All language subtitles for Slings & Arrows 101

Hydro: 284.63.

Yeah, we have to pay that.

- Rent, of course.
- After we open.

I�ve told them
a thousand times...

- Bell telephone.
- No, not Bell.

- They'll disconnect
our phones again. - Good.

All they do is ring anyway, you pick
them up, it�s people wanting money.

I can't run a theater
without a telephone, Geoffrey.

There were no phones in Ancient Greece
and their theaters did very well.

You're not taking this very seriously,
Geoffrey, we're hanging by a thread.

And the very best things happen
just before the thread snaps.

I thought you would've
learned that by now.

Case in point:
I just fixed the toilet!

- You're a genius, Geoffrey.
- Break's over.

We're back.

Good news.
I have fixed the toilet.

And as a reward to myself,
I would like to run the storm.

- What do you think, Andy?
- Go for it, man.

"Go for it, man!"

These are the words
a director likes to hear.

Andy has been working on the lights
now for three days and three nights.

He assures me there
will not be another fire.

Andy.

The storm, please.

Now Cheryl seems to believe
that a theater needs phones.

I disagree.

A theater is an empty space.

And as per the 400
year old stage direction,

we begin with a tempestuous
noise of thunder and lightning!

It is a storm of
color and sound.

A dense, unnatural storm.

And we see it in glimpses and flashes,
as Miranda would have seen it.

We see fragments of the horror
and our minds provide the details.

We see the crew
struggling to save the ship.

Alonso, Sebastian, Antonio
run below deck.

"Let us all sink with our King!"
Antonio cries.

The bosun calls out:
"Take to the topsail. Lay her a-hold!"

But the ship is torn
apart by Prospero's magic.

The mechanism of his
revenge is set in motion.

We're split, we're split!
Farewell my wife and children.

All lost. All lost!

The lights churn
and swell like the sea!

Ah, nuts.

Take five, everybody.

Cheer up, Hamlet

Chin up, Hamlet

Buck up, you melancholy Dane

So your uncle is a cad who
murdered Dad and married Mum

That's really no excuse to be
as glum as you've become

So wise up, Hamlet
Rise up, Hamlet

Buck up and
sing the new refrain

Your incessant monologizing
fills the castle with ennui

Your antic disposition
is embarrassing to see

And by the way, you sulky
brat, the answer is To Be

You're driving
poor Ophelia insane

So shut up, you
rogue and peasant

Grow up, it's most unpleasant

Cheer up, you
melancholy Dane

Rehearsal in progress
Quiet, please

Ah, crikey.

How long can a man
stare at sheep?

If he's a shepherd,
there's no telling.

Really, Cyril, there's
gobs of work to be done.

I know, Ducky.

I know what it is.
I can't hear anything.

We oiled the casters this
morning, no more squeaks.

I'm not talking about squeaks,
I'm talking about bleats.

- You do want the bleats?
- Of course I do!

What's the point with having
sheep if there's no bleating?

- Where's the charm in that?
- I... thought that...

Without the bleats,
there's no irony, Maria.

- Any fool knows that.
- I'll cue up the bleats.

Yes, cue up the bleats,
for God's sake. Honestly.

There you are.
Now that's comedy.

Thank you, Maria, you've
just saved our fourth act.

Oliver!

The forgeries of jealousy?

Yes?

Sorry, everyone.

Sorry, you promised you
would re-block it weeks ago.

Weeks ago you promised.

Yes, I do have some other
notes from last night's preview.

My back is to the audience,
for the love of God.

I'm not being unreasonable.

I'm not saying I'm the
most important person here

but arguably, at that moment,

Act 2, Scene 1,
the forgeries of jealousy,

I am the most important
character on the stage

and I can't be seen
by the audience!

She's always like this.

She can't make it through a
rehearsal without throwing a tantrum.

It's on the list, darling.
I promise you.

Fine.

Sorry, everyone.
Sorry for caring.

- But her back is to the audience.
- What next, what next?

- Kate.
- Yes.

Oliver.

Are you free?

I'm doing notes.

Can I get you for an hour? It's
about the seating plans for tonight.

An hour?

By the way, great feedback
on the previews, everybody.

Break a leg tonight.

Oliver, we'll use your office?

Well, we are in
good shape, really.

Maria, let's do a line run and
let them go home early, shall we?

We'll begin with the forgeries
of jealousy for Ellen's sake.

- Damn you.
- OK, everybody.

Gather for a line run.

Hey, are your parents
coming tonight?

Lisa in a playhouse?
Not a chance.

But do you know
who is coming?

- My high school drama
teacher. - You're kidding.

I nearly freaked when
I heard his message.

I mean, all the girls
were in love with him.

He used to wear these black turtlenecks
and give massages and talk about Brecht.

Take my advice, thank him
for coming and dump him.

You can't schmooze with him
hanging around your neck.

And light up.

These are the
forgeries of jealousy

and ever since
the middle summers

spring met we on hill,
in dale, forest or mead...

What is the problem
with the seating plan?

Well, it's not done yet.

It's as done as it can be, isn't it?
What does he expect?

And then there's the wine.

- It hasn't arrived yet?
- Not yet.

How long can it take?

I can see the vineyard from
my office window, for God sake.

Apparently they're having trouble tracking
down enough of the 99 Chardonnay.

Tell them I'll accept the
98 Sauvignon-Blanc,

but don't let them sell you
on that dreadful Riesling

they served at the press launch.

It was like drinking
chilled German urine.

Right.

There was a time I could actually rehearse
the actors on the final day of rehearsal.

- Yes?
- Jack Crew's agent on 1.

Thank you, Anna.
Gary!

Mr. Glickman will
be right with you.

Can I...

Every time he calls,
I'm put on hold.

Every single time.

Do the phones work
differently in LA, is that it?

Are you forced to make
two calls at once?

I need six more for Lenstrex.

Six more? This is getting
ridiculous. There's no room.

We have to make room. They're
our major corporate sponsor.

And we're very grateful.

They're in the lobby,
they're on the program,

they're on the back
of the tickets.

- Oliver.
- We're sold out.

Who's this?

Actors.

Michael Gerning, wife and child.

Trevor McKinnon,
wife and mother.

Actors?

Actors do attend the theater
every now and then, Richard.

They've been in the company for
over twenty years between them,

but there was nothing
for them this season.

It was a gesture, you know.

- Bump them.
- You don't understand.

I've directed them in the
Dream three or four times.

Trevor, he was my
Bottom for years.

And they can have tickets for any
other performance. Bump them.

- No. - No?
- Still holding?

Yes, I am!

- You don't understand, Richard.
- No, you don't understand, Oliver.

We cannot afford to alienate
our leading corporate sponsor

just because you're
feeling sentimental.

Well, someone is
going to get alienated.

And I would prefer that it were Fred from
accounting and his prostitute companion

than two men who have
devoted their lives to this theater.

I have to go.
To Lenstrex, actually.

They're having some sort of crisis.

Look, Oliver. Find me
some seats, please.

And you know, I wish you would think
of this place as a place of business,

because that's what it is,
you know. It's a business.

Oliver.
How the fuck are you?

Fine, Gary.
Yeah.

When's Jack arriving, exactly?

Wonderful.
We're all very excited.

I'll have a car meet him at the airport.
What was the flight number again?

The Chardonnay has arrived.

Excellent. Bring me
a bottle, would you?

Get your hands off me.

David will be with
you in a minute.

Can I get you anything?
Coffee? Juice?

Juice would be great.

Catherine, why have
I been called here today?

Would you like apple,
orange, or grapefruit?

Orange. Please.

Security to the right
stairwell. Exit 7.

Sorry to keep you
waiting, Richard.

- David. How are you?
- Good. Good.

- Well, I can't stay.
- What?

- Lenstrex is going through
some changes. - Yeah, I saw...

Ms. Day here is from our
new head office in Houston.

She'll be assuming
my responsibilities.

Hi.
Holly Day.

Don't bother making any jokes,
I've heard them all before.

Richard Smith-Jones.
David, I...

I have a thing I have to
attend to. Goodbye, Richard.

It's been a real pleasure
working with you.

She's the devil.

Bye, David.

He's just gonna
love Anchorage.

- Ms Day?
- Holly.

David and I have been working
together for quite some time now.

Yeah, yeah, I know.
Three years.

I've been through his files.

Then you also know about the 8.3%
increase in our audience attendance?

The inclusion of more
modern language plays?

This year we have
Jack Crew playing Hamlet.

He's a major American star.

And David has been
instrumental in...

Yeah, yeah, David
was a wonderful man.

Ms Day, I have to tell you

that the festival absolutely depends on the
financial support of Lenstrex corporation...

It's Cosmopolitan-Lenstrex now.

Richard, please, I'm a friend!

Come on, sit down.

I am interested in New Burbage.
Very interested.

In fact, I called you here today

to discuss increasing
our level of sponsorship.

Seriously?

You have a show opening tonight?

Yes, Midsummer's Night's Dream.

- Midsummer Night's Dream.
- Good.

I'd love to see it, is
there a seat available?

- Well, David's, I suppose.
- Great.

I wonder if I might also
go as your date?

You know, give
us a chance to chat.

Of course.

I'm sorry if I appeared
a little defensive just now.

Please, you're not
the first, believe me.

People are frightened by change, but
personally, I've never understood that.

I mean, change and opportunity
are sort of the same thing, really.

- Don't you think?
- Oh, yeah.

Eviction Notice

I know we're behind
with the rent.

Two months, two months
you have not paid.

I ask you many times.
You must leave, sorry!

After this show opens, we
will pay you from the box office.

No, no one comes
to see shows here.

Never. You leave building, or
I send for police. Thank you.

Hi.

No! I do not
want any trouble!

You are crazy!
Please.

- He's not crazy.
- Not anymore.

You attacked me with a knife!

That was a prop.

- You attacked him?
- I took two steps toward him,

but I immediately apologized.

Geoffrey, he's evicting us.

You owe two months.

I am not a bad man.
I have a family.

Get out!
Thank you!

We're opening a new play and we will
pay you from the box office receipts.

No one comes
to see shows here.

All right.
Fine.

I will pay you out of my
own personal account.

Two months rent, plus
one month in advance

is twelve thousand
six hundred dollars.

And here you are!

This ought to keep
your family quiet.

- This check is good?
- Of course the check is good!

Why would I give
you a bad check?

If check is bad, I send
for police! Thank you!

I have never bounced
a check in my life!

If check is bad, I send police!

- Check's bad, isn't it?
- Of course.

God, why do you
do these things?

The police are gonna
come and shut us down.

Your little thread can't
take much more, can it?

Don't bother to
cover up, I'm gay.

I just wanted to say
'break a leg' to you all.

Relax, find your light, say the
right lines in the proper order,

and everything will be fine.

Remember what
Sir Ralph used to say:

"Acting is merely the art of keeping a
large group of people from coughing."

Good show.

Don't bother to
cover up, I'm old.

Just want to say good show,
break a leg and all that.

Just find your light, say your
lines, and if you get nervous,

remember what Sir
Ralph Richardson said:

"Acting is merely the art of keeping a
large number of people from coughing."

Good show.

- Mr. Wells.
- Oliver. Have a good show.

I think you... wait...
You had a note for me.

- A note?
- Yes.

This afternoon in rehearsal?

You had a note, but
you were called away.

- Your entrance in Act 3.
- Yes?

It's good.

You are saying "And I"
in a consistently funny way.

Keep it up.
That was it.

Mr. Wells, I've been
meaning to tell you something.

I saw your Hamlet
with Geoffrey Tennant.

I was twelve,
it was so great.

I'm sorry, everyone
says I shouldn't mention it.

- No, you shouldn't.
- 15 minutes to the top of the show.

- Sorry.
- 15 minutes.

- Break a leg.
- Thank you.

Another one, eh, Ellen?

You're sixth Titania,
if I'm not mistaken.

It's my tenth
Dream, you know.

Number ten.

Bit of a nightmare,
if you ask me.

Just making the rounds,
settling the butterflies.

Still using Sir Ralph, I'm afraid.

You'd think I'd have some witty remark
of my own to share after all these years,

but no, I do not.

You know, young Kate
stopped me in the hall...

Put that down.

Such a long time ago.

And look at my hair.

It's all so ridiculous.

Forgeries of jealousy.

What?

I begged you to re-block it.
You did not.

And tonight I will perform it and
no one will see me or hear me.

They'll see the sheep

and they'll hear the fucking
bleats loud and clear.

You're overreacting, Ellen.
You're obsessing on a detail.

When did you stop caring
about the details, Oliver?

Dream number five?

Well, I'm sorry, but I still
fucking care about them

because I'm fucking
one of them.

Oliver, the minister's pulling up.

The minister, yes.
Excuse me, Ellen.

Have a good show.
See you at the bar.

Knock!

Sorry.

Come in.
Sorry, nerves.

- Welcome, Madam Minister.
- Hello, Oliver.

My husband was
able to come after all.

- Can you squeeze him in?
- Of course.

- So glad you could come.
- The bar?

Well, it's just over there.
We do have champagne...

That's Oliver Wells
with the Minister of Culture.

- OK, he's the Artistic Director?
- Yeah.

So you're the General Manager.

He's the artist,
you're the businessman.

Well, I advise Oliver, yes.

Is this a local wine?

Yeah, do you like it?

Very nice. Amazing that grapes
can grow this far north, isn't it?

Two minutes, Ellen.

Maria? Maria!

- "I pray thee gentle mortals,
sing again," stage left? - Yes.

- "Thou art as wise as thou
art beautiful," center? - Yeah.

- "Hops", left again.
- No, upstage to the tree.

To the tree,
to the tree, shit!

- The tree. Shit!
- Two minutes!

We have two minutes!

Sorry. Sorry.
Good show.

Good show!

I do entreat your
Grace to pardon me.

I know not by what
power I am made bold.

I know how it may concern my modesty
and presence here to please my thoughts,

but I beseech your Grace...

Damn quiet house.

There's no excuse for
a quiet house on opening.

They didn't pay for their tickets.

They could at least do us
the courtesy of forcing a laugh.

Didst thou not lead him
through the glimmering night

From Perigenia,
whom he ravished?

And make him with fair
Aegle break his faith,

With Ariadne and Antiopa?

These are the
forgeries of jealousy

- I can't hear her.
- What'd she say?

Cue the stupid bleats.

It's dreadful, isn't it?

The production values are very high.

Very diplomatic of you, Nahum.

Oh, God.

There's not one moment of
truth in this whole production.

Truth can be a very
dangerous thing.

Before I left Nigeria,

I directed a production
of Kensal River's The Wheel,

which was perhaps too openly
critical of the Abacha regime.

How did it go over?

The soldiers came
and burnt our sets

and beat the
actors with sticks.

Thanks for the perspective.

Switch to the hockey
game, would you?

Wait. Turn it back,
switch back to the news.

Geoffrey Tennant
is not a criminal.

It's just that he refuses
to play their game.

No corporate sponsorships.
No government grants.

The real criminals are the people
who are shutting us down!

Sir, can you tell us why it
is you're closing the theater?

I am not a bad person.
He is crazy.

He writes bad checks.
I have a family. Thank you!

But sir, the man says he's
willing to do anything he can

to keep this theater open.
Would you care to respond to that?

No one comes to shows here.

Geoffrey Tennant is best
known for an incident

that happened seven years ago,

when he suffered
a mental breakdown

during a performance of Hamlet
at the New Burbage Festival.

It signaled the end
of his acting career.

Madman or martyr,
what is clear is

the artistic community is
embracing Geoffrey Tennant

as a hero of
Shakespearean proportions.

My God.
Now that's theater.

Reminds me of home.

If we shadows have offended,
think but this and all is mended:

That you have but slumbered here,
while these visions did appear.

Here's to another twenty-five
years of the festival.

I can't think of what part I'd play in
25 years, maybe one of the witches.

Nonsense.

The passing years have been
more than kind to you, my dear.

- Thank you.
- It was...

Well, let me just say.
You're getting boring.

Because you are never
less than perfection.

And as for the production itself,
well, you have two choices.

You can buy a paper in the morning
or buy me a drink this evening.

Hello, Basy,
can't talk now.

Everyone!
Wonderful job! Well done!

The buzz is really good!
See you all at the bar.

Oh, and to all the
new players, this is Basil.

Avoid him at all costs.

You'll get a good review
from me, don't worry, Oliver.

Thank you, Basil.

You've got a style that,
with age, I've grown to love.

You don't make demands of
the audience, you soothe them.

Your shows are comfortable,
like an old boot.

Thank you.

I'd appreciate it if you didn't use the
phrase "old boot" in your review.

Well done.

- I felt I really discovered
Puck tonight. - You're great.

It's the audience.

When you do a comedy, the
audience does half the work for you.

What?

- He's here.
- Who?

My high school drama
teacher, Mr. Stewart.

All the girls had a thing for him?

I'd hate to see what your
gym teacher looked like.

- Mr. Stewart! Hi!
- Kate!

I can't believe
you actually came.

- Your debut, how could
I miss it? - Thank you.

- This is Claire Donner.
- Hi.

- Puck. Pace, pace, pace.
- I'm sorry?

You were marvelous,
I'm so proud of you.

Well, Moth is just a small part.

Who cares, look
where we are!

The New Burbage Festival.

I've waited twenty years for
one of my students to get here.

And you did it.
Kate. We made it!

Oh, God, the dressing rooms.

I'm gonna catch up
with you later, OK?

He just... He has this
thing about pace.

- I thought you were great.
- Whatever.

It's the direction.

See, Oliver isn't saying anything,
he's just putting on a show.

I've seen the show
many, many times.

And when I say that,
I don't mean the Dream,

I mean this show.

Lou, another dreadful Riesling.

And one for yourself.

Lord.

Time for the speeches.

There's May Silverstone,

dragging her rotting carcass
to the microphone.

Ladies and gentlemen,

if I might have your
attention for a moment.

Well, I see that
we're all still abuzz

from the wonderful production
that we've just seen.

What a delightful, delightful beginning
to our forty-fourth season.

Thank you.

It now gives me great pleasure

to introduce the man
responsible for this evening.

And I don't mean
Mr. Shakespeare.

I am referring, of course,

to our Artistic Director,
Mr. Oliver Wells.

Thank you, May.

Since William is indisposed,
I'll say a few words.

I've directed many plays
here, during my time,

and this particular staging of
the Dream was a dream to stage.

You see, he's just
going through the motions.

I know, Basil, I know.

But I must single out one party
for their invaluable contribution.

I'm referring of course to
the good people of Lenstrex.

And specifically
Mr. Donald Compasano.

Compasani, sorry.

Vice-President of Customer Care,
Western Ontario Region.

Donald?

Can you tear yourself away from the
fairies for a moment and step up here?

On behalf of the Board of Directors
of the New Burbage Festival,

I'd like to present you with this
leather-bound, Riverside edition

of the works of Mr. Shakespeare.

Signed by everyone,
except the author, of course.

That's the future of
this festival, right there.

Sweaty middle managers
soiling the works of Shakespeare.

Shut up, Basil.

... proud tradition of
supporting arts-skewed,

commercial ventures like this.

I believe it was the
immortal Bard who said,

"Life is a tale, told by an idiot."

"Full of sound and fury,
signifying nothing."

Well, we at Cosmopolitan-
Lenstrex disagree.

Life, anyone's life,
regardless of race...

Well, I must find a new Vice-President
of Customer Care, mustn't I?

Guess so.

So tell me about the new
gift shop expansion.

Well, it was like pulling teeth
to get them to do anything.

I mean, do you know, when
I showed up at this festival,

they had a table over there
with four t-shirts on it.

All smalls.
Four pathetic t-shirts.

- Oh, my God.
- Now, 81% of the people

that come to this festival go
through that store and 41% of them

buy between twenty and thirty dollars
worth of merchandise each.

But has anyone every thanked
you for the added revenue?

No. Not once.
Never. No.

- Typical.
- Yeah.

OK? I mean, they don't want
to think of this as a business,

- but, OK? Hello?
- Hello!

- It is a business.
- It's a business. Exactly.

I don't know where they think they
get the money to pay the bills from,

I mean, maybe
it's from the fairies.

- You're funny, Richard.
- Thank you.

Well, Richard,
I appreciate you.

Can I get you
a better glass of wine?

- Yes, but if you could only...
- Import it?

- Yes.
- Thought so.

Yeah, that local shit
knocks me flat.

- Be right back.
- OK.

This feels... unbelievable.

I know, I still get shivers.

Me too.
I'm getting them right now.

Mr. Stewart?

Kate.

I could do this, couldn't I?

Do what?

I could be an actor here.

Why would you
want to do that?

I mean, you're just
such a wonderful teacher.

Teacher?

They kept me away from
here, pimply little shits!

They don't care about the theater
and I don't care about them!

Do you know
how I cast now?

Tallest one's Romeo and the
one with the biggest tits is Juliet.

Who cares?

You are drunk.

Not quite enough.

Let's go.

- Where? - To where all actors go
after the reception: to the bar.

Richard Burton, Oliver Reed,

Richard Harris, Peter O'Toole,
they're all drunks.

But how could
you not drink?

How could you face
the real world sober,

after you've achieved
perfection on the stage?

Here, here.

Richard Burton.

Imagine saying
to Elizabeth Taylor,

"I'm sorry, but this relationship
is just not working for me."

Elizabeth Taylor!

Reality must've been
so incredibly dull for him.

I saw his Hamlet, you know?

1964.
God, it was good.

- 66.
- Excuse me?

Burton's Hamlet was 66.

64, I believe.

John Gielman directed.

Burton's was the definitive Hamlet.

No one's done it since,
as far as I'm concerned.

Well, except...

Where's Lou with the booze?

He's been gone for hours.
I think he left with Ellen.

Poor Ellen.

She's trying to
screw the years off.

I have to go piss.

God, he is ruining
this night for me.

It's so embarrassing.

Leave it to me.
Mr. Stewart?

You've been so
kind toward Kate here.

Massaging away her fears,
setting her on the right track.

On behalf of the Festival,
I'd like to thank you.

Cheers!

Would you like to become an
unofficial member of the company?

Huzzah!

Well, it's a very special honor
we reserve for very dear friends.

However, there is a
bit of a ritual, though.

Oh, I love rituals.
Rituals are great.

OK.

First, you must drink all the dregs
from every glass in the bar,

and then your own.
Are you up for it?

Just try and stop me.

He'll be out in ten minutes.

You are evil.

Thank you.

He actually chained himself
to the theater doors.

I didn't think that kind
of thing actually happened.

It doesn't happen, the guy's
crazy, right? He did the Hamlet.

- The Hamlet?
- Back in the glory days.

- God, those days are long gone.
- Oh, God.

Seriously, I could hardly keep my
eyes open. I was slapping myself.

It's Oliver. That guy's
a hundred years old.

- The walls have ears.
- Come on.

He's old and
old people are boring.

It's just the way it is. They get
too excited, they drop dead.

Shut up.

We're gonna go track down something
to eat, do you wanna come?

- No, I'm fine.
- OK.

See you tomorrow.

I just wanted to thank
you for everything.

I know you've been through this
a million times, but for me it's...

Well, thank you.

Congratulations.

Well, I hope you
enjoyed the show.

It was magical.

Geoffrey Tennant
is not a criminal.

God, I'm so fat.

Why didn't you tell
me I was that fat?

The camera puts
on ten pounds.

What about the
other twenty-five?

That's a life-style thing.

These people are gonna
throw up all over my furniture.

Why are they so happy anyway?
We just lost the theater.

Are you kidding?

You made them
heroes, they love you!

I love you!

Easy now.

Is it because I'm fat?

No, it's because
you're drunk.

I better get that.

Hello.

Did you know there are three
Geoffrey Tennants in Shropshire?

Apparently one of
them is Jamaican.

The other is eleven.

And then there's you.

It's Oliver, if you haven't
already guessed.

A ghost from the past.

I just wanted to tell you
how proud I am of you.

Chaining yourself to
a condemned building.

To defend the right of
the insane to put on shows

that no one will ever see.

Shit.

Have mercy.

I know you hate me.

If you could see me
now, you'd be happy.

I'm pathetic.
I am.

Pathetic and miserable.

I'm a failure.
You're a failure.

Shit, shit, shit.

Hello?

Mr. Popularity.

Why won't anyone talk to me?

Ellen can't even look
in my direction.

How is Ellen?

She hates me.

She hates you.
She hates herself.

She's getting old.
She's playing Gertrude.

I'm sorry,
I won't mention that play.

Don't hang up.

How are you?

Look, I heard
about your mother.

She's in a better place.

God, you were so good.

Incandescent.

Why did you leave?

Why did I leave?

It can't be because
of that thing with Ellen.

We believed, remember, that
greatness came with a price.

That Hamlet that I
brought out in you, it was...

It was definitive.

The Hamlet that you...?

It was a crime that you
only gave three performances.

What a sin.

- It was only a play.
- Only a play?

Mr. Chain-himself-to-a-warehouse.

Everything I ever do

will be compared to
those three performances!

You ruined my life.

I ruined your life?

You destroyed mine, you�

You want to know why
no one will speak to you?

I'll tell you.

It's not that you've ruined the Festival,
although you have done that.

And it's not just
because you're a sellout.

You want to know why
no one will speak to you?

You want to know why Ellen
cannot stand the sight of you?

I'll tell you, so I do not have
to think of you ever again.

So that you will be
erased from my memory.

It's because...

Quiet, quiet, quiet,

quiet, quiet, quiet.

There's one left,
one I haven't,

one final thank you

and that is to the author!

Be careful.

It's all safe.

Oh, God.
Oh, God.

I'm getting too old for all
these beatle antics.

Jesus, I have never felt
anything like this in my life,

I have never felt anything
even remotely like this feeling.

Bravo, Geoff.
Bravo.

You were fucking
incredible tonight.

You broke my heart.

And not just mine,
I mean, everybody's.

Did you hear them?
They were sobbing.

Did you hear that woman?
The one in the second row?

On the left, there.

She was wailing, like,
like she'd lost her child.

But listen, listen,
listen, this is the thing.

We've got to make it
exactly like this, every night.

Every single night,
exactly like this.

And how are we
going to do that?

Aye, there's the rub.
Because anything else...

Is just shit. You see what
you may have done?

You may have
made for us a hell.

A very well-lit hell,
if I do say so myself.

- So be it.
- I want to do it again.

Right now.

And by heaven, I will make
a ghost of him that lets me.

I love you, Geoffrey.

Oh, my Ophelia.

I want to feel you.

And I love you both very much.

More than I love myself,
which is saying a lot.

I love you, Oliver.

Let's make a baby.

- What? - What?
- Not you. You.

And you know what I mean,

I mean one of those little bald people
you're always fussing about at the mall.

I want to make a baby with you,

I want to make a little girl
kind of baby, exactly like you.

And I...

I want to marry you, Ellen.

Because I love you.

Please, such a flagrant display
of unbridled heterosexuality.

Geoffrey.

- Come on.
- Is this a...

Come on.
Right now.

Where are you going?
Party's just starting!

We are going now to make
a whole bunch of babies

and then tomorrow we are going
to pick out bridesmaid's dresses.

What's your size?

Don't go!

Goodbye, Oliver!

Don't leave me
alone, you bastards.

Not tonight!

Geoffrey!

Don't leave me here!

I can't go back to the party.
I don't like anyone.

Assholes.

Fuck.

Sorry.
Round two?