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Previously on
"American Princess"...
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And you can shred
your Black Card.
3
00:00:04,700 --> 00:00:06,136
Mom's cutting you off.You know what?
4
00:00:06,180 --> 00:00:07,833
You can tell Mom to keep
her emotional blood money.
5
00:00:07,877 --> 00:00:10,010
I'm getting a job here.You're what?
6
00:00:10,053 --> 00:00:11,054
You're hired.
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00:00:11,098 --> 00:00:12,621
[ Indistinct conversations ]
8
00:00:12,664 --> 00:00:15,319
Huzzah for the tipper!
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00:00:15,363 --> 00:00:17,930
Look, I'm beyond sorry that what I did upset you.
10
00:00:17,974 --> 00:00:19,541
Are you
on our honeymoon?
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00:00:19,584 --> 00:00:21,151
Oh, my God. Amanda.
You guys, it's Amanda.
12
00:00:21,195 --> 00:00:23,153
Oh. Hi!
13
00:00:23,197 --> 00:00:24,807
I just spoke to Brett.
14
00:00:24,850 --> 00:00:27,636
How's rehab?
Morgan:
Lexi, she's not in rehab.
15
00:00:27,679 --> 00:00:30,247
That's just what we're saying. I know this is a weird time,
16
00:00:30,291 --> 00:00:32,771
but are you reimbursing us
for the bridesmaid dresses?
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00:00:32,815 --> 00:00:34,556
What? No.
18
00:00:34,599 --> 00:00:37,254
[ Sobbing ]
19
00:00:37,298 --> 00:00:39,604
How can you have
known me for one day
20
00:00:39,648 --> 00:00:41,215
and be nicer to me
than the people
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00:00:41,258 --> 00:00:43,434
who were supposed to be
in my wedding?
22
00:00:43,478 --> 00:00:46,002
The man who broke your heart
was back to rub your nose in it,
23
00:00:46,046 --> 00:00:47,351
publicly?
24
00:00:47,395 --> 00:00:50,137
He's such a dick.
Always was.
25
00:00:52,313 --> 00:00:54,489
[ Water running ]
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00:00:54,532 --> 00:01:02,975
♪♪
27
00:01:03,019 --> 00:01:11,680
♪♪
28
00:01:11,723 --> 00:01:15,466
[ Delilah moaning ][ Vibrator buzzing ]
29
00:01:15,510 --> 00:01:17,990
[ Laughing ]
30
00:01:18,034 --> 00:01:20,558
[ Banging ]
31
00:01:20,602 --> 00:01:23,039
[ Moaning continues ]
32
00:01:26,564 --> 00:01:28,218
[ Sighs ][ Buzzing stops ]
33
00:01:28,262 --> 00:01:30,351
Morning.
34
00:01:31,917 --> 00:01:35,878
[ Yawns ]
35
00:01:35,921 --> 00:01:40,143
♪♪
36
00:01:40,187 --> 00:01:41,362
Ew.
37
00:01:41,405 --> 00:01:43,538
[ Groans ]
38
00:01:43,581 --> 00:01:44,887
[ Sighs ]
39
00:01:44,930 --> 00:01:49,674
♪♪
40
00:01:49,718 --> 00:01:51,111
Huh?
41
00:01:51,154 --> 00:01:53,852
[ Water running ]
42
00:02:00,424 --> 00:02:01,817
Oh.
43
00:02:03,775 --> 00:02:06,082
[ Groans ]
44
00:02:06,126 --> 00:02:09,172
[ Maggie sobbing ]
45
00:02:09,216 --> 00:02:15,570
♪♪
46
00:02:15,613 --> 00:02:24,100
♪♪
47
00:02:24,144 --> 00:02:25,623
Hi.
48
00:02:25,667 --> 00:02:29,018
Uh, excuse me.
49
00:02:29,061 --> 00:02:31,499
Do you think I could maybe
borrow some shampoo?
50
00:02:33,805 --> 00:02:35,459
[ Water stops ]
51
00:02:35,503 --> 00:02:39,855
♪♪
52
00:02:39,898 --> 00:02:42,901
Ooh!
[ Gasps ] Excuse me.
53
00:02:42,945 --> 00:02:45,948
Hey. Are you okay?
It sounded like you were --
54
00:02:45,991 --> 00:02:47,602
Upset?
55
00:02:47,645 --> 00:02:50,953
Yes. I saw a spider,
56
00:02:50,996 --> 00:02:54,739
but it was washed down the drain
before I could rescue it.
57
00:02:54,783 --> 00:02:56,176
Nature is a bitch.
58
00:02:56,219 --> 00:02:57,960
Well, maybe when
the sun comes up,
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00:02:58,003 --> 00:02:59,831
it'll climb up
the spout again.
60
00:02:59,875 --> 00:03:02,138
You're not supposed
to be in here.
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00:03:02,182 --> 00:03:04,923
I thought this was
a communal shower, like
at Camp Mischpocheh.
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00:03:04,967 --> 00:03:06,534
This is my private
shower time.
63
00:03:06,577 --> 00:03:08,231
You can reserve
private shower time?
64
00:03:08,275 --> 00:03:10,755
Where's the sign-up sheet?There is no sign-up sheet.
65
00:03:10,799 --> 00:03:14,237
There is seniority and time
spent and a position earned.
66
00:03:14,281 --> 00:03:15,891
But I-I --
Out.
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00:03:15,934 --> 00:03:18,763
♪♪
68
00:03:18,807 --> 00:03:21,462
So, she's the queen
of the bathroom, too?
69
00:03:21,505 --> 00:03:22,985
She's the queen
of everything.
70
00:03:23,028 --> 00:03:24,813
Well, she sure ain't
the queen of waxing salon.
71
00:03:24,856 --> 00:03:27,163
I just can't shake the visual
of her hair-ea.
72
00:03:27,207 --> 00:03:28,730
I'm not saying everyone
should get a Brazil,
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00:03:28,773 --> 00:03:30,514
but they should at least
get out of Romania.
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00:03:30,558 --> 00:03:32,516
I once let my armpit hair grow
out to see if I could braid it.
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00:03:32,560 --> 00:03:33,865
[ Chuckles ]
Could you?
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00:03:33,909 --> 00:03:35,911
I couldn't.
It kept curling up.
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00:03:35,954 --> 00:03:37,652
So, Maggie was mad?She wasn't happy.
78
00:03:37,695 --> 00:03:39,784
Oh. That's not good.
Why not?
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00:03:39,828 --> 00:03:43,266
Because Maggie's approval
means everything.
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00:03:43,310 --> 00:03:46,269
It means better shower time.
It means more beer tickets.
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00:03:46,313 --> 00:03:48,315
Oh, and if she
really likes you,
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00:03:48,358 --> 00:03:51,187
she'll let you take a nap on
the sheepskin rug in her tent.
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00:03:51,231 --> 00:03:54,190
[ Sniffs, gasps ]
84
00:03:54,234 --> 00:03:57,237
Honeysuckle.
Oats and grapefruit gobblers.
85
00:03:57,280 --> 00:04:00,109
Oh, Fairemily breakfast.
86
00:04:00,152 --> 00:04:02,285
Oh!
87
00:04:02,329 --> 00:04:04,026
Sorry. So sorry.
88
00:04:04,069 --> 00:04:05,462
Stick.
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00:04:05,506 --> 00:04:08,160
♪♪
90
00:04:08,204 --> 00:04:10,380
[ Exhales deeply ]
91
00:04:10,424 --> 00:04:12,687
[ Tongue clicks ]
92
00:04:12,730 --> 00:04:14,428
Oh, hey, Sugar Shack.
93
00:04:14,471 --> 00:04:17,213
Hey.
Omelets. Awesome.
94
00:04:17,257 --> 00:04:18,867
Are there onions?
95
00:04:18,910 --> 00:04:20,303
And I'll have whatever cheese
you've got, but light.
96
00:04:20,347 --> 00:04:22,697
Too much dairy is --
Well, you get it.
97
00:04:22,740 --> 00:04:24,655
Yep. I got it.
98
00:04:24,699 --> 00:04:27,049
Oh, leave that flame
so I get it.
99
00:04:27,092 --> 00:04:30,835
We cook for ourselves with the
food we buy ourselves, princess.
100
00:04:30,879 --> 00:04:33,229
That's "pub wench"
to you.
101
00:04:33,273 --> 00:04:35,275
What, you only know how
to make reservations?
102
00:04:35,318 --> 00:04:38,495
Rude and vaguely anti-Semitic.How about this?
103
00:04:38,539 --> 00:04:41,281
I will make a double-sized
cheddar-and-ham for myself,
104
00:04:41,324 --> 00:04:43,021
and I'll give you
half on credit.
105
00:04:43,065 --> 00:04:45,459
Thank you.
No ham in mine, though,
106
00:04:45,502 --> 00:04:48,810
unless you can assure me that
the meat is sustainably farm--
107
00:04:48,853 --> 00:04:50,551
Ham is fine.
Mm-hmm.
108
00:04:50,594 --> 00:04:53,423
And I'm guessing that
there aren't any egg whites?
109
00:04:53,467 --> 00:04:56,687
Got it, no. Cool.
It's co-- It's cool.
110
00:04:58,080 --> 00:05:02,127
Oh! Look at you
all dressed in clothes.
111
00:05:02,171 --> 00:05:04,826
Amanda said you were
crying this morning.
112
00:05:04,869 --> 00:05:07,959
[ Sighs ]When I get sad,
I think about fish.
113
00:05:08,003 --> 00:05:10,919
Don't focus on
the plastic they eat.
114
00:05:10,962 --> 00:05:14,183
Think about
their adorable faces.
115
00:05:16,141 --> 00:05:18,970
Ugh. I'm off to
Faire workshop.You're going to that, too?
116
00:05:19,014 --> 00:05:21,495
Great. I was gonna
maybe stop by.
Ugh.
117
00:05:21,538 --> 00:05:26,238
Uh, FYI --
Maggie teachesthe workshop,
118
00:05:26,282 --> 00:05:28,719
and it's mandatory for newbs.Even for pub wenches?
119
00:05:28,763 --> 00:05:30,547
We mainly just
pour beer and jiggle.
120
00:05:30,591 --> 00:05:33,333
We like our peripheral employees
to stay consistent
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00:05:33,376 --> 00:05:35,247
with proper Elizabethan
dialect,
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00:05:35,291 --> 00:05:38,512
syntax, behavior
as best they can.
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00:05:38,555 --> 00:05:41,253
Peripheral?
Superfluous,
extraneous, nonessential.
124
00:05:41,297 --> 00:05:45,083
I know what peripheral means.Well, you should shine, then.
125
00:05:45,127 --> 00:05:46,563
Do you sleep in that?
126
00:05:46,607 --> 00:05:48,435
David:
Whoa, all garbed up?
127
00:05:48,478 --> 00:05:49,827
I thought you were going
to a radio station.
128
00:05:49,871 --> 00:05:53,309
Thanks.
I am.
To be on the radio.
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00:05:53,353 --> 00:05:56,138
I am representing the Faire
as William Shakespeare.
130
00:05:56,181 --> 00:05:59,707
It's fun for
the disc jockeys.
131
00:05:59,750 --> 00:06:02,405
[ Chuckles ] Well,
I love the school spirit.
132
00:06:02,449 --> 00:06:04,842
You go knock 'em dead, son.I shall.
133
00:06:04,886 --> 00:06:07,976
You going
to Maggie's workshop?
134
00:06:08,019 --> 00:06:10,544
Can't. Me and Shart are
gonna paper the town
with Ren Faire fliers,
135
00:06:10,587 --> 00:06:12,502
you know,
drum up the locals?
136
00:06:12,546 --> 00:06:15,723
Radio gigs and fliers -- really
leaning into this Dark Ages
137
00:06:15,766 --> 00:06:17,899
branding in every way.You know, the Dark Ages
138
00:06:17,942 --> 00:06:19,596
was actually a few
hundred years before the --
139
00:06:19,640 --> 00:06:20,858
The Renaissance. I know.Yeah, mm-hmm.
140
00:06:20,902 --> 00:06:22,251
I was being nonliteral.
141
00:06:24,819 --> 00:06:28,779
I'll be on the air
in 47 minutes...
142
00:06:28,823 --> 00:06:30,694
in case you want to hear
how it's done.
143
00:06:33,305 --> 00:06:35,830
[ Door closes ]Shakespeare wore a smartwatch?
144
00:06:35,873 --> 00:06:39,094
Eh, man was fastidious about
his 10,000 steps a day.
145
00:06:39,137 --> 00:06:40,661
I do.
146
00:06:40,704 --> 00:06:42,140
All: I do.
147
00:06:42,184 --> 00:06:43,403
Thou dost.
148
00:06:43,446 --> 00:06:44,621
Thou dost.
149
00:06:44,665 --> 00:06:45,927
Huzzah!
150
00:06:45,970 --> 00:06:47,711
Huzzah!
151
00:06:47,755 --> 00:06:50,453
Now, I couldn't help
but overhear multiple examples
152
00:06:50,497 --> 00:06:52,499
of dropped Elizabethan phrasing
last weekend.
153
00:06:52,542 --> 00:06:56,067
Whether you are serving food
or fitting corsets,
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00:06:56,111 --> 00:07:00,028
you are part of one cohesive
show here, people -- our show.
155
00:07:00,071 --> 00:07:02,465
For instance...
156
00:07:02,509 --> 00:07:05,076
Hey, Natasha....it is not a smartphone,
it is a tiny, portable...
157
00:07:05,120 --> 00:07:06,991
Did I miss anything?
No.
158
00:07:07,035 --> 00:07:09,559
Just Elizabeth telling us
we suck at Elizabethan.
159
00:07:09,603 --> 00:07:14,042
Good day, mistress.
How gracious of thee to join us.
160
00:07:14,085 --> 00:07:16,261
Sorry. There was a crazy line
for the privies.
161
00:07:16,305 --> 00:07:17,828
And who do I --As I was saying,
162
00:07:17,872 --> 00:07:20,222
I've noticed some slacking.
163
00:07:20,265 --> 00:07:21,658
Ow.
For instance,
we are not selling turkey legs.
164
00:07:21,702 --> 00:07:23,355
You okay?
Cramps.
165
00:07:23,399 --> 00:07:25,140
Oh, I'm sure someone around here
has ibuprofen.
166
00:07:25,183 --> 00:07:27,447
Oh, no, babe.
I don't do pills.She doesn't do pills.
167
00:07:27,490 --> 00:07:29,187
Hmm?I'm saying,
"Natasha doesn't do pills."
168
00:07:29,231 --> 00:07:30,711
That's right.Yeah.
169
00:07:30,754 --> 00:07:33,627
It is our responsibility
to live, breathe,
170
00:07:33,670 --> 00:07:37,282
and speak British history.Ooh.
171
00:07:37,326 --> 00:07:39,284
I know a ton
about British history
172
00:07:39,328 --> 00:07:41,025
and the East London
club scene.
173
00:07:41,069 --> 00:07:44,202
Awesome.As townsfolk of Shropshire,
174
00:07:44,246 --> 00:07:45,813
seeing the Queen Elizabeth
in person
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00:07:45,856 --> 00:07:47,641
would be the greatest honor
you could ever have.
176
00:07:47,684 --> 00:07:52,036
[ Coughs ]And you must pay
the appropriate respect.
177
00:07:52,080 --> 00:07:55,562
The only person I bow down to
in real life is Beyoncé.
Slay.
178
00:07:55,605 --> 00:08:00,523
We show deference by kneeling,
by bowing, by curtsying.
179
00:08:00,567 --> 00:08:02,525
Who's first?
Ooh!
180
00:08:02,569 --> 00:08:04,875
Cardio Barre has me curtsying
like a boss.
181
00:08:04,919 --> 00:08:09,663
Natasha, maker of the pockets
of pork, come forth.
182
00:08:09,706 --> 00:08:11,186
Defer to your queen.
183
00:08:14,798 --> 00:08:16,452
Ow.
184
00:08:16,496 --> 00:08:18,715
[ Applause ]Maggie: Most excellent.
185
00:08:18,759 --> 00:08:23,241
Callie, nurturer of horses.
186
00:08:23,285 --> 00:08:27,115
I mostly brush and ride,
but okay.
187
00:08:31,598 --> 00:08:33,556
[ Applause ]Lovely.
188
00:08:33,600 --> 00:08:35,819
Very, very lithe.
189
00:08:37,560 --> 00:08:41,172
Juan Andrés,
purveyor of fine flagons.
190
00:08:41,216 --> 00:08:43,348
Hail and well met,
Your Majesty.
191
00:08:43,392 --> 00:08:45,307
What the fo--
192
00:08:45,350 --> 00:08:47,091
[ Laughter ]
193
00:08:47,135 --> 00:08:50,530
One punch takes out
the both of you. One.
194
00:08:53,445 --> 00:08:54,969
[ Sighs ]
195
00:08:55,012 --> 00:08:58,276
Okay, you. Beguile us.
196
00:08:58,320 --> 00:09:00,452
Actually,
I was thinking --Oh, f--
197
00:09:00,496 --> 00:09:03,020
You know how the queen would
literally never cross paths
198
00:09:03,064 --> 00:09:04,935
with a pub wench
in an open-air bar
199
00:09:04,979 --> 00:09:07,634
where they serve cocktails like
"Gimlet, Prince of Denmark"?
200
00:09:07,677 --> 00:09:10,506
So how fun would it be if,
instead,
201
00:09:10,550 --> 00:09:12,116
one of
the queen's guards,
202
00:09:12,160 --> 00:09:15,380
or whatever, fell in love
with the pub wench
203
00:09:15,424 --> 00:09:18,949
and he invited her to serve
the queen ather throne?
204
00:09:18,993 --> 00:09:21,648
Fun, right?
Oh, and...
205
00:09:23,345 --> 00:09:25,913
Like a palsied seal.
206
00:09:25,956 --> 00:09:28,393
Moving on.W-Wait.
What about my idea?
207
00:09:28,437 --> 00:09:30,744
Let's stick with the scenarios
we already do, all right?
208
00:09:30,787 --> 00:09:32,528
I pass.
You lower yourself.
209
00:09:32,572 --> 00:09:34,138
We give our guests
the immersive experience
210
00:09:34,182 --> 00:09:35,749
of a queen and her queendom.
211
00:09:35,792 --> 00:09:37,620
But --Shh. That's enough.
212
00:09:37,664 --> 00:09:38,708
Sit.
213
00:09:41,015 --> 00:09:43,626
Damn, girl.
You sassed Beyoncé.Moving on. Who else?
214
00:09:43,670 --> 00:09:46,673
Lord Mason,
prostrate thyself.
215
00:09:46,716 --> 00:09:48,805
Did she say "prostate"?[ Both chuckle ]
216
00:09:48,849 --> 00:09:49,980
Mason, bow!
217
00:09:50,024 --> 00:09:55,856
♪♪
218
00:09:55,899 --> 00:09:57,684
Bravo.
219
00:09:57,727 --> 00:10:00,948
And that's how we do it.
220
00:10:00,991 --> 00:10:03,690
Pbht!
221
00:10:03,733 --> 00:10:08,825
Drew sleep out of mine eyes,
blood from my cheeks,
222
00:10:08,869 --> 00:10:11,698
musings into my mind,
223
00:10:11,741 --> 00:10:14,526
and finding little comfort
to relieve them.
224
00:10:14,570 --> 00:10:16,485
[ Snoring ]
Uh-oh. She's out.
225
00:10:16,528 --> 00:10:18,574
[ Both laugh ]
226
00:10:18,618 --> 00:10:22,143
I thought it princely charity
to grieve them.
227
00:10:22,186 --> 00:10:25,233
[ Heavy metal version
of "Greensleeves" plays ]Whoa!
228
00:10:25,276 --> 00:10:27,148
Ooh!
Ah!
229
00:10:27,191 --> 00:10:28,671
More cowbell!
230
00:10:28,715 --> 00:10:30,499
[ Rim shot ][ Laughter ]
231
00:10:30,542 --> 00:10:33,197
Oh, man.
Good radio. Well done.
232
00:10:33,241 --> 00:10:35,286
Yeah, that rhymes.
233
00:10:35,330 --> 00:10:39,682
Oh, for all of you who think
you accidentally tuned to NPR,
234
00:10:39,726 --> 00:10:42,293
it's worse than that --
We're talking the Ren Faire.
235
00:10:42,337 --> 00:10:44,905
Ooh!
No offense,
Mr. Shakespeare, Bill,
236
00:10:44,948 --> 00:10:47,734
if I may, Billy, uh,
but that was boring.
237
00:10:47,777 --> 00:10:50,040
That was really, really boring.
Am I right?
238
00:10:50,084 --> 00:10:53,043
I mean, that was more boring
than a one-woman improv show.
239
00:10:53,087 --> 00:10:55,263
Excuse me. I did improv.Yeah, and then I --
240
00:10:55,306 --> 00:10:57,918
I rescued you from that,
and now you do radio.
241
00:10:57,961 --> 00:11:00,703
Your poem made me
dry down thur.
242
00:11:00,747 --> 00:11:03,663
[ Laughs ]
Whoa! No.
You did not just go thur.
243
00:11:03,706 --> 00:11:06,230
Love you, mean it.[ As Borat ]
She's my sister.
244
00:11:06,274 --> 00:11:08,842
She's number-four prostitute
in all of Kazakhstan.
245
00:11:08,885 --> 00:11:10,191
Nice.
246
00:11:10,234 --> 00:11:11,888
[ Laughter ]
247
00:11:11,932 --> 00:11:14,804
Um, actually,
i-it's not a poem.
248
00:11:14,848 --> 00:11:17,372
It's a scene from
"Pericles, Prince of Tyre,"
249
00:11:17,415 --> 00:11:19,200
who flees Antioch --
250
00:11:19,243 --> 00:11:20,897
[ Music resumes ]Whoo!
251
00:11:20,941 --> 00:11:22,856
[ Laughs ]
252
00:11:22,899 --> 00:11:24,684
Oh!
253
00:11:24,727 --> 00:11:27,077
Ooh, uh,
quick question.
254
00:11:27,121 --> 00:11:30,559
On a serious note, does Pericles
have both of his testicl-ees,
255
00:11:30,602 --> 00:11:33,127
or is that a different
"Shakespeare story"?
256
00:11:33,170 --> 00:11:34,737
Great question.Uh...
257
00:11:34,781 --> 00:11:36,783
He has two balls
or not two balls?
258
00:11:36,826 --> 00:11:39,307
[ Laughs ]That is the castration.
259
00:11:39,350 --> 00:11:41,309
I-I-I don't believe --
260
00:11:41,352 --> 00:11:42,919
[ As Vito Corleone ] I'm gonna
make an offer he can't refuse.
261
00:11:42,963 --> 00:11:45,095
[ Laughter ]
262
00:11:45,139 --> 00:11:46,618
He is killing me today.
263
00:11:46,662 --> 00:11:48,011
Was that
"The Godfather"?
264
00:11:48,055 --> 00:11:49,578
How you hung down there,
Willy?
Ooh.
265
00:11:49,621 --> 00:11:51,275
[ As Austin Powers ]
Yeah, baby.
266
00:11:51,319 --> 00:11:53,625
Uh, I-I-I'm sorry.
I-I-I don't know.
267
00:11:53,669 --> 00:11:55,105
T-T-That's actually
a good question
268
00:11:55,149 --> 00:11:56,846
because anybody that dresses
like that
269
00:11:56,890 --> 00:11:58,761
has got to be pretty confident
in other areas, right?
270
00:11:58,805 --> 00:12:00,763
Ooh.
Careful there, Bacon.
271
00:12:00,807 --> 00:12:02,765
You're makin'
my tinklebox sizzle.
272
00:12:02,809 --> 00:12:06,769
Oh, snap, Chode.
She said "sizzle."
273
00:12:06,813 --> 00:12:09,641
[ Sizzling]Oh, Schnapps shots.
274
00:12:09,685 --> 00:12:11,992
All: [ Chanting ] Schnapps,
Schnapps, Schnapps, Schnapps,
275
00:12:12,035 --> 00:12:14,603
Schnapps, Schnapps, Schnapps,
Schnapps, Schnapps, Schnapps,
276
00:12:14,646 --> 00:12:16,344
Schnapps.It's 9:52 in the morning.
277
00:12:16,387 --> 00:12:17,954
It is somewhere, right?
278
00:12:17,998 --> 00:12:19,608
[ As John Kimble ]
Stop whining. Stop whining.
279
00:12:19,651 --> 00:12:21,349
Who knew Shakespeare
was so uptight, huh?
280
00:12:21,392 --> 00:12:22,959
Maybe it's his tights.
281
00:12:23,003 --> 00:12:25,005
They're squeezin'
on those testicl-ees.
282
00:12:25,048 --> 00:12:27,572
[ Laughter ]His testi--
Are the tights tight?
283
00:12:27,616 --> 00:12:30,097
On your -- On your balls.Boo-yah!
284
00:12:30,140 --> 00:12:32,664
Mmm! All right.
Let's take some calls.
285
00:12:32,708 --> 00:12:34,884
No one from nowhere,
you're not on the line.
286
00:12:34,928 --> 00:12:37,234
We've lost all of our listeners.
They're all gone.
287
00:12:37,278 --> 00:12:40,237
[ Laughter ]
288
00:12:42,979 --> 00:12:47,331
All: ♪ Sister, help
to trim the sails ♪
289
00:12:47,375 --> 00:12:53,468
♪ Hallelujah
290
00:12:53,511 --> 00:12:56,427
[ Cheers and applause ]
291
00:12:56,471 --> 00:12:58,908
Ah! [ Laughs ]
292
00:12:58,952 --> 00:13:01,128
[ Laughter ]
293
00:13:01,171 --> 00:13:03,347
I'm okay!
294
00:13:03,391 --> 00:13:07,525
[ Laughing ]
Whoo! Oh, my hero.
295
00:13:07,569 --> 00:13:09,789
It's a hot dog
on a stick.
296
00:13:09,832 --> 00:13:13,096
Get it? Stick?
297
00:13:13,140 --> 00:13:15,272
It's a veggie dog.
298
00:13:15,316 --> 00:13:17,666
Meat is murder.
299
00:13:17,709 --> 00:13:19,407
You talk?
300
00:13:19,450 --> 00:13:22,366
You've heard me talk.I've heard you say "stick."
301
00:13:22,410 --> 00:13:25,152
I mean, everyone here
does such amazing things.
302
00:13:25,195 --> 00:13:27,067
What's with
the stick shtick?
303
00:13:27,110 --> 00:13:30,113
[ Indistinct conversations ]
304
00:13:34,988 --> 00:13:37,468
Oh! Wha?
305
00:13:37,512 --> 00:13:40,123
You should do
more of that.
306
00:13:40,167 --> 00:13:42,299
First I must master
the stick.
307
00:13:42,343 --> 00:13:46,042
Hey, man. You got any more
of that oregano oil?
308
00:13:46,086 --> 00:13:48,697
When I can't hit the high C,
I know I got a cold coming on.
309
00:13:48,740 --> 00:13:49,829
Totes.
Yeah.
310
00:13:53,006 --> 00:13:55,486
Milady.
311
00:13:55,530 --> 00:13:57,271
My debt to you
is growing.
312
00:13:57,314 --> 00:13:59,577
Aye, tell me more.
313
00:13:59,621 --> 00:14:04,147
Oh. Mmm.
I needed this.
314
00:14:04,191 --> 00:14:07,237
I mean, I don't needit.
It's...
Mm-hmm.
315
00:14:07,281 --> 00:14:08,717
...just refreshing.
316
00:14:08,760 --> 00:14:10,675
Uh-huh.
317
00:14:10,719 --> 00:14:12,199
Stick can talk.
318
00:14:12,242 --> 00:14:15,245
You've heard him talk.I -- But...
319
00:14:15,289 --> 00:14:17,944
Never mind.
320
00:14:17,987 --> 00:14:20,381
Where's Callie?
321
00:14:20,424 --> 00:14:22,383
Oh, she's teaching
G-Spot Awareness
322
00:14:22,426 --> 00:14:25,255
to Shart's wife
and a couple other gals.
323
00:14:25,299 --> 00:14:27,475
You're a lucky man.
324
00:14:27,518 --> 00:14:28,955
Yeah, it's 'cause I never
walk under ladders.
325
00:14:32,784 --> 00:14:34,569
Maggie hates me.
326
00:14:34,612 --> 00:14:37,572
No. She just hates
all the things you do and say.
327
00:14:37,615 --> 00:14:40,488
The normal response would be,
"No, she doesn't."
328
00:14:42,142 --> 00:14:45,058
I just don't get it.
People always like me.
329
00:14:45,101 --> 00:14:47,495
I have the most-watched
Insta stories of all my friends.
330
00:14:47,538 --> 00:14:50,541
[ Chuckles ]
What?
331
00:14:50,585 --> 00:14:55,459
Uh, you do tend to --
to "No, but" a lot.
332
00:14:55,503 --> 00:14:58,201
This is more of a-a
"Yes, and" kind of place.
333
00:14:58,245 --> 00:14:59,899
No, I don't.
But I --
334
00:14:59,942 --> 00:15:01,639
Right.
335
00:15:01,683 --> 00:15:03,728
Wait. What?
336
00:15:03,772 --> 00:15:05,687
You're in
Maggie's house.
337
00:15:05,730 --> 00:15:07,907
You just gotta take
your shoes off at the door.
338
00:15:07,950 --> 00:15:10,170
Even if they
make the outfit?
339
00:15:10,213 --> 00:15:12,912
What, so I'm just supposed
to kiss her ass?
340
00:15:12,955 --> 00:15:15,958
Just play along, like what
we do in the faireground.
341
00:15:16,002 --> 00:15:17,699
I don't know
what you're talking about.
342
00:15:17,742 --> 00:15:20,049
Ah, okay. Okay.
343
00:15:20,093 --> 00:15:21,529
My sweet lady.
344
00:15:21,572 --> 00:15:22,965
Oh!
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
345
00:15:23,009 --> 00:15:25,011
[ All cheer ]I love this part.
346
00:15:25,054 --> 00:15:26,229
Do it. Do it. Do it.
347
00:15:26,273 --> 00:15:27,839
Thou art a vision.
348
00:15:27,883 --> 00:15:29,624
Um, okay.
349
00:15:29,667 --> 00:15:31,147
When last I did see thee,
350
00:15:31,191 --> 00:15:34,237
ye were portly
and covered in warts...
351
00:15:34,281 --> 00:15:36,500
and hairs.[ Chuckling ] Oh!
352
00:15:36,544 --> 00:15:39,155
And thy stench was...whoa.
353
00:15:39,199 --> 00:15:42,202
[ Laughter ]Whoa. Whoa. Whoa.
354
00:15:42,245 --> 00:15:43,594
Uh...
355
00:15:43,638 --> 00:15:45,640
But now...[ Laughs ]
356
00:15:45,683 --> 00:15:49,600
...I see thee hast
transformed...
357
00:15:49,644 --> 00:15:52,690
into a most beauteous
and wondrous creature.
358
00:15:52,734 --> 00:15:58,653
Thy tresses,
thy lips, thy cheeks --
359
00:15:58,696 --> 00:16:01,395
ye must have paid
a great wizard quite a price
360
00:16:01,438 --> 00:16:04,006
for such a strong spell
of boundless beauty.
361
00:16:06,008 --> 00:16:08,271
Man: Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo!
362
00:16:08,315 --> 00:16:10,360
Got it.
Oh, wow.
363
00:16:10,404 --> 00:16:12,362
That was thick.
364
00:16:12,406 --> 00:16:13,755
Ah!
365
00:16:13,798 --> 00:16:16,497
[ All cheering ]
366
00:16:16,540 --> 00:16:18,368
All right.
Bravo!
367
00:16:18,412 --> 00:16:20,327
If I said
any of that to Maggie,
368
00:16:20,370 --> 00:16:21,981
she'd think I was
hitting on her,
369
00:16:22,024 --> 00:16:23,808
and she's not
really my type.
Eh.
370
00:16:23,852 --> 00:16:25,549
I mean,
there was this one time
371
00:16:25,593 --> 00:16:27,464
that I kissed my friend
Lexi after prom, but --
372
00:16:27,508 --> 00:16:28,726
Boy, do I want
to hear this story,
373
00:16:28,770 --> 00:16:31,033
but let's just
focus on this.
374
00:16:31,077 --> 00:16:34,558
Um, what's the first thing
that you think of
375
00:16:34,602 --> 00:16:35,907
when you look at me?
376
00:16:35,951 --> 00:16:37,518
Your body.Your body.
377
00:16:37,561 --> 00:16:40,434
[ Laughter ]All right.
All right. Okay.
378
00:16:40,477 --> 00:16:42,827
Man: It is.All right.
Well, uh, let's try that.
379
00:16:42,871 --> 00:16:45,221
Try your body?
Yes.
380
00:16:45,265 --> 00:16:47,615
Try to endow my body.
Oh.
381
00:16:47,658 --> 00:16:49,443
Endow it? But -- Well,
how specific do I have to be?Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
382
00:16:49,486 --> 00:16:52,228
I am waiting.Okay. Okay. Geez.
383
00:16:52,272 --> 00:16:54,926
[ All "Oohing" ]
384
00:16:54,970 --> 00:16:56,841
[ Man trills tongue ]
385
00:16:56,885 --> 00:16:58,408
Okay. Okay. Okay.
386
00:16:58,452 --> 00:17:00,280
Use your hands.
387
00:17:00,323 --> 00:17:02,282
Uh...
388
00:17:02,325 --> 00:17:04,066
Put your whole body
into it.
389
00:17:04,110 --> 00:17:05,328
Woo me.
390
00:17:05,372 --> 00:17:06,677
[ Laughs ]
391
00:17:06,721 --> 00:17:08,070
Thy...
392
00:17:08,114 --> 00:17:10,029
Louder!
393
00:17:10,072 --> 00:17:14,946
Wouldst that I were the sun
glistening upon thy back?
394
00:17:14,990 --> 00:17:17,427
Ah.
Ooh!
395
00:17:17,471 --> 00:17:19,429
[ Chatter intensifies ]
396
00:17:19,473 --> 00:17:21,562
[ Laughter ]
397
00:17:21,605 --> 00:17:27,176
But not for too long
because...melanoma?
398
00:17:27,220 --> 00:17:28,830
[ Laughter ]It's a strong start.
399
00:17:28,873 --> 00:17:31,267
Okay. All right.Pbht!
400
00:17:31,311 --> 00:17:33,139
It's the first go.Strong -- Strong start.
401
00:17:33,182 --> 00:17:34,662
In sooth?
No.
402
00:17:34,705 --> 00:17:36,403
Oh.
Man: Boo.
403
00:17:36,446 --> 00:17:38,231
It -- It fell off there
at the end.
404
00:17:38,274 --> 00:17:40,363
How about Tulum?
405
00:17:40,407 --> 00:17:42,931
There was just a mass murder
there, so it'll be dirt cheap.
406
00:17:42,974 --> 00:17:44,541
Are you scrolling
through resort porn
407
00:17:44,585 --> 00:17:45,934
to take your mind
off Colin,
408
00:17:45,977 --> 00:17:47,414
or are we actually
going on this trip?
409
00:17:47,457 --> 00:17:50,765
Because if we are,
it's Dusseldorf or bust.
410
00:17:50,808 --> 00:17:53,768
Colin has been blocked
and deleted.
411
00:17:56,510 --> 00:17:58,947
Are we elitist?
Oh, God, yes.
412
00:17:58,990 --> 00:18:00,775
It's one of the things
I love about us.
413
00:18:00,818 --> 00:18:04,213
No. I-I mean in...
an insufferable way.
414
00:18:04,257 --> 00:18:05,910
Blue cheese olive?
415
00:18:05,954 --> 00:18:08,348
One blue cheese
and one regular on the side.
416
00:18:08,391 --> 00:18:10,567
And being elitist
isn't a bad thing.
417
00:18:10,611 --> 00:18:11,960
Societies need
a pecking order.
418
00:18:12,003 --> 00:18:13,570
Otherwise, we'd peck
each other to death.
419
00:18:13,614 --> 00:18:15,529
[ Cheering in distance ]
420
00:18:15,572 --> 00:18:18,053
Ugh, fools.
421
00:18:18,097 --> 00:18:20,708
Man: Hey.
Someone help her.Should we go out there?
422
00:18:20,751 --> 00:18:22,492
Why?
423
00:18:23,972 --> 00:18:25,843
Maybe we're missing out.
424
00:18:25,887 --> 00:18:27,715
Have you been using
the weighted blanket
425
00:18:27,758 --> 00:18:29,499
I bought you
with that podcast code?
426
00:18:29,543 --> 00:18:32,154
Could be fun.Oh, we have fun.
427
00:18:32,198 --> 00:18:33,764
Remember when we drank
fuzzy navels
428
00:18:33,808 --> 00:18:35,723
and watched
"Call Me By Your Name"?
429
00:18:35,766 --> 00:18:38,160
Yeah.
Hmm.
430
00:18:38,204 --> 00:18:41,729
[ Sighs ]
Those idiot deejays today
431
00:18:41,772 --> 00:18:45,515
made me feel like I was back
in a high-school locker room.
432
00:18:45,559 --> 00:18:48,823
"Oh. There's Brian,
the Pillsbury Doughboy."
433
00:18:48,866 --> 00:18:50,781
I liked
the testicl-ees joke.
434
00:18:50,825 --> 00:18:53,175
[ Chuckles ]
435
00:18:53,219 --> 00:18:55,221
You know, I once
got locked overnight
436
00:18:55,264 --> 00:18:57,223
in my high school's
equipment shed
437
00:18:57,266 --> 00:18:59,268
after hiding there
during P.E.
438
00:18:59,312 --> 00:19:02,097
I detest sheds.It was terrifying.
439
00:19:02,141 --> 00:19:04,230
But I did finish
"The Canterbury Tales."
440
00:19:04,273 --> 00:19:05,492
I had a penlight.
441
00:19:05,535 --> 00:19:08,190
Oh, "Canterbury Tales,"
442
00:19:08,234 --> 00:19:10,627
the original
"Fifty Shades."
443
00:19:10,671 --> 00:19:11,976
[ Scoffs ] And I have another
promo tomorrow.
444
00:19:12,020 --> 00:19:13,717
It's all
I can think about.
445
00:19:13,761 --> 00:19:17,199
The original "Fifty Shades."
That's funny. [ Chuckles ]
446
00:19:17,243 --> 00:19:20,724
Ugh. Why didn't you tell me
I had lipstick on my teeth?
447
00:19:23,074 --> 00:19:25,294
I'm going out there.
448
00:19:26,730 --> 00:19:28,776
Is that a poppy seed?
449
00:19:28,819 --> 00:19:34,129
Thy sensational smile doth shine
upon thy heaving bosoms...
Oh!
450
00:19:34,173 --> 00:19:36,305
Oh, my....just as said bosoms
451
00:19:36,349 --> 00:19:40,266
do sit like clouds
for angels' bottoms.
452
00:19:40,309 --> 00:19:43,791
Oh, Pizzle.
Oh, I'm gonna write that down.
453
00:19:43,834 --> 00:19:45,967
Did you mean both bosoms
or just the left one?
454
00:19:46,010 --> 00:19:47,360
I mean, 'cause
it's the crowd favorite.
455
00:19:47,403 --> 00:19:48,709
Lefty Louie.
456
00:19:48,752 --> 00:19:51,015
[ Chuckles ]
457
00:19:51,059 --> 00:19:53,844
Well done, Master Pizzle.
[ Chuckles ]
458
00:19:59,067 --> 00:20:01,896
Oh, light teal --
too risky.
459
00:20:01,939 --> 00:20:07,641
So, what's going on here
with you...guys?
460
00:20:07,684 --> 00:20:10,470
David's teaching me how to be
performatively nice to people.
461
00:20:10,513 --> 00:20:12,254
Yeah.
Hey, uh, do me next.
462
00:20:12,298 --> 00:20:16,824
Oh! Thy most bountiful
and glorious belly.Ah!
463
00:20:16,867 --> 00:20:19,827
[ Laughter ]How many weeks before
we may expect little Shart?
464
00:20:19,870 --> 00:20:22,308
Yeah, third trimester, y'all.Oh, my God!
465
00:20:22,351 --> 00:20:23,918
Congratulations.
466
00:20:23,961 --> 00:20:26,050
I can feel him kicking.[ Laughter ]
467
00:20:26,094 --> 00:20:28,966
Now, what you got
for Maggie?
468
00:20:29,010 --> 00:20:31,665
N-Nothing that reminds
you of your high-school
girly-girly action.
469
00:20:31,708 --> 00:20:33,144
Delilah: Ooh.[ Laughs ]
470
00:20:33,188 --> 00:20:34,711
Whoa. Whoa. Whoa.
What is it? What is it?
471
00:20:34,755 --> 00:20:37,410
No, no, no. I can't say.
It's too embarrassing.
472
00:20:37,453 --> 00:20:40,891
What, like Shart's gut?Hey! That's my baby
you're talking about!
473
00:20:40,935 --> 00:20:43,938
Just take the embarrassing...
and make it good.
474
00:20:43,981 --> 00:20:45,679
This can't be made good.Come on.
475
00:20:45,722 --> 00:20:47,333
I'm sure it can.
Come on. Come on.
476
00:20:47,376 --> 00:20:50,161
Come on.
Say it. Say it.
477
00:20:50,205 --> 00:20:53,426
All: [ Chanting ] Say it.
Say it. Say it. Say it.
478
00:20:53,469 --> 00:20:56,472
I saw her bush![ Laughter ]
479
00:20:56,516 --> 00:20:59,910
I'm so proud of you!
480
00:20:59,954 --> 00:21:02,304
David: That's not
what I expected.
481
00:21:02,348 --> 00:21:06,308
And...it...was...huge!
482
00:21:06,352 --> 00:21:08,441
[ Laughter ]
483
00:21:08,484 --> 00:21:12,532
Dude.
I like a jungle.
I'm Tarzan.
484
00:21:12,575 --> 00:21:14,098
[ Laughter ]
485
00:21:14,142 --> 00:21:17,493
Hear me now, good gentles.
486
00:21:17,537 --> 00:21:21,018
'Twas a lush
and glorious bush.
487
00:21:21,062 --> 00:21:24,979
'Twas the most radiant
shrubbery...[ All clearing throats ]
488
00:21:25,022 --> 00:21:27,068
...I have ever laid eyes upon!
489
00:21:28,983 --> 00:21:31,202
Oh, don't let me
interrupt the merrymaking.
490
00:21:31,246 --> 00:21:33,727
Just need a bit of ice.
491
00:21:35,685 --> 00:21:38,384
[ Ice rattling ]
492
00:21:42,518 --> 00:21:45,608
[ Stifled laughter ]
493
00:21:48,829 --> 00:21:50,352
[ Lid closes ]
494
00:21:50,396 --> 00:21:52,354
Ahh. I'll be up for a little
while longer.
495
00:21:52,398 --> 00:21:54,443
We could make
fuzzy navels.
496
00:21:54,487 --> 00:21:55,966
Fuzzy.
497
00:21:56,010 --> 00:21:58,839
[ Laughter ]
498
00:21:58,882 --> 00:22:02,016
Enjoy your evening.
499
00:22:02,059 --> 00:22:04,410
God save the queen.
500
00:22:04,453 --> 00:22:08,501
All:
God save the queen!
501
00:22:08,544 --> 00:22:10,372
God shave the queen.
502
00:22:10,416 --> 00:22:14,637
[ Laughter ]
503
00:22:14,681 --> 00:22:17,248
Delilah: Oh, no.
504
00:22:17,292 --> 00:22:25,692
♪♪
505
00:22:33,743 --> 00:22:35,571
ie, Delilah, Amanda togetherUm...
It means that you
really took some timewreath.
506
00:22:35,615 --> 00:22:37,268
to make this extra great.I think Maggie is
507
00:22:37,312 --> 00:22:40,402
more of a traditionalist.Oh. Whatever you think.
508
00:22:40,446 --> 00:22:42,883
I've never "Real Housewived"
the ... out of anyone before.
509
00:22:42,926 --> 00:22:44,580
Well, I've never used
fruit cocktail juice
510
00:22:44,624 --> 00:22:47,061
to make mimosas before,
so there you go.
511
00:22:47,104 --> 00:22:49,193
Can't believe you're
a "Housewives" fan.
512
00:22:49,237 --> 00:22:51,370
It's like when the one
with the pointy nose
513
00:22:51,413 --> 00:22:53,502
offended
the super-skinny one
514
00:22:53,546 --> 00:22:55,548
at the charity auction
for blind cats,
515
00:22:55,591 --> 00:22:57,811
but then she took her
out to brunch,
516
00:22:57,854 --> 00:22:59,595
and everything
was great.
517
00:22:59,639 --> 00:23:02,250
I think I'm getting
the hang of this place.
518
00:23:02,293 --> 00:23:04,165
I traded compliments
for the muffins
519
00:23:04,208 --> 00:23:05,906
and a hand massage
for the eggs.
520
00:23:05,949 --> 00:23:09,257
Oh, grasshopper.
You're learning so well.
521
00:23:09,300 --> 00:23:11,346
She's coming.
It's happening. Okay, all right.Go, go, go. Go, go, go.
522
00:23:15,698 --> 00:23:17,744
Mimosa?
523
00:23:17,787 --> 00:23:20,486
[ Sighs ]
524
00:23:20,529 --> 00:23:22,662
Thanks so much
for meeting me.I didn't meet you.
525
00:23:22,705 --> 00:23:24,403
You're standing
in front of my tent.
526
00:23:24,446 --> 00:23:25,839
I love your culottes.
527
00:23:25,882 --> 00:23:27,971
They're not culottes.
528
00:23:28,015 --> 00:23:29,843
They're jorts.
Why are you here?
529
00:23:29,886 --> 00:23:32,236
Actually, jorts are made
from denim
530
00:23:32,280 --> 00:23:34,891
and usually from old jeans.Why are you here?
531
00:23:34,935 --> 00:23:37,198
I was hoping
maybe we could...
532
00:23:39,026 --> 00:23:41,376
...melt the ice a little
over brunch.
533
00:23:41,420 --> 00:23:42,899
Cheers.
534
00:23:45,424 --> 00:23:48,339
Oh, wait. We didn't make
eye contact. It's bad luck.
535
00:23:48,383 --> 00:23:49,558
Let's --
Let's do it again.
536
00:23:49,602 --> 00:23:52,256
Cheers. Okay.
537
00:23:52,300 --> 00:23:55,825
Can we get to the ice-melting?
I have plucking to do.
538
00:23:55,869 --> 00:24:00,221
Delilah tells me you're
one of this Faire's OGs.
539
00:24:00,264 --> 00:24:02,266
OGs?
540
00:24:02,310 --> 00:24:05,531
Original gangster.
That's the actual meaning.
541
00:24:05,574 --> 00:24:07,663
I was going for the figurative
meaning, you know,
542
00:24:07,707 --> 00:24:10,405
founding father, or mother,
in this case.
543
00:24:10,449 --> 00:24:13,060
You are the shot-caller --
544
00:24:13,103 --> 00:24:17,630
who lives, who dies,
who gets exiled.
545
00:24:17,673 --> 00:24:22,156
Oh, we are not in the habit
of exiling...anyone.
546
00:24:22,199 --> 00:24:24,811
I love how you use
the royal "we."
547
00:24:24,854 --> 00:24:27,988
It's --
It's so authentic,
548
00:24:28,031 --> 00:24:31,078
like so much of this place,
really hands-on.
549
00:24:31,121 --> 00:24:33,123
Granted, sometimes,
those hands are on my ass,
550
00:24:33,167 --> 00:24:35,735
but that's part
of the authenticity, right?
551
00:24:35,778 --> 00:24:41,741
I wanted to ask,
how do you decide what's okay?
552
00:24:41,784 --> 00:24:45,745
And as the queen, are you
actually the decision-maker,
553
00:24:45,788 --> 00:24:48,269
like the Great
and Powerful Oz?
554
00:24:48,312 --> 00:24:50,445
I think if we
put our heads together,
555
00:24:50,489 --> 00:24:52,099
we could really codify
what's appropriate
556
00:24:52,142 --> 00:24:54,057
and what's not,
you know?
557
00:24:54,101 --> 00:24:55,537
Right, right.
558
00:24:55,581 --> 00:24:58,366
Let me guess.
559
00:24:58,409 --> 00:25:02,544
Mama Klein was supercritical
of little Amanda.
560
00:25:02,588 --> 00:25:07,810
Uh, she's actually
a-a-a Lyons n-now.
561
00:25:07,854 --> 00:25:10,117
Klein was my father,
but then he --And judging by your love
of the bottle,
562
00:25:10,160 --> 00:25:12,206
she's probably
also an alcoholic.
563
00:25:12,249 --> 00:25:15,035
[ Scoffs ]Nothing is ever right,
is it?
564
00:25:15,078 --> 00:25:17,559
Is she still trying to envision
your ears pinned back?
565
00:25:17,603 --> 00:25:20,606
Did she lament the backhand
you never mastered?
566
00:25:20,649 --> 00:25:24,087
My backhand happens to be
very powerful and elegant.
567
00:25:24,131 --> 00:25:27,656
And for your information,
my mother --No. I don't really care,
sweetie.
568
00:25:27,700 --> 00:25:29,353
Thank you
for cleaning this up.
569
00:25:29,397 --> 00:25:31,530
♪♪
570
00:25:31,573 --> 00:25:33,532
You think you're so insightful,
don't you?
571
00:25:33,575 --> 00:25:36,317
Well, I'll have you know,
my mother is notan alcoholic.
572
00:25:36,360 --> 00:25:39,755
She's a pillhead and only
because they overprescribed her
573
00:25:39,799 --> 00:25:42,845
after she got
her eyelids done, so...
574
00:25:42,889 --> 00:25:46,588
♪♪
575
00:25:46,632 --> 00:25:49,678
Damn it. [ Sighs ]
576
00:25:49,722 --> 00:25:52,681
Don't you want to change
into your Pizzle clothes
577
00:25:52,725 --> 00:25:54,248
before we get there?
Nah, man.
578
00:25:54,291 --> 00:25:55,858
I'll just strip down
in the car.
579
00:25:55,902 --> 00:25:58,034
Don't want to
get it wrinkled.
580
00:25:58,078 --> 00:26:00,515
Thank you, again,
for coming with me today.
581
00:26:00,559 --> 00:26:03,779
I always work better
with someone to bounce off of.
582
00:26:03,823 --> 00:26:05,433
No prob.
I got you.
583
00:26:05,476 --> 00:26:07,914
I've written out some improv
for us
584
00:26:07,957 --> 00:26:11,178
if you want to study that.
585
00:26:11,221 --> 00:26:14,790
Um, I thought that...
586
00:26:14,834 --> 00:26:18,098
we'd just stay loose out there,
you know?
587
00:26:18,141 --> 00:26:21,449
Keep Shakespeare from...
What?
588
00:26:21,492 --> 00:26:25,018
...you know...
boring people.
589
00:26:25,061 --> 00:26:27,107
Excuse me?
590
00:26:27,150 --> 00:26:30,023
I mean, dude, on the radio,
the lady...
591
00:26:30,066 --> 00:26:32,373
said you made her dry.
592
00:26:32,416 --> 00:26:34,375
[ Scoffs ]
593
00:26:34,418 --> 00:26:36,551
Like I care about
dusty vaginas.
594
00:26:36,595 --> 00:26:39,206
Hey, man.
Shakespeare was for the masses.
595
00:26:39,249 --> 00:26:42,209
Why always go highbrow
when he was also the master
of a dirty joke, right?
596
00:26:42,252 --> 00:26:44,472
Well, we know that,
but most people don't.
597
00:26:44,515 --> 00:26:46,953
Come on.
Shakespeare was a dirty bastard.
598
00:26:46,996 --> 00:26:49,695
Just, like, try going low.
599
00:26:49,738 --> 00:26:52,523
Here. Start with this.
600
00:26:52,567 --> 00:26:54,569
There's got to be E. coli
in the salads at Greasy Buns.
601
00:26:54,613 --> 00:26:56,484
[ Chewing ]
602
00:26:56,527 --> 00:26:58,138
[ Scoffs ]
603
00:26:58,181 --> 00:26:59,574
[ Sighs deeply ]
604
00:27:02,490 --> 00:27:05,014
Hmm. Well-seasoned.
605
00:27:05,058 --> 00:27:06,799
Attaboy.
606
00:27:06,842 --> 00:27:10,106
Hey, Robin Hood,
what's that dick pouch for?
607
00:27:10,150 --> 00:27:12,456
♪♪
608
00:27:12,500 --> 00:27:14,110
It's a codpiece.
609
00:27:14,154 --> 00:27:16,939
♪♪
610
00:27:16,983 --> 00:27:19,899
Or a pouch.
611
00:27:19,942 --> 00:27:22,118
[ Sighs ]
612
00:27:22,162 --> 00:27:24,120
For dicks.
613
00:27:24,164 --> 00:27:25,121
[ Chuckles ]
614
00:27:25,165 --> 00:27:26,383
Funny.
615
00:27:28,037 --> 00:27:29,865
Happy now?
I am. Thank you.
616
00:27:36,785 --> 00:27:38,526
Can I open my eyes yet?
617
00:27:38,569 --> 00:27:41,224
Yes, you can.
Groceries.
618
00:27:41,268 --> 00:27:42,965
It's like when the one
with the lips
619
00:27:43,009 --> 00:27:45,141
took the other one with the lips
shopping to cheer her up.
620
00:27:45,185 --> 00:27:47,535
Now you're speaking
my love language.
621
00:27:47,578 --> 00:27:50,494
Come. They have almond oil.
It makes the best lube.
622
00:27:50,538 --> 00:27:52,366
Hey, there's David.
Oh!
623
00:27:52,409 --> 00:27:54,498
Watch me eat mud for money.
624
00:27:54,542 --> 00:27:56,805
Ah! Hey-ho, friends.
625
00:27:56,849 --> 00:27:58,546
Good day, gentles.
626
00:27:58,589 --> 00:28:00,374
Allo, sweet lasses.
627
00:28:00,417 --> 00:28:01,984
Hear ye, come forth.
628
00:28:02,028 --> 00:28:04,117
You there,
629
00:28:04,160 --> 00:28:06,336
come forth
to the Royal Renaissance Faire
630
00:28:06,380 --> 00:28:09,035
for Shakespeare and history!
631
00:28:09,078 --> 00:28:11,951
A little aggro, yes?Yeah.
We're working on the fun.
632
00:28:11,994 --> 00:28:13,561
Hmm. Good luck with that.Mm-hmm.
633
00:28:13,604 --> 00:28:16,520
I'm really feeling
my motivation.
634
00:28:16,564 --> 00:28:18,609
Yes.
Everyone's feeling it.You, sir!
635
00:28:18,653 --> 00:28:20,481
You look like
you need a sonnet.
636
00:28:20,524 --> 00:28:22,265
It's all local
and homemade.
637
00:28:22,309 --> 00:28:24,093
Hey.Hey, Delilah.
638
00:28:24,137 --> 00:28:26,748
Hey, friend.Got those, uh,
AA batteries
639
00:28:26,792 --> 00:28:28,141
you're always
runnin' low on.
640
00:28:28,184 --> 00:28:29,533
Yay!
Excuse me.
641
00:28:29,577 --> 00:28:31,274
Do you have
any Kérastase products?
642
00:28:31,318 --> 00:28:32,972
Davines, even John Paul Mitchell
will do.
643
00:28:34,800 --> 00:28:37,933
For hair.Oh. Yeah. Hair stuff's
all right over there.
644
00:28:37,977 --> 00:28:40,893
Thank you so much.Thank you so much.
645
00:28:40,936 --> 00:28:42,764
Have you ever had
peanut brittle?
No.
It sounds disgusting.
646
00:28:42,808 --> 00:28:44,679
Oh, it'll break your teeth,
but it'll change your life.
647
00:28:44,723 --> 00:28:47,334
Ooh, coconut oil?
648
00:28:47,377 --> 00:28:50,424
Lavender? Tea tree oil?Mm-hmm.
649
00:28:50,467 --> 00:28:52,643
[ Sniffs ] Mmm!
650
00:28:52,687 --> 00:28:55,081
Smells like
Sally Hershberger.
Oh!
651
00:28:55,124 --> 00:28:57,126
Mmm!
You know your
friend's hair smell?
652
00:28:57,170 --> 00:28:58,780
What's mine?
[ Sniffs ]
653
00:28:58,824 --> 00:29:01,000
Sunshine and unicorns.
654
00:29:01,043 --> 00:29:03,393
$4.99?
655
00:29:03,437 --> 00:29:06,092
I pay like $40 an ounce
for this kind of stuff.
656
00:29:06,135 --> 00:29:09,225
Aloe, shea butter.
657
00:29:09,269 --> 00:29:11,227
All organic?
658
00:29:13,360 --> 00:29:15,666
Can I, uh,
help you with anything?
659
00:29:17,146 --> 00:29:18,887
No.
660
00:29:18,931 --> 00:29:20,976
But I can most definitely
help you.
661
00:29:21,020 --> 00:29:24,284
♪♪
662
00:29:24,327 --> 00:29:26,852
The Royal Renaissance Festival.
663
00:29:26,895 --> 00:29:30,681
Come for the merriment,
stay for the fun.
664
00:29:30,725 --> 00:29:34,555
Hey. Hey, you giving
anything away for free?
665
00:29:34,598 --> 00:29:38,646
Uh, mayhap a soliloquy
or a sonnet.
666
00:29:38,689 --> 00:29:42,389
Do you have any stickers?
My stepkids love when
I bring stickers home.
667
00:29:42,432 --> 00:29:45,044
Sir William, hast thou
anything in particular
668
00:29:45,087 --> 00:29:48,221
to say about these
beautiful women, huh?
669
00:29:48,264 --> 00:29:49,918
Yeah?
670
00:29:49,962 --> 00:29:52,747
Uh, yes.
671
00:29:52,791 --> 00:29:54,880
Yeah, yeah, I see.
[ Chuckles ]
672
00:29:54,923 --> 00:29:57,447
Uh, uh, dearest ladies
[clears throat]
673
00:29:57,491 --> 00:30:01,234
some are born great,
some achieve greatness,
674
00:30:01,277 --> 00:30:04,803
and other have greatness
thrust upon them.
675
00:30:04,846 --> 00:30:06,456
Thrust.[ Laughs ]
676
00:30:06,500 --> 00:30:08,807
Loosen up.
Yeah.
677
00:30:08,850 --> 00:30:12,114
Heh. Ha. Of course.
678
00:30:12,158 --> 00:30:16,727
Of course, let's not forget
that I, William Shakespeare,
679
00:30:16,771 --> 00:30:20,253
am also the master
of the dirty joke.
680
00:30:20,296 --> 00:30:21,602
Ohh!
681
00:30:21,645 --> 00:30:23,212
Risqué.
682
00:30:23,256 --> 00:30:24,561
I don't think
they're ready.
683
00:30:24,605 --> 00:30:26,346
No.Here it comes, though.
684
00:30:26,389 --> 00:30:28,217
Oh?
685
00:30:28,261 --> 00:30:32,308
Oh, that she were an open arse,
and thou a poperin pear.
686
00:30:32,352 --> 00:30:33,744
[ Laughs ]
687
00:30:33,788 --> 00:30:37,009
Hey!
Her ass is closed, man.
688
00:30:37,052 --> 00:30:40,316
Ladies, ladies,
forgive my stupid friend.
689
00:30:40,360 --> 00:30:43,276
Forgive us all,
for I, Pizzle Humpsalot,
690
00:30:43,319 --> 00:30:47,628
a grotesque and lowly
mud beggar, do cry your mercy,
691
00:30:47,671 --> 00:30:49,151
for I have forgot
to tell thee
692
00:30:49,195 --> 00:30:51,850
how much fun
the Royal Renaissance Festival,
693
00:30:51,893 --> 00:30:54,809
Saturdays and Sundays,
10:00 to 7:00, can be!
694
00:30:54,853 --> 00:30:57,246
Come one, come all,
preferably all.
695
00:30:57,290 --> 00:31:00,641
Gather ye round, for the
Royal Renaissance Mud Shows
696
00:31:00,684 --> 00:31:02,686
work according to
the laws of physics.
697
00:31:02,730 --> 00:31:04,558
What goes up...
698
00:31:04,601 --> 00:31:06,342
[ All gasp ]
699
00:31:06,386 --> 00:31:07,822
...must come down.
700
00:31:07,866 --> 00:31:10,956
Ooh! [ Laughs ]
Karma, man.
701
00:31:10,999 --> 00:31:12,261
[ Laughter ]
702
00:31:12,305 --> 00:31:13,741
Oh, you got a little bit
right there.
703
00:31:13,784 --> 00:31:15,917
Oh, and there.
704
00:31:15,961 --> 00:31:17,788
Dead serious.
705
00:31:17,832 --> 00:31:19,921
Have you ever tried getting
your products into Barneys?
706
00:31:19,965 --> 00:31:22,532
Barney's Friday Fish Fry.
Yeah, I go every week.
707
00:31:22,576 --> 00:31:25,187
This stuff is dying
on the vine back here.
708
00:31:25,231 --> 00:31:27,102
It really needs to be
in a clear, visible path
709
00:31:27,146 --> 00:31:28,843
facing toward the door.
710
00:31:28,887 --> 00:31:30,366
Oh, my God, beeswax.No, no.
711
00:31:30,410 --> 00:31:31,933
This stuff is multiuse.
712
00:31:31,977 --> 00:31:33,979
Actually, multiuse
should have its own section.
713
00:31:34,022 --> 00:31:35,502
Miss, please don't.And these --
714
00:31:35,545 --> 00:31:36,938
you're mixing messages.
715
00:31:36,982 --> 00:31:38,809
Why have you got bananas
next to cosmetics?
716
00:31:38,853 --> 00:31:41,160
Lady, if I needed someone
to tell me
717
00:31:41,203 --> 00:31:43,814
how I'm doing everything wrong,
I'd call my wife.
718
00:31:43,858 --> 00:31:46,078
Okay. Okay. All right. Okay.That's a little dramatic.
719
00:31:46,121 --> 00:31:49,298
Hi, yeah, I love you so much,
but I'm reading the room here,
720
00:31:49,342 --> 00:31:52,258
and I'm getting the feeling
that not everybody loves you
721
00:31:52,301 --> 00:31:55,435
as much as I do,
right at this moment.Oh, no. No.
722
00:31:55,478 --> 00:31:57,393
Someone has got to tell him
723
00:31:57,437 --> 00:31:59,613
what an eyesore that
Shelly's Jam display is.
724
00:31:59,656 --> 00:32:01,310
Okay, so I can hear you.
725
00:32:01,354 --> 00:32:04,357
And, "A,"
Shelly's my sister.
726
00:32:04,400 --> 00:32:06,533
Oh.So that's actually
very hurtful.
727
00:32:06,576 --> 00:32:09,014
"B," she powerlifts,
so if you want to tell her
728
00:32:09,057 --> 00:32:11,712
how you feel about her display,
be my guest.
729
00:32:11,755 --> 00:32:14,541
"C," I am going to,
for the first time ever,
730
00:32:14,584 --> 00:32:17,152
use my right to refuse service
to anyone,
731
00:32:17,196 --> 00:32:21,243
which is you, in this case,
so congrats and goodbye.
732
00:32:21,287 --> 00:32:23,419
Bye-bye.
733
00:32:23,463 --> 00:32:25,900
Who might want
a muddy kiss?
734
00:32:25,944 --> 00:32:29,208
Oh!
[ Laughs ]
735
00:32:29,251 --> 00:32:30,557
Oh!
Mwah!
736
00:32:30,600 --> 00:32:32,428
If you prick us,
do we not bleed?
737
00:32:32,472 --> 00:32:34,822
And if you wrong us,
should we not have...
738
00:32:34,865 --> 00:32:36,780
Mud pie in thy face?
739
00:32:36,824 --> 00:32:38,043
Ooh!
Oh!
740
00:32:38,086 --> 00:32:40,610
Falling!
Oh, oh, oh, oh!
741
00:32:40,654 --> 00:32:42,134
Oh![ Laughter ]
742
00:32:42,177 --> 00:32:45,006
Oh, oh, oh, oh.
743
00:32:45,050 --> 00:32:47,487
Mayhap this be
what ye want.
744
00:32:49,010 --> 00:32:53,623
[ Farting ]
745
00:32:53,667 --> 00:32:56,278
Ah! [ Cries ]
746
00:32:56,322 --> 00:32:58,193
[ Crowd groans ]
747
00:32:58,237 --> 00:33:01,762
[ Sighs ]
Are you not entertained?!
748
00:33:07,898 --> 00:33:10,553
Don't worry. You're the only one
who's never invited back.
749
00:33:10,597 --> 00:33:12,338
I'm good.
[ Laughs ]
750
00:33:12,381 --> 00:33:14,122
Oh!
751
00:33:14,166 --> 00:33:16,298
I was just doing
what Marie Kondo always does --
752
00:33:16,342 --> 00:33:18,692
clearing clutter
and sparking joy.
753
00:33:18,735 --> 00:33:21,260
Sparking joy is good,
754
00:33:21,303 --> 00:33:25,873
but trying to fix things
that aren't broken is...
755
00:33:25,916 --> 00:33:28,223
Stupid.
Stupid?
756
00:33:28,267 --> 00:33:30,704
No, honeybee.
757
00:33:30,747 --> 00:33:35,622
But...a distraction maybe
758
00:33:35,665 --> 00:33:40,366
from what really might
need fixing, perhaps.
759
00:33:40,409 --> 00:33:42,020
I could trim those for you
if you want me to.
760
00:33:44,805 --> 00:33:47,721
Oh. Wow.
761
00:33:50,028 --> 00:33:52,856
Maggie was right.
762
00:33:52,900 --> 00:33:54,945
I pick myself
and everyone else apart.
763
00:33:54,989 --> 00:33:56,991
I find what's wrong
in almost every situation.
764
00:33:57,035 --> 00:33:59,385
I thrive on negativity.
I...
765
00:34:02,127 --> 00:34:04,433
I am my mother.
766
00:34:06,261 --> 00:34:07,871
[ Scoffs ]
767
00:34:10,352 --> 00:34:13,268
I have never witnessed
such rapid psychological growth.
768
00:34:14,617 --> 00:34:18,534
It's beautiful...
769
00:34:18,578 --> 00:34:20,623
like a sea monkey.
770
00:34:20,667 --> 00:34:22,669
[ Chuckles ]
771
00:34:22,712 --> 00:34:25,063
I'm sorry. I'm emotionally
leaking all over you.
772
00:34:25,106 --> 00:34:27,804
That's okay.
Leak away.
773
00:34:27,848 --> 00:34:30,372
I'll happily collect
all your emotional fluids.
774
00:34:30,416 --> 00:34:31,982
Ew.
775
00:34:32,026 --> 00:34:40,861
♪♪
776
00:34:40,904 --> 00:34:43,907
Ah.
777
00:34:46,997 --> 00:34:48,738
David?
778
00:34:48,782 --> 00:34:50,523
Oh, uh, hey, man.
779
00:34:50,566 --> 00:34:53,308
I want to apologize.No. Y-You don't have to.
780
00:34:53,352 --> 00:34:55,702
Obviously,
I had no intention.
781
00:34:55,745 --> 00:34:59,140
I hope you don't think
that I meant to...
782
00:34:59,184 --> 00:35:00,794
I'm so embarrassed.
783
00:35:00,837 --> 00:35:02,187
I-It's all good, man.
784
00:35:02,230 --> 00:35:04,841
It's really not.
785
00:35:04,885 --> 00:35:07,540
Look, it's just about
finding a balance.
786
00:35:07,583 --> 00:35:13,198
Like, fart jokes good,
actual ass explosions, bad.
787
00:35:13,241 --> 00:35:14,938
Noted.
Yeah.
788
00:35:14,982 --> 00:35:18,159
I also appreciate
your discretion about this.
789
00:35:18,203 --> 00:35:20,161
No one needs to know.
790
00:35:20,205 --> 00:35:22,816
Dude! I heard you ... your
pants at the Country Market.
791
00:35:22,859 --> 00:35:23,947
[ Laughs ]
Oh, God.
792
00:35:23,991 --> 00:35:25,601
Epic, man.
793
00:35:25,645 --> 00:35:27,255
I mean, I never
physically hurt anyone,
794
00:35:27,299 --> 00:35:29,518
but my record is clearing
like 500, 600 feet...
795
00:35:29,562 --> 00:35:31,172
Yeah....on my stench-power alone,
796
00:35:31,216 --> 00:35:34,001
so congrats, man.
797
00:35:34,044 --> 00:35:36,786
I beg you
to forget about this.
798
00:35:36,830 --> 00:35:38,614
No shame, friend.
799
00:35:38,658 --> 00:35:41,051
The body releases
when it must release.
800
00:35:41,095 --> 00:35:44,142
Better an empty apartment
than a bad tenant.
801
00:35:44,185 --> 00:35:46,883
Mm. Mm-hmm.
802
00:35:46,927 --> 00:35:48,668
Hands in.Yeah, dude. Come on.
803
00:35:48,711 --> 00:35:51,105
Hey!
Come on, join us.
804
00:35:51,149 --> 00:35:54,021
Yeah. "Fart brothers for life"
on three.
805
00:35:54,064 --> 00:35:55,892
One, two, three.
806
00:35:55,936 --> 00:35:58,634
Together:
Fart brothers for life!
807
00:35:58,678 --> 00:35:59,722
I'm not there yet.
808
00:35:59,766 --> 00:36:02,682
♪♪
809
00:36:02,725 --> 00:36:05,163
I found your bra.Oh, great.
810
00:36:06,903 --> 00:36:08,905
Wouldn't it make more sense
to start the parade
811
00:36:08,949 --> 00:36:10,298
inside the fairegrounds?
812
00:36:10,342 --> 00:36:11,865
That way, people have
more time to get a beer.
813
00:36:11,908 --> 00:36:13,780
You're doing it again.I'm doing it again.
814
00:36:13,823 --> 00:36:15,608
See, nothing needs
to be fixed.
815
00:36:15,651 --> 00:36:16,826
Really?
816
00:36:16,870 --> 00:36:18,828
Hi. Hello.
817
00:36:18,872 --> 00:36:21,179
Who left the damn hose on?I'll shut it off.
818
00:36:21,222 --> 00:36:22,919
Geez.
819
00:36:22,963 --> 00:36:27,141
[ Fanfare plays ]
820
00:36:27,185 --> 00:36:30,057
[ Cheers and applause ]
821
00:36:30,100 --> 00:36:35,932
♪♪
822
00:36:35,976 --> 00:36:38,761
Uh, uh...
823
00:36:38,805 --> 00:36:41,547
♪♪
824
00:36:41,590 --> 00:36:43,810
Your Majesty!
825
00:36:43,853 --> 00:36:45,942
Your Majesty!
826
00:36:45,986 --> 00:36:47,944
Your Majesty!
827
00:36:47,988 --> 00:36:50,556
Your Majesty! Your Majesty!
828
00:36:50,599 --> 00:36:52,819
Uh...
829
00:36:52,862 --> 00:36:54,777
Your Majesty!
Your Majesty!
830
00:36:54,821 --> 00:36:56,823
Aah![ Crowd gasps ]
831
00:36:56,866 --> 00:37:00,392
Cry your mercy, Your Majesty!
Pass not this way.
832
00:37:00,435 --> 00:37:03,046
T'would be mine honor to be sure
833
00:37:03,090 --> 00:37:05,701
thou dost not muddy
thy most regal self.
834
00:37:07,312 --> 00:37:09,052
God save the queen!
835
00:37:09,096 --> 00:37:11,403
All: God save the queen!
836
00:37:12,882 --> 00:37:14,319
♪♪
837
00:37:14,362 --> 00:37:16,146
Better.
838
00:37:16,190 --> 00:37:22,892
♪♪
839
00:37:22,936 --> 00:37:25,808
[ Laughs ]
840
00:37:32,380 --> 00:37:35,557
Oh, On these fairegrounds,
andit'd be not a crime.
841
00:37:35,601 --> 00:37:38,734
[ Laughter ]Oh, my, milady.
842
00:37:38,778 --> 00:37:41,084
Care to make a trade?
843
00:37:43,130 --> 00:37:45,219
What are you
supposed to be?
844
00:37:45,263 --> 00:37:47,526
A princess?
845
00:37:47,569 --> 00:37:50,964
Nay, good sirs.
I be William Shakespeare.
846
00:37:51,007 --> 00:37:53,749
Dost thou know of any of mine
great writings?
847
00:37:53,793 --> 00:37:56,143
I want to fight.
En garde!
848
00:37:56,186 --> 00:37:58,145
I'm gonna stab you
in the butt.
849
00:37:58,188 --> 00:38:00,930
Pardon me, gentlemen.
850
00:38:00,974 --> 00:38:04,456
Words are but wind, ay,
851
00:38:04,499 --> 00:38:07,763
and break it in your face
so he break it not behind.
852
00:38:07,807 --> 00:38:09,765
Pbht!
853
00:38:09,809 --> 00:38:11,767
[ Both laugh ]
854
00:38:11,811 --> 00:38:19,601
♪♪
855
00:38:19,645 --> 00:38:21,255
[ Chuckles ]
856
00:38:26,478 --> 00:38:34,747
♪♪
857
00:38:34,790 --> 00:38:44,757
♪♪
858
00:38:44,800 --> 00:38:46,802
Aah!
859
00:38:46,846 --> 00:38:48,369
[ Lisping ] Oh, I'm sorry.
Were you asleep?
860
00:38:48,413 --> 00:38:50,893
Yes, very asleep.
861
00:38:50,937 --> 00:38:54,723
Amanda, Amanda,
Amanda, Amanda.
862
00:38:54,767 --> 00:38:58,074
Sounds funny when you say it
over and over again, doesn't it?
863
00:38:58,118 --> 00:39:02,427
My name, too.
Helen, Helen, Helen.
864
00:39:02,470 --> 00:39:05,865
Oh, my God.
The real live hooker.
865
00:39:05,908 --> 00:39:07,649
Not a hooker.
866
00:39:07,693 --> 00:39:09,651
I know you think
I'm here to stab you to death,
867
00:39:09,695 --> 00:39:13,351
but the truth is, Amanda,
we're square.
868
00:39:13,394 --> 00:39:15,788
We are?
869
00:39:15,831 --> 00:39:17,398
I may have lost
the tip of my tongue,
870
00:39:17,442 --> 00:39:20,488
but you lost your fiancé,
your wedding,
871
00:39:20,532 --> 00:39:22,185
your whole life
if what I hear is true,
872
00:39:22,229 --> 00:39:24,057
about you becoming
a pub wench.
873
00:39:24,100 --> 00:39:26,625
Uh, how do you
know all of this?
874
00:39:26,668 --> 00:39:29,628
Mama Klein and I came to
a very lucrative agreement.
875
00:39:30,933 --> 00:39:32,587
[ Sighs ]
876
00:39:32,631 --> 00:39:35,242
Oh. Uh-huh.
877
00:39:35,285 --> 00:39:37,418
I get it.
878
00:39:37,462 --> 00:39:39,289
My mom paid you off.
Uh-huh.
879
00:39:39,333 --> 00:39:41,030
So, what, you came here
to scare me
880
00:39:41,074 --> 00:39:43,076
before you move to South America
or something?
881
00:39:43,119 --> 00:39:45,339
South America?
Ever heard of Zika? Nay.
882
00:39:45,383 --> 00:39:46,906
I'm here to reclaim
my position
883
00:39:46,949 --> 00:39:49,430
as Lord Executioner
on Her Majesty's court.
884
00:39:49,474 --> 00:39:53,434
Now I can travel the circuit
in a tour bus with a hot tub.
885
00:39:53,478 --> 00:39:57,351
And one more thing.
Brett -- small balls, right?
886
00:39:57,395 --> 00:40:02,312
Like, the shaft was good, but
the balls -- like frozen peas.
887
00:40:02,356 --> 00:40:07,883
♪♪
888
00:40:07,927 --> 00:40:13,585
♪♪
889
00:40:13,628 --> 00:40:16,239
[ Water running ]
890
00:40:16,283 --> 00:40:24,160
♪♪
891
00:40:24,204 --> 00:40:26,249
[ Clears throat ]
892
00:40:26,293 --> 00:40:34,997
♪♪
893
00:40:35,041 --> 00:40:38,392
Little more on the left, no?
Is it even?
894
00:40:40,481 --> 00:40:42,309
Seems a little chilly.
895
00:40:42,352 --> 00:40:44,485
Rad.
896
00:40:44,529 --> 00:40:46,313
Like, rad.
897
00:40:48,968 --> 00:40:50,839
Huzzah.
898
00:40:53,842 --> 00:41:02,285
♪♪
899
00:41:02,329 --> 00:41:10,598
♪♪
900
00:41:10,642 --> 00:41:19,302
♪♪
63667
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