All language subtitles for According to Jim S05E16 - Get Your Freak On (2006) WEB-DL 1080p.ENG

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:01,072 --> 00:00:02,332 ALL RIGHT, KIDS, COME ON. 2 00:00:02,333 --> 00:00:04,003 YOU'RE GONNA BE LATE. 3 00:00:04,004 --> 00:00:05,505 THANK YOU, SWEETIE. HERE'S YOURS. 4 00:00:05,506 --> 00:00:08,108 I'M TOO SICK TO GO TO SCHOOL. 5 00:00:08,109 --> 00:00:09,509 REALLY? 6 00:00:09,510 --> 00:00:11,311 OH, IF YOU'RE THAT SICK, MAYBE YOU SHOULD STAY HOME. 7 00:00:11,312 --> 00:00:14,084 HOLD IT RIGHT THERE! COME ON, OVER HERE. 8 00:00:14,085 --> 00:00:16,046 LET'S GO. 9 00:00:16,047 --> 00:00:19,319 NOT BUYING THAT. COME ON. WHAT'S YOUR SYMPTOMS? 10 00:00:19,320 --> 00:00:20,620 MY STOMACH HURTS. 11 00:00:20,621 --> 00:00:23,753 (imitates child's voice) OH, YOUR STOMACH HURTS. 12 00:00:23,754 --> 00:00:26,196 (normal voice) COME ON, NOW. 13 00:00:26,197 --> 00:00:27,697 LISTEN, I DIDN'T BUY YOU 14 00:00:27,698 --> 00:00:29,499 AS THAT MUSHROOM IN THAT SCHOOL PLAY, 15 00:00:29,500 --> 00:00:31,461 AND I'M NOT BUYING THAT YOU'RE SICK RIGHT NOW. 16 00:00:31,462 --> 00:00:33,603 BUT I AM. I REALLY AM. 17 00:00:33,604 --> 00:00:35,705 OOH, IF YOU WOULD HAVE PUT A LITTLE COUGH 18 00:00:35,706 --> 00:00:38,068 AT THE END OF THAT, YOU MIGHT HAVE HAD ME. 19 00:00:38,069 --> 00:00:42,672 COME ON, LET'S GO. TO SCHOOL, NOW. 20 00:00:42,673 --> 00:00:46,217 (Gracie vomits) 21 00:00:48,279 --> 00:00:51,281 CHERYL, SHE'S REALLY SELLING IT. 22 00:00:51,282 --> 00:00:54,285 ♪♪♪ 23 00:01:00,231 --> 00:01:03,093 YOU KNOW, CHERYL, I FOUGHT IT TOOTH AND NAIL, 24 00:01:03,094 --> 00:01:05,095 BUT THIS DINNER PARTY TURNED OUT TO BE... 25 00:01:05,096 --> 00:01:07,397 NOT TOO SUCKY. 26 00:01:07,398 --> 00:01:08,638 I KNOW. 27 00:01:08,639 --> 00:01:12,172 YOUR PANTS ARE ON, NONE OF OUR GUESTS ARE IN TEARS. 28 00:01:12,173 --> 00:01:15,074 YOU KNOW, IT IS MY BEST PARTY EVER. 29 00:01:15,075 --> 00:01:19,149 LOOK, I DIDN'T EVEN HATE DANA THAT MUCH. 30 00:01:19,150 --> 00:01:20,580 AWW... JIM, THAT'S SWEET. 31 00:01:20,581 --> 00:01:22,512 YOU KNOW, I DIDN'T HATE YOU THAT MUCH, EITHER, 32 00:01:22,513 --> 00:01:24,354 BUT I DIDN'T WANT TO SAY ANYTHING. 33 00:01:24,355 --> 00:01:26,816 AND HOW ABOUT ANDY'S NEW GIRLFRIEND HERE? 34 00:01:26,817 --> 00:01:28,718 I MEAN, THE REASON I BRING IT UP 35 00:01:28,719 --> 00:01:33,793 IS BECAUSE ANDY HAD DATED SOME REAL LOSERS. OH. 36 00:01:33,794 --> 00:01:37,397 OH, COME ON, REMEMBER THAT CRAZY CHICK FROM THE D.M.V.? 37 00:01:37,398 --> 00:01:39,170 WHOO-WHOO! 38 00:01:40,531 --> 00:01:44,475 I AM THAT CRAZY CHICK FROM THE D.M.V. 39 00:01:47,608 --> 00:01:50,480 I KNOW. 40 00:01:50,481 --> 00:01:53,613 I'M JUST SAYING I REMEMBER YOU. 41 00:01:53,614 --> 00:01:55,215 IT'S OKAY, JIM. 42 00:01:55,216 --> 00:01:56,716 BERNICE LOOKS DIFFERENT. 43 00:01:56,717 --> 00:02:00,650 SHE, UM... BOUGHT A NEW PURSE. 44 00:02:00,651 --> 00:02:05,396 PLUS SHE'S GETTING A NIGHTLY DOSE OF VITAMIN ANDY. 45 00:02:09,160 --> 00:02:10,730 WHY TO ME? 46 00:02:10,731 --> 00:02:12,732 I'M OVER HERE MINDING MY OWN BUSINESS, 47 00:02:12,733 --> 00:02:14,234 THINKING ABOUT DESSERT. 48 00:02:14,235 --> 00:02:16,636 NOW I'M SEEING YOUR SEX FACE. 49 00:02:16,637 --> 00:02:19,339 OKAY, WHO WANTS DESSERT? 50 00:02:19,340 --> 00:02:21,211 OH, I DO. YOU KNOW WHAT? LET US HELP. 51 00:02:21,212 --> 00:02:22,613 OH... COME ON, LET US HELP YOU. 52 00:02:25,916 --> 00:02:27,817 JIM, HONEY, 53 00:02:27,818 --> 00:02:30,149 WHERE ARE YOU GOING? I THOUGHT YOU WERE GONNA HELP. 54 00:02:30,150 --> 00:02:33,283 DID YOU, CHERYL? 55 00:02:33,284 --> 00:02:34,754 DID YOU REALLY? 56 00:02:34,755 --> 00:02:36,756 OH. 57 00:02:36,757 --> 00:02:40,590 SO, BERNICE, 58 00:02:40,591 --> 00:02:43,263 ARE YOU AND ANDY GETTING SERIOUS? 59 00:02:43,264 --> 00:02:44,864 WE'VE BEEN GOING OUT A MONTH. RIGHT. 60 00:02:44,865 --> 00:02:47,437 WE REALLY DON'T GO OUT. WE MOSTLY STAY IN. 61 00:02:47,438 --> 00:02:48,898 YOU GOT IT? 62 00:02:48,899 --> 00:02:53,203 OH, I GOT IT. NOW WHERE DO I RETURN IT? 63 00:02:53,204 --> 00:02:55,775 I'M HAVING A GIRLS' NIGHT ON THURSDAY. WANNA COME? 64 00:02:55,776 --> 00:02:57,507 COULD GET CRAZY. 65 00:02:57,508 --> 00:03:00,880 GALS FROM THE D.M.V., SOME COSMOS, CHEESE. 66 00:03:00,881 --> 00:03:04,354 WOW, BOOZE, CHEESE AND NO ONE CALLING ME MOMMY? 67 00:03:04,355 --> 00:03:05,815 I'M THERE. 68 00:03:05,816 --> 00:03:08,818 SO, ANDY, HOW DID YOU AND BERNICE GET BACK TOGETHER? 69 00:03:08,819 --> 00:03:11,521 WELL, IT WAS A NORMAL SATURDAY NIGHT. 70 00:03:11,522 --> 00:03:15,426 I WAS DRIVING BY OLD GIRLFRIENDS' HOUSES. 71 00:03:16,897 --> 00:03:21,731 SAW BERNICE THROUGH HER WINDOW, CRYING AND EATING PIE. 72 00:03:21,732 --> 00:03:24,574 WERE YOU EATING PIE AND CRYING, TOO? 73 00:03:24,575 --> 00:03:26,506 I SAID IT WAS A SATURDAY NIGHT. 74 00:03:26,507 --> 00:03:27,977 YEAH. 75 00:03:27,978 --> 00:03:30,380 HEY, GUYS, IT IS FANTASTIC. 76 00:03:30,381 --> 00:03:33,543 I MEAN, USUALLY I START OUT BEING FRIENDS AND BUILD TO SEX, 77 00:03:33,544 --> 00:03:37,617 BUT WITH BERNICE, IT'S JUST SEX. 78 00:03:37,618 --> 00:03:40,520 WITH ANY LUCK, WE'LL NEVER BE FRIENDS. 79 00:03:40,521 --> 00:03:41,991 OH, THERE SHE IS. 80 00:03:41,992 --> 00:03:44,794 HOW'S MY ANGEL? 81 00:03:44,795 --> 00:03:48,858 HONEY, BERNICE INVITED US OVER FOR A GIRLS' NIGHT ON THURSDAY. 82 00:03:48,859 --> 00:03:50,860 OH, WHAT A GREAT IDEA. YOU KNOW WHAT? I KNOW. 83 00:03:50,861 --> 00:03:52,532 MAYBE I'LL HAVE A BOYS' NIGHT THURSDAY. 84 00:03:52,533 --> 00:03:54,934 YEAH, AND WE'LL HAVE SOME POKER, BEER, 85 00:03:54,935 --> 00:03:57,667 SOME LIGHT NUDITY, CHEESE. 86 00:03:57,668 --> 00:04:00,009 HONEY, WHAT ABOUT THE KIDS? 87 00:04:00,010 --> 00:04:01,871 WELL, I THOUGHT YOU'D TAKE THEM WITH YOU 88 00:04:01,872 --> 00:04:04,013 ON GIRLS' NIGHT. 89 00:04:04,014 --> 00:04:06,546 DID YOU, JIM? 90 00:04:06,547 --> 00:04:08,979 DID YOU REALLY? 91 00:04:15,586 --> 00:04:17,887 THIS IS A REALLY FUN PARTY, BERNICE. 92 00:04:17,888 --> 00:04:19,529 YES, IT IS. 93 00:04:19,530 --> 00:04:22,032 I'M BLOWING THE ROOF OFF THIS SUCKA. 94 00:04:26,637 --> 00:04:30,300 IS EVERYONE ENJOYING MY HOMEMADE CHEESE? 95 00:04:30,301 --> 00:04:32,742 OH, HOMEMADE. 96 00:04:32,743 --> 00:04:35,274 THAT EXPLAINS IT. 97 00:04:35,275 --> 00:04:36,976 ALL RIGHT, NOW THE REAL FUN BEGINS. 98 00:04:36,977 --> 00:04:38,948 WHO'S READY TO SHOP? 99 00:04:38,949 --> 00:04:40,580 OH. OH, GREAT. 100 00:04:40,581 --> 00:04:43,913 ACTUALLY, I COULD USE A NEW PAIR OF SLIPPERS. YEAH. 101 00:04:43,914 --> 00:04:46,416 DANA. 102 00:04:46,417 --> 00:04:47,887 YEAH? 103 00:04:47,888 --> 00:04:52,492 IS YOUR CATALOG ALL SEX STUFF? 104 00:04:52,493 --> 00:04:53,863 I DON'T THINK SO. 105 00:04:53,864 --> 00:04:56,866 THIS THING LOOKS LIKE A LEMON ZESTER. 106 00:04:56,867 --> 00:05:00,430 OH... YEAH. NO, IT'S ALL SEX STUFF. 107 00:05:00,431 --> 00:05:02,932 AS MY REGULARS KNOW, 108 00:05:02,933 --> 00:05:06,936 I MAKE A LITTLE EXTRA MONEY SELLING EXOTIC ADULT NOVELTIES. 109 00:05:06,937 --> 00:05:08,838 THE D.M.V. DOESN'T PAY VERY WELL. 110 00:05:08,839 --> 00:05:11,581 BUT THE MAILING LIST I GOT FROM THEIR COMPUTERS 111 00:05:11,582 --> 00:05:13,343 HELPED MOVE SOME MERCH. 112 00:05:13,344 --> 00:05:16,946 GOD, WOULD YOU LOOK AT ALL THIS SEX STUFF? 113 00:05:16,947 --> 00:05:19,819 YEAH, IT'S AMAZING THOSE GIRLS FROM THE D.M.V. 114 00:05:19,820 --> 00:05:21,320 AREN'T IN BETTER MOODS. 115 00:05:21,321 --> 00:05:22,822 YEAH, REALLY. 116 00:05:22,823 --> 00:05:24,594 EVERYTHING'S ON DISPLAY IN MY BEDROOM, 117 00:05:24,595 --> 00:05:26,426 SO GO IN AND GET WILD. 118 00:05:26,427 --> 00:05:27,997 THERE'S ALSO AN IRREGULAR TABLE 119 00:05:27,998 --> 00:05:29,999 IF ANYONE'S LOOKING FOR A DISCOUNT, 120 00:05:30,000 --> 00:05:31,462 AND A BIG AND TALL TABLE. 121 00:05:35,506 --> 00:05:38,067 OH, THIS IS RIDICULOUS. 122 00:05:38,068 --> 00:05:41,010 I DON'T NEED ANY OF THIS STUFF. 123 00:05:41,011 --> 00:05:44,514 YOU KNOW, JIM AND I ACTUALLY HAVE A FANTASTIC SEX LIFE. 124 00:05:44,515 --> 00:05:46,416 JUST LAST NIGHT, WE... 125 00:05:46,417 --> 00:05:48,748 WELL, HELLO. HMM. 126 00:05:48,749 --> 00:05:50,550 I DON'T KNOW, I THINK RYAN AND I COULD USE SOMETHING 127 00:05:50,551 --> 00:05:51,881 TO SPICE THINGS UP. 128 00:05:51,882 --> 00:05:53,653 THINGS HAVE GOTTEN A LITTLE MONOTONOUS 129 00:05:53,654 --> 00:05:55,655 SINCE WE STARTED TRYING TO HAVE A BABY. 130 00:05:55,656 --> 00:05:57,427 CHECK OUT PAGE 12. 131 00:05:57,428 --> 00:06:00,561 I'M GOING IN. 132 00:06:02,893 --> 00:06:04,395 OH. 133 00:06:15,876 --> 00:06:19,048 YOU KNOW WHAT I THINK? I THINK YOU'VE GOT THE OLD MAID. 134 00:06:19,049 --> 00:06:21,852 MAYBE I DO, MAYBE I DON'T. 135 00:06:23,614 --> 00:06:24,984 WHAT ARE YOU GUYS DOING? 136 00:06:24,985 --> 00:06:25,956 YOU'RE HAVING POKER NIGHT, 137 00:06:25,957 --> 00:06:27,917 SO WE'RE HAVING OLD MAID POKER NIGHT. 138 00:06:27,918 --> 00:06:30,760 AND EVERY FIVE SECONDS, KYLE GOES ALL IN. 139 00:06:30,761 --> 00:06:33,493 I'M ALL IN! 140 00:06:33,494 --> 00:06:35,925 OH, JEEZ, LOOK AT THESE. 141 00:06:35,926 --> 00:06:39,098 DADDY, WE'RE USING THOSE. 142 00:06:39,099 --> 00:06:41,971 YEAH, WELL, WHY DON'T YOU CHOP UP SOME CUCUMBERS? 143 00:06:41,972 --> 00:06:44,904 THERE'S NO CHANCE I'M GONNA WANT THOSE. 144 00:06:44,905 --> 00:06:47,438 KNIVES ARE IN THE DRAWER. 145 00:06:49,640 --> 00:06:51,681 OH, THANK YOU, THANK YOU, LADIES. 146 00:06:51,682 --> 00:06:53,583 A PAIR OF 5s? SERIOUSLY, COME ON. 147 00:06:53,584 --> 00:06:55,915 HOW CAN YOU PLAY THOSE CARDS? 148 00:06:55,916 --> 00:06:58,147 WHAT CAN I SAY? MY MIND'S ON OTHER THINGS. 149 00:06:58,148 --> 00:07:03,053 HEY, DOC, I'M LAYING MORE PIPE THAN STANDARD OIL. 150 00:07:05,956 --> 00:07:07,997 AGAIN, WHY TO ME? 151 00:07:07,998 --> 00:07:10,760 I'M TELLING YOU, THERE'S ENOUGH PIPE THERE 152 00:07:10,761 --> 00:07:12,862 TO GO TO SAUDI ARABIA AND BACK. 153 00:07:12,863 --> 00:07:14,804 ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT. 154 00:07:14,805 --> 00:07:17,807 WITH ANY LUCK, WE'LL NEVER HAVE TO TAP INTO ALASKA. 155 00:07:17,808 --> 00:07:20,970 COME ON, I LIKED IT BETTER WHEN YOU WERE PAYING FOR IT. 156 00:07:20,971 --> 00:07:22,512 COME ON... 157 00:07:22,513 --> 00:07:25,915 YOU ENJOY THE SEX WHILE IT LASTS, ANDY, BECAUSE IT WON'T. 158 00:07:25,916 --> 00:07:27,917 NO, NO, NO. HE'S RIGHT, HE'S RIGHT. 159 00:07:27,918 --> 00:07:29,919 YEAH, WITH MY EX, THE SEX WENT OUT THE WINDOW 160 00:07:29,920 --> 00:07:31,981 SOMEWHERE BETWEEN "I" AND "DO." 161 00:07:31,982 --> 00:07:33,953 OH, PLEASE. NO, IT'S TRUE. 162 00:07:33,954 --> 00:07:35,955 I MEAN, YOU KNOW WHAT? DANA AND I USED TO BE WILD. 163 00:07:35,956 --> 00:07:37,957 BUT NOW WE'RE TRYING TO HAVE A BABY. 164 00:07:37,958 --> 00:07:40,029 THAT'S WHEN IT BECOMES A JOB. 165 00:07:40,030 --> 00:07:42,592 YEAH, AND THEN AFTERWARDS, SHE HAS HER LEGS UP 166 00:07:42,593 --> 00:07:44,834 AND LIES MOTIONLESS FOR 20 MINUTES. 167 00:07:44,835 --> 00:07:48,669 I'D KILL FOR MY WIFE TO LIE MOTIONLESS. 168 00:07:51,041 --> 00:07:53,042 YOU KNOW WHAT, ANDY? DON'T LISTEN TO THESE GUYS. 169 00:07:53,043 --> 00:07:55,845 CHERYL AND I HAVE BEEN TOGETHER FOR 15 YEARS. 170 00:07:55,846 --> 00:07:59,148 OUR SEX IS AS HOT NOW AS IT WAS THE FIRST TIME WE DID IT. 171 00:07:59,149 --> 00:08:00,750 AND I'M TELLING YOU, 172 00:08:00,751 --> 00:08:02,712 WE DID IT, EVERY WHICH WAY BUT LOOSE. 173 00:08:02,713 --> 00:08:04,554 YOU KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT, DOC? 174 00:08:04,555 --> 00:08:07,186 DO I HAVE "TELL ME ABOUT YOUR SEX LIFE" 175 00:08:07,187 --> 00:08:10,760 WRITTEN ON MY FOREHEAD? 176 00:08:10,761 --> 00:08:13,192 JIM, I DON'T BUY IT. I DON'T BUY IT. WHAT DO YOU MEAN? 177 00:08:13,193 --> 00:08:14,894 NO, NO, NO, MAN. PASSION DOESN'T LAST THAT LONG. 178 00:08:14,895 --> 00:08:16,025 YOU KNOW WHAT? 179 00:08:16,026 --> 00:08:17,927 IN OUR RELATIONSHIP, NOT ONLY DOES IT LAST, 180 00:08:17,928 --> 00:08:19,869 IT GETS BETTER. REALLY? 181 00:08:19,870 --> 00:08:21,931 OH, WE KNOW ALL THE MOVES. YOU KNOW, LIGHTS ON, LIGHTS OFF. 182 00:08:21,932 --> 00:08:24,804 IN THE BED, ON THIS POKER TABLE. 183 00:08:24,805 --> 00:08:26,135 (all) OH! 184 00:08:26,136 --> 00:08:28,838 I'M TELLING YOU, SHE KNOWS WHAT I LIKE, 185 00:08:28,839 --> 00:08:30,209 I KNOW WHAT SHE LIKES, 186 00:08:30,210 --> 00:08:32,281 AND THERE'S ALWAYS A SANDWICH AFTERWARDS. 187 00:08:32,282 --> 00:08:34,714 NOW A SANDWICH... THAT MAKES A DIFFERENCE. 188 00:08:34,715 --> 00:08:36,716 NO, GUYS, I GOT IT MADE. 189 00:08:36,717 --> 00:08:38,117 HONEST TO GOD, I MEAN, NO COMPLAINTS, 190 00:08:38,118 --> 00:08:40,049 NO SURPRISES. 191 00:08:40,050 --> 00:08:41,921 WHOO! 192 00:08:41,922 --> 00:08:44,023 MAMA'S GOING SHOPPING! 193 00:08:44,024 --> 00:08:46,657 (all) WHOO! 194 00:08:52,563 --> 00:08:55,104 (giggling) 195 00:08:55,105 --> 00:08:58,808 (both giggling) 196 00:08:58,809 --> 00:09:01,741 ALL RIGHT, I KNOW THAT LOOK. 197 00:09:01,742 --> 00:09:03,272 THAT'S THE NOOKIE LOOK. 198 00:09:03,273 --> 00:09:05,815 (both giggling) 199 00:09:05,816 --> 00:09:08,648 YEAH, YOU GUYS GOT SOME LAST NIGHT, DIDN'T YOU? 200 00:09:08,649 --> 00:09:12,081 ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT. WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR ARM? 201 00:09:12,082 --> 00:09:15,224 OH, WELL, MILADY GOT SOME NEW EQUIPMENT FROM THAILAND. 202 00:09:15,225 --> 00:09:17,186 KIND OF EXCEEDED THE WEIGHT LIMIT, 203 00:09:17,187 --> 00:09:19,959 BUT THE PAIN WAS WORTH THE MAGIC. 204 00:09:19,960 --> 00:09:22,862 SO, JIM, JIM, JIM. 205 00:09:22,863 --> 00:09:24,263 WHAT, WHAT, WHAT? 206 00:09:24,264 --> 00:09:26,295 WHAT HAPPENED LAST NIGHT AFTER CHERYL GOT HOME? 207 00:09:26,296 --> 00:09:29,268 NOTHING. I WAS ASLEEP. 208 00:09:29,269 --> 00:09:33,002 SHE DIDN'T BRING ANYTHING HOME FROM THE SEX TOY PARTY? 209 00:09:33,003 --> 00:09:35,805 SEX TOY PARTY? 210 00:09:35,806 --> 00:09:37,106 (Andy and Ryan giggle) 211 00:09:37,107 --> 00:09:38,908 THESE "GIRL NIGHT" PARTIES, 212 00:09:38,909 --> 00:09:42,982 THEY'RE JUST AN EXCUSE FOR BERNICE TO SELL SEX STUFF. 213 00:09:42,983 --> 00:09:45,115 I DIDN'T KNOW IT BEFORE 'CAUSE WE DON'T TALK. 214 00:09:47,157 --> 00:09:50,820 AND YOU GUYS GOT SOME TREATS? 215 00:09:50,821 --> 00:09:53,122 (both giggling) MAYBE SHE... YOU KNOW WHAT? 216 00:09:53,123 --> 00:09:56,195 MAYBE SHE BOUGHT SOMETHING, BUT DECIDED NOT TO WAKE ME UP. 217 00:09:56,196 --> 00:09:58,167 YOU KNOW WHAT? I SHOULDN'T HAVE HAD THAT EIGHTH BEER. 218 00:09:58,168 --> 00:09:59,869 IT ALWAYS KNOCKS ME OUT. 219 00:09:59,870 --> 00:10:01,100 NO, NO, NO. YOU KNOW WHAT, JIM? 220 00:10:01,101 --> 00:10:03,633 I BET SHE'S GONNA SURPRISE YOU TONIGHT. HEY. 221 00:10:03,634 --> 00:10:07,036 YEAH. YEAH, YEAH, THAT'S IT, OF COURSE. 222 00:10:07,037 --> 00:10:08,778 CHERYL'S GONNA SURPRISE ME TONIGHT. 223 00:10:08,779 --> 00:10:10,309 YOU KNOW WHAT? I BETTER PREPARE FOR THAT. 224 00:10:10,310 --> 00:10:14,013 I BETTER TAKE A NAP OR SOMETHING, MAYBE TWO NAPS. 225 00:10:14,014 --> 00:10:16,085 TRUST ME, YOU'RE GONNA NEED IT. 226 00:10:16,086 --> 00:10:19,218 OH... HELL, YEAH. 227 00:10:19,219 --> 00:10:22,051 I THINK I BROKE A RIB AND PUNCTURED A LUNG, 228 00:10:22,052 --> 00:10:24,193 AND I'M LOVING IT! 229 00:10:24,194 --> 00:10:26,826 GEE, I WONDER WHAT KIND OF TOYS 230 00:10:26,827 --> 00:10:29,028 SHE'S GONNA WHIP OUT TONIGHT FOR ME. 231 00:10:29,029 --> 00:10:30,629 WORD OF WARNING. YEAH? 232 00:10:30,630 --> 00:10:32,732 IF SHE PULLS OUT THIS LITTLE THING THAT LOOKS LIKE 233 00:10:32,733 --> 00:10:33,933 A FRIENDLY LITTLE BUNNY... 234 00:10:33,934 --> 00:10:35,665 IT'S NOT. 235 00:10:35,666 --> 00:10:37,406 OKAY. 236 00:10:37,407 --> 00:10:41,141 (both giggling) 237 00:10:43,674 --> 00:10:45,215 HEY, HONEY, I'M HOME. 238 00:10:48,278 --> 00:10:52,122 HOLY... MA... MA. 239 00:10:54,184 --> 00:10:56,125 (Southern accent) ARE YOU THE MAN THAT'S BEEN 240 00:10:56,126 --> 00:10:58,157 DRIVING CATTLE ACROSS MY LAND? 241 00:10:58,158 --> 00:11:00,259 RECKON I AM. 242 00:11:00,260 --> 00:11:02,932 WELL, WE DON'T COTTON TO NO FREE GRAZERS AROUND HERE. 243 00:11:02,933 --> 00:11:04,233 GET 'EM OFF. 244 00:11:04,234 --> 00:11:06,065 (Southern accent) AND IF I DON'T? 245 00:11:06,066 --> 00:11:08,338 THEN I RECKON I'M GONNA HAVE TO DANCE FOR YOU. 246 00:11:14,074 --> 00:11:16,977 (imitating gunshots) 247 00:11:27,918 --> 00:11:30,289 WHOA! WHOA! 248 00:11:30,290 --> 00:11:32,461 WHOA, SCOUT! YOU SETTLE, BOY! 249 00:11:32,462 --> 00:11:34,724 SETTLE DOWN THERE, SCOUT! 250 00:11:34,725 --> 00:11:38,427 WHOA! WHOA! 251 00:11:38,428 --> 00:11:40,930 HEY, THERE, LITTLE MISSY. 252 00:11:40,931 --> 00:11:45,074 ME AND SCOUT HERE NEED A PLACE TO BUNK FOR THE NIGHT. 253 00:11:45,075 --> 00:11:47,206 GOT ANY MONEY, STRANGER? 254 00:11:47,207 --> 00:11:50,239 NO, MA'AM, BUT I CAN WORK. 255 00:11:50,240 --> 00:11:52,742 FIX WHATEVER'S BROKE AROUND HERE, 256 00:11:52,743 --> 00:11:55,745 BREAK WHATEVER'S FIXED. 257 00:11:55,746 --> 00:11:59,388 I DON'T EXACTLY FOLLOW YOU, STRANGER. 258 00:11:59,389 --> 00:12:03,122 MAYBE I SHOULD FOLLOW YOU. 259 00:12:03,123 --> 00:12:06,056 I'M NOT GOING ANYWHERE. 260 00:12:08,258 --> 00:12:10,130 MAYBE I SHOULD JUST DANCE FOR YOU. 261 00:12:23,073 --> 00:12:26,816 WHERE'D SHE HIDE IT? SHE'S GOTTA HAVE IT. 262 00:12:26,817 --> 00:12:28,017 HONEY... 263 00:12:28,018 --> 00:12:30,049 YES? 264 00:12:30,050 --> 00:12:33,082 KIDS ARE ASLEEP. YES! 265 00:12:33,083 --> 00:12:35,284 YOU AND ME. YOU AND ME! 266 00:12:35,285 --> 00:12:37,056 (laughs) 267 00:12:37,057 --> 00:12:41,961 YOU COMING ON TO ME IN A MAYBE NEW AND INTRIGUING WAY? 268 00:12:41,962 --> 00:12:44,493 MAYBE. HOLD ON. 269 00:12:44,494 --> 00:12:49,069 OOH! SOMETHING INTRIGUING IN THAT DRAWER? 270 00:12:53,273 --> 00:12:55,075 RAGWEED SEASON. 271 00:12:58,078 --> 00:13:00,080 COME ON. 272 00:13:05,055 --> 00:13:06,355 OH, HONEY, WOULD YOU MIND 273 00:13:06,356 --> 00:13:09,518 GRABBING ME SOME SOCKS OUT OF THAT DRAWER? 274 00:13:09,519 --> 00:13:11,891 ME FEET ARE COLD. SOCK DRAWER! OF COURSE. 275 00:13:11,892 --> 00:13:14,223 THE SOCK DRAWER! 276 00:13:14,224 --> 00:13:17,266 I'M GONNA OPEN THIS SOCK DRAWER, 277 00:13:17,267 --> 00:13:20,100 AND WOULDN'T IT SURPRISE ME TO FIND... 278 00:13:26,106 --> 00:13:28,107 SOCKS? 279 00:13:28,108 --> 00:13:32,041 YEAH. HONEY, WOULD YOU GRAB ME MY OLD RED WOOLIES? 280 00:13:32,042 --> 00:13:34,113 YES, THE RED WOOLIES! OF COURSE! 281 00:13:34,114 --> 00:13:35,284 OH... 282 00:13:35,285 --> 00:13:39,118 INSIDE THIS RED WOOLIE IS... 283 00:13:39,119 --> 00:13:42,022 A DRYER SHEET? 284 00:13:44,094 --> 00:13:46,555 HONEY, HURRY. MY TOES ARE FREEZING. 285 00:13:46,556 --> 00:13:49,358 YEAH. ALL RIGHT. 286 00:13:49,359 --> 00:13:51,501 LET'S KNOCK THIS OUT. 287 00:14:07,047 --> 00:14:12,052 STUPID REGULAR SEX. 288 00:14:22,162 --> 00:14:25,064 YES, THAT PURCHASE WOULD HAVE BEEN MADE ON THURSDAY NIGHT. 289 00:14:25,065 --> 00:14:30,900 "GARDEN OF EDEN ENTERPRISES... $119.95." 290 00:14:30,901 --> 00:14:32,641 YEAH, WHAT DID SHE BUY? 291 00:14:32,642 --> 00:14:35,144 LOOK, I DON'T KNOW HOW YOU GUYS 292 00:14:35,145 --> 00:14:37,106 HANDLE IT IN PAKISTAN, ALL RIGHT? 293 00:14:37,107 --> 00:14:40,149 BUT HERE IN AMERICA, A HUSBAND HAS THE RIGHT TO KNOW 294 00:14:40,150 --> 00:14:42,111 WHAT THEIR WIVES BUY! 295 00:14:42,112 --> 00:14:45,014 OH, RIGHT, YEAH, YOU'RE IN DELAWARE. SURE. 296 00:14:45,015 --> 00:14:48,257 HEY, I GOT THE CATALOG. GIVE ME THAT! 297 00:14:48,258 --> 00:14:50,589 BERNICE WOULDN'T TELL ME WHAT CHERYL BOUGHT. 298 00:14:50,590 --> 00:14:52,621 SHE'S GOT SOME STUPID RULE ABOUT PRIVACY. 299 00:14:52,622 --> 00:14:56,895 PRIVACY? SHE HAS SEX WITH YOU IN THE PARK. 300 00:14:56,896 --> 00:15:00,069 YEAH, ABOUT THAT... THE HEARING'S NEXT WEEK. 301 00:15:00,070 --> 00:15:01,601 I MIGHT MISS WORK. 302 00:15:03,503 --> 00:15:05,504 JIM, WHY DIDN'T YOU JUST ASK CHERYL 303 00:15:05,505 --> 00:15:07,176 WHAT SHE BOUGHT LAST NIGHT? 304 00:15:07,177 --> 00:15:10,439 I DON'T KNOW. I THOUGHT SHE WAS GONNA SURPRISE ME. 305 00:15:10,440 --> 00:15:13,082 BY THE TIME I REALIZED SHE WASN'T, 306 00:15:13,083 --> 00:15:16,585 GENERAL SHERMAN HAD ALREADY BURNED THROUGH THE SOUTH. 307 00:15:16,586 --> 00:15:18,588 HELLO! 308 00:15:26,396 --> 00:15:28,027 WHAT'S THE BIG DEAL? 309 00:15:28,028 --> 00:15:30,529 I THOUGHT YOUR SEX LIFE WAS GREAT. 310 00:15:30,530 --> 00:15:32,201 I THOUGHT SO, TOO! 311 00:15:32,202 --> 00:15:35,704 BUT CHERYL'S BUYING THESE TOYS AND NOT SHARING THEM WITH ME. 312 00:15:35,705 --> 00:15:38,968 THAT'S NOT A GOOD EXAMPLE FOR THE KIDS. 313 00:15:38,969 --> 00:15:41,170 OH, BOY, YOU KNOW WHAT, JIM? 314 00:15:41,171 --> 00:15:43,242 I BLAME MYSELF FOR THIS. I REALLY DO. 315 00:15:43,243 --> 00:15:45,514 I MEAN, ONCE BERNICE SHOWED CHERYL 316 00:15:45,515 --> 00:15:48,147 WHAT COMPLETE SEXUAL SATISFACTION'S ALL ABOUT... 317 00:15:48,148 --> 00:15:50,149 WELL, HOW DO YOU GO BACK TO HAMBURGER 318 00:15:50,150 --> 00:15:52,351 ONCE YOU'VE HEARD ABOUT STEAK? 319 00:15:52,352 --> 00:15:56,085 I AM STEAK! 320 00:15:56,086 --> 00:15:58,587 REALLY? 321 00:15:58,588 --> 00:16:02,092 THEN WHY IS CHERYL SPENDING $119.95 ON SIDE DISHES? 322 00:16:07,437 --> 00:16:10,500 (buzzing sound) 323 00:16:17,107 --> 00:16:19,078 CHERYL, WHAT THE HELL? 324 00:16:19,079 --> 00:16:22,412 DON'T I GET TO PLAY? 325 00:16:25,055 --> 00:16:26,985 PLAY WHAT? 326 00:16:26,986 --> 00:16:29,518 UH... DENTIST? 327 00:16:29,519 --> 00:16:32,321 OKAY. 328 00:16:32,322 --> 00:16:35,194 (buzzing stops) SPIT! 329 00:16:35,195 --> 00:16:38,528 OKAY. 330 00:16:45,035 --> 00:16:47,176 THIS IS FUN. 331 00:16:47,177 --> 00:16:49,178 WELL, YOU KNOW, I HAVE THIS CAVITY. 332 00:16:49,179 --> 00:16:51,640 WAIT A MINUTE, I'M THE DENTIST, SO YOU'D HAVE THE CAVITY. 333 00:16:51,641 --> 00:16:54,143 YOU KNOW WHAT? LET ME START OVER. 334 00:16:54,144 --> 00:16:56,285 LET ME COME BACK IN. OKAY, JIM, HONEY, HONEY... 335 00:16:56,286 --> 00:16:58,147 WHAT'S GOING ON? 336 00:16:58,148 --> 00:16:59,518 I'LL TELL YOU WHAT'S GOING ON! 337 00:16:59,519 --> 00:17:01,220 I'LL TELL YOU WHAT'S GOING ON! 338 00:17:01,221 --> 00:17:03,092 I KNOW YOU WENT TO THAT SEX TOY PARTY, 339 00:17:03,093 --> 00:17:04,723 AND YOU BOUGHT SOMETHING! 340 00:17:04,724 --> 00:17:06,425 OH. YEAH. 341 00:17:06,426 --> 00:17:08,427 CHERYL, I MEAN, YOU KNOW, I'M YOUR HUSBAND. 342 00:17:08,428 --> 00:17:11,330 I HAVE A RIGHT TO KNOW. THIS IS NOT PAKISTINE! 343 00:17:11,331 --> 00:17:12,801 WHAT? 344 00:17:12,802 --> 00:17:15,604 WELL, DID YOU NEED THAT? I MEAN, DID YOU NEED SOMETHING? 345 00:17:15,605 --> 00:17:17,806 I MEAN, AM I NOT ENOUGH? 346 00:17:17,807 --> 00:17:21,810 OH, HONEY, NO, NO. 347 00:17:21,811 --> 00:17:24,613 I DIDN'T BUY IT FOR ME. 348 00:17:24,614 --> 00:17:27,076 I-I BOUGHT IT FOR US. 349 00:17:27,077 --> 00:17:29,278 OH. 350 00:17:29,279 --> 00:17:31,080 OH. 351 00:17:31,081 --> 00:17:33,622 ALL RIGHT, WELL, WHERE IS THIS THING? 352 00:17:33,623 --> 00:17:35,484 I MEAN, THE KIDS ARE AT KARATE CLASS. 353 00:17:35,485 --> 00:17:37,556 I'M SURE ANDY LEFT. LET'S BREAK THIS BAD BOY OUT! 354 00:17:37,557 --> 00:17:40,489 OH, HONEY, ARE YOU SURE? IT'S KIND OF... WHAT? 355 00:17:40,490 --> 00:17:42,091 SCARY. 356 00:17:42,092 --> 00:17:43,762 SCARY? YEAH, IT'S SCARY. 357 00:17:43,763 --> 00:17:47,166 COME ON, YOU GOT A BIG, STRONG MAN RIGHT HERE. OH. 358 00:17:47,167 --> 00:17:49,168 IT'S NOT SHAPED LIKE A SPIDER, IS IT? 359 00:17:49,169 --> 00:17:50,169 NO. 360 00:17:50,170 --> 00:17:51,340 OKAY. 361 00:17:51,341 --> 00:17:53,372 LET'S BREAK IT OUT. 362 00:17:53,373 --> 00:17:56,145 (sighs) UNDER THE BED, OF COURSE. 363 00:17:56,146 --> 00:17:57,406 VERY CLEVER. 364 00:17:57,407 --> 00:17:59,478 YOU'RE NOT A SNIPER, ARE YOU? 365 00:17:59,479 --> 00:18:01,581 OH, JEEZ... 366 00:18:04,414 --> 00:18:06,185 WHAT THE... 367 00:18:06,186 --> 00:18:10,559 I THOUGHT IT WAS, LIKE, A RABBIT OR A BUNNY. 368 00:18:10,560 --> 00:18:14,123 IT'S A... 369 00:18:14,124 --> 00:18:16,425 WHAT THE HELL IS THAT? 370 00:18:16,426 --> 00:18:19,168 I DON'T KNOW. THE INSTRUCTIONS ARE IN GERMAN. 371 00:18:19,169 --> 00:18:21,099 I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT IT DOES! 372 00:18:21,100 --> 00:18:22,501 WELL, IF IT'S IN GERMAN, 373 00:18:22,502 --> 00:18:25,734 IT PROBABLY DRINKS BEER AND WANTS TO CONQUER EUROPE. 374 00:18:25,735 --> 00:18:30,779 WELL, WHAT DO YOU THINK? SHOULD WE TRY TO TURN IT ON? 375 00:18:30,780 --> 00:18:32,841 OKAY. 376 00:18:32,842 --> 00:18:34,813 (both scream) 377 00:18:34,814 --> 00:18:37,746 WHOO! LOOK AT THAT! 378 00:18:37,747 --> 00:18:39,518 MY LORD! 379 00:18:39,519 --> 00:18:40,749 WHAT... 380 00:18:40,750 --> 00:18:44,293 WHY IS THAT PART SPINNING? 381 00:18:44,294 --> 00:18:46,325 OH. OH! 382 00:18:46,326 --> 00:18:48,627 I'M PRETTY SURE I'VE SEEN THAT OTHER END THERE 383 00:18:48,628 --> 00:18:50,829 ON A SHOE BUFFER. 384 00:18:50,830 --> 00:18:53,232 OKAY, HONEY, TURN IT OFF. 385 00:18:53,233 --> 00:18:54,863 NO, YOU TURN IT OFF. 386 00:18:54,864 --> 00:18:57,736 ARE YOU SCARED? 387 00:18:57,737 --> 00:18:59,668 OF THAT? YEAH. 388 00:18:59,669 --> 00:19:01,410 YEAH. 389 00:19:01,411 --> 00:19:03,842 GO AHEAD. TURN IT OFF. 390 00:19:03,843 --> 00:19:05,344 WATCH YOUR FINGERS! 391 00:19:05,345 --> 00:19:07,216 AAH! 392 00:19:07,217 --> 00:19:08,777 CHERYL... 393 00:19:08,778 --> 00:19:10,719 WE DON'T NEED THAT. 394 00:19:10,720 --> 00:19:12,621 NO, NO, NOT UNLESS YOU NEED TO 395 00:19:12,622 --> 00:19:15,524 RIP UP A STUMP IN THE BACKYARD. 396 00:19:15,525 --> 00:19:18,657 CHERYL, WHAT WOULD POSSESS YOU TO BUY SOMETHING LIKE THIS? 397 00:19:18,658 --> 00:19:20,359 WELL... 398 00:19:20,360 --> 00:19:22,831 I THOUGHT IT MIGHT BE FUN. 399 00:19:22,832 --> 00:19:25,194 DID YOU, CHERYL? 400 00:19:25,195 --> 00:19:27,366 DID YOU REALLY? 401 00:19:27,367 --> 00:19:29,198 WELL, JIM... WHAT? 402 00:19:29,199 --> 00:19:31,340 I MEAN, IT WAS A PARTY AND ALL THE GIRLS WERE SO EXCITED, 403 00:19:31,341 --> 00:19:35,704 AND THEY WERE BUYING ALL THESE TOYS... YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, HOW MUCH DID YOU HAVE TO DRINK? 404 00:19:35,705 --> 00:19:36,945 THAT MUCH. YEAH. 405 00:19:36,946 --> 00:19:38,507 CHERYL... 406 00:19:38,508 --> 00:19:40,178 I KNOW. I KNOW. 407 00:19:40,179 --> 00:19:41,179 WHAT? 408 00:19:41,180 --> 00:19:44,182 YOU KNOW, HONEY, YOU HAD TO BE THERE. 409 00:19:44,183 --> 00:19:45,514 IT SOUNDED LIKE EVERYBODY 410 00:19:45,515 --> 00:19:48,217 WAS HAVING THESE REALLY FREAKY SEX LIVES, 411 00:19:48,218 --> 00:19:51,220 AND I GUESS I STARTED TO FEEL LIKE WE WERE MISSING OUT. 412 00:19:51,221 --> 00:19:52,821 YOU KNOW, I KIND OF FELT THAT WAY 413 00:19:52,822 --> 00:19:54,963 WHEN ANDY AND RYAN WERE GOING ON. REALLY? 414 00:19:54,964 --> 00:19:56,965 YEAH, BUT I THOUGHT ABOUT IT. 415 00:19:56,966 --> 00:19:59,298 WE'RE NOT MISSING OUT ON ANYTHING. 416 00:19:59,299 --> 00:20:01,670 WE'RE STEAK, BABY. 417 00:20:01,671 --> 00:20:04,903 IS STEAK A GOOD THING? 418 00:20:04,904 --> 00:20:07,676 COME ON, WHEN IS STEAK A BAD THING? 419 00:20:07,677 --> 00:20:09,778 I MEAN, IF YOU HAVE HIGH CHOLESTEROL 420 00:20:09,779 --> 00:20:13,812 AND YOUR DOCTOR SAYS YOU CAN'T EAT RED MEAT... OKAY, OKAY, CHERYL, COME ON. 421 00:20:13,813 --> 00:20:16,345 LOOK, WHO CARES WHAT KIND OF SEX 422 00:20:16,346 --> 00:20:18,687 OTHER PEOPLE IN THE WORLD ARE HAVING? 423 00:20:18,688 --> 00:20:22,691 OUR SEX LIFE IS GREAT, ISN'T IT? 424 00:20:22,692 --> 00:20:23,922 YEAH. 425 00:20:23,923 --> 00:20:25,994 IT IS, RIGHT? IT IS. 426 00:20:25,995 --> 00:20:27,926 YEAH, I MEAN, IT'S NOT A COMPETITION. 427 00:20:27,927 --> 00:20:29,958 NO. 428 00:20:29,959 --> 00:20:32,000 AND IF IT WAS A COMPETITION, WE'D WIN. 429 00:20:32,001 --> 00:20:35,404 WE WOULD KICK THEIR ASSES. 430 00:20:35,405 --> 00:20:38,337 (laughs) 431 00:20:38,338 --> 00:20:39,838 OH! MAN! 432 00:20:39,839 --> 00:20:43,572 HONEY, WE GOTTA GET RID OF THAT THING. 433 00:20:43,573 --> 00:20:45,844 I DON'T THINK I CAN RETURN IT. 434 00:20:45,845 --> 00:20:48,277 WELL, WHY DON'T WE JUST DONATE IT TO SOME CHARITY? 435 00:20:48,278 --> 00:20:52,451 I MEAN, AN OPEN-MINDED CHARITY. (laughs) 436 00:20:52,452 --> 00:20:54,022 HEY! HEY! HEY! HEY! (screams) 437 00:20:54,023 --> 00:20:56,655 OH, MY GOD! OH, JEEZ! OKAY, OKAY, OKAY, OKAY, OKAY! 438 00:20:56,656 --> 00:20:58,327 GRAB IT! GRAB IT! NO! GET AWAY! GET AWAY! GET AWAY! 439 00:20:58,328 --> 00:20:59,888 WATCH IT! WATCH IT! WATCH IT! 440 00:20:59,889 --> 00:21:02,661 GET IN THERE! GET IN THERE! GET IN THERE! GET IN THERE! 441 00:21:02,662 --> 00:21:04,863 OH! 442 00:21:04,864 --> 00:21:07,837 WHAT DO WE DO? SELL THE HOUSE. 28934

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