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1
00:00:01,032 --> 00:00:04,105
(playing discordant notes)
2
00:00:16,547 --> 00:00:21,351
AND YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP
PAYING FOR THESE LESSONS?
3
00:00:21,352 --> 00:00:23,353
WELL, I THOUGHT
IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
4
00:00:23,354 --> 00:00:27,158
WAS THAT IN THE KEY
OF E-CRAP?
5
00:00:29,100 --> 00:00:32,702
IT'S IMPORTANT FOR CHILDREN
TO HAVE MUSICAL SKILLS.
6
00:00:32,703 --> 00:00:34,704
AND AS SOON AS I HEAR
MUSICAL SKILLS,
7
00:00:34,705 --> 00:00:36,366
WE'LL PAY FOR MORE LESSONS.
8
00:00:36,367 --> 00:00:40,039
KYLE, THROW THAT
THING IN THE TRASH. YES!
9
00:00:40,040 --> 00:00:41,471
NEXT!
10
00:00:41,472 --> 00:00:45,044
(Cheryl) OH, THERE'S
MY LITTLE SOCCER STAR.
11
00:00:45,045 --> 00:00:48,178
GRACIE, TELL US WHY WE SHOULD
PAY FOR ANOTHER YEAR OF SOCCER.
12
00:00:48,179 --> 00:00:51,351
I'M OUT OF YOUR HAIR
FOR THREE HOURS EVERY SATURDAY.
13
00:00:51,352 --> 00:00:53,553
YOU MAY CONTINUE.
14
00:00:53,554 --> 00:00:55,785
HERE'S A CHECK.
15
00:00:55,786 --> 00:00:57,127
NEXT!
16
00:00:57,128 --> 00:01:00,790
OH, GOD.
A TAP-DANCING CHILD?
17
00:01:00,791 --> 00:01:03,634
BETTER EARN THOSE
FANCY SHOES OF YOURS, GIRL.
18
00:01:25,286 --> 00:01:27,388
SIGN IT.
19
00:01:28,789 --> 00:01:31,792
♪♪♪
20
00:01:44,235 --> 00:01:46,176
(thinking)
THIS TREASURE SNOOPER T-700
21
00:01:46,177 --> 00:01:48,338
IS THE BEST INVESTMENT
I'VE EVER MADE.
22
00:01:48,339 --> 00:01:52,313
GOOD-BYE, LOSER WEEKENDS.
HELLO, METAL DETECTING.
23
00:01:53,744 --> 00:01:55,345
WELL, HELLO, LADIES.
24
00:01:55,346 --> 00:01:58,348
WHAT'S SEXIER THAN A MAN
WHO CAN FIND TREASURE?
25
00:01:58,349 --> 00:01:59,889
WHOO!
(both laughing)
26
00:01:59,890 --> 00:02:04,724
HMM. MUST BE SOMETHING FUNNY
GOING ON BEHIND ME.
27
00:02:04,725 --> 00:02:06,557
GUESS I MISSED IT.
28
00:02:08,299 --> 00:02:09,799
(beeps)
29
00:02:09,800 --> 00:02:11,331
OOH, OOH!
30
00:02:11,332 --> 00:02:13,503
PLEASE BE GOLD COINS!
PLEASE BE GOLD COINS!
31
00:02:13,504 --> 00:02:15,265
HEY, A NICKEL...
32
00:02:15,266 --> 00:02:17,607
FROM 1988.
33
00:02:17,608 --> 00:02:20,271
IT'S LIKE A WINDOW
INTO ANOTHER TIME.
34
00:02:22,773 --> 00:02:24,614
(beeps)
35
00:02:24,615 --> 00:02:27,417
PLEASE BE GOLD COINS!
PLEASE BE GOLD COINS!
36
00:02:27,418 --> 00:02:29,148
A WEDDING RING?
37
00:02:29,149 --> 00:02:33,723
"JIM, PUT THIS BACK ON.
LOVE, CHERYL."
38
00:02:33,724 --> 00:02:36,856
OH, MY GOD, THIS IS
JIM'S WEDDING RING!
39
00:02:36,857 --> 00:02:40,430
I REMEMBER WHEN
HE LOST THIS A YEAR AGO.
40
00:02:40,431 --> 00:02:41,761
(laughs)
41
00:02:41,762 --> 00:02:44,894
THAT RASCAL HAS WORN
A CHEAP LOOK-ALIKE EVER SINCE,
42
00:02:44,895 --> 00:02:47,367
AND CHERYL'S
NEVER BEEN THE WISER.
43
00:02:47,368 --> 00:02:49,700
GOD, I LOVE THAT GUY.
44
00:02:53,704 --> 00:02:55,805
ANDY! ANDY!
45
00:02:55,806 --> 00:02:57,176
WHAT DID...
46
00:02:57,177 --> 00:02:59,849
WHAT DID I TELL YOU ABOUT
DIGGING HOLES IN MY FRONT YARD?
47
00:02:59,850 --> 00:03:02,181
I CAN'T WAIT TO SHOW HIM.
48
00:03:02,182 --> 00:03:04,814
WHAT... WHY DON'T YOU JUST
TAKE THAT THING BACK
49
00:03:04,815 --> 00:03:06,956
TO YOUR HOUSE AND USE IT
TO TRY TO FIND A LIFE?
50
00:03:06,957 --> 00:03:10,490
WOW. HE'S REALLY MAD
ABOUT SOMETHING BEHIND ME.
51
00:03:10,491 --> 00:03:12,362
HMM. MUST'VE MISSED IT.
52
00:03:12,363 --> 00:03:14,424
THINGS HAPPEN FAST
AROUND HERE.
53
00:03:14,425 --> 00:03:15,725
HEY! HEY!
54
00:03:15,726 --> 00:03:17,767
WHAT,
YOU'RE GONNA IGNORE ME?
55
00:03:17,768 --> 00:03:19,769
IS THAT WHAT
YOU'RE GONNA DO?
56
00:03:19,770 --> 00:03:22,632
ALL RIGHT, ANDY.
ALL RIGHT. (grunts)
57
00:03:22,633 --> 00:03:25,605
WOW. JIM'S SQUIRTING ME
WITH A HOSE.
58
00:03:25,606 --> 00:03:28,508
WHY WOULD HE DO THAT?
I'M HIS BEST FRIEND.
59
00:03:28,509 --> 00:03:29,909
(gasps)
60
00:03:29,910 --> 00:03:33,383
I KNOW.
I MUST BE ON FIRE.
61
00:03:33,384 --> 00:03:35,685
STOP, DROP AND ROLL!
STOP, DROP AND ROLL!
62
00:03:35,686 --> 00:03:36,986
STOP, DROP AND ROLL!
63
00:03:36,987 --> 00:03:39,349
NEXT TIME I'M GONNA
GET MY BB GUN,
64
00:03:39,350 --> 00:03:42,353
AND WE'LL SEE IF YOU CAN DETECT
METAL FLYING INTO YOUR ASS!
65
00:03:46,757 --> 00:03:49,760
(engine starts)
66
00:03:52,403 --> 00:03:54,364
I WASN'T ON FIRE AT ALL.
67
00:03:54,365 --> 00:03:56,666
HE'S JUST A BIG, STUPID JERK.
68
00:03:56,667 --> 00:03:58,908
WELL, I'LL SHOW HIM.
69
00:03:58,909 --> 00:04:02,813
(laughing)
70
00:04:04,745 --> 00:04:07,678
WHAT IS SO FUNNY BEHIND ME?
71
00:04:28,969 --> 00:04:31,000
POOR ANDY.
72
00:04:31,001 --> 00:04:34,674
EVEN WITH THAT THING,
YOU CAN'T FIND YOUR DIGNITY.
73
00:04:34,675 --> 00:04:36,676
OH, DANA,
GIVE HIM A BREAK.
74
00:04:36,677 --> 00:04:40,450
IT WAS SMALL AND HARD TO FIND
IN THE FIRST PLACE.
75
00:04:40,451 --> 00:04:43,052
AH, CHERYL,
BIG SIS... (laughs)
76
00:04:43,053 --> 00:04:45,715
ALWAYS THERE WITH
A CLEVER QUIP AND AN APRON.
77
00:04:45,716 --> 00:04:48,458
THAT REMINDS ME.
WHAT WAS THE FUNNY THING
78
00:04:48,459 --> 00:04:50,390
YOU HAD ENGRAVED
ON JIM'S WEDDING RING?
79
00:04:50,391 --> 00:04:52,662
OH... (laughs)
"JIM, PUT THIS BACK ON.
80
00:04:52,663 --> 00:04:54,994
LOVE, CHERYL."
(laughs)
81
00:04:54,995 --> 00:04:57,467
HUH. THAT'S FUNNY.
82
00:04:57,468 --> 00:04:59,699
THAT'S WHAT THIS RING SAYS
THAT I JUST FOUND
83
00:04:59,700 --> 00:05:01,871
BURIED IN THE FRONT YARD
UNDER 2 INCHES OF LIES.
84
00:05:01,872 --> 00:05:05,805
WHAT?
JIM LOST HIS WEDDING RING?
85
00:05:05,806 --> 00:05:08,978
YEAH, A YEAR AGO, AND HE'S BEEN
WEARING A FAKE ONE EVER SINCE. (gasps)
86
00:05:08,979 --> 00:05:11,841
HOW DO YOU KNOW
HE LOST IT A YEAR AGO?
87
00:05:11,842 --> 00:05:14,415
(chuckling) DANA...
SWEET, STUPID DANA.
88
00:05:16,847 --> 00:05:20,690
A SEASONED TREASURE HUNTER
CAN ANALYZE THE SOIL
89
00:05:20,691 --> 00:05:23,993
AND THE POSITION OF
SAID ARTIFACT IN DETERMINING...
90
00:05:23,994 --> 00:05:26,796
YOU WERE WITH HIM
WHEN HE LOST IT.
91
00:05:26,797 --> 00:05:29,699
IT WAS A WARM SPRING DAY...
92
00:05:29,700 --> 00:05:32,001
A DAY WHICH FOUND
JIM AND I IN POSSESSION
93
00:05:32,002 --> 00:05:34,003
OF A WATER BALLOON CATAPULT
94
00:05:34,004 --> 00:05:36,706
AND THE GOOD SENSE
TO KNOW WHERE TO USE IT.
95
00:05:36,707 --> 00:05:38,538
ALL RIGHT. GUNS UP!
(Andy grunts)
96
00:05:38,539 --> 00:05:40,410
10 BUCKS IF YOU HIT
DRISCOLL'S MAILBOX!
97
00:05:40,411 --> 00:05:43,072
10 BUCKS IF YOU DON'T
LEAN BACK SO FAR.
98
00:05:43,073 --> 00:05:45,715
FIRE IN THE HOLE!
99
00:05:45,716 --> 00:05:48,578
(Andy) OH, GREAT SHOT!
(Jim laughs)
100
00:05:48,579 --> 00:05:50,580
ALL RIGHT,
WHAT ELSE WE GOT?
101
00:05:50,581 --> 00:05:52,582
OH, LOOK AT THAT.
MMM.
102
00:05:52,583 --> 00:05:54,554
LOOKS LIKE AL CRANNIS
PICKED THE WRONG DAY
103
00:05:54,555 --> 00:05:56,726
TO LEAVE THE SUNROOF OPEN
IN HIS CAR.
104
00:05:56,727 --> 00:05:57,957
(laughs)
105
00:05:57,958 --> 00:05:59,559
GUNS UP!
106
00:05:59,560 --> 00:06:01,060
(grunts)
107
00:06:01,061 --> 00:06:02,562
FIRE IN THE HOLE!
108
00:06:02,563 --> 00:06:03,693
(grunts)
109
00:06:03,694 --> 00:06:05,465
(Jim) OHH!
110
00:06:05,466 --> 00:06:07,597
(Andy laughing) OHH.
111
00:06:07,598 --> 00:06:08,838
(Jim) YEAH!
112
00:06:08,839 --> 00:06:11,641
(laughing)
113
00:06:11,642 --> 00:06:13,673
(Andy) OH, YEAH!
114
00:06:13,674 --> 00:06:14,974
(both laughing)
115
00:06:14,975 --> 00:06:16,506
TOUCHDOWN! TOUCHDOWN!
116
00:06:16,507 --> 00:06:18,949
AWESOME.
117
00:06:20,380 --> 00:06:21,981
FIRE IN THE HOLE!
118
00:06:21,982 --> 00:06:23,153
YOW!
119
00:06:25,616 --> 00:06:27,757
OOH!
OH! (laughs)
120
00:06:27,758 --> 00:06:32,161
HEY, I'M GONNA KICK
YOUR BUTTS, YOU OLD JERKS!
121
00:06:32,162 --> 00:06:34,594
OOH. OH, MY GOD.
122
00:06:34,595 --> 00:06:37,427
OH, CRAP, CRAP,
CRAP, CRAP, CRAP!
123
00:06:37,428 --> 00:06:39,729
WHAT'S THE MATTER? SHE'S 5.
WE COULD TAKE HER.
124
00:06:39,730 --> 00:06:41,431
NO, I'VE LOST IT.
125
00:06:41,432 --> 00:06:43,132
WHAT?
I LOST MY WEDDING RING.
126
00:06:43,133 --> 00:06:45,034
IT'S GOTTA BE
AROUND HERE SOMEWHERE.
127
00:06:45,035 --> 00:06:48,838
IT COULDN'T HAVE GONE FAR. AH, I'D
SAY 100 YARDS WITH A GOOD TAILWIND.
128
00:06:48,839 --> 00:06:50,480
CRAP!
129
00:06:50,481 --> 00:06:53,643
MAYBE IT'S IN THE FRONT YARD.
HEY, YOU'RE A BIG NERD.
130
00:06:53,644 --> 00:06:56,686
YOU GOT ONE OF THOSE, UH,
METAL DETECTORS, DON'T YA?
131
00:06:56,687 --> 00:06:58,688
I'VE BEEN KICKIN' THE TIRES
ON A COUPLE,
132
00:06:58,689 --> 00:07:01,090
BUT THE ONLINE BUZZ SAYS
WAIT FOR THE T-700.
133
00:07:01,091 --> 00:07:04,724
AND "NERD'S" A LITTLE HARSH.
CHERYL'S GONNA GET A LITTLE HARSH
134
00:07:04,725 --> 00:07:07,957
IF I DON'T FIND THAT
RING! COME ON. OKAY.
135
00:07:07,958 --> 00:07:09,759
JEEZ, JIM...
(grunts)
136
00:07:09,760 --> 00:07:12,101
WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO IF YOU
CAN'T FIND YOUR RING?
137
00:07:12,102 --> 00:07:14,534
I DON'T KNOW. I'M DEAD.
FOR SOME REASON,
138
00:07:14,535 --> 00:07:16,966
CHERYL'S ALWAYS MADE
A BIG DEAL ABOUT THE RING.
139
00:07:16,967 --> 00:07:18,167
WOMEN.
140
00:07:18,168 --> 00:07:20,069
YEAH.
141
00:07:20,070 --> 00:07:23,513
YOU KNOW, I COULD JUST TELL HER THE
TRUTH. THAT DOESN'T SOUND LIKE YOU.
142
00:07:23,514 --> 00:07:25,515
I MEAN,
SHE'S A REASONABLE WOMAN.
143
00:07:25,516 --> 00:07:27,917
SHE KNOWS ACCIDENTS HAPPEN.
I MEAN, LOOK AT KYLE.
144
00:07:27,918 --> 00:07:29,879
YEAH, WE'LL FIND IT.
145
00:07:29,880 --> 00:07:32,952
YO!
146
00:07:32,953 --> 00:07:35,655
CHERYL.
147
00:07:35,656 --> 00:07:38,889
YOU DO SOMETHING NEW
WITH YOUR HAIR?
148
00:07:40,891 --> 00:07:43,163
DID YOU FORGET SOMETHING,
JIM?
149
00:07:44,895 --> 00:07:47,097
YES. HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
150
00:07:48,699 --> 00:07:51,571
HAPPY ANNIVERSARY.
151
00:07:51,572 --> 00:07:53,472
HAPPY HALLOWEEN?
152
00:07:53,473 --> 00:07:55,575
WHAT?
153
00:07:55,576 --> 00:07:58,177
YOU FORGOT TO PICK UP THE GIRLS
AT THEIR DANCE LESSON...
154
00:07:58,178 --> 00:08:01,881
TODAY OF ALL DAYS, AFTER I HAD
TO BEG, BORROW AND STEAL
155
00:08:01,882 --> 00:08:05,214
FOR AN APPOINTMENT WITH TODD,
THE HAIR GENIUS OF OAK PARK.
156
00:08:05,215 --> 00:08:08,217
I WAS HALFWAY THROUGH MY WEAVE
WHEN MY CELL PHONE RINGS,
157
00:08:08,218 --> 00:08:10,590
AND IT'S RUBY, CRYING
BECAUSE YOU DIDN'T SHOW!
158
00:08:10,591 --> 00:08:13,192
SO I HAD TO LEAVE THE SALON,
PICK THE GIRLS UP,
159
00:08:13,193 --> 00:08:15,665
GO TO THE CRAFT STORE
FOR THEIR BEADING PROJECT
160
00:08:15,666 --> 00:08:19,228
WHERE I RAN INTO EVERYBODY
I KNOW LOOKING LIKE THIS!
161
00:08:19,229 --> 00:08:21,671
AND NOW THAT MY HAIR COLOR
IS PROCESSED
162
00:08:21,672 --> 00:08:23,903
FOR 2 HOURS
INSTEAD OF 20 MINUTES,
163
00:08:23,904 --> 00:08:26,135
I AM GONNA LOOK
LIKE ANDY WARHOL!
164
00:08:26,136 --> 00:08:29,138
THIS IS THE SINGLE MOST
IRRESPONSIBLE THING
165
00:08:29,139 --> 00:08:30,811
YOU HAVE EVER DONE!
166
00:08:32,543 --> 00:08:35,585
YES.
167
00:08:35,586 --> 00:08:37,718
YES, IT IS.
168
00:08:39,690 --> 00:08:42,251
DID YOU TWO BOZOS
EVEN LOOK FOR THE RING?
169
00:08:42,252 --> 00:08:44,724
WELL, WE WERE GOING TO,
BUT THEN WE REALIZED
170
00:08:44,725 --> 00:08:47,627
WE COULD FILL WATER BALLOONS
WITH PEE.
171
00:08:47,628 --> 00:08:49,929
ONCE WE WERE BORED WITH THAT,
SUMMER WAS OVER.
172
00:08:49,930 --> 00:08:52,562
THEN IT SNOWED.
173
00:08:52,563 --> 00:08:56,165
SO HE'S BEEN LYING
ABOUT THIS FOR A YEAR?
174
00:08:56,166 --> 00:08:58,167
OH, CHERYL, YOU KNOW HIM.
HE'LL SAY...
175
00:08:58,168 --> 00:09:00,670
(imitating Jim)
"I JUST DIDN'T TELL YOU,
176
00:09:00,671 --> 00:09:03,173
AND THAT'S NOT
THE SAME AS LYING."
177
00:09:06,717 --> 00:09:08,578
OH, NO. HE LIED.
178
00:09:08,579 --> 00:09:12,121
CHERYL, I SWEAR ON THIS RING
179
00:09:12,122 --> 00:09:16,827
I DID NOT HEAVE WATER BALLOONS
AT AL CRANNIS' CAR.
180
00:09:19,059 --> 00:09:20,329
CHERYL,
181
00:09:20,330 --> 00:09:23,162
I SWEAR ON THIS RING
182
00:09:23,163 --> 00:09:25,335
I DID NOT TEACH KYLE
THAT WORD.
183
00:09:26,897 --> 00:09:30,641
I SWEAR ON THIS RING,
IT WAS HERE WHEN I WOKE UP.
184
00:09:39,680 --> 00:09:41,350
HE WAS NEVER GONNA TELL ME.
185
00:09:41,351 --> 00:09:45,054
HE SWORE OVER AND OVER
AGAIN ON A FAKE RING.
186
00:09:45,055 --> 00:09:47,216
CHERYL, FOR ONCE
IN THIS TWISTED MARRIAGE,
187
00:09:47,217 --> 00:09:49,959
YOU HAVE COLD, HARD EVIDENCE.
YOU SHOULD NAIL HIM.
188
00:09:49,960 --> 00:09:52,822
OH, OH, I AM GONNA NAIL HIM.
I WILL NAIL HIM.
189
00:09:52,823 --> 00:09:55,064
HE IS NAILED!
190
00:09:55,065 --> 00:09:57,627
HOW DO I DO THAT?
191
00:09:57,628 --> 00:10:00,269
EASY. WE TIE HIM UP
AND BEAT HIM. I'VE GOT A BAT.
192
00:10:00,270 --> 00:10:02,101
OH, GREAT IDEA.
WE CAN TAKE TURNS.
193
00:10:02,102 --> 00:10:04,303
NO, NO. I MEAN, HITTING HIM
WOULD FEEL GOOD...
194
00:10:04,304 --> 00:10:06,335
REALLY GOOD...
195
00:10:06,336 --> 00:10:08,778
BUT THAT'S JUST TEMPORARY.
196
00:10:08,779 --> 00:10:11,281
DEPENDS ON WHERE YOU HIT HIM.
197
00:10:13,043 --> 00:10:14,343
ANDY.
198
00:10:14,344 --> 00:10:18,247
MORE SATISFYING
WOULD BE A CONFESSION.
199
00:10:18,248 --> 00:10:20,149
YOU'LL NEVER GET HIM
TO CONFESS.
200
00:10:20,150 --> 00:10:22,251
HE ALWAYS TALKS HIS WAY
OUT OF THESE THINGS.
201
00:10:22,252 --> 00:10:25,955
(gasps) WE COULD BEAT A CONFESSION
OUT OF HIM. YES! I'VE GOT A BAT.
202
00:10:25,956 --> 00:10:28,858
NO. NO. WE ARE GONNA BE
MORE SUBTLE.
203
00:10:28,859 --> 00:10:32,763
WE ARE GONNA USE CUPCAKES.
204
00:10:34,364 --> 00:10:36,035
I'LL BRING MY BAT.
205
00:10:36,036 --> 00:10:38,038
GOOD IDEA.
206
00:10:46,917 --> 00:10:49,148
OKAY, EVERYBODY.
LOOK WHAT I MADE...
207
00:10:49,149 --> 00:10:52,351
MMM. MY CHOCOLATE
SWIRL SINFUL CUPCAKES.
208
00:10:52,352 --> 00:10:54,754
OH! THOSE ARE MY FAVORITE!
209
00:10:54,755 --> 00:10:58,357
I KNOW...
DEEP, DARK CHOCOLATE.
210
00:10:58,358 --> 00:10:59,759
MMM.
BUT FIRST...
211
00:10:59,760 --> 00:11:03,392
EVERYBODY HAS TO TELL
A DEEP, DARK SECRET.
212
00:11:03,393 --> 00:11:04,734
OH!
213
00:11:04,735 --> 00:11:07,066
COME ON, CHERYL,
WE'RE NOT 4 YEARS OLD.
214
00:11:07,067 --> 00:11:10,439
LET'S JUST EAT THE CUPCAKES.
UH! NO SECRET, NO CUPCAKE.
215
00:11:10,440 --> 00:11:12,341
(Andy)
I'LL GO. I'LL GO. OKAY.
216
00:11:12,342 --> 00:11:15,444
UM, REMEMBER THAT LAVENDER TIE YOU
BOUGHT ME? THE ONE I HAD MONOGRAMMED?
217
00:11:15,445 --> 00:11:17,346
I LOST IT
DOING SOMETHING STUPID,
218
00:11:17,347 --> 00:11:19,779
AND RATHER THAN TELL YOU,
I WENT OUT AND BOUGHT
219
00:11:19,780 --> 00:11:21,781
A SIMILAR ONE,
AND YOU NEVER CAUGHT ON.
220
00:11:21,782 --> 00:11:23,783
I-I'M A TERRIBLE MAN.
221
00:11:23,784 --> 00:11:26,756
SOUNDS LIKE
SOMETHING I WOULD DO.
222
00:11:26,757 --> 00:11:30,019
DOESN'T IT?
223
00:11:30,020 --> 00:11:32,992
OH, ANDY, THAT'S SILLY.
YOU'RE FAMILY.
224
00:11:32,993 --> 00:11:34,864
I WOULD HAVE UNDERSTOOD.
225
00:11:34,865 --> 00:11:38,367
RIGHT, JIM? I MEAN,
ANYBODY CAN LOSE SOMETHING.
226
00:11:38,368 --> 00:11:42,331
YOU SHOULD HAVE JUST TOLD HER. I KNOW. THE
COVER-UP IS ACTUALLY WORSE THAN THE CRIME.
227
00:11:42,332 --> 00:11:44,474
(chuckles) IT ALWAYS IS.
228
00:11:49,279 --> 00:11:51,140
CAN WE JUST EAT THE CUPCAKES?
229
00:11:51,141 --> 00:11:55,044
THAT'S WHAT WE'RE DOING.
ANDY, HERE'S YOURS.
230
00:11:55,045 --> 00:11:57,817
HA HA HA! MMM. MMM!
MMM.
231
00:11:57,818 --> 00:11:59,919
DELICIOUS.
THIS IS A GOOD CUPCAKE,
232
00:11:59,920 --> 00:12:03,153
BUT NOT AS GOOD AS A
CLEAN CONSCIENCE. MMM.
233
00:12:04,494 --> 00:12:06,826
OKAY, MY TURN.
234
00:12:06,827 --> 00:12:09,128
LAST WEEK,
I WAS UP ON THE ROOF
235
00:12:09,129 --> 00:12:11,802
THROWING WATER BALLOONS
FILLED WITH MY OWN URINE.
236
00:12:15,866 --> 00:12:18,769
AND...
237
00:12:20,941 --> 00:12:24,743
I LOST THE BRACELET
THAT CHERYL GAVE ME.
238
00:12:24,744 --> 00:12:27,017
THE ONE I HAD ENGRAVED?
239
00:12:30,220 --> 00:12:32,222
I'M SUCH A JERK.
240
00:12:35,485 --> 00:12:39,528
IS THERE SOMETHING WEIRD
GOING ON BEHIND ME?
241
00:12:39,529 --> 00:12:42,531
YOU KNOW, DANA, I COULD HAVE
HELPED YOU LOOK FOR THAT
242
00:12:42,532 --> 00:12:44,133
WITH MY METAL DETECTOR.
243
00:12:44,134 --> 00:12:46,836
OH, THE TREASURE
SNOOPER T-7000? HUNDRED.
244
00:12:46,837 --> 00:12:50,239
HUNDRED, YEAH. YOU COULD FIND
ANYTHING WITH THAT. (laughs) YEAH.
245
00:12:50,240 --> 00:12:52,842
YOU KNOW, DANA, AT LEAST
YOU DIDN'T HIDE IT FROM ME
246
00:12:52,843 --> 00:12:54,773
FOR WEEKS, MONTHS
OR EVEN A YEAR. YEAH.
247
00:12:54,774 --> 00:12:57,547
I MEAN, THAT WOULD HAVE
BEEN REALLY HURTFUL. YEAH.
248
00:13:01,481 --> 00:13:04,253
DON'T YOU THINK SO,
JIM?
249
00:13:04,254 --> 00:13:06,785
YOU KNOW WHAT I THINK?
250
00:13:06,786 --> 00:13:12,162
I THINK YE WHO LEAST JUDGE
JUDGE THE LEAST.
251
00:13:15,295 --> 00:13:17,797
NOW MAY I HAVE YE CUPCAKE?
252
00:13:19,569 --> 00:13:22,001
NOW IT'S TIME
FOR YOUR CONFESSION.
253
00:13:22,002 --> 00:13:24,004
SURE.
254
00:13:27,838 --> 00:13:30,841
WELL, NOT UNLIKE DANA,
I WAS ON THE ROOF...
255
00:13:32,512 --> 00:13:35,414
THIS IS VERY HARD
FOR ME TO SAY.
256
00:13:35,415 --> 00:13:38,088
GO AHEAD, JIM. IT'S TIME.
257
00:13:40,590 --> 00:13:43,252
WELL, I WAS UP ON THE ROOF.
258
00:13:43,253 --> 00:13:46,555
I DON'T KNOW WHY
I WAS UP THERE.
259
00:13:46,556 --> 00:13:50,060
ANYWAY, I... I LOST...
260
00:13:52,002 --> 00:13:54,864
I-I LOST...
261
00:13:54,865 --> 00:13:56,566
HOPE.
262
00:13:58,969 --> 00:14:02,342
MY WHOLE LIFE JUST SEEMED
A LITTLE BLEAK TO ME.
263
00:14:03,613 --> 00:14:07,246
THEN I WENT DOWNSTAIRS
AND TOOK A NAP,
264
00:14:07,247 --> 00:14:09,579
AND I FOUND HOPE AGAIN.
265
00:14:12,282 --> 00:14:15,584
THAT'S YOUR BIG CONFESSION?
YOU LOST HOPE?
266
00:14:15,585 --> 00:14:18,857
I KNOW. IT WAS THE WORST THING
THAT EVER HAPPENED TO ME.
267
00:14:18,858 --> 00:14:21,491
I SWEAR ON MY RING.
268
00:14:26,436 --> 00:14:29,238
THANK YOU FOR DIGGING
SO DEEP, JIM.
269
00:14:29,239 --> 00:14:33,403
I HAVE A SPECIAL CUPCAKE
JUST FOR YOU.
270
00:15:05,535 --> 00:15:08,138
LOOKS DELICIOUS.
271
00:15:38,668 --> 00:15:41,411
(grunts loudly)
272
00:15:43,473 --> 00:15:46,145
ABSOLUTELY SINFUL.
273
00:15:46,146 --> 00:15:47,416
HIT THE SPOT.
274
00:15:47,417 --> 00:15:49,579
MMM! GOOD AS GOLD.
275
00:15:51,621 --> 00:15:53,522
I'M GONNA GO GET
SOME MORE MILK.
276
00:15:53,523 --> 00:15:56,455
WOULD YOU GUYS, UH,
CARE FOR ANYTHING?
277
00:15:56,456 --> 00:15:58,727
UH... NO, NO.
278
00:15:58,728 --> 00:16:00,489
WE'RE GOOD.
279
00:16:00,490 --> 00:16:02,591
WELL, IF YOU NEED ANYTHING,
280
00:16:02,592 --> 00:16:05,265
JUST GIVE ME A RING.
281
00:16:31,561 --> 00:16:35,394
(lowered voice) OH, THERE... THERE
IS NO WAY HE SWALLOWED IT.
282
00:16:35,395 --> 00:16:37,396
(lowered voice)
WE WERE ALL THERE.
283
00:16:37,397 --> 00:16:39,398
WE ALL SAW HIM SWALLOW IT.
284
00:16:39,399 --> 00:16:42,202
(lowered voice) WELL, THERE'S
ONLY ONE WAY TO FIND OUT.
285
00:16:58,588 --> 00:17:00,019
(beeps)
286
00:17:04,424 --> 00:17:07,426
I-I CAN'T BELIEVE HIM.
287
00:17:07,427 --> 00:17:09,428
HE WOULD RATHER SWALLOW
HIS WEDDING RING
288
00:17:09,429 --> 00:17:11,130
THAN ADMIT HE DID
SOMETHING WRONG.
289
00:17:11,131 --> 00:17:12,601
YOU KNOW WHAT
I CAN'T BELIEVE?
290
00:17:12,602 --> 00:17:14,603
THAT YOU'RE STILL
SURPRISED BY HIM.
291
00:17:14,604 --> 00:17:17,306
HE ONCE TOOK THE KIDS
TO THE CIRCUS,
292
00:17:17,307 --> 00:17:19,338
CAME BACK
WITH A STOLEN MONKEY.
293
00:17:19,339 --> 00:17:22,341
ALL RIGHT. THIS IS NOT OVER.
I DON'T CARE WHAT WE HAVE TO DO,
294
00:17:22,342 --> 00:17:25,344
I AM GONNA HEAR THE WORDS,
"I SWALLOWED MY WEDDING RING,
295
00:17:25,345 --> 00:17:27,616
AND I LIED TO YOU ABOUT IT."
296
00:17:27,617 --> 00:17:30,149
IT'S TOO LATE NOW.
THE EVIDENCE IS GONE.
297
00:17:30,150 --> 00:17:33,322
WELL, IT'S NOT REALLY GONE.
WE...
298
00:17:33,323 --> 00:17:35,324
WE KNOW WHERE IT IS.
299
00:17:35,325 --> 00:17:36,485
RIGHT.
300
00:17:36,486 --> 00:17:40,790
AND PRESUMABLY,
IT'S COMING BACK.
301
00:17:43,363 --> 00:17:45,494
AND WHEN IT DOES...
302
00:17:45,495 --> 00:17:47,396
WE'LL BE THERE.
303
00:17:47,397 --> 00:17:51,201
(both) OHH!
304
00:17:56,376 --> 00:17:57,846
(grunts)
305
00:17:57,847 --> 00:18:00,709
DADDY, I FINISHED THAT REPORT
YOU WANTED ME TO WRITE.
306
00:18:00,710 --> 00:18:04,113
(strained voice) NOT RIGHT NOW,
HONEY. I'M IN A BIT OF A HURRY.
307
00:18:04,114 --> 00:18:07,116
OKAY, BUT IT TAKES FOOD ABOUT
14 HOURS TO PASS THROUGH YOU.
308
00:18:07,117 --> 00:18:09,118
ACTUALLY,
IT TAKES ABOUT 12 HOURS
309
00:18:09,119 --> 00:18:11,690
AND 25 MINUTES
AND 40 SECONDS.
310
00:18:11,691 --> 00:18:13,693
I CAN USE SOME READING.
311
00:18:15,295 --> 00:18:18,298
(grunts)
312
00:18:20,130 --> 00:18:21,571
OH. OHH.
313
00:18:23,433 --> 00:18:25,434
OHH.
314
00:18:25,435 --> 00:18:27,336
(exhaling deeply)
315
00:18:27,337 --> 00:18:28,577
(clink)
316
00:18:28,578 --> 00:18:30,309
OHH!
317
00:18:30,310 --> 00:18:33,542
OHH. OH.
318
00:18:33,543 --> 00:18:35,414
(grunts)
319
00:18:35,415 --> 00:18:37,246
WHAT THE...
320
00:18:37,247 --> 00:18:40,249
DON'T YOU DARE
FLUSH THAT TOILET.
321
00:18:40,250 --> 00:18:43,353
BUT FEEL FREE
TO LIGHT A MATCH.
322
00:18:46,596 --> 00:18:51,360
I THINK WE'VE CROSSED
A LINE IN THIS FAMILY.
323
00:18:51,361 --> 00:18:53,432
I FEEL TOTALLY INVADED.
324
00:18:53,433 --> 00:18:55,464
YEAH, I DON'T FEEL
SO GOOD MYSELF.
325
00:18:55,465 --> 00:18:57,366
IT WAS ALL CHERYL.
326
00:18:57,367 --> 00:19:00,909
ALL SHE COULD TALK ABOUT
WAS CATCHING YOU ON THE POT.
327
00:19:00,910 --> 00:19:04,444
OH, PLEASE. I HAD TO TALK YOU
OUT OF BRINGING A CAMERA.
328
00:19:06,376 --> 00:19:08,677
I FEEL TOTALLY UNCOMFORTABLE
IN THE ROLE
329
00:19:08,678 --> 00:19:10,849
OF THIS FAMILY'S MORAL COMPASS.
330
00:19:10,850 --> 00:19:13,182
OH, GET OFF YOUR HIGH HORSE.
331
00:19:13,183 --> 00:19:15,324
WERE YOU USING THAT COMPASS
WHEN YOU LOST YOUR WEDDING RING
332
00:19:15,325 --> 00:19:17,926
CATAPULTING WATER BALLOONS
AT YOUR NEIGHBORS?
333
00:19:17,927 --> 00:19:20,229
OR LYING ABOUT IT
FOR A YEAR?
334
00:19:20,230 --> 00:19:23,732
RIDICULING A MAN'S HOBBY
AND SQUIRTING HIM WITH A HOSE?
335
00:19:23,733 --> 00:19:26,465
YOU GUYS PUT A RING
IN A CUPCAKE,
336
00:19:26,466 --> 00:19:29,368
THEN STOOD IN A BATHTUB
AND AMBUSHED ME
337
00:19:29,369 --> 00:19:31,400
LIKE A BUNCH OF HYENAS
WAITING FOR A LION
338
00:19:31,401 --> 00:19:33,942
TO SQUEEZE OUT A RING.
339
00:19:33,943 --> 00:19:37,376
I GAVE YOU THAT RING
ON OUR WEDDING DAY
340
00:19:37,377 --> 00:19:39,378
AS A SYMBOL OF OUR LOVE,
341
00:19:39,379 --> 00:19:41,410
AND YOU LIED TO ME
ABOUT LOSING IT!
342
00:19:41,411 --> 00:19:44,253
I DIDN'T LIE.
I JUST CHOSE NOT TO TELL YOU.
343
00:19:44,254 --> 00:19:47,956
AHA! I TOLD YOU HE'D SAY THAT.
I TOTALLY WIN...
344
00:19:47,957 --> 00:19:51,660
EXCEPT FOR THE PART
ABOUT SEEING JIM POOP.
345
00:19:51,661 --> 00:19:55,694
CHERYL, I CHOSE NOT TO TELL YOU
BECAUSE I KNEW YOU'D GET UPSET.
346
00:19:55,695 --> 00:19:58,467
OH, YOU JUST DIDN'T WANT
TO GET YELLED AT.
347
00:19:58,468 --> 00:20:01,199
THAT IS TRUE. I MEAN,
THE WAY YOU LOOKED THAT DAY,
348
00:20:01,200 --> 00:20:03,232
WITH YOUR HAIR,
YOU LOOKED CRAZY.
349
00:20:03,233 --> 00:20:04,903
UNTIL FIVE MINUTES AGO,
350
00:20:04,904 --> 00:20:06,905
THAT WAS THE WORST THING
I'D EVER SEEN.
351
00:20:06,906 --> 00:20:09,778
CHERYL, THINK ABOUT IT,
ALL RIGHT?
352
00:20:09,779 --> 00:20:11,780
I MEAN,
YOU DIDN'T EVEN NOTICE
353
00:20:11,781 --> 00:20:13,682
THAT I WAS WEARING
A DIFFERENT RING.
354
00:20:13,683 --> 00:20:16,245
AND DO YOU LOVE ME
ANY LESS RIGHT NOW?
355
00:20:16,246 --> 00:20:17,346
A LITTLE.
356
00:20:17,347 --> 00:20:20,519
I FEEL TERRIBLE
THAT I LOST THE RING.
357
00:20:20,520 --> 00:20:23,322
I DO.
BUT COME ON, CHERYL,
358
00:20:23,323 --> 00:20:25,454
WE GOT GREAT LOVE HERE.
359
00:20:25,455 --> 00:20:28,357
WE GOT GREAT COMMITMENT
IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
360
00:20:28,358 --> 00:20:30,559
WE DON'T NEED
A SYMBOL TO PROVE IT.
361
00:20:30,560 --> 00:20:32,401
I MEAN, I DON'T,
362
00:20:32,402 --> 00:20:34,464
AND IF YOU DO, WELL,
YOU KNOW WHERE IT IS.
363
00:20:37,407 --> 00:20:40,610
(toilet flushes)
364
00:20:42,272 --> 00:20:45,013
KYLE, WHAT DID YOU DO?
365
00:20:45,014 --> 00:20:47,846
YOU ALWAYS TELL ME TO FLUSH.
I FLUSHED.
366
00:20:47,847 --> 00:20:50,520
WHY DON'T YOU TELL HIM?
367
00:20:53,353 --> 00:20:55,324
(both sighs)
368
00:20:55,325 --> 00:20:57,987
WELL, CHERYL,
TO BE HONEST WITH YOU...
369
00:20:59,759 --> 00:21:01,761
I GOT IT THIS MORNING.
370
00:21:04,494 --> 00:21:07,796
WHAT?
BUT... WE HEARD THE CLINK.
371
00:21:07,797 --> 00:21:10,269
YEAH, IT WAS SOMETHING ELSE.
372
00:21:14,344 --> 00:21:17,607
REMIND ME TOMORROW...
WE GOTTA HAVE SOME KEYS MADE.
24982
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