All language subtitles for According to Jim S06E17 - Any Man of Mine (2007) WEB-DL 1080p.ENG

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:02,473 --> 00:00:04,734 OH! BOOB OR BOTTLE? 2 00:00:04,735 --> 00:00:06,675 BOTTLE. 3 00:00:06,676 --> 00:00:09,139 OH, THANK GOD. 4 00:00:09,140 --> 00:00:11,180 SO HOW YOU DOING? 5 00:00:11,181 --> 00:00:13,182 I'M EXHAUSTED, MY BACK HURTS, 6 00:00:13,183 --> 00:00:17,187 AND MY LIFE HAS BEEN REDUCED TO MILK AND POO-POO. 7 00:00:17,188 --> 00:00:21,521 WHAT WAS IT BEFORE, WHITE WINE AND POO-POO? STOP COMPLAININ'. 8 00:00:21,522 --> 00:00:24,324 YOU KNOW, I'M TIRED OF HEARING ABOUT HOW I'M NO FUN ANYMORE. 9 00:00:24,325 --> 00:00:26,326 WELL, YOU'RE NOT ANY FUN ANYMORE. 10 00:00:26,327 --> 00:00:29,099 REMEMBER WHEN WE USED TO KINDA GO AT IT ALL THE TIME? 11 00:00:29,100 --> 00:00:31,701 WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR SPARK? WELL, I GUESS IT'S GONE. 12 00:00:31,702 --> 00:00:34,263 YEAH. CAN YOU HOLD THE BABY FOR A SECOND? 13 00:00:34,264 --> 00:00:37,807 NO, I'M GETTING SOME SNACKS HERE. HOLD ON ONE SECOND. I NEED YOU TO HOLD THE BABY NOW! 14 00:00:37,808 --> 00:00:39,469 OOH! OOH! 15 00:00:43,814 --> 00:00:47,177 HEY. WHAT'S GOING ON DOWN HERE? 16 00:00:47,178 --> 00:00:50,680 OH, JIM'S JUST HELPING ME GET MY SPARK BACK. 17 00:00:50,681 --> 00:00:53,153 WELL, HE NEEDS TO BE CHANGED. 18 00:00:53,154 --> 00:00:54,453 OH. 19 00:00:54,454 --> 00:00:58,158 WELL, WHAT DO YOU EXPECT? SHE SCARED ME TO DEATH. 20 00:00:58,159 --> 00:01:00,060 ♪♪♪ 21 00:01:09,339 --> 00:01:11,840 OH! LOOK AT THE WAY HIS LITTLE MOUTH OPENS 22 00:01:11,841 --> 00:01:13,342 WHEN HE BREATHES. 23 00:01:13,343 --> 00:01:15,705 I WANT TO GO TO BED. 24 00:01:15,706 --> 00:01:18,207 (scoffs) YOU'D RATHER GO TO BED EARLY 25 00:01:18,208 --> 00:01:20,209 THAN WATCH THIS TINY MIRACLE? 26 00:01:20,210 --> 00:01:22,812 UNLESS THERE'S SOME PAINT WE CAN WATCH DRY. OH. 27 00:01:22,813 --> 00:01:26,187 ANOTHER NIGHT I'LL NEVER GET BACK. 28 00:01:27,787 --> 00:01:33,092 WELL, YOUR MOMMY WILL NEVER GET TIRED OF LOOKING AT YOU. 29 00:01:33,093 --> 00:01:34,665 OH. 30 00:01:38,869 --> 00:01:40,731 UGH. WHATEVER. 31 00:01:42,133 --> 00:01:44,734 YOU RUINED A LOVELY EVENING. 32 00:01:44,735 --> 00:01:47,737 NO. NO. I THINK THE EVENING WAS RUINED WHEN YOU THOUGHT, 33 00:01:47,738 --> 00:01:50,810 "I KNOW. I'LL TAKE JIM TO A MUSICAL..." 34 00:01:50,811 --> 00:01:52,511 (scoffs) 35 00:01:52,512 --> 00:01:54,184 "WHERE CATS ARE SINGING." 36 00:01:54,185 --> 00:01:56,845 YOU DIDN'T EVEN GIVE IT A CHANCE. 37 00:01:56,846 --> 00:02:00,119 WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? YOU BOOED DURING THE FIRST SONG. 38 00:02:00,120 --> 00:02:03,152 I HAD A LITTLE LOGIC PROBLEM. 39 00:02:03,153 --> 00:02:05,195 CATS WERE SINGIN'! 40 00:02:05,196 --> 00:02:07,527 IT'S A MUSICAL! 41 00:02:07,528 --> 00:02:09,460 YOU'RE A MUSICAL. 42 00:02:11,432 --> 00:02:13,433 THAT DOESN'T EVEN MAKE ANY SENSE. 43 00:02:13,434 --> 00:02:17,437 WOULD IT MAKE MORE SENSE TO YOU IF A CAT SUNG IT? 44 00:02:17,438 --> 00:02:21,311 YOU KNOW WHAT? 800 PEOPLE GAVE IT A STANDING OVATION. 45 00:02:21,312 --> 00:02:23,813 THEY WERE APPLAUDING BECAUSE IT WAS OVER, 46 00:02:23,814 --> 00:02:26,845 AND THEY WERE STANDING BECAUSE THEY WERE EXCITED TO LEAVE! 47 00:02:26,846 --> 00:02:28,847 SO JIM DIDN'T LIKE "CATS." 48 00:02:28,848 --> 00:02:31,150 WHO COULD'VE POSSIBLY SEEN THAT COMING? 49 00:02:31,151 --> 00:02:33,522 YOU KNOW WHAT? THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT. 50 00:02:33,523 --> 00:02:35,524 IF YOU HADN'T GOTTEN PREGNANT, 51 00:02:35,525 --> 00:02:38,527 WE'D BE IN THE BAR AT THE DRAKE HOTEL RIGHT NOW 52 00:02:38,528 --> 00:02:40,589 TALKING ABOUT WHAT A FABULOUS SHOW IT WAS 53 00:02:40,590 --> 00:02:42,662 AND GETTING HIT ON BY JAPANESE BUSINESS MEN. MY FAULT? THAT'S CRAZY. 54 00:02:42,663 --> 00:02:45,534 YOU KNOW WHAT, DANA? THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT. HUH. 55 00:02:45,535 --> 00:02:48,537 IF YOU DIDN'T GET PREGNANT, I'D BE AT STEVIE B's RIGHT NOW 56 00:02:48,538 --> 00:02:51,201 TALKING WITH ANDY ABOUT HOW GREAT THE GAME IS 57 00:02:51,202 --> 00:02:53,203 AND FLIRTING WITH THE JAPANESE WAITRESSES. 58 00:02:53,204 --> 00:02:55,205 ALL RIGHT. YOU KNOW WHAT? 59 00:02:55,206 --> 00:02:57,546 YOU TWO CAN FIND ANOTHER BABYSITTER 60 00:02:57,547 --> 00:02:59,849 FOR THE NEXT SIX MUSICALS. 61 00:02:59,850 --> 00:03:03,953 SIX MUSICALS? 62 00:03:03,954 --> 00:03:06,285 SIX MORE MUSICALS? 63 00:03:06,286 --> 00:03:08,717 IT'S A SERIES! UH-HUH. 64 00:03:08,718 --> 00:03:11,321 YOU KNOW, WE SAVED $10 BY BUYING THE WHOLE PACKAGE. 65 00:03:11,322 --> 00:03:13,392 OH! (laughs) 66 00:03:13,393 --> 00:03:15,825 CHERYL, OKAY, I'LL TELL YOU WHAT. 67 00:03:15,826 --> 00:03:19,198 I WILL GO TO ONE MORE MUSICAL WITH YOU. OH! 68 00:03:19,199 --> 00:03:20,969 I WANT TO GO TO THE ONE THAT'S ENTITLED 69 00:03:20,970 --> 00:03:22,872 ♪ NO FRICKIN' WAY ♪ 70 00:03:22,873 --> 00:03:27,336 NO WAY AM I GOING TO SIX MORE MUSICALS! 71 00:03:27,337 --> 00:03:30,380 CHERYL, JUST BECAUSE DANA'S GOT A LITTLE BABY, 72 00:03:30,381 --> 00:03:33,383 DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN TURN ME INTO YOUR GIRLFRIEND. 73 00:03:33,384 --> 00:03:36,945 I DON'T WANT TO MAKE YOU INTO MY GIRLFRIEND. 74 00:03:36,946 --> 00:03:38,447 YES, YOU DO. NO! 75 00:03:38,448 --> 00:03:40,949 YOU TAKE ME TO MUSICALS, AND THEN AT HALFTIME 76 00:03:40,950 --> 00:03:44,254 YOU WANT TO GOSSIP ABOUT ALL THE PEOPLE AROUND. 77 00:03:44,255 --> 00:03:45,855 INTERMISSION. 78 00:03:45,856 --> 00:03:47,927 INTERMISSION, HALFTIME... IT DOESN'T MATTER. 79 00:03:47,928 --> 00:03:50,830 THEN YOU WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT AGAIN ON THE WAY HOME. 80 00:03:50,831 --> 00:03:52,661 "OH, GOD, DID YOU SEE HER? 81 00:03:52,662 --> 00:03:54,334 OOH WITH HER HAIR. OOH, THAT HAT." COME ON. 82 00:03:54,335 --> 00:03:56,336 THAT'S NOT ME, HONEY. THAT'S NOT ME. 83 00:03:56,337 --> 00:03:59,339 IS IT SO CRAZY THAT I WANT TO GO TO A GALLERY 84 00:03:59,340 --> 00:04:01,971 OR A MUSICAL OR GO SHOPPING? 85 00:04:01,972 --> 00:04:03,912 NO, IT'S JUST CRAZY THAT YOU THINK 86 00:04:03,913 --> 00:04:05,914 I'D WANT TO DO THAT WITH YOU, CHERYL. 87 00:04:05,915 --> 00:04:09,778 FINE. I'LL JUST STAY HERE WITH YOU IN YOUR CAVE 88 00:04:09,779 --> 00:04:11,780 UNTIL DANA'S KIDS GROW UP. 89 00:04:11,781 --> 00:04:14,423 YOU KNOW WHAT YOU NEED? YOU NEED A GAY FRIEND. 90 00:04:14,424 --> 00:04:16,955 OH. COME ON. 91 00:04:16,956 --> 00:04:18,957 NO, THAT'S WHAT YOU NEED. 92 00:04:18,958 --> 00:04:21,590 SERIOUSLY, A GAY FRIEND WOULD BE PERFECT FOR YOU. 93 00:04:21,591 --> 00:04:24,634 YOU GUYS COULD CHAT ON THE PHONE ABOUT MOVIES AND BOOK REVIEWS, 94 00:04:24,635 --> 00:04:26,965 AND THEN YOU GUYS COULD WATCH THAT SHOW... 95 00:04:26,966 --> 00:04:29,037 "GREY'S ANATOMY." 96 00:04:29,038 --> 00:04:31,900 "GREY'S ANATOMY." YOU COULD WATCH IT TOGETHER. 97 00:04:31,901 --> 00:04:34,804 THAT WOULD BE REALLY GREAT. 98 00:04:34,805 --> 00:04:36,846 DON'T YOU THINK? 99 00:04:36,847 --> 00:04:39,779 OH, BUT WHERE AM I GONNA MEET A GAY GUY? 100 00:04:39,780 --> 00:04:41,510 HMM. AT A MUSICAL? 101 00:04:41,511 --> 00:04:42,882 YOU KNOW WHAT? 102 00:04:42,883 --> 00:04:46,316 WE SHOULD HAVE HAD THIS CONVERSATION AT HALFTIME. 103 00:04:46,317 --> 00:04:50,460 INTERMISSION. INTERMISSION. 104 00:04:50,461 --> 00:04:51,760 COME ON. 105 00:04:51,761 --> 00:04:53,863 WHAT DO YOU THINK? 106 00:04:53,864 --> 00:04:56,896 I COULD GET YOU A GAY GUY. OH, NO, YOU CAN'T. 107 00:04:56,897 --> 00:05:00,299 I CAN FIND YOU A GAY GUY. THEY'RE ALL OVER THE PLACE. 108 00:05:00,300 --> 00:05:03,972 OH, COME ON. WHAT GAY GUY'S GONNA WANT TO HANG OUT 109 00:05:03,973 --> 00:05:06,676 WITH A BORING SUBURBAN HOUSEWIFE? 110 00:05:06,677 --> 00:05:08,677 YOU KNOW WHO THINKS LIKE THAT? 111 00:05:08,678 --> 00:05:12,882 PEOPLE WHO DON'T BELIEVE THAT CATS CAN SING. 112 00:05:12,883 --> 00:05:15,314 ♪ NO FRICKIN' WAY ♪ 113 00:05:15,315 --> 00:05:17,887 ♪ NO FRICKIN' WAY ♪ 114 00:05:17,888 --> 00:05:20,089 ♪ I'LL FIND YOU A GAY ♪ 115 00:05:21,822 --> 00:05:24,894 YOU'LL BE SO HAPPY, THAT I'LL BE DANCING LIKE A CAT. 116 00:05:24,895 --> 00:05:26,396 MEOW! MEOW! 117 00:05:26,397 --> 00:05:27,928 ♪ MEOW ♪ 118 00:05:39,610 --> 00:05:41,911 ALL RIGHT, I'M JUST GONNA TYPE IN HERE, 119 00:05:41,912 --> 00:05:46,446 "GAY"... AND "FRIEND." 120 00:05:46,447 --> 00:05:48,948 ACTUALLY, YOU MAY NOT LIKE WHAT YOU... 121 00:05:48,949 --> 00:05:49,980 WHOA! 122 00:05:51,882 --> 00:05:55,354 MAN, THOSE GUYS ARE MORE THAN FRIENDS. 123 00:05:55,355 --> 00:05:58,357 WHOO-HOO! LOOK AT YOU TWO ON A FRIDAY MORNING. 124 00:05:58,358 --> 00:06:01,560 HI, KURT. HOW ARE YA? 125 00:06:01,561 --> 00:06:03,463 HEY. 126 00:06:03,464 --> 00:06:05,565 UH, YOU BRING BY THOSE, UH, TILE SAMPLES? 127 00:06:05,566 --> 00:06:08,036 YES, I DID, BUT I DON'T THINK 128 00:06:08,037 --> 00:06:12,101 THEY CAN COMPETE WITH WHAT YOU WERE JUST LOOKING AT. TOTALLY HIS IDEA. 129 00:06:12,102 --> 00:06:15,104 YEAH, I'M JUST TRYING TO FIND A WAY TO HELP MY MARRIAGE. 130 00:06:15,105 --> 00:06:17,005 SURE. 131 00:06:17,006 --> 00:06:19,508 YOU KNOW WHAT? JUST CALL ME WITH YOUR TILE CHOICES. 132 00:06:19,509 --> 00:06:21,510 PERSONALLY, I THINK THE ITALIAN MOSAIC 133 00:06:21,511 --> 00:06:23,413 IS FANTASTICO. 134 00:06:23,414 --> 00:06:26,986 HEY, KURT'S AN INTERIOR DESIGNER. (gasps) I SEE WHERE YOU'RE GOING. 135 00:06:26,987 --> 00:06:30,088 HE'S IN A CREATIVE BUSINESS. HE MIGHT KNOW A GAY. 136 00:06:30,089 --> 00:06:31,891 KURT... 137 00:06:31,892 --> 00:06:33,893 KURT, MAYBE YOU CAN HELP ME OUT. 138 00:06:33,894 --> 00:06:36,896 UM, I'M LOOKING FOR A GUY TO DO THINGS WITH MY WIFE 139 00:06:36,897 --> 00:06:38,867 THAT I DON'T WANT TO DO. 140 00:06:38,868 --> 00:06:41,671 WHOA. YOU CAN PUT AN AD ON craigslist 141 00:06:41,672 --> 00:06:44,833 LIKE EVERYBODY ELSE, OKAY? 142 00:06:44,834 --> 00:06:46,405 BESIDES, I'M GAY, TOO. 143 00:06:46,406 --> 00:06:48,737 "TOO"? OH, YOU THOUGHT... 144 00:06:48,738 --> 00:06:51,110 NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO. 145 00:06:51,111 --> 00:06:52,912 YEAH, NO. 146 00:06:52,913 --> 00:06:54,914 OH, THAT DOES MAKE MORE SENSE. 147 00:06:54,915 --> 00:06:57,948 I MEAN, I'VE NEVER GOTTEN A GAY VIBE FROM JIM BEFORE. 148 00:07:00,420 --> 00:07:03,722 YOU KNOW WHAT? DO YOU LIKE MUSICALS? 149 00:07:03,723 --> 00:07:05,724 'CAUSE MAYBE YOU CAN HELP ME OUT. 150 00:07:05,725 --> 00:07:07,726 MY WIFE WANTS ME TO GO TO MUSICALS, 151 00:07:07,727 --> 00:07:10,028 AND I JUST DON'T WANT TO GO TO 'EM. OH, I ADORE MUSICALS. 152 00:07:10,029 --> 00:07:12,861 YOUR WIFE ACTUALLY THOUGHT A MAN LIKE YOU WOULD ENJOY THEM? 153 00:07:12,862 --> 00:07:16,966 (scoffs) YEAH. WOMEN. PFFT. WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO WITH THEM? 154 00:07:16,967 --> 00:07:19,708 UH, NOT MUCH. (laughs) 155 00:07:19,709 --> 00:07:21,611 (both laughing) 156 00:07:21,612 --> 00:07:22,942 PRETTY GOOD. 157 00:07:22,943 --> 00:07:24,944 COME ON, CHERYL! HURRY UP. 158 00:07:24,945 --> 00:07:27,478 GAY GUYS ARE ALWAYS ON TIME. 159 00:07:28,878 --> 00:07:30,879 COME ON. COME ON... 160 00:07:30,880 --> 00:07:32,881 ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT. 161 00:07:32,882 --> 00:07:35,183 WHAT DO YOU THINK OF OUTFIT NUMBER EIGHT? 162 00:07:35,184 --> 00:07:37,487 BETTER... (sighs) 163 00:07:37,488 --> 00:07:39,989 BUT CAN YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE HAIR? 164 00:07:39,990 --> 00:07:41,690 WHAT? 165 00:07:41,691 --> 00:07:43,593 WELL, IT'S JUST SO "MELROSE PLACE." 166 00:07:43,594 --> 00:07:46,135 OH. 167 00:07:46,136 --> 00:07:48,897 (doorbell rings) HE'S HERE. HE'S HERE. HE'S HERE. 168 00:07:48,898 --> 00:07:51,501 OKAY, JUST CALM DOWN. BE COOL. BE COOL. BE COOL. 169 00:07:51,502 --> 00:07:53,743 BE COOL! 170 00:07:53,744 --> 00:07:56,946 COOL, COOL, COOL... COOL. 171 00:07:58,808 --> 00:08:00,480 HEY. 172 00:08:03,713 --> 00:08:05,885 YOU HAVE ANY TROUBLE FINDING THE PLACE? 173 00:08:05,886 --> 00:08:07,186 NO. THE RAINBOW FLAG 174 00:08:07,187 --> 00:08:11,920 AND THE PINK BALLOONS ON YOUR MAILBOX REALLY HELPED. 175 00:08:11,921 --> 00:08:14,564 WELL, YOU ARE WELCOME HERE, SIR. 176 00:08:14,565 --> 00:08:16,065 PLEASE, COME IN. 177 00:08:16,066 --> 00:08:17,567 YOU MUST BE CHERYL. 178 00:08:17,568 --> 00:08:19,999 HI, KURT. IT IS SO NICE TO MEET YOU. 179 00:08:20,000 --> 00:08:22,771 WOW. OH. 180 00:08:22,772 --> 00:08:25,273 I HAVE TO SAY, BASED ON JIM, 181 00:08:25,274 --> 00:08:28,207 I WAS EXPECTING SOMEONE A LITTLE... STURDIER. 182 00:08:30,681 --> 00:08:32,542 LOOK AT YOU! YOU'RE GORGEOUS. 183 00:08:32,543 --> 00:08:35,214 OH, THANK YOU. 184 00:08:35,215 --> 00:08:37,246 I PICKED OUT THE OUTFIT. 185 00:08:39,189 --> 00:08:41,190 I'M ASSUMING THAT YOU HAVEN'T BEEN 186 00:08:41,191 --> 00:08:45,294 TO A RESTAURANT WITHOUT A COWBOY IN THE LOGO IN SOME TIME. 187 00:08:45,295 --> 00:08:49,058 SO WHAT DO YOU SAY TO... I SAY YES. I SAY, YES, YES, YES. WHEREVER IT IS, TAKE ME THERE! 188 00:08:49,059 --> 00:08:51,030 OH, OH, AND AFTER THE THEATER, 189 00:08:51,031 --> 00:08:54,604 CAN WE PLEASE GO FOR CUPCAKES AND LATTES AT... SPRINKLES CANDY STORE! 190 00:08:54,605 --> 00:08:56,636 (both squealing) 191 00:08:56,637 --> 00:08:59,208 (high-pitched voice) YAY! 192 00:08:59,209 --> 00:09:01,911 WE ARE GONNA HAVE FUN TONIGHT. 193 00:09:01,912 --> 00:09:04,973 OH, I KNOW. WAIT. HOW IS IT THAT A GIRL LIKE YOU 194 00:09:04,974 --> 00:09:07,976 DOESN'T ALREADY HAVE A GAY FRIEND? OH, WELL, YOU KNOW, 195 00:09:07,977 --> 00:09:10,019 I'VE GOT THREE KIDS, AND I VOLUNTEER A LOT. 196 00:09:10,020 --> 00:09:13,122 I FIGURED ONCE THE KIDS WERE OLDER, I'D PURSUE IT. (laughs) 197 00:09:13,123 --> 00:09:15,654 HA HA HA HA HA! 198 00:09:15,655 --> 00:09:18,858 YOU DIDN'T GET THAT JOKE, DID YOU? 199 00:09:18,859 --> 00:09:22,632 NOPE! AND TONIGHT, I DON'T HAVE TO. 200 00:09:22,633 --> 00:09:24,864 ALL RIGHT. HAVE A GOOD TIME. 201 00:09:24,865 --> 00:09:27,867 HEY, KURT. YOU BRING HER HOME AFTER MIDNIGHT, 202 00:09:27,868 --> 00:09:30,300 YOU CAN KEEP THE PINK BALLOONS! 203 00:09:40,049 --> 00:09:42,151 OKAY, ON THE 15th, KURT AND I ARE GOING 204 00:09:42,152 --> 00:09:45,254 TO AN ART OPENING AT THE JACKSON GALLERY. 205 00:09:45,255 --> 00:09:47,256 PERFECT, AND ANDY AND I WILL STAY HOME 206 00:09:47,257 --> 00:09:49,218 AND WATCH "THE BLUES BROTHERS." 207 00:09:49,219 --> 00:09:51,920 OKAY, AND ON THE 18th, 208 00:09:51,921 --> 00:09:54,993 WE'RE GOING TO THE ARBORETUM FOR THE FESTIVAL OF POSIES. 209 00:09:54,994 --> 00:09:57,627 HMM. THAT'S PERFECT. ANDY AND I WILL STAY HOME 210 00:09:57,628 --> 00:10:00,028 AND WATCH THE FESTIVAL OF LADIES' VOLLEYBALL. 211 00:10:00,029 --> 00:10:03,171 GREAT. I'M GONNA CALL KURT AND LOCK IN THOSE PLANS. 212 00:10:03,172 --> 00:10:06,074 (singsong voice) BE SURE TO SAY HI! 213 00:10:06,075 --> 00:10:07,706 WOW, MAN. 214 00:10:07,707 --> 00:10:10,208 YOU'VE GOT IT MADE SINCE CHERYL HOOKED UP WITH KURT. 215 00:10:10,209 --> 00:10:14,013 YEAH, YOU KNOW WHAT? I SHOULD HAVE GOT HER A BOYFRIEND 216 00:10:14,014 --> 00:10:16,015 THE DAY WE GOT MARRIED. 217 00:10:16,016 --> 00:10:18,246 (Cheryl) NO! DAMN IT! WHY?! 218 00:10:18,247 --> 00:10:20,119 WHAT? WHAT? 219 00:10:20,120 --> 00:10:24,153 THE DREAM IS DEAD. THE DREAM IS DEAD. 220 00:10:24,154 --> 00:10:25,795 WHAT HAPPENED? 221 00:10:25,796 --> 00:10:31,130 OH, KURT JUST TEXTED ME. HE'S CANCELING ALL OUR PLANS. 222 00:10:31,131 --> 00:10:36,034 NO! DAMN IT! WHY?! 223 00:10:36,035 --> 00:10:38,036 HE'S TOO DEPRESSED TO GO ANYWHERE. 224 00:10:38,037 --> 00:10:40,368 HIS BOYFRIEND JUST BROKE UP WITH HIM. 225 00:10:40,369 --> 00:10:43,913 BOYFRIEND? PRETTY GAY. 226 00:10:43,914 --> 00:10:45,314 WELL, I'M SORRY, JIM. 227 00:10:45,315 --> 00:10:48,116 IT LOOKS LIKE IT'S YOU AND ME BACK AT THE MUSICALS. 228 00:10:48,117 --> 00:10:50,118 NO, NO, NO. YES. YEAH. 229 00:10:50,119 --> 00:10:53,352 I FIXED THIS PROBLEM. I DON'T WANNA GO BACK. 230 00:10:53,353 --> 00:10:55,424 WHERE IS KURT RIGHT NOW? 231 00:10:55,425 --> 00:10:58,187 DROWNING HIS SORROWS AT STEFAN B's. 232 00:10:58,188 --> 00:11:01,660 WELL, MAYBE YOU DON'T WANT TO FIGHT FOR YOUR MAN, 233 00:11:01,661 --> 00:11:03,763 BUT I WILL! 234 00:11:03,764 --> 00:11:08,167 ANDY, COME ON. WE'RE GOING TO A GAY BAR. 235 00:11:08,168 --> 00:11:11,141 OKAY. L-LET ME PUT ON MY SPECIAL TIGHT PANTS. 236 00:11:13,243 --> 00:11:16,044 I DON'T LIKE PAYING FOR MY OWN DRINKS. 237 00:11:16,045 --> 00:11:17,748 OH, COME ON. 238 00:11:18,808 --> 00:11:21,712 (slow jazz music playing) 239 00:11:23,854 --> 00:11:25,814 EXCUSE ME. YEAH. 240 00:11:25,815 --> 00:11:27,718 (grunts) 241 00:11:34,694 --> 00:11:37,926 OH, WOW. LOOK AT THESE FANCY MENUS, HUH? 242 00:11:37,927 --> 00:11:39,468 STEFAN B's TAPAS CAFé. 243 00:11:39,469 --> 00:11:42,170 OH, I LOVE TAPAS. THE GAYS HAVE EVERYTHING. 244 00:11:42,171 --> 00:11:43,472 YEAH. 245 00:11:43,473 --> 00:11:46,174 THEY HAVE 11 DIFFERENT KINDS OF MARTINIS. 246 00:11:46,175 --> 00:11:47,877 OH. 247 00:11:47,878 --> 00:11:49,177 HEY, LOOK AT THIS. 248 00:11:49,178 --> 00:11:52,140 ONE'S CALLED PANTS EXPLOSION. 249 00:11:52,141 --> 00:11:55,013 WHY DON'T YOU ASK THE BARTENDER HOW HE MAKES A PANTS EXPLOSION? 250 00:11:55,014 --> 00:11:57,185 EXCUSE ME, SIR? 251 00:11:57,186 --> 00:12:00,719 I WAS WONDERING, UH... HEY, THAT'S NOT ON THE MENU. 252 00:12:00,720 --> 00:12:02,791 (laughs) 253 00:12:02,792 --> 00:12:05,023 HEY. THERE'S KURT RIGHT THERE. KURT! KURT. 254 00:12:05,024 --> 00:12:07,025 WHAT ARE YOU GUYS DOING HERE? 255 00:12:07,026 --> 00:12:09,728 AW, CHERYL TOLD US YOU WERE HERE. 256 00:12:09,729 --> 00:12:11,730 SHE SAID YOU GOT DUMPED. 257 00:12:11,731 --> 00:12:13,261 AND YOU KNOW WHAT? 258 00:12:13,262 --> 00:12:16,205 MAYBE SOMETHING WILL MAKE YOU LESS MISERABLE, 259 00:12:16,206 --> 00:12:20,469 LIKE TWO TICKETS TO "LESS MISERABLES." 260 00:12:20,470 --> 00:12:24,043 I'M TOO DEPRESSED TO GO TO A MUSICAL. 261 00:12:24,044 --> 00:12:26,945 TOO DEPRESSED TO GO TO A MUSICAL? 262 00:12:26,946 --> 00:12:29,217 AND YOU CALL YOURSELF GAY? HEY. WHAT ARE THESE? 263 00:12:29,218 --> 00:12:31,379 OH, WASABI SOY NUTS. THEY'RE HIGHLY ADDICTIVE. 264 00:12:31,380 --> 00:12:34,222 OH, MY GOD, JIM, THEY'RE DELICIOUS. YEAH. 265 00:12:34,223 --> 00:12:38,226 THAT'S IT. I'M SIGNING UP. HEY, GUYS. GUYS, I'M IN. 266 00:12:38,227 --> 00:12:41,089 LISTEN, MAN, WHY... YOU CAN'T JUST GIVE UP LIKE THIS. 267 00:12:41,090 --> 00:12:43,191 YOU GOTTA FIGURE SOMETHING OUT. 268 00:12:43,192 --> 00:12:45,394 HEY, WHY DON'T WE FIND ANOTHER GUY FOR YOU? 269 00:12:45,395 --> 00:12:47,396 ALL RIGHT. WHY DON'T WE TRY THAT? 270 00:12:47,397 --> 00:12:50,138 MAYBE IT'LL MAKE THE OTHER GUY JEALOUS, 271 00:12:50,139 --> 00:12:52,541 AND HE'LL COME RUNNING BACK. JIM, PLEASE. 272 00:12:52,542 --> 00:12:55,044 I KNOW EVERYBODY HERE, AND SO DOES MY EX. 273 00:12:55,045 --> 00:12:58,176 WELL, HOW ABOUT ANDY? HE'S CUTE AND CUDDLY, 274 00:12:58,177 --> 00:13:01,910 AND HE'S KINDA CURIOUS ABOUT YOUR WORLD. 275 00:13:01,911 --> 00:13:04,953 JIM, HOW DO I SAY THIS TACTFULLY? 276 00:13:04,954 --> 00:13:06,955 I WANT DARRYL TO BE JEALOUS, 277 00:13:06,956 --> 00:13:08,887 NOT... AMUSED. 278 00:13:08,888 --> 00:13:12,021 I WANNA SAY, "LOOK HOW WELL I'M DOING," 279 00:13:12,022 --> 00:13:15,124 NOT "LOOK WHAT YOU'VE REDUCED ME TO." 280 00:13:15,125 --> 00:13:18,527 I WANNA SAY "SUCCESS"... YEAH, YEAH, WE GET IT. 281 00:13:18,528 --> 00:13:21,499 I DIDN'T COME TO A GAY BAR TO GET REJECTED. 282 00:13:21,500 --> 00:13:24,033 I CAN GET THAT AT ANY BAR. 283 00:13:24,034 --> 00:13:26,035 EXCUSE ME. THE GENTLEMAN AT THE BAR 284 00:13:26,036 --> 00:13:28,807 WOULD LIKE TO OFFER YOU AN UNDERSEA ADVENTURE. 285 00:13:28,808 --> 00:13:34,013 OH, PLEASE TELL ME THAT'S A DRINK. 286 00:13:34,014 --> 00:13:35,484 THANKS. 287 00:13:35,485 --> 00:13:37,045 THANKS. 288 00:13:37,046 --> 00:13:39,850 I... 289 00:13:42,092 --> 00:13:43,393 SHH! 290 00:13:45,856 --> 00:13:48,027 YOU KNOW, THERE IS ONE KIND OF GUY 291 00:13:48,028 --> 00:13:50,529 THAT WOULD MAKE DARRYL CRAZY WITH JEALOUSY. 292 00:13:50,530 --> 00:13:55,163 POLICEMAN? COWBOY? INDIAN CHIEF? 293 00:13:55,164 --> 00:14:00,169 ACTUALLY, IT WOULD BE CONSTRUCTION WORKER. 294 00:14:07,047 --> 00:14:09,217 (Cheryl laughing) 295 00:14:09,218 --> 00:14:12,220 STOP LAUGHING, CHERYL. WHAT IS SO DAMN FUNNY? 296 00:14:12,221 --> 00:14:14,924 OKAY, OKAY, OKAY. LET ME GET THIS STRAIGHT. 297 00:14:14,925 --> 00:14:17,285 TO GET OUT OF GOING TO A MUSICAL, 298 00:14:17,286 --> 00:14:19,288 YOU GOT YOURSELF A BOYFRIEND? 299 00:14:23,163 --> 00:14:26,064 NO, I DIDN'T, AND I'M NOT DOING IT. 300 00:14:26,065 --> 00:14:29,398 OH, COME ON. WHY NOT? IT'S... IT'S JUST A DATE. 301 00:14:29,399 --> 00:14:31,870 IT'S A NIGHT OUT WITH A FRIEND. 302 00:14:31,871 --> 00:14:33,442 WHERE I'M GAY? 303 00:14:33,443 --> 00:14:34,974 OH. 304 00:14:34,975 --> 00:14:38,077 NOT ACTUALLY GAY... PRETENDING TO BE GAY. 305 00:14:38,078 --> 00:14:41,981 HEY, JUST DON'T LET HIM GET PAST SECOND BASE. 306 00:14:41,982 --> 00:14:44,453 CHERYL, I DON'T THINK THE GAYS HAVE SECOND BASE. 307 00:14:44,454 --> 00:14:47,487 ONCE YOU PICK UP THE BAT, IT'S A HOME RUN. 308 00:14:49,459 --> 00:14:52,161 LOOK, THIS CAN GET KURT BACK IN OUR LIVES. 309 00:14:52,162 --> 00:14:54,093 IS IT REALLY THAT BAD? 310 00:14:54,094 --> 00:14:56,095 CHERYL, YES, IT IS. OH. 311 00:14:56,096 --> 00:14:58,097 I MEAN, YOU MAY NOT KNOW THIS, 312 00:14:58,098 --> 00:15:00,899 BUT I AM ONE HOT PIECE OF MAN CANDY. (laughs) 313 00:15:00,900 --> 00:15:04,202 I AM, AND IF I GO THERE, THEY'RE GONNA ALL HIT ON ME. 314 00:15:04,203 --> 00:15:07,205 ONE GUY ALREADY DID HIT ON ME, AND HE WAS MARRIED. 315 00:15:07,206 --> 00:15:10,209 IT MADE ME FEEL LIKE A PIECE OF MEAT! 316 00:15:10,210 --> 00:15:12,180 YOU LIKE GETTING HIT ON. 317 00:15:12,181 --> 00:15:13,581 BY WOMEN, NOT MEN. 318 00:15:13,582 --> 00:15:18,147 WITH MEN, IT'S ONE THING... WHAM, BAM, THANK YOU, SAM. 319 00:15:18,148 --> 00:15:20,618 OKAY. WHA... 320 00:15:20,619 --> 00:15:23,351 WHAT IF I CAME ALONG TO PROTECT YOU? 321 00:15:23,352 --> 00:15:27,255 I DON'T KNOW. YEAH, YEAH. I CAN SHOW YOU WAYS TO SORT OF DEAL WITH MEN. 322 00:15:27,256 --> 00:15:30,198 LIKE HOW? WELL, LIKE THE SLIP 'N' SLIDE. 323 00:15:30,199 --> 00:15:33,963 I THINK THAT'S WHAT THEY WANT TO DO WITH ME. 324 00:15:33,964 --> 00:15:37,706 NO, JIM. IT'S A WAY TO GET AWAY FROM A CREEP IN A BAR. 325 00:15:37,707 --> 00:15:40,009 SLIP INTO THE CROWD AND SLIDE AWAY. 326 00:15:40,010 --> 00:15:42,211 SLIP INTO THE CROWD AND SLIDE AWAY. 327 00:15:42,212 --> 00:15:44,513 AND THEN, IF THEY GO TO KISS YOU... 328 00:15:44,514 --> 00:15:46,174 CHICKEN NECK. 329 00:15:46,175 --> 00:15:50,249 WAIT. YOU WERE JUST DESCRIBING THE NIGHT WE MET. 330 00:15:51,651 --> 00:15:54,124 SLIP AND SLIDE. 331 00:16:00,960 --> 00:16:03,091 (jazz music playing) 332 00:16:03,092 --> 00:16:04,563 I DON'T KNOW, CHERYL. 333 00:16:04,564 --> 00:16:07,536 ARE WE SURE HE CAN PULL THIS OFF? WELL, I THINK SO. 334 00:16:07,537 --> 00:16:10,539 I TOLD HIM TO HAVE A COUPLE DRINKS AND RELAX. 335 00:16:10,540 --> 00:16:13,241 THAT'S WHAT WE TELL ALL THE FIRST-TIMERS. 336 00:16:13,242 --> 00:16:14,373 (laughs) 337 00:16:14,374 --> 00:16:16,476 HEY, GIRLFRIEND! 338 00:16:19,378 --> 00:16:22,680 I AM SO SORRY I AM LATE. 339 00:16:22,681 --> 00:16:24,682 I MEAN, IT TOOK ME FOREVER 340 00:16:24,683 --> 00:16:28,357 TO FIND A PARKING METER WITH TIME STILL ON IT. OH. 341 00:16:28,358 --> 00:16:31,360 WHAT'S THE MATTER? I CAN'T BE GAY AND CHEAP, TOO? 342 00:16:31,361 --> 00:16:34,523 TALK TO YOUR OWN DATE. SHE'S MINE. 343 00:16:34,524 --> 00:16:37,196 OH, RIGHT, RIGHT, RIGHT, RIGHT. OH, I SEE DARRYL. 344 00:16:37,197 --> 00:16:39,698 OH, OH, OKAY. REMEMBER, YOU MET AT YOGA CLASS. 345 00:16:39,699 --> 00:16:41,700 YOU HAVE AN ALL-GAY CONSTRUCTION COMPANY. 346 00:16:41,701 --> 00:16:45,233 AND YOU'RE THINKING OF ADOPTING A REFUGEE BABY. YEAH. 347 00:16:45,234 --> 00:16:47,405 OKAY. GOT IT. UH, DOES THE BABY KNOW I'M GAY? 348 00:16:47,406 --> 00:16:51,339 WELL, HELLO, STRANGER. OH, DARRYL. OH, MY GOD! 349 00:16:51,340 --> 00:16:54,043 I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW YOU'D BE HERE. 350 00:16:54,044 --> 00:16:56,285 AND WHO'S THIS CHARMING BEAR OF A MAN? 351 00:16:56,286 --> 00:16:58,486 WHERE ARE MY MANNERS? 352 00:16:58,487 --> 00:17:02,190 DARRYL, THIS IS MY FRIEND JIM. 353 00:17:02,191 --> 00:17:05,094 IN-CHANTé. 354 00:17:05,095 --> 00:17:08,296 AND THESE ARE MY TWO FRIENDS CHERYL AND DANA. 355 00:17:08,297 --> 00:17:10,759 THEY'RE BOTH WICKEDLY AWESOME LESBIANS. 356 00:17:10,760 --> 00:17:13,432 DARRYL, NICE TO MEET YOU. NICE TO MEET YOU. 357 00:17:13,433 --> 00:17:15,435 YES. 'SUP. 358 00:17:19,038 --> 00:17:22,641 WELL... (clears throat) SEE YOU AROUND. 359 00:17:22,642 --> 00:17:25,144 WELL, THAT WAS A DISASTER. (Cheryl) OH, OKAY. 360 00:17:25,145 --> 00:17:28,176 WELL, DON'T BLAME ME. I BENT OVER BACKWARDS. 361 00:17:28,177 --> 00:17:31,420 MAYBE THAT WAS THE WRONG DIRECTION. 362 00:17:31,421 --> 00:17:33,781 YOU KNOW, THERE'S JUST NO HEAT BETWEEN US, JIM, 363 00:17:33,782 --> 00:17:35,783 NO ZA-ZA-ZOO. 364 00:17:35,784 --> 00:17:38,587 LOOK, I CAN DO GAY. I CAN'T DO "ZA-ZA-ZOO." 365 00:17:38,588 --> 00:17:40,589 (man) ALL RIGHT, BOYS. IT'S 10:00! 366 00:17:40,590 --> 00:17:44,263 AND YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS. 367 00:17:44,264 --> 00:17:48,137 "SportsCenter" IS ON? 368 00:17:48,138 --> 00:17:52,470 STEFAN B's BECOMES CLUB MAN-DEMONIUM! 369 00:17:52,471 --> 00:17:54,472 WHAT? 370 00:17:54,473 --> 00:17:56,205 (techno music playing) WHAT THE HELL? 371 00:17:56,206 --> 00:17:59,208 THIS IS PERFECT. THEY'RE PLAYING OUR SONG. 372 00:17:59,209 --> 00:18:01,079 DARRYL WILL GO CRAZY. 373 00:18:01,080 --> 00:18:02,581 WHAT... WHAT? CHERYL... 374 00:18:02,582 --> 00:18:04,283 HEY, HEY, HEY! 375 00:18:04,284 --> 00:18:06,616 HEY, YOU GET UP A LITTLE HIGHER THERE. 376 00:18:15,825 --> 00:18:17,425 CHERYL! 377 00:18:17,426 --> 00:18:20,269 ZA-ZA-ZOO! 378 00:18:20,270 --> 00:18:22,100 HEY! HEY! WHOA! 379 00:18:22,101 --> 00:18:24,173 CHICKEN NECK, CHICKEN NECK, CHICKEN NECK. 380 00:18:24,174 --> 00:18:26,475 FANTASTIC. HERE COMES DARRYL. OH, GOD! 381 00:18:26,476 --> 00:18:29,507 EXCUSE ME. DO YOU MIND IF... IF I CUT IN? 382 00:18:29,508 --> 00:18:31,680 NO, PLEASE DO. 383 00:18:31,681 --> 00:18:34,342 HO! OH! OH! OH, OH, OH, OH! 384 00:18:34,343 --> 00:18:37,415 WHATEVER HE DID TO GET YOU, I'LL DO IT BETTER. 385 00:18:37,416 --> 00:18:40,189 UH... SLIP 'N SLIDE. 386 00:18:40,190 --> 00:18:42,191 SLIP 'N SLIDE. OH! 387 00:18:42,192 --> 00:18:43,851 SLIP 'N SLIDE. OH! 388 00:18:43,852 --> 00:18:45,255 (Jim shouts) 389 00:18:47,426 --> 00:18:48,697 PHEW. 390 00:18:48,698 --> 00:18:51,559 ALL RIGHT, KURT. THAT'S ENOUGH. TELL ME WHAT'S GOING ON. 391 00:18:51,560 --> 00:18:55,234 UH, WHAT DO YOU MEAN? OH, PLEASE. I HAVE THE BEST "STRAIGHT-DAR" IN TOWN. 392 00:18:55,235 --> 00:18:58,307 HE'S NOT GAY. SHE'S NOT GAY. 393 00:18:58,308 --> 00:19:00,639 HER MAYBE. 394 00:19:00,640 --> 00:19:02,471 YES! I NAILED IT! 395 00:19:02,472 --> 00:19:05,515 WELL, IF WE'RE DONE HERE, I GOT BREAST MILK TO PUMP. 396 00:19:09,649 --> 00:19:11,149 I'M SO EMBARRASSED. 397 00:19:11,150 --> 00:19:13,921 I BROUGHT JIM HERE TO MAKE YOU JEALOUS. 398 00:19:13,922 --> 00:19:16,354 I'D DO ANYTHING TO GET YOU BACK. 399 00:19:16,355 --> 00:19:18,786 I MISS YOU, TOO. 400 00:19:18,787 --> 00:19:22,160 OH, COME ON. CAN'T YOU GUYS WORK IT OUT? 401 00:19:22,161 --> 00:19:24,162 NOT UNTIL KURT LEARNS TO COMPROMISE. 402 00:19:24,163 --> 00:19:26,195 OH, DON'T BRING UP THE STUPID FIGHT. 403 00:19:26,196 --> 00:19:28,436 I HAVE SEASON TICKETS TO THE CUBS, 404 00:19:28,437 --> 00:19:30,438 AND HE WON'T GO TO A SINGLE GAME. 405 00:19:30,439 --> 00:19:32,440 YOU KNOW... 406 00:19:32,441 --> 00:19:34,902 IT TAKES TWO TO COMPROMISE, DARRYL. 407 00:19:34,903 --> 00:19:36,405 HMM. 408 00:19:46,956 --> 00:19:48,916 LISTEN, DARRYL, UH, 409 00:19:48,917 --> 00:19:50,918 HOW GOOD ARE THOSE SEATS? 410 00:19:50,919 --> 00:19:53,792 WELL, THEY'RE RIGHT BEHIND THE CUBS' DUGOUT. 411 00:19:53,793 --> 00:19:55,294 OH! 412 00:19:55,295 --> 00:19:57,796 YOU KNOW, LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING, DARRYL. 413 00:19:57,797 --> 00:20:00,299 YOU KNOW WHAT YOU NEED? HMM. 414 00:20:00,300 --> 00:20:01,200 YOU NEED A STRAIGHT FRIEND. OOH. 415 00:20:01,201 --> 00:20:04,502 YEAH. WHY DON'T WE GO TO THE CUBS GAMES 416 00:20:04,503 --> 00:20:07,205 AND LET KURT AND CHERYL GO TO THE MUSICALS? 417 00:20:07,206 --> 00:20:09,237 THAT IS A GREAT IDEA. 418 00:20:09,238 --> 00:20:10,308 NOT GREAT. 419 00:20:10,309 --> 00:20:12,612 (singsong voice) FABULOUS! 420 00:20:15,314 --> 00:20:17,886 WELL, I GUESS WE COULD TRY THAT. 421 00:20:17,887 --> 00:20:19,588 YES! 422 00:20:19,589 --> 00:20:24,293 MAYBE IT IS ASKING TOO MUCH OF YOU TO LIKE BASEBALL. 423 00:20:24,294 --> 00:20:26,795 OH. MMM. 424 00:20:26,796 --> 00:20:28,926 CAN YOU HEAR THEM, CHERYL? 425 00:20:28,927 --> 00:20:33,302 I JUST HELPED TWO GAY MEN FIND... 426 00:20:33,303 --> 00:20:36,435 YOU KNOW, WHATEVER IT IS THEY HAVE WITH EACH OTHER. 427 00:20:36,436 --> 00:20:38,867 YES, YOU DID. 428 00:20:38,868 --> 00:20:41,310 I THINK THAT DESERVES A KISS. 429 00:20:41,311 --> 00:20:42,570 OH. 430 00:20:42,571 --> 00:20:43,571 CHICKEN NECK. 431 00:20:43,572 --> 00:20:44,572 OH. 432 00:20:44,573 --> 00:20:46,276 COME ON, ZA-ZA-ZOO. 433 00:20:48,977 --> 00:20:50,578 YEP. 434 00:20:50,579 --> 00:20:52,980 COMPLETELY GAY. (laughs) 435 00:20:52,981 --> 00:20:55,483 AND MOTHER WON'T LET ME HAVE MY TRUST FUND 436 00:20:55,484 --> 00:20:58,726 UNTIL THE RIGHT GIRL CAN TURN ME BACK. 437 00:20:58,727 --> 00:21:02,261 DOES SHE HAVE TO BE BORN A WOMAN? 438 00:21:03,963 --> 00:21:06,564 WHAT MAMA DON'T KNOW WON'T HURT HER. 439 00:21:06,565 --> 00:21:09,569 ♪♪♪ 29990

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