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1
00:00:06,200 --> 00:00:07,170
Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
2
00:00:07,240 --> 00:00:09,140
Garcia! Open the door!
3
00:00:09,200 --> 00:00:11,810
- Garcia!
- Come on!
4
00:00:11,870 --> 00:00:13,240
Open the door!
5
00:00:13,310 --> 00:00:14,610
(Garcia)
'What the hell? What?'
6
00:00:14,680 --> 00:00:17,610
A cyanide truck just jackknifed
in your neighborhood!
7
00:00:17,680 --> 00:00:19,350
Everybody's gotta
put these masks on!
8
00:00:19,410 --> 00:00:21,480
- Put this on!
- Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
9
00:00:21,550 --> 00:00:22,820
I know what's going on, ladies.
10
00:00:22,880 --> 00:00:24,620
Get Garcia to put on
the stupid mask
11
00:00:24,690 --> 00:00:26,520
get him run down the street
in my underwear like some--
12
00:00:26,590 --> 00:00:28,790
No! Nobody cares
if you're in your underwear.
13
00:00:28,860 --> 00:00:31,190
No! Ain't no cyanide truck in--
14
00:00:31,260 --> 00:00:33,460
You can tell Dangle
or whoever's behind this thing
15
00:00:33,530 --> 00:00:35,260
there ain't no
cyanide truck in the...
16
00:00:40,540 --> 00:00:41,540
- Whoo!
- 'Come here!'
17
00:00:44,510 --> 00:00:47,110
- What...
- No, no... Oh!
18
00:00:49,210 --> 00:00:50,450
'Whoa!'
19
00:00:53,250 --> 00:00:54,480
(Travis)
Go, go, go!
20
00:01:11,430 --> 00:01:13,700
- Hey, what...
- Ho! Ho! Ho!
21
00:01:26,010 --> 00:01:29,150
♪ Wake up you sleepy heads
and put your thinking caps on ♪
22
00:01:29,220 --> 00:01:31,790
♪ And come and learn to read
with Reading Ron ♪
23
00:01:31,850 --> 00:01:34,890
♪ It's all just as easy
as your A B Cs ♪
24
00:01:34,960 --> 00:01:37,630
♪ And all of you at home
can read along with me ♪
25
00:01:37,690 --> 00:01:40,800
♪ 'Cause Reno's little babies
love reading reading ♪
26
00:01:40,860 --> 00:01:43,470
♪ Reno's little babies
love Reading Ron ♪
27
00:01:43,530 --> 00:01:46,270
♪ Reno's little babies
love reading reading ♪
28
00:01:46,330 --> 00:01:47,570
♪ So come along with Ron ♪
29
00:01:47,640 --> 00:01:51,070
♪ Read along with Ron ♪
♪ Me ♪♪
30
00:01:52,010 --> 00:01:54,010
Hi. Reading Ron here.
31
00:01:54,080 --> 00:01:55,410
It's good to see all of you.
32
00:01:55,480 --> 00:01:57,150
You might remember
we were reading about
33
00:01:57,210 --> 00:01:59,750
"The Adventures
Of Mr. Cop-A-Feel
34
00:01:59,810 --> 00:02:02,520
and Principal
McTouches-Too-Much."
35
00:02:02,580 --> 00:02:04,620
Well, today, we're going
to see some cops
36
00:02:04,690 --> 00:02:06,350
on the right side of the law.
37
00:02:06,420 --> 00:02:08,320
We're here at the Reno
Sheriff's Department
38
00:02:08,390 --> 00:02:10,790
and they're just
starting this morning.
39
00:02:10,860 --> 00:02:13,090
Let's go see what they're doing.
40
00:02:13,160 --> 00:02:15,960
Hi. We're inside the Reno
Sheriff's Department
41
00:02:16,030 --> 00:02:18,130
and I'm being kind of quiet
because this is where
42
00:02:18,200 --> 00:02:20,900
the urgent, urgent
business of the day
43
00:02:20,970 --> 00:02:22,400
is being taken care of.
44
00:02:22,470 --> 00:02:25,570
Let's listen in and see
what they're talking about.
45
00:02:34,280 --> 00:02:35,880
Um...[bleep]
46
00:02:35,950 --> 00:02:37,150
Let's meet this officer.
47
00:02:37,220 --> 00:02:39,220
Officer, what are you,
what-what are you wearing?
48
00:02:39,290 --> 00:02:40,420
First of all,
you have shorts on.
49
00:02:40,490 --> 00:02:42,120
Uh, yes, I have shorts.
50
00:02:42,190 --> 00:02:43,830
We wear shorts
to the swimming pool
51
00:02:43,890 --> 00:02:45,790
and we wear them to the beach.
52
00:02:45,860 --> 00:02:48,100
Do you wear them to the,
the pool or the beach?
53
00:02:48,160 --> 00:02:50,160
Oh, sure, when we're
working on patrol
54
00:02:50,230 --> 00:02:53,470
we have to go...to the beach.
55
00:02:53,540 --> 00:02:55,470
(Ron)
'What do you find at the beach
when you're there?'
56
00:02:55,540 --> 00:02:58,540
Uh, one, uh...the last time
57
00:02:58,610 --> 00:03:00,410
we were at, uh, the beach
58
00:03:00,480 --> 00:03:04,750
uh, Travis, uh, stepped
on a hypodermic needle
59
00:03:04,810 --> 00:03:09,020
and, uh, he thought
maybe he'd contracted AIDS.
60
00:03:09,080 --> 00:03:10,950
- Okay, um--
- I got off easy.
61
00:03:11,020 --> 00:03:13,890
I got hep, but I mean,
I considered myself lucky.
62
00:03:13,960 --> 00:03:15,890
- It was just hep.
- Could you stop for a second?
63
00:03:15,960 --> 00:03:18,230
- Um...yeah...
- 'Okay.'
64
00:03:18,290 --> 00:03:20,860
If you'll find another word
that would substitute--
65
00:03:20,930 --> 00:03:23,700
(Dangle)
'Okay. I got it, I got it.
Okay. I got it.'
66
00:03:23,770 --> 00:03:26,570
So like use beach ball
or something. Okay.
67
00:03:26,630 --> 00:03:27,900
This officer is wearing shorts
68
00:03:27,970 --> 00:03:29,800
and sometimes he goes
to the beach, I imagine.
69
00:03:29,870 --> 00:03:31,140
What do you find there?
70
00:03:31,210 --> 00:03:32,940
Well, the last time
we were at the beach
71
00:03:33,010 --> 00:03:35,140
Travis stepped on a beach ball
72
00:03:35,210 --> 00:03:36,910
and thought
he had contracted AIDS.
73
00:03:38,510 --> 00:03:40,780
You know what, can we cut...
Can we stop for a second?
74
00:03:40,850 --> 00:03:42,220
You are going
to have to cover that.
75
00:03:42,280 --> 00:03:44,190
'Uh, Officer Dangle,
can we just cover that?'
76
00:03:44,250 --> 00:03:45,620
Your bosoms? Her bosoms?
77
00:03:45,690 --> 00:03:46,790
(Ron)
'Well, yeah, it's for children'
78
00:03:46,850 --> 00:03:49,320
and, uh, do you mind
if I just, just--
79
00:03:49,390 --> 00:03:50,590
- I mind.
- 'Clemmy?'
80
00:03:50,660 --> 00:03:52,990
'It's to just cover it up,
just a little bit.'
81
00:03:53,060 --> 00:03:54,900
(Clementine)
'If you want to touch 'em,
you just say something--'
82
00:03:54,960 --> 00:03:56,860
[bleep], people,
we had a [bleep] talk
83
00:03:56,930 --> 00:03:59,300
before Reading Ron came in,
okay?
84
00:03:59,370 --> 00:04:01,470
'I'm sorry.
I didn't mean to interrupt.'
85
00:04:01,540 --> 00:04:02,970
No, that's okay.
Those are, um...
86
00:04:03,040 --> 00:04:04,140
We call those awkward timeouts.
87
00:04:04,210 --> 00:04:05,340
'Okay.'
88
00:04:05,410 --> 00:04:07,640
Here's an officer who likes
books for her children
89
00:04:07,710 --> 00:04:09,780
and she reads them
a lot with them
90
00:04:09,840 --> 00:04:11,710
and I imagine their father too.
91
00:04:11,780 --> 00:04:12,780
(Clementine)
'No.'
92
00:04:13,920 --> 00:04:16,620
Well, no, not all of 'em
'cause only like
93
00:04:16,680 --> 00:04:18,720
one of my kids' daddies
can, like
94
00:04:18,790 --> 00:04:21,260
he can read good, you know?
95
00:04:21,320 --> 00:04:22,820
(Travis)
'That would be reading well.'
96
00:04:22,890 --> 00:04:27,930
That's sometimes nice
to have two daddies in a house.
97
00:04:28,000 --> 00:04:31,400
Some people have
two lesbian mothers
98
00:04:31,470 --> 00:04:34,740
or two gay dads.
99
00:04:36,100 --> 00:04:38,840
And some kids
are products of rape.
100
00:04:43,240 --> 00:04:44,280
Um...
101
00:04:50,450 --> 00:04:51,750
Well, this is very exciting.
102
00:04:51,820 --> 00:04:54,420
Reading Ron
is in a police cruiser
103
00:04:54,490 --> 00:04:56,560
and we've talked
about this a lot.
104
00:04:56,620 --> 00:04:59,160
The cruiser cruises and we roll.
105
00:04:59,230 --> 00:05:01,630
That's right,
I'm with Deputy Junior.
106
00:05:01,700 --> 00:05:02,660
How you doing?
107
00:05:02,730 --> 00:05:04,070
Deputy Junior is doing
108
00:05:04,130 --> 00:05:06,130
what we call rolling
or cruising.
109
00:05:06,200 --> 00:05:07,970
We are rolling,
isn't that what they call it
110
00:05:08,040 --> 00:05:09,570
when they say, "Let's roll?"
111
00:05:09,640 --> 00:05:11,740
Uh, well, technically
112
00:05:11,810 --> 00:05:13,940
rolling means
you've taken ecstasy.
113
00:05:14,010 --> 00:05:16,680
Like when the kids will say,
"Are you rolling?"
114
00:05:16,740 --> 00:05:20,050
And that means that they already
ingested a hit of ecstasy.
115
00:05:20,110 --> 00:05:23,890
And e-ecstasy does not
start with X.
116
00:05:23,950 --> 00:05:25,890
Can I just stop this
for a second?
117
00:05:25,950 --> 00:05:28,560
We're rolling right now,
and when we roll
118
00:05:28,620 --> 00:05:31,190
we go down streets,
and we look and see
119
00:05:31,260 --> 00:05:33,430
what people are doing in their
yards and on the street.
120
00:05:33,490 --> 00:05:37,000
Some of them are watering
their grasses, some people are--
121
00:05:37,070 --> 00:05:40,000
We got a prostitute right here.
Uh...
122
00:05:40,070 --> 00:05:42,670
If we see a prostitute,
just say, "A bucket.
123
00:05:42,740 --> 00:05:44,010
I saw a bucket."
124
00:05:44,070 --> 00:05:46,040
- I saw a bucket.
- A bucket.
125
00:05:48,110 --> 00:05:49,640
Oh, look, there's a bucket
going [bleep]
126
00:05:49,710 --> 00:05:50,750
on a Puerto Rican right there.
127
00:05:55,820 --> 00:05:58,390
Sheriff's Department!
We have a warrant!
128
00:05:58,450 --> 00:05:59,590
Sheriff's Department!
129
00:05:59,650 --> 00:06:02,090
We have a warrant for the arrest
of Mr. Yugioh Fenab.
130
00:06:02,160 --> 00:06:03,890
Open the door, please!
131
00:06:05,430 --> 00:06:08,200
We have a warrant
for your arrest, Fenab!
132
00:06:08,260 --> 00:06:09,600
Alright, freeze! Freeze!
133
00:06:09,660 --> 00:06:10,870
'Mr. Fenab?'
134
00:06:11,970 --> 00:06:13,300
'Mr. Fenab?'
135
00:06:15,800 --> 00:06:17,770
Is he sleeping?
136
00:06:17,840 --> 00:06:19,310
- I got nothing.
- He's dead.
137
00:06:19,370 --> 00:06:21,380
- Mr. Yugioh Fenab, stay still!
- Don't...He's dead...
138
00:06:21,440 --> 00:06:22,640
- We have--
- Trudy, Trudy...
139
00:06:22,710 --> 00:06:25,050
Did you miss the part
where I said he was dead?
140
00:06:25,110 --> 00:06:26,380
- Oh.
- I'll get a paramedic.
141
00:06:26,450 --> 00:06:29,580
Uh, yeah, we got, uh, we got
a cold one on our hands
142
00:06:29,650 --> 00:06:32,050
and, uh, no blood, no signs
of trauma, nothing.
143
00:06:32,120 --> 00:06:35,220
- Is his face yellowish?
- 'Uh-huh.'
144
00:06:35,290 --> 00:06:37,330
His name, again,
his name is Mr. Fenab.
145
00:06:37,390 --> 00:06:40,290
So...
Check his tongue.
146
00:06:40,360 --> 00:06:42,060
And what are we looking for
on the tongue there?
147
00:06:42,130 --> 00:06:44,230
- Ahh.
- Like red dots?
148
00:06:44,300 --> 00:06:46,200
Red,
like raised taste buds, yeah.
149
00:06:46,270 --> 00:06:47,670
Yeah, I can stay on the line.
150
00:06:47,740 --> 00:06:49,170
[whispering]
He's getting the CDC.
151
00:06:49,240 --> 00:06:51,270
- What's that?
- Center for Disease Control.
152
00:06:51,340 --> 00:06:52,910
- Why?
- He's getting the CDC?
153
00:06:52,970 --> 00:06:55,510
Mm-hmm.
Hey, yeah. Jim Dangle here.
154
00:06:55,580 --> 00:06:56,540
Oh.
155
00:06:57,610 --> 00:06:58,750
Oh.
156
00:06:58,810 --> 00:07:00,820
(male #1)
'Thanks, Brian. Thanks, Tim.'
157
00:07:00,880 --> 00:07:03,450
'Um, alright,
well, here's the deal.'
158
00:07:03,520 --> 00:07:08,390
Uh, basically, I just took
a sample from the body.
159
00:07:08,460 --> 00:07:10,790
Um, I got to quarantine
this place
160
00:07:10,860 --> 00:07:14,330
and I'm gonna
send the sample off to Atlanta
161
00:07:14,400 --> 00:07:16,360
and that takes 48 hours.
162
00:07:16,430 --> 00:07:18,330
- Oh.
- Oh.
163
00:07:18,400 --> 00:07:21,940
J-just-just for, uh-uh, knowing
164
00:07:22,000 --> 00:07:23,670
uh, and h-how long till SARS
165
00:07:23,740 --> 00:07:27,410
uh...takes effect
and kills us if we have it?
166
00:07:27,480 --> 00:07:29,680
Oh, it's, uh, 36 hours.
167
00:07:29,740 --> 00:07:31,950
I just read it
in a book in the truck.
168
00:07:33,250 --> 00:07:34,780
- Oh, I know. Oh, gosh.
- Yeah.
169
00:07:34,850 --> 00:07:36,750
- That's what I'm trying--
- I did the math in my head.
170
00:07:36,820 --> 00:07:38,450
(Dangle)
'Yeah, that we were all
thinking the same thing.'
171
00:07:38,520 --> 00:07:41,020
Ohh, right. Okay.
172
00:07:41,090 --> 00:07:42,760
(Dangle)
'Is there any way
to expedite that?'
173
00:07:42,820 --> 00:07:43,890
Well, there's nothing I can do.
174
00:07:43,960 --> 00:07:45,030
Why don't I take those.
175
00:07:45,090 --> 00:07:47,830
I am gonna have to burn these,
and...
176
00:07:47,900 --> 00:07:50,500
Thank you.
177
00:07:50,570 --> 00:07:54,100
I, uh, I probably, probably
should get yours as well.
178
00:07:54,170 --> 00:07:56,640
You wanna give 'em to me?
Right. Oh, wonderful.
179
00:07:56,700 --> 00:07:57,940
Sorry about that, Joe.
180
00:07:58,010 --> 00:08:01,310
Alright. Well, um, I'll be back
in a couple of hours
181
00:08:01,380 --> 00:08:04,350
and, um, you guys sit tight.
182
00:08:04,410 --> 00:08:05,750
Thank you though.
We appreciate it.
183
00:08:05,810 --> 00:08:07,680
You know, I'd rather
not shake your hand.
184
00:08:08,920 --> 00:08:10,590
Thanks, guys.
185
00:08:10,650 --> 00:08:12,050
(Wiegel)
'Thank you.'
186
00:08:17,360 --> 00:08:19,130
How many days is 48 hours?
187
00:08:19,190 --> 00:08:20,330
It's two days.
188
00:08:20,390 --> 00:08:21,700
- That's what I thought.
- Two days.
189
00:08:21,760 --> 00:08:23,100
Guys. Guys, guys!
190
00:08:23,160 --> 00:08:25,200
- Great news! Great news!
- 'What?'
191
00:08:25,270 --> 00:08:27,770
The Lady Wolfpack is up by ten.
192
00:08:29,500 --> 00:08:31,370
'You guys basketball fans?'
193
00:08:40,510 --> 00:08:42,550
You know, when you work
in show business, Junior
194
00:08:42,620 --> 00:08:44,820
you feel the pressure
at all times.
195
00:08:44,890 --> 00:08:49,490
That you could be a star one
day, like I am now. People kno--
196
00:08:49,560 --> 00:08:53,360
Or like you want to be one day.
Right?
197
00:08:53,430 --> 00:08:56,130
I mean, I would say the Radish
was a star, but like--
198
00:08:56,200 --> 00:08:57,370
No, the Radi...
199
00:08:57,430 --> 00:08:59,300
Like, you show people
a picture of Jim Henson
200
00:08:59,370 --> 00:09:01,270
most people are like,
"Who's that hippie?"
201
00:09:01,340 --> 00:09:02,670
But like you show 'em
Kermit the Frog
202
00:09:02,740 --> 00:09:05,040
then they're like,
"Hey, Kermit the Frog. Whoo!"
203
00:09:05,110 --> 00:09:07,140
You know, the Radish
plays alongside me.
204
00:09:07,210 --> 00:09:09,210
The Radish is a sidekick.
205
00:09:09,280 --> 00:09:10,610
I'm always with the Radish.
206
00:09:10,680 --> 00:09:12,610
Every time you see
the Radish, you see me.
207
00:09:12,680 --> 00:09:14,750
Alright, this guy's, uh,
flagging me down here.
208
00:09:14,820 --> 00:09:16,120
Yeah, you're gonna want
to just keep rolling.
209
00:09:16,180 --> 00:09:17,520
Yeah, what, do you need
something, sir?
210
00:09:17,590 --> 00:09:18,750
You know what, just-just...
211
00:09:18,820 --> 00:09:19,820
'You know what,
just keep going.'
212
00:09:19,890 --> 00:09:21,020
- You need something, sir?
- 'Yeah.'
213
00:09:21,090 --> 00:09:23,190
T-this one right there.
I saw him, officer.
214
00:09:23,260 --> 00:09:25,490
- Me? Me?
- Hey, what's up, man?
215
00:09:25,560 --> 00:09:26,730
What's going on?
216
00:09:26,790 --> 00:09:28,260
You know what,
I think he has me mist...
217
00:09:28,330 --> 00:09:29,360
He's mistaken me for someone.
218
00:09:29,430 --> 00:09:31,530
- You know me from--
- No, I know you.
219
00:09:31,600 --> 00:09:34,240
You know me from the...
He knows me from Reading Ron.
220
00:09:34,300 --> 00:09:36,740
- It-it happens to me.
- Hey, Ron Steinberg.
221
00:09:36,800 --> 00:09:37,970
- Steinberg?
- Yeah.
222
00:09:38,040 --> 00:09:39,210
Your last name's Steinberg?
223
00:09:39,270 --> 00:09:40,780
Let me talk...
You know, can I talk--
224
00:09:40,840 --> 00:09:42,310
Listen, mother [bleep],
you owe me.
225
00:09:42,380 --> 00:09:44,250
- Hands outside the vehicle.
- You owe me, mother [bleep].
226
00:09:44,310 --> 00:09:46,310
Outside the vehicle, sir.
Outside the vehicle, sir.
227
00:09:46,380 --> 00:09:48,050
(Ron)
'[bleep] dammit.
Don't' [bleep]--
228
00:09:48,120 --> 00:09:50,350
(male #2)
'What the [bleep] is the matter
with you, mother[bleep]?'
229
00:09:50,420 --> 00:09:52,120
(Ron)
'I am getting my life back
together again.'
230
00:09:52,190 --> 00:09:54,320
- 'You're [bleep]--'
- 'You [bleep] owe me 200--'
231
00:09:54,390 --> 00:09:55,560
'I don't owe you anything.'
232
00:09:55,620 --> 00:09:57,730
'You tell Dale I did not
give his sister herpes.'
233
00:09:57,790 --> 00:09:59,190
'I did not do that.'
234
00:10:01,000 --> 00:10:02,300
I don't know.
235
00:10:02,360 --> 00:10:06,230
Sometimes fans get
so enthusiastic
236
00:10:06,300 --> 00:10:08,470
and it's uncomfortable
for everybody.
237
00:10:23,120 --> 00:10:24,490
- Jonesy?
- Hmm?
238
00:10:24,550 --> 00:10:25,850
That's my boob.
239
00:10:29,060 --> 00:10:30,420
Well, let's pull it
together, okay?
240
00:10:30,490 --> 00:10:31,460
Okay.
241
00:10:33,490 --> 00:10:35,830
- Trudy?
- Yeah?
242
00:10:35,900 --> 00:10:38,230
- Um...
- 'I know.'
243
00:10:38,300 --> 00:10:40,200
You want to have sex
with me because I'm the
244
00:10:40,270 --> 00:10:43,000
kind of the last woman
on Earth in this case.
245
00:10:43,070 --> 00:10:44,610
Let's get it over with.
246
00:10:50,640 --> 00:10:53,210
I'll let you, uh, uh...
247
00:10:56,880 --> 00:11:00,760
We've...had...our differences.
248
00:11:00,820 --> 00:11:02,290
Mm-hmm.
249
00:11:02,360 --> 00:11:05,360
- And they've been bad.
- Mm-hmm.
250
00:11:05,430 --> 00:11:10,330
I've said things about you
I...probably didn't mean.
251
00:11:10,400 --> 00:11:12,200
- Mm-hmm.
- You know?
252
00:11:12,270 --> 00:11:15,840
I mean, I meant them, but I
don't-I don't really mean them.
253
00:11:15,900 --> 00:11:18,240
- And I just want to say...
- Mm-hmm.
254
00:11:20,440 --> 00:11:22,340
That I think...
255
00:11:23,880 --> 00:11:25,550
- When...
- Uh-huh.
256
00:11:25,610 --> 00:11:26,910
- We're gone...
- Uh-huh.
257
00:11:26,980 --> 00:11:29,780
- Sometime tomorrow afternoon...
- Uh-huh.
258
00:11:31,950 --> 00:11:33,320
We're all gonna be
somewhere better...
259
00:11:33,390 --> 00:11:34,320
Uh-huh.
260
00:11:37,120 --> 00:11:39,260
- Did you just fart?
- Mm-hmm.
261
00:11:45,200 --> 00:11:46,830
(Ron)
'Well, we've seen
a lot of things today'
262
00:11:46,900 --> 00:11:49,140
and one of the places
that they have here
263
00:11:49,200 --> 00:11:50,270
at the
Reno Sheriff's Department
264
00:11:50,340 --> 00:11:52,710
is kind of a toy closet.
You have one at home.
265
00:11:52,770 --> 00:11:54,180
Let's go in and see
what the deputy
266
00:11:54,240 --> 00:11:55,440
is playing with inside here.
267
00:11:55,510 --> 00:11:57,950
- Hi, deputy.
- Hey, Reading Ron.
268
00:11:58,010 --> 00:11:59,210
What's in this room?
269
00:11:59,280 --> 00:12:01,950
It's colorful,
and there are lots of toys.
270
00:12:02,020 --> 00:12:04,250
- I see some skates up there...
- There are lots of things..
271
00:12:04,320 --> 00:12:07,820
Lots of signs with words like
"Bulk property--"
272
00:12:07,890 --> 00:12:10,260
"Requires a booking slip."
273
00:12:10,320 --> 00:12:11,430
Uh, booking slips.
274
00:12:11,490 --> 00:12:13,160
Well, a booking slip
is something
275
00:12:13,230 --> 00:12:15,300
I'm gonna fill out later
when you're not here
276
00:12:15,360 --> 00:12:17,470
because this is kind of sad.
277
00:12:17,530 --> 00:12:19,530
This belonged to a mother
278
00:12:19,600 --> 00:12:21,500
who was carrying
her baby in this.
279
00:12:21,570 --> 00:12:24,940
And this particular mommy
was roller-skating.
280
00:12:25,010 --> 00:12:27,170
- 'Ha ha! That's fun.'
- 'With the baby.'
281
00:12:27,240 --> 00:12:29,510
'And she got hit by a car.'
282
00:12:29,580 --> 00:12:32,110
And both the mommy
and the baby are now dead
283
00:12:32,180 --> 00:12:34,980
but we have these things,
and I was gonna tag 'em
284
00:12:35,050 --> 00:12:36,180
'but I'll wait
and do that later.'
285
00:12:36,250 --> 00:12:37,250
That's great.
286
00:12:37,320 --> 00:12:41,060
This we found on the scene
of a fetish video
287
00:12:41,120 --> 00:12:44,020
where pregnant women were
standing in bikinis on rocks
288
00:12:44,090 --> 00:12:46,060
and firing their AK-47s
289
00:12:46,130 --> 00:12:49,300
but they were underage,
so we had to bring it in.
290
00:12:49,360 --> 00:12:52,130
What do you got down there?
W-what's-what's that there?
291
00:12:52,200 --> 00:12:55,270
It looks like... It's not
exactly Play-Doh, is it?
292
00:12:55,340 --> 00:12:56,800
Oh, this is...
Ohh! Okay.
293
00:12:56,870 --> 00:13:01,710
This, you think you know what a
white horse is or a white pony.
294
00:13:01,780 --> 00:13:03,580
This is a different kind
of white pony.
295
00:13:03,640 --> 00:13:05,410
If you happen to be
snooping around
296
00:13:05,480 --> 00:13:07,820
when your legal guardian
is not at home
297
00:13:07,880 --> 00:13:10,520
and you find some of this,
leave it alone.
298
00:13:10,580 --> 00:13:13,950
It is very expensive.
299
00:13:14,020 --> 00:13:16,420
Can, uh, you mind if I just...
300
00:13:17,660 --> 00:13:18,830
You mind if I just...
301
00:13:18,890 --> 00:13:21,900
This-this is a...
Jeez, it takes me back.
302
00:13:21,960 --> 00:13:23,130
Jeez, it takes me...
303
00:13:23,200 --> 00:13:25,430
[sniffs]
Oh, that's... Wow.
304
00:13:25,500 --> 00:13:26,630
I lost a lot of things...
305
00:13:26,700 --> 00:13:29,940
I lot a lost of thi...
I lost a lot because of this.
306
00:13:30,000 --> 00:13:31,410
Um...
307
00:13:31,470 --> 00:13:36,510
And, uh, I had a-a,
a wife and a kid.
308
00:13:36,580 --> 00:13:37,950
I had a house with a gate.
309
00:13:38,010 --> 00:13:39,410
Uh, I don't live there anymore.
310
00:13:39,480 --> 00:13:41,650
I live in a little
apartment now.
311
00:13:41,720 --> 00:13:43,220
Do you think that
I wanted to do this
312
00:13:43,280 --> 00:13:44,620
for the rest of my career?
313
00:13:44,690 --> 00:13:47,350
You think I wanted to teach
little children how to read?
314
00:13:47,420 --> 00:13:49,120
You know what,
I hate [bleep] kids.
315
00:13:49,190 --> 00:13:50,420
I can't stand them.
316
00:13:50,490 --> 00:13:52,990
'I don't want to have
anything to do with them.'
317
00:13:53,060 --> 00:13:55,400
See that road down there in the
hallway and how it all just...
318
00:13:55,460 --> 00:13:57,930
The end of my career
is at the end of it.
319
00:13:58,000 --> 00:13:59,300
(Clementine)
'I'm sorry
about your show today.'
320
00:13:59,370 --> 00:14:01,140
I want to thank all you deputies
321
00:14:01,200 --> 00:14:04,540
for just shoving your boots
right up my [bleep] hole.
322
00:14:04,610 --> 00:14:05,640
You know how you spell that?
323
00:14:05,710 --> 00:14:06,810
- Well, I got--
- [bleep].
324
00:14:06,870 --> 00:14:09,180
And then you
follow it up with an H-O-L-E.
325
00:14:16,320 --> 00:14:17,590
- 'Is it up there?'
- 'It's good.'
326
00:14:17,650 --> 00:14:19,050
(Travis)
'Is he gonna stay up
there though?'
327
00:14:19,120 --> 00:14:21,320
I think so.
He's got some food up there.
328
00:14:21,390 --> 00:14:22,990
- He's got food.
- H-he's fine.
329
00:14:23,060 --> 00:14:26,430
Uh, well, what we did is we
borrowed one of Wiegel's cats
330
00:14:26,490 --> 00:14:29,160
and stuck him up on this roof
'cause "Reading Ron's Show"
331
00:14:29,230 --> 00:14:30,760
we ain't getting
nothing achievable
332
00:14:30,830 --> 00:14:33,670
so we thought maybe cat rescue.
333
00:14:33,730 --> 00:14:34,970
Kids like that, right?
334
00:14:35,040 --> 00:14:37,810
What do we got here?
A dead hooker?
335
00:14:37,870 --> 00:14:39,640
'Are you gonna show me
some semen samples--'
336
00:14:39,710 --> 00:14:41,280
No semen today.
337
00:14:41,340 --> 00:14:42,910
- Oh, great, great.
- Got something you can use.
338
00:14:42,980 --> 00:14:45,150
Oh, oh, lucky you happened
to stop by.
339
00:14:45,210 --> 00:14:47,650
We have a code 2.
Uh, and what that is--
340
00:14:47,720 --> 00:14:49,220
That's great, you got
a head in a box.
341
00:14:49,280 --> 00:14:51,350
You're gonna show a head
in a box. That's great--
342
00:14:51,420 --> 00:14:53,590
No, it's a cute little cat
up on the roof.
343
00:14:53,650 --> 00:14:55,490
- There's a cute little cat...
- You really got a c-cute cat...
344
00:14:55,560 --> 00:14:57,860
Yeah. A cute little cat
is caught up on the roof
345
00:14:57,930 --> 00:15:00,890
and a little girl called, so
that the brave men and women--
346
00:15:00,960 --> 00:15:02,960
You know what? Let me do this.
Why don't I handle this?
347
00:15:03,030 --> 00:15:04,470
It's Reading Ron's program.
348
00:15:04,530 --> 00:15:05,670
Words are everywhere, you'd be
349
00:15:05,730 --> 00:15:07,130
surprised where you
might find them.
350
00:15:07,200 --> 00:15:08,340
You might find some cops.
351
00:15:08,400 --> 00:15:11,110
You might find a cat
but on a house.
352
00:15:11,170 --> 00:15:13,670
Two Cs, a kuh and a kuh..
353
00:15:13,740 --> 00:15:15,880
...is called alliteration.
354
00:15:15,940 --> 00:15:17,980
- Right?
- Alliteration.
355
00:15:18,050 --> 00:15:19,410
Help that kitty, cops.
356
00:15:19,480 --> 00:15:20,410
(all)
Alright! Let's go!
357
00:15:20,480 --> 00:15:21,720
- 'Let's do it.'
- 'Let's do it.'
358
00:15:21,780 --> 00:15:23,280
- 'Yo, guys, get the ladder.'
- 'Get her, Junior.'
359
00:15:23,350 --> 00:15:25,550
Yeah, it's alright.
It's alright, kitty-kitty.
360
00:15:25,620 --> 00:15:29,020
It's okay. Don't make any
false moves or nothing.
361
00:15:29,090 --> 00:15:31,390
You can do it. Oh, got ya.
362
00:15:31,460 --> 00:15:33,730
How's that cat coming?
Don't hurt him.
363
00:15:34,860 --> 00:15:36,660
Got him. Aah! Aah.
364
00:15:36,730 --> 00:15:38,270
(Clementine)
'Yay!'
365
00:15:40,430 --> 00:15:43,470
Another satisfied customer
here in Reno. Ow!
366
00:15:46,470 --> 00:15:48,680
Jeez. Holy [bleep].
367
00:15:48,740 --> 00:15:50,910
(Garcia)
'Ohh!'
368
00:15:50,980 --> 00:15:54,080
God! God!
369
00:15:54,150 --> 00:15:56,650
God!
370
00:15:56,720 --> 00:15:58,850
- Ron! Ron! Reading Ron!
- 'Oh, my God.'
371
00:15:58,920 --> 00:16:00,850
Don't you [bleep] Ron!
372
00:16:00,920 --> 00:16:03,190
Reading Ron is, he is fired Ron.
373
00:16:03,260 --> 00:16:04,930
[bleep] damn this.
374
00:16:04,990 --> 00:16:06,290
(Travis)
'Okay.'
375
00:16:07,760 --> 00:16:09,060
(Garcia)
'He's okay.'
376
00:16:09,130 --> 00:16:11,230
- 'Just let him walk it off.'
- 'It's not our fault.'
377
00:16:11,300 --> 00:16:13,030
(Williams)
'Walk it off, Ron!'
378
00:16:13,100 --> 00:16:17,040
'W-A-L-K! Walk it off!'
379
00:16:19,470 --> 00:16:21,210
You know, we-we
could get another cat.
380
00:16:21,280 --> 00:16:22,240
We could try it again.
381
00:16:32,090 --> 00:16:33,720
(Dangle)
'I'm gonna put on a record.
How about that?'
382
00:16:33,790 --> 00:16:35,160
Will that cheer everybody up?
383
00:16:35,220 --> 00:16:36,790
Here we go. This will be fun.
384
00:16:36,860 --> 00:16:37,930
- This will be fun.
- Okay.
385
00:16:51,370 --> 00:16:53,370
Is it at the wrong speed,
do you think?
386
00:16:55,940 --> 00:16:57,910
Let's get in a massage line.
387
00:16:57,980 --> 00:16:59,510
- Okay.
- 'Alright.'
388
00:17:01,320 --> 00:17:03,880
- Does that feel good?
- Yeah. That's great.
389
00:17:05,020 --> 00:17:06,650
- Mm.
- Wow.
390
00:17:10,360 --> 00:17:12,630
- 'Feel good?'
- Yeah.
391
00:17:12,690 --> 00:17:15,660
- 'Oh, Jonesy, that's nice.'
- Trudy? Trudy?
392
00:17:15,730 --> 00:17:17,060
You can turn it up a little bit.
393
00:17:17,130 --> 00:17:18,570
You like that?
394
00:17:19,830 --> 00:17:20,830
Trudy.
395
00:17:20,900 --> 00:17:22,570
- You like the massage?
- Trudy? Trudy?
396
00:17:22,640 --> 00:17:24,270
- You like that massage, Trudy?
- I do, yeah.
397
00:17:24,340 --> 00:17:28,240
- Mmm. Mm-hmm.
- Yeah. I do.
398
00:17:28,310 --> 00:17:29,310
I want more of it.
399
00:17:30,310 --> 00:17:31,450
- Ooh.
- Yeah.
400
00:17:31,510 --> 00:17:33,350
- Ooh! Ooh!
- Ooh!
401
00:17:33,410 --> 00:17:34,520
Oh, yeah.
402
00:17:36,980 --> 00:17:39,920
You smell like peanut butter
cookies. You know that?
403
00:17:42,890 --> 00:17:43,960
Oh.
404
00:17:55,200 --> 00:17:57,970
Oh, this can't be good.
405
00:17:58,040 --> 00:17:59,670
- 'What have we got here.'
- 'Cover me.'
406
00:17:59,740 --> 00:18:01,840
- 'Oh, my God.'
- God! God!
407
00:18:01,910 --> 00:18:03,540
Look where we find ourselves.
408
00:18:03,610 --> 00:18:06,010
Hi, guys. Here,
I'm glad you're all here.
409
00:18:06,080 --> 00:18:09,080
'Did you ever hear the story
of "Reading Ron Eats A Gun?"'
410
00:18:09,150 --> 00:18:11,550
It's got a man
who has a reading show
411
00:18:11,620 --> 00:18:13,950
on public television with a gun.
412
00:18:15,190 --> 00:18:16,490
Ron! Ron!
413
00:18:16,560 --> 00:18:18,860
God, it's hot in here!
414
00:18:18,930 --> 00:18:20,690
Put down the gun, Ron!
415
00:18:20,760 --> 00:18:23,330
- 'D-O-W-N, down!'
- Damn!
416
00:18:23,400 --> 00:18:25,900
- 'It's your lucky day, buddy.'
- This is my lucky--
417
00:18:25,970 --> 00:18:28,740
(Clementine)
'It's your lucky day 'cause
guess who's on the phone?'
418
00:18:28,800 --> 00:18:30,970
'It's your wife
and your little girls...'
419
00:18:31,040 --> 00:18:32,610
- 'Oh, baby.'
- And she wants to reconcile.
420
00:18:32,670 --> 00:18:34,040
'Tell Phyllis I love her.'
421
00:18:34,110 --> 00:18:35,780
- 'Would you tell Phyllis--'
- 'Why don't you tell her?'
422
00:18:35,840 --> 00:18:38,510
- She's a whore. She's a whore!
- 'No, she's not. No!'
423
00:18:38,580 --> 00:18:40,010
- 'Don't point that gun!'
- She's a whore.
424
00:18:40,080 --> 00:18:42,180
- Hey, Phyllis! Damn!
- 'She says she's sorry.'
425
00:18:42,250 --> 00:18:44,690
- 'Ron!'
- 'It's a free phone call.'
426
00:18:44,750 --> 00:18:46,750
- 'Don't blow it.'
- I'm putting the gun down.
427
00:18:46,820 --> 00:18:48,920
- 'Put the gun.'
- 'You're an attractive man.'
428
00:18:48,990 --> 00:18:50,690
- 'Good for you, Ron!'
- 'Good for you.'
429
00:18:50,760 --> 00:18:52,490
- 'Good for you.'
- 'Good for you.'
430
00:18:53,990 --> 00:18:55,200
- There you go.
- 'That's all.'
431
00:18:55,260 --> 00:18:57,260
- 'That's how we do it.'
- 'Oh.'
432
00:18:57,330 --> 00:19:00,130
- Good job, Junior.
- What a dick.
433
00:19:17,280 --> 00:19:19,720
I'm so cold.
Oh, God, I'm so cold.
434
00:19:21,260 --> 00:19:23,420
- 'Hello? Anybody home?'
- 'What?'
435
00:19:23,490 --> 00:19:25,430
Oh, hey, guys!
436
00:19:27,030 --> 00:19:29,830
Great news! It was AIDS!
437
00:19:32,630 --> 00:19:33,570
AIDS?
438
00:19:49,520 --> 00:19:52,650
Morning, gang. To our debut
439
00:19:52,720 --> 00:19:55,460
on Reno's Channel 58.
440
00:19:55,520 --> 00:19:57,160
[alarm on TV]
441
00:19:57,220 --> 00:19:59,030
- Oh. Oh.
- Hey!
442
00:20:00,590 --> 00:20:01,930
(Jonesy)
'Oh, wake up.'
443
00:20:02,000 --> 00:20:04,530
(Dangle)
'He looks fine. He's fine.'
444
00:20:04,600 --> 00:20:07,030
Pulled his act together, and I
believe he's gonna be just fine.
445
00:20:07,100 --> 00:20:10,240
♪ And all of you at home
can read along with me... ♪
446
00:20:11,240 --> 00:20:12,540
That man is awesome.
447
00:20:12,610 --> 00:20:13,840
Yeah, I love red.
448
00:20:14,980 --> 00:20:18,050
♪ ...with Ron ♪
♪ Me ♪♪
449
00:20:18,110 --> 00:20:19,510
(Dangle)
'Oh, there's Radish.
Check it out.'
450
00:20:20,880 --> 00:20:22,750
Welcome to "Reading With Ron."
451
00:20:22,820 --> 00:20:25,690
I'm Dr. Radish,
the reading radish.
452
00:20:25,750 --> 00:20:27,490
This week, I'm sorry to say
453
00:20:27,550 --> 00:20:31,220
Reading Ron is taking
a little time out.
454
00:20:31,290 --> 00:20:33,430
'He'll be back
in eight weeks, we hope.'
455
00:20:33,490 --> 00:20:35,730
Until then, I'll be your host.
456
00:20:35,800 --> 00:20:39,230
This week, we're meeting
the greatest heroes of Reno
457
00:20:39,300 --> 00:20:42,070
'who put their life
on the line every day.'
458
00:20:42,140 --> 00:20:45,740
I'm talking, of course,
about our firemen.
459
00:20:45,810 --> 00:20:47,010
Son of a bitch.
460
00:20:47,070 --> 00:20:48,880
You have got to be kidding me.
461
00:20:50,380 --> 00:20:51,880
- 'Oh, man.'
- [bleep]
462
00:20:51,950 --> 00:20:53,350
What the hell?
463
00:20:55,580 --> 00:20:58,250
I had to ride around
with that prick for eight hours.
464
00:21:04,190 --> 00:21:05,490
♪ And come
and learn to Ron... ♪♪
465
00:21:05,560 --> 00:21:08,430
[bleep]. I really got to say you
have a [bleep] in your mouth.
466
00:21:09,330 --> 00:21:10,800
It's your wife's.
467
00:21:10,860 --> 00:21:14,940
♪ Come along and read along
with me and Ron and... ♪♪
468
00:21:15,000 --> 00:21:17,500
[bleep] God!
469
00:21:17,570 --> 00:21:20,270
I'm gonna [bleep] cut you up
with a salad shooter
470
00:21:20,340 --> 00:21:22,780
and sprinkle you
all over my greens.
471
00:21:22,840 --> 00:21:24,810
That's funny 'cause your
wife's a vegan too.
472
00:21:24,880 --> 00:21:27,650
♪ Reno's little babies
love reading reading ♪♪
473
00:21:27,710 --> 00:21:29,720
[bleep] this for God's sake.
474
00:21:29,780 --> 00:21:30,780
What [bleep] Christ.
33245
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