Original subtitles

Sometimes the world looks perfect

Nothing to rearrange

Sometimes you just get a feeling

Like you need some kinda change

No matter what the odds are this time

Nothing's gonna stand in my way

This flame in my heart like a long lost friend

Gives every dark street a light at the end

Standing tall

On the wings of my dream

Rise and fall

On the wings of my dream

The rain and thunder

The wind and haze

I'm bound for better days

It's my life and my dream

Nothing's gonna stop me now

Come on, Cousin, we got a lot to do

before King Ferdinand gets here.

Cousin, uh, uh, didn't you see your outfit?

I laid it up on your bed for you.

Come on, go upstairs and change. Come on. Bushi, bushi, bushi--

No, no, no, no, no. No.

Balki, Balki, I agreed

to let you decorate the house with a salad bar.

And I agreed to let you have a reception

here for King Ferdinand.

But I am not dressing up like a snout merchant.

How about just the loincloth? No.

But, uh, Cousin, this is a special occasion.

King Ferdinand is going to be

Parade?

with a bunch of cows.

Cousin, King Ferdinand

is leading the Livestock Liberation Parade.

All right, uh, let's just, uh,

go over the official greeting for royalty.

Okay, now, cousin, this is very important.

Um... When meeting royalty

protocol must be followed, all right?

So, the king will come to the door and he will say

in his most regal voice, "Knock, knock."

And then you, as head of the household, will say,

"Who's there?"

And then the king will say, "The king."

And then you will say, "The king who?"

And then the king will say, "Gesundheit" and then we laugh.

Okay, so... Laugh. Let me hear it.

(MOCK LAUGHTER)

Not exactly the big yuk I was hoping for but...

Then again I don't have the king's delivery.

What can I tell you? KING FERDINAND: Knock, knock!

The king's early.

Oh, oh, God, oh, God, he's early!

I haven't even had the chance to spray

the room with welcoming goat fragrance.

All right, all right, calm down, calm down.

It's okay, everything's under control.

We can do this, here we go. Oh, God...

Here we go. Okay? Knock, knock!

Who's there? The king.

The king who? Gesundheit!

(LAUGHTER)

You may speak!

Welcome to our humble home, Your Gratuitousness.

Hoo Patam-patam-pa

Hoo Patam-patam-pa

Hoo Patam-patam-pa

Hoo Patam-patam-pa

Tada-da-da

Patam-pa tada-deda

Hoo Patam-patam-pa

Ramba ramba ding-dong

Hoo baby hee momma give it all you got

Oh, po po. Oh, po po.

(LAUGHS)

And you must be Cousin Larry? Aha... Oh, boy.

You may speak!

(GRUNTS)

(STAMMERING) Uh, welcome,

to America, Your...

Superfluousness.

Superfluousness.

Thanks.

You may rise.

Thank you.

Uh, Your Majesty,

(STAMMERS) where would you like to go first?

See a dentist?

I have to get my crown replaced.

It's a king joke.

(ALL LAUGHING)

Where does he come up with them?

Whoa-ha-ha!

I think he likes you. Scratch him behind the ears.

Uh, um, Balki, I think something's wrong.

Oh, Cousin, it's probably just a serious case of jet lag.

Isn't it? Isn't it?

No, Balki, (STAMMERS) I don't think that it's jetlag.

He's dead.

Are you sure?

Positive.

King Ferdinand is dead.

All hail Cousin Larry, the new king of Mypos.

You okay? Yeah.

We all knew the king had a weak heart.

Everybody always said

"Long live the king," but nobody really believed it.

Well, we should call someone to move him.

Oh, no. No, no, Cousin.

We cannot do that.

The Kingly Carcass must not be moved

until the Speaker of the Hut arrives.

The who?

The Speaker of the Hut of Representatives.

He is the man who oversees the day-to-day

governing of Mypos.

And in his spare time he manages

a four-day tire store.

He's really a very nice guy.

Too bad he wasn't here to catch the king.

Everybody always said, he'd make a great king.

Anyway, you'll like him, Your Diminutiveness.

Don't call me "Your Diminutiveness."

As you wish.

No, no, no, no.

No, get up, get up.

Get up, get up.

Get up... You may rise.

Don't call me "Your Diminutiveness."

As you wish, Your Compactness.

Uh, Balki, just because the king died in my arms

doesn't mean that I am the king of Mypos.

Cousin, I'm telling you this, whoever is the first person

to touch the king after he dies becomes the new king.

It's a tradition.

(STAMMERING) Well, what if he had fallen into someone else's arms?

Someone else would be the new king.

Really? Yes, really.

Now, if you'll excuse me,

that you're going to be the new king.

Oh, no, no, no...

(STAMMERING) Hold off on that call.

I need to give them time to put your face on the money.

No. No, Balki. Balki, we have got to...

They're going to put my face on the money?

Well, just the five digda note and the pingis.

They are going to put my face on the money?

Wait, no, all right, no, no, no! Look, Balki!

This is crazy. Just hold off on that call.

All right, you know, if I'm going to be king,

I need to immerse myself in the food of my people.

I just happen to have a vat of yak fat.

No, you know, Balki.

I'm not in a yak fat mood.

Go out and get me some chocolate covered... Goat parts.

Which goat parts would you like?

Get me the sampler.

Go now.

As you wish, Your Petiteness.

I... I couldn't find any chocolate covered

goat parts, Your Liplessness.

Thank you, Balki.

You know, Your Majesty, you couldn't ask

for a more loyal subject than Balki Bartokomous.

Oh! Hi, Balki.

(GASPS)

He's alive. He's alive.

All hail King Ferdinand of Mypos!

Balki, don't get your hopes up.

King Ferdinand is still dead.

But, Cousin, Cousin, he, he waved at me.

You must have seen it, you were sitting right there.

Yeah, Balki, I made him wave.

Pretty good, huh?

Balki, Balki, look. Here's my plan.

We'll just keep King Ferdinand alive for just a few more hours

then dump him into the arms of the Speaker of the Hut

when he arrives at the reception.

Your Obsessiveness,

you caught the king, so you are the king

I rest my face.

Balki, Balki, now, now, listen to me.

Listen to me, listen to me, will you?

Just stop, stop! No, no, no!

Balki, you said it yourself.

The Speaker of the Hut would make a terrific king for Mypos.

Well, he has been trying to catch a dead king for years.

And I would make a lousy king, you know me.

I'm selfish, pushy, greedy.

Shallow, hypocritical,

and a bold-faced liar.

But that won't impair your ability to lead the country.

Face it, you're the king.

Oh, no, no, no...

Uh, oh, all right.

All right...

You may rise.

Balki, you know the first thing I'm going to do

as king of Mypos?

Put a booster chair on the throne?

No.

I am going to turn the island of Mypos

into a radioactive toxic waste dump.

What do you think of that?

I don't think you should do that.

Oh, you don't think I should do that?

Mmm-hmm, no, no, no, I don't think you should do that--

But I am the king and I think as the king

I would know what's best for the island.

And nobody, not you, not the Speaker of the Hut,

can stop me... Get down there!

Get down there! Yes, yes...

(BALKI GRUNTING)

Yes, a radioactive toxic waste dump it will be.

You may rise. No, no, no.

Of course, all the Mypiots will glow in the dark.

No.

But think of all the money we'll save on

florescent vests for the road crews!

Try me for treason and call me Eggs Benedict but...

I don't think you should be the king.

Oh, you don't think I should be the king?

No, I don't think you should be the king.

Oh, you don't think I should be the king?

Oh, but I am the king. But you should not be...

I am the king... Get down there!

Get down there... Huh!

(BALKI SOBBING)

I am the king.

(WHIMPERING)

But I don't think you should be the king.

Oh, you don't think I should be the king?

No, I don't.

But I am the king and it's too late now.

It's too late now. Yes.

Yes, it's too late now.

(GASPS) Unless...

It's too late now...

(SOBBING)

Yes, yes.

Unless... Unless what?

Unless...

Oh, no. It would never work. It's too perfect.

Well, you know, I was thinking...

If we pretend King Ferdinand is alive

and then drop him into the arms of someone

who would make a terrific king...

Someone who has been waiting to catch a king for years...

But no one comes to mind.

Wait a minute! I know someone.

The Speaker of the Hut. (GASPS) Balki!

You're a genius. Well, I did, you know--

We'll just drop the king into the arms

Oh, Cousin!

Cousin, we have to go make King Ferdinand

ready for the party!

(MUSIC PLAYING)

Here you go, Cousin. I thought you might want that.

Thank you.

(MUMBLING)

LARRY: Balki, there he is.

Well, that's our speaker all right. Old Walki Talki.

And his lovely wife, Chatti Kathi.

Although she, she prefers to be called Cookie.

Balki, go get him. Okay.

Well, you're absolutely right, Your Majesty.

It makes a marvelous aftershave.

Oki-doki, how's it hangi?

Oki-doki, Balki. Reminiski Cookie?

You bet your bibbibabka!

How's it hangi, Cookie? Super.

ALL: Ingi wingi wingi. Oh, wow!

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

Whoa! Oh! Oh!

Oh, King Ferdinand, you little scamp.

(LAUGHS)

Whoa! Oh!

Oh, you little devil.

(LYDIA LAUGHS)

Ooh. (CHUCKLES)

Oh, cold hands, warm heart.

Suplitaki, Walki Talki? Balki, no can do.

Cousin, Cousin, Cousin, we have a big problem.

The speaker and King Ferdinand aren't speaking to each other.

They had a big fight before they left Mypos.

Something about whether

All right, Balki, new plan.

If the speaker won't come to the king

the king will have to go to the speaker.

Hold this, hold this. Just hold this.

Ah. Ahem, uh, excuse me, uh, Your Majesty.

Uh, Lydia, I know the king has taken a great liking to you...

(BOTH CHUCKLE)

Well, all right, as long as you promise

to save me a dance later tonight.

(GIGGLES)

Do you promise?

Ooh. Maybe he will.

Balki, will you give me a hand?

Stop it, just stop it, stop it, stop it, stop it!

A dead man is not a toy.

Balki, we've got to get the king to the Speaker of the Hut.

Now we can't just drag him around the room.

We gotta make him look alive. No problem, Cousin.

(BOTH GRUNTING)

Balki, just get the Speaker of the Hut to turn around

and I'll drop King Ferdinand into his arms.

Got it.

Uh, Cookie. Cookie, did you see over there?

We have, uh, chips and sheep dip.

Your Speakership, there's something I have never told you.

The night that you and Cookie did

the Captain and Tennille medley, I was really moved.

Ooh. No, yes, I was. Oh, yes.

Um, I finally understood the meaning of Muskrat Love.

Oh, look, the king.

I've got nothing to say to you.

Oh, uh, well, uh, sorry about that, uh,

loose floor board, Your Majesty.

We'll just have that fixed immediately.

(PANTING)

All right, let's go.

Oh, no time for that. Look, let's just get him over there.

Come on.

Oh, no more punch for you, big guy.

(BOTH GRUNTING)

Uh... Excuse me, uh, Mr. Hut?

The king would like to apologize to you

for arguing with you earlier.

Well, is that so?

Whoo-ooh!

The king is dead! The king is dead!

Mail call, Cousin.

Oh, anything for me?

Just this, uh, winter catalogue from Digby's Fine Apparel.

"Clothing the little man since 1954."

Let me have that.

in that little sailor suit on the cover.

It's just...

Oh, Cousin, look, I got a letter from Mama.

Oh, well, what she have to say?

Well... Let's see here.

She says that, uh, ever since

Queen Cookie has been ruling Mypos

it's just nothing but party, party, party,

and the, uh, the fun began with the Queen's coronation

tractor pull and demolition derby.

Well, that sounds very entertaining.

Oh, Cousin, look.

She send pictures of,

of King Ferdinand's send-off.

You mean his, uh, funeral. No, no, I mean his send-off.

See there's a picture of them strapping him to the catapult.

Well, don't they bury him in the ground or at sea?

Well, that all depends on where he lands.

See there's a... There's a picture of the launch.

Excellent hang time.

He had really quite good form.

Mmm-hmm. For... For a dead man.

Uh, yeah. Mmm-hmm.