Original subtitles

"Tira lira by the river sang Sir Lancelot.

"She left the web. She left the loom.

"She made three paces through the room.

She…"

(FEMALE #1) Oh, Mr. Leybourne. Oh, dear. Oh!

(LEYBOURNE) Not enjoying it, my dear?

I don't know.

Oh, Mr. Leybourne, a-are you sure this is the only way

we can jettison weight?

Trust me, my sweet.

Oh, but I-I thought these sandbags…

Nah, they are, they serve as lightning conductors.

Oh.

Maude!

'Come in to the garden, Maude!'

(FEMALE #1) 'Oh, dear. Oh.'

[INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC]

[BAND MUSIC]

Halt!

Wait for me here.

One paragraph in your columns could achieve it, sir.

- One letter. - No doubt.

All we need are the premises.

Any large, empty house would serve.

These unfortunate girls could then learn a proper trade.

Mmm.

The subject of fallen women is hardly…

Sir, do you know how many of these poor creatures there are?

The bruised flowers of men's lust.

They don't go on the streets from choice.

As long as the only industrial careers open to women

are those which pay starvation wages

how else can they keep alive?

Only by the farm of their bodies.

Bodies is a word which "The Times"

is not accustomed to print.

(JOSEPHINE) 'Then use another one!'

You are a reproach to your profession.

I'll find somebody to espouse my cause

even if I have to go to Mr. Charles Dickens.

I'm afraid mine is a family readership.

Hmm. They're not all like little Nell.

The new woman, heaven preserve us.

Uh, e-excuse me.

E-excuse me, sir.

Sir, I wonder if I might have a moment now, sir.

I-I'm the person, you may remember

who sent in the, the remarkable photographs

of-of Count Pandolfo and Her Majesty, sir.

I might have guessed.

Mr. Oakes, once before I was foolish enough

to grant valuable space to one of your new marvels of science.

What was that one?

Oh, yes. Tinned fruit.

But this is a reality, sir.

It-it's a scientific landmark, sir.

A ship 300 feet long, which…

But it actually flies, sir.

It, it flies in the upper air, sir.

Bearing a waxwork model of Her Majesty, the queen?

The line between journalistic license

and misrepresentation is a fine one, Mr. Oakes

'but I advise you to toe it.'

I think you know your way out by now.

I trust you found a subject for your plot.

Well, there's this curiosity shop.

- Ah, good, good. - Oh.

Excuse me, sir. May I ask you something, sir?

I do not shirk the most probing question.

Will this thing really fly?

[SPEAKING IN ITALIAN]

I meant, I meant how far?

How-how far, how far will it fly?

As far as the minds of civilized man

may send him questing.

Cheltenham, Harrogate, Weston Super Mare.

Just set a course!

This is not one of your open balloons, you know.

[CHUCKLES]

It's not a mere envelope of gas.

This is rigid, a framework.

Ha! With a motor. Bum-bum-bum-bum-bum.

Not got to sit underneath in a bloody basket.

[LAUGHS] You travel inside.

Your gas compartment completely separate, huh?

For the rest, space to stroll about

go downstairs, come upstairs.

[LAUGHS] Run about, if you care to.

One, two. One, two.

Put in, uh, bedrooms.

Ballrooms!

[HUMMING]

Tennis, anyone?

[CLICKS TONGUE]

Forty-love.

It will kill the horseless carriage.

If the good Lord had meant us to fly in the air

he'd have put feathers on our bosom.

Seduced and abandoned.

Swept like rubbish into the furnace of shame.

Oh, how dare we call these unfortunates fallen women?

I say, here's a go.

One of those damn reformers.

These girls did not fall.

They were thrust!

Yeah, but didn't they thrust back though, aye?

[LAUGHTER]

Your type are always the first to taunt a poor girl

with what you and your friends have made her!

Well, here's a shilling, says I can make her again!

[LAUGHTER]

(FEMALE #2) 'What future awaits the girl who has been robbed'

'of her character and her good name?'

'Only the darkened doorways of Mayfair.'

'All social opportunity is barred to her.'

'The very best she can hope for'

is to be kept like a pinioned bird

in the gilded cages of St. John's Wood.

- Oh, lovely. - And yet you mock them.

Rubbish, madam.

What for you, sir

was just an hour of pleasure

for them means a lifetime of regret.

May I ask a question?

What makes you think Ellery could make it last an hour?

[LAUGHTER]

Have you no fellow feeling?

No, darling. Have you got one?

[LAUGHTER]

[CLAMORING]

[SCREAMING]

Oh!

Oh.

Oh!

(FEMALE #3) 'Ooh! Oh, he's come to! Miss Josephine!'

- I have no trousers on! - No. Lily took them off.

To examine you for concealed injuries.

Lil's had experience of looking after the injured.

I used to sell myself in the wards of the Middlesex Hospital.

Convalescent wing.

This is the Social Purity Alliance Hostel.

These are our members.

Oh. How do you do?

- Oh, you little beauty. - Hello, squire.

- Pleased to meet you. - Pleased to meet you.

[INDISTINCT CHATTER]

Every one of them has rescued herself

from a life of degradation.

I was a seduced seamstress and I took up the work

to get away from that mustard pickling factory.

Yes. I'm sure you did.

Well, you must tell me more about your work.

Please.

[INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC]

I see.

Yes, but in this modern age

all sorts of alternative employments

could be found for females.

I see. I see.

You see, the new female waiter.

- I see. - Are they good to you here?

They pay you a living wage, do they?

Oh, no.

Nothing on what I used to pick up

doing short times down Waterloo Place.

You're a ruined girl.

I was took advantage of while in service

brutalized by the young master

when he come home on embarkation leave.

How loathsome he was to look at.

Fat, bald, palsied.

Oh, what unhappy mischance drew me to his attention?

[CLANKING]

Perhaps the very delicacy

and modesty of my bearing.

His very first gesture was to threaten me with a knife.

Seizing me brutally by the throat

and disregarding my piteous protests.

He forced strong liquor between my reluctant lips.

When I shrank from his touch

all my girlish purity affronted

he clawed the clothes from my very body

and before I could defend myself

he rained violent blows upon my fragile flesh.

Then without warning like a ravening beast of prey

he hurled himself upon me.

Horror followed upon horror…

…and shame upon shame.

Then after what seemed like hours

as I lay there weeping

and he stood sneering at my inexperience…

…the door opened.

[GASPS]

And there stood…

Mr. Gladstone!

Come to call on the master.

Oh, and they blamed you.

Chucked me out bag and baggage.

The only life left for me was the mutton market

which I pursued, but when I got roughed up

in an alleyway by a divinity student

I come and took up here till the swellings go down.

What is your name?

Phoebe.

You must come and join us, Phoebe.

It's a hostel.

Do you see how such girls are forced into a life of shame?

Ooh.

I've been thinking, Miss Pacefoot.

I'd like to help you with your work.

Oh, Mr. Oakes.

[SOBS] Oh, no. I love him!

I'll thank you to remember, miss, I am still your father.

Running off with a penniless poet.

- Good evening, Miss Pacefoot. - Good evening, Mr. Barrett.

[SOBS]

[KNOCKS]

To your room, Miss Elizabeth.

Not, not one newspaper in the land

will print a word about my work.

Not one meeting is reported, not one resolution recorded.

Oh, but with your support, Mr. Oakes

your influence with editors…

Uh, well, uh, yes.

A-are these your mother and father?

- Yes. Deceased. - Oh, I'm, I'm sorry.

They were killed two years ago in the Hotel Metropole.

Oh.

A runaway hors d'oeuvre trolley.

Yes, it ran into a brandy glass warmer

which ignited the table apron.

They perished in the ensuing conflagration.

Oh! What a tragic way to end an evening.

Since then I have lived here with my uncle.

Dear Uncle Francis.

[YAWNS]

What time is it?

Comme d'habitude.

Five o'clock exactly.

Always to the minute.

No, no, Babette.

No gentleman puts his trousers on before his socks.

- Oh. - And do hurry.

I have an appointment at the Chinese embassy.

You work too hard.

If you only had someone to help you.

- There is no one I can trust. - But there is.

Babette, I told you I will not discuss him.

- Your own son? - No son of mine!

We Leybournes will never acknowledge a coward.

If it had only been some ordinary act of cowardice.

- Oh, but… - My God, Babette.

Every time I hear those lines.

"Was there a man dismayed?

Was there a man afraid?"

Yes, there was! Lieutenant Walter Leybourne.

The only soldier in the light brigade

who did not charge.

My son took one look at the valley of death

lowered his saber and galloped straight back to camp.

And you know where they found him?

No.

Behind Miss Nightingale's tent…

…dosing himself

with Dr. Collis Brown's chlorodyne.

But he had a cold in the chest.

In the feet, that's where he was cold.

Oh. But don't you even wonder what he's doing now?

I know! Pimping!

The porter at the club met him.

By heaven, the last of the Leybournes, a pander.

Hmph. Living on the earnings of some deluded tart

and you keep urging me to put him back in my will.

I don't understand, Babette, why you should be

so concerned about him.

French are so sentimental about fatherhood.

- Here. Mm-hmm. - What's this?

Hmm.

My new corset you like so much.

My perfume.

There. There we are.

Thank you, cheri. Same time tomorrow?

Of course. A quarter to 5:00 sharp.

- Comme d'habitude. - Mm-hmm.

Uh, uh, any success with father?

No success, cheri.

No success of any kind.

Ooh, Walter, mon amour.

Mmm.

Kiss my fishy lips.

I've never known a gentleman to do that before.

It's pleasant to keep a souvenir.

A lifetime's collection.

[KNOCK ON DOOR]

Your time is up, Lady Dilke.

[KNOCK ON DOOR]

- Come in. - Oh.

If you're still employed, Mr. Walter, I can always, uh…

(WALTER) 'I'm quite ready for you, Mr. Wall.'

Now any success with father?

Well, I'm afraid…

Oh, you're perpetually afraid, Mr. Wall.

Perhaps that's why father chose to employ you as his lawyer.

If you don't persuade him to get me back in his will…

I tried. I swear I did.

If you don't persuade him

to get me back in his will

no more juicy fruits.

Ah! You promised.

I'll try again, I vow, before he sets off for India.

See that you do. Hmm?

And now, please…

…tell me about the little milliner.

Ah, the little milliner, not a day over 16.

Paint details.

A desert of virginity

aches within the hotness of her mouth.

Ah.

- Buxom? - To the ankles.

Hot-natured?

She pants at the unbuttoning

of my tobacco pouch.

And I can, I can…

Yes. You can watch me.

[RINGS]

[CRYING]

I thought you people were supposed to be inscrutable.

Please, Sir Francis

China doesn't want anymore opium.

Oh, do be sensible, you chaps have already lost one war

with Great Britain about this.

But to force us to buy it.

Well, you signed a treaty agreeing to.

Your gunboats were right up our Yangtze.

No use getting hysterical, Mr. Fang.

Then let me appeal to our friendship

those happy weekends I used to spend at your townhouse.

Hmm.

Your late wife was always so…

…kind to me, more than kind. She…

Uh, she was eccentric about the inferior races.

My dear fellow, I have put a lot of money

into that opium plantation.

Damn it, it's hard enough to get the Indians

to harvest the stuff.

Uh, blasted natives, you pay them

two pounds ten a year and they're useless.

If you could see what the opium does to our people.

They lie about the streets like dead flies.

Well, get them to use a little self-discipline then.

Self-control, works wonders.

Look at the English.

(SIR FRANCIS) There are, by Mr. Mayhugh's

latest estimate, 500 trollops

to be found daily between Piccadilly

and the bottom of Waterloo Place.

On the Burlington Arcade

passage has been rendered well-nigh impossible.

On the pavements of Bond Street

they grow like weeds

and, Mr. Home Secretary

between Simpson's and Lawton's, a member of my club

was solicited no less than 26 times.

Perhaps a regular customer.

The Dean of Canterbury?

Gentlemen, am I to understand

that the, uh, purpose of this delegation

is to persuade me to abolish prostitution?

Oh, really, minister.

Credit us with some sense of practical morality.

In an ordered society, such women must be available.

They fulfill functions to which a gentleman

would otherwise be obliged to subject his wife.

Then?

It is the ordering of the situation, sir.

As it stands, no lady dare walk the Mayfair Streets.

Would a lady wish to?

If she is to make purchases in my establishment…

Our establishment, Mr. Fortnum.

Your pardon, Mr. Mason.

It was simply the minister's

lighthearted attitude.

On the one hand, you proclaim the necessity for maintaining

these, uh, princesses of the pavements

uh, but on the other…

Minister, they're now interfering with trade.

Ah.

Their continued presence is keeping

the better type of customer out of the better type of shop.

No one is thinking of abolishing these creatures, minister.

All we're asking is get them off the streets.

Yes, gentlemen, but into where?

♪ I have a cousin Tony who has a dappled pony ♪

♪ It can jump a fence and never ever fall ♪

♪ But I love my pussy my pretty little pussy ♪

♪ Because my little pussy is so small ♪♪

[APPLAUSE]

(FEMALE #4) 'Very nicely sung, little Evelyn Tankhurst.'

And now, school, this is our last

prize-giving ceremony in Belgravia Hall.

Next term, St. Hilary removes into fine new premises

in the rural beauty of Notting Hill.

'It will mean, however, bidding farewell'

to that distinguished gentleman who we have been proud to call

not only landlord, but friend.

'Sir Francis Leybourne'

'alderman of the city of London'

'church commissioner'

and enlightened pioneer

'of our far eastern commerce.'

May I therefore call upon this great Englishman

to present our prizes?

[CROWD CHEERING]

♪ A dove will coo ♪

♪ Ooh ooh ♪

♪ Serene as a queen with a crown ♪

♪ What trilling there will be in the aviary ♪

♪ For the birds of London town ♪

Is there no other alternative?

Only abolishing prostitution altogether.

Decent women would be raped on the streets.

Which would be even worse for the retail trade.

But what you are proposing, sir

surely, is the French system.

That is why all I'm suggesting at the moment is one house.

- A trial one. - I see. Huh.

An interesting idea, sir.

[IMITATING BIRD CALL]

[ALL CHEERING]

[WHISTLING]

England's first, uh, how should one say

maison tolerer.

That does fall rather more sweetly on the ear than brothel.

Uh, this experimental house will, of course

be closely observed and in due time

'uh, provided it has given no offense'

to, uh, to propriety and order

I shall, uh, introduce legislation

to enable them to be established nationally.

A considerable plan, sir.

Sterling.

And for the man who takes on the task

of establishing that first house a challenging one.

I regard it as an honor.

♪ For the birds ♪

♪ Of London town ♪♪

[AUDIENCE CHEERING]

Our clients will be drawn only from gentlemen of rank

prominence, social standing and wealth.

None of your middle-class rabble.

A tolerated house in England?

Oh, soon we will have the queen eloping

with the archbishop of Canterbury.

Oh, that is unpardonably frivolous.

I only enlisted your assistance…

- Ouch! - Pardon.

…because duty calls me to India.

You can depend on me.

My own house of ill fame.

It was my dream since I was 12 years old.

Uh, but you must remember the home secretary's warning.

Should one breath of scandal attach itself

to this undertaking, one hint of unseemliness…

My dear Francis, half the art of a woman of the world

consists in doing disgusting things delicately.

Please trust me.

[FOGHORN BLARING]

Have a pleasant voyage, Sir Francis.

I understand that India is at its best

at this time of the year.

It's the monsoon season.

Well, farewell, my dear. Now if you have any problems…

I know, uncle. Consult Mr. Wall.

And, uh, you will see that Mademoiselle Babette

is given every assistance?

If I, if I could just make my final suggestion, plea…

What about? Well, spit it out, man.

You're twitching like a carthorse's flank. What is it?

In the, in the matter of the, uh…

I-I did mention…

If it is one word about my blaggard of a son

I'll pitch you into the dock.

- Well? - N-nothing, Sir Francis.

- Excuse me. - Nothing.

I, uh, seem to have got on the wrong ship.

[FOGHORN BLARING]

Babette, that's a brilliant idea.

Mm-hmm.

- While he's away in India, eh? - Mm-hmm.

Hmm.

And when he comes back

he finds the house a flourishing success

and we tell the old fool who really created it.

- Me. - Hmm.

- You, cheri. - Mm.

Yes, that should get me back in his will.

We'll have the finest house in Europe.

I'll test every girl personally.

Mm. It's so wonderful to have something to do together.

We'll call it the Libertine Club.

Mm-hmm.

Temple of refined perversity.

Emporium of excess.

No itch will be left uncatered for.

England, I'll fan your embers.

Fan mine again.

(BABETTE) 'Every whim and every caprice has been anticipated.'

That is for the Mary and monk room.

The sultan room.

Hmm. For those with tastes inclined towards the plural?

Mm-hmm. It sleeps eight.

Regarde.

Oh, no, no.

I said manacles.

Pas comme ci.

Comme ca.

- How jolly. - The devices from Japan.

They arrived this morning.

Oh, I shall need more virgins for the King Solomon room.

'A further eight arrives Thursday.'

Will they be young?

Was there ever a demand for old virgins?

Yes. She'll serve. 15 pounds.

Have her delivered to this address.

"Belgravia Hall."

You're a gentleman. God bless you, sir.

Ain't you a lucky girl?

That's exactly how I got started.

Spit at me. For sweet Jesus' sake.

"The soiled doves of a great city."

[GASPS] Ooh, this is powerful, Mr. Oakes!

And scattered down from an airship?

Two hundred. Yes.

I think that should be sufficient

to blanket Kensington.

Mr. Oakes.

Oh, I think it would be more proper to employ my saliva.

Oh, stuff.

Well, well, we, we haven't a chaperone

and, well, proximities.

Oh, dear.

Am I putting temptation your way?

Must I now expect you to, uh, lurch at me?

Oh. Oh, no, my dear Miss Pacefoot.

[LAUGHS]

Ah.

[EXHALES] Oh, you really are the new woman.

Yes, we're not all soft, giddy things.

[CHUCKLES] Lurch.

You know, there's, there's something about your face

which always reminds me of someone else.

Yes, I have a cousin, Walter.

- Oh, there's another bit here. - Oh, no.

Well, well, let me just take it off.

No. No. I-it is ineffaceable.

Oh, is it a birthmark?

- It is a… - Oh.

It's a, a dark mark of birth, Miss Pacefoot.

Mr. Oakes!

I-I-I should have told you before.

Miss, Miss Pacefoot, I have a confession to make.

I am a…

My mother was a servant girl.

I, I don't know who my father was.

She was an upstairs maid in-in a large townhouse.

Well, one Sunday morning, she brought the occupant

of one of the main bedrooms his hot shaving water.

She…

Well, she asked him if there was anything else he wanted.

And he…

But this must have been before breakfast.

What sort of a man will…

She would never divulge the gentleman's name.

She was discharged from her employment

for breaking the shaving water jug.

She, she died giving me birth.

Well, this is the, the only clue I have

to my father's identity.

(JOSEPHINE) 'It looks like a batwing.'

Mr. Oakes, does this mean you're a bastard?

M…

Miss, Miss Pacefoot.

A surely verbal deportment…

Oh, what fiddle for verbal deportment.

Are you or aren't you?

Yes.

I, I take it you'll now wish to terminate our acquaintanceship.

Oh, well, of course not.

I've just never met a bastard socially.

You must stay for tea.

Yes. I'll take a dozen of those.

Send them round to Belgravia Hall

along with the other erotic snuffboxes and all the…

- Thank you very much, sir. - Mm.

Go away! Get off.

Voluptuous little skivvy.

- 'Phoebe.' - The young master.

Phoebe, my sweet.

How are you supporting yourself these days?

Are you, uh, letting out your front parlor?

No. Not anymore. No.

I have, I have the perfect setting

for those nimble hips of yours, a cupidorium.

It's a highly exclusive tabby house

where a gentleman out on the randan

can, uh, ease himself in congenial surroundings.

Master Walter, I've give it up.

- I've been salvaged. - Oh.

There's a whole crowd of us down at the Purity Hostel.

We all gave up the life.

A hostel full of lotties and totties?

What a frenzy of enforced chastity.

Phoebe, how would you like to be a recruiting sergeant?

Turn round.

Mm.

Mm…

Bon marchandise.

Extremely possible.

These hostel girls were a most fortunate find.

- Lily was rescued last year. - Mm.

Welcome, my dear. You have been rescued back.

- Give her a wash. - Come on.

I'll let you know her specialties.

Surely one of you must know where they've disappeared to.

[INDISTINCT CHATTER]

But that's eight girls now.

First Molly, then Lily.

"Alice, Prudence, Emily

"Charlotte, Arabella

and dear Phoebe."

They've just vanished.

And you can't put them all down to Jack the Ripper.

The whole social purity alliance is threatened.

Is there nothing we can do?

Well, there's only one way.

To get the need for the industrial training center

reported nationally.

I must give the press a-a bait, a hook.

A kind of razzle-dazzle?

Well, in order to contrive this, uh, razzle-dazzle

I shall, I shall need your assistance.

[INDISTINCT CHATTER]

Well, the one thing that the newspapers

will not be able to refuse is a true confession.

A personal story.

Dramatic, shocking

but specific.

Were any of you raped?

Violated forcibly?

Anyone? Hmm?

I can get five columns for a good rape.

Evelyn.

Well, you couldn't really call it rape.

I mean, well, I helped a bit.

- Miranda. - Me too.

Well, it was on a billiard table.

Is it rape if you take your own stockings off?

No.

It has to be unreservedly monstrous.

Don't any of you know a girl who was, who was taken by force?

Hmm? A friend, perhaps?

An acquaintance even?

Well, there's my baby sister

but we haven't heard from her yet.

You know, she was only purchased a week ago.

- Purchased? - Purchased?

Miss, Miss Pacefoot, I wish you'd let me

do the actual purchasing of the virgin.

- 'It seems seemlier.' - It's my duty.

Now will I pass…

…for a low woman?

Candlelight wasn't half so pernicious to the sight.

This gas lighting cause such a glare

and him being in drink all the time.

He treats the children so ill

'which is because they're not all his.'

Some of them.

So, uh, what manner of gentleman is it is wanting her?

Well, he's elderly

fat, bald, palsied.

Should be willing to pay handsome then.

Twelve pound he's offerin' in gold sovereigns.

Mrs. Butler down the hall got 15 for her Vanessa

'and she was damaged goods, mind.'

What you argy-bargyin' for, you silly cow?

Now, Flora, she's untouched.

Pure virgin.

- Ain't you, Flo? - Take it, mum!

Old buffer like that.

I'll have silk drawers, me own latchkey

plenty of lush.

Give us 20 then?

[INDISTINCT CHATTER]

Just sign this receipt.

'"In return for 20 sovereigns'

'"I hereby hand over'

"for unspecified carnal purposes

"my daughter, Flora Dora Tosa, a virgin.

Signed, Mary Tosa, spinster."

And we call ourselves civilized.

The story will have to be written very…

[CLEARS THROAT] …care-carefully.

I can't express my gratitude to you.

- Oh, you were the brave one. - Oh, Mr. Oakes, you…

- You have admirable qualities. - 'Oh, no.'

Well, even at this very moment, I, I want to again…

- What? - Lurch at you.

Here! You two are talking different.

Flora dear, we are not what you feared us to be.

We are going to take you to a place

where you'll be taken care of and, and given work.

And your chastity will be preserved.

Bleedin' hell!

Still.

Alright. Start your work!

Carry on with your work!

Do you agree to help me?

Oh, very well. She can be put to panel-sewing.

- Oh, missus! - Here, love. Come here.

You promised my mum I'd be ruined!

Young man, let me ask you a question.

Am I expected to pay you 50 pound per year

to put virgins in the newspaper?

Of course not, sir. No, sir.

Count Pandolfo, it's beautiful.

Beautiful, yes, but unknown!

The unknown airship.

Count Pandolfo, Miss Pacefoot's work

is socially important.

But what can be more socially important

than an airship?

Virgins there have always been.

This is an entirely new amenity.

Can you just spare me for two weeks?

Grazie. Two weeks?

In order to write Flora's story in such graphic terms

that "The Times" will be unable to refuse it

I need time!

He's already devised a headline, sir.

'A most affecting one.'

Innocence cries out.

But I have a whole airship crying out!

[SPEAKING IN ITALIAN]

[PEOPLE SHOUTING]

It's your Harry! Ooh.

[CROWD LAUGHING]

Another 10 yards of cloth and I would have had him.

[LAUGHTER]

Flora, is this how you repay our efforts to help you?

Fine bloody help!

How can a girl expect to lose it in an airship works?

Enough! Enough! Basta!

Come off of here. Put her with an honest woman!

And for this brazen hussy

you expect me to neglect my airship?

- Two weeks. Just two weeks. - Make up your mind!

You're working for me or for the world?

- Sir, sir. - What?

Sir, may I ask one question?

The time for questions is past. What do you want?

Have you taken a patent on your craft?

I have taken nobody on it. You're the only…

No, sir. Have you registered it with the patent office?

Until you do that, any publicizing could be dangerous.

Dangerous? Wait…

The whole concept could be stolen.

- Stolen? - Stolen.

[SPEAKING IN ITALIAN]

What kind of country have I got myself citizen to?

- In. - In.

Young man, not a word of this must get into the newspapers.

- Hmm. - Hold back.

Oh, I will, sir. I will. I will, sir.

And make me one of these patents, huh?

- Yes, sir. - A big one!

Yes, a big patent, sir. Whoa!

How am I gonna make him a patent?

My uncle's solicitor.

I didn't know such people existed.

A publicizing consultant?

Oh, he came to me for help in some, uh, patent office matter.

And it occurred to me immediately…

- You were absolutely right. - Huh?

If we did get an unfavorable mention anywhere

it could do us immeasurable damage.

Hmm. I shall visit the young man before our opening night.

Which is in two weeks' time

so you better start sending these out.

I think you will find the invitation list

conforms to my father's specifications.

Only the eminent, the prominent and the wealthy.

"The Earl of Cardigan, Mr. Lionel Rothschild

Mr. Soames Forsyte."

"The French ambassador?

[GASPS] "The Marquess of Queensberry."

- Mm. - Dr. Jekyll?

Hmm. Better send him two.

We received on anonymous information this morning, sir.

An extremely opulent bordello

is about to be opened at Belgravia Hall.

- Now… - Unh-unh.

A former school for young ladies.

I know.

You know?

If you care to take a rest, sir

I'll, uh, put in some trees.

Thank you, Sir Edwin.

Yes, it has come to my notice, inspector

but I'd prefer you to, let's say, turn a blind eye.

Do nothing about it?

A bordello?

Leave it be?

Well, keep it under observation.

If, of course, it, uh, exhibits any evidence

of, uh, explicit impropriety.

If there's a tendency towards public scandal.

Um, uh, but I don't think it will.

How can it not not?

Because, inspector, it's being administered by a gentleman.

[GUNSHOTS]

Quite excellent curry.

You must congratulate the cook.

They slit his throat.

Then congratulate his widow.

[GUNSHOTS]

You know, Jones, you're half English.

We really must clear up this trouble.

I mean, if we're going to harvest the crop.

Well, there's some kind of grievance, do you think?

Grievance?

Never listen to grievances, Jones

as I told the Chinese trade attache before I left.

Never listen to them.

It suddenly turned warm.

You know, this won't do.

This simply will not do.

[GUNSHOTS]

Have you a union, Jack?

Then tell the men to stop firing.

[SPEAKING IN HINDI]

There, you mutinous native dogs.

Fire if you dare…

…upon the unconquerable flag of the British Empire.

[BAND MUSIC]

[CHURCH BELLS TOLLING]

Who gets it?

- Who gets Belgravia Hall? - Shh.

Do you want me to kick you in the groin again?

- No. - Then tell me.

Did you forge a new will or didn't you?

You blundering fool.

So our house now passes to…

Yeah.

[KNOCKS]

Hmm.

I know that Miss Pacefoot herself

is of irreproachable character, but this seems…

Sir, I can authenticate every word, sir.

I have my notes and the photographs

and here is the receipt, sir.

It all seems so indelicate.

[SCOFFS] Buying a 15 year old.

You make great mention of the purchased virgin

being placed in the employ of Count Pandolfo.

- Pioneer of Pandolfo's Airship. - I don't see it.

Um, cloud borne omnibus of the future, sir.

Uh, fully patented.

Not averse to the two birds

with one stone principle, are you?

(OAKES) You have, uh, suffered a loss, mademoiselle?

No one irreplaceable, Monsieur Oakes.

Good.

- Uh… - Unh-unh.

I seek your assistance.

I have another new enterprise.

Its, uh, publicization problems are somewhat special.

- Is it a commodity? - Uh-huh.

A service.

Something quite fresh

in the way of a gentlemen's club.

I see.

W-well, I'm afraid I'm r-rather busy at the moment.

I've got, uh, this, um

hmm, look, airship.

Un ballon dirigeable.

Uh, tres dirigeable.

- Uh, uh, yes. - Hmm.

I-I've also got a-a social evil.

And, uh, well, you can see I haven't got time for, for, uh…

We are prepared to pay you 500 pounds a year.

Uh, 5-500 pounds a year?

So maybe you will call on us.

'Our address is Belgravia Hall.'

"The whole of my estate"

"namely the opium plantations in India"

"and the property in London known as Belgravia Hall"

"I hereby bequeath to…"

"…I bequeath to my niece, Miss Josephine Pacefoot."

Uh, but that's not fair.

Well, well, Cousin Walter.

Well, surely it should be he as the only son.

Is it for us to question the judgment

of one whose nobilities of soul live on after him…

…especially in Belgravia Hall?

Who would talk of ownership there?

Perhaps Miss Josephine should be shown.

A convent?

Yes, endowed by my dear father

for the sisters of Saint Babette.

(WALTER) Yes, a convent school.

It boards and instructs the daughters of the deserving poor.

[RINGS BELL]

[SINGING IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE]

Welcome to this house. Please.

Miss Pacefoot, Sister Immaculata.

I see it's the fast of the blessed Theodosia.

Till sundown.

What purity there is in young girls' voices.

[SINGING IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE]

I'm sorry you cannot see our charges, but the fast.

Oh, I quite understand.

With so many girls of 14 and 15.

Do you teach these young girls a trade?

[SIGHS] A profession.

Cousin Walter, that was inspirational.

- May I confess something? - Please do.

Well, this morning, when we were first told

that I had inherited Belgravia Hall

my immediate thought was at last somewhere

to house my industrial training center.

But now having seen it, I realize

Sister Immaculata is laboring in the selfsame vineyard.

Perhaps one might say with the selfsame grapes.

She must stay here.

You see, what I will do is

I shall use my other inheritance.

(FANG) 'Miss Pacefoot, I beseech you'

in the name of 40 million suffering Chinese

do not set that vile plantation to work again.

Mr. Fang, if those properties uncle left me

are to be used to finance my industrial training home

what alternative have I?

A Belgravia Hall.

That is already doing noble work for deprived humanity.

So all I can use are the profits from the opium crop.

I'm sorry, Mr. Fang

but England's social problems must come first.

And I thought my countrymen's afflictions were lifted.

Why don't you teach them a trade?

[GONG TOLLS]

[SPEAKING IN CHINESE]

[INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC]

Oh, Mr. Oakes, don't you see? The sale of the opium crops

will give me enough to finance a beautiful

industrial training center or more than enough.

I'll even be able to contribute donations

to that convent. Oh, Mr. Oakes, I wish…

Miss Pacefoot, you can't have dealings

with an opium plantation.

- Why not? - Because it's… commerce.

Trade.

'Miss Pacefoot, it has been proved'

scientifically proved, that prolonged arithmetic

is too severe for the female brain.

Mr. Oakes!

I never expected to hear you voice that objection.

Odd how people one thinks one knows

can surprise one.

First, Cousin Walter this morning at Belgravia Hall

and now, this afternoon.

Miss! Miss!

Oh, fiddle.

Miss.

I'm sorry, Mr. Oakes. I have an appointment.

I presume you will render an account for past services.

Please, Miss Pacefoot.

Belgravia Hall?

Gentlemen's club?

(BABETTE) 'Monsieur Oakes!'

I'm so happy you did find time

to help us in our new enterprise.

Gentlemen's club?

Not at all how I pictured the Athenaeum.

I told you it was special.

I will tell you the truth about it.

Phoebe.

[LAUGHTER]

Lily?

Evelyn?

Club? This is nothing but a common bordello.

Oh, no. A most uncommon one.

And, and then you thought that I would…

When all the time, you were trying to lure

those girls back to the dirty life.

Well, just makes a mockery

of everything Miss Pacefoot was trying to do.

Miss Pacefoot?

You know Miss Pacefoot?

Yes. Yes, indeed, I do.

And, and just at the very time when she…

Just a minute.

It's you who's been buying up all the virgins.

And that convent and the convent is the…

[GRUNTS]

Ah, awkward.

Get me Phoebe.

I have another little job for her.

She's here, Master Walter.

We have ample time, Phoebe.

Girls?

Girls?

Girls, I have some wonderful news.

[GASPS]

[SOBS]

Phoebe.

Oh, Miss Josephine, forgive me.

Where have you been all this time?

The beast! The hideous beast!

Who? Phoebe, what's happened to you?

I've been raped!

For three weeks?

He kept on and on.

Who?

Mr. Oakes?

Just threw me down and raped me physically.

I don't believe it!

Held me captive, he did.

And had carnival knowledge of me over and over.

Phoebe, I know Mr. Oakes. He wouldn't.

But he did, continuously.

When I escaped, he, he followed me here and…

[SOBS]

If that noble gentleman hadn't chanced to arrive…

What noble gentleman?

There's your man, constable.

(JOSEPHINE) Oh, Cousin Walter!

Some merciful providence must have directed

my steps here this afternoon.

Take courage, child.

Your private hell is over.

Wake up, you drink-sodden cur.

Miss, Miss Pacefoot!

I've, I've discovered something diabolical.

So have I.

What was that?

You have forfeited my esteem forever.

You are not fit to touch the hem of her robe.

I, I wasn't going to, and please stop pushing me.

- 'Phoebe!' - No! No more!

Miss Pacefoot, I can tell you something about her.

That is the most despicable suggestion

ever made to a lady.

Stop pushing me.

Who are you?

No one of your ilk.

A respecter of womanhood.

- Constable? - 'Sir.'

Put him where he belongs.

Cousin Josephine, let me escort you home, hmm?

The full rigor of the law, constable.

Very good, sir.

Alright, you lust-crazed animal.

Come along with me.

What did I do? What did I do?

Drunk and disorderly, breach of the peace

and persistent rape.

What did, what did I do?

That poor girl.

That, Phoebe, was it?

Well, you can thank merciful heaven

for guiding my footsteps to your hostel this afternoon.

You must tell me more about your work there.

[SOBS] That's exactly what he said.

What a thoroughgoing blackguard.

The worst kind of voluptuary.

[SOBS]

Are you interested in fallen women, Cousin Walter?

It is possibly my most paramount interest.

Cousin Josephine, if you would do me the honor

of dining with me this evening, perhaps we could…

[INDISTINCT SCREAMING]

Miss, I'm sorry. I, I tried.

You must take her back!

She is more inflammable than the hydrogen.

Not a workman is safe.

Enticing them into the forward bulkhead.

Is sharp!

[SPEAKS IN ITALIAN]

Offering herself in the gas compartment.

You bleeding…

[SPEAKS IN ITALIAN]

Construction work has well-nigh ceased.

Two weeks gone and I'm still a virgin.

(JOSEPHINE) 'Oh, Flora, what are we to do with you?'

If I may make a suggestion.

[FLORA CRYING]

- I don't want to go. - Flora!

Flora, now stop it.

It's a proper convent school.

[SOBS] I don't want to go to a proper convent school.

[CHUCKLES] Oh, thank you! Thank you!

I think she may now find heart's ease.

Till tonight then?

What did I do?

Mm-hmm. Turn.

Pas mal.

Yes, truly a worthwhile acquisition.

I think.

(BABETTE) 'And so enthusiastic!'

She's unwilling to wait even till tomorrow.

The baker's boy was lucky to escape with his tray.

Phoebe?

So to tomorrow.

Our opening night.

My opening night. Mmm.

And Miss Pacefoot, she will not worry us again?

When an English gentlewoman marries

any house she owns passes immediately to her husband.

You think that just taking her out to dinner

'will make her marry you?'

With what I serve for dessert.

That was a splendid dinner, Cousin Walter.

It requires some expertness and practice

for a gentleman with a mustache

to take jelly in an inoffensive manner.

Are you still perturbed about your friend?

No! No, not at all.

After this afternoon, I wouldn't give him a second thought.

Well, I'm very glad you accepted my invitation.

I, I had no idea

it was to be a private dining room.

Ah! Surely as the emancipated woman, you.

Uh, that will be all, thank you.

Did, uh, Mr. Leybourne mention that I, uh, I…

Oh, yes, uh, you'd like me

to take the key out for you, wouldn't you?

Cousin Walter, does your coffee taste odd?

Odd, Cousin Josephine?

S-strange.

It's very strange.

Surely, one of life's minor pleasures, Cousin Josephine.

Looking at lighted candles through half-closed eyes.

Mmm.

But not to be compared with life's major pleasures.

It's very confusing.

Mmm?

I'm afraid I have this sudden desire to lie down.

Mmm?

And at the same time…

[CHUCKLES]

…I have an overwhelming urge to giggle.

Well, the two inclinations are not incompatible.

[LAUGHTER]

Blast!

Rot him!

So much for the lying down.

Now for the giggling.

I shall print kisses on your knees.

On the backs of your knee.

What has to be done…

…has to be done!

[CLOTH RIPPING]

'Mmm. Mmm. Mmm.'

[MUFFLED SCREAMING]

Paper! Lascivious revelations!

Paper! Lascivious revelations!

Concupiscence in high places!

'Young females purchased like commodities!'

'Paper! Paper!'

'Young females purchased like living commodities!'

Oh, ooh!

Oh.

[CLEARS THROAT]

[KNOCKS]

[WHISTLING]

Mmm. Mmm.

Morning.

- Oh. - Mmm!

Lovely day.

[LAUGHS] That's alright, sir.

I've had lots of gentlemen who liked it this way.

Oh, wait till you see today's "Times."

Oh!

Hello. What's this say?

Oh!

[MUFFLED SPEECH]

Oh, yes. Very good.

Very good.

You realize that when my government hears about this

you will never again be allowed to enter

the royal enclosure at Ascot.

This display of oriental pique

will never deflect me from my purpose.

It is why I have addressed my demands to your next of kin.

"The only way left to me

"to prevent the opium trade resuming

"is to appropriate the plantation itself.

"That is why I have taken Miss Pacefoot.

"If you do not send me the deeds and title

"to the plantation by midnight tonight

she will meet a most painful death."

Mon dieu! They will kill her?

Painfully.

(WALTER) Oh!

Well, after all, it is most frightfully convenient.

Isn't it?

She rides!

She rides the sky!

She rides the blue heaven!

Pandolfo flies!

Come, Pandolfo! Come down at once!

[BLOWS WHISTLE]

A milestone in aviation history

and who will know about it?

Nobodies!

Where is that Mr. Oakes?

Still busy with the virgins, I suppose.

Port! To port!

But that's Starboard, sir.

What's in a name?

Why isn't that young man here to take the photographs?

This report here says that the young girl

was placed in your employment.

And I placed her out of it!

How many more times do I have to tell you this?

- Where is she now? - I don't know.

They took her away in a carriage

to somewhere in Belgravia, some hall.

A hall?

Mmm. Interesting.

What do you make of it, my friend?

I'd say it belongs to a young man of about 24

'and having been imprisoned'

'on somewhat trumped-up charges'

'he is now pleading for a chance to disprove them.'

'Probably, I'd say, with our old friend Inspector Macpherson.'

'And if I know the Wily Macpherson'

'he will grant him his freedom'

'in the hope that the young man'

'will lead him to more important quarry.'

My old friend, I, I just don't understand how you do it.

Elementary, my dear fellow.

I say, excuse me. Have you chaps seen a comb?

Ah, that's it. Thank you.

My friend dropped it here last night.

Thank you.

Oscar! Oscar! I found it, Oscar!

Well, I'm not bloody Sherlock Holmes, you know.

He went and told the police.

That's where Miss Pacefoot had placed Flora.

If the police raid Belgravia Hall

and find Flora there

Miss Pacefoot will just be arrested

as a common procuress.

Ay!

[SPEAKING IN ITALIAN]

What is a procuress?

Evidence of explicit impropriety.

That's what I was instructed to wait for

and I've got it.

So we swoop on Belgravia Hall at 10 o'clock tonight.

The young virgin to be removed

and all other persons found on the premises

to be taken into custody and charged with abetting.

In the meantime

I have got Sergeant Coulter

shadowing that shady eyetie.

But you must know where she is.

I'm sorry, sir.

Miss Pacefoot hasn't been home since yesterday.

Excuse me. Miss Pacefoot?

Miss, Miss Pacefoot?

Please take your hands off!

Do you fancy threading the needle?

- You prefer Indian tea? - Yes, I do.

Then why don't you grow it?

Now you're just being testy.

If you think my cousin or my solicitor will be influenced

by this sort of peevishness, you're quite wrong.

If they fail to grant my demands

I have told them that you will be killed painfully.

[INDISTINCT CHATTER]

Uh, ambassador, this is, uh, Babette Laroche.

The French ambassador.

- Your Excellency. - Enchante, madame.

I should like to talk to you, please, later.

[APPLAUSE]

We've got to get Flora out ourselves.

Shh.

Why has everything gone quiet?

[CHEERING AND APPLAUDING]

Gentlemen, the opening ceremony has been performed.

Et maintenant amusez vous.

[INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC]

[GASPS]

[CRASH]

It's a coal cellar.

I think we better split up.

Flora.

Oh, sir, have you come to disturb my woolly flock?

[SHEEP BLEATING]

Life plays strange tricks on an airship inventor.

My congratulations on your achievement.

At last, somewhere to go in London on Sunday afternoons.

Thank you, Your Reverence.

[CHUCKLES]

Flora?

Flo…

If you'd have led hearts

you'd have won the bodice too.

You've done wonders.

Some of these, uh, services that you offer.

The variety of choices is astonishing.

Most invigorating.

Bien, messieurs, have you made your choice?

Yes, well, I, I think, uh, number eight.

Ah, very good.

Psst! Flora!

Oh, Mr. Thackeray, you are a caution.

[LAUGHTER]

[LAUGHING]

I say fair do's, young man. I paid for the full hour.

Oh, I beg your, beg your, beg your pardon, sir.

Flora?

A school cap and an Eton suit for Mr. Swinburne.

He'll show you to the robing room.

It's all going splendidly.

[KNOCKS]

Flora?

Flora?

[INDISTINCT CHATTER]

Hello, cheeky.

Cor.

- You have it lucky. - No further.

No further, now, see?

I'm warning you!

Inspector, the men are in position, sir.

[KNOCKS]

Oh, Flora!

[KNOCKS]

Flora.

[SPEAKING IN FRENCH]

But you are a French woman.

Oui, mais!

Uh, a harsh brush for the Hansel and Gretel room?

In the store cupboard.

Spiffing, isn't it?

Ooh!

[WHISTLING]

Have you seen the gothic room, Mr. Darwin?

I think you'll find it frightfully interesting.

It's quite, quite different.

Ha ha! You see, it's frightfully popular.

(MALE #1) 'Please, Liebchen, just call me Albert.'

'Please.'

Can it be?

[KNOCKS]

[DRUMBEAT]

[BIRD SQUAWKING]

Oh, I'm-I'm awfully sorry about this.

They committed unpardonable outrages upon my person.

Oh.

Complete strangers.

Never in my whole…

I say, I say you!

Hey, you two, after them!

[GIRLS CHATTERING]

[GIRLS GASPING]

[INDISTINCT CHATTER]

[SHEEP BLEATS]

(FEMALE #5) Come on, let's have a threesome!

[GLASS SHATTERS]

[WOMAN MOANING]

(MALE #2) 'Oh, don't do that!'

'Get your hand away!'

'Not that one, the other one!'

'Miss, miss, have you got no modesty?'

'Just stop it!'

- Flora! - Oakie, get out of here!

Get her away. I'm strict chapel!

[POLICE WHISTLES]

[KNOCKS]

[INSTRUMENTAL MUSIC]

Inspector?

And all these fine men.

We intend to search this brothel

and detain everyone found inside.

[CLEARS THROAT]

[CLEARS THROAT] I shouldn't advise it, inspector.

At least half the cabinet is here.

Sir, we've received information that they have purchased…

I'm sure you acted most properly, inspector

but, uh, ahem, in view of, um, present company

don't you think it would be better

if you postponed your raid until tomorrow night?

Yes, sir.

Of course, sir.

Tomorrow night it will be, sir.

I hoped it would not come to this

but it is already 10:30.

If I am to die, I am content it should be for the furtherance

of women's industrial opportunities.

I can only hope your advisers are less progressive.

Please, there is still time to transfer the title deeds.

Mm, I'm sorry.

It was a noble experiment

but I did stipulate that one breath of scandal.

Yes, well, hmm.

After all, mademoiselle, we, we're not in, um, Paris.

Paris.

Paris.

Forty seven, forty eight, forty nine, fifty thousand.

And Monsieur L'ambassadeur

I shall keep my part of the bargain.

Mademoiselle, you are a true daughter of France.

Rotten, interfering pigs!

Another two minutes and I'd have had him!

[SPEAKING IN ITALIAN]

Oh!

I'll never lose it now!

Mmm.

Mmm.

- Monsieur Oakes! - Not a word, mademoiselle.

Not a word. Pas un mot.

You are so strong.

You are going to get us out of here and you're going

to tell us what's happened to Miss Pacefoot.

What have you done with her? Where is she?

I will tell you

providing Count Pandolfo will help me.

No. No. Already once tonight, I have been violate!

What do you want us to do?

[WATER BUBBLING]

[METAL GRINDING]

M-Miss Pacefoot!

Ms. Pacefoot, you must leave here immediately.

Would you look the other way, Mr. Oakes?

My bodice is disarranged!

Ms. Pacefoot, you have been the victim

of a, of a wicked deception.

[INDISTINCT CHATTER]

[CHEERING AND APPLAUDING]

How could I have been so gullible?

Well, you were not to blame.

When you were the only one I really could trust.

And all the time, Cousin Walter, that convent!

[CLOCK STRIKES]

Midnight

and the opium plantation has not changed hands.

I'm sorry.

Well, it's not actually midnight

until the last chime.

In China, it's the first one.

[GRUNTS]

Miss Pacefoot, this is our last moment before we…

May I confess something intimate?

I don't think that would be indecorous, Mr. Oakes

under the circumstances.

Then, my dear Miss Pacefoot

let me impart that my regard for you

transcends the bounds of mere affection.

Oh! Does it, Mr. Oakes?

[DRUMROLL]

(JOSEPHINE) 'Wait!'

Mr. Fang, I've had a change of heart.

I will transfer the deeds to the opium plantation.

[CLOCK STRIKES]

Steady as she goes!

Steer south by east!

Turn left at the next cloud.

Well, then, sir, I may swoop again tonight in full force

and this time, without demur.

I suppose so.

[SIGHS] Alright, inspector. Swoop.

[POLICE WHISTLES]

This will set adultery back 50 years.

[KNOCKS]

Good evening, inspector.

And now we are going to raid this brothel.

Brothel, inspector?

This is an industrial training center, inspector.

Dormitories.

Classrooms.

I assure you, inspector, we exist only to offer

'these poor, deprived girls instruction'

'in every type of employment.'

'One day, perhaps even police work.'

This house belongs to Miss Pacefoot now.

Exactly, and my overseas properties

I have made over to my cousin

as the Chinese trade attache will confirm.

[GONG STRIKES]

(WALTER) 'Farewell, my lovelies!'

But there was a brothel here.

I know there was.

Where has it all gone?

[BAND MUSIC]

An entirely new dimension

in airborne entertainment!

Pie in the sky!

[LAUGHS]

[CHUCKLES]

The thing that I've a-a-always wondered

about private dining rooms… is

what do you do after dining?

After dining…

Well, Benjamin, I will tell you.

Benjamin!

What you do is…

Yes? Yes, Josephine?

You lurch.

(OATES) 'Whoa! Whoa!'

(WALTER) Whoa!

I'm sorry, Mr. Leybourne.

I was a friend of your late father and mother.

'I spent many weekends at their house.'

Many happy weekends.

They gave me one of the main bedrooms.

That pretty upstairs maid.

'And your mother.'

She, too, was so…

…kind to me.

More than kind, she…

[CLOCK STRIKES]

[DRUMROLL]

Daddy! Daddy!

'Daddy!'

[INAUDIBLE]

Yahoo!

[LAUGHS]

[BAND MUSIC]