All language subtitles for The.Only.Way.Is.Essex.S07E10.1080p.AMZN.WEB-DL.DDP2.0.H.264-SLAG_track3_[eng]

some new surprises,

and a telling off.

As always, the tans you see
might be fake

but the people are all real,

although some of what they
do has been set up purely

for your entertainment.

Previously on "The Only Way is
Essex".

- Why are you trying to make
out that I'm a nasty person?

- Everyone was there.
- Why are you fucking

with me then?

- We need to know if there's a
future.

- At the moment, no.

- You are now apart of our
netball team.

- Well, we've gotta train and
then what,

do an actual tournament?

- I don't like the man enough.

I actually can't stand
Mick, if I'm being honest.

- I've never said I would say
no to a same-sex relationship.

- I've had enough of
you always threatening,

you're fucking mad!

[upbeat electronic music]

[intense pop music]

- You all right?

- Hiya.

Thank you for coming to see me.

- Thank you for asking me to
come.

- I wanna start by
saying I'm so, so sorry.

- Uh-huh.

- How I've spoken to you, it is
not right

and I can't tell you how
bad I feel about that.

- It's not just you, I think
the both of us have been

like cat and dog, chasing each
other for a little while now

and I can tell seeing you now,

I didn't expect you to be like
this

and I can see you're just
as upset as I've been.

- I feel like the Charlie
situation, I think,

was always gonna be the little
thing

that slightly, maybe, rocked our
boat.

- And obviously with the
situation now with Charlie,

I feel for Charlie
because that's a big thing

to come out with and I feel
for you because you always look

like the bad one and now it's
like,

Bobby weren't the bad one,

Bobby had a feeling and he
was right with his feeling.

- Thank you so much for saying
that,

because that is exactly,
that's exactly it,

you've summed it up on a
postcard,

- Yeah,
- That's it.

[upbeat, quirky music]

- He walks really funny
when he's got clothes on.

- They do look good in their
outfits,

I'm not being funny.

Come on Elvis, keep up.

- That's everything now off the
list.

- Is that everything sorted,
so everything that we booked,

we've now cancelled.

- Everything's cancelled

and I did not realise how
much work this was gonna be.

- I'd never ever thought that
a Christening would take up

so much time, so much effort.

- The thing is Billi, we're just
stupid,

the pair of us together,
because,

you know, we booked the cake,

booked the balloons, we booked
absolutely,

invited everyone, but
we actually didn't have,

- And got an outfit.

- And got an outfit and
actually didn't have a venue.

- So clearly we are not
very good party planners

and you can't do it in
a short amount of time.

Wedding takes two years to plan,

so a Christening could take
potentially,

- One year.
- I reckon a year.

We've got loads more time now.

- Do you think it will be a good
idea

to have it around Christmas,

'cause obviously, like, you
know.

- Yeah, obviously, it's
when Jesus was born.

- Yeah.

- Wasn't it, was it?

- So I think it's a good idea.
- Yeah.

Oh my god, I forgot to
tell you, listen to this,

Billi and Sam rung me about
netball,

- [Cara] Yeah?

- Guess who we're playing?

- [Cara] Who?

- England Netball.

- How are we gonna beat England
Netball?

- The best, like some of
the best players ever.

- [Cara] Do you think that's
good or bad?

- It's well good!

- I think that's well bad,
we're well gonna lose.

- It's not really, when
you think about it,

we're playing the best team
we could possibly play,

- Yeah, so we're definitely
gonna lose.

- Yeah, but we could like learn
some,

- It's different if they were
teaching us,

they're not teaching us, we're
playing a game against them,

this is bad news!

- How much fun it will be!

We are just gonna have to
take attack to another level.

[upbeat guitar music]

- [Joey] They're not
really nice, are they?

- [laughs] Are you a connoisseur

in designer women's shoes, Joe?

- I do a lot of 10 pound shoes,
man.

I know what you mean,

they're off Sex and the City
and they're an expensive make,

but I do it well cheap.

- This is the only thing to do
with me

and Lydia that I've got left,
really.

- So why is he,

instead of right giving a prison
speech

what you're trying to say is

that there was anything that's
holding you back from Lydia.

Man, what about Debbie?

Come on, Deb, what size Debbie's
feet?

- No, Joe, I'm not gonna give
them to Lydia's mum, am I?

- [Joey] Well, give them to
Tom to give them to her again.

- I'm not gonna give them
to Tom to give to Lydia.

- Well, then, so, what are you
gonna do?

Are you gonna just throw
a pair of shoes away?

- I don't know, it's weird,
isn't it?

As long as I could just,

could I just, could I
look at them as memories,

and keep them

in the memory book?
- Oh, mate, don't.

- Well, what do you
think I should do then?

- [sighs] You do this all the
time.

- Mate, they're a pair of shoes,

but yet they mean so much, you
know?

- [clears throat] obviously,
I'm probably the most vicious

'cause you probably know, yeah?

- Yeah.

- But I do know one
thing, everyone, I think,

at our age right now,

I think we're all still quite
young,

and I think the older we get,

we start knowing more about
life.

And I think we always grow up,

and I think this whole
thing between you and Lydia

is just quite childish.

Trust me, in about five, six
years' time,

I guarantee you, that far out,

you'll be, like, friends,
you will see her out.

And, like, you'll be fine.

You'll just be all right, you'll
be in,

you'll be just normal.

[intense hip-hop music]

- These costumes are amazing,
aren't they?

- Aren't they good?

Do you know, it's nice, them.

You've got the purple,
but you got the glitter

in it as well,

so it definitely stands out,
won't it?

- Wow, Billie, you have stitched
us up.

I'm sorry, us versus England
Netball team.

- I think we should be quite
lucky they wanna play us.

- Apparently, like,
really tall, and, like,

- Yeah, but we're, like, small
and quick.

We've gotta think positive.

Don't say that in front of the
girls

'cause they'll all start being
negative

and won't wanna do it.

[muffled speech]

- [Billie] Girls!
- [Sam] Look!

- [Billie] They're brilliant,
aren't they?

- Hi!
- Oh, my God!

[girls chattering]

- When they rung up and offered
to play,

how could we say no and let them
down?

- You do know we're gonna lose.

- I don't know, but listen,
if we stay positive,

we'll be fine!

[intense orchestral music]

Heads.

[intense orchestral music]

- And you win.

- [Billie] Woo!

[intense orchestral music]
Ooh!

[Billie laughing]

- Oh.

[intense orchestral music]

Here we go.

- Not being funny though,
our team's got better makeup.

[intense orchestral music]

[all shouting]

- Good job they're not playing
for money.

[laughing]
- Yeah.

[intense orchestral music]

- [Billie] What's the score?

- We've lost count.

[whistle blows]

- [Billie] Ah.

- They scored as many goals

as you've had years on this
planet.

- [laughs] That's actually true.

[reflective piano music]

- So Kirk, how have you been
feeling since we spoke last?

- I've still had some
anxiety problems, but I feel,

I feel a lot happier in myself,

'cause I know you told me
where the problem come from,

my childbirth, so I know
where the problem is.

I know it's something
that I've not done myself.

I still have the, like, the
attacks,

but not as much and not as hard,

I know just before it's about to
come,

so I know how to try and pull
myself away

from that situation.

- That's the real key to this,

because ultimately it's
about equipping you

with those skills.

Unfortunately, it's the
way the human species work,

we trigger each other, you know,
we,

you meet somebody, if
it's your ex-girlfriend,

she knows your weaknesses, or
whatever,

so she's gonna press those
buttons.

So what I want you to do
is release those buttons

- Good, 'cause I've got,

I tell you what, I've got
to do this Halloween party

at my club, and I've
invited everyone, you know,

I don't want no one left out.

So I've asked people to, like,
ask Lauren if she can come.

I just wanna be able to walk
in a room and stand near her

and there's no problems, that
we can smile and say hello,

do you know what I mean?

- Yeah, what we can do is,
today, as part of the treatment,

I'll teach you how to do some
breathing

and some visualisation.

- But I do need to do this
next step with Lauren now.

Hopefully she should be a little
bit nice,

'cause she knows it's not,

it's not a nice situation to be
in.

- So, Kirk, what I want to do

is I want to get you
to do some relaxation,

visualisation, here on the
couch.

Now, get in, just with the feet
up here.

So, just nice and relaxed.

So when you breathe in, you
breathe in through the nose.

[breathing]

And when you breathe out, you
breathe out through the nose.

[breathing]

Okay?

In your mind, just visualise
this river of energy

flowing down through your body,

just taking away all
that stress and tension

out of your body.

I'm just gonna get you to
sit again on the couch,

just have a seat.

[grunts]

How's that feeling?

- I feel as relaxed as
I would if I was asleep.

But I feel a bit upset, I don't
know why.

- How do you mean, you feel
upset?

- I don't know, I don't know.

Just relaxed, do you know what I
mean?

You know, when you just
let your emotions out

for no reason?

- Yeah.

- But it's all right.

- It is, because, you see,

it's what you're sensing

is that love within yourself,
basically,

and a love for other
people, but from now on

when you go to meet your
ex-girlfriend,

or anybody in the future,

this is not just about your
ex-girlfriend.

From now on, if you ever
perceive yourself in a
situation,

you practise this.

[upbeat funk music]

- I went and saw Kirk, didn't I,

and I ended up having a
really good chat with him.

It seems to me that me and
Kirk have got more in common

than what I thought.

I think I'm striking up

quite a nice little friendship
with him.

It's just reassured me that I'm
not,

I'm not on my own.

I kind of said to him,
"Look, to me it's not

"about the sex of a person,
if you connect with someone,

"it's a soul, it's a thing
I would never rule out

"if it felt right".

- What do you mean?

- You know, like, basically I
said to him

that if I felt right I would
have a same-sex relationship,

if it felt right.

When you told me you had
feelings for me,

if I had any kind of inkling

that I had the same sort of
feelings back,

I would have gone for it.

Because I would have nothing to
lose,

Because if I had the
opportunity to love someone,

I'd go for it, you know?

- And what was Kirk's advice on
it?

- You can't choose who
you fall in love with,

whether they're, older, younger,

different nationality, religion,
whatever,

it doesn't matter.

- It don't matter, I
read a magazine article

about a fortnight ago,

and some woman in America
married her cat.

I swear to God.
[chuckles]

Right, and she's obviously,

she held a ceremony, and this
cat is now her "husband".

But different horses
for different courses.

I'm always there for
you, whatever happens,

don't ever worry about that.

But obviously I wouldn't
be being true to myself

and being a best friend to you,

if I sat there after you
telling me what you've told me

and me sitting there making out

that I've completely got
over how I feel about you.

But emotions like that

just don't kinda go away
overnight, you know.

[upbeat dance music]

- So, boys, tonight, I'm
gonna have a drastic change.

I'm gonna go for something
completely different.

- Well, you need to change
something,

'cause something can't work if
you use it.

[doorbell rings]
Look at that.

- [Joey] Doorbell.

- [Tom P] Who is it?

- [Diags] Wait, are these
bottles?

- [gasps] Oh, no!

- Oh, you ruined it, digs.

- [Tom P] Hey!

[laughing]

[boys chattering]

- [Arg] You all right, mate?

[laughing] he's one of the lads.

- What's happening, bruv?

[boys chattering]

- [Bobby] Yeah, yeah.

- Yeah, not bad, man?

- You look smart.

- Thank you, mate.

Are you sure you wanna do this,
mate?

[snickering]

- Do what?

- [laughs] I was thinking,
maybe get a skinhead.

- What?

- [Arg] Yes.

- Yeah, yeah, yes.

- Yeah, yeah, yes.
[Arg laughing]

- [Tom P] You've got to, mate.

- You've got to go.
[laughing]

You've got to do it, yes.

- Right, obviously, David
Beckham,

he's had loads of different hair
styles,

he had a skinhead, everyone
thought,

"Beckham with a skinhead"?

Look how good he looked.

Liam, Liam from One
Direction, he's had long hair

for the last few years,

he's just got a skinhead,
look how good he looks.

- Yeah, but Args, you're
not David Beckham,

and you're not Liam from One
Direction.

You're James Arg Argent.

- Talk to me now, boys, is
this a good idea or not?

- Yeah, it's a fantastic idea.

- Sit proper.

- Oh, my God, don't fucking do
this, mate!

- Do it, man!

- Just go, just go, just go,
just go, just go, please!

Please, please, just go, just
get it off.

[trimmer buzzes]

[laughing] It sounds scary!

[boys chattering]

[Arg laughing]

- [Bobby] Are you scared?

- [Diags] Oh my God,
that is so fucking short.

- Is it really Diags, seriously?

- Oh, my God, you can see your
scalp!

- [Arg] David Beckham?

- [Diags] No, no, prisoner.

- [Arg] Tom Hardy?

- No, you look,

- You look like you've
just come out of prison.

- [Arg] My ears are the worst
thing

I'm worried about, my ears.

- I wouldn't be worried
about your ears, mate, mate.

- All right, Arg, are you ready?

One, two,

- Two,

- [Both] Three.

- Oh, my God, I look fucking
horrible.

[Bobby laughing]

[all laughing]

Oh, my God, I look so
fucking ugly, it's a joke.

I'm gonna have to wear this

and no one's gonna have
to see it, aren't they?

- You're lucky you bought that
outfit.

- Can you tell I've got a
skinhead if I wear this?

You're not allowed to tell
anyone I've got a skinhead,

I swear to God, please.

- Well, to be fair,

if you don't find love
when you're like that,

don't give up, 'cause chances
are, no one's gonna love you

with that hair.

[upbeat club music]

- I think she's been very upset,

but I think this is keeping her
occupied.

- Yeah, well she's bound
to be upset, ain't she?

- He is young, he needs his
friends,

and I think with this
music thing with Jessica,

she's gonna need a lot of
time on her own, anyway.

- Of course she is, yeah.

- It just won't work as
a relationship like that.

There's something about him
that she really does like

and, I don't know,
especially at the beginning,

five months was nothing.

- Five years.

- No, she's only been
with him five months.

- Oh, she's only been with him,

Where have you been for
the last five years?

[upbeat club music]

[crowd cheering]

- All right?
- Oh!

- What's going on?

- What are you doing here,
stranger?

- What's happening, you all
right?

- Hello, babe, all right,
darling?

- You all right? You smell
lovely.

- All right.

- Hey! [giggles]

- Hey, you all right?
- You all right?

- What's happening, you enjoying
it?

- Yeah, amazing.

- You looked like you were
having fun over there.

- It's all part of the story,
I've gotta pretend to flirt.

It's just pretending.

- What, oh, no, no, I wasn't
even, I didn't even notice!

- I wasn't even doing that.

- No, you're all right, you
crack on.

- Anyway, she's going off to
LA next week for three months.

- Oh, no, what is this, what is
this?

Is this make Ricky jealous
day or something, I get it!

- [Nanny Pat] No, I'm just
saying.

- I get it, she's been with
guys, she's flirting with guys,

and she's going to LA for half a
year.

- Hit him!

- Well, you know,

that's just how the
cookie crumbles sometimes.

- Well, you know.

- And I'm picking up the crumbs.

What is it, the three
witches of the North?

- Shut up!

- Oh, that's nice.

[upbeat rock music]

- When we first spoke
after everything happened,

I said to you that I
wouldn't be round Sugar Hut

or round the Honeys,

so I'd rather stick to my
word and, you know, not go.

- Good.

- Do you think?

- Yeah.

- Well, you didn't want
me to speak to Mick,

but obviously I'm always
going to talk to Mick,

he's my friend.

But I won't speak to him
when he's round the Honeys.

- I never said you can't
speak to Mick, Mario.

Don't exaggerate, I didn't
say you can't speak to Mick.

I just feel uncomfortable
with you being around him.

The point why I said that

is I think Mick was
disrespectful

to invite you over to his club

to talk to you while
there was girls half naked

dancing in front of you.

Mick's not the problem, it's the
girls,

and I just think Sugar Hut was
an amazing club before them,

I know he's a business
man, and he's been in,

he's done that business for
years,

but for me, personally, as a
girl,

and I've spoke to loads
of girls about this,

it puts girls off going there.

- Well, whilst, you know,

there's still honey in the
building...

- What's wrong with you today?

- Nothing, I'm trying to lighten
the mood,

you're so serious all the time.

- No, but I don't wanna talk
about this,

my Halloween's not ruined,

but I can't go where
all my friends are going

because of this.

- How about we do something
different instead then?

- I like getting dressed up
though.

- [Mario] You can get dressed
up.

- I'm not getting dressed
up to sit at home,

and look like an idiot.

- So, right, well, I'll
speak to the boys then,

see what everyone's doing,
and whoever's not going there,

then we can see what
they want to do, yeah?

- Yeah.

[upbeat pop music]

[boys chattering]

- [Ricky] Boys' night out!

[groaning]

[retching]

- Yeah, your guy's the Joker,

and I think Lydia's going as Cat
Girl.

- Oh, really?

- So she's gonna have a good
night, curve her bum out.

- Arg will like that, now, won't
he?

- Exactly what I said to her.

- Do you realise, if you
do go, he will be there

and it'll make it awkward.

- Of course, he's gonna be there
wanting

to be with my girlfriend.

- He'll still want to talk to
her.

- Of course, but I'm not ever
gonna let him talk to her.

- Never?

- No.

Lydia's already told him, so
if he doesn't listen to that,

and then obviously try to
speak to Lydia or whatnot,

it's being disrespectful again.

I don't wanna hear it, mate.

You're a fat rat, and he isn't
sharp.

[blows air]

- You know, when you and
Jess were a bit rocky

and that whole saga was going
on,

all I'm saying is, sometimes,
you know,

sometimes you are

a little bit hard on Jess.

Like, the other day,

- Well, unfortunately,

- [Little Chris] No, I'm just
saying.

- 'Cause you're going against
me.

- I'm not going against
you, come here, come here,

I was just saying it,
you can't just walk off.

- [Ricky] I can.

[upbeat club music]

- [Jess] Can't go wrong
with a few Diamantes.

- Oh, I love it.

I'm really looking forward to
seeing Mick

'cause I think things have
got, like, really out of hand.

- Yeah, 'cause of all
this, like, he is saying,

- But I think Mick forgets that,
you know,

he did criticise mine
and James' relationship,

and, you know, as for Mick
saying

I'm jealous of the Sugar Hut,

- [Jess] You've always
been really supportive

of the Sugar Hut.

- Exactly, and, like, when
all, like, people come down,

like Northern people and that,
I'm like,

"Yeah, go Sugar Hut, you're
gonna have a brilliant night".

- And, yeah, to be fair, he
did sort of knock you back,

you made him a pie

and he didn't really receive it
very well,

do you know what I mean?

- No, but that's water under the
bridge,

but if he carries on, I'll
have to make him a dog food pie

because, do you know what I
mean,

he needs to calm himself down a
bit.

James called me up last night.

- Shut the front door.

- You said he'd come begging
back.

- Told you, didn't I?

[chuckling]

I know James so well, and I just
know

that he likes you a lot
more than he comes across.

He just don't like to admit it.

[upbeat rock music]

- All right, so no matter what
happens, we stick together.

- All right, mate.

- I'll leave you to it,
I'll leave you to it.

[boys chattering]

Leave you to it.

- Spoke of the devil.

- What do you mean?

- Little devil.

- I'm not a devil.
- That's what you are,

you're a little devil.

- No, no, I'm not a devil at
all.

- Yes.
- No, no, no.

Look, mate, I didn't
mean it horribly at all

and you know I didn't either.

Listen, look at me.

You know I didn't mean it
horribly.

- I don't actually think I
can look at you right now.

You've come out saying "ooh",
you know,

"You are a little bit harsh on
Jess".

- What do you,

- Right, do you know what I
mean,

one minute you're back
through thick and thin.

If you went and cheated on
Taylor,

I would swear down to the grave

that you hadn't cheated on
Taylor.

But yet you've come to me
saying that I'm a little harsh

when you know, behind the
scenes,

you know, behind the
scenes, you don't say that.

For you to say that I'm
harsh is harsh on me.

'Cause you know that I'm not.

You know that I'm not.

I want you to say right now,
and this is high on your heart,

whether it's friendship or not,

I want you to actually
say you think I'm harsh.

- Well, I don't think you're
that harsh.

- I'm not, am I?

- No, you're not that harsh.

- Exactly, I'm a good
boyfriend, I do everything

for her.
- Yeah, you are.

- No way ever that I'm a harsh
boyfriend.

[upbeat club music]

- It's quite the guest list.

So there's a few people I
need to double check for you.

Okay, so I've asked Lauren
Pope to come with me.

Do you think that's gonna
be any problem with Kirk?

- No, they're not talking,

but I'm sure they'll just
be in the same building.

- Yeah, I don't think Tom and
Args will

have any disagreements because I
think

everyone's gonna be here.

There's only one more
that I'm confused about

and I don't know what you want
me to do with on the list,

this one?
- Yeah, cross it out.

- Yeah, go, gone?

[blows air]
Zoom.

[upbeat club music]

- [Danni] Your name's on
the list, you're going in!

- [Tom P] Thomas?

- [Danni] Yes.

- James Arg Argent?

- [Danni] Go on then, James.

Arg, hi, hi!

- You all right?

- Jo, is her name on the list?

- [Jo] No, it's not.

- Sorry, if your name's not on
the list,

you're not coming in.

- [Jo] We've got a brand to
protect

and unfortunately we
can't let you in tonight.

- That's fine, that's fine,
brilliant.

Bang out of order.

They can't do that to
me, bang out of order.

[upbeat club music]

[laughing]

- That is cool!

- Welcome to the Oktober.

[group laughing]

- That is good, ya?

- You look like a nutter, you
Peter Pan.

- I hope they've got a
German sausage for me.

- So the whole thing about
Oktoberfest,

it's a German theme for the area

and they just get absolutely
mullered.

- Why did they decide,
"Let's have an Oktoberfest

"and get pissed"?

- Why not?

- Why not?

- Why not?

[upbeat German music]

- I'm now at this stage, Luce,

'cause it's not ruling anything
out,

I think is there any possibility
that ever down the line

we've got anything there?

- Do you still love him?

- Yeah.

I really do.

- The thing is, you've risked it
once,

are you gonna risk it again?

- Yeah.

[gasps]

[upbeat club music]

- I don't want anyone to touch
my hat.

I swear, I swear, I swear, I
swear!

Get off, get off!

- [Tom P] Leave it!

[boys chattering]

- Taking it too far!

- He's arsed, he's arsed, he's
arsed.

- Basically I had a bit of
a chat with Joey earlier.

I was considering tonight,
maybe,

if there was an opportunity to,

maybe just to, sort of, tell
Lydia

that I'm sorry for everything I
did,

and, you know, maybe
in the future, one day,

we might be friends, but I
just want to let you know

that I'm sorry for cheating on
you

and what I put you through,
and stuff like that.

- Do you know what,

I think that's a very
gentleman thing to do.

[crowd laughing and chattering]

- [Danni] Hey, you all right?

- Hey.

- [Danni] Sorry, guys,
just need to check in.

[phone ringing]

- Arg?

- Hello?

- You all right?

Can you come?

I need you urgently.

Can you come to the back
of the Sugar Hut, please?

Come to my car.

- Why, what's the matter, what's
happened?

- If you come to my car, I'll
tell you,

but obviously, I do actually
need to speak to you.

- Okay, all right, go on, then.

- Bye.

[upbeat pop music]

- Oh, my god, Jess!

Thank you!

- Oh, shut the front door.

- Well, let's do this.

Prost.

- Prost.

- Prost, let's go.

- I'm scared.

[crowd chattering]

[groans]

- You can't, I win.

[burps]

[laughing]

[burps]

[laughing]

[burps]

[laughing]

Oh, no I'm gonna be sick!

Oh, my God!

- Oh, my God, she's being sick.

[retches]

[upbeat pop music]

- And obviously, Lauren's
gonna be here tonight.

- Yeah, I know.

- Do you think that's gonna be
all right?

- I don't know, I just, I don't
know,

I need to just be mature and
talk to her,

and just say, "Look, I
don't want to be your mate,

"I don't want to be your enemy,

"but can we at least walk past
each other and say hello?"

- Life's far too short
to be bearing grudges.

- [Kirk] Give it a go, right?

- Well, you've come a long way,
and I'm pleased about that.

- Mate, you know what, I'm very
happy

that you've given me another
chance,

'cause I know I fucked it up

a few times.
- Could have felt that way

in the last few months.

- Come on, high five.

[laughing] You like them!

- Do not like high fives.

Give me another, missed.

Too slow, let's get out of here.

- Come on.

[upbeat rock music]

- How you doing, you all right?

I just want to make sure
you're having a good night.

- If yous two want to have a
little chat?

- It's up to Lauren, really up
to Lauren,

but I just came to see if
yous were having a good night.

- [Lauren] Don't know.

- Just want to enjoy your
night, that's all right, yeah,

do yous want a drink or
anything?

- No, we're good, thanks.

- Well, have a good night,
anyway,

and thanks for coming.

All right, babe, all
right, see yous later,

enjoy your night.
- Good night, yeah.

You all right?

He obviously wants to
try and speak to you,

because he did do that, you
would never walk over to him.

[upbeat club music]

- I'm actually really happy
you and Jess are back together,

because I think she's a
really nice girl, like,

obviously you are my mate,
you know what I mean?

- You was gonna say
best mate, weren't you?

- Yeah, I was.

- [Both] Aw!

- Chris!

You're my best friend as well.

- Do you know what I mean?
- You can have more than one,

it's fine.

- The only thing I would say,
like,

no, don't look at me like that!

- Agony, Chris, mate!

- No, I'm not trying
to, what I'm saying is,

- [Ricky] Cages.

- No, what I'm trying to say to
you

is sometimes, you know,
scratch Jess's back a little,

just give a little bit more.

- I think you're very much
against me now.

- No, I'm not against
you, I'm just saying,

- I'm leaving.

- You can't just leave.
- No, no, listen.

- You can't leave in your
lederhosen.

- You go against me and
that is it, all right?

- I'm not against you, I'm just
saying.

- Well, I scratched plenty of
back!

- Have you?

- That's it mate, I'm,

listen, we'll talk about it
later.

I'm not talking about it now.

- All right.

[intense synth music]

- Arg, you ain't going to
believe what's just happened.

Danni Park-Dempsey has
stopped me on the door

and said "You're not welcome at
the club."

- Gemma, why don't you just drop
it,

why are you bothered, why
does that bother you so much?

Don't let them upset you, people
will--

- I'm not upset, James, I'm just
angry

because throughout this
whole thing, Mick's going,

"Oh, I don't know what I've
done, she's slagged my club".

I haven't slagged your
club, I've slagged you,

at the end of the day,

you slagged mine and James's
relationship, it wasn't on.

- Yeah, I know, fair enough,
yeah,

he probably shouldn't
have said those things,

but, you know, you've just
got to let it go, Gem.

- All right, fair enough.

- Is there anything else you
wanted to talk to me about?

- No, are you going back in the
club?

- Well, my friends are in there,

it's a bit of a boys' night
out, you know, I don't wanna...

- Just go in the club.

- No, Gem, I'm not gonna leave
you upset.

- Go, listen, go.

- I'm not gonna leave you.

- James, just, you're fucking
about left, right, and centre.

You keep saying to me, "Oh,
Gem, what are you doing tonight,

"do you want to come 'round",

one minute you fancy me,
then you don't fancy me.

Then I've stuck up for our
relationship,

yet, you know, oh, just...

- Listen, Gemma, you are a
very beautiful, special girl,

and you make everyone laugh.

You're a big bubbly character,

and you do mean a hell of a lot
to me,

but I can't if it's going to
cause this hurt and this upset.

I'm not going to lead
you on anymore, okay?

- Right, I'll make this simple
for you.

You go back in the night club,

and let's not be friends
anymore.

- But I want to be your friend.

- No, James, you don't, because
you don't.

- I want to be your friend,

- You don't, because you're...
- But I can't have you

keep crying over me

because it makes me feel
like I'm leading you on.

- I'm not crying over you, I'm
crying

because really what you are
doing to me is out of order.

Why did you call me last
night, then, and say,

"Come 'round, let's have a
romantic night,

"let's get takeaway,
stay at mine tonight".

Why did you say that, then?

- Well, I'm not--
- Why'd you do that?

- 'Cause I'm sorry, Gemma,

maybe I was just being a bit
selfish

and I wasn't really taking into
consideration your feelings.

- I'm not your friend anymore.

- Listen, Gemma, I care about
you

and I'm always going to be there
for you.

- I'm not your friend.

- I'm not going to leave this
car

while you're still crying.

- No, please.

- No, I'm not leaving this
car while you're still crying,

that's one thing, I promise you.

- Go.

- Listen, text me once you've
got in,

I want to know you're
home safely, all right?

Give me a kiss, Gemma, stop
crying.

I've got to go in, all right?

Love you lots.

[upbeat club music]

- You've got the best outfit,

everyone else looks like a
dickhead.

- Because I'm Mario.

[laughing] I don't know
why all these wankers

would trust me, never in a
million years.

"Oh, my lederhosen, yeah, so
good, yeah!

"My lederhosen, yeah!"

- What's lederhosen mean?

- What they're wearing, what
Bobby's wearing right now.

- That's lederhosen!
- That's lederhosen.

- Lederhosen.
- [Mario] Lederhosen!

[laughing]

- Chris!
- Hey!

- [Mario] Ya!

- It's your lederhosen!
- Lederhosen!

- The lederhosen!

[laughing]
- [Little Chris] Oh,

that's clever, that's my hosen.

- The hosen!

- Since we've kind of had our
chat, I can't stop thinking.

And obviously I've tried
to bury the feelings

I've had for you in the past,

knowing that nothing was
ever really gonna come of it,

but I need to know for my own
sanity

if at any point you think

you would ever see me as
anything more than a friend,

and if you can categorically
say, even in 15 years

you would only ever be my
friend,

I can move on, deal with
that, lick my wounds,

and do what I've got to
do with that information,

but I haven't ever met
anyone quite like you before,

and I do think you're a
very calming influence on me

and there's something about you

that really attracts me
to you on many levels.

I think you're a very
special man, I really do.

- Thank you.

- I've never met anyone like
you, you are one of a kind.

- Okay.

- But after what,
obviously, you've told me,

that you would never rule
anything out,

I need to know whether that
means

you would never rule us out.

- I, Bobby, don't have
feelings for you like that,

and never have,

I've never wanted to
give you the impression

that maybe I was giving you the
signals

that there could be any
interest on my part.

You are my friend and I
love you as my friend,

and it would never be anything
else,

and it's as simple as that.

[reflective rock music]

- Firstly, I apologise if
I made you feel awkward,

'cause I think at some point
I pissed you off, obviously,

and secondly, maybe I'd
like to make it up to you,

or maybe go out again properly.

So what do you say, yes, no?

- You've got one more chance,
Darrell.

- Can I have a cuddle as well?

I don't worry about chances.

Can I have a cuddle?

[Darrell giggles]

- We haven't argued in two whole
days.

- Two.

[Sam giggles]

Do you want to marry me?

- What?

- Do you want to marry me?
- No!

[reflective rock music]

- Argy Bargy.

Have a drink, mate.

End of the night, mate?

I tried the second time
to speak to Lauren.

- What happened?

- She can't be mature enough
to just be friends and civil,

at least I know I've tried my
best,

do you know what I mean, so...

- You know, Kirk,
tonight I was pretty much

planning to do the exact
same thing, you know,

I've made mistakes, Kirk,
and cheating on Lydia,

I will probably have to deal
with that

for the rest of my life.

All I wanted to do tonight
was just to say sorry

for the cheating.

- Did you see her?

- I couldn't, mate, literally,
you know what Tom is like,

he was literally glued
to the hip with Lydia.

He wouldn't let her out of his
sight,

and, I don't know,

- You'd, you'd...

- I'd rather have closed the
chapter with me and Lydia

on a nice goodbye as opposed
to being bitter and angry,

and you never know. [grunts]

So what do you think of this?

- What is that?

[Arg laughs]

Arg!

- Don't, mate, I've been
trying to hide it all night,

I can't hide it anymore.

- You had a lot of hair.

- My hair was probably the only
good thing

that was going for me.

- Why did you take it off then?

- The first time me and Lydia
ever met

I had a skinhead, maybe the
next time I fall in love,

maybe it will be with a
skinhead again, you never know.

- Cheers to that, and
good luck, all right?

- Hopefully, mate, I'll
find my love again.

- Fingers crossed.

- Science is our enemy,
water is our friend!

- [Arg] Yeah!

- [Joey] Yeah?

- [Group] Yeah!

- So what we're going to do
today,

it's your chance, only
three people have done this,

Jesus, Dynamo, and Joey Essex,
also known as The Hoverman.

[group laughing]

You actually might think I'm
joking,

but I'm actually being deadly
serious,

you can walk on that water, I
did it,

and I think all you lot can do
it,

but you've got to believe.

Believe in yourself, yeah?

- [Group] I believe.

- I'm not joking, I actually ran

on that water the other
day and you all saw me.

- I saw it.

[intense orchestral music]

- Believe in yourself,
are you going to do it?

Believe!

- [Group] Hurry up, hurry up,
hurry up!

[group yelling]

Chris, Chris!

[group yelling]

All together, all together!

[group screaming]

Argy, Argy, Argy, Argy!

[laughing]

Hoverman, Hoverman, Hoverman,
Hoverman, Hoverman, Hoverman!

[upbeat funk music]