Original subtitles

Sometimes the world looks perfect

Nothing to rearrange

Sometimes you just get a feeling

Like you need some kinda change

No matter what the odds are this time

Nothing's gonna stand in my way

This flame in my heart like a long lost friend

Gives every dark street a light at the end

Standing tall

On the wings of my dream

Rise and fall

On the wings of my dream

The rain and thunder

The wind and haze

I'm bound for better days

It's my life and my dream

Nothing's gonna stop me now

BALKI: Listen, Mary Anne and I have decided to join together in holy macaroni!

Congratulations! Yeah.

It's-- It's official. Mary Anne and I are getting marri-yed.

(LAUGHING)

Oh, Mary Anne! I'm so happy for you!

I'm so happy for me, too!

Well, let's take a load off.

Yeah, I gotta tell ya.

It was a humongous mistake breaking up.

(STUTTERING) Mary Anne is everything that

I've been looking for my whole life.

Well, that is great! Now, we're gonna have a lot to do, Jen.

I'm thinking July wedding? How's that hit everybody?

It'll be a lot of pressure, but I think we can do it, Larry.

We're getting marri-yed tomorrow.

Tomorrow? Tomorrow?

You can't get married tomorrow!

Cousin, you don't understand. Tell them, pumpkin.

There's a sacred Myposian tradition that says

once a couple announces their engagement,

they must get married within 24 hours.

And what happens to you if you wait any longer than that?

All of your children are born with hooves.

That's right.

Nothing is simple with you Mypiots, is it?

Well, yeah, if we're gonna have a Myposian wedding,

uh, don't we, don't we need, uh, jugglers? Livestock?

A wedding hat of some kind?

Well, cousin, we'll have all that

But, uh, for this ceremony, all I need is a shine on my shoes

and my Bitatatoutata Ratatatouille.

A Bitatatoutata Ratatatouille?

Myposian marriage necklace? Tell them, pumpkin.

It's been a part of the Myposian marriage ceremony for centuries.

And what happens to your marri-yage if you don't have it?

Your marriage is doomed. That's right.

Well, that's very nice, but there is no way

we're gonna get a Myposian marriage necklace

all the way from Mypos by tomorrow.

When a Myposian boy comes of age, he's given the necklace.

The Bitatatoutata Ratatatouille.

What he said.

Whenever the moment is right, he wants to be prepared,

so he carries the necklace with him wherever he goes.

Except, of course when he's...

In the shower. In the shower.

(LAUGHING)

You know, if we are going to have a wedding tomorrow,

we are all gonna have to help.

and a phone book. Okay.

Well, I need a dress and some flowers.

Dress and some flowers, okay. Let's see, let's see.

Oh, I know a great dress shop downtown

and my friend Barbara is a florist. I can take care of all that.

Okay, what else?

Well, uh, we need someone to marry us.

Oh, my father knows a minister.

Ooh! Yeah.

And we need a church, a reception hall and a band.

Okay, let's see! Let's see.

We can use Chapel by the Shore, the Beekman Hotel,

and Barbara's husband is a rock promoter.

He can get a great band!

Oh. We have a lot to do.

Come on, Mary Anne, let's go upstairs and start making some calls.

Okay.

(GIGGLES)

(GASPS) Ooh!

(SIGHS) Well, I guess I'd better get off and get my shoes shined.

Uh, which shoes do you think I should wear?

Oh, well... Well, uh, you're right!

I'll just shine them all!

Oh, cousin, cousin, you want to come? You want to come with me?

No, you just, uh... You go along.

I'm sure you're... You're much too busy

to drag along somebody who's got, uh, nothing to do.

Okay.

Well, you know, hey!

I remember that, uh, Christmas when I was, uh,

seven, and, uh, uh, nobody in my family remembered to wake me up.

(CHUCKLES)

Yeah, you know, but don't worry. Don't worry.

(CHUCKLING) I'll just be on the sidelines

on the most important day of your life.

Yeah, it's okay.

I'm tough.

Glad to hear it. See ya later!

You'd better watch out

(VOICE BREAKING) You'd better not cry

You'd better not pout I'm tell...

(SOBBING)

You're really dying for something to do, aren't you?

Please, give me something to do. Please, please.

Don't open the presents without me.

Cousin, I had something for you to do all along.

I just should have asked you earlier.

Cousin, will you be my piggliwiggliki?

What is a piggliwiggliki?

Ah, Balki, I would be honored to be your piggliwiggliki!

Okay, now, gotta line up tuxedos, gotta write a speech--

Cousin-- Gotta, uh, the rings.

Cousin-- All the guests...

Anything else I should be doing?

Uh, no, cousin.

All the piggliwiggliki does

is walk the groom up the aisle.

Well, what else does the piggliwiggliki do?

Diddly squat -iki.

You better watch out You better not...

Wait a minute! Wait, wait, wait!

No, that... That's all he does at the ceremony.

But before the ceremony, he has a very important role to play.

Which is?

Guardian of the Myposian marri-yage necklace.

The Bitatatoutata Ratatatouille.

Yeah, why don't we go... Why don't we go with that?

All right, goody, goody. We'll go with that.

Opening that was a lot messier before I glued them down.

Cousin, this

is the Bitatatoutata Ratatatouille.

It is placed around both the bride and the groom

at the ceremony before they exchange their vows.

It symbolizes their... Their unity, their oneness.

The merging of their souls.

Very, very important.

And that is why,

from the moment his marri-yage is announced,

no Mypiot boy ever lets it out of his sight!

What?

So, uh, so I'll be giving this to you now.

I'll... I'll just... I'll just...

Isn't there some ritual we should be performing?

No. No?

No, I mean, yes! Yes, of course!

(STAMMERING) There's the ritual of

the Bitatatoutata Ratatatouille.

And, uh...

Mish mikki muck muck much

Mi mishni hah hah hah mi mukni muff muff muff

And a minki minki minki

Da hoonti lass dibu da binki lass dubu to minka

Hoy hoy vermink nicht muff, ha!

Come on, Balki! I've gotta get you to the church on time!

Cousin, have you got the rings?

Here they are. Okay.

And what about the Bitatatoutata Ratatatouille?

Of course, I have the Bitatatoutata Ratatatouille.

How could you doubt that I would fulfill

my responsibility as the piggliwiggliki?

When Larry Appleton is given a job to do, that job gets done.

I thought that went without saying, but I guess I was wrong.

I'm sorry, cousin, you are the best

piggliwiggliki in the whole world.

I knew how much the marriage necklace meant to you

so I found the perfect place to keep it.

Give me the box! No. No!

I am the piggliwiggliki, and it is my responsibility.

I will hold on to the box.

You've lost it, haven't you?

I swear it was here. (SOBBING)

Can I still be the piggliwiggliki? Ow.

BALKI: Well, this is just great.

I said it was gone! I didn't say it was lost!

It's in the house somewhere. Where is it? Where is it?

I just don't know where that somewhere is at the moment.

Look, look, look, come, come on, come on. We'll find it.

We'll find it, but we have to calm down.

Huh? Can you do that for me? Huh? Can you promise?

Just promise me you'll calm down.

If you can promise me that we will find

the Bitatatoutata Ratatatouille.

I promise.

(EXHALES SHARPLY)

Ow! God.

Oh!

Ah!

You big babasticki! You little creep!

I'm gonna kill you! Find the necklace!

Hey, hey, hey, hey! Come on now! Come on!

(WAILING)

You know what's great about this? (CHUCKLES)

You're gonna have a story to tell your kids

about how you and I frantically searched

for the Bitatatoutata Ratatatouille

on your wedding day.

(CHUCKLES)

(GAGGING)

That Bitatatoutata Ratatatouille

has been in the Bartokomous family for centuries!

You are in charge of it for one day, and what happens?

(WHIMPERING) It's gone.

Now what do you propose we do?

We'll find the Bitatatoutata Ratatatouille!

I've got it!

I had the necklace when I was here.

And then I went into the kitchen, I grabbed an orange.

I came back in here, I peeled the orange

and I was on my way back into the kitchen

So I threw the orange peels away

and I put the necklace in here.

But don't worry!

Would that be the same trash they picked up today?

Yes, that would be the same trash, but don't, no, no...

Because there's a silver lining,

because the dump is on the way to the church! Isn't that great?

We're never gonna find it. I'm sorry I ruined everything.

Cousin, don't... Don't feel bad. It's not your fault.

It's my fault. I never should have made you

the guardian of the Bitatatoutata Ratatatouille.

Well, you had to, it's the piggliwiggliki's job.

No, it isn't.

What do you mean, "No, it isn't?"

You, you said it was the piggliwiggliki's job

to be the guardian of the Myposian marriage necklace.

We even did a little ritual, remember?

Yo hoingi boingi in yo hoingi boingi out...

Cousin, cousin, cousin, cousin...

That was no, that was no ritual.

That was just the Hokey Pokey with some pseudo-Myposian gibberish.

I... I felt so bad for you.

You wanted so badly to have something to do.

So I invented the fact that the piggliwiggliki

gets to be the guardian of the necklace.

He don't do that.

"He who walks the groom up the aisle

"and then does absolutely nothing."

Well, I just wanted to play a big part in your wedding.

Cousin, you are playing a big part in my wedding.

Just by standing next to me. You're my best friend.

Yeah?

I mean, I mean, who else would be sitting next to me

in gar-baaj dressed in a tuxedo?

Of course, it's your fault we're sitting in gar-baaj.

(SIGHS)

Cousin, cousin,

do you still get catalogs from the Step Up Here, Little Man clothing store?

Yeah, but I'm their tallest customer.

This is your catalog, and that must mean that this is our gar-baaj!

Cousin, look! Look! Look, cousin!

Here is last night's dinner.

Goat spleen surprise!

It's covered with egg shells.

Why didn't I think of that?

Balki! Here's the sweater I gave Jennifer for her birthday!

She said she lost it on a flight to Costa Rica.

Balki! I think I see it!

Cousin! Cousin!

You... You found the Bitatatoutata Ratatatouille!

And now, as soon as we hose this off,

I can get marri-yed and live happily ever after!

Oh, cousin! Now we are so happy we do the dance of joy!

Da-e-da-e da-e-da-e da-da da-da dada-da-e

Hey, oh Hey, hey

Uh, there's going to be a slight delay.

We have that pesky little problem of no groom.

(DOGS BARKING)

(ORGAN MUSIC PLAYS)

Let's go.

(MUSIC CONTINUES)

Cousin, don't Mary Anne look beautiful?

She sure does, Balki.

Balki Bartokomous, you went to the dump without me!

What happened to you?

Good news, Jen, I found the sweater

you thought you lost in Costa Rica.

Friends, relatives, we are gathered here today

to join these two in holy matrimony.

The bride and groom would like to exchange vows they've written themselves.

Cousin, may I have the Bitatatoutata Ratatatouille?

This is the Bitatatoutata Ratatatouille.

The Myposian marri-yage necklace.

It... It represents our unity.

Mary Anne, these are the days of our lives.

The ring, please.

This is a pop top.

Here's the ring.

Balki, from the moment I met you

I knew you were the man I wanted to

spend the rest of my life with.

This ring is a symbol of my promise to always love you.

I hope you'll wear it forever, but I'll understand

if you take it off if you go someplace with high humidity

and your fingers swell up like mine do.

Anyway, here.

Wow, she made that up all by herself.

Mary Anne, the day that I come to America

was the happiest day of my life.

But now that I know that I'll be spending the rest of my life with you,

this is the new happiest day of my life.

For... For my vows I would like to quote

the lyrics from the song that was playing

the night that Mary Anne and I fell in love.

"There she was...

"Just a-walkin' down the street...

"Singin' doo wah diddy diddy dum diddy do.

"She looked good...

"She looked fine...

That was beautiful, Balki.

I now pronounce you husband and wife.

You may kiss the bride.

Wow!

(ORGAN MUSIC PLAYS)

(DOGS BARKING)

Well, right about now Balki and Mary Anne's plane should be landing in Athens.

Two hours on a small plane, six more hours on a fishing boat

an 11-mile hike, and they'll be at Balki's house.

It's hard to believe they're finally married.

"It's hard to believe they're finally married"?

At least for three weeks.

You know what else is hard to believe?

What's that?

That in seven and a half months you're going to be a daddy.

That's nice.

A... A daddy? Yes, a daddy.

Oh! Really?

Oh! Oh! (GIGGLES)