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OWL HOOTS
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This programme contains
some strong language
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♪ Majal needs the
soul of a clown
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♪ This twisted collection
of souls lost and found
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♪ But there is one soul
that is yet to be found
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♪ That soul is the
soul of a clown
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00:00:23,560 --> 00:00:27,477
♪ Majal needs the
soul of a clown
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♪ Ah, give me the soul of a... ♪
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Oh, shit...
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COINS CLATTER Sorry,
sorry. Oh, my God! Oh.
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Um... Sorry, I'm just... Yeah.
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♪ ..Clown! ♪
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Hmm.
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♪ It's such a
crazy, crazy feeling
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♪ I get weak in the knees
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♪ My poor old head is a-reeling
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00:00:56,000 --> 00:00:58,600
♪ As I go deep into
the funnel of love
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00:01:01,720 --> 00:01:04,677
♪ Here I go, falling
down, down, down
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♪ My mind is a blank
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♪ My head is spinning
around and around
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♪ As I go deep into
the funnel of love
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♪ Deep into the
funnel of love. ♪
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Car insurance driving you mad?
24
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The best journeys
are worth protecting.
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Sorry... Oop...
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Whoa! Sorry I'm late.
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Apparently, you can't give
laughing gas to a six-year-old.
28
00:01:39,240 --> 00:01:41,037
OK, listen, I wanted
to have a serious chat.
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CLOWN HORN HONKS
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Sorry.
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Um...
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So I've, um... I've been doing
some thinking about my needs,
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and, basically, this
isn't just about
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you stuffing my client
into a cupboard,
35
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but I don't think that we should...
Sorry, are you seeing this?
36
00:01:56,240 --> 00:01:57,357
What?
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00:01:57,440 --> 00:01:59,677
He's just left a
whole pizza untouched.
38
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OK. Some people, man... No,
no, no. What are you doing?
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Jamma! That's £15. Here you go.
40
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No, no, I don't...
I don't want any...
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Mmm! Well, it is delicious.
Yeah. You're welcome.
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OK, can we just stay on topic,
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because I've got to go
soon for a photo shoot.
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Photo shoot? For what?
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My book. No way! Oh, my
God, what are you wearing?
46
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This. That?!
47
00:02:22,040 --> 00:02:23,197
Why? What's wrong with it?
48
00:02:23,280 --> 00:02:25,397
Well, no, it's just the
vibe, isn't it? It's a bit...
49
00:02:25,480 --> 00:02:26,637
What?
50
00:02:26,720 --> 00:02:29,517
You look like someone who decants
their cereal into containers.
51
00:02:29,600 --> 00:02:31,597
I do decant cereal
into containers.
52
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Cereal already comes
in a container.
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You know what? I
think we just have
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00:02:37,240 --> 00:02:39,277
a different idea of
what a partnership is.
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No, we don't. No?
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No. Where do you see
us in ten years, Jamma?
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Mykonos. No. Malaga. No!
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Blackpool?
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I want a family...
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JAMMA CHOKES ..with
someone who can
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carve a turkey or...
or fix a light,
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or raise a child in a home
that we have built together.
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00:02:56,600 --> 00:02:58,717
I just think turkey
is quite a dry meat.
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00:02:58,800 --> 00:03:00,517
I can't be with someone
who needs fixing.
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I don't need fixing.
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00:03:01,840 --> 00:03:03,517
Everything you touch
turns to chaos.
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00:03:03,600 --> 00:03:05,957
That is not true. What
are you talking about?
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00:03:06,040 --> 00:03:07,760
Is that my anchovy pizza?
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00:03:09,600 --> 00:03:12,997
Oh, my God. Jamma, they just
went outside for a smoke.
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00:03:13,080 --> 00:03:15,637
Um, sorry. We will
order you another pizza.
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We haven't got time.
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We've got to get to my
daughter's engagement party.
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00:03:18,760 --> 00:03:20,397
Well, I think if
we just calmly...
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00:03:20,480 --> 00:03:21,997
Mate...
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...don't tell me to calm down.
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00:03:23,600 --> 00:03:26,437
Er, it was just the waitress.
It's her first day, bless her.
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Which one?
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00:03:28,120 --> 00:03:30,077
Which...
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Which bloody waitress?
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Oh...
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...that bloody one.
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Darling...?
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00:03:39,000 --> 00:03:40,757
Are you serious? Might
as well while we can.
84
00:03:40,840 --> 00:03:43,557
Did one of these blokes
order this pizza from you?
85
00:03:43,640 --> 00:03:45,520
I ain't taken their order yet.
86
00:03:50,040 --> 00:03:51,080
Thank you.
87
00:03:52,960 --> 00:03:55,000
What have you got to
say for yourselves?
88
00:03:58,120 --> 00:04:00,320
We could do with
some chilli oil?
89
00:04:04,080 --> 00:04:06,837
Whoa! Fine. Oh, my God!
90
00:04:06,920 --> 00:04:08,037
That was too much.
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00:04:08,120 --> 00:04:11,157
I know, right? God, some
people are out of control.
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00:04:11,240 --> 00:04:12,517
Ohhhh!
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I've got a stain on my jacket.
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00:04:14,640 --> 00:04:17,117
Oh, I'll get it... No, Jamma.
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00:04:17,200 --> 00:04:19,477
Not everything's a
fucking clown act.
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00:04:19,560 --> 00:04:21,957
All right, I was
just trying to...
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I'm sorry.
98
00:04:23,360 --> 00:04:24,677
SIGHS DEEPLY
99
00:04:24,760 --> 00:04:26,397
Have you got a tissue, please?
100
00:04:26,480 --> 00:04:28,357
Yeah, I think,
um... It's a bit...
101
00:04:28,440 --> 00:04:29,880
Oh. Oh, shit, no.
102
00:04:32,320 --> 00:04:33,680
I came straight from work.
103
00:04:37,600 --> 00:04:39,517
CLEARS THROAT
104
00:04:39,600 --> 00:04:41,640
I think we should stop
seeing each other.
105
00:04:44,360 --> 00:04:46,640
Wait, I love-ove you...
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You can't even say I love you.
107
00:04:57,600 --> 00:05:00,037
Ah, the clown.
108
00:05:00,120 --> 00:05:01,997
So eager to be loved,
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00:05:02,080 --> 00:05:05,640
yet deep inside knowing
himself to be unworthy.
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00:05:06,600 --> 00:05:08,717
Tragique, don't you think?
111
00:05:08,800 --> 00:05:10,997
I... I don't have change, sorry.
112
00:05:11,080 --> 00:05:14,640
'Tis not I who
needs change, Jamma.
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How'd you know my name?
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Your, er... name badge there.
115
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Mr Majal. Soul merchant.
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00:05:24,160 --> 00:05:27,640
If you're looking for answers,
do drop by my emporium sometime.
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I swear that was a vape shop.
118
00:05:31,200 --> 00:05:32,437
No, it's not a vape shop.
119
00:05:32,520 --> 00:05:34,157
I had a mate who literally
bought a vape there this morning.
120
00:05:34,240 --> 00:05:36,877
No, it can't have been a vape.
It was probably an inhaler.
121
00:05:36,960 --> 00:05:40,277
I do remember someone quite
wheezy coming in this morning.
122
00:05:40,360 --> 00:05:41,477
So what exactly do you sell?
123
00:05:41,560 --> 00:05:43,640
Not vapes. OK. Basically.
124
00:05:46,320 --> 00:05:47,640
My card.
125
00:05:50,200 --> 00:05:54,640
A storm is coming, Jamma.
126
00:05:56,920 --> 00:05:58,320
You dropped your vape.
127
00:06:02,040 --> 00:06:05,597
Yes. I'm... looking
after it for a friend.
128
00:06:05,680 --> 00:06:07,400
Right. Anyway...
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SQUAWKS
130
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JAMMA COUGHS
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I can still see you.
132
00:06:42,480 --> 00:06:44,957
This is a Banana Line
train to Gravesend.
133
00:06:45,040 --> 00:06:47,237
If you see something
that doesn't look right,
134
00:06:47,320 --> 00:06:48,717
please talk to a
member of staff.
135
00:06:48,800 --> 00:06:51,080
See it, say it, a
storm is coming.
136
00:07:00,600 --> 00:07:02,717
Oh. Hi, Isaac.
137
00:07:02,800 --> 00:07:05,157
Hey, my guy. It's therapy time.
138
00:07:05,240 --> 00:07:08,637
Ah... Sorry, Isaac,
I can't today.
139
00:07:08,720 --> 00:07:11,917
I can't make good art until
I know what my trauma is.
140
00:07:12,000 --> 00:07:13,757
Right. Um, the thing is,
141
00:07:13,840 --> 00:07:15,917
I'm getting my photographs
taken for my book.
142
00:07:16,000 --> 00:07:17,477
Cool. What are you wearing?
143
00:07:17,560 --> 00:07:19,877
Well, I was going to wear
this, but now I have to change.
144
00:07:19,960 --> 00:07:21,077
Because of the vibe?
145
00:07:21,160 --> 00:07:23,877
No, actually, because of
the stain. Sorry, what vibe?
146
00:07:23,960 --> 00:07:25,717
Oh. It's fine. I'll
get out of your hair.
147
00:07:25,800 --> 00:07:27,517
No, wait...
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00:07:27,600 --> 00:07:31,197
Argh... Yeah. Maybe
I can help you...
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00:07:31,280 --> 00:07:32,640
...if you can help me.
150
00:07:34,600 --> 00:07:38,200
Grey, grey, grey, grey,
grey, tweed, herringbone.
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00:07:40,080 --> 00:07:42,397
Corduroy elbow patch? Really?
152
00:07:42,480 --> 00:07:44,717
Well?
153
00:07:44,800 --> 00:07:46,757
People are going to judge
this book by its cover.
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00:07:46,840 --> 00:07:48,917
OK. What... What do
you think the issue is?
155
00:07:49,000 --> 00:07:52,117
I hate to break it
to you, but, um...
156
00:07:52,200 --> 00:07:53,917
...yeah, you white.
157
00:07:54,000 --> 00:07:56,117
Sorry? Inheritance tax white.
158
00:07:56,200 --> 00:07:58,357
Right... Whitey-white white.
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00:07:58,440 --> 00:08:01,280
I don't think I can do
anything about that. Can I...?
160
00:08:02,600 --> 00:08:05,477
Yeah, no. No, no, right.
Come on, Isaac, just...
161
00:08:05,560 --> 00:08:09,757
Can't you just make something, like,
super funky out of all this lot?
162
00:08:09,840 --> 00:08:13,277
I'm an artist, not a magician.
Well, what else do you need?
163
00:08:13,360 --> 00:08:16,517
Give me 48 hours, a Jacobean
ruff and a welding torch.
164
00:08:16,600 --> 00:08:18,517
DOORBELL RINGS Ohh!
165
00:08:18,600 --> 00:08:19,917
That's the photographer!
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00:08:20,000 --> 00:08:22,160
Hey, that's OK. I have a plan B.
167
00:08:38,320 --> 00:08:39,640
Hi, Mum.
168
00:08:40,600 --> 00:08:41,717
What, Jamal?
169
00:08:41,800 --> 00:08:43,917
Oh, no, just, you
know... I miss you.
170
00:08:44,000 --> 00:08:45,637
I'm booked and busy.
171
00:08:45,720 --> 00:08:47,437
Yeah. Yeah, no, I know.
172
00:08:47,520 --> 00:08:50,237
I just, um, wondered
if I could come home,
173
00:08:50,320 --> 00:08:52,517
maybe stay in my old room.
174
00:08:52,600 --> 00:08:54,237
I'm using it for
my bodily needs.
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00:08:54,320 --> 00:08:55,957
Please stop calling
it bodily needs.
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00:08:56,040 --> 00:08:57,557
Fine. Sex.
177
00:08:57,640 --> 00:09:00,317
No! Bodily needs
is good, actually.
178
00:09:00,400 --> 00:09:02,037
Ma, please.
179
00:09:02,120 --> 00:09:04,560
Guy doesn't want
to see me any more.
180
00:09:06,600 --> 00:09:07,757
I feel really alone.
181
00:09:07,840 --> 00:09:09,437
Would it help if I tell you,
182
00:09:09,520 --> 00:09:12,237
when you were a child
you were quite unlovable?
183
00:09:12,320 --> 00:09:13,317
No, it wouldn't.
184
00:09:13,400 --> 00:09:16,000
Stop feeling sad, Jamal.
This is not who you are.
185
00:09:17,800 --> 00:09:19,997
What if I don't like who I am?
186
00:09:20,080 --> 00:09:21,680
Then change.
187
00:09:22,920 --> 00:09:26,917
And if you want to mention about
my bodily needs to your dad,
188
00:09:27,000 --> 00:09:29,037
you have my permission.
189
00:09:29,120 --> 00:09:30,640
Why would I do that...?
190
00:10:09,520 --> 00:10:11,077
SHOP BELL RINGS
191
00:10:11,160 --> 00:10:13,240
DOOR CREAKS
192
00:10:29,160 --> 00:10:30,680
Hello?
193
00:10:34,920 --> 00:10:37,000
DOOR SLAMS AND LOCKS
194
00:10:38,040 --> 00:10:39,520
Hello?
195
00:10:53,200 --> 00:10:56,080
Have you ever run away
with a travelling show?
196
00:10:57,600 --> 00:11:00,517
Uh, no, but I used
to work in marketing.
197
00:11:00,600 --> 00:11:02,917
Oh, what I wouldn't do
198
00:11:03,000 --> 00:11:06,997
to revive my glorious
troupe of freaks.
199
00:11:07,080 --> 00:11:08,317
You see, boy,
200
00:11:08,400 --> 00:11:12,240
everyone has their part to
play in the circus of life.
201
00:11:14,320 --> 00:11:17,080
The strongman -
uuugh - he lifts.
202
00:11:18,600 --> 00:11:21,757
The bullfighter - flaunts.
203
00:11:21,840 --> 00:11:23,480
Ahhhh!
204
00:11:24,560 --> 00:11:26,237
The stilts...
205
00:11:26,320 --> 00:11:28,880
...they complicate
my risk assessment.
206
00:11:30,000 --> 00:11:31,640
And the clown...
207
00:11:33,200 --> 00:11:34,957
CHUCKLES
208
00:11:35,040 --> 00:11:38,520
Oh, the clown has no skill
but his own stupidity.
209
00:11:40,040 --> 00:11:43,157
I can unburden
you from yourself.
210
00:11:43,240 --> 00:11:46,077
From this ridiculous costume.
211
00:11:46,160 --> 00:11:47,757
That's just my actual clothes.
212
00:11:47,840 --> 00:11:50,517
This helmet of regret.
213
00:11:50,600 --> 00:11:51,637
All right, bit harsh.
214
00:11:51,720 --> 00:11:53,197
The yurt of horror.
215
00:11:53,280 --> 00:11:55,157
OK, well, this is who I am. Ah!
216
00:11:55,240 --> 00:11:59,157
But is this who your
guy wants to be with?
217
00:11:59,240 --> 00:12:00,517
How'd you know his name?
218
00:12:00,600 --> 00:12:03,757
I don't. Right.
219
00:12:03,840 --> 00:12:06,997
Wait a minute. Is your
guy actually called Guy?
220
00:12:07,080 --> 00:12:09,317
Yeah, he is, yeah.
Oh! It's confusing...
221
00:12:09,400 --> 00:12:11,397
Behold!
222
00:12:11,480 --> 00:12:13,040
Your future.
223
00:12:17,600 --> 00:12:18,957
In you go.
224
00:12:19,040 --> 00:12:20,517
CHILD GIGGLING
225
00:12:20,600 --> 00:12:22,000
Go on.
226
00:12:26,840 --> 00:12:29,557
Isabella? Yes, Daddy?
227
00:12:29,640 --> 00:12:32,477
Oh, hello. My little
tornado of energy.
228
00:12:32,560 --> 00:12:34,997
Woo-woo! Should we
give Papa his gift?
229
00:12:35,080 --> 00:12:36,240
Yeah. Yeah?
230
00:12:40,040 --> 00:12:42,517
Hope everyone's hungry. That
looks absolutely delicious.
231
00:12:42,600 --> 00:12:45,557
Oh, stop it! So, we have got
you a little gift, haven't we?
232
00:12:45,640 --> 00:12:47,237
Oh, you shouldn't have.
233
00:12:47,320 --> 00:12:49,237
I hope it's not too boring.
234
00:12:49,320 --> 00:12:53,717
Hey, boring is just another word
for reliable and consistent.
235
00:12:53,800 --> 00:12:56,037
Aww.
236
00:12:56,120 --> 00:12:57,677
Hell of a view.
237
00:12:57,760 --> 00:12:59,120
Hell of a view, too.
238
00:13:00,440 --> 00:13:02,277
Hell of a view?!
239
00:13:02,360 --> 00:13:03,877
That's our thing.
240
00:13:03,960 --> 00:13:05,040
Nigel, baby...
241
00:13:06,520 --> 00:13:08,320
...I think that lamp's blinking.
242
00:13:11,080 --> 00:13:12,717
Guy, it's me.
243
00:13:12,800 --> 00:13:14,557
Guy?
244
00:13:14,640 --> 00:13:16,957
It's Jamma.
245
00:13:17,040 --> 00:13:19,037
Hell of a view!
246
00:13:19,120 --> 00:13:20,877
Guy, what do... No! Hell of a...
247
00:13:20,960 --> 00:13:23,240
JAMMA'S VOICE IS SILENCED
248
00:13:26,040 --> 00:13:28,237
Right, that's fixed.
249
00:13:28,320 --> 00:13:30,957
DISTANTLY ECHOING: Hell
of a view! Hell of a view!
250
00:13:31,040 --> 00:13:33,360
Hell of a vi-i-iew!
251
00:13:37,840 --> 00:13:39,037
I don't want to be the lamp.
252
00:13:39,120 --> 00:13:42,037
Then who do you want to be?
253
00:13:42,120 --> 00:13:43,797
The kid.
254
00:13:43,880 --> 00:13:45,757
You what? I want to be the kid.
255
00:13:45,840 --> 00:13:48,277
You can't be the kid. Why
not? Cos the kid's the kid.
256
00:13:48,360 --> 00:13:49,517
Yeah, but she got
all the attention.
257
00:13:49,600 --> 00:13:51,157
You're already a kid.
That's the problem.
258
00:13:51,240 --> 00:13:52,237
I thought I was the lamp!
259
00:13:52,320 --> 00:13:53,600
SIGHS SCORNFULLY
260
00:13:59,080 --> 00:14:00,640
I want to be Nigel!
261
00:14:04,400 --> 00:14:07,437
Then Nigel you shall be.
262
00:14:07,520 --> 00:14:09,240
THUNDERCLAP
263
00:14:17,840 --> 00:14:20,440
SHOP BELL RINGS Excuse
me. Do you sell vapes?
264
00:14:22,800 --> 00:14:24,000
God's sake!
265
00:14:26,840 --> 00:14:28,437
Go on, then. What you after?
266
00:14:28,520 --> 00:14:30,360
Triple mango.
MOCKING: Triple mango!
267
00:14:33,120 --> 00:14:35,357
Isaac, I'm not sure this works.
268
00:14:35,440 --> 00:14:37,517
They're my clothes, of
course they'll work.
269
00:14:37,600 --> 00:14:39,277
Just come on out.
You'll look great.
270
00:14:39,360 --> 00:14:40,880
DOOR OPENS
271
00:14:44,600 --> 00:14:46,357
How do you look even whiter?
272
00:14:46,440 --> 00:14:48,117
Great. I make even
your clothes look bad.
273
00:14:48,200 --> 00:14:49,877
No, no, no, we can
still make this work.
274
00:14:49,960 --> 00:14:52,037
What's the demographic
for your book?
275
00:14:52,120 --> 00:14:54,517
I don't know, it's like
40s and sophisticated...
276
00:14:54,600 --> 00:14:57,517
Rich, entitled... No,
self-improvement enthusiasts.
277
00:14:57,600 --> 00:15:00,157
People with wine cellars
having a midlife crisis.
278
00:15:00,240 --> 00:15:01,997
No, we call it a life pivot now.
279
00:15:02,080 --> 00:15:03,917
That's a weird thing
to call a wine cellar.
280
00:15:04,000 --> 00:15:07,917
Right. Isaac... I just don't want
to look like a cliche therapist.
281
00:15:08,000 --> 00:15:10,917
That's it. Which is exactly what
a cliche therapist would say.
282
00:15:11,000 --> 00:15:13,157
In order to not be
a cliche therapist,
283
00:15:13,240 --> 00:15:16,437
you need to lean even more
into being a cliche therapist.
284
00:15:16,520 --> 00:15:17,917
Ready?
285
00:15:18,000 --> 00:15:19,557
Um... Yeah, we're ready.
286
00:15:19,640 --> 00:15:22,277
At this rate, I'll be a
tortured artist in no time.
287
00:15:22,360 --> 00:15:23,720
Oh, no.
288
00:15:28,920 --> 00:15:30,040
Right.
289
00:15:35,520 --> 00:15:37,840
THUNDER CRASHES
290
00:15:39,760 --> 00:15:40,880
Cheers.
291
00:15:43,360 --> 00:15:44,717
Ooh!
292
00:15:44,800 --> 00:15:46,837
Hoo! Ha! Ah!
293
00:15:46,920 --> 00:15:48,157
Jesus!
294
00:15:48,240 --> 00:15:51,077
Wiggle your feet out, so
you're standing a bit wider.
295
00:15:51,160 --> 00:15:52,877
Now you own land.
296
00:15:52,960 --> 00:15:55,197
Chin down. What are you
doing with your chin?
297
00:15:55,280 --> 00:15:56,917
Chin down with the
attitude of chin up,
298
00:15:57,000 --> 00:15:59,477
but just look
comfortable. You got it.
299
00:15:59,560 --> 00:16:02,477
Sorry, are we sure about the wine?
No, it's great! It's aspirational.
300
00:16:02,560 --> 00:16:04,477
You know what? Offer us the
wine. We want some of this.
301
00:16:04,560 --> 00:16:06,237
Yeah, you can have
this lifestyle too.
302
00:16:06,320 --> 00:16:07,597
Yeah. Get this, get this.
303
00:16:07,680 --> 00:16:10,077
Hey. Is this a good time
to talk about my trauma?
304
00:16:10,160 --> 00:16:11,437
Great.
305
00:16:11,520 --> 00:16:13,917
It's a bit cold.
Don't be such a baby!
306
00:16:14,000 --> 00:16:16,040
Eee... Ooh!
307
00:16:18,800 --> 00:16:20,917
THUNDER CRASHES
308
00:16:21,000 --> 00:16:23,757
The wind's going crazy in your face.
Your hair's going everywhere...
309
00:16:23,840 --> 00:16:25,717
I've got a hat on.
So here's the thing,
310
00:16:25,800 --> 00:16:27,917
I think my art's shit because
I don't have any trauma.
311
00:16:28,000 --> 00:16:30,997
Right. Er... Relax your
shoulders. Do some shoulder rolls.
312
00:16:31,080 --> 00:16:33,997
Get that, get that,
get the shoulder rolls.
313
00:16:34,080 --> 00:16:35,960
HE WHIMPERS
314
00:16:41,680 --> 00:16:44,200
Eee... Oh, ya... Ha!
315
00:16:47,000 --> 00:16:48,400
It's the time.
316
00:16:49,360 --> 00:16:50,760
Ha...
317
00:16:54,160 --> 00:16:55,717
BLOWS TRUMPET
318
00:16:55,800 --> 00:16:57,237
I think maybe it is my family.
319
00:16:57,320 --> 00:16:59,357
You know, I always felt invisible
around them. Don't pout.
320
00:16:59,440 --> 00:17:01,917
Well, my publisher is not
going to sign any of this off.
321
00:17:02,000 --> 00:17:03,277
Give me a pose that says,
322
00:17:03,360 --> 00:17:06,957
"I just built a walk-in
wardrobe for my labradoodle."
323
00:17:07,040 --> 00:17:08,477
HE MUMBLES
324
00:17:08,560 --> 00:17:10,560
HE LAUGHS MANIACALLY
325
00:17:17,600 --> 00:17:20,717
I think Jamma stole all
the trauma in the family...
326
00:17:20,800 --> 00:17:22,157
Oh, really? ..and left
none of it for me.
327
00:17:22,240 --> 00:17:25,277
Do you know how unfair that is?
Does that make Jamma my trauma?
328
00:17:25,360 --> 00:17:27,117
Does that make
Jamma YOUR trauma?
329
00:17:27,200 --> 00:17:29,317
Does that mean we're
trauma-bonded now, Guy?
330
00:17:29,400 --> 00:17:31,240
Oh, my God, uh!
331
00:17:36,000 --> 00:17:37,717
Guy? What's up?
332
00:17:37,800 --> 00:17:39,120
I still look boring.
333
00:17:41,360 --> 00:17:43,917
Holy shit.
334
00:17:44,000 --> 00:17:45,637
I look boring.
335
00:17:45,720 --> 00:17:49,040
Yes. That was the
main objective.
336
00:17:54,360 --> 00:17:55,997
My Guy?
337
00:17:56,080 --> 00:17:58,200
This is not why I
wrote a book, OK?
338
00:18:03,000 --> 00:18:05,040
Well, why did you write a book?
339
00:18:06,600 --> 00:18:08,917
Why did I write a book? Yeah.
340
00:18:09,000 --> 00:18:11,957
Because I wanted to create
more nuanced narratives
341
00:18:12,040 --> 00:18:13,880
around queer
relationship models.
342
00:18:15,000 --> 00:18:16,957
And because I wanted
to be more interesting.
343
00:18:17,040 --> 00:18:18,637
Hmm. You are interesting.
344
00:18:18,720 --> 00:18:20,117
No, I'm not. Actually not...
345
00:18:20,200 --> 00:18:22,637
...not next to Jamma.
He's, like, the zany one.
346
00:18:22,720 --> 00:18:25,997
I'm the one that decants
cereal into containers.
347
00:18:26,080 --> 00:18:27,717
Why would anyone do that?
348
00:18:27,800 --> 00:18:28,877
I know.
349
00:18:28,960 --> 00:18:30,280
Yeah, it's fucked up.
350
00:18:32,000 --> 00:18:33,597
Yeah, I know.
351
00:18:33,680 --> 00:18:34,917
Cereal already comes
in a container.
352
00:18:35,000 --> 00:18:37,600
SARCASTICALLY: Oh, oh, does
it? Oh, wow. Thank you.
353
00:18:41,120 --> 00:18:43,917
OK, um... how about you
wear something zany, then?
354
00:18:44,000 --> 00:18:45,917
We haven't got any time, Isaac.
Where the hell are we going to find
355
00:18:46,000 --> 00:18:49,040
an outfit that's not
yours or mine, huh?
356
00:19:02,840 --> 00:19:06,157
So edgy, so unpredictable,
so subversive.
357
00:19:06,240 --> 00:19:09,117
Genius, thy name is
Isaac. This is it.
358
00:19:09,200 --> 00:19:12,237
Fuck the system! Fuck
the system! Say it.
359
00:19:12,320 --> 00:19:13,677
Say it with your
chest. Fuck the system!
360
00:19:13,760 --> 00:19:17,277
Yeah, go on, fuck off, system.
You getting this? Whoo!
361
00:19:17,360 --> 00:19:19,957
Fuck decanting cereal
into containers.
362
00:19:20,040 --> 00:19:22,040
Fuck it all! Fuck it
all and eat it. Yes!
363
00:19:25,760 --> 00:19:29,477
Ooh! I'm craving a boiled sweet.
364
00:19:29,560 --> 00:19:31,197
Wow.
365
00:19:31,280 --> 00:19:34,077
I'm feeling a sudden urge
to open an ISA account.
366
00:19:34,160 --> 00:19:37,397
Yes. It's working. Why have I
never thought of a pension before?
367
00:19:37,480 --> 00:19:40,757
Yes. I mean, starting at 25
versus 35 could double my savings
368
00:19:40,840 --> 00:19:42,997
due to compound interest.
How do I know that?!
369
00:19:43,080 --> 00:19:45,717
You know, you're sucking
the life out of me!
370
00:19:45,800 --> 00:19:48,037
Perfect.
371
00:19:48,120 --> 00:19:49,717
Wait.
372
00:19:49,800 --> 00:19:51,437
What if this doesn't work out?
373
00:19:51,520 --> 00:19:53,917
Well, I have a very
flexible returns policy.
374
00:19:54,000 --> 00:19:57,397
Which is? Two working days or...
375
00:19:57,480 --> 00:19:59,160
...the next blood moon.
376
00:20:01,000 --> 00:20:02,917
When's the next blood moon?
377
00:20:03,000 --> 00:20:06,477
Two working days,
subject to availability.
378
00:20:06,560 --> 00:20:07,757
My mood may change
without notice.
379
00:20:07,840 --> 00:20:10,160
Terms and conditions
apply. ATOL protected.
380
00:20:11,760 --> 00:20:13,717
Sounds good.
381
00:20:13,800 --> 00:20:15,957
Thank you. Ah! HE GASPS
382
00:20:16,040 --> 00:20:18,680
I have such a firm
handshake! Oh, my God!
383
00:20:19,720 --> 00:20:22,160
Oh, it's amazing. BELL RINGS
384
00:20:31,600 --> 00:20:33,557
At first, he wasn't sure
about the pin badge,
385
00:20:33,640 --> 00:20:34,837
then that's when I said,
386
00:20:34,920 --> 00:20:37,357
"I'm not a personal shopper.
"I'm a personal swapper."
387
00:20:37,440 --> 00:20:38,437
Genius, right?
388
00:20:38,520 --> 00:20:40,557
Isaac, you've made him
look like a racist.
389
00:20:40,640 --> 00:20:43,437
No, no, it's Antifa vibes,
OK? It's subversive.
390
00:20:43,520 --> 00:20:44,917
Not on Guy it's not.
391
00:20:45,000 --> 00:20:47,797
How is it racist if I'm
the one who styled it?
392
00:20:47,880 --> 00:20:50,157
Because no-one is
going to know that.
393
00:20:50,240 --> 00:20:52,757
What if he's a therapist
who's been through things?
394
00:20:52,840 --> 00:20:54,480
What, like an EDL march?
395
00:20:56,000 --> 00:20:57,677
Thanks, Isaac.
396
00:20:57,760 --> 00:21:00,437
God, you really stopped me
from looking like a pillock.
397
00:21:00,520 --> 00:21:02,717
All good. Thanks for the lift.
398
00:21:02,800 --> 00:21:04,960
All right. See you
at the book launch.
399
00:21:06,000 --> 00:21:07,480
You look like a fascist!
400
00:21:10,640 --> 00:21:12,680
Ohhh!
401
00:21:17,000 --> 00:21:19,277
Hiya. It's Guy. Um, can you give
me a call when you get this?
402
00:21:19,360 --> 00:21:22,917
I just, um, sent you an email. Um,
maybe don't open the attachments.
403
00:21:23,000 --> 00:21:26,357
Um... You know what? Can
you just come and meet me?
404
00:21:26,440 --> 00:21:29,197
I'm going to send you my
location, OK? Thanks. Bye.
405
00:21:29,280 --> 00:21:31,717
Guy? Uh...
406
00:21:31,800 --> 00:21:33,597
Jamma? What's happened to you?
407
00:21:33,680 --> 00:21:34,997
What happened to you?
408
00:21:35,080 --> 00:21:37,637
It's Isaac. Oh. Yeah.
409
00:21:37,720 --> 00:21:39,997
Well, at least the photos
aren't going to be boring.
410
00:21:40,080 --> 00:21:42,597
Boring is a good thing.
411
00:21:42,680 --> 00:21:43,877
What?
412
00:21:43,960 --> 00:21:45,437
HE LAUGHS NERVOUSLY
413
00:21:45,520 --> 00:21:48,917
Yeah. Yeah. Boring is, um...
414
00:21:49,000 --> 00:21:51,917
...just another word for
reliable and consistent.
415
00:21:52,000 --> 00:21:55,357
What... Er, you're... I
appreciate you saying that.
416
00:21:55,440 --> 00:21:58,197
Decanting cereal
is space efficient.
417
00:21:58,280 --> 00:22:02,797
Whoa. Yes, it is. Wow. OK.
Yeah, well, it... it is.
418
00:22:02,880 --> 00:22:05,477
Yeah. Yeah, it really
is, actually. Yeah.
419
00:22:05,560 --> 00:22:09,120
Do you want to, um... Do you
want to get a coffee or...?
420
00:22:11,000 --> 00:22:13,037
No.
421
00:22:13,120 --> 00:22:14,397
No?
422
00:22:14,480 --> 00:22:16,717
No, no. I...
423
00:22:16,800 --> 00:22:19,997
I said no...
424
00:22:20,080 --> 00:22:22,877
No. What? I'm trying to say...
425
00:22:22,960 --> 00:22:24,517
Y... You're good!
426
00:22:24,600 --> 00:22:27,277
I mean, it hasn't got to
be coffee. We could get...
427
00:22:27,360 --> 00:22:30,440
No, I would love...
a credit score!
428
00:22:32,400 --> 00:22:35,797
Credit score? Sorry. What
I'm trying to say is...
429
00:22:35,880 --> 00:22:39,240
...I need to grow up and
respect your boundaries.
430
00:22:42,120 --> 00:22:45,117
Wow. OK. Guy, those photos...
431
00:22:45,200 --> 00:22:46,677
Oh, God. Sorry, I can explain.
432
00:22:46,760 --> 00:22:50,117
No, I love them. Very
much your demographic. Oh.
433
00:22:50,200 --> 00:22:55,117
Who's this? Um... Uh, sorry.
Uh, this is my publisher.
434
00:22:55,200 --> 00:22:57,277
Hi. Nigel.
435
00:22:57,360 --> 00:22:59,477
Nigel. Same name?
436
00:22:59,560 --> 00:23:01,717
No. No, my name's... Coffee?
437
00:23:01,800 --> 00:23:03,677
Oh, my God, definitely. No,
no, don't have coffee with him.
438
00:23:03,760 --> 00:23:05,480
Have coffee with m... him.
439
00:23:08,000 --> 00:23:10,077
OK. I'll see you around.
440
00:23:10,160 --> 00:23:11,840
Yeah. No. Um...
441
00:23:13,920 --> 00:23:15,997
Have fun with...
442
00:23:16,080 --> 00:23:17,760
...Nigel.
443
00:23:23,400 --> 00:23:25,557
I need to get health insurance.
444
00:23:25,640 --> 00:23:29,437
♪ Are you dying for a change-up?
445
00:23:29,520 --> 00:23:33,117
♪ Are you looking for me?
446
00:23:33,200 --> 00:23:37,077
♪ Are you frightened
of the lightning?
447
00:23:37,160 --> 00:23:40,880
♪ Do you want to
stay the same? ♪
31913
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