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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,500 --> 00:00:02,000 www.Tvsubtitles.Net 2 00:01:04,338 --> 00:01:06,340 Haven't seen brian. 3 00:01:06,340 --> 00:01:08,843 He's with justin. It's "date night". 4 00:01:08,843 --> 00:01:10,344 Whoo-Hoo! 5 00:01:11,845 --> 00:01:13,847 I'm sorry, are we keeping you up? 6 00:01:13,847 --> 00:01:18,351 No. It's the business. 7 00:01:18,852 --> 00:01:19,853 Toiling away, day and night, 8 00:01:19,853 --> 00:01:20,854 It's not the same as punching in 9 00:01:20,854 --> 00:01:23,356 9:00 to 6:00 at wertschafter's. 10 00:01:23,356 --> 00:01:26,859 But just think, you're a success. 11 00:01:26,859 --> 00:01:28,861 Not that i've had much time to enjoy it. 12 00:01:28,861 --> 00:01:29,862 What you need is something 13 00:01:30,362 --> 00:01:31,864 To keep your eyelids open. 14 00:01:31,864 --> 00:01:34,333 Yeah, like him. 15 00:01:35,751 --> 00:01:37,252 Yeah, right. As if a norse god 16 00:01:37,252 --> 00:01:39,688 Is going to be interested in me. 17 00:01:39,688 --> 00:01:44,692 You never know unless you try. 18 00:01:44,692 --> 00:01:45,693 Sure, what the hell? 19 00:01:45,693 --> 00:01:47,695 I'm too tired to care. 20 00:01:47,695 --> 00:01:55,702 Attaboy. Yeah. 21 00:01:55,702 --> 00:02:00,207 Hi. How's it going? 22 00:02:00,207 --> 00:02:05,996 I'm ted. 23 00:02:05,996 --> 00:02:09,498 Maybe you could use it as a bookmark or something. 24 00:02:10,966 --> 00:02:13,853 Jerkatwork.Net. 25 00:02:14,353 --> 00:02:16,355 That you? That's right. 26 00:02:16,355 --> 00:02:18,290 I'm the president. 27 00:02:18,290 --> 00:02:21,227 I'm thor. 28 00:02:21,227 --> 00:02:24,646 So, how about hooking up? 29 00:02:24,646 --> 00:02:30,101 You and me? 30 00:02:30,101 --> 00:02:31,603 You got it... 31 00:02:31,603 --> 00:02:39,910 thor. 32 00:02:39,910 --> 00:02:41,378 He gave you his number? 33 00:02:41,378 --> 00:02:46,784 Seems success is the ultimate aphrodisiac. 34 00:02:46,784 --> 00:02:50,254 Oh, shit! 35 00:02:50,254 --> 00:02:52,755 Well, if it isn't the hunkiest professor 36 00:02:52,755 --> 00:02:54,257 In the whole wide world. 37 00:02:54,257 --> 00:02:57,243 Thank you for making me feel so much better. 38 00:02:57,243 --> 00:02:59,162 You did the right thing. 39 00:02:59,162 --> 00:03:00,163 The guy's positive. 40 00:03:00,663 --> 00:03:03,099 Positively yummy. 41 00:03:03,599 --> 00:03:05,101 There are plenty of fuckable guys out there 42 00:03:05,101 --> 00:03:06,536 That you don't have to worry about. 43 00:03:06,536 --> 00:03:08,537 Come on, let's dance. 44 00:03:20,465 --> 00:03:22,466 It's true, there's a lot of fuckable guys out there 45 00:03:22,466 --> 00:03:24,952 And i've even dated a few. 46 00:03:25,386 --> 00:03:26,887 More than a few. 47 00:03:26,887 --> 00:03:27,888 The only problem is... 48 00:03:27,888 --> 00:03:29,824 they're not ben. 49 00:03:29,824 --> 00:03:30,825 I can't stop thinking about him. 50 00:03:30,825 --> 00:03:32,326 I'm obsessed. And i'm... 51 00:03:32,326 --> 00:03:33,761 trying to eat. 52 00:03:34,261 --> 00:03:35,763 It's classic end-Of-Theaffair remorse. 53 00:03:35,763 --> 00:03:37,697 Made worse by the fact that you don't have anyone 54 00:03:37,697 --> 00:03:38,698 To replace him. 55 00:03:38,698 --> 00:03:41,117 It's my own fault. 56 00:03:41,117 --> 00:03:43,620 I shouldn't have let myself be influenced by other people. 57 00:03:43,620 --> 00:03:45,121 Well, you obviously had your doubts, 58 00:03:45,121 --> 00:03:47,123 Or else you'd have told us all to go fuck ourselves. 59 00:03:47,123 --> 00:03:49,576 There's probably some truth to that, michael. 60 00:03:49,576 --> 00:03:51,543 Do you think it's too late? 61 00:03:52,044 --> 00:03:53,996 You know, i ordered my eggs with bacon. 62 00:03:53,996 --> 00:03:55,931 Okay. Not group therapy. 63 00:03:55,931 --> 00:03:57,866 Huh. 64 00:03:57,866 --> 00:03:58,867 Oh. 65 00:03:59,368 --> 00:04:03,872 If you want ben back, go fucking get him. 66 00:04:03,872 --> 00:04:04,840 Hey! 67 00:04:04,840 --> 00:04:08,843 Your side of bacon. 68 00:04:08,843 --> 00:04:10,845 Oh, well. Huh. 69 00:04:10,845 --> 00:04:12,296 Can't paste it back on the pig. 70 00:04:15,733 --> 00:04:17,735 Uh-Oh. 71 00:04:17,735 --> 00:04:21,171 Those puppy-Dog eyes can only mean one thing. 72 00:04:21,171 --> 00:04:22,672 Boy trouble. 73 00:04:24,124 --> 00:04:26,610 Oh. 74 00:04:26,610 --> 00:04:30,063 Honey. 75 00:04:30,063 --> 00:04:33,567 The right guy'll come along. You'll see. 76 00:04:33,567 --> 00:04:35,067 And when he does, you'll be right there 77 00:04:35,067 --> 00:04:38,070 With your big, warm heart. 78 00:04:38,070 --> 00:04:39,572 And that face that you just wanna pinch 79 00:04:39,572 --> 00:04:41,073 Like a peach. 80 00:04:41,073 --> 00:04:44,460 Mmm! Look at that. 81 00:04:44,460 --> 00:04:46,462 Right? Don't forget, 82 00:04:46,462 --> 00:04:49,964 Monday night, ziti night. 83 00:04:49,964 --> 00:04:51,466 Great, so i can be fat and single. 84 00:04:53,468 --> 00:04:55,403 I'm telling you, brian, she's driving me out of my mind. 85 00:04:56,905 --> 00:04:58,406 I told you two to behave! 86 00:04:58,907 --> 00:05:00,358 He did it. 87 00:05:00,358 --> 00:05:01,359 No, he did. 88 00:05:01,359 --> 00:05:02,327 Faggot. 89 00:05:02,826 --> 00:05:03,777 Homo. 90 00:05:03,777 --> 00:05:06,680 Look, sit down and shut up. Hey! 91 00:05:07,164 --> 00:05:08,665 Or i'll make sure your balls never drop. 92 00:05:09,149 --> 00:05:11,101 You know, i do everything for her. 93 00:05:11,101 --> 00:05:13,103 Do you think she appreciates it? 94 00:05:13,587 --> 00:05:15,038 Do you think she ever says "thank you"? 95 00:05:15,038 --> 00:05:17,540 All she does is criticize. I mean, 96 00:05:17,540 --> 00:05:19,976 Nothing is good enough for her. 97 00:05:20,459 --> 00:05:22,411 Why don't you kill her? 98 00:05:22,411 --> 00:05:23,846 No jury on earth would convict you. 99 00:05:23,846 --> 00:05:25,348 They all have mothers of their own. 100 00:05:25,348 --> 00:05:26,832 I have a better idea. 101 00:05:26,832 --> 00:05:28,251 You deal with her. 102 00:05:28,251 --> 00:05:29,252 You put up with her demands, 103 00:05:29,252 --> 00:05:31,254 Her drinking. 104 00:05:31,254 --> 00:05:33,255 Which has gotten a lot worse since daddy died. 105 00:05:33,255 --> 00:05:34,706 She's celebrating. 106 00:05:34,706 --> 00:05:36,207 Why don't you drive her to the doctor? 107 00:05:36,207 --> 00:05:39,210 To church. To get her hair done. 108 00:05:39,210 --> 00:05:40,645 Fuck that shit. 109 00:05:42,063 --> 00:05:43,565 Shut up. 110 00:05:43,565 --> 00:05:45,000 She's your mother too, 111 00:05:45,000 --> 00:05:47,001 And you can't just stick me with her. 112 00:05:47,001 --> 00:05:48,002 It's worked so far. 113 00:05:48,002 --> 00:05:50,955 Well, not any more. I've looked after her, 114 00:05:50,955 --> 00:05:52,957 Well, after both of them, ever since we were kids 115 00:05:52,957 --> 00:05:54,458 While you just got off scot free. 116 00:05:54,458 --> 00:05:58,395 Now, either you help me out, brian, or i swear 117 00:05:58,395 --> 00:05:59,830 She's yours. 118 00:05:59,830 --> 00:06:01,331 All yours. 119 00:06:03,766 --> 00:06:05,268 Come on, let's go. Aw... 120 00:06:05,268 --> 00:06:06,769 I don't wanna go. I said we're going. Let's go. 121 00:06:06,769 --> 00:06:10,707 Oh-H-H... aw, this sucks. 122 00:06:22,718 --> 00:06:24,720 Well, i've done cop, cowboy. 123 00:06:24,720 --> 00:06:26,221 Indian chief. 124 00:06:26,722 --> 00:06:28,724 After this, i guess i've done the village people. 125 00:06:30,725 --> 00:06:32,660 Ted? 126 00:06:32,660 --> 00:06:35,162 Hey! 127 00:06:35,162 --> 00:06:36,163 Huh? Poor baby. 128 00:06:36,163 --> 00:06:40,568 You really are exhausted. 129 00:06:40,568 --> 00:06:42,570 Invoices. Payroll. 130 00:06:42,570 --> 00:06:45,038 Accounts receivable. 131 00:06:45,038 --> 00:06:49,009 It's like wertschafter's times a thousand. 132 00:06:49,009 --> 00:06:53,513 And i'm supposed to meet thor the impaler tonight. 133 00:06:53,513 --> 00:06:55,515 Oh, what's the point? 134 00:06:55,515 --> 00:06:57,017 I'm too tired to even get it up. 135 00:06:57,017 --> 00:06:58,018 Honey, 136 00:06:58,517 --> 00:07:00,953 You are in the biz. 137 00:07:00,953 --> 00:07:02,955 A hard dick... 138 00:07:03,455 --> 00:07:07,876 is at your fingertips. 139 00:07:07,876 --> 00:07:11,880 Viagra? 140 00:07:12,381 --> 00:07:13,381 I don't know. I haven't exactly had a winning score 141 00:07:13,881 --> 00:07:14,882 When it comes to drugs. 142 00:07:14,882 --> 00:07:16,334 I understand your trepidation. 143 00:07:16,334 --> 00:07:18,336 And normally i'd agree with you. 144 00:07:18,336 --> 00:07:21,839 But, uh, but this stuff is made for octogenarians. 145 00:07:22,340 --> 00:07:24,342 If they can fuck like someone who's 30, 146 00:07:24,342 --> 00:07:27,761 Even you should be able to fuck like someone who'. 80. 147 00:07:27,761 --> 00:07:29,246 You ever tried it? 148 00:07:29,246 --> 00:07:32,199 Only when i operate heavy equipment. 149 00:07:32,199 --> 00:07:33,183 And? 150 00:07:33,183 --> 00:07:35,686 Ah, lasts for a few hours, tops. 151 00:07:35,686 --> 00:07:49,198 But, uh, long enough to have a night you'll never forget. 152 00:07:49,198 --> 00:07:51,701 Ben! 153 00:07:51,701 --> 00:07:53,202 Hey, michael. 154 00:07:53,202 --> 00:07:56,155 What a coincidence, my running into you. 155 00:07:56,155 --> 00:08:01,576 Uh, not really. I live here. 156 00:08:02,077 --> 00:08:06,998 Well, it was, uh, nice seeing you. 157 00:08:06,998 --> 00:08:09,501 The truth is, i've been walking up and down the block 158 00:08:09,501 --> 00:08:15,005 For two hours waiting for you. 159 00:08:15,005 --> 00:08:17,007 Would you like to come up? 160 00:08:17,007 --> 00:08:19,943 Can i get you something to drink? 161 00:08:19,943 --> 00:08:22,946 No. Thanks. 162 00:08:22,946 --> 00:08:25,948 Oh, a friend of mine gave me that. 163 00:08:26,449 --> 00:08:28,451 You're supposed to rub its belly for luck. 164 00:08:28,451 --> 00:08:30,453 Does it work? 165 00:08:30,453 --> 00:08:32,955 Can't hurt. 166 00:08:33,456 --> 00:08:43,331 Come through, buddha, ol' buddy. 167 00:08:43,832 --> 00:08:45,333 I've been thinking about you. 168 00:08:45,333 --> 00:08:47,836 A lot. 169 00:08:47,836 --> 00:08:49,838 I've thought about you too. 170 00:08:49,838 --> 00:08:52,841 Yeah? 171 00:08:52,841 --> 00:08:55,342 I think i may have overreacted. 172 00:08:55,342 --> 00:08:59,847 You know, to you being positive. 173 00:08:59,847 --> 00:09:02,349 Hmph. 174 00:09:02,349 --> 00:09:04,852 I listened to a lot of people when i... 175 00:09:05,352 --> 00:09:09,355 I should have listened to myself. Anyway... 176 00:09:09,355 --> 00:09:13,359 i'd like to start again. 177 00:09:13,359 --> 00:09:15,361 That is, if you're not seeing anyone. 178 00:09:15,361 --> 00:09:17,864 You're not... seeing anyone, are you? 179 00:09:17,864 --> 00:09:20,366 No. 180 00:09:20,366 --> 00:09:23,368 Well, good. Then... 181 00:09:23,368 --> 00:09:24,870 we can pick up where we left off. 182 00:09:25,370 --> 00:09:27,873 Mm. Mm-Mmm. 183 00:09:27,873 --> 00:09:31,376 Look, uh, i appreciate your coming to see me 184 00:09:31,376 --> 00:09:33,796 And everything you said that this time 185 00:09:33,796 --> 00:09:37,232 It would be different. 186 00:09:37,232 --> 00:09:40,234 But i can't take that chance. 187 00:09:40,234 --> 00:09:42,737 I need to know that if i allow myself to love someone, 188 00:09:42,737 --> 00:09:45,740 That they're not going to bail on me. 189 00:09:45,740 --> 00:09:47,241 No matter what their friends or their mother say, 190 00:09:47,241 --> 00:09:52,629 I need to know they'll be there. 191 00:09:52,629 --> 00:09:54,631 So, i'm sorry. 192 00:09:55,131 --> 00:09:59,102 But it takes more than a kiss. 193 00:09:59,102 --> 00:10:00,604 Oh. 194 00:10:00,604 --> 00:10:03,406 It's been an hour since i took it. 195 00:10:03,406 --> 00:10:05,125 Well, there are no hard or firm rules 196 00:10:05,125 --> 00:10:06,725 When it comes to these things. 197 00:10:06,725 --> 00:10:07,927 It'll happen when it happens. 198 00:10:08,327 --> 00:10:09,528 Well, i don't want anything to happen 199 00:10:09,528 --> 00:10:10,729 Till thor arrives. 200 00:10:10,729 --> 00:10:12,398 Hold on. 201 00:10:12,398 --> 00:10:13,599 Hello? 202 00:10:13,599 --> 00:10:15,601 It's me. Thor. 203 00:10:15,601 --> 00:10:17,603 Hey. 204 00:10:17,603 --> 00:10:20,005 So, uh... 205 00:10:20,005 --> 00:10:22,006 when are you coming over? 206 00:10:22,006 --> 00:10:23,608 I can't. My dog's throwing up. 207 00:10:23,608 --> 00:10:24,809 I-I gotta take her to the hospital. 208 00:10:26,411 --> 00:10:29,614 Christ, lulu! 209 00:10:30,014 --> 00:10:31,232 She did it again. 210 00:10:31,232 --> 00:10:32,483 I gotta go. 211 00:10:32,483 --> 00:10:35,586 Great. 212 00:10:35,586 --> 00:10:37,454 Ted? That was thor. 213 00:10:37,955 --> 00:10:39,456 Lulu's throwing up. 214 00:10:39,957 --> 00:10:40,958 Who's lulu? 215 00:10:41,458 --> 00:10:43,460 Oh, god. 216 00:10:43,460 --> 00:10:44,461 I'm getting hard. 217 00:10:44,461 --> 00:10:46,964 Oh, there, you see? It's working. 218 00:10:46,964 --> 00:10:49,466 Oh, it's working. 219 00:10:49,466 --> 00:10:51,467 Yeah, whoo-Hoo. What do i do now? 220 00:10:51,968 --> 00:10:53,469 What do you mean, "what do you do now?" 221 00:10:53,970 --> 00:10:54,971 You need a manual? 222 00:10:55,471 --> 00:10:56,973 Honey, i've seen you in action. 223 00:10:56,973 --> 00:10:58,975 We've all seen you in action. 224 00:10:58,975 --> 00:11:04,779 I'm sure you'll come up with something. 225 00:11:06,548 --> 00:11:08,850 Wow! 226 00:11:11,303 --> 00:11:13,305 It's a little early 227 00:11:13,305 --> 00:11:14,723 For that, isn't it? 228 00:11:14,723 --> 00:11:16,725 Just something to calm my nerves. 229 00:11:16,725 --> 00:11:20,694 When was the last time i saw you? 230 00:11:21,128 --> 00:11:22,112 Christmas. 231 00:11:22,112 --> 00:11:26,100 You stayed for an hour. Brought me flowers. 232 00:11:26,600 --> 00:11:30,554 Same ones. 233 00:11:30,554 --> 00:11:32,556 Mmm. 234 00:11:32,556 --> 00:11:35,558 We better go, we don't want to be late. 235 00:11:35,558 --> 00:11:38,561 For what? Church. 236 00:11:38,561 --> 00:11:40,063 Church? 237 00:11:40,063 --> 00:11:43,066 Claire said you'd take me. 238 00:11:43,566 --> 00:11:49,571 I never said that. 239 00:11:49,571 --> 00:11:51,073 That bitch. 240 00:11:51,073 --> 00:11:57,079 Brian, do you have to use such language? 241 00:11:57,079 --> 00:11:58,580 You always went to th. 8:00 o'clock service. 242 00:11:58,580 --> 00:12:00,999 Well, i've switched to the noon one. 243 00:12:00,999 --> 00:12:03,000 It's more traditional... 244 00:12:03,000 --> 00:12:12,009 and we have this wonderful new minister. 245 00:12:12,009 --> 00:12:13,511 Are you coming? 246 00:12:13,511 --> 00:12:16,513 Hell no. 247 00:12:16,513 --> 00:12:19,516 Fine. 248 00:12:20,016 --> 00:12:23,954 I'll go myself. 249 00:12:24,454 --> 00:12:28,925 You can't go like that. 250 00:12:28,925 --> 00:12:32,428 Darling, i've managed quite well on my own 251 00:12:32,428 --> 00:12:37,433 Without you, without anyone my entire life. 252 00:12:37,433 --> 00:12:38,934 Truly, i can do it. 253 00:12:38,934 --> 00:12:40,436 I don't need you. 254 00:13:01,388 --> 00:13:02,839 Yeah! 255 00:13:02,839 --> 00:13:03,790 Wow. 256 00:13:03,790 --> 00:13:05,742 Pretty cool. 257 00:13:05,742 --> 00:13:08,161 The nfl should sign you up. 258 00:13:08,662 --> 00:13:09,613 Uh, that's football. 259 00:13:10,063 --> 00:13:12,049 Right, right. I meant... i meant the nbl. 260 00:13:12,049 --> 00:13:15,451 There is no nbl. 261 00:13:15,451 --> 00:13:17,453 Okay, i don't know anything about basketball. 262 00:13:17,937 --> 00:13:19,372 But in... case you haven't noticed, i'm queer. 263 00:13:19,372 --> 00:13:21,323 Well, i love basketball. In case you haven't noticed, 264 00:13:21,323 --> 00:13:22,324 I'm queer, too. 265 00:13:22,324 --> 00:13:23,793 Oh, i've noticed. 266 00:13:23,793 --> 00:13:24,727 What's up, king, what's up. 267 00:13:25,227 --> 00:13:26,645 D'you want the ball? C'mon, let's go. 268 00:13:39,374 --> 00:13:42,827 Yeah! Whoo! 269 00:13:42,827 --> 00:13:45,746 Yo, guys, i gotta go. 270 00:13:45,746 --> 00:13:48,148 I-I'll cover. 271 00:13:48,148 --> 00:13:53,537 Oof. 272 00:13:53,537 --> 00:13:55,973 All right. Let's play ball. 273 00:13:55,973 --> 00:13:57,473 I'll cover mighty mouse. 274 00:13:57,974 --> 00:13:59,859 All right, wait. Come on, these guys are gonna trounce you. 275 00:13:59,859 --> 00:14:00,860 Give me the ball. No. 276 00:14:00,860 --> 00:14:02,812 I said give me the ball, michael. 277 00:14:02,812 --> 00:14:04,814 Not until you agree to go out with me. Tonight. 278 00:14:04,814 --> 00:14:07,250 Pardon me? The ball. 279 00:14:07,250 --> 00:14:10,219 Keep your shorts on, godzilla. Huh? 280 00:14:10,219 --> 00:14:11,220 Oo-Oo-Ooh. I'm not handing over the ball 281 00:14:11,220 --> 00:14:14,723 Until he agrees to go out with me on a date. 282 00:14:14,723 --> 00:14:16,224 Are you out of your mind? 283 00:14:16,224 --> 00:14:18,727 You met my mother. Do you really need to ask that? 284 00:14:18,727 --> 00:14:23,632 Huh? 285 00:14:23,632 --> 00:14:25,133 I suggest you say yes, 286 00:14:25,133 --> 00:14:27,134 'Cause if he's like the bitch i got at home, 287 00:14:27,134 --> 00:14:29,637 We're gonna be standing here all day. 288 00:14:49,389 --> 00:14:52,809 Hi. 289 00:14:52,809 --> 00:14:54,310 Jesus. 290 00:14:54,310 --> 00:14:55,811 I told him to lay off the slimfast. 291 00:14:56,311 --> 00:14:57,312 Shh! 292 00:14:57,312 --> 00:14:58,313 Behave yourself. 293 00:14:58,313 --> 00:15:02,818 When were you last in church? 294 00:15:03,318 --> 00:15:07,322 It's been a while. 295 00:15:07,823 --> 00:15:11,142 Well, whenever i come here... 296 00:15:11,142 --> 00:15:14,011 i feel a sense of calm, of... 297 00:15:14,011 --> 00:15:15,963 inner peace... 298 00:15:15,963 --> 00:15:18,466 knowing that i'm watched over. 299 00:15:18,466 --> 00:15:21,969 Protected. Safe. 300 00:15:22,470 --> 00:15:23,971 Yeah, well a good security system would do the same job 301 00:15:24,471 --> 00:15:25,972 And in the long run be a lot cheaper than all those deposits 302 00:15:25,972 --> 00:15:28,975 You've dropped in the offering plate over the years. 303 00:15:28,975 --> 00:15:31,978 Wait'll you see our new minister. 304 00:15:32,479 --> 00:15:34,981 I can't tell you what a comfort he's been to me 305 00:15:34,981 --> 00:15:37,484 Since your father died. 306 00:15:37,484 --> 00:15:39,985 He calls, he visits. 307 00:15:39,985 --> 00:15:42,988 He makes sure i'm all right. 308 00:15:42,988 --> 00:15:47,493 Oh, he's been... like a son. 309 00:15:47,493 --> 00:15:48,994 Well, for his sake, i... 310 00:15:48,994 --> 00:16:00,889 Sure hope you don't treat him like one. Here he is. 311 00:16:00,889 --> 00:16:02,891 The grace of our lord, jesus christ, 312 00:16:02,891 --> 00:16:06,861 The love of god and the communion of the holy spirit 313 00:16:06,861 --> 00:16:08,362 Be with you all. 314 00:16:08,362 --> 00:16:14,818 And with you. 315 00:16:18,689 --> 00:16:20,157 Good afternoon, everyone, 316 00:16:20,157 --> 00:16:23,659 And, uh, welcome. 317 00:16:24,160 --> 00:16:25,661 As we begin our worship... 318 00:16:25,661 --> 00:16:28,164 Shhh. Sorry. Let us pray. 319 00:16:52,603 --> 00:16:56,090 Wasn't he wonderful? 320 00:16:56,090 --> 00:16:58,092 I want you to come and say hello. 321 00:16:58,092 --> 00:16:59,593 I've told him all about you. 322 00:16:59,593 --> 00:17:02,096 I told him how successful and goodlooking you are. 323 00:17:02,096 --> 00:17:03,597 He's just dying to meet you. 324 00:17:03,597 --> 00:17:05,598 I'll bet. Bye. 325 00:17:06,099 --> 00:17:08,101 Reverend tom. Joan. 326 00:17:08,101 --> 00:17:10,603 You never miss a single sunday. 327 00:17:11,104 --> 00:17:12,605 Not for the world. 328 00:17:12,605 --> 00:17:14,107 You'll never guess who's with me. My son. 329 00:17:14,607 --> 00:17:15,608 That's wonderful. 330 00:17:15,608 --> 00:17:17,110 Let me introduce you. 331 00:17:17,110 --> 00:17:18,611 Brian. 332 00:17:18,611 --> 00:17:22,064 This is reverend tom butterfield. 333 00:17:22,064 --> 00:17:24,566 Reverend butterfield. 334 00:17:25,067 --> 00:17:29,004 My mother's told me so much about you. 335 00:17:29,004 --> 00:17:31,006 It's uncanny. I feel as if we've already met. 336 00:17:31,506 --> 00:17:33,442 Oh, excuse me. 337 00:17:33,442 --> 00:17:34,442 Ruth! 338 00:17:34,942 --> 00:17:36,944 Hello, joan... 339 00:17:37,445 --> 00:17:38,946 great service. 340 00:17:38,946 --> 00:17:39,947 I'm glad you enjoyed it. 341 00:17:39,947 --> 00:17:41,432 I meant at the baths. 342 00:17:41,933 --> 00:17:43,384 Look, look... good sermon, reverend tom. 343 00:17:43,384 --> 00:17:47,388 Hi, thank you very much for coming. 344 00:17:47,388 --> 00:17:48,389 I don't know what to say. 345 00:17:48,389 --> 00:17:50,390 Me either. 346 00:17:50,390 --> 00:17:52,392 And i've fucked practically everybody in this burgh. 347 00:17:52,892 --> 00:17:56,830 But this... this is a first. 348 00:17:56,830 --> 00:18:00,333 I would appreciate it if you'd keep this between the two of us. 349 00:18:00,333 --> 00:18:02,335 You think i'm gonna tell my mom? Bye-Bye. 350 00:18:02,335 --> 00:18:04,336 She doesn't even know i'm gay. 351 00:18:04,837 --> 00:18:06,272 And i haven't talked to your boss for years, 352 00:18:06,272 --> 00:18:08,274 So don't worry, rev. 353 00:18:08,274 --> 00:18:14,146 Your secret's safe with me. 354 00:18:14,146 --> 00:18:16,548 So... you fucked your mother's minister? 355 00:18:16,548 --> 00:18:18,549 Mm-Hm. You should've seen it. 356 00:18:18,549 --> 00:18:19,550 It was totally hot. 357 00:18:19,550 --> 00:18:21,552 Isn't he taking quite a chance? 358 00:18:22,053 --> 00:18:24,055 The average age of his parish is 102. 359 00:18:24,055 --> 00:18:26,057 I doubt they're hanging out at the baths. 360 00:18:26,057 --> 00:18:28,977 I once wanted to be a priest. 361 00:18:28,977 --> 00:18:30,979 But then i thought, how unnatural, 362 00:18:31,479 --> 00:18:33,981 Living your life cloistered away in a world full of men. 363 00:18:35,983 --> 00:18:37,484 Mm. 364 00:18:37,484 --> 00:18:39,486 It's me. 365 00:18:39,486 --> 00:18:40,487 Hello? 366 00:18:40,487 --> 00:18:41,471 It's me. 367 00:18:41,972 --> 00:18:44,474 Teddy? Shhh! 368 00:18:44,474 --> 00:18:45,475 Where are you? 369 00:18:45,475 --> 00:18:47,476 On mel and lindsay's front porch. 370 00:18:47,476 --> 00:18:49,412 What are you doing on the front porch, honey? 371 00:18:49,412 --> 00:18:50,413 Why don't you come in? 372 00:18:50,896 --> 00:18:52,381 Because i don't want the others to see me. 373 00:18:52,381 --> 00:18:54,383 I've got to talk to you. 374 00:18:54,383 --> 00:18:55,885 So just... slip outside 375 00:18:55,885 --> 00:18:58,387 Like you're gonna check on the weather. 376 00:18:58,387 --> 00:19:08,330 But... promise, promise, promise me you'll come alone. 377 00:19:08,330 --> 00:19:09,331 Come have some brunch. 378 00:19:09,331 --> 00:19:11,266 Uh, no. No, no thank you, uh, 379 00:19:11,766 --> 00:19:13,768 I just, uh, i need to talk with emmett 380 00:19:13,768 --> 00:19:14,769 And, uh, then i'll be on my way. 381 00:19:18,272 --> 00:19:20,274 I still have an erection. 382 00:19:20,274 --> 00:19:22,276 What do you mean you still have an erection? 383 00:19:25,195 --> 00:19:28,148 Thank you, cnn. 384 00:19:28,148 --> 00:19:31,150 I took viagra last night. 385 00:19:31,651 --> 00:19:33,736 It's been 18 hours and it won't go down. 386 00:19:33,736 --> 00:19:34,670 What am i gonna do? 387 00:19:35,154 --> 00:19:36,589 Have you tried soaking it? 388 00:19:36,589 --> 00:19:37,540 How about a cold shower? 389 00:19:38,041 --> 00:19:38,541 How about scaring it? 390 00:19:39,025 --> 00:19:39,976 That's hiccups. 391 00:19:39,976 --> 00:19:40,927 Boo! 392 00:19:40,927 --> 00:19:42,362 Thank you all for caring. 393 00:19:42,845 --> 00:19:44,830 What about something that would absolutely turn you off? 394 00:19:44,830 --> 00:19:47,282 That's a great idea. Why don't you two show him your tits? 395 00:19:47,282 --> 00:19:48,266 Brian! Brian! 396 00:19:48,266 --> 00:19:51,269 You said this would last a few hours, tops. 397 00:19:51,269 --> 00:19:52,204 Go figure. 398 00:19:52,704 --> 00:19:54,206 Maybe you should take some. 399 00:19:54,206 --> 00:19:55,707 Our sex life isn't what it used to be. 400 00:19:57,659 --> 00:20:00,611 Well, we're down to like, four times a day. 401 00:20:00,611 --> 00:20:02,113 Look, i've gotta do something. 402 00:20:02,113 --> 00:20:05,032 Okay. Okay. Come on. 403 00:20:05,032 --> 00:20:07,034 Well, just try and make it till next monday. 404 00:20:07,535 --> 00:20:08,536 What's next monday? 405 00:20:08,536 --> 00:20:13,473 It's flag day. 406 00:20:13,473 --> 00:20:16,910 Bye. 407 00:20:16,910 --> 00:20:19,412 I can't believe... 408 00:20:19,412 --> 00:20:21,915 you're fucking me... 409 00:20:22,415 --> 00:20:26,419 again. 410 00:20:26,419 --> 00:20:28,921 It was your idea... 411 00:20:28,921 --> 00:20:31,423 to steal... 412 00:20:31,423 --> 00:20:33,425 ted's... 413 00:20:33,425 --> 00:20:36,929 viagra. 414 00:20:51,442 --> 00:20:54,946 Are you gonna answer? 415 00:20:54,946 --> 00:20:57,948 They'll go away. 416 00:21:08,408 --> 00:21:09,910 Mom. 417 00:21:09,910 --> 00:21:12,912 I'm sorry, am i disturbing you? 418 00:21:12,912 --> 00:21:15,915 I-I was going to leave this here by the door with a note, 419 00:21:15,915 --> 00:21:17,917 But then i thought as long as i'm here... 420 00:21:17,917 --> 00:21:19,919 i might as well bang on his door a million times 421 00:21:19,919 --> 00:21:21,921 And drive him nuts until he answers. 422 00:21:21,921 --> 00:21:23,923 It's your favourite. 423 00:21:23,923 --> 00:21:33,431 Chocolatechocolate chip. 424 00:21:33,431 --> 00:21:37,352 It's just my way of saying thank you 425 00:21:37,352 --> 00:21:40,354 For going with me to church. 426 00:21:40,854 --> 00:21:44,858 I can't tell you how much it meant. 427 00:21:44,858 --> 00:21:49,363 L-Let's do it again. Soon. 428 00:21:49,863 --> 00:21:53,367 I know you don't mean that. 429 00:21:53,367 --> 00:21:58,371 I probably won't see you again for another six months. 430 00:21:58,371 --> 00:22:00,373 If you had any idea how lonely it gets 431 00:22:00,373 --> 00:22:03,826 Now that your father is gone. 432 00:22:03,826 --> 00:22:05,828 I'm in that house... 433 00:22:05,828 --> 00:22:09,331 night and day by myself. 434 00:22:09,331 --> 00:22:18,840 The phone never rings. 435 00:22:18,840 --> 00:22:23,844 If only... we could be close. 436 00:22:23,844 --> 00:22:25,346 The way we once were. 437 00:22:25,346 --> 00:22:27,348 Brian? 438 00:22:27,348 --> 00:22:29,850 Are you coming back? 439 00:22:30,351 --> 00:22:39,359 I didn't know there was someone else here. 440 00:22:39,359 --> 00:22:45,865 Justin, this is... my mother. 441 00:22:45,865 --> 00:22:49,869 Mom, this is justin. 442 00:22:49,869 --> 00:22:59,278 Hi. 443 00:22:59,278 --> 00:23:01,280 Mom. 444 00:23:07,718 --> 00:23:09,720 What? 445 00:23:09,720 --> 00:23:14,692 You're not gonna talk to me? 446 00:23:15,192 --> 00:23:17,628 Thank god your father didn't know. 447 00:23:17,628 --> 00:23:22,549 He did. 448 00:23:23,049 --> 00:23:32,058 I told him before he died. 449 00:23:32,058 --> 00:23:41,984 What about your sister? 450 00:23:41,984 --> 00:23:48,941 So, you told everyone but me. 451 00:23:48,941 --> 00:23:51,909 I hope you know it's a sin. 452 00:23:51,909 --> 00:24:02,220 That i fuck guys or that i didn't tell you? 453 00:24:02,220 --> 00:24:04,721 You can make all the jokes you want. 454 00:24:04,721 --> 00:24:07,224 The bible makes it clear. 455 00:24:07,224 --> 00:24:24,040 You're going to hell. 456 00:24:24,040 --> 00:24:29,028 Mm-Hmm. 457 00:24:29,028 --> 00:24:30,029 Mm-Hmm... 458 00:24:30,029 --> 00:24:32,531 w-W-What is it, doctor? 459 00:24:32,531 --> 00:24:35,533 Well, that's quite a boner you've got there. 460 00:24:35,533 --> 00:24:37,035 Nothing like the expert diagnosis 461 00:24:37,035 --> 00:24:39,037 Of a trained medical professional. 462 00:24:39,037 --> 00:24:40,538 Shush! 463 00:24:40,538 --> 00:24:43,541 But, uh... but, doctor, why won't it go down? 464 00:24:43,541 --> 00:24:45,043 It's a priapism. 465 00:24:45,543 --> 00:24:47,545 A blood clot to the penis. Oh, my god. 466 00:24:47,545 --> 00:24:49,046 Well, it's... 467 00:24:49,546 --> 00:24:51,048 better than a blood clot to the brain. 468 00:24:51,048 --> 00:24:56,003 Unless you think with your dick. 469 00:24:56,003 --> 00:24:58,005 Well, this is extremely unusual. 470 00:24:58,005 --> 00:25:00,941 It's one for the medical journals. 471 00:25:00,941 --> 00:25:02,942 Or the guinness book of world records. 472 00:25:03,443 --> 00:25:06,446 Shut up! 473 00:25:06,446 --> 00:25:08,448 So, what do you recommend? 474 00:25:08,448 --> 00:25:11,951 Are you in any pain? 475 00:25:11,951 --> 00:25:14,454 Well, try taking a decongestant. 476 00:25:14,454 --> 00:25:16,456 A decongestant? 477 00:25:16,456 --> 00:25:18,457 I have a penis in a state of permanent first stage alert, 478 00:25:18,957 --> 00:25:19,958 Not a stuffedup nose. 479 00:25:19,958 --> 00:25:22,461 Isn't there anything more cuttingedge you can do? 480 00:25:22,461 --> 00:25:23,462 Well, actually there is. 481 00:25:23,962 --> 00:25:24,463 We could, uh, insert 482 00:25:24,963 --> 00:25:26,948 Two wide needles up the shaft 483 00:25:26,948 --> 00:25:27,949 And drain the blood. 484 00:25:28,450 --> 00:25:30,402 You know, 485 00:25:30,902 --> 00:25:33,320 Decongestants have been very effective for me. 486 00:25:33,320 --> 00:25:37,308 But, uh... w-When will it go down, doctor? 487 00:25:37,308 --> 00:25:39,810 A-A week? Month? 488 00:25:39,810 --> 00:25:42,229 A year? 489 00:25:42,730 --> 00:25:44,732 Hard to say. 490 00:25:44,732 --> 00:25:49,652 Sorry. 491 00:26:00,629 --> 00:26:02,564 God, i need a stiff one. 492 00:26:03,515 --> 00:26:04,950 The other kind. 493 00:26:05,451 --> 00:26:06,452 Quit worrying. You heard what the doctor said. 494 00:26:06,452 --> 00:26:07,453 It'll go down. 495 00:26:07,453 --> 00:26:08,887 Yeah, mine did. 496 00:26:08,887 --> 00:26:10,823 Yeah, thanks to your mom. 497 00:26:10,823 --> 00:26:12,825 She can make anyone lose their hard-On. 498 00:26:12,825 --> 00:26:13,809 Can i get her number? 499 00:26:13,809 --> 00:26:15,693 She just needs a little time 500 00:26:15,693 --> 00:26:17,195 To get used to it. What? 501 00:26:17,195 --> 00:26:19,113 That her baby boy sucks hot, hard cock? 502 00:26:19,597 --> 00:26:20,531 And loves it. 503 00:26:20,531 --> 00:26:21,532 Yeah, she's probably 504 00:26:21,532 --> 00:26:23,534 Praying for my soul as we speak 505 00:26:23,534 --> 00:26:24,952 With reverend buttfuck. 506 00:26:24,952 --> 00:26:26,370 What a joke. 507 00:26:26,370 --> 00:26:28,823 Well, he's the one she believes in. 508 00:26:28,823 --> 00:26:30,757 The one she trusts. 509 00:26:31,258 --> 00:26:34,227 The one who's been like a son to her. 510 00:26:34,711 --> 00:26:35,712 If she only knew. 511 00:26:35,712 --> 00:26:37,214 Well, don't worry. 512 00:26:37,214 --> 00:26:40,700 God still loves you, no matter what. 513 00:26:40,700 --> 00:26:43,669 Yeah, like i give a shit what god thinks about me. 514 00:26:43,669 --> 00:26:46,105 He'd better be worried what i think about him. 515 00:26:46,105 --> 00:26:47,573 How do you figure that? 516 00:26:47,573 --> 00:26:49,074 Well, in all this cold, dead universe 517 00:26:49,074 --> 00:26:51,527 We're the only ones that know he exists. 518 00:26:51,527 --> 00:26:53,012 Without us, he's nothing. 519 00:26:59,400 --> 00:27:03,822 Oh. 520 00:27:04,322 --> 00:27:07,826 You came. I said i would, didn't i? 521 00:27:07,826 --> 00:27:11,262 I'm over here with the guys. Whoa. 522 00:27:11,262 --> 00:27:13,247 I thought this was about you and me. 523 00:27:13,680 --> 00:27:17,584 It is. Come on. 524 00:27:21,572 --> 00:27:23,073 Hey, guys, look who's here. 525 00:27:23,073 --> 00:27:25,409 Hi, guys. Hey, ben. 526 00:27:25,893 --> 00:27:26,843 Forgive me for not standing. 527 00:27:27,293 --> 00:27:29,679 He already is. 528 00:27:29,679 --> 00:27:31,597 So, did you guys just happen to... 529 00:27:31,597 --> 00:27:33,566 run into each other? 530 00:27:33,566 --> 00:27:35,051 Actually... uh, no. 531 00:27:35,051 --> 00:27:39,856 I invited him. He's my date. 532 00:27:39,856 --> 00:27:40,857 Well, i thought you two, uh... 533 00:27:40,857 --> 00:27:42,841 We did. But, uh, 534 00:27:42,841 --> 00:27:44,843 I'm hoping we can get back together again. 535 00:27:44,843 --> 00:27:48,213 Anybody got a problem with that? 536 00:27:48,213 --> 00:27:49,181 No. 537 00:27:49,681 --> 00:27:50,665 No. 538 00:27:54,085 --> 00:27:55,554 Glad to hear it. 539 00:27:55,554 --> 00:27:56,554 How about you? 540 00:28:04,428 --> 00:28:05,429 Hot stuff. 541 00:28:06,881 --> 00:28:08,816 Thank you. That goes out to jerome, 542 00:28:08,816 --> 00:28:12,302 My beloved, you're the only hot stuff i'll ever need, baby. 543 00:28:12,802 --> 00:28:15,255 Thanks, sweetie. You're my hot stuff too, baby. 544 00:28:18,224 --> 00:28:19,726 That was, uh, 545 00:28:19,726 --> 00:28:21,728 That was so moving. 546 00:28:21,728 --> 00:28:22,729 Wasn't that moving? 547 00:28:22,729 --> 00:28:25,097 Like a case of dysentery. 548 00:28:25,597 --> 00:28:27,099 Well, i think it takes real courage 549 00:28:27,099 --> 00:28:30,602 To stand up there and proclaim your love... 550 00:28:30,602 --> 00:28:33,522 off-Key. 551 00:28:33,522 --> 00:28:35,457 I gotta get going. 552 00:28:35,457 --> 00:28:36,942 But you just got here. 553 00:28:36,942 --> 00:28:41,329 You said let's get together, and we did. 554 00:28:41,329 --> 00:28:48,219 Take care of yourself, michael. 555 00:29:03,183 --> 00:29:05,101 Ah... 556 00:29:29,257 --> 00:29:31,259 you know, i found out a lot about you 557 00:29:31,259 --> 00:29:32,677 In the last few days. 558 00:29:32,677 --> 00:29:35,179 Like what? 559 00:29:35,179 --> 00:29:37,180 You can't play basketball. 560 00:29:37,180 --> 00:29:40,684 And you can't sing! Huh! 561 00:29:40,684 --> 00:29:43,186 It's pretty amazing how untalented i am, isn't it? 562 00:29:43,186 --> 00:29:46,690 I did not say that. 563 00:29:46,690 --> 00:29:48,191 All right, i admit... 564 00:29:48,191 --> 00:29:53,195 it took a lot of courage to get up there. 565 00:29:53,195 --> 00:29:57,199 Hell, it took fucking balls. 566 00:29:57,199 --> 00:29:58,701 Well, i told you. 567 00:29:58,701 --> 00:30:01,704 I know what i want, and i'll do anything to get it. 568 00:30:01,704 --> 00:30:04,707 You mean me? Yeah, i mean you. 569 00:30:04,707 --> 00:30:12,697 Ah. 570 00:30:12,697 --> 00:30:18,653 Hmm. 571 00:30:18,653 --> 00:30:21,088 All right, tell you what. 572 00:30:21,588 --> 00:30:24,591 Dinner, tomorrow night. My place. 573 00:30:24,591 --> 00:30:28,095 I will make you a chicken satay with pad thai noodles 574 00:30:28,095 --> 00:30:30,564 That will make you weep. 575 00:30:30,564 --> 00:30:32,066 Cool. 576 00:30:32,566 --> 00:30:34,068 Shit! 577 00:30:34,068 --> 00:30:35,568 What? 578 00:30:36,069 --> 00:30:37,070 I promised my mother i'd have dinner 579 00:30:37,070 --> 00:30:39,505 With her and my uncle vic. 580 00:30:39,505 --> 00:30:43,426 Some other time, then. No. 581 00:30:43,426 --> 00:30:44,927 No. 582 00:30:44,927 --> 00:30:50,432 Dinner. Tomorrow night. 583 00:31:05,046 --> 00:31:09,000 Hello, reverend. 584 00:31:09,000 --> 00:31:13,504 I just came in for a few quiet moments of solace. 585 00:31:13,504 --> 00:31:15,956 Prayer. 586 00:31:15,956 --> 00:31:18,958 Well, don't let me disturb you. 587 00:31:18,958 --> 00:31:24,881 You see, i have this terrible burden. 588 00:31:24,881 --> 00:31:26,383 And what is that? 589 00:31:26,383 --> 00:31:31,388 Well, my mother recently discovered that i'm a homosexual. 590 00:31:31,388 --> 00:31:33,889 And... 591 00:31:33,889 --> 00:31:38,394 she thinks i'm going to hell. 592 00:31:38,394 --> 00:31:39,395 That is a problem. 593 00:31:39,895 --> 00:31:41,897 But what she doesn't know 594 00:31:42,398 --> 00:31:45,901 Is that so's her minister. 595 00:31:45,901 --> 00:31:47,902 Not only that, 596 00:31:47,902 --> 00:31:52,356 And this is the part you're never gonna believe... 597 00:31:52,356 --> 00:31:54,358 i've actually had him. 598 00:31:54,358 --> 00:31:56,360 Myself. 599 00:31:56,360 --> 00:31:57,862 Down on all fours. 600 00:31:57,862 --> 00:31:59,363 Squealing like a pig. 601 00:31:59,363 --> 00:32:01,364 I don't think this is the time, 602 00:32:01,364 --> 00:32:03,867 Or the place to be having this kind of discussion. 603 00:32:03,867 --> 00:32:08,288 What would she say if she knew her man of god was at the baths 604 00:32:08,288 --> 00:32:12,709 Taking it up the ass? 605 00:32:12,709 --> 00:32:15,712 I understand your feelings of anger. 606 00:32:15,712 --> 00:32:17,713 Of pain. 607 00:32:17,713 --> 00:32:21,217 But they have nothing to do with me or this church. 608 00:32:21,717 --> 00:32:24,170 They have to do with you and your mother. 609 00:32:24,170 --> 00:32:28,090 You don't know shit about my mother. 610 00:32:28,090 --> 00:32:31,025 I know a lot more than you. 611 00:32:31,025 --> 00:32:32,527 'Cause i spend time with her. 612 00:32:33,027 --> 00:32:35,964 And i talk to her and i try to offer comfort. 613 00:32:36,448 --> 00:32:39,334 By telling her that i'm going to burn in hell? 614 00:32:39,834 --> 00:32:42,337 I don't teach that lesson. 615 00:32:42,837 --> 00:32:45,339 I teach love. 616 00:32:45,339 --> 00:32:46,840 I teach truth. 617 00:32:46,840 --> 00:32:48,809 The truth is you're a goddamn liar. 618 00:32:48,809 --> 00:32:50,744 Brian. If you want to betray me, 619 00:32:50,744 --> 00:32:53,247 If that's what you need to do, 620 00:32:53,747 --> 00:32:57,201 You do it. 621 00:32:57,201 --> 00:33:00,136 But i know who i have to answer to... 622 00:33:00,136 --> 00:33:04,140 and it isn't you. 623 00:33:04,140 --> 00:33:11,631 Now get the fuck out of my church. 624 00:33:12,014 --> 00:33:13,516 So which piece of whimsical fiction 625 00:33:13,516 --> 00:33:16,518 Would you prefer, sonny boy? 626 00:33:17,018 --> 00:33:18,520 Grimm's fairy tales? 627 00:33:18,520 --> 00:33:19,521 Or the bible? 628 00:33:20,021 --> 00:33:21,022 If you're going to be struck by lightning, 629 00:33:21,022 --> 00:33:22,524 I'd appreciate it if you do it 630 00:33:22,524 --> 00:33:24,025 When gus and i aren't around. 631 00:33:24,025 --> 00:33:26,027 That's all it is, it's a book. 632 00:33:26,027 --> 00:33:28,529 Full of fairy tales made up by a bunch of tribal hash-Heads. 633 00:33:29,029 --> 00:33:31,949 The world's been killing itself over it ever since. 634 00:33:31,949 --> 00:33:33,951 So who's the latest victim? 635 00:33:33,951 --> 00:33:36,453 Your mother's minister? 636 00:33:36,954 --> 00:33:37,955 Ye shall know the truth 637 00:33:37,955 --> 00:33:39,456 And the truth shall make you free. 638 00:33:39,456 --> 00:33:41,909 The truth according to saint brian? 639 00:33:41,909 --> 00:33:43,409 It's joh. 8:32. 640 00:33:43,893 --> 00:33:45,879 Wow, i'm impressed. 641 00:33:45,879 --> 00:33:47,881 So what do you hope to accomplish 642 00:33:47,881 --> 00:33:50,884 With your truth? 643 00:33:50,884 --> 00:33:52,886 You'll destroy him, in which case you're no different 644 00:33:52,886 --> 00:33:56,389 Than the so-Called good christians you purport to despise. 645 00:33:56,389 --> 00:33:58,357 Doesn't mommy talk nice? 646 00:33:58,857 --> 00:34:01,793 All those big words. 647 00:34:01,793 --> 00:34:02,794 She has a right to know. 648 00:34:02,794 --> 00:34:04,713 What, that he's gay? 649 00:34:04,713 --> 00:34:07,716 So how come you never told her about yourself? 650 00:34:07,716 --> 00:34:10,719 Because my private life is none of her goddamn business. 651 00:34:10,719 --> 00:34:13,721 Right? Neither is her minister's. 652 00:34:13,721 --> 00:34:16,174 So why tell her? 653 00:34:16,174 --> 00:34:21,179 I mean, why take away the one thing she's got? 654 00:34:24,632 --> 00:34:26,550 Do you think i made enough? 655 00:34:26,550 --> 00:34:29,553 That depends on what you mean by "enough". 656 00:34:29,553 --> 00:34:31,054 If you mean enough for the entire population 657 00:34:31,054 --> 00:34:32,055 Of the western hemisphere, 658 00:34:32,556 --> 00:34:35,559 Then... yeah, you've made enough. 659 00:34:35,559 --> 00:34:38,061 Now relax, will you? Relax? 660 00:34:38,061 --> 00:34:40,063 My son is bringing someone home to meet us 661 00:34:40,063 --> 00:34:42,565 Without my even asking. 662 00:34:42,565 --> 00:34:44,567 Huh? At his request. 663 00:34:44,567 --> 00:34:46,569 Remember the last time that happened? 664 00:34:46,569 --> 00:34:48,571 Uh... it never has. 665 00:34:48,571 --> 00:34:52,074 So, this could be the one. 666 00:34:52,074 --> 00:34:56,578 The guy he wants to grow old with. 667 00:34:56,578 --> 00:34:59,581 Wouldn't it be a kicker if brian walked through that door? 668 00:34:59,581 --> 00:35:01,583 Yeah, maybe you need to get your meds adjusted. 669 00:35:02,584 --> 00:35:04,085 Ma, uncle vic? 670 00:35:04,085 --> 00:35:05,086 Oh, they're here. God, he's here. 671 00:35:05,587 --> 00:35:07,589 All right. Okay, they're here. 672 00:35:07,589 --> 00:35:08,590 All right... 673 00:35:08,590 --> 00:35:11,091 sweetheart! 674 00:35:11,091 --> 00:35:12,593 Hi, baby. 675 00:35:12,593 --> 00:35:17,547 You remember ben. 676 00:35:17,547 --> 00:35:19,549 Sure. 677 00:35:19,549 --> 00:35:21,969 Hi, ben. Hey. 678 00:35:21,969 --> 00:35:24,420 Hi. And, uh, this is my uncle vic. 679 00:35:24,921 --> 00:35:28,841 It's a pleasure to meet you, ben. Same here. 680 00:35:28,841 --> 00:35:31,344 Oh, uh, these are for you. 681 00:35:31,344 --> 00:35:33,346 Well, thank you. 682 00:35:33,346 --> 00:35:36,849 They're lovely. 683 00:35:36,849 --> 00:35:49,778 Well, are we just gonna stand here? Come on in. 684 00:35:49,778 --> 00:35:52,230 Mom. 685 00:35:52,730 --> 00:35:55,716 Imagine finding you here. 686 00:35:55,716 --> 00:35:58,686 I'm praying, brian. 687 00:35:58,686 --> 00:36:00,604 For my soul? 688 00:36:00,604 --> 00:36:04,074 I always include you in my prayers. 689 00:36:04,074 --> 00:36:19,088 What a pal. 690 00:36:35,087 --> 00:36:37,088 Now then, what do you want? 691 00:36:37,088 --> 00:36:40,024 Well, there's something i thought you might like to hear. 692 00:36:40,024 --> 00:36:43,027 And this seemed like the perfect setting. 693 00:36:43,027 --> 00:36:48,532 I hope you've come to ask forgiveness. 694 00:36:48,532 --> 00:36:50,533 Not exactly. 695 00:36:50,533 --> 00:36:53,536 It's the only salvation there is. 696 00:36:53,536 --> 00:37:00,043 What about the salvation army? 697 00:37:00,043 --> 00:37:03,546 You've always thought you were so smart, so clever. 698 00:37:03,546 --> 00:37:07,049 So much better than everybody else. 699 00:37:07,049 --> 00:37:09,051 Well, all the cleverness in this world 700 00:37:09,051 --> 00:37:11,053 Isn't going to help you... save it, mom, 701 00:37:11,053 --> 00:37:14,056 For your fagfree afterlife. 702 00:37:14,056 --> 00:37:17,559 Oh... all right. 703 00:37:17,559 --> 00:37:20,061 Go ahead, mock me. 704 00:37:20,561 --> 00:37:24,565 Mock my faith, mock god. 705 00:37:24,565 --> 00:37:27,568 You're no different than your father. 706 00:37:27,568 --> 00:37:30,571 He used to mock me too. 707 00:37:30,571 --> 00:37:33,574 He called me a saint. 708 00:37:33,574 --> 00:37:35,575 He said i was as stone-Cold as one. 709 00:37:39,579 --> 00:37:41,081 Well, it's hard to love a man 710 00:37:41,081 --> 00:37:43,083 Who's never given you 711 00:37:43,583 --> 00:37:46,086 A kind word in 30 years. 712 00:37:46,086 --> 00:37:49,588 Who'd rather spend time with his friends drinking 713 00:37:49,588 --> 00:37:51,090 Than with me. 714 00:37:51,090 --> 00:37:53,592 He never cared about his family. 715 00:37:53,592 --> 00:37:56,595 He didn't even want me to have you. 716 00:37:57,096 --> 00:37:59,598 I know the story. 717 00:37:59,598 --> 00:38:00,599 You may have heard it, 718 00:38:01,100 --> 00:38:02,600 But you don't know it. 719 00:38:02,600 --> 00:38:05,103 You don't know how i had to put up with his abuse, 720 00:38:05,603 --> 00:38:07,605 You don't know how i had to protect you from him. 721 00:38:08,106 --> 00:38:10,608 You don't know how i had to... 722 00:38:10,608 --> 00:38:14,112 let him hit me instead of you. 723 00:38:14,112 --> 00:38:17,614 You don't know that, do you? 724 00:38:17,614 --> 00:38:20,617 I don't want to hear that. 725 00:38:20,617 --> 00:38:25,122 No, 'course not. 726 00:38:25,122 --> 00:38:29,626 You can't be bothered. You never could. 727 00:38:29,626 --> 00:38:31,128 'Cause you're selfish. 728 00:38:31,128 --> 00:38:34,130 That's not true. 729 00:38:34,130 --> 00:38:38,634 I'm sorry to tell you, dear, but it is. 730 00:38:39,135 --> 00:38:43,139 All you ever cared about is yourself. 731 00:38:43,139 --> 00:38:49,144 I can't depend on you any more than i could on him. 732 00:38:49,144 --> 00:38:51,646 But there is someone i can count on, 733 00:38:52,147 --> 00:38:56,651 No matter what. 734 00:38:56,651 --> 00:38:59,154 Let me guess. 735 00:38:59,154 --> 00:39:03,657 Reverend tom. 736 00:39:04,158 --> 00:39:08,662 God. 737 00:39:08,662 --> 00:39:12,666 God will always be there for me. 738 00:39:12,666 --> 00:39:18,671 God will never let me down. 739 00:39:19,172 --> 00:39:29,381 Who can you say that about? 740 00:39:31,650 --> 00:39:34,153 My... my mom never did anything half-Assed. 741 00:39:34,153 --> 00:39:36,588 She couldn't just join p-Flag, right, 742 00:39:36,588 --> 00:39:38,090 She had to be the chapter president. 743 00:39:38,090 --> 00:39:40,909 Sounds familiar. 744 00:39:40,909 --> 00:39:42,878 I bet you two'd have a lot in common, ma. 745 00:39:42,878 --> 00:39:44,862 Uh-Huh. 746 00:39:44,862 --> 00:39:56,274 Anybody hungry? I am. 747 00:39:56,274 --> 00:40:01,778 You need any help? Nope. 748 00:40:01,778 --> 00:40:04,281 Ben's awesome, isn't he? Awesome. 749 00:40:04,281 --> 00:40:11,288 Where's my goddamn cheese grater? 750 00:40:11,788 --> 00:40:13,289 I like him, ma. I like him a lot. 751 00:40:13,789 --> 00:40:16,792 I know you do, sweetheart. I like him too. 752 00:40:16,792 --> 00:40:18,294 He's handsome, charming, smart. 753 00:40:18,294 --> 00:40:21,297 Obviously works out more than once a week. 754 00:40:21,297 --> 00:40:28,303 I just don't like him for you. 755 00:40:28,803 --> 00:40:30,805 And frankly i don't appreciate you ambushing me. 756 00:40:30,805 --> 00:40:32,307 I did not ambush you. 757 00:40:32,307 --> 00:40:33,758 You know how i feel about him. 758 00:40:33,758 --> 00:40:35,760 I made it perfectly clear. 759 00:40:35,760 --> 00:40:37,262 And yet you didn't even bother to tell me 760 00:40:37,262 --> 00:40:38,263 You were bringing him. 761 00:40:38,263 --> 00:40:39,764 I don't need your permission. 762 00:40:39,764 --> 00:40:41,715 This is still my house. 763 00:40:41,715 --> 00:40:46,653 And in my house, you still say "mother, may i?" 764 00:40:46,653 --> 00:40:50,657 I love him, ma. 765 00:40:50,657 --> 00:40:52,593 That's the reality. 766 00:40:52,593 --> 00:40:59,081 And you're just gonna have to live with it. 767 00:40:59,081 --> 00:41:01,567 God, i miss new york. 768 00:41:02,068 --> 00:41:03,069 Mm-Hm. 769 00:41:03,069 --> 00:41:04,987 I lived there for 12 years, you know. 770 00:41:04,987 --> 00:41:06,489 What's that bar on the upper west side? 771 00:41:06,489 --> 00:41:07,990 "The works". 772 00:41:07,990 --> 00:41:09,442 You ever go there? 773 00:41:09,442 --> 00:41:10,875 Oh, what, are you kidding? 774 00:41:10,875 --> 00:41:12,377 I grew up right around the corner. 775 00:41:12,877 --> 00:41:14,379 Huh. 776 00:41:14,379 --> 00:41:20,869 So how long you been positive, ben? 777 00:41:20,869 --> 00:41:21,870 Mother. 778 00:41:21,870 --> 00:41:23,371 I'd just like to know. 779 00:41:23,371 --> 00:41:25,306 That's okay, i'm fine with it. 780 00:41:25,306 --> 00:41:27,758 Five years. 781 00:41:27,758 --> 00:41:28,759 What's your t-Cell count? 782 00:41:28,759 --> 00:41:31,679 Uh, it's 600. 783 00:41:32,179 --> 00:41:32,680 Ever been hospitalized? 784 00:41:33,180 --> 00:41:33,681 No, not yet. 785 00:41:34,181 --> 00:41:36,150 Knock wood. 786 00:41:36,150 --> 00:41:37,585 Viral load? 787 00:41:37,585 --> 00:41:39,086 Undetectable. 788 00:41:39,086 --> 00:41:40,503 On the cocktail? 789 00:41:40,503 --> 00:41:41,504 Anti-Virals. 790 00:41:42,005 --> 00:41:46,960 What the fuck do you think you're doing? 791 00:41:46,960 --> 00:41:51,848 Thisis the reality, sweetheart. 792 00:41:51,848 --> 00:42:06,712 And you're just gonna have to live with it. 793 00:42:06,712 --> 00:42:12,166 Garlic bread? 794 00:42:24,477 --> 00:42:26,980 It's great that you're out in the world, 795 00:42:26,980 --> 00:42:28,982 You know, you're not letting it get you down. 796 00:42:28,982 --> 00:42:30,483 I wish something would get it down. 797 00:42:30,483 --> 00:42:31,985 Hey! 798 00:42:31,985 --> 00:42:32,986 Hey, ted. 799 00:42:32,986 --> 00:42:34,988 Listen, man, i'm sorry about the other night. 800 00:42:35,488 --> 00:42:36,973 I know. 801 00:42:37,473 --> 00:42:38,924 How's lulu? 802 00:42:38,924 --> 00:42:41,427 Turns out she ate a pair of my shorts. 803 00:42:41,927 --> 00:42:42,928 Caused her tummy great distress. 804 00:42:43,412 --> 00:42:48,350 You know, the same thing happens to me. 805 00:42:48,350 --> 00:42:51,303 So, you up for a little action? 806 00:42:51,303 --> 00:42:54,305 Oh, he's up for it, all right. 807 00:43:11,722 --> 00:43:13,223 Wow. 808 00:43:13,223 --> 00:43:14,224 That's some monster. 809 00:43:19,663 --> 00:43:21,647 Oh, yeah. 810 00:43:29,488 --> 00:43:34,493 Hey. Something wrong? 811 00:43:34,493 --> 00:43:35,493 It's going down. 812 00:43:36,945 --> 00:43:42,867 Oh, it is. 813 00:43:42,867 --> 00:43:46,371 It is! 814 00:43:46,371 --> 00:43:48,790 It's going down. 815 00:43:48,790 --> 00:43:50,290 I'm soft. 816 00:43:50,290 --> 00:43:51,792 You made my dick soft! 817 00:43:51,792 --> 00:43:53,227 Do you have to broadcast it? 818 00:43:54,678 --> 00:43:56,647 Hey, i'm soft! 819 00:43:57,097 --> 00:43:58,599 Look, i'm soft! 820 00:43:58,599 --> 00:43:59,600 Hey, i'm soft. Oh... 821 00:44:01,101 --> 00:44:07,090 hey! I'm soft! 822 00:44:07,557 --> 00:44:08,558 It was supposed to be dinner, 823 00:44:08,558 --> 00:44:10,560 Not the fucking spanish in-Queer-Sition. 824 00:44:11,060 --> 00:44:12,562 She knows lots of positive people. 825 00:44:12,562 --> 00:44:13,563 But none of them are dating her son. 826 00:44:13,563 --> 00:44:15,047 She's just trying to protect you. 827 00:44:15,047 --> 00:44:17,049 I don't need anyone protecting me. 828 00:44:17,049 --> 00:44:19,551 Well, try telling her that. 829 00:44:19,551 --> 00:44:22,988 What she was asking, you have the right to know. 830 00:44:22,988 --> 00:44:24,489 I'm in good shape now. 831 00:44:24,990 --> 00:44:25,991 But i can't promise that i'll always be. 832 00:44:25,991 --> 00:44:28,960 But there is no always. There's only now. 833 00:44:28,960 --> 00:44:32,447 That's all we have. Isn't that what you're always telling me? 834 00:44:32,447 --> 00:44:33,948 That's what i'm always telling you. 835 00:44:33,948 --> 00:44:35,883 So, then... 836 00:44:36,383 --> 00:44:40,387 i don't care what anyone else says or feels. 837 00:44:40,387 --> 00:44:41,889 I just care how i feel. 838 00:45:29,233 --> 00:45:34,704 I want you to be very sure. 839 00:45:34,704 --> 00:45:37,207 I am sure. 840 00:46:31,073 --> 00:46:33,075 Hey. 841 00:46:33,576 --> 00:46:37,079 Double. 842 00:46:37,079 --> 00:46:38,581 Two double jim beam. Bartender: okay, coming up. 843 00:46:38,581 --> 00:46:40,082 Let me get that. 844 00:46:40,082 --> 00:46:44,553 There you go, sir. 845 00:46:45,053 --> 00:46:46,555 That's a first. 846 00:46:46,555 --> 00:46:50,559 A clergyman buying someone else a drink. 847 00:46:50,559 --> 00:46:54,496 Your mother tells me you were at church. 848 00:46:54,496 --> 00:46:58,949 Yeah, well not for the reason you think. 849 00:46:58,949 --> 00:47:03,437 Whatever the reason, thank you. 850 00:47:03,938 --> 00:47:05,940 For what? 851 00:47:05,940 --> 00:47:09,443 Not saying anything. 852 00:47:09,443 --> 00:47:12,946 I didn't do it for you. 853 00:47:12,946 --> 00:47:16,416 You're a good son. 854 00:47:16,416 --> 00:47:18,418 Promise not to tell? 855 00:47:18,918 --> 00:47:21,921 Now, if you'll excuse me, i'm going to hell. 56766

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