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1
00:00:01,172 --> 00:00:03,673
I THOUGHT WITH CHERYL
BEING OUT OF TOWN,
2
00:00:03,674 --> 00:00:06,476
ALL THIS HOUSEWORK WOULD BE
A PAIN IN MY BACKSIDE,
3
00:00:06,477 --> 00:00:09,479
BUT IF YOU PUT YOUR MIND TO IT,
IT'S NOT THAT BAD.
4
00:00:09,480 --> 00:00:11,182
OKAY, KYLE, WE'RE READY.
5
00:00:15,015 --> 00:00:17,087
SHOULD I BE WORRIED?
6
00:00:17,088 --> 00:00:20,291
OF COURSE NOT.
I'LL BE FINE.
7
00:00:21,752 --> 00:00:25,024
ALL RIGHT. DADDY JUST
NEEDS TO CLEAN THE FLOOR.
8
00:00:25,025 --> 00:00:28,258
AND ONE...
9
00:00:28,259 --> 00:00:29,729
TWO...
10
00:00:29,730 --> 00:00:33,433
THREE.
11
00:00:33,434 --> 00:00:34,734
FLIPPING HIM OVER.
12
00:00:34,735 --> 00:00:36,437
ALL RIGHT.
13
00:00:40,111 --> 00:00:42,372
ALL RIGHT. LET'S SEE.
14
00:00:42,373 --> 00:00:45,646
OH, THERE'S A SPOT THERE.
ANDY, YOU MISSED IT.
15
00:00:49,120 --> 00:00:50,621
ALL RIGHT.
16
00:00:52,653 --> 00:00:55,485
I LIKE BEING A MOP.
17
00:00:55,486 --> 00:00:58,788
GREAT. LET'S GET YOUR HELMET,
AND WE'RE GONNA DO THE STAIRS.
18
00:00:58,789 --> 00:01:02,062
♪♪♪
19
00:01:07,798 --> 00:01:12,372
(playing closing chords
of blues rock tune)
20
00:01:12,373 --> 00:01:14,674
YEAH! YEAH, YEAH, YEAH!
21
00:01:14,675 --> 00:01:16,746
WE ARE SMOKIN', MAN,
SMOKIN'.
22
00:01:16,747 --> 00:01:20,680
WE ARE THE BEST
HARMONICA-KEYBOARD-DRUM COMBO
23
00:01:20,681 --> 00:01:22,712
IN ALL THE STATE.
24
00:01:22,713 --> 00:01:25,415
IMAGINE HOW GOOD WE'D SOUND
IF I DIDN'T HAVE
25
00:01:25,416 --> 00:01:27,717
TONY'S CYMBAL STAND
CRAMMED UP MY CRACK.
26
00:01:27,718 --> 00:01:29,819
COME ON.
YOU KNOW YOU LIKE IT.
27
00:01:29,820 --> 00:01:31,591
(plays rimshot)
OW!
28
00:01:31,592 --> 00:01:34,093
COME ON, JIM. THERE'S NO ROOM
OUT HERE ANYMORE.
29
00:01:34,094 --> 00:01:36,596
YOU SAID YOU WERE GONNA
DO SOMETHING ABOUT THIS.
30
00:01:36,597 --> 00:01:40,270
I DID. I FIRED JOHN
AND CHARLIE AND MADE US A TRIO.
31
00:01:40,271 --> 00:01:41,771
EXCUSE ME.
32
00:01:41,772 --> 00:01:44,734
CAN I GET BY, PLEASE?
33
00:01:44,735 --> 00:01:46,776
GRACIE,
WHAT ARE YOU DOING? EASY.
34
00:01:46,777 --> 00:01:50,580
I CAN'T FIND MY STUPID SOCCER CLEATS.
OH, WHOA, WHOA, WHOA. HOLD ON, PRINCESS.
35
00:01:50,581 --> 00:01:53,583
DO YOU REALLY NEED CLEATS
TO SIT ON THE BENCH? (laughs)
36
00:01:53,584 --> 00:01:55,585
(plays rimshot)
OW! STOP THAT!
37
00:01:55,586 --> 00:01:57,417
(Jim) HERE, HERE, HONEY.
38
00:01:57,418 --> 00:01:59,419
DON'T DO THAT.
LET... LET AN ADULT DO THAT.
39
00:01:59,420 --> 00:02:01,491
YOU SHOULDN'T HANDLE THIS,
HONEY. LET ME GET IT.
40
00:02:01,492 --> 00:02:04,154
LET ME GET IT. IS IT
UP THERE? THAT ONE.
41
00:02:04,155 --> 00:02:06,856
ALL RIGHT.
COME ON OVER HERE, ANDY.
42
00:02:06,857 --> 00:02:08,858
GIVE ME A BOOST.
OH, FINE.
43
00:02:08,859 --> 00:02:11,561
(voice straining) THAT'S IT.
THERE, YOU SEE, GRACIE?
44
00:02:11,562 --> 00:02:15,636
ALL YOU NEED'S...
A LITTLE... FINESSE.
45
00:02:18,469 --> 00:02:22,812
OH, YOU KNOW WHAT?
I THINK I LEFT THEM IN THE CAR.
46
00:02:22,813 --> 00:02:23,644
(grunting)
47
00:02:23,645 --> 00:02:25,315
BUNCH OF CRAP!
48
00:02:25,316 --> 00:02:26,716
AAH.
49
00:02:26,717 --> 00:02:29,319
GET ME OUT OF HERE.
50
00:02:29,320 --> 00:02:30,880
IT'S ALL BABY STUFF.
51
00:02:30,881 --> 00:02:34,824
OH, EXCEPT FOR
THIS COOL GAS MASK.
52
00:02:34,825 --> 00:02:39,429
THAT IS
YOUR SISTER'S BREAST PUMP.
53
00:02:39,430 --> 00:02:40,790
CAN I HAVE IT?
54
00:02:40,791 --> 00:02:43,663
I DON'T KNOW WHY
I'M KEEPING ALL THIS STUFF.
55
00:02:43,664 --> 00:02:45,665
I'M NEVER GONNA
USE IT AGAIN.
56
00:02:45,666 --> 00:02:47,567
I SHOULD
JUST GET RID OF IT.
57
00:02:47,568 --> 00:02:50,270
YEAH, GOOD LUCK WITH THAT.
CHERYL'S SO SENTIMENTAL...
58
00:02:50,271 --> 00:02:52,272
KEEPS EVERYTHING
THE KIDS EVER TOUCHED.
59
00:02:52,273 --> 00:02:54,574
HA! WHAT'S THIS, HUH?
60
00:02:54,575 --> 00:02:58,608
FIRST PIECE OF BEEF JERKY
THEY EVER HAD?
61
00:02:58,609 --> 00:03:00,651
I THINK IT'S
THE KIDS' UMBILICAL CORDS.
62
00:03:02,413 --> 00:03:03,753
(spits)
63
00:03:03,754 --> 00:03:05,455
THIS IS RIDICULOUS.
64
00:03:05,456 --> 00:03:07,887
CHERYL'S BEEN IN FLORIDA
ALL THESE MONTHS.
65
00:03:07,888 --> 00:03:10,790
I SHOULD JUST CLEAN HOUSE.
NO TIME LIKE THE PRESENT.
66
00:03:10,791 --> 00:03:14,324
YOU KNOW WHAT? EVERY MAN
NEEDS A SPACE OF HIS OWN,
67
00:03:14,325 --> 00:03:16,966
AND I'M GONNA CLAIM THIS GARAGE
AS MY OWN. NOW YOU'RE TALKIN'.
68
00:03:16,967 --> 00:03:19,799
YEAH, I'VE BEEN WANTING TO GET
RID OF THIS STUFF FOR YEARS.
69
00:03:19,800 --> 00:03:22,502
IT'S HIGH TIME I STOOD UP
AND DID IT BEHIND HER BACK
70
00:03:22,503 --> 00:03:25,505
LIKE A REAL MAN.
TELL IT, BROTHER.
71
00:03:25,506 --> 00:03:27,677
(man) YEAH, MAN. ALTHOUGH,
UH, TELL HER WHILE I'M NOT HERE,
72
00:03:27,678 --> 00:03:29,679
'CAUSE CHERYL'S
GONNA GO NUTS.
73
00:03:29,680 --> 00:03:32,882
MAYBE. IT'S A LOT EASIER TO ASK
FOR FORGIVENESS THAN PERMISSION.
74
00:03:32,883 --> 00:03:36,346
HEY, THAT SOUNDS LIKE A SONG.
IT KINDA DOES.
75
00:03:36,347 --> 00:03:38,688
THAT KINDA DOES
SOUND LIKE A SONG.
76
00:03:38,689 --> 00:03:39,989
YEAH, YEAH, YEAH.
PERMISSION...
77
00:03:39,990 --> 00:03:43,523
WHAT... WHAT RHYMES WITH
PERMISSION? NOCTURNAL EMISSION.
78
00:03:43,524 --> 00:03:45,825
OH, BABY.
THIS IS GONNA WRITE ITSELF.
79
00:03:45,826 --> 00:03:47,527
OH, YEAH.
80
00:03:47,528 --> 00:03:49,329
ONE, TWO, THREE, FOUR.
81
00:03:49,330 --> 00:03:52,263
(playing blues funk)
82
00:03:57,308 --> 00:03:58,608
THANKS FOR THE DONATION.
83
00:03:58,609 --> 00:04:00,440
YEAH, NO PROBLEM.
84
00:04:00,441 --> 00:04:02,442
BOY, YOUR WIFE IS
ONE UNDERSTANDING LADY
85
00:04:02,443 --> 00:04:04,744
TO LET YOU GET RID
OF ALL THIS STUFF.
86
00:04:04,745 --> 00:04:06,446
LETTING ME?
87
00:04:06,447 --> 00:04:08,748
DO YOU SEE WHAT
THIS BELT IS HOLDING UP?
88
00:04:08,749 --> 00:04:11,421
THE PANTS IN THIS FAMILY,
ALL RIGHT?
89
00:04:11,422 --> 00:04:13,523
I DECIDE WHAT I GET RID OF
AND WHAT I KEEP.
90
00:04:13,524 --> 00:04:16,025
SHE'S OUT OF TOWN, RIGHT?
YEAH.
91
00:04:16,026 --> 00:04:18,858
WELL, I HAVE TO FILL OUT
THIS FORM FOR THE MISSION,
92
00:04:18,859 --> 00:04:21,030
SO YOU CAN WRITE THIS
OFF FOR YOUR TAXES.
93
00:04:21,031 --> 00:04:23,393
NOW, UH, WHAT WOULD
YOU ESTIMATE TO BE
94
00:04:23,394 --> 00:04:26,296
THE VALUE OF THESE CHILD PAJAMAS? OH,
WELL, I DON'T REALLY HAVE ANY RECEIPTS.
95
00:04:26,297 --> 00:04:30,300
OH, IT'S OKAY, SIR.
WE'RE ON THE HONOR SYSTEM HERE.
96
00:04:30,301 --> 00:04:32,271
THAT'S MY FAVORITE SYSTEM.
97
00:04:32,272 --> 00:04:36,306
YEAH, I'D SAY ABOUT,
OH... 1,000 BUCKS.
98
00:04:36,307 --> 00:04:38,478
OH, FOR EVERYTHING?
99
00:04:38,479 --> 00:04:40,980
NO. FOR THE PAJAMAS.
100
00:04:40,981 --> 00:04:44,554
OH. WELL, UH, WHAT ABOUT
THE, UH, CHANGING TABLE?
101
00:04:44,555 --> 00:04:47,417
OH, THAT'S ABOUT
1,000 BUCKS.
102
00:04:47,418 --> 00:04:50,420
AND THE HIGH CHAIR? WELL,
THAT'S, UH, ACTUALLY ABOUT $1,100,
103
00:04:50,421 --> 00:04:52,462
BUT YOU KNOW WHAT?
THIS IS CHARITY.
104
00:04:52,463 --> 00:04:54,594
JUST PUT DOWN $1,000.
105
00:04:54,595 --> 00:04:56,295
HEY, BABY.
106
00:04:56,296 --> 00:04:58,297
DADDY, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
107
00:04:58,298 --> 00:05:02,602
OH, HONEY, I'M HERE HELPING
THE POOR CHILDREN OF AFRICA.
108
00:05:02,603 --> 00:05:04,904
ACTUALLY THIS IS
FOR THE HOMELESS.
109
00:05:04,905 --> 00:05:07,937
FOR THE HOBOS.
WHAT'S UP?
110
00:05:07,938 --> 00:05:11,080
THAT BLANKET THAT GRANDMA
KNITTED ME WAS OUT HERE.
111
00:05:11,081 --> 00:05:13,983
DID YOU GIVE IT AWAY? NO.
NO. ARE YOU SILLY? COME ON.
112
00:05:13,984 --> 00:05:15,985
I PUT IT UP
IN YOUR BEDROOM.
113
00:05:15,986 --> 00:05:18,748
ONE KNITTED BLANKET,
2,500 BUCKS.
114
00:05:18,749 --> 00:05:21,451
YOU KNOW, SIR,
I'M STARTING TO THINK
115
00:05:21,452 --> 00:05:23,593
THAT YOU'RE TAKING
ADVANTAGE OF THE SYSTEM.
116
00:05:23,594 --> 00:05:25,595
AND I'M STARTING TO THINK
117
00:05:25,596 --> 00:05:28,358
YOU'RE STICKING YOUR NOSE
WHERE IT SHOULDN'T BE.
118
00:05:28,359 --> 00:05:30,461
HERE.
YOU LIKE BEEF JERKY?
119
00:05:32,332 --> 00:05:33,833
THANK YOU.
120
00:05:33,834 --> 00:05:36,506
YOU TAKE CARE
OF THOSE HOBOS.
121
00:05:36,507 --> 00:05:39,839
(singsong voice) HOBO.
122
00:05:39,840 --> 00:05:41,841
ALL HOOKED UP. YOU READY?
123
00:05:41,842 --> 00:05:44,343
(normal voice) ANDY,
I HAVE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS
124
00:05:44,344 --> 00:05:46,376
MY WHOLE LIFE.
125
00:05:46,377 --> 00:05:49,018
(air whooshing)
126
00:05:49,019 --> 00:05:51,481
THEN MAY I WELCOME YOU
TO THE GRAND OPENING
127
00:05:51,482 --> 00:05:53,953
OF CAPTAIN JIM
AND FIRST MATE ANDY'S
128
00:05:53,954 --> 00:05:55,925
"FORGIVENESS IS EASIER
THAN PERMISSION"
129
00:05:55,926 --> 00:06:01,090
TROPICAL SMOKING LOUNGE,
REFUGE AND BINGO PARLOR,
130
00:06:01,091 --> 00:06:04,864
SPONSORED BY THE GOOD PEOPLE
AT GOPHERHOFF BREWING COMPANY.
131
00:06:04,865 --> 00:06:06,866
'CAUSE WHEN
YOU GO FOR BEER...
132
00:06:06,867 --> 00:06:08,367
(both) GOPHERHOFF.
133
00:06:08,368 --> 00:06:10,099
(both laugh)
134
00:06:10,100 --> 00:06:12,101
COOL.
135
00:06:12,102 --> 00:06:13,603
(machine stops pumping)
136
00:06:13,604 --> 00:06:17,477
WOW! HA HA HA!
LOOK AT ALL THIS.
137
00:06:17,478 --> 00:06:19,479
WHAT'S
BOZO THE CLOWN FOR?
138
00:06:19,480 --> 00:06:21,981
OH, I FORGOT TO SAY,
"FITNESS CENTER."
139
00:06:21,982 --> 00:06:22,982
(grunts)
140
00:06:22,983 --> 00:06:24,514
OH.
141
00:06:24,515 --> 00:06:27,016
WHEW, I'M BEAT.
WHO'S UP FOR A GOPHERHOFF?
142
00:06:27,017 --> 00:06:29,519
OH, I HAVE A COUPLE GOPHERHOFFS
RIGHT HERE, SIR.
143
00:06:29,520 --> 00:06:32,021
(laughing)
144
00:06:32,022 --> 00:06:33,122
AHH.
145
00:06:33,123 --> 00:06:36,065
YOU KNOW, ANDY, THIS IS
JUST THE TIP OF THE ICEBERG.
146
00:06:36,066 --> 00:06:38,067
ONCE THE GIRLS
ARE OFF TO COLLEGE
147
00:06:38,068 --> 00:06:40,600
AND KYLE'S LEARNING
HOW TO DRIVE A FORKLIFT,
148
00:06:40,601 --> 00:06:42,602
IT'S GONNA BE LIKE THIS
ALL THE TIME.
149
00:06:42,603 --> 00:06:45,605
DON'T GET ME WRONG, ANDY.
I MEAN, I LOVE THE KIDS,
150
00:06:45,606 --> 00:06:48,107
BUT IN TEN YEARS' TIME,
IT'S GONNA BE SWEET.
151
00:06:48,108 --> 00:06:52,141
IT'LL JUST BE ME, CHERYL
AND PLENTY OF ELBOW ROOM.
152
00:06:52,142 --> 00:06:54,484
WHAT ABOUT ME?
153
00:06:54,485 --> 00:06:57,416
PLEASE. IN TEN YEARS,
YOU'LL BE AN URN ON MY MANTLE.
154
00:06:57,417 --> 00:07:00,850
AN INFLATABLE URN?
155
00:07:00,851 --> 00:07:03,152
SURE.
SWEET.
156
00:07:03,153 --> 00:07:06,155
(Kyle) DAD,
MOM'S ON THE COMPUTER FOR YOU!
157
00:07:06,156 --> 00:07:08,828
WELL, ALL RIGHT.
I GOTTA GO.
158
00:07:08,829 --> 00:07:10,830
I'LL BE BACK IN A SECOND.
(laughs)
159
00:07:10,831 --> 00:07:12,131
(imitates whip cracking)
160
00:07:12,132 --> 00:07:13,803
AAH.
161
00:07:13,804 --> 00:07:15,906
(sighs)
162
00:07:18,639 --> 00:07:19,939
(air whooshing)
163
00:07:19,940 --> 00:07:22,943
(squeaking)
164
00:07:26,046 --> 00:07:30,950
OH. HELLO.
165
00:07:30,951 --> 00:07:32,752
MARCY, IS IT?
166
00:07:32,753 --> 00:07:37,658
MAY I WELCOME YOU
TO CAPTAIN ANDY'S LOVE SHACK?
167
00:07:40,761 --> 00:07:44,594
What's the capital
of... Vermont?
168
00:07:44,595 --> 00:07:47,196
SYRUP CITY.
GIVE ME ANOTHER ONE.
169
00:07:47,197 --> 00:07:50,600
Honey, is Daddy coming soon?
170
00:07:50,601 --> 00:07:52,842
HEY, SON, I GOT IT.
171
00:07:52,843 --> 00:07:54,143
BYE, MOM.
172
00:07:54,144 --> 00:07:57,747
AH, THERE YOU ARE,
MY YOUNG LOVE.
173
00:07:57,748 --> 00:08:00,910
Has Kyle been to school once
since I've been gone?
174
00:08:00,911 --> 00:08:03,212
LOOK,
I DROP HIM OFF EVERY DAY.
175
00:08:03,213 --> 00:08:06,586
WHAT HE DOES AFTER THAT
IS BETWEEN HIM AND THE STATE.
176
00:08:06,587 --> 00:08:08,718
I MISS YOU, BABY.
177
00:08:08,719 --> 00:08:11,060
Aw, I miss you, too,
178
00:08:11,061 --> 00:08:14,063
and I have a surprise for you.
179
00:08:14,064 --> 00:08:15,925
OOH. HOT.
180
00:08:15,926 --> 00:08:17,026
(laughs)
181
00:08:17,027 --> 00:08:19,729
IS IT AS GOOD
AS THE ONE YOU GAVE ME
182
00:08:19,730 --> 00:08:21,731
IN THE AIRPLANE BATHROOM?
183
00:08:21,732 --> 00:08:23,933
Actually, they're related.
184
00:08:23,934 --> 00:08:25,735
OH. GOOD. GOOD. GOOD.
185
00:08:25,736 --> 00:08:28,007
I'm pregnant.
186
00:08:28,008 --> 00:08:29,839
WHAT'S THAT?
187
00:08:29,840 --> 00:08:32,913
Jim, I'm pregnant.
188
00:08:36,216 --> 00:08:37,918
WITH A BABY?
189
00:08:45,826 --> 00:08:47,697
YOU'RE PREGNANT.
190
00:08:47,698 --> 00:08:48,898
Yeah.
191
00:08:48,899 --> 00:08:51,000
ARE YOU SURE?
192
00:08:51,001 --> 00:08:52,161
Pretty sure.
193
00:08:52,162 --> 00:08:55,004
YOU PEE ON A STICK?
194
00:08:55,005 --> 00:08:57,807
About a dozen of 'em.
195
00:08:57,808 --> 00:09:00,109
You know, I got
a doctor's appointment tomorrow
196
00:09:00,110 --> 00:09:03,573
just to be sure,
but trust me, I'm pregnant.
197
00:09:03,574 --> 00:09:07,016
WOW.
198
00:09:07,017 --> 00:09:11,581
So, um... how do you
feel about that?
199
00:09:11,582 --> 00:09:13,583
WHAT?
WHAT, ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
200
00:09:13,584 --> 00:09:16,826
A FOURTH KID?
HOW DO I FEEL? HA!
201
00:09:16,827 --> 00:09:18,928
HOW DO YOU FEEL?
202
00:09:18,929 --> 00:09:20,830
Um, surprised,
203
00:09:20,831 --> 00:09:25,935
but, um...
so, so excited.
204
00:09:25,936 --> 00:09:30,569
I mean, honestly,
I-I-I'm overjoyed.
205
00:09:30,570 --> 00:09:31,871
(laughs)
206
00:09:31,872 --> 00:09:35,074
HA! OVERJOYED?
Yes.
207
00:09:35,075 --> 00:09:37,777
THAT'S THE WORD I'VE
BEEN LOOKING FOR. Oh.
208
00:09:37,778 --> 00:09:39,248
OVERJOYED!
209
00:09:39,249 --> 00:09:40,951
Uh-huh.
210
00:09:42,653 --> 00:09:45,786
Honey, wh-where did you go?
Are you okay?
211
00:09:47,958 --> 00:09:49,660
(exhales deeply)
212
00:09:51,992 --> 00:09:53,863
WHAT'S THAT?
213
00:09:53,864 --> 00:09:55,865
Are you okay?
214
00:09:55,866 --> 00:09:57,366
I'M FINE.
215
00:09:57,367 --> 00:09:59,328
I WAS JUST
EXPERIENCING MY JOY.
216
00:09:59,329 --> 00:10:03,372
Oh. Are you sure
you're happy about this?
217
00:10:03,373 --> 00:10:04,834
(scoffs) COME ON.
218
00:10:04,835 --> 00:10:06,876
(chuckles)
219
00:10:06,877 --> 00:10:10,039
I'M OVERJOYED.
220
00:10:10,040 --> 00:10:12,081
I-I JUST HAVE
ONE QUESTION, HONEY.
221
00:10:12,082 --> 00:10:14,343
ARE YOU SURE
I'M THE FATHER?
222
00:10:14,344 --> 00:10:16,846
Oh, Jim. NO, NO, NO.
NO, NO, NO, BECAUSE...
223
00:10:16,847 --> 00:10:19,348
BECAUSE IF YOU HAPPEN
TO HAVE AN AFFAIR
224
00:10:19,349 --> 00:10:21,350
WITH SOME REALLY RICH GUY,
225
00:10:21,351 --> 00:10:23,753
I'M SURE
WE COULD WORK THAT OUT.
226
00:10:23,754 --> 00:10:25,795
I MEAN,
PROVIDED THAT HE FULFILL
227
00:10:25,796 --> 00:10:28,357
HIS FINANCIAL OBLIGATION
TO THE CHILD.
228
00:10:28,358 --> 00:10:30,860
Honey, look, I-I know
this is gonna be
229
00:10:30,861 --> 00:10:32,862
a financial strain for us,
230
00:10:32,863 --> 00:10:36,736
but we're gonna save
a lot of money 'cause we have
231
00:10:36,737 --> 00:10:39,039
all that baby stuff
in the garage.
232
00:10:40,741 --> 00:10:43,744
(grunting)
233
00:10:45,245 --> 00:10:46,746
Jim?
234
00:10:46,747 --> 00:10:49,078
YES?
235
00:10:49,079 --> 00:10:51,180
MAYBE WE SHOULD GET
SOME NEW STUFF
236
00:10:51,181 --> 00:10:52,682
FOR THIS KID, HUH?
237
00:10:52,683 --> 00:10:54,824
Oh, no, Honey. Why?
238
00:10:54,825 --> 00:10:57,757
I mean, we used the stuff
for all three kids.
239
00:10:57,758 --> 00:10:59,759
You know, sometimes I go out
240
00:10:59,760 --> 00:11:01,761
in the garage
just to look at it.
241
00:11:01,762 --> 00:11:03,963
HEH, ME, TOO.
242
00:11:03,964 --> 00:11:05,965
Get ready for another surprise.
243
00:11:05,966 --> 00:11:07,837
OH, MY DEAR GOD.
244
00:11:07,838 --> 00:11:10,840
DON'T TELL ME THE REAL FATHER
DOESN'T HAVE ANY MONEY.
245
00:11:10,841 --> 00:11:12,141
Oh. (laughs) No.
246
00:11:12,142 --> 00:11:14,844
Dana's coming
to take care of Mom,
247
00:11:14,845 --> 00:11:16,846
so I'm flying home tomorrow
248
00:11:16,847 --> 00:11:20,050
to look at the baby stuff
and start getting ready.
249
00:11:23,984 --> 00:11:25,715
GREAT.
250
00:11:25,716 --> 00:11:27,717
Yes!
251
00:11:27,718 --> 00:11:31,762
WELL, I HOPE TO GOD
WE DON'T GET ROBBED TONIGHT.
252
00:11:34,394 --> 00:11:36,395
OH, I'M SO EXCITED...
ANOTHER BABY.
253
00:11:36,396 --> 00:11:39,098
YOU THINK THIS ONE
WILL LIKE ME?
254
00:11:39,099 --> 00:11:40,730
NO.
255
00:11:40,731 --> 00:11:43,232
ALL RIGHT.
LET'S GET OUR STUFF
256
00:11:43,233 --> 00:11:46,475
AND GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE
BEFORE CHERYL GETS HOME. WAIT.
257
00:11:46,476 --> 00:11:49,238
I THOUGHT IT WAS EASIER TO ASK
FORGIVENESS THAN PERMISSION.
258
00:11:49,239 --> 00:11:51,710
YEAH, WELL, WITH
A SENTIMENTAL PREGNANT WOMAN,
259
00:11:51,711 --> 00:11:54,213
THERE IS NO FORGIVENESS.
THERE'S ONLY SCREAMING,
260
00:11:54,214 --> 00:11:56,715
MOOD SWINGS
AND BOOBS YOU CAN'T TOUCH.
261
00:11:56,716 --> 00:11:59,218
SOUNDS LIKE EVERY DATE
I'VE EVER BEEN ON.
262
00:11:59,219 --> 00:12:00,290
YEAH.
263
00:12:02,753 --> 00:12:05,724
HEY, PHIL! HA HA HA.
264
00:12:05,725 --> 00:12:07,026
HOW YOU DOING?
265
00:12:07,027 --> 00:12:09,929
I'M DOING WELL.
HOW ARE YOU DOING?
266
00:12:09,930 --> 00:12:11,961
NEVER BEEN BETTER.
267
00:12:11,962 --> 00:12:13,963
HA HA HA HA.
268
00:12:13,964 --> 00:12:16,936
HEY, I'M GONNA NEED
THAT STUFF BACK.
269
00:12:16,937 --> 00:12:20,409
OH, YOU MEAN THE BABY STUFF
YOU DONATED TO THE NEEDY?
270
00:12:20,410 --> 00:12:24,313
YEP. TURNS OUT,
I'M THE NEEDY ONE.
271
00:12:24,314 --> 00:12:27,346
UH, I GOT THE RECEIPT
YOU GAVE ME RIGHT HERE.
272
00:12:27,347 --> 00:12:29,879
I DON'T RECALL YOU SAYING
ANYTHING ABOUT NO TAKE BACKS,
273
00:12:29,880 --> 00:12:32,381
SO I THINK THAT'S LEGAL...
SQUARE.
274
00:12:32,382 --> 00:12:35,354
WELL, THE ONLY WAY TO GET YOUR
STUFF BACK IS TO BUY IT. WHAT?
275
00:12:35,355 --> 00:12:38,387
HEY, PHIL. HOW MUCH FOR
THIS SQUIRT GUN? A NICKEL.
276
00:12:38,388 --> 00:12:40,389
SWEET. THAT'S CHEAP.
277
00:12:40,390 --> 00:12:45,364
WE'RE A THRIFT STORE.
EVERYTHING IS CHEAP.
278
00:12:45,365 --> 00:12:47,797
OKAY, FINE.
UH, THEN, UH...
279
00:12:47,798 --> 00:12:49,768
HOW MUCH
FOR THIS CRIB HERE?
280
00:12:49,769 --> 00:12:53,242
$1,000.
281
00:12:53,243 --> 00:12:54,543
WHAT?!
282
00:12:54,544 --> 00:12:56,806
THAT'S WHAT YOU SAID
IT WAS WORTH.
283
00:12:56,807 --> 00:12:59,809
IN FACT, YOU SAID ALL
OF YOUR STUFF WAS WORTH, UH...
284
00:12:59,810 --> 00:13:01,550
$700,000.
285
00:13:01,551 --> 00:13:03,412
YOU GUYS ARE CROOKS!
286
00:13:03,413 --> 00:13:06,385
HEY, PHIL, I'LL GIVE YOU
10 BUCKS FOR THIS DINING TABLE.
287
00:13:06,386 --> 00:13:11,090
SOLD, AND THANK YOU
FOR HELPING THE HOMELESS.
288
00:13:11,091 --> 00:13:13,092
ALL RIGHT. I GET IT.
289
00:13:13,093 --> 00:13:15,424
I GET IT, PHIL.
290
00:13:15,425 --> 00:13:18,427
YOU'RE TRYING TO TEACH ME
A LESSON HERE, AREN'T YA?
291
00:13:18,428 --> 00:13:19,929
I'LL TELL YOU WHAT.
292
00:13:19,930 --> 00:13:23,102
YOU AND I BOTH KNOW THIS IS
ALL WORTH MAYBE 30 BUCKS.
293
00:13:23,103 --> 00:13:25,374
I'LL GIVE YOU $50.
WHAT DOES THAT GET ME?
294
00:13:25,375 --> 00:13:27,376
ABOUT 20,000 SQUIRT GUNS.
295
00:13:27,377 --> 00:13:29,538
COME ON, MAN.
296
00:13:29,539 --> 00:13:32,341
LET ME GUESS...
THE WIFE IS BACK IN TOWN.
297
00:13:32,342 --> 00:13:35,184
ON HER WAY.
298
00:13:35,185 --> 00:13:36,485
GEE, THAT'S TOUGH, TOUGH.
299
00:13:36,486 --> 00:13:39,488
WELL, I'LL TELL YOU WHAT
I MIGHT BE ABLE TO DO.
300
00:13:39,489 --> 00:13:42,221
WHAT WOULD HAPPEN
IF I RENTED YOUR STUFF
301
00:13:42,222 --> 00:13:44,223
BACK TO YOU
FOR THE WEEKEND?
302
00:13:44,224 --> 00:13:46,926
THAT WOULD BE GREAT.
HOW MUCH?
303
00:13:46,927 --> 00:13:48,929
$700,000.
$700,000. YEAH.
304
00:13:56,066 --> 00:13:59,069
(clattering, crash)
305
00:14:01,141 --> 00:14:04,144
(groaning)
306
00:14:07,217 --> 00:14:11,220
OOH, MAN.
307
00:14:11,221 --> 00:14:13,452
WHEW.
308
00:14:13,453 --> 00:14:16,485
(grunts)
309
00:14:16,486 --> 00:14:19,058
SO WHAT DID I TELL YA?
NO PROBLEM, HUH?
310
00:14:19,059 --> 00:14:24,363
DAMN IT. I PAID 10 BUCKS
FOR THIS PIECE OF CRAP TABLE.
311
00:14:24,364 --> 00:14:27,366
2 AVERAGE SIZE GUYS FALL
15 FEET ON TOP OF IT,
312
00:14:27,367 --> 00:14:29,038
AND IT COLLAPSES?
313
00:14:29,039 --> 00:14:32,071
YEAH. WHERE'S
THE CRAFTSMANSHIP, RIGHT?
314
00:14:32,072 --> 00:14:34,643
HEY, HOW DO YOU KNOW
IF YOU HAVE A CONCUSSION?
315
00:14:34,644 --> 00:14:37,606
HOW MANY FINGERS
DO I HAVE UP?
316
00:14:37,607 --> 00:14:39,208
THURSDAY.
317
00:14:39,209 --> 00:14:42,051
YOU KNOW, WHEN MY LIFE
CALMS DOWN A LITTLE BIT,
318
00:14:42,052 --> 00:14:44,053
I'LL TAKE YOU
TO THE EMERGENCY ROOM.
319
00:14:44,054 --> 00:14:46,885
YOU'RE A GOOD FRIEND, BOB.
320
00:14:46,886 --> 00:14:49,458
ALL RIGHT. LET'S GRAB MY STUFF,
LET'S PUT IT IN THIS CRIB,
321
00:14:49,459 --> 00:14:51,460
AND LET'S WHEEL IT
OUT THAT DOOR.
322
00:14:51,461 --> 00:14:53,422
OH, I THINK
THIS DOOR'S LOCKED.
323
00:14:53,423 --> 00:14:56,625
WELL, UNLOCK IT. UH, I
CAN'T. IT'S DEAD-BOLTED.
324
00:14:56,626 --> 00:15:00,169
WELL, HOW THE HELL ARE WE SUPPOSED
TO GET OUTTA HERE? (exhales deeply)
325
00:15:00,170 --> 00:15:03,502
LISTEN, WHY DON'T YOU RUN
INTO IT WITH YOUR HEAD?
326
00:15:03,503 --> 00:15:07,606
WHAT? I ALREADY GOT A CONCUSSION
FALLING THROUGH THE ROOF.
327
00:15:07,607 --> 00:15:09,638
WE DIDN'T
FALL THROUGH A ROOF.
328
00:15:09,639 --> 00:15:11,511
OKAY. I'LL TRY IT.
329
00:15:13,413 --> 00:15:16,515
WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU TWO
DOING IN HERE?
330
00:15:16,516 --> 00:15:19,688
PHIL!
PHIL, YOU'RE FINALLY HERE.
331
00:15:19,689 --> 00:15:23,052
Y-YOU LEFT SO QUICKLY,
YOU LOCKED US IN.
332
00:15:23,053 --> 00:15:25,524
WHY DON'T YOU GUYS SAVE IT
FOR THE COPS, OKAY?
333
00:15:25,525 --> 00:15:29,358
(dialing telephone) PHIL, PHIL, PHIL. WAIT
A MINUTE. LET ME EXPLAIN, ALL RIGHT?
334
00:15:29,359 --> 00:15:32,031
LOOK, W-WHEN I GAVE YOU
ALL THIS STUFF,
335
00:15:32,032 --> 00:15:34,533
I-I DIDN'T THINK
I'D EVER USE IT AGAIN,
336
00:15:34,534 --> 00:15:37,106
BECAUSE I THOUGHT
I WAS DONE HAVING KIDS,
337
00:15:37,107 --> 00:15:40,109
BUT I HEARD TODAY THAT MY WIFE
IS PREGNANT WITH A FOURTH CHILD.
338
00:15:40,110 --> 00:15:43,112
HOW COOL IS THAT?
I'M GONNA BE A DAD AGAIN.
339
00:15:43,113 --> 00:15:44,413
WELL, CONGRATULATIONS.
340
00:15:44,414 --> 00:15:47,116
JUDGES LOVE NEW FATHERS
WHO ROB CHARITIES.
341
00:15:47,117 --> 00:15:50,679
YOU DIDN'T HEAR ME.
FOUR KIDS.
342
00:15:50,680 --> 00:15:54,053
PHIL, FOUR KIDS. THAT'S...
THAT'S FOUR SETS OF BRACES,
343
00:15:54,054 --> 00:15:58,027
THREE COLLEGE EDUCATIONS
AND ONE DECENT FORKLIFT SCHOOL.
344
00:15:58,028 --> 00:15:59,628
LOOK, PAL...
345
00:15:59,629 --> 00:16:01,630
COME ON.
YOU'RE NOT GETTIN' THIS.
346
00:16:01,631 --> 00:16:04,533
I'M A DAD.
I'M GONNA HAVE FOUR KIDS.
347
00:16:04,534 --> 00:16:07,366
I'M OVERJOYED...
348
00:16:07,367 --> 00:16:10,039
AND OVERWHELMED...
349
00:16:10,040 --> 00:16:12,301
AND A BIT OVERSTRESSED.
350
00:16:12,302 --> 00:16:15,504
AND A LITTLE OVERWEIGHT.
351
00:16:15,505 --> 00:16:18,377
SORRY, BRIAN.
352
00:16:18,378 --> 00:16:20,079
ALL RIGHT, LOOK.
353
00:16:20,080 --> 00:16:22,381
SOME FOLKS AROUND HERE
WANT TO EXPAND THE SHELTER,
354
00:16:22,382 --> 00:16:25,014
AND, UM, IT SAID
ON YOUR DONATION FORM
355
00:16:25,015 --> 00:16:27,456
THAT YOU'RE A CONTRACTOR?
YES.
356
00:16:27,457 --> 00:16:30,419
SO IF YOU DO THE CONSTRUCTION
AS A DONATION TO THE MISSION,
357
00:16:30,420 --> 00:16:33,192
WE'LL LET THINGS SLIDE.
358
00:16:33,193 --> 00:16:35,294
AND I'LL GET
ALL MY STUFF BACK?
359
00:16:35,295 --> 00:16:37,666
SURE. UH, BUT YOU HAVE
TO REPAIR THE ROOF.
360
00:16:37,667 --> 00:16:40,700
WHOA. HOW'D THAT HAPPEN?
361
00:16:43,173 --> 00:16:45,504
ALL RIGHT, DEAL.
NOW THIS IS A CHARITY,
362
00:16:45,505 --> 00:16:48,507
SO I CAN WRITE OFF
THE COST OF THE JOB.
363
00:16:48,508 --> 00:16:49,508
ABSOLUTELY.
364
00:16:49,509 --> 00:16:51,180
GREAT...
365
00:16:51,181 --> 00:16:55,444
'CAUSE THIS JOB'S GONNA RUN
ABOUT 700,000 BUCKS.
366
00:16:55,445 --> 00:16:58,147
I WANNA SHOW MOM
MY NEW DRESS.
367
00:16:58,148 --> 00:17:01,090
I WANNA SHOW HER
MY SOCCER TROPHY.
368
00:17:01,091 --> 00:17:04,423
I WANNA SHOW HER
MY NEW TOY FORKLIFT.
369
00:17:04,424 --> 00:17:07,256
UH, BAD NEWS, CHERYL.
370
00:17:07,257 --> 00:17:09,558
HE'S NOT GOOD
AT THE FORKLIFT, EITHER.
371
00:17:09,559 --> 00:17:11,100
(laughs)
372
00:17:11,101 --> 00:17:13,602
HONEY, YOU UNPACKED
ALL THE BABY FURNITURE.
373
00:17:13,603 --> 00:17:15,304
MM-HMM.
374
00:17:15,305 --> 00:17:17,606
I TOOK IT RIGHT OUT
OF THE GARAGE
375
00:17:17,607 --> 00:17:19,608
AND BROUGHT IT RIGHT HERE.
376
00:17:19,609 --> 00:17:22,471
YEAH, IT IS... ANCIENT.
377
00:17:22,472 --> 00:17:24,173
NO. NO. IT'S CLASSIC.
378
00:17:24,174 --> 00:17:25,174
WELL...
379
00:17:25,175 --> 00:17:27,176
I MEAN, LOOK AT THIS.
380
00:17:27,177 --> 00:17:29,478
REMEMBER WHEN KYLE CHIPPED
HIS TOOTH RIGHT THERE... (laughs)
381
00:17:29,479 --> 00:17:32,181
AND RUBY BANGED HER
HEAD RIGHT HERE... OH.
382
00:17:32,182 --> 00:17:34,453
AND GRACIE BROKE HER
NOSE RIGHT HERE? AH.
383
00:17:34,454 --> 00:17:37,126
YEAH, WE SHOULD GET
SOME PADDING ON THIS.
384
00:17:37,127 --> 00:17:38,427
YEAH, WE SHOULD.
385
00:17:38,428 --> 00:17:40,089
IS THAT OUR STROLLER?
386
00:17:40,090 --> 00:17:42,361
YES! REMEMBER I GOT
THAT SPECIAL COMPARTMENT
387
00:17:42,362 --> 00:17:45,134
RIGHT HERE...
388
00:17:45,135 --> 00:17:48,137
FOR ALL THAT COLD BEER
I HAD TO GET THROUGH SECURITY
389
00:17:48,138 --> 00:17:51,540
AT THE GAME AND AT THE MALL?
AND AT THE CHURCH.
390
00:17:51,541 --> 00:17:53,742
YEAH. YEAH.
391
00:17:53,743 --> 00:17:57,306
THERE'S SOME OLD MEMORIES HERE,
ISN'T THERE?
392
00:17:57,307 --> 00:18:00,279
I FORGOT HOW MUCH
I LIKED ALL THIS STUFF.
393
00:18:00,280 --> 00:18:02,411
AW, YOU'RE REALLY EXCITED
ABOUT THIS.
394
00:18:02,412 --> 00:18:04,683
OVERJOYED.
395
00:18:04,684 --> 00:18:07,356
THAT'S GREAT. UM, HONEY,
I-I WANTED TO WAIT
396
00:18:07,357 --> 00:18:09,858
TILL WE WERE ALONE
TO TELL YOU THIS.
397
00:18:09,859 --> 00:18:12,291
YEAH. WHAT?
398
00:18:12,292 --> 00:18:15,124
I WENT TO THE DOCTOR THIS
MORNING... RIGHT, RIGHT, RIGHT.
399
00:18:15,125 --> 00:18:18,167
AND IT'S TWINS.
400
00:18:18,168 --> 00:18:19,268
WHAT'S THAT?
401
00:18:19,269 --> 00:18:22,100
TWINS.
402
00:18:22,101 --> 00:18:24,573
BABIES?
403
00:18:24,574 --> 00:18:28,777
YES, JIM, TWIN BABIES.
404
00:18:28,778 --> 00:18:32,381
HOW COULD THAT BE?
WE ONLY HAD SEX ONCE.
405
00:18:32,382 --> 00:18:36,114
LOOK, HONEY, I-I-I KNOW
THIS IS A LOT TO PROCESS.
406
00:18:36,115 --> 00:18:38,447
NO. NO. NO, I'M FINE.
407
00:18:38,448 --> 00:18:40,149
YEAH?
408
00:18:40,150 --> 00:18:42,151
YEAH. NO PROBLEM AT ALL.
409
00:18:42,152 --> 00:18:44,154
(exhales deeply)
410
00:18:50,630 --> 00:18:52,632
(belches)
411
00:18:56,166 --> 00:18:58,337
FIVE.
YEAH.
412
00:18:58,338 --> 00:19:00,138
FIVE KIDS?
413
00:19:00,139 --> 00:19:01,910
YEAH. DO YOU THINK
WE'RE READY FOR THIS?
414
00:19:01,911 --> 00:19:03,542
NO.
415
00:19:03,543 --> 00:19:05,143
NO?
416
00:19:05,144 --> 00:19:08,146
NO, HONEY, WE ARE NOT READY.
WE ARE NOT READY FOR THIS...
417
00:19:08,147 --> 00:19:09,548
OH.
418
00:19:09,549 --> 00:19:11,780
BUT WE'LL GET THERE.
419
00:19:11,781 --> 00:19:13,223
(sighs)
420
00:19:15,855 --> 00:19:17,556
WE'LL GET THERE.
421
00:19:17,557 --> 00:19:18,727
(chuckles)
422
00:19:18,728 --> 00:19:20,859
(sighs)
423
00:19:20,860 --> 00:19:22,561
WOW. TWINS.
424
00:19:22,562 --> 00:19:24,633
I KNOW. YEP.
425
00:19:24,634 --> 00:19:25,934
I CAN DO TWINS.
426
00:19:25,935 --> 00:19:27,636
YEAH.
427
00:19:27,637 --> 00:19:28,937
SURE, IT'S, UH...
428
00:19:28,938 --> 00:19:31,870
TWICE THE AMOUNT OF DIAPERS,
TWICE THE AMOUNT OF FEEDING,
429
00:19:31,871 --> 00:19:34,873
AND YOUR BOOBS
GET TWICE AS BIG.
430
00:19:34,874 --> 00:19:37,246
THEY WILL,
431
00:19:37,247 --> 00:19:40,209
AND YOU ARE FOUR TIMES
AS FORBIDDEN TO TOUCH THEM.
432
00:19:40,210 --> 00:19:41,710
UGH. DAMN.
433
00:19:41,711 --> 00:19:44,913
(laughs) YOU KNOW,
IT ALSO MEANS TWICE THE LOVE.
434
00:19:44,914 --> 00:19:47,656
YEAH. TWICE THE LAUGHTER...
435
00:19:47,657 --> 00:19:49,658
YEAH.
436
00:19:49,659 --> 00:19:53,822
(sighs) TWICE THE AMOUNT
OF TEETH MARKS.
437
00:19:53,823 --> 00:19:55,924
YEAH. YOU KNOW, UM,
438
00:19:55,925 --> 00:19:59,328
I WAS THINKING
ABOUT THAT... UH-OH.
439
00:19:59,329 --> 00:20:02,331
AND I THINK YOU'RE RIGHT.
OOH. I LOVE IT WHEN I'M RIGHT.
440
00:20:02,332 --> 00:20:06,875
WELL, A-A NEW BABY NEEDS NEW
STUFF. YEAH, I HATE BEING RIGHT.
441
00:20:06,876 --> 00:20:08,377
AND YOU KNOW WHAT?
442
00:20:08,378 --> 00:20:11,240
WE ARE GONNA NEED
TWO OF EVERYTHING.
443
00:20:11,241 --> 00:20:13,682
YEAH, I HATE BEING
TWICE AS RIGHT.
444
00:20:13,683 --> 00:20:15,984
YOU KNOW WHAT, HONEY?
YOU DON'T HAVE TO WORRY,
445
00:20:15,985 --> 00:20:18,817
'CAUSE WE GIVE
ALL THIS TO CHARITY,
446
00:20:18,818 --> 00:20:20,789
AND WE GET
A TAX WRITE-OFF.
447
00:20:20,790 --> 00:20:23,822
YEAH, I MEAN, HOW MUCH DO YOU THINK
ALL THIS IS WORTH? OFF THE TOP OF MY HEAD?
448
00:20:23,823 --> 00:20:24,953
UH-HUH.
449
00:20:24,954 --> 00:20:26,655
700,000 BUCKS.
450
00:20:26,656 --> 00:20:27,726
OH.
451
00:20:27,727 --> 00:20:29,428
(exhales deeply)
452
00:20:29,429 --> 00:20:31,730
YOU OKAY WITH SPENDING
THAT KIND OF MONEY?
453
00:20:31,731 --> 00:20:33,732
NO.
454
00:20:33,733 --> 00:20:35,435
I'M NOT.
455
00:20:37,907 --> 00:20:39,768
BUT I WILL BE.
456
00:20:39,769 --> 00:20:41,270
GOOD...
457
00:20:41,271 --> 00:20:43,772
'CAUSE I ALREADY BOUGHT
EVERYTHING ONLINE.
458
00:20:43,773 --> 00:20:45,274
(inhales deeply)
459
00:20:45,275 --> 00:20:47,276
YOU KNOW,
I-I JUST FIGURED
460
00:20:47,277 --> 00:20:50,280
IT'S EASIER TO ASK
FORGIVENESS THAN PERMISSION.
461
00:20:52,922 --> 00:20:54,423
WELL, THAT'S A SONG.
462
00:20:54,424 --> 00:20:57,486
(laughs)
463
00:20:57,487 --> 00:20:58,787
(sighs) OH, CHERYL.
464
00:20:58,788 --> 00:21:01,790
YEAH.
465
00:21:01,791 --> 00:21:05,334
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH.
466
00:21:05,335 --> 00:21:07,337
OH, I LOVE YOU, TOO.
467
00:21:10,870 --> 00:21:13,372
SO IF WE DO IT RIGHT NOW,
468
00:21:13,373 --> 00:21:15,704
THERE'S NO CHANCE
WE'D HAVE TRIPLETS, RIGHT?
469
00:21:15,705 --> 00:21:18,547
(mouths word)
470
00:21:18,548 --> 00:21:20,909
GOOD, 'CAUSE I'M
GONNA GET DRUNK...
471
00:21:20,910 --> 00:21:22,611
(laughs)
472
00:21:22,612 --> 00:21:25,315
AND DRAG YOU UP
TO THAT ROOM.
30899
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