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1
00:00:01,332 --> 00:00:03,704
(Southern accent)
MORNIN', Y'ALL.
2
00:00:06,037 --> 00:00:09,209
AND WHAT A FINE DAY
IT IS, TOO.
3
00:00:09,210 --> 00:00:11,010
ANDY, WHAT THE HELL?
4
00:00:11,011 --> 00:00:13,513
WHAT ARE YOU DRESSED
LIKE COLONEL SANDERS FOR?
5
00:00:13,514 --> 00:00:16,516
HOW DARE YOU, SIR?
WHA...
6
00:00:16,517 --> 00:00:22,152
THIS IS HOW A SOUTHERN MAN
OF LEISURE DRESSES FOR TRAVEL.
7
00:00:22,153 --> 00:00:24,794
ANDY, YOU'RE NOT TRAVELING
FOR... (deep voice) LEISURE.
8
00:00:24,795 --> 00:00:27,427
YOU'RE GOING TO TAKE CARE
OF MOM IN FLORIDA.
9
00:00:27,428 --> 00:00:29,429
(normal voice) PLEASE.
10
00:00:29,430 --> 00:00:31,761
I FIGURE AS SOON AS I HIT
THE SUNSHINE STATE,
11
00:00:31,762 --> 00:00:34,033
I'LL TAKE HER TO THAT
ALLIGATOR FARM BY THE FREEWAY.
12
00:00:34,034 --> 00:00:36,035
NOTHING CHEERS YOU UP MORE
13
00:00:36,036 --> 00:00:38,168
THAN THROWING LIVE CHICKENS
TO A GATOR.
14
00:00:38,169 --> 00:00:41,541
ANDY, SHE BROKE HER HIP.
SHE'S BEDRIDDEN.
15
00:00:41,542 --> 00:00:44,144
CAN YOU HANDLE THAT?
16
00:00:44,145 --> 00:00:46,676
OF COURSE I CAN.
THERE'S NOTHING I CAN'T HANDLE.
17
00:00:46,677 --> 00:00:49,149
YOU'RE GONNA COOK FOR HER?
HER FAVORITES.
18
00:00:49,150 --> 00:00:51,381
YOU'RE GONNA CLEAN FOR HER?
TILL IT SPARKLES.
19
00:00:51,382 --> 00:00:54,085
YOU'RE GONNA GIVE
HER A SPONGE BATH? OHH.
20
00:00:58,559 --> 00:01:00,090
THANKS A LOT, JIM.
21
00:01:00,091 --> 00:01:03,062
WHAT? WE WEREN'T GONNA TELL
HIM ABOUT THE SPONGE BATHS
22
00:01:03,063 --> 00:01:04,834
TILL HE GOT THERE.
23
00:01:04,835 --> 00:01:06,336
WOW. WHAT HAPPENED?
24
00:01:06,337 --> 00:01:08,538
YOU FAINTED
BECAUSE YOU FOUND OUT
25
00:01:08,539 --> 00:01:11,501
YOU HAVE TO GIVE YOUR
MOTHER SPONGE BATHS. OHH.
26
00:01:11,502 --> 00:01:12,802
CRAP.
27
00:01:12,803 --> 00:01:14,804
I KNOW. NOW YOU'RE
GONNA HAVE TO GO.
28
00:01:14,805 --> 00:01:18,109
CHERYL, I HAVE
A VERY DIFFICULT BABY.
29
00:01:20,351 --> 00:01:22,352
(Tanner crying)
30
00:01:22,353 --> 00:01:26,416
OH, THERE, THERE.
LOOKS LIKE IT'S YOU.
31
00:01:26,417 --> 00:01:28,388
WELL, I HAVE THREE KIDS...
32
00:01:28,389 --> 00:01:30,290
AND THIS ONE.
33
00:01:30,291 --> 00:01:33,123
I AM A HANDFUL.
34
00:01:33,124 --> 00:01:36,126
COME ON. WE ALL KNOW
THAT IF I LEAVE,
35
00:01:36,127 --> 00:01:38,528
THIS PLACE IS GONNA FALL
APART. YEAH, THAT'S RIGHT.
36
00:01:38,529 --> 00:01:41,131
NO ONE'LL BE HERE
TO WATCH SOAP OPERAS OR RECYCLE.
37
00:01:41,132 --> 00:01:42,432
OH.
38
00:01:42,433 --> 00:01:45,405
CHERYL, YOU CAN GO. COME ON.
IT'S ONLY FOR A WEEK OR SO.
39
00:01:45,406 --> 00:01:47,677
I'LL BE FINE. I'LL HANDLE
EVERYTHING. ARE YOU SURE?
40
00:01:47,678 --> 00:01:50,840
YEAH, IT'S YOUR MOTHER.
IT'S FAMILY. GO. (Cheryl) OH.
41
00:01:50,841 --> 00:01:53,883
OHH.
OH, EVERYTHING'S SPINNING.
42
00:01:53,884 --> 00:01:58,418
AM I DEAD?
WHY AM I IN THIS WHITE SUIT?
43
00:01:58,419 --> 00:02:00,720
BECAUSE YOU'RE ON YOUR WAY
TO FLORIDA
44
00:02:00,721 --> 00:02:03,122
TO GIVE YOUR MOM
A SPONGE BATH.
45
00:02:03,123 --> 00:02:05,425
(clears throat) RIGHT, RIGHT.
46
00:02:05,426 --> 00:02:07,427
I CAN HANDLE THAT.
47
00:02:07,428 --> 00:02:10,800
YEAH, IT'LL BE EASIER
THAN CHANGING HER DIAPER.
48
00:02:10,801 --> 00:02:11,901
OHH.
49
00:02:11,902 --> 00:02:14,905
♪♪♪
50
00:02:21,141 --> 00:02:23,773
ALL RIGHT, LOSER,
CHERYL'S BEEN GONE FOR TWO DAYS.
51
00:02:23,774 --> 00:02:25,375
SHE WANTED ME TO MAKE SURE
52
00:02:25,376 --> 00:02:27,347
THE KIDS WEREN'T
STARVING TO DEATH.
53
00:02:27,348 --> 00:02:29,619
I'M NOT HELPLESS.
I GOT DINNER FOR THEM.
54
00:02:29,620 --> 00:02:32,151
WELL, YEAH, BUT THEY PROBABLY
DON'T HAVE ANY CLEAN CLOTHES.
55
00:02:32,152 --> 00:02:33,653
(buzzer)
56
00:02:33,654 --> 00:02:35,625
LAUNDRY.
57
00:02:35,626 --> 00:02:38,458
WELL, THERE MUST BE SOMETHING
THAT CHERYL DOES AROUND HERE
58
00:02:38,459 --> 00:02:40,461
THAT ISN'T
BEING TAKEN CARE OF.
59
00:02:44,195 --> 00:02:45,695
YES, THERE IS.
60
00:02:45,696 --> 00:02:47,697
BUT IF I GET
THAT DESPERATE,
61
00:02:47,698 --> 00:02:50,500
I'LL GO TO ANDY
BEFORE I GO TO YOU.
62
00:02:50,501 --> 00:02:53,172
ALL RIGHT.
WELL, IF HE NEEDS A DRESS,
63
00:02:53,173 --> 00:02:56,376
I STILL HAVE
MY MATERNITY CLOTHES.
64
00:02:56,377 --> 00:02:58,908
KIDS, COME ON! DINNER!
65
00:02:58,909 --> 00:03:02,682
(singsong voice)
I GOT YOU SOME GOOD FOOD.
66
00:03:02,683 --> 00:03:04,214
WHAT ARE WE HAVING?
67
00:03:04,215 --> 00:03:08,187
TACOS FROM
THE WORLD'S GREATEST DAD.
68
00:03:08,188 --> 00:03:11,221
WHERE'S KYLE? OH, I THOUGHT
HE WAS UPSTAIRS WITH YOU.
69
00:03:11,222 --> 00:03:13,924
YOU WERE SUPPOSED
TO PICK HIM UP.
70
00:03:15,866 --> 00:03:17,967
I WAS?
71
00:03:17,968 --> 00:03:19,669
WHERE IS HE?
72
00:03:19,670 --> 00:03:22,973
AT KARATE,
NEXT TO THE TACO PLACE.
73
00:03:24,875 --> 00:03:27,206
DAMN. I KNEW
I FORGOT SOMETHIN'!
74
00:03:27,207 --> 00:03:29,208
ALL RIGHT, UH,
IF YOUR MOM CALLS,
75
00:03:29,209 --> 00:03:31,681
UH, GRACIE, UH...
YOU'RE KYLE.
76
00:03:31,682 --> 00:03:33,943
WHO AM I?
77
00:03:33,944 --> 00:03:35,385
UH... YOU'RE ME.
78
00:03:35,386 --> 00:03:36,886
(doorbell rings)
79
00:03:36,887 --> 00:03:39,919
OH, PLEASE BE KYLE.
PLEASE BE KYLE. PLEASE BE KYLE.
80
00:03:39,920 --> 00:03:43,953
OH, KYLE, KYLE!
I AM SO GLAD YOU ARE HERE.
81
00:03:43,954 --> 00:03:46,726
IS THAT WHY YOU LEFT ME
AT KARATE?
82
00:03:46,727 --> 00:03:49,299
(laughs)
83
00:03:49,300 --> 00:03:52,832
MARY BETH, RIGHT?
YEAH.
84
00:03:52,833 --> 00:03:55,765
THANK YOU SO MUCH
FOR BRINGING KYLE HOME.
85
00:03:55,766 --> 00:03:58,268
OH, WELL, I SAW KYLE
SITTING ON THE BENCH
86
00:03:58,269 --> 00:03:59,769
OUTSIDE THE KARATE STUDIO,
87
00:03:59,770 --> 00:04:02,772
AND I HEARD CHERYL WAS
OUT OF TOWN, SO... OH! (laughs)
88
00:04:02,773 --> 00:04:04,914
I DON'T KNOW
HOW I LOST HIM THERE.
89
00:04:04,915 --> 00:04:06,916
YOU MUST'VE SNUCK OUT
THE BACK DOOR.
90
00:04:06,917 --> 00:04:10,450
I WAVED AT YOU.
YOU JUST DROVE AWAY.
91
00:04:10,451 --> 00:04:12,352
ALL RIGHT,
GO FOR DINNER.
92
00:04:12,353 --> 00:04:14,954
OKAY, HOW MUCH DO I PAY YOU
NOT TO TELL CHERYL?
93
00:04:14,955 --> 00:04:17,957
OH. OH, NO, NO, NO, NO.
DON'T EVEN WORRY ABOUT IT.
94
00:04:17,958 --> 00:04:21,331
I KNOW MY HUSBAND WOULD BE
IN A PANIC IF I LEFT TOWN. OH, WOW.
95
00:04:21,332 --> 00:04:24,434
YOU KNOW, ARE YOU SURE
THERE ISN'T ANYTHING I CAN DO
96
00:04:24,435 --> 00:04:27,967
TO HELP YOU OUT WHILE CHERYL
IS AWAY? NO, NO, NO, I'M FINE.
97
00:04:27,968 --> 00:04:30,970
MY TACOS ARE A LITTLE COLD,
BUT I'M FINE. OKAY. ARE YOU SURE?
98
00:04:30,971 --> 00:04:34,674
YOU KNOW, 'CAUSE I COULD HELP
OUT WITH DRIVING THE KIDS AROUND
99
00:04:34,675 --> 00:04:36,677
AND MAYBE DROP OFF
A NICE STEW.
100
00:04:39,350 --> 00:04:41,952
WOULD THAT STEW BE BEEF?
101
00:04:48,489 --> 00:04:53,423
OH, LOOK, IT'S AMERICA'S
FAVORITE HOUSEWIFE.
102
00:04:53,424 --> 00:04:55,365
WHERE'S THE APRON?
IN THE WASHING MACHINE?
103
00:04:55,366 --> 00:04:57,867
(laughs) YOU KNOW, ANDY,
YOU WERE FUNNIER
104
00:04:57,868 --> 00:05:01,401
IN THAT GAY WHITE SUIT
YOU WERE WEARING.
105
00:05:01,402 --> 00:05:03,403
WHOA, WHOA, WHOA.
106
00:05:03,404 --> 00:05:06,075
CRACKERS AND OLIVES.
WHO DIED?
107
00:05:06,076 --> 00:05:07,907
OH, GOD, NOT MOM!
108
00:05:07,908 --> 00:05:09,979
OH, I SHOULDA BEEN THERE!
109
00:05:09,980 --> 00:05:11,481
NO, SETTLE DOWN.
110
00:05:11,482 --> 00:05:14,714
SUSAN MADE ME A LITTLE
CRACKER AND CHEESE PLATTER.
111
00:05:14,715 --> 00:05:16,015
WHO THE HELL'S SUSAN?
112
00:05:16,016 --> 00:05:17,617
HI. I'M SUSAN.
113
00:05:17,618 --> 00:05:20,890
OH, AND I'M AVAILABLE FRIDAY
FOR DINNER.
114
00:05:20,891 --> 00:05:23,423
(laughs) I'M MARRIED.
115
00:05:23,424 --> 00:05:25,725
AND I'M DISCREET.
YOU LIKE SEAFOOD?
116
00:05:25,726 --> 00:05:29,859
DO YOU LIKE PEPPER SPRAY?
117
00:05:29,860 --> 00:05:34,064
I'VE BECOME ACCUSTOMED
TO THE TASTE.
118
00:05:38,338 --> 00:05:42,111
JIM, I'LL, UH, I'LL GET THESE
TOWELS BACK TO YOU TOMORROW.
119
00:05:42,112 --> 00:05:44,444
TOMORROW?
YEAH.
120
00:05:44,445 --> 00:05:46,446
YEAH, I GUESS THAT'S FINE.
121
00:05:46,447 --> 00:05:49,419
I'LL JUST DRY THE KIDS OFF
WITH THEIR SOCKS.
122
00:05:49,420 --> 00:05:53,052
(laughs) NO, NO. NEVER MIND.
I'LL GET 'EM BACK TONIGHT.
123
00:05:53,053 --> 00:05:55,054
OH, YOU'RE A PEACH.
124
00:05:55,055 --> 00:05:57,086
I DON'T KNOW WHAT
I'D DO WITHOUT YA. AW.
125
00:05:57,087 --> 00:06:01,091
IF YOU CHANGE YOUR MIND,
WE CAN HIT IT AND QUIT IT.
126
00:06:08,038 --> 00:06:11,370
WHAT... WHAT KIND OF SCAM
YOU PULLING HERE?
127
00:06:11,371 --> 00:06:13,372
I TAPPED
INTO SOMETHING, ANDY.
128
00:06:13,373 --> 00:06:15,675
I HAVE TAPPED
INTO THE BOUNDLESS POOL
129
00:06:15,676 --> 00:06:18,808
OF FEMALE PITY
FOR THE HELPLESS MAN.
130
00:06:18,809 --> 00:06:21,811
THE MORE PATHETIC I AM,
THE MORE THEY WANNA HELP ME.
131
00:06:21,812 --> 00:06:24,083
I'VE GOT THREE LOCAL HOUSEWIVES
TAKING CARE OF ME NOW.
132
00:06:24,084 --> 00:06:26,456
I'M PATHETIC. HUH?
133
00:06:26,457 --> 00:06:28,087
WHERE'S MY CHEESE PLATE?
134
00:06:28,088 --> 00:06:30,089
HECK, I SHOULD HAVE
A CHEESE HOUSE.
135
00:06:30,090 --> 00:06:32,962
HOW... HOW DID YOU
PULL THIS OFF?
136
00:06:32,963 --> 00:06:36,095
WELL, I LOST KYLE.
NOW MARY BETH IS CARPOOL.
137
00:06:36,096 --> 00:06:38,598
I SENT KYLE TO SCHOOL
IN A DRESS.
138
00:06:38,599 --> 00:06:40,870
NOW SUSAN
DOES THE LAUNDRY.
139
00:06:40,871 --> 00:06:43,032
(doorbell rings)
140
00:06:43,033 --> 00:06:46,075
AND THAT'S LISA
WITH DINNER AND DESSERT.
141
00:06:46,076 --> 00:06:49,078
AND IF I PLAY MY CARDS RIGHT,
142
00:06:49,079 --> 00:06:52,112
A LITTLE LIGHT VACUUMING.
143
00:06:53,784 --> 00:06:55,816
(sighs)
144
00:06:58,018 --> 00:06:59,619
HI, LISA.
145
00:06:59,620 --> 00:07:01,851
JIM, HOW ARE YOU DOING?
146
00:07:01,852 --> 00:07:05,024
OH, I'M JUST SO OUT OF BREATH,
YOU KNOW, RUNNING AROUND.
147
00:07:05,025 --> 00:07:07,026
I'M TRYING TO DO
EVERYTHING.
148
00:07:07,027 --> 00:07:09,529
OH, WELL, I BROUGHT
YOU A LASAGNA... OH.
149
00:07:09,530 --> 00:07:12,802
AND SOME ROAST BEEF SANDWICHES
FOR THE KIDS TOMORROW. OH, THAT'S GREAT.
150
00:07:12,803 --> 00:07:15,204
AND... OH,
THIS CARPET'S A MESS.
151
00:07:15,205 --> 00:07:17,937
OH, DON'T EVEN LOOK.
I AM SO EMBARRASSED.
152
00:07:17,938 --> 00:07:19,909
I HAVEN'T HAD TIME.
153
00:07:19,910 --> 00:07:22,212
OH, LOOKIT... THE VACUUM CLEANER'S
BROKEN NOW.
154
00:07:24,214 --> 00:07:25,846
I...
155
00:07:28,448 --> 00:07:30,950
YOU KNOW, IT'S OKAY.
I-I CAN GET IT.
156
00:07:30,951 --> 00:07:32,852
LET ME GET
THIS DINNER PUT AWAY.
157
00:07:32,853 --> 00:07:35,024
I'LL DO THE DISHES
AND THEN RUN THE VACUUM.
158
00:07:35,025 --> 00:07:37,026
OH! THANK YOU SO MUCH.
YOU'RE A PEACH.
159
00:07:37,027 --> 00:07:39,859
OH, I BET YOU SAY THAT
TO ALL THE GIRLS.
160
00:07:39,860 --> 00:07:41,862
ACTUALLY, HE DOES...
161
00:07:43,794 --> 00:07:45,164
(laughs)
162
00:07:45,165 --> 00:07:47,166
THANK YOU.
163
00:07:47,167 --> 00:07:50,700
I JUST COULDN'T
DO IT WITHOUT YOU, LISA.
164
00:07:50,701 --> 00:07:52,141
(falsetto voice)
I COULDN'T DO IT.
165
00:07:52,142 --> 00:07:54,143
I COULDN'T DO IT
WITHOUT YOU.
166
00:07:54,144 --> 00:07:57,647
(laughing)
167
00:07:57,648 --> 00:08:01,150
WHAT THE HELL, MAN?
I'M PISSED!
168
00:08:01,151 --> 00:08:05,254
I SPEND MY LIFE ALONE.
YOU GOT THREE WIVES!
169
00:08:05,255 --> 00:08:07,687
FOUR, INCLUDING CHERYL.
170
00:08:07,688 --> 00:08:11,020
WELL... WELL, I'M BLOWING
THIS THING SKY-HIGH, MAN.
171
00:08:11,021 --> 00:08:14,023
I'M TELLING CHERYL,
I'M TELLING THE NEW WIVES.
172
00:08:14,024 --> 00:08:17,096
I'M TELLING EVERYONE. LET
THE BODIES FALL WHERE THEY MAY.
173
00:08:17,097 --> 00:08:18,968
SPONGE BATH.
174
00:08:18,969 --> 00:08:20,971
OHH.
175
00:08:31,682 --> 00:08:33,684
(Mary Beth)
JIM, ARE YOU HOME?
176
00:08:38,849 --> 00:08:40,249
HI, MARY BETH.
177
00:08:40,250 --> 00:08:41,991
HI. HI.
178
00:08:41,992 --> 00:08:43,252
OH, JUST SITTING HERE,
179
00:08:43,253 --> 00:08:46,225
TRYING TO MAKE A COSTUME
FOR GRACIE'S PAGEANT AT SCHOOL.
180
00:08:46,226 --> 00:08:48,257
AW.
181
00:08:48,258 --> 00:08:51,601
I THINK I CAN DO SOMETHING HERE
WITH THIS TINFOIL AND THIS BAG.
182
00:08:51,602 --> 00:08:54,303
YEAH. THAT SOUNDS GOOD.
WHO IS SHE GONNA BE?
183
00:08:54,304 --> 00:08:56,166
UH, ELEANOR ROOSEVELT.
184
00:08:59,239 --> 00:09:00,740
WHAT DO YOU THINK?
185
00:09:00,741 --> 00:09:04,113
YEAH, UH...
186
00:09:04,114 --> 00:09:07,016
YOU KNOW WHAT, JIM?
I BET I COULD WHIP SOMETHING UP.
187
00:09:07,017 --> 00:09:08,678
OH, GREAT.
188
00:09:08,679 --> 00:09:11,120
OH, I-I BROUGHT YOU
A LITTLE DESSERT FOR TONIGHT.
189
00:09:11,121 --> 00:09:14,684
MMM! OH. UH, WELL, WHERE
DID YOU GET THIS OTHER PIE?
190
00:09:14,685 --> 00:09:16,926
OH. SUSAN.
191
00:09:16,927 --> 00:09:19,158
OH.
192
00:09:19,159 --> 00:09:22,763
SUSAN FROM UP THE STREET
MADE YOU A PIE?
193
00:09:28,298 --> 00:09:30,140
NO.
194
00:09:33,303 --> 00:09:35,304
HEY.
195
00:09:35,305 --> 00:09:37,346
DANA MADE IT
BECAUSE I ASKED HER TO.
196
00:09:37,347 --> 00:09:39,008
WHAT'D I DO?
197
00:09:39,009 --> 00:09:42,682
UH, YOU MADE THAT THANK-YOU PIE
FOR, UH, MARY BETH.
198
00:09:42,683 --> 00:09:46,115
REMEMBER, I STILL OWE YOU $25
FOR THE INGREDIENTS?
199
00:09:46,116 --> 00:09:49,158
OH, YEAH, THAT'S RIGHT.
YOU DO OWE ME $50.
200
00:09:49,159 --> 00:09:53,022
AND I'LL GET YOU
THAT $35 IN A MINUTE.
201
00:09:53,023 --> 00:09:55,224
SOLD. I MADE THE PIE.
HOPE YOU LIKE IT. OH.
202
00:09:55,225 --> 00:09:58,728
(doorbell rings)
I'LL GET THAT.
203
00:09:58,729 --> 00:10:01,230
OH, THAT WAS REALLY
SWEET OF JIM. YEAH, YEAH.
204
00:10:01,231 --> 00:10:03,302
SO WHAT KIND IS IT?
205
00:10:03,303 --> 00:10:05,135
UM...
206
00:10:11,682 --> 00:10:13,183
CHERRY.
207
00:10:16,246 --> 00:10:18,247
OH, HEY, SWEETIE,
YOU'RE A PEACH. HI. OH!
208
00:10:18,248 --> 00:10:19,749
THANK YOU.
209
00:10:19,750 --> 00:10:22,251
NO, WAIT, WAIT. I LEFT
MY GLOVES IN THE KITCHEN.
210
00:10:22,252 --> 00:10:25,154
UGH. UH, YOU KNOW WHAT?
I'LL GET 'EM FOR YOU.
211
00:10:25,155 --> 00:10:27,156
OH, JIM, YOU'VE GOT
ENOUGH TO DO.
212
00:10:27,157 --> 00:10:29,158
NO, NO, NO, NO,
SUSAN, SUSAN, UH...
213
00:10:29,159 --> 00:10:31,701
ANDY IS IN THERE NAKED.
214
00:10:31,702 --> 00:10:34,734
I, UM...
215
00:10:34,735 --> 00:10:37,236
I THINK I LEFT THEM
BY THE SINK.
216
00:10:37,237 --> 00:10:39,268
BY THE SINK.
YEAH.
217
00:10:39,269 --> 00:10:42,041
I'LL GET 'EM, I'LL GET 'EM.
THANKS SO MUCH.
218
00:10:42,042 --> 00:10:43,873
WHO WAS AT THE DOOR, JIM?
219
00:10:43,874 --> 00:10:46,876
UH, GIRL SCOUTS.
UH, THERE'S A BIG GLOVE DRIVE.
220
00:10:46,877 --> 00:10:49,318
APPARENTLY, KIDS IN RUSSIA
DON'T HAVE GLOVES.
221
00:10:49,319 --> 00:10:51,681
OH, THERE'S SOME RIGHT THERE.
EXCUSE ME.
222
00:10:51,682 --> 00:10:54,023
UH, WAIT A MINUTE. JIM, JIM.
YOU CAN'T GIVE AWAY MY GLOVES.
223
00:10:54,024 --> 00:10:55,855
THESE AREN'T
YOUR GLOVES, DANA.
224
00:10:55,856 --> 00:10:59,188
UH, BUT, JIM, CHERYL'S NOT HERE,
THEY'RE TOO BIG FOR THE GIRLS
225
00:10:59,189 --> 00:11:01,260
AND, UH, THEY'RE
NOT MARY BETH'S. NO.
226
00:11:01,261 --> 00:11:03,192
SO WHOSE COULD THEY BE?
227
00:11:03,193 --> 00:11:05,835
YOU'RE RIGHT. THEY
ARE YOURS. YEAH.
228
00:11:05,836 --> 00:11:09,199
THAT'S RIGHT.
YOU LEFT THEM HERE $25 AGO.
229
00:11:11,671 --> 00:11:14,103
UH, "$25 AGO"?
230
00:11:14,104 --> 00:11:16,275
DID I SAY...
I MEANT 25 MINUTES AGO.
231
00:11:16,276 --> 00:11:19,709
YES, THAT'S RIGHT,
EXCEPT IT WAS 40.
232
00:11:19,710 --> 00:11:22,211
FINE, BUT WHILE
WE'RE SITTING HERE TALKING,
233
00:11:22,212 --> 00:11:24,453
SOME LITTLE RUSSIAN GIRL
234
00:11:24,454 --> 00:11:26,685
IS FREEZING
HER HANDS OFF.
235
00:11:26,686 --> 00:11:29,258
JIM, HE'S NOT
COMING OUT HERE, IS HE?
236
00:11:29,259 --> 00:11:32,822
(laughs) NO, NO, NO, NO,
BUT I TOLD HIM YOU WERE HERE,
237
00:11:32,823 --> 00:11:34,924
AND HE DID SAY, "SAY HI."
238
00:11:34,925 --> 00:11:37,767
UGH, UGH, UGH, UGH,
UGH, UGH, UGH, UGH!
239
00:11:37,768 --> 00:11:39,298
THANK YOU.
240
00:11:39,299 --> 00:11:40,970
YOU'RE A PEACH!
241
00:11:40,971 --> 00:11:42,972
(telephone rings)
242
00:11:42,973 --> 00:11:44,273
(Dana) I'LL GET IT!
243
00:11:44,274 --> 00:11:45,975
IT'S LISA!
244
00:11:45,976 --> 00:11:47,978
OH, LISA!
245
00:11:51,141 --> 00:11:53,112
YES, LISA,
JIM'S RIGHT HERE.
246
00:11:53,113 --> 00:11:55,344
JIM, IT'S LISA.
247
00:11:55,345 --> 00:11:57,346
IS THAT LISA FROM SCHOOL?
248
00:11:57,347 --> 00:12:00,489
NO, IT'S, UH,
MY BUDDY, STEVE LISA.
249
00:12:00,490 --> 00:12:04,023
YEAH, HE'S A COOL DUDE,
MAN, REALLY COOL.
250
00:12:04,024 --> 00:12:06,195
HEY, LISA.
251
00:12:06,196 --> 00:12:07,798
WHAT'S UP, DUDE?
252
00:12:09,729 --> 00:12:13,833
YEAH. NO, I THINK THE DUVET
IS PERMANENT PRESS...
253
00:12:13,834 --> 00:12:15,134
DAWG.
254
00:12:15,135 --> 00:12:18,137
YEAH, YEAH,
WE'LL TALK LATER.
255
00:12:18,138 --> 00:12:20,139
YOU'RE A PEACH.
256
00:12:20,140 --> 00:12:22,812
THAT'S WHAT GOOD FRIENDS
DO SOMETIMES.
257
00:12:22,813 --> 00:12:25,315
THEY CALL EACH OTHER
BY THEIR FAVORITE FRUIT.
258
00:12:27,247 --> 00:12:28,478
I'M "KIWI."
259
00:12:30,851 --> 00:12:32,852
WELL, UM,
IS THERE ANYTHING ELSE
260
00:12:32,853 --> 00:12:35,054
YOU WANT ME TO DO
BEFORE I GO?
261
00:12:35,055 --> 00:12:37,526
NO, NO, NO,
I GOT IT ALL HANDLED
262
00:12:37,527 --> 00:12:39,228
ALL BECAUSE OF YOU.
263
00:12:39,229 --> 00:12:40,529
(laughs)
264
00:12:40,530 --> 00:12:43,332
AND ONLY YOU, MARY BETH.
265
00:12:43,333 --> 00:12:44,533
OH.
266
00:12:44,534 --> 00:12:46,065
(laughing)
267
00:12:46,066 --> 00:12:47,166
THANKS.
268
00:12:47,167 --> 00:12:50,039
ENJOY THAT PIE.
269
00:12:50,040 --> 00:12:51,270
(exhales deeply)
270
00:12:51,271 --> 00:12:54,243
WELL, I DROPPED BY TO SEE
IF YOU NEEDED ANY HELP,
271
00:12:54,244 --> 00:12:57,446
BUT IT LOOKS LIKE YOU HAVE IT
ALL UNDER CONTROL, KIWI.
272
00:12:57,447 --> 00:13:00,149
YOU KNOW, I HAVEN'T
JUGGLED THREE WOMEN
273
00:13:00,150 --> 00:13:02,151
SINCE I WAS IN MY 20s.
274
00:13:02,152 --> 00:13:04,383
JIM, YOU KNOW THAT
A HOOKER WITH TWO WIGS
275
00:13:04,384 --> 00:13:06,385
ISN'T THREE WOMEN,
RIGHT?
276
00:13:06,386 --> 00:13:09,388
(sighs) TO BE HONEST WITH YOU,
DANA, I'M RUNNING OUT OF GAS.
277
00:13:09,389 --> 00:13:12,191
I MEAN, I THINK IT PROBABLY
WOULD HAVE BEEN EASIER
278
00:13:12,192 --> 00:13:14,793
IF I JUST DID ALL THE COOKING
AND CLEANING MYSELF.
279
00:13:14,794 --> 00:13:16,966
AND IT'S IMMORAL
TO TAKE ADVANTAGE
280
00:13:16,967 --> 00:13:19,128
OF THESE THREE WOMEN.
281
00:13:19,129 --> 00:13:22,932
YEAH, YOU'RE RIGHT.
I KNOW.
282
00:13:22,933 --> 00:13:25,234
I COULD PROBABLY GET BY
WITH JUST ONE.
283
00:13:25,235 --> 00:13:29,008
I'LL DUMP THE OTHER TWO.
284
00:13:29,009 --> 00:13:31,480
SO WHO'S THE LUCKY LADY?
285
00:13:31,481 --> 00:13:34,884
WELL, I GOTTA SAY
MARY BETH.
286
00:13:34,885 --> 00:13:36,846
YOU KNOW WHAT THEY SAY...
287
00:13:36,847 --> 00:13:39,088
"DATE VACUUMING,
BUT MARRY CARPOOL."
288
00:13:39,089 --> 00:13:41,091
OH. OH.
289
00:13:47,397 --> 00:13:51,260
(sighs) LISA, I KNOW
THIS IS TOUGH TO HEAR,
290
00:13:51,261 --> 00:13:54,263
BUT I THINK IT WOULD BE
BETTER FOR THE BOTH OF US
291
00:13:54,264 --> 00:13:57,267
IF I VACUUMED MY OWN FLOOR.
292
00:13:59,169 --> 00:14:02,211
DID I DO SOMETHING WRONG?
293
00:14:02,212 --> 00:14:04,213
DID I NOT VACUUM RIGHT?
294
00:14:04,214 --> 00:14:06,515
I MEAN, I COULD
VACUUM RIGHT NOW
295
00:14:06,516 --> 00:14:08,878
WITH THE ATTACHMENTS
YOU LIKE.
296
00:14:08,879 --> 00:14:11,180
NO, NO, NO, NO, LISA,
297
00:14:11,181 --> 00:14:14,523
IT'S NOT YOU. IT'S ME.
298
00:14:14,524 --> 00:14:17,056
HERE. HERE, LISA.
299
00:14:17,057 --> 00:14:21,860
PLEASE ACCEPT THESE
AS A TOKEN OF MY APPRECIATION.
300
00:14:21,861 --> 00:14:24,463
GIFT CERTIFICATES
FROM STEVIE B's RIB CAFE?
301
00:14:24,464 --> 00:14:27,336
MM-HMM. YEAH,
THEY'RE RIB BUCKS.
302
00:14:27,337 --> 00:14:29,038
THEY'RE LIKE REAL MONEY.
303
00:14:29,039 --> 00:14:32,242
SEE? "LEGAL TENDER...
AND JUICY."
304
00:14:34,274 --> 00:14:35,644
PLEASE JUST TAKE THEM.
305
00:14:35,645 --> 00:14:37,346
I DON'T UNDERSTAND.
306
00:14:37,347 --> 00:14:38,208
(sighs)
307
00:14:38,209 --> 00:14:41,010
IS SOMEONE ELSE
TAKING CARE OF YOU?
308
00:14:41,011 --> 00:14:42,311
THAT IS HURTFUL.
309
00:14:42,312 --> 00:14:43,312
(sighs)
310
00:14:43,313 --> 00:14:46,015
I MEAN, I'D HAVE TO BE
SOME BIG CREEP
311
00:14:46,016 --> 00:14:48,317
TO LET MORE
THAN ONE LOCAL HOUSEWIFE
312
00:14:48,318 --> 00:14:49,960
MAKE ME LASAGNA.
313
00:14:51,221 --> 00:14:53,222
PLEASE, JUST TAKE 'EM.
314
00:14:53,223 --> 00:14:55,324
(voice breaking) OH, JIM,
I'M SORRY. PLEASE FORGIVE ME.
315
00:14:55,325 --> 00:14:57,226
(sighs) DON'T CRY.
316
00:14:57,227 --> 00:14:59,368
(crying)
317
00:14:59,369 --> 00:15:01,070
PLEASE DON'T CRY.
318
00:15:01,071 --> 00:15:03,232
THINK OF THIS...
319
00:15:03,233 --> 00:15:06,305
WE'LL ALWAYS HAVE
THAT TIME YOU WASHED MY CAR.
320
00:15:06,306 --> 00:15:09,078
OH! (continues crying)
321
00:15:09,079 --> 00:15:10,280
MARY BETH...
322
00:15:12,542 --> 00:15:16,215
WELL, YOU'VE MADE ME
AND MY FAMILY
323
00:15:16,216 --> 00:15:19,019
FEEL VERY TAKEN CARE OF.
324
00:15:20,290 --> 00:15:23,222
AND I-I-I JUST...
325
00:15:23,223 --> 00:15:25,224
NEVER THOUGHT
A NEIGHBORHOOD LADY
326
00:15:25,225 --> 00:15:27,227
COULD MAKE ME FEEL
THIS WAY.
327
00:15:29,529 --> 00:15:31,260
OH, JIM, I...
328
00:15:31,261 --> 00:15:33,532
SHH. SHH. SHH.
SHH. SHH. SHH.
329
00:15:33,533 --> 00:15:35,535
I-I NEED
TO GET THIS OUT.
330
00:15:37,207 --> 00:15:39,208
YOU'VE ALWAYS ASKED
331
00:15:39,209 --> 00:15:42,372
IF THERE'S ANYTHING ELSE
YOU COULD DO FOR ME.
332
00:15:43,713 --> 00:15:47,177
I DON'T KNOW.
I-I-I'VE BEEN AFRAID TO COMMIT.
333
00:15:49,549 --> 00:15:52,081
BUT NOW I...
334
00:15:52,082 --> 00:15:54,653
OH, JIM,
ARE YOU SAYING THAT...
335
00:15:54,654 --> 00:15:56,255
YES.
336
00:15:56,256 --> 00:15:59,228
WILL YOU...
337
00:15:59,229 --> 00:16:01,230
PICK UP MY KIDS EVERY DAY
338
00:16:01,231 --> 00:16:03,532
AND DO ALL THE COOKING
AND CLEANING? (sighs)
339
00:16:03,533 --> 00:16:06,265
OH... JIM.
340
00:16:06,266 --> 00:16:08,267
YES, I WOULD LOVE TO.
341
00:16:08,268 --> 00:16:10,269
I WOULD LOVE TO HELP YOU.
342
00:16:10,270 --> 00:16:12,101
OH, THAT IS SO GREAT.
343
00:16:12,102 --> 00:16:14,403
I AM SO HAPPY.
HEY, LET'S GO CELEBRATE.
344
00:16:14,404 --> 00:16:16,245
OH, GREAT,
THAT'LL BE FUN!
345
00:16:16,246 --> 00:16:18,707
OKAY, I'LL TELL YOU
WHAT WE'RE GONNA DO.
346
00:16:18,708 --> 00:16:21,380
YOU GO OUT AND GRAB SOME
CHINESE TAKEOUT... OKAY.
347
00:16:21,381 --> 00:16:23,682
AND LATER, YOU CAN
CHANGE THE KIDS' BEDS.
348
00:16:23,683 --> 00:16:25,684
AWESOME!
349
00:16:25,685 --> 00:16:28,187
OH, OH, WAIT A MINUTE.
HERE, HERE, HERE.
350
00:16:28,188 --> 00:16:31,191
TAKE MY CAR.
IT NEEDS AN OIL CHANGE.
351
00:16:35,625 --> 00:16:38,627
WHERE ARE THE KIDS? OH, UH,
ANDY'S TUCKING THEM INTO BED.
352
00:16:38,628 --> 00:16:40,629
OH. WELL, THE DISHES
ARE ALL DONE.
353
00:16:40,630 --> 00:16:43,372
OH, DID YOU LEAVE
ANY FOR ME TO DRY?
354
00:16:43,373 --> 00:16:46,535
OH, YOU KNOW, IT'S JUST EASIER
IF I DO IT ALL MYSELF.
355
00:16:46,536 --> 00:16:49,278
YEAH, IT IS, ISN'T IT?
YEAH.
356
00:16:49,279 --> 00:16:52,581
SO, UH, I GUESS
I'LL SEE YOU IN THE MORNING.
357
00:16:52,582 --> 00:16:55,484
UH, DO YOU WANT ME TO TELL YOU
WHAT I WANT FOR BREAKFAST NOW
358
00:16:55,485 --> 00:16:57,746
OR SHOULD I JUST HANG IT
OUTSIDE THE DOOR?
359
00:16:57,747 --> 00:17:00,119
JIM,
YOU ARE SUCH A RIOT.
360
00:17:00,120 --> 00:17:02,551
OH, GOSH,
WHAT A DAY, HUH?
361
00:17:02,552 --> 00:17:06,226
OH,
I JUST NEED TO UNWIND.
362
00:17:11,061 --> 00:17:12,531
DO WHAT NOW?
363
00:17:12,532 --> 00:17:15,234
MY GOSH, I TOTALLY
DIDN'T TELL YOU.
364
00:17:15,235 --> 00:17:17,236
GUESS WHO
I RAN INTO TODAY?
365
00:17:17,237 --> 00:17:20,609
THAT MARGE HART
AND HER STONE-FACED HUSBAND.
366
00:17:20,610 --> 00:17:24,243
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
367
00:17:24,244 --> 00:17:26,215
I'M...
368
00:17:26,216 --> 00:17:29,318
I'M TELLING YOU SOMETHING
THAT HAPPENED IN MY DAY.
369
00:17:29,319 --> 00:17:32,221
WHY?
370
00:17:32,222 --> 00:17:36,325
BECAUSE I THOUGHT
YOU WOULD BE INTERESTED.
371
00:17:36,326 --> 00:17:39,828
OH. (laughs) HONEY, I SEE
THE PROBLEM HERE.
372
00:17:39,829 --> 00:17:42,432
I'M NOT.
373
00:17:44,194 --> 00:17:47,236
WHAT, SO WE... WE CAN'T HAVE
A CONVERSATION ABOUT MY DAY?
374
00:17:47,237 --> 00:17:50,239
YOU KNOW WHAT? THAT'S SOMETHING
I-I-I RESERVE FOR MY WIFE,
375
00:17:50,240 --> 00:17:52,741
AND THEN, ONLY BECAUSE
IT'S PART OF THE DEAL.
376
00:17:52,742 --> 00:17:55,744
I MEAN, I SIT HERE WITH HER,
AND SHE YAMMERS AND YAMMERS ON.
377
00:17:55,745 --> 00:17:58,277
I HAVE TO PINCH MYSELF
TO STAY AWAKE.
378
00:17:58,278 --> 00:18:01,280
BUT, MARY BETH,
IF I DID THAT WITH YOU,
379
00:18:01,281 --> 00:18:05,083
I FEEL LIKE I'D BE
CHEATING ON CHERYL.
380
00:18:05,084 --> 00:18:07,085
RIGHT.
381
00:18:07,086 --> 00:18:08,687
SO LET ME
GET THIS STRAIGHT...
382
00:18:08,688 --> 00:18:11,390
YOU... YOU JUST WANT ME
TO COME OVER HERE
383
00:18:11,391 --> 00:18:13,862
AND DO YOUR DISHES
AND THEN JUST GO
384
00:18:13,863 --> 00:18:15,864
LIKE I'M SOME KIND
OF MAID?
385
00:18:15,865 --> 00:18:20,329
(laughs) OH, HONEY.
YOU'RE NOT A MAID. RIGHT.
386
00:18:20,330 --> 00:18:23,872
YOU PAY A MAID.
387
00:18:23,873 --> 00:18:25,474
(laughs) COME ON.
388
00:18:25,475 --> 00:18:28,478
(doorbell rings)
389
00:18:31,211 --> 00:18:33,613
(ring)
390
00:18:38,218 --> 00:18:40,720
(ring)
391
00:18:43,723 --> 00:18:45,795
I GUESS I'LL GET IT.
392
00:18:47,297 --> 00:18:49,729
OH. (sighs)
393
00:18:51,231 --> 00:18:52,231
HELLO, JIM.
394
00:18:52,232 --> 00:18:53,232
OH!
395
00:18:53,233 --> 00:18:56,405
(grunts) COME ON.
COME ON. COME ON.
396
00:18:56,406 --> 00:18:59,468
WE JUST RAN INTO EACH OTHER
AT STEVIE B's.
397
00:18:59,469 --> 00:19:02,411
WE KNOW ALL ABOUT
THE LITTLE SCAM YOU'RE RUNNING.
398
00:19:02,412 --> 00:19:03,373
(groans)
399
00:19:03,374 --> 00:19:05,374
I WAS DOING ALL
YOUR LAUNDRY.
400
00:19:05,375 --> 00:19:07,376
AND I WAS DOING
ALL YOUR COOKING.
401
00:19:07,377 --> 00:19:09,418
AND THESE RIB BUCKS
EXPIRED A MONTH AGO!
402
00:19:09,419 --> 00:19:11,380
ALL RIGHT.
403
00:19:11,381 --> 00:19:12,681
WHAT THE HELL?
404
00:19:12,682 --> 00:19:15,384
YOU HAD ALL THREE OF US
HELPING YOU?
405
00:19:15,385 --> 00:19:16,685
YOU USED US.
406
00:19:16,686 --> 00:19:18,687
HOW COULD I BE
SO BLIND?
407
00:19:18,688 --> 00:19:20,389
I AM THIS CLOSE
408
00:19:20,390 --> 00:19:22,691
TO BREAKING THE BANK
ON MY SWEAR JAR.
409
00:19:22,692 --> 00:19:24,793
OH, HONEY, NO.
410
00:19:24,794 --> 00:19:26,835
ALL RIGHT. ALL RIGHT. ALL RIGHT.
THAT'S ENOUGH. ALL RIGHT?
411
00:19:26,836 --> 00:19:29,838
YOU KNOW WHAT? CHERYL'S
GONNA BE HERE IN A FEW DAYS.
412
00:19:29,839 --> 00:19:31,700
I'LL SURVIVE WITHOUT YOU.
413
00:19:31,701 --> 00:19:33,702
WHY DON'T YOU GIRLS
JUST KINDA MOVE ALONG?
414
00:19:33,703 --> 00:19:35,644
COME ON. COME ON. GO. GO.
YOU ARE TERRIBLE.
415
00:19:35,645 --> 00:19:38,477
YEAH, YEAH, YEAH.
TELL ALL THE MOMS AT THE P.T.A.
416
00:19:38,478 --> 00:19:41,480
THE SAME THING. COME ON.
OH, DON'T WORRY. WE WILL.
417
00:19:41,481 --> 00:19:44,453
COME ON. YEAH, YEAH, YEAH.
JUST GET OUT. STAY OUT.
418
00:19:44,454 --> 00:19:46,785
AND YOU KNOW WHAT? MY KIDS DON'T
NEED BREAKFAST IN THE MORNING.
419
00:19:46,786 --> 00:19:49,788
ACTUALLY, I THINK I COULD
WHIP UP SOME... NO, HONEY. NO.
420
00:19:49,789 --> 00:19:51,290
BYE-BYE, PEACHES.
421
00:19:51,291 --> 00:19:52,262
(telephone rings)
422
00:19:52,263 --> 00:19:53,562
WOMEN.
423
00:19:53,563 --> 00:19:56,565
(ring)
424
00:19:56,566 --> 00:19:58,568
I'LL GET IT!
425
00:20:02,532 --> 00:20:04,233
HELLO.
426
00:20:04,234 --> 00:20:06,575
HEY, HONEY.
HOW ARE YOU?
427
00:20:06,576 --> 00:20:08,637
OH, DOING... DOING GREAT.
YOU KNOW, UH,
428
00:20:08,638 --> 00:20:11,340
NOTHING I CAN'T HANDLE
FOR A COUPLE MORE DAYS.
429
00:20:11,341 --> 00:20:13,312
HOW ARE YOU DOING?
HOW'S YOUR MOM?
430
00:20:13,313 --> 00:20:15,814
(sighs) YOU KNOW,
I HATE TO TELL YOU THIS,
431
00:20:15,815 --> 00:20:18,447
BUT REHAB IS NOT GOING
AS FAST AS I THOUGHT.
432
00:20:18,448 --> 00:20:21,451
(groans)
433
00:20:22,952 --> 00:20:24,593
(exhales deeply)
434
00:20:24,594 --> 00:20:27,256
WHAT ARE YOU SAYING?
435
00:20:27,257 --> 00:20:30,299
WELL, UM, I THINK
SHE'S GONNA NEED ME
436
00:20:30,300 --> 00:20:32,761
FOR ANOTHER COUPLE WEEKS
AT LEAST.
437
00:20:32,762 --> 00:20:34,334
WHAT DO YOU THINK?
438
00:20:40,610 --> 00:20:42,911
WHATEVER IT TAKES, HONEY.
SHE'S FAMILY.
439
00:20:42,912 --> 00:20:44,913
OH, HONEY.
440
00:20:44,914 --> 00:20:48,617
WELL, THANK YOU
FOR BEING SO UNDERSTANDING.
441
00:20:48,618 --> 00:20:51,420
(growls)
442
00:20:51,421 --> 00:20:52,721
HEY, YOU KNOW WHAT?
443
00:20:52,722 --> 00:20:54,252
Hmm?
444
00:20:54,253 --> 00:20:56,525
MAYBE I COULD CALL
SOME OF THE P.T.A. MOMS
445
00:20:56,526 --> 00:20:58,957
AND THEY COULD HELP YOU
WITH, YOU KNOW,
446
00:20:58,958 --> 00:21:00,459
COOKING,
CLEANING, DRIVING...
447
00:21:00,460 --> 00:21:02,461
UH... (exhales deeply)
NOT NECESSARY, BABY.
448
00:21:02,462 --> 00:21:04,463
I'M HAPPY TO DO IT
ALL BY MYSELF.
449
00:21:04,464 --> 00:21:06,465
WHAT DID YOU DO?
450
00:21:06,466 --> 00:21:08,797
YOU KNOW WHAT?
YOU... YOU GOT TOO MUCH
451
00:21:08,798 --> 00:21:11,370
ON YOUR PLATE
TO TALK ABOUT IT NOW.
452
00:21:11,371 --> 00:21:13,402
COME ON.
TELL ME ABOUT YOUR DAY.
453
00:21:13,403 --> 00:21:14,903
HOW'S YOUR MOM?
454
00:21:14,904 --> 00:21:16,875
DID YOU HAVE TO GIVE
HER A SPONGE BATH?
455
00:21:16,876 --> 00:21:19,408
(thud)
456
00:21:19,409 --> 00:21:22,751
OH... I'M... I'M OKAY.
457
00:21:22,752 --> 00:21:24,052
I'M OKAY.
458
00:21:24,053 --> 00:21:26,515
THAT'S TERRIBLE.
A SUPPOSITORY?
459
00:21:26,516 --> 00:21:28,317
DAMN YOU.
460
00:21:28,318 --> 00:21:29,318
OOH.
461
00:21:29,319 --> 00:21:30,319
(thud)
462
00:21:30,320 --> 00:21:36,366
YOU ARE A GOOD DAUGHTER.
30538
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