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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,372 --> 00:00:03,273 (Jim) PREVIOUSLY ON "ACCORDING TO JIM"... 2 00:00:03,274 --> 00:00:05,305 WE CAME HERE FOR AN IMPARTIAL OPINION. 3 00:00:05,306 --> 00:00:08,007 CHERYL, TELL RYAN HE'S AN ASS. OH, RYAN, WHAT DID YOU DO? 4 00:00:08,008 --> 00:00:10,610 I AGREED TO DELIVER A BABY, JUST LIKE I DO EVERY DAY. 5 00:00:10,611 --> 00:00:13,283 IN AFRICA, WITH ME DAYS AWAY FROM HAVING HIS CHILD. 6 00:00:13,284 --> 00:00:15,645 QUICK, TURN ON THE NEWS. ANINA HARPER JUST HAD HER BABY. OH, MY GOD. 7 00:00:15,646 --> 00:00:18,288 OH! I'M HAPPY TO REPORT 8 00:00:18,289 --> 00:00:21,791 THAT EVERYTHING WENT ACCORDING TO PLAN, 9 00:00:21,792 --> 00:00:24,794 AND MOTHER AND CHILD ARE DOING VERY WELL. (man) WE INTERRUPT THIS PROGRAM FOR BREAKING NEWS. 10 00:00:24,795 --> 00:00:26,696 CIVIL WAR HAS ERUPTED IN DJIBOUTI. 11 00:00:26,697 --> 00:00:29,099 APPARENTLY, ACTRESS ANINA HARPER AND HER BABY 12 00:00:29,100 --> 00:00:31,461 WERE ABLE TO ESCAPE IN A PRIVATE PLANE, 13 00:00:31,462 --> 00:00:34,335 BUT NOT HER OBSTETRICIAN, DR. RYAN GIBSON. 14 00:00:37,808 --> 00:00:39,809 I AM EIGHT AND A HALF MONTHS PREGNANT, 15 00:00:39,810 --> 00:00:42,072 AND MY HUSBAND IS TRAPPED IN A WAR ZONE! 16 00:00:42,073 --> 00:00:44,074 DANA, WHILE RYAN IS AWAY, 17 00:00:44,075 --> 00:00:46,646 I WANT YOU TO MOVE IN HERE WITH US. 18 00:00:46,647 --> 00:00:49,319 (bell rings) 19 00:00:49,320 --> 00:00:51,481 YES? 20 00:00:51,482 --> 00:00:54,224 I'M KIND OF IN THE MOOD FOR A GRILLED CHEESE SANDWICH. 21 00:00:54,225 --> 00:00:57,157 HOW LONG IS THIS NONSENSE GONNA LAST? 22 00:00:57,158 --> 00:01:00,231 (baby wailing) 23 00:01:09,240 --> 00:01:11,241 (groans) 24 00:01:11,242 --> 00:01:12,602 CHERYL. 25 00:01:12,603 --> 00:01:14,474 UGH. WHAT? 26 00:01:14,475 --> 00:01:17,777 THOSE CATS ARE FIGHTING IN THE ALLEY AGAIN. 27 00:01:17,778 --> 00:01:20,750 IT'S NOT CATS. IT'S DANA'S BABY. 28 00:01:20,751 --> 00:01:23,853 RIGHT. TUCKER. 29 00:01:23,854 --> 00:01:26,116 TANNER... 30 00:01:26,117 --> 00:01:28,087 AND HE'S COLICKY. 31 00:01:28,088 --> 00:01:29,819 RIGHT. 32 00:01:29,820 --> 00:01:31,391 (wailing continues) 33 00:01:31,392 --> 00:01:33,763 WHAT'S COLICKY? 34 00:01:33,764 --> 00:01:35,425 NOBODY KNOWS, 35 00:01:35,426 --> 00:01:38,598 BUT IT MEANS HE'S AWAKE AND SCREAMING. 36 00:01:38,599 --> 00:01:40,131 RIGHT. 37 00:01:42,102 --> 00:01:44,205 I'M ABOUT TO GET COLICKY. 38 00:01:46,137 --> 00:01:47,707 AAH! (groans) 39 00:01:47,708 --> 00:01:49,809 (whispers) CHERYL, I CAN'T GET THE BABY TO SLEEP. 40 00:01:49,810 --> 00:01:52,482 WHY ARE YOU WHISPERING? GET THE BABY TO WHISPER. 41 00:01:52,483 --> 00:01:55,215 ALL RIGHT. COME ON. 42 00:01:55,216 --> 00:01:57,817 LET'S GIVE THIS BABY SOME FOOD. 43 00:01:57,818 --> 00:01:59,289 WHY DON'T YOU PUT HIM IN A SWING? 44 00:01:59,290 --> 00:02:00,620 THAT'LL CALM HIM DOWN. 45 00:02:00,621 --> 00:02:02,792 WE DON'T HAVE A SWING. 46 00:02:02,793 --> 00:02:05,695 I MEAN AT THE PARK. 47 00:02:05,696 --> 00:02:09,560 (wailing continues) 48 00:02:14,235 --> 00:02:15,535 AAH! WHAT THE... 49 00:02:15,536 --> 00:02:17,207 WHAT THE... WHAT? WHAT? 50 00:02:17,208 --> 00:02:19,709 DADDY, THE BABY WOKE ME UP. 51 00:02:19,710 --> 00:02:21,771 OH, OKAY. 52 00:02:21,772 --> 00:02:24,244 ARE YOU GETTING ME A PONY FOR MY BIRTHDAY? 53 00:02:24,245 --> 00:02:26,376 'CAUSE, YOU KNOW, I'D RIDE IT TO SCHOOL, 54 00:02:26,377 --> 00:02:29,419 AND THEN YOU WOULDN'T HAVE TO TAKE ME. 55 00:02:29,420 --> 00:02:32,322 WHY ARE WE TALKING ABOUT A PONY? 56 00:02:32,323 --> 00:02:33,923 AUNT DANA SAID YOU WANTED TO. 57 00:02:33,924 --> 00:02:36,426 DANA. 58 00:02:36,427 --> 00:02:39,289 (sighs) ALL RIGHT. COME ON. 59 00:02:39,290 --> 00:02:40,730 YOU GO TO SLEEP, 60 00:02:40,731 --> 00:02:43,334 AND I'LL BUY YOU WHATEVER YOU WANT. 61 00:02:48,299 --> 00:02:51,301 I'M NAMING HIM CINNAMON. 62 00:02:51,302 --> 00:02:55,846 GO... TO... SLEEP. 63 00:03:00,811 --> 00:03:03,883 I HEARD YOU GUYS TALKING. ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT ME? 64 00:03:03,884 --> 00:03:06,886 WHY WOULD WE BE TALKING ABOUT YOU, RUBY? 65 00:03:06,887 --> 00:03:09,289 I KNOW. CAN YOU BELIEVE HER? 66 00:03:09,290 --> 00:03:10,790 SHE'S ALWAYS LIKE THIS. 67 00:03:10,791 --> 00:03:12,923 WELL, WE'LL FINISH TALKING LATER. 68 00:03:15,226 --> 00:03:17,827 RUBY, WE WERE NOT TALKING ABOUT YOU. 69 00:03:17,828 --> 00:03:20,330 COME ON. GET UP HERE AND GO TO SLEEP. 70 00:03:20,331 --> 00:03:22,402 RIGHT NOW. 71 00:03:22,403 --> 00:03:24,405 (sighs) 72 00:03:27,738 --> 00:03:30,240 WHAT?! 73 00:03:30,241 --> 00:03:32,983 COME ON, GUYS. I'M GONNA MISS MY BUS. 74 00:03:35,786 --> 00:03:38,789 ♪♪♪ 75 00:03:48,959 --> 00:03:52,902 OH, POOR JIM. HE'S EXHAUSTED. 76 00:03:52,903 --> 00:03:54,904 YEAH. GO GET YOUR CAMERA. 77 00:03:54,905 --> 00:03:57,337 I'LL FIND SOMETHING TO STICK IN HIS MOUTH. 78 00:03:57,338 --> 00:03:59,869 OH. (Tanner crying) 79 00:03:59,870 --> 00:04:03,443 CATS IN THE ALLEY. CATS IN THE ALLEY. 80 00:04:03,444 --> 00:04:05,244 HONEY, IT'S 8:00. 81 00:04:05,245 --> 00:04:07,677 YOU GOTTA GET READY FOR WORK. 82 00:04:07,678 --> 00:04:09,819 RIGHT. WORK... YEAH. 83 00:04:09,820 --> 00:04:12,953 WHERE I OPERATE HEAVY MACHINERY. 84 00:04:14,525 --> 00:04:17,256 OH, MY GOD! DANA. 85 00:04:17,257 --> 00:04:21,291 I DIDN'T REALIZE THE SNACK BAR WAS OPEN SO EARLY. 86 00:04:21,292 --> 00:04:24,464 JIM, SHE'S BREAST-FEEDING. IT'S PERFECTLY NATURAL. 87 00:04:24,465 --> 00:04:25,965 OH, GOD MADE BOOBS 88 00:04:25,966 --> 00:04:29,469 TO MAKE WOMEN'S VOLLEYBALL MORE INTERESTING, NOT FOR THAT. 89 00:04:29,470 --> 00:04:31,871 DON'T LISTEN TO HIM, TANNER. 90 00:04:31,872 --> 00:04:34,474 MOMMY'S BREASTS ARE NOT SEX OBJECTS, 91 00:04:34,475 --> 00:04:37,647 UNLESS SHE WANTS A PROMOTION WHEN SHE GOES BACK TO WORK. 92 00:04:37,648 --> 00:04:39,649 CHERYL, THIS IS NOT WORKING FOR ME. 93 00:04:39,650 --> 00:04:42,652 HAVING THIS BABY IN THE HOUSE IS JUST NOT WORKING FOR ME. 94 00:04:42,653 --> 00:04:46,386 I CAN'T GET ANY SLEEP, THIS PLACE SMELLS LIKE DIAPERS, 95 00:04:46,387 --> 00:04:49,459 AND WE HAVEN'T HAD SEX FOREVER. EW! 96 00:04:49,460 --> 00:04:51,721 WE HAD SEX TWO NIGHTS AGO. 97 00:04:51,722 --> 00:04:53,493 TWO NIGHTS AGO? FOREVER! 98 00:04:53,494 --> 00:04:56,496 OH. OH, JEEZ. JIM, WHAT'S THE BIG DEAL? 99 00:04:56,497 --> 00:04:58,998 I'LL TELL YOU WHAT THE BIG DEAL IS! 100 00:04:58,999 --> 00:05:01,000 THE BIG DEAL IS I'M SO TIRED, 101 00:05:01,001 --> 00:05:03,903 I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT I'M YELLING ABOUT! 102 00:05:03,904 --> 00:05:06,836 HONEY, MAYBE YOU SHOULD SPEND A NIGHT IN A HOTEL. 103 00:05:06,837 --> 00:05:11,341 YEAH, I'M GONNA SPEND $29.95 TO SLEEP IN A HOTEL. 104 00:05:11,342 --> 00:05:15,585 $29.95? WHERE ARE YOU STAYING? 105 00:05:15,586 --> 00:05:17,387 THEY'RE OUT THERE, CHERYL. 106 00:05:17,388 --> 00:05:20,620 IF YOU'RE NOT ALLERGIC TO COUPONS, THEY'RE OUT THERE. 107 00:05:20,621 --> 00:05:22,922 HONEY, I-I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY. 108 00:05:22,923 --> 00:05:24,924 BABIES CRY. THERE IS NO EASY ANSWER. 109 00:05:24,925 --> 00:05:26,426 (Jim) OH, CHERYL. 110 00:05:26,427 --> 00:05:28,428 ♪ SKIDDILY-BOP, SKIDDILY-BOP, BEEDILY-BOP-BOP ♪ 111 00:05:28,429 --> 00:05:32,402 ♪ A DOOTEN-DOT, A DOOTEN-DOT, A DOOTEN-DO-DAH ♪ 112 00:05:32,403 --> 00:05:35,635 MORNING ALL, HUH? 113 00:05:35,636 --> 00:05:38,468 WHOA, SISTER BOOB. GROSS. 114 00:05:38,469 --> 00:05:40,840 COME ON, JIM. I'M FULL OF PEP TODAY. 115 00:05:40,841 --> 00:05:43,413 LET'S JOG. I AM NOT JOGGING TO WORK. 116 00:05:43,414 --> 00:05:46,916 NO, NO, NO, TO THE CAR. WORK'S, LIKE, 2 MILES AWAY. 117 00:05:46,917 --> 00:05:50,019 I'M PEPPY, NOT SUICIDAL. 118 00:05:50,020 --> 00:05:53,122 JIM, WHY DON'T YOU STAY AT ANDY'S TONIGHT? 119 00:05:53,123 --> 00:05:55,525 IF JIM STAYS AT ANDY'S, WE CAN PUT TANNER'S CRADLE IN MY ROOM. 120 00:05:55,526 --> 00:05:57,787 IT'LL BE EASIER WHEN HE WAKES UP IN THE NIGHT. (Dana) YEAH. 121 00:05:57,788 --> 00:05:59,629 AND I CAN GET A GOOD NIGHT'S REST. 122 00:05:59,630 --> 00:06:03,393 OKAY, BUT YOU GOTTA LEAVE IF I GET A BOOTY CALL 123 00:06:03,394 --> 00:06:04,694 FROM ONE OF M'LADIES. 124 00:06:04,695 --> 00:06:07,567 I'LL TAKE M'CHANCES. 125 00:06:07,568 --> 00:06:09,539 SWITCHING SIDES. 126 00:06:09,540 --> 00:06:11,672 (groans) 127 00:06:18,078 --> 00:06:20,079 RIGHT. HERE WE ARE, JIM. 128 00:06:20,080 --> 00:06:21,711 HERE WE ARE. 129 00:06:21,712 --> 00:06:22,952 YEP. 130 00:06:22,953 --> 00:06:26,516 HUH? WE GOT THE WHOLE NIGHT AHEAD OF US. (laughs) 131 00:06:26,517 --> 00:06:29,759 THERE IS NO LIMIT TO THE AMOUNT OF FUN WE CAN HAVE. 132 00:06:29,760 --> 00:06:32,091 YOU KNOW WHAT I LIKE, ANDY? 133 00:06:32,092 --> 00:06:33,593 TV. 134 00:06:33,594 --> 00:06:36,566 AS DO I, MY FRIEND, BUT TONIGHT IS SPECIAL. 135 00:06:36,567 --> 00:06:38,999 LET US PAY A VISIT... 136 00:06:42,402 --> 00:06:44,504 TO THE CABINET OF AMUSEMENT. 137 00:06:44,505 --> 00:06:47,406 (electrical humming) 138 00:06:47,407 --> 00:06:50,409 HMM. IS IT A LITTLE DIM? 139 00:06:50,410 --> 00:06:54,083 (high-pitched whirring) 140 00:06:54,084 --> 00:06:56,486 WHAT SUITS YOUR FANCY, JIM? OH. 141 00:06:56,487 --> 00:06:58,518 HUH, BOARD GAME? NAY. 142 00:06:58,519 --> 00:07:02,151 NAY, TOO TAME... TOO TAME FOR A MAN OF YOUR STATURE. 143 00:07:02,152 --> 00:07:03,593 A VIDEO GAME, PERHAPS? 144 00:07:03,594 --> 00:07:07,497 WE HAVE FIRST-PERSON SHOOTER, REAL-TIME STRATEGY, 145 00:07:07,498 --> 00:07:11,060 FANTASY... BOTH ELF AND ALIEN, 146 00:07:11,061 --> 00:07:16,606 OR WE CAN KICK IT OLD SCHOOL WITH MY HOMEBOY "FROGGER." 147 00:07:16,607 --> 00:07:19,909 UM, I THINK, UH... 148 00:07:19,910 --> 00:07:22,041 I THINK I LIKE TV. 149 00:07:22,042 --> 00:07:25,615 ARE YOU SURE? HUH? CHECK THIS OUT. 150 00:07:25,616 --> 00:07:26,876 GIVE ME A C-SHARP. 151 00:07:26,877 --> 00:07:28,848 (humming high note) 152 00:07:28,849 --> 00:07:30,920 (shelf whooshes) 153 00:07:30,921 --> 00:07:32,922 (laughs) 154 00:07:32,923 --> 00:07:35,124 NERF BAZOOKA TAG. 155 00:07:35,125 --> 00:07:37,026 ONLY ONE RULE... 156 00:07:37,027 --> 00:07:38,558 NO MERCY, 157 00:07:38,559 --> 00:07:41,190 BUT TIME-OUTS FOR BATHROOM BREAKS. 158 00:07:41,191 --> 00:07:45,635 NO, JUST TV AND SILENCE. 159 00:07:45,636 --> 00:07:47,066 ALL RIGHT. 160 00:07:47,067 --> 00:07:49,699 ALL RIGHT? 161 00:07:49,700 --> 00:07:52,872 REALLY? I JUST ASK FOR WHAT I WANT AND I GET IT, 162 00:07:52,873 --> 00:07:54,874 AND THERE'S NO DISCUSSION? 163 00:07:54,875 --> 00:07:58,077 JIM, WE'RE NOT MARRIED. 164 00:07:58,078 --> 00:08:00,550 I'M NOT CHERYL. 165 00:08:00,551 --> 00:08:03,052 WOULD YOU CARE TO DRIVE? 166 00:08:03,053 --> 00:08:05,484 UH, YES. (laughs) (laughs) 167 00:08:05,485 --> 00:08:07,887 (TV playing) WOW. THIS IS GREAT. 168 00:08:07,888 --> 00:08:10,891 YOU KNOW, I THINK THE GAYS ARE ON TO SOMETHING HERE. 169 00:08:12,863 --> 00:08:14,964 THEY ARE DEFINITELY LIVING THE DREAM. 170 00:08:14,965 --> 00:08:16,966 YEAH. 171 00:08:16,967 --> 00:08:19,569 YOU KNOW, APART FROM THE WHOLE KISSING GUYS THING. 172 00:08:19,570 --> 00:08:21,871 YEAH, KISSING... 173 00:08:21,872 --> 00:08:24,874 WELL, THIS IS... THIS IS VERY CIVILIZED LIVING, ANDY. 174 00:08:24,875 --> 00:08:26,505 MM. 175 00:08:26,506 --> 00:08:28,808 YOU KNOW, CHERYL'S PROBABLY SITTING OVER THERE 176 00:08:28,809 --> 00:08:31,811 THINKING WE'RE ACTING LIKE APES WHEN IN FACT... BOOBS. 177 00:08:31,812 --> 00:08:33,683 NICE. 178 00:08:33,684 --> 00:08:35,645 ♪ BEEDILY-BOP-BOP-BOP-BOP, DIYA-DOW ♪ 179 00:08:35,646 --> 00:08:37,186 ♪ BA-LA-LOM, BA-LA-LOM ♪ 180 00:08:37,187 --> 00:08:39,589 ♪ BEEDILY-BOP-BOP-BOP-BOP, BAH-DAH-BAH-YOW ♪ 181 00:08:39,590 --> 00:08:41,120 ♪ BOW BOW ♪ 182 00:08:41,121 --> 00:08:42,521 (both harmonizing) ♪ BOW BOW ♪ 183 00:08:42,522 --> 00:08:44,523 (both laughing) 184 00:08:44,524 --> 00:08:47,096 AHH, MY SUMMER HOME. 185 00:08:47,097 --> 00:08:49,599 I SEE THE CARETAKER IS KEEPING IT UP. 186 00:08:49,600 --> 00:08:51,601 (Tanner wailing) 187 00:08:51,602 --> 00:08:53,603 OH! I DON'T WANNA COME BACK. 188 00:08:53,604 --> 00:08:57,206 I DON'T WANNA COME BACK, ANDY, NOT NOW, NOT YET! 189 00:08:57,207 --> 00:08:58,708 I KNOW. I KNOW. 190 00:08:58,709 --> 00:09:01,711 HEY, YOU CAN STAY ANOTHER NIGHT AT MY PLACE, 191 00:09:01,712 --> 00:09:04,073 UNLESS ONE OF M'LADIES... M'LADIES AREN'T COMING OVER! 192 00:09:04,074 --> 00:09:07,677 AH, WHO AM I KIDDING? IT'S NOT GONNA HAPPEN. 193 00:09:07,678 --> 00:09:10,179 CHERYL'S NOT GONNA LET ME STAY AT YOUR PLACE AGAIN. 194 00:09:10,180 --> 00:09:12,622 I KNOW HER. SHE WON'T BE ABLE TO TAKE IT. 195 00:09:12,623 --> 00:09:14,624 SHE'S GONNA MISS HER MAN. 196 00:09:14,625 --> 00:09:16,956 ♪ TIP-TOP, BEEDILY-BOP, BAH-DAH-BAH-BAH ♪ 197 00:09:16,957 --> 00:09:18,589 ♪ TIP-TOP, BEEDILY-BOP ♪ 198 00:09:20,130 --> 00:09:22,762 HEY. I'LL, UH, I'LL GET US SOME COFFEE. 199 00:09:22,763 --> 00:09:26,666 HEY, UH, YOU KNOW, DANA'S FEEDING THE BABY IN THERE. 200 00:09:26,667 --> 00:09:27,937 NAH, I'M FINE. 201 00:09:27,938 --> 00:09:29,699 (Andy) JEEPERS! 202 00:09:29,700 --> 00:09:32,572 IT LOOKS LIKE A HAIRLESS CAMEL. 203 00:09:37,077 --> 00:09:39,609 SO... GET A GOOD NIGHT'S REST AT ANDY'S? 204 00:09:39,610 --> 00:09:41,180 OH, GREAT. 205 00:09:41,181 --> 00:09:42,752 YEAH. THAT GOOD, HUH? 206 00:09:42,753 --> 00:09:45,014 NO, NOT THAT... I MEAN, IT WAS REALLY JUST OKAY. 207 00:09:45,015 --> 00:09:48,287 IT WAS, UH, EH, ADEQUATE. (yawns) 208 00:09:48,288 --> 00:09:49,789 UH-HUH. 209 00:09:49,790 --> 00:09:51,360 HOW ARE THINGS HERE? FUN. 210 00:09:51,361 --> 00:09:52,992 FUN? YEAH. 211 00:09:52,993 --> 00:09:55,725 GOOD. YEAH, WE GAVE TANNER A BATH. 212 00:09:55,726 --> 00:09:58,998 FUN! YEAH, I KNOW. BE NICE TO HAVE YOU HOME, THOUGH. 213 00:09:58,999 --> 00:10:01,701 OH, I AM SO GLAD TO BE HOME. OH, YEAH. 214 00:10:01,702 --> 00:10:03,073 UNLESS... 215 00:10:04,604 --> 00:10:07,136 DO YOU THINK YOU NEED ANOTHER NIGHT? 216 00:10:07,137 --> 00:10:09,138 AT ANDY'S? 217 00:10:09,139 --> 00:10:12,241 UH, I DON'T KNOW. I MEAN, DO YOU THINK IT'S BEST? 218 00:10:12,242 --> 00:10:14,684 WELL, I THINK WHATEVER'S BEST, 219 00:10:14,685 --> 00:10:17,917 YOU KNOW, FOR YOU AND LITTLE BABY TREXLER. 220 00:10:17,918 --> 00:10:19,989 TANNER. 221 00:10:19,990 --> 00:10:21,691 TANNER. 222 00:10:21,692 --> 00:10:24,694 YEAH, I MEAN, UH, SHE'S THE IMPORTANT ONE RIGHT NOW. 223 00:10:24,695 --> 00:10:26,656 YEAH, I REALLY AGREE, 224 00:10:26,657 --> 00:10:28,157 BUT SHE'S A BOY. 225 00:10:28,158 --> 00:10:30,259 RIGHT. (inhales sharply) 226 00:10:30,260 --> 00:10:33,362 WELL, I GUESS IT'S SETTLED THEN, HUH? 227 00:10:33,363 --> 00:10:36,035 YEAH. IT'S GONNA BE TOUGH TO BE APART. 228 00:10:36,036 --> 00:10:38,637 OH, BABY, I KNOW. I KNOW... AW. 229 00:10:38,638 --> 00:10:41,711 BUT IT'S WHAT'S RIGHT FOR THE FAMILY. YEAH, IT IS. 230 00:10:41,712 --> 00:10:44,213 YEAH, WE'LL MUDDLE THROUGH. OUR LOVE IS STRONG. 231 00:10:44,214 --> 00:10:45,675 AW. MMM. 232 00:10:45,676 --> 00:10:47,817 MWAH. 233 00:10:47,818 --> 00:10:51,881 ♪ DEEDILY-BOP-BOP-BOP, AY-DEEDILY-DEEDILY ♪ 234 00:10:51,882 --> 00:10:53,753 (Madness) ♪ OUR HOUSE ♪ 235 00:10:53,754 --> 00:10:56,055 ♪ IN THE MIDDLE OF OUR STREET ♪ 236 00:10:56,056 --> 00:10:57,787 ♪ OUR HOUSE ♪ 237 00:10:57,788 --> 00:11:00,129 ♪ IN THE MIDDLE OF OUR ♪ 238 00:11:00,130 --> 00:11:03,092 ♪ OUR HOUSE, IT HAS A CROWD ♪ 239 00:11:03,093 --> 00:11:04,894 ♪ THERE'S ALWAYS SOMETHING HAPPENING ♪ 240 00:11:04,895 --> 00:11:07,997 ♪ AND IT'S USUALLY QUITE LOUD ♪ 241 00:11:07,998 --> 00:11:11,040 ♪ OUR MUM, SHE'S SO HOUSE PROUD ♪ 242 00:11:11,041 --> 00:11:12,842 ♪ NOTHING EVER SLOWS HER DOWN ♪ 243 00:11:12,843 --> 00:11:15,845 ♪ AND A MESS IS NOT ALLOWED ♪ 244 00:11:15,846 --> 00:11:17,707 ♪ OUR HOUSE ♪ 245 00:11:17,708 --> 00:11:19,709 ♪ IN THE MIDDLE OF OUR STREET ♪ 246 00:11:19,710 --> 00:11:21,350 ♪ OUR HOUSE ♪ 247 00:11:21,351 --> 00:11:23,753 ♪ IN THE MIDDLE OF OUR ♪ 248 00:11:23,754 --> 00:11:25,384 ♪ OUR HOUSE ♪ 249 00:11:25,385 --> 00:11:27,386 ♪ IN THE MIDDLE OF OUR STREET ♪ 250 00:11:27,387 --> 00:11:29,688 ♪ OUR HOUSE ♪ ♪ SOMETHING TELLS YOU ♪ 251 00:11:29,689 --> 00:11:31,420 ♪ IN THE MIDDLE OF OUR ♪ ♪ THAT YOU'VE GOT TO MOVE AWAY FROM IT ♪ 252 00:11:31,421 --> 00:11:33,993 ♪ FATHER GETS UP LATE FOR WORK ♪ 253 00:11:33,994 --> 00:11:36,826 ♪ MOTHER HAS TO IRON HIS SHIRT ♪ 254 00:11:36,827 --> 00:11:39,098 ♪ THEN SHE SENDS THE KIDS TO SCHOOL ♪ 255 00:11:39,099 --> 00:11:42,031 ♪ SEES THEM OFF WITH A SMALL KISS ♪ ♪ OUR HOUSE ♪ 256 00:11:42,032 --> 00:11:44,703 ♪ SHE'S THE ONE THEY'RE GOING TO MISS ♪ 257 00:11:44,704 --> 00:11:46,435 ♪ IN LOTS OF WAYS ♪ 258 00:11:46,436 --> 00:11:49,439 ♪♪♪ 259 00:11:52,212 --> 00:11:54,043 HEY. HEY. 260 00:11:54,044 --> 00:11:56,715 HOW ARE THE KIDS? GREAT. 261 00:11:56,716 --> 00:11:58,717 WANT SOME SEX? YOU BET. 262 00:11:58,718 --> 00:12:00,920 ♪ OUR HOUSE, IN THE MIDDLE OF OUR STREET ♪ 263 00:12:00,921 --> 00:12:02,992 ♪ OUR HOUSE ♪ 264 00:12:02,993 --> 00:12:04,493 ♪ IN THE MIDDLE OF OUR ♪ 265 00:12:04,494 --> 00:12:06,495 ♪ I REMEMBER WAY BACK THEN, WHEN EVERYTHING WAS TRUE ♪ 266 00:12:06,496 --> 00:12:08,958 ♪ AND WHEN WE WOULD HAVE SUCH A VERY GOOD TIME ♪ 267 00:12:08,959 --> 00:12:11,961 ♪ SUCH A FINE TIME, SUCH A HAPPY TIME ♪ 268 00:12:11,962 --> 00:12:14,403 ♪ AND I REMEMBER HOW WE'D PLAY, SIMPLY WASTE THE DAY AWAY ♪ 269 00:12:14,404 --> 00:12:17,007 ♪ THEN WE'D SAY NOTHING WOULD COME BETWEEN US ♪ 270 00:12:22,072 --> 00:12:25,244 (doorbell rings) ♪ SKEE-DEE-BAH-BAH... BAH-BAH-DAH-DEE-DAH-DAH-DAH-DO-LOO ♪ 271 00:12:25,245 --> 00:12:27,877 HEY! HEY. HERE'S YOUR SHIRT FOR TOMORROW. 272 00:12:27,878 --> 00:12:29,879 OH, THANK YOU. THANK YOU. YOU'RE WELCOME. 273 00:12:29,880 --> 00:12:32,421 OH, OH, OH, OH, OH, HERE. GIVE THIS TO DANA. 274 00:12:32,422 --> 00:12:34,753 SHE WANTED TO BORROW ANDY'S NIPPLE CREAM. OH, RIGHT. 275 00:12:34,754 --> 00:12:37,086 SO... YEAH? 276 00:12:37,087 --> 00:12:40,259 WHAT ARE YOU GONNA BE DOING? OH, WE'RE GONNA GIVE TANNER A BATH. 277 00:12:40,260 --> 00:12:42,491 WE THINK TONIGHT MIGHT BE THE NIGHT 278 00:12:42,492 --> 00:12:44,763 HIS UMBILICAL CORD FALLS OFF. FUN! 279 00:12:44,764 --> 00:12:47,967 I KNOW! DO YOU WANT US TO SAVE IT FOR YOU? 280 00:12:47,968 --> 00:12:49,969 JUST TAKE A PICTURE. GOOD NIGHT, SWEETIE. MWAH. 281 00:12:49,970 --> 00:12:52,471 UH, YOU DON'T MISS ME NOW, DO YOU? 282 00:12:52,472 --> 00:12:55,845 OH, HONEY. I DON'T MISS YOU. YOU'RE RIGHT ACROSS THE STREET. 283 00:12:55,846 --> 00:12:58,777 ALL RIGHT, AS LONG AS YOU DON'T MISS ME. GOOD NIGHT. 284 00:12:58,778 --> 00:13:01,150 GOOD NIGHT. 285 00:13:01,151 --> 00:13:02,812 ♪ DEE-BAH-DEE-BAH-DEE-BOP ♪ 286 00:13:02,813 --> 00:13:04,884 (laughs) 287 00:13:04,885 --> 00:13:08,357 ALL RIGHT, ANDY. COME ON. LET'S PLAY. 288 00:13:08,358 --> 00:13:12,822 (grunting) 289 00:13:12,823 --> 00:13:14,924 ANDY! 290 00:13:14,925 --> 00:13:17,927 I CAN'T GET THE CABINET OF AMUSEMENT OPEN. 291 00:13:17,928 --> 00:13:20,831 I CAN'T HELP YOU, JIM. 292 00:13:22,202 --> 00:13:24,904 I'M AFRAID I HAVE PLANS THIS EVENING. 293 00:13:24,905 --> 00:13:26,936 WHY ARE YOU DRESSED LIKE A PILGRIM? 294 00:13:26,937 --> 00:13:30,479 HAVE YOU BEEN IN A CAVE? I'M HARRY POTTER... 295 00:13:30,480 --> 00:13:31,810 (British accent) AND THE LATEST INSTALLMENT 296 00:13:31,811 --> 00:13:33,812 HITS BOOKSTORES TONIGHT. 297 00:13:33,813 --> 00:13:35,845 WOULD YOU CARE TO JOIN US? 298 00:13:35,846 --> 00:13:38,147 (British accent) MAN, I'M AFRAID I CAN'T. 299 00:13:38,148 --> 00:13:40,990 YOU SEE, I'VE HAD SEX WITH A WOMAN. 300 00:13:40,991 --> 00:13:42,521 (normal voice) MUGGLE. 301 00:13:42,522 --> 00:13:44,523 (normal voice) WHAT? WHAT DID YOU CALL ME? 302 00:13:44,524 --> 00:13:48,197 YEAH. IF YOU DON'T KNOW, YOU ARE ONE. 303 00:13:48,198 --> 00:13:50,960 ENCABINATION LEVITOSA. 304 00:13:50,961 --> 00:13:53,262 (electrical humming) ALL RIGHT. I'LL CATCH YOU LATER. 305 00:13:53,263 --> 00:13:56,235 WAIT, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT, ANDY. COME ON. COME ON. 306 00:13:56,236 --> 00:13:58,007 WE CAN PLAY "FROGGER." 307 00:13:58,008 --> 00:13:59,939 MNH. DO YOUR NERD THING TOMORROW. 308 00:13:59,940 --> 00:14:02,942 I DID NOT SPEND THREE WEEKS HAND-SEWING THIS COSTUME 309 00:14:02,943 --> 00:14:05,274 TO BE CALLED A NERD. GOOD DAY, SIR. 310 00:14:05,275 --> 00:14:07,016 ANDY! 311 00:14:07,017 --> 00:14:08,919 I SAID GOOD DAY! 312 00:14:14,885 --> 00:14:18,889 ALL RIGHT. LET'S SEE WHAT I'M IN THE MOOD FOR. 313 00:14:22,893 --> 00:14:24,533 (sighs) 314 00:14:24,534 --> 00:14:26,866 UHH! 315 00:14:37,207 --> 00:14:40,179 (making whooshing sounds) 316 00:14:40,180 --> 00:14:43,012 (imitates sputtering) 317 00:14:43,013 --> 00:14:44,313 (laughs) 318 00:14:44,314 --> 00:14:46,316 OH, ANDY. 319 00:14:48,588 --> 00:14:51,090 WHAT THE HELL? 320 00:14:51,091 --> 00:14:52,421 OOH. WHAT THE HELL?! 321 00:14:52,422 --> 00:14:54,263 IT'S 3:00 IN THE MORNING, MISTER! 322 00:14:54,264 --> 00:14:57,566 JIM, WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO MY HOUSE? 323 00:14:57,567 --> 00:14:59,568 OH, MY GOD. MY FIRST-PERSON SHOOTERS 324 00:14:59,569 --> 00:15:01,600 ARE MIXED WITH MY MULTIPLAYER ONLINE GAMES. 325 00:15:01,601 --> 00:15:06,005 WHAT... WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU? 326 00:15:06,006 --> 00:15:08,577 OOH. WHAT THE HELL... IS WRONG WITH YOU?! I DON'T KNOW. 327 00:15:08,578 --> 00:15:10,980 YOU LEFT ME ALONE HERE ALL NIGHT WITH MY THOUGHTS. 328 00:15:10,981 --> 00:15:13,382 WHA... USUALLY WHEN THAT HAPPENS, 329 00:15:13,383 --> 00:15:16,915 CHERYL COMES DOWN AND KICKS THEM OUT FOR ME. 330 00:15:16,916 --> 00:15:18,417 OKAY, OKAY, OKAY. 331 00:15:18,418 --> 00:15:21,020 WHAT... WHAT... WHAT... WHAT ARE YOU THINKING ABOUT? 332 00:15:21,021 --> 00:15:22,921 I DON'T KNOW. OH. 333 00:15:22,922 --> 00:15:26,996 OKAY. THAT'S IT! (door opens overhead) 334 00:15:26,997 --> 00:15:29,158 STOP MESSING WITH MY TOYS! (darts rattling) 335 00:15:29,159 --> 00:15:32,031 (grunts) 336 00:15:32,032 --> 00:15:33,402 STOP THAT! 337 00:15:33,403 --> 00:15:34,933 STOP THAT RIGHT NOW! 338 00:15:34,934 --> 00:15:36,606 WELL, WHAT'S GOING ON?! 339 00:15:38,038 --> 00:15:40,239 WHY DOESN'T CHERYL MISS ME? 340 00:15:40,240 --> 00:15:42,071 OH. 341 00:15:42,072 --> 00:15:43,712 COME ON! 342 00:15:43,713 --> 00:15:46,675 THIS WHOLE THING IS ABOUT CHERYL? YEAH! 343 00:15:46,676 --> 00:15:51,180 OH, GREAT, JIM, BUT INSTEAD OF WALKING ACROSS THE STREET 344 00:15:51,181 --> 00:15:53,652 AND HAVING A CONVERSATION WITH HER... 345 00:15:53,653 --> 00:15:55,524 (laughs) YOU HAVE DESTROYED THE PRECIOUS RESULTS 346 00:15:55,525 --> 00:15:57,988 OF A LIFETIME OF METICULOUS COLLECTING! 347 00:16:00,190 --> 00:16:01,690 YOU KNOW WHAT? 348 00:16:01,691 --> 00:16:05,195 I BET THE GAYS ARE MUCH MORE SUPPORTIVE OF EACH OTHER. 349 00:16:06,997 --> 00:16:09,038 (sighs) 350 00:16:09,039 --> 00:16:11,140 WHOA. 351 00:16:11,141 --> 00:16:13,242 I DIDN'T EVEN SEE THAT COM... COMING IN. 352 00:16:13,243 --> 00:16:15,244 DID YOU SEE THAT? WHAT? 353 00:16:15,245 --> 00:16:18,147 WELL, THERE'S A... THERE'S A BANNER OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE 354 00:16:18,148 --> 00:16:20,149 THAT SAYS, "I MISS JIM." 355 00:16:20,150 --> 00:16:21,980 REALLY? NO! 356 00:16:21,981 --> 00:16:23,452 OH! ANDY! ANDY! 357 00:16:23,453 --> 00:16:26,356 GO HOME! TALK TO YOUR WIFE! 358 00:16:52,142 --> 00:16:54,113 (static) 359 00:16:54,114 --> 00:16:55,484 OH. 360 00:16:55,485 --> 00:16:57,015 (computerized male voice) TARGET ACQUIRED. HEY. 361 00:16:57,016 --> 00:17:00,349 BEGIN BOMBING RUN. SHH! SHH! NO BOMBS. NO BOMBS. 362 00:17:00,350 --> 00:17:02,791 (sound of bombs dropping) 363 00:17:02,792 --> 00:17:06,024 CEASE FIRE. CEASE FIRE! 364 00:17:06,025 --> 00:17:07,626 MAYDAY! 365 00:17:07,627 --> 00:17:09,528 (Tanner wailing) 366 00:17:09,529 --> 00:17:11,230 (groans) 367 00:17:11,231 --> 00:17:14,463 (Dana) I HAVE A GUN, AND I'M NOT AFRAID TO USE IT! 368 00:17:14,464 --> 00:17:16,765 DANA, IT'S ME, JIM! 369 00:17:16,766 --> 00:17:18,568 I KNOW! 370 00:17:22,142 --> 00:17:24,643 JIM, WHAT ARE YOU DOING? YOU WOKE THE BABY. 371 00:17:24,644 --> 00:17:26,645 YOU KNOW WHAT? 372 00:17:26,646 --> 00:17:29,318 I'M SICK AND TIRED OF HEARING ABOUT THAT STUPID BABY. 373 00:17:29,319 --> 00:17:32,081 PUT A BOOB IN HIS MOUTH, AND HE'LL BE FINE. 374 00:17:32,082 --> 00:17:35,724 WELL, HONEY, CAN'T THE SAME BE SAID OF YOU? 375 00:17:35,725 --> 00:17:37,326 DON'T DISTRACT ME, CHERYL. 376 00:17:37,327 --> 00:17:39,128 OH. 377 00:17:39,129 --> 00:17:42,131 OUR MARRIAGE IS IN TROUBLE, AND I'M NOT LIKE YOU. 378 00:17:42,132 --> 00:17:44,093 I WON'T GIVE UP WITHOUT A FIGHT. 379 00:17:44,094 --> 00:17:45,634 WHAT? 380 00:17:45,635 --> 00:17:48,637 I KNOW YOU GOT THE TASTE OF THE SWEET LIFE WITHOUT ME, 381 00:17:48,638 --> 00:17:50,639 BUT I AM YOUR HUSBAND, 382 00:17:50,640 --> 00:17:53,842 AND YOU'RE GONNA LIVE WITH ME WHETHER YOU LIKE IT OR NOT! 383 00:17:53,843 --> 00:17:55,844 HONEY, OUR MARRIAGE IS FINE. 384 00:17:55,845 --> 00:17:58,177 BELIEVE ME, IF THERE WERE A PROBLEM, 385 00:17:58,178 --> 00:18:00,179 I'D SEE IT WAY BEFORE YOU. 386 00:18:00,180 --> 00:18:02,181 HOW WOULD YOU EVEN KNOW THAT? 387 00:18:02,182 --> 00:18:04,683 WE DON'T EVEN SHARE ANYTHING ANYMORE TOGETHER. 388 00:18:04,684 --> 00:18:07,256 YOU DON'T EVEN MISS ME! 389 00:18:07,257 --> 00:18:08,587 I MISS YOU. 390 00:18:08,588 --> 00:18:11,089 NO, YOU DON'T. THAT'S NOT WHAT YOU SAID. 391 00:18:11,090 --> 00:18:13,592 YOU SAID, "GO OVER TO ANDY'S. I DON'T CARE. 392 00:18:13,593 --> 00:18:15,795 YOU'RE WORTHLESS TO ME!" 393 00:18:17,167 --> 00:18:19,428 I'M PARAPHRASING. 394 00:18:19,429 --> 00:18:21,470 WELL, I DO MISS YOU. 395 00:18:21,471 --> 00:18:23,672 WHEN I SAID I DIDN'T, 396 00:18:23,673 --> 00:18:26,775 I WAS PRACTICING RELATIONSHIP MANAGEMENT. 397 00:18:26,776 --> 00:18:28,277 RELATIONSHIP MA... 398 00:18:28,278 --> 00:18:30,279 YOU MEAN YOU... YOU... YOU LIED? 399 00:18:30,280 --> 00:18:33,212 RELATIONSHIP MANAGEMENT. 400 00:18:33,213 --> 00:18:36,215 JIM, I DIDN'T WANT YOU TO COME HOME BECAUSE I MISSED YOU. 401 00:18:36,216 --> 00:18:39,248 I WANTED YOU TO COME HOME BECAUSE YOU WANTED TO. 402 00:18:39,249 --> 00:18:41,220 CHERYL... 403 00:18:41,221 --> 00:18:45,394 I-I TORE APART ANDY'S HOUSE. 404 00:18:45,395 --> 00:18:48,197 I BROKE ALL OF HIS TOYS. 405 00:18:48,198 --> 00:18:51,430 ALONE WITH YOUR THOUGHTS, HUH? 406 00:18:51,431 --> 00:18:53,802 FOR HOURS. 407 00:18:53,803 --> 00:18:56,205 THEY JUST KEPT ROLLIN' AND ROLLIN' AND ROLLIN'. 408 00:18:56,206 --> 00:19:00,210 BABY, YOU'RE HOME NOW. YOU DON'T HAVE TO THINK ANYMORE. 409 00:19:04,774 --> 00:19:07,145 DID YOU REALLY MISS ME? 410 00:19:07,146 --> 00:19:09,348 I REALLY MISSED YOU. 411 00:19:09,349 --> 00:19:12,221 WHAT DID YOU MISS MOST ABOUT ME? 412 00:19:12,222 --> 00:19:14,624 YOUR HOT BODY. 413 00:19:18,928 --> 00:19:21,330 YES! AWESOME! 414 00:19:21,331 --> 00:19:24,333 YEP. I HAD TO WEAR SOCKS AT NIGHT 'CAUSE I COULDN'T TUCK 415 00:19:24,334 --> 00:19:26,465 MY COLD FEET UP AGAINST YOUR SEXY BUTT. 416 00:19:26,466 --> 00:19:28,767 SEXY BUTT, YEAH. AWESOME. 417 00:19:28,768 --> 00:19:30,869 (chuckles) 418 00:19:30,870 --> 00:19:33,442 YEAH. LET'S GO TO BED. 419 00:19:33,443 --> 00:19:35,744 YEAH, ABOUT THAT, UM, 420 00:19:35,745 --> 00:19:38,507 HONEY, DANA'S IN OUR BED. 421 00:19:38,508 --> 00:19:41,610 THAT'S NOT AWESOME. 422 00:19:41,611 --> 00:19:44,383 NO. YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SLEEP ON THE COUCH. 423 00:19:44,384 --> 00:19:46,715 I'M TIRED. 424 00:19:46,716 --> 00:19:48,617 OH, I KNOW, SWEETIE. 425 00:19:48,618 --> 00:19:50,619 I'LL SLEEP LIKE A BABY. 426 00:19:50,620 --> 00:19:52,391 OKAY. GOOD. 427 00:19:52,392 --> 00:19:54,693 I'LL SLEEP LIKE A BABY... 428 00:19:54,694 --> 00:19:57,226 AS LONG AS YOU'RE IN THE HOUSE... 429 00:19:57,227 --> 00:19:59,568 I'M IN THE HOUSE... 430 00:19:59,569 --> 00:20:02,271 YOU KNOW I'M IN THE HOUSE... 431 00:20:02,272 --> 00:20:04,202 AND YOU LIKE IT. 432 00:20:04,203 --> 00:20:07,406 I DO. LAY DOWN. 433 00:20:07,407 --> 00:20:09,578 YOU KNOW WHAT? AHH. 434 00:20:09,579 --> 00:20:11,580 I'M GONNA TELL DANA TOMORROW 435 00:20:11,581 --> 00:20:13,242 THAT IT'S TIME FOR HER TO GO HOME. 436 00:20:13,243 --> 00:20:16,545 OH, CHERYL. YOU'RE GONNA KICK YOUR SISTER OUT OF THE HOUSE? 437 00:20:16,546 --> 00:20:18,387 FOR ME? 438 00:20:18,388 --> 00:20:19,588 I AM. 439 00:20:19,589 --> 00:20:21,890 THAT'S AWESOME. 440 00:20:21,891 --> 00:20:23,252 (chuckles) 441 00:20:23,253 --> 00:20:26,895 DID RYAN GET A FLIGHT HOME FROM AFRICA? 442 00:20:26,896 --> 00:20:29,227 HE DID. 443 00:20:29,228 --> 00:20:31,660 SO SHE WAS GONNA GO TOMORROW ANYWAY, RIGHT? 444 00:20:31,661 --> 00:20:34,333 YEAH, SHE WAS. 445 00:20:34,334 --> 00:20:36,635 SO YOU LIED AGAIN? 446 00:20:36,636 --> 00:20:41,239 RELATIONSHIP MANAGEMENT. 447 00:20:41,240 --> 00:20:43,912 (sighs) 448 00:20:43,913 --> 00:20:45,544 AWESOME. 449 00:20:45,545 --> 00:20:48,548 (Tanner crying) 450 00:20:54,384 --> 00:20:56,455 GOOD NIGHT, TINKER. 451 00:20:56,456 --> 00:20:59,358 (Tanner wailing loudly) 452 00:20:59,359 --> 00:21:01,430 TUCKER. TUCKER. 453 00:21:01,431 --> 00:21:03,693 TUCKER! TREXLER! 29704

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