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1
00:00:06,927 --> 00:00:10,865
So, Chantal,
I did something for you.
2
00:00:10,865 --> 00:00:14,969
I filed something called
an ineptitude appeal.
3
00:00:14,969 --> 00:00:18,372
Now, this is a leftover
New York state loophole
4
00:00:18,372 --> 00:00:19,606
from the Prohibition era
5
00:00:19,606 --> 00:00:21,441
when people used to be paid
6
00:00:21,441 --> 00:00:23,911
to carry boxes of alcohol
7
00:00:23,911 --> 00:00:25,379
to illegal establishments
8
00:00:25,379 --> 00:00:28,582
without actually knowing
what was in the boxes.
9
00:00:28,582 --> 00:00:29,950
Now, technically speaking,
10
00:00:29,950 --> 00:00:33,754
under this vague
and arcane criminal statute,
11
00:00:33,754 --> 00:00:38,192
you could be considered
a "boxhead."
12
00:00:40,461 --> 00:00:45,099
For the record,
I never carried anything.
13
00:00:45,099 --> 00:00:48,535
Uh-huh.
Yeah, I-I-I understand that.
14
00:00:48,535 --> 00:00:50,971
I--what I'm telling you is,
15
00:00:50,971 --> 00:00:53,807
I can get you out of prison.
16
00:00:54,575 --> 00:00:56,844
Oh.
Whoa.
17
00:00:56,844 --> 00:00:58,879
Okay, just--hold on, Leonard.
18
00:00:58,879 --> 00:01:01,382
Things are moving really fast.
19
00:01:02,183 --> 00:01:04,118
Do you not want
to leave prison?
20
00:01:04,118 --> 00:01:07,187
Well, I mean,
I just got used to it, and,
21
00:01:07,187 --> 00:01:10,224
like, the food is, like,
legit yummy,
22
00:01:10,224 --> 00:01:12,827
and, like, the girls here
all think it's really cool
23
00:01:12,827 --> 00:01:14,628
that I did those crimes.
24
00:01:15,396 --> 00:01:17,397
Okay, you're really
breaking me here.
25
00:01:17,397 --> 00:01:19,299
I j--you know what?
Just--
26
00:01:19,299 --> 00:01:22,136
all you have to do is--here.
27
00:01:22,136 --> 00:01:24,204
Sign this.
28
00:01:24,204 --> 00:01:26,573
Okay, well, could you,
like, at least give me
29
00:01:26,573 --> 00:01:28,809
five minutes to ask where they
got their mattresses from?
30
00:01:28,809 --> 00:01:31,078
Just sign the paper,
Chantal, okay?
31
00:01:35,682 --> 00:01:36,984
I mean...
32
00:01:36,984 --> 00:01:38,786
I don't know, Leonard.
33
00:01:38,786 --> 00:01:41,121
Like, I signed my way
into this mess.
34
00:01:41,121 --> 00:01:43,724
I just--I really think that
I'm gonna need to get a lawyer
35
00:01:43,724 --> 00:01:46,360
to look over this
before I sign it.
36
00:01:47,861 --> 00:01:50,630
I am your lawyer, you idiot!
37
00:01:50,630 --> 00:01:52,833
You know what?
Just sign the paper.
38
00:01:52,833 --> 00:01:54,234
Sign the fucking paper!
39
00:01:54,234 --> 00:01:56,336
God damn it,
for the love of God,
40
00:01:56,336 --> 00:01:58,238
sign the paper!
41
00:01:58,238 --> 00:01:59,340
Okay.
42
00:02:02,243 --> 00:02:04,712
I better not go to jail
for this.
43
00:02:09,583 --> 00:02:15,089
♪ Oh, but dear,
the sky is low, watch ♪
44
00:02:15,089 --> 00:02:17,591
♪ Fluent sea men rig... ♪
45
00:02:17,591 --> 00:02:20,060
It's just so small.
46
00:02:20,060 --> 00:02:22,930
Like, I don't even understand
how we all fit in here.
47
00:02:22,930 --> 00:02:25,432
Like, is this, like,
an optical illusion?
48
00:02:25,432 --> 00:02:28,468
Is there even
enough oxygen to breathe?
49
00:02:28,468 --> 00:02:31,305
Yeah, I know,
it's a big change, honey.
50
00:02:31,305 --> 00:02:34,308
Yeah, more like
a small change, Mom.
51
00:02:34,308 --> 00:02:36,844
Well, we just have
to make do, right?
52
00:02:36,844 --> 00:02:38,545
Robert!
- Huh?
53
00:02:38,545 --> 00:02:39,814
What?
54
00:02:39,814 --> 00:02:42,516
Okay,
what is wrong with Dad?
55
00:02:42,516 --> 00:02:43,751
The doctors don't know.
56
00:02:43,751 --> 00:02:45,352
They just speculate
57
00:02:45,352 --> 00:02:48,322
that it's some kind
of situational dementia
58
00:02:48,322 --> 00:02:51,325
brought about
by disturbing circumstances.
59
00:02:51,325 --> 00:02:52,660
What?
Why?
60
00:02:52,660 --> 00:02:54,762
Chantal, get a clue!
61
00:02:54,762 --> 00:02:56,664
This is all because of you!
62
00:02:56,664 --> 00:02:58,632
- What...
- Let's not shout,
63
00:02:58,632 --> 00:03:02,202
because we actually do not know
what these walls can handle.
64
00:03:02,202 --> 00:03:03,103
No, no, Mom.
65
00:03:03,103 --> 00:03:05,405
She needs to understand.
66
00:03:05,405 --> 00:03:06,941
Your legal fees
67
00:03:06,941 --> 00:03:09,276
tapped us out completely,
68
00:03:09,276 --> 00:03:11,411
and now we are poor,
69
00:03:11,411 --> 00:03:14,782
and we all mysteriously
lost our jobs for downsizing,
70
00:03:14,782 --> 00:03:17,017
but it is obvious
that the real reason
71
00:03:17,017 --> 00:03:19,153
is because we have
a family member
72
00:03:19,153 --> 00:03:21,789
that was stupid enough
to associate
73
00:03:21,789 --> 00:03:25,492
with that bad, old man!
74
00:03:25,492 --> 00:03:27,995
We can't get hired anywhere.
75
00:03:27,995 --> 00:03:31,165
They practically chased us
out of Chappaqua.
76
00:03:31,165 --> 00:03:33,668
And you did that to us, Chantal.
77
00:03:33,668 --> 00:03:35,169
You did that!
78
00:03:35,169 --> 00:03:37,738
Okay, Catherine,
when you raise your voice,
79
00:03:37,738 --> 00:03:39,506
it is traumatizing.
80
00:03:39,506 --> 00:03:40,808
Oh.
81
00:03:40,808 --> 00:03:43,577
You know,
and on top of everything else,
82
00:03:43,577 --> 00:03:46,280
Ted is selling drugs.
83
00:03:46,280 --> 00:03:48,582
I'm not selling them, Linda.
84
00:03:48,582 --> 00:03:52,019
I'm microdosing,
and it's a legitimate practice.
85
00:03:52,019 --> 00:03:55,756
One tab is 1/12
of a hit of LSD
86
00:03:55,756 --> 00:03:56,957
and can provide me
with a wealth
87
00:03:56,957 --> 00:03:58,959
of incredible innovations.
88
00:03:58,959 --> 00:04:00,127
Believe me when I tell you
89
00:04:00,127 --> 00:04:01,561
I will invent something
90
00:04:01,561 --> 00:04:03,864
that will save our family.
91
00:04:03,864 --> 00:04:06,066
Ted, my family
92
00:04:06,066 --> 00:04:07,702
is not your family,
93
00:04:07,702 --> 00:04:10,571
and I don't feel comfortable
when you say "our family."
94
00:04:11,905 --> 00:04:14,942
Chantal, is that you?
95
00:04:14,942 --> 00:04:17,177
Ugh.
Yes, Daddy.
96
00:04:17,177 --> 00:04:20,047
I've been behind you
for 15 minutes.
97
00:04:20,047 --> 00:04:23,283
Oh, God.
Okay, this has got to stop.
98
00:04:23,283 --> 00:04:26,721
I don't like it.
You guys are freaking me out.
99
00:04:26,721 --> 00:04:29,589
I am not a poor person, okay?
100
00:04:29,589 --> 00:04:32,526
I don't want to be
a Witherbottom anymore.
101
00:04:32,526 --> 00:04:34,628
Oh, but honey,
you are a Witherbottom.
102
00:04:34,628 --> 00:04:37,597
This isn't Witherbottom.
103
00:04:37,597 --> 00:04:39,933
It's rock bottom.
104
00:04:52,879 --> 00:04:55,850
I'm sorry.
What are you doing?
105
00:04:55,850 --> 00:04:59,586
Eating, Chantal,
like a family.
106
00:04:59,586 --> 00:05:00,955
Hmm.
107
00:05:00,955 --> 00:05:03,090
Uh, I don't think
that you are eating
108
00:05:03,090 --> 00:05:05,325
because I don't see food.
109
00:05:05,325 --> 00:05:10,264
Sticks and rings are not food.
110
00:05:10,264 --> 00:05:12,767
I was resistant at first,
111
00:05:12,767 --> 00:05:15,670
but the nuggets
have really proved themselves.
112
00:05:15,670 --> 00:05:18,472
They can be a little salty,
which is why it's good
113
00:05:18,472 --> 00:05:21,942
to take a little dip
into the sweet and the sour.
114
00:05:21,942 --> 00:05:23,477
It's a pleasing balance.
115
00:05:23,477 --> 00:05:26,747
Catherine, your husband
is very high right now.
116
00:05:26,747 --> 00:05:28,382
- Can you just...
117
00:05:30,151 --> 00:05:32,820
Okay, I am not eating this.
118
00:05:32,820 --> 00:05:36,557
Just think of dinner time
like we're at a carnival.
119
00:05:37,558 --> 00:05:39,093
I want goose!
120
00:05:39,093 --> 00:05:41,161
You've never had goose.
121
00:05:41,161 --> 00:05:43,430
Yeah, okay, and you have?
122
00:05:43,430 --> 00:05:44,598
Okay...
123
00:05:53,373 --> 00:05:56,744
It's crazy that I ate better
in prison than this.
124
00:05:56,744 --> 00:05:58,412
So, Chantal,
125
00:05:58,412 --> 00:06:01,281
everyone is trying
to do their parts
126
00:06:01,281 --> 00:06:04,084
to help the family out
in their own way.
127
00:06:04,084 --> 00:06:07,254
Catherine is selling
bus vacations over the phone.
128
00:06:07,254 --> 00:06:10,390
Linda found a way to make money
off of emails.
129
00:06:10,390 --> 00:06:13,093
Mm-hmm.
Every CC is 20¢.
130
00:06:13,093 --> 00:06:16,096
Robert is...
131
00:06:16,096 --> 00:06:17,998
unable to work,
132
00:06:17,998 --> 00:06:20,367
and I am busy
133
00:06:20,367 --> 00:06:22,469
challenging the frontiers
of perception
134
00:06:22,469 --> 00:06:25,172
in an attempt to save us all,
135
00:06:25,172 --> 00:06:28,075
and so I think it may
be up to you, Chantal,
136
00:06:28,075 --> 00:06:30,077
to begin applying for jobs.
137
00:06:30,077 --> 00:06:32,813
Oh, my friend Binda
could get you a job
138
00:06:32,813 --> 00:06:35,082
at a money order service
in Queens.
139
00:06:35,082 --> 00:06:37,384
And I did overhear
the neighbors yelling
140
00:06:37,384 --> 00:06:40,054
about needing someone
to take care of their baby.
141
00:06:40,054 --> 00:06:42,123
You could ask about that.
142
00:06:47,862 --> 00:06:49,864
No!
143
00:06:51,165 --> 00:06:54,601
I want a different life!
144
00:06:54,601 --> 00:06:58,105
And I want all of you
to be different.
145
00:06:58,105 --> 00:07:00,040
I don't want to change--
I like how I am--
146
00:07:00,040 --> 00:07:02,643
but I want everything else
to change!
147
00:07:03,477 --> 00:07:06,613
Excuse me from the "table."
148
00:07:44,818 --> 00:07:46,721
Why don't I feel anything?
149
00:07:50,257 --> 00:07:52,893
Dare I check
the expiration dates?
150
00:08:16,250 --> 00:08:18,919
We've been waiting for you, Chantal.
151
00:08:18,919 --> 00:08:20,921
Take a seat.
152
00:08:31,732 --> 00:08:33,233
Who are you?
153
00:08:33,233 --> 00:08:35,970
You tell us.
154
00:08:38,806 --> 00:08:41,308
Oh, my God.
155
00:08:41,308 --> 00:08:44,945
Are you the most famous
dead authors in the world?
156
00:08:44,945 --> 00:08:46,814
all: We are.
157
00:08:46,814 --> 00:08:49,049
We are.
158
00:08:49,049 --> 00:08:50,284
Should we go
around the table
159
00:08:50,284 --> 00:08:51,485
and introduce ourselves?
160
00:08:51,485 --> 00:08:54,188
Let's let Chantal do it.
161
00:08:54,188 --> 00:08:56,957
Oh, that's a good idea.
162
00:08:56,957 --> 00:08:59,927
F. Scott Fitzgerald.
163
00:08:59,927 --> 00:09:03,330
William Shakespeare.
164
00:09:03,330 --> 00:09:05,332
Mr. James Baldwin.
165
00:09:05,332 --> 00:09:06,934
Mark Twain!
Hi.
166
00:09:06,934 --> 00:09:09,236
Oh, Virginia Woolf.
167
00:09:09,236 --> 00:09:12,707
Mm, Sylvia Plath.
168
00:09:12,707 --> 00:09:14,508
Maya Angelou.
169
00:09:14,508 --> 00:09:17,812
You're, like,
my biggest inspiration.
170
00:09:17,812 --> 00:09:19,947
Same.
171
00:09:23,751 --> 00:09:26,020
And wait.
172
00:09:26,020 --> 00:09:27,788
Are you R. L. Stine?
173
00:09:27,788 --> 00:09:30,124
That's right.
174
00:09:30,124 --> 00:09:31,926
I thought you were alive.
175
00:09:31,926 --> 00:09:35,162
Now there's something
we need you to do for us,
176
00:09:35,162 --> 00:09:36,731
Chantal.
177
00:09:36,731 --> 00:09:38,065
What is it?
178
00:09:38,065 --> 00:09:39,867
You need to write a book.
179
00:09:39,867 --> 00:09:44,371
You need to tell the world
about your mean family,
180
00:09:44,371 --> 00:09:46,841
about your jerk sister.
181
00:09:46,841 --> 00:09:49,076
She can't act like that
and expect you
182
00:09:49,076 --> 00:09:50,945
not to write a book about her.
183
00:09:50,945 --> 00:09:54,614
But I don't know how
to write a book like that.
184
00:09:54,614 --> 00:09:57,952
I only know how to write poems
really well.
185
00:09:57,952 --> 00:10:00,420
Oh, well, we know that.
We love your poetry.
186
00:10:00,420 --> 00:10:02,790
It's all we read now.
187
00:10:02,790 --> 00:10:06,526
I've burned everything
that isn't your poetry,
188
00:10:06,526 --> 00:10:08,729
even the things I need.
189
00:10:09,797 --> 00:10:12,399
That's why we're here.
We can help you.
190
00:10:12,399 --> 00:10:15,770
Let us speak through you, Chantal.
191
00:10:15,770 --> 00:10:18,072
You're the vessel.
192
00:10:18,072 --> 00:10:19,273
I am?
193
00:10:19,273 --> 00:10:22,910
Do the world
a beautiful favor
194
00:10:22,910 --> 00:10:26,580
and express
what is inside of you.
195
00:10:26,580 --> 00:10:29,984
Drink from this
goblet of wine,
196
00:10:29,984 --> 00:10:32,319
and may the passage of wisdom
197
00:10:32,319 --> 00:10:34,054
be complete.
198
00:11:05,152 --> 00:11:07,487
Hey, uh, Chantal?
199
00:11:07,487 --> 00:11:09,256
Can I talk to you for a second?
200
00:11:09,256 --> 00:11:10,357
Can it wait?
201
00:11:10,357 --> 00:11:11,591
I'm kind of on a roll.
202
00:11:11,591 --> 00:11:13,594
No, it can't wait, okay?
203
00:11:15,396 --> 00:11:17,031
Look, uh,
204
00:11:17,031 --> 00:11:19,333
I have a lot
of unexpressed anger
205
00:11:19,333 --> 00:11:22,236
toward you
about how you handled
206
00:11:22,236 --> 00:11:23,704
my miscarriage.
207
00:11:25,306 --> 00:11:26,807
You didn't even
acknowledge it
208
00:11:26,807 --> 00:11:27,975
or ask how I was,
209
00:11:27,975 --> 00:11:29,376
and it's just--
it's hard for me to--
210
00:11:29,376 --> 00:11:31,245
Shh!
211
00:11:33,981 --> 00:11:35,983
Wow.
Okay.
212
00:11:43,023 --> 00:11:45,259
Yes, yes, yes!
213
00:11:45,259 --> 00:11:48,095
Yes!
Yes!
214
00:11:48,095 --> 00:11:49,997
Yes!
215
00:11:49,997 --> 00:11:52,032
Chantal, you didn't hear
what I was doing
216
00:11:52,032 --> 00:11:54,334
in the other room, did you?
217
00:11:54,334 --> 00:11:57,237
No, Ted, I'm trying to focus.
218
00:11:57,237 --> 00:11:58,672
Now I'm embarrassed.
219
00:12:00,074 --> 00:12:02,509
Part of me wants to tell you
what I was doing.
220
00:12:13,187 --> 00:12:14,989
I'm done.
221
00:12:14,989 --> 00:12:17,024
I did it!
Ha!
222
00:12:17,024 --> 00:12:19,226
No, no.
223
00:12:19,226 --> 00:12:21,195
We did it.
224
00:12:21,195 --> 00:12:22,863
Thank you, friends.
225
00:12:22,863 --> 00:12:23,930
What?
226
00:12:25,599 --> 00:12:27,468
Fuck you.
227
00:12:34,308 --> 00:12:35,876
Well, what can I say?
I read it.
228
00:12:35,876 --> 00:12:36,977
We all read it.
229
00:12:36,977 --> 00:12:38,612
I think everyone
in the building read it.
230
00:12:38,612 --> 00:12:41,448
Oh, that's great.
231
00:12:41,448 --> 00:12:44,351
Yeah, it's fascinating,
to say the least.
232
00:12:44,351 --> 00:12:46,420
Parts of it
are extremely problematic.
233
00:12:46,420 --> 00:12:49,123
- Mm.
- It's a very difficult read.
234
00:12:49,123 --> 00:12:50,424
Yes.
235
00:12:50,424 --> 00:12:53,093
I--I wanted to challenge
the reader.
236
00:12:53,093 --> 00:12:54,762
Good books do that.
237
00:12:54,762 --> 00:12:56,430
No, I mean
literally difficult.
238
00:12:56,430 --> 00:12:57,898
It took me eight minutes
239
00:12:57,898 --> 00:12:59,800
just to figure out
how to open the lock.
240
00:12:59,800 --> 00:13:00,768
Right.
241
00:13:00,768 --> 00:13:03,570
It's supposed to look
and feel
242
00:13:03,570 --> 00:13:04,972
like a diary.
243
00:13:06,373 --> 00:13:08,542
But I feel like
if you didn't get that,
244
00:13:08,542 --> 00:13:10,811
then you didn't even
really understand
245
00:13:10,811 --> 00:13:12,780
the book that you were reading.
246
00:13:12,780 --> 00:13:14,815
Yeah, well, you know,
it's unappealing.
247
00:13:14,815 --> 00:13:17,017
Right?
I mean, look how ugly this is.
248
00:13:18,152 --> 00:13:19,720
And very costly,
I would imagine.
249
00:13:19,720 --> 00:13:22,089
I think you'd have to charge
the consumer at least $65
250
00:13:22,089 --> 00:13:24,191
just to make a profit
because of these materials.
251
00:13:24,191 --> 00:13:25,760
This is real leather.
252
00:13:25,760 --> 00:13:28,095
It's ugly leather,
but it is real, and it's heavy.
253
00:13:28,095 --> 00:13:29,629
I mean, whoo!
254
00:13:29,629 --> 00:13:30,898
You know, you can't
just carry this in your bag
255
00:13:30,898 --> 00:13:32,900
or throw it
in your coat pocket.
256
00:13:32,900 --> 00:13:35,269
And also, the title, right?
"Imperfect Ten."
257
00:13:35,269 --> 00:13:38,472
I don't understand.
What does that mean to you?
258
00:13:38,472 --> 00:13:42,342
Well, it means
that my whole life
259
00:13:42,342 --> 00:13:44,311
has been a series
of realizations
260
00:13:44,311 --> 00:13:46,546
that even though
the common person
261
00:13:46,546 --> 00:13:49,316
might think
that I am a perfect ten,
262
00:13:49,316 --> 00:13:51,585
I am indeed flawed.
263
00:13:51,585 --> 00:13:53,253
I may still be a ten,
264
00:13:53,253 --> 00:13:55,022
but I am not perfect.
265
00:13:55,022 --> 00:13:57,357
And you're just going
by Chantal?
266
00:13:57,357 --> 00:13:58,959
You're a one-name person?
267
00:13:58,959 --> 00:14:01,428
Well, if that also
wasn't clear in the book,
268
00:14:01,428 --> 00:14:03,097
I hate my family,
so there's, like,
269
00:14:03,097 --> 00:14:05,866
no reason for me to keep
my last name anymore.
270
00:14:05,866 --> 00:14:07,601
Okay, um,
271
00:14:07,601 --> 00:14:10,204
I don't think that you
should be a writer.
272
00:14:10,204 --> 00:14:12,740
In fact, I ask you
to never write again.
273
00:14:12,740 --> 00:14:14,608
This book is deranged,
274
00:14:14,608 --> 00:14:17,411
and not in a way
that I can work with it.
275
00:14:17,411 --> 00:14:19,313
If I were to publish this,
276
00:14:19,313 --> 00:14:21,115
people would freak out.
277
00:14:21,115 --> 00:14:23,684
It would make the world
a worse place.
278
00:14:29,223 --> 00:14:32,660
But I'm the one.
279
00:14:49,576 --> 00:14:52,846
You're so stupid, Chantal!
280
00:14:56,317 --> 00:15:00,587
None of your dreams
are ever gonna come true.
281
00:15:00,587 --> 00:15:06,160
You're just
a stupid loser idiot!
282
00:15:15,235 --> 00:15:17,604
Get back here!
283
00:15:17,604 --> 00:15:19,239
- My God!
284
00:15:19,239 --> 00:15:20,640
Is that a book?
285
00:15:20,640 --> 00:15:22,877
Charlie?
Help!
286
00:15:22,877 --> 00:15:25,345
My friend was hit by a book!
287
00:15:25,345 --> 00:15:27,314
Where did that come from?
288
00:15:27,314 --> 00:15:29,583
Oh, God.
Oh, God.
289
00:15:29,583 --> 00:15:31,652
Charlie.
Oh, fuck.
290
00:15:31,652 --> 00:15:34,288
Call Lorraine.
291
00:15:34,288 --> 00:15:36,190
Oh, God.
Oh, God.
292
00:15:36,190 --> 00:15:38,392
She was hit by a book!
293
00:15:41,295 --> 00:15:46,366
"Imperfect Ten" by Chantal.
294
00:15:46,366 --> 00:15:49,503
I wonder what that means.
295
00:15:49,503 --> 00:15:50,705
Hmm.
296
00:15:59,480 --> 00:16:02,149
Oh.
297
00:16:07,487 --> 00:16:10,324
Listen up, everybody.
298
00:16:10,324 --> 00:16:14,795
I found a book on the street,
299
00:16:14,795 --> 00:16:18,232
and it's brilliant.
300
00:16:18,232 --> 00:16:20,768
It makes me wonder
if I should've been
301
00:16:20,768 --> 00:16:23,671
scouring the streets
all these years,
302
00:16:23,671 --> 00:16:26,006
looking down
instead of looking up.
303
00:16:26,006 --> 00:16:28,142
Let everyone else look up!
304
00:16:28,142 --> 00:16:31,679
Now, here's the kicker
about this book.
305
00:16:31,679 --> 00:16:36,083
It's written
by a ten-year-old little girl.
306
00:16:36,083 --> 00:16:39,286
- Wow.
- It's a work of art--
307
00:16:39,286 --> 00:16:42,890
somewhere between self-help
and a manifesto
308
00:16:42,890 --> 00:16:48,128
on how to live without shame
and without awareness.
309
00:16:48,128 --> 00:16:52,432
There's a passage
in the chapter "Picky Eater"
310
00:16:52,432 --> 00:16:53,968
that will break your heart.
311
00:16:53,968 --> 00:16:57,604
Whoever this little Chantal is,
312
00:16:57,604 --> 00:17:00,307
she's a genius.
313
00:17:00,307 --> 00:17:01,641
Yeah.
314
00:17:41,481 --> 00:17:43,718
Are you k...
315
00:17:43,718 --> 00:17:45,319
A child?
316
00:17:48,055 --> 00:17:49,724
Wait.
317
00:17:49,724 --> 00:17:51,925
Why does it say I'm a child?
318
00:17:53,960 --> 00:17:56,664
I'm Wilma.
It's nice to meet you both.
319
00:17:56,664 --> 00:18:00,467
I'm Helen, and this
is my daughter, Chantal.
320
00:18:00,467 --> 00:18:02,136
I'm Chantal.
321
00:18:02,136 --> 00:18:04,238
Well, I really hope
that's true,
322
00:18:04,238 --> 00:18:08,042
but there's a long line
of little girls out there,
323
00:18:08,042 --> 00:18:11,611
all claiming
that they wrote this book.
324
00:18:11,611 --> 00:18:13,648
So, Chantal,
325
00:18:13,648 --> 00:18:17,284
if that is in fact your name,
if you wrote this book,
326
00:18:17,284 --> 00:18:20,688
you would recognize
your own words, correct?
327
00:18:20,688 --> 00:18:22,122
Good.
328
00:18:22,122 --> 00:18:24,859
So I'm gonna go ahead
and quote from the book,
329
00:18:24,859 --> 00:18:28,228
and I want you
to finish the quote for me,
330
00:18:28,228 --> 00:18:31,165
and this way, I will know
if you are indeed the author.
331
00:18:31,165 --> 00:18:32,933
Kay?
332
00:18:32,933 --> 00:18:35,569
"Life is a roller coaster.
333
00:18:35,569 --> 00:18:37,471
"Time is the tracks,
334
00:18:37,471 --> 00:18:41,708
and wisdom is the..." what?
335
00:18:44,945 --> 00:18:46,513
Don't look at me.
336
00:18:46,513 --> 00:18:48,716
You wrote it, Chantal.
337
00:18:48,716 --> 00:18:52,186
Wisdom is the...
338
00:18:52,186 --> 00:18:54,855
Is the screams?
339
00:18:54,855 --> 00:18:57,124
Shame on you both.
340
00:18:57,124 --> 00:18:58,893
You are such
a disappointment.
341
00:18:58,893 --> 00:19:00,627
It's no wonder
that your father left.
342
00:19:00,627 --> 00:19:02,296
Excuse you!
343
00:19:04,698 --> 00:19:06,366
- What?
- We found her.
344
00:19:06,366 --> 00:19:08,502
Are you sure?
How can you be sure?
345
00:19:08,502 --> 00:19:09,837
Chantal, can you repeat
346
00:19:09,837 --> 00:19:12,139
what you just said to me
for Wilma?
347
00:19:12,139 --> 00:19:15,575
The wisdom is the park map.
348
00:19:15,575 --> 00:19:17,011
That's right.
349
00:19:17,011 --> 00:19:18,979
That's right.
The wisdom is the park map.
350
00:19:18,979 --> 00:19:20,514
Give me that phone.
351
00:19:20,514 --> 00:19:23,884
Chantal,
I am so, so happy
352
00:19:23,884 --> 00:19:25,519
to have found you.
353
00:19:25,519 --> 00:19:30,024
Oh, my God, and I am so,
so happy to have been found!
354
00:19:30,024 --> 00:19:31,926
- Oh, Chantal.
355
00:19:31,926 --> 00:19:34,528
I don't know
if you understand
356
00:19:34,528 --> 00:19:36,463
what you did,
357
00:19:36,463 --> 00:19:40,200
but you have basically
written the Bible!
358
00:19:41,135 --> 00:19:43,003
This thing is a manifesto
359
00:19:43,003 --> 00:19:47,374
on how to be
a fully realized human being
360
00:19:47,374 --> 00:19:49,576
at the age of ten.
361
00:19:49,576 --> 00:19:53,781
I mean, no one has ever
done that before.
362
00:19:53,781 --> 00:19:56,450
Thank you so much.
363
00:19:56,450 --> 00:19:58,118
Um...
364
00:19:58,118 --> 00:19:59,553
The only thing is that I--
365
00:19:59,553 --> 00:20:02,857
I mean,
I sobbed hysterically.
366
00:20:02,857 --> 00:20:06,326
I cried for the little girl
I was.
367
00:20:06,326 --> 00:20:11,431
I cried for the girl
I never got to be.
368
00:20:11,431 --> 00:20:14,601
This is a masterpiece.
I mean it.
369
00:20:14,601 --> 00:20:17,437
I suppose it would mean nothing
if an adult wrote it,
370
00:20:17,437 --> 00:20:20,074
but you wrote it,
371
00:20:20,074 --> 00:20:21,876
and I need you
to be on my show.
372
00:20:21,876 --> 00:20:23,277
How does that sound?
373
00:20:23,277 --> 00:20:26,880
I want the world to love you
as much as I do.
374
00:20:27,548 --> 00:20:29,050
Oh, my God.
375
00:20:32,586 --> 00:20:34,321
Okay.
376
00:20:34,321 --> 00:20:35,723
Okay, okay!
377
00:20:35,723 --> 00:20:37,758
Yes!
Yes, I will!
378
00:20:37,758 --> 00:20:40,294
Yes, yes!
She said yes.
379
00:20:40,294 --> 00:20:42,096
Chantal!
380
00:20:42,096 --> 00:20:45,265
Yes!
381
00:20:47,401 --> 00:20:49,904
This is Chantal.
Leave a beep. [laughs]
382
00:20:49,904 --> 00:20:52,372
- Shit.
383
00:20:55,109 --> 00:20:56,476
Where's Chantal?
384
00:20:56,476 --> 00:20:58,312
I want to meet her
before we go on the air.
385
00:20:58,312 --> 00:21:00,147
I have been trying her
all day,
386
00:21:00,147 --> 00:21:01,916
and I'm--I'm gonna get her.
387
00:21:01,916 --> 00:21:03,483
This is Chantal.
388
00:21:03,483 --> 00:21:05,252
Leave a beep.
389
00:21:05,252 --> 00:21:07,187
Chantal, honey.
I'm hoping you're close.
390
00:21:07,187 --> 00:21:10,024
Please have your parents call
me back when they get this.
391
00:21:10,024 --> 00:21:11,659
Wilma, I know you don't
want to hear this,
392
00:21:11,659 --> 00:21:13,894
but I would consider
doing an audience share circle
393
00:21:13,894 --> 00:21:14,962
as a backup just in case
she doesn't--
394
00:21:14,962 --> 00:21:16,196
No.
395
00:21:16,196 --> 00:21:17,865
I promised my audience Chantal,
396
00:21:17,865 --> 00:21:19,667
and I'm going
to give them Chantal.
397
00:21:19,667 --> 00:21:21,001
That's my job.
398
00:21:21,001 --> 00:21:22,970
Your job is to make sure
she gets here.
399
00:21:22,970 --> 00:21:24,571
Show starts in five.
400
00:21:24,571 --> 00:21:25,906
I'm gonna go out there,
401
00:21:25,906 --> 00:21:27,775
and I'm going
to introduce Chantal,
402
00:21:27,775 --> 00:21:30,077
and I expect for her
to come on stage
403
00:21:30,077 --> 00:21:31,946
the moment I call her,
got it?
404
00:21:39,954 --> 00:21:41,355
Hello?
405
00:21:41,355 --> 00:21:43,157
Chantal!
Are you close?
406
00:21:43,157 --> 00:21:46,761
Yeah, I'm in a cab.
I'm, like, three blocks away.
407
00:21:46,761 --> 00:21:48,362
Sweetie, could you please
408
00:21:48,362 --> 00:21:50,097
put one of your parents
on the phone?
409
00:21:50,097 --> 00:21:53,133
I just want to check
that you're actually close.
410
00:21:53,133 --> 00:21:56,603
Oh, wait.
Look, yeah, here we are.
411
00:21:56,603 --> 00:21:58,172
We're here.
412
00:21:58,172 --> 00:22:00,540
We're--we're--we're pulling up
to the curb.
413
00:22:00,540 --> 00:22:03,377
We're--we're getting out.
Thank you.
414
00:22:03,377 --> 00:22:05,145
We're just paying the driver, so...
415
00:22:05,145 --> 00:22:06,213
Oh, thank God.
416
00:22:06,213 --> 00:22:07,581
Okay, there's unfortunately
417
00:22:07,581 --> 00:22:08,983
not enough time
for you to meet Wilma
418
00:22:08,983 --> 00:22:10,584
before the show,
but don't worry.
419
00:22:10,584 --> 00:22:12,119
We're gonna prep you
about everything you need to do
420
00:22:12,119 --> 00:22:13,888
once you get here,
so hurry, Chantal.
421
00:22:13,888 --> 00:22:15,455
Run.
422
00:22:24,931 --> 00:22:27,735
Okay.
423
00:22:31,205 --> 00:22:32,472
All right, y'all.
424
00:22:32,472 --> 00:22:34,574
When that applause light
comes on,
425
00:22:34,574 --> 00:22:36,777
I want y'all to lose
your damn minds.
426
00:22:36,777 --> 00:22:38,178
You hear me?
Right.
427
00:22:38,178 --> 00:22:39,579
As long as that light is on,
don't stop.
428
00:22:39,579 --> 00:22:41,749
Keep going, keep clapping.
That's right.
429
00:22:41,749 --> 00:22:44,218
And you are not allowed
to stop applauding
430
00:22:44,218 --> 00:22:46,086
as long as that light is on.
431
00:22:46,086 --> 00:22:47,655
Okay?
Okay?
432
00:22:47,655 --> 00:22:49,489
Okay? Okay?
Yeah.
433
00:22:49,489 --> 00:22:50,557
All right.
434
00:22:50,557 --> 00:22:52,092
All right, here we go.
435
00:22:52,092 --> 00:22:54,094
Let's practice.
Show 'em that light.
436
00:23:03,303 --> 00:23:05,005
That's what I'm talking--yes!
Yes!
437
00:23:05,005 --> 00:23:06,340
Even more.
Even more.
438
00:23:06,340 --> 00:23:07,407
I can feel it.
You got some more in you.
439
00:23:07,407 --> 00:23:08,976
I want to make it sound like
440
00:23:08,976 --> 00:23:09,977
the animals just broke out
of the zoo!
441
00:23:09,977 --> 00:23:10,978
Give it to me!
442
00:23:10,978 --> 00:23:12,346
Ooh, Lord have mercy.
443
00:23:20,788 --> 00:23:22,456
Okay.
444
00:23:22,456 --> 00:23:23,958
Hello.
445
00:23:23,958 --> 00:23:26,293
Um, I'm Chantal.
446
00:23:26,293 --> 00:23:28,896
But--are you her mom?
447
00:23:28,896 --> 00:23:33,633
No.
I'm... her.
448
00:23:33,633 --> 00:23:35,335
But you're old.
449
00:23:35,335 --> 00:23:37,938
I'm 29.
That's hardly old.
450
00:23:37,938 --> 00:23:39,406
Oh, my God.
Oh, my God.
451
00:23:39,406 --> 00:23:41,175
I can't believe this.
- We're about to go live.
452
00:23:41,175 --> 00:23:43,043
She's not a child.
She's an adult.
453
00:23:45,012 --> 00:23:47,181
Oh, Jesus.
Oh, no.
454
00:23:47,181 --> 00:23:49,784
Oh, no.
We have to tell her.
455
00:23:49,784 --> 00:23:51,518
We can't let this woman
456
00:23:51,518 --> 00:23:53,387
go out there
on live television.
457
00:23:53,387 --> 00:23:55,155
Well, I can't tell her.
Wilma will kill me.
458
00:23:55,155 --> 00:23:57,892
She will actually kill me.
You tell her.
459
00:23:57,892 --> 00:24:00,127
I absolutely
am not gonna tell her.
460
00:24:00,127 --> 00:24:02,629
I can't lose my job, Frankie.
You do it.
461
00:24:03,898 --> 00:24:05,632
I quit.
462
00:24:05,632 --> 00:24:07,267
I quit.
463
00:24:20,147 --> 00:24:23,651
And now I have the honor
of introducing
464
00:24:23,651 --> 00:24:26,220
a very special guest--
465
00:24:26,220 --> 00:24:29,056
a hero, a friend,
466
00:24:29,056 --> 00:24:31,025
a child.
467
00:24:31,025 --> 00:24:32,292
Chantal!
468
00:24:44,705 --> 00:24:46,607
Do we have her?
469
00:24:48,742 --> 00:24:50,678
Oh, maybe she's shy.
470
00:24:50,678 --> 00:24:52,379
You know how kids are.
471
00:24:52,379 --> 00:24:54,815
Even prodigies get shy.
472
00:24:54,815 --> 00:24:57,251
Let's make her feel welcome.
473
00:24:57,251 --> 00:24:58,853
Chantal!
Chantal!
474
00:24:58,853 --> 00:25:02,323
Chantal! Chantal! Chantal!
475
00:25:22,276 --> 00:25:24,111
I'm sorry.
What's happening?
476
00:25:25,746 --> 00:25:27,447
I'm Chantal.
477
00:25:27,447 --> 00:25:30,651
I don't think so. No.
478
00:25:30,651 --> 00:25:31,919
Frankie?
479
00:25:31,919 --> 00:25:34,188
Frankie,
who is this adult woman?
480
00:25:34,188 --> 00:25:35,756
I--I can explain.
481
00:25:35,756 --> 00:25:38,459
I hope you can explain
where Chantal is.
482
00:25:39,260 --> 00:25:41,562
She's right here.
483
00:25:44,531 --> 00:25:47,567
Ten years old or not,
my book spoke to you.
484
00:25:47,567 --> 00:25:48,736
Right?
485
00:25:48,736 --> 00:25:50,637
You had an emotional experience,
486
00:25:50,637 --> 00:25:53,640
and that's--that's really all
that we can ask for in life,
487
00:25:53,640 --> 00:25:57,211
is an emotional experience
that--that changes us.
488
00:25:58,012 --> 00:25:59,046
Fuck you.
489
00:26:02,249 --> 00:26:03,851
I'm sorry.
490
00:26:03,851 --> 00:26:08,388
I have not used that word
in 35 years,
491
00:26:08,388 --> 00:26:11,025
but I'm so full of rage
right now!
492
00:26:11,025 --> 00:26:13,728
You tricked me
to receive acclaim.
493
00:26:13,728 --> 00:26:14,995
I didn't mean to.
494
00:26:14,995 --> 00:26:16,964
I truly was just trying
to find my purpose,
495
00:26:16,964 --> 00:26:20,267
like, you know, a sense
of belonging in the world,
496
00:26:20,267 --> 00:26:23,103
and isn't that
what we all want?
497
00:26:23,103 --> 00:26:24,872
Wilma, even you?
498
00:26:24,872 --> 00:26:29,143
Some sign that we're, like,
even here on this Earth
499
00:26:29,143 --> 00:26:31,145
for a reason?
500
00:26:31,145 --> 00:26:33,147
So maybe I'm not ten.
501
00:26:33,147 --> 00:26:35,449
Maybe I haven't been ten
for 19 years,
502
00:26:35,449 --> 00:26:39,319
but I know what it is
to have your heart stomped on,
503
00:26:39,319 --> 00:26:41,055
and I know what it is
to feel like
504
00:26:41,055 --> 00:26:42,657
the whole world is against you,
505
00:26:42,657 --> 00:26:45,726
because you know what, Wilma?
506
00:26:45,726 --> 00:26:48,429
I am Chantal.
507
00:27:08,082 --> 00:27:10,851
Stop it.
Stop clapping.
508
00:27:10,851 --> 00:27:12,119
Don't clap!
509
00:27:12,119 --> 00:27:14,054
Everybody,
stop clapping for her.
510
00:27:14,054 --> 00:27:15,890
No, let them.
511
00:27:15,890 --> 00:27:19,860
They want to.
They know what's good.
512
00:27:23,998 --> 00:27:25,499
She's a fraud.
513
00:27:25,499 --> 00:27:27,601
Stop clapping, everybody!
514
00:27:27,601 --> 00:27:30,871
I will not stand
for this kind of entitlement
515
00:27:30,871 --> 00:27:32,472
on my stage.
516
00:27:32,472 --> 00:27:33,741
This is preposterous.
517
00:27:33,741 --> 00:27:36,243
Who do you think you are?
518
00:27:36,243 --> 00:27:39,246
Honestly...
519
00:27:39,246 --> 00:27:40,848
myself.
520
00:27:42,249 --> 00:27:46,787
Honestly, myself.
521
00:27:48,322 --> 00:27:51,091
Honestly, myself.
522
00:27:51,091 --> 00:27:52,359
Not guilty.
523
00:27:52,359 --> 00:27:55,095
Honestly...
524
00:27:55,095 --> 00:27:56,831
myself.
525
00:27:56,831 --> 00:27:59,734
Honestly,
526
00:27:59,734 --> 00:28:00,768
myself.
527
00:28:01,969 --> 00:28:04,438
Honestly, myself.
528
00:28:04,438 --> 00:28:07,808
Honestly, myself.
529
00:28:09,143 --> 00:28:10,644
Honestly, myself.
530
00:28:10,644 --> 00:28:13,447
Chantal,
who are you hiding from?
531
00:28:13,447 --> 00:28:15,650
Honestly,
532
00:28:15,650 --> 00:28:18,052
myself.
36108
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