All language subtitles for According to Jim S05E14 - The Stick (2006) WEB-DL 1080p.ENG

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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:00,671 --> 00:00:02,672 OH, MY GOSH. 2 00:00:02,673 --> 00:00:04,334 NICOLE ACROSS THE STREET... HER DAD IS THE COOLEST. 3 00:00:04,335 --> 00:00:06,436 HE WAS A SEMIPRO BASEBALL PLAYER. 4 00:00:06,437 --> 00:00:08,578 HE CAUGHT A RATTLESNAKE WITH HIS BARE HANDS. 5 00:00:08,579 --> 00:00:12,183 AND HE HAS A NICKEL FROM 1896! 6 00:00:13,444 --> 00:00:15,115 HER DAD CAN WATER SKI BAREFOOT, 7 00:00:15,116 --> 00:00:18,148 AND HE GOT PAT SAJAK'S AUTOGRAPH. 8 00:00:18,149 --> 00:00:20,150 IT WAS SO COOL. WE SAW THE PICTURE. 9 00:00:20,151 --> 00:00:22,122 YEAH, WE SAW THE PICTURE. IT WAS SO AWESOME. 10 00:00:22,123 --> 00:00:24,055 THAT'S AWESOME. SO COOL. 11 00:00:38,339 --> 00:00:41,641 (all cheering) 12 00:00:41,642 --> 00:00:45,416 ♪♪♪ 13 00:00:50,551 --> 00:00:55,054 OKAY, WHAT DO YOU THINK? 14 00:00:55,055 --> 00:00:57,727 IT'S PERFECT. VERY FESTIVE. 15 00:00:57,728 --> 00:00:59,189 I KNOW! 16 00:00:59,190 --> 00:01:01,831 I KNOW, BUT IS ONE EXCLAMATION POINT ENOUGH? 17 00:01:01,832 --> 00:01:04,664 BECAUSE I AM PRETTY EXCITED! 18 00:01:04,665 --> 00:01:07,837 IT'S PERFECT. VERY FESTIVE. 19 00:01:07,838 --> 00:01:10,840 OH! THANK YOU, GUYS! THANKS SO MUCH FOR YOUR HELP! 20 00:01:10,841 --> 00:01:12,842 I'M GONNA GO GET THE KIDS. 21 00:01:12,843 --> 00:01:14,444 (cell phone beeps) 22 00:01:14,445 --> 00:01:17,147 IS THAT YOU AGAIN? GROW UP. NO. 23 00:01:17,148 --> 00:01:20,410 NO, IT'S PROBABLY RYAN. MAYBE IT'S AN EMERGENCY. 24 00:01:20,411 --> 00:01:23,683 "MADE YOU LOOK. HA HA." 25 00:01:23,684 --> 00:01:25,755 SEE THE LITTLE DEVIL FACE? 26 00:01:25,756 --> 00:01:28,459 THAT'S 'CAUSE I'M BEING KIND OF A RASCAL. 27 00:01:30,090 --> 00:01:31,721 HEY. 28 00:01:31,722 --> 00:01:34,194 OHH. 29 00:01:34,195 --> 00:01:36,596 MY BIRTHDAY. HEY, DANA, DID YOU GET ME 30 00:01:36,597 --> 00:01:38,698 THE BEER OF THE MONTH CLUB THING? 31 00:01:38,699 --> 00:01:40,700 YEAH, THIS YEAR, IT COMES WITH A CALENDAR 32 00:01:40,701 --> 00:01:43,133 SO YOU CAN PACE YOURSELF. 33 00:01:43,134 --> 00:01:45,104 NOT GONNA HAPPEN! 34 00:01:45,105 --> 00:01:47,337 ANDY, CUBS TICKETS? 35 00:01:47,338 --> 00:01:49,879 OH, YEAH, OPENING DAY. YOU AND ME. 36 00:01:49,880 --> 00:01:52,111 UH, ACTUALLY, I WAS GONNA TAKE KYLE THIS YEAR. 37 00:01:52,112 --> 00:01:55,145 FINE, IT'S YOUR DAY. 38 00:01:55,146 --> 00:01:57,147 WHERE'S CHERYL, UPSTAIRS, GETTING THE KIDS READY 39 00:01:57,148 --> 00:01:58,218 FOR THE BIG MOMENT? 40 00:01:58,219 --> 00:02:00,150 YEAH, SO GO BACK OUTSIDE, MAKE A LOT OF NOISE 41 00:02:00,151 --> 00:02:02,121 AND COME BACK IN LOOKING SURPRISED LIKE EVERY YEAR. 42 00:02:02,122 --> 00:02:03,893 OKAY, OKAY, AND YOU'RE GONNA PUT DOWN THAT MAGAZINE 43 00:02:03,894 --> 00:02:05,595 AND PRETEND LIKE YOU LIKE ME, RIGHT? 44 00:02:05,596 --> 00:02:07,358 I'LL PUT DOWN THE MAGAZINE. 45 00:02:09,830 --> 00:02:13,603 CHERYL, HURRY UP! I THINK I HEAR JIM COMING! 46 00:02:13,604 --> 00:02:17,767 WHOA, WHO PUT UP THAT SIGN? WOW, THAT'S FESTIVE. 47 00:02:17,768 --> 00:02:20,570 OKAY, GUYS, IT'S DADDY'S BIRTHDAY, 48 00:02:20,571 --> 00:02:23,773 SO BIG SMILES! 49 00:02:23,774 --> 00:02:27,577 (all) HAPPY BIRTHDAY! 50 00:02:27,578 --> 00:02:28,918 OH, MY GOD! 51 00:02:28,919 --> 00:02:31,381 WOW! HOLY... 52 00:02:31,382 --> 00:02:34,284 I MEAN... MAN! 53 00:02:34,285 --> 00:02:35,726 WOW! 54 00:02:37,528 --> 00:02:39,659 HONEY, HAPPY BIRTHDAY. 55 00:02:39,660 --> 00:02:42,192 OH, YOU SHOULD HAVE SEEN YOUR FACE. 56 00:02:42,193 --> 00:02:43,533 WHAT A SURPRISE. 57 00:02:43,534 --> 00:02:45,865 OH! YOU SHOULD FEEL MY HEART. 58 00:02:45,866 --> 00:02:48,838 IT'S BEATING LIKE... LIKE... WOW! 59 00:02:48,839 --> 00:02:52,442 I COULD TELL, I COULD TELL. YOU LOOKED TOTALLY SURPRISED. 60 00:02:52,443 --> 00:02:54,644 DIDN'T HE? DIDN'T HE, DANA? YEAH, YEAH. 61 00:02:54,645 --> 00:02:56,906 I MEAN, WE GOT YOU, MAN. WE GOT YOU GOOD. 62 00:02:56,907 --> 00:02:58,878 EASY. 63 00:02:58,879 --> 00:03:01,581 HAPPY BIRTHDAY, DADDY. 64 00:03:01,582 --> 00:03:03,653 OH, THANK YOU, YOUNG KYLE. 65 00:03:03,654 --> 00:03:05,716 LET'S SEE WHAT YOU GOT YOUR DADDY. 66 00:03:08,859 --> 00:03:10,390 MOISTURIZER! 67 00:03:10,391 --> 00:03:12,492 FROM FRANCE. 68 00:03:12,493 --> 00:03:15,525 FROM FRANCE! YEAH! 69 00:03:15,526 --> 00:03:19,729 JUST WHEN I THOUGHT I COULDN'T GET ANY MOISTER. 70 00:03:19,730 --> 00:03:21,731 THANK YOU VERY MUCH, KYLE. 71 00:03:21,732 --> 00:03:23,973 HAPPY BIRTHDAY, DADDY. 72 00:03:23,974 --> 00:03:27,207 OH, GIRLS, YOU'RE SO SWEET. WHAT DID YOU GET ME HERE? 73 00:03:29,280 --> 00:03:31,981 LOOK AT THAT! IT'S A, UH... 74 00:03:31,982 --> 00:03:34,344 SWEATER VEST. 75 00:03:34,345 --> 00:03:36,916 A VERY SMART ONE. YES! 76 00:03:36,917 --> 00:03:38,648 SURE, LOOK AT THAT. 77 00:03:38,649 --> 00:03:40,420 I MEAN, IT KEEPS YOU WARM, 78 00:03:40,421 --> 00:03:43,222 YET YOU STILL HAVE A FULL RANGE OF MOTION WITH YOUR ARMS. 79 00:03:43,223 --> 00:03:45,495 THANK YOU, GIRLS. 80 00:03:45,496 --> 00:03:46,856 HEY, HONEY. 81 00:03:46,857 --> 00:03:48,328 THIS ONE'S FROM ME. 82 00:03:48,329 --> 00:03:50,860 WOW, THIS IS A BIG ONE. I KNOW. 83 00:03:50,861 --> 00:03:52,862 MAYBE IT'S A PAIR OF SWEATER PANTS 84 00:03:52,863 --> 00:03:54,864 TO GO WITH HIS SWEATER VEST. 85 00:03:54,865 --> 00:03:57,006 THEY DON'T MAKE THOSE. I'VE CHECKED. 86 00:03:57,007 --> 00:04:00,740 A... WATERCOLOR PAINTING SET. 87 00:04:00,741 --> 00:04:02,472 FOR ME. 88 00:04:02,473 --> 00:04:06,245 YEAH! YEAH! NOW YOU CAN LEARN HOW TO PAINT. 89 00:04:06,246 --> 00:04:08,948 YOU KNOW HOW I LOVE TO LEARN. 90 00:04:08,949 --> 00:04:11,751 THANK YOU, CHERYL. 91 00:04:11,752 --> 00:04:13,423 THOSE PAINTS ARE PERFECT, JIM. 92 00:04:13,424 --> 00:04:15,425 NOW YOU HAVE ANOTHER WAY OF EXPRESSING YOURSELF 93 00:04:15,426 --> 00:04:17,026 BESIDES YELLING AT THE TV. 94 00:04:17,027 --> 00:04:19,028 DAMN IT, I WANTED TO GO TO THAT CUBS GAME! 95 00:04:19,029 --> 00:04:21,031 WHAT HAPPENED TO US? SIT DOWN. 96 00:04:22,793 --> 00:04:24,564 CAN WE HAVE CAKE NOW? 97 00:04:24,565 --> 00:04:26,896 ABSOLUTELY. CAKE! WAIT, WAIT, WAIT. 98 00:04:26,897 --> 00:04:29,399 LET ME LIGHT THE CANDLES SO YOU CAN MAKE YOUR WISH. 99 00:04:29,400 --> 00:04:31,841 CHERYL, A WISH? NOW? 100 00:04:31,842 --> 00:04:36,376 I HAVE A SWEATER VEST, FRENCH MOISTURIZER 101 00:04:36,377 --> 00:04:40,009 AND A WATERCOLOR SET. 102 00:04:40,010 --> 00:04:44,284 FOR ME TO WISH FOR ANYTHING MORE WOULD JUST BE GREEDY. 103 00:04:52,493 --> 00:04:55,365 WOW, WHAT A GREAT BIRTHDAY. 104 00:04:55,366 --> 00:04:58,368 (whistles) 105 00:04:58,369 --> 00:05:00,800 WHAT'S THAT? 106 00:05:00,801 --> 00:05:03,833 IT'S YOUR PAINT SET. 107 00:05:03,834 --> 00:05:06,305 OH, I DIDN'T RECOGNIZE IT. 108 00:05:06,306 --> 00:05:08,438 YOU KNOW, OUT OF THE BOX, 109 00:05:08,439 --> 00:05:10,980 STANDING THERE STARING AT ME. 110 00:05:10,981 --> 00:05:12,982 WELL, HONEY, THERE'S A FULL MOON. 111 00:05:12,983 --> 00:05:14,984 I THOUGHT MAYBE YOU COULD PAINT IT 112 00:05:14,985 --> 00:05:16,946 WHILE I GO TAKE A NICE, RELAXING SHOWER. 113 00:05:16,947 --> 00:05:20,490 ACTUALLY, I'D LIKE TO LOOK THROUGH MY BEER CATALOG, HONEY. 114 00:05:20,491 --> 00:05:22,692 YOU KNOW, IT HELPS ME SLEEP. 115 00:05:22,693 --> 00:05:27,897 JIM, YOU GOTTA SEE THIS MOON, WITH THE CLOUDS... 116 00:05:27,898 --> 00:05:31,000 YOU SHOULD SEE THIS BEER... MADE IN BOSNIA! 117 00:05:31,001 --> 00:05:34,864 I THINK THEY MAKE IT IN PRISON. 118 00:05:34,865 --> 00:05:39,839 HONEY, THE MOON'S NOT LIKE THIS EVERY NIGHT. 119 00:05:39,840 --> 00:05:41,711 CHERYL, YOU KNOW WHAT? 120 00:05:41,712 --> 00:05:44,674 I WANNA BE NICE ABOUT THIS, BUT YOU KNOW WHAT? 121 00:05:44,675 --> 00:05:46,676 IF THE MOON WAS CRASHING INTO ANOTHER MOON 122 00:05:46,677 --> 00:05:50,550 AND IT MADE A PERFECT PAIR OF SPACE BOOBS... 123 00:05:50,551 --> 00:05:53,853 I STILL WOULDN'T BE PAINTING IT. 124 00:05:53,854 --> 00:05:56,856 WHAT? YOU DON'T LIKE MY PRESENT? 125 00:05:56,857 --> 00:05:58,858 HONEY, I PUT A LOT OF THOUGHT INTO THIS. 126 00:05:58,859 --> 00:06:01,931 I MEAN, IT'S A PROFESSIONAL SET. 127 00:06:01,932 --> 00:06:03,433 LOOK! AND YOU KNOW WHAT? 128 00:06:03,434 --> 00:06:05,435 I REALLY DO APPRECIATE THAT, CHERYL. 129 00:06:05,436 --> 00:06:07,066 I KNOW THE EFFORT YOU GO THROUGH. 130 00:06:07,067 --> 00:06:08,768 IT MEANS A LOT TO ME. 131 00:06:08,769 --> 00:06:11,771 IT'S JUST THAT THIS GIFT IS FOR SOMEONE ELSE, YOU KNOW? 132 00:06:11,772 --> 00:06:14,744 LIKE... LIKE JACQUES. 133 00:06:14,745 --> 00:06:16,005 JACQUES? 134 00:06:16,006 --> 00:06:17,777 JACQUES... YOUR IMAGINARY HUSBAND. 135 00:06:17,778 --> 00:06:19,779 YOU KNOW, THE FAMOUS PAINTER WHO'S MOIST 136 00:06:19,780 --> 00:06:21,811 AND WEARS A SWEATER VEST? 137 00:06:21,812 --> 00:06:25,585 IS IT SO TERRIBLE THAT I WANT TO ENCOURAGE YOU 138 00:06:25,586 --> 00:06:26,886 TO TRY NEW THINGS? 139 00:06:26,887 --> 00:06:29,088 CHERYL, YOU DON'T WANT TO ENCOURAGE ME. 140 00:06:29,089 --> 00:06:31,891 YOU WANT TO... YOU WANT TO UPGRADE ME. 141 00:06:31,892 --> 00:06:33,593 OH, I-I DO NOT! 142 00:06:33,594 --> 00:06:35,725 YES, YOU DO! 143 00:06:35,726 --> 00:06:37,727 HONEY, I KNOW YOU LIVE WITH JIM, 144 00:06:37,728 --> 00:06:39,729 BUT SOMETIMES I THINK YOU FANTASIZE 145 00:06:39,730 --> 00:06:41,501 ABOUT LIVING WITH JACQUES! 146 00:06:41,502 --> 00:06:44,505 ♪♪♪ 147 00:06:47,478 --> 00:06:49,979 (French accent) WHY? 148 00:06:49,980 --> 00:06:52,912 WHY DO I TRY TO CAPTURE PERFECTION ON CANVAS 149 00:06:52,913 --> 00:06:59,018 WHEN IT IS SITTING RIGHT NEXT TO ME? 150 00:06:59,019 --> 00:07:01,751 (French accent) OH, JIM-JACQUES, 151 00:07:01,752 --> 00:07:05,054 YOU HAVE GIVEN ME THE LIFE BEYOND MY WILDEST DREAMS. 152 00:07:05,055 --> 00:07:08,027 MON AMOUR... 153 00:07:08,028 --> 00:07:11,731 PLEASE PASS ME THE MOISTURIZER. 154 00:07:11,732 --> 00:07:14,133 I'M FEELING A BIT DRY... 155 00:07:14,134 --> 00:07:17,867 LIKE LAST NIGHT'S CHARDONNAY. 156 00:07:17,868 --> 00:07:21,971 OH, JIM-JACQUES, MAKE LOVE TO ME... 157 00:07:21,972 --> 00:07:23,573 DIRTY FRENCH LOVE. 158 00:07:23,574 --> 00:07:25,044 NO! NO? 159 00:07:25,045 --> 00:07:27,817 WE MUST CUDDLE. 160 00:07:27,818 --> 00:07:29,619 (sighs) 161 00:07:29,620 --> 00:07:33,723 THEN... MAKE FUN OF THE HELP. 162 00:07:33,724 --> 00:07:35,024 (laughs) 163 00:07:35,025 --> 00:07:37,227 (chuckles) 164 00:07:38,759 --> 00:07:41,991 OH, THAT'S NOT HOW I SEE YOU. OH, COME ON... 165 00:07:41,992 --> 00:07:44,894 NO, WHAT I SEE IS A MAN WITH A LOT OF POTENTIAL 166 00:07:44,895 --> 00:07:46,496 TO DO A LOT OF THINGS. 167 00:07:46,497 --> 00:07:48,898 OH, CHERYL, I HATE THAT WORD "POTENTIAL." WHY? 168 00:07:48,899 --> 00:07:50,900 THAT'S THE WORD THAT TEACHERS USED TO SAY 169 00:07:50,901 --> 00:07:54,574 BEFORE THEY'D MAKE ME REPEAT A GRADE. OH, JIM... 170 00:07:54,575 --> 00:07:56,746 AND, HONEY, YOU DO IT EVERY YEAR. 171 00:07:56,747 --> 00:07:58,878 HONEST TO GOD, ONE YEAR, YOU GAVE ME SAILING LESSONS, 172 00:07:58,879 --> 00:08:01,180 THEN DRIVING GLOVES, 173 00:08:01,181 --> 00:08:03,653 THEN AN ANTIQUE LEATHER FOOT LOCKER. 174 00:08:03,654 --> 00:08:04,984 COME ON. 175 00:08:04,985 --> 00:08:06,916 WELL, YOU USE THE FOOT LOCKER. 176 00:08:06,917 --> 00:08:10,190 YEAH, YEAH... THAT'S WHERE I STASH ALL OF JACQUES' GIFTS. 177 00:08:15,225 --> 00:08:17,567 CHECK OUT MARCH... BEERS FROM BOSNIA. 178 00:08:17,568 --> 00:08:19,929 WHOA, WITH PRETZELS FROM HERZEGOVINA. 179 00:08:19,930 --> 00:08:21,100 UH-HUH. 180 00:08:21,101 --> 00:08:23,502 I GUESS THINGS ARE LOOKING UP OVER THERE. 181 00:08:23,503 --> 00:08:24,835 YEAH. 182 00:08:26,607 --> 00:08:30,279 HELLO, MY YOUNG SON. WHAT DO YOU GOT THERE? 183 00:08:30,280 --> 00:08:33,743 DADDY, REMEMBER THAT MOISTURE-SIZER I GAVE YOU? 184 00:08:33,744 --> 00:08:35,044 YES. 185 00:08:35,045 --> 00:08:36,786 THAT WAS REALLY FROM MOMMY. 186 00:08:36,787 --> 00:08:38,948 (gasps) NO KIDDING. 187 00:08:38,949 --> 00:08:42,051 DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT. IT'S OKAY. THAT'S WHAT MOMS DO. 188 00:08:42,052 --> 00:08:43,893 FOR THE RECORD, I GOT MY OWN GIFT. 189 00:08:43,894 --> 00:08:46,796 BUT YOU GUYS HAVE FUN ON OPENING DAY. 190 00:08:46,797 --> 00:08:48,828 ANDY. 191 00:08:48,829 --> 00:08:53,603 I WANTED TO GIVE YOU SOMETHING JUST FROM ME. 192 00:08:53,604 --> 00:08:56,906 A STICK. 193 00:08:56,907 --> 00:09:00,710 HOW ABOUT THAT? A STICK. 194 00:09:00,711 --> 00:09:02,271 HAPPY BIRTHDAY. 195 00:09:02,272 --> 00:09:05,174 THANK YOU, MY SON. 196 00:09:05,175 --> 00:09:09,078 I LIKE THIS STICK. 197 00:09:09,079 --> 00:09:11,050 COME ON, HOW COOL IS THAT KID? 198 00:09:11,051 --> 00:09:13,052 JIM, IT'S A STICK. 199 00:09:13,053 --> 00:09:14,954 A MONKEY COULD DRAG IN A STICK. 200 00:09:14,955 --> 00:09:17,957 OW! 201 00:09:17,958 --> 00:09:20,790 I LIKE MY STICK. 202 00:09:20,791 --> 00:09:23,032 HEY. HEY. 203 00:09:23,033 --> 00:09:24,734 WHAT'S THAT? 204 00:09:24,735 --> 00:09:26,896 A BIRTHDAY PRESENT FROM KYLE. 205 00:09:26,897 --> 00:09:28,638 OH, THAT IS SO SWEET. YEAH. 206 00:09:28,639 --> 00:09:31,641 DOES IT HAVE BUGS ON IT? I CAN PUT IT IN THE GARAGE. 207 00:09:31,642 --> 00:09:33,673 NO, NO, NO. YOU KIDDING ME? 208 00:09:33,674 --> 00:09:35,574 THIS IS MY BIRTHDAY PRESENT. 209 00:09:35,575 --> 00:09:38,047 I THINK IT'S GOT A LOT OF... POTENTIAL. 210 00:09:38,048 --> 00:09:40,349 OH. 211 00:09:40,350 --> 00:09:42,712 (Bill Withers) ♪ JUST THE TWO OF US ♪ 212 00:09:42,713 --> 00:09:44,283 ♪ WE CAN MAKE IT IF WE TRY ♪ 213 00:09:44,284 --> 00:09:46,285 ♪ JUST THE TWO OF US ♪ 214 00:09:46,286 --> 00:09:49,588 (women) ♪ JUST THE TWO OF US ♪ 215 00:09:49,589 --> 00:09:52,361 ♪ JUST THE TWO OF US ♪ 216 00:09:52,362 --> 00:09:54,994 ♪ BUILDING CASTLES IN THE SKY ♪ 217 00:09:54,995 --> 00:09:57,366 ♪ JUST THE TWO OF US ♪ 218 00:09:57,367 --> 00:09:59,899 ♪ YOU AND I ♪ 219 00:09:59,900 --> 00:10:03,903 ♪ WE LOOK FOR LOVE, NO TIME FOR TEARS ♪ 220 00:10:03,904 --> 00:10:06,736 ♪ WASTED WATER'S ALL THAT IS ♪ 221 00:10:06,737 --> 00:10:10,039 ♪ AND IT DON'T MAKE NO FLOWERS GROW ♪ 222 00:10:10,040 --> 00:10:13,913 ♪ GOOD THINGS MIGHT COME TO THOSE WHO WAIT ♪ 223 00:10:13,914 --> 00:10:16,285 ♪ NOT FOR THOSE WHO WAIT TOO LATE ♪ 224 00:10:16,286 --> 00:10:19,618 ♪ WE GOTTA GO FOR ALL WE KNOW ♪ 225 00:10:19,619 --> 00:10:22,091 ♪ JUST THE TWO OF US ♪ 226 00:10:22,092 --> 00:10:25,094 ♪ WE CAN MAKE IT IF WE TRY ♪ 227 00:10:25,095 --> 00:10:27,156 ♪ JUST THE TWO OF US ♪ 228 00:10:27,157 --> 00:10:28,898 ♪ JUST THE TWO OF US ♪ 229 00:10:28,899 --> 00:10:32,301 ♪ JUST THE TWO OF US ♪ 230 00:10:32,302 --> 00:10:35,064 ♪ BUILDING THEM CASTLES IN THE SKY ♪ 231 00:10:35,065 --> 00:10:37,066 ♪ JUST THE TWO OF US... ♪ 232 00:10:37,067 --> 00:10:40,010 AREN'T YOU AFRAID YOU'RE GONNA GET YOUR PRECIOUS STICK WET? 233 00:10:50,681 --> 00:10:52,682 GUYS, THANKS SO MUCH FOR WATCHING THE KIDS. 234 00:10:52,683 --> 00:10:54,854 JIM AND I NEVER GET TO SNEAK OUT FOR A MOVIE. 235 00:10:54,855 --> 00:10:56,155 OH, IT'S OUR PLEASURE. 236 00:10:56,156 --> 00:10:59,258 WE ALSO CAME UP WITH SOME FUN ACTIVITIES FOR THEM TO DO. 237 00:10:59,259 --> 00:11:01,190 YEAH. 238 00:11:01,191 --> 00:11:04,363 WE'RE GONNA PLAY "BANK" AND HAVE 'EM ROLL MY COINS. 239 00:11:04,364 --> 00:11:06,365 THEN WE'RE GONNA PLAY "DRY CLEANER" 240 00:11:06,366 --> 00:11:08,367 AND HAVE THEM IRON UNCLE ANDY'S SHIRTS. 241 00:11:08,368 --> 00:11:11,370 (Jim) HEY, HAS ANYBODY SEEN MY KEYS? 242 00:11:11,371 --> 00:11:12,973 YEAH, THEY'RE RIGHT HERE. 243 00:11:17,978 --> 00:11:19,248 I'M NOT DOING IT. 244 00:11:19,249 --> 00:11:21,451 (stick rattling) 245 00:11:25,886 --> 00:11:28,918 THANK YOU. 246 00:11:28,919 --> 00:11:32,361 I LIKE JIM BETTER THIS WAY. WE NEVER HAVE TO SEE HIM. 247 00:11:32,362 --> 00:11:34,263 YOU KNOW, I GET THAT HE DOESN'T LIKE MY GIFTS, 248 00:11:34,264 --> 00:11:35,795 BUT HE DOESN'T HAVE TO MOCK ME 249 00:11:35,796 --> 00:11:37,226 BY PRETENDING TO LOVE THAT STICK. 250 00:11:37,227 --> 00:11:40,069 CHERYL, HE'S NOT PRETENDING. HE LOVES THAT THING. 251 00:11:40,070 --> 00:11:42,201 I EVEN CAUGHT HIM LOOKING THROUGH A BOOK OF NAMES. 252 00:11:42,202 --> 00:11:45,034 HEY, MAYBE FOR FATHER'S DAY, YOU SHOULD GET HIM, LIKE, 253 00:11:45,035 --> 00:11:48,377 A 30-FOOTER, AND HE COULD LIVE ACROSS THE STREET WITH ANDY. 254 00:11:48,378 --> 00:11:50,910 DON'T TEMPT ME. YOU KNOW WHAT IT IS? 255 00:11:50,911 --> 00:11:53,112 HE THINKS I'M TRYING TO CHANGE HIM WITH MY GIFTS. 256 00:11:53,113 --> 00:11:56,085 I MEAN, I'M JUST TRYING TO SHOW HIM HIS TRUE POTENTIAL. 257 00:11:56,086 --> 00:11:58,087 CHERYL, YOU'RE NOT ALONE IN THIS THING, OKAY? 258 00:11:58,088 --> 00:12:00,089 JIM'S NOT EXACTLY THE BROTHER-IN-LAW 259 00:12:00,090 --> 00:12:01,791 I FANTASIZED ABOUT. 260 00:12:01,792 --> 00:12:04,453 YOU FANTASIZED ABOUT A BROTHER-IN-LAW? 261 00:12:04,454 --> 00:12:07,256 IN A MANLY WAY. 262 00:12:07,257 --> 00:12:11,200 I MEAN... I MAN-TASIZED. 263 00:12:11,201 --> 00:12:14,204 ♪♪♪ 264 00:12:17,968 --> 00:12:20,941 WOULD YOU STOP BUMPING INTO ME? 265 00:12:22,272 --> 00:12:23,943 YOU'RE LUCKY I EVEN BROUGHT YOU HERE. 266 00:12:23,944 --> 00:12:27,977 I'M SO SORRY. I'M JUST KIND OF INTIMIDATED. 267 00:12:27,978 --> 00:12:30,349 I MEAN, THIS PLACE IS SO COOL. 268 00:12:30,350 --> 00:12:31,881 JUST DON'T EMBARRASS ME, OKAY? 269 00:12:31,882 --> 00:12:33,122 THE ONLY REASON WHY YOU'RE HERE 270 00:12:33,123 --> 00:12:34,954 IS 'CAUSE CHERYL MADE ME TAKE YOU. 271 00:12:34,955 --> 00:12:39,028 AND I'M YOUR BEST FRIEND. HEY, NOT SO LOUD. 272 00:12:39,029 --> 00:12:41,160 LOOK. 273 00:12:41,161 --> 00:12:44,133 PRINCESS LEIA IS CHECKING YOU OUT. 274 00:12:44,134 --> 00:12:47,997 NOT SURPRISING. THE FORCE IS STRONG IN ME. 275 00:12:47,998 --> 00:12:49,869 HEY, PRINCESS LEIA! 276 00:12:49,870 --> 00:12:53,442 YOU WANNA PLAY WITH HIS LIGHT SABER? 277 00:12:53,443 --> 00:12:56,876 KNOCK IT OFF, YOU DORK! SORRY. 278 00:12:56,877 --> 00:12:59,308 (imitates Darth Vader) YOU HAVE FAILED ME FOR THE LAST TIME. 279 00:12:59,309 --> 00:13:00,911 NO! NO! 280 00:13:09,990 --> 00:13:12,161 WHO IS YOUR MASTER NOW? 281 00:13:12,162 --> 00:13:15,194 (raspy breathing) 282 00:13:15,195 --> 00:13:17,096 (normal voice) SORRY. 283 00:13:17,097 --> 00:13:20,269 ALL RIGHT, DANA, WHAT WOULD YOU CHANGE ABOUT JIM? 284 00:13:20,270 --> 00:13:23,302 I'D JUST CLEAN HIM UP A LITTLE. 285 00:13:23,303 --> 00:13:26,575 ♪♪♪ 286 00:13:26,576 --> 00:13:29,038 THERE SHE IS. 287 00:13:29,039 --> 00:13:30,880 THERE'S DANA! 288 00:13:30,881 --> 00:13:32,983 MY FAB BEST FRIEND. 289 00:13:35,115 --> 00:13:38,017 YOU KNOW, I WAS WALKING DOWN MICHIGAN AVENUE. 290 00:13:38,018 --> 00:13:39,348 I SAW THESE. 291 00:13:39,349 --> 00:13:42,052 AND A LIGHT BULB WENT OFF AND SAID, "DANA!" 292 00:13:44,354 --> 00:13:45,895 NOTHING TOO GOOD FOR 293 00:13:45,896 --> 00:13:48,127 DANA-SO-BEAUTIFUL- IT'S-INSANE-A." 294 00:13:48,128 --> 00:13:50,099 JIMMY CHOOS? JIM! 295 00:13:50,100 --> 00:13:51,961 JIMMY CHOOS! 296 00:13:51,962 --> 00:13:53,832 THOSE ARE EXPENSIVE. 297 00:13:53,833 --> 00:13:56,466 HEY, DON'T BE A SILLY. IT'S ONLY MONEY. 298 00:13:58,969 --> 00:14:03,042 SO TELL ME ABOUT YOUR DAY. 299 00:14:03,043 --> 00:14:05,875 OH, IT WAS A NIGHTMARE. MY HAIR'S JUST A DISASTER. 300 00:14:05,876 --> 00:14:08,017 REALLY? YOU SHOULD GO TO JONATHAN. 301 00:14:08,018 --> 00:14:11,020 I THOUGHT WE DIDN'T LIKE HIM. OH, HE'S GOOD AGAIN. 302 00:14:11,021 --> 00:14:12,121 YES. 303 00:14:12,122 --> 00:14:13,522 THAT'S GREAT. 304 00:14:13,523 --> 00:14:15,524 YOU KNOW WHAT? YOU COULD USE SOME HIGHLIGHTS. 305 00:14:15,525 --> 00:14:17,326 I THINK SO, TOO. 306 00:14:17,327 --> 00:14:20,259 OKAY, SO IN YOUR FANTASY, JIM'S GAY? 307 00:14:20,260 --> 00:14:24,333 NOT GAY, JUST SOMEONE WHO'D BE MY BEST FRIEND 308 00:14:24,334 --> 00:14:28,297 AND GO SHOPPING AND MAYBE SEE A SHOW. 309 00:14:28,298 --> 00:14:30,139 FINE... GAY. 310 00:14:30,140 --> 00:14:33,002 SEE, CHERYL, THE DIFFERENCE WITH US 311 00:14:33,003 --> 00:14:36,145 IS WE DON'T SEE A POINT IN TRYING TO CHANGE JIM. 312 00:14:36,146 --> 00:14:38,177 WE CAN ENJOY THE FANTASY AND THEN LIVE WITH 313 00:14:38,178 --> 00:14:41,510 THE DISAPPOINTING BUT LOVEABLE REALITY. 314 00:14:41,511 --> 00:14:43,552 (Jim) COME ON, CHERYL, LET'S GO! I DON'T WANNA BE LATE! 315 00:14:43,553 --> 00:14:45,215 GET ON THE STICK! 316 00:14:55,025 --> 00:14:57,897 HEY, DID YOU CATCH THAT? "GET ON THE STICK"? 317 00:15:01,031 --> 00:15:04,003 ALL RIGHT, YOU'RE NOT BRINGING THAT STICK WITH US, ARE YOU? 318 00:15:04,004 --> 00:15:06,275 OH, THE STICK IS DEFINITELY COMING. 319 00:15:06,276 --> 00:15:08,037 I MEAN, IN THE MOVIE THEATER, 320 00:15:08,038 --> 00:15:10,039 IF WE BOTH HAVE TO GO TO THE BATHROOM, 321 00:15:10,040 --> 00:15:12,511 IT CAN SAVE OUR SEATS. 322 00:15:12,512 --> 00:15:15,344 NO, YOU CAN'T BRING A STICK TO THE MOVIES. 323 00:15:15,345 --> 00:15:18,547 WHY NOT? BECAUSE YOU LOOK LIKE A CRAZY PERSON. 324 00:15:18,548 --> 00:15:20,549 HEY, YOU WANT ME TO GO IN THE KITCHEN 325 00:15:20,550 --> 00:15:22,521 AND MAKE YOU A TINFOIL HAT? 326 00:15:22,522 --> 00:15:27,656 CHERYL, IF THE STICK DON'T GO, I DON'T GO. 327 00:15:27,657 --> 00:15:29,198 WHAT? 328 00:15:29,199 --> 00:15:32,402 I AM DRAWING THE LINE IN THE SAND. 329 00:15:34,264 --> 00:15:35,404 IS THAT SO? 330 00:15:35,405 --> 00:15:37,106 YES. 331 00:15:37,107 --> 00:15:39,068 CHERYL, I MAY BE SPEAKING SOFTLY, 332 00:15:39,069 --> 00:15:42,141 BUT LOOK WHAT I'M CARRYING. 333 00:15:42,142 --> 00:15:44,313 I CAN'T GO TO THE MOVIES 334 00:15:44,314 --> 00:15:47,116 WITH A MAN WHO BRINGS A STICK. 335 00:15:47,117 --> 00:15:50,279 I DON'T GET IT, BABY. WHY ARE YOU TRYING TO CHANGE ME? 336 00:15:50,280 --> 00:15:53,052 I DON'T GET IT. WHAT IS WRONG WITH CHANGE? 337 00:15:53,053 --> 00:15:55,985 I MEAN, DON'T PEOPLE DIET AND WORK OUT 338 00:15:55,986 --> 00:15:59,158 AND READ BOOKS ABOUT NEW THINGS? 339 00:15:59,159 --> 00:16:02,491 WHO ARE YOU TALKING TO? 340 00:16:02,492 --> 00:16:05,194 YOU TALKING TO ME? 341 00:16:05,195 --> 00:16:08,467 OR WERE YOU TALKING TO... TO JACQUES... 342 00:16:08,468 --> 00:16:11,170 THE HUSBAND YOU WISH YOU WERE WITH? 343 00:16:11,171 --> 00:16:12,401 OH, JIM. 344 00:16:12,402 --> 00:16:16,305 CHERYL, YOU KNOW WHO LIKES ME, ROUGH EDGES AND ALL? 345 00:16:16,306 --> 00:16:19,008 THE BOY THAT GAVE ME THIS STICK. 346 00:16:19,009 --> 00:16:20,079 HE'S 5. 347 00:16:20,080 --> 00:16:22,211 YEAH, THAT'S THE GREAT THING ABOUT KIDS, YOU KNOW? 348 00:16:22,212 --> 00:16:24,613 WHEN THEY LOVE YOU, THEY THINK YOU'RE PERFECT. 349 00:16:24,614 --> 00:16:27,156 AND THEN WHAT WE DO AS THEY GROW UP... 350 00:16:27,157 --> 00:16:29,658 WE TEACH THEM TO FIND THINGS THAT ARE WRONG. 351 00:16:29,659 --> 00:16:33,662 AND YOU HAVE BEEN DOING A GREAT JOB WITH THAT. OH, HONEY. 352 00:16:33,663 --> 00:16:38,227 HEY, CHERYL, I SAID IT BEFORE. I'LL SAY IT AGAIN. 353 00:16:38,228 --> 00:16:41,170 IT'S ME. YOU GET WHAT YOU GET. 354 00:16:41,171 --> 00:16:44,002 OW! OW! OW! 355 00:16:44,003 --> 00:16:46,435 (stick rattles) 356 00:16:46,436 --> 00:16:50,180 GOOD NIGHT, MY SWEET LOVE. 357 00:16:57,787 --> 00:16:59,648 HI, MOM. HEY, MOM. 358 00:16:59,649 --> 00:17:01,490 WOW, WHAT DO YOU GOT THERE? 359 00:17:01,491 --> 00:17:03,652 PINE CONES. 360 00:17:03,653 --> 00:17:05,654 WE'RE GONNA MAKE A PINE CONE VILLAGE 361 00:17:05,655 --> 00:17:07,656 WHERE EVERYONE GETS ALONG AND THERE'S PEACE. AWW. 362 00:17:07,657 --> 00:17:09,328 THEN WE'RE GOING TO BURN IT. 363 00:17:09,329 --> 00:17:11,330 OKAY, OKAY, YOU KNOW WHAT? NO BURNING ANYTHING. 364 00:17:11,331 --> 00:17:15,704 HEY, KYLE? KYLE, SWEETIE, CAN I ASK YOU SOMETHING? 365 00:17:15,705 --> 00:17:17,236 I'M KINDA BUSY. 366 00:17:17,237 --> 00:17:20,169 HEY, YOU WANT SOME CANDY? 367 00:17:20,170 --> 00:17:22,611 SURE! 368 00:17:22,612 --> 00:17:24,743 LISTEN, SWEETIE, UM... 369 00:17:24,744 --> 00:17:28,147 WHY'D YOU GET YOUR DADDY A STICK FOR HIS BIRTHDAY? 370 00:17:28,148 --> 00:17:31,049 IT WAS EITHER THAT OR MUD. 371 00:17:31,050 --> 00:17:33,152 GOOD CHOICE. 372 00:17:33,153 --> 00:17:35,124 LET ME ASK YOU SOMETHING ELSE. 373 00:17:35,125 --> 00:17:37,826 WHEN YOU PICTURE DADDY, LIKE, IN YOUR DREAMS, 374 00:17:37,827 --> 00:17:39,329 WHAT DO YOU SEE? 375 00:17:41,491 --> 00:17:44,494 ♪♪♪ 376 00:17:47,837 --> 00:17:51,470 AND WHEN YOU PICTURE DADDY, LIKE, FOR REAL, 377 00:17:51,471 --> 00:17:53,842 NOT IN YOUR DREAMS, WHAT DO YOU SEE THEN? 378 00:17:53,843 --> 00:17:56,846 ♪♪♪ 379 00:18:01,581 --> 00:18:05,614 WOW, SO THERE'S NOTHING YOU'D CHANGE ABOUT YOUR DADDY? 380 00:18:05,615 --> 00:18:07,116 NOPE. 381 00:18:07,117 --> 00:18:09,118 REALLY? NOTHING? 382 00:18:09,119 --> 00:18:11,691 I WISH HE'D TAKE SMALLER BITES OF MY DESSERT. 383 00:18:19,869 --> 00:18:21,570 HEY. 384 00:18:21,571 --> 00:18:23,272 HEY. HOW WAS THE MOVIE? 385 00:18:23,273 --> 00:18:25,834 WELL, IT DEPENDS WHO YOU ASK. 386 00:18:25,835 --> 00:18:27,806 I LIKED IT. 387 00:18:27,807 --> 00:18:29,638 NOT SO MUCH. 388 00:18:29,639 --> 00:18:32,681 HEY, CAN WE TALK? 389 00:18:32,682 --> 00:18:35,144 I'M KIND OF BUSY. 390 00:18:35,145 --> 00:18:37,247 DO YOU WANT SOME CANDY? SURE. 391 00:18:39,319 --> 00:18:41,750 SO, UM... 392 00:18:41,751 --> 00:18:44,523 I TOOK BACK THE PAINTING SET. 393 00:18:44,524 --> 00:18:47,556 AND I GOT YOU SOMETHING NEW. 394 00:18:47,557 --> 00:18:50,128 SOMETHING THAT'S ACTUALLY FOR YOU, NOT FOR ME 395 00:18:50,129 --> 00:18:51,631 OR FOR JACQUES. 396 00:18:56,266 --> 00:18:57,766 A ROCK? 397 00:18:57,767 --> 00:19:01,670 WELL, I THOUGHT IT WOULD GO WELL WITH THE STICK. 398 00:19:01,671 --> 00:19:03,812 TURN IT OVER. 399 00:19:03,813 --> 00:19:07,876 "ACCEPTANCE." 400 00:19:07,877 --> 00:19:12,381 YOU FOUND A ROCK WITH THE WORD "ACCEPTANCE" ON IT? 401 00:19:12,382 --> 00:19:15,624 OH, HONEY... 402 00:19:15,625 --> 00:19:17,826 I REALLY DO WANT YOU TO BE WHO YOU ARE. 403 00:19:17,827 --> 00:19:19,388 REALLY? 404 00:19:19,389 --> 00:19:21,430 YEAH. 405 00:19:21,431 --> 00:19:23,562 I MEAN, YOU KNOW, YOU'RE WITH A MAN 406 00:19:23,563 --> 00:19:25,664 WHO TOOK A STICK TO THE MOVIES. 407 00:19:25,665 --> 00:19:27,666 DID YOU BUY THE STICK A TICKET? 408 00:19:27,667 --> 00:19:32,271 WELL, IT WAS BEFORE 5:00. STICKS GET IN FREE. 409 00:19:32,272 --> 00:19:38,176 SO, HONEY, I AM OFFICIALLY DONE TRYING TO CHANGE YOU. 410 00:19:38,177 --> 00:19:39,648 OH, OH, OH, CHERYL, PLEASE. WHAT? 411 00:19:39,649 --> 00:19:41,380 COME ON, THAT'S NOT GONNA HAPPEN. 412 00:19:41,381 --> 00:19:42,651 WELL... 413 00:19:42,652 --> 00:19:44,553 YOU ARE ALWAYS GONNA TRY TO CHANGE ME 414 00:19:44,554 --> 00:19:46,184 AT LEAST A LITTLE BIT, 415 00:19:46,185 --> 00:19:47,886 AND I DON'T MIND THAT. 416 00:19:47,887 --> 00:19:50,919 I MEAN, I DON'T MIND TRYING TURKEY HOT DOGS. 417 00:19:50,920 --> 00:19:54,193 BUT I'LL NEVER TRY SOY HOT DOGS. 418 00:19:55,495 --> 00:20:00,599 AND LET ME TELL YOU... THE PAINTING SET WAS SOY. 419 00:20:00,600 --> 00:20:03,632 I GET IT. I GET IT. I DO, HONEY. 420 00:20:03,633 --> 00:20:06,204 AND I GET YOU, I SWEAR. 421 00:20:06,205 --> 00:20:07,976 AND IF YOU ARE A GUY WHO LOVES HIS STICK, 422 00:20:07,977 --> 00:20:11,941 THEN I AM A WOMAN WHO LOVES A GUY WHO LOVES HIS STICK. 423 00:20:13,343 --> 00:20:17,816 WOW, BET NO GIRL'S EVER WRITTEN THAT IN HER DIARY. 424 00:20:17,817 --> 00:20:19,488 WELL, THANK YOU, BABY. 425 00:20:19,489 --> 00:20:22,721 YOU'RE WELCOME. GONNA USE YOUR ROCK? 426 00:20:22,722 --> 00:20:25,924 WHAT DO YOU MEAN, USE IT? 427 00:20:25,925 --> 00:20:27,956 IT'S A ROCK. 428 00:20:27,957 --> 00:20:31,930 I MEAN, IT'S A NICE ROCK... 429 00:20:31,931 --> 00:20:36,335 BUT IT AIN'T NO STICK. 430 00:20:36,336 --> 00:20:39,338 THANK YOU. HAPPY BIRTHDAY, BABY. 431 00:20:39,339 --> 00:20:40,670 THANK YOU, HONEY. 432 00:20:43,513 --> 00:20:46,516 (instrumental music playing on TV) 433 00:21:01,891 --> 00:21:03,693 SWEET! 434 00:21:06,566 --> 00:21:08,568 DON'T GET JEALOUS. 28443

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