 --> 00:58:11,282
No, I think I do.
1110
00:58:11,285 --> 00:58:12,250
Assault and battery.
1111
00:58:12,251 --> 00:58:13,351
It's right there in the title.
1112
00:58:13,353 --> 00:58:14,418
Pretty self-explanatory.
1113
00:58:14,420 --> 00:58:15,654
It was my ex-fiance.
1114
00:58:15,655 --> 00:58:17,454
Oh, well that should
help me sleep at night.
1115
00:58:17,456 --> 00:58:19,257
It was an accident!
1116
00:58:20,358 --> 00:58:23,225
And you know what,
I wasn't convicted.
1117
00:58:23,227 --> 00:58:26,595
And at least I paid my debt
to society, unlike you.
1118
00:58:26,597 --> 00:58:29,131
Student loans aren't a crime.
1119
00:58:29,132 --> 00:58:31,032
They are if you
don't pay them!
1120
00:58:31,033 --> 00:58:32,599
Whoa, please don't
stab me with your shiv.
1121
00:58:32,602 --> 00:58:35,270
They'll send you back to
the joint, sweetheart.
1122
00:58:35,271 --> 00:58:39,140
At least there, you
know who people are.
1123
00:58:39,141 --> 00:58:41,241
Then why don't
you call the warden
1124
00:58:41,243 --> 00:58:43,210
and get your old bunk back.
1125
00:58:43,212 --> 00:58:46,112
I have let a
lot of shit slide.
1126
00:58:46,113 --> 00:58:47,380
Like what?
1127
00:58:47,382 --> 00:58:50,181
You don't know the
first thing about cooking.
1128
00:58:50,182 --> 00:58:51,248
Philip Seymour Hoffman
1129
00:58:51,250 --> 00:58:53,984
is not the quarterback
of the San Diego Chargers
1130
00:58:53,986 --> 00:58:56,353
and you, sir, are
no Lance Armstrong.
1131
00:58:56,354 --> 00:58:57,286
Three words.
1132
00:58:57,289 --> 00:58:59,658
Salsa, dancing, champion.
1133
00:58:59,659 --> 00:59:01,992
Oh, and how long did you think
1134
00:59:01,994 --> 00:59:05,396
that you could pretend
that stupid car was yours?
1135
00:59:05,397 --> 00:59:07,130
Goddamn, Dan!
1136
00:59:07,132 --> 00:59:08,331
And the worst part,
1137
00:59:08,333 --> 00:59:11,134
the worst part is that you
make made me look like a idiot
1138
00:59:11,135 --> 00:59:12,367
in front of Dan and Rita.
1139
00:59:12,369 --> 00:59:15,303
Like the only friends that I
have in this miserable place.
1140
00:59:15,304 --> 00:59:17,304
Hey, you make me
look like an idiot too.
1141
00:59:17,306 --> 00:59:18,472
I didn't know who I married.
1142
00:59:18,474 --> 00:59:21,107
Are you this sweet
adorable school teacher
1143
00:59:21,108 --> 00:59:24,177
or a deranged grifter
come to ruin my life?
1144
00:59:24,179 --> 00:59:25,646
Well, if you
really feel that way,
1145
00:59:25,647 --> 00:59:28,515
then maybe, maybe, maybe
we should both admit
1146
00:59:28,517 --> 00:59:30,717
that we made a mistake
and then just split ways!
1147
00:59:30,719 --> 00:59:31,751
You know what,
maybe we should!
1148
00:59:31,752 --> 00:59:32,584
Yeah?
1149
00:59:32,587 --> 00:59:33,419
Yeah!
1150
00:59:33,421 --> 00:59:34,253
Yeah!
1151
00:59:34,254 --> 00:59:35,119
Fine!
1152
00:59:35,121 --> 00:59:36,154
Fine!
1153
00:59:36,156 --> 00:59:37,023
Fine!
1154
00:59:39,458 --> 00:59:42,125
How long
you two been hitched?
1155
00:59:42,126 --> 00:59:43,692
BRANDON AND
CHARLOTTE: 10 days.
1156
00:59:43,695 --> 00:59:44,563
10 days?
1157
00:59:46,265 --> 00:59:48,565
Are you celebrities
of some sort?
1158
00:59:48,567 --> 00:59:49,566
No.
1159
00:59:49,568 --> 00:59:51,034
Peculiar.
1160
00:59:51,035 --> 00:59:52,535
So, how do we get
this thing started?
1161
00:59:52,537 --> 00:59:54,170
First of all, let me be clear,
1162
00:59:54,172 --> 00:59:56,205
I'm actin' as a
neutral third party
1163
00:59:56,206 --> 00:59:59,340
helpin' to negotiate
a fair settlement.
1164
00:59:59,342 --> 01:00:01,242
There's nothing to negotiate.
1165
01:00:01,243 --> 01:00:03,042
We're in complete
divorce agreement.
1166
01:00:03,045 --> 01:00:05,346
That's the only thing
we're in agreement on.
1167
01:00:05,347 --> 01:00:07,414
Fair enough, I'll
draw up the contract
1168
01:00:07,415 --> 01:00:10,316
and y'all can come back
next Thursday and sign it.
1169
01:00:10,318 --> 01:00:11,317
Thursday?
1170
01:00:11,319 --> 01:00:12,753
Why not today?
1171
01:00:12,754 --> 01:00:15,153
Don't you have some
generic forms lyin' around,
1172
01:00:15,155 --> 01:00:16,722
like divorcezoom.com?
1173
01:00:16,724 --> 01:00:18,091
Generic forms?
1174
01:00:19,393 --> 01:00:22,194
Every divorce is unique.
1175
01:00:22,195 --> 01:00:26,199
Regardless of race, religion
or sexual preference.
1176
01:00:27,265 --> 01:00:29,265
Now how would you
like to handle my fee?
1177
01:00:29,267 --> 01:00:30,467
We'll split it.
1178
01:00:30,469 --> 01:00:34,104
You got that much or do
you need to get another loan?
1179
01:00:34,105 --> 01:00:38,075
You're sure Thursday's
the best you can do?
1180
01:00:41,612 --> 01:00:43,447
So, where you staying?
1181
01:00:45,782 --> 01:00:47,180
What?
1182
01:00:47,182 --> 01:00:48,315
It's my apartment.
1183
01:00:48,316 --> 01:00:51,685
I gave up my job, my home
and best friend for you.
1184
01:00:51,687 --> 01:00:54,654
I'm not leaving the apartment
and I'm not paying you rent.
1185
01:00:54,656 --> 01:00:58,658
Well, you'd better start
cooking or cleaning or,
1186
01:00:58,659 --> 01:00:59,558
doing something.
1187
01:00:59,560 --> 01:01:01,193
Asshole!
1188
01:01:01,194 --> 01:01:02,629
And your car sucks!
1189
01:01:37,726 --> 01:01:39,124
I'm so sorry Char.
1190
01:01:39,127 --> 01:01:40,727
Men are such turds.
1191
01:02:03,414 --> 01:02:05,380
So, then you wanna
subtract the top number
1192
01:02:05,382 --> 01:02:07,883
from the other one
you got right there.
1193
01:02:07,884 --> 01:02:08,750
Okay.
1194
01:02:08,752 --> 01:02:10,318
You go it!
1195
01:02:10,320 --> 01:02:12,023
Awesome, good job!
1196
01:02:45,550 --> 01:02:48,885
Have a great
day in your work.
1197
01:02:48,886 --> 01:02:49,753
Love you.
1198
01:03:01,229 --> 01:03:03,265
No, I haven't done much
1199
01:03:04,398 --> 01:03:07,566
any animated porn but
I am a fast learner
1200
01:03:07,568 --> 01:03:09,835
and I love animation,
1201
01:03:09,836 --> 01:03:11,605
and porn, so win-win.
1202
01:03:12,906 --> 01:03:14,739
Okay, well please
keep me in mind.
1203
01:03:14,740 --> 01:03:15,872
Thank you.
1204
01:03:21,848 --> 01:03:23,481
Surprise!
1205
01:03:23,482 --> 01:03:24,615
Happy Birthday!
1206
01:03:24,617 --> 01:03:27,283
Happy birthday, son!
1207
01:03:27,285 --> 01:03:29,387
Wow, I didn't expect...
1208
01:03:30,789 --> 01:03:32,188
How's the Antarctica?
1209
01:03:32,189 --> 01:03:33,188
Amazing!
1210
01:03:33,190 --> 01:03:34,422
Your mother was the hero.
1211
01:03:34,423 --> 01:03:37,257
She devised a scheme to foul
the prop on the Nisshin Maru.
1212
01:03:37,259 --> 01:03:38,392
And your father
was shot in the balls
1213
01:03:38,394 --> 01:03:40,461
by one of the
Japanese deckhands.
1214
01:03:40,462 --> 01:03:41,561
With a rubber bullet.
1215
01:03:41,564 --> 01:03:43,330
It swelled up like coconuts.
1216
01:03:43,331 --> 01:03:45,933
I've got a lovely
bunch of coconuts.
1217
01:03:45,934 --> 01:03:47,233
Lookin' good boy.
1218
01:03:47,236 --> 01:03:48,535
So good to see you.
1219
01:03:48,536 --> 01:03:50,572
Yeah, so good.
1220
01:03:58,945 --> 01:03:59,944
Hey, what'd you tell them?
1221
01:03:59,946 --> 01:04:00,945
About what?
1222
01:04:00,947 --> 01:04:02,747
About us, about the divorce.
1223
01:04:02,749 --> 01:04:03,814
When?
1224
01:04:03,815 --> 01:04:04,748
They haven't stopped
talking since they got here.
1225
01:04:04,750 --> 01:04:05,917
Oh, thank god.
1226
01:04:07,251 --> 01:04:08,517
You're gonna
have to tell them.
1227
01:04:08,519 --> 01:04:10,721
Well, not tonight,
it's my birthday.
1228
01:04:10,722 --> 01:04:12,221
Plus it's humiliating.
1229
01:04:12,223 --> 01:04:13,656
They're marriage
has lasted 32 years
1230
01:04:13,658 --> 01:04:18,293
and ours lasted about as
long as a Hobbit movie.
1231
01:04:18,294 --> 01:04:19,895
Happy birthday, son.
1232
01:04:19,897 --> 01:04:23,431
My charitable works
continue, I see.
1233
01:04:23,432 --> 01:04:24,965
What's this?
1234
01:04:24,967 --> 01:04:28,902
Two tickets to Tahiti for an
all inclusive stay at Brando.
1235
01:04:28,903 --> 01:04:31,003
It's a luxury eco-resort.
1236
01:04:31,005 --> 01:04:34,408
I could have been a contender.
1237
01:04:34,409 --> 01:04:35,908
Because my boy and
his beautiful bride
1238
01:04:35,910 --> 01:04:40,448
deserve the absolute best
honeymoon the money can buy.
1239
01:04:42,015 --> 01:04:42,947
Speaking of honeymoons,
1240
01:04:42,949 --> 01:04:45,249
you know your father
and I are undergoing
1241
01:04:45,250 --> 01:04:47,383
a bit of a second one right now.
1242
01:04:47,386 --> 01:04:49,821
Let's just say, we're
experiencing a refreshed sense
1243
01:04:49,822 --> 01:04:51,922
of sexual energy.
1244
01:04:51,923 --> 01:04:54,756
Exploring our aging bodies.
1245
01:04:54,758 --> 01:04:58,296
So many delicious new
cavities to explore.
1246
01:05:00,831 --> 01:05:02,330
Well, it's a very
thoughtful gift
1247
01:05:02,332 --> 01:05:05,267
and I thank you very much.
1248
01:05:05,268 --> 01:05:06,801
It's thoughtful,
isn't it, Charlotte?
1249
01:05:06,802 --> 01:05:09,302
Yeah, yeah, thank you so much.
1250
01:05:09,304 --> 01:05:10,737
Okay, let's have a photo.
1251
01:05:10,739 --> 01:05:12,507
Hold up your present.
1252
01:05:15,643 --> 01:05:17,676
This isn't the Middle
East peace talks.
1253
01:05:17,678 --> 01:05:18,913
How about a kiss?
1254
01:05:24,719 --> 01:05:25,586
Lovely.
1255
01:05:38,931 --> 01:05:42,331
I'm sensing a little
bit of disharmony.
1256
01:05:42,331 --> 01:05:43,997
I'm sorry, I'm
just feeling a bit...
1257
01:05:44,000 --> 01:05:46,769
Yeah, I know, is it Brandon?
1258
01:05:46,770 --> 01:05:47,936
You know, because
he's a sweet boy
1259
01:05:47,938 --> 01:05:50,071
but he can also be a
massive pain in the ass.
1260
01:05:50,073 --> 01:05:51,742
Trust me, I know.
1261
01:05:53,309 --> 01:05:53,974
It's not just him.
1262
01:05:53,976 --> 01:05:56,076
It's just that we,
1263
01:05:56,077 --> 01:06:00,046
you know, we both weren't as
honest as we should have been.
1264
01:06:00,048 --> 01:06:00,915
Ah.
1265
01:06:03,785 --> 01:06:06,988
Well, I remember
when Jerry and I met.
1266
01:06:08,087 --> 01:06:11,923
He thought I was a
democrat and a virgin.
1267
01:06:12,859 --> 01:06:16,426
The truth is, I was
in love with Reagan
1268
01:06:16,428 --> 01:06:19,997
and I'd slept with half the
boys in the neighborhood.
1269
01:06:19,999 --> 01:06:21,798
So, you?
1270
01:06:21,799 --> 01:06:26,101
Well, I told him what I
thought he wanted to hear
1271
01:06:26,102 --> 01:06:29,103
which was not the truth, I...
1272
01:06:29,105 --> 01:06:30,037
You...
1273
01:06:30,039 --> 01:06:32,575
Lied, yes, guilty as charged.
1274
01:06:33,711 --> 01:06:37,579
But when I met him, I
knew he was special.
1275
01:06:37,579 --> 01:06:41,948
So all of this nonsense just
came babbling out of me.
1276
01:06:41,950 --> 01:06:43,884
And how did you?
1277
01:06:43,886 --> 01:06:46,352
I eventually found the courage
1278
01:06:46,353 --> 01:06:50,390
to tell him what was in
my head and in my heart.
1279
01:06:51,724 --> 01:06:53,925
And that's been the
glue of our relationship
1280
01:06:53,927 --> 01:06:56,426
from that day forward.
1281
01:06:56,427 --> 01:06:58,096
You sure you don't
want some of this?
1282
01:06:58,098 --> 01:06:59,563
It's Peruvian hog's breath.
1283
01:06:59,565 --> 01:07:01,532
They grow it above three line.
1284
01:07:01,533 --> 01:07:02,799
Sweet.
1285
01:07:02,801 --> 01:07:05,434
Nah, I'm good, thanks, Dad.
1286
01:07:05,436 --> 01:07:07,739
I'm not really in the mood.
1287
01:07:08,672 --> 01:07:10,939
Why so glum, Sunny Jim?
1288
01:07:10,941 --> 01:07:13,008
I don't know, Dad.
1289
01:07:13,009 --> 01:07:14,477
Marriage is hard.
1290
01:07:17,846 --> 01:07:21,615
You have a keen
grasp of the obvious.
1291
01:07:21,617 --> 01:07:25,822
I think mine was just a
bad idea from the start.
1292
01:07:26,988 --> 01:07:31,059
Brandon, not a day goes
by that I don't ask myself,
1293
01:07:32,559 --> 01:07:36,094
did I do the right thing
marrying that woman?
1294
01:07:36,096 --> 01:07:39,530
That's not very romantic, Dad.
1295
01:07:39,531 --> 01:07:42,734
It is when the
answer is always yes.
1296
01:08:10,926 --> 01:08:12,061
Oh, my god.
1297
01:08:26,938 --> 01:08:29,806
Oh,
no, no, no, no, no.
1298
01:08:53,560 --> 01:08:54,592
Sweetie, what's wrong?
1299
01:08:54,594 --> 01:08:55,560
Are you okay?
1300
01:08:55,562 --> 01:08:56,928
Yeah, Mom, I know, I'm fine.
1301
01:08:56,930 --> 01:08:58,697
I just have a
headache, that's all.
1302
01:08:58,698 --> 01:09:00,665
I think I
have something for that.
1303
01:09:00,667 --> 01:09:02,934
Well, you've always got
somethin' for somethin'.
1304
01:09:02,936 --> 01:09:06,137
Great, why do you
have a DEA property room
1305
01:09:06,139 --> 01:09:07,605
around your waist?
1306
01:09:07,606 --> 01:09:08,772
SCHWEITZER POLIZEI
FRAU: Oh, I would love
1307
01:09:08,774 --> 01:09:09,940
to make this bust.
1308
01:09:09,941 --> 01:09:13,709
Window Pane acid, peyote,
shrooms, mescaline, ecstasy,
1309
01:09:13,711 --> 01:09:15,945
hashish and Viagra.
1310
01:09:15,947 --> 01:09:17,647
It's our mobile first aid kit.
1311
01:09:17,648 --> 01:09:19,981
Recently replenished
in Tierra del Fuego.
1312
01:09:19,983 --> 01:09:21,918
You know, they have a
very enlightened attitude
1313
01:09:21,920 --> 01:09:23,788
towards psychotropics.
1314
01:09:24,654 --> 01:09:25,755
Here it is.
1315
01:09:26,555 --> 01:09:28,056
Ginger root.
1316
01:09:28,058 --> 01:09:31,092
Yeah, Dad, don't
you have any Advil?
1317
01:09:31,093 --> 01:09:31,961
Advil.
1318
01:09:33,162 --> 01:09:35,031
That's fuckin' poison.
1319
01:09:37,998 --> 01:09:39,865
Ow, shit!
1320
01:09:39,866 --> 01:09:40,733
Ow, god.
1321
01:09:42,535 --> 01:09:43,768
What?
1322
01:09:43,770 --> 01:09:45,002
Good
morning, Charlotte,
1323
01:09:45,003 --> 01:09:47,505
this is Bonnie Newton from the
Culver City Charter School.
1324
01:09:47,508 --> 01:09:49,009
Is this a good time?
1325
01:09:50,043 --> 01:09:52,643
Yeah, yeah, definitely, hi.
1326
01:09:52,645 --> 01:09:54,511
Good, well,
we're having a gathering
1327
01:09:54,512 --> 01:09:56,279
this afternoon with
some of the board.
1328
01:09:56,280 --> 01:09:58,814
I thought it might help
your cause if you attended
1329
01:09:58,816 --> 01:10:01,116
and demonstrated to
everyone what a solid,
1330
01:10:01,118 --> 01:10:02,818
upstanding, young woman you are.
1331
01:10:02,820 --> 01:10:05,787
Yeah, I would
love to, thank you.
1332
01:10:05,788 --> 01:10:07,021
Well, we
West Virginia gals
1333
01:10:07,023 --> 01:10:08,990
have to stick together.
1334
01:10:10,093 --> 01:10:10,992
I'll email you the details.
1335
01:10:10,994 --> 01:10:12,726
Okay, great.
1336
01:10:12,728 --> 01:10:14,062
Oh, and
bring that charming
1337
01:10:14,064 --> 01:10:16,230
and supportive husband of yours.
1338
01:10:16,231 --> 01:10:18,698
Yeah, of course,
thank you, yeah.
1339
01:10:18,700 --> 01:10:20,533
I'll will see you there, thanks.
1340
01:10:20,534 --> 01:10:21,802
Bye.
1341
01:10:25,806 --> 01:10:26,871
First, you want me
to tell my parents
1342
01:10:26,872 --> 01:10:29,573
we're getting divorced
and now, you want me to go
1343
01:10:29,575 --> 01:10:33,143
to a garden party and pretend
we're happily married?
1344
01:10:33,145 --> 01:10:34,813
Brandon, just please.
1345
01:10:34,814 --> 01:10:37,047
If I get this job, then
I'll have enough money
1346
01:10:37,048 --> 01:10:38,615
and I can move out.
1347
01:10:39,884 --> 01:10:40,719
Okay.
1348
01:10:41,820 --> 01:10:43,785
That makes sense.
1349
01:10:43,787 --> 01:10:46,057
So nice to see you again.
1350
01:10:48,058 --> 01:10:48,889
Oh, Charlotte.
1351
01:10:48,891 --> 01:10:49,857
Hi.
1352
01:10:49,859 --> 01:10:50,958
So glad you
could make it, dear.
1353
01:10:50,959 --> 01:10:52,026
Thank you for having us.
1354
01:10:52,028 --> 01:10:52,993
You're welcome.
1355
01:10:52,996 --> 01:10:54,929
Mrs. Newton, this
is my husband Brandon.
1356
01:10:54,930 --> 01:10:56,130
Very nice to meet you.
1357
01:10:56,131 --> 01:10:58,565
And this is our host
and head of the board,
1358
01:10:58,568 --> 01:11:01,002
Dr. Glenn Wooster and his
mother,
1359
01:11:01,003 --> 01:11:04,706
- Lilian Cavendish Wooster.
- Nice to meet you.
1360
01:11:10,844 --> 01:11:12,076
You know, Charlotte has
been teaching first grade
1361
01:11:12,078 --> 01:11:14,045
for over eight years.
1362
01:11:14,047 --> 01:11:15,213
You don't find it challenging
1363
01:11:15,214 --> 01:11:16,947
to be around children all day?
1364
01:11:16,949 --> 01:11:20,150
Oh, god no, I just
love kids so much.
1365
01:11:20,152 --> 01:11:23,620
They're so honest
and entertaining.
1366
01:11:23,621 --> 01:11:25,889
I have this one student, Emily,
1367
01:11:25,890 --> 01:11:27,655
every day, anywhere she went,
1368
01:11:27,657 --> 01:11:29,924
she always had her two
Barbie dolls at her side.
1369
01:11:29,926 --> 01:11:31,993
And on her birthday, I
asked her what she wanted
1370
01:11:31,994 --> 01:11:34,061
and she told me, she
want more Barbies.
1371
01:11:34,063 --> 01:11:35,829
And so I asked
Emily, I was like,
1372
01:11:35,831 --> 01:11:37,332
well, you already have
Barbies, why do you need more?
1373
01:11:37,333 --> 01:11:39,999
And he said, because my
Barbies smoke and drink
1374
01:11:40,001 --> 01:11:40,935
way too much.
1375
01:11:47,375 --> 01:11:48,207
Excuse me.
1376
01:11:48,209 --> 01:11:49,642
Sure.
1377
01:11:49,644 --> 01:11:51,010
So I just, I don't know.
1378
01:11:51,011 --> 01:11:52,744
They are so much fun
and you never know
1379
01:11:52,746 --> 01:11:55,013
what they're gonna
say or do next.
1380
01:11:55,015 --> 01:11:57,783
Brandon, I
bear good tidings.
1381
01:11:57,784 --> 01:12:00,084
I just got you a full-time
gig working with me
1382
01:12:00,086 --> 01:12:02,987
over here at Plan C,
as promised, buddy.
1383
01:12:02,988 --> 01:12:04,954
Now, please go find a toilet,
1384
01:12:04,956 --> 01:12:06,222
lest you shit yourself with joy
1385
01:12:06,224 --> 01:12:07,956
when I tell you how much
you're getting paid.
1386
01:12:07,957 --> 01:12:09,125
Okay, bye.
1387
01:12:14,732 --> 01:12:16,065
It was so great to meet you.
1388
01:12:16,066 --> 01:12:16,898
Good luck.
1389
01:12:16,900 --> 01:12:17,732
Thank you.
1390
01:12:17,733 --> 01:12:18,366
Hey.
1391
01:12:18,368 --> 01:12:19,199
Hey.
1392
01:12:19,202 --> 01:12:20,302
Got you a beer.
1393
01:12:20,304 --> 01:12:21,171
Thanks.
1394
01:12:23,138 --> 01:12:26,373
You know, I really
don't like beer.
1395
01:12:26,374 --> 01:12:27,206
Really?
1396
01:12:27,208 --> 01:12:28,076
Yeah.
1397
01:12:29,343 --> 01:12:31,277
Neither do I.
1398
01:12:31,279 --> 01:12:33,079
SCHWEITZER POLIZEI
FRAU: At last the truth.
1399
01:12:33,080 --> 01:12:36,084
American beers
taste like shizer.
1400
01:12:40,719 --> 01:12:42,820
Mr. Wooster, I don't
know what the philosophy
1401
01:12:42,821 --> 01:12:44,388
of your school is
but my wife and I
1402
01:12:44,391 --> 01:12:47,092
are big supporters
of constructivism.
1403
01:12:47,093 --> 01:12:49,025
Yes, you know, we
really like the notion
1404
01:12:49,026 --> 01:12:51,160
that the teacher are
facilitating the students
1405
01:12:51,162 --> 01:12:53,095
to interact among themselves.
1406
01:12:53,097 --> 01:12:54,963
Instead of merely
lecturing at them
1407
01:12:54,965 --> 01:12:58,268
as they sit and becoming
passive listeners.
1408
01:12:58,269 --> 01:12:59,835
And having the
students realize
1409
01:12:59,837 --> 01:13:02,771
that everyone has
something to contribute.
1410
01:13:02,772 --> 01:13:04,905
Everyone has a value.
1411
01:13:04,907 --> 01:13:07,408
You must have
read our website.
1412
01:13:07,409 --> 01:13:10,110
No, we have a son
who attended a school
1413
01:13:10,112 --> 01:13:11,911
that was based on
constructivism.
1414
01:13:11,913 --> 01:13:16,682
And we could not be happier
with the way he turned out.
1415
01:13:16,683 --> 01:13:17,351
Cheers.
1416
01:13:22,957 --> 01:13:25,090
I think you made a
very good impression.
1417
01:13:25,092 --> 01:13:26,425
Thank you so much.
1418
01:13:26,426 --> 01:13:28,024
You're welcome, keep it up.
1419
01:13:28,026 --> 01:13:31,895
And by the way, your
in-laws are fabulous.
1420
01:13:31,896 --> 01:13:33,263
Yeah, they're something.
1421
01:13:33,265 --> 01:13:34,364
Oh, my daughter's here!
1422
01:13:34,365 --> 01:13:35,864
She's visiting from Morgantown.
1423
01:13:35,867 --> 01:13:36,932
Hi, honey.
1424
01:13:36,933 --> 01:13:37,832
Hey, Mom.
1425
01:13:37,834 --> 01:13:39,100
Hi, sweetie.
1426
01:13:39,102 --> 01:13:41,336
Charlotte Conroy, I'd like to
introduce you to my daughter,
1427
01:13:41,338 --> 01:13:43,905
Anais, and her husband, Steven.
1428
01:13:43,906 --> 01:13:45,005
Hi, there.
1429
01:13:45,008 --> 01:13:46,142
Steven.
1430
01:13:46,143 --> 01:13:47,075
So predictable.
1431
01:13:47,077 --> 01:13:48,343
Sex, missionary position.
1432
01:13:52,081 --> 01:13:53,147
Asshole!
1433
01:13:53,149 --> 01:13:55,117
Pleasure to meet you.
1434
01:13:56,918 --> 01:13:59,187
Purse is in the dishwasher.
1435
01:14:05,091 --> 01:14:07,757
Mother,
this is wonderful.
1436
01:14:07,759 --> 01:14:10,060
So lovely what you
put together here.
1437
01:14:10,061 --> 01:14:12,128
Grilled shrimp?
1438
01:14:12,131 --> 01:14:14,031
I guess it must have
taken you a very long time
1439
01:14:14,032 --> 01:14:15,299
to ride back from Rwanda.
1440
01:14:15,300 --> 01:14:16,167
Ah!
1441
01:14:20,304 --> 01:14:22,740
Sorry, will you excuse me.
1442
01:14:28,278 --> 01:14:31,012
Hey, honey, look at that.
1443
01:14:31,014 --> 01:14:33,215
Let's go for a walk.
1444
01:14:33,216 --> 01:14:35,049
Hey, you feelin' okay?
1445
01:14:35,050 --> 01:14:36,249
Do you wanna play doctor?
1446
01:14:36,252 --> 01:14:38,818
Okay, Charlotte,
what is going on here?
1447
01:14:38,819 --> 01:14:39,986
I forgot to feed my cat.
1448
01:14:39,987 --> 01:14:40,854
Oh, boy!
1449
01:14:41,523 --> 01:14:43,392
Charlotte, talk to me.
1450
01:14:45,091 --> 01:14:46,359
Charlotte, hey.
1451
01:14:48,261 --> 01:14:49,527
Brandon.
1452
01:14:49,529 --> 01:14:51,296
What the hell are
you two doing here?
1453
01:14:51,298 --> 01:14:52,363
We came to help Charlotte.
1454
01:14:52,365 --> 01:14:54,064
This is very important to her.
1455
01:14:54,065 --> 01:14:54,997
We know.
1456
01:14:54,999 --> 01:14:56,098
We know everything.
1457
01:14:56,100 --> 01:14:57,301
That's why we come here,
1458
01:14:57,303 --> 01:14:58,969
we don't want you to
make a terrible mistake
1459
01:14:58,970 --> 01:15:00,770
and throw away your soul
partner before the cosmos...
1460
01:15:00,772 --> 01:15:01,370
Wait a second.
1461
01:15:01,373 --> 01:15:02,808
Wait a minute.
1462
01:15:06,311 --> 01:15:07,543
Are you two high?
1463
01:15:07,544 --> 01:15:08,376
Brandon!
1464
01:15:08,378 --> 01:15:09,244
Of course we are.
1465
01:15:09,246 --> 01:15:10,912
Oh my god.
1466
01:15:10,913 --> 01:15:11,946
You don't think
that we would turn up
1467
01:15:11,949 --> 01:15:13,949
to something like this straight.
1468
01:15:13,950 --> 01:15:16,116
We've been fighting these
people our entire lives
1469
01:15:16,117 --> 01:15:18,017
with their bourgeoisie
pretentiousness.
1470
01:15:18,019 --> 01:15:19,285
And anal bleaching.
1471
01:15:19,287 --> 01:15:21,021
Would you folks care
for some conflict-free
1472
01:15:21,022 --> 01:15:23,189
Ugandan artichoke confit
on lardo brushed crostini?
1473
01:15:23,192 --> 01:15:24,060
No.
1474
01:15:25,960 --> 01:15:27,027
I'm so sorry.
1475
01:15:37,537 --> 01:15:38,937
Mrs. Conroy.
1476
01:15:39,971 --> 01:15:41,504
How's the new bride?
1477
01:15:41,506 --> 01:15:43,372
Couldn't be better.
1478
01:15:43,374 --> 01:15:46,142
Do I sense
trouble in paradise?
1479
01:15:46,143 --> 01:15:47,176
Not now, Steven.
1480
01:15:47,179 --> 01:15:49,579
Charlotte, this isn't you.
1481
01:15:49,580 --> 01:15:50,412
What?
1482
01:15:50,414 --> 01:15:51,447
What do you mean?
1483
01:15:51,448 --> 01:15:52,616
I am so sorry.
1484
01:15:54,217 --> 01:15:58,019
I hurt you very badly and your
life has taken an ugly turn,
1485
01:15:58,021 --> 01:15:59,055
I apologize.
1486
01:16:00,222 --> 01:16:03,990
You obviously married the
first guy you met after me.
1487
01:16:03,992 --> 01:16:05,292
Where was it?
1488
01:16:05,293 --> 01:16:06,525
A dating website?
1489
01:16:06,527 --> 01:16:08,227
Singles bar?
1490
01:16:08,229 --> 01:16:09,429
Old Navy?
1491
01:16:09,431 --> 01:16:10,399
No, eBay.
1492
01:16:12,133 --> 01:16:13,367
Good god.
1493
01:16:13,368 --> 01:16:15,166
You bought a husband online?
1494
01:16:15,167 --> 01:16:19,236
No, we met online, and then
fell in love and got married.
1495
01:16:19,238 --> 01:16:21,606
And not after 14 years, Steven.
1496
01:16:21,607 --> 01:16:24,907
Not all the changes are bad.
1497
01:16:24,909 --> 01:16:25,944
The clothes.
1498
01:16:26,977 --> 01:16:27,845
The hair.
1499
01:16:30,114 --> 01:16:33,016
Do you think about
me, Charlotte?
1500
01:16:33,018 --> 01:16:35,618
'Cause I think about you.
1501
01:16:35,619 --> 01:16:37,052
Of course, I think about you.
1502
01:16:37,053 --> 01:16:39,855
We spent half our
lives together.
1503
01:16:50,499 --> 01:16:52,131
The whale song.
1504
01:16:52,132 --> 01:16:54,299
The whale song, the mating
cry of the humpback.
1505
01:16:54,301 --> 01:16:56,000
Let's get you into
the house, mother,
1506
01:16:56,002 --> 01:16:59,006
and you can take
a nice little nap.
1507
01:17:00,608 --> 01:17:02,307
How dare you?
1508
01:17:02,308 --> 01:17:03,909
Let's go, mother.
1509
01:17:05,210 --> 01:17:08,013
Oh, I miss your
father so much!
1510
01:17:10,648 --> 01:17:12,048
Steven?
1511
01:17:12,050 --> 01:17:12,917
Yes.
1512
01:17:14,085 --> 01:17:16,020
You're such an asshole.
1513
01:17:17,487 --> 01:17:19,487
Is that all it took?
1514
01:17:19,489 --> 01:17:22,158
You want me now that
I'm with someone else?
1515
01:17:22,159 --> 01:17:23,591
There's more to it
than that, Charlotte.
1516
01:17:23,593 --> 01:17:25,059
Oh yeah, really, like what?
1517
01:17:25,061 --> 01:17:26,294
And you'd really better be quick
1518
01:17:26,295 --> 01:17:28,395
because my husband is
right outside that door.
1519
01:17:28,398 --> 01:17:31,499
And your wife, that poor woman.
1520
01:17:31,500 --> 01:17:33,467
I mean, you don't
even understand.
1521
01:17:33,469 --> 01:17:37,405
Anais, she is so spontaneous
and unpredictable.
1522
01:17:39,039 --> 01:17:41,206
One minute, we're
snowboarding in Telluride,
1523
01:17:41,207 --> 01:17:45,477
the next we are making love
in a Mexican agave field.
1524
01:17:45,478 --> 01:17:47,578
I miss your predictability.
1525
01:17:47,580 --> 01:17:51,182
I miss the quiet, boring
times, the unimaginative sex,
1526
01:17:51,183 --> 01:17:52,415
all of it.
1527
01:17:52,417 --> 01:17:55,454
I never appreciated
it until it was gone.
1528
01:17:56,920 --> 01:17:59,488
Well, it's not coming back.
1529
01:17:59,490 --> 01:18:00,358
Ever.
1530
01:18:01,492 --> 01:18:04,495
Hey, hey, I just
got a new job in DC.
1531
01:18:05,328 --> 01:18:07,628
Let's leave these two horrible,
1532
01:18:07,629 --> 01:18:12,065
disgusting mistakes behind
and get back to our old lives.
1533
01:18:12,067 --> 01:18:14,368
My husband is not a mistake.
1534
01:18:14,370 --> 01:18:16,103
Yes, we rushed into marriage
1535
01:18:16,104 --> 01:18:17,637
and things haven't been perfect
1536
01:18:17,639 --> 01:18:19,673
and after 10 ridiculous days,
1537
01:18:19,675 --> 01:18:23,042
things are just blowing
up in our faces, but
1538
01:18:23,043 --> 01:18:26,144
there have been moments,
in between all the lies
1539
01:18:26,145 --> 01:18:27,978
and the bullshit where
I've loved him more
1540
01:18:27,980 --> 01:18:31,115
than anybody in my entire life.
1541
01:18:31,117 --> 01:18:32,118
Including you.
1542
01:18:33,953 --> 01:18:35,054
So it's over.
1543
01:18:36,555 --> 01:18:37,488
Perfect.
1544
01:18:37,489 --> 01:18:38,721
No, Steven.
1545
01:18:38,723 --> 01:18:42,023
Hey, I dare you to
kiss me one more time
1546
01:18:42,025 --> 01:18:44,960
and tell me you don't love me.
1547
01:18:44,962 --> 01:18:45,994
Ow!
1548
01:18:45,995 --> 01:18:47,128
Oh, fuck.
1549
01:18:47,130 --> 01:18:48,062
Sorry, Steven.
1550
01:18:48,063 --> 01:18:51,331
But as we say in the
yard, I gotta do me.
1551
01:18:51,333 --> 01:18:54,367
So fuck all y'all if
you can't appreciate it!
1552
01:18:54,368 --> 01:18:55,236
Huh!
1553
01:19:03,745 --> 01:19:06,078
Mr. Wooster, I wanna
apologize for earlier.
1554
01:19:06,080 --> 01:19:07,246
My wife threw her back out
1555
01:19:07,247 --> 01:19:09,747
and I was giving
her an adjustment.
1556
01:19:09,750 --> 01:19:12,017
Anyway, we really
love the school
1557
01:19:12,018 --> 01:19:16,053
and we'd like to make
a small donation.
1558
01:19:16,054 --> 01:19:20,124
I don't see how that's
gonna make any difference.
1559
01:19:20,992 --> 01:19:22,592
This is very generous.
1560
01:19:22,594 --> 01:19:23,760
Thank you very much.
1561
01:19:23,761 --> 01:19:29,065
I'm gonna find Mrs. Newton
and tell her the good news.
1562
01:19:30,100 --> 01:19:31,467
Wasn't that check for Brandon?
1563
01:19:31,469 --> 01:19:33,134
Our son's not very
good with money anyway
1564
01:19:33,135 --> 01:19:35,102
so it doesn't matter.
1565
01:19:35,104 --> 01:19:37,237
And an investment
in her future.
1566
01:19:37,238 --> 01:19:40,208
Is an investment
in their future.
1567
01:19:50,050 --> 01:19:52,083
Did you mean what
you said in there?
1568
01:19:52,085 --> 01:19:53,251
Yes.
1569
01:19:53,253 --> 01:19:54,121
No, maybe.
1570
01:19:56,522 --> 01:19:57,623
I don't know.
1571
01:20:03,027 --> 01:20:03,760
Hey.
1572
01:20:03,762 --> 01:20:04,894
Hey.
1573
01:20:04,895 --> 01:20:07,328
Wow, looks like you could
use a little first aid,
1574
01:20:07,330 --> 01:20:08,798
my friend.
1575
01:20:28,783 --> 01:20:31,250
All hail,
all hail the chosen one.
1576
01:20:31,252 --> 01:20:32,251
Who said that?
1577
01:20:32,252 --> 01:20:33,719
It is I my lord,
1578
01:20:33,721 --> 01:20:35,321
Pegaverneius Candoe of
the Nexus Space and Guild.
1579
01:20:35,322 --> 01:20:39,824
I have traveled nearly
12 parsecs to find you.
1580
01:20:39,825 --> 01:20:40,791
Okay.
1581
01:20:40,793 --> 01:20:42,124
You
are the rightful heir
1582
01:20:42,127 --> 01:20:43,561
to the throne of Nargathus.
1583
01:20:43,562 --> 01:20:45,729
The star child as foretold
in our prophesies.
1584
01:20:45,730 --> 01:20:47,430
A magnificent creature
of unlimited wisdom
1585
01:20:47,433 --> 01:20:49,165
and breath taking
physical perfection.
1586
01:20:49,166 --> 01:20:50,000
Yeah.
1587
01:20:51,268 --> 01:20:52,202
I get that.
1588
01:20:53,570 --> 01:20:54,769
The
great epiphany is at hand.
1589
01:20:54,771 --> 01:20:56,437
Reveal your magnificence
to the members
1590
01:20:56,439 --> 01:20:58,273
of the Culver City Charter
School Board,
1591
01:20:58,275 --> 01:21:00,242
and then the world.
1592
01:21:00,243 --> 01:21:02,510
Let them kowtow at your feet.
1593
01:21:02,512 --> 01:21:04,144
Worship you.
1594
01:21:04,146 --> 01:21:06,782
Tremble at you your
unlimited power.
1595
01:21:15,388 --> 01:21:17,555
I must tell you how
delighted we all are
1596
01:21:17,558 --> 01:21:22,094
about the substantial
donation from your in-laws.
1597
01:21:22,095 --> 01:21:24,730
Well, they are very
surprisingly generous people.
1598
01:21:24,731 --> 01:21:25,663
Well, I can tell you,
1599
01:21:25,665 --> 01:21:27,364
there's a lot we can
do with those funds.
1600
01:21:27,366 --> 01:21:29,299
Loyal subjects!
1601
01:21:29,300 --> 01:21:31,235
I am your unicorn king!
1602
01:21:32,638 --> 01:21:36,105
By the powers vested in me
through the flames of Asinoff,
1603
01:21:36,106 --> 01:21:40,343
I command you, kneel, kneel
before your unicorn king.
1604
01:21:41,845 --> 01:21:43,677
That guys
I fucking crazy.
1605
01:21:43,679 --> 01:21:47,649
The time in neigh,
the season is in bloom,
1606
01:21:47,651 --> 01:21:50,718
I call upon you
subjects to step forth
1607
01:21:50,719 --> 01:21:53,054
and harvest this royal seed.
1608
01:22:03,697 --> 01:22:06,665
Steven, what the
hell are you doing?
1609
01:22:06,666 --> 01:22:09,368
Fair Anais, Steven is no more.
1610
01:22:12,370 --> 01:22:14,040
Your milk has soured.
1611
01:22:15,840 --> 01:22:17,074
Oh, Momma!
1612
01:22:19,209 --> 01:22:23,213
Look upon me as I raise
the imperial scepter.
1613
01:22:26,182 --> 01:22:29,118
Mommy,
that man is nasty.
1614
01:22:30,819 --> 01:22:32,855
Prepare to receive me!
1615
01:22:35,156 --> 01:22:35,889
Bam!
1616
01:22:37,425 --> 01:22:39,692
That has to hurt.
1617
01:22:45,364 --> 01:22:47,299
And, as I was saying,
1618
01:22:49,736 --> 01:22:52,169
could you come in on Monday?
1619
01:22:52,170 --> 01:22:54,503
Oh, we would be honored
to have a young woman
1620
01:22:54,505 --> 01:22:56,808
of your character at
Culver City Charter.
1621
01:22:56,809 --> 01:22:57,941
I'd love to!
1622
01:22:57,943 --> 01:22:59,843
Thank you so much.
1623
01:22:59,845 --> 01:23:00,877
Oh my god, thank you.
1624
01:23:00,879 --> 01:23:01,746
Thank you.
1625
01:23:07,950 --> 01:23:10,618
What in the world
got into Steven?
1626
01:23:10,620 --> 01:23:11,852
I don't know.
1627
01:23:11,854 --> 01:23:13,121
Any ideas?
1628
01:23:13,823 --> 01:23:15,456
Food poisoning perhaps?
1629
01:23:15,457 --> 01:23:19,861
I think the artichoke confit
looked a little sketchy.
1630
01:23:22,464 --> 01:23:25,932
Since there's no dispute
over assets or property,
1631
01:23:25,934 --> 01:23:27,769
just sign and it's done.
1632
01:23:28,903 --> 01:23:32,805
You'll never have to
see one another again.
1633
01:23:32,805 --> 01:23:36,941
That line right there, the
one with your name next to it.
1634
01:23:36,943 --> 01:23:37,810
I know.
1635
01:23:44,281 --> 01:23:48,654
On second thought, I want
the Chinese rocket statue.
1636
01:23:51,321 --> 01:23:52,288
Alrighty.
1637
01:23:53,189 --> 01:23:56,693
If you agree, Mr.
Conroy, we're done here.
1638
01:23:58,961 --> 01:24:00,727
No.
1639
01:24:00,729 --> 01:24:02,996
No, I can't part with that.
1640
01:24:02,997 --> 01:24:06,899
Well, what if y'all
shared joint custody?
1641
01:24:06,901 --> 01:24:09,803
Each of you take it for
a week or two at a time?
1642
01:24:09,805 --> 01:24:12,505
No, that won't work.
1643
01:24:12,506 --> 01:24:15,240
Can you just buy
a second statue?
1644
01:24:15,242 --> 01:24:17,943
That way, y'all can
each have your own.
1645
01:24:17,944 --> 01:24:19,376
No.
1646
01:24:19,378 --> 01:24:21,347
No, it's one of a kind.
1647
01:24:22,614 --> 01:24:24,814
Well bless your hearts.
1648
01:24:24,816 --> 01:24:26,983
I don't mean to be rude
1649
01:24:26,984 --> 01:24:28,850
but I've gotta be
gettin' out to Malibu.
1650
01:24:28,852 --> 01:24:31,386
I'm havin' lunch at Gerard's.
1651
01:24:31,388 --> 01:24:33,823
Try the lobster,
it's delicious.
1652
01:24:33,824 --> 01:24:35,824
And not cheap.
1653
01:24:35,826 --> 01:24:37,893
Can we please get
this thing goin'?
1654
01:24:37,894 --> 01:24:39,760
Hey, don't rush
our divorce, man.
1655
01:24:39,763 --> 01:24:40,996
Yeah.
1656
01:24:40,997 --> 01:24:44,732
You know, maybe we
should get lunch, too.
1657
01:24:44,734 --> 01:24:47,902
Yeah, I mean, we shouldn't
do this on an empty stomach.
1658
01:24:47,903 --> 01:24:49,002
Right.
1659
01:24:49,003 --> 01:24:50,601
Now, hold on a second.
1660
01:24:50,604 --> 01:24:52,872
What about your signatures?
1661
01:24:52,873 --> 01:24:54,338
Damn it to hell.
1662
01:24:54,339 --> 01:24:56,942
The wheels are
comin' off the wagon.
1663
01:24:56,944 --> 01:25:00,045
This divorce is fallin' apart.
1664
01:25:00,047 --> 01:25:03,347
- I blame her.
- It's his fault.
1665
01:25:17,894 --> 01:25:19,027
This ends now.
1666
01:25:19,028 --> 01:25:22,030
I'm getting out of here
and you're not stopping me!
1667
01:25:23,733 --> 01:25:25,666
An so concludes our story.
1668
01:25:25,669 --> 01:25:27,301
Poor Charlotte and Brandon,
1669
01:25:27,302 --> 01:25:29,937
their journey has
taught them nothing.
1670
01:25:29,938 --> 01:25:31,703
Oh my god, I'm so sorry.
1671
01:25:31,706 --> 01:25:32,906
Did I slap you too hard?
1672
01:25:32,907 --> 01:25:35,743
Nein baby, it was just right.
115565
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