Original subtitles

Yankee Dood-lee dandy

Yankee Dood-lee do or die

I passed my citizenship test.

(CHEERING)

See, I arranged to have Balki's mother

flown over from Mypos so she could witness

Balki being sworn in as a US citizen.

Balki, Balki.

My Balki! Balki... Mama!

Oh, my Mama, Mama!

(SPEAKING IN MYPOSIAN)

She thought she was coming over here

to see me get my driver's license?

Either I go back to Mypos with her or...

I am no longer her son.

Well, I guess this is goodbye.

I should never have let him go in the first place.

I'm going to Mypos.

(THEME SONG PLAYING)

Sometimes the world looks perfect

Nothing to rearrange

Sometimes you just get a feeling

Like you need some kind of change

No matter what the odds are this time

Nothing's going to stand in my way

This flame in my heart

Like a long-lost friend

Gives every dark street a light at the end

Standing tall

On the wings of my dream

Rise and fall

On the wings of my dream

The rain and thunder

The wind and haze

I'm bound for better days

It's my life and my dream

Nothing's going to stop me now

(SHEEP BLEATING)

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

Hot doggies! Get them while they're hot.

Hot doggies!

Hello, Balki. Hi.

Hot...

Cousin Larry. Cousin Larry...

What are you doing here? I can't believe it's you.

(STAMMERS) I must be dreaming.

Ow! Ow! Ow! Ow!

You're not dreaming. Stop pinching me!

(SCREAMS)

It is you!

Oh, cousin, cousin!

Cousin, I... I...

What are you doing here?

Balki, I came to try one more time

to talk Mama into letting you come back to America.

Oh, cousin

you're barking up a dead horse.

Balki, just let me talk to her.

Well, cousin, that's a big no can do.

She's on the other side of the island.

Well, let's go get her.

Well, cousin, we can't.

Her woman's group is having

These things can be really intense.

She'll be back in a week

No problem, I'll wait.

I took two weeks vacation.

Cousin.

Well, cousin, cousin, eh, pull up a stool,

pull up a stool and take a load off.

(BELL RINGING)

What's goin' on?

Nap time.

What, for the whole island?

Well, yeah, except for me.

I'm so excited I haven't

been able to sleep since you got here.

So, Balki, how are things goin' for ya here?

Great! Really great!

Yeah, um...

Uh, they, they had

and I've been invited to appear on a local talk show

Livestock of the Rich and Famous.

you know, because of all you left behind.

Uh, your job,

your friends,

Mary Anne,

the coin-operated horse outside the Shop 'n Save.

I do miss Blue Thunder.

Cousin, you can read me like a book on tape.

I am homesick. I...

I... Things are not the same for me here.

You know, there's no urban sprawl

no lines at the movies

no, no unsightly graffiti.

I miss America.

Well, we miss you, too.

And so that's why, no matter what it takes

I'm gonna take you back.

to convince Mama into letting me go.

Once she gets her mind set on something

you know, she's, she's very pig-headed.

Well, you let me worry about Mama.

Listen, until she comes back

Um... I think you're gonna like it.

It's got central air and detached chicken coop.

(WHISTLING)

(SQUAWKS)

Marge, Cousin Larry might want an omelet, too.

(MARGE SQUAWKING)

(WHISTLING)

(CHICKENS SQUAWKING)

Cousin, where have you been?

I got up before dawn this morning

sat on the hill overlooking the village.

You know what I saw?

The village?

Well, yeah, that.

But I, I also saw something

truly remarkable.

I saw Mypiots on their way to work.

They were happy

smiling, saying "Hello" to each other.

Well, they seemed to actually enjoy

just being alive.

Mmm.

there was no rat race.

Well, of course not. Don't be ridiculous.

The rat races are only on Sunday.

We've got the, uh

schedule stuck to the egg dispenser.

Balki, here, look at this. I picked it myself.

Well, isn't that something?

You can't do that in Chicago.

(CHUCKLES) Life here is good.

(CRUNCHING)

What's wrong with this apple?

It's a sour turnip, only horses eat those.

And a perfectly wonderful sour turnip it is.

Toss it in here, we'll make an omelet.

You know, Balki...

I'm startin' to feel at home here.

Yeah, and I think the villagers like me, too.

All morning they've been calling out my name

wherever I go.

"Larry, Larry! Larry, Larry!"

but "Larri larri" is a Myposian phrase.

It means "Sheep crossing, watch where you step."

Well, that's right neighborly of them.

You know, Balki,

watching these happy

stress-free

smiling villagers...

Well, it made me realize that...

Well, I wanna be one of 'em.

You know, Balki, I've made a decision.

I am going to stay on Mypos.

Well, cousin, you're welcome to stay as long as you like.

By the way, you're drinking from the goat's water bowl.

(INDISTINCT)

See, see.

I belong on Mypos.

I want to live here forever.

I'm gonna call Mr. Wainwright, quit my job

tell him what I really think of him.

Then I'm gonna call Jennifer, tell her to sell

everything we own and get over here.

Speed bump, slow down.

I'm gonna give away my Maalox

have all my sport coats made into vests.

Now, cousin, that is just...

Actually, the vest idea, there's something to that.

But you know, cousin, this is

I went through the same thing myself.

Remember when we went to Six Flags for the first time

and I wanted to live on the log ride?

I came back in a week.

No, no, Balki, this is the real thing.

Now, cousin, come on, you're not serious.

Look, I'll show you how serious I am.

See this? My return ticket to Chicago...

Cousin, you are going to be sorry

you did that in about a week.

However, for the present

I think I can stick this back together for you.

Balki, do what you want

but I am here to stay.

(CHICKENS SQUAWKING)

Did you get it?

Yeah, Niko says

this would take the stains right out.

Oh.

(SIGHS)

He also said you're fired.

Fired?

Niko says I was fired? Why?

I was one of the best grape crushers he had.

He said you drank too much of the wine.

Cousin, is that true?

No, I didn't drink any of the wine.

I fell in the vat. I was drowning!

Oh, this is great.

Niko says I'm not good enough to step on grapes.

I rub my hands raw trying to be a butter churner

but Dario says my butter isn't spreadable.

I get thrown out of my, my sheepherding class

because a wolf ate my training flock.

Who'd have thought there'd actually be

a wolf in sheep's clothing?

Cousin, maybe

nine blisters

are a sign that you really belong in Chicago.

Well, Balki, maybe you're right.

I mean, who am I kidding?

I'm going back to Chicago.

You, you belong in Chicago.

Well, you know something?

So do you.

I would love to go back to Chicago

but this is a conversation you have to have with Mama.

When you say to me, you know

it just really bums me out.

Well, Balki...

There's got to be something

that we could say to change her mind.

Cousin, you don't know Mama.

When she gets an idea in her head

trying to get that idea out of her head

is like trying to teach an old frog new tricks.

Now, Mama has decided that she wants me here

and that is that.

(EXHALES)

Have a seat.

Balki, I came 5,000 miles

to try to talk Mama into letting you come back to America.

And that's what I'm gonna do. Well...

She works hard for the money

So hard for the money

Looks like you're gonna get your chance.

So you better treat her right

(HUMMING)

(CHICKENS CLUCKING)

Balki.

BALKI: Oh!

That's very nice.

Very nice.

Uh, welcome home, Mama. Thank you.

Mama, guess what? What?

Cousin Larry has come to visit.

Huh, yeah, right.

Hello, Mama.

Mama, we have to talk.

Mama, Mama, uh, I want to stayiki.

Go ludiki bang bong poki noki waka yahoo.

Why no stayiki?

Cousin, if she gets you in a headlock

just yell, I'll be right outside.

Cousin Larry.

Hello, Mama.

Hello, hello, yes, yes.

Yes, I, uh...

We eat, we eat. Oh, no, I don't...

Oh, yes. Yup. No...

Mama, no, I...

No, Mama, I really don't...

No, I'm not, I'm not hungry. I...

No, no, Mama...

Nothing. Mama, we...

We have to talk.

Cousin Larry, sit down. Oh!

And take a load off.

Oh, no, no, Mama... Very nice. Very nice.

Mmm, this is a new dish...

(MUMBLING)

And I want your take on it.

(COUGHS)

(COUGHING)

(SPEAKING IN MYPOSIAN)

Better? Mmm, oh, yeah.

Yak juice.

(COUGHS)

Cousin Larry, Cousin Larry...

Yes, yes, yes. Oh, no, Mama. No, no.

Mama, no, Mama.

Mama, we'll eat later.

Yes. Okay. All, all right? Mama.

Yes.

We have to talk.

Yi-yi-yi-yi-yiy!

Ooh! Ooh! Ooh! Ooh!

Sorry!

Oh! Oh!

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

All right. No, here take this. Take this.

(GRUNTING)

MAMA: Oh, no.

All right, okay, Mama! Okay, here.

Let me, let me help you up.

Oh, all right. All right. Here, hang on! Hang on.

Hang on, Mama. Hang on. Oh!

All right, here we go. Here we go.

Here we go. Here we go. Oh, yes.

What happened to your feet? They're funny color.

There. Are you okay? Are you okay, Mama? Are you all right now?

Oh, yi-yiyi-yiyi-yi! Ooh! Ooh! Ow! Ow! Ow!

Oh! Ooh!

Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow.

Sit down, Mama. Ow!

Here we go. Oh!

Yeah. Ooh!

Why have you come to Mypos?

You come to take Balki back to America?

Well...

Yes, Mama.

I, I was hoping to talk you into letting him go back.

Convincikaki? Yes. Go back, go back.

Balki's whole life is in America.

Yes.

His job is there. Job, yes.

His friends who miss him.

Friends, yes.

His girlfriend who loves him.

Skinny Minny? Skinny Minny, Mama.

Yes.

Feed her, Cousin Larry.

I will, Mama. I will. Please.

Such a tiny little thing.

Mama, Balki loves you very much.

Yes. Yes. Yes.

But if you really want Balki to be happy...

Yes.

You're gonna have to let him go back to America.

You have come very far

and you have broken my foot.

You... You must love Balki very much.

And so do all of his friends in America.

Yes. Yes, Mama.

And is very much love in America?

Yes, Mama. Okay.

Balki, go, go back to America.

And then, then Balki happy

and, and, and Mama happy.

And I will be happy.

And then...

Then, then we all will be so happy

we do the Dance of Joy.

Dai dai dai dai

Da-dai da da da da

Hey hey hey hey

Hey hey hey

Either I'm going back to America

or there's a mouse in the hut.

Balki...

Balki, go home.

Go back to America.

Babiki, yes, very, very nice.

Thank you, Mama.

No problem.

Mama, you can come to America to live with us if you want.

No. Well... I saw that.

No, Mama belongs in Mypos, you know.

Babiki, yes. Very, very nice.

He'll be in in a minute.

This is the first time...

(DOORBELL RINGS)

I've rung the doorbell as an American citizen.

You looked so cute when you were being sworn in.

We're very proud of you, Balki.

This is the first time I've flung myself on the couch

as an American citizen.

And you know, you know

what was the most amazing thing?

What's that?

and I became an American citizen

I completely lost my accent.

We'll tell him in the morning.

And this is the first time that I've hugged

all of three of my very best friends

in the whole world all at the same time

as an American citizen.

Mmm.