Original subtitles

Sometimes the world looks perfect

Sometimes you just get a feeling

Like you need some kinda change

No matter what the odds are this time

Nothing's gonna stand in my way

This flame in my heart like a long lost friend

Gives every dark street a light at the end

Standing tall

On the wings of my dream

Rise and fall

On the wings of my dream

The rain and thunder

The wind and haze

I'm bound for better days

It's my life and my dream

Nothing's gonna stop me now

Face it, mister, we can't get the couch up to your office.

It won't fit in the elevator.

my office around this sofa

and you can't get it up there?

You hear that, Balki? Opportunity is knocking.

Well, I have no choice. Take it back.

(STUTTERS) No need to take that couch back, sir.

Uh, it just so happens that, uh, during college

I worked for the Eight Garibaldi Brothers Moving Company.

I was so good, uh, they laid off four brothers.

So, you could get this couch up to my office?

Absolutely, sir.

Is this gonna be like that time you insisted

on cleaning my aquarium and got your head stuck in it?

No, it won't be anything like that, sir.

I... I will treat your couch with TLC.

I have a better idea.

Treat it as if it meant your J-O-B.

R-E-S-P-E-C-T.

Find out what it means to me.

Okay. Good luck with that couch, sucker.

Whoa!

(GRUNTS)

Stop fooling around.

(STUTTERS) Hey, cousin, you never told me that you were a mover.

Balki, I have never moved a piece of furniture in my life.

But how hard can it be to get a couch into an elevator?

Well, that all depends on how much of the couch

you want to get into the elevator

and whether or not you want the doors to shut.

All right, Balki, let me explain.

Getting this couch into the elevator

is all a matter of finding the magic angle.

Oh, yeah.

Bila, the goat girl, used to say

there was a certain magic in my ankles.

Balki. Yeah?

Cousin, the only way you're gonna get this couch

into that elevator is to saw it in half.

No, we are not going to saw it in half.

Oh, yes. Make a nice set of sectionals. No.

Perhaps a little end table with some straw flowers...

We're not going to saw it in half.

into the elevator and then lift it up.

Now, you take this end, I will take that end.

Wait a minute. How come you get the good end?

There is no good end. Both ends are the same.

Oh, really? Yes.

No, you take that end. I'm just gonna take a look.

You see, they're both the same, all right?

I am a citizen of this country.

I can vote. I can choose.

I do not have to take this end!

Please let me have that end.

All right, fine, take this end. Okay.

Happy?

and my personal life is pretty satisfying

and I've got a little money in the bank

so, overall, I'm gonna say yes, I'm happy.

I'm glad to hear it. (CHUCKLES SOFTLY)

I think spiritually, I'm-- Okay, ready? Here we go.

On the count of three, we'll lift. Ready?

One, two, three... (GRUNTING) Lift!

Now?

Yes, now.

(BOTH GRUNTING)

And circle!

And swing it around. Just swing it on in.

Oh! Just swing it on in and into the elevator.

I knew I had the bad end.

All right, now, lift, lift. Keep lifting.

Cousin, cousin, oh, cousin... Lift it up. Lift it up.

Stop! Stop pushing! Just lift.

Stop! Keep lifting.

Is it going? There! I think I feel it going!

There it goes. There it goes. You've got...

Ow! Ow! Ow! Stop pushing!

(GASPS)

(SCREAMS)

Foot! Foot?

Foot! Oh, your foot!

(BREATHING HEAVILY) Oh, it's caught under the couch!

Ow, ow, ow. Get it off!

Oh!

Are you all right?

(BOTH GRUNTING)

Cousin, cousin. Huh?

You know what? This isn't working.

I think you're right.

Cousin, why we don't just tell Mr. Wainright

that the couch don't fit in the elevator?

Balki, we are not quitters. We are not shirkers.

We are not slackers. We are not movers.

Please, please, just... You've got to help me.

I've got to convince Mr. Wainright I am not an idiot.

Good luck.

Cousin, I didn't wanna say anything at the time

but that was pretty stupid.

And if you could be just as helpful this time,

I'd appreciate it.

(PANTING)

the couch would fit in there.

That is the stupidest idea I have ever heard.

Balki, you're a genius!

Kind of a mixed message, isn't it?

Sort of like jumbo shrimp.

No. No, no, no, no.

Balki, Balki, that is a brilliant idea!

(GRUNTS) If the couch won't fit into the elevator

we'll put the couch on top of the elevator!

Funny, that don't sound like me.

Just help me get the couch out of the elevator.

I want this, this is my end. Take that end.

Let me just check it out.

(LARRY GRUNTING)

(LARRY PANTING)

Now, I have sent the elevator down one floor.

I'll pry the doors open

(GRUNTS)

Cousin, since this was my idea, I hereby withdraw my idea.

Balki, it'll be fine.

Now, to make this work,

we're going to have to stop the elevator on 15.

Yeah, but Mr. Wainright's office is... Is on 16.

I know that, Balki. That is why we have to stop the elevator at 15,

so we can unload the couch at 16.

Now get on top of the elevator and help me pull the couch in.

I'm not gonna get on top of the elevator.

Just get on top of the elevator.

I'm not gonna get on top of the elevator!

Look it, I don't even know if it can support my weight!

I don't even know if it's gonna support my weight. Just get on top.

Ouch!

What if something goes wrong?

You always say that right before things go wrong!

What are you talking about?

BALKI: Cousin, this has fish tank written all over it.

(SIGHS)

Well, at least we learned the route.

Yes. Yes, we did. Hmm.

And I have every reason to believe

it will go just as smoothly with the couch

on top of the elevator. Help me pick up the couch.

You know, this would never happen on Mypos.

Why, no elevators? No, no couches.

It's also the reason we have no talk shows.

Help me pick up the couch. You take that end.

I like this end. You take that end.

That end stinks. Take that end.

I've had that end. Please, just take that end.

I wanna take this end. All right, all right, never mind.

I'll do it myself. I'll do it myself.

Phase one, complete.

We are on our way to the top.

Correct me if I'm wrong, but don't the phrase

"On our way to the top" imply movement?

Okay, I forgot to push the button.

Little snag, no big deal.

I'll just climb down into the elevator

through this little trap door...

(GRUNTS)

Wait a minute, wait a minute, wait, wait.

Because someone has to stay up here with the couch.

(GRUNTING)

Cousin, cousin, cousin. Ow!

It's scary. Okay, okay, fine.

Ow, ow... (GRUNTING)

I'll stay up here with the couch.

You climb down into the elevator.

Alrighty.

Ooh.

I'm not staying up here.

It's too scary.

(GRUNTING)

Okay, I got ya. I got ya.

BALKI: Ow!

The elevator's at the bottom of the shaft and it's empty.

We're ready for the test.

Let's see how much punishment this baby can take.

(GRUNTING) Okay, all right. Okay.

I got ya. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. okay.

Yep, yep. Keep going.

Okay. All right. All right. Okay.

All right, just help me down. Just let her drop.

Help me down! It's a foot!

Just drop! Just let go! (STAMMERS) Just help me!

(LAUGHS)

Now, I'll just press 15 and we'll be on our way.

(ELEVATOR HUMMING)

I may just have to eat my worms.

Words. Worms.

Words. Worms.

You might just have to eat your words.

Cousin, on Mypos, when you doubt someone

and later on you find out that they were right,

you have to eat your worms.

They're a good source of protein, but, uh...

It's a long, long time before you doubt someone again.

All connections and overrides have been made.

Let's, uh, take it up to the tenth floor.

(THUD)

What was that?

We've stopped.

Yeah, I know that.

and we're only on number 10.

Something's wrong.

Did it ever occur to you

Did it ever occur to you

that the usual sequence of elevator events

is someone pushes the button...

What's your point?

My point is the doors didn't open. Something's wrong.

Everything is fine.

I'll just press the button and we'll be on our way again.

Okay, let's test the brakes.

Let it drop, uh, three floors.

Here we go. (METAL CLANKS)

(BOTH SCREAMING)

(THUD)

What was that?

I don't know. But it seems to be over.

Let's not dwell on it.

Let's just get the hell out of here.

Okay, Phil, let's really test the brakes.

Take her up 10 floors and drop her all the way down.

(GRUNTING)

(ELEVATOR HUMMING)

There. (SIGHS)

Everything seems to be fine.

Everything seems to be fine to me.

Everything seem fine to you?

No.

Except I can take some small comfort

from having just figured out what is going on here.

You know what's going on here? Well, of course, I do.

Don't be ridiculous.

This elevator is possessed.

What?

Only the elevator was a car,

But aside from that, it was the exact same thing

that's happening here right now.

This elevator wants to kill us.

Next stop, hell!

Balki, that is the dumbest thing I have ever heard.

(LOUD BANG) (BOTH SCREAMING)

(THUDS)

(GRUNTING)

Balki! (GRUNTING)

This elevator is possessed!

We're gonna die!

I hate this elevator! I hate it! I hate it!

I hate it! I hate... (CHOKING)

You are hysterical.

Now calm down, I'm going to handle this.

I'm going to talk to the elevator.

I have a way with mechanical objects.

Hello, Mr. Elevator.

May I call you Otis?

Otis, I know how you must feel.

All day long, up and down, up and down.

Everybody pushing your buttons.

But... But, Otis, you're taking it out on the wrong guys.

We usually take the stairs.

Elevators always have a phone!

Cousin, cousin, what a great idea,

but, but who's gonna call? Nobody knows we're here.

We are going to call out.

Oh, cousin, that is a good idea.

Balki, we are gonna call out for help.

Cousin, we don't have time for that.

We have to call our loved ones

and cancel our magazine subscriptions.

I'm calling! I am calling!

I am calling! Cousin!

I will give you the phone

Give me that. Cousin.

Not until I cancel Kermit.

Oh, God.

The line's been cut.

(BOTH GRUNTING)

Phil, the override checks out.

The, uh, brakes seem okay, but I'm hearing

a kind of high-pitched noise coming from the shaft.

(BOTH SCREAMING)

I think it's probably just the cables

Let's, uh, see how fast we can get this baby to the top.

(BOTH GRUNTING)

Balki, we're moving, but we're going much too fast.

What if it doesn't stop? (STUTTERS) What'll happen to us?

Oh, it'll stop, cousin, I guarantee that.

The top of the elevator shaft is reinforced concrete.

When we arrive, the car will smash

and we'll be squashed like grapes.

This car will be no thicker than a deck of cards.

So you see, we will stop. Feel better?

(BOTH GRUNTING)

Because, you see, any second the couch is going to come

through the ceiling right above our heads.

(BOTH SCREAMING)

This is much better. Thank you.

Okay, elevator's all yours, Mr. Wainright.

Thank you.

(BOTH GRUNTING)

BOTH: Hi.

How's it going, cousin?

Pretty good, Balki.

my half of the money for Wainright's couch.

No vacation this year.

Uh, forget about new tires for my car.

And sell my bagpipes.

Well, I...

All right, I'll keep the bagpipes.

Where are you gonna get your half of the money?

Oh, that's simple, cousin.

What are you talking about?

lie to Jennifer, or say, "I have a plan",

I put a dollar into this fund.

Oh, really? Mmm-hmm.

Three dollars, some Junior Mints and this.

A postcard of a golf course?

If you look down the ninth fairway

you'll see the villa I own.

Next to the lake? That's my pool.

(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)