All language subtitles for Father Ted - S02E01 English

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:35,800 --> 00:00:39,270 Now, Tom, this is the first time you've been trusted 2 00:00:39,360 --> 00:00:42,033 with such a large consignment of raw sewage. 3 00:00:42,120 --> 00:00:46,238 - Are you sure you'll be all right? - Don't worry about me at all. 4 00:00:46,320 --> 00:00:50,552 This button opens the doors and this one shoots the sewage out. 5 00:00:50,640 --> 00:00:53,757 This for the doors and this shoots the stuff out? 6 00:00:53,840 --> 00:00:56,991 - No, the other way around. - Right you are! 7 00:00:58,200 --> 00:00:59,952 Good luck, so. 8 00:01:13,680 --> 00:01:18,151 July the 19th. Why does that strike me as important? 9 00:01:18,240 --> 00:01:19,878 Yes! 10 00:01:19,960 --> 00:01:23,839 July 19th? I wouldn't know, Ted, you big bollocks. 11 00:01:28,720 --> 00:01:30,233 I'm sorry? 12 00:01:30,320 --> 00:01:33,676 I said I wouldn't know, Ted, you big bollocks. 13 00:01:35,920 --> 00:01:39,959 Have you been reading those Roddy Doyle books again, Dougal? 14 00:01:41,480 --> 00:01:44,313 I have, yeah, Ted, you big gobshite. 15 00:01:44,400 --> 00:01:47,870 That's all very well. But remember, they're just stories. 16 00:01:47,960 --> 00:01:50,918 Normal people like us don't use that language. 17 00:01:51,000 --> 00:01:54,834 - This is the real worid. - Oh, you're right there, Ted. 18 00:01:55,920 --> 00:01:59,515 Anyway, any idea why July the 19th should be so important? 19 00:01:59,600 --> 00:02:02,273 Would that be the day the Ice Age ended? 20 00:02:04,880 --> 00:02:06,836 No, Dougal! 21 00:02:06,920 --> 00:02:09,593 They can't be that precise about the Ice Age. 22 00:02:09,680 --> 00:02:11,716 I'll look it up in the diary. 23 00:02:15,200 --> 00:02:19,876 July 19th. "On this day, Galway liberated from Indians... 24 00:02:22,200 --> 00:02:24,270 "Marathon becomes Snickers"... 25 00:02:27,400 --> 00:02:29,516 A- ha, Ted! "Ice Age ends." 26 00:02:32,800 --> 00:02:34,518 Time for tea, Fathers. 27 00:02:34,600 --> 00:02:37,672 Mrs Doyle, is anything important about July the 19th? 28 00:02:37,760 --> 00:02:40,228 It doesn't matter what day it is, Father, 29 00:02:40,320 --> 00:02:43,278 there's always time for a nice cup of tea. 30 00:02:43,360 --> 00:02:47,353 Didn't our Lord Himself on the cross pause for a nice cup of tea 31 00:02:47,440 --> 00:02:49,829 before giving Himself up for the worid? 32 00:02:49,920 --> 00:02:51,592 No, He didn't, Mrs Doyle! 33 00:02:51,680 --> 00:02:54,990 Whatever equivalent they had for tea in those days - 34 00:02:55,080 --> 00:02:57,036 cake or whatever. 35 00:02:57,120 --> 00:03:00,078 And speaking of cake... I have cake. 36 00:03:00,160 --> 00:03:01,798 I'm fine for cake, Mrs Doyle. 37 00:03:01,880 --> 00:03:03,996 Are you sure, Father? 38 00:03:04,080 --> 00:03:06,150 There's cocaine in it. 39 00:03:07,840 --> 00:03:09,751 There's what?! 40 00:03:09,840 --> 00:03:12,991 Oh, no, not cocaine. What am I on about? 41 00:03:13,080 --> 00:03:15,833 No, I meant... What do you call them? 42 00:03:15,920 --> 00:03:17,797 Raisins. 43 00:03:17,880 --> 00:03:21,589 Right. I won't, thanks. 44 00:03:21,680 --> 00:03:23,989 Ah, you will. 45 00:03:24,080 --> 00:03:27,470 Sure, it's only small. It's just a tiny little cake. 46 00:03:27,560 --> 00:03:30,916 You won't feel it. You won't even know you're eatin' it. 47 00:03:31,000 --> 00:03:33,639 No, I will know I'm eating it, Mrs Doyle. 48 00:03:33,720 --> 00:03:35,995 No, you won't! Look at the size of it! 49 00:03:36,080 --> 00:03:39,356 It's hardly even a cake. It's a micro-cake. 50 00:03:39,440 --> 00:03:42,512 - No, Mrs Doyle, I really won't... - Aw, come on now. 51 00:03:42,600 --> 00:03:44,511 It's got raisins... 52 00:03:44,600 --> 00:03:46,556 cherries...cinnamon! 53 00:03:46,640 --> 00:03:48,437 - Cinnamon? - Oh, yes. 54 00:03:48,520 --> 00:03:51,910 I do love cinnamon. What the heck, I'll have one. 55 00:03:52,000 --> 00:03:53,194 Great! 56 00:03:53,280 --> 00:03:56,158 No. No, Father, I'm forcing you. 57 00:03:56,240 --> 00:03:59,073 No, you're not. Really! 58 00:03:59,160 --> 00:04:02,550 - I love cinnamon. - No, no, you're just being polite. 59 00:04:02,640 --> 00:04:06,235 If you don't want any, all you have to do is say "no". 60 00:04:06,320 --> 00:04:08,595 Just that one little word, "no". 61 00:04:08,680 --> 00:04:13,071 It's a lovely word our Lord gave us to use when we don't want any cake. 62 00:04:13,160 --> 00:04:16,357 Yes, but just this once, I'd actually love some cake. 63 00:04:16,440 --> 00:04:18,351 Well, you can't have any! 64 00:04:18,440 --> 00:04:19,953 I want cake! 65 00:04:20,040 --> 00:04:23,430 No, I'm just going out to have these destroyed. 66 00:04:23,520 --> 00:04:25,431 Sorry about that, Father. 67 00:04:27,200 --> 00:04:30,158 Anyway, this date thing is bothering me now. 68 00:04:30,240 --> 00:04:33,710 July the 19th. Is there something we always do on July 19th? 69 00:04:33,800 --> 00:04:36,268 Drink! 70 00:04:37,400 --> 00:04:40,278 - Is it something to do with Jack? - Maybe it's... 71 00:04:40,360 --> 00:04:43,750 - Oh, God, it's not his bath?! - Oh, no, it couldn't be! 72 00:04:43,840 --> 00:04:46,718 No, wait! Calm down! He's just had his bath! 73 00:04:46,800 --> 00:04:48,916 Remember? Just before Christmas. 74 00:04:49,000 --> 00:04:52,436 Oh, thank God for that! God Almighty! 75 00:04:54,120 --> 00:04:56,076 - You Ok? - I think so. 76 00:04:57,280 --> 00:04:59,032 So what could it be? 77 00:05:02,320 --> 00:05:05,118 A- ha! Holiday. 78 00:05:10,040 --> 00:05:12,713 Come on, Dougal. Better get moving. 79 00:05:15,600 --> 00:05:17,318 Where'll be go on holiday, Ted? 80 00:05:17,400 --> 00:05:20,233 - God, I don't know. - Pearson's? 81 00:05:20,320 --> 00:05:24,791 Mr Pearson doesn't like people staying. It's not a guesthouse. 82 00:05:24,880 --> 00:05:27,110 - Is it not? - No, no. 83 00:05:27,200 --> 00:05:31,318 Remember the argument last year when we tried to stay the second week? 84 00:05:31,400 --> 00:05:35,837 Wait! Father O'Rourke's caravan! He said we could use it anytime. 85 00:05:35,920 --> 00:05:38,832 Oh, no, Ted, not again! It's very small. 86 00:05:38,920 --> 00:05:43,152 No, he got a new one. Apparently it's twice as big. Let's go! 87 00:05:48,080 --> 00:05:52,358 - He said it's the one at the end. - There it is! Look! It's HUGE! 88 00:05:52,440 --> 00:05:54,317 Calm down. We're here, Father. 89 00:05:54,400 --> 00:05:55,753 Feck off. 90 00:05:55,840 --> 00:05:59,719 I think it's the best caravan in the whole worid. 91 00:05:59,800 --> 00:06:01,233 Dougal? 92 00:06:01,320 --> 00:06:05,359 Where's the trailer with all the stuff in it? 93 00:06:09,160 --> 00:06:12,550 Next you'll tell me you didn't lock the front door! 94 00:06:13,880 --> 00:06:16,155 Ah, Ted, come on... 95 00:06:16,240 --> 00:06:17,514 Drink! 96 00:06:17,600 --> 00:06:19,750 In a minute, Father, I promise you. 97 00:06:19,840 --> 00:06:23,276 This is great, isn't it, Ted? Telly and all. 98 00:06:23,360 --> 00:06:25,430 This is what it's all about. 99 00:06:25,520 --> 00:06:28,273 Wait a second! You've got to do my back! 100 00:06:28,360 --> 00:06:32,399 I'm wrinklin' like a raisin in there. I'll be back in a sec. 101 00:06:49,400 --> 00:06:51,197 Father Ted Crilly, 102 00:06:51,280 --> 00:06:56,400 Craggy Island Parochial House, Craggy Island. 103 00:06:56,480 --> 00:06:59,631 That's C-R-A-G-G-Y Island. 104 00:07:00,720 --> 00:07:03,871 Honestly, Officer, I can't apologise enough... 105 00:07:03,960 --> 00:07:06,428 God, that was so embarrassing! 106 00:07:06,520 --> 00:07:09,159 Ted, if that's not our one, which one is? 107 00:07:17,760 --> 00:07:21,389 Sure, this is great. And it is bigger than last year's one. 108 00:07:23,880 --> 00:07:25,836 What'll we do first, Ted? 109 00:07:26,640 --> 00:07:28,915 We'll take it easy for a while, 110 00:07:29,000 --> 00:07:31,719 just get settled into the old caravan. 111 00:07:35,280 --> 00:07:37,840 Right, that's enough of that. 112 00:07:37,920 --> 00:07:39,194 Where'll we go? 113 00:07:39,280 --> 00:07:41,350 Here's a booklet, Ted. 114 00:07:41,440 --> 00:07:43,396 Places of interest. 115 00:07:44,080 --> 00:07:47,914 St kevin's Stump... Mmm, that sounds good. 116 00:07:48,000 --> 00:07:50,070 The Magic Road! Oh-ho! 117 00:07:51,800 --> 00:07:54,314 Two places of interest. 118 00:07:54,400 --> 00:07:55,958 What's the Magic Road, Ted? 119 00:07:56,040 --> 00:07:59,589 A bizarre natural wonder where everything's gone haywire 120 00:07:59,680 --> 00:08:01,591 and nothing works like it should. 121 00:08:01,680 --> 00:08:05,036 A bit like you, Dougal. Except it's a road. 122 00:08:05,120 --> 00:08:08,192 I still don't understand. It's a kind of a mad road? 123 00:08:08,280 --> 00:08:10,236 It's called a strange phenomenon. 124 00:08:10,320 --> 00:08:13,551 If you took off a car's hand-brake, it'd roll UP-hill. 125 00:08:13,640 --> 00:08:14,959 And water flows UP it. 126 00:08:15,040 --> 00:08:18,999 That's as mad as what you told me about the loaves and fishes! 127 00:08:19,080 --> 00:08:21,833 No, Dougal. That's not mad. 128 00:08:21,920 --> 00:08:24,798 That's when our Lord got one or two bits of food 129 00:08:24,880 --> 00:08:27,838 and turned it into a whole pile of food for dinner. 130 00:08:27,920 --> 00:08:30,480 God, He was fantastic, wasn't He? 131 00:08:30,560 --> 00:08:32,755 Ah, He was brilliant. 132 00:08:33,920 --> 00:08:36,878 - Father, have any preferences? - HOLIDAY! 133 00:08:36,960 --> 00:08:39,997 Yes, we're on holiday. Would you like to go anywhere? 134 00:08:40,080 --> 00:08:43,152 - WHAT? - Would you like to go somewhere? 135 00:08:43,240 --> 00:08:45,435 WHO ARE YOU? 136 00:08:45,520 --> 00:08:49,957 I was asking, would you like to go somewhere now that we're here? 137 00:08:50,040 --> 00:08:52,952 - Perhaps for a lovely walk? - I LIkE CAkE! 138 00:08:53,040 --> 00:08:57,397 Yes, I think I'll just stop talking to Father Jack now. 139 00:08:57,480 --> 00:09:00,790 Where am I? What's that thing there? 140 00:09:00,880 --> 00:09:02,836 Are those my feet? 141 00:09:04,080 --> 00:09:07,231 Let's get him to sleep and head off ourselves. 142 00:09:07,320 --> 00:09:09,788 Ok, Father...into your box. 143 00:09:09,880 --> 00:09:13,793 Drink! Arse! Giris! 144 00:09:13,880 --> 00:09:15,518 Dri... 145 00:09:16,400 --> 00:09:20,632 Let's go and look for the Magic Road. The holiday starts here! 146 00:09:26,800 --> 00:09:28,995 Come on, let's play Scrabble. 147 00:09:29,080 --> 00:09:31,753 Did you bring the travel Scrabble? 148 00:09:31,840 --> 00:09:35,594 I brought the normal Scrabble AND the travel Scrabble. 149 00:09:35,680 --> 00:09:39,559 Travel Scrabble for travelling and the normal for when we arrived. 150 00:09:39,640 --> 00:09:41,119 Good man. 151 00:09:41,200 --> 00:09:46,069 Ah, no, now that I think of it, I didn't bring either of them. 152 00:09:46,160 --> 00:09:49,118 - Right. - God, I'm an awful eejit. 153 00:09:50,360 --> 00:09:53,716 So...what do we do for the next two weeks? 154 00:09:53,800 --> 00:09:55,756 Will I put on the kettle? 155 00:09:55,840 --> 00:09:57,512 Yeah, go on. 156 00:10:01,960 --> 00:10:05,475 Must be one of the ones that clicks off automatically. 157 00:10:05,560 --> 00:10:06,709 Yes... 158 00:10:07,800 --> 00:10:09,791 Bit of steam there. 159 00:10:10,840 --> 00:10:13,593 Incidentally, did you bring any teabags? 160 00:10:13,680 --> 00:10:15,238 No. 161 00:10:16,120 --> 00:10:17,394 Right! 162 00:10:22,800 --> 00:10:24,950 kettle's boiled there, Ted. 163 00:10:25,040 --> 00:10:26,109 Hmm, yeah. 164 00:10:26,200 --> 00:10:29,397 Will I put more water in and turn it on again? 165 00:10:30,880 --> 00:10:33,758 No, I liked it best the first time. 166 00:10:35,680 --> 00:10:39,832 Maybe we could turn it on with no water at all, see what happens. 167 00:10:39,920 --> 00:10:43,071 I don't think you should do that. It would just blow up. 168 00:10:43,160 --> 00:10:47,199 You'd be picking lumps of metal out of your face for a year. 169 00:10:47,280 --> 00:10:50,556 You'd have puffy fish lips bigger than your face. 170 00:10:51,640 --> 00:10:53,039 Like Father Bigley. 171 00:10:53,120 --> 00:10:55,793 Exactly like Father Bigley. 172 00:10:55,880 --> 00:10:58,348 Maybe that's what happened to him. 173 00:11:01,720 --> 00:11:04,188 96...97... 174 00:11:04,280 --> 00:11:07,397 98...99... 175 00:11:07,480 --> 00:11:10,756 100! Coming... 176 00:11:12,200 --> 00:11:14,156 ..ready or not. 177 00:11:18,040 --> 00:11:20,395 - Found you. - Ahh! 178 00:11:20,480 --> 00:11:22,232 It's your go. 179 00:11:24,480 --> 00:11:27,153 One...two... 180 00:11:27,240 --> 00:11:30,710 three...four... 181 00:11:30,800 --> 00:11:32,756 five...six... 182 00:11:35,480 --> 00:11:38,313 Ok, one last time. 183 00:11:38,400 --> 00:11:41,198 These are small, 184 00:11:41,280 --> 00:11:44,670 but the ones out there are far away. 185 00:11:51,720 --> 00:11:53,995 Small... 186 00:11:54,080 --> 00:11:56,196 ..far away. 187 00:11:58,000 --> 00:11:59,558 Ah, forget it! 188 00:12:08,080 --> 00:12:11,436 Ted, you know how your eyes sometimes play tricks on you? 189 00:12:14,160 --> 00:12:17,550 - I know! Father Larry Duff! - Ah, Larry! 190 00:12:17,640 --> 00:12:21,315 He sometimes comes around this area. He's tremendous fun. 191 00:12:21,400 --> 00:12:24,756 I'll call him on his mobile phone. I got him one for Christmas. 192 00:12:24,840 --> 00:12:27,559 He's always complaining that nobody rings him. 193 00:12:35,200 --> 00:12:36,349 AHHHHHH! 194 00:12:45,840 --> 00:12:47,751 Must have it switched off. 195 00:12:54,560 --> 00:12:56,994 Why's it called St kevin's Stump? 196 00:12:59,200 --> 00:13:01,156 It doesn't say. 197 00:13:04,480 --> 00:13:07,119 So is this what all holidays are like, Ted? 198 00:13:07,200 --> 00:13:09,031 Actually...yeah. 199 00:13:09,120 --> 00:13:11,156 Anyway, we'd better get back to Jack. 200 00:13:11,240 --> 00:13:13,231 He said he'd stay put by the cliffs. 201 00:13:22,560 --> 00:13:24,437 Drink! 202 00:13:24,520 --> 00:13:28,399 Drink! Drink! Drink! 203 00:13:29,880 --> 00:13:32,997 Can we go over to the rock and back, Ted? 204 00:13:33,080 --> 00:13:34,957 Well... 205 00:13:35,040 --> 00:13:38,555 Come on, Ted, we're on holidays. Live a little. 206 00:13:38,640 --> 00:13:40,949 All right, but then back to Jack. 207 00:13:41,040 --> 00:13:42,871 Drink! Drink! 208 00:13:42,960 --> 00:13:45,520 Dri-i-i-i-i-i...! 209 00:13:50,440 --> 00:13:52,396 Well, here we are. 210 00:13:53,960 --> 00:13:55,951 Will we go over to that fence now? 211 00:13:56,040 --> 00:13:58,600 No, we might just blow up with excitement. 212 00:13:58,680 --> 00:14:01,148 Let's save something for next week. 213 00:14:21,960 --> 00:14:24,269 Father Ted Crilly, 214 00:14:24,360 --> 00:14:26,954 Craggy Island Parochial House... 215 00:14:27,040 --> 00:14:29,600 C- R... Sure, you know all that. 216 00:14:29,680 --> 00:14:33,275 Listen, you know the business of reporting missing persons? 217 00:14:33,360 --> 00:14:34,759 I've heard of it, yes. 218 00:14:34,840 --> 00:14:37,434 Does it cost money to report a missing person? 219 00:14:37,520 --> 00:14:39,272 - No. - Great. 220 00:14:39,360 --> 00:14:42,477 We've lost one of our party - Father Jack Hackett. 221 00:14:42,560 --> 00:14:44,630 God, how would you describe him? 222 00:14:44,720 --> 00:14:46,836 - Mid-fifties... - To mid-eighties. 223 00:14:46,920 --> 00:14:48,911 Tremendous smell of vegetables. 224 00:14:49,000 --> 00:14:51,468 - Angry. Very angry man. - Hates children. 225 00:14:51,560 --> 00:14:53,312 Likes the odd drink. 226 00:14:53,400 --> 00:14:57,393 And don't come up on him from behind, he won't like that at all. 227 00:14:57,480 --> 00:15:01,712 One thing - do you carry those electric stunner gadgets? 228 00:15:01,800 --> 00:15:04,997 - No. Why? - Oh, no reason. 229 00:15:05,080 --> 00:15:07,674 Right, anything else I can do while I'm here? 230 00:15:07,760 --> 00:15:10,877 Want to confess to any unsolved murders or anything? 231 00:15:10,960 --> 00:15:13,793 No, we're fine for the old... unsolved murders. 232 00:15:13,880 --> 00:15:16,599 Some holiday this is turning out to be! 233 00:15:16,680 --> 00:15:20,559 Come on. Now Jack's gone, there'll be more room in the caravan. 234 00:15:20,640 --> 00:15:23,950 # Ebony and ivory 235 00:15:24,040 --> 00:15:27,794 # Live together in perfect harmony 236 00:15:27,880 --> 00:15:30,997 # Side by side on my piano keyboard 237 00:15:31,080 --> 00:15:34,356 # Oh, Lord, why can't we-e-e-e # 238 00:15:34,440 --> 00:15:36,590 - Ted! - Hello, Noel. 239 00:15:36,680 --> 00:15:38,193 What are you doing here? 240 00:15:38,280 --> 00:15:40,714 Well, this is our caravan... 241 00:15:40,800 --> 00:15:44,076 - Father O'Rourke offered it to us! - Yes, so I see. 242 00:15:44,160 --> 00:15:45,718 He must say it to everyone. 243 00:15:45,800 --> 00:15:48,633 Room for two more in the St Luke's Youth Group? 244 00:15:48,720 --> 00:15:50,233 Motion passed! 245 00:15:50,320 --> 00:15:53,756 Sit down and we'll have a song. Will you sing one, Ted? 246 00:15:53,840 --> 00:15:55,432 No, I won't, thanks... 247 00:15:55,520 --> 00:15:58,751 You've a lovely voice! Very like Celine Dion! 248 00:16:00,920 --> 00:16:04,276 We can dance, then! Tony, stick on the Riverdance album! 249 00:16:04,360 --> 00:16:08,797 Actually... Actually, Noel, I'm quite tired. 250 00:16:08,880 --> 00:16:13,556 What? Actually, we're all a bit exhausted from the old singing. 251 00:16:13,640 --> 00:16:17,599 Some of us overdid it down the old local last night! 252 00:16:17,680 --> 00:16:20,752 Gerry Fields knows who I'm talking about! 253 00:16:20,840 --> 00:16:22,319 Huh, what, eh? 254 00:16:22,400 --> 00:16:24,197 Yeah. 255 00:16:24,280 --> 00:16:28,751 We arrived back at... God! it must have been half ten! 256 00:16:28,840 --> 00:16:31,354 And some of us crawled in! 257 00:16:31,440 --> 00:16:33,954 Janine Reilly knows what I'm talking about! 258 00:16:34,040 --> 00:16:35,917 - Don't you?! - Yeah... 259 00:16:36,000 --> 00:16:38,195 And she wasn't the only one! 260 00:16:38,280 --> 00:16:39,508 Tony Lynch! 261 00:16:39,600 --> 00:16:43,673 TONY LYNCH! He knows! Look at him, all sweetness and light! 262 00:16:43,760 --> 00:16:48,276 He wasn't when he crawled into bed at ten past eleven! 263 00:16:48,360 --> 00:16:51,955 Hello. Father Noel Furlong. You're a fine young fella. 264 00:16:52,040 --> 00:16:55,316 What age would you say I am? Guess. What age would you say? 265 00:16:55,400 --> 00:16:57,311 He knows. Don't tell him! 266 00:16:57,400 --> 00:16:59,630 Go on, guess. What would you say? 267 00:16:59,720 --> 00:17:01,676 40. 268 00:17:02,760 --> 00:17:06,594 Ted, haven't seen you in ages. How are you? 269 00:17:06,680 --> 00:17:09,035 # I SAW THE WHOLE OF THE MOON 270 00:17:09,120 --> 00:17:12,032 # There at the turnstiles with the wind at your heels 271 00:17:12,120 --> 00:17:16,079 # You stretched for the stars and you know how it feels 272 00:17:16,160 --> 00:17:17,639 # Too high 273 00:17:17,720 --> 00:17:19,358 # Too far 274 00:17:19,440 --> 00:17:24,309 # Too soon, you saw the whole of the moon # 275 00:17:25,800 --> 00:17:29,031 # Dirty old town 276 00:17:29,120 --> 00:17:31,634 # Dirty old to-o-own! # 277 00:17:31,720 --> 00:17:33,950 Oh, God, Ted, they have me worn out! 278 00:17:34,040 --> 00:17:36,156 They're a mad crowd! 279 00:17:36,240 --> 00:17:37,355 What time is it? 280 00:17:37,440 --> 00:17:40,352 Half ten! know what? 281 00:17:40,440 --> 00:17:41,919 We should all go to bed. 282 00:17:42,000 --> 00:17:45,675 Where's Tony Lynch off to? Probably to get some heroin! 283 00:17:45,760 --> 00:17:48,274 No, I'm just going to the toilet, Father. 284 00:17:48,360 --> 00:17:52,876 Anyone else need to go? Ted, Dougal, are you Ok? 285 00:17:52,960 --> 00:17:54,518 We're grand, thanks, Noel. 286 00:17:54,600 --> 00:17:56,955 Sure you don't need a little tinkle? 287 00:17:57,040 --> 00:17:59,554 I'm fine, thanks. I'll go again. 288 00:17:59,640 --> 00:18:02,473 Don't keep it in, your bladder could go mental. 289 00:18:02,560 --> 00:18:05,597 - Yes... - My friend Father Sweeney, 290 00:18:05,680 --> 00:18:09,434 he had a bladder about the size of a Terry's Chocolate Orange... 291 00:18:09,520 --> 00:18:10,999 NOEL! 292 00:18:11,080 --> 00:18:16,200 I REALLY... I'm fine. Ok? I'm fine. 293 00:18:17,800 --> 00:18:20,155 You're like a bunch of camels! 294 00:18:20,240 --> 00:18:23,277 Anyway, we'll get the sleeping bags out. 295 00:18:23,360 --> 00:18:25,316 Will it not be a bit cramped? 296 00:18:25,400 --> 00:18:28,631 Not at all. The more the merrier! 297 00:18:32,280 --> 00:18:36,398 St Colum's had a great football team in the mid-'50s. 298 00:18:36,480 --> 00:18:39,233 They won the Father Fitzgibbon Cup. 299 00:18:39,320 --> 00:18:43,359 Father Fitzgibbon. The thing about him was he LOOkED like a cup! 300 00:18:43,440 --> 00:18:46,830 Great big ears like handles! 301 00:18:46,920 --> 00:18:48,797 Do you remember him, Ted? 302 00:18:48,880 --> 00:18:50,916 Ted? Do you remember? 303 00:18:51,000 --> 00:18:53,673 YES! I remember him, Noel. 304 00:18:53,760 --> 00:18:57,799 Oooohh! Who's a bit of a Moaning Michael tonight? 305 00:18:59,000 --> 00:19:02,356 God Almighty, it's nearly six o'clock in the morning! 306 00:19:03,600 --> 00:19:06,990 I think what we should all do now is... 307 00:19:07,080 --> 00:19:09,036 TELL A FEW GHOST STORIES! 308 00:19:10,280 --> 00:19:12,396 - Ted? - Yes? 309 00:19:12,480 --> 00:19:13,549 I'm going mad. 310 00:19:13,640 --> 00:19:17,189 Yes, let's get out of here, let's go home. 311 00:19:17,280 --> 00:19:18,998 Whoooo! 312 00:19:20,520 --> 00:19:22,636 Who's that now? 313 00:19:22,720 --> 00:19:25,632 Is that Gerry Fields heading off to the disco? 314 00:19:25,720 --> 00:19:28,109 We're just heading out for some fresh air. 315 00:19:28,200 --> 00:19:30,714 Don't forget to bring us back some! 316 00:19:30,800 --> 00:19:33,360 Right so...you big feckin' eejit! 317 00:19:38,040 --> 00:19:40,156 What about Jack? 318 00:19:40,240 --> 00:19:44,631 Chances are he's on Craggy Island. He has an amazing homing instinct. 319 00:19:44,720 --> 00:19:46,950 We'll find him with a smile on his face 320 00:19:47,040 --> 00:19:49,679 and his arms outstretched to welcome us back. 321 00:19:49,760 --> 00:19:51,159 What? 322 00:19:51,240 --> 00:19:53,879 Well, maybe not the smile on his face... 323 00:19:55,520 --> 00:19:57,476 or the outstretched arms... 324 00:19:57,560 --> 00:20:00,916 or the welcome back, but he's probably there. 325 00:20:01,560 --> 00:20:03,790 Oh, God, your man! Don't let him see us! 326 00:20:21,000 --> 00:20:23,594 Gerry! Gerry! 327 00:20:23,680 --> 00:20:25,113 Gerry! 328 00:20:26,520 --> 00:20:29,671 - Open! Please open! - He's a fair bit away yet. 329 00:20:31,800 --> 00:20:34,712 Might be worth speeding up there a bit, Ted. 330 00:20:38,560 --> 00:20:40,437 Sorry about that. 331 00:20:40,520 --> 00:20:41,919 Bloody perverts! 332 00:20:50,160 --> 00:20:53,675 He's probably very cold now his towel's blown away. 333 00:20:56,560 --> 00:20:58,994 Maybe we should let him off. 334 00:20:59,080 --> 00:21:03,312 I've been thinking about it, but I'm sure he'll start giving out to us. 335 00:21:03,400 --> 00:21:06,472 - Pretend we didn't see him. - I doubt he'd believe us. 336 00:21:06,560 --> 00:21:11,509 - We'd better let him off, Ted. - Oh, all right. I suppose so. 337 00:21:16,080 --> 00:21:18,548 - Get out of the car! - Hello again. 338 00:21:18,640 --> 00:21:21,359 Get out of the car. Right! 339 00:21:22,760 --> 00:21:24,716 I think he's calming down a bit. 340 00:21:24,800 --> 00:21:28,315 Ah, now! Now...! 341 00:21:28,400 --> 00:21:33,633 Come on! There's absolutely no need for that type of nonsense! 342 00:21:33,720 --> 00:21:35,711 He's puncturing the tyres, Ted. 343 00:21:38,560 --> 00:21:41,791 You're impressing nobody with that type of thing! 344 00:21:50,800 --> 00:21:53,598 God, Ted, I'm so tired. Maybe we should go back. 345 00:21:53,680 --> 00:21:56,638 Oh, no! I'm not going anywhere near Noel Furlong again. 346 00:21:56,720 --> 00:21:58,438 God knows what they're up to by now! 347 00:22:24,800 --> 00:22:27,473 Ted, it's a big truck! It can give us a lift! 348 00:22:27,560 --> 00:22:29,710 Oh, thank God! 349 00:22:31,440 --> 00:22:33,158 Hello, Fathers. 350 00:22:33,240 --> 00:22:36,357 Tom, thank God, Tom! We need a lift. 351 00:22:36,440 --> 00:22:38,874 Fair enough, Fathers. I'll open the door. 352 00:23:02,840 --> 00:23:04,990 Sorry about that, Fathers. 353 00:23:17,680 --> 00:23:19,238 Father, you're awake! 354 00:23:19,320 --> 00:23:22,596 Thank God! It took us ages to pull you on board. 355 00:23:24,000 --> 00:23:26,673 Will you have something to drink? 356 00:23:31,760 --> 00:23:36,038 96...97...98...99...100. 357 00:23:36,120 --> 00:23:37,917 Coming now, ready or not. 26771

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