All language subtitles for Watch Freshman Orientation (2004) - Free Movies - Tubi

[acoustic guitar]

Oh, yeah. Oh!

Oh, yeah.

That's it.

Quit it, Clay!

And did I say you could
touch my tits?

No means no.

Yeah, you didn't
say "no."

Well, I was thinking it.

Sweetie, you got it
all wrong.

Your consent
is my aphrodisiac.

Here, drink more.

Look, I don't wanna
force you to do anything

you don't want
to do, okay?

I'm just sayin'
I'm—— I'm going
to college tomorrow.

You know?
And I may never
see you again.

And that hurts.

We just met tonight.

Yeah. You see,
this is fate.

[scoffs]
Men will say
anything to get off.

Hey, what I'm feeling now
with you is very, very real.

I don't feel so good.

Oh, baby,
you gotta relax.

Don't worry;
I'm a feminist.

Oh, my God.

[retching]

[rock]

Yeah.

A bright—eyed girl
in hand—me—downs

Whose name I never
could pronounce

Said, pity please
the ones who serve

They only get
what they deserve

The rich—relationed
hometown queen

Marries into
what she needs

A guarantee of company

And haven for the elderly

Remember those
who win the game

Lose the love
they sought to gain

In debentures of quality

And dubious integrity

Their small—town eyes
will gape at you

In dull surprise
when payments due

Exceeds accounts
received at 17

Hi.
Hi.

Here, let me help you.

Oh...ssshit.
[crash]

[Girl screams]
Fuck!

Dick!

And those whose names
were never called

When choosing sides
at basketball

Ground rules, Matt:
you don't touch my shit,

you don't drink my beer,
you don't smoke my stash.

Oh, if you come back
on up to the room

and you hear the reggae
music playin',

I'll be plowin' some snatch,
so back the fuckoff!

How's it goin', guys?

What up, faggot?

[farts]

Yeah. Okay, then.

[Woman]
See that porch?

That's where your father
pinned me 20 years ago.

Lord, was he handsome!

Mmm!

And then,
just two years later,

he proposed to me
right on this step.

Impotent prick.

Mother, boundaries,
please.

Oh, please.

Your father ran off
with a nutritionist.

He won't pay
for your education,

he owes me
ten grand in alimony,

and he was about as sexually
stimulating as CNN.

He's a worthless,
flaccid prick!

[sighs]
God.

You know, I never had
an orgasm with him, ever.

Ew!

Thank God we got this
Tau Sorority scholarship

and the National Chapter said
you can live here for free.

You know, I could've done
the Work—Study Program

or even gotten a job.

A job? Please.

Mom, there are
plenty of things

someone like me
could do.

Such as?

Honey, you are
an 18—year—old
former prom queen.

You're thinking
of skipping college
to become a waitress?

That's a goddamned
country song.

Mrs. Paul?

Serena Smithson,
president of the Taus.

And you must be Amanda.

Stunning.

All right.

You're Malcolm Woods,
right?

Hey, I'm your roommate!
I'm Clay Adams!

Nice to meet you, man!

I see you took the right
side of the room.

Looks like
a great side.

I'm psyched
to be here, man!

You wanna go get
some, uh—— some food?

Jesus hates me.

[sighs]

Gross.

You know, I was wondering
when I would run into

some other loser
from high school.

And of course,
it had to be you.

Ugh!

Marjorie, why do you
look so weird?

'Cause I'm a lesbian
now, asshole.

So you could just
forget about us
getting back together.

I know how men think.

We went out, like,
twice in tenth grade.

Yeah, well, don't think
I munch box now

just because
you dumped me.

Wait, "munch box"?

Lick pussy?

[Girl]
Ew.

Get used to it.

This is bullshit,
Marjorie.

This is, like,
e

when you told everyone
you were black.

Nigga, I said
I was adopted!

Gotcha.
[slam]

I am Professor Jackson,
and this is Introduction
to American Civilization.

Now, before we get started,
t

about all of you.

You. Right there.

Tell me a little bit
about yourself.

I'm Marjorie Simmons
from Oshkosh, Wisconsin.

I plan to major
in Women's Studies,

with a minor
in Queer Theory.

I'm proud to say
that I am an out,

woman—identified,
lesbian activist.

[laughing]
Oh, my God.

You find something
amusing, Mr...

Adams. Clay Adams.

Yeah, he doesn't think
that I'm a real lesbian.

Fascist.

And what exactly
is a "real lesbian"?

A woman who...
likes other women.

Do you like women,
Ms. Simmons?

I love them.

Sounds to me like
she's a lesbian.

She can't just say
she's a lesbian,

especially
if it's not true.

And how do you
know this?

Because of my
history with her.

History? I see.

So, it's his story
against her story.

Well, Mr. Adams,
you just illustrated
the theoretical conundrum

of contemporary
American society.

I did?

The world
is a linguistic
battlefield.

Man, woman,
gay, straight,

black, white,
penis, vagina!

We are engaged
in a semiotic battle

over control
of these inchoate
postmodern definitions.

Do you understand me,
Mr. Adams?

No.

Let me put it
to you this way.

Either you like bush
or you don't.

You—— you mean
the president?

Therein, students,
lies the problem.

Now, you, over there.

I'm in the wrong class.

[tires screeching]

Fuck!

Oh!
Get outta here!

[regg]

I need my meal card!

Sexiled, huh?

You, too?

Kind of.

I'm, uh——
I'm Clay Adams.

I, uh——
I'm your neighbor.

I don't think we've met.

Matt Meyers.

Nice to meet you, man.

[girl moaning]
[boy growling]

I hate my life.

Well, I'd let you
room with me,

but I got stuck
with boy interrupted.

[girl moaning]
[boy yelling]

[banging]
[girl screams]

Okay, that's my cue
to go to the library.

Okay, you're officially
my first friend in college.

And to celebrate,
we're gonna go tap

into this campus
hoasis, man.

[scoffs]

You know, I'm not really
looking for, uh, hos.

Oh, you're a virgin, huh?

[scoffs]
Why would you say that?

Dude, any guy that says
they don't live for sex
hasn't had any yet.

That's retarded.
It's time to party, dude!

Come on!

[screaming]
Party!

Whoo—— Wha!

[people carousing]
[hip hop]

Ever heard of Vertigo?

Well, ain't
no way else to go

Prevail knows the faculties
our poison lay you vertical

It's only murder for every
small animal committed

The only difference
is I won't admit I did it

There's a limit as to how far
my posse's willing to bend

The Don of a burgundy autumn
blinds the minds of most men

Vomiting from the quarantine
praying for the end

You can tell by the stench
that the venom's setting in

On the plane
in which you reign,
it's classified as do or die

But in the realm
in which we dwell

It's puncture necks
and multiply

Imagine the madness

The return of the Jew
from Nazareth

Oh, my God, man.
Look at these chicks.

We're surrounded
by "before shots."

I thought the ugly ones
were easier to lay.

It's a myth, my friend.

The unattractive ones
think it's their insides
that are really beautiful,

so you gotta waste
a lot of time and energy

making 'em think
that you're attracted
to their personalities.

Gotcha.

[Clay]
Check out Miss Piggy.

Watch and learn,
my friend.

Hey.

Nice, uh, sweater.

Thanks.

So tell me, if you could
do anything right now,

what would it be?

Finish this
and puke it up.

Yeah, nice work.

Hey, I saw two fat chicks
headed over there.

[Girl]
You are so
beautiful, Amanda.

I fuckin' love that
you're my pledge sister
andmy roommate.

Oh, my God.
Wow, your nose is,
like, perfect.

Oh, yeah.
Well, it was fixed.

It was a birthday gift.

I fuckin' love you
for telling me that!

Are your tits fake, too?

Nope, these are
natural gifts.

Oh, if I didn't
love you so much,

I'd fuckin' hate your guts.

Uhh.
Are you okay?

Oh, yeah.
No, I'm fine.
I'm fine.

This is all just a little,
um...overwhelming.

I know. It's like
an all—you—can—eat
buffet in here.

Some of these
guys are hot.

Check out Tazwell Thomas.

That boy puts dew
on my lily.

Oh, I hear his dick
is, like, a foot long.
Hmm.

Oh, my God.
I just got my period.

Oh. Okay, um...

Here...you go.
Oh, I fucking love you!

Be right back.
'Kay.

[moaning]

Looks like you could
use a drink.

I'm—— I'm an artist.
He's a poet.

My art teacher raped me
in high school.

My grandfather
used to read me poems...

right before he'd get
into bed with me.

How 'bout a refill
on those drinks?

Hey, dude.
Make it hot, buddy.

So, Amanda,
you pledgin' Tau?

Yes, I sure am.

Well, you don't seem
too excited about it.

Oh, no, I'm very excited.

I mean, I get to spend
the next four years

stepping over
puddles of puke.

Oh, it's not so bad.

I mean, you definitely can't
tell from all this bullshit,

but there are some
pretty cool people here.

Oh, and let me guess.
You're one of them?

What? Who, me?

Nah, I'm just
a rich white guy,

president of a fraternity,
future lawyer.

I'm definitely not cool.

Yeah, well,
I'm just a dumb blonde.

Well, hell, Amanda,
it looks like we're
made for each other.

You think so?

I do.

Two minutes.
I'll be right back.

Hi, ladies.
Serena.

Get away from me.
Oh, come on.

Can't we just
bury the hatchet?

Do you...remember
the last time

we saw each other?

[panting, sighs]
[sucking noises]

I think we should
see other people.

Are you fucking
kidding me?

Come on, that was
the old me, Serena.

I've changed.

I'm gonna treat
women better.

You know, being accused
of date rape was——

was the best thing
that could have ever
happened to me.

And by the way,
she dropped the charges.

You are so full of it.

What's with
these women, man?

I mean, they're all...

damaged, overly academic,
born—again virgins,

total teasers,
sexually ambiguous,

political activists,
.

Old—fashioned femininity
is dead, Matt.

Girls today are
total downers, man.

Word.

[glass breaking]
[Boy]
Yeah! Whoo hoo hoo!

There are 10,000 women
on this campus.

Where are the ones
.

sit on your face and fuck
?

I wanna find
those nasty girls
that are dumb, blonde,

uninhibited,
sexually—giving,
old—school be—yatches!

Be—yatches.

Where are they
hidin', man?

[dance]

I'm a Leo.

I don't really
care much for books,

but I love
giving blow jobs.

When I'm masturbating
in the shower,

I think about what
a naughty girl I am.

My girlfriends
in the sorority
are also total sluts.

Oh...

Come here, Clay.

Do me in the butt.

Sweet Jesus.

Sorority girls.
[record scratches]

Let me show you
how to move it, do it

Let me show you
how to shake it, break it

Then when you see
the money, girl
Take it, take it

[no audible dialogue]
Last time I had
to do this

I was in the mix
of a whole lotta chicks

Be gettin' my crew steady,
pushin' my wits

[Tazwell]
I'm serious, Serena.

I want something
real with a girl.

Oh, really?

Like my new
pledge upstairs?

What? Who, Amanda?

Yeah, yeah.
She has potential.

You expect me
to believe

that you can hold out
with a girl,

date her,
andbe monogamous,

get to know
a woman as a person
before you fuck her?

Yes!

And why do I have to prove
anything to you, anyway?

My business is to protect
my sisters from men,

especially the pretty,
vulnerable ones like Amanda.

[snickers]
You sound like a lesbian.

[stomps]
Ow! Bitch!

Fuck you, Tazwell.

This little act
is never going to last.

You know, you're not
gonna believe

what a sensitive,
freakin' male I can be.

Eat shit.

I'm horny.

I'm—— I'm Matt.

You're adorable.

[laughs]
I wanna see you
better, baby.

Let me turn on
the brights.

It's not gonna
suck itself, you know?

What? What?
Come on. Come on.

Are you—— Are you even
a student here?

Duh. Yeah.

Since 1991.
[laughs]

Oh, fuck.
I'm gonna hurl.

[puking]

Nice meeting you.

A hundred million people
seeing my way

[rock]

So go ahead,
play the hero this time

If you have any spine

What?
Uh, well, I was—-

Hey, sorry about that.
Hey.

Had some
fraternity business.

Hey, you wanna go
check out the band?

Yeah, let's go.
All right.

What's up, bro?

Thanks for reminding me
why I never go out, ever.

[chuckles]
Come on, man.
It wasn't that bad.

It was cool
to hang out with you.

Yeah, cool.

Well, good night.
All right, man.

[Boy]
Shut the fuckin'
light off!

[Matt]
.

Oh, my God!

He hanged himself!

Malcolm!

I think he's dead, dude.

Whoa.

[people murmuring]

So, when you movin' in?
I'll get my stuff.

Yeah.
[clears throat]

Friends, I share
with you my heart

And when someday we part

We'll have
so many memories

Since I met you

[off key]
We are sisters

We are...

[shouting]
One

Take a chill pill, Jessica.

Okay, now to solidify
your place in Tau history,

one final challenge:
the freak fest.

Take one and pass the hat.

Written on each slip of paper
you will see a type of person.

Your Tau pledge mission...

find the freak,
work your charms,

and get him to declare
his love for you.

I'm literally fucked.

What's so bad
about that?

Hello. I'm a Jew!

What'd you get?

[sucks in breath]
Harsh.

In three weeks,
we're having a party.

Bring your dates, and then,
without mercy, dump them.

[girls murmuring]

You will prove
to your sisters

that you can survive
in this world,

that if pushed
you can be

as disgusting
and ruthless as men.

Rabbi Lebowitz
is gonna fuckin' die!

[Clay]
Here they come.

This is creepy.
I feel like Ted Bundy.

There's the one
from the party.

She's my favorite.

Aren't these girls
a little out
of your league?

Have you ever
read Darwin, man?
Of course.

Okay, so you know
about natural selection,
survival of the fittest.

Look, if we're gonna mate
with that species of girl,

we just need to become
a superior breed of male.

So we should go
to the gym or something?

No, we should become
frat boys, dude!

I mean, what better way
to fortify our masculinity

than some classic
male bonding?

Uh, don't need to bond
with any males.

I'm gonna make
a man out of you.

[Tazwell]
Party time
is over, pledges.

Now it's time to show us
if you're worthy enough

to join our
sacred brotherhood.

Hear now from Master Colin,
your pledge trainer.

Welcome to hell.

Prepare for your
first beating.

Rub it on his balls.

[gagging]
Oh...

Fuck.

Ugh, man.

[screams]

Uhh! God!

[screams]

So this is how
males bond?

[gagging]

[coughing, burping]

Oh...
[Boy]
Oh, God.

Oh, f——

[snoring]

[burp]
[fart]

[Tazwell]
These two.

I'm all out of love

I'm so lost without you

I know you were right

Believing for so long

I'm all out of love

What am I without you?

I can't be too late

Please tell me
you're not spooning me.

Hmm?

Mmm, five more minutes, Mom.

Shit, dude!
You've got morning wood!

[crowd murmuring]

No, I don't!

Huh!

It's kind of romantic.

I wanna die.

Sorry.

[Girl]
Get a room!

[Boy]
Give me my floss back.

What am I without you?

I can't be too late
to say that I was so wrong

I'm all out of love

I'm so lost without you

[students chatting]

Hey, faggots!

[boys laughing]

[Boy]
Call me.

Even Felicity didn't
have it this bad.

I feel like shit, dude.

I don't know, Clay.

This whole fraternity scene
just isn't my thing.

Let's just forget
about this morning.

I felt your boner
against my thigh, Matt.

I need some coffee.

[Jessica]
If anyone on Long Island

finds out I'm mackin'
on a Muslim,

my parents will be
banished from temple.
This is evil.

I'm not happy with it, either,
but we have to do it.

And then you'll be able
to keep your scholarship,

live in the house
for free,

and I'll still be
allowed to talk to you.

Everybody wins.

Besides, guys do
this shit all the time.

Think of this
as our revenge on them.

Are you saying this
could be empowering for us

as, like, women?

I don't know.
I...guess.
Whatever.

Okay, well, political
role reversal aside,

where the hell am I
gonna find a gay guy
to fall in love with me?

My dad says
homosexuality's
everywhere...

like Mexicans.

What about him?

Oh, someone gay
would use a tissue.

What about him?

Oh, God.
Never mind.

What about that?

[stammering]
I don't think
he has a sexuality.

Oh, my God. There!

The gay guy
from the green
this morning.

No, no.
He doesn't seem gay.

Did you hear
the soft rock?

Just go! Talk to him.

Maybe he's ready
to give up the gay life.

It's not like
changing a sweater.

Just go!

What if he's
not even gay?

Then we'll go hang out
in the drama department
later, okay?

Come on, just go
and talk to him.

All right!
Shut up.

Hi.

Hi. I'm Amanda.

Hi. I'm——
I'm Clay.

It's nice to meet you.
Yeah. You, too.

[sighs]

So, do——
do you like poetry?

Yes, I do.

Yeah. Me, too.
Good!

Um...I don't
really know much

about gay poetry,
though.

Gay poetry.
Mm—hmm.

And, um...
lesbian poetry.

Okay, if that's what
you're into, that's—-

Oh, well, I——
I wouldn't say

that I was into it,
but, um——

but I do think
that being gay is...

an incredibly valid
and wonderful lifestyle,

and I really think
I would love to have
more, um...

gay friends.

Right.

Right.

Um...because——

Well, because, uh,
gay is...good?

Yeah!
Yeah!

I mean, gay
can be...good.

I personally think
lesbianism is better.

[laughing]

But they're all
terrific people,
I think.

Yeah.

So, um, maybe
you would like to hear

some gay poetry
with me on Saturday?

I'd love to.
Yeah?

Wait.

I'm sorry, are you
speaking in code?

No, no.

The Queer Slam,
this Saturday.

You think I'm gay.

No! Y—yes.

Wait, um——

Are you?

Okay, you know what?
I'm just gonna——

No, wait!

I am!

You're—— You're gay?

Very, hugely gay.

Oh, great!
That's awesome!

It's fun.
Yeah, good times.

Yeah, really.

So, Saturday, then.

Um...

Come on, it'll be—-
it'll be, uh,

it'll be swell.

Okay.
[laughing]
All right!

Well, then,
it's a date, then.

Girlfriend.

Okay, cool.

Yeah.

What was that about?
I don't know.

I may have just
come out of the closet.

I'm gonna rot
in hell for this.

Is he gay or what?

[laughs]

Totally. Gay.

You can't be
serious about this.

Dude! All right,
we all know chicks
love gay guys, right?

I mean, they're
so sensitive.

I guarantee you in no time,
that girl will be saying,

"Why can't all guys
be like you, Clay?

And why can't you
be straight?"

And then one night,
when we're wasted,

I'd say...

"I told myself I could
never love a woman...

"but you've
changed all that.

"You make me feel
like a real man.

"Maybe my whole life has been
a total lie and I'm not gay.

"I think I'm in love
with you.

"Come on.
Make love to me.

Please."

I think I'm gonna puke.
Dude!

This is what all ladies
really dream about,

the fag who's not
afraid to eat his best
girlfriend's pussy.

[scoffs]
You don't know shit
about being gay.

Oh, yeah.
There's a campus
sexual identity

support group meeting
this afternoon.

I'll get my gay on there.

Do you have any
other goals in life
besides getting laid?

You mean like writing
the great American novel,

making a million dollars,
stopping world hunger,
that sort of thing?

Exactly.

Dude, I'm a B student
?

My—— My mom drives
a school bus,

my dad manages
a Target store.

Yeah, future happiness
for guys like me

means Saturday
afternoon BBQs,

a sweet deal
on a new Civic,

and the occasional
blow job from my wife.

And until I take
that sad journey into
cultural purgatory,

my goal in life
is, yeah, to get
as much ass as I can.

And you're willing
to be gay for that?

Whatever it takes, chief.

So are you gonna
come to this meeting
with me or what?

I gotta go to class.

You're wicked
homophobic, dude!

My name is Sherman Jessup,
and I'm the chairperson

of the Lesbian,
Gay, Bisexual,

and Transgendered
Association on campus.

This meeting is for people
who are dealing

with their sexual identity
for the first time.

So please,
tell us your name

and how you identify
yourself sexually.

Hi, I'm Jonas...
and I'm gay.

I think.

[All]
Hi, Jonas.

Fern. Dyke.

[All]
Hi, Fern.

Brennan. Very gay.

[All]
Hi, Brennan.

Bessie. Black,
pussy—licker.

[hoots, laughter]

[All]
Hi, Bessie

Uh...

I'm Bob.

And I'm a gay.

[All]
Hi, Bob.

Your name is Clay,
you dickless fuck!

[group gasps]
[Girl]
Oh, my God.

Since we're all supposed
to be honest and all.

Welcome, Clay.

[Sherman]
Welcome.

[whispers]
Fuck you!

[group chatting]

You're not
fucking gay,
you jerk.

What's going on?

Maybe it was that
night we spent together
on the football field.

It would turn
any man off to women.

Luckily, that only
lasted two minutes.

Ohh! Would you give me
a break, Marj?

I was wasted.

What the hell
are you up to?

Engaging
in semiotic warfare?

Don't give me that shit.

Look, Marjorie,
I don't understand

why we can't bothbe gay.

All right, Clay,
play your little
mind games with me...

but I'll be
watching you...

faggot.

Yeah, all right,
princess.

Buh—bye.

[sighs]

Finding everything
you need?

Oh, yeah.
I, uh——

Yeah. I——
I was just wondering,

do you have
some kind of, like,
guide to being gay?

Like a handbook?

Something to teach me
how to act, walk,
talk, and dress?

Here we all believe
in being ourselves.

Yeah, I get that part.

What you need now
are other gay friends,

to be a part of our
amazing community.

And then maybe
one of my back rubs.

Okay.

Thank you.

Yeah.

[expels breath]

[car horn blaring]

[Jessica]
Assalaamu alaykum,dude.

They're not very friendly.

Hey, evildoer.

Prick.

Jessica, I can't believe
you're doing this.

Excuse me,
but who has a date

with homo boy
on Saturday night?

[scoffs]
It's not a date.

Yeah, but whatever it is,

you better snag
the little sucker.

Our future depends on it.

No offense, but...

that's the most
depressing thing

I've ever heard
in my life.

You know, I fucking
love you, Amanda,

but you need
to lighten up.

Just go out
with the gay guy,
see what happens.

No big whoop.
Hello there.

Good day.

I'm Rahib.

Hello, gorgeous.

"You'll definitely say
'there's no place like hom''

"when you slip
into Dorothy's shoes:

"drinking, dancing,
and the best gay men

this town
has to offer."

What is that,
Gay Zagat's?

Dude, if I'm gonna
pull this off,
it's gotta be real.

Let's go inside.
Wait. What if she,
like, sees us?

[clears throat]
Matt, it's not like
we're really gay.

I'm gonna wait outside.

All right.
Suit yourself.

We'll top you off here.

That'll be nice.
Thank you.

Are we lost, honey?

Uh...

yeah, uh—huh.

Do you know where
the nearest Starbucks is?

Oh, come in, sit down,
have a beer.

We're not
gonna bite you.

Okay.
[clear throat]

It does get easier,
you know?

My first time in a gay bar
I wanted to wear a mask.

A mask, leather chaps,
and nipple clamps.

Shut up, bitch.

So, let me guess, kid.

You just came out, right?

Yeah.

Like, this morning.

[screeches]

We have a newbie.

[turns on stereo]
You've gotta make
your own kind of music

Sing your own
special song

Make your own
kind of music

Even if nobody else
sings along

[bottles clinking]

I'm a bad gay.

And why do you say that?

Look at me.

I dress like shit,
I can't dance,

your language confuses me.

Girl, all you need
is confidence
and experience.

Like anything,
gay is learned.

It's not just all about—-

Taking it up the pooper.

Shut up, bitch.

Show some respect.

I was at Stonewall!

I know, darling.
I'm sorry.

[tapping bar]

Listen, kid,
the closet's
a nasty place.

You don't just pop out
and suddenly know everything.

Think of this
as your second birth.

You've just come out
',

and now it's time
to learn about the world.

Rodney?

Hmm?

Will you teach me?

Teach you what, baby?

How—— How to be gay.

Sweetie, you're a little
too young for me.

Gross, no.
I mean, I——

Make me over.

Clay...

let's put some sugar
in those britches.

[techno]

No pointing.

No Riverdance!

Fabulous!

Fierce.

[Clay]
Melissa Etheridge.

Three—quarter skirt.

Tom of Finland.

Poppers.

Magnum condoms.

Barney Frank.

Uh, Alexander the Great.

Queer as Fol.

Barebacking
intergenerational orgy.

What? Say something.

There's nothing more
I can teach you.

Fabulous.

[Serena]
Holy shit.

Hi! Is Amanda around?

Hey. Wow.

Who's your...
friend, Amanda?

Serena, this is Clay.

It's a sincere sensation.

Yeah...it's nice
to meet you, too.

Uh, Amanda, we should
probably get going.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

Play safe.

[bongos]

Earth Mother!

Secret garden.

I drink from your river
the juice of your woman—ness.

I harvest your bounty.
[banging bongos]

I eat you.

I eat you.

I eat you!

You eat me!

Oh! Oh...oh!

The richest coffee
in the world

is picked by
the poorest people.

[crowd erupts]

[cheers, applause]

Yeah!

[Sherman]
Give it up
for Binz Gonzales!

Okay, moving on.

I have been told that
there is a thrilling
new performer

here in the LGBT
community among us.

Marjorie?

Thank you, Sherman.

[clears throat]

I first saw
this next artist

in a coffee bar
in Oshkosh, Wisconsin,

where he captivated
the room with his
heart—wrenching sonnets

of growing up gay
in a small town.

He looks like Lance Bass.

He writes
like Jean Genet.

[crowd "ooh's"]

And is more queer
than the three—dollar bill

in Rosie O'Donnell's
back pocket.

[crowd laughs]

Join me in welcoming
the voice of our generation.

Mr. Clay Adams.

[crowd cheers]

Are you a performance
artist?

Uh——

Come on, Clay.
Don't be shy.

This is family.

[crowd chanting "Clay"]

Maybe you should
go up there.

[cheering grows louder]

Ladies and gentlemen,
Clay Adams!

[crowd cheering]

Oh!

Unh, yeah,
that's good.

Thanks, bub.

[room grows silent]

[clears throat]

I, uh...

I haven't really
prepared anything.

Well, you better
say somethin'.

[people chuckling]
[Clay]
Yeah.

Uh...

Okay. Okay.

Well, this is

kind, of, um...
uh, it's a, uh...

it's a work
in progress.

All right.
Here goes.

Uh...

[clears throat loudly]

Oh, baby, baby...

...how was I
s'posed to know...

...that somethin'
wasn't right here?

[chuckles]

Oh, baby, baby...

I shouldn'ta
let you go.

And now you're
out of sight. Yeah.

Show me...

...how y—— how you
want it to be.

Tell me, baby...

'cause I need
to know now...

uh...because...

[beating rhythm]

[drum continues]

[chuckles]

...my loneliness

is killin' me.

And I

I must confess
I still
Okay!

Believe

[All]
Still believe

When I'm not with you,
I lose my mind

Give me a sign

Whee!
Hit me, baby

I must confess

That I believe this

It's killin' me now

To know I still believe

I believe!

That you will be here

And give me a sin

Hit me, baby,
one more time

I wanna be missed

You hear me?

And I

I must confess

I still believe

Still believe

When I'm
not with you

I lose my mind

Give me a sign

Oh, hit me, baby,
one more time

[both laugh]

Mr. Clay,
I have to say

that your performance
was oddly touching.

Oh. Thank you.

[laughs]
Thank you,

but I think
the, uh,

the big dyke thing
stole the show.
Oh, God.

She wasreally hot.

Yeah,
she was hot.
Really.

[chuckles]
[whistles]

Ohhh...anyway...

Anyway...

[giggles]

Do you have
a boyfriend?

Who, me? No. No.
No, no, no.

That's shocking.

Yeah. Well, I'm...

tryin' to get over
someone, so...

What happened?

He, uh,
killed himself.

Oh, my God!

Yeah. he was a very
.

I don't really want
to talk about it.
Okay.

So, how about you?
Are you dating anyone?

Well, there is this frat guy
that's been making overtures.

Seems nice enough, I guess.
[chuckles]

Uhh. Frat boys.

Oh, but girls like me
come here to meet them.

Girls like you.

Yeah.

The kind of girls
that look like
they have a sure thing...

flashin' in neon
on their tits.

[laughs]
Oh, my God.

Men are
such pigs.

Yeah, well, uh...

the worst part is...

I don't really
resist it.

Why not?

Because I'm afraid

that there's nothing
special about me.

Just another prom queen,

daughter of a drunken mother
and a philandering father,

and...I think I'm supposed
to spend my life

trying to find a creative way
to repeat the whole cycle.

[chuckles]

Amanda, you are
so not the person

I expected you to be.

Yeah.

But nobody
really is. Right?

Right.

Oh, sh...

I see you.
Mr. Man.

I wish you were
a door, baby,

'cause I'd slam you
all night long!

[laughs]
Um...

No, thanks.

You're a virgin,
aren't you?

Christ, is it tattooed
on my forehead?

Sort of.

Okay, well, maybe
I ama virgin.

What's the big deal?

Maybe I'm just not
.

Maybe I'm asexual.

Maybe you're gay.

Maybe
I'm just sensitive!

Mellow, homey!

Are you ever
not totally wasted?

That is so rude!

There is a lot more
to me than meets the eye!

I happen to be
a very intelli...

[loud flushing]

You all right?

[water splashing]

Yeah.

It's all just
screwed up, you know——

school and relationships
and men and women.

I mean...nobody knows
who the hell they are.

You know what?
Forget all that stuff,
Amanda.

All that matters
is right now.
And right now,

I'm happy. You know?

I got my health.
I got a killer outfit.

I'm hangin' out
with you.

It's good enough for me.

I had a...
really good time
tonight.

Yeah, me, too.

A really good time.

You wanna do it again
sometime?

It's not
a trick question.

No. I know.
I know.

Um...yeah.

You do.
Yes.

You want to
go out again.
Mm—hmm.

[chuckling]
All right.

All right. Well...

Good night.

Good night.

Okay.

All right.

Bye.
Bye.

[giggles]

[breathing passionately]

[exhales]

[Matt exhales sharply]

What are you doin'?

I want you, Clay.

Oh, Matt.

What are you doin'?

Nothin'.

Okay.

Oh, dude. I am
in love, man.

What's his name?

Amanda is totally
feelin' me, dude.

I can sense it.
You know?

I think gay Clay
is cooler than me.

You know? He's——
He's totally ballsy.

Should I get
my nipple pierced?

Is there any part
of you that sees how
immoral this is?

What's wrong
with you, Matt?

It's like you're gunning
for me to fail, man.

I mean, do you honestly
want the two of us

wallowing in the room
by ourselves
for the next four years?

You're turning
into a bitchy queen.

Well, sometimes bein'
a bitch is all a man has
in this world.

[sighs]

Ahem.

Mochaccino break?

Oh, my God.

Jessica is
a fashion disaster.

My clothes
suck, too.

Maybe you just
need to bust out
a little bit.

Like this. Hello!

Are you kidding?

No. I'm serious.
No!

Just try it on,
please?

No. I really
don't want to.

Dig deep, girl.
Do it.

For me.
Okay.

Within your breasts

[clears throat loudly]

Okay. We're good.
We're good. Okay.
Okay.

Ready?
Look. Look.
Okay.

This is nice.
Diagonal with the floral.

Lookin' hot.
This is fun.

These are great.

Check it out.
Come here.

[sighs]

Here.

Like stars on the sea

[instrumental]

And stones in the sky
[chuckles]

Look at you.

You look
incredible.

What are you doin'?

Is that my dress?

I fuckin' hate you,
Amanda!

That rag makes my ass

look like
a fuckin' Mack truck!

You have
a beautiful
ass.

Well,
thank you, Rah.
So.

Clay. Are you gonna

be here for the party
next week?

Clay's not really
into that kinda

stuff, Jessica.
You know how important

it is, Amanda.

I would absolutely love
to go to a party.

Saturday.
Be there. Rock on.
Okay?

So a party, huh?

Yep.
Okay.

Yeah.
Yeah.

So, you wanna ditch
class and get drunk?

Totally.
All right.
[laughs]

Later.

[girls chuckling]

Hi.
Hi.

Amanda's out
with her gay friend.

What is she
doin' with him?

Learning how to suck dick.

[chuckles]
Charming, as always.

Cock—blocked
by a butt pirate.

I've got the situation
under control.

Mmm...[chuckles]

So. What are you
doin' tonight.

Jesus, you still want
to have sex with me.

Hah! Don't flatter
yourself.

Why? Do you——
Do you want to?

Pig.
[chuckles]

Why are you such
a man heater, Serena?

It's like you're
jealous or something.

You're right, dammit.
I amjealous.

Why am I
such a vicious bitch?

I am so sorry, Tazwell.

Oh, Serena...

Moron.

[laughs]

[indistinct chatter]

Hey, stranger.

Hey, Tazwell.
Hi.

You wanna go grab
a bite to eat?

Hey, darlin'.
Mwah!

Oh, hi.
Let's go.

I'm sorry.
I already have plans.

[Clay]
Yeah, you
can come.

Thanks, but no.

So, what are we
doin' tonight?

We're gonna go
to a place

where guys won't stare
at my rack all night.

I don't know
of such a place.

A gay bar.

[sighs] Wouldn't you rather,
like, go to the movies——
No, no, please.

Clay,
I've never been.

Please?

[hot dance beat]

[crowd shouts, chatters]

[Man]
For ladies...

and for gents.

Thank you
very much.

My girl!

What's up, kid?

Hello, ladies.
Hi!

[laughs]

Hello.

This is my BFF
Amanda.

Hey, darlin'. Nice

rack.

Clay.
Sweet, sweet, Clay,

What can I fetch
for y'all?

Uh...
Um,

tequila. Yeah?

Doubles,

please.

You go ahead
and drink that pain
away, girl.

[both chuckle]
Gimme an apple martini.

Yes, ma'am.

Have I
ever told you

you are the cutest
little poofter
on campus?

Uh, no,
but thanks.

Th—This
is Amanda.

[Amanda]
Hi.
Hi.

How about
a dance, Clay?

I don't
think so.

Come on.

No, really, Sherman.
Maybe later?

Okey—dokey.
Mm—hmm.

Mm—hmm.

[clears throat]

See you later, Clay.

Uh—huh.

Not your type?
No.

She is a bit
of a shit souffl.

[Clay laughs]

So. What isyour type?

Not him.

I'm not cramping
your style, am I?

[sighs]
Because——

No, really,
you should feel free

to go home with a guy
if...that's what you want.

Amanda, you are
my number one tonight.
Okay?

Ohhh...

Okay. Let's drink.

[sighs]
Oh, God.

Aah! Okay.
Let's dance.
[Clay coughs]

Yeah?
Dance?
Yeah.

[loud techno]

Higher and higher
and higher

Higher and higher
and higher

Higher and higher

Imagine I can

Imagine I can

Imagine I can

Imagine I can

Hey...

[builds to crescendo]

[cheering, shouting]

Listen, man,
I need the room.

I'm sleeping.

I know, I know,

but Amanda and I
want to hang out.

You gotta be
fuckin' kidding me.

No. I—— I think
tonight's the night, man.

[groans]

Ohhh...so this is
the big moment.

I think so.

Tell me. How's
e

just to screw
some girl?

It's like
ideological rape.

You know what? It——
It's not like that, man.

I'm really
into this chick.

Why aren't you
happy for me?

Because. I—-

What?!

Nothing.
You're a dick.

Hi! Matt, right?

Yeah! See ya.

Uh...uh,
come on in.

Thanks.

[humming]

[clattering]
Shit!

You scared the crap

outta me!
What are you doin' here?

What are

you?

[clears throat]

So, you wanna fuck?

So.

So.

Uh, do you mind
if I lay down
for a second?

Oh, n—no.
No, not at all.

Oh, great.

Yeah.

[sighing]
Ohhh...

[sighing] Oh, God,
I think I'm drunk.

You okay?

Hell, Clay, I've turned
into a fag hag.

I'm actually lying here
wondering why all guys
can't be just like you.

Ohh! What am I
doing here, Clay?

What do you mean?

I really like you.

Yeah, I...

I really like you, too.

You're most most
amazing person
I've ever met.

No. You don't understand.

Um...

I likeyou.

Do you li...

[inhales deeply]

I can't do this.

I can't do this
right now.

Why? Wh——
Because I'm gay?

No. Well, yes.

This is——
This is just...
not right.

It's unfair to you,
'.

W—Wait.

There's something
I need to tell——
No. Don't.

I—— I gotta go.

[opens door]

Don't sweat it, dude.
It happens.

You think
I'm a fag,
don't you?

Even if you are,
it's no big deal.

They ain't
special.

Your shit'll stink
either way.
[chuckles]

Besides, we both know

who you'd rather
be screwin'.
Who?

[chuckles]

You're not
foolin' anyone.

It ain't
that deep, babe.

You're not so freaky
when you're sober.

Don't tell anyone,
okay?

Later.

Serena, do you
have a second?

Give us a second, Tanya.

She's got
such magic fingers.

[sighs]

So. What's up,
Amanda?

About the freak fest.

My guy's not into me.

You're in love with him.

No. I just don't think
it's gonna work out.

You know, my cousin
married a gay man.

Had no idea
he was into dudes

until she caught him
blowing his best friend
in the garage.

She freaked out,
ran into the street,
and got hit by a truck.

Today she's, like,
.

And...your point...is...

My point is,
wake up, Amanda.

Gays manipulate women
into falling for them
all the time.

Well, Clay's
not like that.

Fine. Then let's say
he tries giving up
gay life for you.

Do you really think
he can talk himself
out of it?

He's had a dick
in his mouth,

and he's gonna
want it again,
because fags, Amanda,

are still men.

Well, I really don't think
that that means

that we have to
go out of our way
to hurt them.

Listen. You're part
of the superior Tau
legacy.

You're basically getting
a free ride here.

Are you gonna
drop out of school
and ruin your whole life

over some misguided
attraction to a homo?

You're such
a beautiful,
sensitive girl.

You belong here...

with your sisters.

Okay, I—— I gotta
go to class.

Okay, baby.
Run along, then.

I'll see you next week.

[indistinct chatter]

Can I talk to you
about my paper?

Your read
on Huckleberry Finn

left much
to be desired,
Mr. Adams.

Huck and Jim
as interracial
gay lovers?

Please.

I thought you wanted
something new,

something
revolutionary.

All you did
was give the analysis
a makeover.

At the core, your paper
is painfully conventional.

Revolutionary?
I don't think so.

Bitch.

Hey.

Where you
been hidin',
Amanda?

Oh, over the rainbow
and far from heaven.

[chuckles]

You got feelings
for the gay guy, huh?

I just think I have
an overwhelming need

to confirm
the impossibility of me
finding the right person.

Well, you know, maybe
that's just easier

than getting close
to someone who's...

appropriate.

And who's appropriate
for me, Tazwell?

Someone not gay?
[chuckles]

Right.
You know,
whenever I feel

like
it's all fucked,
I just...

well, I go to the roof
of the house and sit.

And I'll check
out the stars and...

and listen
to the wind and...

smoke a cigarette...
and just for a second,

nothing's
really that deep.

And I realize
all I needed
was just

that one perfect moment
to make all the bullshit
go away.

But then
the moment leaves.

Yeah, and then
another one comes along.

You just...you
gotta learn to savor
the small stuff, Amanda.

Like what?

Like...

starin'
at a cheeseburger,
right?

And knowin'
that nothin'll
be more satisfyi''

than takin'
that first bite.

Or when you get stoned
and you realize...

"Hey. I'm stoned."

Yeah, or like the moment

when you see
a white plastic bag

blowing in circles
in the breeze.

[chuckles]

Yeah. Man,
you aretough.

But I break just
like a little girl.

[chuckles] See, this is

one of those
little moments for me—-

sittin' here with you,
thinkin', "Shit, this
is why I'm a man

and God created
women."
[chuckles]

But there's no place
in the universe
I'd rather be...

or nothin' else
I'd rather do than...

to kiss you.

Are you trying
to rescue me...
Tazwell?

[chuckles]

Let's go for a walk.

Amanda, it's Clay.

Uh...

We need to talk.

Call me back,
okay?

Bye.

Jesus Christ!

You look really
cute tonight.

Sherman, you scared
the shit outta me, man!

You know, there aren't
a lot of gay boys

at this school that
won't go out with me.

Well, I'm not like
a lot of gay boys.

How about a kiss?
I don't think so, dude.

Aw, don't be
such a tease.
You know you want it.

Oh, my God, you
did not just say that.

Aw, come on.

Sh—Sherman,
I said no!

I want you, Clay.

Oh, my God,
I'm being raped?

You can't rape
the willing.
Uhh!

Uhh...

Uhh...

Oh, my God, Clay!

Hey! You, stop!
Come back here!

[tearfully]
Clay, who
did this to you?!

Help!

Somebody, help us!
Please!

[inhales deeply]

Umhh...

How many times
do I have to tell you?

I saw frat boys
with bats and, uh,
chains.

They attacked Clay
and fled.

I think one of them
yelled "Fudgepacker."

Fudgepacker.

Mmhh.

Wha—— Clay, you
shouldn't be up.

I'm fine.

What the hell's
goin' on here?

Mr. O'Brien here
says that, uh,

some fraternity brothers
attacked you.

[laughing]
What?

Brennan——
It was dark.

And it all
happened so fast,

but I know
what I saw.

I think.

Oh, you people
are confusing me.

So, did you know
the alleged attackers?

What do you mean,
"alleged"?
I mean,

were you friendly with 'em,

or were you tryin'
to get friendly with 'em?

Are you implying
that he asked for this?

You're blaming
the victim, you
homophobic monster.

Can it!
So, what is it?

It's a nightmare.

Look—— Look, I fell.
I fell.

I'm a total klutz.
There was no attack.

Don't, Clay.
This isn't right.

You know what,
Brennan? Go home.

Listen, man, you're
either part of the problem,

or you're part
of the solution.

Go! Now!

Fine. But you have not
heard the last of me.

Not by a long shot.

Whatever. Okay. So...
we're done, right?

I can go now
and case closed?

Listen. I need you
to check out with the nurse.
And do me a favor.

You be careful
next time.

Yeah, okay.

[softly]
Fuckin' faggot.

Then there'll be
a screening

of If These Walls
Could Talk II,

followed
by a discussion
next Friday.

[chatter and laughter]
Oh, my God!

Clay Adams
was gay—bashed

last night
by frat boys, and
the campus police

are tryin'
to cover it up.
Hate crime!

Clay?
Was he hurt?

He's fine,
but he refuses
to press charges.

He won't even admit
that it happened!

How do you...
know what happened?

I

was there!

They will not get
away with this!

Let's not
get emotional.

No. You're
not getting

emotional
enough!
Please,

Bessie. Just...
quiet down.

I've beenquiet...

for 3,000 years!

This...is
World War III!

DEFCON 5!

Okay. I move
we mobilize

every oppressed group
on campus and
organize a protest.

Protest?
All in favor,
say "Aye."

Aye!
Aye!
Aye!

Motion passed. Fags,

contact the African—
American Student Society.

Bis, call
the Women's Center.

Trannies, make sure
Hillel and ElClub Latino
get their asses in gear.

Dykes, call
the Young Communist Society

as well as
Straight Men for Change.

This is not
just a gay issue.

Unleash...
the dragon.

Take no crap!

[All]
We will fight back!

We will fight back!

We will fight back!

[cheering]

A—Amanda.

[chuckles]
Hey!

Hey.

Why haven't you
?

I'm...I'm sorry.

I've just been
really busy, and...
look,

I'm in a really big rush,
so I'll talk
to you later. Okay?

Yeah, what——
what about the,
uh, party tonight?

Right. The party.
Um...

I just—— I don't think
it's a good idea
if you come.

'Cause Tazwell's
stopping by, and...

What's goin' on, Amanda?

Look, I can't do this
anymore, Clay.

I'm sorry.

[song intro]

[song, indistinct]

[pop rock]

Hey, ladies]

[strained speech]
I love you.
[laughs]

We gonna party tonight

I'm gonna party tonight

Hey, ladies

[continues indistinct]

You're up.

We gonna party tonight

[instrumental]

I'm gonna party tonight

[continues, indistinct]

Where's Clay?

I broke it off.

You're dead meat.

Whatever.

Amanda?

Where's your boy?

Look, Serena, I——

You know how
how gay guys are.

They take
a lot longer to get
ready than girls.

[sobbing]

[sobbing]

Hey. Jackpot.

Well, I hope
he gets here soon.

We gonna party tonight

I'm gonna party tonight

I have to
get outta here

right now.

Are you sure
you really want
to do this?

Hey.

Are you?

I'm gonna party tonight

I step in and they're
playin' my song

Amanda.

What are you
doing here?

We need to talk.
Okay?

[weeping]

[sobs]

Is this
a costume party?

Look, you have to
get out of here.
Please.

Just a second.
Later.

There's something
I need to tell you.
Later. Okay? Later.

It can't wait.

Jump in

Hey, Ladies

[continues, indistinct]

What is it, Clay?
All right, listen.

I'm gonna party tonit

What? What?
?

You make me feel
like a real man.

I mean, maybe
my whole life
has been one big lie,

and I'm——
I'm not really gay.

What are you
talking about, Clay?
Come on. What?

Screw it. Amanda,
I'm in love with you.

What?

I've fallen
in love with you.

Oh, my God.
Don't say that.
Please.

Don't.
Why?

Well done, Amanda.

What the hell
is goin' on?

You Jew devil!

Rah!

Rah! Please!

Wait! Come back!

[Girl]
Get away from me!

No! Constance,
I love you!

[Girl]
I don't care! Uhh!

This is a setup.

I'm sorry.
Uhh.

It's all...
pretty hilarious.

Fuck.

Clay, please.

Welcome, sister.

Clay.

Are you all right?

[clears throat]

What's wrong?

I'm in love with you.

No, you're not.

That was freaky, man.

Look, you're shit—faced.
Okay? Just mellow out.

Do you have any idea
what it's like

to room with a guy
who's not gay

but happens to be
the gayest guy
on the planet?

It sucks.

It's not fair.

My life's so bad.

You seem pretty good
at it to me.

I just wish...

Come on, Matt.

Don't make this...
weirder.

You know what?
Fuck this.

Matt!

[Girl]
Power to the people,
men.

[Girl]
You go, girl.

Oh, my God.

Man. How about Clay,
huh?

Oh, God. I want
to call him so bad.

But I'm sure
I'm the last person
he'd want to talk to.

Forget about him, Amanda.

You need to be
with someone that's
gonna make you happy.

You deserve it.
Someone like Taz.

Hey, you're still
goin' with him

to the Greek Formal,
right?

Yeah.

Just get all that gay
outta your head.

I know, I know.
Maybe you're right.

So, have you
seen Rah?

Yeah. I phoned him,

and then he called me
a Jew twat and hung up.

Ohh! Whatever.

Yeah.

[sighs] Whatever.

Oh, I'm here, baby!

I'm never gonna
let you go.

Oop. Okay.

Could you just...

uh, give me
one minute?

Stand proud...

my gay brother!

Marjorie! Ohh.
Put that down.

Gosh, Clay,
I've been trying to get
in touch with you.

Are you okay?

Yeah. What the hell
is this all about?

You were gay—bashed,
you dumb shit.

I wasn't bashed.
That asshole Sherman
attacked me.

Oh, my Goddess.

All right, look,
I have to tell
you something.

I'm not even gay.

I knew it!

I was tryin' to get
some girl to like me.

That's ridiculous,
Clay.

Well, it's a long story.
Can you help me
stop this, please?

You know what?
You're an asshole.

Listen, fuck—wad,
this rally is happening
with or without you.

Face it, Adams.

You da Rosa Parks
of da pink set.

It doesn't
even make sense.

This is politics.
Doesn't have to.

[sighs]
Oh, my God.

I wrote a song
about you.

Fuck off!

[lively party chatter]

...fun night

Everybody have fun tonight

Everybody
have fun tonight

Everybody
wang chung tonight

Everybody have fun tonight

Everybody
wang chung tonight

I feel like
I'm at prom.

Oh, my fuckin' God.

Does this mean
I'm gonna have to

fuck my date
on a golf course?
Uhh...

Hello.

[indistinct chatter]

Today it's a gay!

No!
No!

Tomorrow it's a black!

No!
No!

Or Latino!

No!
No!

Or Jew!
No!
No!

Or the guy
in the fucking
wheelchair!

No!
No!

Remember Clay!

[All]
Stop the hate!
Remember Clay!

Stop the hate!
Remember Clay!

Stop the hate!
Remember Clay!

Stop the hate!
Remember Clay!

Stop the hate!
Remember Clay!

Stop the hate!
Remember Clay!

Stop the hate!
Remember Clay!

Stop the hate!
Remember Clay!

[dance song]

So, you havin'
fun yet?

Huh?

Yeah. Yeah,
I'm havin'
a great time.

Well, check out
the beautiful people.

You look
incredible, Amanda.

You think I can
borrow this guy
for a minute?

I need some help
with the program.

Sure.

Great.

Taz?

Be right back.

Professor Jackson?

What are you doin'?

Adams.

[clears throat]

Want a hit?

Hey, hey! Ho, ho!

Tau Sorority has got to go!

Hey, hey! Ho, ho!

Tau Sorority has got to go!

Ohhh...

[exhales sharply]

[mouths]

Sorry, Taz.

My...TMJ
is killing me.

What?!

What?!

Hey, you
can't do that
to a guy!

[zips up zipper]
Ow!

Ohh!

You're not really gay,
are you?

How'd you know that?

I've been tenured
here for six years,
Clay.

I know fake fruit
when I see it.

You must think
I'm pretty
ridiculous.

At 19...who isn't?

You're all just
dying to be anyone
but yourselves...

doing anything to avoid
that four—year route
to the inevitable.

And what's
the inevitable?

That your worst fears
about your future
will actually come true.

That you really are
just the sum
of your parts.

This identity that you've
been fleeing from

will catch you.
And in the blink
of an eye,

your life will
consist of nothing

but bills to be paid...

unfed desires...

kids to raise...

and silences to fill.

That is just...the most...

awful fucking thing
I've ever heard.

I'm sorry.
I didn't mean to get

all didactic on your ass.

[laughs]

When I was in college,
I wanted to be a dancer.

Oh, I was good at it, too.

Tap, ballet, modern jazz.

Oh, but
I gave that up.

I knew my fat ass
would never make it
to Broadway.

And so here
I am now...

sitting on the floor...

with you.

Well, maybe things
for me will be——
What?

I don't know.

Different.

Well, you say
you want a revolution.

So prove me wrong.
Be bold.

[exhales sharply]

I gotta go.

Sure, sure.
Class dismissed.

Mmhh.

I dig you,
Professor Jackson.

I dig you, too.

[chuckles]

Fosse!

Let's show these
fraternity fucks

what queer power's
all about!

[All]
Storm the formal!

Storm the formal!

Storm the formal!

Storm the formal!

Storm the formal!
Come on!

[shouting and chanting]

Storm the...

Storm the formal!

Come on, dude!

As much as
I would like to

[continues, indistinct]

Hey, Amanda.
There you are.

I've been
lookin' for ya.

I know I never
will forget...

I'm an idiot.

Oh, shit.
Amanda, I'm...

[sighs]

Go to hell.

I did it
for your own good,
Amanda.

You needed to know
what a prick he is.

You mean so much to me.

Fuck men.
We don't need them.

You know what,
Serena?

If you want
to sleep with me...
just ask.

What are you talking about?
That's disgusting.
I'm not gay.

[laughs] How could you
say something like that?

What's wrong with you?
I'm not gay.
[explosions]

I'm just
gonna go now.

I'm not, dammit,
I'm not!

[Rioters]
No justice, no peace!

What the...
No justice, no peace!

No justice, no peace!

No justice, no peace!

Gay power!

It's payback time...

motherfuckers.

No justice, no peace!

No justice, no peace!

No justice,
no peace!

No justice, no peace!

No justice, no peace.

No justice, no peace.

No justice, no peace.

No justice, no peace.
[glass shattering]

No justice...

Holy shit!

[glass shattering]

[indistinct shouting]

[Clay]
Hey! Stop this!

What the hell
are you doing?!

Stop!

Uhh!

[crowd settles down]

I'm—— I'm Clay Adams.

Hi, Clay.
Hi, Clay.

This is bullshit.
I wasn't gay—bashed.

Huh?
What?
What happened?

Sherman Jessup
attacked me
when he found out

that I wasn't
that kinda girl.

He wanted me.

He led me on.

When a man
or a woman
says "No,"

they mean
"No."

[thud]
Ohh!
Asshole!

Unhh! Back off!

Get off of me!

Fuck you.

So, listen, I'm just...

I'm just this jerk who...

Yeah?
Yeah?

...pretended
to be gay...

What?
What?

...get...this girl
to notice me.

I'm in love with her.

That's right.
.

because I'm not
even gay.

Well...I thought
about it.

But it wasn't
really my thing.
You know?

N—Never mind.

[whining]
I fuckin' love
a towel—head!

Rahib! Rahib!

Right. So——

So, let's——
let's stop this.
Okay?

I mean, this is
all my fault.

Look around, you guys.
There's—— uh...

There's not that much
difference between you.

Okay. All right.
You see the person
next to you?

Give 'em a big hug.

I'm serious.
Just go ah——

Big group hug.

Fuck that shit.

[Guy]
Shut up, you dyke!

Oh, no,
you fuckin' didn't.

You motherfucker!

[all shouting angrily]

Amanda! Amanda!

Amanda!

[angry shouting]

Amanda.

Amanda, wait.
Let me——

Can I...Can I
explain this,
please?

Explain what, Clay?
That you lied to me
so you could fuck me?

'Cause I get it.

It wasn't like that,
though.

Well, at...first, yeah.

It was.
But then it—— it turned
into something else.

And you lied, too.

Great. So we're both liars.

Now, will you just
let me get outta here?

Fine. Let me
walk you home.

Back to Pittsburgh?

'Cause that's where I'm going.

You're goin' back to mom?

Wow.
[sighs]

Go fuck yourself,
Clay.

Amanda.

Don't follow me.

Pick 'em up.
Uhh!

Fuckin'
children.

Fuckin' kids!

[door opens]

Oh. I...didn't
know you were here.

Ho—— Hold on.

[sighs]

Are things ever gonna
be normal with us?

I don't know.

Sorry, man.

For what?
Not wanting
to suck

my dick?

Yeah.

[laughs]
Yeah.

Sorry about that, man.

I like you, Matt.

I swear to God, man,
if things were different,

I'd be all over your shit,

'cause I'm tellin' you,
bro, if you turned me on
in the least bit...

...I'd be the happiest guy
in the world.

You are such
a corny bastard.

[both chuckle]

I'm tryin' to have
a moment with you, man.

[sighs heavily]
You want to
know something?

What?

You're
a horrible kisser.

[chuckles]
Fuck off, dude.

Really.

You serious?

Yeah.

Gimme a break, Matt.

I was wasted, man.

I told you

to wait outside.
What if somebody
sees me?

Deal with.

Shit.

[door closes]

Friggin'
closet case.
[chuckles]

Yeah.
He's got a mouth
like a Hoover, though.

Well, you deserve
nothin' less, bud.

So.

Can I have the room?

Clay, what
happened to you?

You look
like a lesbian.

You need some help
back there?

Nope.
Somebody's blue.

What's up, kid?

There's somethin'
I should probably
tell you.

Well...
you're the daughter
I never had. Spill it.

I'm in love
with a girl.

Come again?

I lied to you, Rodney.
I'm not gay.

Well, blow me gently.
You're hetero?

I'm sorry.

Are you pissed?

No, Clay, I'm not pissed.

You just don't know
what it's like
for an old faggot like me

to hear that straight boys
want to be gay.

Believe me,
it's a beautiful thing.

It's what we fought for
all our lives.

[laughing]
It's the happiest day
of my life.

I may cry.

Why—— Why would you
want to be gay?

To get Amanda
to like me.

The fag hag?

Yeah.
Clever boy.

Well...

...now she hates me.

But she liked you
when you were gay.

Yeah. It doesn't matter
now,though.

No. What doesn't
really matter is whether
you're gay or straight.

What's important...

is whether
you're trsfierce

and muy fabuloso.

Think, Clay.

You know
who you want.

You have no idea
what a gift that is.

I would give my right arm
to have that feeling back

for just one moment,
because before you know it...

...time has
passed you by.

So, what should
I do now?

[sighs] Well...

You be the man
your mama made you be.
Come here.

[Rodney pats Clay's back]

Enough.

[Clay exhales sharply]

Fierce.

Fierce.

I thought
you left already.

My bus is late.

[clears throat]

[sighs sharply]

So, how are you?

Well, the Taus
revoked my scholarship.

My mom's pissed.

But my Aunt Kinney
got me a job

at the Neiman's
makeup counter, so...

I meant
how are you?

Yeah, I...I know
what you meant.

Pffff...

[clears throat]

I fucked up.

We both did.

Look, I know you...

probably think
you don't know me
at all.

But believe me
when I say that
being your friend...

was the best thing
that's ever happened
to me.

[sighs]

And maybe you think
this is crap,

but I think...

...being gay made me
a decent straight guy.

Look, I really do miss
hanging out with you.

I'm the same guy.

[chuckles]
And who's that, Clay?

Just a guy.

Just another
idiot guy.

That top
is fabulous.

I'm not sure
about the color.

Really? I think
it brings out
your eyes.

[laughs]

And the cut
is daring.

It's
a bold choice.

Oh. Right.

[chuckles]

I look pretty
fabulous, huh?

Totally, girl.

[laughs]

[song intro]

Oh, baby, baby

Oh, baby, baby

Oh, baby, baby

How was I supposed to know

That somethin'
wasn't right?

Oh, baby, baby

I shouldn't
have let you go

And now you're
out of sight

Show me how you...

This is gonna
change everything,
you know.

I hope so.

'Cause I need to know

Now because

My loneliness
is killin me

And I

I must confess

I still believe

Still believe

When I'm not
with you

[coughing]

Palestinians deserve
to be liberated!

Children are dying!

Their blood
is on Zionists' hands!

Just shut up
and fuck me!

Okay.

The reason I breathe...

Thank you
ever so much.

Hey, ladies.

Oh, sit down.
We're not
gonna bite.

Unless you boys
are into that shit.

Shut up,
bitch.

You two are
actually gay,
right?

Totally.

That's not

The way
I planned it

[sighs]

So, what did youdo?

Sexual assault.

Yeah. Me, too.
Lyin' bitches.

Yeah. He wanted it.

What?

[chuckles]

My loneliness

Is killin' me

And I

First just give me
another massage.

...Is killin' me

Is killin' me

When I'm not with you

I lose my mind

Give me a sign

Hit me, baby,
one more time

Hey...

stud.

Oh, baby, baby

Hey, hey, yeah

You missed
your bus.

Ohhh...

there'll be
another one.

[chuckles]

Hit me, baby,
one more time

[song ends]

[guitar intro]

I've been havin'
a bad day

Something's rubbing
the wrong way

And I need somethin'
to show for

Nothing to go for

'Cause I think
it's over my head

And I can't describe
this feelin'

I've climbed
from floor to ceilin'

Don't have the strength
to wake up

Won't have the arms
to take up

Everything and nothing

Won't wait 'cause
I'm not bluffin'

I never asked
for any help

I'm askin' now

[instrumental]

Think I'll last
through the weekend

Stay away
from the deep end

'Cause I got
nothin' to show for

And I know
I need more

Circling
over my head

I can't describe
this feelin'

I've climbed
from floor to ceilin'

Don't have the strength
to wake up

Won't have the arms
to take up

Everything and nothin'

Won't wait 'cause
I'm not bluffin'

I never asked
for any help

I'm askin' now

And I don't care
where it takes me

If it takes me away

I won't know
if it breaks me

Till tomorrow comes

What have I done today?

Closed—Captioned By
J.R. Media Services, Inc.
Burbank, CA