All language subtitles for The.Only.Way.Is.Essex.S06E02.1080p.AMZN.WEB-DL.DDP2.0.H.264-SLAG_track3_[eng]

- ÷{Voiceover] This programme
contains a delicate operation,

an Olympic sized snog

and the world's greatest
Michael Jackson Tribute Act.

The tans you see might be fake

but the people are all real

although some of what they do

has been set up purely
for your entertainment.

Previously on 'The Only Way is
Essex'

- You look a little I
reckon a cross between

Diana Dors and Vanessa Felps.

- Vanessa Felps is out of order.

- Do you wanna get married?

- I do, but I'm a bit scared.

I'm just not ready.

- Come on keep up.

- Oh my god, seriously there
are rumours flying around.

Everyone says it, it's so
pathetic.

- Yeah well I'm hearing rumours
as well.

- [Sam] I've not been Faces
in about a year Mario.

- There's two pictures Sam.

- Well get me the pictures
I aint been in Faces.

Lucy I've not come to
ruin your engagement.

What's wrong with you.

- Fucking pair of Capri Suns.
Fuck off.

♪ The only way is up baby

♪ For you and me now

- Does it make you less horny?

The whole idea of surgery of
this sort is

to deal with over-sexed
problems.

- No I am like really,
really worried because

he's just so small.

- Yeah, you shouldn't
worry, we've seen smaller.

Perhaps we better have
a look at the little man

and see what we're dealing with.

- Yeah.

- Yes.

There we are.

Now let me just have a little
listen.

- [Mario] It's to stop you
humping.

- Yes, it will stop oversexed
behaviour,

leg cocking which can be a
problem.

- [Lucy] He does like hump
everything and everyone.

- His operation will be just in
here.

The testicles get pushed forward

so they're not in the scrotum

and the skin here is cut.

- So you're not actually
getting rid of his balls

you're just pushing hem forward?

- No, no.

We're pushing them out of the
scrotum

and then taking them away.

If you cut--

- You're pushing them up his
willy?

- Not quite.

[laughter]

No no.

Pushed forward under
normal skin then removed

because the scrotal skin
doesn't heal very well.

- Okay.

I'm sorry Bentley, we love you

but you've just got to have it
done okay,

because you keep humping my
friends.

- He won't be nearly as
worried as you will be.

I can promise you

- Kisses with daddy.

[guitar riff]

- [Debbie] Oh you'll
definitely win long jump

with lose legs Tom.

Hey Mick!

- Whats happening?

- [Debbie] How are you?

- [Tom] Whats happening Micky?

- I'm alright Debs, you alright?

You all ready for the races?

- Yeah, you alright darling.

Thank you ever so much for
helping me

put this sports day on.

- It's a pleasure.

I think it's going to be
competitive today though innit?

- I think it's going to
be really competitive.

- [Tom] Yeah definitely.

- I really did think about
putting javelin in at one point.

- It's too dangerous.

- [Lydia] No, and
there's too many enemies.

Everyone would be chuckin'
them at each other!

[laughter]

It'll be Lucy and Sam like.

- We'll have to eliminate
the chances of any fights.

- Come on, then let's
get started, get set up.

- Let's go for it come on then
let's go.

[electronic pop music]

- And then this is the classic,

Mario was going,

"I heard about you Sam,

"on the back of a bus
outside Faces two weeks ago."

I was like--

- What!

- Right, number one,

I aint been Faces in about a
year yeah,

and number two, I was like a
bus?

A bus?

- A bus?!

- [Sam] A bus.

- Is he being serious?

Where has he been all he life?

No one gets a bus in Essex.

- [Sam] Exactly!

- I mean a Range Rover maybe,

but definitely not a bus.

- Exactly.

And then we got home and
Joey was really pissed off

and he text him saying,

"Look, that's it, our
friendships over,"

blah blah blah,

"I could have sorted it out
if it was just a pure argument

"but you were just throwing
lies into the mix."

- You and Joey have a strong
relationship.

You don't really have
those kinds of problems.

you don't really have trust
issues with each other.

- If you haven't got
trust in a relationship,

how far can it go?

- It's almost like he's
brainwashed her

into being like, this person
where she just sits indoors,

Mario goes out,

she waits for him comes back,

looks after the dog.

Do you reckon they're
ever going to get married?

- I don't know.

[mellow indie music]

- I'm still pissed off
about the other night.

It's our engagement party,

we was having a really,
really lovely night--

- I don't get why they turned
up.

- I hate confrontation but
Sam's a friend so it was harder.

It's literally probably the
worst row I've ever had.

- With Joey I see him as a
friend

but to turn around and
call me a Capri Sun,

which I don't even understand
what that even means.

- What was that? Like,
what does that mean?

- I don't know.

I think Joey thinks he
likes to make words up.

He text me afterwards saying,

"oh, don't ever talk to
me again you scumbag."

I said;

"I'm not accusing you
of anything," I said,

"I've heard rumours, if the
rumours aren't true Joey,

"then you've got nothing to
worry about."

- The thing is that's
the thing around here,

if they've done something
wrong it will come out

- Exactly, Essex is a very small
place.

[hip-hop music]

- Sam's saying that
Mario's cheated on Lucy,

Mario's saying that Sam's
cheated on Joey.

Oh my lord.

- And if James cheated on
me I would not look back.

I would not acknowledge him
in the street if I see him.

That would be it.

- Well I'd just say,

"You've lost the best
thing you ever had Rick.

"See ya later."

- The thing is, the problem
is here is that with James,

there is a lot of feelings
and emotions involved.

- It's like, I can tell.

He does, he lights up your life.

- He said to me last night, he
said,

"If we're still together in a
year's time,

"I do wanna move in with you."

- He is all over you and I can
tell the way he looks at you,

the stuff he says,

but you keep getting upset.

He keeps saying things that
aren't nice

and he keeps letting you down.

- You know he's on at me all the
time,

"Don't wear make up.

"Don't do this, don't do that."

- I know, I've seen him.

- I can't get a Blackberry
because he don't want me on BBM.

- Who's he think he is?

- Writing's on the wall.

It's all gonna go wrong.

[upbeat music]

- [Charlie] I am Michael
Jackson.

- [Bobby] We're taking
the glove today then?

- We're gonna take the glove I
think.

I think it could be a good look.

Channel into the M.J.

Do some sports.

- Really teaming with
the whole M.J. theme.

- You know when I put
a glove on like this.

I just feel like I connect to
M.J.

I did a candlelit vigil when he
died.

- Sorry I don't know what a
vigil is.

I obviously know what
candlelight is.

- Like, I had a big picture of
him

and we all lit candles

and just sort of put your
remembrance.

He inspires me when I
was about five years old

I used to dance in front
of the Christmas tree.

The flashing lights, the
Christmas lights.

I asked for a head mic

and I used to just prance around
like M.J.

- All time favourite song, what
is it?

- Dirty Diana.

It's about a woman that
basically

just had sex with rock stars.

- Not Lady Di?

- [Charlie] No.

- Oh okay good cause
I was gonna say, shit.

- Anyway I need to focus

on what I'm going to be
wearing for this sports day

'cause I reckon I'm the fittest.

Not only in the looks
department.

I think I'm just the fittest
cause I'm quite athletic.

- Yeah you're very athletic.

- Interesting to see

what's going to happen to
the girls and their tits.

It could be the thing that
fantasies are made of.

- Yeah.

[upbeat indie music]

- Right, ready boys.

Sharp volleys down and nice
strike into the goalkeeper.

- Can you believe how it's all
ended up with me and Gemma?

- I think someone like you needs
Gemma.

She's a strong character, you're
not.

Stand up, Steve and react.

- I think Gemma's also a bit
upset with us

'cause she's got it in her head
now like,

that she is my girlfriend 100%.

- And you gotta make
a decision either way.

You can't hurt her feelings
or mess her around.

- I know that.

- I've told you before.

- but I've always know
Gemma as hard Gemma.

You can say anything to her
she'll give it back to you.

she'll knock me into size and--

but the thing is I have a
bit of banter with her now

or take the mick and have a bit
of a laugh

and she starts getting all
sensitive.

She starts crying.

- From day 1 she's been
sensitive.

She likes you.

- I am also a little bit
scared it hasn't been that--

- Sorry Steve, try and catch
and hold them there yeah?

Try and get down pole
to the palm of the mat.

- I'm scared of falling in love
with her

and falling for her the
way I did with Lydia

and having that long
relationship

and then it ending again.

I dunno if I can go through it
again.

- You're worried.

Your biggest problem Arg?

You're worried about
what other people think.

- I want Gemma for being Gemma.

I don't want another Lydia, I
don't want--

There's plenty of pretty
little skinny blonde,

bland people out there

- But why do you keep bringing
Lydia up?

- I'm saying, all I'm saying to
you is

that I'm worried that
Gemma's trying to be Lydia.

- No, no.

Gemma's not trying to be--

Gemma's herself, she's
got a strong personality.

- That's what I mean.

There's not many people
like Gemma is there?

- Well no, but at the same day.

- Exactly.

That's what I like about her.

- If she loses that weight Arg,

you'll be in trouble mate.

She'll be Marilyn Monroe or...

- Diana Doors.

- That's it, Diana Doors.

Absolute ringer.

- Not Vanessa Feltz

[both laugh]

- Vanessa Feltz is a nice
looking lady, not a problem.

- Yeah, it's lucky I
didn't say Fern Briton.

[Arg laughs]

[heavy bass music]

- [Billi and Cara] Hi girls.

- Where've you been?

- Tryin'a get our bits sorted
for today.

- Oh we was just talkin' about
that.

- I'm to wear leggings,
converse.

- They're nice.

- [Lauren G] Sort of
understated.

Cool.

- [Billi] What's been ga'an on
with you?

- I kind of like met someone.

- [Both] Who?!

- Do we know him?

- Might do.

[nervous laughter]

- Stop this right now.

- 100% you know him.

- What does he look like?

- Tom.

- Tom who?!

- Pearce.

- No way!

- We went out to Faces

and we just ended up chatting,

he was asking if I was seeing
anyone,

I asked him about him if he was
single.

- Did you not ask him about
Lauren though?

- Yeah, I said,

"what's going on with you?"

and he said,

"We was never really official
anyway so."

he was saying to me,

"I've always liked you.

"It's cos you said no."

and we like, I dunno,
kind of like kissed me.

- What like, tongues and
everything?

- Shut up I'll get shy!

We stayed in the club for a bit.

A few people came back to
mine and we had a party.

- Obviously he must be a good
kisser.

- Yeah he is.

- Oh excited!

Love is in the air.

- Don't.

[hip hop music]

- Hello everybody, on this
sunny Essex sports day.

[cheering]

Come on everybody!

- That was sick.

How do you do that?

- Did you know that when I was
younger,

I used to train for the
Olympic squad for England

under 16s gymnastics team.

You need to start stretching,
come on!

- Lucy and Mario are over there.

- Do you reckon they're going to
be

in the three legged race?

- Yeah they are.

They're against us as
well as Jess and Ricky.

All the couples I think.

So Gemma and Arg, that'll be
funny.

- Yeah, I don't even care
if Arg and Gemma beat us,

as long as we beat them two.

[both laugh]

- What was that?

- To be honest I didn't want
to be around them so quick

but its one of them things

that everyone goes to the same
thing like we've gotta be.

But I don't wanna be anywhere
near them.

I don't want anymore arguments.

I can't be bothered with it.

- I am really good at sports
day.

But ive got to tell you now.

I am very competitive.

Very competitive.

You've got to be focused in
your own mind and you'll win.

- Yeah, we've gotta be both our
minds.

We've gotta put both our minds
together

because our legs are gonna be
attached.

- Mick, You do throw legendary
parties.

Not so sure about this
sports theme though.

- What's the point?

Do you know what I mean?

Of sports day?

- Yeah.

- Its like the Olympics but
you aint got no royalty.

You know how you love me and
Lauren

the best out of everyone
at the whole party.

Do you think we can use your
toilet

instead of the dusty portaloo?

- What's the matter with them?

- Portaloos aren't the best
mick.

- They're not clean.

[orchestral music]

- [Lydia] Who do you wanna win?

- Oh I don't know.

Who do you think would win?

- I think either Tom P or
Charlie.

- [Danni] Tom don't-- Yeah,
maybe.

- [Lydia] Who do you think?

- I think maybe Tom.

- [Lydia] Who do you want to
win?

- Tom.

[giggles]

- Any particular reason
you want him to win?

- Cause he's hot.

- We're here to win boys.

So lets get focused, driven.

First one up that 100
yards gets a champagne.

- [Debbie] On your marks!

Get set!

[horn blows]

- [Danni] Go Tom!

[cheering]

- [Debbie] Tom Pearce!

[cheering]

- [Frankie] So Lauren,

why don't you go and give him a
big kiss?

- [Lauren] Nah, I'm good I
think.

- Well done boys.

Well done!

You need to put a drink in that
cup.

- Go on, give us your drink.

- Don't you dare!

You actually going to
drink out of that cup?

- My first drink of the day as
well.

Been saving myself.

- You haven't had any drink?

What to win?

Dedication.

- It worked though, didn't it?

- Yeah, you did well, well done!

- [Tom P] Sweating now.

- And I just said to Arg is

"I'll let you win sports day."

and I went,

"I'm not partaking in any of it
Arg."

I'm just not comfortable
wearing tight Lycra.

Arg is going on about
loosing weight all the time.

Last night he come round we had
Chinese.

Eats a Chinese he went,

"oh I met someone today that
knew you.

"They knew you when you was
really slim.

"So like, what happened to you?"

Lydia was thin but apparently
you cheated on her.

And it really is upsetting me.

- It's like he's knocking
your confidence all the time.

It's just making you feel worse
for it.

- And that's what I said to him,
I said,

"Look, James, I like you
with your dodgy teeth.

"Your bushy eyebrows

"And you've got manky
toes from the marathon

"but I still like you Arg.

"I adore you as you are."

I am happy and I've always
wanted to be with Arg

and now I'm with him,

I'm thinking I don't wanna
ruin the relationship

and I'm sort of having
to go along with it.

- But Gem, at the end of the day

if he keeps putting you down for
something

that you don't wanna be put down
about

then you need to put him
in his place and tell him.

- Alright Bob.

- [Bob] 'ello babe.

- Hello darling!

How are you?

- How you doin' girls?

- Good, enjoying today?

- Loving it.

Are you running in that Gem?

- I aint running nowhere.

I'm not running for no one.

Even if George Clooney was
at the end of this track

he'd have to wait for me.

- You've got to do the three
legged race

'cause it's a couples thing.

- Oh I don't wanna do it.

- Do it Gem!

- If I was your boyfriend
you and I would be doing it

so you and Arg have to do it.

- You can't miss out this
opportunity

to do the three legged race.

- What opportunity?

How is it gonna change my life?

- Its you and Arg, strapped
together.

Showing Essex that you are as
one.

- [Debbie] Could you step
forward please?

Who's gonna compete for the long
jump?

[cheering]

Are you ready after the
count of three by everybody.

- [Crowd] Three, two, one. GO!

[cheering]

- Good effort mom.

- Five foot, eleven inches.

[cheering]

- [Crowd] Three, two, one. GO!

- I think he went to the end.

- That's what I'm talkin' about!

What are you saying?

- Alright mate?

- Yeah you might wanna give
it...

- Give it a couple minutes yeah?

- Yeah.

- [Debbie] And the winner is;

Joey Essex!

[cheering]

- Here's your trophy boy.

- Yes!

- What's going on?

- Joey.

- What you talkin' about its my
event?

Wait a second.

- He's just won.

- Wait a second no!

No, this is my thing!

- What?

- I was supposed to do this one.

- What'd ya mean?

- Its my event.

I'm having a go, it's my event.

This is the one I signed up for.

I did this at school at sports
day.

Come on just let me have one go.

Give that to Sam.

Give that to Sam.

Give that to Sam.

Joey give that to Sam
you haven't won it yet!

- [Debbie] What's happenin'?

- Take it back.

- Why?

- Cause I'm gonna challenge Arg.

[cheering]

- [Crowd] Three, two, one, go!

- He's a show man!

He's a show man.

He's a show man.

- Nine foot, Nine inches!

- [Debbie] James are you ready?

Three--

- Wait, wait, wait!

Just start slow.

The people's champion!

Build up, build up!

Up the tempo, up the tempo!

Fuck sake.

- He slipped, he slipped.

- No, it's all these new rules!

- Three foot, seven inches!

- [Debbie] The winner is
the one and only everybody,

Joey Essex!

[cheering]

[drum and bass music]

- [Debbie] This is the much
awaited 100 metre girls race.

The girls are very competitive.

- [Charlie] Dani's got big
jubblies.

- [Ricky] Wangers.

- [Charlie] They're like huge.

- they're not plastic,
they are full on meat.

- Are they real?

- [Ricky] Yes.

- I almost feel like

this prime location's
wasted on a gay man though

looking at all these bits.

Reckon there's gonna be a few
black eyes

by the end of the this.

- [Charlie] I think LG's looking
smoking.

- [Little Chris] Really?

- [Charlie] Yeah.

- You after LG are ya?

- I like her.

- [Little Chris] You little
stallion!

- [Charlie] No, I think she's
hot.

- [Ricky] Where did all this
come from?!

- [Charlie] No I think
she's, I think she's hot.

[boys jeer at Charlie]

- I'd probably say Dani
out of all of those,

if I'm being honest with you.

- Is there anything going on
there?

- [Little Chris] Not that
I know of at the minute

but maybe after we've both lost
a race

we can console each other.

- [Charlie] This is like
what dreams are made of.

- [Lydia] Right, show
me how you're gonna run.

[giggling]

You can't pout Lauren!

- [Lauren G] It helps me run!

- You can't worry about pouting!

I'm gonna do this

but then I'm scared that
I'm gonna look ugly,

like I actually wanna proper do
it.

- That's why you pout,
so you don't look ugly.

- Go on the start of the horn
girls!

One, two,

[horn]

[cheering]

- [Chloe] Oh my god Lauren,

you've got a red bug in your
hair.

- [Lauren P] [gasps] Get it out!

- [Chloe] Get it out.

- [Lauren P] Get it out.

- [Chloe] Oh my god.

- [Mick] Wow, did you see that?

It's gone.

- [Lauren P] Oh my God.

- That was something out of a
horror film.

- [Lauren P] It was
all up in my sweatband.

[laughter]

- She just had like a
tarantula on her head.

- Yeah, I almost died.

- She's really traumatised over
there.

- [Mick] I've actually got a
tarantula.

- [Chloe] She's been violated.

- [Both] What?!

- [Mick] I've got a pet
tarantula.

- I don't understand why
you would buy a spider ever.

- It's something that the kids
wanted so I got if for them.

But I didn't realise that
they live for 70 odd years.

- [girls in unison] Do they?!

- Yeah.

- So when you're in an old
people's home,

you're gonna have your
spider sat next to ya?

- [Mick] Yeah.

- Someone will always
will be older than you.

- [Chloe] He'll have his
tarantula here,

his tattoos there, won't he?

- [Mick] I might have a sleeve
of tattoos.

- And then ten Rolls Royce's

parked outside the old people's
home.

[laughter]

Mick, you're gonna be the
funniest old person ever.

- Hello everyone!

In the first lane, we have Jess
and Ricky.

Lane two, the lovely Lucy and
Mario.

Lane three, Gemma and Arg.

Lane four, my favourites
to win, Tom and Lydia.

Lane five, Sam and Joey

and last but not least, Carol
and Debbie.

[cheering]

- If we start losing then just
carry me.

- Remember, it's the
taking part that counts.

- thank you James.

- And it don't matter.

I know you hate sport it's
not really your thing.

- Get ready everyone.

- Really, really need
to win this, honestly.

- And we will win.

- [Billi] On your marks!

Get set!

[horn]

[cheering]

- Gemma!

What happened!

I'd like to announce the winner
of the three legged race;

is Sam and Joey.

[cheering]

- You're just like exploding
on me, like, I dunno, I--

- I'm not exploding on you
James,

at the end of the day
you're having a go at me

because we didn't' win the race.

- Gemma, I don't care if you won
the race.

- Yeah but you do, cos
you're shouting at me.

- It doesn't matter that we
didn't win.

You know how much I love ya.

You know I'm proud of you,
that you're my girlfriend

and you look beautiful.

You don't have to be Denise
Lewis or...

- [Gemma] Who's Denise Lewis?

- She won an Olympic gold medal.

She's an Olympic gold medalist.

I dunno, it just seems like
everything I say at the moment,

I either keep saying the wrong
thing or you get offended.

At the end of the day I
don't want you to change.

You've got to stop being
insecure.

Stop being sensitive
at the end of the day--

- No, this is where you're
wrong.

I am confident in myself, I've
not--

- Be confident in yourself then.

You're not being confident in
yourself.

- Because you're knocking it.

I'm not letting it get to me,
you're letting it get to you

and I know it's hard for
you to turn up here today

and see Lydia and Tom.

- But listen, I've got you.

I've got you to cheer me up.

Stop being silly.

I don't care about them anymore.

I'm moving on now, stop crying.

- Yeah, but you're knocking my
confidence.

- [Ricky] I love you.

- I love you too.

- When I say "tug" it begins.

- Gemma come in, come on.

[cheering]

- [Bobby] Three, two, one, tug!

[cheering]

- It's a bit weird though,

with like obviously Lucy around
and Sam.

Sam I love to death and
I've always got her back

but then Lucy I've always
got on really well with

so it's really strange,

the fact that them two aren't
talking

and I feel like I'm in the
middle.

- Yeah, but...I'm sort of, same
thing.

- Lucy confides in me quite a
lot,

a lot more than what people
think.

She rings me quite a lot and
when she's upset she rings me

she asks me for advice

and I feel like at the minute,

I don't believe that she's 100%
sure.

- Yeah, but you wouldn't.

Who would be with rumours
flying around like that?

- I like Sam a lot and she's a
good person

and she wouldn't do this to hurt
Lucy

and spite her for no reason.

She'd do it because

she believes whatever's
happened has happened.

There's no smoke without fire.

- Of course there is.

- I love Mario to bits, I
think--

- No, that's just--

No you and I both know that's
not true.

- So are you 100% that
Mario hasn't cheated?

- There's plenty of smoke, but
no fire.

Listen, he tells me everything,
he's just said to me,

"I haven't got a clue
what she's talking about."

- [Jess] We've gotta make sure

there's no rumours ever about
us.

- [Ricky] There won't be,

'cause there's no fire, there's
no smoke.

We're all right.

- There's fire.

- What?

Oh there's fire, oh there's
fire!

Don't cos we're in a haystack.

[giggling]

[rock music]

- Here she is.

- Alright, how are you?

How are you doing?

- You had a good day?

- Really good day, you did
really well in the race.

- [Charlie] I tried, didn't I?

- [Lauren G] You just, I was
thinking,

"oh my god, he's actually
a really good runner!"

- Me and Tom Pearce, we were
like,

I just knew it was between me
and him,

that we were gonna be like the
final two.

- You come second, didn't you?

- Came second.

- [Lauren G] You did really
well.

- I did, cheers hun.

I've always thought like,
you seem such a lovely girl.

- [Lauren G] Aw, thank you.

- Just from like generally
seeing you

and you seem like you're happy,
right?

- I'm a lot happier than
I've ever been to be fair.

- [Charlie] I'm very similar
to you in that sort of aspect

in that I'm finding myself at
the moment

and I'm like a new born baby.

- Yeah.

- [Charlie] like experiencing
what it's all like.

- Me too, yeah.

- It's so exciting for me

- [Lauren G] Yeah.

- [Charlie] I wanna sex
up my image a little bit.

- so you wanna feel more sexy?

- [Charlie] I wanna feel a bit
more sexy.

- [Lauren G] so you want
girls to think you're hot?

- Yeah, yeah.

I wanna show,

'cause I don't think people
really know a lot about me,

you know I've got stuff under
the bonnet.

If that makes sense?

I'm an engine ready to be
revved.

- Okay.

- And I wanna sort of show that

I'm not just this soft, sweet
guy.

Maybe we should like try

and spend a bit more time
getting to know one another,

if you're up for it,

maybe we should go to the
gym together sometime,

go for a coffee or something.

- [Lauren G] Oh okay.

- But there's certain
people I get drawn to,

that I just like to get to know.

- [Lauren G] Yeah.

- Informally, no pressure, with
nothing.

- Aw, that's really sweet!

- But if you're up for it, I am.

- [Lauren G] Okay.

- [Charlie] Yeah?

- I thought I was intimidating
though?

- [Charlie] No.

- Really?

- [Charlie] That draws me to you
more.

- Alright guys.

- [Charlie] How you
doing man, you all good?

- [Tom P] How's it going people?

- [Lauren G] Alright?

- [Tom P] Alright Charl?

- [Lauren G] Alright babes, you
alright?

- [Tom P] yeah was'sap, what's
going on?

- [Charlie] What's going on?

Just having a chat.

Lauren's showing me around
Essex a little bit more.

- [Tom P] Yeah, you gonna show
me around?

- Aw, really?

- I'm only joking.

How's your day been anyway?

- [Lauren G] Yeah really good.

You's two were like really
competitive in the race.

- [Tom P] It was a close
one mate, weren't it?

- [Charlie] We did well though
didn't we?

- [Lauren G] Yeah, it was close

but your faces were like comedy.

- Why, what was my face like?

- On that note I'm actually
gonna go guys alright?

I'm gonna go and see Bobs.

- Oh okay.

- [Tom P] Alright mate cool.

- [Lauren G] Alright babes, see
ya later.

- Was I interrupting something
there?

- No, why?

- [Tom P] Just wondering.

- Getting jel?

- [Tom P] Nah.

- Really?

- Why would I be getting jel?

- [Lauren G] Dunno.

- I still can't believe we
didn't win.

Me and Lucy did so bad
in the three legged race,

all she did was scream the
whole way down the track.

[giggling and screaming]

- I actually come first in the
sprint.

- [Everyone] no, you didn't!

- [Lydia] You come fifth.

- I come fourth you
liar! Lauren come fifth!

- [Tom K] They've come fourth.

- [Little Chris] Your arse came
fifth.

[laughter]

- [Arg] I didn't win anything.

- [Joey] I wonder why.

- [Sam] You have to have the
strategy.

You have to like, you know?

- No, I don't think I
was mentally prepared.

- Mentally prepared for
a three legged race?

- Or physically prepared.

I've been through a lot
today, you don't realise,

I've lost three races.

- I'll get the blame for that
later.

- And I've had a tiff with her
again.

You know what you can't win
everything,

do you know what I mean?

- [Diags] You can lose
everything.

- [Arg] I've won Gemma.

[laughter]

- [Billie] I knew he was gonna
say that!

- [Little Chris] I thought
the funniest part of today was

him and Gemma just having
a massive argument.

- I've never seen people
argue so much in my life

- [Mario] I've never seen
someone argue

over a three-legged race!

- [Danni] Where's Lucy, Mario?

- Where is Luce?

- She's not here, she's gone.

- [Danni] Why?

- Because this is the first time

that she's sort of been round
Sam

since sort of everything
happened at the engagement
party.

I think it's actually upsetting
her.

I think it's actually affecting
her more than she thought.

- Mate, I didn't even realise
that you'd invited them?

- We didn't.

- [Tom K] Would you say
anything to them now,

like after obviously
having a think about it?

- The thing is like I said,

we don't want it to be like
this.

We wanna be friends with them.

You know in a few weeks time or
whenever,

a few months, you never know.

- That's really nice mate
spending today with you

and obviously being in a hot
tub after our conversation.

- Come here!

- Come here big guy!

[laughter]

- Arg sent me a text the
other day saying he loved me.

- [Joey] Shut up!

- [Sam] Did you now?

- Yes.

- [Sam] So now you say
you love each other!

- [Gemma] Yeah.

- Oh my God, the ducks are
having sex!

That's a sign, mate the ducks
having sex!

Proper doing it!

- [Arg] At least someone's
getting some tonight eh Diags!

- Aw, mate I'm so jealous.

Has anyone seen Tom?

- I wanted to do that all day.

- Come and do it again then.

- [Voiceover] Next time
on The Only Way is Essex:

Will Lucy and Mario make
up with Joey and Sam?

Will Arg stop making Gemma cry?

And for God's sake, get a room!

Who knows, these people are real

and anything can happen
on The Only Way is Essex.