All language subtitles for The.Only.Way.Is.Essex.S06E07.1080p.AMZN.WEB-DL.DDP2.0.H.264-SLAG_track3_[eng]

- [Denise] This programme
contains tonnes of tears,

bouncing boobs and a crafty
wink.

The tans you see might be fake
but the people are all real,

although some of what
they do has been set up

purely for your entertainment.

[men laugh]

- I'm not pregnant.

- Oh, fucking hell, thank God
for that.

- My girlfriend is sending
messages that you sent me.

- Ricky sees my messages to you.

- And you haven't got any
trust issues with her?

- No.

Tell me what they said.

- It's all bullshit, it's all
crap.

- You question me on trust.

- I know, I know this.

- When you've done this,
went outside and was sick,

I was sick.

- Been there, done that.

- It's pretty soon after
me and Lydia broke up,

she had a one-night stand with
him.

- I think I've fallen quite hard
for you

and I do love you, Charlie.

[upbeat music]

- Oh, two ham, egg, chips, done.

- Do you want my fat, Diags?

- [Diags] Yeah, go on.

[Joey farts]

[men laughs]

Tom.

- [Tom] It's not me doing that
shit.

- I didn't fart, it was you.

I'm stopping with all my farting
anyway.

I'm on a diet now.

- [Joey] Yeah, true.

- You know, since the marathon,
I've just gone [whistles].

[blows raspberry]

- No, you've gone [blows
raspberry].

- Yeah, your whole belly's
just exactly like I was before.

- All right, all right, I
understand, I've got cellulite,

I feel fat, I feel like a loser.

- [Tom] Apart from being a
fat loser, what else is new?

- Hold on, you tell me,

you're the one with all
the dramas at the moment.

- I'm not trying, she's trying
to say

I'm trying to break up their
relationship,

I'm not trying to break
up the relationship,

I don't give a fuck whether
they're together or not.

- Basically, at the end of the
day,

whether it come out or not,

yeah, Jess is being unfaithful,
end of.

- This is a bit awkward, innit?

- [Diags] Why is it awkward?

- Oh, don't tell me you've got
family ties

and you're so close to your
family.

- Oh, don't, shut up, mate,
it's all right for you,

just 'cause you're a loner.

[Diags laughs]

No but in all seriousness,
look, obviously,

it is a bit awkward for me,
Tom's one of my closest friends

but at the same time, you
know, Jess is family to me

and he completely fucked her
over.

- How have I fucked her over?

What are talking about, she
messaged me.

- If you hadn't have told Joey

and you haven't told Lauren

and it hadn't gone back to
Ricky,

do you reckon it would be
carried on?

Do you reckon something would
have happened with Jess?

- Yeah, 100%.

- [Diags] Are you gonna
feel awkward at all?

- No, mate, I shouldn't, I
don't.

- The only awkwardness is
gonna be is Ricky and Jess

'cause I think that they're,

unless they've made up straight
away, which is ridiculous.

- If you don't think
there's gonna be tension

between Ricky and Tom, you've
got another thing coming,

trust me.

- Here you go, girls, here you
are.

- Thank you.

- Thank you,

I hope the weather stays
nice for the barbecue later.

- Should do.
- Me too.

Do you reckon it's
gonna be awkward with me

'cause I've invited Jess and
Ricky and Tom and Lauren?

- Oh, God.

- If I was you, I wouldn't
even worry about it,

I'd just let them decide
between themselves

if it's gonna be awkward or not.

- Yeah, if they wanna come,
they'll come, won't they?

Did I tell you that me Joey
put an offer in for the house?

- Excited?

- Yeah, really excited

but I said to him "there is
house rules".

Wet towels must go in the airing
cupboard,

you know, help me with food
shopping.

- No shaving the pubes
over the toilet seat.

Boys do that, don't they?

- Yeah don't wee on the toilet
seat

and do you know what I hate?

- Do they?

- Yeah, really?

- Never seen Arg do it.

- Why don't they just do
it in the shower, though?

We were talking about it the
other day,

there's this shower gel, if you
had.

- Femfresh?

- No, the mint one, it
makes your noony go cold.

- You put it on your noony
and boys put it on their balls

and it goes all like tinkly.

- But it makes your
noony feel really clear

and it goes really cold, it's
really weird but it's nice.

- Must get some.

[upbeat music]

- There's nothing I can
sort of put my finger on

that's kind of given him that
idea

to think that I could even be
interested

or that way inclined,
do you know what I mean?

- Yeah.

- It doesn't what sex you are--

- Imagine like I was to pitch
round to Mario and be like

"Mas, I fancy you after all this
time".

- It's just the L word,
mate, the "love" word,

it takes it to a whole new
level.

- I can't believe he said
it, to be honest with you.

- No, I can't.

Well, you can fancy someone,
can't you?

Or you can have a little
soft spot for someone?

- Love's like, it's just
something, after a couple of
dates

or something like that,
you've maybe, or a month,

or something like that.

I'd personally, I'd maybe just
send him a text or something,

just something simple just--

- But I have, I have,
I've sent him a message,

like making sure "are you all
right?"

He's come back with "yeah, I'm
all right"

and it's literally been that

and it's just been very
short, one-worded messages.

- Do you think that's
because he's in a mood?

I'm meant to be seeing him
later.

Maybe might, I'll speak
to Bobby and just say

"look, you know, Charlie does
want you around as a mate,

"don't just pie it off

"because he doesn't feel
the same way that you feel,

"you have to remember that
he is a straight bloke".

- I just don't want him talking
to Gemma, I really don't

because she's been saying,

she's said all these like
innuendoes all along, hasn't
she,

like with David Furnish, Elton
John,

me and him should get together

and I feel like she'll almost be

like the cat that's got
the cream and kind of like

"told you so, told you so"

and I think that he don't need
that.

- So, even if Bobby
had boobs and a vagina,

you're telling me you wouldn't
go there?

- What's the point of even
saying that?

You're a dick, absolute dick at
times.

- He obviously hasn't got
no respect for Lauren,

number one 'cause he
wouldn't have done that,

he can't care about Lauren,

even though he's been with
Lauren

and he's been going out
with her and whatever.

Has he used Lauren and
he thinks he's gonna come

and try and play around here.

- He knows I was never, ever
gonna be with him like that,

it's like, have some dignity,

like you didn't need to do that
to Ricky

and don't claim that
you're the innocent one

and you're doing it
'cause Ricky should know,

when you blatantly were
trying it on with me

and you happily would.

I don't care about Tom like
that, he knows I don't,

it's a joke and Ricky
knows that deep down,

he even said to me, he was like
"I just wish that you hadn't

"'cause I thought that Tom
fancied you" and fair enough,

like clearly, I shouldn't have
even been friends with Tom.

But Lauren, on the other hand,

like the amount of times
that girl just lets me down

and I love Ricky and I
don't like Tom like that.

- And then how about her
saying that you're a cheat?

How dare she say that?

- I've said I've cheated,
yeah, like when I was 17,

I might have kissed a boy
behind another boy's back.

Don't have one-night stands,
I don't sleep around,

Lauren knows that about
me, it's just ridiculous.

- It's mad.

- But anyway, me and Ricky
are gonna go out for dinner,

I think with Lucy and Mario

'cause we've smoothed everything
over now

after what happened

and we're just gonna go
out and have a nice night.

[upbeat music]

- Cheers.

- [Cara] I'm glad you're back.

- Bitch is back.

[both laugh]

So, you miss me then?

- Of course I've missed you,
I missed my partner in crime.

- [Billi] Have you?

- Yeah, course I have.

- So, what has been going down
in Essex

since I've been gone?

- What hasn't been going down?

First things first,

we've got Jess has been
texting Tom Pearce.

- What do you mean, like sexting
him?

- Well, yeah, pretty much.

- Shut the fuck up.

- Yep.

- Why would she do it?

- 'Cause she's a bitch.

- Why, why would she
bother to text Tom Pearce?

- When she's with Ricky
anyway, we're happy families.

- I think she loves Ricky,
"oh, we're so happy,

"please don't cheat on me,
we've got a puppy together".

[Cara laughs]

- Yeah, what else has
happened, Jamie Reed?

Yeah, he's about again.

- He don't miss a thing, him,
does he?

- No, not at all, anyways,
Lydia sends like a group text

round to all us girls,

asking if any of us has slept
with him.

- What, that's a bit strange.

- Well, it is a little bit
strange but so.

- Why would she do that, then?

- Well, apparently, he said
he's slept with half of Essex.

Frankie, Billi, I mean.

- [Billi] Was he trying to say
that, has he been with you?

- No, he ain't said anything to
me.

- He ain't since he's
been with me, has he?

- [Cara] No [laughs].

- He better not.

- This is what I mean, I'm
saying,

if he's pretending he's
slept with me or you,

then he's got trouble.

- Yeah, it's all going on,
innit?

- I couldn't give a shit.

- I need to phone my dad
about the table tonight

so I need to know if you'll
come to his restaurant or not.

- Right, okay, yeah, well, no,
obviously,

I definitely wanna come,
obviously, there's,

Sam's got some barbecue or
whatever

but you know, I'm not gonna
wanna go,

Tom's gonna be there so Jess
probably won't wanna go, so.

I'm 100%, I'm gonna back
it, so yeah, count me in.

- How are you and Jess now?

- Yeah, we're all right,
obviously, it's annoying,

'cause people just make up a
load of shit

to stir things around but
I've seen all the messages

and the texts that were sent.

- [Lucy] You've seen it all?

- Yeah, I've seen the
whole history and I haven't

and there's not one message
that I'm really worried about.

- Right, I've gotta pop out
anyway

but I'll leave yous to it.

- All right.

- All right, see you in a bit.

- I love you.

- [Lucy] See you later, Rick.

- See you later.

- You all right, there?

- Just annoying,

we've got stupid little
boys starting rumours

and chatting shit about
people to break things up.

'Cause, do you know what it is,
I know that he fancies Jess,

I've known it for ages.

- Oh, come on, Jess, Lauren
Goodger.

- There you go, simple
as, just, he's ridiculous,

he's just doing it for drama

because he's got nothing
better in his life.

- Yeah, the thing is,

you don't want Tom running
round like the whole of Essex,

telling Joey, telling everyone
else,

that him and Jess were texting.

I still think you need
to pull him up on it.

'Cause the only thing I
don't like is the fact that

I think she's a little bit out
of order.

But the thing is, as well,
mate, like, I'm not being like,

I know that you and Jess are
sweet now,

you and Jess are sweet now?

- Well, no, yeah, obviously,

it's not gonna go [clicks]
sweet.

- Yeah, trust me, I know it's
not.

- But like, I'm obviously pissed
off that she even text him.

- That's the thing, like
you've gotta establish as well,

where did the texts all start
coming from?

- Yeah, no, I've seen it, it's
him!

- It's him?

- It's him, we talked it out,
she admitted she was wrong

and that was the first
step for us to move on.

- Yep, you know, if you ever
wanna talk

or anything like that or
you need somewhere to stay,

you know I've always got your
back.

[upbeat music]

- All right, Bobby, how you
doing, mate?

- Hello, Chris.

- You good?

- Did you go gym?

- Yeah, yeah, we've just been
finished up in the gym now so.

- How was it?

- Hard, just shows how unfit
I am, do you know what I mean?

- Did Charlie go?

- Yeah, yeah, it was me
and Charlie this morning

so, you know, he's got no
problems with gay people at all

and you and me both know that

but like when you've laid that
on him

and he's just a bit like "wow,

"I didn't ever think Bobby
would see me like that".

- I don't want it to be this
whole

"everyone feels awkward talking
to Bobby"

'cause everyone's shitting
theirselves

that I'm gonna try it on with
you

or I'm gonna fall in love with
everyone

because that's not the case but,

so I don't want it to be like
that.

- Like, I felt really torn
earlier,

when he was talking to me about
it

because on the one side, I
was trying to reassure him

and now I feel like I have
to do something for you

'cause I have exactly the
same relationship with you.

You have to build that
bridge back with Charlie

because I know, in his heart,

he'll be devastated if
he lost you as a mate.

[upbeat music]

- Just like the local whore,
innit?

It's like, whenever a
girl breaks up, they,

everyone just goes "oh, who
shall we sleep with, Jamie".

- I feel sorry for him, I
don't think he's a bad guy but.

- He can't get a girlfriend.

He's going round bragging
about who he's been with.

- It's really weird 'cause it's
like,

I've known Jamie for a long
time,

I think he's an all right guy

but it's not very nice and
respectful.

- Like it must be hard for Tom,

I've gotta kind of put
myself in his position.

We're like in a club, there's
that Arg,

who's my ex-boyfriend

and then there's the guy that
was like my rebound there.

- Like honestly, I wouldn't
worry about it, you're an adult,

you know, do you know what
I mean, like it's not,

it ain't a crime, for God's sake
like.

- Like Frankie's fuming about
it.

- Yeah, I think, obviously, it's
not nice,

I don't know if Joey would be
too happy, that's his sister,

d'you know what I mean, so,
awkward.

- [Diags] You do one under
yours, I'll do one under mine.

Squeeze it, you're not even
doing it.

- Go on, then.

- [Chloe] What are you doing?

- Crying my eyes out.

[both laugh]

- What are you doing?

- [Joey] Trying to make each
other cry.

[Diags laughs]

- Oh my God, I feel like I've
just walked into a nuthouse,

I'm having the worst day ever.

I just put unleaded,
60 pounds worth of it,

in my diesel car.

- Why?

- I don't know, I didn't mean
to.

- [Diags] What, you
put 60 pound of diesel?

- I don't, I was stressed
out and I was rushing

'cause I was running late to get
here

and I picked up the wrong pump,

even though it says "diesel" on
the cap,

I've still took it off
and put unleaded in it.

- Wait, wait, wait so your
car's diesel or petrol?

- [Diags] Diesel.
- My car's diesel.

- And you put petrol in it?

- Yeah, by mistake.

You wanna laugh, fucking
prick, it's not funny!

- Oi, don't laugh, why d'you
make petrol

when there's diesel cars?

- It's so stupid, why don't
you just have one for everyone?

- Why don't you just one car?

- But most people--

- Why don't you make
English notes for everyone?

Why is Spain different, why is
China?

- What, you what?

- Chloe, this makes you
cry, if you wanna do it?

- [Diags] D'you wanna cry?

- D'you wanna cry for us?

- I already feel like really
crying, I don't the onion.

[pensive music]

- Arg!

Hi there, mate.

Where you off to?

- Just gonna go Sam's barbecue.

- Yeah?

- Yeah, you all right?

- Yeah, I'm good, yeah.

I'm just gonna pop to
the Sugarhut quickly,

that's what I'm just doing now.

- Cool, it was a bit, obviously,
it was a bit, you know,

probably on my behalf, I was a
bit immature the other night.

- I just thought it was a bit
ridiculous because I mean,

we've known each other for ages

and I've been trying to catch up
with you,

there's been a few texts and a
few things

that I've just been wanting
to sort out with you,

it's just getting to that point
now where,

I know we're gonna be in
similar places all the time, so.

- I know that.

- I just wanna clear the air

and I just wanna kind of like
get kind of.

- Well, I appreciate you doing
that, the thing is, Jamie,

when I did find out that
you slept with Lydia,

it did hurt me and I was
a bit bitter at the time.

- Yeah.

- The way I see things, Jamie,
if we was to move forward,

the only thing I'd ask from you
now is

I just would love it now if you
could just be honest with me

and tell me what happened with
Lydia.

- Do you really wanna know?

- Yeah.

- Saturday night, I think it
was,

one of the girls called an
after-party,

on the way via a kebab shop,

I'm sure you see all that
anyway, yeah?

Ended up at an after-party,
more drinking, more drinking,

more drinking so everyone was
literally out of their faces,

me and Lydia gone and come back
to mine.

- Okay and it happened, yeah?

- But you've gotta imagine that
Lydia was also saying to me

"don't talk to him, don't talk
to him,

"don't say nothing to him"

and I didn't know what to say at
the time.

- Fair enough.

- I put myself in a situation

that I shouldn't have put myself
in,

purely 'cause of a drunk night
out.

- Yeah, it was just a one-night
stand,

you weren't seeing her?

- I don't where this kind
of seeing her has come from.

- So you was never seeing her?

- No.

- You know, when I found out
about it, Lydia denied it to me

and then I thought.

- See, I never knew
that, I never knew that.

- I thought that because
you knew that, obviously,

I thought, I knew that you
knew what you did was wrong

but I thought you might
have owed me something

for how long I've known you for.

- After I slept with somebody,
do you hear what I'm saying?

Really, like, I didn't know
how the situation was going.

I see it two ways, we
can either kind of like

move on from this, we'll just
shake hands

and say "all right, okay" or
it's gonna be really awkward.

- Yeah, at the end of the day,
you know.

- So how d'you wanna do it?

- At the end of the day,
Jamie, I don't, you know,

I'm glad you've finally told me
the truth.

- Yeah.

- The only other thing is,
Jamie,

I've gotta pull you up on it

'cause well, you know Joey is
obviously

a very close friend of mine,
he's one of my best friends.

You know, a few people said

that you've been a bit
disrespectful,

the way you've spoken about his
sister,

telling people, you know,
talking about the fact that
you--

- That's just a bit of boys
banter,

I was speaking to Darrell about
things,

we were just having a bit
of a chat about things.

- I'm, Joey's my best friend
so I'm gonna say something,

if you had to ask me about it--

- [crosstalk] All right, all
right, I don't really want,

that's something to do with
me and Joey, all right?

That's nothing to do with you,
all right?

Next time I do one of my nights
somewhere,

you come and have a drink with
me?

- Yeah, if I'm welcome, then
yeah.

- All right, cool, nice seeing
you, mate.

- Cheers, Jamie.

- Have a nice barbecue.

Yeah, he was trying to
give it a little bit

but "oh yeah, but you said
something about Frankie as well"

I said, "well, that's nothing
to do with you, mate, is it?

That's to do with Joey."

[upbeat music]

[women shriek]

- Boobs are hurting.

- Oh my God, don't tell me
you've got boob envy right now?

- Chris, what are you doing?

- I'm just admiring
the view at the minute.

- Chris, you tits pervert.

- Can't help it, drawn to 'em.

[women shriek]

- [Tom] You're quite fussy,
ain't you?

Considering like you're quite
big-boned?

- You'd think I wouldn't be.

- [Tom] Anything that's greasy
or bad for you, you love.

You do wash your face with
grease in the morning.

- Why would you, I don't
understand

why you rub grease into your
skin.

- I don't rub grease into my
face,

I'm completely chatting shit.

I clearly don't rub grease into
my face,

I just have very bad skin,
all right, get over it.

- [Tom] It's not even
that bad anymore, man.

- You're skinny as fuck,
your eyebrows are ridiculous,

right, we've all got things
wrong with us.

- All right.

- Argie!

[all exclaim]

Yes, oh, what's happening,
oh, you're well sick, man.

- You all right, boys?

Listen, I've actually brought
a contribution, for once.

- Oh, he's not tight, yes.

- Well, it might have been
the cheapest bottle of rose

I could find but I tell
you what, obviously,

of all the people to bump
into, I bumped into Jamie Reed.

- What's he gotta say, the
little melt?

- I pulled him up and I said

"Jamie, I've heard what you've
been saying about Frankie

"and you know, Joey is one of
my best friends and you know,

"I know how protective he is of
his sister

"and I just don't think it's
right you sort of, you know,

"speaking about, you
know, her in that way".

- One, he's a grass, one,
he's a liar, one, he's a slag,

he's face is in a shape of a
square.

[Arg laughs]

Have you seen his face,
it's in a shape of a square

so one, he's a square-face,

one, I wanna name him
after Spongebob Squarepants

and now he's going about
saying things about my sister,

is he fucking serious?

All right, he looks at you and
he goes

"what are you saying about me?

"What are you actually saying
about me?

[all laugh]

"I've shagged every girl in
Essex."

[women shriek]

[upbeat music]

- Oh, I'm exhausted.

- I feel like I'm gonna wet
myself when I bounce on this.

- Oh my God.

- You can have surgery,
I think they sow it up

and tighten it up.

- It's not to do with my
noon, my actual noon's tiny,

it's about that big, it's the
inside that holds in the wee,

you nutcase, I haven't got a big
noon.

- Big saggy noon [laughs].

[knuckles rap]

- All right, Sam, how are you
doing?

- Oh, hiya, how are you?

- Not bad, you?

- Good, d'you wanna come in?

- No, I'm not gonna intrude,

I know you've got your barbecue
and that

but is it all right if
I talk to Tom Pearce?

- Tom, yeah, are you sure
you don't wanna come in?

- No, seriously, it's fine.

- [Sam] Tom!

- Hey, you all right?

- Yeah, mate, you all right?

- Not too bad, you?

- What's happening, what's going
on?

- Literally, you know this
whole thing with you and Jess?

- Mm hm.

- I don't wanna get
involved but obviously,

Ricky's my pal.

- Yeah, of course.

- So, he's saying to
me, I saw him earlier,

he said he's seen the texts.

- Joey mentioned that she had
been having a go at Ricky,

saying she didn't trust him and
I was like

"well, that's a bit weird, come
on

"'cause she's been sending me

"like flirty messages the whole
time."

- Yeah, can I see the
texts, is that all right?

- Yeah, of course, mate.

- Just so I'm actually
in the loop with it all,

d'you know what I mean?

- No, of course, man, no
worries.

What, so, has Jess said that
Ricky's?

- She said that he, well, he
said to me, I've seen him,

today and he said to me
that he's seen the texts.

- This was the morning of Joey's
party

after she's seen us kissing.

- Yeah.

- She said "how can you cheat on
me, Tom?"

- Yeah.

- And stuff like that so,

would you want your
girlfriend saying that?

You'd just say, you'd be like,
stuff like that, obviously,

yeah, I'm not saying she
asked me out on a date

or anything like that, all I'm
saying was

I wouldn't want my girlfriend

sending them sort of messages,
end of.

It did start off just friendly
chat,

which is why I never said
anything

and then as soon as I got with
Lauren,

this is when it got a bit
flirty.

[crosstalk]

There's a few other little
things as well like,

but I haven't obviously
sit there and saved it all.

- Has anything else actually
happened other than texts?

- Once, she was asking me to,

if I could open up her
display picture on BBM

and if it was working and I
clicked on it

and it was her laying
there in her underwear.

So, just things like that

and I just thought it was
a bit weird, I'll show you.

- It is weird.

- I ain't lying, I'll show you,
all right,

"click on my" [mumbles]
"don't think it's working"

and I've clicked on it
and then like "Thomas"

with a little wink, stuff
like that, it is flirty, mate,

at the end of the day and
I think it's a bit weird.

- Why have you turned up?

- Just talking to Tom.

- What about?

- About the Ricky and Jess
thing.

- Why have you turned up at
my girlfriend's barbecue,

why did you turn up?

- All right, well, I
haven't come to talk to you,

I've come to talk to Tom, that's
it.

- Yeah but why are you turning
up on my girlfriend's door,

you're not invited, mate.

- All right, well, I'm
not coming in, am I?

I've stayed outside.

- You're not coming in, you
know you're not gonna come in,

why turn up?

- All right, well, you turned
up at my engagement party,

didn't you, so.

- But I didn't wanna turn up.

- Exactly, well, that's why I'm
up here,

I'm doing Ricky a favour, ain't
I?

- See you later, Slush Puppy.

- What am I, some sort
of refreshing drink?

Fucking protein shake.

[upbeat music]

[Italian music]

- Yous two look Italian, though.

Your nose is the same,
your eyes are the same.

- [Lydia] And similar lips.

- Yous two look alike, I
think these two look alike

and everyone says that me and
Mario

look like incest, don't they?

- No, they say that
couples that look alike

stand the test of time.

- [Lucy] Really?

- So, if you look like each
other, yeah,

if you don't look like each
other and you're in a couple,

you're not gonna last, so yous
will last.

- No, yous do look alike.

- [Lydia] Thank you, Mario.

- [Lucy] What's "cheers" in
Italian?

[speaks foreign language]

- There you go.

[all chatter]

- All right, whoever
can bounce the highest?

- Me!

- Come on, Billi!

[women scream]

- Why has Mario come here

and obviously he's friends with
Jess.

- Is Tom texting Lucy now?

- Oh yeah.

[both laugh]

- You never know.

- Oh no but obviously,
it's gonna be tension

with the whole Jess situation.

- What's that got to do with
Mario?

- Now he feels like he's
got like one-up on Jess

'cause Jess said about
Lucy and, do you know like?

- Oh okay, so he's come here to
get ammo

to chuck at Jess at dinner.

- Yeah, yeah, I just think
he's like being a hypocrite,

he's gonna go to the party

and now take all the blame off
of him

and just put it all on Jess.

I know for a fact that
Mario has cheated on Lucy.

- So, you 100% know that he's
cheated?

- Yeah, if she wants proof,
there is proof, I can get proof

but she's not, she don't want to
know.

- Shut up, how do you know,
though, what do you know?

- Just, like, you know, my
cousin has a best friend

that has slept with
Mario, I just feel like,

I wanna ring Jess and
say, give her a heads-up

that Mario's been round here
but, d'you know something,

I can't be bothered to
get involved anymore.

- Yeah 'cause you're gonna
look like the shit-stirrer.

- Yeah, exactly.

[Italian music]

- Mas, it's really nice that
your dad's let us come round,

have a nice meal at his
restaurant.

- [Mario] That's all right,
mate.

- Yeah, really, the food
is amazing, honestly,

like unbelievable.

- It's so nice here.

- I knew that you needed
cheering up.

- While we're here, I just
wanted to do a quick thing

for Ricky 'cause obviously,
he's got his new flat

and it's not been the best few
weeks.

So, first of all, those.

- Aww, that's so cute!

- [Lucy] Presents.

- [Ricky] It's like my birthday.

Oh, look at this.

"Wishing you lots of happiness
and success

"in your new beautiful home,
love you more everyday,

"with love, Jessica, don't wake
me up".

- Aw!

- [Tom] Little kiss,
little kiss, little kiss.

[Tom and Lydia clap]

- So cute, kiss, kiss, kiss.

- Aw, that is so nice.

- Oh, don't, I get all, oh.

- Aw!

- That is so cute.

- [Jess] I like that picture

'cause it's like us being happy.

- [Ricky] Yeah, it is a nice
picture.

- [Lucy] Can I see it, Rick?

- Yeah, of course you can.

- Aw, when was it taken?

- Marbaya, innit?

- [Jess] Yeah, in Marbaya.

- Another one that she
sent Tom Pearce to open.

- What?

- Nothing, cute.

- Thanks, Jess.

- Oh, it is beautiful.

- As if I wouldn't put
it up, don't be stupid.

- [Lydia] That is so
lovely, give her a cuddle,

for all that effort.

- [Ricky] Thank you, babe.

- Okay.

- I will put it up though,
don't worry, it's not gonna go,

I'm not gonna put it in the
cupboard,

it's lovely, thank you.

- Let's do a cheers to Ricky's
new home.

- [Ricky] Oh, guys.

- We'll hold it for you.

Cheers to Ricky.

- [Tom] Cheers.

- [Ricky] Thanks guys,
appreciate it.

[upbeat music]

- That Jamie, I can't
get over it, what a goat.

- I know, it's like he's
just swanned in here

and then just started saying "oh
yeah,

"I've slept with this
one, slept with that one".

- Well, what's he trying to
prove,

he's got like zero personality,
he don't even talk.

- Just embarrassing, even more,

he's disrespecting our
boyfriends

because he knows that we're
now with other people,

everyone makes mistakes
and everyone's got a past.

- Yeah, definitely, like I
just think, like with me,

especially, I've just met
someone, like he's so lovely,

he does everything, he
actually looks after me

and I just feel like he
could ruin everything.

I just can't stop thinking
about it and I just don't know.

- Don't get upset,

don't, you ain't done
anything wrong, chick.

- I don't know, I just
feel I'm not strong enough

to deal with all this shit.

- But you've gotta remember
you ain't done anything.

[Frankie sighs]

Frankie, it will be all right.

- All right, girls?

- [Billi] Hi, Joe.

- You all right, Frank, what's
the matter, what's wrong?

- It's about all this Jamie Reed
shit.

How dare he walk about
and say things like that?

- Well, who does he think is,

like if he's some sort of
gentleman,

what is he, like 30 plus, he's
about 32,

he's going around talking about
girls

apparently he's slept
with, like is he stupid?

- Obviously.

- [Frankie] He ain't no
gentleman, is he, no way.

- When I see him out, I'm
gonna have a word with him,

he's a fucking idiot, Frank.

- When I see him, I'll kick
him straight up the ass.

[women laugh]

I might kick him up the front

and then he won't sleep with no
one.

[all laugh]

- Hey, what d'you reckon's
going on at the barbecue?

- I don't know.

- Do you think any dramas?

- Probably eating food and
drinking.

- To be fair, it looked all
right

when I popped there earlier.

- You went earlier?

- Yep.

- Why, how come you went?

- I popped there to see
Tom, to be honest with you.

Obviously, you come and saw
me earlier and obviously,

when yous two were
arguing the other night,

he walked past me

and his face said something
completely different

to what the argument was.

- His face?

- Yeah, you can tell by
someone's face.

So, I went and saw him
and he just said like

it was you that instigated it.

[Jess sighs]

And he showed the texts and to
be fair,

they're not that bad at all.

But there was one thing,
Jess, that he said,

that I'm not sure if Ricky knows
about

'cause obviously, when I saw you
earlier.

- [Jess] Go on, go on.

- And it was, you messaged him
saying

"can you look at my BBM picture,

"I'm not sure if it's working",
he wrote back saying--

- Was my BBM picture
not working for a while

and was yours not either?

- Well, you knew it weren't
working so why would you ask?

- No, no, no, for you it wasn't,

I didn't know if anyone else
could see it.

- [Ricky] So why would you ask
Tom?

- Yeah but why is it a big deal
anyway,

it's the BBM picture I don't
get.

- He said when he opened it,

it was a picture of you in your
underwear,

he wrote back saying "yeah,
working".

- My BBM picture, my dad is on
my BBM.

- Did you ask him "is it
working"

or did you ask him to open it
up?

- What?

- And did he, what else
was in the message?

- [Mario] And then you
say, he wrote back saying.

- [crosstalk] Whatever I say,
I'm going to be getting it,

whatever I say.

- [crosstalk] "Yeah, hot".

- [Ricky] [crosstalk] Mate,
what else was in this message?

- "Yeah, hot" and you wrote
back saying "Thomas, wink".

- Yeah, as in like.

- That's not flirty, no?

- What d'you want me to write
back then, "talk to the hand"?

- "Thomas, wink", it's like
a little pet name, "Thomas".

- Right, d'you know what,

I've got every single
conversation on my phone,

I'm happy to sit here and
show you or out there.

- Yeah but, it doesn't
matter, you've shown me them

but you don't think they're
wrong.

Listen, right--

- [Jess] If you're gonna
sit here and be rude to me,

then I don't even wanna hear.

- Listen, how many times
did you have to ask someone

if your picture don't work?

- I asked him once!

- You knew it didn't work,
I told you it didn't work!

- Yes but I didn't know if
anyone else could see it,

I couldn't see yours!

- [Ricky] Oh, it's just
me so oh, I'll ask Tom.

- [Jess] I asked my mum "Mum,
is my BBM picture working?"

- All these other messages are--

- I asked you, I asked everyone.

- I was asking, I was just
texting--

- 'Cause I'm innocent,
messaging Tom, he's a friend!

"Does my BB picture?" I've
got the whole conversation,

I'm innocent, I can show
you the whole conversation.

- You're not friends, Tom
said you're not friends.

- Whether I'm meeting
him now or 20 years ago,

I'm still friends with the
kid 'cause I'm with you!

- Listen, he's been saying,
so have you not been,

why are you shouting?

- 'Cause I'm sick of this!

I'm with you and I love you!

- So, this is really mature,
innit, yeah.

- All I did was message a boy as
a friend

and he's made out that it's
more than that and it's not!

- Listen, babe, I understand,
you're turning on the tears,

yeah, I'd love to give you

a load of sympathy right now,
right?

- It's not more than that,
I'm not turning on the tears!

- But them messages
aren't friendly messages,

they're not friendly messages!

- They are normal boy-to-girl
banter

and that's the sort of
relationship

I thought I had with him!

- No, they're not, no, they're
not,

no, they're not, no, they're
not, no, they're not.

- Is there anything
worse than that, is there

"what you doing tonight,
where you going tonight?"

- It doesn't matter, I'm glad,
listen,

if he didn't have brought it up,

he might have got worse,
how do I know that?

- I can't do anything more
than tell you this, what.

- What d'you want me to say?

I'm sorry, I get girls and I
really am,

I'm emotional like a girl and
I really feel sorry for her

because she's crying and that,
right?

But it don't matter, just
because you're crying,

don't make it all right.

I just think, I sat down,
right, and I'd spoke to her

and we had a conversation about
the texts

and she said she'd told
me all the texts, right?

She didn't mention them.

So I'd let it go and it was all
sweet

and now it's come back up again
with all,

there's another message.

It's not like I wanna break up
with her.

- I know you don't.

- But I just feel, I
don't know what to feel,

like this is the emotion I'm
feeling.

- She's clearly upset
and clearly loves you

so if you wanna go after her
and see how she is, it's fine.

- [Mario] Go after her.

- [Lucy] Go.

- [Ricky] You all right with
that?

- Seriously, I'm sick of
the sight of you, just go.

- Fine.

- Go on.

- Have a good rest of your
night.

- Call you tomorrow, mate.

- Bye, mate.

[percussive music]

- Cooking all night or
just eating 'em all?

[both laugh]

- See, my gaydar's never really
been wrong

and I remember the first few
encounters I had with him,

I thought, oh, is there
something a little bit, not gay

but maybe was he on the
bi-bus, I wasn't sure.

And then he made a couple
of comments and I thought

well, maybe he could swing
either way

because he's very spiritual
and he started saying the whole

"it's the person, I don't care
about race,

"I don't care about gender,

"it's all about the soul", I
think--

- Yeah, I mean, that's weird in
itself

'cause no fella would say that.

And in, with all my experience,

no man has ever turned round
and said "I fall for a soul".

You know, what is Charlie,
how has he got to 27,

never been to like a strip club,

just never really experienced
life?

He's either asexual or he's
gay and I know, I know you,

the past couple of weeks,
you are hiding something,

you would not get this upset
over a friend

who you've been on holiday
with and then come back

saying you're in love with him.

- The thing is, it's kind of in
my head

and now, well, just in
everything, my heart, my head,

he's more than just a friend to
me.

I kind of, just kind of, I
guess,

all these seeds started growing

and now I've got like
Epping Forest in my head.

- So, what you gonna do about
it?

- I'm gonna have to contact
Charlie because I think

this is gonna continue, this
could go on for 3 weeks,

3 months, 3 years but the day
we're back in a room together,

it's still gonna be as awkward
as ass.

- Listen, don't beat yourself up
about it.

You know, things happen in life.

You'll look back in a
couple of weeks and think

"what was all that about?"

- [Bobby] D'you reckon?

- Or you'll marry him.

[both laugh]

- I don't know what you
want me to say, I don't,

I wasn't messaging Tom like
that and I swear on my life.

- So what's, why are they so
flirty, what is "Thomas, wink"?

[Jess stammers]

I can't just, please
don't put on these tears

because you know I can't.

- I'm not putting on tears.

- I'm emotional, right?

- What, you think I don't care
about you?

- I can't be angry.

- You think I don't love
you, d'you want to--

- Yes but I, yeah but you're not
doing it,

I done that to you, you
think I didn't love you,

I didn't care about you,
you made me sit there

and you didn't even say "it's
okay, Rick",

you walked out of the table and
left!

- 'Cause I thought you were
guilty!

- But now, I think you're
guilty!

So, what d'you want me to
do, just listen to you,

he's just said you look
hot in your picture,

that you asked him to--

- So, what d'you want me to send
back,

what d'you want me to send back?

- Like a normal friend "oh,
thanks Tom,

"I appreciate it, thank you",
not--

- Because he's flirting

and I don't like the fact that
he's--

- He's flirting with you
and you said "Thomas, wink"!

You have fully winked, that
is saying "oh Thomas, wink".

- You're a flirtatious young
boy and you would put the same!

- Yeah, since I've been
with you, I haven't!

If Lauren ever went to me
"oh Rick, you look hot",

I wouldn't go "Lauren,
wink", I'd go "thank you".

- Because you don't talk to
Lauren,

you don't talk to Lauren.

- You don't fucking, yeah,
well, you certainly talk to Tom.

- Don't making me out to be bad

because if you really feel like
that, then you'd walk away.

- I don't, they're flirty
and they are flirty

and you have flirted with
him and he's flirted back

and whether there's nothing in
it or not

and you don't like him, I know
you don't, I know you don't

but it's the fact that you have
done it

and it's made me feel fucking
worthless.

Like why would I?

- Please.

[sobs] Thought he was my
friend, I thought I trusted him.

- Don't trust people that ain't
right.

Love you.

- [Voiceover] Next time on
"The Only Way Is Essex".

[Joey farts]

[men laugh]

Will Joey and Mario continue to
use

eighties soft drinks as insults?

- See you later, Slush Puppy.

- Fucking protein shake.

- [Voiceover] Will Jess
and Carol win a gold medal

for slow walking?

- It's a joke.

- [Voiceover] And will
Bobby go for the full op?

- So, even if Bobby
had boobs and a vagina,

you're telling me you wouldn't
go there?

- You're a dick.

- [Voiceover] Who knows?

These people are real
and anything can happen

on "The Only Way Is Essex".

[upbeat music]