All language subtitles for The 30 Foot Bride of Candy Rock

[♪♪♪]

Don't get discouraged.

You've been trying
awfully hard.

One of these fine days
you're gonna get it.

Max, can't you see it
in the headlines now?

"Artie Pinsetter,
scientific genius,

discovers the power
from Dinosaur Canyon."

You know, Max,

everybody,
they're all laughing at us now,

but they also laughed
at Einstein

and his theory of relativity.

Now everybody's
got relatives.

They also laughed
at Marconi.

The same people
are sending telegrams.

And how about
Benjamin Franklin?

They told him
to go fly a kite,

and he flied it.

What did he get?

Electricity.

One, two, three...
and a half.

[♪♪♪]

Excuse me, Max.

[SMACKS LIPS]

Mm-hm.

Now, we've worked together
for a long time,

but there's still
a lot of work to do.

There's no time
for play.

We gotta work,
work, work.

[BARKS]

Now you stay out
of this, Corporal.

All right, Max,
get ready.

Now tell me the theory

for changing time curves
in relation to space orbits.

[MAX WHINING]
Hmm?

You don't know?

Shame on you.

After all I've taught you

from the time we started
with one and one makes two,

and C-A-T spells cat.

[MAX CHUCKLES]

[MAX WHINES]

I'm sorry, Max,
but that's a tough one.

But we'll get it.

We'll go out to
Dinosaur Canyon again today.

[CRACKLING]
Oh-oh.

[BEEPING]

You need some new tubes.

[CUCKOO CLOCK CALLING]

[STAMMERING]
Oh, Max, I better get going.

The people at Candy Rock,

they're depending on me
to clean this town up.

Come on, Corporal.
Get in the truck.

[CORPORAL BARKS]

Attaboy!

[KISSING]

[♪♪♪]

Corporal, it's my turn
to drive today.

Now move over.
Come on.

[CORPORAL WHINES]

[ENGINE STARTS]

[PEOPLE CLAMORING]

Isn't it exciting,
Steve?

Hi, Carol.
Well, hi, Artie.

What are they doing in the bank?
Giving away samples?

No. Mr. Rossiter's gonna be
on Bill Burton's TV show.

They're in there
rehearsing.

All right, now,
Mr. Rossiter,

just saunter over
to the teller's window

and say what we discussed.

Uh, don't you
announce me first?

[CHUCKLES]
All right.

Presenting
the Bill Burton Show

and so forth and so forth,
from Candy Rock,

the only one-man town left,
and so forth.

And that one man
is Mr. Raven Rossiter.

And that's your cue.

My friends, Uncle Raven
they call me in these parts.

[CHUCKLES]
Now this is my bank,
but I don't call it my bank

because I say it belongs to all
of my friends in Candy Rock.

And I intend to run

the office of Governor
of this great state

just the way I run
this bank, with a heart.

And if elected,
I assure you--

Uh, no, no, please,
Mr. Rossiter.

Uh, no politics.

My running for Governor
isn't politics.

It's a public service.

Your opponent
doesn't think so.

You give yourself
a plug on my show,

he'll want equal time.

Now see here, I don't see--

[STAMMERING]
I agree with you, Bill.

It's about time
I called you Bill, eh?

[CHUCKLING]
And you call me Uncle Raven

just like
everybody else does, eh?

Isn't that right,
Tommy, my boy?

Yes. Yes, sir.
Yeah.

Uncle Raven, sir?
Yes, son?

Is it all right
if I take Emmy Lou

to the campaign dance
tomorrow night?

Listen, errand boy,

you keep your hands
on the money

and off my niece,
or I'll--

You let Uncle Raven
think about it, eh?

Pinsetter, the bank
is closed for the day.

Even if I came here to make
a payment on my truck?

[CHUCKLING]
Well, shucks, boy.

[BARKS]
You know Uncle Raven is always

ready to do
a favor for a man.

Now, you know our policy.

Yeah, like give and take.
Yeah. Just make your payment.

I said "if I came to make
a payment on my truck."

Which I can't make.

Would you mind
extending me

a little--
Credit?

To Pinsetter
the rubbish collector?

Mr. Pinsetter.

We wanted an ordinary man
to talk about Mr. Rossiter.

An ordinary man's
viewpoint.

We haven't been able
to find anybody

who can put into words
what they actually feel.

Now tell me, sir.

How do you feel
about Mr. Rossiter?

[STAMMERING]
I can't stand compliments.

[CHUCKLES]
You get on about
your rubbish, Pinsetter.

[CORPORAL BARKING]

Come on, Corporal.

Uh, this Pinsetter--
Uh, well, let's get on

with the rest of
the rehearsal, shall we?

Now I go out
the front door.

See, I've been
studying the script.

[CHUCKLES]

[GRUNTS]

[INDISTINCT CHATTERING]

MAN: How's the business?
RAVEN: Fine.

MAN: How's the family?
Good to see you.

Oh, I tell you, Billy,

I don't want to sound
like I'm boasting,

but my being on your show
is going to give it a lift.

A real lift.
[ENGINE WHIRRING]

[ALL LAUGHING]

Pinsetter, you idiot,
get me down!

[STAMMERING]
I'm sorry, Uncle Raven.

Oh, I'll skin you
alive. You...

[CHUCKLING]
Oh, I have to have
a sense of humor, you know.

I told you to get going.

[SHOUTS]
Now get!

Hmm.

Now, Mr. Rossiter,
we'll walk down the street.

Uh, dolly with us, boys.

Let's go, Mr. Rossiter.

Hello, Jackie.

On your way, boy,
on your way.

Just trying
to be friendly.

Well, don't try.

Uh-huh.

Hi, y'all.

You surely do
sell nice cars

at your automobile agency,
Uncle Raven.

Is this your niece?

No, it is not my niece.
It's Jackie Delaney.

And did you use your usual
powers of persuasion

to get the salesman
to let you take this car out?

I'm good advertising,
he said.

But you're not
advertising the car.

You take it right back.
Oh.

Is there any business
in this town you don't own?

Well, heh,

only Artie Pinsetter's
rubbish business.

[CHUCKLES]
But then, I'm a builder,
Mr. Burton.

I'm only interested in
what people buy,

not what they throw away.
Heh-heh-heh.

And this next song is dedicated

to Emmy Lou Rossiter

with love from anonymous.

[UPBEAT MUSIC PLAYING ON RADIO]

Hi, anonymous.

Hiya, Paul.
What'll it be today?

Well, I'd like to get
a receiver selsyn

and a transmitter selsyn

and two 171 GL twos.

RAVEN:
Make him pay cash.

Artie Pinsetter.
What are you doing

with all these radio parts
you've been buying?

I don't know. It's a habit.

Uh, some people smoke.
I buy radio tubes.

That's ridiculous, boy.
[LAUGHS] Yeah.

How much money has he spent
on parts in this last year?

$980, Mr. Rossiter,
and he still owes us $9.12.

Mm-hm.

You see, my TV set
keeps breaking,

and I can't afford
a new one.

And I put so much money
into parts

that I can't afford
a real repairman.

So I keep buying parts,
and they keep burning out, sir.

Uncle Raven, can't I
have these on credit?

Credit?

Oh, well, answer one question
about my niece, my boy.

Only one.

Then maybe we can make
some credit arrangement.

Excuse us, please.
Oh, excuse us, please.

You have been sneaking Emmy Lou
out on dates, haven't you?

[STAMMERING]
Uh, well, I...

I don't know
how you got her out,

but you're the only one
who did.

And I'll break you, boy!
Break you!

No more radio tubes.
Foreclose on your truck.

It's for your own good.
You can't afford a wife.

You're right, sir.
So right, sir.

I can't afford a truck and
radio tubes and a wife, sir.

Not this day and age.
One of them has got to go.

And furthermore...

Mr. Rossiter, you like
little people, don't you?

Well, of course.

Yes, after all, any man
running for Governor...

Well, I'm little people.

So you are.
Insignificant.

Yeah. Insignificant.
I mean, after all, I'm plain.

I'm ordinary, common.

Yeah, a nobody.

Yeah, I'm a nobody.

But the kind of a nobody

that would vote for you
for Governor.

Artie, get on
about your job.

All right.

Oh, give this boy
what he wants.

Huh?
Oh-oh, thanks.

Here you are, Artie.

Thanks, Paul.

Thanks, Uncle Raven.
Thank you.

Ah, yes indeed,
the little man.

I know the kind
of show you do.

That's why
I'm right for it.

A little man,
such as myself,

challenging the inhuman,
unfeeling machine

of state politics.

Oh, glory to
the little man!

Like Artie Pinsetter?

Too little.

Well, let's get on
with it, huh?

We have a nice rehearsal,
I think, lined up.

And all the going to the bank
was a very good idea,

because it shows
the local activities.

[AUNT MAY HUMMING]

[RATTLING OUTSIDE]

Beep-beep. Beep-beep.
Beep. Beep.

Here he comes, Emmy Lou.

Now you know your uncle doesn't
want you talking to him.

Oh, Auntie May,
if he'd only realize

that Artie's more
than a rubbish collector.

He's a world famous...
A world famous scientist

who isn't famous yet.

Well, he is a scientist.

It's just that
he's kind of two people.

A split personality.

I wish you'd tell Uncle Raven
what I said.

Once I told your uncle
what you said

and he said
Artie Pinsetter doesn't have

enough personality
to split in two.

Some day.
Some day you'll be married

to a good and important man,
your Uncle Raven says.

Some day--
Some day I'm gonna break loose

and go crazy, insane,
out of my mind, some day.

Honey, he runs
my life too.

Now-now try
to understand.

He may seem
gruff and bossy,

but deep inside,
there's another Uncle Raven

who's sweet and warm
and lovable.

Maybe you should have
married that one.

[HUMMING]

ARTIE:
Mrs. Rossiter!

Hello, Arthur.

Hello, Mrs. Rossiter.
Uh, can I see her for a minute?

It's not because
I don't like you, Arthur.

I know. He's the one
that's keeping her from me.

Not you. You know,

all of us would be
nicer to each of us

if it wasn't for
one of us.

[CLATTERING]

Oh, Artie, be careful.

Don't knock over
those jars of jelly.

ARTIE:
I won't.
I'm in enough jam already.

Well, keep out of that too.

[CHUCKLING]
Oh, that boy.

Help yourself to anything
you want, Artie.

ARTIE:
Anything, Mrs. Rossiter?

And this is home.

It was my grandfather's,
my father's and now mine.

Isn't everything?
What?

Isn't everything?
Oh. Oh.

[CHUCKLING]
I see what,,, Yeah.

Well, I lead a very quiet life
with my darling niece,

and my wife
and, uh, these trees.

You know, folks around here
said they couldn't be raised,

but I fooled them. I...

Excuse me, sir.
I'm sorry, Mr. Rossiter.

What were you doing
inside the house?

I was taking a full barrel out
and left you an empty one.

Well, I don't like it.

Oh. All right.
The next time,

I'll take an empty one
and leave you a full barrel.

What I mean is,
from now on

the rubbish will be left
outside for you.

Easier on you, my boy.

All right,
Mr. Rossiter.

Yeah.
I'll do that.

Careful of the lawn.
Sorry.

And watch the tree.
[SHOUTS]

Now look what you've done!

You bumped into the tree
with that...

Tough on the outside,
heart of gold.

Him?
No, me.

[CLICKS TONGUE]

[CLICKS TONGUE]

Well, uh, let's go and
meet my wife and niece.

They're lovely ladies.

[MACHINERY WHIRRING]

Oh, marry me today,
Artie.

Oh, honey, you know
I want to very much,

but what are we
gonna live on?

We'd run away.

Run away? The only thing
I own is this truck.

Which your uncle owns.

You're not afraid of him,
are you?

How about
that bank manager?

Did he have courage
enough to take you out?

No, you did, Artie.

How about the school teacher
with his education?

Did he ever take you out?
No, you did, Artie.

Just me. Artie Pinsetter.
A nobody.

You're everybody to me,
Artie.

But I'm nobody
to the Boosters Club.

Do you know
they turned me down again?

All those businessmen
are members,

and I'm the only one
that owns my own business,

even though your uncle
does own my truck.

Well, don't worry
about the Boosters,

and don't work
on that now, Artie.

Now, honey, if that
canyon starts cooking,

I gotta be ready for it.
[CORPORAL WHINES]

Let's just be together
for once.

We are together.
You and me.

And that thing.

Thing? This maximum evaluator
is gonna make us rich,

when I can put
the secret energy into it.

You've got
all the secret energy.

Oh, you see,
the hydrogen molecules

are forced between
tungsten electrodes,

in this case
important symbols.

Symbols, sweet.

And if my estimate of
the temperature is accurate,

the melting point...

Melting point...

...is equally divided
between hydrogen and helium,

[STAMMERING]
and the explosions...

Explosions.

...lead to
a limitless amount of--

[WHIMPERING]

...of atomic power
from the middle of the Earth

which comes to the surface

and changes structures
that come in contact with it.

And when Max and I get that,
I'll be an important man.

[WHINES]

[BARKING]

Artie, all you have to do
to be an important man

is to walk into any company
and tell them what you know.

The only thing I know
is what I read about science.

Like there's a camera
in my head

that photographs
any scientific thing I read.

Well, tell them.

Tell them straight out
like you tell me.

Oh, you're the only one
I can talk to.

I clam up inside when I see
that they're laughing at me.

But, Artie, how long can I wait
till we get married?

I'll explode!

Oh. Oh.

Then, uh,
I better get to work.

I want you to marry me now,
Artie.

I don't care what
everybody else thinks.

I do.

Oh, Artie.

If you'd only say that
in front of a preacher.

[RATTLING]

MAX:
To work. To work.
No play, to work.

In a minute.

Oh, and stop talking
to that silly machine.

It's not silly.

[RATTLING]

Work, work. No marriage.

Work, work now.
Marriage later.

Marriage much late.
Maybe never.

You...
No marriage.

You monster!
No marriage.

No marriage.
I hate you!

No marriage. No marriage.
You taught it to say that!

No marriage.
Emmy Lou. Don't go in there!

No marriage.
Emmy Lou!

Don't go in there!
No marriage.

No marriage. No marriage.

No marriage. No marriage.

No marriage. No marriage.

Emmy Lou. I'm sorry.
Don't go in there!

Emmy Lou!
Don't go in there!

[CLOTH RIPPING]

EMMY LOU [ECHOING]:
Help! Help!

Artie, something awful
is happening to me!

Stay away!
Stay away.

[GROANS]

Max! Max! You gotta help me.

We gotta save Emmy Lou.

Oh, come on, Max,
you're my pal.

EMMY LOU: Artie!
Come on.

EMMY LOU:
Artie, what's happened?

[♪♪♪]

[WHIMPERS]

Look at me!
No! No, don't!

Artie, I'm so big!

Well, stop staring
and get me something to wear.

All right, all right.
I'll get you something to wear.

Anything to cover me.
I'm hideous.

You're magnificent,
and you're mine, all mine!

Artie Pinsetter,
don't you dare tell anybody

about what's happened to me.

I won't, honey.

Max, how do I
change her back?

[RATTLING]

MAX:
E equals MC square.

I know. I know. Now look.
This is a crisis.

Tell me, you dope!

What can I do
to change her back?

One and one are two.
Two and two are four.

Oh, that stupid machine.
I told you it was a waste!

Honey, don't blame Max.

I'm his teacher.
He's like me.

If you yell at him,
he gets stupid.

MAX:
One plus one is three.

Artie, do something,
anything. Save me!

Maybe I'll never
stop growing.

[STAMMERING]
Now be calm.

Now, sit down somewhere,
and I'll be right back.

Corporal! Oh, Corporal!
Where's that dog? Corporal!

[WHINES]

Corporal, what I want you to do
is watch Emmy Lou.

You watch her. And Max,
I want you to think. Think!

One and one is four.

Huh! He's thinking,
Emmy Lou. Think!

RAVEN:
Figure it would give
a homey touch...

Yes,
that's fine.

I'll try to get
everything in.

That's fine. I'll be
watching on that side.

All right,
we'll rehearse it.

Quiet, please!

Take it, Mr. Rossiter.

ARTIE:
Uncle Raven.

Seen my glasses, May?
No.

Mr. Rossiter...
All right.

...you're hurting.

How did you get her out?
Where is she?

I'll drive you out of town,
every town, every place.

Emmy Lou is big.
Big?

Real big.
And she's expecting--

Expecting? Emmy Lou?

You're lying!
It never showed!

It couldn't.
It just happened.

If this gets out

before the election
and my TV show--

Magruder!
Oh.

Emmy Lou.
Mm-hm.

With you, of all people.

You tell anybody,
and I'll murder you.

Magruder!
Oh.

Yes, Mr. Rossiter.

I lost my glasses.

Oh. Come with me.

All right, Magruder,
you're a justice of the peace.

I want you to marry that...

Whatever it is,
to my niece immediately.

And don't you dare
let this leak out. Got it?

All right, Magruder
has his orders.

He'll look after
my interests.

And if Burton wasn't in town,
I'd tear you apart.

Now get out!

And no sign of you
until day after tomorrow.

No. I gotta have some money.
I gotta buy her some things.

Oh.
Yeah.

Blackmail too, eh?
Hm.

All right, Magruder, now
remember, you are a witness.

See?

There. Now.
Thank you.

[CLICKS TONGUE]
[CLICKS TONGUE]

Take him out.

[♪♪♪]

[GROANING]

[MOANING]

Artie!

Artie! Artie!

Emmy Lou! Emmy Lou!

Emmy Lou!

Artie!

[BARKS]

Mr. Magruder,
this way.

Oh, there you are.

Did you get me
something to wear?

Yeah, did I.

Here's a needle
and thread.

[STAMMERING]
And then... And I got...

Wait till you see this.
You're gonna like this.

Scissors to make a dress.

You said you weren't gonna
tell anybody about me.

What's Mr. Magruder
doing there?

I'm here
to marry you two.

Marry us?
Yes.

Marry us? You mean
Uncle Raven gave his approval?

His approval?
It was an order.

An order? I don't
take orders from anybody.

If I wanna get married,
I'll get married.

Nobody tells me
when to get married.

Emmy Lou,
will you marry me?

Yes, Artie. That's what
I've been saying all along.

But... But do you wanna
marry me as I am?

Any way you are, honey.

You'll always be
my little Emmy Lou.

Artie.

I should have
a wedding dress.

You have.

You have.

A parachute?

Yeah, honey.
It's pure white silk,

and it'll make
a beautiful wedding dress.

[♪♪♪]

Are you ready,
Mr. Magruder?

Oh, yes, yes, yes.
Do you take this woman, uh...

Over here,
Mr. Magruder.

I can't see to read the ceremony
without my glasses.

Oh.
Don't need it.

Just a minute. Turn it around.
I know it. I know it.

Now, do you take this woman,
Artie Pinsetter, to be your...

I do.

And do you, Emmy Lou,
take this man to be your...

I do.

And now the ring.

Oh, the ring.
Uh, the ring. We...

The ring.

MAX [BEEPING]:
Oh!

Quiet, Max.

Aren't you the best man?

And the best man
always gives the ring.

[WHINES]

I'll have it made smaller
for you, honey.

Okay, Mr. Magruder.

Then I pronounce you
man and wife.

Uh, do I get a kiss,
Mrs. Pinsetter?

Help! Help!

Point me towards town!
Here.

[CORPORAL BARKING]

[♪♪♪]

Mr. Magruder's afraid of me.
Am I so terrible?

You're my wife.
You're beautiful. I love you.

[♪♪♪]

Artie?

Yes?

Do you still love me?

Oh, yes.

A lot?

From the tip
of your toes

to the top
of your head.

Sweetheart...

...goodnight.

Darling...

...goodnight.

[BUZZING]

EMMY LOU:
Good morning, darling.

Good morning, sweetheart.

I was fixing you
a nice little big breakfast.

No. I'm your bride, and I'm
going to cook for my husband.

How do you want your eggs?
Fried or scrambled?

Any way that you
want to fix them.

[♪♪♪]

[SIZZLES]

Let me help.

[CORPORAL BARKS]
No.

You think I don't know
how to fry an egg?

[WHIMPERS]

Oh!

I can't do anything right.

Now everything's ruined.

The coffee spilled
and the eggs all broken.

ARTIE:
Oh, don't cry, honey.

We're just like every honeymoon
couple that ever got married.

But I'm not
like everybody else.

Even when I was little,
I couldn't do anything right,

because they never let me.

Yes, Uncle Raven.
No, Uncle Raven.

I didn't touch your trees,
Uncle Raven.

[CRYING]
I'm hungry.

Oh, whenever I get upset,
I get so hungry!

I'm starving.

Yeah.

I want jelly donuts,
French fries and milkshakes.

Lots of them.

I need them!
I want them! Now!

Uncle Raven's
gotta feed me now!

Uncle Raven
won't feed anybody.

He's got to,
or I'm gonna walk into town

and I'm gonna
get 'em myself.

[STAMMERING]
I'll take care of you, dear.

I'll be back, dear.

[WHINES]

Don't go away.

[♪♪♪]

That's it!

Mr. Bates.

Well, Pinsetter.

It won't do you any good
to apply for the Boosters again.

I'm not here
for that.

Well, maybe you've come
to apply for relief.
Yes, sir.

How many you got there?
One.

I'm gonna need
a couple hundred.

A couple of hundred?

Oh, my wife, she eats more
than the average wife.

Your wife?
Yes.

You claim a wife on your
application and that's perjury!

Oh, Mr. Bates,
Emmy Lou, she's so hungry.

Raven Rossiter's Emmy Lou?

Yes, sir. Yes.

Well, this is a matter for
Raven, not the Welfare Director.

I...
Come on, boy.
Get out of here, son.

I'm going to get me
more applications for...

Mmm-hmm. Ah, good, good.
Yeah, yeah.

Ah, good.

Not a word of that girl
in the newspapers anywhere.

MAGRUDER:
♪ Yo, ho, ho
And an empty bottle ♪

♪ Yo, ho, ho ♪

Go and shut Magruder up!
Go down in the cellar

and give him
another bottle of wine.

Well, he's had a dozen bottles
since yesterday.

Fine. I want him
so plastered

he'll have to join
AA one A at a time.

I want him happy
and unconscious

until Burton leaves
after the television program.

Is that all
you can think of?

Your program
and your election?

No. I think of
my treacherous niece

sneaking off
with that no-good idiot

and getting herself...bigger.

[CRYING]
[KNOCKING ON DOOR]

MAGRUDER:
♪ Yo, ho, ho
And an empty bottle ♪

[KNOCKING CONTINUES]

Shut up, Magruder!

That's not Magruder.
That's the back door.

[KNOCKING CONTINUES]

Emmy Lou...
She's your
problem now. All yours.

I don't have...
Your wife. Out.

Just a minute. She was your
niece before she was my wife.

Go away before
I throw you out.

Oh, Mr. Rossiter...

You gotta let me in
before you can throw me out.

Oh, you!

I thought I told you to keep...
[KNOCKING ON DOOR]

What do you want?

He says
he's married to your niece,

and he's applied for
county relief to feed her.

Well, that's what
relief is for.

To feed the wives of men
who can't support them.

But he's got enough blanks
to feed a-a giant.

Who told you?

Who told me what?

That Emmy Lou is 30 feet tall?

He's insane.

Of course, he's insane.

It's a figment of
his idiotic imagination.

Well, if you don't feed
my "idiotic imagination,"

she's gonna come into town
and take what she wants.

MAGRUDER:
♪ Yo, ho, ho
And an empty bottle ♪

Did you lie to me?

You told me she was...
that way.

Oh, Uncle Rossiter!
Not that way. This way.

And I thought
Magruder was drunk.

Pinsetter, are you
telling me the truth?

[GRUNTS, CLICKS TONGUE]

Oh! What will this do
to my election?

Nothing. Unless
the voters think

that Emmy Lou came from Mars,
uh, Uncle Raven, sir.

What?
What?

Everyone knows very well
where she came from.

Well, before she was
30 feet tall, they knew.

And maybe we all know.
Who'll believe us?

Well, I am not
from Mars!

Ah, sure, Uncle Raven. And you
can prove it to the voters,

even if you have a niece
who is 30 feet tall.

Well, this isn't
just my problem.

If she comes to town,
I'll be ruined, Brother Bates.

And if I am ruined,

I'll ruin every
Brother Booster in town.

You call a secret meeting
of the Boosters immediately.

Oh.

[GROANS]
Aww...

Oh, May, it's good
to have you standing by me.

Oh, you!

[♪♪♪]

Better not
take any, Joe.

There are 200 dozen donuts here.
They're gonna miss one?

Raven's gonna count them?

You don't know
Raven Rossiter.

Remember when
those cigarettes came out

with 20,000 filter traps?

Mm-hm.
Raven counted them.

I've been in the meat business
for 20 years,

but this is the first time

I've ever had to make
a 90-pound hot dog.

What are you complaining about?
I had to get the bun.

So when he called up and said

he wanted 60 gallons
of chocolate milkshake,

it didn't bother me at all.

But I got a little nervous
when he said:

"Make sure you put in
a straw five foot long."

Say, if she's 30 feet tall,

her head must be
six feet long.

Then she would...

Wow!

[♪♪♪]

Take the detour,
please.

War games.
This is a restricted area.

[♪♪♪]

[SIGHS]
[CANISTER RATTLES]

Thank you, Mr. Bates,
and Mr. Johnson, and Mr. Adams.

You're welcome, Emmy Lou.
Okay. Anytime.

Emmy Lou?

Yes, dear?

Uncle Raven gave us a house
for a wedding present.

Gave us? Where?

The old barn.

You know, 10 miles
on the other side of town.

A barn!

How could he do that?

Well, I won't go. We'll live
at your place, Artie.

[LAUGHS]

Are you laughing at me,
Mr. Bates?

No, ma'am. No, Emmy Lou.
No, I-I never laugh. Never.

Don't believe in laughter.
Now, it's not our doing.

We just want you to go
to that trailer truck

so we can take you
to the barn.

Uh, I mean,
the honeymoon cottage.

A trailer truck.

I will not be made a fool of!
Like moving an elephant!

Like I was a hippopotamus
in a circus!

I won't be made
a laughingstock.

But your uncle said
you've got to do it.

He said,
"Tell that girl, or else!"

Or else what?

Well, "or else."

Everybody knows what Raven
Rossiter's "or else" means.

Well, what about my feelings?
What about me?

Why always him?
Why? Why? Why?

Emmy Lou, uh, we'll have
to be realistic.

Do it for me.

I mean,
I can't afford to build

the kind of house
that we'd need.

[WHISTLING CHEERFUL TUNE]

[♪♪♪]

[SPITS]

[BRAKES SQUEALING]

[BANGING]

Sergeant! Get that
lead driver back here.

[SOLDIERS CLAMORING]

SERGEANT:
Sarge! You wouldn't believe it.

You wouldn't believe it
if I told you.

Oh, Lord,
get me there by sundown,

and please don't let the
Pentagon find out about this.

Yucca, Yucca,
from Blue Army Command.

We are delayed due to
complete mechanical failure.

Cannot join Division
as planned. Delay advance.

[♪♪♪]

EMMY LOU:
Artie.

She's all set.

Are you all right,
Emmy Lou?

EMMY LOU:
Hmm, it's a little warm,
but I'm okay.

Corporal,
get in the truck.

[WHINING]

Are you all right, Emmy?

EMMY LOU:
Hmm, I'm all right.

[RATTLING]

MAX:
Come here, Corporal.

[WHINING]

Corporal, I thought I told you
to get into the truck.

Now that was me talking.

MAX:
That was me talking.

Now, listen, Corporal.
Listen to me.

Keep your mouth shut.
Now, come on, Max.

Now we gotta get into the car.
Come on, Corporal.

MAX:
Come on, Corporal.

[♪♪♪]

Goodbye, Mr. Bates,
and thanks.

Uh, goodbye, Pinsetter.

I hope you'll both be
very happy.

And may all your troubles
be big ones.

[BATES LAUGHS]

[♪♪♪]

It isn't much,
but it's home.

It isn't exactly
what I dreamed

the first day of married life
would be like.

Oh, honey, tears in the morning
and laughter in the evening.

I cried last night,

and I cried this morning,

and I'm gonna cry now.

What does my little bride want?
What can I do?

I want a shower.

I always feel better
after a shower.

A shower?

[QUIETLY]
A shower.

[♪♪♪]

[LAUGHING]
Oh, boy.

[♪♪♪]

Reconnaissance to convoy.
Recon to convoy.

You seem to have lost
contact

with your
two wing divisions, sir.

Shall I lead you
through a shortcut?

GENERAL [OVER RADIO]:
Carry on, Rainbow.

Off road, across field...

You like it, Emmy Lou?

Artie!

[RATTLING]

Artie! I--
I think I'm growing again.

Oh, no! No!

Don't grow!

Don't grow!

[STAMMERS]
Don't grow!

[♪♪♪]

Raincon to Blubow.

[STAMMERS]
Uh, Blubow Blubow to Rainbow.

Uh, lead car,
left, uh, left.

[♪♪♪]

Giants! Giants!

GENERAL [OVER RADIO]:
Giants?

Uh, no, no, no.
Right, right, right.

[STAMMERING]
Left... Right, uh, left.

Over and under and out.

Over and out. Out.

Yucca Yucca from
Commander Convoy Blue.

Convoy Blue unable
to make maneuvers.

Advise Pentagon cancel
war games. Over and out.

Out, out, out.

[♪♪♪]

[INDISTINCT CHATTERING]

Quiet, gentlemen.
Quiet, please.

MAN [OVER RADIO]:
We have Yucca Yucca, sir.

They're still trying
to reach Convoy Blue. Wait.

Stand by, sir.

We're through, sir,
to Convoy Blue Command.

Hello, Convoy Command.
Lovely day, isn't it?

Sun shining, birds singing.

Too nice out to play
nasty old war games, isn't it?

What happened?

Sergeant,
tell 'em what happened.

Yes, sir.

Sir, it was like this, see...

I was coming around a curve,

and there it was
up on top of the ridge.

There it was, that monster.

I've never seen anything
like this in my life.

It was a monster.
Easily 40 or 50--

I just--
It was the biggest--

You never saw,
120 feet and two inches.

The whole thing
was way up in the sky,

and it-- Don't know
if it was a girl.

It looked like a girl,

but if it was,
it was a pretty--

I got scared, was panicky,
didn't know what to do.

This monster
was tremendous.

I jammed the brakes, and all
the cars rolled into it.

It was the most tremendous
I've seen.

All of a sudden,
as I put my brakes on,

I don't remember
anything much

except the monster disappeared.

That's right, sir.

Incredible as it seems,
our Recon pilot disappeared

as he kept saying,
"Giant, giant!"

Oh, this is a strange country
out here, sir.

If anything, the Sergeant
was being conservative

about the monster's size.

Hmm.

Can't rule out
invasion from space.

All right,
all orders top secret.

Desert area within a 100-mile
radius of Candy Rock

on attack alert.

Do not alarm
civilian population.

Panic must be averted.

Mission, be on lookout
for monster in human form.

Order to attack,
open fire at sight.

[CHUCKLES]
Well, now that you've
met them all, Mr. Burton,

we can conclude the interview
with our Boosters.

Benevolent, philanthropic,
charity for all,

kindnesses for many.

Uh, of which
I am President.

And founder.

Yes and founder.
Yes.

Now, surely, you can
use all of them...

Business.
I gotta talk business.

...as a windup of the civic...
Gotta talk business.

Raven, I gotta talk business.
Come on, quick, please.

This is business.
Big business.

And it's getting bigger
all the time.
Go away.

[INDISTINCT MUTTERING]

You'll never recognize her.
She's growing so big.

"Grown," not "growing."

Growing and you may
never see her again.

And when I say
you may never see her again,

I mean she's gone!

Clear out! Way out!

Idiot. Nobody grows
over 30 feet tall!

Nobody except my wife,
your niece.

She made 30,
was trying for 40.

By this time
she may be hitting 50.

I don't believe you.

Oh, I never should have
watered her.

You're lying, aren't you?

I wish I was.

Then you're insane!

I wish I was.

I'll go get her.
You can see for yourself.

No! No!
Keep her there.

Do anything
to keep her there.

'Cause if you don't,
you know what I'll do?

[STUTTERS]
I'll--

I'll make you
a Booster!

Me?

A Booster?

Uncle Raven!

I'm gonna be a Booster,
Mr. Burton.

It's nothing,
Pinsetter. Heh, heh.

Nothing? Oh, boy, wait
till Emmy Lou hears this!

[STUTTERING NERVOUSLY]

A Booster! A Booster!
Yes. Come on.

Boost, Boost, Boosters!
Who's a Candy Rock Booster?

ALL:
We're the Boost, Boost,
Boosters!

Good.
And so is Artie Pinsetter!

Initiate him now.

Why does this man
run in and out?

And why do you look so
worried every time he does?

Me, worried? Never?
I said now.

Come on.
ALL: Boost, Boost, Booster!

That's me.
That's me.

Wait a minute. Put him down.
I wanna talk to him.

Not now.
I'm gonna be initiated.

And every little Booster
needs a big boost in life.

And what better going away
present than the one I've got.

Going away? I just got here.
Where am I going?

Outside.
Outside.

ALL:
Booster! Booster!

[ALL SHOUTING]

I've got something
for you, my boy.

My new car,
which is my wedding gift

to the newest Booster
in Candy Rock.

Mr. Pinsetter!
[ARTIE EXCLAIMS]

Mr. Pinsetter, I'd like
to ask you some questions.

I come from poor
but humble parents.

I am the son of a nobody,
a long line of nobodys.

Except today,
I am somebody.

You're so right.
Take it away.

For me?
For you.

Thank you, Uncle Raven.

Oh, yeah. Oh.

Now, just step on the gas
and bon voyage!

Oh. So long,
Brother Boosters!

Bye-bye.

Great Booster. Ha, ha!
That boy's going places.

He's gone.
What?

Oh, yes. Well, now to
more important matters.

We'll be on the air
before you know it.

I want to be sure
that I have all my lines.

Artie!
Artie, wait a minute.

Wait a minute. Artie!

What's the matter
with you?

JACKIE:
What are you doing
with Uncle Raven's car?

Uncle Raven gave me the car.
It's mine.

I was made a Booster.

Oh, come on, honey.
Let me drive it.

Come on, come on. Please,
Jackie, I'm in a hurry.

Oh, so am I.

Now, come on,
get out of my car.

No. I wanna drive it.

No, I gotta drive.
Come on.

Wait for me!
Wait for me!

[WHIRRING]

[LAUGHING]

[GROANING]

Oh, did you
hurt yourself?

No. Now get out
of the car.

Where can I drive you?

To the old barn.

The old barn?
What did I say?

Oh, Artie,
you little devil, you.

Jackie.
Little ol' me

isn't too much woman
for little ol' you, is she?

Lady,
if you were triplets,

you wouldn't know what too much
woman is for little ol' me.

[BOTH LAUGH]

[GROANS]

[LAUGHING]

Artie!

Now, come on, you gotta
go home. Go home.

But, honey,
we just got here.

Oh, please, will you go?

Oh, Artie.

EMMY LOU:
Jackie, you keep away
from my husband!

[♪♪♪]

[SCREAMING]

[CONTINUES SCREAMING]

You stay away from me,
Artie Pinsetter.

[TIRES SCREECHING]

Artie Pinsetter,
how dare you bring that woman

right into your own home
and make love to her!

Ah, honey, let me explain.

Uncle Raven gave us this car
for a wedding present,

and, honey,
he made me a Booster. See?

I see a lot of things.

Here we've been married
less than one day

and you're already chasing out
after other women.

No. No, honey.
I wasn't chasing her.

She was chasing me.

Well, you didn't run
very fast or very far.

Be a Booster, big shot.

You're just like
all the rest of 'em.

Ride around
in a convertible!

Shh, honey.
Don't talk so loud.

They'll hear your voice
in town.

I will not
hold my voice down.

I kept my voice down too long.

Yes, sir, Uncle Raven, sir.
Yes, sir. Yes, sir!

Well, people will...

People in town will
get frightened, honey.

People in town! Ha!

I don't care...
[SNAPS FINGERS]

...that much
about people in town.

And I'll bet Uncle Raven
doesn't want Mr. Burton

to find out about me, either.

'Cause if he does,
there'll be no program on TV.

No Governor's mansion
for Uncle Raven.

Now you listen to me.

I am your husband,
and I want you to listen to me,

'cause it's for your own good.

For my own good.

[SCOFFS]

I know
what's for my own good,

and I don't need any unfaithful
husband to tell me.

From now on, it's goodbye
Emmy Lou, and hello me.

I'm me!
And I'm a lot of woman.

Hello, Candy Rock!
Hello, Mr. Burton!

Emmy Lou! Emmy Lou!

Max the Machine, myself,
and Dinosaur Springs

are your only hope!

[♪♪♪]

Stay here!

Emmy Lou!

[SHOUTS]
Emmy Lou!

[EXCLAIMS]

You'll be sorry.
You'll be sorry.

[ALL CLAMORING]

[LAUGHING]

Emmy Lou,
she's a-- A giant!

[STAMMERING]
She tried to kill me!

Oh, Emmy Lou
wouldn't do that.

Where's Mr. Bill Burton?

Is Mr. Burton down there in
that little pack of little men?

Does he wanna put me
on his TV show?

I'd be the biggest guest
he ever had.

Now you listen to me,
Emmy Lou.

Cool off, Uncle Raven.

Times have changed.

How dare you speak to me
that way! I said--

And I said...

cool off!

[SPUTTERING]

[SCREAMING]

Oh! Emmy Lou,
you big, big...

Call the Army!

Rossiter's out!
That girl's our show!

I'm going home!

Auntie May!

Halt.

[WHIRRING]

Flying saucers!

Flying--
This is it! Look!

[WATER TOWER ROOF
CONTINUES WHIRRING]

Auntie May!

Auntie May!

[GASPS]

Oh, my baby, my sweet baby.
How you've...grown.

They're after me, Auntie May.
They think I'm a monster.

Monster. Why, who does?

Now don't you sass me,
girl.

Big or little,
I'm still your uncle,

and what I say goes,
now and forever.

Stop ordering me!

I can't stand orders anymore.

And get your big, clumsy hands
off my tree!

Down with your trees!

Everybody
for themselves!

Get her before
she gets us!

Look out for the trees!
[ALL CLAMORING]

AUNT MAY:
Run for your life,
Emmy! Run!

[SOBBING]
Look at...
Look at my trees.

My poor trees.

I've been trying to
raise those for months.

I don't know what
I'll do without trees.

[♪♪♪]

Even if she begs me,

I won't go back.

No, I won't.

I won't go back.

Yes, I will.

Max, you gotta help me.

MAX:
Two and two are eight.

You don't have
any feelings.

You-you don't know
what it is to be in love.

MAX:
Two and two are six.

[♪♪♪]

There it is.

Give me the phone.

Target sighted.
Target sighted.

Prepare for firing.

Notify the Pentagon,
and please spell my name right.

G-R-I-F-F-I-N.

And give me
Oxford 29310.

Hello,
Mom?

[YELLS]
Maybe I'll be back--

[♪♪♪]

Oh, Max, come on,
we're brothers.

We're closer
than brothers.

You gotta help me.

MAX:
Two and two are four!

[STAMMERING]
You're getting there.

Emmy Lou!

Emmy Lou!

Artie, darling.

Artie.

[♪♪♪]

What happened in town?

Never mind.
Y-you don't have to tell me.

I don't want to know.

You were right, Artie.
I should have listened to you.

Then from now on, you take
orders from me, you understand?

Me, your husband!
I'm the boss!

Yes, dear.

But save me, Artie.

I'll save you.

You'll become smaller because
structures of cells enlarged

are capable of...

[WHOOSHES]

[EXPLOSION]

Your uncle must have changed
his mind about our wedding.

It's the Army, Artie!

The Army?

What have they got
against marriage?

It's not that.

They must think I'm a monster
from another planet!

It's war!

Artie, we'll be killed.

Gotta stop 'em.
[BEEPING]

[MISSILE WHOOSHING]

EMMY LOU:
Another guided missile!

Max,
I really need you now.

[BEEPING CONTINUES]

Look!

A misguided missile.

Oh, Max!
You're really working now.

Only a Martian
can do that.

A Martian?
A Martian?

Attaboy, Max. You're
getting your power back.

[KISSING]

My husband.

Love me?
We haven't even met yet!

Sir, maybe that's the way
they surrender on Mars.

Well, we can't afford
to take any chances.

Give me the field phone.
Fire another missile!

Oh, they'll hear from me
at Cape Canaveral!

The enemy's better
at scientific warfare,

but we've still got guts!

Charge!

It's too quiet.
You take a look.

[♪♪♪]

They're charging
with guns in their hands.

With guns in their hands.

This is your hour. Utilize
the time curve principle.

Inherent translucence
of cell structures.

Individual gravitational
magnetic fields.

Two way radio controls
and the antennas...

Antennas!

Emmy Lou, give me
your wedding ring.

My wedding ring?

Never!

[STAMMERS]
Now, look.

Don't argue with me.

I mean, I'm gonna
save your life.

I'm in charge.
Max needs his antenna.

Now, now give me your ring.

[♪♪♪]

I'll talk to them.
They-they might listen to me.

What I want you to do is stay
hidden in case they don't.

Now stay quiet.
I'll be back.

[♪♪♪]

[BOTH YELLING]

All right, men,
all right, this is it.

She's got giant insects
watching us.

It's from outer space.

Prepare to fire bazooka!

Get trajectory!

Ready on the rocket!

Fire!

Reload.

I can explain everything.

Fire.

Listen, Emmy Lou and me,
or I... Uh...

We love you.
[ROCKET FIRES]

Listen. We would like
to surrender politely.

I think they wanna
give up, sir.

Now how would that look
in the papers?

"General Griffin accepts
surrender from a mosquito."

Keep firing.

Fire!

We would...

[EXCLAIMS]

Charge!

[♪♪♪]

Artie to Max.
Artie to Max.

MAX:
What's wrong, Shorty?

Get their bazookas away!

Operate on a time curve
dimension. Fourth dimension.

MAX:
Past or future?

Past! No bazookas!

[SOFTLY]
The past.

[♪♪♪]

Halt.

Men, for the honor of the
Confederacy, advance, you all!

No, no, no, Max! Don't let 'em
draw their sabers.

Somebody'll get hurt.
Go back in time. Go back!

Halt.

[ALL LAUGH]

Max!

[STUTTERS]
Max!

Listen, men, I say,
let's have a go at him.

Carry on, chaps.

Oh, Max!

Max, what's the matter
with you? No weapons at all.

MAX:
Oh. No weapons at all.

[YELLS]

[GRUNTS]

[YELLS]

[MEN SHOUTING]

[ARTIE YELLING GIBBERISH]

Max, you've thrown me
a time curve.

You're getting mixed up.

Will you... Would...

No, no, Max...
Take me back to the present.

To present!
We've got to take to the air.

Three, two, one...

[BARKING]

[YELPING]

[EXCLAIMING]

Max!

Max! You're going too high!

Straighten me out!
Straighten me out!

Max, you're coming down
too fast!

Max! The earth
is coming closer!

[WHISTLES]

[CHATTERING INDISTINCTLY]

[WHOOSHES]

[MIMICKING WAR CRY]

[INAUDIBLE DIALOGUE]

[QUACKING]

Hey, take me
to your leader.

Fire!

[EXCLAIMS]

Ow!

Max, will you tell these guys
they got their limit.

[YELLS]

[♪♪♪]

Attaboy, Max.
You got plenty of power now.

You almost
killed me, Max.

MAX:
You almost killed me. Me, Ma.

Never.
We've got the power, Max.

We're a success.

Artie, are you all right?

Emmy Lou, everything's
gonna be all right.

Everything.
Come on now, Max.

Come on. Use that power
on Emmy Lou.

Come on, think.

Artie!

Artie, something's happening!

It's working.

[CORPORAL BARKS]
[MAX BEEPS]

Emmy Lou,
w-wait for me.

[SPEAKS GIBBERISH]

Emmy Lou!

[♪♪♪]

Hold it, men.

We've got him boxed
in that canyon.

General, as long as
we've seen the missile,

it's a human missile.
What do you chase him for?

Let reformers go back.

We've seen him. We don't
have to go back.

Charge!

Oh, boy, charge.
I'm charging.

Emmy! Emmy!

Help! I'm shrinking.
I'm...

Emmy! Emmy! Emmy!

Emmy! Emmy Lou!

Emmy Lou!

No! No! No!

Emmy, where are you?

Emmy Lou. Ooh!

Incredible.

Emmy, I don't wanna
hurt you, sweetheart.

Emmy, say something.
Please, Emmy.

Martian,
you're under arrest!

I beg your pardon?

Oh, you speak
our language!

Of course.
I'm an American.

Where's
the giant girl?

[EXCLAIMS]
The giant girl? Ooh.

Yes, the giant girl. The 40-foot
high giant girl from Mars.

Are you kidding?

I most certainly am not.
I saw her.

I saw her
with my own two eyes.

I'm Artie Pinsetter,
the rubbish collector.

Nah, but there was
a giant girl.

Uh, from Mars?
You're lying to me!

Oh, no. I mean...
I mean, after all,

where would a giant girl
40-feet tall be?

[STAMMERS]
Where would I hide her?

No, but you-- She was-- Us.

General...

What am I gonna tell
the Pentagon?

I don't know.
I won't tell them anything.

I'll just send my uniform
back in the morning.

[SOBBING]

Here.
Oh!

Where is she?
I want her on my show.

My niece. Kidnapper,
where's my niece?

If you're referring to my wife,
it's none of your business.

I'll take away the car!

I'll throw you out
of the Boosters.

Who cares? Who cares?

What you think about me
isn't important.

I'm not what anybody
thinks about me.

I'm only what
I think about myself.

You're Artie Pinsetter,
the rubbish collector.

I am Mr. Pinsetter,
scientist!

[LAUGHS MOCKINGLY]

We would...
Excuse me.

Max and I, we have
the right and the power

to change time and space.

Nonsense!

That's impossible!

But true.

That machine goes
right to the Pentagon.

And you go right on
my television show.

We're on in a half hour.
Uh, what about me?

You'll be on because
Artie Pinsetter knows you.

Come along now.

I-I can't.
Unfinished business.

You run along,
and I'll make it.

Right, men. The machine.

Hup! Hup! Hup! Hup!

Okay.

My boy.

[CLICKS TONGUE]

Mr. Burton!
Mr. Burton, wait for me.

Emmy Lou?
Emmy Lou, I'm free.

Emmy Lou, I'm free.
I can talk science.

I-I-I can talk science
to anybody.

Oh, Emmy.
Where are you, Emmy?

I don't want you
to smother, Emmy.

If Max was only here.

MAX [ON RADIO]:
Max is here.

EMMY LOU:
Artie, I'm growing again!

Emmy! Emmy Lou!
Emmy Lou!

Emmy! Emmy!

Emmy, stop growing.

I have stopped growing,
Artie. I'm immune.

Thanks to Max the Machine.

I heard what you told
Uncle Raven.

My husband's a genius.

You're still my husband,
aren't you?

I'll always be.

Honey, from now on,

all our big problems
are behind us.

Corporal!

[CORPORAL BARKING]

[♪♪♪]