All language subtitles for The.Only.Way.Is.Essex.S06E03.1080p.AMZN.WEB-DL.DDP2.0.H.264-SLAG_track3_[eng]

- [Narrator] This programme
contains an 80s flashback,

Joey showing off this chopper

and a big bust up with an ex.

The tans you see might be fake
but the people are all real

although some of what
they do has been set up

purely for you entertainment.

Previously on the The Only Way
Is Essex.

- Oh, that's what happens.

[chuckles]

- I don't even care if
Arg and Gemma beat us,

I want to beat them two.

[laughs]

[crowd cheering]

[crowd laughing]

- I wonder what that would be.

- Come and do it again then.

[smooching]

[upbeat orchestral music]

♪ The only way is up, baby

♪ For you and me now

[soft acoustic music]

- [Sam] Happy Birthday.

- [Joey] Thanks you little
mouse.

[Joey laughs]

- Are you looking forward
to your party tonight?

- Yeah, can't wait.

80s birthday though isn't it.

Do you remember when we first
did that kiss in the pool?

- Yeah, it was Harry's birthday.

- Yeah, it was there.

- [Sam] Is it?

- Yeah.

Chose it for you.

- You're getting old.

- I'm getting old, aren't I?

Who do you think has
acted older of me and you,

who acts older?

- I act older.

- You're are actually quite
immature.

- Immature, no I'm not.

- Is immature the word?

- Do you want your birthday
present?

- Now?

- Yeah.

You won't get it, at
first, I know you won't.

- What is that?

- Read here.

- Happy birthday, we
are going to New York.

December 19th to 22nd.

- [Sam] Just before Christmas.

- Just before Christmas.

I didn't know what to get you as
you.

- As you already have
everything,

so I thought this is
lovely for both of us.

- In love, love, love you so
much.

Sam AKA mouse.

We're going New York?
- Yeah.

- Really?

- I booked that for your
birthday.

I didn't.

- I thought you would get me
a number plate or something.

- No!

[laughing]

- So, are we actually gonna
be there in Christmas,

when it's Christmas day?

- [Sam] No, we come home
just before Christmas day.

- Do we really?

- [Sam] Yeah.

- What so the 22nd, so
when's Christmas, 23rd?

- 25th.

- It's mad.

- It'll be really romantic

and it's our first Christmas
together.

- I know, so good.

♪ Let the sun shine

♪ Let the sun shine baby

♪ Let it all go

♪ Let it all go baby

- Aww, you cook the best
breakfast.

Next time you do my eggs can
you make 'em proper, not burnt?

- You cheeky cow.

[laughs]

- You looking forward to Joey's
party?

- Yeah, I can't wait.

I got to go out today and
get his present, don't I?

- What you gonna get him?

- He's always wanted a Chopper
bike.

He's always dreamed of being
in the sun riding our choppers.

[Gemma laughs]

Obviously I can't.

What, are you crying or
laughing?

[Gemma laughs]

- Both in the sun riding your
choppers.

[Arg laughs]

- Let me eat my plate.

No, come on Gem, but.

So what is it?

Can you just be a bit honest
with me.

- You've said some stupid
things,

it just messes my head up.

You make me feel really
unconfident.

- Alright, well listen, I am so,
so sorry

if I have ever made you
feel that way, okay,

but I don't think it is
anything we can't sort out.

- No, it's not nothing we can't
sort out,

but like it's like I
look in the mirror now

and I've just got you
in the back of my going,

you look like Vanessa Feltz.

- Gemma, stop being stupid.

You don't look like Vanessa
Feltz,

you look like Diana Dors,
I told you that, Gem.

- I just feel depressed.

[Gemma cries]

- That's why I don't want
to make you feel this way.

You've gotta stop being silly.

I'm not gonna see you be
upset, unhappy and sad.

We'd have to finish it Gem,

because I'm not having you
crying anymore.

- Okay, can I just have a
bit of time though to myself?

And I'll see you at Joey's
party.

[upbeat music]

- Gotta do one or the parts,

you can't walk and go to the
gym.

[horn honks]
It's not cool.

- Oh, look at who he is.

- [Chloe] Hi, Mick.

- Hello.

- [Chloe] This your new
wheels, you ain't got no rims.

- Alloys in there, aren't they?

- Listen you need to have like,
it needs,

you know suspension when
it bounces up like that.

- Yeah like Snoop and Dre.

- It's a 1980s model this one.

- Mick, you're such a junior.

[Mick chuckles]
Yeah, you are.

You could drive this to the
party

and you'd totally fit in with
the theme.

- I'm here to party.

That's 80s isn't it?

- Yeah.

- I love the 80s but I
was so ugly in the 80s.

You wouldn't know it now
though, would you Mick?

- [Mick] No, never.

- [Chloe] Was you a mod?

- No, I was a skinhead.

- [Lauren P] What's a mod?

- [Chloe] Was yeah?

- Yeah.

Who yous goin as anyway?

- Dunno.

- Might just rock up
in a shelf suit, Mick.

- [Mick] Yeah, there you go.

- Do you know what I mean?

That's what I used to wear in
the 80s.

Shell suits.

- The Essex girl was actually
born in the 80s I think.

The white stilettos,
dancing 'round the handbag.

I might just seen yous two do
the dance

around the handbag anyway.

- No, they're too expensive
to put on the floor, Mick.

- Do you want a lift, mate?

- [Lauren P] Hell yeah.

- You're not too embarrassed
to get in the 80s.

- [Lauren P] Come on.

- Come on, pile in.

- [Chloe] You're jokin'.

- Squeeze in.

- [Lauren P] You gonna have room
there?

- Ow, hot lever.

- [Mick] Hot lever.

- Oh, how, oh my god I can't sit
back.

It's so hot in.

- The noises you're makin'
comin' out of this car.

- [Chloe] I think my boobs
are a big big for this car.

[upbeat music]

- I can't believe you
kissed at the stables.

- I know.

- That's proper romantic but
proper like frisky as well.

- Why?

Like, I don't know, like it's
a bit like dirty, innit, like.

- [Lauren G] Really?

- Like [growls] at the stables.

- It's not my fault, it just
happened.

- Is he a good kisser then?

- Yeah.

- Oh my God, no way!

- It was quite sexy and
I was just like okay.

- You didn't like?

- No.

Yeah, do it in the haystack.

- He'll be like shovelin'
out all the manure

and there'll be like a G string.

- Shut up, Lydia.

Oh my god.

It's not my fault, he like, put
it on me.

Shut up, Lyd.

[upbeat music]

- Look mate, you stink.

- It's not me, mate, it's
the dog, I'm telling ya.

- [Mario] Chaps.

- Awww, look at her.
- What the hell is that?

- This is Lucy's new dog, Lola.

- Lola look like a Furby.

[Ricky laughs]

Where is she from?

- From America, Lucy really
wanted one so.

- [Tom] Hello.

Lola.
[boys laughing]

- [Mario] Lucy's in love with
her though.

- [Ricky] How has Lucy
been, she been alright?

- Yeah, she's fine man, yeah
shes good.

- Jess told me yesterday that
she rang her

or something upset.

- When was this?

- [Ricky] She didn't tell me
what.

- When was this?

- I dunno like, I don't know,
yesterday,

the day before.

I think she's meeting
her today or something.

- No idea, I think she is pretty
upset about the Sam thing.

- I can imagine, yeah.

- It is what it is, like
tonight, his birthday and that.

We, obviously, we're not going.

- We're going tonight, you know
that.

- Don't really care anymore,
mate to be honest with ya,

like I said if I never
speak to them again,

I'll still sleep tonight

and if it gets sorted it gets
sorted, so.

- I've got six weeks with Lyd

with no Mom or Dad has
she, they've gone to.

- Have you moved in with Lyd?

- 'Cause she's got a
free house for six weeks.

- That's you, your done for.

- I'm done, I'm sorted.

- You've got further than me
mate.

You've finished, you're
gonna get a dog next.

- You've gone past
couch boy straight away,

you've taken a bigger step than
that.

- Slowly surely wins the race, I
reckon.

- What's that, to get up stairs?

- [Ricky] To get to the bedroom
[laughs].

- [Mario] Before her Dad wakes
up.

- [Ricky] And then I sneak back
down.

- [Mario] Is that what you do?

- It's like a covert mission,
yeah, I'm like Tom Cruise.

- God.

- Good girl.

[Mario laughs]

[gloves pattering]

- Go on, speed round.

- Well done.

Fucking hell mate you're a
machine.

You must feel incredible at the
minute.

- I am feeling better,
feeling so much fitter.

I'm telling ya, boxing is the
way forward.

- Boxing is the way into
a lot of girls pants mate,

I'd tell ya that.

It's quite a masculine thing
to do, you know what I mean?

- I feel like my testosterone is
flowing.

- [Little Charlie] That's good
man.

- I feel blokey.

- Yeah.

- Sometimes girls look at me

and they're like oh he's
like this soft, sweet guy.

Enough of that, bollocks.

I am a nice guy, what
you see is what you get,

but do you know what.

- I've got brutal.

- Shut that bedroom door, I'm an
animal.

- All you gotta do is just think
right,

this is where I need to show
my like predator instinct.

Don't think with your head

and think with your penis.

Well you've definitely got the
confidence

'cause you went over
to LG the other night.

- I thought we was gettin'
on really well, you know,

she had a little smirk.

We were banterin' a little bit

and I thought come on, like,
we're getting good signals

come back right now and
literally before I knew it,

in walked some Tom.

Pissed me off if I'm honest.

- I don't think Tom P's got
anything on you at all, mate,

if I'm being honest.

- But obviously I'm not
that cocksure fellow

that thinks he can just bowl in.

Nah.

- Get your gloves back on.

- Should we go again.

- Yeah, let's go again, mate.

- I'm ready to kinda go out on
the pull.

- That's what I wanna hear.

- I'd like to get laid.

- [Little Charlie] Good man!

[men grunting]

[peaceful music]

- Like deep down are you
completely 100% convinced

and are you happy?

I don't trust men, like
every boyfriend I've had,

I've never trusted them 100%

because then you're
letting your guard down.

- I think everyone thinks like
you

and everyone thinks I'm
some like naiïve little girl

that's just going like
yes Mario, I believe you,

but I've actually got
passwords to his Twitter,

his email, his phone,

so how can he possible be doing
anything

without me seeing it?

- I think what's getting
you down is that the fact

that you're not 100% sure.

You're obviously gonna
have doubts in your mind

about the Mario thing coz
there's no,

you think there's no smoke
without fire.

- I'm sick to death of people
questioning our relationship,

it's our relationship,
I'm happy, Mario's happy.

All this needs to change

is I need to start coming out
more

and the reason I'm not is
'cause of everyone else.

If there was proof then
we will cross that bridge

when it comes to it,

but I know there's never gonnna
be

'cause I trust him a 100%.

- Okay, as long as you're all
right, you know where I am.

[upbeat music]

- All I want to do is get to a
size 14.

- Do you know what it is as
well, you know where everyone's.

- What is that?

- I'm doing like a tanning
thing.

Basically, you know what
I am like, I'm tan-erexic,

I need to have a spray tan,

but now I have read this
thing on the internet,

you blend 14 carrots a
day and you drink it.

Chemical in it will eventually
come out in my skin.

- Do you think it'll work?

I don't think it will?

- Well, there's a lot of
research

and I kind of feel like
I've been a little bit

of a aqua, bia, marinist,
whatever it is.

- Maybe it's cleansin' you.
- Forget it.

- Well, I think, A, it's
cleansing me.

But you wanna see the colour of
my wee.

- What colour is it?

- [Billie] Is it, like orange?

- Orange?

It's like toxic waste.

- [Gemma] Is it safe?

- It's completely safe

because I'm still eating so when
I say

it's like a tanning diet,

it's not that I'm not eating.

I'm still eating everything I
used to eat.

- It's like a supplement.

- It's five-a-day isn't it as
well?

Well it's 14 a day, 14 fucking
carrots.

- You've got to do like,
you've got to get a spectrum

with all the different colours
of orange

and compare it to your skin.

- Like the Durex samples in
Homebase

- Dulux!
- Durex?

- Dulux, it's all about that.

- But you might go from

like clementine, tangerine,
terracotta.

- Satsuma.

- Satsuma, Donatella.

- Donatella Versace, Oompa
Loompa, David Dickinson.

But I do think to myself,

maybe it's these little things
will make me feel better

and look better.

I don't want to be on the shelf
forever.

I'm 26 in a couple of weeks.

- I'm 31.

- Well we'll have to just get
together.

I'll have 14 carrots, you'll
be cryin' into your Kleenex.

- Gem, I've never seen you so
emotional.

- I keep cryin' and I don't know
why.

I just keep cryin'.

You say hello to me and I'll
cry.

- Are you pregnant?

- I don't know.

- Could you imagine?

- I don't know.

- Gemma you're gonna
have to up to the chemist

and get one of them sticks

and have a little wee.

- It is weird how I keep cryin',
isn't it?

I've met the man of my dreams

and I just don't feel good
enough to be with him.

- You are beautiful.

And don't change for no one.

You don't go and buy double
glazin'

when your windows are
beautiful in stained glass.

Like, you only do it if
someone's put a brick through
it.

[upbeat music]

- Six, seven, eight, nine, 10.

Ow [laughs].

- What we on?
- I don't know.

- 28, 29, 30.

- That is the worst exercise.

- I know, but it is so
good for all your stomach.

- The only thing how I feel,
it's like how many people's

been sweatin' on this mat?

Do you know what I mean?

I hate gyms.

- When you come to a
gym, then when you leave,

you're really happy because
it releases something

that makes you happy.

- Yeah, I know like enzymes
or something like that.

- I'm kind of dreadin' the
party,

everything's gonna be awkward.

- Why?

- There was awkward with Tom
anyway,

now I'm awkward with Lauren.

The two awkward people

that will be at the party
have now joined forces,

there'll just be one big
awkwardness.

- God I dunno, like he asked her
out

and she said no and then he
decided

that he chose the wrong Lauren,

so then he asked you out and
he's been like seeing you

and like sticking his
tongue down your throat,

and now you're not interested,

he's gone back to Lauren

so from Lauren's point of
view it's a bit aggy isn't it?

- But if she has liked him the
whole time

it would kind of explain a lot,

'cause she has been weird
with me for a while.

If it was the Tom thing,
if you're pissed off

about something then just say,

I didn't like him that much
that I wouldn't have backed off.

I wouldn't of really
given a shit to be honest,

I would of just went fine,
whatever.

- It's a bit like sloppy
seconds.

[Lauren and Chloe laughing]

[upbeat music]

- Do you know what, I am so
excited

to give Joey this Chopper bike.

Like Joey loves 80s, don't he,

he loves the 80s, vintage,
retro sort of style.

Well this is the vintage, retro,
80s bike.

This is exactly what it is.

I can't wait to actually give it
to him,

he's gonna be like oh
my god, it's like shock.

He's gonna love it

- Jo's not the best on presents

'cause for my birthday
all I get every year

is box of condoms and things
like that

in a little green box and wraps
it up

and to try and make out
that it's more presents,

he wraps the condoms
individually

so I think I've got a lot of
presents

then I wrap 'em up and they're
all just the same stuff so.

- Have you used 'em?

- I've gotten them for years
so I had a lot building up.

Everyone's gettin'
girlfriends and shackin' up

with each other.

You've got Gemma.

What I wanna know is,

who's the better kisser,
Lauren P or Lauren G?

- I dunno mate, they.

- Who's the better kisser?

Lauren P or Lauren G?

Bloody hell

- I dunno, none of them
are as good as your mum.

[men laughing]

- What the fuck?

- Sorry mate.

- I've known Lauren for
a long, long, long time.

And, you know, I do love her to
bits.

You know, she's like family to
me.

But she can be a fucking pain in
the arse.

- I know that, but I think she's
funny.

- She's funny, she's got a good
heart,

she can be a bit of a pain in
the ass

but she ain't a deep, down
horrible nasty person, no.

- Yeah, that's what I'm sayin'

is she's misunderstood.

- At least things are going, you
know,

all right your way.

I mean, I've had a bit of.

I've had a nightmare this
morning.

I'm actually quite upset.

She said it's all right,

she said you called me Vanessa
Feltz

but you wouldn't like it if
I called you Rick Wooller.

- [Tom P] Who's Rick Wooller?

I can picture him.

- It's a giant, he used
to be on like, opera or.

- A great, great, great singer.

Great singer.

- Bad, bad, bad body, bad body.

- But he's a great singer.

No, but listen, the end of the
day

we're gonna go separately to the
party

and then we'll either meet
up on the dance floor,

have a good dance, get a drink
at the bar

and hopefully, you know, it'll
be fine.

- You okay?
- Yeah good.

- Would you like to take that
one?

- Yep, I'm gonna take it,
definitely

- [Shopkeeper] Yeah, take it
now?

- Yeah, let's do it.

[upbeat music]

- That's it.

More retro.

Show me your George Michael
move,

I think he's probably more like,

I think he's probably
more like to the point,

like funky moves.

- I dunno, like what does he
do, he's quite groovy ain't he?

He's like that, ain't he?

What's he do?

- It's like he's riding a bike.

- I dunno, like what's he,
what's he do?

- I ain't afraid of no ghosts.

Ghostbuster, what do you think?

- Very nice,

very sexy, mama.

- Oi, what we drinking?

- [Joey] You look nice in red
hair.

- Your boobs are bigger than
mine tonight.

- I know, push up bra.

What is this?

- Cheers big ears.

- This is a 80's cocktail,

we're getting into the swing of
things.

- I've got such a good
entrance, I'll show ya.

Such a good entrance.

- [Billie] What is it?

- I ain't saying nothing.

- Do you know?

- [Sam] Yeah.

- It's a surprise.

- Oh my god, it's gonna be like
arrivin'

in a banana or something 'cause.

- Why does everybody think
banana?

- Because in the 80s,
bananas were massive.

- Was they?

They always big, ain't they?

- I was born in the 90s.

- No, but like banana is
like quite a tropical fruit

and the 80s is all about
tropical.

- Right, so me Billie, and
Gemma are gonna be coming

to your party in a little while

so we'll see you there.

- So see you there.

♪ Relax, don't do it

♪ When you wanna go to

♪ Relax, don't do it

♪ When you wanna go

♪ Relax, don't do it

♪ When you wanna sock it to it

♪ Relax, don't do it

♪ When you wanna come

- Everyone is sayin' that
you are Christian Grey.

- Is it fictional, the whole
thing?

- No, it's based on you, Mick.

- Are you sure?

- One woman that you
took on a date years ago

has wrote this book all on you.

- Do ya reckon?

- I love it.

I'll bet you've got the whips,
the chains, the handcuffs.

- Oh, is it all that?

No I'm not into that.

- [Lydia] No?

- I don't think I could be
Christian Grey.

He's supposed to be ginger,
isn't he?

And 28?

- No, I don't think he's ginger.

Is he redhead?

- Strawberry blonde.

Which is a posh word for ginger.

- [Lydia] Really?

- Yeah, I'm an hairdresser.

- This takes me back to
all them days in the 80s.

Where I used to sit up and wait

for all yous girls to come in.

- I know.

- And how about all these pads?

- I know, do you remember
all the big shoulders?

- Yeah, the great big.

It was classy wasn't it, in them
days?

[dramatic music]

♪ It's the final countdown

- For fuck's sake, man.

- [Diags] That is 100 times
better than your bike.

♪ It's the final countdown

[dramatic music]

♪ It's the final countdown

- That one's not a real one.

- It's not a real one?

Are you jokin', that one was
sick.

- It's like a copied version.

It's not like a proper.

- That's the best one you can
get.

It's like buyin' someone
who's got a big mansion,

like, a little.
- Bungalow.

[dramatic music]

♪ The final countdown

♪ The final countdown

♪ It's the final countdown

♪ Where we will together

- Do you need my mirror, Bil?

- [Billie] Yeah, let's have a
look.

- So funny.

Arg keeps textin' me from
the other side of the pool.

Going, "Stop putting makeup
on, stop putting makeup on."

- What is his problem?

- Don't like make up.

- Why is he acting like that
though?

So what?

All girls wear make up.

- I think he needs to go out

with someone from a nunnery or
something.

- He's so annoying, he's
always on his high horse

about everything, isn't he?

- Debbie Harry wouldn't
turn up with no make up on

and I'm Debbie Harry.
- Exactly [laughs].

[upbeat music]

- I don't know if you know Mark,

but nothing's really
going on at the moment,

nothing serious yet but I've
been speaking

to Lauren quite a bit.

- What Lauren Pope?

- No, Goodger.

- Oh Lauren, our Lauren.

Really?

- Your Lauren, yeah.

- How is she?

- Yeah, she's alright,
nothing serious like I said,

I haven't taken her out properly
yet,

but I think I will do.

- I'm pleased.

I'm pleased for her more so,

you know she needed someone.

Don't let her drink to much
though,

take that little bit of advice.

- [Arg] Fucking hell.

- The Tom and Lauren
thing doesn't bother me,

obviously I'm more bothered

that like me and Lauren just
don't really like talk anymore.

- Is everything over between you
and Tom?

- Yeah, completely, but
then this just reiterates

like why it wouldn't work with
Tom like,

he's seeing Lauren and I am
guessing,

unless they literally decided to
hook up

like the next day, like,

they've obviously been
talking for a while.

- From an outsider's point of
view,

I'm just thinking like what the
fuck,

ain't there any other guys in
Essex?

Oh fuck it, let's all go out
with Tom.

[girls laughing]

♪ Gold

♪ Always believing you're so

♪ You've got the power to know

♪ You're indestructible

♪ Always believing that you are
gold ♪

- Every single person is dressed
like me,

I'm dressed like myself.

- [Sam] I'm not dressed like
you.

Aw look, aw look.

Arg's present for you.

Be careful.

- [Joey] Is that a present?

- Wow.

- It's your present.

- What, someone is obviously
in that, is it Danny Dyer?

- No, it's not Danny Dyer.

- Is it?

I dunno, a go-ped?

- No, it's not a go-ped.

Listen, it's a surprise,

and not only have I spent
quite a bit of money,

it's also a lot of thought
that has gone into it

and it's special all right?

Can you just open it Joey?

- That's mine.

- [Sam] Wow!

- That's well sick.

- [Diags] Are you happy
you've got two bikes now?

- That are a proper Chopper
ain't it?

- Yeah, it's a proper one.

The other one you come in on
before.

This is a proper, limited
edition, 2012 Chopper.

- That is well sick.

- Do be honest, do you prefer
it to the one you just had?

- [Joey] Yeah.

- Honestly?

- It's well sick.

- [Diags] Yeah, alright,

the other bike's a little bit
better.

- Do you know what it is,

you know when you get
reincarnated

and you come back as something?

- That's Joey.

- That would be Joey wouldn't
it?

- Like if you come back,
if you had to come back

as a bicycle, that would be you.

- I had no idea it was this, put
that way.

I'm well happy with it, proper
happy.

- Let him ride off in the
distance.

[Arg laughing]

- What about you, with
just your bikini on,

with nothing underneath it?

- It's not a bikini is it?

- It looks like one.
- Why?

- Looks like you've got a bikini

with a little dress over it.

- Don't, it's a leotard.

- Anyway.

- [Lauren G] Yeah?

- I had a little, I had a little
chat

with Big Mark earlier, it
was a little bit awkward

at first but he's fine about it
I think.

He said like, he thinks
you're ready to move on,

and I think you are as
well, well hopefully you are

and if you are ready to move on

then I do wanna take you out.

- Thing is like, I think like,

they appreciate the fact
that I am moving on now

and it's not about no one
else, it's about me and you.

- [Tom P] Yeah.

- Do you know what I mean?

If I wanna see and go
out with you, I'm gonna

and that's what I wanna do.

- You wanna, yeah?

- Ye course I do.

Right?

Okay.

- Okay, give us a kiss.

[smooching]

[upbeat music]

- So am I though, I'm satsuma
and blonde.

- You need to be dark, it looks
good.

- Yeah, maybe I should
go to the dark side.

- [Bobby] Let's swap.

You go dark, I'll go blonde.

- [Billie] Yeah, let's do it!.

- But while we're talking
about image, what about,

what about my look, seriously?

Like I'm having a crisis at the
minute.

- [Billie] Why?

- I can see that.
[group laughing]

- I've got a perm that's gone
wrong.

- Disregarding today's image,

I don't think you need to
change.

I think that you are cool,
masculine

and I would say it's quite sexy.

- I have to be honest, it's
quite nice

to hear compliments to me

because I never really receive
them.

- You're always paying the
compliments

but you never receive them,
other than when Bobby pays them.

- Bobby, bless him, he pays
me compliments all the time.

- He's the biggest
support to you, isn't he?

- He is, he's my best pal.

- He knows I love him to
bits, you know what I mean?

And I'll always be there for
him.

Like, we've got such a
connection

where it's kinda such, like,

I genuinely see this guy
as my best friend and like.

Not many people in life
come into your life

that know what you're thinkin'
without openin' your mouth.

- Yeah, so true.

- Now this boy here.

- He finishes your sentences.

- Can finish my sentence

and there's been times,
especially in Marbella,

that I've not even opened my
mouth

and he's like laughed or goes
I know what you're thinkin'

'cause he knows what I'm
thinkin'.

- Yeah.
- You've got a special bond

which is really lovely.

- Yeah, now we're good buds.
- I love you too,

I think you're brilliant.

- Truly is lovely to hear.

- [Jess] And I hope
that you both find love

'cause you both deserve it.

- This is what I wanna do.

I'm just seein', the more I see,

I see you and Ricky loved up.

I wanna be like that.

I wanna experience it.

I've never been in love.

[upbeat music]

- All gnats everywhere is makin'
me itch.

- [Lauren P] Yeah, I know.

They're all hangin' around your
wig.

- Hangin' off it.

- [Lauren P] They're
like nestin' in your wig.

- [Chloe] They could be livin'
in it.

- And they're matin' up in
there.

- Oh don't say that, you're
makin' me wanna take it off

but I've got really bad
wig hair underneath.

[upbeat music]

[toilet gurgles]

- Hello.

- You all right.
- You alright there?

Sounded like you was giving
birth.

- I know mate, I've got a proper
sweat on.

How are you?

- I'm all right, how are you?

You seem a bit down lately.

- I am mate, a little bit,
to be honest with you.

It's just the whole, you
know, Mario Lucy thing.

The best man.

- Have you had a few too many
sherberts?

- Too many roses?

I know what you're like.

- Eh?

- At a party, I know what you're
like.

- Oh you know me, I like
to have a couple of drinks,

you know settle the nerves.

- [Little Charlie] Are you
nervous?

- What's the problem,

of course I am I'm sitting
here havin' a conversation

with you in the toilet.

- [Little Charlie] Yeah but why?

- I get nervous around men in
the toilet.

I'm a shy peer.

I had to make sure I had a
couple of drinks before I came

in here so I could do the
job without havin' to worry.

- I was trying to sort out my
outfit.

I was like.

- [Ricky] What have you come as?

- Mate, I am Vanilla Ice.

Respect it, don't neglect it

- 50 pence or something mate, 20
pence.

- I've got a medals.

- Listen, Rick'll fix it
[laughs].

[sensual music]

- Yeah, I'm cool with the Tom
situation,

like that isn't an issue.

Like things have got awkward
between us

like we've obviously just grown
apart.

- Obviously like I look back and
times

where we was really
close and now I feel like

there's Lauren, oh, like, I
can't talk

to you about stuff I used
to talk to, do you know

what I mean?

I don't want that.

- Well I don't want that either,

but it's hard when you said to
Chloe just to be wary of me.

I've got no friends.

- Really?

Well that's really weird,
because
I didn't say that to Chloe

like and I don't need to like,

that's what I find so strange.

- You did say it to Chloe.

- No, I didn't.

- Well then Chloe must have made
it up.

- Yeah, 'cause that's really
weird,

can you not just ask her?

- I'll ask her, she's over
there.

- Yeah, you can.

- Chloe!

Sorry to drag you into it.

- [Chloe] I'm dragged in.

- Hi.

- Hello.

I don't really want to get
involved,

but you did say something like
that.

It was a long time ago,
it's not relevant for now,

but obviously since then me

and Lauren have got really
friendly

and when you are that close you
do talk

about things like that.

- I'm here just to come to you
and talk

about I'm now happy with Tom,
seeing him.

That's all I've come over for,

not to have a row with
anyone and that's fine.

- Well what I'm saying.

- [Lauren G] No, no, no that's
fine.

- You're saying that.

- That's fine, that's not true.

Whatever, listen I haven't come
over here.

- [Chloe] Lauren it is true, it
is true,

I don't make things up.

Okay, okay.

- [Lauren G] I haven't come over
for this.

- Right.

- I haven't come over for this,

I have enough shit in my
life, I don't need this.

I'm moving on, I'm happy.

I've come over to give you the
heads up.

- [Lauren P] Lauren, I'm
happy that you are happy.

- No, no, no, it's fine, it's
fine.

- Its not really fine though

because now it's even
more worse, isn't it?

- Well she's been caught
out so she's stormed off.

[melancholy music]

- You alright?

- Not really know.

- What's a matter, you alright?

- Yeah, can we go?

I just wanna go.

- You wanna go.

Alright, we'll go.

Boys, we're gonna shoot all
right.

- [Tom K] Sweet, see you later.

- See ya later.

Stop worrying about her,
don't let it upset ya.

- No, I've not made him an apple
pie yet.

- He's got that treat to come
now.

- Well, no, you've put me
off for life really 'cause.

- You've been scarred?

- [Gemma] [mumbles] I was
baking you an apple pie

and I never got to go out
with you, so that's it.

No one gets my pies.

- [Lydia] Hey mamas.

- You all right, Lyds?

- [Lydia] How are ya?

- [Mick] You all right darling?

- [Gemma] Really good, how are
you?

- You good.

- Yeah, we was just sayin' how
funny

like this time last year Mick
didn't give me the champagne.

- You're embarrassing me.
- Oh, Mick!

- Go on, I'll leave ya to it.

- Shut up, Mick.

See ya later, bye.

- How are ya, Gem, ya good?

- Yeah, good, you?

- Yeah, like, I know obviously,

Arg don't like us two talking,

but if there's anyone that can
relate

to anything that you are going
through, obviously it's me.

'Cause I did used to
get really low and upset

and like I did feel really
controlled,

and I wasn't allowed to wear
make up and stuff like that,

and when I saw you like it,

I just thought oh my god
my heart goes out to her

because of no one knows how
some feel unless you're.

- They're in it.

- In a position like that

and no one's really been
in a position like that

and I just, I just hope for you

that you stay strong and you
don't let him manipulate you

like that as a person.

[peaceful music]

- [Sam] Have you had a nice
birthday?

- [Joey] It's been really,
really good.

- How weird is it that we're
here again?

- I know, it's over a
year ago now isn't it?

[peaceful music]

- I have always said I
wouldn't never have a problem

with, with either of yous
together,

we weren't like best friends.

- You alright?

- [Arg] Yeah, what are
you's two talking about?

- Nothing really.

- Just chatting.

- What you saying'?

- [Lydia] Just chatting.

- Nothing, girl chat.

- [Arg] What are you two friends
now?

- We've never not been friends.

- Oh okay, it's just 'cause
last time you and me spoke

to each other you told me

that I was scraping the
barrel being with Gemma.

- Right James, the last time
me and you spoke together

was when we were in Marbella,

because you was standing there
trying

to hug me at the conveyor belt.

- No, no, all I'm saying.

- [Lydia] You're tryin' to
cover.

- I just wanna, let me
speak, let me speak.

Let me explain myself to you.

Let me speak first and then you
can speak.

I just find it funny how you've
come over

to my girlfriend and been
all lovey dovey to her face,

trying to be all friendly
like you are her mate,

but yet the last time I spoke to
you,

you said that I was scraping
the barrel being with Gemma.

- Right, I did not.
- You said to me.

Listen to me,

no, no, listen to me.
- Don't worry, don't worry,

people say things sometimes
James.

- No, no, no.
- James, James.

- Because I don't like
two faced people, Gemma.

Listen to me.

Not only did you do that,
you said we're both suited.

You said we're both suited.

- You're not letting me talk are
you?

You're not letting me talk, are
you?

- I'm gonna finish first,
I haven't finished have I?

You said we're both suited
because we're both fat,

and you also said.

- Oh my god, you are such a
liar,

are you kidding me?
- Don't worry, don't worry.

- Listen to me, no.

I do worry, Gemma.
- Are you kidding me?

- And you also said that
we both need a special bed

to be made to handle us both.

- [Lydia] All right, James,
James.

- Don't worry about
it, that's in the past.

- [Lydia] Can I just tell you?

- [Arg] No Lydia.

- [Lydia] Right you're not
letting me.

- [Arg] I think you've
got a cheek actually.

- You just said you wanna talk,
okay,

and now you've gotta let me
talk.

- No, but I've asked if
you've got a cheek coming up

to my girlfriend.

- [Lydia] Are you going to let
me talk?

- Trying to make out you're
her mate, giving her advice,

when really the last time I
spoke to you,

you slagged her off and put her
down.

- Are you gonna let me talk,

because if not, then I
am going to walk away.

- I haven't got much to
say to you, I'd rather,

I'd rather you take your advice
elsewhere,

as you can see for yourself,

me and Gemma are doing really,
really well at the moment.

We're both really happy.
- Oh ye really,

really well, aren't you?

- Yeah, we've had a couple of
tiffs.

- Because I've seen Gemma
upset the whole time.

You're horrible to people,
you put people down.

- You put me down, you
made me feel like shit.

- You're a cheat,

no, go away James.
- Come on, let's go.

- You're doing exactly to her.

- [Arg] She's fine!

- What you did to me!

- She's having the best time of
her life.

- No she hasn't!
- Have you, Gemma, yes or no?

- Are you kidding me?
- Right, listen.

- You're trying to tell
her she can't wear make up,

she can't do this.

- I didn't say that, I said
she's so,

I said she's so.
- You did exactly to her

what you did to me.
- I said she's so beautiful,

she doesn't need to wear make
up.

- No you didn't!

- 'Cause I told her she.

- You're nasty, you are
a horrible, cheating.

- [Arg] I told her she looks
beautiful without make up.

- No, you're not James.

- I don't need to cheat on
Gemma,

I don't need to cheat on Gemma.

- What, what, so why did
you need to cheat on me?

- [Arg] Because there was
obviously something missing,

there isn't with Gemma.

- What are you talking about,
James?

- See you later Lydia.

- [Lydia] You are a horrible
person

- Fine, then stay out of my
life.

- And you still, you still.

I'm not in your life.

- Well then leave,

well then leave.
- I'm not in your life.

You're the one that still talks
about me.

- No, I don't.

- You're the one that still
talks about me, James.

- Do I ever bring Lydia up to
you Gemma?

- [Lydia] I've moved on.

- [Arg] Please leave.

- No, I am not leaving.

- [Arg] And please leave my
girlfriend.

- I'm not leaving, you can
leave.

- All right, don't be horrible,

can we end this nicely?
- No, come on, let's go,

come on let's go, we will, we
will.

- Come on Lydia, I don't
want Lydia to be upset James.

- What are you doing Gemma?

Why you sticking up, no
you're like yes Lydia,

I understand Lydia, yes Lydia,
no.

What I said is true.

[melancholy music]

- [Narrator] Next time
on The Only Way Is Essex,

will Little Chris's even
littler Chris have more

of a success with the ladies?

- Shut that bedroom door, I'm an
animal.

- Don't think with your head
and think with your penis.

- [Narrator] Will Bananarma
be making a comeback?

- In the 80s, bananas were
massive.

- Was they?

- Banana is like quite a
tropical fruit

and the 80s is about tropical.

- [Narrator] And can Arg and
Lydia argue in any decade?

- I don't need to cheat on
Gemma!

- What, what, so why did
you need to cheat on me?

- Because there was
obviously something missing.

There isn't with Gemma.

- What are you talking about
James?

- [Narrator] Who knows?

These people are real
and anything can happen

on The Only Way Is Essex.

[upbeat music]

♪ The only way is up baby

♪ For you and me now

♪ The only way is up baby

♪ For you and me now

♪ The only way is up, baby

♪ For you and me now

[upbeat music]