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1
00:00:00,631 --> 00:00:02,132
HEY, BABY!
2
00:00:02,133 --> 00:00:03,333
HEY.
3
00:00:03,334 --> 00:00:06,005
I GOT YOUR FAVORITE PIZZA.
4
00:00:06,006 --> 00:00:07,707
TOMATO BASIL?
5
00:00:07,708 --> 00:00:10,009
NO. ANCHOVIES.
6
00:00:10,010 --> 00:00:12,142
I HATE ANCHOVIES.
7
00:00:12,143 --> 00:00:14,514
PICK 'EM OFF!
8
00:00:14,515 --> 00:00:18,017
AH, IT IS TOMATO BA...
9
00:00:18,018 --> 00:00:20,190
AND WHAT IS THAT?
10
00:00:20,191 --> 00:00:21,152
YOU RECOGNIZE IT?
11
00:00:21,153 --> 00:00:22,422
WHAT?
12
00:00:22,423 --> 00:00:27,257
THAT'S WHAT I GAVE YOU
15 YEARS AGO.
13
00:00:27,258 --> 00:00:30,460
15 YEARS AGO,
THE NIGHT I PROPOSED TO YOU.
14
00:00:30,461 --> 00:00:32,562
OH, RIGHT, I REMEMBER.
15
00:00:32,563 --> 00:00:35,436
I GUESS IT WASN'T COVERED
IN MOZZARELLA THEN.
16
00:00:43,714 --> 00:00:45,044
SIT DOWN.
17
00:00:45,045 --> 00:00:47,118
OKAY...
18
00:00:48,279 --> 00:00:49,779
NOW, CHERYL,
19
00:00:49,780 --> 00:00:52,352
I KNOW I DON'T REALLY HAVE
A GREAT TRACK RECORD OF,
20
00:00:52,353 --> 00:00:54,824
YOU KNOW, GETTING YOU GIFTS
FOR OUR ANNIVERSARY,
21
00:00:54,825 --> 00:00:57,187
OR EVEN REMEMBERING
OUR ANNIVERSARY,
22
00:00:57,188 --> 00:01:01,061
SO I'D LIKE TO MAKE IT
ALL UP TO YOU RIGHT NOW.
23
00:01:02,193 --> 00:01:05,196
(grunts)
24
00:01:08,239 --> 00:01:10,370
YOU OKAY?
25
00:01:10,371 --> 00:01:11,802
NOT REALLY.
26
00:01:13,674 --> 00:01:18,678
CHERYL, WILL YOU MARRY ME
AGAIN?
27
00:01:18,679 --> 00:01:20,750
OHH, JIM.
28
00:01:20,751 --> 00:01:24,614
OH, THAT IS SO SWEET.
29
00:01:24,615 --> 00:01:27,857
THERE'S NOTHING IN HERE.
30
00:01:27,858 --> 00:01:31,362
WHAT? YOU ALREADY GOT
THE RING.
31
00:01:33,364 --> 00:01:36,166
COME ON, THIS IS
A ROMANTIC GESTURE, YOU KNOW,
32
00:01:36,167 --> 00:01:39,199
LIKE THE KIND OF CRAP
YOU'VE BEEN YAPPIN' ABOUT
33
00:01:39,200 --> 00:01:41,571
ALL THESE YEARS, YOU KNOW?
34
00:01:41,572 --> 00:01:44,704
YOU'RE RIGHT, YOU'RE RIGHT,
AND IT IS,
35
00:01:44,705 --> 00:01:46,706
AND OF COURSE
I'LL MARRY YOU.
36
00:01:46,707 --> 00:01:48,438
OH, FANTASTIC.
37
00:01:48,439 --> 00:01:50,180
NOW HELP ME UP.
38
00:01:50,181 --> 00:01:51,342
OH.
39
00:01:52,683 --> 00:01:55,686
♪♪♪
40
00:02:01,622 --> 00:02:04,254
I KNOW, I KNOW, OKAY,
I KNOW, NEITHER ONE,
41
00:02:04,255 --> 00:02:06,756
BUT IF YOU ABSOLUTELY HAD TO
PICK, YOU KNOW THE RULES...
42
00:02:06,757 --> 00:02:08,858
IT'S LIFE OR DEATH.
43
00:02:08,859 --> 00:02:12,162
ALL RIGHT. JANET RENO.
44
00:02:12,163 --> 00:02:16,506
OVER MATT DAMON?
ARE YOU CRAZY?
45
00:02:16,507 --> 00:02:19,269
HE'S A GUY!
46
00:02:19,270 --> 00:02:20,910
A PRETTY ONE.
47
00:02:20,911 --> 00:02:22,912
AW, COME ON!
THAT IS JUST SO RIDICULOUS!
48
00:02:22,913 --> 00:02:24,274
AHEM.
49
00:02:24,275 --> 00:02:26,176
HEY, HEY, HEY, HEY, HEY!
50
00:02:26,177 --> 00:02:27,877
DO YOU LIKE IT?
51
00:02:27,878 --> 00:02:30,750
LIKE IT? YOU LOOK GORGEOUS.
I LOVE IT.
52
00:02:30,751 --> 00:02:33,753
OH, GOOD, HONEY. I BOUGHT IT
FOR WHEN WE RENEW OUR VOWS.
53
00:02:33,754 --> 00:02:35,625
I ALSO GOT NEW OUTFITS
FOR THE KIDS,
54
00:02:35,626 --> 00:02:37,287
AND I BOUGHT YOU A NEW SUIT.
55
00:02:37,288 --> 00:02:39,289
WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, WHOA,
WAIT A MINUTE, HONEY.
56
00:02:39,290 --> 00:02:41,291
I THOUGHT WE WERE GONNA
KEEP THIS SHORT AND SIMPLE,
57
00:02:41,292 --> 00:02:43,293
YOU KNOW, I STILL DO,
YOU STILL DO,
58
00:02:43,294 --> 00:02:45,935
KISS, KISS, CAKE, SEX, CAKE.
59
00:02:45,936 --> 00:02:49,369
WELL, I THINK CELEBRATING
15 YEARS OF MARRIAGE
60
00:02:49,370 --> 00:02:51,371
IS WORTH DOING RIGHT.
61
00:02:51,372 --> 00:02:53,603
JIM, THIS IS REALLY IMPORTANT
TO ME.
62
00:02:53,604 --> 00:02:57,708
ALL RIGHT, THEN, IT'S REALLY
SORT OF IMPORTANT TO ME.
63
00:02:59,610 --> 00:03:00,950
CHERYL, QUICK QUESTION.
64
00:03:00,951 --> 00:03:03,883
YEAH? ARE YOU INVITING
ANY YOUNG HOTTIES?
65
00:03:03,884 --> 00:03:05,615
JUST COUSINS.
66
00:03:05,616 --> 00:03:08,588
OOH, I READ SOMEWHERE
THAT'S OKAY NOW.
67
00:03:08,589 --> 00:03:09,859
UH, CHERYL? CHERYL?
68
00:03:09,860 --> 00:03:12,862
WHAT? THE GUY IN THE
RED SHIRT, WHO IS HE?
69
00:03:12,863 --> 00:03:14,224
WHAT'S HE DOING
IN OUR LIVING ROOM?
70
00:03:14,225 --> 00:03:18,197
THIS IS VANCE.
HE'S MY LIGHTING DESIGNER.
71
00:03:18,198 --> 00:03:19,429
HUH?
72
00:03:19,430 --> 00:03:22,232
I AM GOING TO INFUSE
YOUR SPACE WITH DRAMA.
73
00:03:22,233 --> 00:03:24,404
OHH!
74
00:03:24,405 --> 00:03:28,207
WELL, AS LONG AS YOU
TAKE IT WITH YOU WHEN YOU LEAVE.
75
00:03:28,208 --> 00:03:29,509
OHH...
76
00:03:29,510 --> 00:03:32,442
MOMMY, CAN GRACE AND I GET OUR
EARS PIERCED FOR YOUR WEDDING?
77
00:03:32,443 --> 00:03:36,616
I HAVE TOLD YOU 50 TIMES,
YOU'RE TOO YOUNG.
78
00:03:36,617 --> 00:03:38,618
COME ON, CAN WE PLEASE,
CAN WE?
79
00:03:38,619 --> 00:03:40,690
PLEASE, CAN WE,
CAN WE, PLEASE?
80
00:03:40,691 --> 00:03:43,453
NO, SORRY, SORRY, NO.
81
00:03:43,454 --> 00:03:45,425
(both) CAN WE, DADDY?
82
00:03:45,426 --> 00:03:46,526
YEAH, SURE, WHY NOT?
83
00:03:46,527 --> 00:03:47,527
YES!
84
00:03:47,528 --> 00:03:49,899
NO, NO, NO!
85
00:03:49,900 --> 00:03:54,003
YOU CAN GET YOUR EARS PIERCED
WHEN YOU'RE 12. I HAVE SPOKEN.
86
00:03:54,004 --> 00:03:57,006
I WANT YOU GIRLS TO SIT ON
THIS COUCH RIGHT NOW
87
00:03:57,007 --> 00:03:58,868
AND THINK ABOUT THE POOR
CHILDREN IN OTHER COUNTRIES
88
00:03:58,869 --> 00:04:00,970
WHO CAN'T EVEN AFFORD EARS.
89
00:04:00,971 --> 00:04:03,913
JIM, HONEY, KITCHEN.
90
00:04:03,914 --> 00:04:07,277
(imitates Cheryl)
"KITCHEN."
91
00:04:07,278 --> 00:04:10,520
THANKS.
92
00:04:10,521 --> 00:04:13,383
SO YOU GUYS KNOW
WHO JANET RENO IS?
93
00:04:13,384 --> 00:04:14,925
(Jim) ANDY!
94
00:04:16,927 --> 00:04:18,257
(exhales)
95
00:04:18,258 --> 00:04:21,361
YES... MA'AM?
96
00:04:21,362 --> 00:04:22,492
JIM.
WHAT?
97
00:04:22,493 --> 00:04:23,993
YOU KNOW THE GIRLS HAVE BEEN
98
00:04:23,994 --> 00:04:25,695
NAGGING ME FOR WEEKS
ABOUT THOSE EARRINGS.
99
00:04:25,696 --> 00:04:26,996
YOU COULD HAVE BACKED ME UP.
100
00:04:26,997 --> 00:04:30,039
CHERYL, THERE'S A VERY GOOD
REASON WHY I DIDN'T BACK YOU UP.
101
00:04:30,040 --> 00:04:31,771
I DON'T CARE.
102
00:04:31,772 --> 00:04:35,445
NO, THAT DOESN'T MATTER.
103
00:04:35,446 --> 00:04:37,006
WE AGREED THAT AS PARENTS,
104
00:04:37,007 --> 00:04:39,349
WE ALWAYS PRESENT
A UNITED FRONT.
105
00:04:39,350 --> 00:04:40,910
CHERYL, YOU KNOW ME.
106
00:04:40,911 --> 00:04:43,012
I-I CAN'T LAY DOWN A RULE
107
00:04:43,013 --> 00:04:44,884
FOR SOMETHING THAT
I DON'T BELIEVE IN.
108
00:04:44,885 --> 00:04:47,458
UNLESS YOU ASK ME NAKED.
109
00:04:48,919 --> 00:04:51,921
ALL RIGHT, BUT OUR GIRLS
ARE 9 AND 10,
110
00:04:51,922 --> 00:04:53,923
AND IF THEY GET
THEIR EARS PIERCED NOW,
111
00:04:53,924 --> 00:04:55,925
IT MOVES UP
THE WHOLE SCHEDULE.
112
00:04:55,926 --> 00:04:58,068
THAT MEANS BY 11, MAKEUP...
113
00:05:00,000 --> 00:05:02,001
BY 12, TUBE TOPS.
114
00:05:02,002 --> 00:05:03,933
(gasps)
115
00:05:03,934 --> 00:05:05,074
YOU WANT TO HEAR 13?
116
00:05:05,075 --> 00:05:07,937
NO, NO,
I GET IT, I GET IT.
117
00:05:07,938 --> 00:05:09,439
THONG UNDERWEAR!
118
00:05:09,440 --> 00:05:10,940
COME ON!
YES!
119
00:05:10,941 --> 00:05:13,813
THEY'RE PUTTIN' THONG
UNDERWEAR ON BY 13?! BY 13!
120
00:05:13,814 --> 00:05:16,916
FORGET THAT!
I GOT SOME PARENTING TO DO!
121
00:05:16,917 --> 00:05:18,688
ALL RIGHT, GIRLS, THAT'S IT!
122
00:05:18,689 --> 00:05:21,651
I WANT YOU TO SIT DOWN
RIGHT NOW!
123
00:05:21,652 --> 00:05:24,524
WE ARE SITTING.
124
00:05:24,525 --> 00:05:28,928
DON'T YOU GET SMART
WITH ME.
125
00:05:28,929 --> 00:05:30,860
NOW YOU LISTEN TO ME.
126
00:05:30,861 --> 00:05:33,332
I DON'T WANT ANY MORE TALK
ABOUT EARS OR EARRINGS
127
00:05:33,333 --> 00:05:34,834
OR ANY OF THAT STUFF.
128
00:05:34,835 --> 00:05:36,335
YOU'RE WAY TOO YOUNG!
129
00:05:36,336 --> 00:05:37,907
BUT ALL OUR FRIENDS' PARENTS
LET 'EM HAVE 'EM.
130
00:05:37,908 --> 00:05:40,940
OOH, "BUT OUR FRIENDS'
PARENTS LET 'EM HAVE 'EM."
131
00:05:40,941 --> 00:05:44,944
WELL, I GUESS THEN WE LOSE
THE "COOLEST PARENT" CONTEST,
132
00:05:44,945 --> 00:05:46,776
DON'T WE?
133
00:05:46,777 --> 00:05:50,380
BUT WE MAKE UP FOR IT
BY BEING GREAT-LOOKING.
134
00:05:50,381 --> 00:05:51,551
IT'S NOT FAIR.
135
00:05:51,552 --> 00:05:53,623
OH! NOT FAIR?
136
00:05:53,624 --> 00:05:55,855
WELL, HONEY, LIFE'S NOT FAIR.
ASK YOUR UNCLE ANDY.
137
00:05:55,856 --> 00:05:59,689
OHH.
TELL ME ABOUT IT.
138
00:05:59,690 --> 00:06:02,031
I'VE BEEN TRYING TO HOOK UP
WITH THIS DANCER WHO...
139
00:06:02,032 --> 00:06:04,794
ANDY, ANDY, ANDY, ANDY, STOP!
140
00:06:04,795 --> 00:06:09,068
ALL RIGHT, SO NO EARRINGS,
NO TUBE TOPS
141
00:06:09,069 --> 00:06:11,801
AND ANY UNDERWEAR YOU WEAR'S
GOTTA HAVE SCOOBY-DOO
142
00:06:11,802 --> 00:06:14,574
OR UNICORNS ON 'EM!
143
00:06:14,575 --> 00:06:17,577
RIGHT, AND NO NAGGING.
NO NAGGING!
144
00:06:17,578 --> 00:06:19,979
BUT WE JUST WANT... (muttering)
145
00:06:19,980 --> 00:06:24,614
THAT'S IT. THAT'S IT! I'M TAKIN' YOUR TV
OUTTA YOUR ROOM! WE DON'T HAVE A TV.
146
00:06:24,615 --> 00:06:27,386
ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT, THEN WHAT
DO YOU HAVE THAT YOU LIKE?
147
00:06:27,387 --> 00:06:28,558
A PHONE.
148
00:06:28,559 --> 00:06:30,860
OKAY, WE'RE TAKING YOUR PHONE
OUTTA YOUR ROOM!
149
00:06:30,861 --> 00:06:33,092
NICE GOING.
150
00:06:33,093 --> 00:06:35,094
COME ON, LET'S GO! UPSTAIRS.
151
00:06:35,095 --> 00:06:37,096
UP, UP, UP, IN YOUR ROOM,
RIGHT NOW!
152
00:06:37,097 --> 00:06:41,571
TUBE TOPS AND UNDERWEAR
AND MAKEUP AND EARRINGS!
153
00:06:41,572 --> 00:06:42,802
I DON'T KNOW,
154
00:06:42,803 --> 00:06:44,634
I DON'T SEE A PROBLEM WITH THEM
GETTIN' EARRINGS.
155
00:06:44,635 --> 00:06:46,736
I'M TAKING YOUR PHONE
OUTTA YOUR HOUSE.
156
00:06:46,737 --> 00:06:49,479
NO, NO! HEY,
DON'T TOUCH MY TV!
157
00:06:49,480 --> 00:06:51,141
I'M TAKIN' IT OUT!
NO!
158
00:06:54,945 --> 00:06:56,946
YES, I WANT ROSES,
NO CARNATIONS,
159
00:06:56,947 --> 00:07:00,550
AND I WANT THEM BY SATURDAY.
NO CARNATIONS.
160
00:07:00,551 --> 00:07:03,122
ALL RIGHT, CALL ME RIGHT BACK.
RIGHT BACK. THANK YOU.
161
00:07:03,123 --> 00:07:05,955
ALL RIGHT, DANA, SO WHAT DO YOU
THINK OF THE LENGTH? WELL, I CAN'T TELL.
162
00:07:05,956 --> 00:07:08,828
GRACIE, STAND UP STRAIGHT AND
PUT YOUR ARM DOWN. OH, HONEY.
163
00:07:08,829 --> 00:07:10,830
BUT IF I PUT MY ARM DOWN,
164
00:07:10,831 --> 00:07:13,764
I CAN'T SUCK MY THUMB
LIKE A LITTLE BABY.
165
00:07:15,666 --> 00:07:17,436
CAN WE EVEN GO
TO THIS WEDDING?
166
00:07:17,437 --> 00:07:19,539
IT IS DURING OUR NAP TIME.
167
00:07:19,540 --> 00:07:20,870
RUBY.
168
00:07:20,871 --> 00:07:22,141
(both imitating crying)
169
00:07:22,142 --> 00:07:25,475
CHERYL. CHERYL, WHERE'S
YOUR MAIN ELECTRICAL BOX?
170
00:07:25,476 --> 00:07:27,947
WE NEED MORE POWER. I-I
DON'T KNOW. TRY THE GARAGE.
171
00:07:27,948 --> 00:07:31,781
THE GARAGE? OKAY. YES. CHECK
THE... ALL RIGHT, ENOUGH, GIRLS, ENOUGH!
172
00:07:31,782 --> 00:07:34,053
UPSTAIRS, DRESSES OFF.
173
00:07:34,054 --> 00:07:35,054
OHH!
174
00:07:35,055 --> 00:07:36,586
WHAT IS WRONG WITH THEM?
175
00:07:36,587 --> 00:07:39,058
THEY'RE MAD 'CAUSE WE WON'T LET
THEM GET THEIR EARS PIERCED,
176
00:07:39,059 --> 00:07:40,730
BUT THEY'RE TOO YOUNG.
177
00:07:40,731 --> 00:07:42,592
PIERCED EARS LEAD TO
TUBE TOPS AND...
178
00:07:42,593 --> 00:07:44,734
...AND TUBE TOPS LEADS
TO SLUTTY UNDERWEAR.
179
00:07:44,735 --> 00:07:47,867
YEAH, EXACTLY. HAVE YOU TOLD
THEM TO THINK ABOUT THE POOR KIDS
180
00:07:47,868 --> 00:07:49,940
WHO CAN'T EVEN AFFORD EARS?
181
00:07:53,073 --> 00:07:56,746
OH, MY GOD. I'M MOM.
182
00:07:56,747 --> 00:07:58,077
YEAH.
183
00:07:58,078 --> 00:08:00,049
WHEN DID THIS HAPPEN?
184
00:08:00,050 --> 00:08:01,180
ABOUT FOUR YEARS AGO.
185
00:08:01,181 --> 00:08:03,182
I SAW YOU PUT SUGAR PACKETS
IN YOUR PURSE.
186
00:08:03,183 --> 00:08:05,054
(gasps)
187
00:08:05,055 --> 00:08:07,957
GUESS WHO JUST CALLED US?
SALLY JACKSON.
188
00:08:07,958 --> 00:08:10,059
I THOUGHT WE TOOK
YOUR PHONE OUT OF YOUR ROOM.
189
00:08:10,060 --> 00:08:12,693
DADDY TOOK THE TOY PHONE.
190
00:08:15,025 --> 00:08:16,926
SALLY JUST GOT
HER EARS PIERCED,
191
00:08:16,927 --> 00:08:19,198
AND SHE'S A YEAR YOUNGER
THAN ME.
192
00:08:19,199 --> 00:08:21,771
SO THE WAY WE SEE IT,
YOU'RE WRONG.
193
00:08:21,772 --> 00:08:22,772
MM-HMM.
194
00:08:22,773 --> 00:08:24,534
OH, YEAH?
195
00:08:24,535 --> 00:08:27,537
WELL, HOW WOULD THE TWO OF YOU
LIKE TO GO TO BOARDING SCHOOL?
196
00:08:27,538 --> 00:08:29,539
(both) YOU HAVE TO GET UP
AT 4:30 IN THE MORNING
197
00:08:29,540 --> 00:08:30,780
AND PEEL POTATOES.
198
00:08:30,781 --> 00:08:35,284
OH, MY GOD. GET
HER OUT OF ME. I...
199
00:08:35,285 --> 00:08:36,986
(telephone rings)
200
00:08:36,987 --> 00:08:39,218
(both) COME ON, MOM, WE WANT
EARRINGS! WAIT, WAIT. HELLO?
201
00:08:39,219 --> 00:08:42,652
CHERYL. CHERYL, I'M GONNA NEED
TO TURN THE POWER OFF.
202
00:08:42,653 --> 00:08:45,895
CHERYL, I'M CUTTIN' THE
POWER, OKAY? (both) MOM, PLEASE!
203
00:08:45,896 --> 00:08:48,998
FINE! TAKE THEM TO THE MALL!
PIERCE EVERYTHING!
204
00:08:48,999 --> 00:08:52,932
I DON'T CARE! JUST GET OUT!
YES, HI.
205
00:08:52,933 --> 00:08:53,904
(electricity crackles)
206
00:08:53,905 --> 00:08:57,007
HELLO... VANCE!
207
00:09:00,270 --> 00:09:03,072
MINE BLED A LITTLE.
208
00:09:03,073 --> 00:09:06,115
BUT AUNT DANA SAID
BEAUTY IS PAIN.
209
00:09:06,116 --> 00:09:08,017
OH, WHAT HAVE I DONE?
210
00:09:08,018 --> 00:09:09,148
HOW AM I GONNA TELL JIM?
211
00:09:09,149 --> 00:09:11,550
OH, YOU DON'T HAVE TO.
GIRLS, STEALTH MODE.
212
00:09:11,551 --> 00:09:14,553
OH. OH, GOOD, THAT'S GOOD.
213
00:09:14,554 --> 00:09:17,957
NOW CAN YOU WEAR YOUR HAIR
LIKE THAT TILL YOU'RE 12?
214
00:09:17,958 --> 00:09:19,989
OKAY, OKAY, GIRLS,
YOU HAVE TO PRETEND
215
00:09:19,990 --> 00:09:22,061
THAT YOU'RE STILL MAD
AT ME AND DADDY
216
00:09:22,062 --> 00:09:24,063
FOR NOT GETTING YOU
EARRINGS, RIGHT?
217
00:09:24,064 --> 00:09:26,597
YOU'RE THE WORST MOM EVER!
218
00:09:27,998 --> 00:09:29,869
WAS THAT GOOD ENOUGH?
'CAUSE I'VE GOT MORE.
219
00:09:29,870 --> 00:09:31,270
OHH.
220
00:09:31,271 --> 00:09:32,972
SEEMS LIKE ONLY YESTERDAY
221
00:09:32,973 --> 00:09:36,005
THEY WERE TOO YOUNG
TO TRUST WITH A LIE. OHH.
222
00:09:36,006 --> 00:09:37,807
HELLO, MY YOUNG FAMILY.
223
00:09:37,808 --> 00:09:39,879
HEY, HOW WAS THE PARK?
224
00:09:39,880 --> 00:09:45,184
DADDY'S HORSE WON.
HE GOT $200!
225
00:09:45,185 --> 00:09:47,286
YOU DIDN'T SAY WHAT PARK.
226
00:09:47,287 --> 00:09:52,591
I MET A GUY NAMED LEFTY.
HE CAN TAKE OUT HIS EYE.
227
00:09:52,592 --> 00:09:54,764
OKAY, KYLE, COME ON,
COME ON, COME ON.
228
00:09:54,765 --> 00:09:56,195
HELLO, MY YOUNG DOVES.
229
00:09:56,196 --> 00:09:58,027
HOW ABOUT A BIG HUG
FOR YOUR DADDY?
230
00:09:58,028 --> 00:09:59,168
YEAH, RIGHT.
231
00:09:59,169 --> 00:10:00,701
WE'VE GOTTA GO.
232
00:10:05,135 --> 00:10:08,207
OH, THAT SUCKS.
233
00:10:08,208 --> 00:10:14,284
YEAH. THEY'RE STILL REALLY MAD
AT US, BOTH, EQUALLY.
234
00:10:16,016 --> 00:10:18,017
I HATE SEEING THEIR FACES
LIKE THAT.
235
00:10:18,018 --> 00:10:20,019
THEY'RE SO ANGRY, IT KILLS ME.
(Cheryl) WELL...
236
00:10:20,020 --> 00:10:22,221
YOU KNOW WHAT? I BETTER
GO UP THERE AND TALK TO THEM.
237
00:10:22,222 --> 00:10:23,622
(both)
NO, NO, NO, NO, NO.
238
00:10:23,623 --> 00:10:25,024
HEY, YOU KNOW WHAT?
239
00:10:25,025 --> 00:10:28,097
GOSH, WON'T IT BE HARDER
TO SEE THEM
240
00:10:28,098 --> 00:10:32,662
ON THE BACK OF SOME GUY'S
MOTORCYCLE AT AGE 16?
241
00:10:32,663 --> 00:10:38,107
THEIR THONG UNDERWEAR COMIN'
RIGHT UP TO THOSE ANGEL TATTOOS?
242
00:10:38,108 --> 00:10:40,009
(gasps)
243
00:10:40,010 --> 00:10:44,413
ANGEL TATTOOS?
ON MY ANGELS?
244
00:10:44,414 --> 00:10:46,947
THAT OR THE CHINESE CHARACTER
FOR "SLUT."
245
00:10:49,950 --> 00:10:52,822
OKAY, YOU'RE RIGHT.
UNITED FRONT. RIGHT.
246
00:10:52,823 --> 00:10:53,983
GOOD PARENTING.
247
00:10:53,984 --> 00:10:59,760
DADDY, LEFTY SAYS THE BULLS
ARE AT HOME, PLUS 4!
248
00:11:01,962 --> 00:11:05,965
PLUS 4. THAT'S MATH.
249
00:11:05,966 --> 00:11:07,968
DON'T HANG UP, KYLE!
GIMME THE PHONE!
250
00:11:13,904 --> 00:11:18,277
THIS IS MATURE.
251
00:11:18,278 --> 00:11:21,951
YEAH, SUPER-MATURE,
LIKE BRITNEY SPEARS!
252
00:11:21,952 --> 00:11:26,015
BRITNEY SPEARS?
I SAID MATURE, NOT OLD.
253
00:11:26,016 --> 00:11:27,386
(knock on door)
254
00:11:27,387 --> 00:11:28,818
(Jim) IT'S DADDY!
255
00:11:28,819 --> 00:11:30,189
(both gasp)
256
00:11:30,190 --> 00:11:32,362
(whispers)
GO, GO, GO.
257
00:11:34,224 --> 00:11:35,224
HEY.
258
00:11:35,225 --> 00:11:37,868
OH, HI.
YEAH, HI.
259
00:11:39,369 --> 00:11:43,372
I-I-I PICKED THESE UP
ON THE WAY HOME.
260
00:11:43,373 --> 00:11:45,034
YOU CAN WEAR 'EM
AT THE WEDDING.
261
00:11:45,035 --> 00:11:47,076
EARRINGS?
262
00:11:47,077 --> 00:11:48,377
YEAH, I MEAN,
THEY'RE CLIP-ONS,
263
00:11:48,378 --> 00:11:52,912
BUT THEY WERE THE VERY BEST
THE CAR WASH HAD.
264
00:11:52,913 --> 00:11:54,213
WANT TO TRY 'EM ON?
265
00:11:54,214 --> 00:11:55,745
WE'RE TIRED. MAYBE TOMORROW.
266
00:11:55,746 --> 00:11:57,146
OH, COME ON, HEY,
IT'LL JUST TAKE A SECOND.
267
00:11:57,147 --> 00:11:59,488
LET ME PUT 'EM ON YOU. COME
ON. LET ME PUT IT ON YOU. NO!
268
00:11:59,489 --> 00:12:01,951
LET ME PUT IT ON YOU,
COME ON, PLEASE.
269
00:12:01,952 --> 00:12:03,954
JUST LET ME TRY 'EM ON...
270
00:12:13,133 --> 00:12:16,836
THESE ARE PIERCED EARS.
271
00:12:16,837 --> 00:12:18,037
WHEN DID THAT HAPPEN?
272
00:12:18,038 --> 00:12:22,812
UM, WE WOKE UP THIS MORNING,
THEY WERE JUST THERE. AH.
273
00:12:22,813 --> 00:12:25,815
MAYBE IT WAS A BURGLAR.
274
00:12:25,816 --> 00:12:28,447
DADDY, I'M SCARED.
275
00:12:28,448 --> 00:12:30,950
I WANT TO KNOW THE TRUTH.
276
00:12:30,951 --> 00:12:34,453
MOMMY MADE US PROMISE.
WE'RE NOT ALLOWED TO TELL YOU.
277
00:12:34,454 --> 00:12:38,928
(Jim inhales and exhales deeply)
278
00:12:38,929 --> 00:12:41,030
MOMMY, HUH?
279
00:12:41,031 --> 00:12:44,063
DADDY, YOUR FACE
IS TURNING RED.
280
00:12:44,064 --> 00:12:51,901
THAT'S BECAUSE DADDY'S FILLING
UP WITH LOVE FOR YOUR MOMMY.
281
00:12:51,902 --> 00:12:54,473
WELL...
282
00:12:54,474 --> 00:12:57,346
YOU WON'T BE NEEDING THESE,
WILL YOU?
283
00:12:57,347 --> 00:12:59,809
I'M GONNA TAKE THESE BACK
284
00:12:59,810 --> 00:13:02,211
AND EXCHANGE THEM
FOR A BEADED SEAT COVER
285
00:13:02,212 --> 00:13:04,054
AND A DADDY MAGAZINE.
286
00:13:06,356 --> 00:13:08,057
YOU KNOW WHY?
287
00:13:08,058 --> 00:13:11,291
BECAUSE RIGHT NOW,
DADDY NEEDS A LITTLE PAMPERING.
288
00:13:16,796 --> 00:13:20,129
HOW ABOUT NOW?
IS THIS MATURE?
289
00:13:20,130 --> 00:13:24,304
IF YOU HAD A TUBE TOP,
YOU COULD TOTALLY BUY BEER.
290
00:13:29,079 --> 00:13:32,381
(Dana sniffles)
291
00:13:32,382 --> 00:13:34,083
AWW, LOOK AT YOU.
292
00:13:34,084 --> 00:13:36,815
IT'S GONNA BE
A BEAUTIFUL WEDDING, HUH?
293
00:13:36,816 --> 00:13:37,816
NO.
294
00:13:37,817 --> 00:13:38,948
THEN WHY ARE YOU CRYING?
295
00:13:38,949 --> 00:13:41,390
BECAUSE I MARRIED A DOCTOR,
BUT HE'S ON CALL
296
00:13:41,391 --> 00:13:46,125
AND NOW EVERYBODY HERE
STILL THINKS I'M YOUR DATE.
297
00:13:46,126 --> 00:13:48,898
GET OFF!
298
00:13:48,899 --> 00:13:51,830
HONEY, COME ON, WE DON'T WANT TO
KEEP THE GUESTS WAITING.
299
00:13:51,831 --> 00:13:55,064
ALL RIGHT, I JUST WANT TO PUT ON
SOME FINISHING TOUCHES
300
00:13:55,065 --> 00:13:58,038
TO MY LOOK.
301
00:14:00,210 --> 00:14:02,341
YOU KNOW, YOU SAY,
"NO CARNATIONS,"
302
00:14:02,342 --> 00:14:05,614
AND WHAT DO YOU GET?
CAR-FREAKIN'-NATIONS!
303
00:14:05,615 --> 00:14:07,616
YEAH, ON A DAY LIKE TODAY,
304
00:14:07,617 --> 00:14:09,848
YOU WANT EVERYTHING TO BE
JUST RIGHT.
305
00:14:09,849 --> 00:14:11,851
OH, YOU HAVE NO IDEA...
306
00:14:14,184 --> 00:14:16,125
WHAT?
307
00:14:16,126 --> 00:14:19,129
OH, MY GOD. DON'T TELL ME THIS
CLASHES WITH THE TABLE LINENS.
308
00:14:25,966 --> 00:14:27,466
YOU KNOW, NORMALLY,
309
00:14:27,467 --> 00:14:29,468
I DON'T BELIEVE MEN
UNDER THE AGE OF 50
310
00:14:29,469 --> 00:14:32,171
SHOULD HAVE THEIR EARS
PIERCED... (snaps fingers)
311
00:14:32,172 --> 00:14:36,145
BUT MY KIDS WERE NAGGIN' ME,
AND YOU KNOW WHAT?
312
00:14:36,146 --> 00:14:38,608
I THOUGHT, "WHAT THE HELL?
I'LL JUST GIVE IN."
313
00:14:40,280 --> 00:14:42,281
I KNOW I SHOULD HAVE
CHECKED WITH YOU
314
00:14:42,282 --> 00:14:44,883
'CAUSE, YOU KNOW, YOU AND I
HAVE A UNITED FRONT.
315
00:14:44,884 --> 00:14:48,387
HOW COULD YOU DO THIS?
316
00:14:48,388 --> 00:14:51,992
VERY EASY... THREE SHOTS OF
TEQUILA AND A THUMBTACK. BINK.
317
00:14:54,564 --> 00:14:58,067
WHAT'S THE MATTER, BABY?
YOU'RE TURNING A LITTLE RED.
318
00:14:58,068 --> 00:15:00,229
(accordion playing
Mendelssohn's "Wedding March")
319
00:15:00,230 --> 00:15:02,331
OKAY, OKAY, OKAY, THAT
IS THE MUSIC... UH-HUH.
320
00:15:02,332 --> 00:15:05,074
SO... SO I NEED YOU TO LISTEN.
OKAY.
321
00:15:05,075 --> 00:15:06,605
YOU JACKASS!
322
00:15:06,606 --> 00:15:09,979
WE HAVE A PHOTOGRAPHER
AND GUESTS OUT THERE,
323
00:15:09,980 --> 00:15:13,342
AND I NEED YOU TO TAKE OUT
THAT DAMN EARRING!
324
00:15:13,343 --> 00:15:18,417
I'M SORRY. I CAN'T HEAR YOU.
SOMETHING'S IN MY EAR!
325
00:15:18,418 --> 00:15:20,049
(music continues)
326
00:15:20,050 --> 00:15:23,053
COME ON, BABY. COME ON.
JIM...
327
00:15:34,104 --> 00:15:38,068
WHOA. WHERE'D JIM FIND
A PURPLE CHICKEN?
328
00:15:42,672 --> 00:15:45,044
5 BUCKS THIS ENDS
IN A FOOD FIGHT.
329
00:15:45,045 --> 00:15:47,277
YEAH, NO BET.
330
00:15:50,180 --> 00:15:52,181
I KNOW THE LOOK
HE'S GOIN' FOR,
331
00:15:52,182 --> 00:15:57,086
BUT, UH, QUITE FRANKLY,
IT'S READIN' A LITTLE GAY.
332
00:15:57,087 --> 00:16:02,461
I'D AGREE WITH YOU,
BUT, UH, THAT'S MY EARRING.
333
00:16:02,462 --> 00:16:04,633
WHY'D YOU STOP
WITH THE EAR, JIM?
334
00:16:04,634 --> 00:16:07,536
YOU COULD HAVE PUT THE HOLE
ALL THE WAY THROUGH YOUR HEAD.
335
00:16:07,537 --> 00:16:10,169
WELL, MAYBE I DID.
336
00:16:10,170 --> 00:16:12,341
(music ends)
337
00:16:12,342 --> 00:16:16,645
DEARLY BELOVED,
WE ARE HERE TO REAFFIRM
338
00:16:16,646 --> 00:16:21,280
AND RENEW A 15-YEAR UNION
BEFORE MAN AND GOD.
339
00:16:21,281 --> 00:16:23,252
JIM AND CHERYL HAVE PROMISED
340
00:16:23,253 --> 00:16:27,086
TO HONOR, CHERISH AND LOVE EACH
OTHER AS LONG AS THEY LIVE,
341
00:16:27,087 --> 00:16:31,220
AND TODAY, THEY WILL ONCE AGAIN
STAND UNITED...
342
00:16:31,221 --> 00:16:33,292
HOLD IT RIGHT THERE, REV.
343
00:16:33,293 --> 00:16:36,295
CHERYL, WHEN HE SAYS "UNITED,"
344
00:16:36,296 --> 00:16:40,170
HE MEANS TWO OR MORE PEOPLE
ON THE SAME SIDE.
345
00:16:43,002 --> 00:16:48,607
OKAY. UM, CHERYL,
DO YOU PROMISE TO HONOR...
346
00:16:48,608 --> 00:16:51,040
I'M SORRY, BY HONOR...
347
00:16:51,041 --> 00:16:53,142
DO YOU MEAN WEARING AN ASININE
FEATHERED EARRING
348
00:16:53,143 --> 00:16:55,485
TO EMBARRASS YOUR WIFE?
349
00:16:58,017 --> 00:17:00,189
UH, FINE,
SKIPPING HONOR, THEN.
350
00:17:00,190 --> 00:17:03,122
DO... DO... DO YOU PROMISE
TO CHERISH EACH OTHER...
351
00:17:03,123 --> 00:17:04,023
(chuckles)
352
00:17:04,024 --> 00:17:05,194
CHERISH?
353
00:17:05,195 --> 00:17:07,126
YOU KNOW WHAT I CHERISH, REV?
354
00:17:07,127 --> 00:17:11,130
YELLING AT MY KIDS OVER ISSUES
THAT I DON'T REALLY BELIEVE IN.
355
00:17:11,131 --> 00:17:16,435
DAMN, I WISH I COULD HAVE
MADE THEM CRY.
356
00:17:16,436 --> 00:17:17,666
WHAT'S HAPPENING?
357
00:17:17,667 --> 00:17:19,638
I DON'T KNOW, BUT AS SOON AS
THIS THING'S OVER,
358
00:17:19,639 --> 00:17:21,440
I'M STUFFIN' MY POCKETS
FULL OF SHRIMP
359
00:17:21,441 --> 00:17:23,442
AND GETTIN' THE HELL
OUTTA HERE.
360
00:17:23,443 --> 00:17:28,117
ALL RIGHT, TRUST... HOW DO YOU
FEEL ABOUT GOOD, OLD TRUST?
361
00:17:28,118 --> 00:17:29,118
(snickers)
362
00:17:29,119 --> 00:17:30,749
OKAY, YOU KNOW,
363
00:17:30,750 --> 00:17:33,652
THIS MAN TOLD MY DAUGHTER'S
TEACHER I WAS ILLITERATE.
364
00:17:33,653 --> 00:17:38,687
HE... HE TOOK MY BROTHER'S SPERM
AND CLAIMED IT AS HIS OWN!
365
00:17:38,688 --> 00:17:39,828
(laughs)
366
00:17:39,829 --> 00:17:43,463
THAT... THAT STORY REQUIRES
A LITTLE CONTEXT.
367
00:17:45,195 --> 00:17:48,337
COME ON, WRAP IT UP, PADRE.
368
00:17:48,338 --> 00:17:53,472
I NOW PRONOUNCE YOU
MAN AND WIFE.
369
00:17:53,473 --> 00:17:55,744
YOU MAY KISS THE BRIDE.
370
00:17:55,745 --> 00:17:57,107
(sighs)
371
00:18:00,510 --> 00:18:05,155
I'LL TELL YOU
WHAT MY WIFE CAN KISS.
372
00:18:06,586 --> 00:18:08,457
THANK YOU FOR
A CRAPPY WEDDING.
373
00:18:08,458 --> 00:18:10,589
HEY, HEY...
374
00:18:10,590 --> 00:18:12,722
SAME TO YOU!
375
00:18:14,594 --> 00:18:16,195
LET'S POLKA!
376
00:18:16,196 --> 00:18:17,767
(playing polka music)
377
00:18:23,603 --> 00:18:27,207
COUSIN JOANIE,
MAY I HAVE THIS DANCE?
378
00:18:30,240 --> 00:18:32,811
I'M CUTTING THE CAKE
IN 15 MINUTES,
379
00:18:32,812 --> 00:18:36,885
AND THEN I AM GOING TO GET
VERY, VERY DRUNK.
380
00:18:36,886 --> 00:18:41,790
CHERYL, I-I DON'T THINK YOU GET
TO BE THE MAD ONE THIS TIME.
381
00:18:41,791 --> 00:18:44,753
I THINK I GET TO BE
THE MAD ONE THIS TIME.
382
00:18:44,754 --> 00:18:46,555
WHAT?
383
00:18:46,556 --> 00:18:48,757
THIS WAS SUPPOSED TO BE
A SPECIAL DAY,
384
00:18:48,758 --> 00:18:50,259
AND YOU RUINED IT.
385
00:18:50,260 --> 00:18:52,601
WHAT, YOU MEAN
THE SPECIAL FLOWERS,
386
00:18:52,602 --> 00:18:55,504
THE SPECIAL APPETIZERS,
THE SPECIAL LIGHTING?
387
00:18:55,505 --> 00:18:58,767
THIS WHOLE STUPID PARTY
WAS YOUR IDEA.
388
00:18:58,768 --> 00:19:00,239
NO, NO, NO, I THINK MY IDEA...
YES!
389
00:19:00,240 --> 00:19:03,672
NO, MY IDEA WAS THE PIZZA BOX
WITH THE RING BOX
390
00:19:03,673 --> 00:19:06,345
AND,
"HEY, LET'S RENEW OUR VOWS."
391
00:19:06,346 --> 00:19:08,417
A PARTY IS A PRODUCTION.
392
00:19:08,418 --> 00:19:11,620
I-I HAD TO HIRE VANCE,
I HAD TO FIND CATERERS,
393
00:19:11,621 --> 00:19:13,322
I HAD TO DO ALL THE FLOWERS.
394
00:19:13,323 --> 00:19:16,154
DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA
HOW TIRED I AM?
395
00:19:16,155 --> 00:19:18,187
HOW MUCH WORK I'VE HAD TO DO?
396
00:19:18,188 --> 00:19:20,189
WHOA, WHOA WHOA,
HOLD ON A SECOND,
397
00:19:20,190 --> 00:19:21,890
LISTEN TO WHAT YOU
SAID. "HAD TO DO"? YES.
398
00:19:21,891 --> 00:19:24,263
YOU DIDN'T HAVE TO DO IT, HONEY.
YOU WANTED TO DO THAT. OH!
399
00:19:24,264 --> 00:19:26,265
CHERYL, I KNOW YOU, OKAY?
LISTEN TO ME.
400
00:19:26,266 --> 00:19:27,866
YOU'VE GOTTA HAVE EVERYTHING
PERFECT.
401
00:19:27,867 --> 00:19:29,868
PERFECT, PERFECT, PERFECT,
AND LOOK,
402
00:19:29,869 --> 00:19:31,870
WE GOT A HOUSE
FULL OF GUESTS,
403
00:19:31,871 --> 00:19:34,643
WE GOT A MILLION FLOWERS
OUT THERE,
404
00:19:34,644 --> 00:19:36,575
WE GOT VANCE'S LIGHT
LIGHTING AND DESIGN,
405
00:19:36,576 --> 00:19:39,208
AND WE GOT TWO DAUGHTERS
WITH PIERCED EARS,
406
00:19:39,209 --> 00:19:41,950
AND WHAT WE DON'T HAVE
IS YOU AND ME.
407
00:19:41,951 --> 00:19:44,383
THAT'S WHAT THIS WHOLE THING
WAS ABOUT...
408
00:19:44,384 --> 00:19:47,386
OUR MARRIAGE, WHAT WE'RE
CELEBRATING, OUR LOVE,
409
00:19:47,387 --> 00:19:50,559
AND YOU KNOW WHAT? YOU GET
YOURSELF SO STRESSED OUT
410
00:19:50,560 --> 00:19:53,893
THAT I LOSE YOU.
411
00:19:55,665 --> 00:19:58,367
I MEAN, YOU THROW
A HELL OF A PARTY.
412
00:19:58,368 --> 00:20:01,301
I MEAN, YOU WANT TO BE A PARTY
PLANNER SOMEWHERE, YOU KNOW...
413
00:20:03,333 --> 00:20:05,334
OH, GOD.
414
00:20:05,335 --> 00:20:06,605
WHAT, WHAT, WHAT, WHAT?
415
00:20:06,606 --> 00:20:09,508
YOU FINALLY DO SOMETHING
ROMANTIC AND I SCREW IT UP.
416
00:20:09,509 --> 00:20:11,840
OHH, COME ON, IT'S ALL RIGHT.
417
00:20:11,841 --> 00:20:16,915
I'LL DO SOMETHING ROMANTIC...
IN 15 YEARS.
418
00:20:16,916 --> 00:20:19,248
ALL RIGHT,
NOW WHAT DO YOU SAY
419
00:20:19,249 --> 00:20:23,892
WE GO BACK IN THERE
AND FINISH WHAT WE STARTED?
420
00:20:23,893 --> 00:20:25,354
OKAY, OKAY, OKAY.
421
00:20:25,355 --> 00:20:29,858
MADELINE ALBRIGHT
OR LEO DiCAPRIO?
422
00:20:29,859 --> 00:20:31,301
LEO!
423
00:20:37,307 --> 00:20:41,340
HEY! UM...
424
00:20:41,341 --> 00:20:46,316
IT OCCURRED TO ME
THAT I DIDN'T KISS MY BRIDE YET.
425
00:20:49,879 --> 00:20:52,882
(cheers and applause)
426
00:20:59,359 --> 00:21:04,363
THANK YOU, AND AS I DID
15 YEARS AGO,
427
00:21:04,364 --> 00:21:06,795
I'M GONNA CARRY MY BRIDE
TO OUR BEDROOM.
428
00:21:06,796 --> 00:21:07,867
AAH!
429
00:21:09,469 --> 00:21:11,600
UH, JIM, WE'RE ALL RIGHT HERE.
430
00:21:11,601 --> 00:21:14,973
YEAH, THAT'S WHY I HIRED
THE BAND. PLAY IT LOUD, TONY!
431
00:21:14,974 --> 00:21:17,977
(polka music playing)
432
00:21:22,512 --> 00:21:25,014
(Andy) GET AWAY! GET OFF!
29014
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