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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,132 --> 00:00:03,133 KEEP YOUR EYE ON THE BALL. 2 00:00:03,134 --> 00:00:06,136 NOW I'M GONNA THROW IT RIGHT DOWN THE MIDDLE, NICE AND EASY. 3 00:00:06,137 --> 00:00:08,178 YOU SWING WHEN I SAY SWING. ARE YOU READY? 4 00:00:08,179 --> 00:00:10,010 AND SWING! 5 00:00:13,784 --> 00:00:15,715 ALL RIGHT. 6 00:00:15,716 --> 00:00:18,688 WE'VE ESTABLISHED THAT YOU CAN PLAY FOR THE CUBS. 7 00:00:18,689 --> 00:00:22,652 SON, YOU'VE GOTTA UNDERSTAND. THIS IS THE FIRST GAME 8 00:00:22,653 --> 00:00:25,355 WHERE THEY'RE NOT GONNA LET YOU USE THE TEE. 9 00:00:25,356 --> 00:00:28,058 THEY'RE GONNA GIVE YOU THREE PITCHES, 10 00:00:28,059 --> 00:00:32,702 AND IF YOU MISS THEM, THEY'RE GONNA BRING THE TEE BACK OUT. I LIKE THE TEE. IT'S EASY. 11 00:00:32,703 --> 00:00:35,305 OH, YEAH? YOU KNOW WHAT THEY'RE ALL GONNA SAY? 12 00:00:35,306 --> 00:00:36,806 THEY'RE ALL GONNA SAY, 13 00:00:36,807 --> 00:00:40,170 (singsong voice) "T-BALL BABY, STICK YOUR HEAD IN GRAVY. 14 00:00:40,171 --> 00:00:42,312 CAN'T HIT, BABY, STICK YOUR HEAD IN GRAVY." 15 00:00:42,313 --> 00:00:44,814 ALL RIGHT, THEY'RE A LITTLE MORE MEAN THAN CLEVER, 16 00:00:44,815 --> 00:00:46,816 BUT YOU'RE NOT GONNA LIKE IT. 17 00:00:46,817 --> 00:00:50,150 MAYBE I SHOULD STAY HOME. NO, NO, YOU DON'T HAVE TO STAY HOME, HONEY. 18 00:00:50,151 --> 00:00:52,152 NO, NO, NO. YOU'RE GONNA DO ALL RIGHT. 19 00:00:52,153 --> 00:00:55,185 REALLY, YOU ARE. I'M GONNA BE THERE. YOU KNOW WHAT? 20 00:00:55,186 --> 00:00:57,487 MOM AND THE GIRLS... WE'RE ALL GONNA BE THERE 21 00:00:57,488 --> 00:00:59,729 BECAUSE WE WANT YOU TO DO WELL. 22 00:00:59,730 --> 00:01:02,562 (Cheryl) I DON'T CARE IF YOU GIRLS THINK BASEBALL'S CRAPPY. 23 00:01:02,563 --> 00:01:04,834 I HAD TO TAKE KYLE TO PLENTY OF RECITALS, 24 00:01:04,835 --> 00:01:07,537 AND TODAY IT'S YOUR TURN TO BE MISERABLE 25 00:01:07,538 --> 00:01:11,701 BECAUSE WE'RE A FAMILY, AND THAT'S WHAT FAMILIES DO! 26 00:01:11,702 --> 00:01:12,842 HEY! 27 00:01:12,843 --> 00:01:15,845 THERE'S MAMA'S BOY! 28 00:01:15,846 --> 00:01:17,547 CHERYL, CHERYL, CHERYL, 29 00:01:17,548 --> 00:01:19,549 WE'RE TRYING TO WORK ON THE BOY'S SWING HERE. 30 00:01:19,550 --> 00:01:21,851 OH, OKAY. YOU HAVE YOUR CHOICE OF SNACKS FOR TODAY. 31 00:01:21,852 --> 00:01:23,853 YOU HAVE FUN FRUITS, GRAPE JINGLE JUICE 32 00:01:23,854 --> 00:01:28,188 OR WATER CRACKERS WITH AN OLIVE TAPENADE. HUH? 33 00:01:28,189 --> 00:01:30,490 CHERYL, I THINK YOU'RE TAKING THIS MOMMY SNACK THING... 34 00:01:30,491 --> 00:01:33,293 THEY GOT GRAPE JINGLE JUICE? YEAH. 35 00:01:33,294 --> 00:01:37,197 SINCE WHEN DID THAT HAPPEN? I DON'T KNOW. I GUESS THEY GOT YOUR LETTER. 36 00:01:37,198 --> 00:01:39,199 ALL RIGHT, SON. YOU PRACTICE ON THAT SWING. 37 00:01:39,200 --> 00:01:41,701 KEEP IT RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE THERE. 38 00:01:41,702 --> 00:01:44,534 BALL'S GONNA COME IN THE MIDDLE. YOU'RE GONNA HIT IT, 39 00:01:44,535 --> 00:01:46,636 BECAUSE WHEN YOU SMACK IT, 40 00:01:46,637 --> 00:01:48,638 IT'LL BE THE BEST DAY OF YOUR LIFE. 41 00:01:48,639 --> 00:01:50,840 GO ON. KEEP PRACTICING. GOOD BOY. 42 00:01:50,841 --> 00:01:53,543 THIS IS GONNA BE THE WORST DAY OF HIS LIFE. 43 00:01:53,544 --> 00:01:56,186 WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? WHAT, ARE YOU BLIND? 44 00:01:56,187 --> 00:01:58,848 THE KID IS TERRIBLE. ARE YOU SURE HE'S MINE? 45 00:01:58,849 --> 00:02:00,850 I'M GONNA TELL YOU THE SAME THING I TOLD YOU 46 00:02:00,851 --> 00:02:02,852 WHEN YOU CAUGHT HIM EATING SALAD. 47 00:02:02,853 --> 00:02:04,354 HE IS PROBABLY YOURS. 48 00:02:04,355 --> 00:02:07,157 OH, COME ON. IS HE REALLY THAT TERRIBLE? 49 00:02:07,158 --> 00:02:09,459 OH, CHERYL, HE IS WORSE THAN TERRIBLE. 50 00:02:09,460 --> 00:02:12,602 HE'S LIKE GRACIE-DOING-BALLET TERRIBLE. 51 00:02:12,603 --> 00:02:15,835 I'M IN THE DINING ROOM, YOU KNOW. 52 00:02:15,836 --> 00:02:19,209 FINE. HE'S LIKE RUBY-PLAYING-THE-FLUTE TERRIBLE. 53 00:02:19,210 --> 00:02:20,871 I'M IN HERE, TOO. 54 00:02:22,543 --> 00:02:25,715 I THOUGHT I TOLD YOU TO GET BELLS FOR THOSE KIDS. 55 00:02:25,716 --> 00:02:28,248 IT'S ONE GAME. MAYBE HE'LL SURPRISE YOU. 56 00:02:28,249 --> 00:02:29,849 YEAH. 57 00:02:29,850 --> 00:02:32,483 (baseball bat clattering) 58 00:02:34,925 --> 00:02:36,426 (Kyle) CRAP! 59 00:02:36,427 --> 00:02:39,689 WELL, AT LEAST HE SWEARS LIKE A BALLPLAYER. 60 00:02:39,690 --> 00:02:42,563 ♪♪♪ 61 00:02:48,499 --> 00:02:51,901 ♪ O'ER THE LAND OF THE... ♪ 62 00:02:51,902 --> 00:02:55,675 (falsetto voice) ♪ FREE ♪ 63 00:02:55,676 --> 00:02:59,909 ♪ AND THE HOME OF THE... ♪ 64 00:02:59,910 --> 00:03:02,952 (voice wavering) ♪ BRAVE ♪ 65 00:03:02,953 --> 00:03:05,355 HEY! QUIT IT! 66 00:03:05,356 --> 00:03:07,657 KNOCK IT OFF! 67 00:03:07,658 --> 00:03:09,389 PLAY BALL! 68 00:03:09,390 --> 00:03:13,523 (chants) K-Y-L-E, HIT A HOME RUN FOR MOMMY! 69 00:03:13,524 --> 00:03:15,695 CHERYL, THAT IS L-A-M-E! 70 00:03:15,696 --> 00:03:17,697 YOU'RE DRAWING ATTENTION TO KYLE, 71 00:03:17,698 --> 00:03:21,471 MY SON WHO CAN'T HIT... "E." 72 00:03:21,472 --> 00:03:25,875 OH, YOU RHYMED "E" WITH "E." WELL DONE. 73 00:03:25,876 --> 00:03:28,778 STRIKE ONE! 74 00:03:28,779 --> 00:03:30,910 (sighs) THIS IS NOT GONNA BE GOOD, HONEY. 75 00:03:30,911 --> 00:03:32,912 I THINK I SHOULD DO SOMETHING. 76 00:03:32,913 --> 00:03:35,785 NO, JIM, THIS IS KYLE'S AT BAT, NOT YOURS. 77 00:03:35,786 --> 00:03:39,219 HEY, WHY DON'T YOU HAVE SOME MORE TAPENADE, HUH? 78 00:03:42,222 --> 00:03:42,923 STRIKE TWO! 79 00:03:42,924 --> 00:03:44,954 CHERYL, I NEED TO DO SOMETHING. 80 00:03:44,955 --> 00:03:47,597 NO. YOU'RE THE THE ONE WHO'S ALWAYS SAYING 81 00:03:47,598 --> 00:03:50,700 HE NEEDS TO FIGHT HIS OWN BATTLES. WHY IS IT THE ONLY TIME YOU LISTEN TO MY ADVICE 82 00:03:50,701 --> 00:03:52,863 IS WHEN YOU CAN THROW IT BACK AT ME? 83 00:03:54,665 --> 00:03:58,668 (umpire) STRIKE THREE! 84 00:03:58,669 --> 00:04:00,670 BRING OUT THE TEE. 85 00:04:00,671 --> 00:04:02,942 (laughing) 86 00:04:02,943 --> 00:04:05,775 (man laughing) THEY'RE BRINGING OUT THE TEE. 87 00:04:05,776 --> 00:04:09,580 (singsong voice) T-BALL BABY, STICK YOUR HEAD IN GRAVY. 88 00:04:13,554 --> 00:04:15,925 THIS IS NOT GOING VERY WELL. 89 00:04:15,926 --> 00:04:18,859 I'M GONNA GO TAKE A LEAK. 90 00:04:33,844 --> 00:04:35,805 (grunts) WHAT?! WHAT... 91 00:04:35,806 --> 00:04:39,709 ANDY, WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING IN HERE? 92 00:04:39,710 --> 00:04:43,413 I'M NOT ANDY. I'M ANDY'S GHOST. WHAT?! 93 00:04:43,414 --> 00:04:45,054 THAT'S RIGHT. I'M COMING TO VISIT 94 00:04:45,055 --> 00:04:47,016 FROM THE FUTURE AND THE GRAVE, 95 00:04:47,017 --> 00:04:49,389 SO YOU CAN SEE HOW KYLE TURNED OUT. 96 00:04:49,390 --> 00:04:51,791 YOU... YOU'RE FROM THE FUTURE, AND YOU'RE DEAD? 97 00:04:51,792 --> 00:04:54,594 LOOK, WE DON'T HAVE TIME FOR QUESTIONS. 98 00:04:54,595 --> 00:04:57,928 YOU KNOW, THIS IS WEIRD. I'M GONNA PEE IN THE BUSHES. 99 00:05:02,933 --> 00:05:05,004 WHAT THE HELL, ANDY? THIS... 100 00:05:05,005 --> 00:05:06,976 THIS IS MY HOUSE. 101 00:05:06,977 --> 00:05:09,380 YES, IT IS, IN THE FUTURE. 102 00:05:11,442 --> 00:05:13,312 COME ON. REALLY? YOU'RE REALLY DEAD? 103 00:05:13,313 --> 00:05:15,985 YEAH. I DIED TEN YEARS AFTER THAT BASEBALL GAME. 104 00:05:15,986 --> 00:05:18,047 I WAS PULLING A BUNCH OF ORPHANS 105 00:05:18,048 --> 00:05:20,049 OUT OF A BURNING BUILDING. 106 00:05:20,050 --> 00:05:21,921 COME ON. 107 00:05:21,922 --> 00:05:23,793 OKAY. HEART ATTACK. 108 00:05:23,794 --> 00:05:26,796 WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME? IT'S THOSE CHILI FRIES. 109 00:05:26,797 --> 00:05:30,860 WHY DID GOD MAKE SOMETHING SO BAD TASTE SO GOOD? 110 00:05:30,861 --> 00:05:32,702 WHY DON'T YOU ASK HIM? 111 00:05:32,703 --> 00:05:35,505 WE'RE NOT SPEAKING. 112 00:05:35,506 --> 00:05:37,937 HEY, LOOK. THERE YOU ARE... 113 00:05:37,938 --> 00:05:39,809 THE FUTURE JIM. 114 00:05:39,810 --> 00:05:41,811 WOW. I LOOK PRETTY GOOD, 115 00:05:41,812 --> 00:05:43,573 AND CHERYL LOOKS GREAT. 116 00:05:43,574 --> 00:05:45,945 HEY, HEY, THERE'S RYAN... 117 00:05:45,946 --> 00:05:47,547 DANA'S PREGNANT AGAIN? 118 00:05:47,548 --> 00:05:50,019 WITH THEIR SEVENTH BABY. 119 00:05:50,020 --> 00:05:52,121 NOT ONE NAMED AFTER A BELOVED UNCLE. 120 00:05:52,122 --> 00:05:55,955 THEY HAVE RANDY, SANDY, BRANDY. 121 00:05:55,956 --> 00:05:57,627 I'VE GOT IT. WHAT? 122 00:05:57,628 --> 00:06:00,430 THE NAME FOR THE NEW BABY... OKAY, OKAY, WAIT. HERE IT COMES. 123 00:06:00,431 --> 00:06:02,692 SPANDY. (gasps) 124 00:06:02,693 --> 00:06:04,133 (gasps) OH, RYAN. 125 00:06:04,134 --> 00:06:06,936 SPANDY... I LIKE THAT. 126 00:06:06,937 --> 00:06:08,538 SPANDY?! 127 00:06:08,539 --> 00:06:09,899 YEAH. 128 00:06:09,900 --> 00:06:13,403 THAT DOESN'T MAKE ANY SENSE! THAT'S IT. I'M HAUNTING THEM. 129 00:06:13,404 --> 00:06:15,004 THERE YOU GO, JIM. 130 00:06:15,005 --> 00:06:17,507 TWO SANDWICHES... JUST LIKE EVERY DAY. MMM! 131 00:06:17,508 --> 00:06:19,509 GOD, AND YOU NEVER GAIN ANY WEIGHT. 132 00:06:19,510 --> 00:06:21,851 WHAT, ARE YOU FEEDING ONE TO ANDY'S GHOST? 133 00:06:21,852 --> 00:06:23,052 (all laugh) 134 00:06:23,053 --> 00:06:25,054 NO, IF THEY WERE FOR ANDY'S GHOST, 135 00:06:25,055 --> 00:06:27,457 THEY'D COME WITH A SIDE OF CHILI FRIES. 136 00:06:27,458 --> 00:06:28,958 (Cheryl and Dana laugh) 137 00:06:28,959 --> 00:06:31,021 GOSH, HE WAS SO FAT! 138 00:06:34,465 --> 00:06:38,027 STILL NOT OVER MY DEATH. POOR THINGS. 139 00:06:38,028 --> 00:06:39,529 OH, WELL. 140 00:06:39,530 --> 00:06:42,572 WOW, LOOK AT THAT. TWO SANDWICHES. NOT SO FAST. 141 00:06:42,573 --> 00:06:44,505 OKAY, KYLE. LUNCHTIME. 142 00:06:47,978 --> 00:06:50,440 IS THAT... IS THAT KYLE? YEP. 143 00:06:50,441 --> 00:06:52,011 ARE THEY GONE? 144 00:06:52,012 --> 00:06:54,413 YES, THEY'RE GONE. YES. COME ON. COME ON. 145 00:06:54,414 --> 00:06:56,415 HAVE SOME LUNCH WITH ME. 146 00:06:56,416 --> 00:06:59,118 26 YEARS OLD AND STILL LIVING AT HOME IN THAT CABINET. 147 00:06:59,119 --> 00:07:01,120 HE NEVER GOT OVER BEING LAUGHED AT 148 00:07:01,121 --> 00:07:03,923 WHEN THEY BROUGHT THE TEE OUT. 149 00:07:03,924 --> 00:07:05,925 WERE THEY LAUGHING AT ME? 150 00:07:05,926 --> 00:07:08,057 LIKE THAT TIME THEY BROUGHT THE TEE OUT? 151 00:07:08,058 --> 00:07:11,060 NO, NO, THEY THINK YOU'RE UP IN ALASKA RACING SLED DOGS, 152 00:07:11,061 --> 00:07:12,902 LIKE I TOLD THEM. 153 00:07:12,903 --> 00:07:15,965 I LIKE DOGS. 154 00:07:15,966 --> 00:07:18,938 DOGS DON'T LAUGH. 155 00:07:18,939 --> 00:07:21,040 COME ON. EAT YOUR SANDWICH. 156 00:07:21,041 --> 00:07:22,772 I CAN'T. 157 00:07:22,773 --> 00:07:23,943 WHY NOT? 158 00:07:23,944 --> 00:07:26,876 WHAT IF SOMEONE COMES IN? WELL, SO WHAT? 159 00:07:26,877 --> 00:07:28,818 THEY MIGHT TEASE ME. 160 00:07:28,819 --> 00:07:30,820 WHAT ARE THEY GONNA SAY, 161 00:07:30,821 --> 00:07:32,952 ROAST BEEF BABY, STICK YOUR HEAD IN GRAVY? 162 00:07:32,953 --> 00:07:34,754 OH, GOD. 163 00:07:34,755 --> 00:07:35,985 OH, I'M SORRY. I'M SORRY. 164 00:07:35,986 --> 00:07:38,127 THIS IS TERRIBLE. 165 00:07:38,128 --> 00:07:40,990 SO I'M HIDING HIM IN MY OWN HOUSE? 166 00:07:40,991 --> 00:07:42,231 WELL, SURE. 167 00:07:42,232 --> 00:07:44,995 YOU KNOW THIS IS YOUR FAULT THAT HE'S HERE. 168 00:07:46,236 --> 00:07:48,538 JUST PICK IT UP. 169 00:07:48,539 --> 00:07:50,801 I CAN'T. I'LL MISS. 170 00:07:52,242 --> 00:07:54,805 (sighs) FINE. 171 00:08:07,918 --> 00:08:09,218 (chuckles) 172 00:08:09,219 --> 00:08:11,060 IT'S SAD, ISN'T IT? 173 00:08:11,061 --> 00:08:12,922 AND JUST THINK, FIVE YEARS' TIME, 174 00:08:12,923 --> 00:08:15,565 YOUR SON WILL BE DEAD. 175 00:08:15,566 --> 00:08:17,797 DEAD? 176 00:08:17,798 --> 00:08:20,230 I'M SORRY. DID I SAY DEAD? I MEANT BALD. OH. 177 00:08:23,734 --> 00:08:25,274 I SHOULD HAVE DONE SOMETHING. 178 00:08:25,275 --> 00:08:27,276 THE BOY NEEDED ME THAT DAY. 179 00:08:27,277 --> 00:08:29,679 AND YOU JUST SAT THERE AND DID NOTHING. 180 00:08:29,680 --> 00:08:33,683 KIND OF LIKE THE DAY OF MY HEART ATTACK. 181 00:08:33,684 --> 00:08:35,685 ACTUALLY, YOU DID DO SOMETHING. 182 00:08:35,686 --> 00:08:38,818 YOU FINISHED MY CHILI FRIES AND PAID WITH MY CREDIT CARD. 183 00:08:38,819 --> 00:08:41,050 ANDY, I GOTTA DO SOMETHING. HELP ME. 184 00:08:41,051 --> 00:08:44,193 TAKE ME BACK. LET ME... LET ME DO SOMETHING. HELP... 185 00:08:44,194 --> 00:08:47,597 NO, NO, NO. THAT'S NOT IN MY JOB DESCRIPTION. COME ON! ANDY, YOU GOTTA HELP ME. 186 00:08:47,598 --> 00:08:49,599 ALL RIGHT. ON ONE CONDITION... 187 00:08:49,600 --> 00:08:51,601 TEN YEARS FROM NOW, AT MY FUNERAL, 188 00:08:51,602 --> 00:08:53,603 NO JOKES ABOUT THE DOUBLE-WIDE CASKET. FINE! 189 00:08:53,604 --> 00:08:55,605 JUST BECAUSE I'M DEAD 190 00:08:55,606 --> 00:08:57,006 DOESN'T MEAN I DON'T HAVE FEELINGS, JIM. 191 00:08:57,007 --> 00:08:59,909 (Andy) ♪ O'ER THE LAND... ♪ 192 00:08:59,910 --> 00:09:03,573 I'M GETTING A SECOND CHANCE. GOOD. 193 00:09:03,574 --> 00:09:06,876 (falsetto voice) ♪ FREE ♪ 194 00:09:06,877 --> 00:09:10,820 ♪ AND THE HOME OF THE... ♪ 195 00:09:10,821 --> 00:09:14,955 (wavering voice) ♪ BRAVE ♪ 196 00:09:17,928 --> 00:09:19,959 PLAY BALL! 197 00:09:19,960 --> 00:09:24,934 OH! K-Y-L-E, HIT A HOME RUN FOR MOMMY! 198 00:09:24,935 --> 00:09:26,936 QUIT, PLEASE, THE BOY IS HITTING. 199 00:09:26,937 --> 00:09:29,338 JUST SIT THERE AND MIND YOUR KNITTING. 200 00:09:29,339 --> 00:09:32,071 WAIT, WAIT, WAIT. WHERE YOU GOING? 201 00:09:32,072 --> 00:09:35,204 I GOTTA HELP MY SON OUT. STRIKE ONE. 202 00:09:35,205 --> 00:09:37,246 I GOTTA GET HIM ON BASE. 203 00:09:37,247 --> 00:09:39,048 KYLE! TIME OUT. 204 00:09:39,049 --> 00:09:40,279 TIME OUT! 205 00:09:40,280 --> 00:09:42,082 KYLE, COME HERE. 206 00:09:44,314 --> 00:09:47,086 LISTEN, FIRST OF ALL, HOLD THIS RIGHT. 207 00:09:47,087 --> 00:09:49,088 I JUST CAN'T HIT THAT BALL. 208 00:09:49,089 --> 00:09:50,920 WE'VE ESTABLISHED THAT, 209 00:09:50,921 --> 00:09:53,823 BUT THE BALL CAN HIT YOU. 210 00:09:53,824 --> 00:09:57,166 YOU GET TO GO TO FIRST BASE. YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS? 211 00:09:57,167 --> 00:09:59,899 THEY DON'T HAVE TO BRING THE TEE OUT. 212 00:09:59,900 --> 00:10:03,072 YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS? NOBODY HAS TO LAUGH AT YOU, 213 00:10:03,073 --> 00:10:05,074 AND YOU DON'T HAVE TO LIVE 214 00:10:05,075 --> 00:10:06,806 IN THE CABINET UNDERNEATH THE STAIRS. 215 00:10:06,807 --> 00:10:08,137 THAT MAKES SENSE. 216 00:10:08,138 --> 00:10:11,280 YEAH. GO OUT THERE, BUDDY. 217 00:10:11,281 --> 00:10:12,983 THATTABOY. 218 00:10:15,015 --> 00:10:16,946 OOH! 219 00:10:16,947 --> 00:10:18,248 (gasps) 220 00:10:22,753 --> 00:10:24,323 (Jim) THATTABOY, KYLE! 221 00:10:24,324 --> 00:10:27,256 THAT'S MY BOY! WHAT A TOUGH BOY. 222 00:10:27,257 --> 00:10:29,128 WHAT A TOUGH BOY! 223 00:10:29,129 --> 00:10:30,960 (laughs) 224 00:10:30,961 --> 00:10:33,002 WHY DON'T YOUR STICK YOUR HEAD IN GRAVY? 225 00:10:33,003 --> 00:10:35,765 JERK. 226 00:10:35,766 --> 00:10:39,039 COME ON! 227 00:10:40,971 --> 00:10:44,143 ANDY. OKAY, TAKE ME TO THE FUTURE. 228 00:10:44,144 --> 00:10:46,846 SHOW ME WHAT A GREAT MAN KYLE TURNS OUT TO BE. 229 00:10:46,847 --> 00:10:48,217 OH, JAMES. 230 00:10:48,218 --> 00:10:52,122 OH, SWEET, INNOCENT, STUPID JAMES. 231 00:10:58,829 --> 00:11:00,289 WHAT'S THIS? 232 00:11:00,290 --> 00:11:02,292 YOUR SON AT WORK. 233 00:11:04,094 --> 00:11:07,897 WELL, THIS ISN'T SO BAD. HE WORKS WITH KIDS. 234 00:11:07,898 --> 00:11:09,668 HE'S A LOSER. 235 00:11:09,669 --> 00:11:11,440 A BIG LOSER. 236 00:11:11,441 --> 00:11:13,442 AND THAT'S COMING FROM A GUY 237 00:11:13,443 --> 00:11:16,375 WHO WAS BURIED IN A HARRY POTTER COSTUME. 238 00:11:16,376 --> 00:11:19,178 IS EVERYBODY HAVING FUN? (children) YEAH! 239 00:11:19,179 --> 00:11:22,081 WHO'S READY TO HIT THE PIÑATA? 240 00:11:22,082 --> 00:11:23,813 (children) WE ARE! 241 00:11:23,814 --> 00:11:25,314 WHAT WAS THAT? 242 00:11:25,315 --> 00:11:27,987 (children) NOSOTROS! 243 00:11:27,988 --> 00:11:29,889 ALL RIGHT. 244 00:11:29,890 --> 00:11:32,021 HIT THE PIÑATA HARD ENOUGH, 245 00:11:32,022 --> 00:11:34,825 AND I WILL DROP THE CANDY! 246 00:11:36,366 --> 00:11:39,028 HIT HIM HARDER! 247 00:11:39,029 --> 00:11:41,901 HARDER! (Jim) WAIT, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT. 248 00:11:41,902 --> 00:11:44,033 HARDER! 249 00:11:44,034 --> 00:11:47,406 THIS IS WHAT HE IS? HE'S A HUMAN PIÑATA?! 250 00:11:47,407 --> 00:11:50,079 HE LEARNED AT A YOUNG AGE 251 00:11:50,080 --> 00:11:52,211 THE BEST WAY TO SUCCEED WAS TO GET HIT, 252 00:11:52,212 --> 00:11:55,014 AND JUST THINK, 253 00:11:55,015 --> 00:11:58,087 IN TEN YEARS' TIME, YOUR SON WILL BE GAY. 254 00:11:58,088 --> 00:11:59,488 GAY? 255 00:11:59,489 --> 00:12:02,753 OH, DID I SAY GAY? I MEANT LIVING IN OHIO. 256 00:12:04,294 --> 00:12:06,395 WHY DO I KEEP DOING THAT? 257 00:12:06,396 --> 00:12:10,329 COME ON. LET'S GO BACK IN THE TIME TOILET. 258 00:12:10,330 --> 00:12:12,401 (Andy) ♪ O'ER THE LAND OF THE... ♪ 259 00:12:12,402 --> 00:12:18,968 (falsetto voice) ♪ FREE ♪ 260 00:12:18,969 --> 00:12:22,211 ♪ AND THE HOME OF THE... ♪ 261 00:12:22,212 --> 00:12:23,913 (voice wavering) ♪ BRAVE ♪ 262 00:12:23,914 --> 00:12:25,975 THROW THIS INSTEAD. 263 00:12:25,976 --> 00:12:27,346 (grunts) 264 00:12:27,347 --> 00:12:29,118 (applause) 265 00:12:29,119 --> 00:12:31,120 (coughs) 266 00:12:31,121 --> 00:12:32,751 PLAY BALL! 267 00:12:32,752 --> 00:12:35,825 I'M GONNA GO TALK TO HIM. WHOA. WHERE YOU GOING? 268 00:12:35,826 --> 00:12:39,058 LOOK, IF WHAT YOUR DEAD BROTHER SAID IN THE JOHN IS CORRECT, 269 00:12:39,059 --> 00:12:41,760 OUR BOY BECOMES A PIÑATA. 270 00:12:41,761 --> 00:12:44,063 WOW. I GUESS THEY'RE BACK TO SELLING DOLLAR BEERS 271 00:12:44,064 --> 00:12:46,765 AT THE CONCESSION STAND. 272 00:12:46,766 --> 00:12:49,769 YOU KNOW, MAMA IS THIRSTY. 273 00:12:57,848 --> 00:13:00,079 (Jim) TIME OUT! TIME OUT! TIME OUT! 274 00:13:00,080 --> 00:13:02,812 KYLE, COME HERE. COME HERE, SON. OKAY, SON. ALL RIGHT. 275 00:13:02,813 --> 00:13:06,455 FIRST OF ALL, SWITCH YOUR HANDS LIKE WE PRACTICED. 276 00:13:06,456 --> 00:13:08,918 KYLE, LISTEN TO ME. YOU HAVE TO MURDER THAT BALL. 277 00:13:08,919 --> 00:13:11,020 YOU CAN'T LET THAT PITCHER BEAT YOU. 278 00:13:11,021 --> 00:13:13,062 THIS GUY IS YOUR ENEMY. 279 00:13:13,063 --> 00:13:15,064 SHOW NO MERCY WITH HIM. 280 00:13:15,065 --> 00:13:16,565 DO YOU HEAR ME? 281 00:13:16,566 --> 00:13:18,097 SURE DO, DAD. 282 00:13:18,098 --> 00:13:20,830 (screaming) 283 00:13:20,831 --> 00:13:23,002 NO, KYLE! NO! 284 00:13:23,003 --> 00:13:26,275 (children shouting) 285 00:13:26,276 --> 00:13:29,809 ATTABOY, KYLE! KICK HIM IN THE NADS! 286 00:13:34,084 --> 00:13:36,086 I'LL JUST BE IN THE BATHROOM. 287 00:13:38,218 --> 00:13:42,022 GONNA GO... TO THE BATHROOM. 288 00:13:48,198 --> 00:13:50,159 OKAY. WHERE AM I NOW? 289 00:13:50,160 --> 00:13:52,101 YOU'LL SEE. 290 00:13:52,102 --> 00:13:56,135 JIM, I COME TO YOU ON THIS, 291 00:13:56,136 --> 00:14:00,409 THE DAY OF YOUR DAUGHTER GRACIE'S WEDDING, 292 00:14:00,410 --> 00:14:02,542 TO ASK YOU THIS FAVOR. 293 00:14:05,115 --> 00:14:08,077 PLEASE... 294 00:14:08,078 --> 00:14:11,481 PLEASE RETURN MY LAWN MOWER. 295 00:14:21,391 --> 00:14:24,293 (as Marlon Brando's Don Corleone) THIS I CANNOT DO. 296 00:14:24,294 --> 00:14:26,265 WHY AM I TALKING LIKE THAT? 297 00:14:26,266 --> 00:14:28,097 YOU JUST HAD DENTAL SURGERY, 298 00:14:28,098 --> 00:14:32,371 AND THEY HAVEN'T TAKEN THE PACKING OUT. 299 00:14:32,372 --> 00:14:35,945 BUT, JIM... HE SAID HE CAN'T DO IT! 300 00:14:35,946 --> 00:14:37,476 (chuckles nervously) 301 00:14:37,477 --> 00:14:41,480 KYLE, MY SON, 302 00:14:41,481 --> 00:14:44,113 WHO TAUGHT YOU THIS... 303 00:14:44,114 --> 00:14:46,585 THIS DISRESPECT? 304 00:14:46,586 --> 00:14:48,187 YOU DID, POP. 305 00:14:48,188 --> 00:14:49,558 ME? 306 00:14:49,559 --> 00:14:54,064 YEAH, AT T-BALL WHEN I WHACKED THAT PITCHER. 307 00:14:56,927 --> 00:14:58,628 KYLE... 308 00:15:14,144 --> 00:15:19,148 THIS IS FAMILY. 309 00:15:19,149 --> 00:15:22,091 THIS IS YOUR UNCLE. 310 00:15:22,092 --> 00:15:23,592 THIS IS MY ENEMY. 311 00:15:23,593 --> 00:15:26,195 HE'S CHOOSING THE LAWN MOWER OVER THE FAMILY! 312 00:15:26,196 --> 00:15:29,599 BUT, KYLE, IT'S SUMMER, AND THE GRASS... IT GROWS. 313 00:15:32,062 --> 00:15:34,263 KYLE, WHAT DID YOU DO? 314 00:15:34,264 --> 00:15:36,505 KYLE! 315 00:15:36,506 --> 00:15:39,238 KYLE, KYLE, KYLE! 316 00:15:39,239 --> 00:15:43,012 KYLE. 317 00:15:43,013 --> 00:15:47,276 KYLE, WE HAVE TWO LAWN MOWERS. 318 00:15:47,277 --> 00:15:51,080 (Jim) HE'S A MANIAC! 319 00:15:51,081 --> 00:15:54,083 AND JUST THINK, IN A FEW YEARS, HE'LL BE IN PRISON. 320 00:15:54,084 --> 00:15:55,084 PRISON?! 321 00:15:55,085 --> 00:15:57,626 OH, DID I SAY PRISON? I'M SORRY. I MEANT... 322 00:15:57,627 --> 00:15:59,728 NO, NO, NO. PRISON'S RIGHT. 323 00:15:59,729 --> 00:16:03,392 WHAT HAVE YOU DONE? 324 00:16:03,393 --> 00:16:06,065 YOU'VE KILLED YOUR UNCLE. 325 00:16:06,066 --> 00:16:08,467 WHAT ARE YOU, A SNITCH? 326 00:16:08,468 --> 00:16:10,640 DO WE HAVE A PROBLEM HERE? 327 00:16:13,743 --> 00:16:16,105 I'M GOOD. 328 00:16:16,106 --> 00:16:18,247 (knock on door) 329 00:16:18,248 --> 00:16:21,550 OH, MY GOD. IT'S THE COPS. 330 00:16:21,551 --> 00:16:23,113 BRING IT ON. 331 00:16:24,984 --> 00:16:27,486 WAIT, WHAT ARE YOU... KYLE! KYLE! KYLE. 332 00:16:27,487 --> 00:16:31,061 (shell casings fall to floor) 333 00:16:34,464 --> 00:16:37,166 (Italian accent) I'S-A JUST COMING TO TELL YOU 334 00:16:37,167 --> 00:16:39,199 THAT THEY'RE CUTTING THE CAKE. 335 00:16:41,501 --> 00:16:43,072 KYLE! 336 00:16:43,073 --> 00:16:44,503 YOU KILLED ANOTHER UNCLE. 337 00:16:44,504 --> 00:16:47,306 I GOTTA DO SOMETHING. I GOTTA TURN THIS AROUND. 338 00:16:47,307 --> 00:16:50,008 ANDY, TAKE ME BACK! TAKE ME BACK! OKAY. 339 00:16:50,009 --> 00:16:52,311 I GOTTA DO... I GOTTA DO SOMETHING! 340 00:16:52,312 --> 00:16:55,614 (Andy) ♪ O'ER THE LAND OF THE... ♪ 341 00:16:55,615 --> 00:16:59,648 (falsetto voice) ♪ FREE ♪ 342 00:16:59,649 --> 00:17:03,622 ♪ AND THE HOME OF THE... ♪ 343 00:17:03,623 --> 00:17:05,324 BRAVE. (umpire) PLAY BALL. 344 00:17:05,325 --> 00:17:07,227 DAMN IT! TIME! 345 00:17:12,262 --> 00:17:15,264 (Cheryl) K-Y-L-E, HIT A HOME RUN FOR MOMMY! COME HERE. 346 00:17:15,265 --> 00:17:17,266 COME HERE. 347 00:17:17,267 --> 00:17:20,540 KYLE, I'VE GOT TO TURN THIS THING AROUND. 348 00:17:38,728 --> 00:17:40,290 COME HERE. 349 00:17:43,093 --> 00:17:46,836 YEAH. THAT'S IT. THAT'S IT. JUST GIVE IT A TRY, ALL RIGHT? 350 00:17:52,442 --> 00:17:54,103 OH, YES! 351 00:17:54,104 --> 00:17:57,106 GO! GO! 352 00:17:57,107 --> 00:17:59,778 A LEFTY. YOU'RE A LEFTY! 353 00:17:59,779 --> 00:18:01,510 YES! YES! 354 00:18:01,511 --> 00:18:05,614 GO! RUN! RUN! COME ON! RUN! RUN! RUN! 355 00:18:05,615 --> 00:18:07,757 (Jim) WAY TO GO! 356 00:18:09,489 --> 00:18:11,291 COME ON, KYLE. COME ON... KYLE! 357 00:18:14,394 --> 00:18:19,228 KYLE, OH, MY SON, YOU DID IT. YOU DID IT. 358 00:18:19,229 --> 00:18:22,171 YOU DID IT. YOU HIT THE BALL. YOU TURNED OUT GREAT. 359 00:18:22,172 --> 00:18:25,134 I WOULD'VE TURNED OUT GREAT NO MATTER WHAT. YOU KNOW WHY? 360 00:18:25,135 --> 00:18:27,206 SUPERIOR GENETICS, RIGHT? 361 00:18:27,207 --> 00:18:30,209 'CAUSE OF ALL THE COOL STUFF YOU DID WITH ME. 362 00:18:30,210 --> 00:18:33,612 REALLY? YEAH. AFTER THIS GAME, YOU TAKE ME TO ICE CREAM. 363 00:18:33,613 --> 00:18:35,514 THAT'S WHAT YOU REMEMBER IS ICE CREAM? 364 00:18:35,515 --> 00:18:38,417 YOU KIDS WITH THE SUGAR. IT'S REALLY GOOD ICE CREAM. 365 00:18:38,418 --> 00:18:41,420 I KNOW. WELL, UNCLE ANDY WENT BACK FOR THIRDS, 366 00:18:41,421 --> 00:18:44,423 AND YOU'VE REALLY GOTTA TALK TO HIM ABOUT... I'M GONNA TALK TO HIM ABOUT THAT. 367 00:18:44,424 --> 00:18:47,426 OKAY. BUT DON'T... DON'T TRY TO TELL ME THAT THIS AT BAT, 368 00:18:47,427 --> 00:18:50,128 IT CHANGED YOUR LIFE. THIS HAD TO BE A TURNING POINT. 369 00:18:50,129 --> 00:18:52,901 I DON'T REMEMBER ONE BIG TURNING POINT. 370 00:18:52,902 --> 00:18:56,165 I REMEMBER YOU AT MY GAMES, TAKING ME CAMPING. 371 00:18:56,166 --> 00:18:57,836 ONCE YOU DRESSED UP AS A PIÑATA 372 00:18:57,837 --> 00:19:01,410 AND LET ME AND MY FRIENDS BEAT YOU WITH A BAT. 373 00:19:01,411 --> 00:19:04,142 (laughs) I DID THAT? 374 00:19:04,143 --> 00:19:07,176 YEAH. YOU WERE THE ONE WHO NOTICED I WAS LEFT-HANDED. 375 00:19:07,177 --> 00:19:10,749 OH, SON, YOU KNOW WHAT IT'S LIKE AS A PARENT. 376 00:19:10,750 --> 00:19:13,222 I MEAN, ALL YOU THINK ABOUT IS... 377 00:19:13,223 --> 00:19:15,724 THESE BIG TURNING POINTS IN YOUR CHILD'S LIFE, 378 00:19:15,725 --> 00:19:18,687 AND IF YOU DON'T HIT IT RIGHT, THINGS ARE GONNA CHANGE, 379 00:19:18,688 --> 00:19:20,189 AND IT WON'T... 380 00:19:20,190 --> 00:19:22,191 DAD, DAD, DAD, DAD, DAD. 381 00:19:22,192 --> 00:19:24,933 YOU WERE THERE FOR ME, EVERY STEP OF THE WAY. 382 00:19:24,934 --> 00:19:26,836 YOU'RE A GREAT DAD. 383 00:19:31,841 --> 00:19:33,672 OKAY. 384 00:19:33,673 --> 00:19:36,275 OKAY. 385 00:19:36,276 --> 00:19:38,947 OKAY, DAD, IF YOU DON'T PUT ME DOWN, 386 00:19:38,948 --> 00:19:41,179 THEY'RE GONNA THROW ME OUT AT HOME. YEAH, NO. GO, GO, GO. 387 00:19:41,180 --> 00:19:42,811 GO, GO! 388 00:19:42,812 --> 00:19:45,884 GO, KYLE, GO! YES! 389 00:19:45,885 --> 00:19:47,616 SAFE! (crowd cheering) 390 00:19:47,617 --> 00:19:50,659 LEFTY, YOU'RE A LEFTY! YOU DID IT! 391 00:19:50,660 --> 00:19:53,262 ALL RIGHT! HA HA! 392 00:19:53,263 --> 00:19:55,764 (singsong voice) I'M A GOOD DAD, I'M A GOOD DAD. 393 00:19:55,765 --> 00:19:58,527 STICK YOUR HEAD IN GRAVY. 394 00:19:58,528 --> 00:20:00,629 OH, RYAN, YOU SHOULD HAVE SEEN IT. 395 00:20:00,630 --> 00:20:02,631 THE KID WAS GREAT! HE HAD SIX HITS! 396 00:20:02,632 --> 00:20:04,973 SIX? I'M SO SORRY WE MISSED THAT. 397 00:20:04,974 --> 00:20:07,976 OH. YEAH, I THOUGHT IT WAS JUST GONNA BE 398 00:20:07,977 --> 00:20:10,479 LIKE ONE OF THE GIRLS' CRAPPY RECITALS. YEAH. 399 00:20:10,480 --> 00:20:12,341 HEY! WE'RE RIGHT HERE! 400 00:20:12,342 --> 00:20:14,413 YOU KNOW, THEY EVEN GAVE KYLE THE GAME BALL. 401 00:20:14,414 --> 00:20:17,215 THAT'S GREAT, SON. THAT'S SO GREAT. 402 00:20:17,216 --> 00:20:20,889 WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO WITH THAT? I WANNA GIVE IT TO SOMEONE FOR HELPING ME OUT TODAY. 403 00:20:20,890 --> 00:20:23,722 OH, SON. THAT IS FABULOUS. THANK YOU, BUT... 404 00:20:23,723 --> 00:20:25,924 HERE YOU GO, MOMMY. 405 00:20:25,925 --> 00:20:28,757 (gasps) KYLE! 406 00:20:28,758 --> 00:20:31,530 OH, MY GOD. I'M GONNA CRY. COME HERE. 407 00:20:31,531 --> 00:20:33,632 OH. MWAH. 408 00:20:33,633 --> 00:20:34,963 YOU KNOW WHAT? 409 00:20:34,964 --> 00:20:38,908 I AM GONNA GO MAKE YOU A SPECIAL FIRST HIT CAKE. 410 00:20:40,940 --> 00:20:42,811 SORRY, DADDY, 411 00:20:42,812 --> 00:20:45,614 BUT I NEEDED THE BALL TO GET ME A CAKE. 412 00:20:45,615 --> 00:20:48,817 THAT'S MY BOY. 413 00:20:48,818 --> 00:20:52,921 OH, I CAN'T GET ENOUGH OF THESE CHILI FRIES. 414 00:20:52,922 --> 00:20:56,285 I SWEAR, THEY'RE GONNA BE THE DEATH OF ME. 415 00:20:56,286 --> 00:20:58,857 ANDY, ANDY, ANDY, WHAT DO YOU SAY YOU PUT THAT DOWN, 416 00:20:58,858 --> 00:21:00,859 WE GO OUT FOR A SALAD? 417 00:21:00,860 --> 00:21:02,991 YEAH, RIGHT. WHAT'S NEXT? 418 00:21:02,992 --> 00:21:05,594 JOIN A GYM AND START EXERCISING? 419 00:21:05,595 --> 00:21:09,768 MIND YOUR OWN BUSINESS, CREEP. 420 00:21:09,769 --> 00:21:12,040 LEFT ARM FEELS KINDA NUMB. 421 00:21:12,041 --> 00:21:14,002 MUST'VE SLEPT ON IT FUNNY. 422 00:21:14,003 --> 00:21:15,704 YEAH. OH! 423 00:21:15,705 --> 00:21:17,606 BY THE WAY, JIM, 424 00:21:17,607 --> 00:21:20,749 DO YOU THINK I COULD GET MY LAWN MOWER BACK? 425 00:21:20,750 --> 00:21:24,553 (sighs) THIS I CANNOT DO. 426 00:21:24,554 --> 00:21:26,555 BUT, JIM, YOU'VE GOT TWO OF 'EM. 427 00:21:26,556 --> 00:21:29,589 HE SAID HE CAN'T DO IT! 428 00:21:31,321 --> 00:21:34,324 I'LL GIVE YOU THE LAWN MOWER BACK. 28329

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