All language subtitles for The Girl From UNCLE s01e14 The Jewels of Topango Affair

Open, uh, Channel 3, Cairo, please.
April Downsend.

Uh, I'll get it.

Yes, Miss Downsend?

No sign of Mark Slate, sir. I've been
waiting for over an hour.

Oh, patience, Miss Downsend.

Patience.

Mr. Slate had a little trouble with his
plane.

Just a little patience.

Yes, sir.

You are April Dancer?

Yes. You are wanted on the phone. He
said to say his name was Slate.

Thank you. This way.

Maurice, shame on you.

Come here.

Oh, it's all right, really, it is.

Maurice, a bit more time to get to know
you better.

May I buy you a drink?

Oh, thank you very much. Mr. Slade?

Yes? May I speak to you, please?

I

don't

doubt you for a moment, Miss... at
Brimstone.

I was with Mr. Waverley six hours ago
and he made no mention of a replacement

for Miss Dancer.

Well, it's very easy for you to check,
Mr. Slade. Why don't you call him?

Channel 3 to Cairo, please. Slade here.

Mr. Slade, this is Waverley. What is it,
Mr. Slade?

Oh, it's just a verification, sir. I
have a Miss Natasha Brimstone with me

claims to be a replacement for Miss
Dancer.

Her credentials seem to be in order.
They are in order, Mr. Slate.

Miss Brimstone will accompany you on
your mission instead of Miss Dancer.

You did real fine, Mr. Slate.

Miss Brimstone is going to open that
door wide open.

And that door is going to take us
straight to the jewels of Topanga.

Our informant said the girl Mr. Slate
left with was wearing clothes identical

yours.

Strangely, he didn't call in to confirm
her identification.

Topango, Mr. Asser, Topango.

One of the greatest untapped sources of
diamonds in the world. The penalty for

entering or leaving Topango without a
visa is death.

Mark didn't have a visa?

There was no time to obtain one.

Two weeks ago, we learned that certain
unscrupulous oil interests were

into the field of Topanga's diamonds.

Trash? No.

I'm convinced that it's more of a
private enterprise.

But it has to be stopped.

Can't allow a gang of freebooters to
rescue coal from King Umballa.

I think that this King Umballa is a good
man.

He's a terrible man.

But we need him.

Topango. By the way, I'm going to have
to crash.

Oh? Hold tight.

Do you think Mark did gain endless in
the country?

That's what we must find out.

You will leave at once for Topango.

Without a visa?

I'm afraid we'll have to take that
chance.

Topango.

You will make immediate contact with the
white hunter named Byron Cavendish.

Cavendish?

Yes, he's about 40 miles from Ooga
Booga.

Cavendish is taking a safari to Topango.

I want you on it.

Yes, sir.

Find Mr. Slate.

And while you're at it, keep a weather
eye on the other members of the party.

One of them is the leader of the
Freebooter Gang.

You're never a taxi when you need one.

What is it?

I think I spoke too soon.

Sorry, Miss Dancer, but I make it a
strict policy not to accept

females on safari for whatever the
reason.

What is your usual fee for safari, Mr.
Cavendish? The usual price is $1 ,000

person. That, of course, includes meals.

Prices of no object, Mr.

Cavendish. You see, I have reason to
believe that my brother may be held

in Topanga.

I'm prepared to pay you $1 ,250.

$5 ,000, Miss Dancer.

Take it or leave it.

2 ,000.

4 ,000. 2 ,500.

3 ,500.

3 ,000. 2 ,750.

3 ,250, and that's... Good grief, I
believe we've passed each other.

You're very clever, Miss Dancer, and I
detect a touch of the Levantine, but the

price is firm. I don't haggle.

3 ,000 dollars.

You drive a very hard bargain, Mr
Cavendish.

Three thousand dollars it is.

The safari leaves as soon as we find out
about local weather conditions.

No cause for alarm, Miss Danza.

Weather reports from our local witch
doctor.

He forecasts continued fair weather
conditions. There'll be no rain for the

three days.

Ladies and gentlemen, I hope I'm not too
late.

We've been delayed.

Gentlemen, this is Miss April Dancer,
Miss Whiteside, Miss Carson, Dr.

Spritzer. Doctor.

How do you do? And this is our local
witch doctor, our

weatherman.

What will they do with us?

Please, I haven't eaten.

Oh, don't say that word.

Nicky! Mark!

Hey, am I glad to see you. This is a
surprise. What are you doing here, old

Uh, well... Oh, this is Miss Natasha
Brimstone, His Highness Prince Nicholas

Topanga.

Your Highness?

Natasha and I are part of a group. We
were on our way to a gig we have in

Leopoldville. We thought we'd drop in on
you. I hope we're not imposing.

Oh, no.

Mark and I are old friends. Old school
ties, that sort of thing.

Delighted she could come aboard for a
day or two.

It might be a little bit more than that.

I wrecked the plane.

What's wrong?

It's my father, the king.

He has some very peculiar ideas about
people staying in his country.

Peculiar? He kills them.

Thank you.

And that's about it, sir. We decided to
drop in and spend a few hours with

Nicky. I had no idea you had rules about
entering and leaving the country.

White man speaks with forked tongue.

Let's kill him and keep together.

I would like to say a few words, father.

Say them, my son.

My friends only wish to stay until their
plane is repaired and then leave.

They are entertainers, not diamond
thieves.

Their only purpose in coming here was to
see me.

I will personally vouch for them.

With my life, if I have to.

That will not be necessary, my son.

This is a benevolent monarchy.

Your friends can stay while the giant
bird is being repaired.

But let me make myself clear, my son.

If one word of what they say is false,
or if the jewels of Topanga have brought

them,

You will know what it is to lie to King
Mbala.

The death of Kuru -Kuru.

Thinking about your loved ones back
home, Mr. Whiteside?

My wife ran off with her hairdresser and
my kids are juvenile delinquents.

I'm glad to be rid of all of them.

May I ask what you're doing?

Going to Topanga.

I got a big suspicion there's oil in
Topanga.

I just want to make a deal with that
King Mabala to dig a couple of holes.

Well, do you have a visa? I understood
it was almost impossible to get into the

country.

There's my visa.

A good old Texas checkbook.

There ain't no better visa to anything.

Money.

Is that the only thing that means
anything to you?

I guess it's the only thing that means
anything.

What are you going to Topanga for?

Well, you won't understand, but I'll
tell you anyway.

Topanga is the last great hunting
preserve.

And somewhere in there, there's an
elephant with my name on him.

I'm going in there to kill him.

That makes sense.

A man should always do what he thinks is
right for him.

We're not far off.

What about you, Dr. Spencer?

As long as it's confession time, why are
you going to Topanga?

Well, I've spent the last 40 years in
the laboratory and in the classroom.

Now, for the first time in my life, I'm
free. I can do what I want, go any place

I want.

You might think this is funny, but I'm
going to Topanga because I've heard it's

the most dangerous place to go.

To see the elephant and hear the owl?

That's just about it.

Well...

We've got a rough day coming up.

We all turned in.

Good night. Good night.

Good night.

Well,

Mr Cavendish, what do you think?

Just one thing.

Why you were so interested in finding
out why everyone was going to Topanga

without telling them why you're going?

Good night.

Very savory, sir. My compliments to the
chef.

Yes, sir.

I've never tasted anything like it.

What is it?

It's warthog.

Au jus.

Specialty of the house.

Daddy stole the chef from King Tuala,
the Kalawani tribe.

Cost us a ruddy fortune.

You said you were entertainers.

What do you do?

Well, a bit of everything, sir. Mostly
singing and dancing.

Dancing? Can you do the fligo -fligo
slide?

How about the turkey trot?

No, sir.

What kind of dancing do you do?

The Watusi.

It's the very latest thing.

You have my permission to do the Watusi.

Well, we don't have the rest of the
group or any of the music, sir.

I said you have my permission to dance.

Give him his instruments.

You wish me to believe that this is the
latest thing in civilization?

Well, it's one of the latest, yes, sir.

Sit down.

Bring out the royal dancers.

What did I do wrong?

You'll find out.

That, my friends, is a what to see.

What else is new in civilization?

rules against talking on safari? None
whatsoever, Miss Dancer. When there's

something to be said... Oh, it's going
to be a long trip. Why did you call me

April? I told you before, I don't like
single women on safari, even when

looking for their long -lost brothers.

We'll just keep it that way.

Look!

Bearer, my gun.

Here we are, Lonnie.

What the dickens the meaning of this
damn mission?

This isn't a hunting safari, Mr. Carson.

There'll be no killing except for food
and self -protection. If any of you feel

the need for trophies, I'll give you one
when we get back.

He sure gave you a little of what for,
brother.

If I want your comments, I'll ask for
them, and I'm not your brother.

Touchy, isn't he?

the hell of a class, Mr. Cavendish. You
insulted one of the world's most famous

writers. I know his reputation as a
writer and a hunter, and I have no

for either.

I should never have accepted him. The
man's a bore.

You don't like Carson, and you don't
like me.

What do you like, Mr. Cavendish?

Women who stay where they belong, Miss
Dancer, at home.

Well. Slate here.

Oh, yes, sir. Mr. Waverly, yes, sir.

I was wondering what, if anything, you
had to report, Mr.

Slate.

Well, it's been a rather shaky start,
sir, but we seem to be making some

progress.

Could you hang on a minute, sir?

Sorry, sir, I had to turn off the air
conditioning. We're getting a bit

ecstatic, sir.

Air conditioner?

In Tupango?

Now, yes, sir.

I would have called you last night, sir.

But I got to bed a bit late because of
the bridge game.

You're full of surprises, Mr. Slate.

May I ask with whom you were playing
bridge?

Yes, sir. The Prime Minister and I were
teamed up against King Mbala and his

head witch doctor, Chelba.

I think he cheats.

And where was Miss Brimstone while all
this was going on?

In the billiard room, sir, playing
snooker.

Snooker? Yes, sir.

Oh, by the way, congratulations.

Congratulations.

For what, Mr. Slade?

It's your birthday, sir.

Of course. It completely skipped my
mind.

Thank you.

An animal tried to get into my tent.

Well, you have a gun, Miss Dancer. Why
didn't you shoot?

Because.

Someone removed the cartridges.

Obviously, they wanted me dead.

Just the usual.

Someone's trying to break into the mine.

No one enters the hut without
permission.

I hope you have an explanation, old boy.

I'm waiting.

I'd better tell him the truth.

It's not what you think, Nicky. Please
believe me.

Natasha and I are working for an
organization called UNCLE, which stands

I know what it stands for.

There is an attempt underway by certain
persons to infiltrate your country,

capture your father and bleed the nation
dry. We were sent to stop it.

It's true, Nicky. Every word of it.

We had no proof to give your father, so
we had to just come in and try and gain

his confidence.

What's Uncle's great concern in what
happens to Topango?

If you don't mind me saying so, Nicky,
Uncle has no interest in Topango

whatsoever other than the effect on
other African states if it should be

over. And if you don't mind my saying
so, my father will never buy it.

And I'm not sure I buy it myself.

You lied to me once.

How do I know this is not another lie?

Please, Nicky.

What are they doing here?

I was just showing my friends the royal
hut.

Did you catch the thieves?

They came up by the river.

Four of them.

First perish our enemies.

Four of them. In there.

Guru.

Guru. Guru.

Thank you for the loan of your shirt.

It was nothing.

Look careful.

Safari ants.

They attack in thousands.

Given half a chance, they'd eat you
alive.

Lovely.

Oh, my shirt seems to do more for you
than it ever did for me.

Cavendish! Cavendish!

I have to rest. I can't go on.

Give me that canteen.

Thank you.

I shouldn't have been so foolish as to
think I could keep up with you people.

I shouldn't have come.

You should have realized that when you
started.

He'll slow us down to a call. Why don't
we send him back with one of the

porters? Oh, no.

Please. I'll be all right in a minute.
Let me stay.

He doesn't look too good to me.

I think he's too old to cut the mustard.

I think you should all be ashamed of
yourselves picking on Dr. Spitzer that

You know he's been looking forward to
this safari for years.

All right.

We'll make camp here for tonight.

If you're not ready by morning, we'll go
on without you.

Not a bad shot, that.

Quite enterprising, too. Let himself
into the crater of an extinct volcano.

Was he a thief?

Oh, one of the best.

He was a Frenchman.

Sang the Marseillaise when he got shot.

Now, you take those two.

No imagination.

Tried to shoot their way into the
treasury with machine guns.

Très gauche.

Does this happen often?

Not quite.

It's not as bad as it was.

I guess the word's gotten around.

I had a special reason for asking you
here.

Joe, that I trust you.

You're the only outsider who's ever
gotten this far.

You see, there are no guards. We're
completely automated.

The jewel was up to mango.

Unbelievable. Are they worth?

Cut and polished, I would say, in the
vicinity of a billion dollars.

Take one, my dear.

Any one.

You can't be serious, Mickey.

I'm very serious.

Please, I want you to.

I think I'd like this one.

Did you see that, Father?

Do you see the one she picked?

One of the smallest.

Yes, I saw it, my son.

What are you waiting for? Ask her.

What's this all about, Nicky?

I would have asked you that first day,
like how sure I felt of it.

But my father is king, and someday I
will succeed him, and I wanted his

permission first.

And now he's given it.

Will you marry me, Natasha?

I love you very much.

I would be honored to marry you, Nikki.

Keep the deck

They're

gone well, it was my new winter coat

Never in my wildest dreams did I imagine
that old school ties would bring me

anything as nice as this.

Old school ties?

Well, if I hadn't known Mark Slate in
school, I never would have met you.

Oh, yes.

Mark Slate.

Well, have you known him long?

Not too long.

Still, I think he should be best man at
our wedding.

What do you think?

Whatever you think.

No.

Mickey, my son, making wedding plans?

Oh, yes, Father.

I was just telling Natasha I thought
Mark Slate could be my best man.

If that is your wish, my son.

By the way, where is Mr.

Slate?

He was just here a moment ago.

WWN, come in, WWN, come in, WWN, over.

This is WWN. State your business and
identify yourself.

Slate here. This is an emergency.

I want to speak with Mr. Waverly. Over.

He's in Cairo. I'll put you right
through.

Over.

I was beginning to think you were no
longer with us, Mr. Slate. Where are

In Topanga, sir, with Miss Natasha
Brimstone.

Natasha Brimstone?

Yes, sir. The agent you sent to replace
Miss Dancer.

But you're mistaken, Mr. Slate.

There was no replacement for Miss
Dancer.

And we know all about Miss Brimstone.

and is an imposter.

She was hired by the group who were
after the Topanga Diamonds.

That's what I called about, sir. I began
to think something was wrong when she

became engaged to Prince Nicky.

Be careful of her, Mr. Slade.

She's dangerous.

Yes, sir. I'll sign off now and contact
you if anything else comes up.

Over and out.

Croo, croo.

My son.

Nicholas.

Answer me.

I'm your king and master.

You will obey me.

You are the great king, Gimbala.

As your loyal subject, I will obey your
every command.

It is the law of Topanga.

Oh, my son, my son.

My stubborn, sensitive, headstrong son.

I know how difficult it is for you to
give her up.

No, you don't.

What do you know about it?

I love Natasha, Father.

Can't you understand that?

I love Natasha more than life.

Of course you do.

And this very blind love is what keeps
you from seeing the truth.

She is a thief.

No! A thief. There is no other word for
it, my son.

She came here for one reason, to steal
the jewels of Topanga.

Unfortunately, in the process, she has
also stolen your heart.

It's not true. She's not a thief.

You saw her yourself.

In the diamond mines, when she picked
the smallest diamond. If she was a

why didn't she pick the biggest one? She
had a choice.

But she did take the biggest diamond.

You.

She knew if she married you, all the
jewels of Topanga would someday be hers.

Believe it. She loves me, not the
diamonds.

You are young in the ways of the world.

And women, my son.

I know her kind.

She's not what you think she is.

I know what I must do.

You can't, Father!

You can't!

It's the only way.

I can't explain now, but I must get to
Topanga before the safari.

I stopped to say goodbye.

You alone in the jungle?

Shh. But how... how will you know how to
get there?

Don't worry about me. I took this map
from Cavendish.

It's just that I don't trust any of
them.

Look, you take good care of yourself,
all right?

April?

Yes? I'm afraid you made a mistake, my
dear.

But don't feel too bad. Even Uncle had
no way of knowing.

It was our friend Whiteside that
supplied the financing, and Carson was

hired hand because he needed the money.
It was I who conceived the plan to steal

the jewels of Topango.

You... Who fired that shot?

What are you doing here?

She's my prisoner, Mr. Cavendish, and so
are you.

You'll both make excellent decoys when
we reach Topanga in the morning.

What's a nice girl like you doing in a
place like this?

Chuck Lucky, I guess.

Natasha, I don't believe you
deliberately came here to steal the

You're not the type.

Oh, what kind of type do you think I am?

Well, you'd be a good Watusi, a dancer.

Singer?

Would you believe a college student
majoring in archaeology?

Under other circumstances, I would say
you came to the right place.

That's what my professor said.

Professor Spritzer.

I was supposed to meet him here.

Whose idea was it that you should
replace April and come with me?

Professor Spritzer. Spritzer.

He told me that you were planning to
steal the jewels of Tabango.

For your own personal gain.

Not for archaeological reasons.

You know what I mean?

I'm convinced, but my convictions don't
carry much weight around here.

Cheer up. I've got out of situations
worse than this before.

Do you know what I really regret about
this whole thing?

Well, aside from the possibility of guru
-guru, what is it?

Nicky.

He must really hate me.

He trusted me so.

I really do love him, Mark.

Topango! Better men than you have tried.

You'll die like the rest of them. I
don't think so, Mr Cavendish.

Oh! That wasn't necessary, Carson.

Ronnie, look here.

I don't know about it.

Scraping gas, Mr. Cavendish. And if it
comes to it, monoxide. The world's most

poisonous gas.

Come on, cut the palaver and let's get
going.

I trusted and believed in you.

You have betrayed that trust.

And for this, you will both die.

You have left me no other choice.

You may test the machine, Professor
Kuru.

This is Professor Kuru Kuru, our most
distinguished scientist and the inventor

of this complex before you.

He is the father of Kuru Kuru.

We've been spotted. Get ready to run.

Which way? Just follow me.

Hold your breath. Run!

Nikki, whether you believe it or not, I
was going to tell you the truth tonight.

I love you, Nikki.

All right, I'm ready.

Natasha.

under attack. Poison gas. You better
stop the machine.

This is some kind of trick. You haven't
time to talk.

They're here.

Mbala, you will remain here.

Get the prince.

Now, show these men where the jewels
are.

And if there's any trouble, your father
will die.

Either one of you. It doesn't make any
difference to me.

Take them to the mines.

Stay back! Stay back!

Stay back, all of you!

Stay back!

You too, Miss Brimstone.

Stay back!

Shall I sound a warning?

No. He doesn't think I'm still a
prisoner.

The jewel of Topando.

King's rancho.

Villain.

the best man and matron of honor will
please move to the right of the newly

married couple.

No, only the king can be on the right.

Oh, so sorry, Your Highness.

Cool it down, please.

Ready?

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Don't they make a beautiful couple?

The guests came from miles around, some
all the way from Kipsegi and Oogabooga.

Kipsegi? Oogabooga?

You don't say.

Oh, by the way, sir, when you talked
with King Mbala, did he say where the

side and Carson got out of the diamond
mine?

Yes, but unfortunately they were
recaptured by Mbala's men almost

Oh, what did happen to them?

I really can't say.

Well, telephone communication with King
Umbalo was rather gobbled.

It sounded like kuru, kuru.