All language subtitles for 720p AMZN WEB-DL DDP5 1 H 264-FLUX (1)

♪

♪

[Door opens, slams]

[Sniffling]

[Sobs]

[Bottle shatters]

Ah...

[Sighs]

There.

[Grunts]

Okay.

Two, one.

[Grunts]

Really?

["O Christmas Tree" plays]

♪

♪

♪

[Jazzy version begins]

♪

♪

How did the meeting go?

Pretty well.

I, uh, was trying to make change

in the donation basket,
and I only had a 20,

so I was trying to get 17 back.

Three bucks I
thought was enough.

But, yeah, the lady who was

speaking was like,
"Seriously, man?"

[Laughing] Because she thought

you were stealing from
the donation basket.

Oh, I think I was just
being too noisy, that's all.

She didn't think I was stealing.

So, yeah, that's
all that happened.

That is...

I think...

I think... I think that's
all that kind of happened.

Hmm.

Nothing at all
seemed to be cool.

-What's in your mouth?
-I'm just having a chip.

-What is that?
-Nothing. Nothing.

What is that? Let go, let go.

I don't wanna hurt your
teeth. Let go, let go.

Six months?

Just a little chip.

This is a big chip.

Six months in a row.

Well, I'm really proud of you.

This is a really big step.

Thank you. Yeah,
it's half a year.

-I am so...
-Oh, gee. Oh, wow. Drunk driver!

That isn't a funny joke.

I know. That's not funny at all.

You haven't been a drunk
driver for six months.

♪

Yeah, no, we can definitely
work on your timeline.

It was Cliff's dad's
house, so it's empty.

Yeah. Yeah. I wanna
completely gut it.

Awesome. I... I'll
talk to you soon, hon.

Okay, bye.

So that was Timmy's
cousin's friend, Hunter.

And he's not a contractor yet,
but I think that's a good thing.

-Yeah. No, that's...
-That would be cheaper.

-That's really, really great.
-Yeah.

[Cell phone chimes]
-That's a good move.

W...

W-Why is he saying,
"See you tonight?"

I have no idea. It's nothing.

Why is Marvin texting
you about a show?

It's nothing.

What are you all
doing out there?

You coming in or not?

Hey, Ms. McIntyre, we're
coming in right now.

Okay? We're just
gathering our wares.

Seriously, it's nothing.

[Grunts]

I made my mom's world famous

sweet potato casserole for you.

We already have my sweet potato
casserole, but thank you.

You're welcome.

Hey, Mom, can you actually
just give us one... one minute.

What is going on?
-Nothing. Seriously.

Marvin is doing this

Christmas Eve
pop-up comedy show,

and I've told him several
times, I'm not doing it.

But why is he texting
you, "See you tonight?"

I don't know. I've told him
twice now, I'm not doing it.

Brittany. I need help
with the crab balls.

Yeah, we're...
I'm... I'm coming.

Remember you promised
me, no more alcohol,

no more comedy shows.

Yes. Don't wanna
do a show tonight.

All right?
-Here they go again.

Are you being straight with me?

Yes, 100% I'm being
straight with you.

-Are you sure?
-All right? Yes. I'm not lying.

I do not...
-It's in the past.

I do not wanna do a comedy
show, I really don't.

All right? Look.
Where's my phone?

Here. Hold that.
I will show you.

I've texted him twice now. See?

And I'm gonna text him again,
"I'm not doing the show."

Okay?
-I am... I'm sorry.

-All right? Here we go.
-I'm sorry. I just...

I thought...
-Yeah. Merry Christmas.

No, I don't wanna do it.

I was worried you were
backsliding or something.

[Message sent chime]

Merry Christmas.
-Oh, Merry Christmas.

-Ohh! Oh, oh!
-Oh, my God.

My God.
-Cliff, what just happened?

-Mm. God.
-What did you just do?

Ow.

Ohh.
-Oh, my God.

-Uh-oh.
-What? Holy shit.

Ew!

♪

Pick up. Pick up. Pick up.
Pick up. Pick up. Pick up.

Hello? Hey. H-Hi.

Is this the dentist?

Yes. Um, are you open?

'Cause I've tried a bunch
of you guys, and you're not.

Okay. I'll be there.
Where are you located?

♪

♪

Hello? Hello? Ow. Ow.

Come on.

You can stop that now.

Sorry. Oh, are you
the... are you a dentist?

-I am.
-Great.

Do you need this?
-Hang on to it, will you?

Okay.

Hard to get a dentist nowadays.

-It's Christmas Eve.
-Oh, yeah. I'm sorry.

Oh.

Is that your family?

Oh, no. Have I messed
up your Christmas?

Just sign these two forms.

Yeah. All right.

[Winces]

Should I come back there?
-Yeah, let's go.

Okay... Ow.

[Groans]

Uh... What's the
needle situation?

The situation is
that we use needles.

Uh, is there any way we
can work around that?

Well, it can't hurt any more

than what's going on
in there right now.

Sit.

I'll just hang this up for you.

Sorry.

I put my napkin on for you.

Lovely. All right, lean
back. Open your mouth.

Whoa, whoa, whoa,
whoa. What is that?

It's just a topical, it's
gonna numb you for the needle.

Ow!
-I'm sorry. A-Are you okay?

Yeah. [Sighs] You're
hardly gonna feel anything.

You're a big strong guy.
-Okay. I know it's stupid.

Just do it, all right? I...

Ah, ah.

Mm.
-Keep that there.

Oh... ah...

How we doing?

Better. A little better.

Can we... Can we
just use the topical?

That's not gonna cut it.

[Breathing raggedly]

Okay. Open your mouth.

[Gasps]

Hello?

Huh?

[Message sent chime]

Ha! Aha!

How?

[Gas hissing]

How?

Hey.

How? Ah.

You feel that? You
should be really numb.

I don't feel anything.

Did that big thing
go in my mouth yet?

-It sure did.
-Oh, my God.

All right. This is
temporary filling.

You will not feel it at all.

It's like a construction
site in there, huh?

-Shh-shh-shh.
-[Imitates machinery]

Okay. Please keep quiet.

Like men at work. Sorry.
Sorry. Women at work.

Oh, actually...

people at work.

Open.

Oh, little party light, huh?

♪ Ah ah ah ah ah ah ah ah - Shh.

[Chuckles] Party. ♪ Ah ah ah

Oh, party's over.

You need to keep your mouth
dry, so if you keep talking,

I'm gonna have to
put a muzzle on you.

[Laughing, snorting]

All right, I'm just
gonna look in here again

and see if everything
looks just great.

Wow.

Look at her go.

-It's nice.
-Yeah. It's nice.

-Yep.
-Yep.

We did good.

Wow.

You're so pretty. [Chuckles]

You're on nitrous, buddy.

Doesn't mean you're
not like a superhero.

A super pretty hero.
Super pretty woman hero.

All right, I'm
putting in the spacer.

For real? Come on man.

Ah, okay.

Ah, ah, ah, ah.

You smell nice. You
smell very nice.

I don't know if you
know this or not,

but you are not allowed to tell
women how they smell anymore.

Oh, no, no, no, no, no.

I... I have a girlfriend
who smells, too.

-Congratulations.
-Thank you. Yeah, she's smelly.

She wants to move
into the scary house.

I don't wanna go there.

[Cell phone ringing]

Uh, I'm gonna have to take this.

Do you have a... a
bathroom? Because I gotta...

I gotta tee-tee.

What's going on?

Okay, so Dad is... he and
Patty got... got married.

Sorry. And he's saying
he's basically doing

this celebratory
get-together thing.

-When?
-Tonight.

I don't wanna go, but I
kind of feel like I...

No, when did they get married?

This morning.

At the courthouse.

So they're doing their
reception on Christmas Eve?

Ah.

A pink cloud.

He did tell me to invite you.

That's fantastic.
Best Christmas ever.

I feel really bad, Mom.

I... I know Christmas
Eve is your favorite.

Yeah. No, I'm sorry.
It's great. It's fine.

It's g... It's okay.
-Sorry, Mom.

Did you cook everything already?

No. No. I'll cook
everything tomorrow,

and then you come over
after you're done.

Whenever you want.
-Okay. Thank you.

Thank you. Thank you.
Thank you. Merry Christmas.

I love you, Mom. I'll
see you tomorrow.

Merry Christmas. I love you.

[Exhales sharply]

[Sniffles]

[Toilet flushing]

God.

Everything okay?

Everybody's always
eating my goddamn snacks.

If you come back Monday,
I'll put the crown in.

Okay. Um, sounds great.

How's 9:15?

That sounds good.

Um...

Hey, if you're hungry, my
girlfriend's mom has this

delicious Christmas spread.

Lot of food.

It's actually just RoFo,
chicken, western fries.

But if we get
there early enough,

we can get some crab balls.

No.

Thank you.

I mean, you got the thorn
outta the grizzly bear's ball.

I feel like I owe you.

We'll settle your
bill on Monday.

All righty. Looking
forward to it.

Oh, man. That's not good.

That is not good.

Come on, Cliff. Golly.

And we're surge pricing.

Oh, an hour fifteen.

Wonderful.

Okay.

It's all gonna be okay.

[Line ringing]

-Hello?
-Hey. Um...

-Hey.
-I might be a little bit late.

Is the food already ready?
-Almost. Are you okay?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. No,
I'm completely fine.

But just promise
you won't get mad.

But my car got towed.
-Again?

And it's surge
pricing right now.

And...
-Brittany.

Is there any way that maybe
you could just like...

-Hold on. I'm coming!
-...pop out for...

My mom's burning the crab balls.

Gotta run. Sorry.

Just let me know when
you're on your way, okay?

-Of course. Yeah. Okay.
-Okay. Yep. See you soon.

Okay. Bye. Yep. Great.

Well, I could just hitchhike
from downtown Baltimore.

That's probably good.

What is it?

Just my car got towed and
nobody is able to come get me.

So, do you know where
the closest bus stop is?

Come on. I'll drive
you to the tow lot.

No, no, no, no, no.

You have done more than
enough for me, Dr. Lady.

Just... Is it doctor? Is
it just doctor? I'm sorry.

-Doctor is fine.
-Okay, great.

But seriously, do you know
where the closest bus stop is?

They're probably not
even running today.

Come on.

I'm not gonna ask again.

♪

♪

♪

You like Remington?

I love it.

I hope to have a home
here one day, you know?

And on that home, I want a mural
that is just so specific to me.

You know?

It really fits my
heart's desire.

The theme is woodland creatures.

I want it to have like a little
fox coming out of a window,

a tiny little, like,
raccoon in the corner

that I'll call Randy.

And then, a giant cat that
looks exactly like Garfield,

that kind of takes
over the whole...

Forget I said anything.

Did you smile?

-It was funny.
-Really?

You in need of validation?

Sadly, yeah.

I do.

It's not the best
sober behavior, but...

Oh, you're sober?

That's odd because I
usually like sober people.

Dr. Daw with the sweet dig.

It's kind of starting
to come back to me now.

Was I flirting with you?

-Not that I remember.
-Good, good.

'Cause I'm engaged.

You told me.

Stop. [Tires squeal]

Oh. What?

Sorry. Um...

God. I'm just kidding. I'm okay.

Me and my girlfriend's place,

just like right over
here to the left.

Can we just do a quick,
quick, quick little detour?

-[Scoffs]
-Thanks so much.

Okay. Just a little
detour for your tummy.

Oh. Oh. I know you're hungry.

Have you ever had sweet
potatoes with candied pecans?

-Yes, I have.
-Have you ever had

my sweet potatoes
with candied pecans?

Look, that's very sweet,
but, no, thank you.

I'm hosting a dinner
in literally an hour.

Okay, well. Oh, oh. Oh, wait.

There's melted marshmallows.

I mentioned the
candied pecans, right?

Just take a little bite. Here.
-Get away from me with that.

What's wrong with you?
-Everything.

Here, take a bite real quick.

Please? Please? Okay. You
like the choo-choo train?

A chugga, chugga, chugga,
chugga, chugga, chugga,

chugga, chugga, chugga.

We are now boarding your tummy.

Your neighbor is staring at us.

Hey, Bert!

He's the best. Here. Ready?

And oomph!

God.

It's good.

Okay, let's go.

I'll give you another
bite at the stoplight.

-Oh, now we can go.
-Come on.

Waiting on you. It's
gonna take forever.

Sorry. That was my girlfriend...

fiancée.

I keep forgetting that.

It's just such a
small window of time.

It's like, why do
we even need it?

-People like it.
-Are you married?

-I was.
-Oh, I'm sorry.

Did he kill himself?

-Why would you say that?
-It's a dumb joke.

I didn't mean anything.

It just... It does
happen though.

It sounds like it didn't happen
to you, which is wonderful.

[Chuckles]

You know, people say that
divorce is actually harder

than if they died.

Yeah. 'Cause when
you have a kid,

you never really get divorced.

And then it starts all over
again when you have a grandkid.

Well, don't have
kids. [Chuckles]

I love my kid.

Dominique?

Dominique?

Just took a shot in
the dark for her name.

No, her name is not Dominique.

Okay. Raquel?

-Stop it.
-Okay.

["Jingle Bells" plays]

♪

♪

♪

There she is. My Coupe de Ville.

A White Cadillac? What
are you, Milton Berle?

Oh, yeah. It was my dad's.
Time to get her back.

Well, Dr. Daw, I thank
you for your excellence

and looking forward
to see you on Monday.

No solid foods for an hour.

Great. Thanks.

♪

♪

♪

[Knocking on window]

Hello?

♪

♪

♪

♪

[Horn honks]

What are you doing?

Just to get you outta
the way, little guy.

There we go.

Oh, oh. No, no, no. Shit.

Oh, shit.

Shoot. God.

♪

♪

♪

[Cell phone chimes]

[Line ringing]

-Yeah. Hi. Get down.
-Wait. You're still here?

-Get down. Yeah.
-All right. Where is he?

-He's coming right at you.
-What? He is? Where?

Move it. Move it.
Go. Go to the trucks.

Go. Go in between the
two trucks now. Now.

-Okay. Okay.
-He's walking right at you.

What trucks? What trucks
are you talking about?

They're right there.
The only trucks there.

Oh, okay. Got it, got it,
got it, got it, got it.

Back your ass between
the two trucks.

-I'm going. I'm going.
-And get down.

Down. Stay down. Stay down.
-Okay. Okay. Okay.

Shh. Calm. He's
going to his truck.

That's good.

He's doing something
with a lever.

You know those things
that you bring a car in?

Yeah, the cars. Yeah. Yeah.
That's how a tow truck works.

The thing. You know, the
truck has the car on it.

Okay. What... What's the
information you need to tell me?

-Please stop talking.
-Okay.

Oh, oh, I think he's leaving.

Could you please stay down?

-Where is he? Where is he?
-Duck down.

If you don't trust me,
this is not gonna work out.

I trust you. I trust you.
I just wanted to see.

All right?
-Uh-oh.

Uh-oh, what?

Oh, boy.

He's locking the gate.

Locking? Okay. Um, uh...

Drop your car off here and
tell him you got towed.

Oh, I'm going to drive
up to him in my car

and tell him I got towed?

Okay. Yeah. No, that was stupid.

Sorry, I was just
thinking on my feet.

Oh, my God. Oh, my
God. He's leaving.

Hey, hey! Stop!
-Hey! Hey!

[Honking horn]

Did he stop? Did he stop?

Hey! Hey!

He's gone.

Sorry, kid.

This spiky stuff, it's
around the whole perimeter.

Yeah, it's galvanized
double barb.

Brittany is gonna
be really mad at me.

No, no, no, no. Get down.

You know what I'm gonna do?

I am gonna call the guy
and tell him to come back,

and you are gonna get in
the trunk of your car,

and I am gonna come
and drive you out.

Good idea. I didn't
think of that.

That was good.

Voicemail. Hello.

My white Cadillac
got towed today

and I need to get it
as soon as possible,

so please call me
back at this number.

Okay.

Mother of pearl.

That's the color
of the Cadillac.

Oh, my buddy Marvin
and I did a sketch once

where I had my nuts in this...

Doesn't matter.

Not an important part.
Let me give him a call.

Oh, thank God you answered.
Hey, I need a favor, bud.

[Banging metallic objects
together rhythmically]

[Horn honks]

Oh.

Marvin. Hey, yo.

-[Chuckles]
-What's going on?

You owe me now, big boy.
You better be there tonight.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, totally.

If you could do one
more quick favor,

can you pop that lock for me?

You want me,

a Black man in Cherry
Hill right now,

to break into a tow yard?

No, I don't want you to do that.

-Hi.
-Ah. Who the hell is this?

I'm Didi.

That's my dentist.
That's so adorable.

Your name is Didi? I love it.

Look, you two, this
isn't really my scene,

so if you could grab the
bolt cutters out the back,

I could be on my way.
-Yeah, yeah.

Absolutely, yeah.
Thanks again, bud.

I know you secretly
want to do the show,

so see you tonight, Santa.
-Yeah. All right.

Now, Didi, if you don't feel
comfortable popping the lock,

I certainly could...
[Chain snaps]

Wow.
-Okay.

Yeah, no. You can just
leave 'em. I can...

I'm gonna go.

Way to go. That was awesome.

Wow.

[Cell phone chimes]

Can't you just make me a plate?

[Sighs]

Oh, my God.

You scared the shit out of me.

Sorry, that was
not my intention.

I've got a pocket full of
cash and I'm hungry as a bull.

I'm taking you to dinner and
I'm not taking no for an answer.

No, no. Thank you.

Come on. You got me
out of two jams today.

Let's get a bite.
-I have plans.

All righty. Um...

Okay. I...

Real quick, before you go,
I have a little confession.

I overheard you talking to
your daughter in the office,

and I know you don't
have plans. Um...

I was looking for the
bathroom, and I had a tinkle

and I couldn't find it...

the bathroom... and I just...

wanna take you to dinner.

Why do you wanna
have dinner with me?

Aren't you already
late for a party?

'Cause we're having fun.

-We are?
-Aren't we?

Besides, they're
already out of food,

and we got five or six more
felonies we need to commit.

So we're gonna need
that tummy full, okay?

So you in?

It's Christmas Eve

and there's nowhere we
can eat that'll take us.

Follow me. I got an in.

No!

Yes!

Bada ba bum ba ba, charge!

♪

♪

♪

♪

♪

My lady.

I can get out of the
car myself, you jackass.

All righty. Didi with
the rough language.

-Wow. Hampden is happening.
-Yep. It's a hip little spot.

I think the last time
I was here was Y2K.

Oh, you're kidding me. I
was 10 then. Or was I 9?

Can't remember. I know
I was young though.

-Fantastic.
-Yeah.

Hey. [Whistling]

It's that way.

Yeah, this is it.
Hang tight out here.

I'm gonna go work my magic.

Used to bar back here.

[Indistinct conversations]

Well, they said

an hour and a half
to three hours.

Probably closer to three hours.
Nobody in there remembered me.

Told you.

Well, kid, it's been fun.

I'll see you Monday.
-Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Oh, no, no, no, wait,
wait, wait. Oh, hang on.

I used to work at a couple
places on this block.

Come on. Come on.

Let's go, Dr. Daw. Come on.

Come on.

Oh, my goodness. Thank
you so much, Alvin.

We are about 5 to
10 minutes away.

Awesome.

We now are on the wait
list at Rocket To Venus.

It's right up here.

So, you're in the
restaurant business?

No, I...

used to do it to
support my sketch comedy

and improv habit.

-Wait, what?
-Sketch comedy.

Have you ever seen the TV
show, "Laugh It Up Live"?

You were on "Laugh It Up Live"?

I was not, but I
came really close.

-So that was your job?
-No.

You do not make any money
doing sketch or improv.

The only place to make
money doing it is on

"Laugh It Up Live" in New York.

And it's almost
impossible to get.

Sounds like a rough business.

It is.

And something
messed up happened,

and that's why I
don't do it anymore.

And now I am a mortgage broker.

[Laughs] Come on.

Don't call a stranger,
call a loan arranger.

[Laughs]

I'm not... I'm not...
I'm not kidding.

No, no, no. Seriously.
Yeah, I just took the test.

I think I aced it.

Pretty sure I passed.

Oh, God. I don't
know if I passed.

Anyway, how about you?
You always been a dentist?

-Yeah. I'm... I'm sorry.
-No, it's okay. Yeah.

Why are you the only dentist
who picked up on Christmas Eve?

I have been told that
I am a workaholic.

Well, if you love what you do.

Mm.

Do you have any other
kids or grandkids?

Just the ones at my
ex's house with my ex

and his much younger wife.

But thank you for reminding me.

Sorry. Just kind of keeps
coming up organically.

Uh-huh.

["Silent Night"
plays over speakers]

All righty. This is it.

I'm just gonna see how many
more minutes we got on the wait.

All righty. We got us a spot
at the bar in 10 minutes.

I told you.

You okay?

You know the...
this is really odd,

but my entire family
is two blocks that way,

having some kind of
reception or something.

Your family lives
on 34th Street?

No, just past it.

Well, it's my... it's
my ex-husband's house.

Wow.

John's?
-What?

"John's." I just
said a common name,

'cause you didn't
tell me his name yet.

His name shall not be mentioned.

He was a high school sweetheart

who turned out to
be a nightmare.

Totally. Of course.

-I'm gonna go.
-Oh.

You're gonna... You're
gonna go to the party.

Yeah, they asked me to go.

I'm gonna go.

No, that's great.
Yeah. Um, cool.

Uh, want me to walk you?

Sure, if you want.

I'm just gonna run in
here and get a few things.

Oh, shit.

[Indistinct conversations]

Wow.

You look really pretty.
-Oh, cut it out with that.

Geez, I'm just saying you did
something, and I noticed it.

I'm not Miss Maryland, okay?

Here, hold this.
-Okay. Yeah.

Lucky us, we get to
walk down 34th street.

Oh, no way. I hate that
shit. We're going around.

Okay.

[Inhales raggedly, sighs]

Wow.

-Here it is.
-Oh, this is it?

This is a choice.

Well, wish me luck.

Best of luck. Knock
'em dead in there.

So, I'll, uh, see you Monday.

-Yes, you will.
-Thank you.

-I got you.
-Thank you.

[Knock on door]

Maybe they're around back.

You think?

I have no idea.

You know, I actually have never
been inside this house before.

You know what? [Laughs]

I know it was like a
fun idea for a minute,

but I think the
moment has passed,

and I think I'd rather
just call it a night.

-Yeah.
-Yeah.

Yeah, this... this
is pretty scary.

Yeah. [Chuckles]

But you know, if... if you're
just gonna do a pop-in,

I can walk you back.

You mean walk me back or...
or go to the party with me?

Whatever you want.

I think I'd like you to
go to the party with me,

if that's okay.

-Hell, yeah.
-Yeah?

Let's crash a party. [Chuckles]

All right. How's my makeup?

Um, am I allowed to say?

Uh-huh. Is my eyeliner smearing?

No, here, I... I
got you. Hold on.

It's perfect.

You're gonna be great.

-You just watch me.
-All right.

[Christmas music
playing on stereo]

Hello!

Merry Christmas.

-Mom?
-Where's my Maddie?

-Hi, Didi.
-Ha ha. Look what I brought you.

I got you some Berger Cookies.

[Laughs]

Cliff, this is my
daughter, Shelby,

and my granddaughter,
Maddie, and, um,

everyone else.

Hi, everybody. Cliff Cashen.

Really, really
thrilled to be here.

Thanks for having
me. Merry Christmas.

Is that the ghost
from Christmas Past?

Gotcha.

Where's the next Ghost
of Christmas Past?

Is Patty here, or did
you divorce her already?

Wow. Oof.

-Mom, you just got here.
-Well, I guess

that makes me the Ghost
of Christmas Present.

Cliff Cashen, still
really, really thrilled

to be here, gang. Thank you.

Hi, nice to meet you. I'm
Shelby, Didi's daughter.

Oh, my goodness. I've
heard so much about you.

Your mom's pretty awesome.

I didn't think
you'd actually come.

-What's going on over here?
-I can't open it.

You know how you get
into this little guy?

You need bear paws.
-What are you doing here?

I wanted to spend Christmas
Eve with my two girls.

-[Growls]
-Rawr!

All right. Let's see this.

Who is he?

-He's a client.
-A patient?

Yeah. He cracked his back right
30 and then his car was towed.

-Oh, yeah. Super clear now.
-Can I have this one?

-[Laughing] No.
-What? Why not?

Because you're a bear.

Patty, look who's here.

Wife. Ex-wife.

-Hi.
-Congratulations.

Yeah, thanks.

And Cliff Cashen. Super
thrilled to be here.

Where are you gonna
put the jelly?

Oh, over there?

Oh, I don't think
there's enough snow.

-That's a great spot.
-I'd say so.

Hey, what are you guys having
your own party up here?

You wanna go put some
cookies up for Santa?

Hi, I'm Patty. It's
nice to meet you.

Hey, nice to meet
you. Cliff Cashen.

-Oh. Oh, yeah.
-Yeah. I love your veil.

Oh, thank you. Cliff Cashen.

That sounds like
a porn star name.

Hey, Maddie's right over there.

-Yeah.
-Oh, I know. Hang on.

Anything for enough cash, right?

[Both laugh]

Hey, Dad. Sorry.

We actually have
to head out soon.

It's past her bedtime.
-It's Christmas Eve.

She can stay up as
late as she wants.

Well, Santa's coming and we
kind of need Santa to come,

so we gotta get home soon.
-Okay.

-Hmm.
-I just think it's a...

it's a little rude that
you brought your own

people to the party and
then came up here and made

your own separate little party
away from everybody else.

-Ah, here we go.
-Okay.

Well, you... you did
tell me to invite Mom.

Cliff, this is Conway.

Conway? Wow.

Never would've guessed
that one. All right.

That's a pretty name. Is
it named after the street

or that annoying little
country singer, Conway Twitty?

[Chuckles] Neither one.

-Oh.
-Thanks for coming tonight.

Thank you for having me.

You kind of look like him
a little bit. Handsome guy.

So what's going on
with, uh, you two?

Well, sir, uh, Dr. Daw...

It's none of you
goddamn business.

-Mom.
-Nice mouth.

-Okay.
-Merry Christmas.

So glad you could make it.
-Okay, guys.

I think we're actually
gonna head out.

Well, I'm sorry. I'm
sorry. It was my fault.

-Well, can you stop?
-It was my fault.

I'm sorry.

Well, I love that shirt.

You guys wouldn't happen
to be Ravens fans, are you?

Are you kidding
me? No, not at all.

[Both laugh]

Oh, no. We are big-time
Bird Ball fans here.

-Yeah.
-Are you guys going

to the Steelers game
on New Year's Day?

[Laughing] No. No.

Those tickets are impossible
to get a hold of, no.

Yeah. Only bankers,
doctors, and lawyers

are going to that one.
-Oh, yeah. And dentists.

Who? Her?

She doesn't even like football.

Ah, well, I do now.

Yeah. Yeah. She didn't tell you?

Oh, my God.

Dr. Daw is Lamar
Jackson's dentist.

You remember the game
against the Browns

where he chipped his
canine in like week eight?

-No way.
-Way.

I like that guy. He's very nice.

Oh, yeah. The nicest.
Really great kid.

Probably the best
quarterback we ever had.

-I miss Flacco.
-Yeah, I figured you would.

He was the last
White one, right?

So?

Anyway, are you guys,
like, looking for tickets?

-What the hell, are you...
-Hmm?

Are you kidding
with me right now?

Do you guys mind
sitting in a box?

-Get out of here.
-What? What do I have to do?

What do I have...
I will do anything.

-Nice.
-Yeah, yeah. I figured.

Well, I just... I
don't usually tell

people this, but I
work for the Ravens.

[Coughs]

-Oh, my God.
-I'm given a couple tickets

to each game for special
occasions like this.

-We're gonna be in a box?
-Mm-hmm.

Babe, we're gonna be in a box!
I've never sat in a box before.

-How much?
-Gratis.

Uh, anyway, yeah,
just call it a little

newlywed gift for you two.
-[Squealing]

Okay, hey.

Well, that's a good egg
you brought over here.

What can we get you, Cliff?
-Whiskey?

-Anything.
-Crab cake?

-Natty Boh?
-You hear that, Didi?

They got crab cakes.
-Oh.

Of course we got crab
cakes. I'm a crabber.

I caught 'em myself.

I'm looking for soft shells.

Well, they're out of season.

Good luck keeping
that one happy.

Oh, who? Deirdre? She is
like a juggernaut of fun.

We've been having the
most amazing day together,

haven't we?
-Yes, we have.

Yeah. All right.
Here's the deal.

I'm gonna write my number down
and, uh, you call my office,

and on Monday, we'll have
those tickets for you.

Oh, my God.

And I'll see you at The
Bank on New Year's Day.

Oh, my God. Hon, you are...
I mean, you are... You...

-I'm pretty great.
-Yes, you are. Oh, my God.

-We're going to The Bank!
-Okay. Okay. Okay.

I'm going to The Bank!
I can't believe it!

I'll be right back
with some refreshments.

-Babe.
-Okay, that's my cue.

I gotta get out of here.
Hey, Maddie, come say bye.

-We're going, too.
-Oh, we're leaving?

Yeah, we're out of here.

Yeah. This party's
getting kind of lame.

Good job.

Yeah.

Snug as a bug. Let's go.

Good night. I love
you both so much.

Really beautiful
family. Let's hustle up.

-Hustle up? What do you...
-Yeah. Yeah.

Come on. Let's go. Let's
go. No biggie. Let's rock.

-What's going on?
-Nothing. Let's have some fun.

Here we go. Here we go.

Oh, all right.

Here we go.

[Chuckling]

Fucking guy.

So, you work for the Ravens?

I literally don't
know what to believe.

I do not work for the
Ravens, all right?

I'm trying to become
a mortgage broker.

I was gonna tell
you though, that I

put this little Christmas
miracle together in a week,

but I figured I'd
take it easy on you.

[Sighs] You are a real
Eddie Haskell, aren't you?

Who's he?

The kid from "Leave
It to Beaver."

He was full of shit.
-That's not me at all.

-It's exactly you.
-It is not me.

And I still don't
know what you do.

I'm trying to be
a mortgage broker.

All right?
-[Laughs]

I know what a gift of equity is.

I know that "refi" is an
abbreviation of refinance.

These are a couple questions
I got right on the test.

Oh, look at these
crabs. They're so cute.

You see 'em?
-Those are cute.

Whatever you did back
there, that was great.

Thank you.

That was basically
improv, right?

Yeah. You know, I guess
the suggestion was, um,

be Didi's hot young date.

And I just kind of
"yes, and'd" that.

Yes, and?

You can't move forward
unless you "yes, and."

You gotta be open to everything.

So you do that on stage
in front of everybody.

I did.

Yeah. That sounds
like a nightmare.

Oh, see, now we call
you a "no butter."

I love a good no.

And I love a big butt.

You mean like this
big old booty?

Boom day, boom day,
boom, boom, boom.

-[Laughs]
-See, now we made it a joke.

[Gasps]

We should go to an improv show.

You wanna go to an improv show?

Or sketch show, comedy,

whatever it is that
you do, did do.

Uh, I, um...

It's... It's...
It's late, right?

We should probably,
like, wrap this up.

Oh, you don't wanna go home.

Come on. Come on.

We're just getting
started, right?

[Laughing]

We're just getting started.

-Mm-hmm.
-Give me one second.

Hey, how you doing?

Uh, real quick, um...
-What is going on?

I know you didn't want me
to go to Marvin's show,

but it's like actually on the
way back to your mom's house.

Is it in the world of
possibilities to go do that?

Hello?

So you did want to do a show.

Oh, no, no, no, no. I was
just gonna kind of pop in

and just kind of say hi,
uh, 'cause I haven't seen

those guys in a
long time, you know?

Um, and I think it would
probably mean like a lot

to Marvin and to me.

-Um...
-I don't know what to say.

We already opened presents.

You've already
missed the whole day.

You're picking your friends
over me on Christmas.

No, I'm not doing that.

I'm just thinking that maybe
if it's, uh, possible...

Well, just do whatever you want.

I gotta go.

Hello? [Beep beep beep]

Yes. Incredible.

Okay. Um, yeah, we'll just
go there and then, um,

I'll see you in a
little bit. Bye.

Everything okay?

Yeah, let's go see
that improv show.

-Yay!
-Yay.

Oh, and we have to get
some soft shell crabs.

Okay. They're not gonna have
soft shells at the improv show.

Probably just jelly
beans and vodka, so...

♪

♪

♪

[Groans]

Hey, how's it going?
-Good.

Good, good. Good
that you're good.

Are we going?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah.
We're gonna go in.

I-I-I just haven't... I
haven't been around this crowd

or seen this scene since
I, um, I... I got sober.

Okay.

So the thing that
happened to me was, uh,

I was in this troop
called Improv Baltimore,

which is like the
main improv crew here.

And I got fired.

This guy Kayden said
that I bullied him.

What happened?

Uh, one night after a show,

I was really banged up, and
we're not really friends.

And we got into this
argument, and I just said,

"You're not fucking funny."

-Is he?
-Nope.

But it is kind of
the meanest thing

you could say to
somebody in comedy.

They fired you for that?

Yeah, he said he
didn't feel safe

around me, and I guess

Improv Baltimore didn't
want to get in trouble.

And...

they let me go.

Well, we don't have to go.

Let's just go get
some soft shells.

No, I want to go. I... I do.

And I didn't realize I wanted
to until you said you wanted to.

I'm just a little scared.

So, let's go.

What's the worst
that could happen?

A lot. A lot of bad
things could happen.

Buckle up.

[Laughs]

I thought we were
going to a comedy club.

It is a comedy pop-up show.

-In a gas station?
-Auto body shop.

Marvin's uncle owns it.
-No way.

Thought you were
fucking dead, man.

Hey-yo, Prince.

We got Clifford, the Big
Red Dog out here, bro.

How we doing? Good to see you.

♪ When you're
rappin' in the zone ♪

♪ Pay when I wake up
before I hit the phone ♪

♪ Bills pilin' up
in that rat hole ♪

-Hello.
-Hey.

-How you doing?
-I'm a little nervous.

How are you?
-Great.

This is Didi. Tonya, Didi.

-Hi.
-Nice to meet you.

-Nice to meet you.
-What do you want to drink?

Is it weird if I
get a drink, drink?

Be weird if you
didn't get a drink.

-Okay.
-All righty.

All right. Gin
and tonic, please.

You got it.

Is that Kayden in there?

-Kayden? Kayden?
-♪ The game we all love is

Fuck.

I did not see him come
in. Fuck that guy.

And fuck "Laugh It Up
Live" for listening.

Nah, no. It's all good.

Um, let me just get a soda.

[Cheers and applause]

Whoo!

Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukkah,

and Festivus for the rest of us.

Welcome to the show with
no name at Mel's Auto Shop.

But who needs labels
anyway, right?

A lot of people, it turns out.

Our first performer
tonight is a real treat.

We haven't seen him around
these parts for quite some time.

You may remember him
from his hometown sketch,

the Baltimorons.

Ladies and gentlemen, we
have him here tonight.

Everybody, let's give a big
hand for my guy, Cliff Cashen.

[Scattered applause]
-Oh, maybe not?

No, no. Guys,
I'm... I'm all good.

Thank you so much.
I'm super sober

and just here to, uh,
laugh as a civilian.

-Get up there, Cashen.
-No, no, I'm good, seriously.

I'm all good.
-You don't wanna do it?

No, I really don't wanna do it.

-We don't want him...
-You don't wanna go up?

-Balti-morons.
-No, I really don't.

-Next please.
-Balti-morons.

But they want you to get up.

[Crowd chanting "Baltimorons"]
-I really can't do it. Okay?

Look, if I can go to
Conway's, you can do this.

Rip the Band-Aid off.
Come on. You got it.

You got it.
-Baltimorons! Baltimorons!

[Cheering]

Here's the Baltimoron,
Cliff Cashen.

-Whoo-hoo! Whoo-whoo!
-All righty. Hey.

Hi. Um, okay.

Yeah, it has, um,
been a minute, right?

I guess you can call
this a little bit

of a Christmas miracle, huh?

All righty. Um...

My partner in crime for the
Baltimorons sketch, Sally,

is not here tonight, so, uh,

I guess she didn't
need her tires rotated

along Christmas Eve.

'Cause we're in auto shop, guys.

-We get it. Do Baltimorons.
-Yeah.

Yeah, no. Um, to do
the Baltimorons Sketch,

you're gonna need
an actual volunteer.

-Uh, no thanks.
-How about Kayden?

[Crowd "Ohhs"]
-Fuck off.

Oh, thank you so much for that.

Good to see you.
Merry Christmas.

And just trying to
maintain 50 feet, so...

-I'll do it.
-Oh, we got one.

Sit down.

We had one. We had one
and lost him. Okay.

Um, hey, how about you, Paul?

Wanna come up for
old time's sake?

[Mouthing words]

Okay.

Uh, Tracy? Gina?

I don't think so.

This is pathetic.

Oh, Jesus. Okay.

Well, you know what? This
has been a ton of fun.

A real blast for everybody
who was involved.

Um... I guess you
can call this sketch

Flop Sweat, brought to you
by my armpit and back hair.

[Scattered laughs]

There's a couple
laughs. Thanks, guys.

Appreciate it.
-Okay, wait, I'll do it.

No, no, no, no. We don't need
to continue whatever this was.

Okay? It's all good.
No, we'll take a seat.

No.
-Just get up on the stage.

Okay. Um...

Uh, still no.

It looks like we got
a real moron here.

[Applause]

All right. What is your name?

-Didi.
-Nice. Very pretty name.

Have you, Miss Didi,

ever seen or done improv
before in your life, ever?

-Nope.
-Wonderful. Great.

That's what we're
really hoping for.

Someone who has no idea
what they're doing.

You're about to
experience something

that not many people
get to go through,

which is called a bomb.

It's an experience you really
can't get anywhere else.

All righty. For a suggestion,

I'm just gonna ask Miss Didi
what she does for a living.

-I am a dentist.
-Great.

This is a new take on
the Baltimoron sketch,

where one Baltimoron
goes to the dentist.

Let's give us some love.

[Cheers and applause]

-[Whispering] What do we do now?
-A "yes, and."

What's a "yes,
and" what to what?

Everything. Okay.
You got me into this.

You're gonna get me out.

[Knocking]

Hello? Is this the
dentist's office?

Oh, yeah.

Is there a reason why
the door's locked?

Is it 'cause it's Christmas Eve
or because we're in Dundalk?

-I...
-Okay. Just a heads-up.

We are in a dentist's
office here.

Cool? For everyone
involved. Okay?

-Okay.
-Awesome. Let's start up again.

Here we go. And...
-Okay.

[Knocks]

-Come in.
-Oh, thank you so much.

You know, I thought you
were just gonna have

me hang out here with a
molar in my hand all day.

No. Come in. Come in
to my dentist's office.

This is my dentist's office.

Okay. Is that how
you talk to clients?

No. I have a receptionist

and she does all this
chitchat with them.

We don't have a receptionist
here today, do we?

It's just me and
you on stage, okay?

-Okay.
-And we're back in.

Wow. Is a nice
place you have here.

Oh, yeah. Thanks. I
designed it myself.

I don't really love all the
Civil War paraphernalia,

particularly from the South.

Oh, no, no, no, no,
no. That's not mine.

Yes, it is. Yes, and
it is. Yes, and it is.

Remember?
-Okay. It's mine?

-I don't know!
-Okay. It's...

Yes, yes. It's my uncle's.

Oh.

'Cause he was a hardcore racist.

-[Whistles]
-So...

Okay. Yeah. Well, I would
think about getting rid of it.

Well, you know
what I'm gonna do?

I am going to sell it
and... and donate that

to the homeless. What
do you think about that?

Wow. That's really,
really nice of you.

It is. If you called 'em
by their proper term,

it's unhoused.
That's strike two.

-Oh, Jesus.
-No, the name is Jerry.

All right?

But, um, do you use needles
in this dentist office?

'Cause I get a little fainty
when needles are around.

Oh, yeah. I use
needles. I love 'em.

I love to stick
'em in real deep.

Okay. Okay. You know what? I
think I got the wrong dentist.

Thank you. But I'm
okay. Good-bye.

Okay. Bye.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
This is the part in the scene

where you have to
stop me from leaving.

We're in this together, babe.

Let's do it. Okay,
let's keep going.

All right, here we
go. And take two.

That strike three. I'm leaving.

Gotta say something, okay, Didi.

All right.

[Laughter]

Okay.
-All right.

It's just me and you up here.
You don't wanna be up here

by yourself, right?
-No, I don't.

Okay, let's take it
one more time, okay?

-Okay.
-And action. Take three.

Grab me! Okay.

-You scared me.
-I didn't mean to.

Okay. Wait. Wait. Don't go.

Wh-What is a big guy like you
scared of a little needle for?

Wow. Okay. You know what?

You just body shamed me.

Yep. You just called
me legally obese.

-I did not.
-Well, that's what I heard.

You know, I could have
your job for that.

[Crowd murmuring]

Wow. You know what,
I'm... I'm really sad now.

I'm... I'm gonna go.
-No, no, no. Wait a minute.

Nothing to be afraid of.

It's just that I've been
hurt so many times before.

Aw. You're a real soft
shell, aren't you?

-Yeah.
-Have a seat.

I've never been so scared

and turned on in my
whole entire life.

This molar just seems to get
harder and harder in my hand.

Is that normal,
dentally speaking?

[Laughter]

Yes, and.

I feel the same way, and, yes.

You switched it.
It's okay though.

Okay.

You're a real Baltimore
man, aren't ya?

Unfortunately, that's my type.
-Whoo!

Me, too, girl.

So I think, um,
we need a needle.

Just make it up with
your imagination.

Grab it from anywhere. Okay?

[Crowd "Whoos"]

Good choice.
-Ptt. Ptt.

Okay. Sound effect's a
little tacky, but whatever.

Now, don't worry.

It's gonna really
hurt in the beginning,

but after a while,
it's gonna feel really,

really, really good.

Geez, um...

you know, I'm starting to think
I don't really need the needle.

I think I just need you.

[Downtempo music plays]

[Laughs]

Is that romantic Muzak I hear?

- ♪ I want you to
- Do you do this

for all your patients,
or just the ones

look like out of
work electricians?

[Laughter]

You know, it's funny.
I don't hear a thing.

It must be in your head
because I am so pretty.

[Laughs]

-Yes, you are.
-♪ I want you to remember

♪ All these times together

So what do we do now?

In my, uh, dramaturgy class

that I took at Elkton
Community College,

the professor said that every
scene is a seduction scene.

♪ And of all the kisses

So, are you trying to
seduce me, Dr. Didi?

♪

♪ I want you to

Maybe.

♪ Remember how

♪ I want you to

[Crowd "Oohing"]

[Cheering]

End scene.

[Cheers and applause]

Ladies and gentlemen,
introducing

the new and improved
Baltimorons!

Give it up for Didi and
my guy, Cliff Cashen.

Baltimoron! Baltimoron!
Baltimoron! Balti...

Hey. Hey, wait up.

Hey, hey, hey, hey.

-I gotta go.
-Can you just wait one minute?

Can you give me
a minute, please?

Why? Why?

Look, I... You were
really funny in there,

and about the kiss,
I didn't like...

Oh, God, please,
please, it's fine.

It's fine.
-No, it's not fine. Okay?

When you were going in for
that kiss, I... I panicked

'cause I smelled
alcohol on your breath.

I haven't drank in six months.

I haven't smelled
alcohol in six months.

I-I-I... I tried to kill myself.

After I got fired, I
attempted to hang myself.

And the only reason why
I'm still here is because

the belt broke and I was holding
a little bit of holiday weight.

Wait, are you...

Are you joking?

Because I don't know
what's funny here.

No, I'm... I'm really not. I...

The only reason why I'm still
here is 'cause the belt broke.

But it's kind of funny. I
mean, you... you can laugh.

What holiday was six months ago?

I had like 40 corn dogs
on the 4th of July.

But that was after
the... the attempt.

30 minutes ago, I never
thought I could do

what I did up there
with you, sober.

And being up on stage with
you just now was like...

So what do you say? You
wanna keep this thing going?

What about your fiancée?

"Hope it was worth it.

I'm going to bed."

She put her phone
on do not disturb.

So this is what it's like.

What?

Being the other woman.

What do you say, Didi?
You got any ideas?

♪

♪

So you've just been holding
on to a key to Conway's boat

for all these years?

-Yep. Just in case.
-Wow. You're a damn pirate.

Well, I paid for the damn thing.

Freaking gangster, Didi.

I have been fantasizing about
doing this for 15 years.

Is that when you
cut the Conway cord?

Conway dumped me.

-He dumped you?
-Yeah. It was weird.

All around the same time,
I went through menopause,

Conway dumped me for
a much younger woman,

and I became a grandmother.
Boom, boom, boom.

Wow. That's a whole lot
of cabbage for one stew.

Mm-hmm. I don't even know
who the fuck I am anymore.

Here we go. Grab that hook.

What are you talking about?

What hook?
-The only hook on the boat.

-This thing?
-Yeah.

Haven't you ever
done this before?

Do I look like someone
who's done this before?

Yeah. You look like someone
who's done this before.

Wow. Okay.

There we go again with the
judgment based on appearance.

First, it was, "You're too
big to be afraid of a needle,"

which actually is not a thing,

and now it's like the
polar bear doesn't like

to play with his water honey.

You're the one that is
calling yourself a polar bear.

Because that's how
you see me, Didi.

-I do not!
-I'm just kidding. All right?

But if it was Kayden,
he'd have your ass.

Oh, I could take him.

Now hook the jug
and bring it on in.

What are you saying?

Seriously, I don't
know what a jug is.

It's a buoy.

Just say buoy. I
know what a buoy is.

Hook the buoy

and bring it on in!

There you go. All right. And
put it on the call table.

-Copy. What is a call table?
-Right there.

There you go. Huh.

-I don't see any.
-Nothing. Put it back.

-Oh, it's cold.
-Let's go next time.

Okay, that's out.

-All right, here we go.
-Buoy.

Stay up there. We're gonna
go find the next one.

[Engine starts]

♪

♪

-Oh.
-It's like déjà vu. Nothing.

Jug.

♪

♪

♪

Ah, I've been doing
this for years.

Can you tell?
-Looks like it.

Aw, shoot.

We got one.

We got one!
-Yeah, we did!

-We got one.
-Yes, we did!

[Both laugh]

Yes! Whoo!

Wow. Definitely medium,
possibly a large or a small.

But we got one, so that's good.

♪

♪

Getting kind of cold.

Yeah, yeah, it's really cold.

Yeah.

You wanna put your
arm around me?

♪

Yeah. Sure.

♪

[Laughs]

What? What am I doing?

-Your face.
-What's wrong with my face?

-[Laughs]
-What am I doing?

What?

I like your face.

-Thank you.
-Good face.

Thank you. You got
a good one, too.

[Gasps] Thanks.

Uh-oh.

Nice to meet you. Good night.

[Grunts]

That was your dentist?

Yeah, that was my dentist.

Hey, look, I... I know
this isn't a good look,

but I swear to you,
nothing happened.

Oh, that's good.

That's a good that
nothing happened.

Because what I thought happened

was that you were drowning
yourself out there.

Because that's where
your locations was,

out in the middle of the water,
and I thought you were dead.

My God, Brittany, I am...

That is so messed up. I'm sorry.

That was not, like...
that's not cool.

-No, it's not.
-I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.
-Are you drunk?

No. I swear to God. I...
I have not had a sip.

Let me smell your breath.

Okay.

Then have you lost
your fucking mind?!

-I know, I know.
-You...

-I know. I'm sorry.
-You ditched me on...

on Christmas Eve,
with my family.

You lie to me. You
run around town

with some MILF dentist. You
wanna go to a comedy show.

Now you end up here
on a fucking crab boat

in the middle of the night?
-I know, I know!

And it's crazy, and it's
not... doesn't look good. I...

-No.
-I-I know all that, all right?

But I just...

I did it. Okay?
-Did what?

I got up on stage
tonight, and I performed.

And I did it, like,
completely sober.

I didn't have anything to
drink, and it went really well.

And I... that's why
I just feel like...

I know it's scary, but, like,
I really think I'm, like...

can do both at the same time.

Like, I think...
-That's really great.

I'm really glad
that you did a show.

I mean, congratulations.

Now, is this the show that you
told me you weren't gonna do?

No, ye... yeah, yes,
it is that show,

but, like, I wasn't
really gonna perform.

I swear to God I wasn't.
But Marvin just brought

me up on stage and...
-I... I don't fucking care! No!

-I wasn't planning on doing it!
-I don't fucking care

about Marvin!
-But I care!

Okay? This is a big deal to me.

Do you wanna know
what I care about?

-Yes, yes, I do.
-Do you care about that?

Yes, I do. Yes.

What I care about is
chilling the fuck out

with my family on
Christmas Eve and Christmas

because this is the first
time I've had these days off

since I started at the hospital.

And I want to start
a family... with you.

-I know.
-Because you told me

that that's what you wanted.
-I know. I know I said that.

And now we're here, at
the same old bullshit,

and, honestly, it kind of
feels like you're relapsing.

I mean, you don't seem
sober. You don't look sober.

And none of this is okay,
so what makes you...

I'm not relapsing.
I'm not relapsing.

This is not a relapse,
okay? It's not.

I didn't have anything
to drink today at all.

I just had an amazing
day. That's it.

And I literally just
didn't want it to end.

[Scoffs] Well...

All right, fuck.

I don't know what's
going on with you.

I don't even think you know
what's going on with you,

But you need to figure
it the fuck out.

I'm gonna go sleep at my mom's.

Brittany, I'm...

♪

♪

Hey, Dr. Daw.

It's your favorite
dental patient.

Um... I'm really sorry about
how all that ended back there,

but, uh, I wanted to give
you a proper goodbye.

So if you're up the
next couple hours,

I'm just gonna be
hanging out at Marvin's.

So gimme a call
when you get this.

Bye.

Oh, no. No, no, no, no, no.

Oh, no, no.

[Tires screech] Shit.

Hey! Hey, sir. Sir,
she didn't do anything!

Whoa, whoa! Stand back!

-Okay.
-I need you to stand back.

I'm getting a DUI, Cliff.

I need you to get
around the vehicle.

Sir, I will drive
her home, okay?

You do not have to
take her to jail.

Step around the vehicle.

I'm not gonna ask
you again, sir.

-Okay, okay, okay.
-4FB4, 4FB4, come in.

I'm gonna get you
out of there, okay?

[Police radio chatter]

It's gonna be okay.

It didn't feel like I
had that much to drink.

-How much you have?
-Two at Conways.

One at the show...

Yeah, you were probably
blowing double.

Your liver's like
the size of my thumb.

Thank you for getting her
out so quick, Uncle Frank.

Hey, anything you
need. Any time.

Hey is your mom in
town for Christmas?

Nope. She's down in
Florida with George.

They moved down there
for the tax rebates

and haven't been back
since before COVID.

-All right, nude sack.
-Thanks for saying that.

Tired. Going to bed in the
greatest country in the world.

-How can I forget?
-Merry Christmas.

Nude sack?

Yeah, I didn't have any hair
on my balls for a while.

Just kind of stuck.

Hey, w... where's my car?

Oh, yeah. Uh...

They're gonna keep
that for a while.

Oh, no.

But, luckily, you're
self-employed, so...

Don't sweat it.

I can take you home.

♪

♪

That your first
time in the slammer?

♪

They have you all in
negligee, pillow fighting,

or is that just what I imagine?

♪

You didn't get shanked, did you?

[Laughing]

♪

♪

[Both laugh]

Oh, well, um...

Thank you for an amazing day.

Although we did,
you know, wreck your

unblemished criminal record.

Yeah.

Yeah.

You know what's really funny?

I don't feel tired anymore.

-Yeah?
-Do you wanna come in

for coffee or... or tea?

Uh... [Chuckles]

No, no, no. I'm sorry.

You need to... you
need to go home.

Actually, um...

I'm not sure I
live there anymore.

Hang on a second.

Me lady.

[Chuckles]

I can get outta the car
on my own, you jackass.

[Both laugh]

Unh!
-[Gasps]

Seatbelt. [Chuckles]

Sorry.

[Grunts]
-[Laughing]

[Groaning]

[Both laugh]

I think I scraped
my knee on the bit.

-It was worth it.
-Yeah.

Wow.

You must have good credit.

You like?

I love.

Dark or medium roast?

Of what?

Can't you just
answer a question?

Apparently not.

Uh... I don't see a hook.

Where should I hang my jacket?

Ah. You remembered.

Just trying to be better.

-Just throw it anywhere.
-All right.

Can I play your record player?

Sure.

♪

That was the song I wanted
to dance to at my wedding.

♪

♪ There's a saying old

-It's a great choice.
-♪ Says that love is blind

Conway said no.

What did he want?

[Laughs] I can't.

No, no, no. Come on.
What did he want?

"Orioles Magic."

♪

Wow.

♪ Haven't found him yet

-He got you.
-He sure did.

♪ He's the big affair
I cannot forget ♪

♪ Only man I ever
think of with regret ♪

You wanna dance?

♪

You wanna dance with me?

♪

Sure do.

♪ There's a somebody
I'm longin' to see ♪

Okay. [Chuckles]

♪ I hope that he
turns out to be ♪

♪ Someone who'll watch

♪ Over me

Not bad.

My dad taught me.

♪

♪ I'm a little lamb
who's lost in the wood ♪

♪ I know I could

♪ Always be good

♪ To one who'll watch

♪ Over me

♪

♪ Although he may
not be the man ♪

♪ Some girls think
of as handsome ♪

Oh, God.

♪ To my heart, he
carries the key ♪

♪

♪ Won't you tell him, please

♪ To put on some speed?

♪ Follow my lead

♪ Oh, how I need

♪ Someone to watch

♪ Over me

♪

Hello?

[Laughs] [Door squeaks]

Hi.
-Hi. Good morning.

I was just on your back porch.

You were on the back porch.

Yeah, I like
watching the sunrise.

Pink and blues kind
of do it for me.

Think we can make some pancakes?

Do you have flour, milk?
-Hold up. Hold up.

What's going on? [Chuckles]

Cliff, you gotta go.

Where?

You don't owe me anything.

I didn't think I did.

Yesterday was amazing. Right?

Yeah, it was really great.

But I think we both know that

you have to go home
to your fiancée,

and you have to figure that out.

For your own sake.

Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, of course.

Besides, I have
Shelby and Maddie

and someone I work with
coming over, so I gotta...

Yeah.

See you.

♪

♪

♪

♪

♪

♪

♪

♪

♪

[Door opens]
-Cliff?

[Door closes] Cliff,
where are you?

Hey, I'm up here.

I'm okay. I'm okay. I'm sorry.

Jesus Christ!

I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

Fuck!

Fucking shit.

I'm sorry. I'm not... I'm okay.

Are you okay?

Sorry. I just came up
here to do some thinking.

That's all.
-What... what... what...

what... what are you thinking
that you had to come up here?

Um... I was, um...

I-I was thinking about
this one Christmas,

my dad, uh...

he was getting presents outta
the Cadillac, and, uh...

I guess he got, like,
distracted or something,

and he shut the trunk,

but the Cadillac trunk
has the electronic close,

so it just went
down nice and slow,

and it locked his fingers in.

And he was... [Chuckles]

He was screaming at
the top of his lungs,

like, trying to get my
mom and I's attention,

going like, "Cliff!
Cliff, Linda!"

Linda!"
-Okay, okay.

[Chuckling] And, uh... We
just couldn't hear him.

And then, um... [Chuckles]

He just started to yell our,
like, house phone number,

our landline.

He was going, "337-8199!

337-8199! Call my
wife! For Pete's sake!"

Why... Why would he
scream the phone number

and not just call for help?

I don't know.

He couldn't do it.

That's insane. You
know that, right?

Yeah. Well...

He was.

But you're not. Okay?

And you don't have
to kill yourself

because your father
killed himself.

You understand that, right?
-Yeah. Yeah, I do.

-Do you really?
-Yeah, yeah. I know.

'Cause I don't know if you do.

I know, I know.

So do you? Wanna kill yourself?

No.

And, um...

How about drinking?
You wanna drink?

No. I don't.

Good.

That's good.
-Yeah.

Look, um...

I'm gonna take you
off my Tracker app.

'Cause I can't worry about where
you are or where you're going

or what's happening.
I... I can't.

Yeah, I know. That...
that makes sense.

Okay.

I want you to know, I
really, really tried

to do the, um...

to do the normal-life
thing, and I...

I couldn't... I...

I-I can't do it. It doesn't fit.

Yeah.

Kind of like a double XL
trying to fit into a medium.

[Both laugh]

It was never, like,
my intention for...

to hurt you, so
I'm really sorry.

I know.

Do you wanna hug?

Do you wanna hug?

[Both sniffle]

♪

♪

♪

♪

-Morning, everybody.
-Morning.

Merry Christmas. Good morning.

I am Cliff.

-Hi, Cliff.
-Hi, Cliff.

And I'm definitely
still an alcoholic.

And that has been
made very clear to me

in the last 24 hours.

♪

♪

♪

♪

[Knock on door]

♪

Hi.
-Can I help you?

Um... is Didi here?

-Who is it, hon?
-Oh, don't worry about it.

Can you take the
scrapple off the stove?

I think it's gonna burn.

You must have the wrong address.

-Sorry.
-It's okay.

-Merry Christmas.
-Merry Christmas.

[Door closes]
-Where did she live?

What the heck.

[Garbage thuds, bottles rattle]

Is that you?

What are you doing?

Oh. Um...

I'm really good friends
with the McCallahans,

and it's Christmas, and
we go Christmas caroling,

but nobody's ready.

So just kind of waiting.
-They give you a present?

Oh, it's for somebody else.

-Is it?
-Mm-hmm.

-Who's it for?
-This doctor.

Well, a dentist that I was
fooling around with last night.

Shh! My... my family's
right in there.

Come here. Come on.

I don't wanna keep yelling.

Listen, take your time.

It's not as if I'm hosting
a brunch or anything.

Hey.

Um...

You want it?

[Gasps]

It's our buddy from last night.

It's lovely.

And it smells fantastic.

Yeah, it's been sitting out on
a boat for about eight hours,

so we call that a slow boil.

I, uh...

I don't have anything for you.

That's okay.

I'll just take whatever
you got Maddie.

Where are we going
with this, kid?

I have no idea.

I just really like you.

I don't wanna be messed with.

I'm not gonna.

You're not gonna.

So...

what are your plans for today?

Well, option one is, I
drive down to Florida,

which I really don't want to do.

And, uh... that's all I got.

Well, you could join us.

Just about to open presents.
-Really?

-I got a honey-baked ham.
-[Chuckles]

That's gonna be a problem.

I can't stand ham.

-Really?
-Yeah, it's disgusting.

But, yeah, let's go on in.
Do you want me to carry this?

-Are you kidding me?
-It's unclean.

What kind of person
doesn't like ham?

Lot of people.

Hey!
-Look who's here!

Merry Christmas. Hey,
Maddie! Hey, Shelby!

How are ya? And, um...
Dental Hygienist, Rebecca?

What? How do you know her name?

Wait, I got one? I've
never gotten one!

Hi. How are you? Cliff
Cashen. Good to meet ya.

♪

♪

♪

♪

♪

♪

♪

♪

♪

♪

♪

♪

♪

♪

♪

♪

♪

♪

♪

♪

♪

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