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1
00:00:01,372 --> 00:00:03,273
(Jim) PREVIOUSLY
ON "ACCORDING TO JIM"...
2
00:00:03,274 --> 00:00:05,305
WE CAME HERE
FOR AN IMPARTIAL OPINION.
3
00:00:05,306 --> 00:00:08,007
CHERYL, TELL RYAN HE'S AN
ASS. OH, RYAN, WHAT DID YOU DO?
4
00:00:08,008 --> 00:00:10,610
I AGREED TO DELIVER A BABY,
JUST LIKE I DO EVERY DAY.
5
00:00:10,611 --> 00:00:13,283
IN AFRICA, WITH ME DAYS AWAY
FROM HAVING HIS CHILD.
6
00:00:13,284 --> 00:00:15,645
QUICK, TURN ON THE NEWS. ANINA
HARPER JUST HAD HER BABY. OH, MY GOD.
7
00:00:15,646 --> 00:00:18,288
OH!
I'M HAPPY TO REPORT
8
00:00:18,289 --> 00:00:21,791
THAT EVERYTHING WENT
ACCORDING TO PLAN,
9
00:00:21,792 --> 00:00:24,794
AND MOTHER AND CHILD ARE DOING VERY WELL. (man)
WE INTERRUPT THIS PROGRAM FOR BREAKING NEWS.
10
00:00:24,795 --> 00:00:26,696
CIVIL WAR
HAS ERUPTED IN DJIBOUTI.
11
00:00:26,697 --> 00:00:29,099
APPARENTLY, ACTRESS
ANINA HARPER AND HER BABY
12
00:00:29,100 --> 00:00:31,461
WERE ABLE TO ESCAPE
IN A PRIVATE PLANE,
13
00:00:31,462 --> 00:00:34,335
BUT NOT HER OBSTETRICIAN,
DR. RYAN GIBSON.
14
00:00:37,808 --> 00:00:39,809
I AM EIGHT AND A HALF MONTHS
PREGNANT,
15
00:00:39,810 --> 00:00:42,072
AND MY HUSBAND
IS TRAPPED IN A WAR ZONE!
16
00:00:42,073 --> 00:00:44,074
DANA, WHILE RYAN IS AWAY,
17
00:00:44,075 --> 00:00:46,646
I WANT YOU TO MOVE
IN HERE WITH US.
18
00:00:46,647 --> 00:00:49,319
(bell rings)
19
00:00:49,320 --> 00:00:51,481
YES?
20
00:00:51,482 --> 00:00:54,224
I'M KIND OF IN THE MOOD
FOR A GRILLED CHEESE SANDWICH.
21
00:00:54,225 --> 00:00:57,157
HOW LONG IS THIS NONSENSE
GONNA LAST?
22
00:00:57,158 --> 00:01:00,231
(baby wailing)
23
00:01:09,240 --> 00:01:11,241
(groans)
24
00:01:11,242 --> 00:01:12,602
CHERYL.
25
00:01:12,603 --> 00:01:14,474
UGH. WHAT?
26
00:01:14,475 --> 00:01:17,777
THOSE CATS ARE FIGHTING
IN THE ALLEY AGAIN.
27
00:01:17,778 --> 00:01:20,750
IT'S NOT CATS.
IT'S DANA'S BABY.
28
00:01:20,751 --> 00:01:23,853
RIGHT. TUCKER.
29
00:01:23,854 --> 00:01:26,116
TANNER...
30
00:01:26,117 --> 00:01:28,087
AND HE'S COLICKY.
31
00:01:28,088 --> 00:01:29,819
RIGHT.
32
00:01:29,820 --> 00:01:31,391
(wailing continues)
33
00:01:31,392 --> 00:01:33,763
WHAT'S COLICKY?
34
00:01:33,764 --> 00:01:35,425
NOBODY KNOWS,
35
00:01:35,426 --> 00:01:38,598
BUT IT MEANS HE'S AWAKE
AND SCREAMING.
36
00:01:38,599 --> 00:01:40,131
RIGHT.
37
00:01:42,102 --> 00:01:44,205
I'M ABOUT
TO GET COLICKY.
38
00:01:46,137 --> 00:01:47,707
AAH!
(groans)
39
00:01:47,708 --> 00:01:49,809
(whispers) CHERYL,
I CAN'T GET THE BABY TO SLEEP.
40
00:01:49,810 --> 00:01:52,482
WHY ARE YOU WHISPERING?
GET THE BABY TO WHISPER.
41
00:01:52,483 --> 00:01:55,215
ALL RIGHT. COME ON.
42
00:01:55,216 --> 00:01:57,817
LET'S GIVE THIS BABY
SOME FOOD.
43
00:01:57,818 --> 00:01:59,289
WHY DON'T YOU PUT HIM
IN A SWING?
44
00:01:59,290 --> 00:02:00,620
THAT'LL CALM HIM DOWN.
45
00:02:00,621 --> 00:02:02,792
WE DON'T HAVE A SWING.
46
00:02:02,793 --> 00:02:05,695
I MEAN AT THE PARK.
47
00:02:05,696 --> 00:02:09,560
(wailing continues)
48
00:02:14,235 --> 00:02:15,535
AAH! WHAT THE...
49
00:02:15,536 --> 00:02:17,207
WHAT THE... WHAT? WHAT?
50
00:02:17,208 --> 00:02:19,709
DADDY,
THE BABY WOKE ME UP.
51
00:02:19,710 --> 00:02:21,771
OH, OKAY.
52
00:02:21,772 --> 00:02:24,244
ARE YOU GETTING ME A PONY
FOR MY BIRTHDAY?
53
00:02:24,245 --> 00:02:26,376
'CAUSE, YOU KNOW,
I'D RIDE IT TO SCHOOL,
54
00:02:26,377 --> 00:02:29,419
AND THEN YOU WOULDN'T
HAVE TO TAKE ME.
55
00:02:29,420 --> 00:02:32,322
WHY ARE WE TALKING
ABOUT A PONY?
56
00:02:32,323 --> 00:02:33,923
AUNT DANA
SAID YOU WANTED TO.
57
00:02:33,924 --> 00:02:36,426
DANA.
58
00:02:36,427 --> 00:02:39,289
(sighs) ALL RIGHT. COME ON.
59
00:02:39,290 --> 00:02:40,730
YOU GO TO SLEEP,
60
00:02:40,731 --> 00:02:43,334
AND I'LL BUY YOU
WHATEVER YOU WANT.
61
00:02:48,299 --> 00:02:51,301
I'M NAMING HIM CINNAMON.
62
00:02:51,302 --> 00:02:55,846
GO... TO... SLEEP.
63
00:03:00,811 --> 00:03:03,883
I HEARD YOU GUYS TALKING.
ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT ME?
64
00:03:03,884 --> 00:03:06,886
WHY WOULD WE BE TALKING
ABOUT YOU, RUBY?
65
00:03:06,887 --> 00:03:09,289
I KNOW.
CAN YOU BELIEVE HER?
66
00:03:09,290 --> 00:03:10,790
SHE'S ALWAYS LIKE THIS.
67
00:03:10,791 --> 00:03:12,923
WELL, WE'LL FINISH
TALKING LATER.
68
00:03:15,226 --> 00:03:17,827
RUBY, WE WERE NOT
TALKING ABOUT YOU.
69
00:03:17,828 --> 00:03:20,330
COME ON. GET UP HERE
AND GO TO SLEEP.
70
00:03:20,331 --> 00:03:22,402
RIGHT NOW.
71
00:03:22,403 --> 00:03:24,405
(sighs)
72
00:03:27,738 --> 00:03:30,240
WHAT?!
73
00:03:30,241 --> 00:03:32,983
COME ON, GUYS.
I'M GONNA MISS MY BUS.
74
00:03:35,786 --> 00:03:38,789
♪♪♪
75
00:03:48,959 --> 00:03:52,902
OH, POOR JIM.
HE'S EXHAUSTED.
76
00:03:52,903 --> 00:03:54,904
YEAH.
GO GET YOUR CAMERA.
77
00:03:54,905 --> 00:03:57,337
I'LL FIND SOMETHING
TO STICK IN HIS MOUTH.
78
00:03:57,338 --> 00:03:59,869
OH.
(Tanner crying)
79
00:03:59,870 --> 00:04:03,443
CATS IN THE ALLEY.
CATS IN THE ALLEY.
80
00:04:03,444 --> 00:04:05,244
HONEY, IT'S 8:00.
81
00:04:05,245 --> 00:04:07,677
YOU GOTTA
GET READY FOR WORK.
82
00:04:07,678 --> 00:04:09,819
RIGHT. WORK...
YEAH.
83
00:04:09,820 --> 00:04:12,953
WHERE I OPERATE
HEAVY MACHINERY.
84
00:04:14,525 --> 00:04:17,256
OH, MY GOD! DANA.
85
00:04:17,257 --> 00:04:21,291
I DIDN'T REALIZE THE SNACK BAR
WAS OPEN SO EARLY.
86
00:04:21,292 --> 00:04:24,464
JIM, SHE'S BREAST-FEEDING.
IT'S PERFECTLY NATURAL.
87
00:04:24,465 --> 00:04:25,965
OH, GOD MADE BOOBS
88
00:04:25,966 --> 00:04:29,469
TO MAKE WOMEN'S VOLLEYBALL
MORE INTERESTING, NOT FOR THAT.
89
00:04:29,470 --> 00:04:31,871
DON'T LISTEN TO HIM, TANNER.
90
00:04:31,872 --> 00:04:34,474
MOMMY'S BREASTS
ARE NOT SEX OBJECTS,
91
00:04:34,475 --> 00:04:37,647
UNLESS SHE WANTS A PROMOTION
WHEN SHE GOES BACK TO WORK.
92
00:04:37,648 --> 00:04:39,649
CHERYL, THIS IS
NOT WORKING FOR ME.
93
00:04:39,650 --> 00:04:42,652
HAVING THIS BABY IN THE HOUSE
IS JUST NOT WORKING FOR ME.
94
00:04:42,653 --> 00:04:46,386
I CAN'T GET ANY SLEEP,
THIS PLACE SMELLS LIKE DIAPERS,
95
00:04:46,387 --> 00:04:49,459
AND WE HAVEN'T HAD SEX FOREVER.
EW!
96
00:04:49,460 --> 00:04:51,721
WE HAD SEX TWO NIGHTS AGO.
97
00:04:51,722 --> 00:04:53,493
TWO NIGHTS AGO? FOREVER!
98
00:04:53,494 --> 00:04:56,496
OH. OH, JEEZ. JIM,
WHAT'S THE BIG DEAL?
99
00:04:56,497 --> 00:04:58,998
I'LL TELL YOU
WHAT THE BIG DEAL IS!
100
00:04:58,999 --> 00:05:01,000
THE BIG DEAL IS
I'M SO TIRED,
101
00:05:01,001 --> 00:05:03,903
I DON'T EVEN KNOW
WHAT I'M YELLING ABOUT!
102
00:05:03,904 --> 00:05:06,836
HONEY, MAYBE YOU SHOULD
SPEND A NIGHT IN A HOTEL.
103
00:05:06,837 --> 00:05:11,341
YEAH, I'M GONNA SPEND $29.95
TO SLEEP IN A HOTEL.
104
00:05:11,342 --> 00:05:15,585
$29.95?
WHERE ARE YOU STAYING?
105
00:05:15,586 --> 00:05:17,387
THEY'RE OUT THERE, CHERYL.
106
00:05:17,388 --> 00:05:20,620
IF YOU'RE NOT ALLERGIC
TO COUPONS, THEY'RE OUT THERE.
107
00:05:20,621 --> 00:05:22,922
HONEY, I-I DON'T KNOW
WHAT TO SAY.
108
00:05:22,923 --> 00:05:24,924
BABIES CRY.
THERE IS NO EASY ANSWER.
109
00:05:24,925 --> 00:05:26,426
(Jim) OH, CHERYL.
110
00:05:26,427 --> 00:05:28,428
♪ SKIDDILY-BOP, SKIDDILY-BOP,
BEEDILY-BOP-BOP ♪
111
00:05:28,429 --> 00:05:32,402
♪ A DOOTEN-DOT, A DOOTEN-DOT,
A DOOTEN-DO-DAH ♪
112
00:05:32,403 --> 00:05:35,635
MORNING ALL, HUH?
113
00:05:35,636 --> 00:05:38,468
WHOA, SISTER BOOB. GROSS.
114
00:05:38,469 --> 00:05:40,840
COME ON, JIM.
I'M FULL OF PEP TODAY.
115
00:05:40,841 --> 00:05:43,413
LET'S JOG.
I AM NOT JOGGING TO WORK.
116
00:05:43,414 --> 00:05:46,916
NO, NO, NO, TO THE CAR.
WORK'S, LIKE, 2 MILES AWAY.
117
00:05:46,917 --> 00:05:50,019
I'M PEPPY, NOT SUICIDAL.
118
00:05:50,020 --> 00:05:53,122
JIM, WHY DON'T YOU STAY
AT ANDY'S TONIGHT?
119
00:05:53,123 --> 00:05:55,525
IF JIM STAYS AT ANDY'S, WE CAN
PUT TANNER'S CRADLE IN MY ROOM.
120
00:05:55,526 --> 00:05:57,787
IT'LL BE EASIER WHEN HE WAKES
UP IN THE NIGHT. (Dana) YEAH.
121
00:05:57,788 --> 00:05:59,629
AND I CAN GET
A GOOD NIGHT'S REST.
122
00:05:59,630 --> 00:06:03,393
OKAY, BUT YOU GOTTA LEAVE
IF I GET A BOOTY CALL
123
00:06:03,394 --> 00:06:04,694
FROM ONE OF M'LADIES.
124
00:06:04,695 --> 00:06:07,567
I'LL TAKE M'CHANCES.
125
00:06:07,568 --> 00:06:09,539
SWITCHING SIDES.
126
00:06:09,540 --> 00:06:11,672
(groans)
127
00:06:18,078 --> 00:06:20,079
RIGHT.
HERE WE ARE, JIM.
128
00:06:20,080 --> 00:06:21,711
HERE WE ARE.
129
00:06:21,712 --> 00:06:22,952
YEP.
130
00:06:22,953 --> 00:06:26,516
HUH? WE GOT THE WHOLE NIGHT
AHEAD OF US. (laughs)
131
00:06:26,517 --> 00:06:29,759
THERE IS NO LIMIT TO THE AMOUNT
OF FUN WE CAN HAVE.
132
00:06:29,760 --> 00:06:32,091
YOU KNOW WHAT I LIKE,
ANDY?
133
00:06:32,092 --> 00:06:33,593
TV.
134
00:06:33,594 --> 00:06:36,566
AS DO I, MY FRIEND,
BUT TONIGHT IS SPECIAL.
135
00:06:36,567 --> 00:06:38,999
LET US PAY A VISIT...
136
00:06:42,402 --> 00:06:44,504
TO THE CABINET
OF AMUSEMENT.
137
00:06:44,505 --> 00:06:47,406
(electrical humming)
138
00:06:47,407 --> 00:06:50,409
HMM. IS IT A LITTLE DIM?
139
00:06:50,410 --> 00:06:54,083
(high-pitched whirring)
140
00:06:54,084 --> 00:06:56,486
WHAT SUITS YOUR FANCY, JIM? OH.
141
00:06:56,487 --> 00:06:58,518
HUH, BOARD GAME? NAY.
142
00:06:58,519 --> 00:07:02,151
NAY, TOO TAME... TOO TAME
FOR A MAN OF YOUR STATURE.
143
00:07:02,152 --> 00:07:03,593
A VIDEO GAME, PERHAPS?
144
00:07:03,594 --> 00:07:07,497
WE HAVE FIRST-PERSON SHOOTER,
REAL-TIME STRATEGY,
145
00:07:07,498 --> 00:07:11,060
FANTASY... BOTH ELF AND ALIEN,
146
00:07:11,061 --> 00:07:16,606
OR WE CAN KICK IT OLD SCHOOL
WITH MY HOMEBOY "FROGGER."
147
00:07:16,607 --> 00:07:19,909
UM, I THINK, UH...
148
00:07:19,910 --> 00:07:22,041
I THINK I LIKE TV.
149
00:07:22,042 --> 00:07:25,615
ARE YOU SURE? HUH?
CHECK THIS OUT.
150
00:07:25,616 --> 00:07:26,876
GIVE ME A C-SHARP.
151
00:07:26,877 --> 00:07:28,848
(humming high note)
152
00:07:28,849 --> 00:07:30,920
(shelf whooshes)
153
00:07:30,921 --> 00:07:32,922
(laughs)
154
00:07:32,923 --> 00:07:35,124
NERF BAZOOKA TAG.
155
00:07:35,125 --> 00:07:37,026
ONLY ONE RULE...
156
00:07:37,027 --> 00:07:38,558
NO MERCY,
157
00:07:38,559 --> 00:07:41,190
BUT TIME-OUTS
FOR BATHROOM BREAKS.
158
00:07:41,191 --> 00:07:45,635
NO, JUST TV AND SILENCE.
159
00:07:45,636 --> 00:07:47,066
ALL RIGHT.
160
00:07:47,067 --> 00:07:49,699
ALL RIGHT?
161
00:07:49,700 --> 00:07:52,872
REALLY? I JUST ASK
FOR WHAT I WANT AND I GET IT,
162
00:07:52,873 --> 00:07:54,874
AND THERE'S NO DISCUSSION?
163
00:07:54,875 --> 00:07:58,077
JIM, WE'RE NOT MARRIED.
164
00:07:58,078 --> 00:08:00,550
I'M NOT CHERYL.
165
00:08:00,551 --> 00:08:03,052
WOULD YOU CARE TO DRIVE?
166
00:08:03,053 --> 00:08:05,484
UH, YES. (laughs)
(laughs)
167
00:08:05,485 --> 00:08:07,887
(TV playing)
WOW. THIS IS GREAT.
168
00:08:07,888 --> 00:08:10,891
YOU KNOW, I THINK THE GAYS
ARE ON TO SOMETHING HERE.
169
00:08:12,863 --> 00:08:14,964
THEY ARE DEFINITELY
LIVING THE DREAM.
170
00:08:14,965 --> 00:08:16,966
YEAH.
171
00:08:16,967 --> 00:08:19,569
YOU KNOW, APART FROM
THE WHOLE KISSING GUYS THING.
172
00:08:19,570 --> 00:08:21,871
YEAH, KISSING...
173
00:08:21,872 --> 00:08:24,874
WELL, THIS IS... THIS IS
VERY CIVILIZED LIVING, ANDY.
174
00:08:24,875 --> 00:08:26,505
MM.
175
00:08:26,506 --> 00:08:28,808
YOU KNOW, CHERYL'S
PROBABLY SITTING OVER THERE
176
00:08:28,809 --> 00:08:31,811
THINKING WE'RE ACTING LIKE
APES WHEN IN FACT... BOOBS.
177
00:08:31,812 --> 00:08:33,683
NICE.
178
00:08:33,684 --> 00:08:35,645
♪ BEEDILY-BOP-BOP-BOP-BOP,
DIYA-DOW ♪
179
00:08:35,646 --> 00:08:37,186
♪ BA-LA-LOM, BA-LA-LOM ♪
180
00:08:37,187 --> 00:08:39,589
♪ BEEDILY-BOP-BOP-BOP-BOP,
BAH-DAH-BAH-YOW ♪
181
00:08:39,590 --> 00:08:41,120
♪ BOW BOW ♪
182
00:08:41,121 --> 00:08:42,521
(both harmonizing)
♪ BOW BOW ♪
183
00:08:42,522 --> 00:08:44,523
(both laughing)
184
00:08:44,524 --> 00:08:47,096
AHH, MY SUMMER HOME.
185
00:08:47,097 --> 00:08:49,599
I SEE THE CARETAKER
IS KEEPING IT UP.
186
00:08:49,600 --> 00:08:51,601
(Tanner wailing)
187
00:08:51,602 --> 00:08:53,603
OH! I DON'T WANNA COME BACK.
188
00:08:53,604 --> 00:08:57,206
I DON'T WANNA COME BACK,
ANDY, NOT NOW, NOT YET!
189
00:08:57,207 --> 00:08:58,708
I KNOW. I KNOW.
190
00:08:58,709 --> 00:09:01,711
HEY, YOU CAN STAY
ANOTHER NIGHT AT MY PLACE,
191
00:09:01,712 --> 00:09:04,073
UNLESS ONE OF M'LADIES...
M'LADIES AREN'T COMING OVER!
192
00:09:04,074 --> 00:09:07,677
AH, WHO AM I KIDDING?
IT'S NOT GONNA HAPPEN.
193
00:09:07,678 --> 00:09:10,179
CHERYL'S NOT GONNA LET ME
STAY AT YOUR PLACE AGAIN.
194
00:09:10,180 --> 00:09:12,622
I KNOW HER.
SHE WON'T BE ABLE TO TAKE IT.
195
00:09:12,623 --> 00:09:14,624
SHE'S GONNA MISS HER MAN.
196
00:09:14,625 --> 00:09:16,956
♪ TIP-TOP, BEEDILY-BOP,
BAH-DAH-BAH-BAH ♪
197
00:09:16,957 --> 00:09:18,589
♪ TIP-TOP, BEEDILY-BOP ♪
198
00:09:20,130 --> 00:09:22,762
HEY. I'LL, UH, I'LL
GET US SOME COFFEE.
199
00:09:22,763 --> 00:09:26,666
HEY, UH, YOU KNOW, DANA'S
FEEDING THE BABY IN THERE.
200
00:09:26,667 --> 00:09:27,937
NAH, I'M FINE.
201
00:09:27,938 --> 00:09:29,699
(Andy) JEEPERS!
202
00:09:29,700 --> 00:09:32,572
IT LOOKS LIKE
A HAIRLESS CAMEL.
203
00:09:37,077 --> 00:09:39,609
SO... GET A GOOD NIGHT'S REST
AT ANDY'S?
204
00:09:39,610 --> 00:09:41,180
OH, GREAT.
205
00:09:41,181 --> 00:09:42,752
YEAH. THAT GOOD, HUH?
206
00:09:42,753 --> 00:09:45,014
NO, NOT THAT... I MEAN,
IT WAS REALLY JUST OKAY.
207
00:09:45,015 --> 00:09:48,287
IT WAS, UH, EH, ADEQUATE.
(yawns)
208
00:09:48,288 --> 00:09:49,789
UH-HUH.
209
00:09:49,790 --> 00:09:51,360
HOW ARE THINGS HERE?
FUN.
210
00:09:51,361 --> 00:09:52,992
FUN?
YEAH.
211
00:09:52,993 --> 00:09:55,725
GOOD. YEAH, WE
GAVE TANNER A BATH.
212
00:09:55,726 --> 00:09:58,998
FUN! YEAH, I KNOW. BE NICE
TO HAVE YOU HOME, THOUGH.
213
00:09:58,999 --> 00:10:01,701
OH, I AM SO GLAD TO BE HOME.
OH, YEAH.
214
00:10:01,702 --> 00:10:03,073
UNLESS...
215
00:10:04,604 --> 00:10:07,136
DO YOU THINK YOU NEED
ANOTHER NIGHT?
216
00:10:07,137 --> 00:10:09,138
AT ANDY'S?
217
00:10:09,139 --> 00:10:12,241
UH, I DON'T KNOW. I MEAN,
DO YOU THINK IT'S BEST?
218
00:10:12,242 --> 00:10:14,684
WELL,
I THINK WHATEVER'S BEST,
219
00:10:14,685 --> 00:10:17,917
YOU KNOW, FOR YOU
AND LITTLE BABY TREXLER.
220
00:10:17,918 --> 00:10:19,989
TANNER.
221
00:10:19,990 --> 00:10:21,691
TANNER.
222
00:10:21,692 --> 00:10:24,694
YEAH, I MEAN, UH, SHE'S
THE IMPORTANT ONE RIGHT NOW.
223
00:10:24,695 --> 00:10:26,656
YEAH, I REALLY AGREE,
224
00:10:26,657 --> 00:10:28,157
BUT SHE'S A BOY.
225
00:10:28,158 --> 00:10:30,259
RIGHT.
(inhales sharply)
226
00:10:30,260 --> 00:10:33,362
WELL, I GUESS
IT'S SETTLED THEN, HUH?
227
00:10:33,363 --> 00:10:36,035
YEAH. IT'S GONNA BE TOUGH
TO BE APART.
228
00:10:36,036 --> 00:10:38,637
OH, BABY, I KNOW. I KNOW... AW.
229
00:10:38,638 --> 00:10:41,711
BUT IT'S WHAT'S RIGHT
FOR THE FAMILY. YEAH, IT IS.
230
00:10:41,712 --> 00:10:44,213
YEAH, WE'LL MUDDLE THROUGH.
OUR LOVE IS STRONG.
231
00:10:44,214 --> 00:10:45,675
AW. MMM.
232
00:10:45,676 --> 00:10:47,817
MWAH.
233
00:10:47,818 --> 00:10:51,881
♪ DEEDILY-BOP-BOP-BOP,
AY-DEEDILY-DEEDILY ♪
234
00:10:51,882 --> 00:10:53,753
(Madness) ♪ OUR HOUSE ♪
235
00:10:53,754 --> 00:10:56,055
♪ IN THE MIDDLE OF OUR STREET ♪
236
00:10:56,056 --> 00:10:57,787
♪ OUR HOUSE ♪
237
00:10:57,788 --> 00:11:00,129
♪ IN THE MIDDLE OF OUR ♪
238
00:11:00,130 --> 00:11:03,092
♪ OUR HOUSE, IT HAS A CROWD ♪
239
00:11:03,093 --> 00:11:04,894
♪ THERE'S ALWAYS
SOMETHING HAPPENING ♪
240
00:11:04,895 --> 00:11:07,997
♪ AND IT'S USUALLY QUITE LOUD ♪
241
00:11:07,998 --> 00:11:11,040
♪ OUR MUM,
SHE'S SO HOUSE PROUD ♪
242
00:11:11,041 --> 00:11:12,842
♪ NOTHING EVER SLOWS HER DOWN ♪
243
00:11:12,843 --> 00:11:15,845
♪ AND A MESS IS NOT ALLOWED ♪
244
00:11:15,846 --> 00:11:17,707
♪ OUR HOUSE ♪
245
00:11:17,708 --> 00:11:19,709
♪ IN THE MIDDLE OF OUR STREET ♪
246
00:11:19,710 --> 00:11:21,350
♪ OUR HOUSE ♪
247
00:11:21,351 --> 00:11:23,753
♪ IN THE MIDDLE OF OUR ♪
248
00:11:23,754 --> 00:11:25,384
♪ OUR HOUSE ♪
249
00:11:25,385 --> 00:11:27,386
♪ IN THE MIDDLE OF OUR STREET ♪
250
00:11:27,387 --> 00:11:29,688
♪ OUR HOUSE ♪
♪ SOMETHING TELLS YOU ♪
251
00:11:29,689 --> 00:11:31,420
♪ IN THE MIDDLE OF OUR ♪ ♪ THAT
YOU'VE GOT TO MOVE AWAY FROM IT ♪
252
00:11:31,421 --> 00:11:33,993
♪ FATHER GETS UP LATE FOR WORK ♪
253
00:11:33,994 --> 00:11:36,826
♪ MOTHER HAS TO IRON HIS SHIRT ♪
254
00:11:36,827 --> 00:11:39,098
♪ THEN SHE SENDS
THE KIDS TO SCHOOL ♪
255
00:11:39,099 --> 00:11:42,031
♪ SEES THEM OFF WITH A
SMALL KISS ♪ ♪ OUR HOUSE ♪
256
00:11:42,032 --> 00:11:44,703
♪ SHE'S THE ONE
THEY'RE GOING TO MISS ♪
257
00:11:44,704 --> 00:11:46,435
♪ IN LOTS OF WAYS ♪
258
00:11:46,436 --> 00:11:49,439
♪♪♪
259
00:11:52,212 --> 00:11:54,043
HEY.
HEY.
260
00:11:54,044 --> 00:11:56,715
HOW ARE THE KIDS?
GREAT.
261
00:11:56,716 --> 00:11:58,717
WANT SOME SEX?
YOU BET.
262
00:11:58,718 --> 00:12:00,920
♪ OUR HOUSE,
IN THE MIDDLE OF OUR STREET ♪
263
00:12:00,921 --> 00:12:02,992
♪ OUR HOUSE ♪
264
00:12:02,993 --> 00:12:04,493
♪ IN THE MIDDLE OF OUR ♪
265
00:12:04,494 --> 00:12:06,495
♪ I REMEMBER WAY BACK THEN,
WHEN EVERYTHING WAS TRUE ♪
266
00:12:06,496 --> 00:12:08,958
♪ AND WHEN WE WOULD HAVE
SUCH A VERY GOOD TIME ♪
267
00:12:08,959 --> 00:12:11,961
♪ SUCH A FINE TIME,
SUCH A HAPPY TIME ♪
268
00:12:11,962 --> 00:12:14,403
♪ AND I REMEMBER HOW WE'D PLAY,
SIMPLY WASTE THE DAY AWAY ♪
269
00:12:14,404 --> 00:12:17,007
♪ THEN WE'D SAY NOTHING
WOULD COME BETWEEN US ♪
270
00:12:22,072 --> 00:12:25,244
(doorbell rings) ♪ SKEE-DEE-BAH-BAH...
BAH-BAH-DAH-DEE-DAH-DAH-DAH-DO-LOO ♪
271
00:12:25,245 --> 00:12:27,877
HEY! HEY. HERE'S YOUR
SHIRT FOR TOMORROW.
272
00:12:27,878 --> 00:12:29,879
OH, THANK YOU. THANK YOU.
YOU'RE WELCOME.
273
00:12:29,880 --> 00:12:32,421
OH, OH, OH, OH, OH, HERE.
GIVE THIS TO DANA.
274
00:12:32,422 --> 00:12:34,753
SHE WANTED TO BORROW
ANDY'S NIPPLE CREAM. OH, RIGHT.
275
00:12:34,754 --> 00:12:37,086
SO...
YEAH?
276
00:12:37,087 --> 00:12:40,259
WHAT ARE YOU GONNA BE DOING?
OH, WE'RE GONNA GIVE TANNER A BATH.
277
00:12:40,260 --> 00:12:42,491
WE THINK TONIGHT
MIGHT BE THE NIGHT
278
00:12:42,492 --> 00:12:44,763
HIS UMBILICAL CORD FALLS OFF.
FUN!
279
00:12:44,764 --> 00:12:47,967
I KNOW! DO YOU WANT US
TO SAVE IT FOR YOU?
280
00:12:47,968 --> 00:12:49,969
JUST TAKE A PICTURE.
GOOD NIGHT, SWEETIE. MWAH.
281
00:12:49,970 --> 00:12:52,471
UH, YOU DON'T MISS ME NOW,
DO YOU?
282
00:12:52,472 --> 00:12:55,845
OH, HONEY. I DON'T MISS YOU.
YOU'RE RIGHT ACROSS THE STREET.
283
00:12:55,846 --> 00:12:58,777
ALL RIGHT, AS LONG AS YOU
DON'T MISS ME. GOOD NIGHT.
284
00:12:58,778 --> 00:13:01,150
GOOD NIGHT.
285
00:13:01,151 --> 00:13:02,812
♪ DEE-BAH-DEE-BAH-DEE-BOP ♪
286
00:13:02,813 --> 00:13:04,884
(laughs)
287
00:13:04,885 --> 00:13:08,357
ALL RIGHT, ANDY.
COME ON. LET'S PLAY.
288
00:13:08,358 --> 00:13:12,822
(grunting)
289
00:13:12,823 --> 00:13:14,924
ANDY!
290
00:13:14,925 --> 00:13:17,927
I CAN'T GET
THE CABINET OF AMUSEMENT OPEN.
291
00:13:17,928 --> 00:13:20,831
I CAN'T HELP YOU, JIM.
292
00:13:22,202 --> 00:13:24,904
I'M AFRAID I HAVE PLANS
THIS EVENING.
293
00:13:24,905 --> 00:13:26,936
WHY ARE YOU DRESSED
LIKE A PILGRIM?
294
00:13:26,937 --> 00:13:30,479
HAVE YOU BEEN IN A CAVE?
I'M HARRY POTTER...
295
00:13:30,480 --> 00:13:31,810
(British accent)
AND THE LATEST INSTALLMENT
296
00:13:31,811 --> 00:13:33,812
HITS BOOKSTORES TONIGHT.
297
00:13:33,813 --> 00:13:35,845
WOULD YOU CARE TO JOIN US?
298
00:13:35,846 --> 00:13:38,147
(British accent)
MAN, I'M AFRAID I CAN'T.
299
00:13:38,148 --> 00:13:40,990
YOU SEE, I'VE HAD SEX
WITH A WOMAN.
300
00:13:40,991 --> 00:13:42,521
(normal voice) MUGGLE.
301
00:13:42,522 --> 00:13:44,523
(normal voice)
WHAT? WHAT DID YOU CALL ME?
302
00:13:44,524 --> 00:13:48,197
YEAH. IF YOU DON'T KNOW,
YOU ARE ONE.
303
00:13:48,198 --> 00:13:50,960
ENCABINATION LEVITOSA.
304
00:13:50,961 --> 00:13:53,262
(electrical humming) ALL
RIGHT. I'LL CATCH YOU LATER.
305
00:13:53,263 --> 00:13:56,235
WAIT, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT,
ANDY. COME ON. COME ON.
306
00:13:56,236 --> 00:13:58,007
WE CAN PLAY "FROGGER."
307
00:13:58,008 --> 00:13:59,939
MNH.
DO YOUR NERD THING TOMORROW.
308
00:13:59,940 --> 00:14:02,942
I DID NOT SPEND THREE WEEKS
HAND-SEWING THIS COSTUME
309
00:14:02,943 --> 00:14:05,274
TO BE CALLED A NERD.
GOOD DAY, SIR.
310
00:14:05,275 --> 00:14:07,016
ANDY!
311
00:14:07,017 --> 00:14:08,919
I SAID GOOD DAY!
312
00:14:14,885 --> 00:14:18,889
ALL RIGHT. LET'S SEE
WHAT I'M IN THE MOOD FOR.
313
00:14:22,893 --> 00:14:24,533
(sighs)
314
00:14:24,534 --> 00:14:26,866
UHH!
315
00:14:37,207 --> 00:14:40,179
(making whooshing sounds)
316
00:14:40,180 --> 00:14:43,012
(imitates sputtering)
317
00:14:43,013 --> 00:14:44,313
(laughs)
318
00:14:44,314 --> 00:14:46,316
OH, ANDY.
319
00:14:48,588 --> 00:14:51,090
WHAT THE HELL?
320
00:14:51,091 --> 00:14:52,421
OOH. WHAT THE HELL?!
321
00:14:52,422 --> 00:14:54,263
IT'S 3:00 IN THE MORNING,
MISTER!
322
00:14:54,264 --> 00:14:57,566
JIM, WHAT HAVE YOU DONE
TO MY HOUSE?
323
00:14:57,567 --> 00:14:59,568
OH, MY GOD.
MY FIRST-PERSON SHOOTERS
324
00:14:59,569 --> 00:15:01,600
ARE MIXED WITH
MY MULTIPLAYER ONLINE GAMES.
325
00:15:01,601 --> 00:15:06,005
WHAT... WHAT THE HELL
IS WRONG WITH YOU?
326
00:15:06,006 --> 00:15:08,577
OOH. WHAT THE HELL... IS
WRONG WITH YOU?! I DON'T KNOW.
327
00:15:08,578 --> 00:15:10,980
YOU LEFT ME ALONE HERE ALL NIGHT
WITH MY THOUGHTS.
328
00:15:10,981 --> 00:15:13,382
WHA...
USUALLY WHEN THAT HAPPENS,
329
00:15:13,383 --> 00:15:16,915
CHERYL COMES DOWN
AND KICKS THEM OUT FOR ME.
330
00:15:16,916 --> 00:15:18,417
OKAY, OKAY, OKAY.
331
00:15:18,418 --> 00:15:21,020
WHAT... WHAT... WHAT... WHAT
ARE YOU THINKING ABOUT?
332
00:15:21,021 --> 00:15:22,921
I DON'T KNOW. OH.
333
00:15:22,922 --> 00:15:26,996
OKAY. THAT'S IT!
(door opens overhead)
334
00:15:26,997 --> 00:15:29,158
STOP MESSING WITH MY TOYS!
(darts rattling)
335
00:15:29,159 --> 00:15:32,031
(grunts)
336
00:15:32,032 --> 00:15:33,402
STOP THAT!
337
00:15:33,403 --> 00:15:34,933
STOP THAT RIGHT NOW!
338
00:15:34,934 --> 00:15:36,606
WELL, WHAT'S GOING ON?!
339
00:15:38,038 --> 00:15:40,239
WHY DOESN'T CHERYL MISS ME?
340
00:15:40,240 --> 00:15:42,071
OH.
341
00:15:42,072 --> 00:15:43,712
COME ON!
342
00:15:43,713 --> 00:15:46,675
THIS WHOLE THING IS
ABOUT CHERYL? YEAH!
343
00:15:46,676 --> 00:15:51,180
OH, GREAT, JIM, BUT INSTEAD
OF WALKING ACROSS THE STREET
344
00:15:51,181 --> 00:15:53,652
AND HAVING
A CONVERSATION WITH HER...
345
00:15:53,653 --> 00:15:55,524
(laughs) YOU HAVE DESTROYED
THE PRECIOUS RESULTS
346
00:15:55,525 --> 00:15:57,988
OF A LIFETIME
OF METICULOUS COLLECTING!
347
00:16:00,190 --> 00:16:01,690
YOU KNOW WHAT?
348
00:16:01,691 --> 00:16:05,195
I BET THE GAYS ARE MUCH MORE
SUPPORTIVE OF EACH OTHER.
349
00:16:06,997 --> 00:16:09,038
(sighs)
350
00:16:09,039 --> 00:16:11,140
WHOA.
351
00:16:11,141 --> 00:16:13,242
I DIDN'T EVEN
SEE THAT COM... COMING IN.
352
00:16:13,243 --> 00:16:15,244
DID YOU SEE THAT?
WHAT?
353
00:16:15,245 --> 00:16:18,147
WELL, THERE'S A... THERE'S
A BANNER OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE
354
00:16:18,148 --> 00:16:20,149
THAT SAYS, "I MISS JIM."
355
00:16:20,150 --> 00:16:21,980
REALLY?
NO!
356
00:16:21,981 --> 00:16:23,452
OH! ANDY! ANDY!
357
00:16:23,453 --> 00:16:26,356
GO HOME!
TALK TO YOUR WIFE!
358
00:16:52,142 --> 00:16:54,113
(static)
359
00:16:54,114 --> 00:16:55,484
OH.
360
00:16:55,485 --> 00:16:57,015
(computerized male voice)
TARGET ACQUIRED. HEY.
361
00:16:57,016 --> 00:17:00,349
BEGIN BOMBING RUN. SHH!
SHH! NO BOMBS. NO BOMBS.
362
00:17:00,350 --> 00:17:02,791
(sound of bombs dropping)
363
00:17:02,792 --> 00:17:06,024
CEASE FIRE. CEASE FIRE!
364
00:17:06,025 --> 00:17:07,626
MAYDAY!
365
00:17:07,627 --> 00:17:09,528
(Tanner wailing)
366
00:17:09,529 --> 00:17:11,230
(groans)
367
00:17:11,231 --> 00:17:14,463
(Dana) I HAVE A GUN,
AND I'M NOT AFRAID TO USE IT!
368
00:17:14,464 --> 00:17:16,765
DANA, IT'S ME, JIM!
369
00:17:16,766 --> 00:17:18,568
I KNOW!
370
00:17:22,142 --> 00:17:24,643
JIM, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
YOU WOKE THE BABY.
371
00:17:24,644 --> 00:17:26,645
YOU KNOW WHAT?
372
00:17:26,646 --> 00:17:29,318
I'M SICK AND TIRED OF HEARING
ABOUT THAT STUPID BABY.
373
00:17:29,319 --> 00:17:32,081
PUT A BOOB IN HIS MOUTH,
AND HE'LL BE FINE.
374
00:17:32,082 --> 00:17:35,724
WELL, HONEY, CAN'T THE SAME
BE SAID OF YOU?
375
00:17:35,725 --> 00:17:37,326
DON'T DISTRACT ME,
CHERYL.
376
00:17:37,327 --> 00:17:39,128
OH.
377
00:17:39,129 --> 00:17:42,131
OUR MARRIAGE IS IN TROUBLE,
AND I'M NOT LIKE YOU.
378
00:17:42,132 --> 00:17:44,093
I WON'T GIVE UP
WITHOUT A FIGHT.
379
00:17:44,094 --> 00:17:45,634
WHAT?
380
00:17:45,635 --> 00:17:48,637
I KNOW YOU GOT THE TASTE
OF THE SWEET LIFE WITHOUT ME,
381
00:17:48,638 --> 00:17:50,639
BUT I AM YOUR HUSBAND,
382
00:17:50,640 --> 00:17:53,842
AND YOU'RE GONNA LIVE WITH ME
WHETHER YOU LIKE IT OR NOT!
383
00:17:53,843 --> 00:17:55,844
HONEY,
OUR MARRIAGE IS FINE.
384
00:17:55,845 --> 00:17:58,177
BELIEVE ME,
IF THERE WERE A PROBLEM,
385
00:17:58,178 --> 00:18:00,179
I'D SEE IT WAY BEFORE YOU.
386
00:18:00,180 --> 00:18:02,181
HOW WOULD YOU
EVEN KNOW THAT?
387
00:18:02,182 --> 00:18:04,683
WE DON'T EVEN SHARE ANYTHING
ANYMORE TOGETHER.
388
00:18:04,684 --> 00:18:07,256
YOU DON'T EVEN MISS ME!
389
00:18:07,257 --> 00:18:08,587
I MISS YOU.
390
00:18:08,588 --> 00:18:11,089
NO, YOU DON'T.
THAT'S NOT WHAT YOU SAID.
391
00:18:11,090 --> 00:18:13,592
YOU SAID, "GO OVER TO ANDY'S.
I DON'T CARE.
392
00:18:13,593 --> 00:18:15,795
YOU'RE WORTHLESS TO ME!"
393
00:18:17,167 --> 00:18:19,428
I'M PARAPHRASING.
394
00:18:19,429 --> 00:18:21,470
WELL, I DO MISS YOU.
395
00:18:21,471 --> 00:18:23,672
WHEN I SAID I DIDN'T,
396
00:18:23,673 --> 00:18:26,775
I WAS PRACTICING
RELATIONSHIP MANAGEMENT.
397
00:18:26,776 --> 00:18:28,277
RELATIONSHIP MA...
398
00:18:28,278 --> 00:18:30,279
YOU MEAN
YOU... YOU... YOU LIED?
399
00:18:30,280 --> 00:18:33,212
RELATIONSHIP MANAGEMENT.
400
00:18:33,213 --> 00:18:36,215
JIM, I DIDN'T WANT YOU TO
COME HOME BECAUSE I MISSED YOU.
401
00:18:36,216 --> 00:18:39,248
I WANTED YOU TO COME HOME
BECAUSE YOU WANTED TO.
402
00:18:39,249 --> 00:18:41,220
CHERYL...
403
00:18:41,221 --> 00:18:45,394
I-I TORE APART
ANDY'S HOUSE.
404
00:18:45,395 --> 00:18:48,197
I BROKE
ALL OF HIS TOYS.
405
00:18:48,198 --> 00:18:51,430
ALONE WITH YOUR THOUGHTS,
HUH?
406
00:18:51,431 --> 00:18:53,802
FOR HOURS.
407
00:18:53,803 --> 00:18:56,205
THEY JUST KEPT ROLLIN'
AND ROLLIN' AND ROLLIN'.
408
00:18:56,206 --> 00:19:00,210
BABY, YOU'RE HOME NOW.
YOU DON'T HAVE TO THINK ANYMORE.
409
00:19:04,774 --> 00:19:07,145
DID YOU REALLY MISS ME?
410
00:19:07,146 --> 00:19:09,348
I REALLY MISSED YOU.
411
00:19:09,349 --> 00:19:12,221
WHAT DID YOU MISS MOST
ABOUT ME?
412
00:19:12,222 --> 00:19:14,624
YOUR HOT BODY.
413
00:19:18,928 --> 00:19:21,330
YES! AWESOME!
414
00:19:21,331 --> 00:19:24,333
YEP. I HAD TO WEAR SOCKS
AT NIGHT 'CAUSE I COULDN'T TUCK
415
00:19:24,334 --> 00:19:26,465
MY COLD FEET UP
AGAINST YOUR SEXY BUTT.
416
00:19:26,466 --> 00:19:28,767
SEXY BUTT, YEAH.
AWESOME.
417
00:19:28,768 --> 00:19:30,869
(chuckles)
418
00:19:30,870 --> 00:19:33,442
YEAH.
LET'S GO TO BED.
419
00:19:33,443 --> 00:19:35,744
YEAH, ABOUT THAT, UM,
420
00:19:35,745 --> 00:19:38,507
HONEY, DANA'S IN OUR BED.
421
00:19:38,508 --> 00:19:41,610
THAT'S NOT AWESOME.
422
00:19:41,611 --> 00:19:44,383
NO. YOU'RE GONNA HAVE
TO SLEEP ON THE COUCH.
423
00:19:44,384 --> 00:19:46,715
I'M TIRED.
424
00:19:46,716 --> 00:19:48,617
OH, I KNOW, SWEETIE.
425
00:19:48,618 --> 00:19:50,619
I'LL SLEEP LIKE A BABY.
426
00:19:50,620 --> 00:19:52,391
OKAY. GOOD.
427
00:19:52,392 --> 00:19:54,693
I'LL SLEEP LIKE A BABY...
428
00:19:54,694 --> 00:19:57,226
AS LONG
AS YOU'RE IN THE HOUSE...
429
00:19:57,227 --> 00:19:59,568
I'M IN THE HOUSE...
430
00:19:59,569 --> 00:20:02,271
YOU KNOW
I'M IN THE HOUSE...
431
00:20:02,272 --> 00:20:04,202
AND YOU LIKE IT.
432
00:20:04,203 --> 00:20:07,406
I DO. LAY DOWN.
433
00:20:07,407 --> 00:20:09,578
YOU KNOW WHAT?
AHH.
434
00:20:09,579 --> 00:20:11,580
I'M GONNA
TELL DANA TOMORROW
435
00:20:11,581 --> 00:20:13,242
THAT IT'S TIME
FOR HER TO GO HOME.
436
00:20:13,243 --> 00:20:16,545
OH, CHERYL. YOU'RE GONNA KICK
YOUR SISTER OUT OF THE HOUSE?
437
00:20:16,546 --> 00:20:18,387
FOR ME?
438
00:20:18,388 --> 00:20:19,588
I AM.
439
00:20:19,589 --> 00:20:21,890
THAT'S AWESOME.
440
00:20:21,891 --> 00:20:23,252
(chuckles)
441
00:20:23,253 --> 00:20:26,895
DID RYAN GET A FLIGHT HOME
FROM AFRICA?
442
00:20:26,896 --> 00:20:29,227
HE DID.
443
00:20:29,228 --> 00:20:31,660
SO SHE WAS GONNA GO TOMORROW
ANYWAY, RIGHT?
444
00:20:31,661 --> 00:20:34,333
YEAH, SHE WAS.
445
00:20:34,334 --> 00:20:36,635
SO YOU LIED AGAIN?
446
00:20:36,636 --> 00:20:41,239
RELATIONSHIP MANAGEMENT.
447
00:20:41,240 --> 00:20:43,912
(sighs)
448
00:20:43,913 --> 00:20:45,544
AWESOME.
449
00:20:45,545 --> 00:20:48,548
(Tanner crying)
450
00:20:54,384 --> 00:20:56,455
GOOD NIGHT, TINKER.
451
00:20:56,456 --> 00:20:59,358
(Tanner wailing loudly)
452
00:20:59,359 --> 00:21:01,430
TUCKER. TUCKER.
453
00:21:01,431 --> 00:21:03,693
TUCKER! TREXLER!
29704
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