All language subtitles for According to Jim S07E18 - The Devil Went Down to Oak Park (2008) WEB-DL 1080p.ENG

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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,601 --> 00:00:03,604 (crying) 2 00:00:07,478 --> 00:00:09,479 (crying continues) 3 00:00:09,480 --> 00:00:11,181 CHERYL, WAKE UP. 4 00:00:11,182 --> 00:00:14,144 TIME TO PUNCH IN. 5 00:00:14,145 --> 00:00:15,285 WHAT? 6 00:00:15,286 --> 00:00:17,217 TWINS CRYING. 7 00:00:17,218 --> 00:00:18,218 (sighs) 8 00:00:18,219 --> 00:00:19,719 MAN SLEEPY. 9 00:00:19,720 --> 00:00:21,551 WOMAN UP. 10 00:00:21,552 --> 00:00:24,194 ANYBODY WITH A C-SECTION INCISION 11 00:00:24,195 --> 00:00:26,056 RAISE YOUR HAND. 12 00:00:26,057 --> 00:00:29,159 (babies continue crying) 13 00:00:29,160 --> 00:00:31,061 YEAH, NICE TRY. 14 00:00:31,062 --> 00:00:33,032 GET YOUR TIME CARD. 15 00:00:33,033 --> 00:00:34,134 (groans) 16 00:00:34,135 --> 00:00:36,136 (crying continues) 17 00:00:36,137 --> 00:00:38,108 (groans) 18 00:00:38,109 --> 00:00:39,409 YOU KNOW WHAT? 19 00:00:39,410 --> 00:00:41,411 I KNEW I SHOULD'VE STOOD MY GROUND 20 00:00:41,412 --> 00:00:43,773 ON HAVING THESE TWO NATURALLY. 21 00:00:43,774 --> 00:00:47,217 BUT NO, SOMEONE WANTED TO TAKE THE EASY WAY OUT. 22 00:00:47,218 --> 00:00:49,219 (crying continues) 23 00:00:49,220 --> 00:00:52,223 ♪♪♪ 24 00:00:58,058 --> 00:01:01,091 WOW. 25 00:01:01,092 --> 00:01:04,494 YOU'RE A GOOD SLEEPER, AREN'T YOU, JONATHAN? 26 00:01:04,495 --> 00:01:06,697 OR ARE YOU GORDON? 27 00:01:08,369 --> 00:01:11,171 WELL, IT DOESN'T MATTER ANYWAY. 28 00:01:11,172 --> 00:01:13,703 HEY, LISTEN, 29 00:01:13,704 --> 00:01:16,706 WHEN YOU'RE AWAKE, I HAVE A QUESTION FOR YOU. 30 00:01:16,707 --> 00:01:19,810 YOUR MOTHER'S CHEST, HOW'S IT LOOKIN' THESE DAYS? 31 00:01:22,753 --> 00:01:25,215 YOU KNOW WHAT? 32 00:01:25,216 --> 00:01:29,189 I DIDN'T WANT TO SAY THIS IN FRONT OF YOUR MOTHER, 33 00:01:29,190 --> 00:01:32,192 BUT I'M SO GLAD THE TWO OF YOU ARE BOYS. 34 00:01:32,193 --> 00:01:35,425 I BEEN OUTNUMBERED BY GIRLS IN THIS FAMILY THREE TO ONE. 35 00:01:35,426 --> 00:01:38,698 AND THE TWO OF YOU COMPLETED AN IMPROBABLE COMEBACK. 36 00:01:38,699 --> 00:01:40,700 (man) YOU MEAN LIKE WHEN THE MARLINS 37 00:01:40,701 --> 00:01:43,704 CAME BACK TO BEAT THE CUBS IN 20-03? 38 00:01:45,276 --> 00:01:47,507 WHAT THE HELL? 39 00:01:47,508 --> 00:01:48,678 EXACTLY. 40 00:01:48,679 --> 00:01:51,711 HEY. WHO ARE YOU? 41 00:01:51,712 --> 00:01:54,385 I'LL GIVE YOU A HINT. 42 00:01:57,548 --> 00:01:59,719 OH, GOD. 43 00:01:59,720 --> 00:02:02,792 GUESS AGAIN. 44 00:02:02,793 --> 00:02:05,325 PLEASE... ALLOW ME TO INTRODUCE MYSELF. 45 00:02:05,326 --> 00:02:08,698 YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, YOU'RE A MAN OF WEALTH AND TASTE. 46 00:02:08,699 --> 00:02:10,700 JUST TELL ME WHY THE HELL 47 00:02:10,701 --> 00:02:12,762 THE DEVIL IS IN MY LIVING ROOM. 48 00:02:12,763 --> 00:02:15,365 WE MADE A DEAL... 49 00:02:15,366 --> 00:02:19,609 JUNE 24, 1989. 50 00:02:19,610 --> 00:02:21,611 YEAH, UH, LET ME CONSULT MY DIARY 51 00:02:21,612 --> 00:02:25,715 SO I KNOW WHAT THE HELL YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT. 52 00:02:25,716 --> 00:02:28,178 THAT WAS THE DAY A YOUNG MULLET-HEADED LAD 53 00:02:28,179 --> 00:02:31,181 DATING A WOMAN HE THOUGHT WAS WAY OUT OF HIS LEAGUE 54 00:02:31,182 --> 00:02:33,823 SAID HE'D GIVE THE DEVIL HIS FIFTH-BORN CHILD 55 00:02:33,824 --> 00:02:37,257 IF THAT WOMAN WOULD ONLY LOVE HIM. 56 00:02:37,258 --> 00:02:43,463 I'M... TAKING... GORDON. 57 00:02:43,464 --> 00:02:46,367 WELL... GOOD... LUCK. 58 00:02:47,868 --> 00:02:49,369 THEY'RE IDENTICAL TWINS. 59 00:02:49,370 --> 00:02:51,371 I CAN'T EVEN TELL THE DIFFERENCE. 60 00:02:51,372 --> 00:02:52,743 HA! 61 00:02:56,547 --> 00:02:58,848 (inhales sharply) OH, SO THAT'S GORDON. 62 00:02:58,849 --> 00:03:01,611 DON'T WORRY. HE'LL BE WELL TAKEN CARE OF. 63 00:03:01,612 --> 00:03:05,215 RAISED BY A KINDLY FAMILY ON A BUCOLIC FARM... 64 00:03:05,216 --> 00:03:07,517 IN WISCONSIN. 65 00:03:07,518 --> 00:03:08,588 (gasps) 66 00:03:08,589 --> 00:03:10,560 AND HE WILL GROW UP 67 00:03:10,561 --> 00:03:12,692 TO BE THE GREATEST GREEN BAY PACKER 68 00:03:12,693 --> 00:03:14,494 TO EVER LIVE. 69 00:03:14,495 --> 00:03:17,528 (laughs) 70 00:03:19,670 --> 00:03:22,832 NO! 71 00:03:22,833 --> 00:03:25,435 NO! 72 00:03:25,436 --> 00:03:27,838 NOT A WORD OF THIS TO YOUR MOTHER. 73 00:03:37,788 --> 00:03:39,289 OH, ANDY. 74 00:03:39,290 --> 00:03:41,220 OH, THANK GOD YOU'RE HERE. 75 00:03:41,221 --> 00:03:42,522 WOW, YOU LOOK TENSE. 76 00:03:42,523 --> 00:03:44,754 IS THAT BECAUSE YOU'RE A NEW FATHER? 77 00:03:44,755 --> 00:03:47,798 NO, NO. BECAUSE SATAN CAME AND TOOK MY FIFTH BORN. 78 00:03:50,301 --> 00:03:51,931 OUCH. 79 00:03:51,932 --> 00:03:53,433 HOW CAN I HELP? 80 00:03:53,434 --> 00:03:54,934 WAIT A MINUTE. 81 00:03:54,935 --> 00:03:57,337 I JUST TOLD YOU THAT SATAN TOOK MY BOY, 82 00:03:57,338 --> 00:03:59,409 AND... AND YOU DON'T EVEN BAT AN EYE? 83 00:03:59,410 --> 00:04:01,411 JIM, WE'VE ALL HAD OUR RUN-INS 84 00:04:01,412 --> 00:04:03,813 WITH THE PRINCE OF DARKNESS. 85 00:04:03,814 --> 00:04:07,246 HE'S A PRETTY REASONABLE GUY. YOU SHOULD RENEGOTIATE. 86 00:04:07,247 --> 00:04:09,519 WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? 87 00:04:09,520 --> 00:04:11,020 WELL, BETWEEN YOU AND ME, 88 00:04:11,021 --> 00:04:15,425 I MADE MY FIRST DEAL WITH THE DEVIL WHEN I WAS 9. 89 00:04:15,426 --> 00:04:18,958 SINCE THEN, I RESOLD MY SOUL OVER A DOZEN TIMES. 90 00:04:18,959 --> 00:04:22,532 FOR WHAT? YOU LIVE ALONE. YOU'RE MISERABLE. 91 00:04:22,533 --> 00:04:24,534 YEAH, BUT, UH, GET ME, HUH? 92 00:04:24,535 --> 00:04:28,738 I'VE NEVER LOST A GAME OF ROCK'EM SOCK'EM ROBOTS... 93 00:04:28,739 --> 00:04:33,042 WHEN I THROW UP, IT TASTES LIKE LEMONADE... 94 00:04:33,043 --> 00:04:36,906 AND I GOT TO HAVE COFFEE WITH SNOOP DOGG. 95 00:04:36,907 --> 00:04:39,949 (Cheryl) JIM, I'M DONE FEEDING JONATHAN. 96 00:04:39,950 --> 00:04:41,951 WOULD YOU BRING UP GORDON? 97 00:04:41,952 --> 00:04:43,683 (sighs) 98 00:04:43,684 --> 00:04:45,985 I DON'T HAVE TIME TO RENEGOTIATE. 99 00:04:45,986 --> 00:04:47,487 RIGHT, RIGHT. 100 00:04:47,488 --> 00:04:48,988 CHERYL'S GONNA HIT THE ROOF 101 00:04:48,989 --> 00:04:52,062 WHEN SHE FINDS OUT GORDON'S GONE. 102 00:04:54,425 --> 00:04:56,596 WELL, LUCKY FOR ME... 103 00:04:56,597 --> 00:04:59,700 THEY'RE IDENTICAL TWINS. 104 00:05:02,002 --> 00:05:03,933 THERE'S MY LOVELY WIFE... 105 00:05:03,934 --> 00:05:08,608 AND ONE OF MY ABSOLUTELY IDENTICAL TWINS. 106 00:05:08,609 --> 00:05:10,980 I THOUGHT YOU WERE GONNA BRING ME GORDON. 107 00:05:10,981 --> 00:05:12,982 UH, YEAH, WELL, I THOUGHT I'D WAIT 108 00:05:12,983 --> 00:05:15,815 UNTIL YOU WERE DONE, UH, FEEDING JONATHAN, 109 00:05:15,816 --> 00:05:18,818 AND THEN SAVE MYSELF THE TRIP, YOU KNOW? ACROSS THE HALL? 110 00:05:18,819 --> 00:05:20,820 CHERYL, WHEN YOU'RE AS EXHAUSTED AS I AM, 111 00:05:20,821 --> 00:05:22,822 YOU KNOW, IT'S LIKE CROSSING THE MOJAVE. 112 00:05:22,823 --> 00:05:24,323 OKAY, YOU KNOW WHAT, JIM? 113 00:05:24,324 --> 00:05:26,826 EVEN IF I WAS FULLY RESTED, AWAKE AND ALERT, 114 00:05:26,827 --> 00:05:29,328 I WOULD NOT HAVE THE PATIENCE FOR THIS CONVERSATION. 115 00:05:29,329 --> 00:05:32,331 NOW WOULD YOU PLEASE JUST BRING ME GORDON? YES... 116 00:05:32,332 --> 00:05:35,334 (baby talk voice) YES, YOU'RE SO GOOD. I WILL. 117 00:05:35,335 --> 00:05:38,337 YOU'RE SO BRAVE AND GOOD. I WILL BRING GORDON... 118 00:05:38,338 --> 00:05:40,339 (normal voice) THANK YOU. JONATHAN'S ABSOLUTELY IDENTICAL TWIN. 119 00:05:40,340 --> 00:05:41,671 RIGHT. 120 00:05:41,672 --> 00:05:43,673 (lowered voice) OKAY, ANDY, COME ON. 121 00:05:43,674 --> 00:05:44,974 QUICK CHANGE, QUICK CHANGE. 122 00:05:44,975 --> 00:05:46,016 OH. 123 00:05:48,018 --> 00:05:50,750 HERE'S... GORDON. 124 00:05:50,751 --> 00:05:52,882 AWW, HELLO, MY BOY. 125 00:05:52,883 --> 00:05:54,884 YOU KNOW, CHERYL, I WAS NOTICING 126 00:05:54,885 --> 00:05:57,356 THAT THESE BOYS ARE IDENTICAL IN EVERY WAY. 127 00:05:57,357 --> 00:05:59,729 I MEAN, EVERY SINGLE DETAIL. 128 00:05:59,730 --> 00:06:02,462 YES, JIM. I'M AWARE OF HOW TWINS WORK. 129 00:06:02,463 --> 00:06:03,963 (gasps) HI. 130 00:06:03,964 --> 00:06:05,965 WELL, UH, FOR YOUR INFORMATION, UH, 131 00:06:05,966 --> 00:06:08,067 I WAS WATCHING SOME CABLE TV LAST NIGHT, 132 00:06:08,068 --> 00:06:10,069 AND, UH, THE DISCOVERY CHANNEL SAYS 133 00:06:10,070 --> 00:06:12,141 THAT YOU SHOULD TRY TO KEEP TWINS APART 134 00:06:12,142 --> 00:06:13,843 AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE. 135 00:06:13,844 --> 00:06:15,845 IT HELPS DEVELOP THEIR PERSONALITIES 136 00:06:15,846 --> 00:06:17,847 AND THEIR SUPER TWIN POWERS. 137 00:06:17,848 --> 00:06:19,148 THAT'S WEIRD. 138 00:06:19,149 --> 00:06:21,451 GORDON DOESN'T SEEM HUNGRY. 139 00:06:21,452 --> 00:06:23,453 WELL, YOU KNOW WHY IS, UH, 140 00:06:23,454 --> 00:06:25,455 UH, THE DISCOVERY CHANNEL ALSO SAID THAT, UH, 141 00:06:25,456 --> 00:06:28,458 ONCE ONE TWIN IS FULL, THE OTHER ONE WON'T EAT. 142 00:06:28,459 --> 00:06:30,790 THEY CALL THAT PHANTOM MILK. 143 00:06:30,791 --> 00:06:32,792 JIM, ARE YOU UP TO SOMETHING? 144 00:06:32,793 --> 00:06:35,795 'CAUSE IT REALLY SOUNDS LIKE YOU'RE TRYING TO CONVINCE ME 145 00:06:35,796 --> 00:06:38,798 THAT ONE OF THESE KIDS IS BOTH OF THESE KIDS. COME ON, CHERYL. 146 00:06:38,799 --> 00:06:41,771 WE BOTH KNOW THAT IF I LOST ONE OF THE BABIES, 147 00:06:41,772 --> 00:06:43,873 I WOULD DRESS ANDY UP IN A GIANT DIAPER 148 00:06:43,874 --> 00:06:45,575 AND A GIANT RATTLE 149 00:06:45,576 --> 00:06:48,407 AND TRY TO CONVINCE YOU THAT YOU WERE SHRINKING. (laughs) 150 00:06:48,408 --> 00:06:50,580 (laughs) 151 00:06:50,581 --> 00:06:53,112 YEAH, THAT DOES SOUND LIKE YOU. YEAH. (laughs) 152 00:06:53,113 --> 00:06:55,885 YOU KNOW, I GUESS I'M JUST OVERREACTING. YEAH, YEAH, YEAH. 153 00:06:55,886 --> 00:06:58,047 I GUESS GORDON'S JUST NOT HUNGRY. THAT'S RIGHT. HE'S NOT HUNGRY. 154 00:06:58,048 --> 00:07:00,049 YOU'RE JUST NOT HUNGRY? NOPE. THAT'S RIGHT. THERE WE GO. 155 00:07:00,050 --> 00:07:02,652 OKAY, THERE YOU GO, MY LOVE. MWAH. OKAY. 156 00:07:02,653 --> 00:07:04,654 GO WITH DADDY. WELL, YOU JUST REST HERE, 157 00:07:04,655 --> 00:07:05,955 AND I WILL TAKE GORDON... 158 00:07:05,956 --> 00:07:07,657 (yawns) OKAY. 159 00:07:07,658 --> 00:07:09,929 JONATHAN'S IDENTICAL TWIN DOWNSTAIRS. 160 00:07:09,930 --> 00:07:11,031 MM. 161 00:07:14,034 --> 00:07:15,735 HEY... 162 00:07:15,736 --> 00:07:19,739 HAVE YOU NOTICED THAT CHERYL'S GETTING SMALLER? 163 00:07:19,740 --> 00:07:22,442 COME ON. COME ON. 164 00:07:26,717 --> 00:07:29,048 HONESTLY, ON A SCALE OF ONE TO TEN, 165 00:07:29,049 --> 00:07:30,920 HOW WOULD YOU RATE 166 00:07:30,921 --> 00:07:33,052 ME LOSING MY SON TO THE DEVIL? 167 00:07:33,053 --> 00:07:34,554 I'M JUST HAPPY TO HEAR 168 00:07:34,555 --> 00:07:36,185 CHERYL DIDN'T MARRY YOU ON HER ON ACCORD. 169 00:07:36,186 --> 00:07:37,957 I KNEW THAT WAS AN UNHOLY ALLIANCE. 170 00:07:37,958 --> 00:07:40,660 DANA, COME ON. ARE YOU GONNA MAKE JOKES HERE, 171 00:07:40,661 --> 00:07:42,231 OR YOU GONNA HELP ME FIND MY SON? 172 00:07:42,232 --> 00:07:45,034 WELL, YOU ALREADY MADE ONE DEAL WITH THE DEVIL. 173 00:07:45,035 --> 00:07:47,867 I BET HE'LL MAKE ANOTHER ONE. HOW DO YOU KNOW THAT? 174 00:07:47,868 --> 00:07:49,168 WELL... SIX MONTHS AGO 175 00:07:49,169 --> 00:07:51,871 WHEN I WAS TRYING TO LOSE MY BABY WEIGHT, 176 00:07:51,872 --> 00:07:53,172 I MAY HAVE... 177 00:07:53,173 --> 00:07:56,175 TRADED MY IMMORTAL SOUL FOR THOSE LAST 5 POUNDS. 178 00:07:56,176 --> 00:07:59,008 WEIGHT LOSS? WHY DIDN'T I THINK OF THAT? 179 00:07:59,009 --> 00:08:00,580 I'M SO STUPID. 180 00:08:00,581 --> 00:08:02,081 OH, YEAH. 181 00:08:02,082 --> 00:08:04,053 AND IT WAS SO WORTH IT. 182 00:08:04,054 --> 00:08:06,817 I MEAN LOOK AT THIS APPLE MAMA'S PACKIN'. 183 00:08:08,258 --> 00:08:10,219 GLAD YOU ENJOY MY WORK. 184 00:08:10,220 --> 00:08:11,891 HEY. 185 00:08:11,892 --> 00:08:14,724 HEY, COME ON. I WANT MY SON BACK. 186 00:08:14,725 --> 00:08:16,596 IS HE OKAY? 187 00:08:16,597 --> 00:08:22,031 WHAT IS THAT HE'S WEARING? 188 00:08:22,032 --> 00:08:24,033 OKAY, COME ON. GIVE ME MY SON BACK. 189 00:08:24,034 --> 00:08:26,736 I'LL TRADE YOU ANYTHING, ANYTHING YOU WANT. 190 00:08:26,737 --> 00:08:29,809 I-I'LL... I'LL TRADE YOU MY SISTER-IN-LAW. HEY! 191 00:08:29,810 --> 00:08:31,040 UH... 192 00:08:31,041 --> 00:08:32,742 AN ERNIE BANKS ROOKIE CARD. 193 00:08:32,743 --> 00:08:34,984 A CHILD TO BE NAMED LATER. 194 00:08:34,985 --> 00:08:36,986 OKAY. 195 00:08:36,987 --> 00:08:39,088 YOU'VE GOT A DEAL. 196 00:08:39,089 --> 00:08:41,591 YES! 197 00:08:41,592 --> 00:08:42,952 (Dana and Jim sigh) 198 00:08:42,953 --> 00:08:45,024 OH, BETTER. 199 00:08:45,025 --> 00:08:47,226 OH, YEAH, LISTEN, 200 00:08:47,227 --> 00:08:49,228 ABOUT THAT ERNIE BANKS ROOKIE CARD, 201 00:08:49,229 --> 00:08:51,230 I-I GOT IT AROUND HERE SOMEWHERE. 202 00:08:51,231 --> 00:08:53,232 UH, CAN I SEND IT TO YOU? 203 00:08:53,233 --> 00:08:55,065 YOU GOT AN ADDRESS? 204 00:08:56,837 --> 00:08:58,137 NOT INTERESTED. 205 00:08:58,138 --> 00:08:59,909 YOU HAVE YOUR BABY BACK, 206 00:08:59,910 --> 00:09:03,072 NOW I'M TAKING BACK WHAT I GAVE YOU... 207 00:09:03,073 --> 00:09:05,114 CHERYL'S LOVE. 208 00:09:05,115 --> 00:09:07,146 (chuckles) 209 00:09:07,147 --> 00:09:10,150 (laughing) 210 00:09:17,988 --> 00:09:19,288 (Gordon coos) 211 00:09:19,289 --> 00:09:21,260 CHERYL. 212 00:09:21,261 --> 00:09:23,664 CHERYL. 213 00:09:33,003 --> 00:09:35,004 OH, CHERYL. GOOD, YOU'RE STILL HERE. 214 00:09:35,005 --> 00:09:37,977 YOU KNOW, I WAS SO WORRIED THAT YOU WERE... GET OUT! 215 00:09:37,978 --> 00:09:40,209 WHAT? 216 00:09:40,210 --> 00:09:43,212 I FEEL LIKE I JUST WOKE UP FROM A BAD DREAM 217 00:09:43,213 --> 00:09:46,686 AND REALIZED I MARRIED A JACKASS. 218 00:09:46,687 --> 00:09:49,859 UGH! YOU DISGUST ME. 219 00:09:49,860 --> 00:09:53,763 CHERYL, BE MORE SPECIFIC. 220 00:09:53,764 --> 00:09:56,165 I GOT 15 YEARS OF SPECIFIC, OKAY? 221 00:09:56,166 --> 00:09:57,867 YOU CHANGED OUR DAUGHTER'S KINDERGARTEN, 222 00:09:57,868 --> 00:09:59,168 YOU DIDN'T TELL ME. 223 00:09:59,169 --> 00:10:01,170 YOU PUT MY DEAD CAT IN THE FREEZER 224 00:10:01,171 --> 00:10:04,033 SO YOU COULD GO TO A BALL GAME. OKAY. 225 00:10:04,034 --> 00:10:05,735 YOU TOOK A SEMEN SAMPLE 226 00:10:05,736 --> 00:10:08,177 FROM MY BROTHER SO YOU COULD TRICK ME. OH. 227 00:10:08,178 --> 00:10:10,179 YOU MADE UP AN IMAGINARY FRIEND 228 00:10:10,180 --> 00:10:12,882 SO THAT YOU WOULDN'T HAVE TO SPEND TIME WITH ME. 229 00:10:12,883 --> 00:10:15,885 OH, OH, OH! AND YOU SOLD OUR HOUSE WITHOUT TELLING ME. 230 00:10:15,886 --> 00:10:18,888 COME ON. WELL, YOU FORGAVE ME FOR ALL THOSE THINGS. 231 00:10:18,889 --> 00:10:22,151 I KNOW. I DON'T KNOW WHAT I WAS THINKING. 232 00:10:22,152 --> 00:10:24,954 MAYBE THAT YOU LOVE ME? 233 00:10:24,955 --> 00:10:28,858 (clicks tongue) NO. 234 00:10:28,859 --> 00:10:30,359 I DON'T LOVE YOU. 235 00:10:30,360 --> 00:10:33,663 CHERYL... HONESTLY, I CAN'T FIGURE OUT WHAT I EVER SAW IN YOU. 236 00:10:33,664 --> 00:10:35,665 CHERYL, WHAT ARE YOU... EXCUSE ME, JIM. DON'T MIND ME. 237 00:10:35,666 --> 00:10:37,166 OH, ANDY. I'M GLAD YOU'RE HERE. 238 00:10:37,167 --> 00:10:39,168 WILL YOU REMIND CHERYL THAT SHE LOVES ME 239 00:10:39,169 --> 00:10:41,370 AND SHE'S NOT THINKING CLEARLY? YOU'RE NOT THINKING CLEARLY. 240 00:10:41,371 --> 00:10:44,313 THANK YOU, ANDY. FOR THE LAST 15 YEARS! 241 00:10:44,314 --> 00:10:47,046 WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? 242 00:10:47,047 --> 00:10:49,048 I AM PACKING UP YOUR CRAP 243 00:10:49,049 --> 00:10:51,020 AND ESCORTING YOU OFF THE PROPERTY. 244 00:10:51,021 --> 00:10:52,321 IS THIS HIS PILLOW? 245 00:10:52,322 --> 00:10:54,685 YEAH. 246 00:10:56,857 --> 00:10:59,829 LITTLE SOMETHING TO REMEMBER ME BY. 247 00:10:59,830 --> 00:11:01,430 CHERYL, COME ON. WHAT IS GOING... 248 00:11:01,431 --> 00:11:04,193 YES, ROGER. IT'S TRUE. SHE'S BACK ON THE MARKET. 249 00:11:04,194 --> 00:11:06,395 OH, HOLD, PLEASE. 250 00:11:06,396 --> 00:11:09,068 W... HELLO. OH, HI, JEFFREY. 251 00:11:09,069 --> 00:11:11,400 (gasps) OH. YES, SHE'S BACK ON THE MARKET. 252 00:11:11,401 --> 00:11:13,903 HOLD, PLEASE. WHO ARE YOU TALKING TO? 253 00:11:13,904 --> 00:11:16,075 OH, WORD'S OUT, JIM. CHERYL'S DATING AGAIN. 254 00:11:16,076 --> 00:11:18,107 OH, CHERYL, DON'T DO THAT. 255 00:11:18,108 --> 00:11:20,109 YOU CAN'T DO THAT. WHAT ABOUT THE KIDS? 256 00:11:20,110 --> 00:11:21,410 I'M THEIR FATHER. 257 00:11:21,411 --> 00:11:24,213 THEY'RE GONNA NEED ME. 258 00:11:24,214 --> 00:11:26,685 THIS IS AWKWARD. 259 00:11:26,686 --> 00:11:29,859 WH-WHAT ARE YOU GUYS DOING IN SKI CLOTHES? 260 00:11:29,860 --> 00:11:31,821 JUDD SENT 'EM OVER. OH. 261 00:11:31,822 --> 00:11:33,893 OUR NEW DADDY'S TAKING US TO ASPEN. 262 00:11:33,894 --> 00:11:37,126 NO, NO, NO, KIDS, YOU DON'T HAVE A NEW DADDY. 263 00:11:37,127 --> 00:11:38,798 OH, THANK YOU, CHERYL. 264 00:11:38,799 --> 00:11:41,230 WE'RE SHOPPING FOR A NEW DADDY. 265 00:11:41,231 --> 00:11:43,232 HEY, JIM. I'M KEEPING THIS. 266 00:11:43,233 --> 00:11:46,305 (Cheryl) YEAH. 267 00:11:46,306 --> 00:11:49,108 OKAY. 268 00:11:49,109 --> 00:11:50,980 ALL RIGHT, LISTEN, FIRST OF ALL, 269 00:11:50,981 --> 00:11:52,982 I'VE DONE SOME BAD THINGS. 270 00:11:52,983 --> 00:11:54,984 BUT ISN'T THAT WHAT FAMILY'S ABOUT, 271 00:11:54,985 --> 00:11:59,018 DISAPPOINTING EACH OTHER THEN GETTING OVER IT? 272 00:11:59,019 --> 00:12:02,151 COME ON. YOU'RE NOT GONNA THROW YOUR DEAR OLD DAD OUT 273 00:12:02,152 --> 00:12:04,824 ON THE STREET, ARE YOU? 274 00:12:04,825 --> 00:12:06,957 ARE YOU? 275 00:12:08,328 --> 00:12:10,130 HEY! 276 00:12:11,902 --> 00:12:14,204 ALL RIGHT, I GUESS YOU ARE. 277 00:12:21,271 --> 00:12:23,944 I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS. 278 00:12:27,377 --> 00:12:30,279 HOW'S SINGLE LIFE GOING? 279 00:12:30,280 --> 00:12:34,523 ANY HOT MOMS WHISKING YOU OFF TO ASPEN 280 00:12:34,524 --> 00:12:36,525 ON THEIR PRIVATE JETS? 281 00:12:36,526 --> 00:12:39,458 (laughing) 282 00:12:39,459 --> 00:12:41,460 I CAN'T BELIEVE IT. I CAN'T BELIEVE IT. 283 00:12:41,461 --> 00:12:43,993 I CAN'T BELIEVE CHERYL DOESN'T LOVE ME. 284 00:12:43,994 --> 00:12:45,995 WELL, FOR THE PRICE OF ONE BABY, 285 00:12:45,996 --> 00:12:49,138 YOU CAN HAVE ALL OF CHERYL'S LOVE BACK. 286 00:12:49,139 --> 00:12:52,471 NO. NO MORE DEALS. 287 00:12:52,472 --> 00:12:55,044 NO. I KNOW HOW... 288 00:12:55,045 --> 00:12:57,306 YOU KNOW HOW I'M GONNA GET CHERYL'S LOVE BACK? 289 00:12:57,307 --> 00:13:00,249 UH, CHEATING AT A CHURCH BINGO GAME? 290 00:13:00,250 --> 00:13:02,351 NO, WAIT. YOU'VE ALREADY DONE THAT. 291 00:13:02,352 --> 00:13:03,512 NO. 292 00:13:03,513 --> 00:13:05,514 I'M GONNA GET HER BACK... 293 00:13:05,515 --> 00:13:08,288 WITH THE POWER OF LOVE. 294 00:13:10,120 --> 00:13:12,822 AH, THE POWER OF LOVE. 295 00:13:12,823 --> 00:13:15,124 WELL, I'M CLEARING MY SCHEDULE. 296 00:13:15,125 --> 00:13:17,126 I WAS GOING TO GO TO BRAZIL 297 00:13:17,127 --> 00:13:20,830 TO CRUSH THE HOPES OF AN ORPHAN. 298 00:13:20,831 --> 00:13:22,131 BUT THIS... 299 00:13:22,132 --> 00:13:23,472 THIS... 300 00:13:23,473 --> 00:13:27,136 THIS SOUNDS LIKE MUCH MORE FUN. 301 00:13:27,137 --> 00:13:30,140 (laughing) 302 00:13:42,522 --> 00:13:43,893 ANDY... 303 00:13:43,894 --> 00:13:45,996 ANDY, OPEN THE DOOR. 304 00:13:48,298 --> 00:13:51,530 ANDY, OPEN UP! 305 00:13:51,531 --> 00:13:54,063 ANDY, YOU'RE MY FRIEND. NOW OPEN THE DOOR. 306 00:13:54,064 --> 00:13:55,464 (imitates Jim) YOU OPEN THAT DOOR. 307 00:13:55,465 --> 00:13:57,136 ANDY, YOU STOP THAT RIGHT NOW. 308 00:13:57,137 --> 00:13:59,608 YOU STOP IT RIGHT NOW. NO, YOU STOP IT. 309 00:13:59,609 --> 00:14:01,611 OPEN THE DOOR. 310 00:14:11,982 --> 00:14:15,224 ANDY... 311 00:14:15,225 --> 00:14:18,127 GIVE ME MY COAT BACK AND LET ME IN THE HOUSE! 312 00:14:18,128 --> 00:14:20,129 (normal voice) YEAH. HOW DO I PUT THIS? 313 00:14:20,130 --> 00:14:22,962 THE LADY OF THE HOUSE DOESN'T WISH TO SEE YOU. 314 00:14:22,963 --> 00:14:24,333 HIT THE ROAD, CREEP. 315 00:14:24,334 --> 00:14:26,635 ANDY, THIS IS MY HOUSE. 316 00:14:26,636 --> 00:14:29,468 AND THIS IS THE PROBLEM SOLVER. 317 00:14:29,469 --> 00:14:30,970 ANDY, WHAT ARE... AAH! 318 00:14:30,971 --> 00:14:32,571 OH! 319 00:14:32,572 --> 00:14:35,104 GEE! 320 00:14:35,105 --> 00:14:37,146 AREN'T YOU GLAD I SAVED YOUR DIARY? 321 00:14:37,147 --> 00:14:40,149 YEAH. NOW WE CAN LOOK UP ALL YOUR OLD BOYFRIENDS. 322 00:14:40,150 --> 00:14:41,650 HEY! 323 00:14:41,651 --> 00:14:42,982 CHERYL! 324 00:14:42,983 --> 00:14:44,483 OH, NO. HE'S BACK. 325 00:14:44,484 --> 00:14:46,655 IT'S ME. 326 00:14:46,656 --> 00:14:48,157 CHERYL... I'M ON... 327 00:14:48,158 --> 00:14:51,160 A TRAMP... OLINE. 328 00:14:51,161 --> 00:14:53,392 YOU'RE A... WHAT? 329 00:14:53,393 --> 00:14:54,623 JACKASS. 330 00:14:54,624 --> 00:14:58,127 OH. I LOVE YOU. 331 00:14:58,128 --> 00:14:59,298 (grunts) 332 00:14:59,299 --> 00:15:00,669 OH! 333 00:15:00,670 --> 00:15:03,072 (grunts) 334 00:15:03,073 --> 00:15:04,503 OH, JEEZ. 335 00:15:04,504 --> 00:15:07,236 (gasping) OH! ALL RIGHT. 336 00:15:07,237 --> 00:15:10,509 I'M GONNA GO GET ANDY UP HERE WITH HIS PROBLEM SOLVER. 337 00:15:10,510 --> 00:15:12,511 YEAH, YOU KNOW, JIM, SHE'S NOT KIDDING. 338 00:15:12,512 --> 00:15:14,013 YOU GOT ABOUT 30 SECONDS. 339 00:15:14,014 --> 00:15:17,086 CHERYL, I'M NOT GIVING UP YOU OR THIS FAMILY 340 00:15:17,087 --> 00:15:19,088 WITHOUT A FIGHT. 341 00:15:19,089 --> 00:15:20,389 OH, JEEZ. 342 00:15:20,390 --> 00:15:22,091 CHERYL... (scoffs) 343 00:15:22,092 --> 00:15:23,092 CHERYL... 344 00:15:23,093 --> 00:15:25,094 CHERYL... 345 00:15:25,095 --> 00:15:27,496 I REALLY LOVE YOU. 346 00:15:27,497 --> 00:15:30,499 AND I KNOW IF YOU LOOK DEEP DOWN INSIDE, 347 00:15:30,500 --> 00:15:32,061 YOU LOVE ME, TOO. 348 00:15:32,062 --> 00:15:34,063 OH, OKAY. GET... NO, NO. 349 00:15:34,064 --> 00:15:36,705 ALL RIGHT, CHERYL, I KNOW I'VE DONE SOME BAD THINGS, 350 00:15:36,706 --> 00:15:38,707 BUT I'VE DONE SOME GOOD THINGS, TOO. 351 00:15:38,708 --> 00:15:41,340 REALLY? HUH. LET ME SEE. 352 00:15:41,341 --> 00:15:44,013 YOU KNOW, NO. I DON'T SEE 'EM IN HERE. 353 00:15:44,014 --> 00:15:46,015 ALL I SEE ARE THINGS LIKE, 354 00:15:46,016 --> 00:15:48,017 OH, THE TIME YOU GAVE ME 355 00:15:48,018 --> 00:15:50,349 YOUR EX-GIRLFRIEND'S ENGAGEMENT RING. 356 00:15:50,350 --> 00:15:53,452 OKAY, THAT'S A GREAT EXAMPLE. 357 00:15:53,453 --> 00:15:56,455 BECAUSE AFTERWARDS, I TOOK YOU ON A HORSE AND CARRIAGE RIDE 358 00:15:56,456 --> 00:15:58,027 THROUGH THE NEIGHBORHOOD, 359 00:15:58,028 --> 00:16:00,659 AND THEN WE KNOCKED ONE OUT IN THE PARK, 360 00:16:00,660 --> 00:16:02,661 AND EVERYTHING WAS FINE. ALL RIGHT. 361 00:16:02,662 --> 00:16:04,163 OH, WHAT ABOUT THE TIME 362 00:16:04,164 --> 00:16:06,165 YOU GOT ME PASSED-OUT DRUNK ON DATE NIGHT 363 00:16:06,166 --> 00:16:08,697 SO YOU AND ANDY COULD WATCH BOXING? ANOTHER GOOD ONE. 364 00:16:08,698 --> 00:16:10,699 MM-HMM. BECAUSE THAT NIGHT, 365 00:16:10,700 --> 00:16:13,702 I PREPARED A ROMANTIC DINNER FOR US IN THE TREE HOUSE. 366 00:16:13,703 --> 00:16:15,704 WE KNOCKED ONE OUT IN THE BACKYARD, 367 00:16:15,705 --> 00:16:17,706 AND EVERYTHING WAS JUST FINE. 368 00:16:17,707 --> 00:16:20,679 WELL, EVERYTHING IS NOT FINE NOW, JIM. 369 00:16:20,680 --> 00:16:22,281 CHERYL... ARE YOU SURE? 370 00:16:22,282 --> 00:16:25,254 MAYBE WE SHOULD KNOCK ONE OUT JUST TO SEE. 371 00:16:25,255 --> 00:16:27,416 OH. (scoffs) 372 00:16:27,417 --> 00:16:29,118 COME ON. 373 00:16:29,119 --> 00:16:30,419 THERE'S GOTTA BE 374 00:16:30,420 --> 00:16:33,122 SOMETHING GOOD IN THIS BOOK SOMEWHERE. 375 00:16:33,123 --> 00:16:34,263 HERE. 376 00:16:34,264 --> 00:16:35,764 HERE, HERE, HERE. 377 00:16:35,765 --> 00:16:39,228 WHEN WE WERE FIRST DATING, WHAT ABOUT THAT? 378 00:16:39,229 --> 00:16:42,071 "ANOTHER GREAT NIGHT WITH JIM. 379 00:16:42,072 --> 00:16:45,604 I BET I CAN GET HIM TO LOSE THE MULLET." 380 00:16:45,605 --> 00:16:50,008 OKAY, THERE. ALL RIGHT. I LOST THE MULLET FOR YOU. 381 00:16:50,009 --> 00:16:52,010 OH. (sighs) 382 00:16:52,011 --> 00:16:55,013 "I HONESTLY THINK I'M IN LOVE WITH THIS MAN." 383 00:16:55,014 --> 00:16:58,687 AH. SO NOW WE KNOW THE EXACT DATE I LOST MY MIND... 384 00:16:58,688 --> 00:17:02,020 "JUNE 21, 1989." 385 00:17:02,021 --> 00:17:05,023 YOU DIDN'T LOSE YOUR MIND. CHERYL, YOU WERE IN LOVE. 386 00:17:05,024 --> 00:17:07,556 WAIT A MINUTE. WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, WHOA. 387 00:17:07,557 --> 00:17:09,058 WHAT WAS THAT DATE? 388 00:17:09,059 --> 00:17:11,431 "JUNE 21, 1989." 389 00:17:13,333 --> 00:17:16,335 THAT WAS THREE DAYS BEFORE I MADE THE DEAL WITH THE DEVIL 390 00:17:16,336 --> 00:17:18,107 TO GET YOU. 391 00:17:18,108 --> 00:17:19,668 WHAT? WHAT ARE YOU BABBLING ABOUT? 392 00:17:19,669 --> 00:17:22,671 UH, UH, HOLD ON ONE SECOND. JUST A SECOND. DEVIL! 393 00:17:22,672 --> 00:17:25,144 DEVIL! 394 00:17:25,145 --> 00:17:26,275 (gasps) 395 00:17:26,276 --> 00:17:28,177 UM, DEVIL, CHERYL. 396 00:17:28,178 --> 00:17:29,818 CHERYL, DEVIL. 397 00:17:29,819 --> 00:17:32,351 OH, MY GOD. 398 00:17:32,352 --> 00:17:36,125 I CAN HELP YOU WITH THAT BABY WEIGHT IF YOU'D LIKE. WELL... 399 00:17:36,126 --> 00:17:38,127 SHE WAS IN LOVE WITH ME 400 00:17:38,128 --> 00:17:40,129 THREE DAYS BEFORE WE MADE THAT DEAL. 401 00:17:40,130 --> 00:17:41,130 MM-HMM. 402 00:17:41,131 --> 00:17:42,631 YOU RIPPED ME OFF. 403 00:17:42,632 --> 00:17:44,363 OF COURSE I DID. 404 00:17:44,364 --> 00:17:46,595 I'M THE DEVIL. 405 00:17:46,596 --> 00:17:49,067 WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT? 406 00:17:49,068 --> 00:17:54,072 I JUST LIKE BABIES. 407 00:17:54,073 --> 00:17:56,745 BUT... WHATEVER. 408 00:17:56,746 --> 00:17:59,178 I WON'T HOLD YOU TO THE DEAL. 409 00:17:59,179 --> 00:18:00,679 WELL, YOU'RE DAMN RIGHT 410 00:18:00,680 --> 00:18:02,681 YOU'RE NOT GONNA HOLD ME TO THAT DEAL. 411 00:18:02,682 --> 00:18:05,685 NOW YOU TELL HER... YOU TELL HER THAT SHE LOVES ME. 412 00:18:07,417 --> 00:18:08,517 (exhales) 413 00:18:08,518 --> 00:18:11,820 I JUST DON'T GET IT. 414 00:18:11,821 --> 00:18:16,366 WHY DO THESE BEAUTIFUL WOMEN FALL FOR THESE HUSKY LUNKHEADS? 415 00:18:18,628 --> 00:18:20,300 COME ON. 416 00:18:30,109 --> 00:18:31,611 CHERYL... 417 00:18:33,343 --> 00:18:37,586 NOW I WANT YOU TO LOOK DEEP IN YOUR HEART... (sighs) 418 00:18:37,587 --> 00:18:39,888 YOU STILL LOVE ME... 419 00:18:39,889 --> 00:18:41,521 DON'T YOU? 420 00:18:43,253 --> 00:18:45,525 COME ON. 421 00:18:47,597 --> 00:18:48,897 (giggling) 422 00:18:48,898 --> 00:18:51,860 THERE'S THAT SMILE. 423 00:18:51,861 --> 00:18:53,762 I'M BACK! 424 00:18:53,763 --> 00:18:55,264 THAT'S RIGHT, BABY. 425 00:18:55,265 --> 00:18:58,207 NOW WHY DON'T YOU LOCK THE DOOR? LET'S KNOCK ONE OUT. 426 00:18:58,208 --> 00:18:59,208 YEAH. 427 00:18:59,209 --> 00:19:00,339 HA HA! 428 00:19:00,340 --> 00:19:01,610 UH! 429 00:19:01,611 --> 00:19:03,342 (gasps) 430 00:19:03,343 --> 00:19:06,175 PROBLEM SOLVED. 431 00:19:06,176 --> 00:19:08,177 (grunts) 432 00:19:08,178 --> 00:19:10,849 OH. 433 00:19:10,850 --> 00:19:12,821 OH, MAN. 434 00:19:12,822 --> 00:19:14,924 GORDON? 435 00:19:17,687 --> 00:19:20,190 OR ARE YOU JONATHAN? 436 00:19:23,863 --> 00:19:26,765 OH, IT DOESN'T MATTER. 437 00:19:26,766 --> 00:19:29,338 OH. YOU'RE BOTH HERE. OH. 438 00:19:29,339 --> 00:19:32,642 OKAY, YOU KEEP YOUR BROTHER COMPANY HERE. 439 00:19:34,374 --> 00:19:35,874 ALL RIGHT? 440 00:19:35,875 --> 00:19:37,946 CHERYL? 441 00:19:37,947 --> 00:19:39,948 CHERYL! 442 00:19:39,949 --> 00:19:41,280 OH! 443 00:19:41,281 --> 00:19:42,751 CHERYL. 444 00:19:42,752 --> 00:19:45,354 OH, THANK GOD YOU'RE STILL HERE. 445 00:19:45,355 --> 00:19:46,815 OH. 446 00:19:46,816 --> 00:19:49,258 OH, MY GOD. 447 00:19:49,259 --> 00:19:50,759 CHERYL, OH. 448 00:19:50,760 --> 00:19:51,920 OH. 449 00:19:51,921 --> 00:19:53,392 I HAD THE WORST DREAM. 450 00:19:53,393 --> 00:19:55,394 OH, HONEY. WHAT... WHAT'S THE MATTER? 451 00:19:55,395 --> 00:19:57,396 OH, I MADE A DEAL WITH THE DEVIL 452 00:19:57,397 --> 00:19:59,398 THAT COST US OUR FIFTH CHILD. 453 00:19:59,399 --> 00:20:00,899 OH, HONEY. OH. 454 00:20:00,900 --> 00:20:02,401 YOU WOULDN'T HAVE HAD ANYTHING 455 00:20:02,402 --> 00:20:03,902 TO WORRY ABOUT ANYWAY. 456 00:20:03,903 --> 00:20:05,404 WHAT DO YOU MEAN? 457 00:20:05,405 --> 00:20:07,906 WELL, HONEY, TECHNICALLY, YOU ONLY HAVE FOUR CHILDREN. 458 00:20:07,907 --> 00:20:11,710 GRACIE'S NOT YOURS. 459 00:20:11,711 --> 00:20:14,583 NO! 460 00:20:14,584 --> 00:20:17,446 (grunts) 461 00:20:17,447 --> 00:20:19,289 (grunts) 462 00:20:22,221 --> 00:20:23,893 OH, MAN. 463 00:20:25,595 --> 00:20:27,726 CHERYL! 464 00:20:27,727 --> 00:20:29,898 CHERYL! 465 00:20:29,899 --> 00:20:33,902 OH, GOOD, YOU'RE STILL HERE. 466 00:20:33,903 --> 00:20:35,564 WHERE ELSE WOULD I BE? 467 00:20:35,565 --> 00:20:36,865 WHERE... WHERE ARE THE BABIES? 468 00:20:36,866 --> 00:20:38,737 OH, THEY'RE DOWNSTAIRS SLEEPING. 469 00:20:38,738 --> 00:20:39,768 OH. 470 00:20:39,769 --> 00:20:41,610 OH, CHERYL. 471 00:20:41,611 --> 00:20:43,642 MM. MMM. 472 00:20:43,643 --> 00:20:44,943 YOU KNOW... 473 00:20:44,944 --> 00:20:45,944 HMM? 474 00:20:45,945 --> 00:20:47,946 I DON'T SAY THIS ENOUGH, CHERYL, 475 00:20:47,947 --> 00:20:50,849 BUT I AM REALLY, REALLY... 476 00:20:50,850 --> 00:20:53,852 LUCKY AND GRATEFUL TO HAVE YOU IN MY LIFE. 477 00:20:53,853 --> 00:20:55,354 OH, THAT'S SO SWEET. 478 00:20:55,355 --> 00:20:56,855 WELL, I AM. 479 00:20:56,856 --> 00:20:57,886 MM. 480 00:20:57,887 --> 00:20:59,588 I MEAN IT. 481 00:20:59,589 --> 00:21:01,590 I MEAN, I DON'T KNOW WHAT I'D DO 482 00:21:01,591 --> 00:21:03,632 IF YOU AND THIS BIG FAMILY WEREN'T HERE. 483 00:21:03,633 --> 00:21:05,694 YEAH. 484 00:21:05,695 --> 00:21:08,937 AND I'D DO ANYTHING IN THE WORLD TO PROTECT YOU 485 00:21:08,938 --> 00:21:11,269 AND PROTECT THIS PRECIOUS LIFE 486 00:21:11,270 --> 00:21:12,771 THAT GOD HAS GIVEN US. 487 00:21:12,772 --> 00:21:14,873 YEAH. WE'RE BOTH PRETTY LUCKY. 488 00:21:14,874 --> 00:21:16,044 OH. 489 00:21:16,045 --> 00:21:17,376 MM. 490 00:21:17,377 --> 00:21:20,380 (Jonathan and Gordon crying) 491 00:21:28,558 --> 00:21:31,019 CHERYL, TIME TO PUNCH IN. I'M BEAT. 492 00:21:31,020 --> 00:21:32,721 AHH. 493 00:21:32,722 --> 00:21:37,967 MM. 30655

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