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1
00:00:02,673 --> 00:00:05,105
(Jim laughs)
2
00:00:05,106 --> 00:00:08,438
YOU KNOW, EVERY YEAR
I THINK THESE LEPRECHAUN SHOES
3
00:00:08,439 --> 00:00:12,011
AREN'T GONNA BE FUNNY ANYMORE,
AND EVERY YEAR, I'M WRONG.
4
00:00:12,012 --> 00:00:13,012
(both laugh)
5
00:00:13,013 --> 00:00:16,446
YOU KNOW THE TWO OF YOU
LOOK STUPID, RIGHT?
6
00:00:16,447 --> 00:00:18,618
THE TWO OF US...
7
00:00:18,619 --> 00:00:20,720
OR THE THREE OF US?
8
00:00:20,721 --> 00:00:22,252
I'M INVITED?
9
00:00:22,253 --> 00:00:23,293
(Irish brogue) AYE, SIR!
10
00:00:23,294 --> 00:00:25,525
OH, MAN. TONIGHT'S GONNA
TOTALLY ROCK!
11
00:00:25,526 --> 00:00:27,657
(normal voice)
I LOVE ST. PATRICK'S DAY.
12
00:00:27,658 --> 00:00:29,659
I MEAN,
IT IS THE GREATEST HOLIDAY.
13
00:00:29,660 --> 00:00:33,703
I MEAN, IT'S A RELIGIOUS HOLIDAY
CENTERED AROUND BARS.
14
00:00:33,704 --> 00:00:38,138
WHAT WAS JESUS THINKIN'?
COME ON!
15
00:00:38,139 --> 00:00:40,140
AND YOU KNOW WHAT, RYAN?
16
00:00:40,141 --> 00:00:42,142
YOU'RE NOT JUST GETTIN' HAMMERED
WITH A BUNCH OF IDIOTS.
17
00:00:42,143 --> 00:00:45,145
YOU'RE GETTIN' HAMMERED
WITH THE GREEN MAN. (laughs)
18
00:00:45,146 --> 00:00:47,647
YES. THE KING OF ALL ST.
PATRICK'S DAY REVELRY
19
00:00:47,648 --> 00:00:51,050
AND HOOLIGAN EMERITUS.
YES.
20
00:00:51,051 --> 00:00:54,184
WELL, I MUST ADMIT,
YOUR RENOWNED SHENANIGANS
21
00:00:54,185 --> 00:00:57,127
ARE ONE OF THE REASONS I MARRIED
DANA. WELL, SHE WASN'T PREGNANT.
22
00:00:57,128 --> 00:00:59,129
SO WE WERE WONDERIN'
WHY YOU MARRIED HER.
23
00:00:59,130 --> 00:01:01,131
(laughs)
24
00:01:01,132 --> 00:01:04,234
OKAY, OKAY, OKAY. SO WHAT'S
THE GREEN MAN GOT PLANNED?
25
00:01:04,235 --> 00:01:06,496
(Irish brogue)
PLANNED, YA SAY?
26
00:01:06,497 --> 00:01:08,498
YE DON'T MAKE PLANS
ON ST. PATTY'S DAY.
27
00:01:08,499 --> 00:01:11,501
(normal voice)
NO, SOMEWHERE AROUND MIDNIGHT
28
00:01:11,502 --> 00:01:13,643
OR AFTER THE FIFTH PITCHER
OF BEER,
29
00:01:13,644 --> 00:01:17,107
THE GREEN MAN INFUSES ME,
AND I GO OUT
30
00:01:17,108 --> 00:01:19,809
AND I DELIGHT
THE PEOPLE OF CHICAGO.
31
00:01:19,810 --> 00:01:21,811
THEN I HIDE IN THE BUSHES
32
00:01:21,812 --> 00:01:24,083
TILL THE COPS ARE GONE
AND IT'S SAFE TO GO HOME.
33
00:01:24,084 --> 00:01:24,815
(all laugh)
34
00:01:24,816 --> 00:01:26,816
YOU WANT SOME MORE TEA,
REVEREND SHELTON?
35
00:01:26,817 --> 00:01:28,458
OH, THANK YOU, NO, DANA.
36
00:01:28,459 --> 00:01:31,121
SO, CHERYL,
WITH RUTH MIDFORD'S PASSING,
37
00:01:31,122 --> 00:01:35,365
THERE'S NOW AN OPENING ON
OUR CHURCH ADVISORY COMMITTEE.
38
00:01:35,366 --> 00:01:39,169
WELL, ISN'T THAT EXCITING?!
39
00:01:39,170 --> 00:01:41,100
I MEAN...
40
00:01:41,101 --> 00:01:43,102
EXCEPT FOR THE PART
ABOUT RUTH DYING.
41
00:01:43,103 --> 00:01:44,874
SHE WAS SO SWEET.
42
00:01:44,875 --> 00:01:46,436
YEAH, SHE WAS SWEET,
ALL RIGHT.
43
00:01:46,437 --> 00:01:48,778
YOU KNOW, I ONCE WORE JEANS
TO A YOUTH SERVICE,
44
00:01:48,779 --> 00:01:50,340
AND SHE CALLED ME A SLUT.
45
00:01:50,341 --> 00:01:53,383
WELL, I WON'T ASK YOU
TO SPEAK AT HER MEMORIAL.
46
00:01:53,384 --> 00:01:55,645
YOU KNOW, REVEREND,
I-I WOULD LOVE
47
00:01:55,646 --> 00:01:57,647
TO BE CONSIDERED
FOR A SPOT ON THAT COMMITTEE.
48
00:01:57,648 --> 00:01:59,649
I HAVE SUCH EXCITING IDEAS.
49
00:01:59,650 --> 00:02:03,122
YOU KNOW, I REALLY, REALLY CARE
ABOUT THIS COMMUNITY.
50
00:02:03,123 --> 00:02:04,894
YEAH, YOU ALSO GET A RESERVED
PARKING SPOT AT THE CHURCH.
51
00:02:04,895 --> 00:02:08,258
I DO?
WELL, I DID NOT KNOW THAT.
52
00:02:08,259 --> 00:02:11,831
SURE, YOU DID.
YOU SAID YOU REALLY W... OW.
53
00:02:11,832 --> 00:02:14,664
NOW, CHERYL, I'VE ALREADY PLACED
YOUR NAME INTO NOMINATION...
54
00:02:14,665 --> 00:02:15,835
OH!
55
00:02:15,836 --> 00:02:18,568
AND, FRANKLY, BARRING ANY
LAST MINUTE CONTROVERSY,
56
00:02:18,569 --> 00:02:21,571
I DON'T SEE ANY REASON WHY
YOU SHOULDN'T BE APPROVED.
57
00:02:21,572 --> 00:02:23,843
WELL, THAT'S ONE GOOD THING
58
00:02:23,844 --> 00:02:25,845
ABOUT BEING
A BORING SUBURBAN HOUSEWIFE...
59
00:02:25,846 --> 00:02:29,279
I DON'T REALLY HAVE TO WORRY
ABOUT CONTROVERSY. (laughs)
60
00:02:29,280 --> 00:02:32,522
(humming Irish jig)
61
00:02:32,523 --> 00:02:33,783
(gasps)
62
00:02:33,784 --> 00:02:34,784
(both grunt)
63
00:02:34,785 --> 00:02:36,786
YOU KNOW,
I-I THINK IT'S FASTER
64
00:02:36,787 --> 00:02:38,458
TO GO OUT BACK
AND THROUGH THE ALLEY.
65
00:02:38,459 --> 00:02:40,290
TRUST ME ON THIS.
I-IT'S BETTER.
66
00:02:40,291 --> 00:02:43,294
♪♪♪
67
00:02:49,200 --> 00:02:51,201
ALL RIGHT, GUYS, LOOK,
68
00:02:51,202 --> 00:02:53,643
WE'RE GONNA BE DRINKIN'
FOR 12 HOURS STRAIGHT.
69
00:02:53,644 --> 00:02:57,777
SO IT'S VERY IMPORTANT
TO LINE OUR STOMACHS WITH BREAD.
70
00:02:57,778 --> 00:03:00,210
IT ABSORBS THE ALCOHOL,
AND GOD FORBID,
71
00:03:00,211 --> 00:03:02,482
IF IT COMES UP LATER ON...
72
00:03:02,483 --> 00:03:05,715
IT COMES OUT SOFT
AND EASY TO CLEAN UP.
73
00:03:05,716 --> 00:03:07,417
YOU KNOW, I HEAR A LOT OF GUYS
74
00:03:07,418 --> 00:03:09,889
ARE CELEBRATING
ST. PATRICK'S DAY THIS YEAR
75
00:03:09,890 --> 00:03:12,191
WITH A QUIET DINNER AT HOME.
76
00:03:12,192 --> 00:03:13,963
YEAH, THE NURSING HOME.
77
00:03:13,964 --> 00:03:17,327
YOU KNOW, RYAN,
78
00:03:17,328 --> 00:03:18,468
I-I DON'T KNOW IF I LIKE
THIS WHOLE IDEA
79
00:03:18,469 --> 00:03:20,670
OF YOU GETTING
REALLY DRUNK TONIGHT.
80
00:03:20,671 --> 00:03:22,972
PLEASE.
81
00:03:22,973 --> 00:03:25,775
I DON'T THINK I NEED
YOUR PERMISSION, WOMAN.
82
00:03:25,776 --> 00:03:26,806
(laughs)
83
00:03:26,807 --> 00:03:27,977
(sighs)
84
00:03:27,978 --> 00:03:30,680
I DO WHAT I WANT.
85
00:03:30,681 --> 00:03:31,942
OH, GOD, PLEASE, PLEASE.
86
00:03:33,514 --> 00:03:35,915
JIM, CAN... CAN I TALK TO YOU
FOR A MINUTE?
87
00:03:35,916 --> 00:03:38,718
ALL RIGHT,
ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT.
88
00:03:38,719 --> 00:03:41,521
RYAN, START EATIN' BREAD.
YOU WATCH HIM.
89
00:03:41,522 --> 00:03:43,353
KEEP AN EYE ON HIM. I DON'T WANT
ANY ROOKIE MISTAKES.
90
00:03:43,354 --> 00:03:45,355
(humming)
91
00:03:45,356 --> 00:03:47,357
YOU'D BETTER WATCH IT, KID,
92
00:03:47,358 --> 00:03:50,700
'CAUSE I GOT TWO WEEKS LEFT
TILL RETIREMENT.
93
00:03:50,701 --> 00:03:51,901
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
94
00:03:51,902 --> 00:03:55,565
I SAW IT IN A MOVIE.
I ALWAYS WANTED TO SAY IT.
95
00:03:55,566 --> 00:03:57,567
I KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN.
96
00:03:57,568 --> 00:04:01,812
MINE IS KHAN!
97
00:04:04,645 --> 00:04:07,977
BUT IT'S REALLY HARD TO WORK
INTO A CONVERSATION.
98
00:04:07,978 --> 00:04:09,979
HOW ABOUT THIS, HUH?
WOW.
99
00:04:09,980 --> 00:04:11,421
HUH? MICHAEL FLATLEY,
EAT THIS!
100
00:04:11,422 --> 00:04:13,423
YEAH, WOW, HONEY.
101
00:04:13,424 --> 00:04:15,425
(Irish brogue) VERY FESTIVE,
WOULDN'T YOU SAY?
102
00:04:15,426 --> 00:04:17,427
I KNOW. I CAN SEE
HOW EXCITED YOU ARE
103
00:04:17,428 --> 00:04:21,331
ABOUT ST. PATRICK'S DAY. (normal voice) I
AM SO EXCITED, HONEY! I'M SO THRILLED!
104
00:04:21,332 --> 00:04:22,962
AND I THINK
THAT IS JUST GREAT.
105
00:04:22,963 --> 00:04:25,264
THANK YOU, BABY,
FOR YOUR SUPPORT.
106
00:04:25,265 --> 00:04:27,266
BUT I WAS WONDERING IF... IF MAYBE
IT WOULDN'T BE A GOOD IDEA
107
00:04:27,267 --> 00:04:28,468
TO PULL IT BACK
A LITTLE BIT THIS YEAR?
108
00:04:28,469 --> 00:04:30,470
PULL IT BACK?
UH-HUH.
109
00:04:30,471 --> 00:04:32,442
ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
COME ON, THIS IS MY HOLIDAY.
110
00:04:32,443 --> 00:04:34,444
THE KIDS GET CHRISTMAS,
THE GAY GUYS GET HALLOWEEN,
111
00:04:34,445 --> 00:04:37,046
THIS ONE'S MINE, BABY.
112
00:04:37,047 --> 00:04:38,978
OKAY, WHAT DO I GET?
113
00:04:38,979 --> 00:04:40,680
WHAT DO YOU... (chuckles)
114
00:04:40,681 --> 00:04:43,282
HOW ABOUT "MY HUSBAND
BOUGHT ME A HOUSE" DAY?
115
00:04:43,283 --> 00:04:47,457
OH, WAIT. I THINK THAT'S MORE
OF A YEAR-ROUND CELEBRATION,
116
00:04:47,458 --> 00:04:48,888
ISN'T IT? OH, RIGHT.
YES, IT IS, HONEY.
117
00:04:48,889 --> 00:04:50,660
HEY, HEY, HONEY,
118
00:04:50,661 --> 00:04:52,862
HEY, YOU KNOW WHAT I
JUST FOUND OUT? HMM?
119
00:04:52,863 --> 00:04:55,895
I FOUND I'M UP FOR SPOT ON
THE CHURCH ADVISORY COMMITTEE.
120
00:04:55,896 --> 00:04:57,868
GREAT! WHAT'S IT PAY?
121
00:04:59,330 --> 00:05:01,931
WELL, UH, NOTHING.
IT'S VOLUNTEER.
122
00:05:01,932 --> 00:05:03,903
OH, WELL, THAT'S GOOD, TOO.
123
00:05:03,904 --> 00:05:06,336
YEAH, YEAH, HONEY,
IT'S GREAT,
124
00:05:06,337 --> 00:05:09,339
AND... AND... AND YOU KNOW WHAT
WOULD REALLY HELP ME OUT? HMM?
125
00:05:09,340 --> 00:05:11,541
IF... IF YOU AND... AND...
AND THE GREEN MAN
126
00:05:11,542 --> 00:05:13,543
COULD STAY OUT OF TROUBLE.
127
00:05:13,544 --> 00:05:15,515
(sighs)
128
00:05:15,516 --> 00:05:17,788
DEFINE "TROUBLE."
129
00:05:29,930 --> 00:05:33,833
THAT'S NOT TROUBLE.
THAT'S HIJINKS.
130
00:05:33,834 --> 00:05:35,435
THAT'S EMBARRASSING.
131
00:05:35,436 --> 00:05:37,907
CHERYL, NOW, COME ON.
YOU KNOW I CAN'T EMBARRASS YOU.
132
00:05:37,908 --> 00:05:39,869
OH, I KNOW, I KNOW, HONEY, I
KNOW THIS SPEECH. MM-HMM.
133
00:05:39,870 --> 00:05:41,741
YOU CAN'T EMBARRASS ME. ONLY
I CAN EMBARRASS ME. MM-HMM.
134
00:05:41,742 --> 00:05:43,443
I CARE WAY TOO MUCH
ABOUT WHAT OTHER PEOPLE THINK.
135
00:05:43,444 --> 00:05:46,045
HOW DARE I TRY TO STOP YOU
FROM BEING WHO YOU ARE?
136
00:05:46,046 --> 00:05:48,347
MM-HMM, AND ALSO, YOU KNOW
WHO I WAS WHEN YOU MARRIED ME.
137
00:05:48,348 --> 00:05:51,521
I KNOW, I WAS GETTING TO THAT.
I HAD TO STOP TO TAKE A BREATH.
138
00:05:51,522 --> 00:05:54,384
LOOK, HONEY...
HMM?
139
00:05:54,385 --> 00:05:55,385
I MEAN...
140
00:05:55,386 --> 00:05:57,687
CAN'T THE GREEN MAN
TAKE ONE YEAR OFF?
141
00:05:57,688 --> 00:06:00,830
OH, CHERYL. (Irish brogue)
I AM THE GREEN MAN.
142
00:06:00,831 --> 00:06:05,765
I AM CHICAGO'S DELIGHTFUL
FAVORITE LITTLE MASCOT.
143
00:06:05,766 --> 00:06:08,137
(normal voice) COME ON,
I-I'M LIKE ROBIN HOOD.
144
00:06:08,138 --> 00:06:10,139
INSTEAD OF HELPING THE POOR,
145
00:06:10,140 --> 00:06:13,903
I MOW DIRTY WORDS
IN HIGH SCHOOL FOOTBALL FIELDS.
146
00:06:13,904 --> 00:06:16,406
YOU KNOW, YOU'RE LUCKY
YOU HAVEN'T BEEN ARRESTED.
147
00:06:16,407 --> 00:06:18,408
(Irish brogue)
LUCKY...
148
00:06:18,409 --> 00:06:20,950
OR MAGICAL?
149
00:06:20,951 --> 00:06:23,153
OH!
(humming Irish jig)
150
00:06:27,858 --> 00:06:30,920
WAIT A MINUTE. Y-YOU'RE REALLY
SERIOUS ABOUT THIS, AREN'T YA?
151
00:06:30,921 --> 00:06:31,991
YES.
152
00:06:31,992 --> 00:06:34,524
YOU REALLY DON'T WANT ME
153
00:06:34,525 --> 00:06:36,526
TO HAVE FUN
ON ST. PATRICK'S DAY?
154
00:06:36,527 --> 00:06:37,727
OH. (sighs)
155
00:06:37,728 --> 00:06:39,929
THE DAY THAT WE REMEMBER
ST. PATRICK FOR...
156
00:06:39,930 --> 00:06:42,872
WHATEVER IT IS HE DID?
157
00:06:42,873 --> 00:06:46,105
JIM, THIS COMMITTEE
IS REALLY IMPORTANT TO ME.
158
00:06:46,106 --> 00:06:49,078
HONEY, THE GREEN MAN
IS VERY IMPORTANT TO ME.
159
00:06:49,079 --> 00:06:51,080
IT'S... IT'S...
IT'S WHO I AM.
160
00:06:51,081 --> 00:06:53,613
I KNOW, AND WHO YOU ARE
IS A PROBLEM
161
00:06:53,614 --> 00:06:55,615
FOR THE PEOPLE
ON THE COMMITTEE.
162
00:06:55,616 --> 00:06:58,448
I DON'T GIVE A HOITY-TOITY
WHAT THOSE PEOPLE
163
00:06:58,449 --> 00:07:00,590
ON THE COMMITTEE THINK OF ME.
I DON'T CARE.
164
00:07:00,591 --> 00:07:01,951
JIM, I DO.
165
00:07:01,952 --> 00:07:03,993
WELL, SO WHAT?
166
00:07:03,994 --> 00:07:06,726
SO I'M ASKING YOU
TO DO THIS...
167
00:07:06,727 --> 00:07:09,028
NO, ABSOLUTELY NOT!
168
00:07:09,029 --> 00:07:10,430
FOR ME.
169
00:07:14,104 --> 00:07:15,836
FOR YOU.
170
00:07:18,839 --> 00:07:21,842
FOR YOU.
171
00:07:23,674 --> 00:07:26,046
FOR YOU!
172
00:07:28,919 --> 00:07:31,951
FOR YOU.
173
00:07:31,952 --> 00:07:34,054
FOR YOU!
174
00:07:34,955 --> 00:07:36,887
FOR YOU!
175
00:07:39,159 --> 00:07:43,894
FOR YOU. (laughs)
176
00:07:45,235 --> 00:07:48,969
(sighs) FOR YOU.
177
00:07:58,779 --> 00:08:00,910
OH, LOOK, ANOTHER DIET SODA
FOR NANCY O'FUNKILL.
178
00:08:00,911 --> 00:08:03,553
THANK YOU. (sighs)
179
00:08:03,554 --> 00:08:05,915
YOU MAY BE BORING, JIM,
BUT AT LEAST YOU'RE TRIM.
180
00:08:05,916 --> 00:08:06,916
THANKS.
181
00:08:06,917 --> 00:08:08,918
SERIOUSLY, JIM,
NO GREEN MAN?
182
00:08:08,919 --> 00:08:10,820
THAT'S LIKE HALLOWEEN
WITHOUT GAY GUYS.
183
00:08:10,821 --> 00:08:12,822
COME ON, I DON'T LIKE IT
ANY BETTER THAN YOU DO,
184
00:08:12,823 --> 00:08:14,824
BUT I MADE A PROMISE TO CHERYL,
AND EVERY ONCE IN A WHILE
185
00:08:14,825 --> 00:08:17,727
I GOTTA HONOR ONE
JUST TO KEEP HER GUESSIN'.
186
00:08:17,728 --> 00:08:19,729
YEAH, JIM,
BUT THIS SUCKS.
187
00:08:19,730 --> 00:08:21,731
I MEAN, WE LOOK FORWARD
TO THIS EVERY YEAR.
188
00:08:21,732 --> 00:08:23,733
TONY EVEN SOLD HIS COUCH
FOR BAIL MONEY.
189
00:08:23,734 --> 00:08:26,936
NOT MY COUCH. A COUCH.
190
00:08:26,937 --> 00:08:29,939
COME ON. I DON'T HAVE TO
HAVE FUN TO HAVE A GOOD TIME,
191
00:08:29,940 --> 00:08:32,942
AND YOU GUYS CAN DO
WHATEVER YOU WANNA DO.
192
00:08:32,943 --> 00:08:33,943
WHOO!
193
00:08:33,944 --> 00:08:38,047
I JUST PEED GREEN!
(laughs)
194
00:08:38,048 --> 00:08:40,049
TODAY MY LIFE BEGINS.
WHY, THANK YOU.
195
00:08:40,050 --> 00:08:41,922
I DON'T MIND IF I DO.
196
00:08:43,894 --> 00:08:46,656
SEE THAT?
RYAN'S HAVIN' A GREAT TIME.
197
00:08:46,657 --> 00:08:48,698
YEAH, BUT HE'S A ROOKIE.
198
00:08:48,699 --> 00:08:50,900
HE'S NEVER EXPERIENCED
THE GREEN MAN.
199
00:08:50,901 --> 00:08:53,863
AND ONCE YOU'VE GONE GREEN,
THERE'S NO IN BETWEEN.
200
00:08:53,864 --> 00:08:54,934
OH, PLEASE.
201
00:08:54,935 --> 00:08:56,936
COME ON, JIM, BE
THE GREEN MAN. NO.
202
00:08:56,937 --> 00:08:58,938
COME ON. FOR US.
203
00:08:58,939 --> 00:09:01,671
FOR YOU?
204
00:09:01,672 --> 00:09:04,814
FOR YOU?
205
00:09:04,815 --> 00:09:07,316
FOR YOU.
206
00:09:07,317 --> 00:09:09,919
FOR YOU. FOR YOU?!
207
00:09:09,920 --> 00:09:11,150
YES, FOR LOU!
208
00:09:11,151 --> 00:09:12,822
FOR LOU!
209
00:09:12,823 --> 00:09:15,055
LET'S HEAR IT FOR LOU!
WE'LL MISS YOU, LOU!
210
00:09:19,990 --> 00:09:23,332
(groans)
211
00:09:23,333 --> 00:09:25,695
(unzips pants)
212
00:09:25,696 --> 00:09:27,567
(sighs)
213
00:09:31,101 --> 00:09:33,774
(Irish brogue)
HELLO, THERE, JIMMY BOY!
214
00:09:35,946 --> 00:09:40,149
OUT FOR A NIGHT OF MISCHIEF
AND DISRULE, ARE YA?
215
00:09:40,150 --> 00:09:43,653
I DIDN'T REALLY FOLLOW THAT.
216
00:09:43,654 --> 00:09:46,956
ARE YA GOIN' OUT TO GET
YOURSELF IN TROUBLE NOW?
217
00:09:46,957 --> 00:09:50,660
OH, TROUBLE.
NO, NO, I CAN'T.
218
00:09:50,661 --> 00:09:52,762
I PROMISED MY WIFE
THAT I WOULDN'T.
219
00:09:52,763 --> 00:09:55,995
OOH, MAKIN' PROMISES
TO THE WIFE NOW, ARE YA?
220
00:09:55,996 --> 00:09:58,698
WELL, SHE REALLY WANTS
TO GET ON THIS CHURCH COMMITTEE
221
00:09:58,699 --> 00:10:00,830
REALLY BAD, YOU KNOW?
222
00:10:00,831 --> 00:10:04,834
WITHOUT SINNERS,
THERE'D BE NO SAINTS.
223
00:10:04,835 --> 00:10:08,107
HEY, THAT'S PRETTY GOOD.
DID ST. PAT SAY THAT?
224
00:10:08,108 --> 00:10:10,040
NO, IT'S ON YOUR BUTTON
RIGHT THERE.
225
00:10:12,813 --> 00:10:14,884
THIS IS YOUR CHURCH,
226
00:10:14,885 --> 00:10:18,317
AND THOSE DRUNKEN IDIOTS
OUT THERE ARE YOUR PEOPLE.
227
00:10:18,318 --> 00:10:20,990
LEAD THEM!
228
00:10:20,991 --> 00:10:22,722
I DON'T KNOW. (sighs)
229
00:10:22,723 --> 00:10:24,954
COME ON, JIM BOYLE...
230
00:10:24,955 --> 00:10:27,858
DO IT FOR YOU.
231
00:10:31,061 --> 00:10:32,832
FOR ME?
232
00:10:32,833 --> 00:10:34,233
FOR YOU.
233
00:10:34,234 --> 00:10:37,236
FOR ME.
234
00:10:37,237 --> 00:10:39,138
FOR YOU!
235
00:10:39,139 --> 00:10:41,771
FOR ME?
236
00:10:41,772 --> 00:10:44,043
HOW MANY TIMES
DO I HAVE TO SAY "FOR YOU"?!
237
00:10:44,044 --> 00:10:46,316
FOR ME!
238
00:10:50,851 --> 00:10:53,823
FOR ME!
239
00:10:53,824 --> 00:10:58,057
FOR ME!
240
00:10:58,058 --> 00:11:01,731
GENTLEMEN,
THE GREEN MAN LIVES!
241
00:11:01,732 --> 00:11:02,732
(cheering)
242
00:11:02,733 --> 00:11:04,333
WHOO!
(laughter)
243
00:11:04,334 --> 00:11:07,196
(humming Irish jig)
244
00:11:07,197 --> 00:11:11,300
OH, MAN. JIM'S GONNA BE
SO MAD THAT HE MISSED THIS.
245
00:11:11,301 --> 00:11:13,302
(all chanting)
GREEN MAN! GREEN MAN!
246
00:11:13,303 --> 00:11:18,147
GREEN MAN! GREEN MAN! GREEN MAN!
GREEN MAN! GREEN MAN! GREEN MAN!
247
00:11:18,148 --> 00:11:22,111
MOMMY, WE DON'T UNDERSTAND
ST. PATRICK'S DAY.
248
00:11:22,112 --> 00:11:24,855
WE DON'T GET PRESENTS...
AND THERE'S NO CANDY.
249
00:11:26,086 --> 00:11:29,159
WELL, YOU GET TO PINCH PEOPLE
WHO DON'T WEAR GREEN.
250
00:11:33,894 --> 00:11:35,364
STUPID HOLIDAY!
251
00:11:35,365 --> 00:11:37,727
GET HIM!
252
00:11:37,728 --> 00:11:40,830
SO YOU REALLY TRUST JIM TO
STAY OUT OF TROUBLE TONIGHT?
253
00:11:40,831 --> 00:11:42,832
OH, OF COURSE, I DO.
254
00:11:42,833 --> 00:11:44,834
I TOLD HIM HOW MUCH
THIS COMMITTEE MEANS TO ME,
255
00:11:44,835 --> 00:11:46,977
AND I ASKED HIM NICELY.
256
00:11:48,909 --> 00:11:50,039
I'D BETTER CALL HIM.
257
00:11:50,040 --> 00:11:51,311
YEAH.
258
00:12:03,053 --> 00:12:04,924
NOBODY'S ANSWERING.
259
00:12:04,925 --> 00:12:06,926
ACTUALLY, THAT MIGHT BE GOOD.
260
00:12:06,927 --> 00:12:08,998
REMEMBER WHEN YOU CALLED,
AND THE BORDER PATROL ANSWERED?
261
00:12:08,999 --> 00:12:13,362
YEAH, THE YEAR THE GREEN MAN
INVADED CANADA.
262
00:12:13,363 --> 00:12:16,105
YEAH. THEY WERE
SO POLITE ABOUT IT.
263
00:12:16,106 --> 00:12:17,506
(sighs)
264
00:12:17,507 --> 00:12:19,508
OH, YOU KNOW,
I-I'M BEING SILLY.
265
00:12:19,509 --> 00:12:22,371
I'M SURE EVERYTHING'S FINE.
I MEAN, RYAN'S WITH HIM.
266
00:12:22,372 --> 00:12:24,343
YEAH, AND HE'S VERY
RESPONSIBLE. RIGHT.
267
00:12:24,344 --> 00:12:25,815
(cell phone rings)
268
00:12:25,816 --> 00:12:28,447
AH, HIS EARS MUST HAVE BEEN
BURNING. THAT'S RYAN.
269
00:12:28,448 --> 00:12:30,820
HE IS SO SWEET
AND COMPLETELY WHIPPED.
270
00:12:30,821 --> 00:12:32,081
(both laugh)
271
00:12:32,082 --> 00:12:33,023
HI, SWEETIE.
OH.
272
00:12:33,024 --> 00:12:37,286
KHAN!
273
00:12:37,287 --> 00:12:38,858
WHOO!
274
00:12:38,859 --> 00:12:42,291
(all yelling)
WHOO! WHOO! WHOO! WHOO!
275
00:12:42,292 --> 00:12:45,234
Whoo!
276
00:12:45,235 --> 00:12:46,867
CRAP ON A CRACKER.
277
00:12:48,138 --> 00:12:50,039
YOUR HUSBAND
BROKE MY HUSBAND!
278
00:12:50,040 --> 00:12:52,142
OH!
279
00:12:58,278 --> 00:13:01,180
AND NOW FOR THE MAIN EVENT!
THE GREEN MAN...
280
00:13:01,181 --> 00:13:04,513
(all chanting) GREEN MAN!
GREEN MAN! GREEN MAN!
281
00:13:04,514 --> 00:13:10,789
VERSES THE LEPRE... KHANS!
282
00:13:10,790 --> 00:13:12,261
(all chanting)
GREEN MAN! GREEN MAN!
283
00:13:12,262 --> 00:13:14,824
ALL RIGHT, BOYS,
THE GAYS GET HALLOWEEN,
284
00:13:14,825 --> 00:13:17,796
WE'VE GOT TONIGHT.
285
00:13:17,797 --> 00:13:19,298
(Irish brogue)
COME ON, YA LITTLE PEOPLE!
286
00:13:19,299 --> 00:13:20,299
AAH!
287
00:13:20,300 --> 00:13:23,072
OOH! OHH!
288
00:13:23,073 --> 00:13:24,433
OW!
289
00:13:24,434 --> 00:13:26,306
(all grunting)
290
00:13:28,438 --> 00:13:31,210
I'LL JUST BE ONE MINUTE.
I PRO...
291
00:13:31,211 --> 00:13:33,212
HI. HI.
292
00:13:33,213 --> 00:13:35,044
I JUST NEED TO GO IN AND TALK
TO MY HUSBAND FOR ONE SECOND.
293
00:13:35,045 --> 00:13:36,946
I PROMISE I'LL BE RIGHT OUT.
294
00:13:36,947 --> 00:13:38,948
SORRY, LADY.
WE'RE AT CAPACITY NOW.
295
00:13:38,949 --> 00:13:40,890
YELL AT HIM
WHEN HE GETS HOME.
296
00:13:40,891 --> 00:13:44,123
OH, OH, OKAY. COULD I JUST
RUN IN AND USE THE BATHROOM?
297
00:13:44,124 --> 00:13:46,125
'CAUSE I'VE HAD, LIKE,
EIGHT CUPS OF GREEN TEA.
298
00:13:46,126 --> 00:13:50,099
SO I'M KIND OF
AT CAPACITY, TOO. (laughs)
299
00:13:50,100 --> 00:13:51,830
LOOK, IT'S ST. PATTY'S.
300
00:13:51,831 --> 00:13:54,103
GO OUTSIDE
LIKE THE REST OF CHICAGO.
301
00:13:54,104 --> 00:13:56,105
OH, UH, YOU KNOW,
302
00:13:56,106 --> 00:14:01,310
I'M NOT REALLY A PEE IN
THE ALLEY KIND OF GIRL, SO...
303
00:14:01,311 --> 00:14:03,512
I UNDERSTAND.
YOU WANT YOUR PRIVACY.
304
00:14:03,513 --> 00:14:05,014
RIGHT.
305
00:14:05,015 --> 00:14:07,276
WELL, DON'T WORRY.
THERE'S A DUMPSTER.
306
00:14:07,277 --> 00:14:12,021
A DUMPSTER? I WILL HAVE YOU KNOW
I'M A MOTHER OF THREE.
307
00:14:12,022 --> 00:14:13,883
OH, DAMN IT.
308
00:14:13,884 --> 00:14:15,926
NOW YOU UPSET ME,
AND I PEED A LITTLE.
309
00:14:20,891 --> 00:14:22,131
WHO'S GOT A CAMERA?
310
00:14:22,132 --> 00:14:24,433
I WANT A PICTURE OF MY ASS
RIGHT NEXT TO HIS FACE.
311
00:14:24,434 --> 00:14:26,265
(grunts)
(cheers)
312
00:14:26,266 --> 00:14:27,466
OH!
313
00:14:27,467 --> 00:14:28,867
OH!
314
00:14:28,868 --> 00:14:30,269
COME ON! COME ON!
315
00:14:30,270 --> 00:14:32,101
(Irish brogue)
ALL RIGHT, YOU LITTLE ONE.
316
00:14:32,102 --> 00:14:34,273
COME ON.
GIVE ME YOUR BEST SHOT.
317
00:14:34,274 --> 00:14:35,374
WISH GRANTED.
318
00:14:35,375 --> 00:14:37,146
OOH!
(all groan)
319
00:14:37,147 --> 00:14:41,480
(grunting)
320
00:14:41,481 --> 00:14:44,113
COME ON, GUYS.
JIM NEEDS OUR HELP.
321
00:14:44,114 --> 00:14:46,185
WHAT?
FIGHT.
322
00:14:46,186 --> 00:14:47,586
AW, DAMN IT, ANDY!
323
00:14:47,587 --> 00:14:50,660
(all grunting)
324
00:14:54,164 --> 00:14:55,995
(Irish brogue)
THE GREEN MAN!
325
00:14:55,996 --> 00:14:59,169
AAH!
326
00:15:03,033 --> 00:15:05,034
MA'AM?
327
00:15:05,035 --> 00:15:07,006
(Cheryl)
OH, OFFICER, THANK GOD.
328
00:15:07,007 --> 00:15:09,378
HEY, DO YOU HAVE A WET NAP?
329
00:15:09,379 --> 00:15:11,380
YEAH. ABOUT THAT...
330
00:15:11,381 --> 00:15:13,382
COULD YOU COME OUT HERE
WITH YOUR HANDS
331
00:15:13,383 --> 00:15:16,445
AND YOUR PANTS UP?
332
00:15:16,446 --> 00:15:18,087
ARE YOU ARRESTING ME?
333
00:15:18,088 --> 00:15:20,089
YES, I AM.
334
00:15:20,090 --> 00:15:21,691
THEN I'M FINISHING.
335
00:15:26,456 --> 00:15:29,058
HEY, YOU KNOW...
336
00:15:29,059 --> 00:15:30,699
CAN YOU CUT ME A BREAK?
I MEAN, I'M A MOTHER.
337
00:15:30,700 --> 00:15:32,701
OH, YOU ARE?
YEAH.
338
00:15:32,702 --> 00:15:33,702
ME, TOO.
339
00:15:33,703 --> 00:15:35,564
OH!
2 GIRLS, 5 AND 7.
340
00:15:35,565 --> 00:15:37,066
OH.
YEAH.
341
00:15:37,067 --> 00:15:38,338
THEY PEE INSIDE.
342
00:15:51,721 --> 00:15:53,022
AHA!
343
00:15:53,023 --> 00:15:54,523
(all yelling)
344
00:15:54,524 --> 00:15:57,086
SCEPTER!
345
00:15:57,087 --> 00:15:58,487
(laughs)
346
00:15:58,488 --> 00:16:02,191
YEAH! YEAH! YEAH!
YEAH! YEAH! YEAH!
347
00:16:02,192 --> 00:16:04,464
AAH!
348
00:16:08,298 --> 00:16:11,340
LET'S ROB A BANK!
349
00:16:11,341 --> 00:16:13,272
YES! YES!
(all cheering)
350
00:16:13,273 --> 00:16:15,274
ROB A BANK!
351
00:16:15,275 --> 00:16:17,276
WHOO-HOO!
YEAH!
352
00:16:17,277 --> 00:16:19,549
WHOO! WHOO!
353
00:16:21,651 --> 00:16:24,583
HEY, I'M NOT COOL
WITH ROBBIN' A BANK.
354
00:16:24,584 --> 00:16:27,486
YOU KNOW WHAT? THERE ARE
TWO HOT DOG STANDS AND A ZOO
355
00:16:27,487 --> 00:16:30,390
BETWEEN US AND THE BANK.
HE'LL NEVER MAKE IT.
356
00:16:36,126 --> 00:16:39,168
OH, CHERYL, I CAN'T WAIT TO GET
THAT RESERVED PARKING SPOT.
357
00:16:39,169 --> 00:16:44,073
THAT TREK ACROSS
THE PARKING LOT IS HELL.
358
00:16:44,074 --> 00:16:48,006
"GREEN MAN TOPPLES STATUE
OF FRANK LLOYD WRIGHT.
359
00:16:48,007 --> 00:16:51,041
DECLARES CITY FREE."
360
00:16:58,048 --> 00:17:00,090
JIM!
361
00:17:03,193 --> 00:17:04,693
HOW COULD YOU?
362
00:17:04,694 --> 00:17:07,456
OH, CHERYL, IT COULD HAVE
BEEN A LOT WORSE.
363
00:17:07,457 --> 00:17:10,129
I MEAN, WE'RE LUCKY WE DIDN'T
FIND A BANK TO ROB.
364
00:17:10,130 --> 00:17:12,331
OH.
365
00:17:12,332 --> 00:17:15,033
WE ENDED UP FEEDING
HOT DOGS TO A GIRAFFE.
366
00:17:15,034 --> 00:17:18,168
HE DIDN'T LIKE IT AT FIRST,
BUT HE CAME AROUND.
367
00:17:20,240 --> 00:17:23,342
CHERYL, COME ON.
LIGHTEN UP.
368
00:17:23,343 --> 00:17:26,075
COME ON, I SEE YOU'RE UPSET.
CHERYL?
369
00:17:26,076 --> 00:17:28,148
(scoffs)
COME ON, CHERYL.
370
00:17:29,579 --> 00:17:31,820
CAN'T YOU LET THIS GO?
371
00:17:31,821 --> 00:17:33,782
(scoffs)
372
00:17:33,783 --> 00:17:35,324
(sighs)
373
00:17:35,325 --> 00:17:38,188
FOR ME?
374
00:17:40,560 --> 00:17:42,131
FOR YOU?
375
00:17:42,132 --> 00:17:45,564
FOR ME.
376
00:17:45,565 --> 00:17:47,366
FOR YOU.
377
00:17:47,367 --> 00:17:49,838
FOR ME.
378
00:17:49,839 --> 00:17:51,240
FOR YOU?!
NO, HEY!
379
00:17:51,241 --> 00:17:53,242
FOR YOU?! FOR YOU?! FOR
YOU?! FOR YOU?! HEY! HEY! HEY!
380
00:17:53,243 --> 00:17:55,073
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!
COME ON, WILL YA?
381
00:17:55,074 --> 00:17:58,347
THANK YOU FOR WAITING.
WE'RE READY...
382
00:17:58,348 --> 00:18:00,510
FOR YOU.
383
00:18:05,185 --> 00:18:07,416
GOOD MORNING, CHERYL, JIM.
384
00:18:07,417 --> 00:18:08,817
GOOD MORNING, REVEREND.
385
00:18:08,818 --> 00:18:10,419
I'M AFRAID IT ISN'T, CHERYL.
386
00:18:10,420 --> 00:18:13,292
WELL, YOU JUST SAID IT WAS...
I KNOW WHAT I SAID.
387
00:18:13,293 --> 00:18:17,095
SHALL I READ BACK WHAT
YOU SAID FROM THE RECORD?
388
00:18:17,096 --> 00:18:18,398
NO.
389
00:18:22,832 --> 00:18:26,505
WORD HAS GOTTEN OUT
ABOUT LAST NIGHT,
390
00:18:26,506 --> 00:18:28,777
AND FOR OBVIOUS REASONS,
391
00:18:28,778 --> 00:18:30,779
WE HAVE TO REMOVE YOUR NAME
FROM CONSIDERATION.
392
00:18:30,780 --> 00:18:35,113
COME ON, WHAT THE HELL KIND
OF CHURCH IS THIS? (Cheryl) JIM...
393
00:18:35,114 --> 00:18:36,745
I MEAN, WAIT A MINUTE.
NO, HONEY. I MEAN,
394
00:18:36,746 --> 00:18:38,247
YOU'RE GONNA REJECT
MY LOVELY WIFE
395
00:18:38,248 --> 00:18:39,788
BECAUSE OF SOMETHING I DID?
396
00:18:39,789 --> 00:18:42,351
I MEAN, WHAT IF THAT HAPPENED
TO ABE LINCOLN?
397
00:18:42,352 --> 00:18:45,794
I MEAN, HIS WIFE WAS NUTS...
398
00:18:45,795 --> 00:18:48,627
AND YOU PROBABLY ALL REMEMBER
THAT, HAVING VOTED FOR HIM.
399
00:18:48,628 --> 00:18:50,599
YOU'RE OUT OF ORDER, SIR.
400
00:18:50,600 --> 00:18:53,532
I'M OUT OF ORDER?
NO, YOU'RE OUT OF ORDER!
401
00:18:53,533 --> 00:18:56,905
THIS WHOLE COURTROOM
IS OUT OF ORDER!
402
00:18:56,906 --> 00:19:01,270
THANKS.
I ALWAYS WANTED TO SAY THAT.
403
00:19:01,271 --> 00:19:04,673
JIM, IT ISN'T BECAUSE OF YOU
THAT CHERYL'S OFF THE COMMITTEE.
404
00:19:04,674 --> 00:19:09,379
WE'VE RECEIVED WORD THAT
LAST NIGHT, CHERYL WAS ARRESTED.
405
00:19:12,352 --> 00:19:13,922
WHAT?
406
00:19:13,923 --> 00:19:17,856
YEAH, UM, IRONIC STORY.
407
00:19:17,857 --> 00:19:20,889
UM, LAST NIGHT, I WENT OUT
408
00:19:20,890 --> 00:19:23,292
TO TRY TO KEEP YOU
FROM GETTING INTO TROUBLE,
409
00:19:23,293 --> 00:19:28,868
AND I... KINDA GOT ARRESTED
FOR PUBLIC URINATION.
410
00:19:31,501 --> 00:19:34,644
(sighs)
WAY TO GO, BABY!
411
00:19:36,446 --> 00:19:40,549
THE GREEN MAN
TAKES A BRIDE. (laughs)
412
00:19:40,550 --> 00:19:42,551
HONEY, THAT IS ONE
OF THE HOTTEST THINGS
413
00:19:42,552 --> 00:19:44,454
I THINK YOU'VE EVER DONE.
414
00:19:46,185 --> 00:19:48,857
HOT OR NOT, THIS COMMITTEE
HAS NO PLACE ON IT
415
00:19:48,858 --> 00:19:51,720
FOR A PERSON WHO WILL
DO THINGS OF THAT KIND.
416
00:19:51,721 --> 00:19:53,962
WE HAVE A STANDARD OF CONDUCT
417
00:19:53,963 --> 00:19:56,495
THAT YOUR WIFE
HAS NOT LIVED UP TO.
418
00:19:56,496 --> 00:19:58,827
HEY, WAIT A SECOND.
YOU'RE KIDDING ME HERE, RIGHT?
419
00:19:58,828 --> 00:19:59,928
I MEAN, SHE MADE ONE MISTAKE.
420
00:19:59,929 --> 00:20:02,701
YOU'RE GONNA REJECT THE BEST
WOMAN IN THE ENTIRE CHURCH
421
00:20:02,702 --> 00:20:04,703
FOR ONE MISTAKE?
422
00:20:04,704 --> 00:20:07,236
YES, WE ARE.
423
00:20:07,237 --> 00:20:10,839
WOW, THAT IS COLD, DUDE.
424
00:20:10,840 --> 00:20:12,741
(Cheryl) OH, JIM, HONEY,
425
00:20:12,742 --> 00:20:15,544
YOU KNOW WHAT?
HE'S... HE'S RIGHT.
426
00:20:15,545 --> 00:20:18,887
I DID MAKE ONE MISTAKE,
BUT THAT MISTAKE
427
00:20:18,888 --> 00:20:21,990
WASN'T SQUATTIN' BEHIND
THAT FILTHY DUMPSTER.
428
00:20:21,991 --> 00:20:24,993
IT WAS PUTTING A SPOT
ON SOME STUPID COMMITTEE
429
00:20:24,994 --> 00:20:27,426
OVER MY HUSBAND.
430
00:20:27,427 --> 00:20:30,599
CHERYL, FIRST THE POLICE RECORD,
NOW YOU'RE SASSIN' THE REVEREND?
431
00:20:30,600 --> 00:20:32,931
WE GOTTA STOP AT A MOTEL
ON THE WAY HOME.
432
00:20:32,932 --> 00:20:35,834
OH. HONEY, OKAY, OKAY.
JUST ONE SEC. ONE SEC.
433
00:20:35,835 --> 00:20:38,767
ONE... HI. LOOK, NONE OF US
ARE PERFECT PEOPLE,
434
00:20:38,768 --> 00:20:40,869
OR WE WOULDN'T COME
TO CHURCH.
435
00:20:40,870 --> 00:20:43,842
THAT'S RIGHT. NOW YOU CAN
EITHER REJECT US FOR WHO WE ARE,
436
00:20:43,843 --> 00:20:47,746
OR YOU CAN DO THE RIGHT THING
AND ACCEPT US...
437
00:20:47,747 --> 00:20:52,821
THE PEE LADY AND THE GREEN MAN,
FLAWS AND ALL.
438
00:20:52,822 --> 00:20:54,554
AMEN!
439
00:20:59,859 --> 00:21:00,989
YOU KNOW, CHERYL,
440
00:21:00,990 --> 00:21:03,562
I'VE BEEN KICKED OUT
OF A LOT OF THINGS,
441
00:21:03,563 --> 00:21:06,835
BUT NEVER A CHURCH.
442
00:21:06,836 --> 00:21:10,869
OH, HONEY, I'M SORRY.
443
00:21:10,870 --> 00:21:13,742
I SHOULD NEVER HAVE ASKED YOU
TO CHANGE WHO YOU ARE.
444
00:21:13,743 --> 00:21:15,404
ON ST. PATRICK'S DAY,
445
00:21:15,405 --> 00:21:17,506
YOU ARE THE GREEN MAN.
446
00:21:17,507 --> 00:21:19,508
HONEY,
DON'T BEAT YOURSELF UP OVER IT.
447
00:21:19,509 --> 00:21:21,580
OH, WELL. NO, REALLY, I
SHOULD HAVE TOLD YOU
448
00:21:21,581 --> 00:21:23,582
TO CRAM IT WHEN YOU ASKED ME.
449
00:21:23,583 --> 00:21:28,518
OH, THAT IS SO SWEET.
29630
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