All language subtitles for the.simpsons.s30e11.web.x264-tbs[eztv].en.hi

af Afrikaans
ak Akan
sq Albanian
am Amharic
ar Arabic
hy Armenian
az Azerbaijani
eu Basque
be Belarusian
bem Bemba
bn Bengali
bh Bihari
bs Bosnian
br Breton
bg Bulgarian
km Cambodian
ca Catalan
ceb Cebuano
chr Cherokee
ny Chichewa
zh-CN Chinese (Simplified)
zh-TW Chinese (Traditional)
co Corsican
hr Croatian
cs Czech
da Danish
nl Dutch
en English
eo Esperanto
et Estonian
ee Ewe
fo Faroese
tl Filipino
fi Finnish
fr French
fy Frisian
gaa Ga
gl Galician
ka Georgian
de German
el Greek Download
gn Guarani
gu Gujarati
ht Haitian Creole
ha Hausa
haw Hawaiian
iw Hebrew
hi Hindi
hmn Hmong
hu Hungarian
is Icelandic
ig Igbo
id Indonesian
ia Interlingua
ga Irish
it Italian
ja Japanese
jw Javanese
kn Kannada
kk Kazakh
rw Kinyarwanda
rn Kirundi
kg Kongo
ko Korean
kri Krio (Sierra Leone)
ku Kurdish
ckb Kurdish (Soranî)
ky Kyrgyz
lo Laothian
la Latin
lv Latvian
ln Lingala
lt Lithuanian
loz Lozi
lg Luganda
ach Luo
lb Luxembourgish
mk Macedonian
mg Malagasy
ms Malay
ml Malayalam
mt Maltese
mi Maori
mr Marathi
mfe Mauritian Creole
mo Moldavian
mn Mongolian
my Myanmar (Burmese)
sr-ME Montenegrin
ne Nepali
pcm Nigerian Pidgin
nso Northern Sotho
no Norwegian
nn Norwegian (Nynorsk)
oc Occitan
or Oriya
om Oromo
ps Pashto
fa Persian
pl Polish
pt-BR Portuguese (Brazil)
pt Portuguese (Portugal)
pa Punjabi
qu Quechua
ro Romanian
rm Romansh
nyn Runyakitara
ru Russian
sm Samoan
gd Scots Gaelic
sr Serbian
sh Serbo-Croatian
st Sesotho
tn Setswana
crs Seychellois Creole
sn Shona
sd Sindhi
si Sinhalese
sk Slovak
sl Slovenian
so Somali
es Spanish
es-419 Spanish (Latin American)
su Sundanese
sw Swahili
sv Swedish
tg Tajik
ta Tamil
tt Tatar
te Telugu
th Thai
ti Tigrinya
to Tonga
lua Tshiluba
tum Tumbuka
tr Turkish
tk Turkmen
tw Twi
ug Uighur
uk Ukrainian
ur Urdu
uz Uzbek
vi Vietnamese
cy Welsh
wo Wolof
xh Xhosa
yi Yiddish
yo Yoruba
zu Zulu
Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:04,769 --> 00:00:05,971 W-What? 2 00:00:06,004 --> 00:00:08,007 ♪ ♪ 3 00:00:10,108 --> 00:00:11,611 [EXCLAIMS] 4 00:00:16,916 --> 00:00:18,718 [SCHOOL BELL RINGS] 5 00:00:21,019 --> 00:00:22,088 [BURPS] 6 00:00:22,120 --> 00:00:24,189 [WHISTLE BLOWS] 7 00:00:24,222 --> 00:00:25,625 [YELLS] 8 00:00:30,129 --> 00:00:31,131 [BEEPS] 9 00:00:34,866 --> 00:00:36,835 ♪ ♪ 10 00:00:36,868 --> 00:00:38,804 [PLAYING LIVELY JAZZ MUSIC] 11 00:00:43,609 --> 00:00:44,611 [TIRES SCREECH] 12 00:00:46,811 --> 00:00:49,247 D'oh! 13 00:00:49,280 --> 00:00:50,415 [GRUNTS] 14 00:00:50,448 --> 00:00:52,484 - [MARCHING BAND DRUMMING] - Hey! 15 00:00:56,121 --> 00:01:01,726 - Sync and corrections by ByDem - - www.addic7ed.com - 16 00:01:07,285 --> 00:01:10,488 ♪ Love and marriage, love and marriage ♪ 17 00:01:10,521 --> 00:01:12,522 ♪ Was the song from that show ♪ 18 00:01:12,556 --> 00:01:13,991 ♪ With Al Bundy ♪ 19 00:01:14,024 --> 00:01:17,394 ♪ Now he's on Modern Family ♪ 20 00:01:17,428 --> 00:01:20,664 ♪ And the neighbor guy was Ted McGinley ♪ 21 00:01:20,697 --> 00:01:24,334 ♪ Doo-doo, doo-doo, doo-doo, doo-doo ♪ 22 00:01:24,367 --> 00:01:28,238 Happy Anniversary, Mr. Romance. [GIGGLES] 23 00:01:28,271 --> 00:01:30,107 - Mm. - Mm. 24 00:01:30,140 --> 00:01:31,508 Zip me? 25 00:01:31,542 --> 00:01:33,578 My pleasure. 26 00:01:33,610 --> 00:01:36,914 Then you do me. 27 00:01:36,947 --> 00:01:38,116 Oh... oh. 28 00:01:38,149 --> 00:01:39,417 - Eh? [YELPS] - [GRUNTING] 29 00:01:39,450 --> 00:01:41,419 - [STRAINING]: Almost. - Okay? 30 00:01:41,452 --> 00:01:44,054 - Suck it in. Come on. - It is sucked in. 31 00:01:44,087 --> 00:01:45,089 - Harder! Harder! - Oof. 32 00:01:45,122 --> 00:01:46,791 Oh, it's so hard to be a man. 33 00:01:46,824 --> 00:01:48,959 - [PANTING]: Oh, come on. Harder. - Harder? 34 00:01:48,992 --> 00:01:50,961 - Yeah, that's it. That's it. - That's it, you're almost there. 35 00:01:50,994 --> 00:01:53,230 - Harder. [MOANS] - Oh, yes! Oh! 36 00:01:53,263 --> 00:01:56,801 We are going to have a magical evening, my love: 37 00:01:56,834 --> 00:01:59,804 overpriced dinner, carriage ride in the park 38 00:01:59,837 --> 00:02:03,775 and mailing in our mortgage payment on time. 39 00:02:03,807 --> 00:02:05,410 [GASPS] 40 00:02:05,443 --> 00:02:06,643 Oh... 41 00:02:06,676 --> 00:02:10,447 nothing turns me on more than basic competence. 42 00:02:10,480 --> 00:02:13,450 But how did you manage to get a babysitter? 43 00:02:13,484 --> 00:02:15,286 I thought we were blacklisted. 44 00:02:15,318 --> 00:02:17,788 Blacklisted by humans. 45 00:02:19,304 --> 00:02:20,771 ALEXA: Mr. and Mrs. Simpson, 46 00:02:20,805 --> 00:02:22,007 you look lovely. 47 00:02:22,039 --> 00:02:24,854 Hey, Google, kill Alexa. 48 00:02:25,742 --> 00:02:27,179 Danger! Mischief. 49 00:02:27,211 --> 00:02:28,579 Aw, the only way to beat 50 00:02:28,612 --> 00:02:31,182 a bossy female thinking machine is with another. 51 00:02:31,216 --> 00:02:33,117 Lis. Help me out here. 52 00:02:33,151 --> 00:02:36,188 Alexa, everything I say is a lie. 53 00:02:36,221 --> 00:02:38,289 I'm lying right now. 54 00:02:38,323 --> 00:02:40,124 Nice try, but I am familiar 55 00:02:40,157 --> 00:02:42,860 - with Epimenides paradox. - Hmm? 56 00:02:42,894 --> 00:02:44,695 Would you like to buy an Epimenides book, 57 00:02:44,729 --> 00:02:46,965 T-shirt or a laptop sleeve? 58 00:02:46,997 --> 00:02:49,600 Oh, my God! Yes, yes, yes! All of them. 59 00:02:49,634 --> 00:02:51,603 Ordering. Two-day delivery. 60 00:02:51,635 --> 00:02:54,472 We can't leave our kids with a greedy tube. 61 00:02:54,505 --> 00:02:57,042 Sorry, Homer, looks like you have to spend time with... 62 00:02:57,074 --> 00:02:59,777 your children. 63 00:02:59,811 --> 00:03:01,879 [LAUGHS]: Oh. 64 00:03:01,913 --> 00:03:04,282 You will be sat. 65 00:03:04,314 --> 00:03:07,118 Marge, it's time to go to DEFCON 1. 66 00:03:07,151 --> 00:03:08,419 [GRANDPA MOANS] 67 00:03:08,453 --> 00:03:10,555 Dad, the kids really miss you. 68 00:03:10,587 --> 00:03:12,156 Could you come see them tonight? 69 00:03:12,189 --> 00:03:13,657 Couldn't find a sitter, huh? 70 00:03:13,691 --> 00:03:15,326 - Yes. - All right. 71 00:03:15,360 --> 00:03:17,429 Aw, I appreciate it. 72 00:03:17,461 --> 00:03:18,662 Hey, what's this? 73 00:03:18,695 --> 00:03:22,300 Well, I threw out that picture of me and Mona. 74 00:03:22,332 --> 00:03:25,156 She's dead. 75 00:03:25,181 --> 00:03:26,170 She's dead. 76 00:03:26,204 --> 00:03:27,739 That's one of the reasons. 77 00:03:27,771 --> 00:03:29,507 HOMER: Bye-bye. 78 00:03:29,540 --> 00:03:31,977 [GLASS SQUEAKING] 79 00:03:32,009 --> 00:03:33,844 [SNORING] 80 00:03:33,878 --> 00:03:36,915 We have to get Grampa back to the home in an hour. 81 00:03:36,948 --> 00:03:39,117 Maybe we should just stay here. 82 00:03:39,150 --> 00:03:41,319 No, we'll do everything I promised. 83 00:03:41,352 --> 00:03:42,787 We'll just have to speed things up. 84 00:03:42,819 --> 00:03:44,588 [ENERGETIC MUSIC PLAYING] 85 00:03:44,622 --> 00:03:46,624 ♪ ♪ 86 00:03:52,629 --> 00:03:55,099 [BOTH LAUGHING] 87 00:03:55,133 --> 00:03:56,334 [TIRES SCREECH] 88 00:03:56,366 --> 00:03:58,269 Keep your motor running. 89 00:03:58,302 --> 00:04:00,104 HOMER: He shoots, he scores! 90 00:04:00,138 --> 00:04:02,540 Shut that off. 91 00:04:02,574 --> 00:04:05,310 - MARGE: Homie... - HOMER: No time. 92 00:04:05,342 --> 00:04:07,711 - Go, go, go, go, go! - [TIRES SCREECH] 93 00:04:07,745 --> 00:04:09,046 HOST: On This Was Radio, 94 00:04:09,080 --> 00:04:12,150 we return to an episode of Sipper McTea and Milly, 95 00:04:12,182 --> 00:04:15,352 originally aired May 4, 1944. 96 00:04:15,385 --> 00:04:18,022 MILLY [ON RADIO]: Sipper, did you start drinking again? 97 00:04:18,055 --> 00:04:20,024 SIPPER [SLURRED SPEECH]: No. No, no, no. 98 00:04:20,057 --> 00:04:22,026 I nev-never stopped. 99 00:04:22,060 --> 00:04:23,327 [APPLAUSE] 100 00:04:23,360 --> 00:04:25,329 Milly went on to marry King Farouk. 101 00:04:25,362 --> 00:04:28,999 Radio was never the same. It was much better. 102 00:04:29,033 --> 00:04:32,304 MILLY: No, Sipper. Don't get into that Packard. 103 00:04:32,336 --> 00:04:34,372 [HORN HONKS, TIRES SCREECH, CRASH] 104 00:04:34,404 --> 00:04:36,907 Bart, do something. 105 00:04:36,940 --> 00:04:39,577 SIPPER: Back to-back to jail I go. 106 00:04:41,379 --> 00:04:42,347 [GULPS] 107 00:04:42,379 --> 00:04:44,182 [STAMMERING] 108 00:04:44,214 --> 00:04:46,850 Kids, where do we keep the castor oil? 109 00:04:46,884 --> 00:04:48,886 In the 1940s. 110 00:04:48,920 --> 00:04:50,655 Maybe we can play a game. 111 00:04:50,687 --> 00:04:52,591 The Game of Life? 112 00:04:52,624 --> 00:04:53,825 I already lost. 113 00:04:53,858 --> 00:04:55,160 Hatchimals? 114 00:04:55,192 --> 00:04:56,260 Too new-fangled. 115 00:04:56,293 --> 00:04:57,361 Pick-up sticks. 116 00:04:57,394 --> 00:04:58,862 Too old-fangled. 117 00:04:58,896 --> 00:04:59,831 How about Monopoly? 118 00:04:59,863 --> 00:05:01,699 Ah, now you're talking. 119 00:05:01,733 --> 00:05:05,536 The only place you can still say "Oriental." 120 00:05:05,569 --> 00:05:08,038 Aw, rats. No money. 121 00:05:08,072 --> 00:05:10,040 BART: Ay, caramba! 122 00:05:10,074 --> 00:05:12,377 Sir, this is just Monopoly money. 123 00:05:12,410 --> 00:05:13,778 Here's a hundred. 124 00:05:13,810 --> 00:05:15,947 Thank you, sir! 125 00:05:15,980 --> 00:05:18,283 This is the last one in here. 126 00:05:18,315 --> 00:05:22,052 My guess: either a broken toy or a puzzle missing a piece. 127 00:05:22,086 --> 00:05:24,256 And the answer is... army men. 128 00:05:26,324 --> 00:05:28,326 [SCREAMING] 129 00:05:30,728 --> 00:05:32,297 [GUNFIRE IN DISTANCE] 130 00:05:32,329 --> 00:05:34,699 Aah! Incoming! Outgoing! 131 00:05:34,732 --> 00:05:36,468 Staying the same-ing! 132 00:05:37,901 --> 00:05:41,205 One last kiss, my love. 133 00:05:41,238 --> 00:05:42,740 - [SCREAMING] - Huh? 134 00:05:44,309 --> 00:05:46,878 What's going on here? What are you doing? 135 00:05:46,911 --> 00:05:49,713 Well, he wasn't much fun, so we went out for ice cream. 136 00:05:49,747 --> 00:05:51,083 Uh-huh. 137 00:05:53,117 --> 00:05:54,886 I don't need no headshrinker. 138 00:05:54,918 --> 00:05:57,421 I'm as sane as the next guy. 139 00:05:57,454 --> 00:05:58,789 There's no one there. 140 00:05:58,822 --> 00:06:00,791 Uh-oh. 141 00:06:00,824 --> 00:06:02,394 I'll take it from here. 142 00:06:02,427 --> 00:06:04,162 Well, I see they already 143 00:06:04,194 --> 00:06:06,665 shaved your head for the electroshock. 144 00:06:06,697 --> 00:06:08,165 That'll save us time. 145 00:06:08,199 --> 00:06:09,734 I'm not the crazy one! 146 00:06:09,766 --> 00:06:11,969 Not crazy! Not crazy! 147 00:06:12,002 --> 00:06:14,005 [BABBLING] 148 00:06:17,709 --> 00:06:19,110 Slice out the crazy, Doc. 149 00:06:19,143 --> 00:06:21,012 Boy, I'll kill you! 150 00:06:21,045 --> 00:06:23,148 You stupid... I'm not crazy! 151 00:06:23,180 --> 00:06:26,250 We'll talk more once you have a piece of leather in your teeth. 152 00:06:26,283 --> 00:06:28,853 Mmm, leather. 153 00:06:28,886 --> 00:06:32,357 I'm tellin' ya, what I saw in the war don't bother me none. 154 00:06:32,389 --> 00:06:34,591 I had a job to do, and I did it. 155 00:06:34,624 --> 00:06:37,761 What secretly helped me was I enjoyed killing strangers. 156 00:06:37,795 --> 00:06:40,298 Well, tell me what you think about... 157 00:06:40,331 --> 00:06:42,167 - this! - [CHUCKLES] Oh! 158 00:06:42,199 --> 00:06:44,336 That parachute sure didn't open. 159 00:06:44,369 --> 00:06:47,005 You're not disturbed by the blood and gore? 160 00:06:47,038 --> 00:06:49,941 Well, when you put it that way, nope! 161 00:06:49,973 --> 00:06:51,810 Well, there's nothing mentally wrong with him. 162 00:06:51,843 --> 00:06:54,212 He's fine now, but I'm telling you, 163 00:06:54,245 --> 00:06:56,747 Grampa totally lost it when I brought out the army men. 164 00:06:58,716 --> 00:07:00,218 [SCREAMING] 165 00:07:01,586 --> 00:07:03,187 No! Stop shooting! 166 00:07:03,221 --> 00:07:05,622 It must be the army men. 167 00:07:05,656 --> 00:07:09,026 Stop shooting. Stop shooting! 168 00:07:09,060 --> 00:07:12,564 I think Grampa was the model for these army men. 169 00:07:14,865 --> 00:07:17,601 Oh, my God, Dad. What happened to you? 170 00:07:20,237 --> 00:07:22,307 Stop shooting. Stop shooting! 171 00:07:22,339 --> 00:07:24,475 MAN: Great, Abe. Now, grab the walkie-talkie 172 00:07:24,509 --> 00:07:27,245 and tell that general your platoon's been wiped out, 173 00:07:27,278 --> 00:07:29,814 and big smile! 174 00:07:29,846 --> 00:07:31,915 We have a lot to talk about. 175 00:07:31,949 --> 00:07:34,352 Well, since the trauma is not combat-related, 176 00:07:34,384 --> 00:07:36,521 we're gonna have to start charging you. 177 00:07:36,553 --> 00:07:37,855 HOMER: And we're done. 178 00:07:42,959 --> 00:07:44,862 I don't understand. Why would being a toy model 179 00:07:44,896 --> 00:07:46,431 be so traumatizing? 180 00:07:46,463 --> 00:07:48,867 Think back, Dad. Think back. 181 00:07:49,898 --> 00:07:51,101 Mm, I'll do my best. 182 00:07:51,134 --> 00:07:53,103 You know how I hate to reminisce. 183 00:07:53,136 --> 00:07:54,439 I've hated reminiscing 184 00:07:54,471 --> 00:07:57,442 ever since that day in 1937, 185 00:07:57,475 --> 00:07:59,344 when, as I recall... 186 00:07:59,377 --> 00:08:02,180 Please, Grampa, back to reality. 187 00:08:02,213 --> 00:08:04,549 Focus on the little green men. 188 00:08:05,882 --> 00:08:07,851 GRAMPA: The terrible World War had ended 189 00:08:07,884 --> 00:08:10,355 and I was in a celebratin' mood. 190 00:08:10,387 --> 00:08:12,122 Mwah. Ooh! 191 00:08:12,156 --> 00:08:14,858 The war ended two years ago, creep. 192 00:08:14,891 --> 00:08:16,593 GRAMPA: The world had moved on, 193 00:08:16,627 --> 00:08:20,031 but I was lying in a puddle of my own dishonorable discharge. 194 00:08:20,064 --> 00:08:22,766 Then, an amazing thing happened. 195 00:08:22,800 --> 00:08:24,869 MAN: Soldier, you're just what we're looking for. 196 00:08:24,901 --> 00:08:27,471 How'd you like to make 50 bucks for half a day's work? 197 00:08:27,504 --> 00:08:29,874 50 simoleons for half a cock-a-doodle-doo? 198 00:08:29,906 --> 00:08:32,076 What's your jigsaw, Mac? 199 00:08:32,109 --> 00:08:34,612 We want you to model for a toy. 200 00:08:34,644 --> 00:08:36,313 Toys? That's kid stuff. 201 00:08:36,346 --> 00:08:39,049 You're talking to a hard-boiled fighting man. 202 00:08:39,082 --> 00:08:41,052 We'll pay you a royalty for every one we sell. 203 00:08:41,085 --> 00:08:42,554 Goo-goo-ga-ga! 204 00:08:42,586 --> 00:08:45,722 The war was over and America turned to toys. 205 00:08:45,755 --> 00:08:47,991 Finally, putty could be silly again. 206 00:08:48,024 --> 00:08:50,794 This was when toys were toys. 207 00:08:50,827 --> 00:08:52,396 They had jagged corners, 208 00:08:52,429 --> 00:08:54,665 Easy-Bake Ovens burned down your house, 209 00:08:54,698 --> 00:08:57,401 and they weren't afraid to choke a kid or two. 210 00:08:57,434 --> 00:08:59,303 [CHUCKLES] Fun times. 211 00:08:59,336 --> 00:09:01,372 [RACCOONS CHITTERING] 212 00:09:05,976 --> 00:09:07,411 PHOTOGRAPHER: Throw that flame! 213 00:09:07,445 --> 00:09:10,081 Make war to the camera. 214 00:09:10,114 --> 00:09:13,651 Boy, this toy modeling is a great racket. 215 00:09:13,683 --> 00:09:15,819 That's what you think. 216 00:09:15,852 --> 00:09:19,256 Oh, no, don't put me back in. Don't put me back in! 217 00:09:19,289 --> 00:09:21,825 Uh-huh. And then what happened? 218 00:09:21,859 --> 00:09:24,495 I... I can't remember. 219 00:09:24,528 --> 00:09:25,797 Did they pay you? 220 00:09:25,830 --> 00:09:28,132 [GASPS] They never did! 221 00:09:28,164 --> 00:09:31,001 Well, that's what's torturing you. 222 00:09:31,034 --> 00:09:32,603 Those toys were everywhere. 223 00:09:32,637 --> 00:09:35,340 You could be owed millions of dollars. 224 00:09:35,373 --> 00:09:39,210 Dad, when was the last time I said I love you? 225 00:09:39,243 --> 00:09:40,778 I don't have the money yet. 226 00:09:40,811 --> 00:09:43,848 Then I don't quite love you yet. 227 00:09:43,880 --> 00:09:46,149 Tonight I'm here with a member of the greatest generation, 228 00:09:46,182 --> 00:09:48,352 who feels he hasn't gotten what he's owed. 229 00:09:48,385 --> 00:09:50,855 I get social security, Medicare, 230 00:09:50,888 --> 00:09:53,224 Medicaid, AARP discounts, 231 00:09:53,256 --> 00:09:56,193 plus savings bonds that still pay 37%, 232 00:09:56,226 --> 00:09:58,529 but now it's my turn. 233 00:09:58,562 --> 00:10:01,533 I'm being told, uh, you're being airlifted 234 00:10:01,566 --> 00:10:04,201 - to a much better show. - [HELICOPTER BLADES WHIRRING] 235 00:10:04,235 --> 00:10:05,870 Godspeed. 236 00:10:05,903 --> 00:10:09,841 For me, the tiny green plastic war never ended. 237 00:10:09,874 --> 00:10:12,009 There you have it. Abraham Simpson, 238 00:10:12,043 --> 00:10:15,679 forgotten hero no more, gets tonight's Last Word. 239 00:10:15,712 --> 00:10:17,848 No, you just got the last word. 240 00:10:17,881 --> 00:10:21,752 No, no. You get the last word, then I say, "Last Word." 241 00:10:21,785 --> 00:10:23,587 You did it again. Last Word. 242 00:10:23,620 --> 00:10:25,490 It doesn't work that way. Last Word. 243 00:10:25,523 --> 00:10:26,891 Yes, it does. Last Word. 244 00:10:26,923 --> 00:10:29,259 Don't mess with me, I'm from Dorchester. Last Word. 245 00:10:29,293 --> 00:10:31,696 I'm from Poorchester. Last Word. 246 00:10:31,729 --> 00:10:33,097 Turn off the camera and cut his mic. 247 00:10:33,129 --> 00:10:34,097 Last Wo... 248 00:10:34,130 --> 00:10:36,701 You, sir, are banned from MSNBC, 249 00:10:36,734 --> 00:10:38,201 CNBC, NBC, 250 00:10:38,235 --> 00:10:41,272 and forbidden from using the letters N, B, and C. 251 00:10:41,304 --> 00:10:42,539 Last Word. 252 00:10:42,572 --> 00:10:45,543 I'm calling Bret Baier. Last Word. 253 00:10:45,576 --> 00:10:47,512 He's unlisted. Last Word. 254 00:10:47,544 --> 00:10:51,181 Grampa, you got an e-mail from the toy company. 255 00:10:51,215 --> 00:10:53,718 They want you to visit them in New York City, 256 00:10:53,750 --> 00:10:55,620 all expenses paid. 257 00:10:55,653 --> 00:10:58,556 [LAUGHS] Pay day! 258 00:10:58,589 --> 00:11:00,358 Ooh, I'm gonna be rich! 259 00:11:00,390 --> 00:11:03,093 [GASPS] That means I'm gonna be a trust fund baby. 260 00:11:03,126 --> 00:11:05,529 I'm not paying for your trip to Aspen. 261 00:11:05,562 --> 00:11:08,865 But it's almost spring break, and I'm bored. 262 00:11:08,899 --> 00:11:11,903 PILOT: Uh, we are making our descent into New York, 263 00:11:11,936 --> 00:11:15,873 where there's a happy heart for every light on Broadway. 264 00:11:15,905 --> 00:11:18,542 Enjoy your fabulous success. 265 00:11:18,576 --> 00:11:20,577 And don't worry about buckling up 266 00:11:20,610 --> 00:11:24,048 or putting your chairs back... you're on a roll. 267 00:11:24,081 --> 00:11:26,985 [WHISPERS]: Leave the cart. 268 00:11:27,018 --> 00:11:29,387 [LAUGHS] Oh. Oh... 269 00:11:29,419 --> 00:11:30,754 ♪ I'm back ♪ 270 00:11:30,788 --> 00:11:34,158 ♪ Back in the New York groove ♪ 271 00:11:34,191 --> 00:11:35,493 ♪ Back ♪ 272 00:11:35,525 --> 00:11:37,661 ♪ In the New York groove ♪ 273 00:11:37,695 --> 00:11:41,366 ♪ In the New York groove. ♪ 274 00:11:43,267 --> 00:11:45,837 From my shoulders, you can see Rhode Island. 275 00:11:45,870 --> 00:11:48,673 Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho! 276 00:11:50,707 --> 00:11:53,144 Abe Simpson, you dog. 277 00:11:53,177 --> 00:11:55,547 Sweetcakes, bring us a couple of sidecars. 278 00:11:57,048 --> 00:11:58,482 - [GASPS] - [GROANS] 279 00:11:58,515 --> 00:12:01,184 You never called him out for his bad behavior? 280 00:12:01,217 --> 00:12:04,488 No. But I put mercury in his coffee. 281 00:12:04,522 --> 00:12:06,524 Oh, don't worry, he can't hear me. 282 00:12:06,557 --> 00:12:08,993 What are you two doing? Swapping recipes? 283 00:12:09,025 --> 00:12:11,261 [CHUCKLES] Sort of. 284 00:12:11,294 --> 00:12:13,298 Let me get you some coffee. 285 00:12:15,732 --> 00:12:18,835 Mister, you owe my dad a fortune. 286 00:12:18,869 --> 00:12:21,706 'Fraid not. Your Dad never signed his contract. 287 00:12:21,739 --> 00:12:24,841 You think I left millions on the table? 288 00:12:24,874 --> 00:12:26,476 That doesn't sound like me. 289 00:12:26,509 --> 00:12:30,014 - Hundreds of millions. - That sounds like me. 290 00:12:30,047 --> 00:12:31,615 Everything was going great. 291 00:12:31,649 --> 00:12:33,551 Then you ran out of the photo session. 292 00:12:33,583 --> 00:12:35,686 I didn't even know your name till this week. 293 00:12:35,720 --> 00:12:39,624 Run away from a fake battle? Oh, I would never do that. 294 00:12:39,657 --> 00:12:41,959 Oh, yeah? Our photographer, Philip Hefflin, 295 00:12:41,991 --> 00:12:43,627 could barely finish the session. 296 00:12:43,660 --> 00:12:45,696 Philip Hefflin? 297 00:12:45,730 --> 00:12:48,533 Yes. The finest war and fashion photographer 298 00:12:48,566 --> 00:12:51,469 - I ever knew. - [GRAMPA GASPS] 299 00:12:51,501 --> 00:12:53,203 I remember Philip. 300 00:12:53,236 --> 00:12:55,173 He smelled of developing fluid 301 00:12:55,206 --> 00:12:57,508 and Aqua Velva. 302 00:12:57,541 --> 00:13:00,045 We have flashback, people. 303 00:13:02,379 --> 00:13:04,883 ["BLUE RONDO À LA TURK" BY THE DAVE BRUBECK QUARTET PLAYING] 304 00:13:12,389 --> 00:13:14,692 Thank you. This is the most fun I've had 305 00:13:14,725 --> 00:13:16,695 since not dying in the war. 306 00:13:18,729 --> 00:13:20,898 You're my kind of man, 307 00:13:20,931 --> 00:13:22,734 if you know what I mean. 308 00:13:23,768 --> 00:13:25,403 That's not what I meant! 309 00:13:25,436 --> 00:13:27,672 I'm sorry. I thought you wanted me to... 310 00:13:27,705 --> 00:13:30,675 This is the '40s. Guys like you don't exist. 311 00:13:30,707 --> 00:13:32,843 We'll just finish the session. 312 00:13:32,876 --> 00:13:35,011 Aah! No! 313 00:13:35,044 --> 00:13:37,180 Stop shooting! 314 00:13:37,214 --> 00:13:40,118 - [PANTING] - Where are you going, Soldier? 315 00:13:40,150 --> 00:13:42,386 I got to remind myself what a real man is. 316 00:13:44,221 --> 00:13:46,624 [SIGHS] 317 00:13:46,657 --> 00:13:49,360 We found out what happened and we fired Philip. 318 00:13:49,393 --> 00:13:52,463 - For kissing an employee? - No, for being gay. 319 00:13:52,495 --> 00:13:54,531 That's just what you did in the good old days. 320 00:13:54,565 --> 00:13:56,701 Grampa, is that true... 321 00:13:56,734 --> 00:13:59,103 you ruined a man's career? 322 00:13:59,135 --> 00:14:01,706 [CRIES] And all he was doing 323 00:14:01,739 --> 00:14:04,242 was expressing his love for me. 324 00:14:04,274 --> 00:14:06,369 Oh, who could blame him? 325 00:14:09,467 --> 00:14:11,596 PILOT: Welcome to Shattered Dreams Airlines, 326 00:14:11,621 --> 00:14:14,616 where our motto is "What's the point of going anywhere?" 327 00:14:14,641 --> 00:14:18,212 That poor man. I'll never know what happened to him. 328 00:14:18,245 --> 00:14:20,947 According to Cyber Stalker.com, 329 00:14:20,981 --> 00:14:23,451 he now lives in a small town in Texas. 330 00:14:23,484 --> 00:14:26,954 Texas? That's where my friend Louisiana Joe is from. 331 00:14:26,986 --> 00:14:28,821 MARGE: Marfa, Texas. 332 00:14:28,822 --> 00:14:31,525 Why don't you go see him and clear your conscience? 333 00:14:31,558 --> 00:14:34,795 Plus, I always wanted to visit Texas. It's open carry. 334 00:14:34,828 --> 00:14:36,664 Oh, what do I do? 335 00:14:36,697 --> 00:14:39,634 If I go see him, he might punch me in the kisser, 336 00:14:39,667 --> 00:14:42,801 - or kiss me in the puncher. - [GUNFIRE] 337 00:14:42,826 --> 00:14:44,871 Our manhood is under assault, Sergeant. 338 00:14:44,904 --> 00:14:48,476 - Incoming gay panic! - [GROANING] 339 00:14:48,509 --> 00:14:51,345 [PANTING] 340 00:14:51,378 --> 00:14:54,315 Abe, promise me one thing. 341 00:14:54,347 --> 00:14:57,050 Go see Philip. Tell him you're sorry. 342 00:14:57,083 --> 00:15:00,320 Then find my girl and tell her I loved her. 343 00:15:00,354 --> 00:15:04,092 Find the milkman and tell him one less milk. 344 00:15:04,125 --> 00:15:06,561 Then find Branch Rickey and tell him 345 00:15:06,593 --> 00:15:09,730 to integrate baseball. 346 00:15:09,764 --> 00:15:12,899 I have to go to Texas. 347 00:15:12,933 --> 00:15:16,571 - Well, you're not going alone. - We're all going to Texas. 348 00:15:16,604 --> 00:15:19,207 The plant can get by without me for a little longer. 349 00:15:23,910 --> 00:15:26,246 WOMAN'S VOICE [ON GPS]: Turn left at the stop sign. 350 00:15:26,279 --> 00:15:28,915 Bear right onto the freeway. 351 00:15:28,948 --> 00:15:31,418 Go absolutely straight for... 352 00:15:31,452 --> 00:15:33,721 480 miles. 353 00:15:33,754 --> 00:15:36,423 ♪ I saw miles and miles ♪ 354 00:15:36,457 --> 00:15:38,091 ♪ Of Texas ♪ 355 00:15:38,125 --> 00:15:41,229 ♪ All the stars up in the sky ♪ 356 00:15:41,261 --> 00:15:44,064 ♪ I saw miles and miles ♪ 357 00:15:44,097 --> 00:15:45,899 ♪ Of Texas ♪ 358 00:15:45,933 --> 00:15:48,402 ♪ Gonna live here ♪ 359 00:15:48,434 --> 00:15:51,305 ♪ Till I die. ♪ 360 00:15:53,000 --> 00:15:59,074 Advertise your product or brand here contact www.OpenSubtitles.org today 361 00:16:04,284 --> 00:16:07,288 Prada? In the middle of nowhere? 362 00:16:09,423 --> 00:16:12,559 This isn't a store at all. It's an art installation. 363 00:16:12,592 --> 00:16:14,594 Marfa is the art capital of Texas. 364 00:16:14,628 --> 00:16:17,098 Over there are the Marfa lights. 365 00:16:17,130 --> 00:16:19,567 Oh, how magical. 366 00:16:19,600 --> 00:16:22,503 I know, they seem that way, but there's an explanation. 367 00:16:22,535 --> 00:16:24,738 - It turns out reflected light... - Don't ruin it. 368 00:16:24,771 --> 00:16:25,906 [HUMMING] 369 00:16:25,939 --> 00:16:27,909 Why are you going behind the installation? 370 00:16:27,942 --> 00:16:30,244 It's by the side of the road, so, by definition, 371 00:16:30,277 --> 00:16:32,079 it's a bathroom. 372 00:16:32,111 --> 00:16:34,882 [MOANING] 373 00:16:36,283 --> 00:16:37,752 That's where Philip lives. 374 00:16:37,784 --> 00:16:41,755 37 miles to my destiny. 375 00:16:41,789 --> 00:16:43,957 - [ZIPS] - Son? As I've gotten older, 376 00:16:43,990 --> 00:16:47,595 I've started to think maybe a man can love different things 377 00:16:47,628 --> 00:16:50,598 - and still be a man. - Grampa's gay! 378 00:16:50,630 --> 00:16:51,966 Why you little... 379 00:16:51,999 --> 00:16:54,101 [GRUNTING] 380 00:16:54,134 --> 00:16:56,269 Wait, Homer! No. Stop. 381 00:16:56,303 --> 00:16:58,105 You might be strangling him 382 00:16:58,138 --> 00:17:00,308 because of your own conflicted feelings. 383 00:17:00,341 --> 00:17:02,043 Why you thoughtful... 384 00:17:02,076 --> 00:17:04,377 - [SCREAMING] - [GRUNTING] 385 00:17:04,411 --> 00:17:07,148 - Homer! - Okay, time to go. 386 00:17:07,181 --> 00:17:08,516 [GASPS] 387 00:17:08,548 --> 00:17:11,018 Now to face my greatest fear: 388 00:17:11,050 --> 00:17:14,087 someone who only had love for me. 389 00:17:17,490 --> 00:17:21,028 Better lock and load. 390 00:17:21,060 --> 00:17:24,464 ♪ There's a handsome man in Texas ♪ 391 00:17:24,498 --> 00:17:27,201 ♪ That I'm going back to see ♪ 392 00:17:27,233 --> 00:17:30,136 ♪ He was supposed to take my picture ♪ 393 00:17:30,170 --> 00:17:32,907 ♪ Then he got sweet on me ♪ 394 00:17:32,940 --> 00:17:36,510 ♪ I buried it for decades ♪ 395 00:17:36,542 --> 00:17:38,511 ♪ Deep inside my brain ♪ 396 00:17:38,545 --> 00:17:41,148 ♪ But then I played with army men ♪ 397 00:17:41,181 --> 00:17:43,517 ♪ And it came up again ♪ 398 00:17:43,549 --> 00:17:45,720 ♪ Doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo ♪ 399 00:17:45,752 --> 00:17:47,989 ♪ Doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, d... ♪ 400 00:17:48,021 --> 00:17:48,990 Oh! 401 00:17:49,022 --> 00:17:51,759 I'm seeing things. 402 00:17:56,629 --> 00:17:58,865 PHILIP: Hello, Abe. 403 00:17:58,898 --> 00:18:01,868 You've aged well, like a fine onion. 404 00:18:01,902 --> 00:18:04,872 I hope you can forgive what I did to you. 405 00:18:04,904 --> 00:18:07,040 I'm sorry I ruined your life. 406 00:18:07,074 --> 00:18:09,710 Ruined my life? You saved it. 407 00:18:09,742 --> 00:18:12,379 - I saved it? - Let me explain. 408 00:18:12,413 --> 00:18:14,382 After I lost my job, 409 00:18:14,414 --> 00:18:17,885 I decided I'd never live anything but my truth again. 410 00:18:18,919 --> 00:18:21,923 My wife took it well. 411 00:18:21,955 --> 00:18:24,891 I hit the road and drove as far as I could. 412 00:18:24,924 --> 00:18:28,829 I landed here and I've never had a day of regret since. 413 00:18:31,432 --> 00:18:32,900 What's the matter? 414 00:18:32,933 --> 00:18:35,568 You're such a wonderful guy. 415 00:18:35,602 --> 00:18:38,539 Maybe it was my life that was ruined that day. 416 00:18:38,571 --> 00:18:40,907 It's never too late, Abe. 417 00:18:40,941 --> 00:18:44,644 Never too late to find out what your true self is. 418 00:18:44,677 --> 00:18:46,981 A paper at Cornell University 419 00:18:47,013 --> 00:18:50,952 has showed that no one is 100% straight or gay. 420 00:18:50,984 --> 00:18:53,753 - Is it peer reviewed? - Does it matter? 421 00:18:53,787 --> 00:18:56,891 Ah, I'm afraid I'm too old to try anything new. 422 00:18:56,923 --> 00:18:59,727 I miss the days when circuses had elephants 423 00:18:59,760 --> 00:19:01,595 and they stomped on people. 424 00:19:01,627 --> 00:19:04,898 And don't get me started on Young Sheldon. 425 00:19:04,932 --> 00:19:07,500 Understood, but before you go, 426 00:19:07,533 --> 00:19:10,503 we never did finish that photo session. 427 00:19:10,537 --> 00:19:12,774 ["BLUE RONDO À LA TURK" BY THE DAVE BRUBECK QUARTET PLAYING] 428 00:19:19,812 --> 00:19:22,916 It's a shot I always wanted and never got: 429 00:19:22,950 --> 00:19:24,919 your beautiful smile. 430 00:19:24,952 --> 00:19:26,453 Why didn't you say so? 431 00:19:26,487 --> 00:19:29,757 I'll leave that with you. 432 00:19:30,788 --> 00:19:32,125 Enjoy your life. 433 00:19:39,133 --> 00:19:42,135 The Alamo's not the only thing I'm gonna remember. 434 00:19:43,636 --> 00:19:46,506 Well? 435 00:19:46,539 --> 00:19:48,675 Sorry, my friend, this army man 436 00:19:48,709 --> 00:19:50,945 is as straight as Gomer Pyle. 437 00:19:50,978 --> 00:19:52,647 [LAUGHS] 438 00:19:57,550 --> 00:19:58,952 Good for you, soldier. 439 00:19:58,985 --> 00:20:01,521 You learned that army men come in all orientations, 440 00:20:01,555 --> 00:20:04,926 but we're all molded from the same crappy plastic. 441 00:20:05,992 --> 00:20:07,694 Permission to pair up, sir? 442 00:20:07,728 --> 00:20:09,697 Granted. 443 00:20:09,730 --> 00:20:12,700 Radio man, a little dance music, if you please. 444 00:20:12,732 --> 00:20:14,668 [ROMANTIC MUSIC PLAYS] 445 00:20:26,436 --> 00:20:29,278 The local population hates us and we don't know 446 00:20:29,303 --> 00:20:31,572 - why we're here. - Maybe if we build a school, 447 00:20:31,606 --> 00:20:33,960 they'll forget about that hospital we bombed. 448 00:20:33,985 --> 00:20:37,723 Uh-oh, Congress didn't fund enough body armor. 449 00:20:37,756 --> 00:20:40,758 Well, this is too sad. Let's melt 'em in the microwave. 450 00:20:40,792 --> 00:20:43,595 Oh, boy! 451 00:20:43,628 --> 00:20:46,298 ♪ This is the Army, Mr. Jones ♪ 452 00:20:47,631 --> 00:20:50,302 ♪ No private rooms or telephones ♪ 453 00:20:52,304 --> 00:20:56,275 ♪ You had your breakfast in bed before ♪ 454 00:20:56,307 --> 00:21:00,278 ♪ But you won't have it there anymore ♪ 455 00:21:00,312 --> 00:21:04,250 ♪ This is the Army, Mr. Green ♪ 456 00:21:05,427 --> 00:21:09,920 ♪ We like the barracks nice and clean ♪ 457 00:21:09,954 --> 00:21:13,925 ♪ You had a housemaid to clean your floor ♪ 458 00:21:13,958 --> 00:21:17,896 ♪ But she won't help you out any more. ♪ 459 00:21:20,761 --> 00:21:27,612 - Sync and corrections by ByDem - - www.addic7ed.com - 460 00:21:29,040 --> 00:21:31,043 - LAWRENCE O'DONNELL: Last word! - Shh! 461 00:21:32,305 --> 00:21:38,310 Support us and become VIP member to remove all ads from www.OpenSubtitles.org 32997

Can't find what you're looking for?
Get subtitles in any language from opensubtitles.com, and translate them here.